Original subtitles

[theme music playing]

[frogs croaking]

[frogs croaking]

[Bessie purring]

Ah, a leisurely outing with Bessie.

Why, we could really go anywhere. Do anything.

Ooh, ooh! Can we get Swamp Slushies? They have new flavors.

[chuckles] Nope.

Can we go off-road? Do some crazy stunts?

Double no.

-Ooh, ooh! Can I drive? -Sure

Aw, come on, Hop Pop. Wait, really?

Absolutely. I've been trying to teach this guy for years.

It's true.

All right. Give me those reins. I'm ready to drive.

Not before reading this, you ain't.

-What? -This is Bessie's History.

Before touching a snail's reins, you gotta know them.

Feel their heartbeat next to yours and become one.

Hop Pop, it's just a vehicle.

We had a family car back home. It's no biggie.

-Oof! -Don't care.

You can't drive Bessie unless you read this cover to cover.

-And that's final. -Are there pictures?

There are diagrams.

[echoing] No!

Dramatic much?

Now, if you'll excuse me, Polly's due for a wash.

[giggles]

No, no. Wait. No!

I'll just get dirty again. You can't stop me.

I learned this from watching you, Anne.

[groans] I'll be old before I finish reading this thing.

Yeah, page five is as far as I got.

Too much description, not enough plot.

[sighs] This is ridiculous.

I don't need history. I need experience.

Hey.

What do you say we take a harmless test-drive?

Prove to Hop Pop we're fast learners?

Hmm. Do you get the feeling

this is one of those decisions we'll look back on and say,

"Ooh-boy, we probably shouldn't have done that"?

[sing-song] We'll get Swamp Slushies while we're out.

No regrets!

That's what I like to hear. Hyah!

-[whooping] -[laughing]

Huh? What in tarnation?

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Out of the way, slowpoke.

Hooligans! Ruffians! Swamp suckers!

Whoa. What was that?

-I've always wanted to try road rage. -And the verdict?

Exhilarating.

Live your truth! Yeah!

[both laugh]

[Sprig] Man, you were right.

We didn't need to read some silly book. You drive just fine.

Just fine? Pshh. Boy, I'm a natural.

[gasps] Ooh, ooh! Wanna take this baby off-road?

Yup.

-[revving] -Whoo-hoo!

[both] Whoa!

[laughing]

Whoa!

[laughing]

[both] Whoa! Oof!

[sighs] Off roading. Fun.

But how about we go back to on-roading?

Good, old reliable on-roading. Yes, please.

All right, Bessie. Let's move.

One more time. Let's move.

Um, Bessie?

-[sputtering] -You alright, girl?

Hey, what's going on here? Does it need fuel in the tank or something?

Is the oil low?

Come get the tasty fuel, Bessie!

Ew, Anne. These leaves are tastier.

Here, Bessie. I got dem good leaves, girl.

[purrs]

Hmm. Maybe we can push her.

Give her a jump-start? I'm sure that's a thing.

[both straining]

-Okay. She is way too heavy. -[Sprig panting]

Also, I'm crazy out of shape.

What are we gonna do? We're stuck.

We have no choice. I'll stay here with Bessie

while you hitch a ride back to the farm and...

[groans]

go get Hop Pop.

Good idea. It's the right thing to do, even if we get an earful.

Back in a flash.

[grunting]

[sighs]

[scatting]

[yawns]

Ah, this is so boring. [groans]

Wish I had something to read.

Fine. But just to pass the time.

[coughs] Okay, let's see here.

"It was an especially cold morning

the day Bessie was brought into this world."

[Hop Pop] "The leaves had just changed color,

and now I shall describe those leaves to you in great detail--"

Nope. Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope.

[grunting]

Aha!

Over here, over here. I need a ride.

-[coughing] -[tires squeal]

Oh, thank you so much for stopping. I, uh--

Oh.

Bless my socks if it isn't Sprig Plantar.

[chuckles] Yep.

Hey, uh, sorry about earlier. Got a little carried away.

Oh, pishposh.

