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1
00:00:07,383 --> 00:00:09,717
ARCHER:
I don't know, but I think we're pretty close.
2
00:00:09,885 --> 00:00:13,429
What? Well, blame these road signs.
They don't have any vowels.
3
00:00:13,597 --> 00:00:16,516
Yes, and thanks for watching AJ. I--
4
00:00:16,684 --> 00:00:19,769
No. As a matter of fact,
I don't think it's a good opportunity...
5
00:00:19,937 --> 00:00:23,856
...to, quote, "work some of that fat off her,"
unquote. I--
6
00:00:24,024 --> 00:00:25,608
Mother, she's a goddamn baby.
7
00:00:25,776 --> 00:00:26,859
[LANA MOANS]
8
00:00:27,027 --> 00:00:29,654
No, I have to go so-- I will.
9
00:00:29,822 --> 00:00:33,616
And if I find out you gave her diet pills, Mother,
no kidding, I will have you arrested.
10
00:00:33,784 --> 00:00:36,285
Mm. Do what? Who's having a rest?
11
00:00:36,453 --> 00:00:38,830
I heard you. Now I gotta go. Goodbye.
12
00:00:38,997 --> 00:00:40,790
Hey, sleepy head.
13
00:00:40,958 --> 00:00:44,043
Hey you. Mm. Man, I was out.
14
00:00:44,211 --> 00:00:46,129
Heh, yeah, you were.
Mm.
15
00:00:46,296 --> 00:00:47,922
Where are we?
Uh--
16
00:00:48,090 --> 00:00:51,134
LANA: Seriously, what is this, the Shire?
ARCHER: Uh, no, uh, it's--
17
00:00:51,301 --> 00:00:54,637
Wait, wait, wait. What the shit?
Where are we?
18
00:00:54,805 --> 00:00:56,681
Where is AJ?
With Mother. Calm down, I--
19
00:00:56,849 --> 00:00:59,851
Why am I in a car, in a trench coat,
and lingerie?
20
00:01:00,018 --> 00:01:02,437
Why am I in--?
God, there was a vagina in your sink!
21
00:01:02,604 --> 00:01:06,274
Okay, technically, yes, but--
I caught you cheating on me.
22
00:01:06,442 --> 00:01:08,651
No, you didn't because, no, I wasn't.
23
00:01:08,819 --> 00:01:11,112
Stop the car. Let me out.
Lana, calm down.
24
00:01:11,280 --> 00:01:14,031
Calm down?
Yes. I can explain if you--
25
00:01:14,199 --> 00:01:18,953
Yeah, explain how I just woke up
in weird clothes, in a weird car, in--
26
00:01:21,707 --> 00:01:23,166
Archer, where are we?
27
00:01:23,333 --> 00:01:24,333
[ARCHER SIGHS]
28
00:01:24,501 --> 00:01:26,210
Wales.
Wales?
29
00:01:26,378 --> 00:01:28,504
Yeah, surprise is ruined.
30
00:01:28,672 --> 00:01:31,132
No, it's not. I am extremely surprised.
31
00:01:31,300 --> 00:01:33,342
Really?
Because last thing I remember...
32
00:01:33,510 --> 00:01:35,136
...we were arguing in your bedroom.
33
00:01:35,304 --> 00:01:39,182
Yeah, I wanted to explain everything,
but you were totally freaking out...
34
00:01:39,349 --> 00:01:42,143
...so I thought let's go somewhere neutral,
talk things out.
35
00:01:42,311 --> 00:01:45,188
So we're going to this little farm
right on the coast.
36
00:01:45,355 --> 00:01:49,567
It's remote, but it's got
this real kind of rugged beauty, you know?
37
00:01:49,735 --> 00:01:52,069
It's actually very romantic.
38
00:01:52,237 --> 00:01:57,492
Oh, so just curious, what happened
between your bedroom and right now?
39
00:01:57,659 --> 00:01:59,285
Well, you were hysterical, Lana...
40
00:01:59,453 --> 00:02:03,748
...so I thought the best thing to do
would be inject you with a tranquilizer...
41
00:02:03,916 --> 00:02:06,542
...drive you to private airfield,
put you on CIA plane...
42
00:02:06,710 --> 00:02:09,545
...fly you overnight to Wales,
and then that brings us to now.
43
00:02:09,713 --> 00:02:10,755
Huh.
44
00:02:10,923 --> 00:02:13,174
And I know drugging women
isn't cool at all, ever...
45
00:02:13,342 --> 00:02:17,720
...and obviously I would never, ever do that
for any sort of sexual-assaulty reason.
46
00:02:17,888 --> 00:02:20,264
I mean, for one thing, I'd never need to.
47
00:02:20,432 --> 00:02:22,683
Heh, that's what the whole fight was about,
right?
48
00:02:22,851 --> 00:02:24,727
Women throwing themselves at--
49
00:02:24,895 --> 00:02:26,354
[CHOKING]
50
00:02:27,147 --> 00:02:28,940
Stop the car.
51
00:02:30,567 --> 00:02:35,988
Sorry, maybe you can't hear me over the sound
of all the blood vessels bursting in your eyes.
52
00:02:36,156 --> 00:02:37,573
I said, stop.
