Original subtitles

♪♪

♪ Hey, everybody, have you heard the news? ♪

♪ Joe Bob is back in town ♪

♪ He's over at the drive-in, hanging around ♪

♪ Watching crazy movies, so come on down ♪

♪ To Joe Bob's last drive-in show ♪

♪ Blood, beasties, boobies, and more ♪

♪ Joe Bob's last drive-in show ♪

♪ It's a spooky good time with monsters and ghosts ♪

♪ Crazy, kooky fun with the world's greatest host ♪

♪ Joe Bob's last drive-in show ♪

♪ It's gonna be legendary ♪

♪ Joe Bob's last drive-in show ♪

♪ It's gonna be very scary ♪

♪ Joe Bob's last drive-in show ♪

♪ Let's go! ♪

♪♪

Man: Ho, ho, ho!

[ Static crackles ]

Okay, here we are, ruining Christmas again.

You know why we do that, though?

So that none of you go off the deep end

and start killing your relatives.

Everybody is supposed to be so gull-durn happy at Christmas

that it's a recipe for suicide, homicide, fratricide, matricide,

brothercide, sistercide, and neighborcide.

"Yeah, I got your jingle bells right here, pal."

So, in order to avoid mayhem on the Yule,

which now that I think about it, wouldn't be a bad movie title --

"Mayhem on the Yule,"

starring Clint Howard as an elf with an Uzi.

Darcy: Whoo![ Laughs ]

World's biggest Clint Howard fan.

In order to avoidthat, we always give you

some on-screen violence to keep a lid on it.

And we're gonna watch "Black Christmas" tonight...

Yay!...the original one.

Oh. [ Laughs ]

Darcy the Mail Girl has been agitating for this

for a long time.

You didn't like it last year

when we did the four-movie "Phantasm" marathon.

Those are not Christmas movies.

Well, they had the same spirit as Christmas movies

is what we thought.

The fans want to see Christmas horror.

I want to see Christmas horror.

And you always do what the people want

because you're chest deep in that social media,

neck deep in the social media,

listening to the pulse of the horror community.

Send Darcy your tweets, your Instas,

your Facebook posts. She's all over it.

But mostly Twitter for the live feed.

If you wanna talk to us tonight, that's where you go.

You know, the only reason that people didn't

totally buy the line-up last year

is that we blew the final special effect.

We had that "Phantasm" flying silver ball,

and it was supposed to embed in my forehead

and spew blood all over you.

Oh, man. How cool would that have been?

But instead, it just stuck in my hat, you know?

Not scary.

We should impale you on some reindeer antlers.

Oh, man. I've actually tried that cosplay a couple times.

That original scene from "Silent Night, Deadly Night"?

With the antlers? Yeah. I can't get it.

The Linnea Quigley scene is what we're talking about

where she -- I haven't watched it in a while,

but doesn't she get dropped down the chimney or something

and ends up with antlers through her boobs?

No. Not -- Not at all.

Well, that's the way I remembered it.

Well, anyway, that's what we should do tonight, though.

Antlers through your boobs or wherever she was impaled.

Same thing from that movie.

I am so down. Okay.

Well, we got a triple feature,

so I'll talk to you about that during the movie.

Have you got Linnea Quigley, like, sexy wardrobe?

I'm pretty sure I could come up with something.

All right. Of course you do.

You know, I should mention this, too.

Blumhouse released the "Black Christmas" remake today.

It's not a remake. It's a total redo.

It has practically nothing to do with the original,

but I think the only reason they did it

is that they knew we would be doing "Black Christmas"

on Friday the 13th,

and they were piggybacking on our publicity!

They have "Black Christmas," we have "Black Christmas."

It's dueling Black Christmases.

But they don't have a mail girl.

Can't we all be together for black Christmas?

Yeah. But I wanted to talk about

Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer first.

You're in great "Black Christmas" cosplay, by the way.

Thank you.You are "Black Christmas."

Exactly. Because you're Christmasy,

and you got all the black, you know?

And those are killer boots. Thank you.

But did you watch the "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer"

Christmas special when you were a kid?

I mean, I still watch it every year now.

Oh! Okay, then you probably know about this article

that came out in the "Huffington Post"

that has shown us the racism, and homophobia, and child abuse,

and bullying, and sexism, and exploitation of the disabled

that lie at the bigoted heart

of the "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" Christmas special.

No. No idea what you're talking about.

I actually don't think the article goes far enough.

I think it's time we got rid of every holiday tradition

that originated in the dark ages

of a united grievance-free country.

But Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer,

as I will shortly prove, is not just outdated,

it's a Communist attempt to turn our children

into substance-abusing sex slaves.

I think we should junk that show,

send it to the graveyard of '60s television,

get rid of Gene Autry.

Let's face it, once that song gets into your head,

you can't get that song out for days.

And replace it with either the Chuck Berry version of the song

"Santa, make him hurry, tell him he can take the freeway down,"

you know, or the Joe Diffie version,

"Leroy the Redneck Reindeer." Do you know that one?

It tells the story of the reindeer

who drives to the North Pole in his pickup

wearing overalls and a John Deere cap.

I've heard that one.You've heard it? Okay.

Because the main advantage of both of those songs is

right out of the chute,

they get rid of the whole red-nose thing.

Do you know the origin of the whole red-nosed reindeer story?

"The Red-Nosed Reindeer" was written by a Chicago copywriter

named Robert May as a children's book

for a Montgomery Ward Christmas giveaway in 1939.

Now, think about it -- 1939.

What happened in 1939?

The Soviet Union invaded Poland

after signing a non-aggression pact with Hitler!

A rednose?! Hello! Wake up, people!

Did anybody check Robert May's party affiliations?

Yeah, let the redreindeer take over.

Let's do things differently this year.

Sure there are nine reindeer pulling the sleigh,

but all the shots are being called by the dictator reindeer,

the strongman who solves all our problems for us.

And then there's the fact that Alcoholics Anonymous

had recently been founded in Akron, Ohio,

by Bill Wilson and Bob Smith, two apparently hopeless drunks

who no doubt had the famous red whiskey nose

popularized by W.C. Fields.

Coincidence? I think not.

We know what makes a nose glow, don't we?

And it's not rosacea, and it's not acne, and it's not the flu.

The guy was a writer.

Obviously, he was a drinker if he was a writer.

It was one of those secret-handshake things

that people in 12-step programs do

so they'll recognize one another

at the West Hollywood breakfast meeting or wherever they go.

It's obviously a subliminal entrenched in the story

so that the song says "Let the drunk speak.

Listen to the drunk," in a way that will be accepted

by the youth of our nation.

Would that it stopped there.

I now ask a simple question --

What the fuck are Reindeer Games?

Has anyone ever seen a reindeer playing a game?

I suppose we could ask a Laplander, but I'm guessing no.

All those horns, all those hooves,

the mixing of genders,

the supple skin of the sleek does,

the implied sadomasochism when they lock their antlers together

and toss each other around --

Rudolph is obviously being told he's not kinky enough

for the big leagues, if you know what I mean,

and I think you do.

The story is an elaborate grooming technique,

full of hints of forbidden pleasures

that because you're socially awkward and wear glasses,

you're not allowed to experience...

until Santa tells you how much he loves your nose.

Now, need I stop here to review how many times

in the great literary works of history

the nose has been used as a substitute

for another male appendage, not to mention

the persistent belief that a prominent nose or a hooked nose

or a protruding nose or any kind of large nose

has the same meaning, in certain circles, as big feet?

Do you see where Santa is going with this?

Do you see where Robert May was going with it?

Do you see where network television was going with it?

I'm gonna go ahead and say it.

They embedded actual pedophilia

in the DNA of our Christmas celebration.

They're not just toys, are they?

They're Misfit Toys!

They're broken, they're damaged, they're misshapen,

they're weird in one way or another,

but in the hands of Santa, they become

wondrous, transformative treasures

that have found their place in the universe

just like you, little Rudolph...

or Freddie, or Timmy, or Billy boy.

You need Santa to reshape you.

Remember the outcast elf in the story?

Why does the outcast elf want to be a dentist?

Who gave him that oral fixation?

I can't even go on with this.

