Original subtitles

[ORCHESTRA PLAYING]

Announcer: WITH ADVENTURE!

CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY LIONS GATE ENTERTAINMENT

YO!

GORDON "ALF TALES" SHUMWAY HERE,

I PLAY ICHABOD CRANE,

A SUPERSTITIOUS GUY FROM A SMALL VILLAGE.

ICHABOD'S LINED UP A JOB INTERVIEW

IN THE WORLD'S MOST EXCITING CITY,

SLEEPY HOLLOW.

WHAT ICHABOD DOESN'T KNOW

IS THAT ONE REASON SLEEPY HOLLOW IS SO EXCITING

IS THAT IT'S HAUNTED.

P.A.: ATTENTION,

20th CENTURY LIMITED EXPRESS

FROM ANAHEIM AND DESOUSA TO SLEEPY HOLLOW,

NOW ARRIVING ON TRACK 2.

SAY! WHAT A TOWN!

SENSATIONAL!

PARDON ME, FRIEND,

CAN YOU TELL ME HOW TO GET TO THE VAN TASSEL BUILDING?

MA'AM, WOULD YOU BE SO KIND--

IF IT'S NOT TOO MUCH TROUBLE--

BOY, THINGS SURE WORK DIFFERENTLY IN THE BIG CITY.

HEY, YOU!

WHAT DO YOU WANT?

VAN TASSEL BUILDING!

OUT THE DOOR, LEFT,

2 BLOCKS DOWN.

ALL RIGHT. ON YOUR WAY.

YOU GOTTA KNOW THE LINGO.

[WHISTLES]

[CARS HONKING]

OHH!

[GROANS]

WHOA!

THE VAN TASSEL BUILDING,

HOME OF THE DAILY HEMISPHERE

AND MAYBE A JOB.

[ELEVATOR DINGS]

AAH!

WHOA!

UHH!

[GROANS]

GRR!

AWFULLY NICE RUNNING INTO YOU.

LET ME JUST TRY TO FIX...

GRR!

[STRAINS]

UHH!

HEY!

NO WONDER YOU WALKED INTO ME.

YOU STEPPED ON A CRACK.

THAT'S BAD LUCK.

LISTEN, YOU'D BETTER MOVE YOUR FOOT.

WHY DON'T WE JUST STEP THIS WAY?

GRR...

[ROARS] [GASPS]

HAVE IT YOUR WAY.

SEE YOU LATER, KONG.

DON'T TAKE ANY WOODEN BANANAS.

[ELEVATOR DINGS]

GRR!

OOF! UHH!

WHOA!

WHOA! AAH!

UHH!

C-COULD YOU ROLL THIS WAY?

I GOTTA GET THIS C-C-COPY TO THE PUBLISHER.

LET'S MAKE LIKE CHRISTMAS AND UNWRAP.

NAME'S CRANE.

ICHABOD CRANE.

I WAS EXPECTING YOU.

I-I-I'M HENDRICK.

I HOPE YOU GET THE J-J-JOB.

YOU'LL LIKE IT HERE.

EVERYONE'S SO FRIENDLY.

P.A.: HENDRICK!

WHERE'S THAT WIRE COPY?

HENDRICK!

WHO'S THE AMBASSADOR OF GOODWILL?

T-T-THAT'S MR. VAN T-T-TASSEL,

THE PUBLISHER.

YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO MEET WITH HIM IN 5 MINUTES.

MAYBE I'D BETTER COME BACK LATER.

GIVE THE BIG GUY A CHANCE TO RELAX,

GET OLD,

RETIRE.

HE ISN'T SO B-B-BAD,

ONCE YOU GET USED TO HIM.

KIND OF LIKE A DULL THROBBING PAIN.

[JAZZ PLAYING]

WELL, HELLO.

[CRASH]

I'M KATRINA.

YOU MUST BE MR. CRANE.

I MUST BE IN HEAVEN.

YOU'RE JUST IN TIME

FOR YOUR APPOINTMENT WITH MR. VAN TASSEL.

I'D RATHER STAY HERE WITH YOU.

I'LL BE HERE WHEN YOU GET OUT.

THEN YOU'LL WAIT FOR ME?

FOR HOWEVER LONG IT TAKES.

TILL LUNCH IF NECESSARY.

GOOD LUCK IN THERE.

THINGS SURE ARE DRAMATIC IN THE BIG CITY.

BE STRONG.

MR. VAN TASSEL,

IT'S A PLEASURE TO--

TINY TIM, SCHMIMY TIM!

