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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:08,834 --> 00:00:11,185 Announcer: WITH... 2 00:00:12,142 --> 00:00:16,538 CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY LIONS GATE HOME ENTERTAINMENT 3 00:00:33,859 --> 00:00:36,688 ISN'T THIS YOKEL RUSTIC AND COLORFUL? 4 00:00:36,732 --> 00:00:38,560 HE'S HERE BECAUSE TODAY'S ALF TALE 5 00:00:38,603 --> 00:00:41,302 IS BASED ON THAT CLASSIC OLD FOLK SONG, 6 00:00:41,345 --> 00:00:43,347 THE BALLAD OF JOHN HENRY. 7 00:00:43,391 --> 00:00:44,566 THE ORIGINAL JOHN HENRY 8 00:00:44,609 --> 00:00:47,177 HAMMERED A PIECE OF STEEL THROUGH SOLID ROCK 9 00:00:47,221 --> 00:00:50,093 TO CLEAR TUNNELS FOR THE RAILROAD. 10 00:00:50,137 --> 00:00:52,574 [PLAYS GUITAR] 11 00:00:53,227 --> 00:00:55,838 WE'RE UPDATING THE STORY. 12 00:00:55,881 --> 00:00:57,666 I'LL BE PLAYING JOHN HENRY, 13 00:00:57,709 --> 00:01:00,103 BUT INSTEAD OF THE ROCK-BASHING MOUNTAIN MAN, 14 00:01:00,147 --> 00:01:02,410 I'M THE WORLD'S GREATEST CHEF, 15 00:01:02,453 --> 00:01:05,152 A MAN WHO BELIEVES YOU MUST PREPARE FOOD 16 00:01:05,195 --> 00:01:06,631 WITH CARE AND PATIENCE 17 00:01:06,675 --> 00:01:09,156 AND RESPECT FOR YOUR INGREDIENTS. 18 00:01:09,199 --> 00:01:10,853 WHAT ABOUT MY SONG? 19 00:01:10,896 --> 00:01:13,203 WE'VE UPDATED THAT, TOO. 20 00:01:13,247 --> 00:01:14,857 GORDON, DARLING, ARE YOU READY? 21 00:01:14,900 --> 00:01:17,860 MOM'S TEACHING ME THE FINER POINTS OF CHEFING. 22 00:01:17,903 --> 00:01:21,124 I'LL SHOW YOU MY SPECIAL FRUITCAKE. 23 00:01:21,168 --> 00:01:23,518 UH, MOM, COULD WE MAKE SOMETHING ELSE? 24 00:01:23,561 --> 00:01:24,606 I'M ON A DIET. 25 00:01:24,649 --> 00:01:28,131 OH, I DON'T KNOW ABOUT THESE LYRICS. 26 00:01:28,175 --> 00:01:29,741 I'VE GOT ENOUGH PROBLEMS. 27 00:01:29,785 --> 00:01:31,308 GO BE RUSTIC AND COLORFUL. 28 00:01:31,352 --> 00:01:35,356 AND NOW, JOHN HENRY AND HIS DOWN-HOME FAVORITES 29 00:01:35,399 --> 00:01:38,620 ON THE EATIE GOURMET. 30 00:01:41,623 --> 00:01:44,147 HOWDY. TODAY WE'RE GOING TO MAKE WHAT I CALL 31 00:01:44,191 --> 00:01:45,235 POOR MAN'S CATFISH. 32 00:01:45,279 --> 00:01:48,238 USE ONLY FRESH CAT AND FRESH FISH. 33 00:01:48,282 --> 00:01:51,633 BUT FIRST, WE'VE GOT TO CHOP UP OUR ONIONS, 34 00:01:51,676 --> 00:01:54,636 AND PEPPERS, AND CELERY. 35 00:01:55,332 --> 00:01:58,161 PHEW! THAT TOOK FOREVER. 36 00:01:58,205 --> 00:01:59,858 I'M GETTING OLD. 37 00:01:59,902 --> 00:02:01,208 IT'S IMPORTANT TO USE 38 00:02:01,251 --> 00:02:02,861 FRESH, ALL-NATURAL INGREDIENTS. 39 00:02:02,905 --> 00:02:05,429 NOW, I WANT YOU TO CHOP THESE THINGS BY HAND. 40 00:02:05,473 --> 00:02:07,562 DON'T GO BORROWING A CHAIN SAW 41 00:02:07,605 --> 00:02:10,260 FROM THE LOCAL MANIAC. 42 00:02:13,785 --> 00:02:15,047 THERE. 