It leads us to places that would shock sex offenders

serving life sentences in the Texas Department of Corrections.

But I have one last question --

What about Bumble the Abominable Snow Monster?

If you'll recall, Bumble's goal

is to eat Rudolph's entire family,

but he's foiled by Hermey the would-be dentist

who extracts all his sharp teeth.

Who is Bumble really, and what does he represent?

Bumble is huge and Bumble is white.

Bumble obviously exemplifies

the decadent, entitled bullying Caucasian race

attempting to destroy diversity and inclusion in this nation,

especially the inclusion of losers like Rudolph

and Hermey, because Rudolph's big feetare a threat

to the established social order

and Hermey's bizarre fixations on the mouth

are destructive to the future of civilization.

So, the extraction of Bumble's teeth is

a revolutionary social message, and that message is,

"Shut up, white guy. The Reds are in charge now.

We're gonna run Santa down the freeway

and right over your sorry ass."

54 years of CBS promoting

Communist organizational techniques

for the North American Man-Boy Love Association.

Okay, I said it. I'm disgusted.

Thank God we finally noticed.

That was one of your more bizarre rants.

Well, it's Christmas. We gotta step it up at Christmas.

But I'm serious about the antlers.

So am I.

All right. Yuki. Yuki. Yuki!

Yuki Nakamura, ladies and gentlemen,

the Tokyo Cowboy,

our set designer, our property master.

Yuki, I need some very sharp reindeer antlers.

Reindeer antlers! Yeah.

Do they have reindeer in Japan?

They have reindeer in Japan, right?

Yes. [ Speaks Japanese ]

What?

Japanese reindeer. [ Speaks Japanese ]

Okay. Well, get me some giant, sharp [speaks Japanese]

reindeer antlers and mount 'em on something

so we can impale Darcy for the big closing effect

of the Christmas special.

Will do. Okay.

No turning back now, Darcy, 'cause Yuki's on the job.

I'm so ready. Heck, yeah.

At the end of the Red Christmas special,

it's now official, Darcy willbe impaled on reindeer antlers.

Yay!All right, so --

[ Laughing ]

We should probably talk about the movie, don't you think?

Might be a good idea.

So, "Black Christmas."

I bet half our audience has already seen this movie.

This is one of the most requested titles that we have.

Okay, so, the main thing about this movie

is the thing we can't talk about because it's the ending.

And we don't do that on this show.

But you know how in film class --

We always have some professors of film

or filmmakers watching because I get their e-mails.

But in film class, they always teach Orson Welles.

They're crazy about Orson Welles.

And they tell you one of the greatest single shots

in all of film history is the opening shot

of "A Touch of Evil" because the camera moves

for three and a half minutes in a single take, okay?

Very first shot of the movie.

Well, in this movie, the last shot inside the house

is a single take with a moving camera,

and it goes on for three minutes,

and it's a difficult shot

because this is before the Steadicam was invented.

And that shot is the whole key to understanding the movie.

I'm exaggerating. It actually goes on

for almost three minutes.

But then there's a shocking image

and then there's another two-minute pan.

So, it's actually kind of a five-minute shot.

But the reason I'm talking about it is

don't think the movie's over before it's over

if you have not seen this movie before.

Do not make the mistake of thinking

that just because the credit crawl has started,

the movie is over.

All right. A lot of claims are made for this movie.

They say it's the first slasher film, 1974.

Not really.

First of all, there's not that much slashing in it.

Secondly, when people say "slasher,"

what they normally mean is deranged serial killer.

That's what they all have in common, right?

So, any movie where you have one guy killing everybody,

like, you know, could technically be called

a slasher film.

And by that definition it is a slasher,

but it can't possibly be the first one

because earlier that same year, 1974,

"The Texas Chain Saw Massacre" was released.

So, if anybody did the first slasher, Tobe Hooper did.

Some people say "Halloween" is the first slasher film.

That's crazy. That wasn't even until 1978.

But isn't "Psycho" a slasher film?

Isn't "Blood Feast" a slasher film from early '60s?

Mario Bava made "Bay of Blood" three years before this movie.

So, my reaction to all of this is who cares.

Stop spending so much time on the Internet, okay?

All right, if you live in Canada, and you're a film nerd,

you say, "Black Christmas is the beginning of Canadian horror.

This is the foundation movie of all Canadian horror.

This is a landmark film that launched the golden age

of Canadian horror."

Like Canadian horror is a thing!

Have you ever once in your life called somebody up and said,

"Come on over to the trailer house.

We're gonna binge-watch some Canadian horror tonight"? No.

Yeah!You have?! Oh, no. Come on.

Italian horror, yes.

Canadian horror? Come on. Really? I don't -- All right.

"My Bloody Valentine," I guess, you watched.

That's another Canadian horror film.

That one you watched?Yes, it's great.

All right. They're always proud of that one.

I don't think anybody who's ever watched "My Bloody Valentine,"

though, has said, "Man do they make great horror

north of the border."

"Class of 1984," same thing. Ooh, see?

And what makes this especially ridiculous is that

when they do make horror movies in Canada,

they always try to disguise the fact they were made in Canada.

Count the number of scenes in this film

where they show an American flag.

They want you to think it's an American film --

a little tiny American flag sitting everywhere

'cause they want it to get released in America

'cause population of the United States -- 325 million.

Population of Canada -- 36 million.

So, hello!

Plus the director of the movie is American, Bob Clark.

Now, he's from Fort Lauderdale.

He did live in Canada for 12 years.

He's actually the only person from Florida

I have ever heard of who went to Toronto for work

and said, "Hey, man, this is paradise up here. I'm staying."

He had already made two movies down in Florida,

"Children Shouldn't Play with Dead Things"

and "Deathdream," also called "Dead of Night,"

also called "The Night Andy Came Home."

Have you seen it, "Deathdream"?

It's about a Vietnam vet

who comes home from the war as a zombie.

Very dark film.

And this is a very dark film.

One thing about Bob Clark,

he doesn't like to satisfy the audience.

He likes to beat up the audience,

mess with your expectations.

All right, he third claim made for this film,

and you'll see it all over the Internet,

is that "Halloween" was planned as a sequel

to "Black Christmas."

This is just ridiculous.

Bob Clark had a way of telling stories

that made everything sound like the original idea came from him.

So, he was always telling this story

of how he met John Carpenter, and Carpenter told him

how much he admired "Black Christmas,"

and Bob was flattered, and Carpenter asked him

if he thought he would ever do a sequel to it,

and Bob said, no, he had greater aspirations

in the film business.

He didn't wanna get stuck in horror.

And, so, Carpenter asked him what the plot would be

if he did do a sequel, and he said,

"Well, they would have to catch the killer

and put him in an asylum for a year,

and then he would escape and the killings would start again."

And, so, based on that,

Clark implied that Carpenter's script for "Halloween"

was based on Clark's sequel idea for "Black Christmas,"

which doesn't even make sense because Michael Myers

in the opening scene of "Halloween"

is six years old, so, obviously,

he hasn't been in an asylum for years.

Of course, those of you who haven't seen it have no idea

what I'm talking about right now

because you don't know how "Black Christmas" ends,

and, of course, we won't be talking about that

because that would piss you off.

So, but we've got a whole lot of stuff to talk about

involving this film, so let's get started

with the drive-in totals.

We have...

...no breasts, which is strange

for a sorority house movie, you know?

With Drive-In Academy Award nominations for Olivia Hussey

as the pregnant sorority sister,

Margot Kidder as the alcoholic foul-mouthed sorority sister,

Andrea Martin as the frizzy-haired sorority sister,

Marian Waldman as the whiskey-chugging

comic-relief house mother,

Keir Dullea as the emotionally fragile

concert-pianist boyfriend with a turtleneck and a mullet,

and Bob Clark, the director, for doing it his own way.

Three stars. Joe Bob says check it out.

They're gonna come after me.

I know you're gonna come after me for that three-star rating.

There have been four -- count 'em --

four-documentaries devoted to this one film.

And each documentary makes more claims for the movie

than the one before, you know?

It's the movie that made "Halloween" possible.

It's the movie that invented the killer point-of-view camera.

It's the movie that invented the movie camera, you know?

The movie that invented film.

There was no film before this movie.

