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1
00:00:02,535 --> 00:00:03,869
[archer]
because she's two, lana!
2
00:00:03,871 --> 00:00:05,270
What possible difference
could it make,
3
00:00:05,272 --> 00:00:07,473
What pre-pre-school
she goes to?
4
00:00:07,475 --> 00:00:10,542
Because if a.J. Gets
into pre-pre at country day,
5
00:00:10,544 --> 00:00:11,944
She's set
through eighth grade.
6
00:00:11,946 --> 00:00:12,945
Then she's basically
guaranteed a slot
7
00:00:12,947 --> 00:00:14,013
At any prep school in l.A.!
8
00:00:14,015 --> 00:00:15,481
Yeah, but why prep school?
9
00:00:15,483 --> 00:00:16,882
Are we not even
considering public school?
10
00:00:16,884 --> 00:00:18,117
Seriously?
11
00:00:18,119 --> 00:00:19,985
Why not?
And in summertime,
12
00:00:19,987 --> 00:00:21,653
Instead of a lemonade stand,
13
00:00:21,655 --> 00:00:24,123
She could have a teeny little
stripper pole, and--
14
00:00:24,125 --> 00:00:25,224
Malory!
Mother!
15
00:00:25,226 --> 00:00:26,892
Public school.
16
00:00:26,894 --> 00:00:29,328
Might as well leave her
by a dumpster
at the county fair
17
00:00:29,330 --> 00:00:30,963
And hope she's taken in
by carnies.
18
00:00:30,965 --> 00:00:32,865
Wow.
Yeah, mother,
good call.
19
00:00:32,867 --> 00:00:34,233
I didn't know
we were drinking.
20
00:00:34,235 --> 00:00:35,968
We're not.
Because country day
21
00:00:35,970 --> 00:00:39,204
Gets a thousand applicants
for ten spaces in pre-pre.
22
00:00:39,206 --> 00:00:41,473
Please stop saying
"pre-pre."
shut up.
23
00:00:41,475 --> 00:00:43,475
And a.J. Is going to get
one of those spaces,
24
00:00:43,477 --> 00:00:45,911
And you are not gonna screw
this up for her, archer!
25
00:00:45,913 --> 00:00:48,347
[man]
archer? Swirling archer?
26
00:00:48,349 --> 00:00:49,415
[gasp]
27
00:00:52,085 --> 00:00:53,152
Sterling!
Archer?
28
00:00:53,154 --> 00:00:54,153
[whisper] ivy.
29
00:00:54,155 --> 00:00:55,921
Dude, it's me! Ivy!
30
00:00:55,923 --> 00:00:56,989
From st. Josh!
31
00:00:56,991 --> 00:00:58,357
Yeah, I, uh--
[laughing]
32
00:00:58,359 --> 00:01:00,392
Long time, no see!
33
00:01:00,394 --> 00:01:02,594
What're you doing here?
Checking out the toilets?
34
00:01:02,596 --> 00:01:05,764
No, I'm-- I mean I'm,
I'm, I'm--
[laughing]
35
00:01:05,766 --> 00:01:08,934
[imitating]
wow, still got
that stammer, huh?
36
00:01:08,936 --> 00:01:11,403
I--
hello, richard stratton
the fourth,
37
00:01:11,405 --> 00:01:12,905
Though my good friends
call me ivy.
38
00:01:12,907 --> 00:01:14,373
Malory archer.
39
00:01:14,375 --> 00:01:16,608
Hmm. Sterling never
mentioned a sister.
40
00:01:16,610 --> 00:01:19,745
[laughing] oh, you.
I'm actually his mother,
41
00:01:19,747 --> 00:01:20,879
If you can believe it.
42
00:01:20,881 --> 00:01:22,548
I absolutely cannot.
43
00:01:22,550 --> 00:01:24,683
Really? Hi, lana kane.
44
00:01:24,685 --> 00:01:26,285
Hello.
45
00:01:26,287 --> 00:01:28,887
So, mr. Stratton,
are you a teacher here, or...
46
00:01:28,889 --> 00:01:30,522
[chuckling]
oh, god, no.
47
00:01:30,524 --> 00:01:32,224
No, I'm on the board.
48
00:01:32,226 --> 00:01:34,760
And, archer, you're in l.A.?
What's your line?
49
00:01:34,762 --> 00:01:37,396
I-- um-- I'm a-- a pri--
a private investigator?
50
00:01:37,398 --> 00:01:41,033
[laughs]
no... No, seriously.
51
00:01:41,035 --> 00:01:42,634
No, uh, seriously.
52
00:01:42,636 --> 00:01:43,702
Wow.
53
00:01:43,704 --> 00:01:44,736
[baby coos]
oh!
54
00:01:44,738 --> 00:01:47,773
And who might this person be?
55
00:01:47,775 --> 00:01:49,775
This is our daughter, a.J.
56
00:01:49,777 --> 00:01:51,276
We're here for
a placement interview.
57
00:01:51,278 --> 00:01:53,045
"our"... Umm...
58
00:01:53,047 --> 00:01:55,948
Ours, as in
mine and archer's?
59
00:01:55,950 --> 00:01:59,051
[laughs]
wow! Wow.
60
00:01:59,053 --> 00:02:00,586
[laughing continues]
61
00:02:00,588 --> 00:02:02,254
[coughs]
wow.
62
00:02:02,256 --> 00:02:04,423
Yeah, I'm not the maid
or the nanny.
63
00:02:04,425 --> 00:02:07,292
Good for you.
Good for you.
64
00:02:07,294 --> 00:02:09,261
Gosh, the times
we live in, huh?
65
00:02:09,263 --> 00:02:11,797
So hey, private investigator.
66
00:02:11,799 --> 00:02:13,732
I might actually
be able to use you.
67
00:02:13,734 --> 00:02:14,833
Oh, well...
Really?
68
00:02:14,835 --> 00:02:16,835
Unfortunately, I don't think
69
00:02:16,837 --> 00:02:19,471
We're taking on new clients
right now, so--
[chuckles]
70
00:02:19,473 --> 00:02:21,173
May I speak with you
a moment, please?
71
00:02:21,175 --> 00:02:23,809
What is this "no new
clients" bullshit?
72
00:02:23,811 --> 00:02:25,077
He's on the board, archer.
73
00:02:25,079 --> 00:02:26,945
One word from him,
and a.J. Is in.
74
00:02:26,947 --> 00:02:28,780
Yeah, but--
yeah, but shut up!