Sadie Croaker never holds a grudge, honey.

Well, that's lucky. Will you give me a lift back home? It's urgent.

Oh, absolutely.

Thanks, Mrs. Croaker.

Oh, my pleasure honey. Well go on and get comfy.

Watch out for old Archie, though. His venom can cause paralysis.

Now hold on to your eyebrows.

-'Cause here we go! -[engine revving]

[both whooping]

Can't this thing go any faster?

[Hop Pop] "And it was at that moment I realized Bessie was no ordinary snail,

but a kind, clear soul who would help others at a drop of a hat.

I raised my bid to 400 copper pieces, winning the auction

and in the process, saving Bessie from the nefarious Jim Snapes."

Yes! In your face, Snapes. [grunts]

Man. This is actually pretty good.

And I need to stop eating leaves.

[humming]

Come on, come on.

You know what would make this ride go a lot quicker?

What? Anything. What?

A song.

[vocalizing]

♪ Ninety-nine jugs Of juice on the wall ♪

♪ Ninety-nine jugs of juice ♪

♪ Take one down... ♪

[distorted voice]

[Hop Pop] "The snow swirled around us and I knew we were doomed.

I could feel the strength leaving my body bit by bit.

The sweet embrace of eternity crept closer and closer

until suddenly I heard a sound pulling me back."

[warbling]

"Bessie... Bessie was singing!"

[sobbing]

You go, girl.

You noble, noble creature.

No, man, this is messing me up.

[sniffles] Now let's see. Where was I?

"The reason Bessie had hidden in her shell was now very clear to me.

A predator was close.

And not just any predator. A natural enemy of snails."

-[rustling] -[bird caws]

Uh... Hello?

Uh, anything in here about this predator?

Oh, there we go. Aw, it's actually pretty cute.

-[snarling] -[screaming]

[whimpers]

[snarling]

[yells]

[growling]

Cone on, come on. Yes!

"When Bessie senses danger, you gotta sit on her shell

and yell at the top of your lungs,

'Bessie, things are getting messy!'"

Yes!

Whoo!

[growling]

Eat our dust, hedgehogs. [screams]

"If you still haven't escaped, give Bessie some berries

from the secret compartment in the front of her shell."

Whoa, this is gross.

Let's do this thing, Bessie.

[squawks]

[yelping]

[screeches]

Way to go, Bessie!

You are queen of the road.

[squawks]

All right, let's go home.

♪ Take one down pass it around ♪

♪ No more jugs of juice on the wall ♪

[sighs] Glad that's finally over.

One more time.

[muffled screaming]

[Anne] Hey, kid! Need a lift?

[squawks]

Anne! Thank goodness. Okay, bye, Mrs. Croaker. Thank you.

Bye, darlin'. Next time, try to keep that road rage in check.

[laughs] Yee-haw!

-[cackling] -[tires screeching]

[whooping]

Pretty sure I just got played.

That woman is everything I want to be.

[both groan]

We made it.

And it looks like Hop Pop's still washing Polly.

-You'll never take me alive! -Dang it, Polly.

You're getting filth everywhere.

[crash]

Hey. You coming?

I think I'm going to spend a little more time with old Bessie here.

Suit yourself.

[door closes]

[purring gently]

Now where were we?

[snoring]

[grunts] What the hey?

Good morning, Hopadiah.

Anne?

I did it.

I read the whole thing.

In one night.

Impressive. Kinda scary. But impressive.

I was wrong about Bessie. She's not just a vehicle.

She's a noble, beautiful creature.

And now that you've read this, all you need is experience.

[chuckling]

[evil laughter]

I don't feel safe.

[frogs croaking]

Hmm. Got any threes?

I ain't telling you nothing, old man.

[footsteps]

Ahhhh! [yelling]

-[yelling] Is someone dead? -Why are we yelling?

Just look.

[all gasp] She's diseased.

We have to quarantine her.

Don't struggle, Anne.

What, no. Guys, it's not a disease.

These are pimples. It's just a human thing.

Oh. False alarm, everyone. Just a human thing.