53
00:02:37,741 --> 00:02:38,908
[ARCHER YELLS]
54
00:02:39,076 --> 00:02:40,159
[SHEEP BAAS]
55
00:02:40,327 --> 00:02:41,953
[BOTH SCREAMING]
56
00:02:47,751 --> 00:02:50,419
[LANA GROANING]
57
00:02:50,587 --> 00:02:53,798
Well, I hate to say it, but you were right.
58
00:02:53,966 --> 00:02:56,300
It is kind of romantic.
59
00:02:56,468 --> 00:02:58,094
Yeah, right?
60
00:02:58,262 --> 00:02:59,762
[COUGHING]
61
00:03:00,806 --> 00:03:04,475
I'm pretty sure there's a fireplace.
62
00:03:45,976 --> 00:03:47,435
ARCHER:
There, see?
63
00:03:47,603 --> 00:03:51,898
Quaint little farmhouse,
a cozy little fire going.
64
00:03:52,065 --> 00:03:54,442
I mean, this place is right out of a fairytale.
65
00:03:54,610 --> 00:03:57,862
Yeah, a fairytale in which the heroine
is drugged and kidnapped.
66
00:03:58,030 --> 00:04:00,406
You realize that's like every fairytale.
67
00:04:01,033 --> 00:04:02,825
I do now that you mention it.
68
00:04:02,993 --> 00:04:06,746
Don't yell at me. I'm not the one
advocating rape and child cannibalism.
69
00:04:06,914 --> 00:04:10,708
No, you're the one whose ex-girlfriend
left her robot vagina in your sink.
70
00:04:10,876 --> 00:04:12,501
Unbeknownst to me, Lana.
71
00:04:12,669 --> 00:04:14,962
Jesus,
we've been through this 10 times already.
72
00:04:15,130 --> 00:04:18,507
Sorry I'm hazy on the details
of what happened before I was drugged...
73
00:04:18,675 --> 00:04:21,886
...and stuffed in a cargo hold.
It wasn't the-- You were in a seat.
74
00:04:22,054 --> 00:04:23,679
Is that supposed to make it better?
75
00:04:23,847 --> 00:04:26,182
That is better, like, empirically.
76
00:04:26,350 --> 00:04:29,560
I am leaving.
No, no, no. Wait, wait, wait. Let me explain.
77
00:04:29,728 --> 00:04:31,020
If you don't let go of me...
78
00:04:31,188 --> 00:04:34,774
...you're gonna have to explain
how those tampons got driven into your brain.
79
00:04:34,942 --> 00:04:36,692
Thanks for these, by the way.
80
00:04:36,860 --> 00:04:38,861
And, Lana, I swear, I didn't call Katya.
81
00:04:39,029 --> 00:04:40,905
I just came home and there she was.
82
00:04:41,073 --> 00:04:43,157
And why would she just show up?
83
00:04:43,325 --> 00:04:45,660
I think the idiots called her.
84
00:04:45,827 --> 00:04:47,286
What idiots?
85
00:04:47,454 --> 00:04:49,372
Alrighty, can someone give me a hand?
86
00:04:49,539 --> 00:04:51,666
But I thought the patient
was getting the hand.
87
00:04:51,833 --> 00:04:54,418
Speaking of hands, nurse, I'm--
Overplaying yours?
88
00:04:54,586 --> 00:04:57,338
I was gonna say "putty in yours," my dear,
but I'll have to hand it to you.
89
00:04:57,506 --> 00:05:00,049
Hmph. Keep your hands
to yourself, doctor.
90
00:05:00,217 --> 00:05:03,344
Can we have a show of hands?
Who thinks this is getting out of hand?
91
00:05:03,512 --> 00:05:04,887
Goddamn it!
92
00:05:05,055 --> 00:05:11,560
Can you please shut up
and sew on my robot hand?
93
00:05:13,230 --> 00:05:14,563
Hand job.
94
00:05:14,731 --> 00:05:17,900
So they call Katya
because they're jealous we're dating.
95
00:05:18,068 --> 00:05:19,819
She shows up--
Unbeknownst.
96
00:05:19,987 --> 00:05:22,738
Nothing happens
even though your clothes get burned off...
97
00:05:22,906 --> 00:05:26,742
...champagne gets jizzed everywhere
and her vag winds up in the sink.
98
00:05:27,369 --> 00:05:29,662
Yes.
So you're saying it was--
99
00:05:29,830 --> 00:05:32,707
Literally a farce. Exactly, yes.
Ah.
100
00:05:32,874 --> 00:05:35,084
Lana, come on.
Whose life, through no...
101
00:05:35,252 --> 00:05:39,422
...or sometimes maybe moderate fault
of his own, is as farcical as mine?
102
00:05:39,589 --> 00:05:42,466
Hmm. You still shouldn't have drugged me.
103
00:05:42,634 --> 00:05:47,054
No, I know, that was--
Extremely uncool.
104
00:05:47,222 --> 00:05:49,265
Mm. That's not though. Holy shit.
105
00:05:49,433 --> 00:05:54,145
Right? Glengoolie, for the best of times.
106
00:05:54,312 --> 00:05:56,605
After we're done,
we'll have to rent a new car...
107
00:05:56,773 --> 00:06:01,944
...but we can drive up to the distillery and--
Done here at our romantic fairytale getaway...
