Original subtitles

CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY LIONS GATE HOME ENTERTAINMENT

HI.

IT SURE IS A BEAUTIFUL DAY FOR AN ALF TALE.

THE SKY IS BLUE, THE FLORA IS LUSH,

THE BIRDS ARE SINGING THEIR SWEET SONG OF FRIENDSHIP.

[TWEET TWEET]

SHOO!

THIS IS THE SETTING FOR TODAY'S TALE,

CINDERELLA.

IT TAKES PLACE IN AN ENCHANTED TIME

A TIME OF MAGIC AND MUSIC AND MERRIMENT.

A TIME YEARS BEFORE YOU WERE BORN.

A TIME CALLED 1962.

THIS IS THE HOME OF YOUNG CINDERELLA FITZGERALD.

SOMETHING'S ABOUT TO HAPPEN TO CINDY

THAT'LL CHANGE HER LIFE.

ALL I CAN TELL YOU IS THAT IT INVOLVES A MAN, A POMPADOUR...

AND A GUITAR.

LET'S ROCK.

CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?

GORDO SHUMWAY IS COMING TO BLANDSVILLE.

THE PRINCE OF ROCK 'N' ROLL IS DOING A CONCERT HERE.

I WISH. I CAN'T AFFORD TICKETS TO THE CONCERT.

MY DAD WON'T GET THEM FOR ME.

OK, URS. BYE.

♪ IF YOU TREAT ME BAD

♪ GONNA FEEL SO BLUE

♪ COME ON, BABY, TIE MY SHOES ♪

YOU'RE MY FUR-BEARING SWEETIE, GAL.

[SIGHS]

[KNOCK ON DOOR] COME IN.

WELL, HI, PRINCESS.

SAY, THERE'S SOMEONE I'D LIKE YOU TO MEET.

CINDERELLA, THIS IS TILLIE FITZGERALD,

YOUR NEW STEPMOTHER.

WE WERE JUST MARRIED.

I SAW HER IN THE FROZEN FOOD SECTION THIS MORNING

AND I KNEW I HAD TO MAKE HER MINE.

[STAMMERS]

THIS IS MY DAUGHTER CINDERELLA.

I KNOW A PLASTIC SURGEON.

GOOD, GOOD. UH, SAY,

THERE'S SOMEONE ELSE I'D LIKE YOU TO MEET.

OH, JANET!

[FOOTSTEPS] LaTOYA!

HER HAIR'S SO UCKY!

THIS FURNITURE IS ICKY.

HER CLOTHING IS OOKY.

SHE AND HER ENVIRONMENT STINK IN GENERAL.

CINDY, THESE ARE YOUR NEW STEPSISTERS,

JANET AND LaTOYA.

WHY, HEY, AREN'T YOU GOING TO SAY HELLO?

UHH...

GOOD, GOOD.

SAY, CINDY, DID YOU KNOW

THAT YOUR MOM AND THE GIRLS

HAVE ONE OF THOSE ROCK 'N' ROLL MUSIC ACTS?

I'M JANET, THE SHY ONE.

I'M LaTOYA, THE FUNNY ONE.

AND I'M TILLIE, THE MOM ONE.

♪ AND WE'RE

[OFF-KEY PITCH PIPE]

♪ BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM ♪

♪ THE EVIL STEPTONES

I'VE GOT TO GO GET MY PUTTER WAXED.

WHY DON'T YOU GIRLS GET TO KNOW ONE ANOTHER?

GREAT! I'LL HAVE THIS!

OH, I WANT THAT ONE!

[BOTH TALKING AT ONCE]

I'LL HAVE THIS!

I WANT THAT!

UNH!

[CRASHING]

[GARBLED SPEECH]

[SOBS]

WAH!

♪ A ZIP, A ZOP

♪ A BIDDLY DIDDLY BOP

♪ TO YOU AND YOU

THAT WAS REAL GOOD, FELLAS.

BUY YOURSELVES SOME CADILLACS.

