Original subtitles

[all singing] ♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

♪ Happy birthday, dear Chloe ♪

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

[Chloe] Aw.

["In Da Club" playing]

♪ Go, go, go, go ♪

♪ Go, go, go, shawty ♪

♪ It's your birthday ♪

♪ We gon' party like it's yo birthday ♪

No.

♪ We gon' sip Bacardi like it's your birthday ♪

♪ And you know we don't give a fuck It's not your birthday! ♪

-[people cheering] -No, no.

-[Chloe] Oh. -Yes.

[all cheering]

Finally, an X-rated office party.

Leave it to you to steal my thunder, huh?

Much as I'd love to take credit for this, Daniel,

Officer snake hips is not my doing.

Mmm. Right.

Make it rain, birthday girl.

-[Chloe] Was this you? -Yeah.

I did not see that coming.

Hey, what can I say?

Big surprise, little package.

Big package by the looks of it.

-Slap it. -[cell phone ringing]

-Slap it! -[Chloe] Oh.

I'm sorry.

Lucifer Morningstar.

Las Vegas Police Department?

Candy? No, I'm gonna stop you there.

She's my ex-wife actually.

Can you believe it takes a year to annul something

that only lasted a couple of weeks?

No, I haven't spoken to her for a few months. Why do you ask?

What? She's missing?

Uh, yes. Yes, of course.

I'm in Los Angeles, but if you do hear anything, please contact me.

Aw, don't worry, buddy. Look, I got more singles for you.

Oh, no, no, no. I'm all right for cash, thank you.

[Lucifer exhales]

You okay?

That was the Las Vegas Police Department.

It appears my ex, Candy, is missing.

Oh, my gosh. I hope she's okay, buddy.

[stammering] Yes, as do I.

Candy was caught up in some rather nasty business.

But I thought I'd taken care of it.

-Nasty business? -Yes.

In exchange, she helped me with a delicate matter.

I'd hate to think I haven't fulfilled my end of the bargain.

All right. I'll kill the music. We'll all help find her.

No, no, no, no. Um...

I don't want to spoil the Detective's celebrations.

No, I'll just beat on over to Sin City and check on Candy myself.

Oh, yeah, you know, I kind of have a thing with Vegas.

Otherwise, I would totally, totally offer to go with you.

Right. Good to know.

But then, I can tell that it's really important to you

and I do have the next couple of days off, so...

Okay, you've convinced me. I will help you.

Help him? Help him with what?

Please don't tell me you guys got another stripper.

-No, he got a... -No, no, no.

Nothing for the birthday girl to worry about.

I want you to focus on one thing only, Detective,

that is getting older.

Excuse me? Wait, you're leaving?

-Yeah, I'll call you later. -Wait!

But seriously, Detective, you just stay here.

It's my birthday.

Shake your booty while you still can.

[Lucifer] Oh, there you go.

["In Da Club" continues playing]

[Ella] Hmm. You smell that?

That is pleather, cigars, and vomit, my friend.

[chuckles] I have to say I didn't have a good Catholic girl like yourself

pegged as a fan of Sin City.

Mmm, not a fan exactly. More like a tiny, helpless space capsule

being sucked into a deadly black hole.

[cell phone ringing]

-Anyway, shall we? -Uh...

Chloe again? You know what they say, fifth time's a charm.

Lucifer, you should really tell her what's going on.

It's still her birthday.

And you're still going with that. Okay.

Officer.

[indistinct chatter]

Either it's someone else's birthday...

[Ella] Or this is an active crime scene.

Oh, no.

Candy?

Oh, Lucifer, I'm so sorry, buddy.

[Lucifer sighs]

Man, her face is gone.

Hello.

Look at those dainty feet.

Okay, not judging here,

but really? Is this really the time for the pervy stuff? "Dainty feet?"

Um, debatable, but that's not what I was talking about.

No, Candy has ginormous feet.

I mean, regular boat, it's huge.

That means that this is not Candy.