Didn't Hitchcock make a whole movie

that was 100% POV camera?

"Rope," right? "Rope."

Point-of-view camera was not exactly a new thing in 1974.

Oh, yeah, the movie that was the first to show women

as they really are, talking about sex and abortions

with the same freedom and independence as men.

Which is idiotic because the movie came out in 1974,

we'd had seven years since the Summer of Love in San Francisco.

Is someone under the impression

that women were shy about sex or language during those years?

Geez.

"Black Christmas," the movie that invented Christmas.

There was no Christmas before "Black Christmas."

I like the movie, but let's get a grip, people.

[ Laughs ]

♪♪

[ Static crackles ]

[ Bell tolling ]

♪ Silent night ♪

♪ Holy night ♪

♪ All is calm ♪

♪ Savior, our Lord ♪

♪ Shine in heaven ♪

♪ High above ♪

♪ Watching over us ♪

♪ Holy child ♪

♪ Sleep in heavenly peace ♪

♪ Sleep in heavenly peace ♪

♪ Hallelujah ♪

[ Dog barking ]

♪ Silent night ♪

[ Dog barking ]

♪ Jingle bells, jingle bells ♪

♪ Jingle all the way ♪

♪ Oh, what fun it is to ride in a one-horse open sleigh ♪

♪ Jingle bells, jingle bells ♪

♪ Jingle all the way ♪

♪ Oh, what fun it is to ride in a one-horse open sleigh ♪

[ Indistinct conversations ]

[ Man breathing heavily ]

[ Woman laughs ]

[ Laughter ]

[ Indistinct conversations ]

[ Laughter ]

Hey, who left the goddamn front door open?

[ Man breathing heavily ]

Man: Uh-oh. Look out. It's big Barb.

[ Leaves rustling ]

[ Indistinct conversations ]

Ah, yes.

Oh, by the way,

how come I was the only one there working tonight?

We were there this afternoon, Barb.

A likely story.

How does it look?

Yuleish -- very Yuleish.

Have you got your Santa Claus suit ready?

Yeah. What time do the little bastards arrive?

About 1:00.

Terrific.

[ Telephone rings ]

Hello?

Pardon?!

Who?!

Barb, it's for you -- long-distance.

Oh, great. Hang on. I'll take it in the other room.

[ Man breathing heavily ]

[ Dog barking in distance ]

[ Footsteps ]

Could you guys shut up in there?!

I can't hear a damn thing!

Hello?

Mom, hang on. I can't hear you.

[ Receiver clicking ]

Operator, I can't hear what's coming from the other end.

Can you -- Yeah. Fine, okay.

Woman: Party's over. Come on. All the men out.

Come on. Bye-bye.

No, operator. I still can't hear.

Hi, Mom. Yeah, I can hear you now.

No, we're just having a little party.

No, I've had a couple.

Oh, come on. I'm not drunk.

No. No. Um, I have some stuff to do in the afternoon.

And then I was just gonna get the 7:20 train into the city.

Woman: Good night! Bye!

[ Laughter ]

Oh, come on. You've got to be kidding.

Well, why can't I come, too?

Well, who the hell is he?

Good night.

You're a real gold-plated whore, Mother. You know that?

See you next week.

Okay.

Hey. Call before you come.

I'm gonna have to get my parents used to this.

I'll just get a couple of my friends, and we'll go skiing.

Okay.[ Horn honks ]

Yeah, sure, Mom. Fine. I'll see you around.

Man: Hey, Chris, wait up. I'll give you a ride.

[ Engine turns over ]

Woman: Put the Christmas music back on.

[ Door closes ]

[ Indistinct conversations ]

♪ Hark, the herald angels sing ♪

Anyone want to go skiing for a few days?

Yeah, sure, Barb.

My mother's taking a place up at Mount Holly.

Does anyone else want to come?

Yeah. Sounds like fun.

Great. How about you, Clare?

Uh, no, thanks, Barb. I've made some other plans.

[ Scoffs ]

[ Telephone ringing ]

I'll get it. It's probably Peter.

Hello?

Hello?

Hello?

Hey, quiet!

It's him again -- the moaner!

♪ Glory to the newborn King ♪

Shh.

[ Man breathing heavily ]

[ Groaning ]

[ Screaming ]

[ Gagging ]

[ Laughing ]

He's expanded his act.

Could that be one person?

No, Clare, that's the Mormon Tabernacle Choir

doing their annual obscene phone call.

Shh.

[ Screaming ]

First...

I can...

Let me stick...

[ Laughing ]

[ Gagging, snorting ]

[ Laughing ]

You...

big cunt.

You big cunt.

You big cunt.

[ Strained voice ] Let me lick it.

Lick it! Lick it!

Let me lick your pretty piggy cunt!

[ Laughing ]

[ Normal voice ] Pretty pink cunt.

Pretty pig cunt!

I'll make your pretty pink clit hum like a tuning fork, baby.

Not bad.

Suck on my juicy cock!

I'll come over and --

I'll come over, and you can -- You can suck it!

Listen, you pervert, why don't you go over to Lambda Chi?

They could use a little of this.

You piggy cunt. You want my fat cock.

Oh, why don't you go find a wall socket

and stick your tongue in it.

That will give you a charge.

I'll stick my tongue up your pretty pussy!

You fucking creep!

I'm going to kill you.

[ Dial tone ]

♪ Glory to the newborn king ♪

Well, super tongue strikes again.

Fastest tongue in the West.

That was sick.

I really don't think

you should provoke somebody like that, Barb.

Oh, listen. This guy's minor-league.

In the city, I get two of those a day.

Maybe, but, you know, that town girl was raped

a couple of weeks ago.

Darling, you can't rape a townie.

Phyl: You really are too much, Barb.

Oh, come on.

This is a sorority house, not a convent.

I'll see you later. I'm gonna go pack.

[ Moans ]

Come on, Clare. She didn't mean anything.

No, really, Jess. It's okay.

I have to finish packing, anyway.

Hasn't she had enough trouble fitting in here

without you getting at her all the time?

Come on. I know a professional virgin when I see one.

Mrs. Mac: Hey, can I get a hand out here?!

Speaking of professional virgins,

here we have the Queen of Vaudeville, circa 1891.

Hi, Mrs. Mac. Where have you been?

I've been shopping.

You know, I think the stores must take tacky lessons

this time of year.

I never saw such a bunch of junk.

Come in the other room. We've got a surprise for you.

Come on, girls.

[ Indistinct conversations ]

There you are.

[ Cheers and applause ]

[ Cat meows ]

Where have you been?

Mrs. Mac's been looking all over for you.

Ooh, hello, puss. Hello.

Go on, now. I've got some things to do.

Now, let's see. Hmm.

[ Mumbling ]

[ Sighs ]

[ Cat meows ]

[ Strained meowing ]

Claude?

[ Claude meowing ]

Is that you, puss? Here, kitty?

Who is that?

Who is it?

[ Claude meowing ]

Claude?

Who is that?

Who is it?

[ Screaming ]

[ All talking ]

Oh, girls, it's really beautiful.

[ All talking ]

And the color and everything. No, it's really lovely.

I've got about as much use for this as a chastity belt.

Oh, come on, Mrs. Mac. Put it on.

Put it on? Oh, come on. I'm not going to bed.

Come on, please?

Put it on?

Anything for you girls, because it's Christmas.

[ Indistinct conversations ]

[ Clapping in distance ]

[ Applause ]

Okay, girls. Party's over.

Let's get this joint cleaned up.

Oh, yeah. Come on.

Everybody take a little something.

It won't take long.

That's it, girls. Just a little cooperation.

Barb: Someone took my drink.

Mrs. Mac: That's all right. It will be all right.

Let's just get you up, 'cause you're tired.

You really are. Good night.

[ Laughter ]

[ Indistinct conversations ]

"B" for...

"Booze."

There you are.

Mmm.

Good night.Good night.Good night.

Good night, Jess.Good night, Jess.

Woman: Merry Christmas.

Jess, you girls are just too good to me.

Oh, nonsense, Mrs. Mac.

[ Telephone ringing ]

Hello?

Peter: Hello. Is Jess there, please?

Yeah. Wait a second, Peter.

Jess, it's for you. It's him.

