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1
00:00:02,480 --> 00:00:04,787
[ orchestral music plays ]
2
00:00:04,830 --> 00:00:08,225
[ announcer speaks ]
3
00:00:11,098 --> 00:00:11,968
[ arrows whizzing ]
4
00:00:32,641 --> 00:00:35,948
Welcome to a very special
edition of "Alf Tales."
5
00:00:35,992 --> 00:00:38,255
Today I get to play
that eternally young lad
6
00:00:38,299 --> 00:00:40,257
in green pantyhose.
7
00:00:40,301 --> 00:00:43,869
- Man: Dick Clark?
- No, Peter Pan.
8
00:00:45,175 --> 00:00:46,785
Hey, watch it!
9
00:00:51,399 --> 00:00:53,227
Through the miracle
of special effects,
10
00:00:53,270 --> 00:00:55,185
you can't see the wires
holding me up.
11
00:00:55,229 --> 00:00:56,360
Show 'em, boys.
12
00:01:01,017 --> 00:01:03,541
Gordon:
All the good people
work for George Lucas.
13
00:01:03,585 --> 00:01:05,065
Can we try that again?
14
00:01:06,370 --> 00:01:07,850
Now where was I?
15
00:01:07,893 --> 00:01:11,245
Oh, yes. London,
in the early 1900s.
16
00:01:11,288 --> 00:01:13,812
The fog is as thick
as pea soup.
17
00:01:18,208 --> 00:01:20,167
[ tower bells ringing ]
18
00:01:23,648 --> 00:01:25,955
Prepare to meet
thy doom, scallywag!
19
00:01:25,998 --> 00:01:28,740
When will you
little terrors
ever grow up?
20
00:01:28,784 --> 00:01:30,568
Never!
21
00:01:30,612 --> 00:01:32,353
Speak for yourself,
shrimp.
22
00:01:32,396 --> 00:01:35,007
I can't wait
to blow this joint.
23
00:01:35,051 --> 00:01:37,923
Children, while
your father and I
are at the opera,
24
00:01:37,967 --> 00:01:40,143
I want you to obey
your governess.
25
00:01:40,187 --> 00:01:44,147
And this time,
no flushing her
down the toilet.
26
00:01:44,191 --> 00:01:46,149
Don't worry, Mummy,
we'll be good.
27
00:01:57,204 --> 00:01:58,770
[ door closes ]
28
00:01:58,814 --> 00:02:00,685
[ breathy squeal ]
29
00:02:02,034 --> 00:02:04,733
Prepare to meet
thy doom, scallywag!
30
00:02:06,126 --> 00:02:07,866
[ distant yelling ]
31
00:02:09,477 --> 00:02:11,392
[ crashing ]
32
00:02:15,483 --> 00:02:18,094
Girl:
Who are you, and what
was wrong with the door?
33
00:02:18,138 --> 00:02:20,140
I'm Peter Pan.
34
00:02:20,183 --> 00:02:24,231
And this is Tinker Bell,
my faithful fairy
companion.
35
00:02:26,102 --> 00:02:29,758
Say, you kids
look like you know
how to par-tay.
36
00:02:29,801 --> 00:02:32,021
How about flying with me
to Never Never Land
37
00:02:32,064 --> 00:02:34,458
where you play all day,
never have to grow up,
38
00:02:34,502 --> 00:02:36,591
and there's
no sales tax?
39
00:02:37,809 --> 00:02:39,420
Right!
40
00:02:39,463 --> 00:02:43,250
But commercial
air travel won't begin
for another 20 years.
41
00:02:43,293 --> 00:02:45,948
No problem.
We don't need a plane.
42
00:02:45,991 --> 00:02:48,603
All we have to do
is think wonderful thoughts.
43
00:02:48,646 --> 00:02:51,954
Watch.
Ice cream is not
fattening.
44
00:02:53,912 --> 00:02:55,784
Er, blondes
have more fun.
45
00:02:56,915 --> 00:02:58,656
[ gasps ]
46
00:02:58,700 --> 00:03:00,876
Tony Orlando and Dawn
47
00:03:00,919 --> 00:03:03,313
are getting back
together...?
48
00:03:03,357 --> 00:03:05,707
I'm...
toilet trained!
49
00:03:05,750 --> 00:03:07,317
[ giggles ]
50
00:03:07,361 --> 00:03:09,450
Never Never Land,
here we come!
