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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,131 --> 00:00:04,265 [ orchestral music plays ] 2 00:00:04,308 --> 00:00:07,746 [ announcer speaks ] 3 00:00:10,575 --> 00:00:11,446 [ arrows whizzing ] 4 00:00:33,381 --> 00:00:35,209 I hate snakes. 5 00:00:35,252 --> 00:00:37,167 I don't care what my contract says, 6 00:00:37,211 --> 00:00:39,691 I won't do the snake thing and that's final. 7 00:00:41,867 --> 00:00:44,870 But, Oklahoma, the network research shows 8 00:00:44,914 --> 00:00:47,656 that snakes boost ratings. 9 00:00:47,699 --> 00:00:49,310 Nice watch, Roger. 10 00:00:49,353 --> 00:00:51,094 - Gold? - Of course. 11 00:00:54,619 --> 00:00:56,099 Hope it's waterproof. 12 00:00:56,143 --> 00:00:57,666 Now about those snakes. 13 00:00:57,709 --> 00:01:01,800 [ gulps ] I'm sure we can work something out. 14 00:01:01,844 --> 00:01:03,976 See to it. In the meantime, 15 00:01:04,020 --> 00:01:05,674 I'll know when I'm fashionably late. 16 00:01:07,719 --> 00:01:09,721 Today's ALF Tale is "King Midas," 17 00:01:09,765 --> 00:01:13,595 the story of the man with the Midas touch. 18 00:01:13,638 --> 00:01:16,293 Everything he touched turned to gold. 19 00:01:16,337 --> 00:01:18,078 Woman: Smile, Professor. 20 00:01:18,121 --> 00:01:19,166 Hey, my right profile's better. 21 00:01:19,209 --> 00:01:20,645 [ camera clicks ] 22 00:01:20,689 --> 00:01:23,126 This is Connie Chung, artifacts reporter 23 00:01:23,170 --> 00:01:25,085 for the Irrational Broadcasting Company 24 00:01:25,128 --> 00:01:27,783 here on the campus of Oklahoma Junior College. 25 00:01:30,829 --> 00:01:34,050 Professor Oklahoma Jones, the world-famous archeologist, 26 00:01:34,094 --> 00:01:36,270 is about to depart on his latest expedition. 27 00:01:39,186 --> 00:01:42,624 Professor Jones is searching for the legendary King Midas. 28 00:01:42,667 --> 00:01:45,017 Chung on radio: This will be Professor Jones' last lecture 29 00:01:45,061 --> 00:01:47,977 before leaving on this perilous expedition. 30 00:01:48,020 --> 00:01:51,589 [ German accent ] It will be his last lecture ever. 31 00:01:51,633 --> 00:01:54,244 Audience: We want Oklahoma! 32 00:01:54,288 --> 00:01:57,465 We want Oklahoma! We want... 33 00:01:57,508 --> 00:01:59,380 Am I fashionably late yet? 34 00:01:59,423 --> 00:02:02,122 We want Oklahoma. 35 00:02:02,165 --> 00:02:04,211 - Thank you. - [ audience applauding ] 36 00:02:04,254 --> 00:02:06,343 For years, King Midas has been 37 00:02:06,387 --> 00:02:08,519 just another mythical figure 38 00:02:08,563 --> 00:02:10,086 like the tooth fairy. 39 00:02:10,130 --> 00:02:13,133 [ gasps, cheers ] 40 00:02:13,176 --> 00:02:15,831 No tooth fairy? 41 00:02:15,874 --> 00:02:19,139 But who left me all those quarters? 42 00:02:19,182 --> 00:02:21,880 But new evidence has recently come to light. 43 00:02:21,924 --> 00:02:23,230 Slide, please. 44 00:02:23,273 --> 00:02:27,234 As you can see, he appears to really exist. 45 00:02:27,277 --> 00:02:30,802 Unfortunately, the photographer who took this picture 46 00:02:30,846 --> 00:02:34,110 made the mistake of shaking hands with King Midas 47 00:02:34,154 --> 00:02:36,678 and was instantly turned to mold. 48 00:02:36,721 --> 00:02:38,070 "Mold"? 49 00:02:38,114 --> 00:02:40,551 Is he a knucklehead or what? 50 00:02:40,595 --> 00:02:43,119 But the photographer's camera survived 51 00:02:43,163 --> 00:02:45,252 along with this map 52 00:02:45,295 --> 00:02:48,820 of the uncharted ancient theme park of Midasland. 