108
00:06:02,112 --> 00:06:06,157
...where you make up for the idiot Archer shit
you pulled over the past 24 hours?
109
00:06:06,324 --> 00:06:08,617
Yes, and-- Here's the thing.
110
00:06:08,785 --> 00:06:09,785
[DOOR OPENS]
111
00:06:09,953 --> 00:06:11,454
What the--?
Unh! Ah!
112
00:06:11,621 --> 00:06:13,456
Freeze!
Whoa, whoa, steady on.
113
00:06:13,623 --> 00:06:15,875
Freeze or I'll-- I have no weapon. Archer.
114
00:06:16,043 --> 00:06:18,294
Ah. So you're Archer.
115
00:06:20,130 --> 00:06:23,841
Uh, yes.
And are those tampons?
116
00:06:24,009 --> 00:06:25,801
Also, yes.
Right.
117
00:06:25,969 --> 00:06:31,140
So if he's Archer,
I suppose that makes you Lana Kane.
118
00:06:31,308 --> 00:06:35,061
I-- Yes, actually. And I suppose
that makes you-- Who the hell are you?
119
00:06:35,228 --> 00:06:36,312
Lloyd Llewellyn.
120
00:06:36,480 --> 00:06:38,230
This is my brother, Daffyd.
121
00:06:38,398 --> 00:06:41,025
Say hello to the lady, Daffyd.
Hello, lady.
122
00:06:41,193 --> 00:06:42,276
Hello, human giant.
123
00:06:42,444 --> 00:06:45,321
And follow-up question,
why the hell are you here?
124
00:06:45,489 --> 00:06:47,823
Ah. Have you not told her?
125
00:06:47,991 --> 00:06:51,535
Yeah, so even though
it's a romantic fairytale getaway...
126
00:06:51,703 --> 00:06:57,291
...there's also kind of a work component
to it.
127
00:06:58,460 --> 00:07:01,170
Lana?
What?
128
00:07:01,421 --> 00:07:04,590
Come on, it's like 30 bucks a glass.
129
00:07:09,096 --> 00:07:15,559
So if I understand the situation correctly,
we're supposed to help these terrorists who--
130
00:07:15,727 --> 00:07:19,438
Well, you obviously don't understand
the situation because we're not terrorists.
131
00:07:19,606 --> 00:07:20,731
We're freedom fighters.
132
00:07:20,899 --> 00:07:22,817
They're the Free Wales Army, Lana.
133
00:07:22,984 --> 00:07:24,985
[DAFFYD SPEAKS IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
134
00:07:25,153 --> 00:07:28,322
Oh, yeah, that's right, Daffyd. Good lad.
Leg hurts.
135
00:07:28,490 --> 00:07:30,574
Yes, it will do, Daff, you've been shot.
136
00:07:30,742 --> 00:07:33,661
We're supposed to help George
and Lennie out of the country...
137
00:07:33,829 --> 00:07:36,872
...because they're wanted by Ml5?
Yeah, that's what Mother said.
138
00:07:37,040 --> 00:07:40,626
Ml5, from England, our ally.
139
00:07:40,794 --> 00:07:42,253
Well, they're no ally to Wales.
140
00:07:42,420 --> 00:07:44,839
What are you--?
It's the same country, Lloyd.
141
00:07:45,006 --> 00:07:46,048
[DAFFYD GASPS]
142
00:07:46,216 --> 00:07:48,676
Tell that to Dyffryn Ddibwys.
143
00:07:48,844 --> 00:07:51,053
Duffer who?
Dyffryn Ddibwys.
144
00:07:51,221 --> 00:07:55,891
It was a town in Wales that had stood proudly
for a thousand years until the Saesneg--
145
00:07:56,059 --> 00:07:58,811
The English, deliberately flooded it.
146
00:07:58,979 --> 00:08:00,688
Oh, my God, to drown everybody?
147
00:08:00,856 --> 00:08:02,940
No, to make a reservoir.
They needed water.
148
00:08:03,108 --> 00:08:06,110
So they built a dam
and that flooded Dyffryn Ddibwys...
149
00:08:06,278 --> 00:08:08,404
...and all the people lost their homes.
150
00:08:08,572 --> 00:08:10,739
My God, countless thousands of them.
151
00:08:10,907 --> 00:08:12,074
Well, 48.
152
00:08:12,242 --> 00:08:14,493
Thousand?
No, just 48. You know, four dozen.
153
00:08:14,661 --> 00:08:15,911
Are you--?
Still, though.
154
00:08:16,079 --> 00:08:17,538
So now they're all homeless?
155
00:08:17,706 --> 00:08:22,209
Well, no. They were compensated, so
they got new houses somewhere else...
156
00:08:22,377 --> 00:08:24,295
...and, in many cases,
much nicer ones.
157
00:08:24,462 --> 00:08:27,256
Then what's the problem?
Who are you, Josephine Stalin?
158
00:08:27,424 --> 00:08:32,052
That shit wouldn't happen in America.
Yes it would, and does all the time.
159
00:08:32,220 --> 00:08:34,889
TVA has flooded thousands of Americans
out of their homes.
160
00:08:35,056 --> 00:08:37,975
The what?
Tennessee Valley Authority.
161
00:08:38,143 --> 00:08:39,727
ARCHER: Hmm.
LANA: Ugh.