75
00:02:28,782 --> 00:02:31,116
This is your daughter's
future, you dickhead!
76
00:02:31,118 --> 00:02:33,752
So you are gonna take his case,
and you are gonna solve it,
77
00:02:33,754 --> 00:02:35,320
And a.J.
Is going to school here
78
00:02:35,322 --> 00:02:37,322
And then grow up
to be a titan of industry
79
00:02:37,324 --> 00:02:40,292
Or an astronaut
or some other shit!
80
00:02:40,294 --> 00:02:41,493
[cooing]
81
00:02:41,495 --> 00:02:43,095
[sighs]
well?
82
00:02:43,097 --> 00:02:46,832
[yelps]
yeah, okay, sure,
glad to help.
83
00:02:46,834 --> 00:02:48,634
Outstanding.
[chuckles]
84
00:02:48,636 --> 00:02:50,936
My office, two o'clock.
Yep.
85
00:02:50,938 --> 00:02:53,939
Now, that wasn't
so hard, was it?
86
00:02:53,941 --> 00:02:58,143
She said, phrasing?
Boom. Huh?
87
00:02:58,145 --> 00:02:59,878
Hey, what's happening?
Are you okay?
88
00:02:59,880 --> 00:03:01,113
No!
89
00:03:02,815 --> 00:03:05,884
♪
90
00:03:39,018 --> 00:03:42,487
[woman]
mr. Archer? Mr. Stratton
will see you now.
91
00:03:42,489 --> 00:03:45,324
Mr. Archer? Mr. Archer.
92
00:03:46,893 --> 00:03:49,328
Boop. Sorry, had to take that.
93
00:03:49,330 --> 00:03:51,496
Mr. Stratton,
I have mr. Archer.
94
00:03:51,498 --> 00:03:52,664
[ivy]
thank you, cerise.
95
00:03:52,666 --> 00:03:54,700
Holy shit...
I know, right?
96
00:03:54,702 --> 00:03:56,868
Consider it crushed.
[chuckles]
97
00:03:56,870 --> 00:04:00,339
Please, have a seat.
Oh, oh, okay, thanks, uh...
98
00:04:00,341 --> 00:04:02,040
Have a seat.
Yep.
99
00:04:02,042 --> 00:04:04,710
Ah, swirling archer. Remember?
100
00:04:04,712 --> 00:04:06,878
How we always used
to call you swirling?
101
00:04:06,880 --> 00:04:08,880
Yep.
Because of all the swirlies?
102
00:04:08,882 --> 00:04:12,084
Yep.
God, we were just merciless.
[chuckles]
103
00:04:12,086 --> 00:04:14,419
But I was a pussycat
compared to whitney.
Yep.
104
00:04:14,421 --> 00:04:16,388
You remember
trent whitney, right?
105
00:04:16,390 --> 00:04:19,124
Yep, he was, uh, actually worse.
106
00:04:19,126 --> 00:04:21,293
He's the whitney
in stratton-whitney.
107
00:04:21,295 --> 00:04:22,294
Oh.
108
00:04:22,296 --> 00:04:23,629
Hedge fund.
Mm.
109
00:04:23,631 --> 00:04:24,963
You played lacs
with him, right?
110
00:04:24,965 --> 00:04:26,398
You were center middies.
Yep.
111
00:04:26,400 --> 00:04:28,133
I was biathlon, obviously.
112
00:04:28,135 --> 00:04:29,768
Probably could've made
the olympic team,
113
00:04:29,770 --> 00:04:31,803
But whatever, lame.
[chuckles]
114
00:04:31,805 --> 00:04:33,739
And didn't you letter
all four years?
115
00:04:33,741 --> 00:04:36,575
No. Just three.
Are you sure?
116
00:04:36,577 --> 00:04:39,077
I am, yeah. Freshman year
I didn't make varsity
117
00:04:39,079 --> 00:04:41,446
Because that winter I was
in the hospital for five weeks.
118
00:04:41,448 --> 00:04:43,148
With what, aids?
[chuckles]
119
00:04:43,150 --> 00:04:44,449
Pneumonia.
From what?
120
00:04:44,451 --> 00:04:45,784
Complications from aids?
[laughing]
121
00:04:45,786 --> 00:04:48,654
No, I actually--
I actually got it
122
00:04:48,656 --> 00:04:51,323
From one of those
hilarious swirlies.
Hm?
123
00:04:51,325 --> 00:04:53,892
Yeah, my freshman year,
you two were seniors.
124
00:04:53,894 --> 00:04:55,560
Right before winter break.
125
00:04:55,562 --> 00:04:57,663
♪
[archer]anyway, you each had
126
00:04:57,665 --> 00:05:00,065
Maybe twenty pounds on me,and you cornered me
127
00:05:00,067 --> 00:05:03,101
In the field house,and you just laid into me,
128
00:05:03,103 --> 00:05:06,271
[boys grunting]
[young archer]
no! No! No! No! No! No!
129
00:05:06,273 --> 00:05:08,440
And then you got me upsidedown, over the toilet,
130
00:05:08,442 --> 00:05:10,809
And I started screaming,because I look down
131
00:05:10,811 --> 00:05:13,779
And the toilet's full of piss.Whitney had pissed in it.
132
00:05:13,781 --> 00:05:15,747
So I'm screaming,and you're both laughing,
133
00:05:15,749 --> 00:05:17,616
And it's all echoingoff the tiles,
134
00:05:17,618 --> 00:05:19,117
And then whitneylooks down at me
135
00:05:19,119 --> 00:05:21,286
With these crazy eyes,and he screams at me--
136
00:05:21,288 --> 00:05:23,355
You think I won't
[bleep] kill you?
137
00:05:23,357 --> 00:05:27,626
And then he punches me, hard,and I'm choking on the blood
138
00:05:27,628 --> 00:05:32,297
From my nose, and then you dunk
me, and hold me under for...
139
00:05:32,299 --> 00:05:36,668
I honestly don't even know.I lost consciousness.[toilet flushing]
140
00:05:36,670 --> 00:05:38,270
[sighs]
but long story short,
141
00:05:38,272 --> 00:05:39,805
I didn't
make varsity that spring
142
00:05:39,807 --> 00:05:41,973
Because I was
getting over pneumonia,
143
00:05:41,975 --> 00:05:44,643
Which I got because,
during that swirlie,
144
00:05:44,645 --> 00:05:47,245
Turns out I aspirated water
in my lungs.
145
00:05:48,681 --> 00:05:50,649
Well, and presumably urine.