GEE, THANKS, GORDO.

THAT'S GREAT, G.

YOU DID G-GREAT STUFF, Y'ALL.

FANT-T-TASTIC!

YOU BRING A TEAR TO MY EYE.

HOW YOU DOING, MY LITTLE GUSHER?

I WANT TO GET MARRIED.

M-MARRIED? WOW!

EVERYBODY GO HOME.

YOU'RE UPSETTING GORDO.

YOU ARE DISTURBING HIS DELICATE B-BALANCE.

IT'S NOT THE GUYS, COLONEL.

HECK, MOST OF THEM ARE MY COUSINS

AND FORMER CELLMATES.

W-WHAT THE D-DANG HECK IS THE PROBLEM, THEN?

-YAY! -YAY!

B-BUT WHAT ABOUT THE TREMENDOUS INCOME I MAKE OFF YOU?

I-I MEAN, WHAT ABOUT YOUR CAREER?

EVERY GAL IN THE COUNTRY WANTS TO MARRY YOU.

YOU GET MARRIED, THEY'LL STOP B-BUYING YOUR RECORDS.

I'M A-YEARNING FOR THE SIMPLE LIFE.

I'M GOING TO FIND ME A BRIDE AT THE CONCERT TONIGHT.

AT THE CONCERT?

YOU'RE TALKING CRAZY, BOY.

I'M TALKING FATE.

WHEN I SPOT THE GIRL WITH THAT SPECIAL LOOK IN HER EYE,

I'LL KNOW SHE'S MY HUNK OF BURNIN' LOVE.

WHOA! AAH!

COLONEL? WHAT?

YOU GOT SOME ANGLE ON THIS?

I'VE BEEN THINKING.

LET'S ANNOUNCE THAT YOU WANT TO GET MARRIED.

GET A LITTLE PUBLICITY.

JUST REMEMBER,

I WANT TO KEEP THIS

PERSONAL AND PRIVATE-LIKE.

I-I'LL NOTIFY THE PAPERS, THE NETWORKS,

AND EVERY PERSON IN THE WORLD.

THEY'LL ALL BE AT THE CONCERT.

WHATEVER YOU WANT.

JUST DON'T MAKE A BIG DEAL OUT OF IT.

GORDO WILL PICK A BRIDE

AT TONIGHT'S CONCERT AT TOWN HALL!

THIS IS THE BLIMP TALKING.

AND CONGRESS HAS AGREED TO CREATE TWO NATIONAL HOLIDAYS

IN HONOR OF GORDO SHUMWAY'S MARRIAGE.

THE RUSSIAN PREMIER IS REPORTED TO SAY,

"DA. IS GOOD."

I CAN'T BELIEVE THE CONCERT IS IN TWO HOURS,

AND WE DON'T HAVE TICKETS.

I WANT US TO MARRY GORDO.

YEAH, AND BECOME HIS BACKUP SINGERS.

BUT IT LOOKS LIKE WE'LL JUST HAVE TO STAY HOME

AND TORMENT CINDERELLA.

IMAGINE--BECOMING MRS. GORDO SHUMWAY.

YOU? MARRY GORDO?

[ALL LAUGHING]

SAY, I ALMOST FORGOT.

SID AT THE OFFICE GAVE ME A COUPLE OF TICKETS.

THEY'RE FOR SOME BOWLING TOURNAMENT

OR DOG SHOW OR GORDO CONCERT OR SOMETHING.

[PANTING]

GOOD, GOOD, GOOD.

[SOBS] OH, DADDY,

EVER SINCE TILLIE AND JANET AND LaTOYA ARRIVED,

THEY'VE BEEN TORMENTING ME

AND ROBBING ME

AND DRIVING ME LIKE A SLAVE!

[CHUCKLES] OH, WELL,

YOU MAKE SURE TO STUDY HARD AND FLOSS REGULARLY.

I LOVE DONDI.

[FOOTSTEPS]

NOW, WHILE WE'RE AT THE CONCERT,

YOU MAKE SURE TO SWEEP THE CHIMNEY...