162
00:08:39,895 --> 00:08:42,855
Remember Deliverance?
How the whole valley was gonna be flooded?
163
00:08:43,023 --> 00:08:46,275
Lana, I hate to break it to you,
I even hate to say it out loud...
164
00:08:46,443 --> 00:08:49,069
...but Deliverance was just a movie.
165
00:08:49,237 --> 00:08:50,487
Oh, my God.
166
00:08:50,655 --> 00:08:54,074
So, what exactly are you wanted by Ml5 for?
167
00:08:54,242 --> 00:08:56,577
Uh, we tried to blow up a dam.
168
00:08:56,745 --> 00:08:59,538
A dam? What, to flood a bunch of people
out of their homes?
169
00:08:59,706 --> 00:09:01,123
Well, not real people, just English ones.
170
00:09:01,124 --> 00:09:01,207
Well, not real people, just English ones.
171
00:09:01,208 --> 00:09:02,291
Well, not real people, just English ones.
172
00:09:02,459 --> 00:09:04,460
Excuse me.
173
00:09:04,836 --> 00:09:05,920
[LLOYD SIGHS]
174
00:09:06,087 --> 00:09:09,924
Christ, is she always this angry?
She's not mad at you, Lloyd, she's mad at me.
175
00:09:10,091 --> 00:09:11,675
For what?
Um....
176
00:09:11,843 --> 00:09:15,429
Okay. So I was engaged
to this smoking hot Russian woman....
177
00:09:15,597 --> 00:09:17,473
Lieutenant Ginger Bayliss.
178
00:09:17,641 --> 00:09:20,017
Clamp. Played by Odessa Cleveland...
179
00:09:20,185 --> 00:09:22,770
...who had a guest spot as a nurse
on Trapper John, M.D.
180
00:09:22,938 --> 00:09:25,105
BOTH: What?
Starring Pernell Roberts...
181
00:09:25,273 --> 00:09:27,483
...as the titular Trapper John, somehow.
182
00:09:27,651 --> 00:09:29,318
In a drama, which was totally weird.
183
00:09:29,486 --> 00:09:31,111
But not as weird as Ed Asner.
184
00:09:31,279 --> 00:09:33,113
Mary Tyler Moore's Lou Grant.
185
00:09:33,281 --> 00:09:36,367
Playing Lou Grant in the show Lou Grant,
which was also a drama.
186
00:09:36,534 --> 00:09:40,537
Okay, yeah, but besides one nurse,
M*A*S*H didn't have any black characters.
187
00:09:40,705 --> 00:09:43,958
Actually, it did have one.
And his name was Spearchucker.
188
00:09:44,125 --> 00:09:47,628
BOTH: What?
Spearchucker Jones. I mean--
189
00:09:47,796 --> 00:09:51,548
Okay, yeah, maybe in the book
or that football movie, but I'm talking about--
190
00:09:51,716 --> 00:09:54,176
Yeah, the show. On network television.
191
00:09:54,344 --> 00:09:57,721
In America, and not that long ago.
ANA: But how is this even possible?
192
00:09:57,889 --> 00:10:00,015
MALORY [OVER PHONE]:
Well, I know it may seem strange.
193
00:10:00,183 --> 00:10:01,809
What, aiding our ally's enemies?
194
00:10:01,977 --> 00:10:03,060
Well, it makes sense...
195
00:10:03,228 --> 00:10:07,231
...when you're the biggest kid in the
schoolyard, if your little friends have a bully.
196
00:10:07,399 --> 00:10:09,149
You want them to come running to you.
197
00:10:09,317 --> 00:10:12,569
Exactly. And Slater says--
Wait, you talked to Slater?
198
00:10:12,737 --> 00:10:15,781
Yes, Lana. Obviously, I've spoken to Slater.
199
00:10:15,949 --> 00:10:19,868
And he says the CIA
does this sort of thing all the time, so--
200
00:10:20,036 --> 00:10:22,371
So did he say why
he keeps giving us assignments...
201
00:10:22,539 --> 00:10:27,167
...that always seem to blow up in our faces?
No. Although, speaking of blowing up--
202
00:10:27,335 --> 00:10:31,088
Malory, she's a baby, and she weighs exactly
as much as she's supposed to...
203
00:10:31,256 --> 00:10:33,507
...so you better be feeding her!
204
00:10:33,675 --> 00:10:37,428
I am. It's just-- Hello?
205
00:10:37,595 --> 00:10:41,598
Please. As if I wouldn't feed you.
206
00:10:41,975 --> 00:10:44,018
Now, who wants a little ice chip?
207
00:10:44,185 --> 00:10:45,227
[CRYING]
208
00:10:45,395 --> 00:10:46,437
No?
209
00:10:46,604 --> 00:10:51,608
I suppose you'd prefer a nice big bottle
of that liquid butterfat.
210
00:10:52,068 --> 00:10:56,405
Goat, swear to Christ, I'll have your hide
as boots and the rest of you as a curry.
211
00:10:56,573 --> 00:10:57,740
Go on. Shoo. Sh--
212
00:10:57,907 --> 00:10:59,116
Shit.
213
00:10:59,284 --> 00:11:00,326
Shit, shit.
214
00:11:00,910 --> 00:11:03,287
Aw, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit.