43 00:02:15,091 --> 00:02:16,658 NOW THAT'S HOW I'D WANT TO BE SLICED 44 00:02:16,701 --> 00:02:18,573 IF I WERE AN APPLE. 45 00:02:20,009 --> 00:02:21,358 AND THAT'S JUST ABOUT IT. 46 00:02:21,402 --> 00:02:23,491 OH, I ALMOST FORGOT THE FINISHING TOUCH. 47 00:02:23,534 --> 00:02:26,885 YOU SHOULD ADD A LITTLE FLOUR. 48 00:02:28,887 --> 00:02:31,281 THERE YOU GO-- A LITTLE FLOWER. 49 00:02:31,325 --> 00:02:35,851 THAT'S ALL FOR TODAY ON THE EATIE GOURMET. 50 00:02:40,551 --> 00:02:41,683 SORRY I'M LATE. 51 00:02:41,726 --> 00:02:42,945 I WENT OUT FOR A COUPLE OF 52 00:02:42,988 --> 00:02:46,688 NON-ALCOHOLIC CHATEAU LALAND 1964s 53 00:02:46,731 --> 00:02:47,993 WITH THE BOYS. 54 00:02:48,037 --> 00:02:49,256 SOMETHING WRONG? 55 00:02:49,299 --> 00:02:50,953 IT'S THIS SLICING AND DICING. 56 00:02:50,996 --> 00:02:52,259 IT IS SO TEDIOUS. 57 00:02:52,302 --> 00:02:55,218 CAN'T WE BORROW THE CHAIN SAW FROM THE MANIAC? 58 00:02:55,262 --> 00:02:56,437 I'M SURPRISED. 59 00:02:56,480 --> 00:02:58,439 DON'T YOU KNOW WHAT SEPARATES US 60 00:02:58,482 --> 00:03:00,745 FROM THE LOWLY BEASTS OF THE JUNGLE? 61 00:03:00,789 --> 00:03:02,704 UM, SOMETIMES WE GO BOWLING? 62 00:03:02,747 --> 00:03:05,968 YES, THAT, AND OUR SENSE OF ARTISTRY. 63 00:03:06,011 --> 00:03:09,667 ONLY WE COULD DEVISE THE FOUR BASIC FOOD GROUPS. 64 00:03:09,711 --> 00:03:11,452 AND ONLY WE CAN COMBINE THEM 65 00:03:11,495 --> 00:03:14,194 WITH SKILL AND LOVING CARE. 66 00:03:16,631 --> 00:03:17,762 YOU'RE RIGHT, JOHN. 67 00:03:17,806 --> 00:03:19,677 SOMETIMES I LOSE SIGHT OF THE BIG PICTURE. 68 00:03:19,721 --> 00:03:22,811 [TELEPHONE RINGS] 69 00:03:22,854 --> 00:03:23,899 HELLO? 70 00:03:23,942 --> 00:03:24,987 HI, SID. 71 00:03:25,030 --> 00:03:26,641 JOHNNY, THE PRESIDENT HAS ANNOUNCED 72 00:03:26,684 --> 00:03:27,990 HIS ANNUAL GOVERNOR'S BANQUET. 73 00:03:28,033 --> 00:03:30,384 GREAT. I'LL GET TO WORK ON THE MENU. 74 00:03:30,427 --> 00:03:32,995 WHOA. WE CAN'T BE SURE THAT THE PRES WANTS YOU. 75 00:03:33,038 --> 00:03:36,520 BUT I'VE BEEN CHEF-IN-CHIEF FOR THE PAST FOUR YEARS. 76 00:03:36,564 --> 00:03:38,261 I STILL HAVE TO CONFIRM. 77 00:03:38,305 --> 00:03:39,871 WHAT'S A MANAGER FOR, RIGHT? 78 00:03:39,915 --> 00:03:41,917 TAKE CARE, KID. 79 00:03:43,310 --> 00:03:46,051 SOME SERVE THEIR COUNTRY ON THE BATTLEFIELD, 80 00:03:46,095 --> 00:03:48,053 OTHERS SERVE ON THE SENATE FLOOR. 81 00:03:48,097 --> 00:03:50,926 I SERVE ON PLATES. 82 00:04:05,332 --> 00:04:07,029 HERE'S THE STUFF, BOSS. 83 00:04:07,072 --> 00:04:09,379 JUST A MOMENT, ETHAN. 84 00:04:09,423 --> 00:04:13,383 THERE. WHAT DO YOU SEE? 85 00:04:14,123 --> 00:04:17,692 A BIG SHEET LYING ON THE FLOOR. 86 00:04:18,649 --> 00:04:21,870 THE MOST BRILLIANT MAD SCIENTIST BOSS 87 00:04:21,913 --> 00:04:23,785 A GUY COULD EVER HAVE? 88 00:04:23,828 --> 00:04:26,309 I AM NOT MAD! 89 00:04:26,353 --> 00:04:28,790 I'M JUST A LITTLE ANGRY. 