Oh, man, that's awesome!

[shushing]

[chuckles sheepishly]

Sorry, my friend here,

not a fan of the deceased, I'm afraid.

Mean, she was just so mean.

-Oh... -[shushing] Women.

[theme music playing]

-We should go. -Mmm-hmm.

[Detective Long] Excuse me. I'm Detective Long. And you are?

Um...

Lucifer Morningstar. Pleasure.

-You're Candy's husband. -Ex-husband.

Right. Talked to you on the phone.

-You said you were in Los Angeles. -Oh, yes.

And you don't seem very broken up about your ex-wife's death.

Well, that's because this woman is not my wife.

Right 'cause she's your ex-wife.

Think you made that pretty clear, buddy.

Hi, how you doing? Ella Lopez, LAPD CSI.

For the record, we just got into town.

Arrived at 1300 hours and 14 minutes to be exact.

And based on a visual assessment of the victim's lividity,

she's been deceased for,

I'd say 2100 hours yesterday.

So, my travel buddy here, not a suspect.

Uh-huh.

Also, I know, none of my beeswax,

but I saw that you were going with an ultraviolet light on the couch.

[inhales sharply] I would've gone with the straight old bleep, man,

but you know what? To each his own.

-Thanks for the advice. -You got it, Detective.

Ixnay on the otnay andycay.

Sorry, is that German?

'Cause if it is, it's absolutely awful.

Trust me, I should know. Hitler was a talker.

Well, screamer actually.

[groans]

I'm saying that for now,

we shouldn't let LVPD know that that's not Candy.

If this gets back to the killer, he might try to kill her again.

Oh, right. Yes, good idea, Ms. Lopez. Good idea.

What's a good idea?

[both] Um...

-To give you my card. -Her card.

In case you want any more advice.

-Always happy to help. -She's very good.

-Very. -Right.

I have a feeling I will be talking to both of you again

before the investigation's over.

I doubt that. I mean, hanging out with a cop in Las Vegas

is like bringing your grandma to an orgy. [chuckles]

Am I right?

-No. -[Ella] Okay.

-Bye. -Bye.

Hi.

Hey, sorry to interrupt. Have you heard from Lucifer?

No, why? Has something happened?

No, not really. I just, I, uh...

I had a question about a case and I can't get ahold of him.

Yeah, we were celebrating my birthday at the precinct

and then all of a sudden, he just bailed

and now he's not answering my calls.

Would you like to have a seat?

No, no, it's not a big deal.

You sure?

Mmm-hmm. Yeah, I'm fine.

I'm fine. It's probably just Lucifer being Lucifer, you know?

Probably.

Please, have a seat.

I'm not really... I know you're busy. I don't wanna take up...

[stammers] I checked Lux, and he wasn't there.

And I thought I'd go up to the penthouse to check,

but last time he went AWOL, I went up there to check on him

and all of his furniture was covered in sheets,

and he had run off to Vegas. [laughs]

Of course, that's when

we were getting together, which we totally are not anymore.

Nor will we. But you know, it's my birthday.

Mmm-hmm.

Wow. Good couch.

I know.

And I understand.

Birthdays can be emotional.

I guess. No, I'm good.

He's, um, probably just in the penthouse, passed out or something.

Emphasis on "Something".

How about I go with you?

Please.

Seems Candy dodged a bullet quite literally.

Shotgun blast, anyway.

Yes, so, we need to find this killer

before he or she realizes their mistake.

Detective Nosy in there could get DNA back on that body within 24 hours.

So we gotta find a lead, stat.

Right.

Okay, so you were married to Candy for a week.

-Uh, two weeks. -Mmm-hmm.

I mean, any idea who would want her dead?

["Fever" playing]

♪ Never know how much I love you ♪

♪ Never know how much I care ♪

♪ When you put your arms around me ♪

♪ I get a fever that's so hard to bear ♪

♪ You give me fever ♪

♪ When you kiss me Fever when you hold me tight ♪

♪ Fever ♪

Psychic bartender, my favorite.