215
00:11:03,747 --> 00:11:07,833
ARCHER: No shit, I'm telling you guys,
Katya looked absolutely amazing.
216
00:11:08,001 --> 00:11:11,712
The tiniest, laciest lingerie you've ever seen.
217
00:11:11,880 --> 00:11:14,214
Sexy stiletto heels.
218
00:11:14,382 --> 00:11:15,507
And a good body, huh?
219
00:11:15,675 --> 00:11:19,595
Good? I mean, you're from the UK so you
don't have anything to compare it to, but--
220
00:11:19,763 --> 00:11:22,431
No, Lloyd, not good, insane.
221
00:11:22,599 --> 00:11:24,767
Oh-ho!
Daffyd.
222
00:11:24,934 --> 00:11:28,437
ARCHER:
And she was just like rubbing all over me.
223
00:11:28,605 --> 00:11:30,439
LLOYD:
But nothing happened?
224
00:11:30,607 --> 00:11:32,274
ARCHER:
No, nothing.
225
00:11:32,442 --> 00:11:37,780
Well, except for the goodbye kiss,
which was definitely NSF Wales...
226
00:11:37,947 --> 00:11:40,282
...if you know what I mean.
Oh, you little--
227
00:11:40,450 --> 00:11:42,034
I say, pardon me.
228
00:11:42,202 --> 00:11:44,620
Madam. Hello?
229
00:11:44,788 --> 00:11:47,247
Lana, hey. Uh, we were just-- Not talking.
230
00:11:47,415 --> 00:11:48,499
Shut up.
231
00:11:48,666 --> 00:11:49,792
Already was, so--
232
00:11:49,959 --> 00:11:54,046
So is it possible
you two were followed here by Ml5?
233
00:11:54,214 --> 00:11:58,509
LLOYD:
Um....
234
00:11:58,676 --> 00:11:59,718
Yeah.
What?
235
00:11:59,886 --> 00:12:01,345
Yeah, they're good.
Son of a--
236
00:12:01,513 --> 00:12:02,971
Archer, passport.
Why do you--?
237
00:12:03,139 --> 00:12:05,391
Give me your passport.
Here.
238
00:12:06,142 --> 00:12:08,811
Ah, for the love of Randy Randleman?
239
00:12:08,978 --> 00:12:12,523
Yeah, Randy grew up on the wrong side
of the tracks, ran with a bad crowd...
240
00:12:12,690 --> 00:12:14,691
...got into some trouble, went to juvie.
241
00:12:14,859 --> 00:12:17,444
Uh, he worked in the mess hall,
fell in love with cooking...
242
00:12:17,612 --> 00:12:19,822
...and when he got out,
went to culinary school.
243
00:12:19,989 --> 00:12:23,492
And now he's got two restaurants, Lana,
one Michelin star...
244
00:12:23,660 --> 00:12:25,119
...and a marriage on the rocks.
245
00:12:25,286 --> 00:12:29,206
He's here to go balls deep on farm to table,
you know, trying to get back to basics.
246
00:12:29,374 --> 00:12:31,667
Archer--
Like that time Rocky went to Russia.
247
00:12:31,835 --> 00:12:33,836
DAFFYD: Ugh.
Just get in that closet over there...
248
00:12:34,003 --> 00:12:35,504
...and take Lurch with you.
Daffyd.
249
00:12:35,672 --> 00:12:38,006
He's the one they're looking for.
Why am I getting in the closet?
250
00:12:38,174 --> 00:12:39,174
Because I said so.
251
00:12:39,342 --> 00:12:40,884
How is your American accent?
252
00:12:41,052 --> 00:12:44,012
Um, it's okay. Like, you know,
people are always like, "You know."
253
00:12:44,180 --> 00:12:45,764
Like, you know, it's crap?
254
00:12:45,932 --> 00:12:47,349
No, dude, people really dig it.
255
00:12:47,517 --> 00:12:52,187
Heh. People from where, dude? Quebec?
He's the one who should be in the closet.
256
00:12:52,355 --> 00:12:54,523
No, wait. Oh, hang on.
257
00:12:54,691 --> 00:12:56,233
Lana, why am I in the closet?
258
00:12:56,401 --> 00:12:57,860
Because I said so.
259
00:12:58,027 --> 00:13:01,864
I think this will really help sell it.
What? Randy doesn't wear nerd goggles.
260
00:13:02,031 --> 00:13:03,365
He's a culinary bad boy.
261
00:13:03,533 --> 00:13:04,575
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
262
00:13:04,742 --> 00:13:08,120
BARDSLEY: Open the door, please.
Get in the closet.
263
00:13:08,288 --> 00:13:12,374
I am getting in the closet
because I choose to get in the closet.
264
00:13:12,542 --> 00:13:13,625
Come on, Gort.
265
00:13:13,793 --> 00:13:15,419
Daffyd.
266
00:13:16,838 --> 00:13:18,755
Okay, Randy, follow my lead.
267
00:13:18,923 --> 00:13:20,048
[LANA CLEARS THROAT]
268
00:13:20,216 --> 00:13:23,260
Yes?
Good afternoon. My name is Bardsley.
269
00:13:23,428 --> 00:13:24,511
I'm with Ml5.
270
00:13:25,180 --> 00:13:27,222
Ml5? My goodness.