90 00:04:28,833 --> 00:04:31,923 WELL, NOT ANGRY, REALLY. 91 00:04:31,967 --> 00:04:33,098 I'M PEEVED. 92 00:04:33,142 --> 00:04:35,100 NO! HERE IT IS. 93 00:04:35,144 --> 00:04:36,624 I'M IRKED. 94 00:04:36,667 --> 00:04:39,757 I AM AN IRKED SCIENTIST! 95 00:04:39,801 --> 00:04:42,412 BECAUSE OF THAT TIME YOU WENT TO COOKING SCHOOL 96 00:04:42,456 --> 00:04:43,587 WITH JOHN HENRY, 97 00:04:43,631 --> 00:04:45,067 AND HE BECAME THE WORLD'S GREATEST CHEF, 98 00:04:45,110 --> 00:04:45,937 AND YOU FLUNKED OUT? 99 00:04:45,981 --> 00:04:49,114 YES. THAT'S IT IN A NUTSHELL, 100 00:04:49,158 --> 00:04:52,335 AND I MUST WORK THROUGH MY IRKEDNESS 101 00:04:52,379 --> 00:04:55,773 VIA DEEDS OF DESTRUCTION. 102 00:04:55,817 --> 00:04:57,993 LET'S PROCEED. 103 00:05:09,874 --> 00:05:10,832 ALL SET, BOSS. 104 00:05:10,875 --> 00:05:15,750 READY TO MAKE FOOD HISTORY, ETHAN? 105 00:05:17,055 --> 00:05:18,448 OK. 106 00:05:18,492 --> 00:05:20,624 READY. 107 00:05:29,416 --> 00:05:30,634 EXCELLENT. 108 00:05:30,678 --> 00:05:32,419 SHOULDN'T WE TASTE IT, BOSS? 109 00:05:32,462 --> 00:05:34,116 WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE 110 00:05:34,159 --> 00:05:35,465 HOW IT TASTES? 111 00:05:35,509 --> 00:05:36,640 WHAT MATTERS IS 112 00:05:36,684 --> 00:05:40,383 PHASE ONE OF MY MASTER PLAN IS COMPLETE. 113 00:05:40,427 --> 00:05:41,558 IS THAT THE MASTER PLAN 114 00:05:41,602 --> 00:05:42,994 WHERE YOU TAKE OVER THE WHOLE WORLD, BOSS? 115 00:05:43,038 --> 00:05:48,435 I DON'T THINK I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE ALLUDING TO, REALLY. 116 00:05:48,478 --> 00:05:50,480 REMEMBER? YOU TOLD ME THIS MORNING. 117 00:05:50,524 --> 00:05:53,483 PERHAPS I DO HAVE LARGER AMBITIONS. 118 00:05:53,527 --> 00:05:56,791 PERHAPS I DO WANT TO PAY BACK JOHN HENRY 119 00:05:56,834 --> 00:05:58,053 FOR SHOWING ME UP. 120 00:05:58,096 --> 00:06:02,013 PERHAPS I WOULD LIKE TO RULE THE WORLD AS WELL! 121 00:06:02,057 --> 00:06:04,538 BUT FIRST THINGS FIRST. 122 00:06:04,581 --> 00:06:08,411 PHASE TWO OF THE MASTER PLAN-- 123 00:06:08,455 --> 00:06:10,718 MARKETING! 124 00:06:10,892 --> 00:06:13,634 ARE YOU FED UP WITH MAKING HOMEMADE MEALS 125 00:06:13,677 --> 00:06:15,418 FOR YOUR FAMILY? 126 00:06:15,462 --> 00:06:16,419 IS THIS YOU? 127 00:06:16,463 --> 00:06:17,855 HELLO, DARLING. 128 00:06:17,899 --> 00:06:19,770 SAY, WHAT'S FOR DINNER? SANDWICHES AGAIN? 129 00:06:19,814 --> 00:06:22,686 SORRY, HONEY, I'VE JUST HAD IT WITH MAKING MEALS. 130 00:06:22,730 --> 00:06:24,427 I WANT MORE OUT OF LIFE. 131 00:06:24,471 --> 00:06:25,515 WHAT CAN I DO ABOUT IT? 132 00:06:25,559 --> 00:06:28,518 I'M JUST A REGULAR PERSON. 133 00:06:28,736 --> 00:06:32,696 DON'T YOU WANT YOUR LIFE TO BE LIKE THIS? 134 00:06:32,740 --> 00:06:35,438 HELLO, DARLING. SAY, WHAT'S FOR DINNER? 