AND CUT THE FIREWOOD...

AND FINISH UP THAT RADIATION RESEARCH

IN THE BASEMENT.

WE'RE OFF TO MARRY GORDO.[WHISTLES]

♪ BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM ♪

♪ THE EVIL STEPTONES

[SLAM]

[WEEPING]

I LOVE BLONDIE, TOO.

BLONDIE AND DONDI.

AND DENNIS THE MENACE.

[CLOCK CHIMES]

A HALF HOUR TO THE CONCERT.

I'LL NEVER GET TO SEE GORDO.

AND THE ODDS ARE EVEN SLIMMER THAT I'LL MARRY HIM.

SAY, DID YOU MURMUR SOMETHING, PRINCESS?

[WEEPS]

I WISH I HAD SOMEONE I COULD TURN TO.

SOMEONE WHO WOULD GET ME TO THE CONCERT--

A FAIRY GODMOTHER.

WHY DO YOU COME TO ME NOW?

YOU'VE NEVER ASKED FOR MY HELP BEFORE.

FAIRY GOD MOTHER?

[MANDOLIN PLAYING]

I'VE BEEN WATCHING YOU.

I'VE SEEN HOW YOUR NEW STEPMOTHER AND STEPSISTERS

HAVE MISTREATED YOU.

THE TIME HAS COME TO MAKE THEM PAY FOR WHAT THEY'VE DONE.

WHAT CAN YOU DO?

I'LL GRANT YOU THREE WISHES I CANNOT REFUSE.

WELL, I WANT TO GO TO THE CONCERT,

BUT I CAN'T GO IN THESE RAGS.

I TELL YOU, IT'S A TERRIBLE THING.

THERE I AM, MINDING MY OWN BUSINESS,

WHEN THIS BEAUTIFUL BALLGOWN, SIZE 6,

AND MATCHING PUMPS, SIZE 7,

AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH SUCH BEAUTIFUL ITEMS.

THEY'RE BEAUTIFUL.

PLEASE ACCEPT THESE GIFTS

AS A TOKEN OF MY FRIENDSHIP.

THANK YOU, WILLIE, FOR YOUR SERVICES.

WHAT GOOD ARE THESE BEAUTIFUL THINGS?

I DON'T HAVE ANY WAY

OF GETTING TO THE CONCERT.

[CAR DOOR SHUTS]

THERE I AM, MINDING MY OWN BUSINESS,

WHEN I AND THIS NEW TWO-TONE FORD CROWN VICTORIA STRETCH

FALL OFF THE BACK OF A TRUCK.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH SUCH A BEAUTIFUL ITEM.

IN THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT, YOU WILL FIND A TICKET TO THE CONCERT TONIGHT.

AND IN THE TRUNK, A VERY EXPERIENCED HAIRDRESSER.

THANK YOU, GODMOTHER.

BUT YOU MUST LEAVE THE CONCERT TONIGHT BY 9:30.

MIDNIGHT.

9:35.

11:30.

QUARTER TO 10:00.

ONE MOMENT LATER,

AND YOU'LL BRING SHAME ON ME AND MY FAMILY.

A QUARTER TO 10:00.

HOW CAN I THANK YOU?

SOMEDAY-- AND THAT DAY MAY NEVER COME--

I MAY CALL ON YOU

TO PERFORM A SERVICE.

UNTIL THEN, KEEP YOUR FEET ON THE GROUND.

AND KEEPREACHING FOR THE STARS.

BUT WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

I HAVE TO SEE A MAN ABOUT A HORSE.

[CHANTING AND CHEERING]

[YAWNS]

IT'S TIME TO GET THESE LIGHTS REAL LOW,

'CAUSE DURING THE NEXT 5 MINUTES,

I'M GOING TO FIND ME A WOMAN

AND FALL DEEPLY IN LOVE.

[ALL GASP]

UH-HUH.

OH! OH! OH!