I DON'T CARE WHO THE DICKENS YOU HAVE TO SUPPORT, CRACHETT!

YOU'RE FIRED!

NO, WAIT.

I TAKE THAT BACK.

I GIVE YOU A RAISE!

A BIG, BIG RAISE!

NOW YOU'RE FIRED!

[GROANS]

THIS WAY I SAVE EVEN MORE MONEY!

[CHUCKLES]

GOOD-BYE.

AND LET THAT BE A LESSON TO YOU.

ONE WRONG MOVE, AND YOU'RE OUT, OUT, OUT!

WHO ARE YOU?

I'M ICHABOD CRANE.

YOU WANTED TO INTERVIEW ME

FOR THE STAFF PHOTOGRAPHER POSITION.

PHOTOGRAPHER? INTERVIEW?

YES! WELL...

WHAT'S THAT THING AROUND YOUR NECK?

A CAMERA.

YOU'RE HIRED.

IT'S A PLEASURE TO WORK WITH YOU, SIR.

IT'S ALSO A PLEASURE TO WORK WITH YOUR SECRETARY.

SHE'S A BABE!

SHE'S A BEAUTY!

SHE'S A BOMBSHELL!

SHE'S A DAUGHTER.

NAMELY, MINE.

DID YOU THINK I MEANT YOUR SECRETARY?

I MEANT THE SECRETARY OF STATE.

YEAH, WHAT A PUBLIC OFFICIAL!

I SEE BIG THINGS FOR YOU, CRANE.

BIG, BIG THINGS!

THAT'S WHY I'M PUTTING YOU

ON SLEEPY HOLLOW'S HOTTEST STORY!

THE HEADLESS HORSEMAN.

THE WHAT-LESS HORSEMAN?

THIS HORSEMAN IS TERRORIZING THE CITY.

THING IS...

HE'S GOT NO HEAD TO SPEAK OF.

NO HEAD?

NOT EVEN ONE.

THERE IS A LEGEND THAT HE'S AN OLD SOLDIER

WHO LOST HIS HEAD HUNDREDS OF YEARS AGO,

AND HE'S SEARCHING SLEEPY HOLLOW [LAUGHING]

UNTIL HE FINDS IT.

IN OTHER WORDS,

HE'S A GHOST.

A GHOST?!

YOU'RE GONNA GET ME A PICTURE

OF OLD HEADLESS HERE, OK?

WELL, IT'S LIKE THIS...

PORTRAITS ARE MY SPECIALTY.

YOU KNOW, HEADSHOTS?

AND THIS GUY, WELL...

[CHUCKLES]

DO IT.

MAYBE I SHOULD START SMALL.

A GUY WITH NO...HAT.

DO IT.

WHY NOT SEND YOUR BEST PHOTOGRAPHER?

I SENT OUT OUR BEST GUY,

AND OUR SECOND BEST,

AND THIRD BEST!

THEY ALL VANISHED WITHOUT A TRACE!

I HOPE THIS ISN'T A TREND.

YOU'LL REPORT TO OUR CITY EDITOR, BROM BONES.

AND YOU'D BETTER LISTEN TO HIM.

NOT ONLY DID HE BREAK THE HORSEMAN STORY,

BUT HE'S PROBABLY GOING TO MARRY MY KATRINA.

BONES, GET IN HERE!

MARRY KATRINA?

YEAH!

YOU WANNA MAKE SOMETHING OUT OF IT?

BONES,

-THIS IS ICHABOD CRANE. -UHH!

HE'S TAKING PICTURES FOR THE HORSEMAN STORY.

I'M LOOKING FORWARD

TO WORKING THIS GUY OVER.

I MEAN,

WORKING OVER THIS GUY.

I WONDER IF THIS JOB COMES WITH MEDICAL BENEFITS.

YOU BET, SIR!

I'LL FIND THAT GHOST IF IT'S THE LAST THING I DO!

FIRST THING I'LL DO IS HOP THE NEXT TRAIN HOME.

ICHABOD...

THE BOSS'S DAUGHTER!

S-SOMETHING I CAN DO FOR YOU?

AAH!

HOW ABOUT A DATE TONIGHT?

WELL, UH, THE TRUTH IS I-I DON'T--

I-I SHOULDN'T COME ANYWHERE...

NEAR YOU.

DON'T YOU LIKE ME?

I'M WISE. YOU'RE ENGAGED TO THAT BIG APE.