146
00:05:50,651 --> 00:05:52,317
[inhales]
look--
147
00:05:52,319 --> 00:05:55,120
Archer,
I want you to kill me.
I'm sorry?
148
00:05:55,122 --> 00:05:56,888
Well, you should be!
Why the hell
149
00:05:56,890 --> 00:05:58,490
Would you say that
to the headmaster?
150
00:05:58,492 --> 00:06:00,225
I thought he was
hinting at it!
151
00:06:00,227 --> 00:06:03,128
Why... Would you think that?
152
00:06:03,130 --> 00:06:05,831
When someone uses
the term "exclusive"
153
00:06:05,833 --> 00:06:07,666
To describe something,
what are they--
154
00:06:07,668 --> 00:06:08,667
No blacks or jews.
155
00:06:08,669 --> 00:06:10,001
Wh--
exactly, so--
156
00:06:10,003 --> 00:06:12,971
Malory, he was jewish!
157
00:06:12,973 --> 00:06:14,706
That's why I was so confused.
158
00:06:14,708 --> 00:06:16,541
I'm not sure
I'm following you.
159
00:06:16,543 --> 00:06:19,211
I'm dying.
Liver cancer, stage four.
160
00:06:19,213 --> 00:06:20,846
I've got maybe
three months left,
161
00:06:20,848 --> 00:06:22,681
Every minute of which,
the doctors tell me,
162
00:06:22,683 --> 00:06:24,149
I'll spend writhing in agony.
163
00:06:24,151 --> 00:06:26,184
Jesus, ivy...
Yeah! Yeah,
164
00:06:26,186 --> 00:06:28,086
And honestly I'm
too scared to face that,
165
00:06:28,088 --> 00:06:29,855
So at first I thought...
166
00:06:29,857 --> 00:06:31,556
[gunshot sound]
but...
167
00:06:31,558 --> 00:06:33,358
What about good old
pills and vodka?
168
00:06:33,360 --> 00:06:35,427
Life insurance won't pay out
on a suicide,
169
00:06:35,429 --> 00:06:38,029
And I'm not going
to cheat my wife out
of ten million dollars.
170
00:06:38,031 --> 00:06:40,766
No, I guess they--
but I can't, um--
171
00:06:40,768 --> 00:06:43,535
You can, though.
Please, I'm begging you,
172
00:06:43,537 --> 00:06:44,870
Don't make me go through that.
173
00:06:44,872 --> 00:06:46,438
Can't you go
to switzerland, or--
174
00:06:46,440 --> 00:06:47,906
No, no, but you can.
175
00:06:47,908 --> 00:06:49,408
You can open
a swiss account
176
00:06:49,410 --> 00:06:51,042
With the $100,000
I'm going to pay you.
177
00:06:51,044 --> 00:06:53,412
I-- ivy, I'm not
a hit man, I'm a--
178
00:06:53,414 --> 00:06:55,213
A father,
a father who'd like
179
00:06:55,215 --> 00:06:57,582
A space at country day
for his...
180
00:06:57,584 --> 00:06:59,918
I guess, what,
mulatto bastard?
181
00:06:59,920 --> 00:07:02,921
[clears throat]
I think, technically,
she's an octoroon bastard,
182
00:07:02,923 --> 00:07:05,891
But our whole parenting
philosophy is sort of, uh,
183
00:07:05,893 --> 00:07:07,559
Post-label?
[chuckling]
184
00:07:07,561 --> 00:07:10,262
Yeah, good luck with that.
Yeah, so how do you wanna die?
185
00:07:10,264 --> 00:07:12,364
[clears throat] home invasion.
You break into my house,
186
00:07:12,366 --> 00:07:14,032
I startle you,
you shoot me.
187
00:07:14,034 --> 00:07:15,934
I assume you have access
to a firearm?
188
00:07:15,936 --> 00:07:18,904
I do, yeah--
but you can't shoot me
in the face.
189
00:07:18,906 --> 00:07:20,572
Or the belly.
Or in the legs.
190
00:07:20,574 --> 00:07:22,374
Why would I shoot you
in the legs?
191
00:07:22,376 --> 00:07:23,809
Well I just don't
want to suffer.
192
00:07:23,811 --> 00:07:25,243
That's kind of
the whole point.
193
00:07:25,245 --> 00:07:27,078
We could do two
in the back of the head:
194
00:07:27,080 --> 00:07:28,547
That's painless, instantaneous.
195
00:07:28,549 --> 00:07:30,749
Have you...
Killed people before?
196
00:07:30,751 --> 00:07:33,251
Uh, yeah.
Literally scores of them.
197
00:07:33,253 --> 00:07:36,588
I actually used to be
the world's greatest
secret agent?
198
00:07:36,590 --> 00:07:39,591
Oh, before becoming
an unlicensed private
investigator.
199
00:07:39,593 --> 00:07:41,827
After a brief stint
as a drug dealer.
200
00:07:43,095 --> 00:07:45,363
[clears throat]
okay, let's do this.
201
00:07:46,966 --> 00:07:48,767
Tonight.
Wait, when? What?
202
00:07:48,769 --> 00:07:50,902
Tonight. Why wait?
I'll be home alone,
203
00:07:50,904 --> 00:07:52,304
And it's the maid's night off.
204
00:07:52,306 --> 00:07:53,939
My wife will be
at a fund-raiser.
205
00:07:53,941 --> 00:07:55,841
Kids?
I think owls?
206
00:07:55,843 --> 00:07:57,476
Do you have children?
207
00:07:57,478 --> 00:07:59,444
Oh, no. Just a bedroom safe,
208
00:07:59,446 --> 00:08:00,979
Which I will
conveniently leave open,
209
00:08:00,981 --> 00:08:03,949
And in which will be $100,000.
210
00:08:03,951 --> 00:08:06,284
And a letter of recommendation
for abbiejean...
211
00:08:06,286 --> 00:08:10,121
Archer-kane? Kane-archer?
I'll leave the name blank.
212
00:08:10,123 --> 00:08:12,424
[scoffs]
yeah, I should
probably know that...
213
00:08:12,426 --> 00:08:15,260
[deep breath]
okay, so where and when?
214
00:08:15,262 --> 00:08:16,995
Malibu, there's my address.
215
00:08:16,997 --> 00:08:18,630
The when I don't want to know.
216
00:08:18,632 --> 00:08:20,799
I'm going to go home,
kiss my wife goodbye,
217
00:08:20,801 --> 00:08:22,634
And then start
pounding armagnac.