53 00:02:48,864 --> 00:02:51,693 And that's where our expedition is headed. 54 00:02:59,440 --> 00:03:02,051 There's Hertz Budget Camel Rentals. 55 00:03:02,094 --> 00:03:03,357 I hope they're open. 56 00:03:05,228 --> 00:03:09,450 Welcome to the Hertz Budget Camel Rental. 57 00:03:09,493 --> 00:03:11,365 You know our motto, 58 00:03:11,408 --> 00:03:14,890 "It only hurts when you pay." 59 00:03:14,933 --> 00:03:17,153 Brit? 60 00:03:17,197 --> 00:03:19,286 Good to see you again, Okie. 61 00:03:19,329 --> 00:03:20,939 What are you doing here? 62 00:03:20,983 --> 00:03:24,160 I'll make this whole expedition seem more exotic 63 00:03:24,204 --> 00:03:26,902 by speaking with a pretentious British accent. 64 00:03:28,643 --> 00:03:33,430 Would you like the one-hump or the two-hump model? 65 00:03:33,474 --> 00:03:35,998 Anything as long as it's air-conditioned. 66 00:03:36,041 --> 00:03:37,956 I believe I have a reservation. 67 00:03:38,000 --> 00:03:41,656 Ah, Professor Jones, 68 00:03:41,699 --> 00:03:44,224 I presume. 69 00:03:44,267 --> 00:03:46,487 The one and only. 70 00:03:48,271 --> 00:03:50,273 Where have I heard that voice before? 71 00:03:50,317 --> 00:03:53,015 Your camels are ready. 72 00:03:53,058 --> 00:03:57,106 Did you want mirage insurance? 73 00:03:57,149 --> 00:03:59,587 No, thanks. I gave at the office. 74 00:03:59,630 --> 00:04:02,764 Say, haven't I heard your voice before? 75 00:04:02,807 --> 00:04:05,288 Who, me? 76 00:04:05,332 --> 00:04:08,335 Oh, you're mistaken, sahib. 77 00:04:08,378 --> 00:04:10,641 I never forget a voice. 78 00:04:13,340 --> 00:04:14,515 Stop that, hot breath. 79 00:04:16,604 --> 00:04:19,302 My archrival, Professor Bouquet. 80 00:04:19,346 --> 00:04:21,130 What are you doing here? 81 00:04:21,173 --> 00:04:24,351 Following you, Oklahoma Jones. 82 00:04:24,394 --> 00:04:26,266 Now hand over that map. 83 00:04:26,309 --> 00:04:28,572 Make me, you sleazy bully. 84 00:04:30,182 --> 00:04:32,228 Try your puny bullwhip 85 00:04:32,272 --> 00:04:34,099 on my razor-sharp scimitar, 86 00:04:34,143 --> 00:04:36,319 Oklahoma Jones. 87 00:04:36,363 --> 00:04:38,539 Come on, punk. Make my day. 88 00:04:41,890 --> 00:04:43,935 I think we'll be hiring a new prop guy. 89 00:04:43,979 --> 00:04:46,590 [ yells ] 90 00:04:46,634 --> 00:04:48,897 Grab a camel, guys. Let's split. 91 00:04:48,940 --> 00:04:51,334 I will split you... 92 00:04:51,378 --> 00:04:52,814 in half! 93 00:04:55,077 --> 00:04:58,341 [ coughing ] 94 00:04:58,385 --> 00:05:00,604 Herr Limburger, you fool. 95 00:05:00,648 --> 00:05:02,824 You let them get away. 96 00:05:02,867 --> 00:05:06,654 I'll get you yet, Oklahoma Jones! 97 00:05:11,833 --> 00:05:13,356 Aha! 98 00:05:13,400 --> 00:05:15,402 Signs of civilization. 99 00:05:15,445 --> 00:05:17,447 You mean junk? 100 00:05:17,491 --> 00:05:19,623 Jones: No, I mean junk food. 101 00:05:19,667 --> 00:05:21,799 - [ door opens ] - [ bell rings ] 102 00:05:21,843 --> 00:05:23,714 Oklahoma! 103 00:05:23,758 --> 00:05:25,542 Rhonda! 104 00:05:28,893 --> 00:05:30,199 Ow! 105 00:05:30,242 --> 00:05:31,983 What was that for? 106 00:05:32,027 --> 00:05:33,942 That's for jilting me 10 years ago 107 00:05:33,985 --> 00:05:35,422 when you were a young instructor 108 00:05:35,465 --> 00:05:37,554 and I was your innocent student. 109 00:05:37,598 --> 00:05:39,730 Yeah, but at least you got an A. 110 00:05:39,774 --> 00:05:42,342 Don't change the subject. 111 00:05:42,385 --> 00:05:44,126 How about some service here? 112 00:05:44,169 --> 00:05:45,562 I'm hungry. 