51
00:03:16,196 --> 00:03:18,981
Say, are you
seeing anybody on
a regular basis?
52
00:03:19,024 --> 00:03:21,026
I'd sure like having
a swell babe like you
53
00:03:21,070 --> 00:03:23,028
around our bachelor pad.
54
00:03:23,072 --> 00:03:26,684
Sounds cool,
but can't we lose
the flying mutt?
55
00:03:26,728 --> 00:03:28,643
I'm allergic
to fairy dust.
56
00:03:29,905 --> 00:03:31,211
[ growls ]
57
00:03:35,693 --> 00:03:37,521
Ah-choo!
58
00:03:37,565 --> 00:03:39,349
Boy:
Hey, we're here!
59
00:03:44,311 --> 00:03:47,488
Good evening, crew,
and welcome to our show.
60
00:03:47,531 --> 00:03:51,927
Tonight, like every night,
we bring you that pirate
of puns,
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00:03:51,970 --> 00:03:54,973
the man who knows
every pirate joke on
the Seven Seas,
62
00:03:55,017 --> 00:03:57,672
let's have a big hand
for the man with one hand,
63
00:03:57,715 --> 00:04:00,327
Shecky Hook!
64
00:04:00,370 --> 00:04:03,068
[ applause, cheering ]
65
00:04:11,773 --> 00:04:13,209
[ feedback squeals ]
66
00:04:13,253 --> 00:04:14,950
Good evening,
everybody.
67
00:04:14,993 --> 00:04:17,735
Hey, take my first mate,
please.
68
00:04:17,779 --> 00:04:19,955
[ beams creak, silence ]
69
00:04:22,349 --> 00:04:23,611
[ buzzes ]
70
00:04:23,654 --> 00:04:25,961
[ pings ]
71
00:04:26,004 --> 00:04:27,310
[ buzzes ]
72
00:04:27,354 --> 00:04:29,269
[ applause, laughter ]
73
00:04:33,229 --> 00:04:36,450
Hey, how many pirates
does it take to screw in
a light bulb?
74
00:04:36,493 --> 00:04:40,367
Two--
one to steal it
from the hardware store,
75
00:04:40,410 --> 00:04:41,977
and the other
to screw it in.
76
00:04:42,020 --> 00:04:43,979
[ laughter ]
77
00:04:45,589 --> 00:04:47,417
And why aren't you
laughing?
78
00:04:47,461 --> 00:04:49,724
- [ feedback squeals ]
- I heard Peter Pan
79
00:04:49,767 --> 00:04:51,682
tell that joke
last week.
80
00:04:51,726 --> 00:04:54,946
Men, feed
this scoundrel
to the sharks!
81
00:04:57,514 --> 00:05:00,212
But it's much funnier
when you tell it!
82
00:05:00,256 --> 00:05:03,520
Pan, always Pan!
83
00:05:03,564 --> 00:05:06,218
That little runt
who pushed me
into the water
84
00:05:06,262 --> 00:05:09,265
so that crocodile
could munch on my hand.
85
00:05:09,309 --> 00:05:12,529
So the fool
thinks he knows more
jokes than I do.
86
00:05:12,573 --> 00:05:16,403
Well, I think it's time
I put an end to this.
87
00:05:16,446 --> 00:05:19,710
I want Peter Pan fried!
88
00:05:19,754 --> 00:05:21,538
[ machine buzzing ]
89
00:05:24,802 --> 00:05:26,891
Captain,
fairy alert!
90
00:05:26,935 --> 00:05:29,459
Peter Pan and his pals
at 12 o'clock high!
91
00:05:29,503 --> 00:05:31,809
- Battle stations!
- [ alarm blares ]
92
00:05:31,853 --> 00:05:35,726
Battle stations!
This is not a drill!
93
00:05:35,770 --> 00:05:37,641
[ alarm blares ]
94
00:05:47,608 --> 00:05:49,914
[ clicks, squeaks ]
95
00:05:51,002 --> 00:05:52,613
[ fizzes ]
96
00:05:58,227 --> 00:05:59,707
Peter:
Whoa-aa!
97
00:05:59,750 --> 00:06:01,926
Peter, what's that?
98
00:06:01,970 --> 00:06:04,407
It's either
Captain Hook
firing at us
99
00:06:04,451 --> 00:06:06,278
or one
nearsighted bowler.