[bartender] Who is she? Not the one singing,

the reason you're drinking.

Not who I thought she was.

♪ Moon lights up the night ♪

Hardly her fault then.

Never is.

♪ And you know I'm going to treat you right ♪

Everyone's reading my mind today.

♪ When you kiss me Fever when you hold me tight ♪

♪ Fever in the morning ♪

Don't mind if I do.

[Lucifer chuckles]

♪ What a lovely way to burn ♪

Who was that?

That was Candy.

I think I'd quite like to continue my chat with Candy.

[applause]

Where's my money?

And my ring.

Bravo, Candy.

Emergencies.

[Candy] Ow, you're hurting me.

Just give me some time. Please, I'll have it for you.

[Lucifer] His name's Louie Pagliani.

He's a local loan shark and all around dirtbag.

I thought I'd dealt with that human stain last time I was here.

Yeah, well, this is Vegas.

This town is always up for an encore.

[tires screeching]

[lock clicking]

Here we go.

They teach lock picking in forensic class?

-No. Middle school. -[chuckles]

Miss Lopez, you are an enigma

wrapped in a hoodie under a jaunty ponytail.

Oh, no. The annihilation.

Ugh.

Even if Louie didn't kill fake Candy,

this decor alone is enough for immediate execution. I mean...

[chuckling] What was he thinking?

Well, uh, looks like someone beat you to the execution part.

-Louie? -Oh.

Definitely. I'd know those hairy ham hands anywhere.

[Ella] The trajectory of the blood spatter

in relation to the stiff makes zero sense.

There is no way Louie pulled the trigger.

Typical Vegas. Even a suicide's a fake.

Yeah, and so is the hair color.

Look at this. It's pink.

Candy.

What? She was here.

You think Candy would've killed Louie

and then faked her own death to disappear?

[sighs] No, no, no. Candy's not a killer.

No, just a thieving con-woman.

-You knew her one week. -Two weeks.

Well, you don't know what she's capable of.

[sighs]

Candy did owe Louie money once upon a time, but I paid him off.

Perhaps he wanted more.

Huh.

This must be Mrs. Ham Hands.

Oh, dearie me.

Someone's sending a painful message.

If Louie was after Candy's candy...

Maybe his old lady found out,

followed who she thought was Candy, home from the club,

shot her and then framed/finished off Louie.

And we need to find this murderous ginger

before she finds the real Candy.

Ah, Roxy Pagliani. I suppose she's the missus.

Just block the caller ID.

You can't just call her. What're you gonna say?

I'm gonna ask her if she's the killer, of course.

No, terrible plan. I'm gonna need that.

-What are you doing? -[Roxy] Hello.

Hi, yeah, this is Marsha calling from Sensational Statues.

-Who? -Sensational Statues?

Yeah, we got that new, um... You know, that new,

oh, bust of Caesar you ordered.

Uh-huh. It came out real sexy.

-Sexy? -Yeah.

Thirty percent off if we can drop it wherever you are,

right now.

[Roxy] I'm sorry. I didn't buy any bust.

-Pfft. You sure? Because I... -[slot machine sounds]

Whoopsie, my mistake, doll, my mistake.

See? The truth would have been much more expedient.

Nope. I know exactly where Roxy is.

I heard the sound of the Guidos Rainbow slot machine

in the background of that call.

It's a vintage machine

and only one casino in Vegas has it.

The Moonbeam.

Wow. Ka-ching, Miss Lopez.

[elevator bell dings]

[Chloe] Well, no sheets on the furniture. That's a good sign.

[Linda] And it looks like...

Yup, the overnight bag is missing. So maybe he did go out of town.

On my birthday.

You know, speaking of, this is stupid.

What are we doing here? We should be celebrating.

Yes. We should be celebrating.

Yeah. So, where to?

Hmm.

Actually, I do know this place with an awesome sound system

and all the top shelf you can drink.

Best views in the city?

Seems a shame to let that sunset go to waste.