113 00:05:45,606 --> 00:05:46,955 Oh, typical. 114 00:05:46,998 --> 00:05:49,044 Always thinking of yourself first. 115 00:05:49,087 --> 00:05:51,263 Yeah, but I always thought of you second. 116 00:05:51,307 --> 00:05:53,875 - Really? - Really. 117 00:05:53,918 --> 00:05:55,267 Close your eyes, kids. 118 00:05:55,311 --> 00:05:56,660 Here comes the mushy part. 119 00:05:58,967 --> 00:06:01,970 Oh, Oklahoma. 120 00:06:02,013 --> 00:06:03,667 Oh, Rhonda. 121 00:06:06,409 --> 00:06:09,717 Hey, what happened to the schmaltzy love scene music? 122 00:06:09,760 --> 00:06:12,502 Are the sound editors out to lunch or something? 123 00:06:12,546 --> 00:06:15,549 Bouquet: No, but you are... 124 00:06:15,592 --> 00:06:17,246 permanently. 125 00:06:17,289 --> 00:06:20,945 [ muffled ] Let me go, you-- 126 00:06:20,989 --> 00:06:22,599 [ yells ] 127 00:06:22,643 --> 00:06:24,558 Now hand over that map 128 00:06:24,601 --> 00:06:28,344 or it's curtains for your girlfriend. 129 00:06:28,388 --> 00:06:30,041 That's terrible. 130 00:06:30,085 --> 00:06:32,566 I know she'd prefer Venetian blinds. 131 00:06:35,525 --> 00:06:37,048 Jones: So there we were, 132 00:06:37,092 --> 00:06:39,616 trussed up like turkeys in a roasting pan, 133 00:06:39,660 --> 00:06:41,749 waiting for the bomb to go off. 134 00:06:41,792 --> 00:06:43,533 - The evil Professor Bouquet - [ fuse sizzling ] 135 00:06:43,577 --> 00:06:46,884 had absconded with the map to King Midas' castle 136 00:06:46,928 --> 00:06:49,017 and left us up the creek without a poodle. 137 00:06:49,060 --> 00:06:50,671 That's paddle. 138 00:06:52,412 --> 00:06:54,326 Sorry. Typo. 139 00:06:54,370 --> 00:06:55,806 Aren't you gonna do something 140 00:06:55,850 --> 00:06:57,591 to get us out of here, Okie? 141 00:06:57,634 --> 00:06:59,810 You're the macho one, remember? 142 00:06:59,854 --> 00:07:02,987 I thought macho was out and sensitive was in. 143 00:07:03,031 --> 00:07:04,989 [ grunting ] 144 00:07:07,601 --> 00:07:10,212 That Limburger guy sure has a way with knots. 145 00:07:10,255 --> 00:07:12,388 Bet he does some dandy macramé. 146 00:07:12,432 --> 00:07:15,086 Brit: The bomb, Okie. 147 00:07:15,130 --> 00:07:16,479 Don't worry. 148 00:07:16,523 --> 00:07:17,915 No harm will come to me 149 00:07:17,959 --> 00:07:20,178 while I'm wearing this solid gold Swiss timepiece. 150 00:07:20,222 --> 00:07:21,397 [ explosion ] 151 00:07:23,094 --> 00:07:24,487 [ ticks ] 152 00:07:24,531 --> 00:07:26,620 Takes a licking and keeps on ticking. 153 00:07:26,663 --> 00:07:28,578 And now back to our show. 154 00:07:28,622 --> 00:07:32,582 We've gotta reach King Midas before Bouquet and Limburger do. 155 00:07:32,626 --> 00:07:35,063 But we have no map. 156 00:07:35,106 --> 00:07:36,847 I forgot about that. 157 00:07:36,891 --> 00:07:38,283 We're sunk. 158 00:07:38,327 --> 00:07:39,589 If we don't make it out of here, 159 00:07:39,633 --> 00:07:41,373 we'll never get to do a sequel. 160 00:07:41,417 --> 00:07:43,463 Well, my place is history. 161 00:07:43,506 --> 00:07:44,507 Guess I'll have to join you 162 00:07:44,551 --> 00:07:47,423 so I can cash in on Midas' riches. 163 00:07:47,467 --> 00:07:49,556 Besides, since you lost the map, 164 00:07:49,599 --> 00:07:51,688 I'm the only one who knows the way. 165 00:07:53,081 --> 00:07:54,299 [ hissing ] 166 00:07:56,737 --> 00:07:57,999 [ squawking ] 167 00:07:59,914 --> 00:08:02,220 Maybe we should've taken the freeway. 