271
00:13:27,390 --> 00:13:28,932
Please, do come in.
272
00:13:29,100 --> 00:13:31,768
Uh, what's the problem here?
Well the problem, Mr., uh--
273
00:13:31,936 --> 00:13:33,729
Randleman. Randy Randleman.
274
00:13:33,897 --> 00:13:36,148
I'm an American.
Right. Uh....
275
00:13:36,316 --> 00:13:39,651
Uh, yeah, I'm here to learn about farm tables.
I beg your pardon?
276
00:13:39,819 --> 00:13:41,904
I thought it was dams.
Shh.
277
00:13:42,071 --> 00:13:43,906
Come on, buddy.
Daffyd.
278
00:13:44,073 --> 00:13:48,827
Farm to table, he meant to say. He's a chef.
An American chef.
279
00:13:48,995 --> 00:13:52,164
He knows you're American, honey. Heh.
280
00:13:52,332 --> 00:13:56,335
The reason I'm here,
we're searching for Welsh terrorists.
281
00:13:56,503 --> 00:13:58,253
Welsh terrorists?
282
00:13:58,421 --> 00:14:00,088
Is there even such a thing?
283
00:14:00,256 --> 00:14:01,590
Yes, I'm afraid so.
284
00:14:01,758 --> 00:14:04,384
The self-styled Free Wales Army.
285
00:14:04,552 --> 00:14:05,636
[SPEAKS IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
286
00:14:05,803 --> 00:14:08,096
Shh! If you stay really, really quiet...
287
00:14:08,264 --> 00:14:12,893
...I will buy you a puppy
that you will probably accidentally strangle.
288
00:14:13,061 --> 00:14:16,104
We have reason to believe they're in the area
and one is wounded...
289
00:14:16,272 --> 00:14:20,067
...so we're canvassing all the farms,
and when we saw the damaged vehicle--
290
00:14:20,235 --> 00:14:22,528
A bee flew in it and I crashed.
291
00:14:22,695 --> 00:14:25,155
A bee flew into a convertible?
292
00:14:25,323 --> 00:14:31,328
Look, our marriage is on the rocks,
and also, I have two Michelin tires, so--
293
00:14:31,496 --> 00:14:32,996
Right.
May I just see your passport again, please?
294
00:14:32,997 --> 00:14:33,080
Right.
May I just see your passport again, please?
295
00:14:33,081 --> 00:14:33,956
Right.
May I just see your passport again, please?
296
00:14:34,123 --> 00:14:35,165
[LANA CLEARS THROAT]
297
00:14:35,333 --> 00:14:37,543
Oh, good heavens.
Wow.
298
00:14:37,710 --> 00:14:41,797
What the shit?
Mm, ooh.
299
00:14:41,965 --> 00:14:45,509
This is actually why we're here in Wales.
300
00:14:45,677 --> 00:14:47,636
To try and save our marriage.
301
00:14:48,638 --> 00:14:50,472
Oh, my God, baby.
302
00:14:50,640 --> 00:14:53,016
I think it's working.
303
00:14:57,355 --> 00:14:59,565
BARDSLEY:
Are you joking or insane?
304
00:14:59,732 --> 00:15:04,570
Do you really expect me to believe
you came to Wales for a romantic getaway?
305
00:15:04,737 --> 00:15:06,655
Easy, bro. Wales is kickass.
306
00:15:06,823 --> 00:15:08,865
Honey. I do, because we did.
307
00:15:09,033 --> 00:15:12,327
I mean, if this weren't a romantic getaway...
308
00:15:12,495 --> 00:15:16,164
...would I be doing this?
309
00:15:17,000 --> 00:15:18,584
What the shit?
LANA: Or this?
310
00:15:18,751 --> 00:15:19,835
DAFFYD:
Ooh!
311
00:15:21,087 --> 00:15:22,504
[BOTH MOANING]
312
00:15:22,672 --> 00:15:23,672
[GRUNTS]
313
00:15:23,840 --> 00:15:25,340
Closet rampage.
314
00:15:25,508 --> 00:15:29,136
Right. Then, obviously,
I've made an extremely embarrassing mistake.
315
00:15:29,304 --> 00:15:32,222
So, uh--
What the shit, Lana?
316
00:15:32,390 --> 00:15:34,600
Aha!
"Aha" what?
317
00:15:34,767 --> 00:15:38,312
Who is this man?
I-- Wait, shit, who am I?
318
00:15:38,563 --> 00:15:41,189
You're Lloyd Llewellyn,
if I don't miss my guess...
319
00:15:41,357 --> 00:15:43,900
...which means your brother Daffyd
can't be too far off.
320
00:15:44,068 --> 00:15:45,986
Uh, in the closet, jacking off in a hat.
321
00:15:46,154 --> 00:15:47,237
Daffyd!
DAFFYD: No, I'm not.
322
00:15:47,405 --> 00:15:50,365
Yes, you are.
And I'm not Lloyd Llewellyn, he is.
323
00:15:50,533 --> 00:15:52,200
Oh, Archer.
Archer?
324
00:15:52,368 --> 00:15:55,078
As in Sterling Archer?
Yes, you idiot.
325
00:15:55,246 --> 00:15:57,539
As in Sterling Archer of the CIA?
326
00:15:57,707 --> 00:15:58,874
I mean, no, you idiot.