["I Love Me" playing]

♪ I love me ♪

♪ I don't know about you ♪

♪ But, baby, I love me ♪

♪ Now everybody say, hey-hey-hey ♪

♪ Oh, hey-hey-hey, I love me ♪

Hamlet!

[sighing]

Hamlet.

"Thanks for the punch-up. Love, Will."

-Wow. -What you looking at?

Nothing exciting.

-[off-key piano playing] -[Chloe] I'm Lucifer Morningstar!

[imitates Lucifer] I can play the piano and I'm a fancy British man.

Let's go take a peek at his sock drawer.

But Dr. Martin, you're his therapist.

Aren't there rules against that?

Trust me, there's nothing I don't know about Lucifer Morningstar.

Except what's in his sock drawer.

-It's not like he can see us. -Let's do it.

[cell phone ringing]

Whoa. Oh. [giggles]

Oh! Oh!

-It's Lucifer. -That's Lucifer.

Yeah, I can see that.

Officially, officially creeped out!

Okay, don't answer. No, wait, answer it.

-Uh, just don't say we're here. -Okay.

-[music stops] -Mmm.

Hello.

[Lucifer] Oh. Doctor, I didn't think you were going to answer.

I'm just calling to reschedule my therapy appointment.

I'm on a quick trip out of town.

Oh, oh.

Out of town.

-Um, uh, where? -Nowhere special.

-Just Vegas. -Vegas? Again?

What you doing in Vegas?

[indistinct chatter]

Don't you look ravishing?

[Linda] Lucifer?

Uh, sorry, I've gotta go, Doctor. Speak soon.

Bye.

What did he say at the end there?

Um, something about radishes.

You are stunning, aren't you?

I almost didn't recognize you. No offense.

Ah. It's hard to get your glitter on when you're stuck in a lab all day.

But I mean, Vegas.

Where else can I bust out the booty?

There's no reason we can't look fabulous

and catch a homicidal redhead.

Exactly.

[Chloe] He didn't say "Radish." He said, "Ravishing" didn't he?

He's in Vegas with someone ravishing

on my birthday.

You know what? Why do I even care?

Why do I care? This is stupid.

Okay, feelings are not stupid.

Well, this one is, okay?

This feeling is stupid.

Okay, Lucifer and I are friends,

partners, that's all.

I'm totally past anything romantic.

Full on rear view in the past.

Okay, it is completely reasonable

for something like a trip to Vegas

to trigger old emotions.

Emotions that maybe you haven't completely dealt with.

There's no expiration date on the process of healing.

We should go.

You're welcome.

Where are my pants? I was wearing...

[gasping]

Are you okay?

Oh.

[Linda] Oh...

Screw the sock drawer.

[slot machines whirring]

Oh, that is definitely her.

[Lucifer] Ah, Mrs. Ham Hands.

Looks like she's the casino's pit boss.

Right, let's go and chat up our killer.

Uh, could be a problem.

Pit bosses are notoriously hard to flush out.

Only clients they pay attention to are the whales,

serious high rollers.

So, how about blackjack?

-More of a poker man myself. -Poker?

No, poker involves bluffing, also known as lying.

Something you claim you don't do.

Bluffing and lying, two totally different things.

So I guess what you do with Chloe in the hall,

not telling her you're in Vegas, also not lying?

No, that's selective omission. Get it straight, Lopez.

Potato, potato, potudo.

You, my friend, are compartmentalizing.

I don't even know what that means.

Anyways,

it looks like Roxy's working the blackjack floor.

So let's get you at the table.

What, me? What about you?

Best I just watch.

[both cheering]

Again? Beginner's luck.

[laughs]

Right. Let's see if this gets Roxy's attention.

Oh, booyah.

That's what I'm talking about.

Well, it's so much fun to bet lots and lots of money.

And there's plenty more where this came from.

Nice! You have an 11. Double down. Double down.

Right-o. Doubling down. Doubling down.

[sing-song] More money, more money, more money.