Hello?

Hi. How was the party?

It was good. Too bad you couldn't make it.

I've been practicing for four days straight.

I'm really, really wiped out.

Yes, I know.

Jess, dear, you won't forget to put out the lights?

You've got to find some time. I've got to talk to you.

You sound funny. What's the matter?

Nothing's the matter. I just want to talk to you.

Why don't you tell me now?

Because I want to talk to you face-to-face.

Jess, I haven't been to bed in three nights.

I'm just not in the mood to be playing games.

Look, Peter, we'll talk about it tomorrow, okay?

Okay. I'll be in room 30 all day.

All right. I'll see you around 2:00.

I didn't mean to sound short with you.

I -- I guess I'm just exhausted, okay?

Yeah. It's okay.

I love you.

I know. See you tomorrow.

Yeah. Well, good night.

[ Receiver clicks ]

[ Sighs ]

[ Humming ]

[ Humming stops ]

[ Inhales deeply ]

[ Swishes ]

[ Spits ]

Jesus, I wouldn't wear this to have my liver out.

Clare?

Clare?

[ Rocking chair creaking ]

Man: ♪ Little baby Bunton ♪

♪ Daddy's gone a-huntin' ♪[ Knock at door ]

♪ Gone to fetch a rabbit skin ♪

♪ To wrap his baby Agnes in ♪

[ Bell tolling ]

[ Footsteps ]

[ Bicycle bell dinging ]

[ Vehicle approaches ]

[ Horn honks ]

[ Indistinct conversations ]

[ Laughter ]

Oh, thank you. It's okay.

Sorry, I should have been

keeping a better watch on them.

Think so?

Yeah, well, I said I was sorry.

Excuse me?

I hate to bother you.

I can see that you're busy.

But I wonder if you could help me.

You see, I was supposed to

meet my daughter here at 1:00.

It's -- It's half past now, and she's still not here.

Her name's Clare Harrison. Do you know her?

Clare Harrison? Yeah, I think so.

I know she lives in a sorority house.

Uh, it's -- it's called, um... Pi, uh, Kappa Sig.

Oh, of course.

Yeah, well, Kappa's our sister sorority.

Some of the girls are over here today,

but I haven't seen Clare.

Their place isn't far. I'll tell you how to get there.

Ho, ho, ho, shit.

Santa, please.

Look, she's supposed to be going away

with me for the weekend, God damn it.

Well, we decided

that we would go skiing for a few days.

Yeah, and I've been looking forward to this

for three weeks.

Bitch.

Isn't Santa naughty?

Ho, ho, ho, fuck.

Mrs. Mac: I just don't know, Mr. Harrison.

Her clothes are all packed and ready to go.

I'll bet you'll find her over at the common room.

They're having a party there today

for underprivileged children.

Yes, I know.

I'm very disappointed in this atmosphere.

I intend to do something about it.

Who's this?

Uh, uh, that's a friend of Clare's.

A very nice young man from the town.

Chris Hayden.

I didn't send my daughter here to be drinking and...

picking up boys.

Oh, Clare's a good girl, Mr. Harrison.

I wouldn't want you to get the wrong idea about that.

She is a good girl.

I'm sure you'll find her at the fraternity house.

As a matter of fact, I could show you the way.

I-I have to go to a store near there.

If you wouldn't mind giving me a lift.

I know where it is.

But I'll be glad to give you a ride.

Uh...

Ahh.

This is very kind of you, Mr. Harrison.

I'll just get my bag.

"I didn't send my daughter here

to be drinking and picking up boys."

Tough shit.

I'm supposed to be responsible...

for the morals of every girl in this goddamn house.

These broads would hump the Leaning Tower of Pisa

if they could get up there.

I do my best.

I don't know what the bastards expect of me.

Christ sake.

[ Claude meows ]

Claude?

Is that you, Claudie kitties?

Claude?

Here, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty.

Come on, Claude. Come say goodbye to Mommy.

[ Claude meows ]

Is that you, Claude?

Oh, Jesus, Claude! Look what you made me do!

[ Groans ]

Come on, Claude.

Here, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty.

Come on, Claude. I've got to go.

Here, kitty!

Oh, God damn it, Claude, you little prick!

This is very kind of you, Mr. Harrison.

Think nothing of it.

[ Children playing ]

[ Dog barking ]

[ Static crackles ]

And so it begins,

with the first victim of the point-of-view camera.

[ Chuckles ]

The movie starts out with that extended subjective camera shot

where the killer is climbing up the trellis

on the outside of the sorority house,

and there was no Steadicam.

The Steadicam is a couple of years away,

and, so, the camera operator, Bert Dunk,

built a special body brace

that had a hinge and a safety belt on it

and a pad down the front

and a device so that he could tilt the camera up and down

while it was mounted on his head

so that he could crawl up trellises

and move up and down staircases

and show the point of view of the killer.

Now, I don't think it was the first time a movie used

a subjective camera to show the killer's point of view,

but it was the most ambitious use of that device

up till that time, and if John Carpenter stole anything,

that's what he stole.

By the time "Halloween" came out four years later,

they had a better camera, and it was easier to do.

They had a gyroscope.

But think about it -- the one thing you can't reveal

in a horror film is who's doing the killing.

You see shadows. You see shapes.

Most horror films.

So, instead, you turn the camera around,

and you show everything through the killer's eyes.

Now it's almost a cliché, they do it so often.

But not so much in 1974.

Probably the most recognizable face in the cast today

is Margot Kidder, as the foulmouthed,

frequently drunk sorority sister,

but this was long before she broke out in "Superman"

as Lois Lane, so she was just hired

because she had been in Brian de Palma's "Sisters."

I think she was Brian de Palma's girlfriend at the time.

And she was available, and she was Canadian.

She grew up in Yellowknife,

in the frozen tundra of northern Canada,

and they were trying to use as many Canadians as possible

to get those Canadian tax credits.

And as we know, Margot Kidder would eventually have

one of the saddest movie-star lives ever,

full of drugs, alcohol, bankruptcy,

two terrible car accidents, overdoses, homelessness,

paranoia, schizophrenia, bipolar disorder,

and eventually suicide, but she was passionate

and outgoing and well known to a lot of people in Hollywood

at this time in her life even though she'd done

only a few very tiny roles.

The producer remembers that when she was picked up every morning

to go to the set, she was kind of disheveled and hung over.

And then she mostly cracked jokes on the set,

but talked very seriously about how she was determined

to marry Paul McCartney. So, I don't know.

She didn't really like horror films.

Her other great horror role, "The Amityville Horror" --

She called that movie a piece of shit.

Literally. That's a quote. "Piece of shit."

And the frizzy-haired sorority sister

is played by Andrea Martin,

who was a last-minute replacement for Gilda Radner.

Andrea was a veteran of Second City,

the improv comedy troupe in Toronto,

which is where this was filmed,

and she's still famous today as a Broadway stage actress,

winner of Tony Awards,

has a huge number of both film and stage roles.

All right, what do we know about the killer thus far?

He likes cellophane, he's pretty damn physically fit,

and he can sound like a man, a woman,

a little boy when he makes obscene phone calls

that are so intriguing, that the whole sorority house

likes to listen to them as a group.

Who does that?

Okay, roll the film.

But, you know, I have a question.

I have a question.

I have trouble understanding all the words

in the obscene phone calls,

and I would like to understand

all the words in the obscene phone calls.

So, does Billy say, "I want to lick your pink cunt,"

or does he say "I want to lick your pigcunt"?

'Cause that seems like an important plot point,

especially if you're an FBI profiler or something.

'Cause "pink cunt" -- lonely guy, possible pedophile.

"Pig cunt" -- hates women, right?

Might like chubby girls, you know?

Would you agree? Anybody? I'm quoting the movie!

Or I think I'm quoting the movie.

Maybe he's saying "pimple," you know?

Like "I wanna lick your pimple,"

which would be, in a way, even grosser.

But, okay, I'll stop.

[ Static crackles ]

♪♪

[ Static crackles ]

[ Piano playing ]

[ Horn honks ]

Jess: I'm pregnant.

[ Piano stops ]

Peter: What?

I'm pregnant.

Jess, that's fantastic.

I don't want it.