YOU'RE THE GORILLA HIS DREAMS.

OH, ICHY!

ICHY?

DADDY'S BEEN TRYING TO GET ME

TO MARRY BROM BONES FOR YEARS,

BUT I LIKE YOU.

NOTHING DOING, SISTER!

HE FINDS OUT I'M DATING YOU,

AND IT'LL BE MONKEY SEE, MONKEY HIT.

BESIDES THAT,

HE'S GONNA BE AN IN-LAW TO THAT OUTLAW IN THERE.

BUT I WAS THINKING OF YOU.

ME?

AND ME.

YOU? TOGETHER.

NOT SEPARATE.

DANCING THE NIGHT AWAY.

2 DANCING FOOLS.

BIG FOOLS.

GREAT BIG FOOLS.

SO I'LL SEE YOU TONIGHT.

8:00.

AT THE NOSELAND BALLROOM.

NOSE O'CLOCK.

8 LAND BALLROOM.

MAKE IT 7:55.

[WHISTLING]

WHOA-WHOA.

[WHISTLING]

GRR!

[WHISTLING]

M-M-MR. CRANE,

I'M SUP-P-POSED TO SHOW YOU YOUR NEW OFFICE.

NEW OFFICE?

POINT THE WAY, HENDRICK.

H-H-HOW DID IT G-G-GO BACK THERE,

M-MR. CRANE?

PIECE OF CAKE.

EASY AS PIE.

SWEET AS SUGAR.

SMOOTH AS PUDDING.

Y-YOU WANNA GET SOME LUNCH?

I DON'T USE FOOD.

I LIVE ON LOVE.

Y-Y-YOU DON'T MEAN MISS VAN T-T-TASSEL!

IS THAT EASY TO TELL?

B-B-BUT WHAT ABOUT BROM BONES?

DON'T WORRY.

IF PUSH COMES TO SHOVE,

I'LL HANDLE TALL, DARK, AND SIMIAN.

O-OH, NO!

YOU WERE MY FAVORITE ONE SO FAR, TOO.

YOU'VE GOTTA LEARN TO RELAX, HENDRICK.

LOOK AT ME.

I'VE GOT A DATE WITH AN ANGEL,

AN ASSIGNMENT WITH A GHOST,

AND AN OFFICE WITH A VIEW.

LIFE IS PERFECT.

WHY IS THERE SO MUCH TILE IN MY OFFICE?

MEN?!

WHO PUT MY DESK IN THE BATHROOM?

M-M-MR. VAN TASSEL, SIR.

-'SCUSE ME. -AAH!

UHH! UHH!

CRANE!

I'VE GOT ONE THING TO SAY TO YOU...

IF I EVER SEE YOU SO MUCH AS LOOK AT MISS VAN TASSEL...

[GROWLS]

UHH!

EVERY DAY ON YOUR CALENDAR

WILL BE FRIDAY THE 13th.

WHAT WAS I SAYING A MINUTE AGO, HENDRICK?

LIFE IS PERFECT, SIR.

SHUT UP.

WHY AM I GOING ON A DATE WITH KATRINA VAN TASSEL?

BROM BONES WILL TAKE ME APART IF HE FINDS OUT.

BUT WHAT CAN I DO?

I'M IN LOVE.

I'VE GOT THE JITTERBUG.

AAH!

WAIT A MINUTE.

IF BROM BONES SEES ME WITH KATRINA,

HE'LL HAVE MY HEAD.

NO! WHOO!

SO WHAT IF I LOSE MY HEAD?

I'LL STILL BE NECK OVER HEELS IN LOVE WITH KATRINA.

I CAN FEEL IT.

MY LUCK'S BEGINNING TO CHANGE.

FROM HERE ON IN, IT'S ALL 4 LEAF CLOVERS.

ALL THE SIGNS ARE POSITIVE.

[MARCHING FOOTSTEPS]

[HOOVES CLACKING]

[HOOVES CLACKING]

[HOOVES CLACKING]

[HOOVES CLACKING]

[WHINNIES]

IF THAT GUY DOESN'T YELL "HI-HO-SILVER" IN 5 SECONDS,

I'M RUNNING.

[GALLOPING HOOF BEATS]

AAH!

[GHOULISH LAUGHTER]

HO HO HA HA HA HA!

[TRAIN SIREN BLARES]

UHH!

JUST PASSING THROUGH, FOLKS.

[PANTING]

UH, I MUST'VE LOST HIM.

ONLY A GENIUS COULD'VE FOLLOWED ME HERE.