100
00:06:13,024 --> 00:06:15,723
Tink, take
our new pals
to the Lost Boys.
101
00:06:15,766 --> 00:06:17,594
And take good care
of them,
102
00:06:17,638 --> 00:06:20,205
especially
my main squeeze, Wendy.
103
00:06:20,249 --> 00:06:22,469
[ growls ]
104
00:06:31,869 --> 00:06:33,958
Why, if it isn't
Captain Hook.
105
00:06:34,002 --> 00:06:35,743
I heard you bombed
in Vegas.
106
00:06:35,786 --> 00:06:37,788
No, I bombed Vegas
107
00:06:37,832 --> 00:06:39,747
when they wouldn't
laugh at my jokes.
108
00:06:42,358 --> 00:06:44,665
G'day, mate.
109
00:06:44,708 --> 00:06:48,451
Great Caesar's Ghost.
It's Crocodile Dumbdee,
110
00:06:48,495 --> 00:06:50,758
the lizard who lunched
on my limb.
111
00:06:50,801 --> 00:06:52,412
That's me, mate.
112
00:06:52,455 --> 00:06:55,676
Say, why don't you throw
another hand on the barbie?
113
00:06:56,851 --> 00:06:58,069
[ yelling ]
114
00:07:09,690 --> 00:07:12,344
Hey, Captain,
did you hear
about the croc
115
00:07:12,388 --> 00:07:13,911
who couldn't resist
eating pirates?
116
00:07:13,955 --> 00:07:15,609
I guess you could say
he was "hooked."
117
00:07:15,652 --> 00:07:17,567
[ laughs ]
118
00:07:17,611 --> 00:07:19,526
I'll get you
yet, Pan,
119
00:07:19,569 --> 00:07:22,093
as soon as I find out
your home address.
120
00:07:22,137 --> 00:07:24,444
Look, you flying
fleabag,
121
00:07:24,487 --> 00:07:26,446
when Peter and I
start playing house,
122
00:07:26,489 --> 00:07:28,099
I'm replacing you
with a Shih Tzu!
123
00:07:28,143 --> 00:07:30,754
Agh-- ugh...
124
00:07:30,798 --> 00:07:32,408
ah-choo!
125
00:07:34,541 --> 00:07:36,891
Hey, Dean,
ain't this
the life?
126
00:07:36,934 --> 00:07:39,415
Spending every day
hanging out
on the corner,
127
00:07:39,459 --> 00:07:41,765
checking out the babes
in Never Never Land?
128
00:07:41,809 --> 00:07:43,506
[ stutters ]
Y-You bet, Sammy.
129
00:07:43,550 --> 00:07:45,508
Too bad there aren't
any babes
130
00:07:45,552 --> 00:07:48,032
in N-N-Never
N-Never Land.
131
00:07:48,076 --> 00:07:50,426
[ Tink whimpering ]
132
00:07:54,996 --> 00:07:58,478
Whoa, giant birds!
What about 'em, Tink?
133
00:07:58,521 --> 00:08:02,003
Dean:
Er, pan-- er,
f-f-frying p-pan.
134
00:08:02,046 --> 00:08:04,701
Er, pan for gold?
135
00:08:04,745 --> 00:08:06,268
Sammy:
Peter Pan!
136
00:08:09,706 --> 00:08:11,403
Er, a-a gun!
137
00:08:11,447 --> 00:08:13,405
Er, Peter Pan
and a gun.
138
00:08:13,449 --> 00:08:15,277
I-I got it!
139
00:08:15,320 --> 00:08:18,062
Peter Pan says,
"Blow the big bird
out of the sky."
140
00:08:29,944 --> 00:08:31,032
Ow!
141
00:08:32,163 --> 00:08:35,166
[ squeals ]
142
00:08:37,386 --> 00:08:38,822
[ squeals ]
143
00:08:41,390 --> 00:08:43,392
Hey, that's not
a bird,
144
00:08:43,435 --> 00:08:45,307
it's a g-g-girl!
145
00:08:45,350 --> 00:08:47,657
Wouldn't you know it?
A babe finally comes
to Never Land,
146
00:08:47,701 --> 00:08:49,311
and we shoot her.
147
00:08:49,354 --> 00:08:51,226
[ screams ]
148
00:08:51,269 --> 00:08:53,620
Lucky for you
I was in the
neighborhood.