You don't want it?

No.

I'm gonna have an abortion.

You can't make a decision like that.

You haven't even asked me.

I wasn't even gonna tell you.

Jess.

I want us to have a baby.

Peter, I can't.

Oh, Christ, Jess.

Don't you ever consider anyone but yourself?

I've thought this out very carefully,

and I know what I'm gonna do.

Do you know how important this afternoon is to me?

Yes, I do.

Why don't you just get out of here.

[ Footsteps departing rapidly ]

Jess?

I want to talk to you tonight.

There's nothing to discuss, Peter.

I think there is.

I'm not gonna change my mind.

We'll see. Will you be there at 9:00?

Yes.

Okay, I'll see you tonight.

[ Door closes ]

Yes, dear. No, I'm sure there's nothing wrong.

Yes. I've just been talking with a friend of hers.

She's gonna call around for her.

You want some more, huh?

Yes, well, if we don't have any luck,

I'll go to the police.

[ Laughs ]

Yes.

Well, I don't think we'll be home tonight.

It's a bit late to head out now.

I think the little bugger's snoggered.

Son of a bitch.

Yeah, goodbye, dear.

You are, aren't you?

[ Telephone ringing ]

Hello?

Hello?

Hello?!

Oh, hell. Not again.

[ High-pitched voice ] Billy!

Billy?

Oh, I'm sorry. You have the wrong number.

[ Deep voice ] But your mother and I

must know where he is.

Where did you put the baby?

You've got the wrong number.

Where did you put Agnes, Billy? Billy?

Look, I'm telling you, you have the wrong number!

[ High-Pitched voice ] But your mother and I

must know where he is.

Billy!

[ Receiver bangs ]

[ Railroad bell ringing ]

Barb: You guys can never get it together.

Phyl: I really don't think

you're taking this as seriously as you should.

Mr. Harrison: We may appear alarmist.

Now, hold it. Hold it. Jesus.

Could you just give it to me one at a time?

Well, what the hell are you planning to do about it?

You, shut up.

You know, for a public servant,

I think your attitude really sucks.

[ Indistinct talking on police radio ]

Shut up.

Now, Mr. Harrison,

if you're convinced your daughter is missing,

you can fill out one of these forms.

I don't know if it's any consolation,

but 90% of the time

girls are reported missing from the college,

they're at a cabin somewhere with a boyfriend.

Thanks.

But that's not much consolation.

Oh, here, Ms. Mac. Let me help.

Thank you, dear.

We've got to get Mr. Randals to fix this door.

I must have called that son of a bitch

100 times about it.

Oh, Ms. Mac, there was another one

of those calls just now.

Oh, was there, dear?

It was weird.

Some woman screaming, then a man wailing.

And Clare Harrison's father was here today.

Oh, really?

I'm sorry I didn't get to say goodbye to her.

Well, you still might.

Clare didn't meet him where she was supposed to.

Uh, I thought she went over to the fraternity.

Where is it?

Those bottles don't drink theirselves, for God's sake.

Eureka.

Shit.

[ Clattering ]

[ Telephone rings ]

Excuse me?

Mm-hmm.

Could you give me the number at the sorority house?

Please?

Yeah, sure.

It's, uh...

fellatio, 2-0-8-8-0.

What?

Fellatio.

It's a new exchange -- F.E.

That's a new one on me.

How do you spell it?

Capital "F, "E," little "L,"

L-A-T-I-O.

Thanks.

Don't mention it.

[ Indistinct talking on police radio ]

[ Pucks crashing ]

Chris!

Hold it!

Hi. What's up?

Have you seen Clare today?

No, she went home.

No, she didn't. No one knows where she is.

Are you serious?

I thought maybe she was with you

or you might have heard from her.

No, not since last night.

Well, her father came to pick her up at 1:00 today,

and she didn't show.

So, he went down to the police station

with Phyl and Barb.

What happened?

They didn't take it seriously.

Why?

I don't know.

I think they figured she was shacked up somewhere.

[ Piano playing ]

Well, um, she's out for Christmas holidays,

but there was a band practice

over at the high school this afternoon,

and -- and, Janice plays the clarinet.

And, uh...

When she didn't come home, I phoned melody Green.

That's her...best friend.

And, uh, they hadn't seen her all day.

She's only 13 years old, lieutenant.

And...my husband's a trucker. He's out on the road.

So I came over here.

Yeah, well, is it really so unusual

for her just to be a few hours late, Mrs. Quaife?

Oh, yes. She should have been home at noon.

We were gonna buy a present for her father.

Nash, you stupid son of a bitch.

You've got a big goddamn mouth.

What the hell are you talking about?

Ken: Hi, Chris. How's your brother?

Ken, I've got to talk to you.

What's up?

I want to know why nothing's being done

about Clare Harrison being missing

and why this idiot gets away

with saying the things he does.

You're a friend of Clare Harrison?

Yeah, I've been taking her out.

Oh, this is Jess, Ken.

She lives in the same sorority house as Clare.

All right. Come on in.

Sergeant, bring me the file on the Harrison girl.

And take care of this.

[ Telephone rings ]

Mrs. Mac: I do wish you would try

to eat something, Mr. Harrison.

You know, starving yourself

isn't gonna help the situation at all.

No, thank you very much, Mrs. McHenry.

But I just have no appetite.

I feel I should be doing something,

but I don't know what.

Well, why don't you just try to stop worrying?

The best thing you can do is stay right here.

I'm sure she'll call or show up soon.

Mr. Harrison: If I could just know what to do.

[ Slurring ] Did you know --

This is a very little-Known fact --

But did you know

that there's a certain species of turtle --

That -- There's a certain species of turtle...

that can screw for three days without stopping.

You don't believe me, do you?

Well, I mean, how could I make something like that up?

Uh...

Barb, dear...

Uh, I -- I --

No, really.

They do it for 3 days, 24 hours a day.

[ Exhaling sharply ]

Can you believe that? Three days?

I'm lucky if I get three minutes.

Do you know how I know this?

Because I went down to the zoo, and I watched them.

It was very boring.

Well, actually,

um, I, uh, didn't stay for the whole three days.

I went over, and I watched the zebras

because they only take 30 seconds.

[ Laughing ] Premature ejaculation.

[ Laughing ]

[ Coughing ]

You think it's my fault, don't you?

Barb, stop it.

Don't shit me.

That's what you're all thinking.

Why don't you just come right out and say it?

You think that I drove her away.

And if she's dead, you're gonna blame me.

Barb, for God's sake.

Well, if that's what we're all thinking,

why doesn't someone just come right out and say it?

Barb, dear, you've had too much to drink. Mr. Harrison --

I don't give a shit about Mr. Harrison!

I'm sick and tired of everyone in this house

insinuating stuff

and not coming out with what they mean!

Why don't you go upstairs and lie down for a while.

Shut up, and you leave me alone!

God damn you!

You think it's my fault, don't you?

You've been implying it all afternoon.

Barb, you're drunk. Go to bed.

Yeah, sure. Fine.

[ Creaking ]

[ Crash ]

Any news?

Yes. Where's Mr. Harrison?

Uh, he's in the dining room.

[ Siren wails in distance ]

[ Dog barking ]

We won't be long, Mrs. Mac.

All right, dear. Uh, Phyl...

Phyl, listen. I'm sure Clare will be all right.

I hope so.

And I just want to tell you

that I'm gonna go to my sister's for the holiday,

so I might not be here when you get back.

That's okay.

Just check in on Barb before you leave. Could you do that?

Of course I will. And you bundle up.

We'll be all right, Mrs. Mac.

Ken: Mrs. Quaife and Mr. Harrison have asked me

to extend their thanks to you

for coming out on this cold night to help.

Now, Mrs. Quaife has told us

that Janice most likely came through this park

on her way home from school today.

So the first thing we'll do is comb the park.

When I tell you, I want you all to assemble

on the South edge of the park with your assigned officer,

and then we'll just walk through the park.

Spread out evenly. Don't bunch up.

They will be two sets of dogs leading the way.

Just spread out and follow them.

Sergeant Kime, stay out of the flanks.

The fumes will mess up the dogs.

And don't go more than 10 miles an hour,

or you'll be no use to us.