218
00:08:22,636 --> 00:08:24,803
Alrighty then,
see ya at like, 10:00?
219
00:08:24,805 --> 00:08:26,771
I don't want to know!
220
00:08:26,773 --> 00:08:29,307
Sorry, sorry.
It won't be 10:00.
221
00:08:29,309 --> 00:08:31,476
Get out.
[spooky]
or will it?
222
00:08:31,478 --> 00:08:35,380
Get out!
[giggles, chuckles]
223
00:08:45,191 --> 00:08:49,327
[archer]
♪ "have gun, will travel"
reads the card of a man ♪
224
00:08:49,329 --> 00:08:53,164
♪ a knight who is armored
with a savage tan ♪
225
00:08:53,166 --> 00:08:55,500
[door opening]
oh, hey, good,
you got the ammo?
226
00:08:55,502 --> 00:08:58,169
Ten rounds custom-made,
hand-loaded, .32 caliber,
227
00:08:58,171 --> 00:09:00,539
Hollow-point copper-jacketed
fragmentation rounds.
228
00:09:00,541 --> 00:09:03,008
Damn! You huntin' ya
some grizzly bears?
229
00:09:03,010 --> 00:09:05,510
No, jethro dull,
it's for a case.
230
00:09:05,512 --> 00:09:06,545
What case?
What are you talking about?
231
00:09:06,547 --> 00:09:08,680
And why wasn't I informed?
232
00:09:08,682 --> 00:09:11,316
Calm down, cyril.
It's just a, um,
233
00:09:11,318 --> 00:09:13,685
Uh, a-a corporate
security evaluation.
234
00:09:13,687 --> 00:09:16,421
Unless you want me
to turn down... Ten grand.
235
00:09:16,423 --> 00:09:17,889
Well no, obviously I don't--
236
00:09:17,891 --> 00:09:20,825
Wait, why did you hesitate
there, on "ten"?
237
00:09:20,827 --> 00:09:24,829
It's a lot of money, cyril,
which I have to go earn
for the agency now!
238
00:09:24,831 --> 00:09:26,665
Wh-- hey, don't forget
to get a--
239
00:09:26,667 --> 00:09:28,700
Recommendation letter!
Got it! Shut up!
240
00:09:28,702 --> 00:09:30,201
[scoffs]
ten grand my butt.
241
00:09:30,203 --> 00:09:31,836
I bet archer's
charging them twice that.
242
00:09:31,838 --> 00:09:34,739
Lana, I want you
to tail him tonight, and--
243
00:09:34,741 --> 00:09:37,909
No, I can't. Okay?
Tonight I have to bake a
huge batch of hamentashen
244
00:09:37,911 --> 00:09:39,377
And take them over
to that headmaster.
245
00:09:39,379 --> 00:09:41,580
Wait, what, at his house?
Yes.
246
00:09:41,582 --> 00:09:44,249
That sounds like
a really bad idea.
247
00:09:44,251 --> 00:09:47,752
So does minding my business.
[slurping]
248
00:09:49,021 --> 00:09:50,722
And apparently her business
249
00:09:50,724 --> 00:09:52,724
Is ambiguous,
poorly-worded burns.
250
00:09:52,726 --> 00:09:54,960
Yeah, right?
Okay, so ray.
251
00:09:54,962 --> 00:09:58,463
I want you to follow
archer tonight, and--
ooh, can't.
252
00:09:58,465 --> 00:10:00,732
Why not?
Don't get shitty with me!
253
00:10:00,734 --> 00:10:03,735
Her excuse was hamentashen,
you didn't even blink!
254
00:10:03,737 --> 00:10:05,870
Since when do you get
a free pass around here
255
00:10:05,872 --> 00:10:07,372
Just for having a vagina?
256
00:10:07,374 --> 00:10:08,440
Yeah, cyril!
257
00:10:08,442 --> 00:10:10,275
And also,
what is it good for?
258
00:10:10,277 --> 00:10:11,643
What is what good for?
259
00:10:11,645 --> 00:10:13,945
The free pass for havin' a vag.
Duh.
260
00:10:13,947 --> 00:10:15,580
I assume we can
expect discounts
261
00:10:15,582 --> 00:10:17,248
At local businesses
and theme parks?
262
00:10:17,250 --> 00:10:18,383
Oh, for the-- fine!
263
00:10:18,385 --> 00:10:20,285
I'll just do it myself!
264
00:10:20,287 --> 00:10:21,219
Well, good luck,
265
00:10:21,221 --> 00:10:22,921
With no vagina!
Ugh.
266
00:10:22,923 --> 00:10:25,156
[gasps]
not you, ms. Archer!
267
00:10:25,158 --> 00:10:29,060
Although...
Wh-- she's obviously
got a vagina.
268
00:10:29,062 --> 00:10:32,063
Yeah, probably why
she's such a bitch.
269
00:10:35,267 --> 00:10:36,668
[archer]
jesus, really?
270
00:10:36,670 --> 00:10:38,837
A glass house?
[sighs]
271
00:10:38,839 --> 00:10:41,239
Probably so people driving by
have to watch him
272
00:10:41,241 --> 00:10:45,176
Bang his model wife
on a mattress
stuffed with doubloons.
273
00:10:45,178 --> 00:10:48,947
[chuckles]
not tomorrow, buddy.
Then all they're gonna see is,
274
00:10:48,949 --> 00:10:50,582
Well, I guess a bunch
of cop cars,
275
00:10:50,584 --> 00:10:53,251
And whatever the coroner drives,
probably a van...
276
00:10:53,253 --> 00:10:56,521
Oh and your wife's car,
since she's--
277
00:10:56,523 --> 00:10:58,523
She's the one
who's gonna find you.
278
00:10:58,525 --> 00:11:00,525
But, ya know, who's to say
if that's any worse
279
00:11:00,527 --> 00:11:01,860
Than being forced
to watch you die
280
00:11:01,862 --> 00:11:03,795
A slow and agonizing
death? Right?
281
00:11:03,797 --> 00:11:06,464
Plus I didn't give you cancer.
282
00:11:06,466 --> 00:11:09,167
Plus you're the world's
biggest dick.
283
00:11:09,169 --> 00:11:11,803
Except for maybe whitney.
Oh, and hitler.
284
00:11:11,805 --> 00:11:13,138
[burps]
285
00:11:13,140 --> 00:11:14,739
Plus I didn't give you cancer.
286
00:11:15,975 --> 00:11:18,376
Well, can't say I blame him.