135 00:06:35,482 --> 00:06:37,832 GOURMET TEMPTATIONS MADE QUICKLY AND EASILY 136 00:06:37,875 --> 00:06:39,877 WITH THIS WONDERFUL NEW DEVICE, DEAR. 137 00:06:39,921 --> 00:06:41,966 IT'S CALLED THE K-ART CHOPPER, 138 00:06:42,010 --> 00:06:44,229 AND IT'S CHANGED MY LIFE. 139 00:06:44,273 --> 00:06:45,622 I'LL SAY. 140 00:06:45,666 --> 00:06:47,276 YOU LOOK MORE BEAUTIFUL THAN EVER. 141 00:06:47,319 --> 00:06:49,191 HERE. TAKE THIS GREAT BIG DIAMOND NECKLACE. 142 00:06:49,234 --> 00:06:50,584 AND TO THINK, 143 00:06:50,627 --> 00:06:53,587 I OWE IT ALL TO THIS, THE K-ART CHOPPER. 144 00:06:53,630 --> 00:06:56,459 YEAH, RIGHT, AND I'M JULIA CHILD. 145 00:06:56,503 --> 00:06:59,854 BUY MY MACHINE. BUY MY MACHINE. 146 00:06:59,897 --> 00:07:04,424 BUY MY MACHINE. 147 00:07:05,250 --> 00:07:07,557 MR. KWISINE, YOUR INVENTION 148 00:07:07,601 --> 00:07:10,212 SEEMS TO HAVE TAKEN THE COUNTRY BY STORM. 149 00:07:10,255 --> 00:07:12,867 YOU AIN'T JUST WHISTLING DIXIE. 150 00:07:12,910 --> 00:07:15,173 SALES OF MY K-ART CHOPPER 151 00:07:15,217 --> 00:07:19,264 HAVE TRIPLED IN THE LAST HOUR AND 1/2. 152 00:07:19,308 --> 00:07:21,615 THREE OUT OF THREE HOMES 153 00:07:21,658 --> 00:07:25,183 NOW OWN A K-ART CHOPPER. 154 00:07:25,227 --> 00:07:26,968 DO YOU HAVE PLANS TO EXPAND? 155 00:07:27,011 --> 00:07:28,709 DEFINITELY. 156 00:07:28,752 --> 00:07:31,233 HOW ABOUT DIVERSIFICATION? 157 00:07:31,276 --> 00:07:32,800 CERTAINLY. 158 00:07:32,843 --> 00:07:35,585 WHAT ABOUT WORLD DOMINATION? 159 00:07:35,629 --> 00:07:37,631 ABSOLUTELY NOT. 160 00:07:37,674 --> 00:07:41,983 I JUST WANT TO HELP PEOPLE. 161 00:07:42,331 --> 00:07:43,593 SOUNDS GOOD TO ME. 162 00:07:43,637 --> 00:07:44,725 YOU'RE RIGHT, JANE. 163 00:07:44,768 --> 00:07:46,553 YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT, DARLING. 164 00:07:46,596 --> 00:07:47,815 COULDN'T HELP BUT AGREE. 165 00:07:47,858 --> 00:07:49,251 REPORTERS ARE FOOLS. 166 00:07:49,294 --> 00:07:52,907 TELL THEM YOU DON'T INTEND TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD-- 167 00:07:52,950 --> 00:07:54,604 HEH HEH HEH HEH! 168 00:07:54,648 --> 00:07:57,651 AND THEY BELIEVE IT! 169 00:08:10,838 --> 00:08:13,188 HEH HEH HEH! 170 00:08:17,192 --> 00:08:19,977 NOW, YOU'LL WANT TO BLANCH YOUR ALMONDS, 171 00:08:20,021 --> 00:08:21,370 SO BOIL SOME WATER. 172 00:08:21,413 --> 00:08:23,764 BLANCHING YOUR NUTS CAN BE TROUBLESOME, 173 00:08:23,807 --> 00:08:25,200 BUT IT'S WORTH IT. 174 00:08:25,243 --> 00:08:28,638 AND THE K-ART CHOPPER WILL MAKE JUST ABOUT ANYTHING. 175 00:08:28,682 --> 00:08:29,770 SAY YOU WANT TO PREPARE 176 00:08:29,813 --> 00:08:31,119 THOSE CUCAMONGA CHIMICHANGAS 177 00:08:31,162 --> 00:08:32,903 THAT ARE SO POPULAR THIS WEEK. 178 00:08:32,947 --> 00:08:35,645 JUST POP IN THE INGREDIENTS. 179 00:08:37,995 --> 00:08:40,171 BUT THESE CUCAMONGA CHIMICHANGAS 180 00:08:40,215 --> 00:08:42,783 LOOK JUST LIKE THE ANAHEIM AVOCADO SALAD. 