168 00:08:02,264 --> 00:08:04,266 I thought you'd appreciate the scenic route. 169 00:08:06,181 --> 00:08:09,097 So how do you know so much about this Midas thing? 170 00:08:09,140 --> 00:08:10,533 Don't you remember? 171 00:08:10,577 --> 00:08:13,884 I did my senior thesis on Midas. 172 00:08:13,928 --> 00:08:17,192 Besides, I used to take my camel to his place for tune-ups. 173 00:08:17,235 --> 00:08:18,672 [ yells ] 174 00:08:18,715 --> 00:08:21,936 So how did he acquire this... affliction? 175 00:08:21,979 --> 00:08:25,374 Well, he was Bob Midas then. 176 00:08:25,417 --> 00:08:26,593 He started out with nothing 177 00:08:26,636 --> 00:08:28,638 but a humble muffler shop in the desert. 178 00:08:34,165 --> 00:08:35,732 He was a huge success. 179 00:08:35,776 --> 00:08:37,952 He was the king of the muffler biz. 180 00:08:37,995 --> 00:08:40,781 - [ yells ] - [ blasts ] 181 00:08:40,824 --> 00:08:43,435 Rhonda: So he set up franchises all over. 182 00:08:43,479 --> 00:08:46,874 There were Midas camel muffler shops everywhere. 183 00:08:46,917 --> 00:08:49,441 Bob grew fabulously wealthy, 184 00:08:49,485 --> 00:08:51,531 but still he wanted more. 185 00:08:58,799 --> 00:09:01,715 One day a superior being named Cartier Tiffany... 186 00:09:01,758 --> 00:09:03,325 - Ah! - brought his camel in 187 00:09:03,368 --> 00:09:05,806 for a complete overhaul. 188 00:09:05,849 --> 00:09:06,807 [ thud ] 189 00:09:06,850 --> 00:09:08,199 Wow. 190 00:09:14,858 --> 00:09:16,817 Rhonda: He gave Bob a wonderful gift 191 00:09:16,860 --> 00:09:19,080 in exchange for reviving his camel. 192 00:09:19,123 --> 00:09:22,387 Everything Midas touched turned to gold. 193 00:09:22,431 --> 00:09:23,563 Jones: Hold it! 194 00:09:24,955 --> 00:09:26,348 I thought it was mold. 195 00:09:26,391 --> 00:09:28,742 Everything he touched turned to mold. 196 00:09:28,785 --> 00:09:30,482 You were wrong. 197 00:09:30,526 --> 00:09:33,094 Me wrong? Impossible. 198 00:09:36,358 --> 00:09:38,490 The only mold is in your ears. 199 00:09:38,534 --> 00:09:40,928 Gold with a G. 200 00:09:40,971 --> 00:09:42,625 Oh, gold. 201 00:09:42,669 --> 00:09:44,932 No wonder everyone's so excited. 202 00:09:44,975 --> 00:09:47,021 Come on. We're at the entrance 203 00:09:47,064 --> 00:09:49,066 to the secret passage to Midasland. 204 00:09:59,816 --> 00:10:01,601 Are you sure this is safe? 205 00:10:01,644 --> 00:10:02,645 Of course. 206 00:10:08,172 --> 00:10:09,173 Ooh, it's in Latin. 207 00:10:09,217 --> 00:10:10,653 What does it say, Okie? 208 00:10:10,697 --> 00:10:13,656 "Caveat snakus fallum." 209 00:10:13,700 --> 00:10:17,225 Watch for falling snakes. 210 00:10:17,268 --> 00:10:19,009 [ gulps ] Uh... 211 00:10:19,053 --> 00:10:20,924 ladies before gentlemen. 212 00:10:20,968 --> 00:10:23,057 My hero. 213 00:10:23,100 --> 00:10:25,973 [ all yelling ] 214 00:10:26,016 --> 00:10:27,409 [ thud ] 215 00:10:35,852 --> 00:10:37,114 Snakes! 216 00:10:37,158 --> 00:10:38,855 Get me out of here. 217 00:10:38,899 --> 00:10:40,683 Oh, stop it, you big baby. 218 00:10:40,727 --> 00:10:43,120 They're more afraid of you than you are of them. 219 00:10:43,164 --> 00:10:44,861 I don't think so. 220 00:10:44,905 --> 00:10:47,472 [ hissing ] 221 00:10:47,516 --> 00:10:49,561 Why don't you imagine that the snakes 222 00:10:49,605 --> 00:10:51,389 are something that you aren't afraid of? 223 00:10:51,433 --> 00:10:53,783 Think of your favorite animal. 224 00:10:53,827 --> 00:10:55,089 Favorite animal, huh? 225 00:10:55,132 --> 00:10:56,438 Okay. 226 00:10:59,354 --> 00:11:00,572 - [ mooing ] - It worked! 