287
00:11:18,378 --> 00:11:21,680
I'd be getting drunk too,
in his shoes...
288
00:11:21,682 --> 00:11:25,550
I can't imagine what
it would be like to know
when you're gonna die.
289
00:11:25,552 --> 00:11:27,185
Or even if.
[snoring]
290
00:11:27,187 --> 00:11:29,854
[sighs]
feel like I should say
a few words.
291
00:11:29,856 --> 00:11:32,624
But none spring to mind.
Okay then.
292
00:11:32,626 --> 00:11:36,194
Archer, you can't
do this... Yet.
293
00:11:36,196 --> 00:11:37,696
What if he didn't
open the safe?
294
00:11:37,698 --> 00:11:40,065
Where even is the safe?
Damn it...
295
00:11:44,203 --> 00:11:45,336
[man yelling]
296
00:11:45,338 --> 00:11:46,938
What the--
[screams]
297
00:11:57,083 --> 00:11:59,217
[yells]
what the shit, ivy,
what are you--
298
00:11:59,219 --> 00:12:00,885
You think I won't
[bleep] kill you?
299
00:12:00,887 --> 00:12:02,353
What the-- whitney?
300
00:12:02,355 --> 00:12:03,855
Swirling?
301
00:12:03,857 --> 00:12:06,024
[pants]
[clears throat]
302
00:12:06,026 --> 00:12:07,192
[gun fires]
[screams]
303
00:12:07,194 --> 00:12:09,194
Oh, god! Ow!
304
00:12:09,196 --> 00:12:13,598
[sobbing, whimpering]
oh, shut up.
It's not that bad.
305
00:12:13,600 --> 00:12:16,568
I have no pinky toe!
You asshole!
306
00:12:16,570 --> 00:12:18,937
Hey! I'm not the
asshole here! Whitney!
307
00:12:18,939 --> 00:12:22,774
I'm the guy with the gun! Not
the asshole, with eight toes!
308
00:12:22,776 --> 00:12:25,043
Nine, you-- oh, yeah.
Yeah.
309
00:12:25,045 --> 00:12:27,045
[groans]
so, since you're the
only person on the planet
310
00:12:27,047 --> 00:12:30,048
I'd like to kill
more than ivy,
and since I haven't yet,
311
00:12:30,050 --> 00:12:32,050
Why did he hire me
to do that?
312
00:12:32,052 --> 00:12:33,618
I don't know, he's crazy!
313
00:12:33,620 --> 00:12:35,854
And then maybe,
in his paranoid mind,
314
00:12:35,856 --> 00:12:38,456
He thinks that for
the past five years maybe
315
00:12:38,458 --> 00:12:42,727
I've been embezzling from
the fund and also maybe
sleeping with his wife?
316
00:12:42,729 --> 00:12:44,028
For five years?
317
00:12:44,030 --> 00:12:46,264
We maybe just had
our anniversary.
318
00:12:46,266 --> 00:12:48,700
Hey,
congratulations...
Oh, thanks, man.
319
00:12:48,702 --> 00:12:50,702
On still being
a massive dickhole.
320
00:12:50,704 --> 00:12:52,604
Okay, so I promised ivy
I'd kill you.
321
00:12:52,606 --> 00:12:54,139
No, no, no, no, wait,
wait, wait, wait!
322
00:12:54,141 --> 00:12:55,406
Look, whatever
he's paying you,
323
00:12:55,408 --> 00:12:56,641
I will double it!
324
00:12:56,643 --> 00:12:57,942
Well he's paying
me a hundred--
325
00:12:57,944 --> 00:13:01,246
Damn it-- and fifty
thousand dollars, so--
326
00:13:01,248 --> 00:13:02,580
[cyril]
ahaa!
[both]
what?
327
00:13:02,582 --> 00:13:04,616
Ten thousand, my butt!
I knew it!
328
00:13:04,618 --> 00:13:06,618
Are you-- cyril,
you followed me?
329
00:13:06,620 --> 00:13:07,952
You lied to me!
330
00:13:07,954 --> 00:13:09,754
Yeah, but you
didn't know that.
331
00:13:09,756 --> 00:13:12,290
On some level,
I think we both did.
332
00:13:12,292 --> 00:13:16,995
Hello, cyril figgis,
owner and lead investigator
of the figgis agency.
333
00:13:16,997 --> 00:13:19,130
How's it going?
Trent whitney,
murder victim.
334
00:13:19,132 --> 00:13:20,665
Would-be murder victim!
335
00:13:20,667 --> 00:13:22,267
I'm sorry,
what-what's happening?
336
00:13:22,269 --> 00:13:24,502
My partner paid
him to kill me.
337
00:13:24,504 --> 00:13:27,505
He what?
You what?
Under false pretenses, cyril!
338
00:13:27,507 --> 00:13:29,774
Calm down, I thought
I was killing the other guy.
339
00:13:29,776 --> 00:13:31,609
Why were you
killing anybody?
340
00:13:31,611 --> 00:13:33,111
Because I thought
he had cancer!
341
00:13:33,113 --> 00:13:34,679
What?
And also in prep school
342
00:13:34,681 --> 00:13:36,981
Both of them bullied the
absolute shit out of me.
343
00:13:36,983 --> 00:13:40,451
[laughing]
what? Seriously, dude?
344
00:13:40,453 --> 00:13:44,088
You were going to murder me
'cause I picked on you
a little bit?
345
00:13:44,090 --> 00:13:45,824
A little?
You almost killed me!
346
00:13:45,826 --> 00:13:48,126
I spent freshman year
in the hospital!
347
00:13:48,128 --> 00:13:49,694
With what, aids?
[chuckles]
348
00:13:49,696 --> 00:13:53,031
Pneumonia!
From what, complications
from ai-- ow!
349
00:13:53,033 --> 00:13:55,033
Jesus christ.
And if I'm being honest, yeah,
350
00:13:55,035 --> 00:13:57,502
I'm sure the bullying
had some influence
on my decision,
351
00:13:57,504 --> 00:14:01,272
But I was actually
murdering you--
well, ivy-- for money.
352
00:14:01,274 --> 00:14:02,473
And that makes
it better?
353
00:14:02,475 --> 00:14:05,176
Money and cancer,
then! Jesus!
354
00:14:05,178 --> 00:14:08,613
But don't tell me
you never fantasized about
killing your bullies, cyril.
355
00:14:08,615 --> 00:14:12,684
[archer, crying]
cyril?