[Sprig sighs] Okay.

[sighs] Everybody already treats me like a monster.

This is just gonna make it ten times worse. [groans]

Ah, come on. No one treats you like a monster Anne.

Are you kidding? I can't even go outside without making a scene.

-[whistling] -Ah! It's hideous.

-Look away, Teddy. Look away. -[screaming]

Ah, poop.

Okay. Fair point, fair point.

But who cares what they think? We like you.

Uh-huh. I'm going to go hide in the basement until this clears up.

Sorry, Anne, but nobody's hiding anywhere today.

I need help at the vegetable stand.

We got a bumper crop of scream beans that need selling.

[screaming]

Fresh crickets, ma'am? Always fresh.

Worms! We got worms!

Are these grubs organic?

All right, kids.

Get out there and sell like your lives depend on it.

Because they do.

We-- We really need this.

Come one, come all.

Try the beans everybody's screaming about.

[screaming]

Beans, everyone. Wow, can you believe it?

-Oh, gracious! -Like I'd buy beans from a monster.

Yup.

[giggles] You can't catch me.

Whoa!

Leaping larva. Look!

No! No, don't look at me.

-Are you seeing what I'm seeing? -Yeah, I think so.

They're warts. Beautiful, ruby-red warts.

Wait. Huh?

-Stunning. -Are they real?

-I wanna touch them. -Amazing.

Three cheers for the girl with the ruby-red warts.

-[cheering] -Yay!

Whoa! Whoa!

[giggles]

Whoo!

Oh, this is bad, Toadie. People hate us.

With a passion, sir.

It's as if embezzling money from the town makes you the bad guy.

[groans] If we don't fix thing soon, we'll lose next month's election for sure.

The only thing that can save us now is a miracle.

[cheering]

Oh, my dear Toadie, I do believe that our miracle has arrived.

[Sprig] This is awesome.

Just look at all these gifts.

The towns people like me.

They really, really like me.

[gasps] Choco Chocolate maggots! Come to Mama!

Yeah. They really seem to like your human bumps, Anne.

[gasps] I better take care of these moneymakers if I wanna keep this up.

Babies.

Babies are hungry.

[all shudder]

-Too much? -[horn honks]

Anne, my dear.

Care to join me for a joyride?

[whinnies]

We brought the fancy snail.

Get out!

We all get to ride in that?

Awesome!

Finally, the luxury I deserve.

Ooh!

Nope. I'm afraid only Anne is invited.

Just look at those beautiful warts. [chuckles]

Don't look so glum, guys. It's just a ride. I'll be back in a few.

-[whinnies] -Whoo-hoo!

[coughing]

-It begins. -[both] Huh?

Fame changes people, kids. And not in a good way.

Whoo! Man, this snail is fast.

Anne, we can help each other. I can make sure you stay popular,

and in turn, you can help me improve my reputation. How does that sound?

Sounds harmless. Can I honk the horn?

-Yeah, sure. -Whoo!

[honks]

[crowd cheering]

[upbeat music playing]

[croaks] [sighs]

[crowd cheering]

[cheering]

[screaming]

Here we are.

From now on, Anne, this is your home.

Whoa!

This is awesome.

And to think just yesterday people were treating me like a monster.

Look at me now, baby.

[chuckles]

Glad you're enjoying yourself.

Stick with me and I'll make sure you never go out of style.

Now take care of those warts. Toodles.

Hey, Anne. Got time for a visit?

Oh. Hey, guys.

Just look at this place. Epic, right?

Yeah. It's great.

[grunts] Can you believe I was living in your basement?

Ha! It was cold, dusty, not to mention smelly.

Oh, no offense.

None taken.

[chimes]

Oh, shoot. We gotta wrap this up.

I've gotta sign autographs, kiss tadpoles and do some interviews, all before dinner.

So good to talk to you guys. Love you. Mean it. Muah!

[Sprig] The heck was that?

-It's like she's a different person. -Yeah. A crazy person.

-This stinks. -Hey. None of that.

Kids, when one of your own makes it big, you support them. No matter what.