227 00:11:00,616 --> 00:11:02,139 Don't you just love cows? 228 00:11:02,183 --> 00:11:04,011 They're so affectionate. 229 00:11:05,186 --> 00:11:06,578 Cows! 230 00:11:06,622 --> 00:11:08,493 I'm terrified of cows. 231 00:11:08,537 --> 00:11:10,713 I'd rather be surrounded by snakes. 232 00:11:10,757 --> 00:11:11,888 Snakes? 233 00:11:11,932 --> 00:11:13,455 Did somebody say snakes? 234 00:11:14,978 --> 00:11:16,501 [ hissing ] 235 00:11:16,545 --> 00:11:17,677 Whoa! 236 00:11:19,635 --> 00:11:22,072 I'm not scared, I'm not scared. 237 00:11:22,116 --> 00:11:24,684 - I'm not-- - Watch out, Oklahoma! 238 00:11:25,815 --> 00:11:26,947 Whoa! 239 00:11:30,994 --> 00:11:32,387 - [ screams ] - [ crash ] 240 00:11:44,225 --> 00:11:45,661 Midasland. 241 00:11:47,315 --> 00:11:48,577 Wow. 242 00:11:58,587 --> 00:12:00,632 [ thunks ] 243 00:12:00,676 --> 00:12:01,938 Heavy metal. 244 00:12:01,982 --> 00:12:03,635 This way. 245 00:12:06,290 --> 00:12:08,379 Rhonda: This is Midas' wife.... 246 00:12:08,423 --> 00:12:10,555 and his two kids. 247 00:12:10,599 --> 00:12:11,818 Jones: My, they're well-behaved. 248 00:12:11,861 --> 00:12:13,950 A bit shy, perhaps. 249 00:12:13,994 --> 00:12:15,909 And, finally, the king himself. 250 00:12:15,952 --> 00:12:18,650 Rhonda, how nice to see you. 251 00:12:18,694 --> 00:12:20,609 King Midas! 252 00:12:20,652 --> 00:12:22,654 I'm Oklahoma Jones. 253 00:12:22,698 --> 00:12:24,091 Are you nuts? 254 00:12:24,134 --> 00:12:27,050 You wanna end up like them? 255 00:12:27,094 --> 00:12:28,748 [ gulps ] Whoops. 256 00:12:28,791 --> 00:12:30,880 Tell us what it's like 257 00:12:30,924 --> 00:12:33,709 to be the richest man in the world. 258 00:12:33,753 --> 00:12:36,668 It's lonely at the top. 259 00:12:36,712 --> 00:12:38,714 And I'm starving. 260 00:12:38,758 --> 00:12:41,412 I haven't eaten a thing in years. 261 00:12:41,456 --> 00:12:43,980 You've got to help him, Oklahoma. 262 00:12:45,895 --> 00:12:47,114 Sure. 263 00:12:47,157 --> 00:12:48,942 No job's too challenging 264 00:12:48,985 --> 00:12:50,639 for Oklahoma Jones. 265 00:12:50,682 --> 00:12:52,510 There is a magic coffee mug 266 00:12:52,554 --> 00:12:54,469 that can lift this curse. 267 00:12:54,512 --> 00:12:56,210 But to get it, you must go to... 268 00:12:56,253 --> 00:12:59,039 the Tomb of Dishware. 269 00:12:59,082 --> 00:13:00,692 [ all gasp ] 270 00:13:00,736 --> 00:13:03,913 [ together ] The Tomb of Dishware? 271 00:13:03,957 --> 00:13:06,263 I have to ponder this for a while. 272 00:13:06,307 --> 00:13:09,527 Isn't it about time for a commercial break? 273 00:13:09,571 --> 00:13:11,486 Bouquet: Oklahoma Jones must never 274 00:13:11,529 --> 00:13:13,836 leave the tomb alive. 275 00:13:13,880 --> 00:13:16,752 I want that gold for myself 276 00:13:16,796 --> 00:13:19,755 and my gruesome colleagues. 277 00:13:19,799 --> 00:13:22,540 The gold is mine! 278 00:13:22,584 --> 00:13:25,152 And as long as Midas has the magic touch, 279 00:13:25,195 --> 00:13:28,546 I'll have an endless supply. 280 00:13:28,590 --> 00:13:30,113 [ laughs ] 281 00:13:30,157 --> 00:13:32,899 [ laughing ] 282 00:13:38,948 --> 00:13:40,689 [ all grunting ] 283 00:13:43,605 --> 00:13:46,173 Now, legend has it 284 00:13:46,216 --> 00:13:47,696 that the entrance to the Great Sphinx 285 00:13:47,739 --> 00:13:49,219 is through the snout. 286 00:13:49,263 --> 00:13:50,873 Hmm. 287 00:13:50,917 --> 00:13:53,310 There must be a trick lever around here somewhere. 