181 00:08:42,826 --> 00:08:45,829 EXACTLY. AND TASTES LIKE IT, TOO. 182 00:08:45,873 --> 00:08:50,051 AND MY TRADEMARK TOMATO ROSE. 183 00:08:50,225 --> 00:08:53,358 I MEAN, MY WIFE PUT IN A COUPLE OF PAIR OF SOCKS. 184 00:08:53,402 --> 00:08:57,145 AND BOOM! WE HAD THIS FOUR-COURSE VEAL DINNER. 185 00:08:57,188 --> 00:08:59,713 WELL, IT WAS LIKE VEAL. 186 00:08:59,756 --> 00:09:01,149 AND A LITTLE HOT SAUCE, 187 00:09:01,192 --> 00:09:03,760 WHICH MY CAMERAMAN ERNIE ALWAYS LIKES. 188 00:09:03,804 --> 00:09:04,892 RIGHT, ERN? 189 00:09:04,935 --> 00:09:07,198 ERNIE? HELLO? HELLO? 190 00:09:07,242 --> 00:09:09,679 THE BUSINESS IS SLIPPING FAST-- 191 00:09:09,723 --> 00:09:10,680 SALES ARE DOWN, 192 00:09:10,724 --> 00:09:12,073 THE RATINGS ON YOUR SHOW ARE DOWN. 193 00:09:12,116 --> 00:09:13,727 IT'S THIS KWISINE GUY. 194 00:09:13,770 --> 00:09:15,598 I DON'T CARE ABOUT THE BUSINESS. 195 00:09:15,642 --> 00:09:17,905 WHAT MAKES ME MAD IS THAT HE'S PUSHING 196 00:09:17,948 --> 00:09:19,254 ARTIFICIAL, FORMULATED, 197 00:09:19,297 --> 00:09:21,909 CHEMICAL-LADEN JUNK ON GOOD PEOPLE. 198 00:09:21,952 --> 00:09:24,041 JOHN, I HAVE AN IDEA. 199 00:09:24,085 --> 00:09:25,434 WHAT? 200 00:09:25,477 --> 00:09:27,915 PUSH ARTIFICIAL, FORMULATED, CHEMICAL-LADEN JUNK FOOD 201 00:09:27,958 --> 00:09:29,003 ON GOOD PEOPLE, TOO. 202 00:09:29,046 --> 00:09:31,135 IT'S THE ONLY WAY YOU'LL STAY AFLOAT. 203 00:09:31,179 --> 00:09:33,181 ART KWISINE IS BURYING YOU. 204 00:09:33,224 --> 00:09:35,792 SID, I WANT YOU TO GET ME FACE-TO-FACE 205 00:09:35,836 --> 00:09:37,620 WITH KWISINE ON LIVE TV. 206 00:09:37,664 --> 00:09:38,708 I WANT TO TELL THE PEOPLE 207 00:09:38,752 --> 00:09:41,276 THAT EVERYTHING HE STANDS FOR IS WRONG. 208 00:09:41,319 --> 00:09:42,407 OK, JOHNNY, OK. 209 00:09:42,451 --> 00:09:46,890 JUST PROMISE YOU WON'T DO ANYTHING RASH. 210 00:09:48,022 --> 00:09:50,938 GOOD EVENING, I'M TNED KNOPPLE, 211 00:09:50,981 --> 00:09:53,288 AND THIS IS NIGHT LIGHT. 212 00:09:53,331 --> 00:09:56,421 WITH US IN OUR LOS ANGELES STUDIOS 213 00:09:56,465 --> 00:09:57,814 IS ART KWISINE, 214 00:09:57,858 --> 00:10:01,905 INVENTOR OF THE AMAZINGLY SUCCESSFUL K-ART CHOPPER, 215 00:10:01,949 --> 00:10:04,212 AND IN OUR RICHMOND, VIRGINIA STUDIOS, 216 00:10:04,255 --> 00:10:07,215 JOHN HENRY, WORLD-FAMOUS CHEF 217 00:10:07,258 --> 00:10:08,738 AND HAM-SLICING AUTHORITY. 218 00:10:08,782 --> 00:10:11,654 ART KWISINE, YOU'VE JUST ABOUT CHANGED 219 00:10:11,698 --> 00:10:13,177 THE WAY WE ALL MAKE DINNER. 220 00:10:13,221 --> 00:10:15,092 YES, I HAVE, TNED. 221 00:10:15,136 --> 00:10:19,140 I'VE REMOVED ALL THE UNNECESSARY STEPS. 222 00:10:19,183 --> 00:10:21,272 YEAH, LIKE STARTING WITH FOOD. 223 00:10:21,316 --> 00:10:23,231 YOU'RE JEALOUS BECAUSE PEOPLE 224 00:10:23,274 --> 00:10:25,320 WANT THEIR MEALS FROM THE K-ART. 225 00:10:25,363 --> 00:10:27,235 YOU CALL THAT STUFF MEALS? 