Because deep, deep, deep, deep, deep, deep, deep down,

they're the same person.

-[sighs] You're right, Hop Pop. -Okay.

Ma'am, I think I found the perfect dress for tonight.

Oh. Yeah, okay.

[crowing]

-[knocking on door] -[groans] Five more minutes.

"Be at the assembly at noon sharp."

Good morning, my greasy babies. Time to get ready for the--

[gasps] No.

No. No, no, no, no!

My pimples!

What do I do? What do I do? What do I do? [gasps]

Uh, hello? Anyone there?

Just me. Toadie. [laughs] Wow.

Uh, can you deliver this note to the Plantars?

Of course, ma'am. But before I do, could I get an autograph? I'm a huge fan.

Yeah, sure. Why not? Here. Now go.

Uh, this is a little hard to read.

-Just go! -Yes, ma'am.

-[footsteps retreating] -[sighs]

-We got your note. -We came as fast as we could.

[Sprig] What's the emergency?

My life is ruined.

My zits. They're gone. Without them, I'm... I'm nothing.

[sighs] Anne, that's ridiculous I'm sick and tired of this and, and--

[sighs] we'll do everything we can to help you.

Oh, thank goodness.

Hmm. [muttering]

I got it! What if we stuck some of these swamp berries to your face?

They kinda look like pimples.

Great. But how can we get to the swamp without me being seen.

-have f-Annes everywhere. -F-what?

F-Annes. It's what we're calling my fans.

I don't want to live on this planet anymore.

Don't worry about the crowds, Anne. I have a pla-Anne.

[groans]

Make way.

Plague towels, everyone. Plague towels.

[all gasping]

If you don't wanna cough up your organs, stay back!

Hey, everyone, that's Anne's foot.

-Uh-oh. -The jig's up! Run!

-[all screaming] -Anne, we love you!

We need you. Please...

We'll never make it.

Not without a diversion, we won't.

-Anne. Give me your shoe. -Uh... Okay.

Hey, everyone. Lookie. I've got Anne's shoe.

Hop Pop, no!

-He's got Anne's shoe. -Get him!

Fly, you fools.

[crowd roars]

-Eh, he'll be fine. -Look, over there.

-How do I look? -That should do it.

-Thanks for helping me, guys. -That's what we're here for.

Not me. I'm here for the drama.

[crowd cheering]

Where is she? I'm losing a point in the polls every minute she's late.

-I'm here. I'm here. -There you are, my dear. I was so worried.

Sorry, I was caught up in this whole mob situation.

Luckily, the Plantars were there to help me and--

The Plantars? Anne, honey, I thought we talked about this.

Hanging out with those bumpkins will only pull you down to their level.

I think it's for the best that you not be seen with them anymore.

Understand?

Understood.

Good. Now get out there. Your public awaits.

[crowd cheering]

-[feedback screeches] -Crazy week, huh?

Couple days ago, I was a monster, and now I'm the pride and joy of Wartwood.

I've got a nice apartment, F-Annes, fame.

But you know what I'm missing?

The people who'll stick with me, whether I'm a monster or not.

[crowd gasps]

She's hideous again.

Anne, what are you doing? You're throwing it all away.

Now how am I supposed to convince these idiots to vote for me?

-Um, sir? -What is it, Toadie? I... Oh.

[coughs]

Did I say "idiots"?

I meant lovely, lovely townspeople, eh?

Simmer down now? Simmer--

This is an outrage! Stop that!

-Show's over. -What a waste of time.

Let's get outta here.

Uh... Hey guys?

-These are horrifying. -Yep.

Thanks for sticking with me, even when the attention got to my head.

Just remember to do the same when I'm rich and famous.

Never happening.

Any chance I can go back to being the monster that lives in your basement?

Of course.

Thanks you guys. Hey, you know what?

I still have the key to the apartment.

You guys wanna try out the hot tub before they change the locks?

[all] Whoo-hoo! Yeah!

Hot tub.

Can't wait to feel those bubbles in my pants.

[theme music playing]