288 00:13:55,704 --> 00:13:57,662 [ yells ] 289 00:13:57,706 --> 00:13:58,881 Yeow! 290 00:13:58,925 --> 00:14:01,666 [ gasps, yells ] 291 00:14:05,583 --> 00:14:07,237 [ slurps ] 292 00:14:07,281 --> 00:14:08,673 [ fabric ripping ] 293 00:14:08,717 --> 00:14:11,633 Hey, what are you doing? 294 00:14:11,676 --> 00:14:13,461 I'm making a torch. 295 00:14:13,504 --> 00:14:17,465 But that's my smoking jacket. 296 00:14:17,508 --> 00:14:19,771 Be thankful I didn't take your trousers. 297 00:14:34,612 --> 00:14:35,787 [ gasps ] 298 00:14:41,532 --> 00:14:44,318 Let's see, according to my knowledge of hieroglyphics... 299 00:14:44,361 --> 00:14:46,146 that inscription says... 300 00:14:46,189 --> 00:14:49,540 "Play whatever tune you wish, 301 00:14:49,584 --> 00:14:52,543 but get it wrong and you'll get squished." 302 00:14:52,587 --> 00:14:53,849 Hmm... 303 00:14:53,893 --> 00:14:55,851 why don't you try? I've got a tin ear. 304 00:14:55,895 --> 00:14:57,331 - [ clanks ] - See? 305 00:14:57,374 --> 00:14:59,246 I can't. 306 00:14:59,289 --> 00:15:01,204 In these stories, the heroines are supposed to 307 00:15:01,248 --> 00:15:02,684 scream a lot and act scared. 308 00:15:04,425 --> 00:15:06,427 [ rattling ] 309 00:15:09,125 --> 00:15:11,301 We're gonna be crushed! 310 00:15:11,345 --> 00:15:15,044 Oklahoma, do something! 311 00:15:15,088 --> 00:15:16,828 You might remember this next number 312 00:15:16,872 --> 00:15:19,353 from a long time ago and far, far away. 313 00:15:19,396 --> 00:15:22,225 [ rattling ] 314 00:15:24,314 --> 00:15:26,621 Well, at least we'll all have thinner thighs. 315 00:15:26,664 --> 00:15:30,277 My thighs are fine, thank you. Try again. 316 00:15:30,320 --> 00:15:33,715 [ rattling ] 317 00:15:38,372 --> 00:15:39,634 Brit: Well, Okie... 318 00:15:39,677 --> 00:15:41,766 here we are in the Tomb of Dishware. 319 00:15:41,810 --> 00:15:45,118 Now it's time for you to face massive danger 320 00:15:45,161 --> 00:15:47,642 and get the magic mug. 321 00:15:47,685 --> 00:15:49,731 - Says who? - [ gun cocks ] 322 00:15:49,774 --> 00:15:52,690 - Bouquet: Says me, Okie. - [ screams ] 323 00:15:52,734 --> 00:15:55,955 How nice of you to show up, Mr. Jones. 324 00:15:55,998 --> 00:15:59,828 Now you can risk your life to get the mug for us. 325 00:15:59,871 --> 00:16:02,396 Couldn't I just wash your car instead? 326 00:16:02,439 --> 00:16:03,658 Get going. 327 00:16:07,444 --> 00:16:09,185 Um, according to my thesis, 328 00:16:09,229 --> 00:16:10,578 to reach the tomb, 329 00:16:10,621 --> 00:16:12,884 one must solve three riddles. 330 00:16:12,928 --> 00:16:14,190 The first, 331 00:16:14,234 --> 00:16:16,714 "What lays eggs and goes quack?" 332 00:16:16,758 --> 00:16:18,151 Hmm. 333 00:16:18,194 --> 00:16:19,935 A chicken? 334 00:16:19,979 --> 00:16:22,807 Nah, a chicken goes... [ clucks ] 335 00:16:22,851 --> 00:16:24,200 A parrot? 336 00:16:24,244 --> 00:16:27,203 Nah, a parrot goes, "Polly want a cracker?" 337 00:16:29,989 --> 00:16:31,773 Okie, duck! 338 00:16:31,816 --> 00:16:33,688 Yeah, that's it. Duck. 339 00:16:33,731 --> 00:16:36,386 Boy, I bet you played a mean game of charades. 340 00:16:36,430 --> 00:16:39,041 [ together ] No, stupid! 341 00:16:39,085 --> 00:16:40,434 Duck! 342 00:16:40,477 --> 00:16:41,826 [ gasps, yells ] 343 00:16:43,915 --> 00:16:45,047 What ho! 344 00:16:45,091 --> 00:16:46,657 Flying saucers. 345 00:16:53,447 --> 00:16:55,536 Hopscotch, my favorite. 