226 00:10:27,278 --> 00:10:29,280 I'D RATHER EAT THE MACHINE. 227 00:10:29,324 --> 00:10:31,282 I CAN ARRANGE THAT. 228 00:10:31,326 --> 00:10:32,370 I WANT YOU, KWISINE. 229 00:10:32,414 --> 00:10:35,243 YOU HEAR ME? YOU, YOU, YOU! 230 00:10:35,286 --> 00:10:37,027 WHAT ARE YOU SAYING, MR. HENRY? 231 00:10:37,071 --> 00:10:40,291 I WILL MEET YOU ANYTIME, ANYWHERE, FOR A COOK-OFF. 232 00:10:40,335 --> 00:10:41,858 I'LL SHOW YOU THE DIFFERENCE 233 00:10:41,902 --> 00:10:45,079 BETWEEN REAL VITTLES AND YOUR ROBO-FOOD. 234 00:10:45,122 --> 00:10:47,255 OOH...I-- 235 00:10:47,298 --> 00:10:49,126 I ACCEPT! 236 00:10:49,170 --> 00:10:50,127 THERE YOU HAVE IT. 237 00:10:50,171 --> 00:10:52,129 WE'LL BE BACK IN A MOMENT. 238 00:10:52,173 --> 00:10:54,392 THIS IS GREAT. 239 00:11:01,399 --> 00:11:03,445 GENTLEMAN AND GENTLEMACHINE, 240 00:11:03,488 --> 00:11:07,362 EACH OF YOU IS TO PREPARE AS MANY SIX-COURSE MEALS 241 00:11:07,405 --> 00:11:09,799 AS YOU CAN IN HALF AN HOUR. 242 00:11:09,843 --> 00:11:11,801 MAY THE BEST CHEF WIN. 243 00:11:11,845 --> 00:11:15,718 FINALLY, MY CHANCE TO SLICE, DICE, 244 00:11:15,762 --> 00:11:20,157 HUMILIATE, AND ELIMINATE YOU, HENRY! 245 00:11:20,201 --> 00:11:21,332 HEE HEE HEE! 246 00:11:21,376 --> 00:11:23,378 DON'T COUNT YOUR OVEN STUFFERS 247 00:11:23,421 --> 00:11:25,815 BEFORE THEY'RE BASTED, KWISINE. 248 00:11:25,859 --> 00:11:27,512 ON YOUR MARKS... 249 00:11:27,556 --> 00:11:29,427 GET SET... 250 00:11:29,471 --> 00:11:32,169 COOK! 251 00:11:57,325 --> 00:11:59,283 [PANTS] 252 00:12:11,905 --> 00:12:14,821 [BUZZER] 253 00:12:23,090 --> 00:12:25,788 HEY, BOSS. WHAT IS THIS STUFF, ANYWAY? 254 00:12:25,832 --> 00:12:30,140 WHO CARES? WHEN IT TASTES LIKE... 255 00:12:30,184 --> 00:12:32,229 VICTORY. 256 00:12:33,622 --> 00:12:34,710 LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, 257 00:12:34,754 --> 00:12:38,279 THE PRESIDENT HAS JUST ASKED ART KWISINE 258 00:12:38,322 --> 00:12:39,541 TO BE OFFICIAL CHEF 259 00:12:39,584 --> 00:12:42,544 FOR THE GOVERNORS' BANQUET AT THE WHITE HOUSE. 260 00:12:43,458 --> 00:12:46,374 BUT THAT WAS MY JOB. 261 00:12:55,296 --> 00:12:58,473 HI, THIS IS THE EATIE GOURMET. 262 00:12:58,516 --> 00:12:59,561 I DON'T KNOW, 263 00:12:59,604 --> 00:13:02,172 LET'S MAKE SOMETHING EASY--CORNFLAKES. 264 00:13:02,216 --> 00:13:03,913 JOHN, HAVE YOU SEEN THESE? 265 00:13:03,957 --> 00:13:06,350 THE RISE AND FALL OF JOHN HENRY, 266 00:13:06,394 --> 00:13:07,917 THE HENRY COOKIE CRUMBLES, 267 00:13:07,961 --> 00:13:09,614 JOHN HENRY, A LEFTOVER. 268 00:13:09,658 --> 00:13:12,443 SID, WE'RE ON THE AIR. 269 00:13:12,487 --> 00:13:13,357 NO, WE'RE NOT, KID. 270 00:13:13,401 --> 00:13:14,532 THE SHOW'S BEEN CANCELED. 271 00:13:14,576 --> 00:13:18,275 THE NETWORK WANTS TO TEST A NEW CONCEPT. 