Now, if any of you find anything,

I want you to send someone out immediately to report it to me.

Is that clear? Are there any questions?

Okay, let's go.

[ Engine turns over ]

[ Dogs barking ]

[ Dog barking ]

♪ Alligators come through the gate ♪

♪ But goodbye leg if you get away late ♪

♪ Lollies always love to pop ♪

[ Horn honking ]

All right! I hear you!

[ Claude meowing ]

Claude?

Claude?

Claude?

Claude?

Claude?!

[ Claude meows ]

Claude?

Where are you?

[ Creaking ]

[ Claude meows ]

Claude?

[ Wind howling ]

How did you get up in the attic, Claude.

Sheesh.

[ Horn honking ]

All right, God damn it. You can wait.

[ Hatch creaks ]

Claude, are you up here?

Jesus Christ, I don't see how he could be up here.

Claude?

[ Yelps, groans ]

Jesus, Claude, now look what you made me do.

I snagged myself.

Oh, Jesus, I've got to clean this place up one of these days.

Claude?

Claude?!

I can't see a damn thing.

Claude?

God damn it, Claude, I'm gonna have you fixed.

[ Gasps ]

[ Man grunts ]

[ Wind howling ]

[ Gasps ]

[ Screaming ]

[ Gasping, gagging ]

Hey!

Anybody there?!

Anybody there?!

[ Exhales sharply ]

[ Door creaking ]

[ Man breathing heavily ]

[ Engine turns over ]

[ Screaming ]

[ Glass breaking ]

[ Screaming continues ]

[ Static crackles ]

♪♪

Doug McGrath, who plays the cop who doesn't know

what fellatio is said at a convention

that he really was not sure what it meant in real life,

and, so, he decided just not to ask the director what it meant

and play the scene that way.

I think it's some indication of how Latin has declined

in the Canadian schools,

or maybe just that Doug doesn't pay close attention.

But at another convention, John Saxon,

who plays the police lieutenant,

said he had a discussion with the director, Bob Clark,

about the proper pronunciation 'cause John thought it should be

"feh-lah-she-oh," which is probably the way

they say it in Italy where Latin was invented.

But John is Italian, which doesn't make sense

because the name "Saxon" would imply that he's Saxon.

So, what the fuck is going on there?

But can there really be this much ignorance

about fellating in general in a film made in 1974?

Anyway, we've got a lot of drunkenness

and rage in this movie.

We've got a drunk housemother,

we've got random kids who bean Mr. Harrison in the head

with a hard snowball, we've got a music student

who destroys a grand piano with a mic stand.

And just when we thought the killer was gonna

wipe out the sorority house,

we've got a missing 13-year-old girl

out there somewhere.

And that IS John Saxon

orchestrating the search for the missing girl.

And that was the very first scene they shot

when they made the movie,

and John Saxon had gotten off a plane from L.A.

two hours before they shot that scene.

Now, how he got the role is a sad story.

But it's Christmas, and that's when we tell sad stories,

so I'm gonna go ahead and tell the sad story.

The police lieutenant was supposed to be played

by the legendary Edmond O'Brien.

Edmond O'Brien accepted the part, flew to Toronto

to start filming two days before the start of production,

but Bob Clark and the producer

met his plane the night he arrived,

and he came off the plane in a wheelchair.

But he then stood up, and they thought,

"Okay, well, he's fine. He's just a little weak,"

but then it took him 45 minutes to put on his coat.

They were going out to dinner.

So, halfway through the dinner, he says,

"I have to go up to my room,"

because he thought he was in his hotel,

but he was not in his hotel, he was in a restaurant.

He also didn't know what city he was in.

He couldn't remember Toronto.

It was obvious he was having frequent memory lapses.

It was the beginning of Alzheimer's disease,

and so they had to tell him that he couldn't do the part,

especially since the first night of shooting

was gonna be in freezing-cold weather,

and he just seemed too frail for it.

So, when they told him, he immediately burst into tears.

He was devastated.

He was trying to hold it together, he said.

He begged them.

He said he could remember enough lines to do the part.

This was just two days before the beginning

of principle photography,

but fortunately John Saxon was available.

He was willing to fly to Canada on a moment's notice,

so from the time John Saxon got the call

until the time he was actually doing a scene was just 48 hours.

But the story gets sadder than that.

Edmond O'Brien had a 9-year-old son,

and the 9-year-old boy had seen his dad off

from the L.A. airport, and he was telling him,

"I know you can do it, Dad.

You're gonna do great in this part,"

because apparently the kid kind of sensed something was wrong,

and he was rooting for his dad.

So, we now have this picture of the young boy

pushing his dad's wheelchair to the gate

because he wants his dad to succeed and be happy

and get what he wants, and then Edmond O'Brien

has to go home and tell the kid he got fired.

Awful story.

Anyway, this is not one of my favorite John Saxon roles,

but he's been in everything from "Running Wild,"

one of those "wild youth" movies from the '50s,

to Mario Bava's "Evil Eye,"

to "Blood Beast from Outer Space,"

and he's probably best known as Roper

in Bruce Lee's great "Enter the Dragon,"

which he made right before doing this movie.

He's been in everything.

Okay, here's how "Black Christmas" happened.

It started out as a script written by a Canadian

named Roy Moore called "The Babysitter,"

or in some accounts, "The Babysitter Murders."

Roy worked at the Canadian Broadcast System,

and he wrote a story based on an urban legend called

"The Babysitter and the Man Upstairs."

Now, this is a story that impressionable teenage girls

used to tell each other when they were babysitting

about getting calls from a weird voice who says,

"Check the children," and then hangs up.

You can read various versions of the story on the Internet.

It is very creepy.

Well, Bob Clark was intrigued by the script,

but he started making changes to it.

He changed the title to "Stop Me."

Okay, "Stop me!" is what the Illinois serial killer

William Heirens used to write on the mirror with lipstick

at his crime scenes.

Does anybody remember William Heirens?

He's not one of the more famous serial killers,

but they called him The Lipstick Killer.

And, actually, now that I think about it,

Bob Clark was a film buff.

He would have known about The Lipstick Killer

from that 1956 Fritz Lang film "While the City Sleeps,"

which was based on a book about Heirens.

Vincent Price was in that movie.

And you know who played the Lipstick Killer in the movie?

Drew Barrymore's father, John Drew Barrymore.

Can anybody keep the Barrymores straight?

I think you have to say all the names -- John Drew Barrymore.

Anyway -- All right, major digression.

So, Bob Clark uses the title "Stop Me."

See, I know where I am at all times.

I can always go back.

And he changed the setting from babysitters

to a sorority house because he wanted to get rid

of children in the story,

and he changed quite a few other things, as well.

He added the Margot Kidder character,

he added the alcoholic house mom,

he incorporated elements from a series of real murders

that had occurred around Christmastime

in the Westmount section of Montreal.

I was just there, as a matter of fact,

in the Westmount section of Montreal,

because that's where you have to go to get the famous bagels.

Part of the experience is they're mean to you

when you ask for a bagel, you know?

They're sullen, like, "Yeah, maybe you can have this bagel

if you don't act like a stupid American.

Stand over there."

Okay, that's a digression within a digression.

But I think the serial killer in Westmount

possibly could have worked at the bagel place,

they were that mean.

So, anyway, the real reason this movie would seem to be

linked to "Halloween"

is that the original title of "Halloween" was

"The Babysitter Murders," because they were working

from the same urban legend.

That was actually the specific instruction that the producer,

Irwin Yablans, gave to John Carpenter.

It has to be about murdered babysitters,

therefore giving rise to another urban legend,

that "Halloween" is a sequel to "Black Christmas."

Okay, so, once he gets his script ready,

and he gets funded for a $641,000 budget,

which included some government money --

I actually heard him refer to his budget as $400,000,

so I think the $641,000 one was Canadian dollars.

But he starts looking around for who to cast

as the lead sorority girl,

and he decides to make an offer to Olivia Hussey,

who was a huge star at the time ever since she made her debut

at age 15 as Juliet in Franco Zeffirelli's "Romeo and Juliet."

Very serious actress, worked on the London stage a lot,

always did high-toned movies like "Death on the Nile,"

"Last Days of Pompeii," "Lost Horizon," "Ivanhoe."