149
00:08:56,710 --> 00:08:58,276
Peter,
I owe you my life.
150
00:08:58,320 --> 00:09:00,278
How can I ever
pay you back?
151
00:09:00,322 --> 00:09:02,933
Just stick around
and let the good
times roll.
152
00:09:04,500 --> 00:09:06,589
As for you,
my fairy-weather friend,
153
00:09:06,633 --> 00:09:09,157
I order you
to go into the woods
154
00:09:09,200 --> 00:09:11,246
and write
"I'm a rotten fairy"
155
00:09:11,289 --> 00:09:12,726
100 times
in the dirt.
156
00:09:18,819 --> 00:09:20,429
Where are we?
157
00:09:20,472 --> 00:09:22,474
I-I don't know.
158
00:09:22,518 --> 00:09:24,607
D-Do you know
where we are, Sammy?
159
00:09:24,651 --> 00:09:27,610
No, Dean, I never know
where we are. We're lost.
160
00:09:27,654 --> 00:09:29,612
Th-that's why
they call us...
161
00:09:29,656 --> 00:09:31,919
[ together ]
The Lost Boys!
162
00:09:35,009 --> 00:09:37,707
Well, here's our
swingin' bachelor pad.
163
00:09:37,751 --> 00:09:39,622
Wendy:
A tree house?
164
00:09:45,106 --> 00:09:47,674
Actually,
it's more of
a tree-penthouse.
165
00:09:47,717 --> 00:09:50,067
Now let's par-tay.
166
00:09:53,854 --> 00:09:55,986
Hey, babe,
we're low on dip.
167
00:09:56,030 --> 00:09:59,860
Keep your tights on!
I only got two hands!
168
00:10:01,992 --> 00:10:03,341
Hey, it's
about time.
169
00:10:04,473 --> 00:10:05,648
Ugh-hh!
170
00:10:05,692 --> 00:10:07,694
I don't get it,
Wendaroonie.
171
00:10:07,737 --> 00:10:11,480
Since your first day here,
you've been one cranky
camper.
172
00:10:11,523 --> 00:10:13,961
You mean when I had
to wash your tights,
vacuum the tree house,
173
00:10:14,004 --> 00:10:16,572
and make all those
peanut butter sandwiches
with the crust cut off?
174
00:10:16,616 --> 00:10:18,574
So what's
the problem?
175
00:10:18,618 --> 00:10:20,576
That's what babes
are supposed to do.
176
00:10:20,620 --> 00:10:23,623
That does it!
I'm leaving!
177
00:10:23,666 --> 00:10:25,712
But, Wendy,
we need you.
178
00:10:25,755 --> 00:10:28,366
You don't need me,
you need a maid.
179
00:10:28,410 --> 00:10:30,760
If you guys really want
to get "babes,"
180
00:10:30,804 --> 00:10:32,109
you're gonna have to
grow up
181
00:10:32,153 --> 00:10:34,111
and leave
Never Never Land.
182
00:10:34,155 --> 00:10:36,636
G-G-Grow up?
183
00:10:36,679 --> 00:10:39,029
Learn to take care
of yourselves.
184
00:10:39,073 --> 00:10:41,858
Make a living
and treat women
like equals.
185
00:10:41,902 --> 00:10:44,295
That's the kind of guy
girls like.
186
00:10:44,339 --> 00:10:46,733
Maybe we should grow up.
Then we'll be able to
get babes.
187
00:10:48,343 --> 00:10:50,693
Hold on.
What about
the good times?
188
00:10:50,737 --> 00:10:53,261
Wake up and smell
the cocoa, Peter.
189
00:10:53,304 --> 00:10:55,916
Nobody comes to
our parties except
a couple of fairies
190
00:10:55,959 --> 00:10:57,657
and squirrels
from upstairs.
191
00:10:57,700 --> 00:10:59,920
W-We're out of here.
192
00:11:10,452 --> 00:11:12,759
- ♪ The party's over.
- [ bubbles ]
193
00:11:20,462 --> 00:11:21,898
Hmm?
194
00:11:36,565 --> 00:11:38,480
Smee, bring
Mr. Bell--
195
00:11:38,523 --> 00:11:40,656
may I
call you Tink?
196
00:11:40,700 --> 00:11:41,918
[ fairy dust jingles ]
197
00:11:43,311 --> 00:11:46,096
Bring Tink another
round of meat.