[HORSE WHINNIES] HUH?!

AAH!

THIS GUY'S GOT SOME HEAD ON HIS SHOULDERS.

[GASPS]

NOW I KNOW WHY THEY CALL IT A DEAD END!

[GHOULISH LAUGHTER]

LISTEN, I KNOW JUST WHAT YOU'VE GONE THROUGH.

YOU SAY TO THE BARBER,

"A LITTLE OFF THE TOP," AND--

ICHABOD CRANE,

HEAR ME.

LEAVE SLEEPY HOLLOW

AND NEVER COME BACK!

WHEN TOMORROW'S FULL MOON RISES HIGH,

YE MUST BE GONE,

OR YE SHALL DIE.

I'M GONNA GET HIS HEAD HANDED TO ME.

[GHOULISH LAUGHTER]

WELL, WHAT A WONDERFUL FIRST DAY

IN THE BIG CITY.

UHH!

WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?

I'M SAYING YOU BETTER FIND YOURSELF ANOTHER HEADLESS HUNTER.

I'M PACKING IT IN, MOVING IT OUT,

HEADING BACK HOME WHERE THERE AREN'T ANY GHOSTS.

YOU CAN'T WALK OUT ON BAULTUS VAN TASSEL!

WHY, IF I WEREN'T THE PUBLISHER, I'D--I'D--

DO THIS?

HEY!

YEAH. THEN I'D--I'D--

DO THIS?[GULP]

YEAH. THEN I'D--I'D--

DO THIS!

NO. I WOULDN'T GO THAT FAR.

YOU STOOD ME UP LAST NIGHT!

WHOA!

THE HEADLESS HORSEMAN HAD OTHER PLANS FOR MY EVENING.

DON'T TELL ME YOU'RE SEEING GHOSTS.

ONLY WHEN I'M NOT RUNNING AWAY FROM THEM.

THE ONLY THING THAT'S RUNNING AWAY

IS YOUR IMAGINATION.

THE HORSEMAN VERY NICELY SUGGESTED THAT I LEAVE TOWN

BY THE TIME THE FULL MOON RISES TONIGHT,

OR I'LL DIE.

SO I'LL JUST BE TODDLING ALONG.

[WINDING SQUEAL]

I REMEMBER THE DOOR BEING CLOSER.

OH, ICHY-POO,

YOU CAN'T GO AWAY.

DON'T YOU KNOW I LOVE YOU, YOU LUG?

YOU LOVE ME? ME LUG?

I LOVE YOU, TOO, KATRINA.

STAY IN SLEEPY HOLLOW

JUST FOR ONE MORE NIGHT.

IF YOU DO THAT,

YOU'LL KNOW THERE'S NOTHING TO BE SCARED OF!

ICHABOD, DO IT FOR ME.

FOR US.

WELL, I WOULDN'T WANT TO LET US DOWN.

YOU CAN COME TO THE BIG HALLOWEEN PARTY

AT THE MANSION TONIGHT.

BUT WON'T BROM BONES BE THERE?

YES, BUT HE'S REALLY A HONEY-BUNNY.

A BIG, BRAINLESS, OBNOXIOUS HONEY-BUNNY,

BUT AFTER ALL,

ARE YOU A MAN OR A MOUSE?

I'M A MAN!

A MAN, I SAY!

A MAN!

IT'S GOOD TO BE A MAN!

ANYBODY HAVE ANY CHEESE?

[SWING MUSIC PLAYING]

I'M SO GLAD YOU CAME! AAH!

WELL, I REALLY SHOULD BE GOING.

BUT THE PARTY'S JUST STARTING!

ALL THESE PARTIES ARE THE SAME.

YOU TALK, YOU EAT,

THE MOON RISES, AND A GHOST KILLS YOU.

WHA--

UH-OH.

CRANE,

GET YOUR HANDS OFF OF HER!

NO PROBLEM!

I'M GOING TO MURDERIZE YOU!

WHOA!

[SWING MUSIC PLAYING]

MAN OR MOUSE, MAN OR MOUSE?

AAH![GHOULISH LAUGHTER]

I'M A MOUSE. I'M A MOUSE. I'M A MOUSE.

AAH!

AAH!

OOF!

HEY!

UHH!

[GHOULISH LAUGHTER]

I GUESS I'M A MAN.

[GHOULISH LAUGHTER]

SO HE'S PLAYING A LITTLE GAME OF CAT AND MOUSE.