THANK YOU, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

OOH!

-YEAH! -I MEAN THAT.

-YEAH! -WE LIKE IT!

GORDO! GORDO!

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, I'VE NEVER SEEN

SO MANY BIG STARS SO EAGER TO SEE A CONCERT.

WAIT A MINUTE.

WHO'S THAT?

Gordon: ♪ TREAT ME GOOD

♪ PLEASE DON'T TREAT ME BAD ♪

WOW, WHAT A WOMAN!

[GASPING]

♪ THEN...THEN I WON'T BE SAD ♪

♪ IF YOU TREAT ME BAD

♪ GONNA BE SO BLUE

YEAH.

[GASPING]

♪ TIE MY SHOES

♪ I'VE GOT MONEY

♪ I'VE GOT HAIR

♪ LOBSTER THERMIDOR

♪ YOU JUST CAN'T HELP LOVING ME ♪

♪ UH-UH

♪ BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?

♪ BUT I LOVE ME MORE

♪ YOU CAN'T HELP LOVIN' KITTY CATS ♪

♪ PURRING TENDERLY

♪ YOU CAN'T HELP LOVIN' MOONLIGHT CHATS ♪

♪ YOU CAN'T HELP LOVIN' ME ♪

♪ OH, NO

♪ YOU CAN'T HELP LOVIN' HONEY SWEET ♪

NOW THAT YOU MENTION IT,

SHE BEARS A STRIKING RESEMBLANCE TO, UH...

YES, YES! SHE LOOKS JUST LIKE...

All three: TERI GARR!

♪ YOU CAN'T HELP LOVING ME ♪

♪ ME

♪ OHH

NAUSEATING, ISN'T IT?

♪ I'VE GOT HAIR

♪ LOBSTER THERMIDOR ♪ LOBSTER THERMIDOR

♪ YOU JUST CAN'T HELP LOVING ME ♪

♪ MMM

Both: ♪ BUT I LOVE ME MORE ♪

♪ I'VE GOT MONEY

♪ I'VE GOT HAIR

♪ WHAT A POMPADOUR

♪ I JUST CAN'T HELP LOVIN' YOU ♪

♪ BUT YOU LOVE YOU

♪ MOOOORE

[APPLAUSE]

I LOVE YOU, DARLING.

OH, GORDO, I LOVE YOU.

AND DO YOU HAVE THE TIME?

IT'S A QUARTER TO 10:00.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

DON'T MENTION IT.

WHA?

WHAT A FLIGHTY CHICK.

BUT I LIKE IT. I LIKE IT.

[ADDING MACHINE CALCULATING]

WHO IS SHE? WHO IS SHE?

I-I THINK WE MAY HAVE BROKEN A RECORD IN SALES

OF G-G-GORDO MERCHANDISE.

THE BIGGEST SELLERS WERE

THE GORDO SHUMWAY SMELL-LIKE-ME NECKERCHIEF

AND THE GORDO SHUMWAY SNEER-LIKE-ME LIP CLIP.

I DON'T CARE. I DON'T CARE ABOUT NOTHING

EXCEPT FINDING THAT GIRL.

[KNOCKS] Man: ROOM SERVICE.

COME IN.

I CAN'T PUT HER OUT OF MY MIND.

EVERYWHERE I LOOK, I SEE HER.

N-NOW THAT'S JUST R-RIDICULOUS, SON.

OH!

OHH. I CAN'T HELP IT.

I'M IN LOVE.

HERE YOU GO.

THANK YOU.

WELL, WHAT'S SO SPECIAL ABOUT THAT G-G-GAL?

[DOOR SHUTS]

♪ MOOOORE

WHAT'S YOUR P-POINT?

I GOT TO FIND THAT CHICK,

BUT I DON'T KNOW HER NAME, HER NUMBER.

HEY, THOSE GLASSES GIVE ME AN IDEA.

YOU WEAR GLASS SLIPPERS, RIGHT?

YEP.

GIVE ME ONE.