198
00:11:46,140 --> 00:11:49,796
You know, Tink,
they say a fairy
is a man's best friend...
199
00:11:49,839 --> 00:11:53,060
until a woman
comes into the picture.
200
00:11:53,103 --> 00:11:55,802
Ah-hh...
201
00:11:55,845 --> 00:11:57,151
choo!
202
00:11:58,282 --> 00:12:00,154
[ snorts ]
203
00:12:00,197 --> 00:12:02,373
I can help you, Tink.
204
00:12:02,417 --> 00:12:05,899
All you have to do
is tell me where Peter lives,
205
00:12:05,942 --> 00:12:10,555
and I'll make
that pesky Wendy watusi
down the gangplank!
206
00:12:10,599 --> 00:12:12,253
[ growls ]
207
00:12:12,296 --> 00:12:13,602
Don't you worry.
208
00:12:13,645 --> 00:12:15,386
He won't lay a hand
on Peter.
209
00:12:15,430 --> 00:12:17,519
We like Peter.
210
00:12:17,562 --> 00:12:19,651
Don't we, Smee?
211
00:12:19,695 --> 00:12:22,176
We love him
to pieces.
212
00:12:22,219 --> 00:12:24,091
Lots of pieces.
213
00:12:24,134 --> 00:12:26,658
[ squeaks ]
214
00:12:26,702 --> 00:12:28,008
Now, where's
the hideout?
215
00:12:29,139 --> 00:12:30,619
[ yips ]
216
00:12:30,662 --> 00:12:34,536
Thank you,
you pea-brained pixie.
217
00:12:34,579 --> 00:12:37,234
Smee, seize him--
I mean, her!
218
00:12:37,278 --> 00:12:39,976
I mean-- er...
whatever it is.
219
00:12:43,327 --> 00:12:45,373
Ugh.
220
00:12:45,416 --> 00:12:46,766
[ Tink barks ]
221
00:12:49,856 --> 00:12:51,858
Pan is mine!
222
00:12:53,860 --> 00:12:57,124
W-Well, Peter,
I-I guess this is good-bye.
223
00:12:57,167 --> 00:12:58,778
It's been real.
224
00:12:58,821 --> 00:13:01,824
But, guys, you can't
grow up and leave me.
225
00:13:01,868 --> 00:13:04,479
Sorry things
didn't work out,
Pete.
226
00:13:04,522 --> 00:13:07,090
If you get your life together
and you're ready to make
a commitment,
227
00:13:07,134 --> 00:13:08,613
call me.
228
00:13:19,363 --> 00:13:21,844
Ah, excuse me,
does this bus stop
at London?
229
00:13:21,888 --> 00:13:23,628
Man:
Why, certainly,
my dear.
230
00:13:27,937 --> 00:13:29,417
[ chuckles ]
231
00:13:32,507 --> 00:13:34,726
Hello, Dial-A-Maid?
232
00:13:34,770 --> 00:13:37,512
- [ buzzing ]
- Hang on, somebody's
at the door.
233
00:13:37,555 --> 00:13:39,819
- [ buzzing ]
- Yes?
234
00:13:39,862 --> 00:13:42,038
Delivery for Mr. Pan
from Wendy.
235
00:13:42,082 --> 00:13:43,387
Sign here.
236
00:13:49,741 --> 00:13:52,483
"Dear Peter,
hanging out with you
was a blast."
237
00:13:52,527 --> 00:13:53,745
[ package ticking ]
238
00:13:55,965 --> 00:13:56,966
Hmm...
239
00:13:57,010 --> 00:13:59,099
by now, your friend
Peter Pan
240
00:13:59,142 --> 00:14:02,189
has received
my complimentary
bomb.
241
00:14:02,232 --> 00:14:06,454
Peter's much
too clever to fall for
one of your schemes.
242
00:14:06,497 --> 00:14:10,066
Sh-she obviously
hasn't known Peter
very long.
243
00:14:10,110 --> 00:14:11,938
And you kids
are going to need
244
00:14:11,981 --> 00:14:13,809
something to do
with your lives.
245
00:14:13,853 --> 00:14:16,420
Have you considered
the piracy?
246
00:14:16,464 --> 00:14:18,292
There's travel,
good benefits,
247
00:14:18,335 --> 00:14:20,903
and the company
of a few good men.