356
00:14:12,686 --> 00:14:15,653
Cyril!
357
00:14:15,655 --> 00:14:18,356
It puts the lotion
in the basket!
358
00:14:18,358 --> 00:14:19,824
[archer]
what?
What?
359
00:14:19,826 --> 00:14:21,693
What're we doing?
Um, I think whitney
360
00:14:21,695 --> 00:14:23,561
Was about to pay
me $300,000?
361
00:14:23,563 --> 00:14:25,730
Not to kill him?
That's extortion!
362
00:14:25,732 --> 00:14:28,833
I know, cyril, but think
of the alternative.
His hands are tied.
363
00:14:28,835 --> 00:14:31,169
And yes, yes, dude,
I will pay you,
364
00:14:31,171 --> 00:14:34,672
But the money's
not in my house.
It's, it's, it's--
365
00:14:34,674 --> 00:14:37,675
[impersonating jimmy stewart]
it's in tom's house,
and-and bill's house.
366
00:14:37,677 --> 00:14:39,677
And and and
and and and and!
367
00:14:39,679 --> 00:14:41,479
Okay, okay,
wait, wait!
[keypad pressing]
368
00:14:41,481 --> 00:14:46,017
Dude, check this out.
What if I paid you 500,
and you kill ivy?
369
00:14:46,019 --> 00:14:48,186
Mmm, no, I think
just the three.
370
00:14:48,188 --> 00:14:50,922
Ivy's a cuckold, betrayed
by his wife and friend.
371
00:14:50,924 --> 00:14:54,192
You're a cuckolding
thief, and between us,
clearly an alcoholic.
372
00:14:54,194 --> 00:14:56,261
He's an alcoholic.
He didn't know
373
00:14:56,263 --> 00:14:58,930
He was gonna die tonight,
cyril. For him it's
just Tuesday.
374
00:14:58,932 --> 00:15:01,833
Anyway,
you're both so obviously
and profoundly unhappy
375
00:15:01,835 --> 00:15:04,002
With who you became, that
I bet you're both gonna die
376
00:15:04,004 --> 00:15:05,837
In some bizarre
murder-suicide,
377
00:15:05,839 --> 00:15:07,739
And that is
reward enough for me.
378
00:15:07,741 --> 00:15:10,241
Yeah. That and the $300,000.
379
00:15:10,243 --> 00:15:14,045
Yeah.
[sighs]
well, you may be
right about that.
380
00:15:14,047 --> 00:15:16,347
But I'll tell
you this, swirling.
381
00:15:16,349 --> 00:15:20,585
I shoulda drowned you in piss
when I had the chance,
you little fa--
382
00:15:20,587 --> 00:15:22,053
[blood splatters]
[yelps]
383
00:15:22,055 --> 00:15:24,055
Huh.
Jeezy petes!
384
00:15:24,057 --> 00:15:27,225
Great shot, archer.
[scoffs]
yeah, right?
385
00:15:27,227 --> 00:15:29,560
But as much as
I'd like to take
credit for that...
386
00:15:29,562 --> 00:15:30,795
Ahh!
Yeah, right?
387
00:15:30,797 --> 00:15:32,931
Ahh.
Oof.
388
00:15:32,933 --> 00:15:34,399
Who the heck is
shooting at us?
389
00:15:34,401 --> 00:15:35,767
[chuckling]
cyril, c'mon.
390
00:15:35,769 --> 00:15:37,101
It's obviously ivy.
391
00:15:37,103 --> 00:15:41,606
C'mon, swirling,
where are you?
392
00:15:41,608 --> 00:15:43,241
I bet this was
his plan all along.
393
00:15:43,243 --> 00:15:44,742
He follows me,
I kill whitney,
394
00:15:44,744 --> 00:15:46,411
He kills me,
it looks like a robbery.
395
00:15:46,413 --> 00:15:47,612
But I thought
he had cancer.
396
00:15:47,614 --> 00:15:50,481
No, dummy,
that was just a ruse!
397
00:15:50,483 --> 00:15:52,283
[chuckling]
but either way.
When I had cancer,
398
00:15:52,285 --> 00:15:54,152
I bet I killed, like, 20 guys,
399
00:15:54,154 --> 00:15:56,754
So it's not a
death sentence anymore,
is my point.
400
00:15:56,756 --> 00:15:58,122
No, but this is!
401
00:15:58,124 --> 00:15:59,924
Yeah, he almost
made the olympics.
402
00:15:59,926 --> 00:16:01,793
What?
Biathlon, I know,
403
00:16:01,795 --> 00:16:04,395
You think to yourself
"pretty gay sport," but--
404
00:16:04,397 --> 00:16:06,597
Holy shit!
What?
405
00:16:06,599 --> 00:16:08,666
You think he knows ray?
406
00:16:17,843 --> 00:16:18,843
[phone ringing]
[archer] cyril, stop it!
407
00:16:18,845 --> 00:16:21,112
I mean it, hang up!
408
00:16:21,114 --> 00:16:23,948
Gimme, cyril. Damn it!
Get off. Stop it!
Archer!
409
00:16:23,950 --> 00:16:25,817
[lana]this is lana kane.Leave a message.
410
00:16:25,819 --> 00:16:27,118
[beep]
lana! Lana,
we're--
411
00:16:27,120 --> 00:16:28,486
We're fine.
Everything's great.
412
00:16:28,488 --> 00:16:30,121
Bye, hon.
Oww!
413
00:16:30,123 --> 00:16:31,656
Jeezy petes!
See?
414
00:16:31,658 --> 00:16:33,024
I told you
not to call her.
415
00:16:33,026 --> 00:16:34,692
Well, we can't
call the police.
416
00:16:34,694 --> 00:16:36,761
No, uh, this does
not look good.
417
00:16:36,763 --> 00:16:38,096
Wonder why she
didn't pick up.
418
00:16:38,098 --> 00:16:39,497
[lana]
I can explain.
419
00:16:39,499 --> 00:16:41,532
What, why you're
stalking this guy?
420
00:16:41,534 --> 00:16:44,002
Stalking?
It's just hamentashen!
421
00:16:44,004 --> 00:16:45,703
Okay. You wanna
explain this?
422
00:16:45,705 --> 00:16:47,939
[sigh]
you got a
license for that?
423
00:16:47,941 --> 00:16:50,041
Well, I'm a private
investigator, so--
[officer laughs]
424
00:16:50,043 --> 00:16:51,843
Got a license
for that?