In other words, about the last person you would think

would wanna go to Toronto in the middle of winter

and make a cheap horror movie.

Fortunately for Bob Clark,

Olivia Hussey frequently consulted psychics

about what she should do with her life,

and one of these psychics told her that she was going to Canada

for the first time, and she was going to make a movie

that would make a great deal of money.

And this happened a couple of days

before her agent sent her the script for "Black Christmas."

So, she said yes.

And because she said yes, other big stars said yes.

Keir Dullea had starred in "2001: A Space Odyssey,"

and he was still known for that,

and so when he was sent the script,

they told him he would be opposite Olivia Hussey,

and he said yes right away.

And they didn't care about his age, either.

I think he may have set the record for older actors

playing college students. He was 38.

But almost all his scenes are with Olivia Hussey as Jess.

All right, way too much information.

Let's get back to the flick.

Bob Clark.

Bob had one of the strangest careers in the history of film

in terms of what kind of movies he made.

His most financially successful film was "Porky's,"

but he also made the beloved Christmas classic

"A Christmas Story," you know?

He made "Murder By Decree"

with Christopher Plummer and James Mason.

He made "Tribute" with Jack Lemmon.

He actually worked with some of the biggest stars in the world.

And then he also made two of the worst movies in history.

"Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2" and "Rhinestone,"

Sylvester Stallone goes to Nashville, becomes a singer,

and falls in love with Dolly Parton.

"Rocky Goes Country." It still gives me chills.

That movie will actually destroy part of your cerebral cortex.

It just withers away a little bit every time Sly sings.

[ Static crackles ]

♪♪

[ Static crackles ]

[ Dog barking ]

I'm gonna have to split.

Peter's coming around, and I'm late already.

My gosh, it's cold.

Yeah. I'll be coming home soon, too.

I'm freezing.

Okay, see you.

We'll let you know if anything happens.

[ Woman screaming ]

[ Dogs barking ]

[ Screaming continues ]

Jim, is -- is that my baby?

Wait.

Janice! Janice! No!

Janice! Janice!

Janice!

Janice! Janice!

Janice!

Janice!

[ Telephone ringing ]

Hello?

[ Man groaning ]

Hello?

[ Screaming ]

Who is this?

[ Whispering ] Help me.

Please stop me.

Oh, God, please help me.

[ Whimpering ]

What do you want? Why are you doing this?

[ Screams ]

Filthy Billy!

I know you're there, nasty Billy!

You answer me this, Billy!

Who are you?

For God's sake, what are you doing?

I know what you did, Billy!

Stupid Billy!

Billy! Billy! Billy!

Stop this!

[ Mumbling ]

Oh, Jesus Christ.

Mrs. Mac?

Mrs. Mac, are you home?

Mrs. Mac, are you up there?

Yes. Hello?

I've been getting obscene phone calls.

I want to know what can be done about it.

Yes. All right, I'll hold, but only for a moment.

[ Gasps ]

Peter, Jesus, you scared the hell out of me.

Why didn't you say something?

Yeah?

Well...you scared the hell out of me, too.

What was all that yelling about?

I was upstairs having a little sleep.

I hope you don't mind,

but it got a little cold out there waiting for you.

I'm sorry I was late, Peter.

Yeah.

Clare Harrison is missing.

I was out with a search party, looking for her.

Yes. Hello?

How noble.

I want to report something.

No, I don't want to hold!

How did the recital go?

How do you think it went?

Peter, what kind of a game are you playing?

I thought you wanted to talk.

So why don't you quit attacking me,

and we'll try to have a rational, adult conversation?

Yes, now stay on the line.

Okay. Now, calm down, lady.

Let's have the story.

Oh, yeah? What's the address?

6 Belmont Street.

How many calls?

Well, did you call the phone company?

Oh, yeah?

Well, miss, we're very busy here.

There's been a child murdered in the park.

I don't know when we can get a man on it.

It's probably just one of your boyfriends

playing a little joke.

Yeah, well, I'll report it

and try to get a man on it just as soon as possible.

I'm sorry, miss.

[ Sighs ]

[ Indistinct talking on police radio ]

[ Sighs ]

Jess, what's wrong?

A little girl was found murdered in the park.

What?

The search party that was looking for Clare

found a little girl murdered.

Clare's still missing.

Well, Clare's all right.

Is she?

Now, listen, Jess. I know you're upset.

But I've got something to tell you.

What?

I'm leaving the conservatory.

Peter...

Just hear me out. [ Sighs ]

Will you hear me out, please?

Now, I've lived in one room for eight years,

and I'm tired of it.

I'm tired of having to line up behind six people

every time I want to take a bath.

I've had it.

I'm quitting the conservatory, and we're getting married.

Well, say something?

Do you remember when we first met?

You told me about your wanting to be a concert pianist,

how it was your greatest dream.

And I told you about some of the things

that I wanted to do.

I still want to do those things.

You can't ask me to drop everything I've been working for

and give up all my ambitions

because your plans have changed.

Be realistic. I can't marry you.

Sure you can. What does it change?

We could be married.

You could still do anything you wanted to do.

Peter, I don't want to marry you.

All right.

What about the baby?

I didn't want to bother you with it, sir.

Oh, you didn't?

6 Belmont Street.

That's where your daughter lives?

Yes, it is.

A high-School girl's been murdered.

Mr. Harrison's daughter is missing.

And now at the house where she lives,

the other girls are getting obscene phone calls.

[ Telephone rings ]

Don't you think we ought to look into it, Nash?

Well, lieutenant, I guess. Uh, sure.

Thank you, lieutenant.

Yeah. Thanks, Ken.

[ Sighs ]

[ Telephone rings ]

What the fuck?

[ Laughing ]

[ Chuckling ]

[ Laughing ]

Sergeant Nash, could I speak to you for a minute?

Yeah. Sure, Lieutenant.

[ Laughter ]

What's this?

Oh, that's the number at the sorority house.

Fellatio?

Yeah. It's a new exchange -- F-E.

New exchange?

[ Laughs ]

Yeah, fellatio.

One of the girls that was in this afternoon

gave it to me.

She gave it to you?

Yeah.

Nash, I don't think you could pick your nose

without written instructions.

[ Laughing ]

I know. It's something dirty, ain't it?

[ Laughing ]

[ Chuckling ]

[ Glass breaking ]

You selfish bitch.

You're talking about killing our baby

as though you were having a wart removed.

Now can you see why I didn't want to tell you?

What the hell are you trying to do to me?

What are you doing to yourself?

Jess...

Let's get one thing straight.

You are not going to abort that baby.

Peter, you're not gonna tell me

what I can and cannot do.

Jess, if you try getting an abortion --

I think you had better leave.

If you try getting an abortion --I said, "get out."

You're gonna be very sorry.

[ Dog barking ]

Hi, Peter.

I'll get Jess.

Jess, are you okay?

Yeah, I'm okay. Any more news?

No, but there's some people here

to see about the phone calls.

Jess, this is Lieutenant Fuller and -- I'm sorry.

Graham. Bill Graham.

Are you the person who called the station today?

Yes.

We'd like to put a tap on your phone,

but we'll need your written permission,

if it's okay with you.

You can go ahead. I'd like to see Clare Harrison's room.

Where's the telephone?

There's one in the living room and one here in the hall.

Clare's room's up here.

How many girls live in this house?

Well, usually 10.

[ Sighs ]

Hello, this is lineman Graham at 6 Belmont.

I'm working line 559-6114.

Right.

It sounded to me like a call from a woman

that I thought was the wrong number,

but then she started screaming at me.

Well, who was the last one here to see miss Harrison?

I think I was.

When, approximately?

Last night about 10:30.

Is this the way she left her room, as far as you know?

Yes.

What's this?

We were having a party last night.

Does she drink a lot?

No. Hardly at all.

Does she have any emotional problems,

anything like that?

No, not Clare.

Who was she seeing, besides Chris Hayden?

No one.

Are you sure of that?

Well, so, you were the last one to see her,

sometime this morning?

Last night.

Right, last night.

Well, did anyone see her this morning?

No. I didn't.

And all the other girls have gone for the holidays.

Can I get a list of their phone numbers

where I can reach them?