248
00:14:20,947 --> 00:14:23,950
No way, Hook.
Becoming a pirate
249
00:14:23,993 --> 00:14:26,517
would be a betrayal
of everything Peter
stood for.
250
00:14:26,561 --> 00:14:27,736
All right.
251
00:14:28,911 --> 00:14:30,913
Smee, toss them
overboard!
252
00:14:32,306 --> 00:14:33,873
I-I'll be
a p-p-pirate!
253
00:14:33,916 --> 00:14:35,831
I'll be a pirate.
254
00:14:35,875 --> 00:14:37,702
I've always wanted
to be a pirate.
255
00:14:37,746 --> 00:14:40,227
Pirate, pirate,
pirate!
256
00:14:40,270 --> 00:14:43,230
Maybe you can
scare them, Hook,
but not me.
257
00:14:43,273 --> 00:14:45,188
I'll never be
a pirate.
258
00:14:45,232 --> 00:14:48,670
Of course you'll
never be a pirate.
You're a babe.
259
00:14:48,713 --> 00:14:51,673
Smee, the cleaning
supplies.
260
00:14:51,716 --> 00:14:53,501
Start with the
heavy artillery.
261
00:14:53,544 --> 00:14:56,025
And I want to see myself
in those cannons.
262
00:14:57,592 --> 00:15:00,943
What is it
with you guys
in Never Never Land?
263
00:15:00,987 --> 00:15:04,294
[ yells ]
Clean this floating dump
yourselves!
264
00:15:04,338 --> 00:15:06,427
You try to be nice
to people,
265
00:15:06,470 --> 00:15:08,168
and where does it
get you?
266
00:15:08,211 --> 00:15:09,909
Prepare to walk
the gangplank!
267
00:15:11,040 --> 00:15:13,129
Oh!
268
00:15:17,264 --> 00:15:18,743
[ grunts ]
269
00:15:34,324 --> 00:15:36,022
- Hmm, nice wrapping.
- [ package ticking ]
270
00:15:36,065 --> 00:15:38,024
And ticking, too.
271
00:15:38,067 --> 00:15:39,764
Maybe it's
a kitchen timer.
272
00:15:39,808 --> 00:15:41,462
I'm gonna need
one of those
273
00:15:41,505 --> 00:15:42,942
now that I'm doing
my own cooking.
274
00:15:45,031 --> 00:15:46,641
Tink!
275
00:15:46,684 --> 00:15:48,121
[ slurps ]
276
00:15:48,164 --> 00:15:50,471
You're back!
277
00:15:50,514 --> 00:15:53,126
- Charades?
- [ sputters ]
278
00:15:53,169 --> 00:15:55,476
I'm game.
279
00:15:55,519 --> 00:15:57,130
Now-- taking a nap.
280
00:15:57,173 --> 00:15:59,175
Come to think of it,
I'm kind of tired.
281
00:16:00,437 --> 00:16:01,873
[ ticking continues ]
282
00:16:03,223 --> 00:16:05,181
Your kids.
283
00:16:05,225 --> 00:16:07,444
I didn't know
you were married.
284
00:16:07,488 --> 00:16:09,577
Now, kids...
oh, I've got it!
285
00:16:09,620 --> 00:16:11,840
Napkins!
286
00:16:13,189 --> 00:16:15,365
I'll go to the store
right away.
287
00:16:15,409 --> 00:16:16,888
Not it, huh?
288
00:16:16,932 --> 00:16:20,109
Let's see,
"kid," "nap"--
I've got it!
289
00:16:20,153 --> 00:16:22,155
Wendy and the boys
have been kidnapped!
290
00:16:22,198 --> 00:16:23,852
[ slurps ]
291
00:16:23,895 --> 00:16:25,723
But if Wendy
was kidnapped,
292
00:16:25,767 --> 00:16:27,377
she couldn't
have had time
to send me this
293
00:16:27,421 --> 00:16:30,076
loudly ticking
kitchen timer.
294
00:16:30,119 --> 00:16:33,079
Which means that
this isn't a loudly
ticking kitchen timer,
295
00:16:33,122 --> 00:16:34,863
but a--
oh, boy!
296
00:16:38,998 --> 00:16:40,521
[ blasts, rumbles ]
297
00:16:40,564 --> 00:16:41,957
Yikes!
298
00:16:48,442 --> 00:16:50,835
Tink, speak to me.