THIS WILL DO VERY NICELY.

[RINGS]

AAH!

OH!

OHH!

♪ LAAAAAA

[RINGS]

OHH!

♪ LAAAAAA

[COUGH]

♪ AAAAHHHH

[RINGS]

[INDISTINCT SOUNDS ON TV]

[SCRAPING]

[DOORBELL RINGS]

SOMEONE'S AT THE DOOR.

AAH!

AAH! HI. GORDO SHUMWAY.

GLAYDON GO--WAH!

GORNISH SHELLMAN!

YEOW![STRINGS HUM]

[CRASH]

HI. COME IN.

YEAH, FOREVER.

I'M LOOKING FOR THAT WONDERFUL VISION OF BEAUTY

THAT SANG WITH ME AT MY CONCERT LAST NIGHT.

ME! IT WAS ME! IT WAS ME!

WHEN I FIND THE WOMAN

WHO CAN SHATTER THIS GLASS SLIPPER WITH HER VOICE,

I'LL KNOW I HAVE MY TRUE LOVE.

[ALL SING]

♪ AAHHH ♪ AAHHH

[COUGH COUGH]

[COUGH COUGH] [COUGH COUGH]

NICE TRY.

THERE ARE OTHER WOMEN IN THE HOUSE?

All three: WOMEN? NOT A ONE.

UH-UH.

NOPE. NOPE.

[NOTES PLAYING]

♪ YOU'VE GOT MONEY, YOU'VE GOT HAIR ♪

♪ WHAT A POMPADOUR

THAT VELVET VIBRATO.

IT'S MEL TORME, UPSTAIRS.

♪ I JUST CAN'T HELP LOVING YOU ♪

♪ BUT YOU LOVE YOU

♪ MOOOORE

IT'S YOU!

YOU ARE MY PRINCESS OF ROCK 'N' ROLL.

AND YOU ARE MY PRINCE.

PARDON ME.

OHH! AAH! OH!

THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT.

MY FAULT?

YOU PUT HER IN THE PIANO.

MA, SHE SAYS IT'S MY FAULT.

I HATE YOU BOTH.

NOW, I HAVE TO FIND A WHOLE NEW FAMILY TO EXPLOIT.

WELL, I-I'D CALL IT

A FAIRY TALE ROMANCE, BOYS,

Y-YOU KNOW, SOMETHING OUT OF THE STORYBOOKS.

YOU CAN Q-Q-QUOTE ME ON THAT.

HEY, THERE, LETTER LOVERS.

TODAY'S MAILBAG SUPPLIES US WITH A LOVELY POEM

FROM LITTLE ALLIE GINSBERG OF GREENWICH, CONNECTICUT.

IT'S ENTITLED,

ODE TO THE ALFER.

AND I'D LIKE TO READ IT TO YOU.

OK, RINGO. A LITTLE MORE ATMOSPHERE, PLEASE.

"WHO IS THIS FELLOW, THE ALFER,

"SO WINSOME, SO FURRY, SO CUTE?

"WHAT IS THE BEST THING ABOUT HIM?

"HIS COURAGE? HIS KINDNESS? HIS SNOOT?

"WHAT IS HIS LEANING, THE ALFER,

"REPUBLICAN OR DEMOCRAT?

"WHY IS HE BELCHING, THE ALFER?

"IS HE DIGESTING A CAT?

"WHERE IS HE GOING, THE ALFER?

"WHAT TRIALS AND TRAVELS IN STORE?

"WHERE IS HE GOING, THIS ALFER?

TO THE BATHROOM, TO MAKE NUMBER FOUR."

SEE YOU NEXT WEEK.

[GASPS] WHOO.

♪ GORDON, SEND US

♪ OH, SEND US

♪ INTO OUTER SPACE

♪ OUTER SPACE

♪ 'CAUSE THERE AIN'T NOBODY LIKE YOU ♪

♪ IN THE MELMACKIAN RACE

♪ TEACH US, GORDON...

HA! I KILL ME!