[laughs]
425
00:16:51,845 --> 00:16:54,846
Well, not, um, you know,
technically, but--
no.
426
00:16:54,848 --> 00:16:58,282
All you got is baby pictures,
a sub club card and...
427
00:16:58,284 --> 00:17:01,786
What appears to be a very
crudely-drawn "vagina pass."
428
00:17:01,788 --> 00:17:03,354
[groans]
429
00:17:03,356 --> 00:17:06,190
Okay, so call ray
on your cell!
430
00:17:06,192 --> 00:17:07,725
I can't.
Why not?
431
00:17:07,727 --> 00:17:10,561
After the whole biker
voice mail fiasco...
432
00:17:10,563 --> 00:17:12,330
Mother took it away.
What?
433
00:17:12,332 --> 00:17:14,032
What're you, nine years-- ow!
434
00:17:14,034 --> 00:17:16,167
Ha ha-- ow!
Ha ha-- ow!
435
00:17:16,169 --> 00:17:18,202
Shut up!
And then you call ray.
436
00:17:18,204 --> 00:17:20,004
Cyril, why aren't
you calling ray?
437
00:17:20,006 --> 00:17:22,407
Because I don't have
a mobile carrier.
Why not?
438
00:17:22,409 --> 00:17:25,543
I've been comparison
shopping for the best
rate plan.
439
00:17:25,545 --> 00:17:28,046
For three months?
There are literally
two companies!
440
00:17:28,048 --> 00:17:30,048
What the hell can
you possibly be comparing?
441
00:17:30,050 --> 00:17:31,382
Their respective
rate plans!
442
00:17:31,384 --> 00:17:33,751
Wow. Okay, so if we
live through this,
443
00:17:33,753 --> 00:17:36,254
Which I wouldn't bet on, I--
wait, shut up!
444
00:17:36,256 --> 00:17:37,722
[sniffs]
do you smell that?
445
00:17:37,724 --> 00:17:39,390
Oh, my god,
did you shit yourself?
446
00:17:39,392 --> 00:17:41,259
No, that!
[sniffs]
447
00:17:41,261 --> 00:17:43,828
Oh that.
Yeah, that's gas.
What?
448
00:17:43,830 --> 00:17:46,230
A round must've clipped
the gas line to the stove.
449
00:17:46,232 --> 00:17:48,099
Oh, my god.
Yeah, not great.
450
00:17:48,101 --> 00:17:50,268
Even a tiny spark--
451
00:17:50,270 --> 00:17:52,236
And we're dead.
452
00:17:52,238 --> 00:17:54,238
So while you're getting
the money out of the safe--
what?
453
00:17:54,240 --> 00:17:55,606
No, uh-uh! There's
nothing between
454
00:17:55,608 --> 00:17:57,075
The safe
and the bullets!
[gun fires]
455
00:17:57,077 --> 00:17:59,077
There's me.
I'm gonna draw his fire.
456
00:17:59,079 --> 00:18:02,080
I'm gonna make a run
for the car. Meanwhile,
you clear out the safe!
457
00:18:02,082 --> 00:18:05,216
Okay, but--
wait, what's to keep you
from just leaving me here?
458
00:18:05,218 --> 00:18:06,951
Wha-- the money,
you idiot!
459
00:18:06,953 --> 00:18:09,554
Oh right,
that makes-- what?
One, two, three, go!
460
00:18:09,556 --> 00:18:11,722
[yelling]
461
00:18:11,724 --> 00:18:14,592
Ahh.
[gun firing]
462
00:18:14,594 --> 00:18:17,628
Seriously.
That must be so sticky.
463
00:18:17,630 --> 00:18:20,398
Son of a--
can't have anything nice.
[car revs]
464
00:18:20,400 --> 00:18:21,732
Cyril, let's go!
465
00:18:21,734 --> 00:18:23,101
Hang on! There's--
466
00:18:23,103 --> 00:18:25,603
Cyril! I swear to god
I will leave you!
467
00:18:25,605 --> 00:18:27,939
[car revs]
ah. Ooh.
468
00:18:27,941 --> 00:18:31,776
[yelps]
archer, wait!
469
00:18:31,778 --> 00:18:33,478
[groans]
470
00:18:33,480 --> 00:18:35,279
Oh, good.
You made it.
471
00:18:35,281 --> 00:18:38,449
[tires screeching]
in the--
in the safe he had
472
00:18:38,451 --> 00:18:40,618
All this stuff
from-- from--
473
00:18:40,620 --> 00:18:41,853
[frustrated groan]
474
00:18:42,955 --> 00:18:45,223
Holy shit!
Jeezy petes!
475
00:18:45,225 --> 00:18:48,326
Damn it! Should've gone
to the owl thing.
476
00:18:48,328 --> 00:18:49,627
[archer]
what?
477
00:18:49,629 --> 00:18:50,995
[tires screeching]
478
00:18:50,997 --> 00:18:52,296
Longwater!
Just like the--
479
00:18:52,298 --> 00:18:53,664
The veronica deane case,
I know.
480
00:18:53,666 --> 00:18:55,133
What the hell was
in the safe?
481
00:18:55,135 --> 00:18:57,068
Files, disks,
all kinds of stuff!
482
00:18:57,070 --> 00:18:59,303
And you just left it?
You left me!
483
00:18:59,305 --> 00:19:01,639
No, I merely tried to!
484
00:19:01,641 --> 00:19:05,076
Hey, swirling!
485
00:19:05,078 --> 00:19:06,811
Wow, think of how good
you'd have to be
486
00:19:06,813 --> 00:19:08,479
To make the olympic--
what the?
487
00:19:08,481 --> 00:19:09,480
Cyril, what're you--
488
00:19:09,482 --> 00:19:13,284
Suppressing fire!
489
00:19:13,286 --> 00:19:14,485
[clicking empty]
490
00:19:14,487 --> 00:19:16,821
[chuckles]
491
00:19:16,823 --> 00:19:20,191
So, do you have
more bullets, or...
[gun fires]
492
00:19:20,193 --> 00:19:22,860
No.
Oof!
493
00:19:22,862 --> 00:19:26,330
Cyril, I am so mad at
you right now, my mouth
tastes like copper.
494
00:19:26,332 --> 00:19:28,533
Well, but are you
actually mad at me--
[horns honking]
495
00:19:28,535 --> 00:19:30,868
Yes!
Or at the bullies who tormented
496
00:19:30,870 --> 00:19:33,504
A scrawny teenage boy
with no friends?
You!