272 00:13:33,377 --> 00:13:35,466 HOLD ON NOW, SON. 273 00:13:35,510 --> 00:13:37,381 WHERE'S THE ROSE? 274 00:13:37,425 --> 00:13:39,557 THE ROSE, MR. PRESIDENT? 275 00:13:39,601 --> 00:13:41,342 EVERY YEAR AT THIS BANQUET, 276 00:13:41,385 --> 00:13:44,040 I LOOK FORWARD TO THE TOMATO CARVED 277 00:13:44,084 --> 00:13:45,476 MIGHTY LIKE A ROSE. 278 00:13:45,520 --> 00:13:47,391 IT'S A TRADITION. 279 00:13:47,914 --> 00:13:49,480 IF THE PRESIDENT WANTS A TOMATO ROSE, 280 00:13:49,524 --> 00:13:51,308 SOMEBODY GET HIM A DARN TOMATO ROSE. 281 00:13:51,352 --> 00:13:53,267 RIGHT AWAY. 282 00:13:56,400 --> 00:13:58,446 OK, WHO'S IN CHARGE HERE? 283 00:14:05,583 --> 00:14:07,150 STOP! YOU CAN'T DO THIS! 284 00:14:07,194 --> 00:14:10,545 I'M WELL-CONNECTED. I KNOW BOB HOPE! 285 00:14:19,467 --> 00:14:23,166 CAN THAT K-ART THING MAKE TOMATO ROSES OR NOT? 286 00:14:23,210 --> 00:14:24,341 SIR, A TOMATO ROSE 287 00:14:24,385 --> 00:14:25,690 IS A THING OF DELICATE BEAUTY. 288 00:14:25,734 --> 00:14:27,562 ONLY HUMAN HANDS CAN CREATE ONE, 289 00:14:27,605 --> 00:14:29,520 IN FACT, TWO PARTICULAR HUMAN HANDS, 290 00:14:29,564 --> 00:14:32,436 AND THOSE HANDS BELONG TO... 291 00:14:33,350 --> 00:14:35,613 JOHN HENRY. 292 00:14:51,499 --> 00:14:54,589 JOHN! JOHN HENRY! 293 00:14:54,632 --> 00:14:55,720 DARLING! 294 00:14:55,764 --> 00:14:59,202 JOHN, PUT DOWN THE FORK. WE LOVE YOU. 295 00:14:59,246 --> 00:15:00,595 I'M SORRY, KIM. 296 00:15:00,638 --> 00:15:02,640 THIS IS WHERE I BELONG. 297 00:15:02,684 --> 00:15:04,947 MR. HENRY, 298 00:15:04,991 --> 00:15:06,557 I'M FROM THE WHITE HOUSE. 299 00:15:06,601 --> 00:15:09,169 YOUR COUNTRY NEEDS YOU, SIR. 300 00:15:09,212 --> 00:15:10,561 IT'S TRUE. 301 00:15:10,605 --> 00:15:13,564 THE GOVERNORS AT THE BANQUET WANT YOUR TOMATO ROSES. 302 00:15:13,608 --> 00:15:16,611 THEY WANT MY...ROSES? 303 00:15:16,654 --> 00:15:18,526 YES, HONEY. 304 00:15:18,569 --> 00:15:20,441 NOW GIVE ME THE FORK. 305 00:15:20,484 --> 00:15:24,271 I WON'T LET MY COUNTRY DOWN. 306 00:15:29,754 --> 00:15:32,714 AH! BOB, YOU OK? 307 00:15:32,757 --> 00:15:36,326 I FEEL LIKE A LITTLE DINNER. 308 00:15:42,637 --> 00:15:44,073 [CHEERING] 309 00:15:44,117 --> 00:15:45,596 HUH? 310 00:15:49,122 --> 00:15:51,167 NOW THAT'S MORE LIKE IT! 311 00:15:51,211 --> 00:15:53,474 WHAT'S HE DOING HERE? 312 00:15:53,517 --> 00:15:56,738 NOW, ETHAN. PHASE THREE. 313 00:15:58,044 --> 00:16:00,960 ATTENTION, K-ART CHOPPERS. 314 00:16:19,717 --> 00:16:22,068 [SCREAMING] 315 00:16:27,725 --> 00:16:30,511 PHASE THREE IN MOTION, BOSS. 316 00:16:30,554 --> 00:16:33,079 ATTENTION! 317 00:16:33,122 --> 00:16:34,558 ALL ACROSS THE COUNTRY, 318 00:16:34,602 --> 00:16:38,214 K-ART CHOPPERS ARE AWAITING MY COMMAND TO TAKE OVER. 319 00:16:38,258 --> 00:16:40,825 MR. PRESIDENT, GOVERNORS, 320 00:16:40,869 --> 00:16:43,698 YOU ARE MY PRISONERS! 321 00:16:43,741 --> 00:16:45,613 BEHOLD! 