327
00:15:59,042 --> 00:16:00,792
I mean, I--
My God.
328
00:16:00,960 --> 00:16:02,878
Then you must be Lana--
329
00:16:03,463 --> 00:16:04,796
[GRUNTS]
330
00:16:05,465 --> 00:16:07,466
Way to go, Randy.
331
00:16:07,634 --> 00:16:09,217
Ugh. How is this Randy's fault?
332
00:16:09,385 --> 00:16:12,387
Sorry. Did someone else barge in
yelling their idiot head off...
333
00:16:12,555 --> 00:16:14,556
...about being with the CIA?
Oh, I don't know.
334
00:16:14,724 --> 00:16:17,643
Was someone else making out
with Frodo P. Gryffindor here...
335
00:16:17,810 --> 00:16:19,269
...just to make someone jealous?
336
00:16:19,437 --> 00:16:21,480
Well, maybe now you know how I feel.
337
00:16:21,648 --> 00:16:25,776
Actually, I don't know how you feel, Lana,
because I didn't make out with Katya.
338
00:16:25,943 --> 00:16:30,030
Oh, no? You didn't jam your fat tongue
down her throat on that goodbye kiss?
339
00:16:30,198 --> 00:16:32,074
Ah! You were eavesdropping.
340
00:16:32,241 --> 00:16:34,284
Uh, yeah, I'm a spy.
Oh, right.
341
00:16:34,452 --> 00:16:37,746
And I also heard you raving
about how insane Katya's body was.
342
00:16:37,914 --> 00:16:40,624
Is. But not as insane as your mind.
343
00:16:40,792 --> 00:16:44,378
And her stilettos and her lingerie
and her big, fat, vibrating robot vagina!
344
00:16:44,545 --> 00:16:48,048
And you're making my point for me.
And-- How?
345
00:16:48,216 --> 00:16:51,510
It's easy not to bang your ex
if she's gone all frump-a-dump.
346
00:16:51,678 --> 00:16:57,265
The fact that Katya's still crazy hot makes it all
the more commendable I didn't bang her.
347
00:16:57,433 --> 00:17:00,686
I'm sorry, I think one of us
must have just suffered a massive stroke.
348
00:17:01,270 --> 00:17:04,356
Oh, sorry, that's me, just making toast.
DAFFYD: Toast!
349
00:17:04,524 --> 00:17:06,274
Yes, come and have some toast,
Daffyd.
350
00:17:06,442 --> 00:17:09,528
Ugh. Make him wash his hands first.
Okay, so, what do we do about this?
351
00:17:09,696 --> 00:17:11,613
Since, apparently,
we're seeing other people now--
352
00:17:11,781 --> 00:17:12,864
LLOYD: Oh?
Not you.
353
00:17:13,032 --> 00:17:15,158
Not us? I meant sleepy Floyd here.
354
00:17:15,326 --> 00:17:18,412
Right, shit. He knows we're with the CIA,
thanks to your fat mouth.
355
00:17:18,579 --> 00:17:22,290
Well, it was your fat mouth all over him
that started this whole thing.
356
00:17:22,458 --> 00:17:26,211
Here, both of you. Get your fat mouths
around some hot, crispy toast.
357
00:17:26,379 --> 00:17:29,005
DAFFYD: Toast!
Damn it, Daffyd, come and have some toast!
358
00:17:29,173 --> 00:17:31,633
It's obvious what we
have to do with him.
359
00:17:32,343 --> 00:17:33,593
Shoot him.
What?
360
00:17:33,761 --> 00:17:35,303
We're not shooting an Ml5 agent.
361
00:17:35,471 --> 00:17:37,597
That's like shooting a cow.
362
00:17:37,765 --> 00:17:40,684
How is that like--?
Lana, cows are our friends.
363
00:17:40,852 --> 00:17:42,769
They may even be our best friends.
364
00:17:42,937 --> 00:17:44,062
We have to shoot him.
365
00:17:44,230 --> 00:17:47,816
If we don't, Downing Street will know
the CIA's bankrolling the Free Wales Army.
366
00:17:47,984 --> 00:17:49,735
[DAFFYD SPEAKS IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
367
00:17:49,902 --> 00:17:52,612
Daffyd, come and have the bloody toast
or I'm throwing it in the bin.
368
00:17:52,780 --> 00:17:55,741
He does have a point, Lana.
Yeah, I hate to waste good toast.
369
00:17:55,908 --> 00:17:58,285
We are not murdering an Ml5 agent.
370
00:17:58,453 --> 00:18:00,454
End of sentence, end of discussion.
371
00:18:00,621 --> 00:18:04,332
Are you sure there's nothing I can do or say
to change your mind, Lana?
372
00:18:04,500 --> 00:18:07,961
Very.
Well, then, could you hold the toast?
373
00:18:08,129 --> 00:18:09,171
Damn it.
Lloyd?
374
00:18:09,338 --> 00:18:10,964
Grabbed it while you were arguing.
375
00:18:11,132 --> 00:18:13,633
You never read Rosenberg's writings
on nonviolent communication?
376
00:18:13,801 --> 00:18:16,553
Uh, no.
It really helped me and Daffyd.
377
00:18:16,721 --> 00:18:18,263
Well, maybe we'll check that out.