346 00:16:57,103 --> 00:16:58,408 To pass safely, 347 00:16:58,452 --> 00:17:00,715 you must correctly spell the word 348 00:17:00,758 --> 00:17:02,760 "Encyclopedia." 349 00:17:02,804 --> 00:17:05,024 How come it's never a word like "cat"? 350 00:17:06,808 --> 00:17:08,114 E. 351 00:17:08,157 --> 00:17:10,116 Whew. N. 352 00:17:12,031 --> 00:17:13,380 Hey, I'm pretty good at this. 353 00:17:13,423 --> 00:17:15,382 If we ever get out of this alive, 354 00:17:15,425 --> 00:17:17,688 remind me to enter a spelling bee. 355 00:17:17,732 --> 00:17:19,081 Where was I? 356 00:17:19,125 --> 00:17:20,952 Oh, yeah, "Encyclopedia." 357 00:17:20,996 --> 00:17:24,391 E-N-S... 358 00:17:25,870 --> 00:17:27,698 whoa! 359 00:17:27,742 --> 00:17:29,570 - [ gasps ] - I say... 360 00:17:29,613 --> 00:17:31,441 do you think I could have his hat? 361 00:17:33,095 --> 00:17:35,793 From now on, I'm sticking to board games. 362 00:17:35,837 --> 00:17:39,101 [ grunts ] 363 00:17:45,542 --> 00:17:47,762 This is the toughest challenge of all. 364 00:17:47,805 --> 00:17:50,591 You must believe that you can walk across this chasm 365 00:17:50,634 --> 00:17:53,246 on your own imaginary bridge. 366 00:18:01,254 --> 00:18:03,734 So long, good-bye, adios, I'm outta here. 367 00:18:03,778 --> 00:18:06,128 I may take a lot of ridiculous, near-fatal risks, 368 00:18:06,172 --> 00:18:07,173 but I'm not stupid. 369 00:18:10,741 --> 00:18:12,308 I see a bridge. 370 00:18:12,352 --> 00:18:13,570 Don't you see a bridge? 371 00:18:13,614 --> 00:18:15,703 And what a lovely bridge it is. 372 00:18:22,013 --> 00:18:23,450 One small step for man, 373 00:18:23,493 --> 00:18:25,756 hopefully not one giant fall for me. 374 00:18:27,323 --> 00:18:29,238 Hey, it works! 375 00:18:33,547 --> 00:18:35,679 Solid construction. 376 00:18:35,723 --> 00:18:37,594 I guess the trick to this believing thing 377 00:18:37,638 --> 00:18:39,857 is to be 100% sure. 378 00:18:39,901 --> 00:18:41,207 But I wonder what would happen 379 00:18:41,250 --> 00:18:43,165 if I had just the teeniest bit of doubt. 380 00:18:43,209 --> 00:18:44,514 Whoa! 381 00:18:44,558 --> 00:18:46,647 I believe, I believe! 382 00:18:46,690 --> 00:18:49,302 ♪ I'm dreaming to dream ♪ 383 00:18:49,345 --> 00:18:51,217 ♪ The impossible dream... ♪ 384 00:18:53,306 --> 00:18:54,524 Oof. 385 00:19:07,407 --> 00:19:09,365 Well, it's about time. 386 00:19:09,409 --> 00:19:13,152 I opened this lousy shop 700 years ago 387 00:19:13,195 --> 00:19:15,328 and finally a customer. 388 00:19:15,371 --> 00:19:18,157 Why open a shop in the middle of a sphinx? 389 00:19:18,200 --> 00:19:19,941 The rent was cheap. 390 00:19:19,984 --> 00:19:21,856 That's the last time I feed somebody 391 00:19:21,899 --> 00:19:23,205 a straight line. 392 00:19:23,249 --> 00:19:25,338 Excuse me, I'm looking for a magic mug, 393 00:19:25,381 --> 00:19:27,992 preferably dishwasher-proof. 394 00:19:28,036 --> 00:19:29,951 Magic mugs? 395 00:19:29,994 --> 00:19:31,735 I got a million of 'em. 396 00:19:33,259 --> 00:19:35,391 Sol: But choose wisely. 397 00:19:35,435 --> 00:19:39,482 Only one will remove the Midas touch. 398 00:19:39,526 --> 00:19:42,920 And the others will do who knows what. 399 00:19:42,964 --> 00:19:45,793 Bouquet: Thank you for leading me to the magic mug, 400 00:19:45,836 --> 00:19:47,795 Professor Jones. 401 00:19:47,838 --> 00:19:49,492 What do you want with it? 402 00:19:49,536 --> 00:19:51,146 You don't have the Midas touch. 403 00:19:51,190 --> 00:19:54,541 Yes, but with Midas under my power, 404 00:19:54,584 --> 00:19:57,631 I'll be the richest man in the world. 