-Yes! -[exclaiming]

Very good, Miss Lopez. You're very good at this, aren't you?

Teamwork makes the dream work.

[exhales] Look at all that money, eh?

I fancy a drink actually. Oh...

-Here you are. -Wonderful service.

Thank you. What's your name?

Mmm.

Oh, that is perfect. Thanks.

What would you like, Miss Lopez?

I would like for you to focus on the game. You just got two aces.

But... Oh, right.

-Well, maybe you would like... -Split!

Uh, it's working, Miss Lopez. Whatever you're doing, keep doing it.

Yeah, order me one, too.

-And 20. -[crowd cheering]

Well done, Miss Lopez. Well done indeed.

Excuse me, sir. Come with us, please.

Oh.

Excellent. It's worked. It's worked.

Right, off to the high roller's suite, are we?

Yeah, I don't think that's where they're taking us.

What sort of casino back room is this anyway?

I mean, where's the dangling light bulb and blood stained floor?

-Where's Joe Pesci? -[camera clicking]

Hey, go easy! Going blind here.

This seems maiming, this isn't even our agenda.

Quite frankly, I'm disappointed, gentlemen.

Oh!

Actually, slightly less disappointed now. [chuckles]

Oh.

It's you. So maybe this wasn't a total waste of time.

Maybe we should stop talking, and by we, I mean you.

[scanning]

[beeping]

So I guess the disguise didn't do it for you.

Very few people can count cards like you, Miss Lopez.

Count cards? Oh, I'm impressed.

So am I. Your technique's so infamous

we were able to spot you in, what was it, half an hour.

Forty three minutes.

You guys are getting lax.

The question is, what do I do with you?

If banning you from the casino didn't work,

maybe I should call your new friends

at the LAPD.

Okay. Fine. Go right ahead.

And you know, while you're at it,

why don't you tell them about your crimes?

-What? -[Lucifer] Yes.

J'accuse.

First of all, of mixing Corinthian and Doric columns

in your McMansion. I mean...

And secondly, of killing your husband and who you thought was his mistress.

-Louie's dead? -[scoffs]

Hello, yes, Louie's dead. Savagely murdered by you.

[Lucifer] Mmm.

Well...

Her poker face is amazing. Take note.

My husband was a crook.

I knew it was only a matter of time before his ticket got punched.

But I certainly didn't kill him or anyone else.

Okay. Very well, Roxy.

If you didn't want Louie dead then tell me, what do you want?

-I... -Yes?

I want the pro-golfer on table four. Bad.

I've been trying to pick up his sweet ass for two days straight.

I worked a triple shift just to keep him in my sights

and I think I'm really close to getting a hole in one.

-You know what I mean? -Oh, dear.

Well, as the detective would say in this situation,

that means no motive.

Or opportunity.

Damn it! 666 didn't work either.

Try 8008.

-8008? -[beeping]

Spells "Boob".

-Ah. -[beeping]

No. You know, normally I wouldn't be so concerned

about trying to get into this thing,

if I didn't think there is some real clues as to where Lucifer is.

'Cause wherever he is, maybe he's in danger.

Right. Maybe "ravishing"...

I mean, radish is code for "Help!"

Yes. Maybe that's why he skipped town.

'Cause someone's after him

and it'd be irresponsible for us not to open this thing.

Or maybe you two just had too much to drink.

You're too curious to leave well enough alone.

Which is why you hauled my ass out here.

Does that mean you're not gonna help us?

I didn't say that.

[whirring]

Really have quite the grip, don't you? Hmm?

You have a good time on your own?

Okay! Ugh.

You're just full of surprises, aren't you, my little rainman.

What can I say?

We all have coping mechanisms

and mine just happens to be counting cards.

Or was, anyway.

Coping mechanisms? For what, poverty?

No.

Helped quiet the voices.

What voices?

Nevermind. Forget I said that.

The point is that

everyone has stuff that they wanna avoid.

Like the way you are avoiding Chloe.