497
00:19:33,506 --> 00:19:35,973
Because I find it
interesting that you
were bullied in school,
498
00:19:35,975 --> 00:19:37,675
And now as an adult
you're a bully.
499
00:19:37,677 --> 00:19:39,544
Do you want to talk
about how you bully me?
500
00:19:39,546 --> 00:19:41,012
I do, cyril.
I really do,
501
00:19:41,014 --> 00:19:42,813
But I'm afraid I'll tear up,
502
00:19:42,815 --> 00:19:45,049
And then not be able
to see the road
503
00:19:45,051 --> 00:19:47,985
And then plunge us off
the cliff, and then
if you're still alive,
504
00:19:47,987 --> 00:19:51,222
Strangle you to death with
my bloody and broken hands!
505
00:19:51,224 --> 00:19:53,457
I also find it
interesting that you,
506
00:19:53,459 --> 00:19:56,360
Sterling archer, man
without fear, are running
away from your bully.
507
00:19:56,362 --> 00:19:59,463
Because cyril figgis,
man without sense,
508
00:19:59,465 --> 00:20:01,365
Wasted all
the ammunition!
509
00:20:01,367 --> 00:20:02,800
[tires screeching]
well, but I
510
00:20:02,802 --> 00:20:04,368
Think in a much larger sense
511
00:20:04,370 --> 00:20:06,704
You've been running from
those two your entire life.
512
00:20:06,706 --> 00:20:10,208
And whether it's your personal
relationships, or-- [yelps]
archer?
513
00:20:10,210 --> 00:20:13,211
Take the wheel, dummy!
And you!
514
00:20:13,213 --> 00:20:14,478
Me what?
515
00:20:14,480 --> 00:20:15,980
[roars]
516
00:20:15,982 --> 00:20:17,982
How you like that, ivy?
[groaning]
517
00:20:17,984 --> 00:20:21,385
Fighting somebody bigger and
stronger than you? Crazy, right?
518
00:20:21,387 --> 00:20:26,657
Imagine what it was like
for a lonely, skinny
13-year-old kid
519
00:20:26,659 --> 00:20:30,161
Who'd been to six different
boarding schools
since he was five!
520
00:20:30,163 --> 00:20:32,863
Hint! It wasn't great!
[groaning]
521
00:20:32,865 --> 00:20:36,500
[yelps]
yeah, just gonna give
them some space,
522
00:20:36,502 --> 00:20:38,603
Do the good old
"three mississippi."
523
00:20:38,605 --> 00:20:41,672
[both groan]
but I hope it was
great for you, ivy,
524
00:20:41,674 --> 00:20:44,008
Because your bullying
days are over!
525
00:20:44,010 --> 00:20:47,378
Go ahead, swirling!
Shoot me!
526
00:20:47,380 --> 00:20:50,514
Oh, uh-uh, you don't get
to take the easy way out, ivy.
527
00:20:50,516 --> 00:20:53,284
You're going to jail!
Well, you say that.
528
00:20:53,286 --> 00:20:55,253
Whoa!
529
00:20:55,255 --> 00:20:56,587
Archer!
530
00:20:56,589 --> 00:20:58,122
[tires screeching]
531
00:20:58,124 --> 00:21:01,692
[tumbling]
532
00:21:03,595 --> 00:21:05,863
Oh, my god, oh, my god,
oh, my god, archer!
533
00:21:05,865 --> 00:21:07,465
Yes, what? Shut up.
534
00:21:07,467 --> 00:21:09,867
Oh, my god,
how are you still alive?
535
00:21:09,869 --> 00:21:11,769
Jumped out at the
last second, cyril.
536
00:21:11,771 --> 00:21:14,105
The same kind of
split-second decision-making
537
00:21:14,107 --> 00:21:17,141
That caused you to leave
a bunch of clues in the safe!
538
00:21:17,143 --> 00:21:18,776
Idiot!
Ow!
539
00:21:18,778 --> 00:21:21,279
Did you learn
nothing from this?
540
00:21:21,281 --> 00:21:23,347
[chuckles]
no.
541
00:21:32,457 --> 00:21:35,259
So listen. I know you had
your heart set on a.J.
Going to country day,
542
00:21:35,261 --> 00:21:37,261
But I've really given it
some serious thought,
543
00:21:37,263 --> 00:21:39,263
And I'm not sure
it's the best thing for her.
544
00:21:39,265 --> 00:21:41,932
I know all kids can be bullies,
but at private school
545
00:21:41,934 --> 00:21:46,270
It seems like there's even more,
I don't know, elitism
or snobbery or whatever.
546
00:21:46,272 --> 00:21:50,107
So I really want us
to think about a.J.
Going to public school.
547
00:21:50,109 --> 00:21:53,010
Because studies have shown
that if a child's intelligent,
548
00:21:53,012 --> 00:21:56,314
And I think a.J. Really is,
then it doesn't matter
where they go to school.
549
00:21:56,316 --> 00:21:59,684
It's much more important
that learning is fostered
in the home
550
00:21:59,686 --> 00:22:01,852
By loving and
supportive parents.
551
00:22:01,854 --> 00:22:03,487
[horn blasting]
552
00:22:03,489 --> 00:22:05,022
Plus with the
restraining order,
553
00:22:05,024 --> 00:22:07,191
You can't go within
500 feet of the school,
554
00:22:07,193 --> 00:22:10,094
Which means I'd
be stuck doing drop-offs
and pick-ups every day.
555
00:22:10,096 --> 00:22:13,030
Which, ya know,
not doing that.
556
00:22:13,032 --> 00:22:16,100
Anyway, so keep your
chin up, or down I guess.
557
00:22:16,102 --> 00:22:17,835
Shapiro's at your
bail hearing right now,
558
00:22:17,837 --> 00:22:19,503
So you'll be out
of here before...
559
00:22:19,505 --> 00:22:21,672
Um, damn it. Um...
560
00:22:21,674 --> 00:22:23,708
You trying to think
of a lesbian joke?
561
00:22:23,710 --> 00:22:27,111
No, hair joke.
Something about braids?
562
00:22:27,113 --> 00:22:30,948
Ah, no, it's gone.
Okay, stay hard!
What?
563
00:22:30,950 --> 00:22:35,186
Archer! Can you at
least put some money
on my canteen account?
564
00:22:35,188 --> 00:22:37,021
[archer]
n-no.
565
00:22:37,023 --> 00:22:40,358
♪
566
00:22:56,641 --> 00:23:00,144
[man]made in georgia.
43040
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