405 00:19:57,674 --> 00:19:59,067 Now hand me the mug 406 00:19:59,110 --> 00:20:02,462 so I can smash it into a thousand pieces. 407 00:20:02,505 --> 00:20:03,854 [ laughs ] 408 00:20:03,898 --> 00:20:05,639 Sol: Remember... 409 00:20:05,682 --> 00:20:07,249 choose wisely. 410 00:20:08,729 --> 00:20:10,426 You win, Bouquet. 411 00:20:10,470 --> 00:20:11,993 But before you smash it, 412 00:20:12,036 --> 00:20:14,169 allow me to toast your victory. 413 00:20:14,213 --> 00:20:15,997 But, Oklahoma, 414 00:20:16,040 --> 00:20:17,955 how can you give in so easily? 415 00:20:17,999 --> 00:20:20,044 It's been a long day. I'm tired. 416 00:20:20,088 --> 00:20:21,568 We'll have plenty more adventures. 417 00:20:35,321 --> 00:20:37,584 Hmm, I guess Midas isn't the only one 418 00:20:37,627 --> 00:20:39,847 with the golden touch. 419 00:20:39,890 --> 00:20:41,109 Maybe this is what they mean 420 00:20:41,152 --> 00:20:42,980 by a hardened criminal. 421 00:20:43,024 --> 00:20:46,941 You interested in some solid gold bad guys? 422 00:20:46,984 --> 00:20:50,118 - [ rumbling ] - All: Whoa! 423 00:20:50,161 --> 00:20:52,120 It's Cartier. 424 00:20:52,163 --> 00:20:54,296 He's angry that we're tampering with forces 425 00:20:54,340 --> 00:20:56,429 that we cannot comprehend. 426 00:20:56,472 --> 00:20:57,865 Boy, I'd hate to see him 427 00:20:57,908 --> 00:21:00,171 after he gets a parking ticket. 428 00:21:00,215 --> 00:21:02,435 Let's get out of here. 429 00:21:02,478 --> 00:21:04,828 That's it. Run away. 430 00:21:04,872 --> 00:21:07,048 Eh, you kids today. 431 00:21:07,091 --> 00:21:09,529 Make a mess and leave the cleaning up for me. 432 00:21:13,184 --> 00:21:14,273 The magic mug. 433 00:21:14,316 --> 00:21:15,665 You found it. 434 00:21:15,709 --> 00:21:17,101 Drink all you want, king. 435 00:21:17,145 --> 00:21:18,581 It's decaf. 436 00:21:21,497 --> 00:21:23,064 I'm cured! 437 00:21:27,590 --> 00:21:30,376 What took you so long, 438 00:21:30,419 --> 00:21:32,073 you no-good, lousy bum? 439 00:21:32,116 --> 00:21:34,205 And why didn't you ever polish me? 440 00:21:34,249 --> 00:21:36,033 I want my allowance. 441 00:21:36,077 --> 00:21:37,731 [ crying ] 442 00:21:37,774 --> 00:21:40,908 Boy, does she need a diaper change. 443 00:21:40,951 --> 00:21:42,692 Ah... 444 00:21:42,736 --> 00:21:45,826 the soothing voices of my loving family. 445 00:21:45,869 --> 00:21:48,002 You know, Okie, 446 00:21:48,045 --> 00:21:49,786 it's about time we started raising 447 00:21:49,830 --> 00:21:51,092 a family of our own. 448 00:21:51,135 --> 00:21:53,268 Family, suburbs, 449 00:21:53,312 --> 00:21:55,836 the old nine-to-five thing... 450 00:21:55,879 --> 00:21:58,795 Hey, Rhonda, watch out for that boulder. 451 00:21:58,839 --> 00:22:01,145 What boulder? I don't see any boulder. 452 00:22:02,625 --> 00:22:05,759 Okie, where are you? 453 00:22:05,802 --> 00:22:07,891 Okie, come back! 454 00:22:07,935 --> 00:22:09,893 I'll get your hat cleaned for you, Okie. 455 00:22:09,937 --> 00:22:12,592 Wait! 456 00:22:12,635 --> 00:22:16,596 - ♪ Gordon, send us... - ♪ Oh, send us... 457 00:22:16,639 --> 00:22:21,731 ♪ Into outer space 458 00:22:21,775 --> 00:22:24,560 ♪ 'Cause there ain't nobody like you ♪ 459 00:22:26,954 --> 00:22:32,176 ♪ In the Melmacian race 460 00:22:32,220 --> 00:22:35,658 ♪ Teach us, Gordon 461 00:22:35,702 --> 00:22:38,487 ♪ Make us twitch. 462 00:22:40,315 --> 00:22:41,969 Hah! I kill me! 30714

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