[sighs] How many times do I have to tell you I'm not avoiding

or lying to the Detective? I'm... [inhales sharply]

-...protecting her. -Oh.

You're protecting her or you're protecting yourself?

Look, why are we even discussing this?

Right now, Candy is the one who needs protecting

and we've just hit a dead end.

Right, okay, but hold on. If we are gonna find a new lead,

how about we start with how you two ended up married.

[chuckles nervously]

-Hello, Candy, -[gasps]

my thieving vixen.

I don't know what you're talking about. How'd you get in here?

Impressive grift you've got going.

But I'm afraid that you can't keep this little beauty.

Please, please, I'm sorry.

Sentimental value.

But you're welcome to keep the cash.

Goodness knows where you've hidden that.

[sobbing]

I'm so sorry. Please don't call the cops. It's just...

My dad died recently,

and he used to own the club I was singing at.

-You know, Fletchers. -Mmm.

We owe this ginormous amount of cash to this super scary loan shark,

Louie Pagliani, and he used the club as collateral

and if I don't come up with 300 grand, like now,

Louie's gonna take it.

And who knows what else?

I didn't know what else to do. [sobs]

Bravo. You really are quite the performer, aren't you?

You don't believe me?

What, the weepy waterworks? Not a chance.

But your story seems legit, though.

[hyperventilating]

[exhales heavily]

It is.

And so is my apology.

[scoffs]

I actually felt bad.

From the looks of you at the bar,

you got your own problems to deal with.

Nothing I can't handle on my own.

You sure about that?

And so, you see,

I had to leave.

Mmm.

I get it.

The part about your dad putting the detective in your path is fuzzy.

But seems like you genuinely care about her.

Yes, I do.

A lot.

Isn't you going AWOL gonna kinda throw a big flag on that play?

Well, I said that I care about her.

Oh, unrequited love.

Yeah, I get that, too.

No, no, it's not unrequited, it's...

Well, the Detective has feelings for me

but she has no control over those feelings.

-Okay, I don't get that. -It's difficult to explain, but...

I just... [sighs]

I just wanna do right by her.

I believe you. Here, swap.

Do you ever ask yourself,

"How the hell did I end up here?"

What, eating mint chocochip ice cream wrapped in a pink snuggy?

[chuckles]

Pink's a good color for you, actually.

Oh. You are a good liar, aren't you?

I don't lie.

Forgive me but you are a con-woman.

I am not a con-woman. I am a singer

forced to do some things that I'm not proud of,

but only so I can dig my dad's club out of debt.

I grew up on that stage, my home.

Drastic measures for the things we care about.

That I get.

I might pretend to be someone a little less threatening sometimes,

but I don't lie.

Call it bluffing. Totally different thing.

Well, that I definitely get.

We're quite similar, you and I, aren't we?

Yeah, we are.

Mmm.

Except for the fact that you have ginormous feet.

Oh!

[chuckles]

Do you know,

there might be a way for you and I to dig each other out, Candy.

I'll pay off your debt

if you don't mind doing a little bluffing for me.

Marry me.

[laughing]

And so we got married. The end.

Hmm.

Okay, so you fake married Candy to avoid Chloe,

even though you cared about her.

Who's the enigma now?

[sarcastic chuckle]

[woman] Excuse me.

Sorry, did I forget to tip? How rude of me.

Lucifer!

Candy!

What are you doing here? You're gonna ruin everything.

[stammers]

As much as I love the Bettie Page vibe

you've got a bullseye on your back. This is hardly a good hiding place.

But it is where my killer works.

You were on to Roxy as well?

Till you and your sidekick derailed things.

Not my sidekick, and I hate to disappoint,

but Roxy Pagliani did not kill your lookalike.

Ally. Her name was Ally.

She broke up with her boyfriend so I said she could stay with me.

I was just trying to be a good friend.

Oh, man, I'm so sorry.

Anyway...

Anyway, Roxy Pagliani did not kill Ally

or her husband in a jealous fit of rage.