Tink!
299
00:16:53,708 --> 00:16:55,536
Hey, anybody got
a spotlight out there?
300
00:16:57,886 --> 00:17:00,671
Poor Tink's got one paw
in Fairy Heaven,
301
00:17:00,715 --> 00:17:02,499
but you can help me
save her.
302
00:17:02,543 --> 00:17:04,501
All you've got to do
is clap your hands
303
00:17:04,545 --> 00:17:07,069
and say
no to senseless violence
304
00:17:07,113 --> 00:17:08,636
in fairy tales.
305
00:17:08,679 --> 00:17:11,030
[ sparse clapping ]
306
00:17:11,073 --> 00:17:13,902
Come on, kids.
Think of what fairies
have done for you,
307
00:17:13,945 --> 00:17:17,123
like the Tooth Fairy--
all those quarters
under your pillow?
308
00:17:17,166 --> 00:17:20,039
[ applause ]
309
00:17:24,086 --> 00:17:26,088
[ applause rising ]
310
00:17:26,132 --> 00:17:28,308
I can't hear you.
311
00:17:28,351 --> 00:17:30,049
[ applause rising ]
312
00:17:30,092 --> 00:17:31,963
[ meter buzzes ]
313
00:17:34,488 --> 00:17:37,099
[ fanfare plays ]
314
00:17:37,143 --> 00:17:39,841
Ah-choo!
He's back!
315
00:17:39,884 --> 00:17:42,148
Come on, Tink.
We've got a big
rescue scene to do.
316
00:17:49,024 --> 00:17:50,504
I'll tell you what.
317
00:17:50,547 --> 00:17:52,593
I'll do the cleaning,
but no ironing.
318
00:17:52,636 --> 00:17:54,160
And I'm off Thursdays.
319
00:17:56,988 --> 00:17:58,468
Peter:
Knock, knock.
320
00:17:58,512 --> 00:18:01,080
[ gasps ]
Who's there?
321
00:18:01,123 --> 00:18:03,691
Peter Pan.
Who'd you expect,
Mister Rogers?
322
00:18:07,216 --> 00:18:08,826
[ gasps ]
323
00:18:08,870 --> 00:18:11,177
Gee, it worked
for Errol Flynn.
324
00:18:14,832 --> 00:18:15,964
[ all gasp ]
325
00:18:17,879 --> 00:18:19,010
Par-tay!
326
00:18:20,229 --> 00:18:22,275
[ screams ]
327
00:18:22,318 --> 00:18:23,841
- [ razzes ]
- Hah!
328
00:18:25,582 --> 00:18:27,671
Get down--
below, I mean.
329
00:18:27,715 --> 00:18:29,369
This is no place
for babes.
330
00:18:29,412 --> 00:18:31,197
Oh, yeah?
331
00:18:31,240 --> 00:18:32,937
Watch this!
332
00:18:34,287 --> 00:18:35,766
Wha...?
Oof!
333
00:18:37,290 --> 00:18:39,509
- What a woman!
- [ snarls ]
334
00:18:39,553 --> 00:18:41,511
Float like a butterfly,
sting like a bee.
335
00:18:41,555 --> 00:18:44,253
You can't duel
what you can't see.
336
00:18:44,297 --> 00:18:46,516
[ blades clang ]
337
00:18:48,083 --> 00:18:49,171
[ grunts ]
338
00:18:49,215 --> 00:18:51,652
[ squeals ]
339
00:18:51,695 --> 00:18:53,741
- [ mast creaks ]
- [ screams ]
340
00:18:55,177 --> 00:18:56,178
[ boys laugh ]
341
00:18:56,222 --> 00:18:58,311
[ panting ]
342
00:18:58,354 --> 00:19:00,051
[ yelling ]
343
00:19:06,884 --> 00:19:08,843
[ snickers ]
344
00:19:17,243 --> 00:19:18,853
[ clanging ]
345
00:19:25,686 --> 00:19:27,209
Catch me
if you can.
346
00:19:29,429 --> 00:19:32,040
[ growls ]
347
00:19:32,083 --> 00:19:34,912
Oh, all right.
Come and get me.
348
00:19:34,956 --> 00:19:38,699
Now, let's see
who can really
par-tay.