378
00:18:18,431 --> 00:18:21,683
Uh, don't bother.
Because before I shoot this Ml5 asshole...
379
00:18:21,851 --> 00:18:24,144
...I'm gonna have to shoot both of you.
What?
380
00:18:24,312 --> 00:18:26,104
Oh, don't worry, we'll always have--
381
00:18:28,441 --> 00:18:31,109
You think he was gonna say "table"?
Probably "Wales."
382
00:18:31,277 --> 00:18:32,569
Lloyd!
383
00:18:32,737 --> 00:18:35,322
Uh, so that's a problem.
384
00:18:35,490 --> 00:18:37,032
Nope, that is your problem.
385
00:18:37,200 --> 00:18:38,617
Uh, then may I have the gun, please?
386
00:18:38,785 --> 00:18:40,076
[DAFFYD GRUMBLING]
387
00:18:40,244 --> 00:18:43,038
No.
Oh, my God, you are so immature.
388
00:18:43,206 --> 00:18:46,374
And you are so big.
389
00:18:46,542 --> 00:18:48,001
[GROWLING]
390
00:18:48,169 --> 00:18:50,545
This is gonna be all Daniel Boone.
391
00:18:50,713 --> 00:18:52,464
[YELLS]
392
00:18:52,632 --> 00:18:54,257
Alrighty, I think that's got it.
393
00:18:54,425 --> 00:18:56,301
Nurse, would you close for me?
394
00:18:56,469 --> 00:18:58,303
Uh, you already did that, doctor.
395
00:18:58,471 --> 00:19:00,722
Oh, right.
Well, then, would you open for me?
396
00:19:00,890 --> 00:19:03,141
Goddamn it!
Stop sexually harassing me!
397
00:19:03,309 --> 00:19:05,393
Sorry.
Ugh. Jesus.
398
00:19:05,561 --> 00:19:09,815
Seriously. Come on, Tinkertoy,
let's go pound some homemade gin.
399
00:19:09,982 --> 00:19:13,735
So, wait, how did we get to talking about
African-American characters on M*A*S*H?
400
00:19:13,903 --> 00:19:17,656
Well, the M*A*S*H connection is obvious,
perhaps even painfully so...
401
00:19:17,824 --> 00:19:20,283
...but the African-American thing?
402
00:19:20,451 --> 00:19:23,078
Nope, no idea.
403
00:19:23,246 --> 00:19:27,040
ARCHER: But all things considered,
that went about as well as could be expected.
404
00:19:27,208 --> 00:19:28,959
Oh, yeah? Which part?
405
00:19:29,126 --> 00:19:33,880
Leaving two Welsh terrorists basically at large
or kidnapping an Ml5 agent?
406
00:19:34,048 --> 00:19:36,383
Well, first of all, both.
How--?
407
00:19:36,551 --> 00:19:38,760
And second,
I was talking about our argument...
408
00:19:38,928 --> 00:19:42,472
...and how now you realize
you overreacted about Katya.
409
00:19:42,640 --> 00:19:44,808
I-- Oh, my God.
410
00:19:44,976 --> 00:19:46,309
Ha, admit it, Lana.
411
00:19:46,477 --> 00:19:47,936
I admit nothing.
412
00:19:48,104 --> 00:19:53,650
Although, I do think we both learned
that trust is important and--
413
00:19:53,818 --> 00:19:55,443
I don't know, whatever. Trust.
414
00:19:55,611 --> 00:19:59,114
Is that the best I'm gonna get out of you?
Yup, by far.
415
00:19:59,282 --> 00:20:02,617
Well, then I accept your non-apology.
And...?
416
00:20:02,785 --> 00:20:07,873
Oh, my God, and I promise to try not to get into
compromising situations with other women.
417
00:20:08,040 --> 00:20:09,124
Best I can do.
418
00:20:09,292 --> 00:20:12,419
Well, then let's just get this limey bastard
on that CIA plane...
419
00:20:12,587 --> 00:20:14,713
...and let Slater worry about the blowback.
420
00:20:14,881 --> 00:20:19,259
You don't think they'll kill him, do you?
No. Then they'd have to kill us.
421
00:20:19,427 --> 00:20:22,429
But before we go back to the States--
422
00:20:22,597 --> 00:20:26,182
Archer, I am not driving to Scotland
with a kidnapped Ml5 agent in the back...
423
00:20:26,350 --> 00:20:29,895
...just to visit a stupid distillery.
It's not stupid, Lana, it's--
424
00:20:30,062 --> 00:20:32,731
Glengoolie, for the best of times.
425
00:20:32,899 --> 00:20:35,817
Although, you're right, it's probably
not the smartest idea I've ever had.
426
00:20:35,985 --> 00:20:38,695
Hmm. What is?
Oh, my God, I'm glad you asked.
427
00:20:38,863 --> 00:20:41,823
Okay, so you put giant magnets
in the bumpers of all the cars...
428
00:20:41,991 --> 00:20:47,078
...so that every car repels every other car,
so there would never be any accidents.
429
00:20:47,246 --> 00:20:50,749
Except every time you're at a red light
and a car comes and bounces you...
430
00:20:50,917 --> 00:20:54,252
...into the intersection
and you get the shit T-boned out of you.
431
00:20:56,422 --> 00:20:58,798
Thanks for the tampons.
35195
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