I mean, the woman's about as passionate as a protein bar.

This has nothing to do with passion.

The killer wants my father's club.

Fletchers. How do you know that?

After I found Ally dead,

I noticed there was only one thing missing from my apartment.

The pocket deed for Fletchers.

Whoever possesses the deed owns the club.

It was used as collateral when my dad borrowed money from Louie.

But when I went to confront him he was already dead.

Oh, that's why her hair was at the crime scene.

So, I thought, "Well, maybe Louie told Roxy about the deed.

and she's the one who got greedy..."

Sadly, no. Roxy was working at the time of the murder.

But who else could have known about that deed?

Well, not to worry.

There's a much faster way to flush out the killer.

Candy's still my wife, legally anyway.

Which would trump any sort of deed.

Exactly. Which means Fletchers is now going to the grieving widower, me.

Yeah, but that makes you the killer's next target.

[laughs] Well, I certainly hope so.

Right. Come on.

Showtime.

"Showtime"?

-[applause] -[piano playing]

♪ They call you lady luck ♪

♪ But there is room ♪

♪ For doubt ♪

♪ At times you have a very unladylike ♪

♪ Way of running out ♪

[audience cheering]

But not tonight.

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. My name is Lucifer Morningstar,

new owner here at Fletchers. That's right, owner.

Please, a warm welcome for the Morningstars.

♪ Luck be a lady tonight ♪

♪ Luck be a lady tonight ♪

♪Luck if you've ever Been a lady to begin with ♪

♪ Luck be a lady tonight ♪

Are you buying any of this?

Well, Lucifer's certainly made his presence known.

[over comm] So, any sign of the killer?

Any weird or suspicious activity?

Other than your high kick? No, sorry.

You try dancing with a .22 strapped to your thigh.

♪ Luck be a lady with me ♪

-Creepy hunched fellow, two o'clock. -Got it.

[Ella] Blue track suit. Big guy.

Yeah, that's the guy.

All clear. Only thing he cares about are the complimentary crab legs.

♪ Lets keep this party polite ♪

♪ Never get out of my sight ♪

♪ Stick with me baby I'm the fellow you came in with ♪

♪ Luck be a lady tonight ♪

♪ Luck be a lady ♪

♪Tonight ♪

[applause and cheering]

[Lucifer] Thank you!

Oh, thank you all so much. I'm here all night.

No, seriously, all night.

And now we wait for the real show to begin.

Mmm-hmm.

[drilling]

-Whoops. -[Chloe] "Whoops"?

As in it worked?

Uh...

Oh. Oh, don't worry.

I've had a lot of experience with giant holes.

-In walls. -Hmm.

Little spackle and you're good to go.

Well, it's a good thing I come packing.

-You came packing spackle? -Of course.

-[whirring] -I'll be right back. Excuse me.

This... [sighs] Look at this.

-This is nuts. -Yeah.

But super fun.

This is...

It's pointless, cracking into this safe

because no matter what we find

it's not gonna change the fact that A,

there are things about Lucifer that I will never understand,

and B, spackle's not gonna help

the Assyrian antique wall.

I think you and I both know that this isn't about spackle.

[sighing]

He left on my birthday.

And I wasn't expecting a big party or anything huge.

Maybe a card?

You know, Lucifer is a non-traditional guy.

And he celebrates in

non-traditional ways.

Right, like going to Vegas with some radish.

Lucifer cares for you.

I'm sure he's gonna come back with some crazy explanation...

That I'll probably never hear about.

No, fine. It's fine.

I just hate that I sound jealous 'cause I'm not.

I'm not jealous.

I'm not. I just, um...

He's just my friend, you know.

I know.

What did I tell you?

I am the man.

[Linda gasps]

Cheers. To the weirdest birthday I've ever had.

[sniffles] And thank you for the party

such as it is.

[pouring drink]

[sighs]

Oh.

Dearie me. Rough night, old boy?

I'm sorry. But this place...