322 00:16:49,617 --> 00:16:51,749 [SCREAMING] 323 00:16:55,753 --> 00:16:57,146 MR. PRESIDENT, 324 00:16:57,190 --> 00:16:59,496 TURN OVER CONTROL OF THE NATION TO ME, 325 00:16:59,540 --> 00:17:03,152 OR YOUR COUNTRYMEN WILL BECOME SIX-COURSE DINNERS. 326 00:17:03,196 --> 00:17:04,675 ART KWISINE! 327 00:17:04,719 --> 00:17:06,068 I KNEW YOU WERE EVIL. 328 00:17:06,112 --> 00:17:08,592 I SHOULD HAVE DONE AWAY WITH YOU IN COOKING SCHOOL 329 00:17:08,636 --> 00:17:11,247 WHEN YOU WOULDN'T LET ME CHEAT OFF YOU 330 00:17:11,291 --> 00:17:12,509 ON THE FINAL EXAM. 331 00:17:12,553 --> 00:17:16,644 YOU SAID I COULDN'T CUT THE MUSTARD. 332 00:17:16,687 --> 00:17:18,472 YOU CAN'T. 333 00:17:18,515 --> 00:17:20,735 YOU SPOON THE MUSTARD. 334 00:17:22,650 --> 00:17:24,739 [GASPS] 335 00:17:24,782 --> 00:17:26,610 HUH? 336 00:17:27,307 --> 00:17:28,612 [GASPS] 337 00:17:35,402 --> 00:17:36,794 AAH! 338 00:17:45,890 --> 00:17:48,154 UNH! 339 00:18:05,693 --> 00:18:08,087 JOHN, BEHIND YOU! 340 00:18:09,697 --> 00:18:12,613 OH! 341 00:18:12,656 --> 00:18:15,703 WRONG REMOTE! 342 00:18:22,710 --> 00:18:24,712 YEOW! 343 00:18:42,208 --> 00:18:45,124 HUH, K-ART CHOPPERS? 344 00:18:49,519 --> 00:18:51,782 DON'T EXPECT A BIG TIP. 345 00:18:51,826 --> 00:18:53,697 JOHN HENRY, YOU HAVE PROVEN 346 00:18:53,741 --> 00:18:56,918 THAT FOOD FOR THE PEOPLE MUST BE MADE BY THE PEOPLE. 347 00:18:56,961 --> 00:18:58,441 AND SO I GIVE YOU 348 00:18:58,485 --> 00:19:02,532 THE CONGRESSIONAL GOLD MEDAL OF FLOUR... 349 00:19:02,576 --> 00:19:03,838 AND I INVITE YOU 350 00:19:03,881 --> 00:19:06,710 TO BE THE OFFICIAL WHITE HOUSE CHEF. 351 00:19:06,754 --> 00:19:09,278 JOHN, THE NETWORK WANTS YOU BACK 352 00:19:09,322 --> 00:19:10,801 IN PRIME TIME. 353 00:19:10,845 --> 00:19:13,195 AND SO ON AND SO FORTH. 354 00:19:13,239 --> 00:19:15,458 YOUR MASCARA'S RUNNING, DEAR. 355 00:19:15,502 --> 00:19:17,330 MOM, THE SHOW'S NOT OVER! 356 00:19:17,373 --> 00:19:19,854 IT'S OVER, IT'S OVER. HAPPY ENDING. 357 00:19:19,897 --> 00:19:21,899 HERE, THE FRUITCAKE IS DONE. TASTE. 358 00:19:21,943 --> 00:19:24,946 I TOLD YOU I'M ON A DIET, MOM. 359 00:19:24,989 --> 00:19:28,210 WELL, EVERYBODY, HAVE A PIECE. 360 00:19:28,254 --> 00:19:31,953 FRUITCAKE? MY MOM MADE IT. 361 00:19:31,996 --> 00:19:35,913 AAH! 362 00:19:37,915 --> 00:19:41,745 I SHOULD'VE THOUGHT OF THAT IN ACT ONE. 363 00:19:43,312 --> 00:19:46,272 ♪ GORDON, SEND US 364 00:19:46,315 --> 00:19:47,708 ♪ OH, SEND US 365 00:19:47,751 --> 00:19:50,450 ♪ INTO OUTER SPACE 366 00:19:50,493 --> 00:19:51,929 ♪ OUTER SPACE 367 00:19:51,973 --> 00:19:57,674 ♪ 'CAUSE THERE AIN'T NOBODY LIKE YOU ♪ 368 00:19:57,718 --> 00:20:03,376 ♪ IN THE MELMACKIAN RACE 369 00:20:03,419 --> 00:20:05,726 ♪ TEACH US, GORDON... 370 00:20:11,384 --> 00:20:13,821 HA! I KILL ME! 25137

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