349
00:19:38,742 --> 00:19:41,180
[ clanging ]
350
00:19:49,840 --> 00:19:51,233
You may be okay
with a sword,
351
00:19:51,277 --> 00:19:53,757
but let's see how you are
when it comes to comedy,
352
00:19:53,801 --> 00:19:55,585
barnacle breath.
353
00:19:55,629 --> 00:19:58,197
Hit me
with your best shot.
354
00:20:00,111 --> 00:20:02,505
When is a pirate
like a baseball player?
355
00:20:06,944 --> 00:20:08,250
[ clanks ]
356
00:20:08,294 --> 00:20:10,252
When he's
a Pittsburgh Pirate.
357
00:20:10,296 --> 00:20:12,907
Peter:
Where does a pirate
keep his gym clothes?
358
00:20:12,950 --> 00:20:14,300
[ blades clanging ]
359
00:20:14,343 --> 00:20:16,302
In Davy Jones'
locker.
360
00:20:16,345 --> 00:20:17,738
[ clanging ]
361
00:20:17,781 --> 00:20:18,826
[ plank creaking ]
362
00:20:18,869 --> 00:20:21,437
Why did the pirate
cross the ocean?
363
00:20:21,481 --> 00:20:23,831
Why... I don't know.
364
00:20:25,485 --> 00:20:27,574
To get to
the other tide.
365
00:20:27,617 --> 00:20:29,837
- Hah! Bon voyage!
- [ Hook screams ]
366
00:20:33,057 --> 00:20:34,145
G'day, mate.
367
00:20:34,189 --> 00:20:36,626
Welcome to the land
down under.
368
00:20:36,670 --> 00:20:38,149
[ Hook screams ]
369
00:20:42,632 --> 00:20:45,896
We won!
This calls for a par-tay!
370
00:20:50,423 --> 00:20:52,033
Hey, come on.
371
00:20:52,076 --> 00:20:53,861
We'll get a big keg
of cat juice and...
372
00:20:53,904 --> 00:20:56,777
I'll even make
the dip myself, okay?
373
00:20:56,820 --> 00:20:59,170
Peter,
it's time we went back.
374
00:20:59,214 --> 00:21:02,217
Our parents miss us,
Michelle needs changing.
375
00:21:02,261 --> 00:21:05,525
Besides, there are
no shopping malls in
Never Never Land.
376
00:21:05,568 --> 00:21:07,178
If that's what you want.
377
00:21:07,222 --> 00:21:09,137
What about you guys?
378
00:21:09,180 --> 00:21:12,314
W-We're going back
to sch-school
379
00:21:12,358 --> 00:21:14,838
and have
c-c-careers.
380
00:21:14,882 --> 00:21:17,363
Maybe even drive
the big rigs.
381
00:21:17,406 --> 00:21:19,930
Looks like you and I
are the last of the
party animals.
382
00:21:26,894 --> 00:21:29,505
Oh, no.
You're selling out, too?
383
00:21:31,507 --> 00:21:33,553
[ crickets chirping ]
384
00:21:38,166 --> 00:21:41,038
- Wendy?
- Yes, Peter?
385
00:21:41,082 --> 00:21:43,606
I've been thinking about
that growing-up stuff,
386
00:21:43,650 --> 00:21:45,391
and maybe
you're right.
387
00:21:45,434 --> 00:21:48,263
- Really, Peter?
- Absolutely.
388
00:21:48,307 --> 00:21:50,787
I'm even thinking
of going into business.
389
00:21:54,138 --> 00:21:57,228
Hey, Captain,
I need two crocburgers
and fries,
390
00:21:57,272 --> 00:21:58,795
on the double.
391
00:21:58,839 --> 00:22:01,537
- Coming right up.
- [ sizzling ]
392
00:22:01,581 --> 00:22:04,758
Hey, people gotta eat.
393
00:22:07,978 --> 00:22:11,939
- ♪ Gordon, send us...
- ♪ Oh, send us...
394
00:22:11,982 --> 00:22:16,900
♪ Into outer space
395
00:22:16,944 --> 00:22:19,903
♪ 'Cause there ain't
nobody like you ♪
396
00:22:22,297 --> 00:22:27,476
♪ In the Melmacian race
397
00:22:27,520 --> 00:22:30,566
♪ Teach us, Gordon
398
00:22:30,610 --> 00:22:32,829
♪ Make us twitch.
399
00:22:35,528 --> 00:22:37,181
Hah!
I kill me!
27673
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