...is mine.

Well, well, well. It seems our bad guy is the good bartender.

You can forget the tip, by the way.

First of all,

excellent bluff, Mr. Killer Bartender.

But I do need to tell you...

[angrily] I do need to tell you...

Ow!

God!

What I was trying to tell you before you so rudely interrupted me

is that because I know you're the killer and you can't kill me,

you may as well just hand yourself in now.

But I just shot you.

Yes, I know. It's perplexing, isn't it, Juddy?

[Candy] Jud?

How could you?

Candy,

no, you can't be here.

I killed you!

What the hell is happening to me?

Who are you talking to?

You can't see her?

Hmm?

Oh, God.

What the hell?

Well, interesting turn of phrase actually, Juddy,

because I am the devil.

And I believe that you're being haunted.

Perhaps if you repent your sins, all will be forgiven.

The truth will set you free and all that.

You were like a son to my father, a brother to me.

I was gambling again, I was drowning in debt.

Why didn't you just tell me you needed money?

Because you don't have any!

This place is worth crap, it's the land that's worth millions.

I tried to get your dad to sell and I knew you wouldn't either.

So you shot me in the back of the head.

Yes.

Yes, I did.

Now, go away!

-[gunshot] -[Lucifer] Oh.

-There we go, Juddy! -Leave me alone!

Fire away! You're like a kid in a candy store, aren't you?

That's it, Juddy, go on!

[shattering]

[gunshot]

[Jud groans] My leg!

Excellent shot, Miss Lopez. Another hidden talent.

Thanks.

And don't worry,

I'll give you props for the arrest.

I'm cool like that.

Gee.

Thanks.

Hey.

I just wanna say thank you for saving my ass,

again.

It's what any good husband would have done.

Come on, drinks on the house.

Uh...

Much as I'd love to, once Layla over there finishes flirting,

-we must get back to LA. -[Ella exclaims]

Speaking of LA,

whatever happened with the detective?

Mess it up yet?

Not yet, but I fear I may be about to.

Then what the hell are you still doing here?

Go home, you devil.

Right.

You take care.

Yeah.

[whistles] Lopez! Get a wriggle on!

["Restless" playing]

♪ People wonder, people talk ♪

♪ We're supposed to settle down ♪

♪ How we ever got this far ♪

[elevator bell dings]

♪ Without our feet touching the ground ♪

♪ What time is it now where you are? ♪

[clattering]

♪ We're looking at the same star ♪

♪ It is a talent staying young ♪

♪ So why you think we both ♪

[chuckles]

I'm sorry I missed it.

[Lucifer sighs]

I could use a drink myself.

♪ Nothing hurts us ♪

♪ Every mountain you climb takes you further away ♪

♪ Overcome a lifetime, every day ♪

I'm not exactly sure what you're all doing here,

but I imagine it's something to do with the fact that I wasn't.

And the truth is...

...I went to Las Vegas.

[scoffs]

And even though it was for a very good reason,

I didn't tell you because

last time I went on a Vegas jaunt,

there were some very unpleasant feelings involved.

For both of us.

Well, I didn't want to dredge any of those up again.

So, I bluffed.

But I've come to realize that perhaps

bluffing is the same as lying, and that's, as you know,

something I never want to do.

Especially to you.

Hello.

Someone's been busy.

[safe beeping]

[yawning]

Oh.

Perfect timing.

You've woken up just in time for your surprise.

A surprise? What surprise?

Well, forgive my tardiness but I thought it prudent

to deliver your gift in private.

Thank you.

Oh.

It's beautiful.

Oh...

What is it?

It's the bullet.

From when you shot me. Remember, in the warehouse

early in our partnership?

Oh.

Yeah.

I remember.

Well, I thought since I'd never likely penetrate you,

I'd commemorate the one time you penetrated me.

[both laughing]

So, happy birthday, Detective.

♪ We're always restless ♪

♪ I'll hurry back ♪

♪ I'll hurry back ♪

[theme music playing]