I MEAN, CAT AND MAN.

HO HO HA HA HA HA!

HO HO HA HA HA HA!

HO HO HA HA HA HA HA!

HO HO HA HA HA!

HEY!

HMM.

I GOTTA TAKE A HEADLESS COUNT.

[CROWD MURMURING]

WOW, LOOK AT THAT!

HUH?

WHAT GIVES AROUND HERE?

[ALL GASP]

BROM BONES!

WHY'D YOU DO IT?

I WANTED TO SCARE YOU AWAY FROM KATRINA.

BESIDES, THE STORY'S MADE ME A BIG MAN

WITH THE BOSS.

OF ALL THE DISHONEST, UNETHICAL--

BONES! YOU'RE FIRED!

I POSED AS THE HEADLESS HORSEMAN

TO BOOST CIRCULATION OF MY PAPER!

OK, JUNIOR. UNWRAP.

I-I WANTED TO HELP YOU

GET A P-P-PICTURE OF THE HEADLESS HORSEMAN.

I-I ONLY D-DID IT 'CAUSE I LIKE YOU,

AND NOT FOR MONETARY GAIN.

All: AW!

I-I GUESS THIS MEANS I'M FIRED,

HUH, MR. VAN T-T-TASSEL?

YES, IT DOES, HENDRICK.

WELL, THAT SETTLES THAT.

UH, ACTUALLY, SIR,

I POSED AS THE HEADLESS HORSEMAN,

TO GET SOME NATIONAL PUBLICITY FOR SLEEPY HOLLOW.

I'M TREASURER OF...

THE "LET'S DRESS UP LIKE THE HEADLESS HORSEMAN" SOCIETY.

I DO IT BECAUSE IT MAKES ME FEEL GOOD ABOUT MYSELF.

ALL RIGHT, THAT'S IT.

I'VE HAD IT WITH THE BIG CITY.

FROM NOW ON, IT'S JUST ME,

THE WOMAN I LOVE,

AND A POLICE HORSE.

OH, ICHY!

AND I PROMISE, NO MORE SUPERSTITIONS.

NO MORE GHOSTS.

NO MORE RUNNING AWAY.

[CHEERING]

ALL RIGHT, FRIEND.

HALLOWEEN'S OVER!

[GHOULISH LAUGHTER]

[GHOULISH LAUGHTER]

ICHY, UH, REMEMBER WHAT YOU SAID

ABOUT NO MORE SUPERSTITIONS

OR GHOSTS OR RUNNING AWAY?

YES?

FORGET IT!

AAH! AAH!

[GHOULISH LAUGHTER]

ICHABOD, WHERE IS YOUR LITTLE HOMETOWN ANYWAY?

BROOKLYN!

[GHOULISH LAUGHING]

[HORSE WHINNIES]

[GHOULISH LAUGHTER]

WELL, I SEE BY THE OLD CLOCK ON THE WALL,

THAT IT'S TIME FOR THE OLD ALFER

TO FISH ANOTHER LETTER OUT OF THE OLD MAILBAG.

OH!

HERE'S ONE.

"DEAR ALF,

"I FEEL MY BEST YEARS ARE BEHIND ME.

"SURE I'M DOING FINE IN THIRD GRADE,

"BUT I ALWAYS THINK BACK

"TO MY GLORY DAYS IN KINDERGARTEN.

"I WAS YOUNG, I WAS STRONG,

"I WAS CAREFREE.

"WHAT COULD I DO TO RECAPTURE THE ZEST

"OF THAT ERSTWHILE ERA?

"SIGNED,

ANTIQUATED IN ANAHEIM."

DEAR "A" AND "A",

STOP WHINING!

YOU CAN'T LIVE IN THE PAST.

THINK OF THE FUTURE.

NEXT TUESDAY, FOR EXAMPLE.

IF YOU WANT TO RELIVE THE OLD DAYS,

ORGANIZE A REUNION OF YOUR OLD CLASSMATES.

THE WAY THEY'VE GOTTEN FAT AND BALD

WILL CHEER YOU UP, NO END.

WELL, THAT'S IT FOR ALF'S MAILBAG.

SEE YOU NEXT TIME.

♪ GORDON, SEND US

♪ OH, SEND US

♪ INTO OUTER SPACE

♪ OUTER SPACE

♪ 'CAUSE THERE AIN'T NOBODY LIKE YOU ♪

♪ IN THE MELMACKIAN RACE

♪ TEACH US, GORDON...

HA! I KILL ME!