Sure, there's one in Mrs. Mac's room.

Who's Mrs. Mac?

She's the housemother.

Uh, is there anyone else in the house right now?

Uh, yes, another girl -- Barbara Coard.

She's upstairs, asleep. She's not feeling too well.

Is she the one that was at the station today?

Yeah.

Yeah, well, we'll let her sleep.

Okay.

Were there any deliveries, uh, yesterday?

Was anyone working in the house,

anything like that?

No, I don't think so. Mrs. Mac would know.

Is her sister's number on this list?

Graham, how's it going? Are you about finished?

Yeah, what I've done is

I've tapped this phone so that when it rings,

it will ring at the station house, too.

I'll be at the phone company,

checking on the location of the source of the call.

Are there any other phones in the house?

Yes, the housemother --

Yeah, but it's another number,

and there haven't been any calls on it.

You're gonna have to keep this guy

on the line as long as possible.

We've got a mechanical system here, and it takes awhile.

Uh, girls, can I show you something?

See the car outside? We've got one of our men in it.

So you've got nothing to worry about.

Yeah, sure.

[ Dog barking ]

[ Engine turns over ]

[ Static crackles ]

Keir Dullea as the unhinged Peter,

seething about his unborn baby.

You know, that's not a very good candidate for a murder suspect

because I don't think a serial killer

would be pro-life, ya know? [ Laughs ]

And we know Olivia Hussey is the final girl.

Of course this was many years before the rules of final girl

were established, but we know she's the star,

and she's the one in constant mortal danger,

and so it would be a stretch to think Keir Dullea

would kill her because he would have to kill

his baby at the same time.

Although he did look crazy when he destroyed that grand piano.

All right, some technical background things.

There are quite a few obscene phone calls in this movie,

as you've noticed, and they all have

multiple voices, multiple sounds.

They're very complicated obscene phone calls.

Those calls were mostly voiced by Nick Mancuso,

who stood on his head while he was doing them

in order to compress his thorax.

I couldn't make that up, could I?

And then some of the grossest lines

were added by Bob Clark himself, so his voice is on there, too.

And then there are three other actors and actresses on there,

and then the voices were distorted in post-production.

Now, Bob Clark claimed to have a whole detailed backstory

for Billy the caller.

And I say "claimed" because Bob claimed a lot of things

and could be a little bit of an exaggerator.

But the way he tells it is that Billy was abused as a kid,

so he abused his sister and killed his parents,

and his voices are both himself and his dead sister Agnes.

But the ultimate idea is that there's a confusion

inside Billy, multiple personalities,

violence competing against itself.

So, Nick Mancuso is the voice of Billy. "It's me, Billy."

[ Laughs ]

The screaming and yelling part is Bob Clark.

And then the other interesting thing about the soundtrack is

the musical score by Carl Zittrer.

Not much music in it.

He used things like clocks and toned wind, whatever that is.

He put forks, combs, and knives next to the strings

of an upright piano so he would get weird sounds.

He said he got the creepiest sounds

from those little shrimp forks.

And then when he played back the so-called music,

he would do it on a reel-to-reel tape

so that he could put his hands on the tape

and manually slow it down and distort it,

creating what some think is a creepy effect

and some think is just annoying.

But he got the idea of the forks, combs, and knives

from John Cage.

Do you guys know who John Cage is?

Avant-garde composer?

If you ever get invited to a John Cage concert, stay home.

By the way, they were gonna show this movie on NBC

in January of 1978 as a movie of the week,

but two weeks before it was scheduled,

Ted Bundy broke into a Florida State University sorority house

and killed two of the girls and assaulted three more of them.

So, they pulled it off the schedule,

and they held it back for a few months

and changed the name of it on TV to "Stranger in the House."

It was Elvis Presley's favorite movie.

Steve Martin also -- saw it 27 times.

It has a strange attraction for a lot of people.

But at its first release, it was a total flop.

Warner Brothers changed the title from "Black Christmas"

to "Silent Night, Evil Night,"

because they were afraid that the word "black"

would make people think it was a black exploitation movie.

Warner Brothers also hated the ending.

They wanted Bob Clark to change the ending, but he refused.

The reviews were horrible.

The video was out of print for a decade.

But there's this strange thing that happens

when an Internet campaign brings a movie back

into the public consciousness.

The fact that it failed when it was first released

makes it a "forgotten gem."

They bring me these movies all the time at Shudder.

"Have you seen this one, Joe Bob?

It's a neglected classic."

And what they mean is a film from the '70s or '80s

that bombed at the box office or, in some cases,

never got released at all.

And they never say, "Joe Bob, the movie was so lame,

it never got distribution," they always say "forgotten gem."

Blu-ray release coming up. Arrow Video.

'Cause they know people go crazy for that idea.

"What?! A forgotten movie?!"

Okay. Now, "Black Christmas" is not a forgotten gem

because it was never totally forgotten,

but the cult following didn't happen

until around the year 2004.

It was just gathering steam when Bob Clark, sadly,

got killed in a car crash on the Pacific Coast Highway

when a drunk driver crossed the center line

and hit him head-on.

And his 21-year-old son was in the car at the same time

and also died.

Another really sad story.

But it's Christmas, and that's the time for...sad stories.

At least on "The Last Drive-In."

And here comes Darcy the Mail Girl.

Darcy, do you have any sad stories?

I mean, who doesn't? But I don't dwell on them.

All right, well, we're gonna dwell on them tonight.

We're gonna tell sad Christmas stories,

and then we're gonna hire a homeless guy to sing

"Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire,"

and everybody's gonna cry.

That's the go-to song during Christmas season

on the New York City subways.

You get a lot of money

for "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas."

But the main thing we're gonna do later

is you're gonna be impaled on reindeer antlers.

I am so ready for that.

You say that now.

Okay, back to the movie.

Or we'll just make you go to a John Cage concert.

That'll make you sad.

Have you ever heard of a composition called

"Four minutes, 33 seconds"? No.

Okay, well, that's a John Cage composition

where the musicians go up on the stage

with their instruments,

and then for four minutes and 33 seconds,

they don't play their instruments.

It's just silence.

That sounds awful, and I think you're making that up.

You've obviously never been

to the Brooklyn Academy of Music.

It's some kind of Zen Buddhist thing.

You're supposed to be listening hard

for the music that's about to come,

but the music never comes.

[ Laughs ]

No wonder Carl Zittrer loved John Cage.

Foreshadowing.

That's a spoiler.No it's not. No it's not.

It kind of is.

All I said is that the music never comes

at a John Cage concert.

It's getting kind of weird here.

[ Static crackles ]

♪♪

[ Static crackles ]

[ Sobbing ]

I just know Clare is dead. I can just feel it.

Oh, come on, now, Phyl. We don't know that.

Poor Mr. Harrison. I feel so sorry for him.

Hey. Hey.

How's Chris?

Oh, he's okay. You know Chris.

[ Sniffling ]

Oh, God.

I'm sorry, Jess.

[ Exhales sharply ]

[ Blows nose ]

I guess I'm just exhausted.

I've been taking these pills for my cold,

and they knocked me out.

[ Sighs ]

Will you be okay if I go up to bed?

Yes, of course.

Are you sure?

Yes. Go up and get some rest.

Call me if there's any news.

I will.

Thanks.

Good night, Phyl.

Good night.

[ Dog barking ]

[ Door closes ]

Yeah. Everything clear on your end yet?

Okay. Sure. Uh, yeah.

Now, look, I'm gonna need about 10 more minutes?

Now, be sure you tell those people again.

They've got to keep this guy on the line.

Right.

'Cause he hasn't worn his hat for the last two days?

Yes, we certainly will look into that.

Thank you very much.

Jesus.

Graham is nearly ready at the switching station.

Now, when the phone rings at the house there,

this one will ring, too.

The transmitters have been removed,

so we won't pick anything up on this end.

Great. Thanks.

Lieutenant, the men are here from Scarborough.

Okay.

[ Rocking chair creaking ]

[ Man breathing heavily ]

[ Mumbling ] Little baby Bunton,

daddy's gone a-Huntin'.

Gone to fetch a rabbit skin.

[ Whimpering ]

A rabbit skin.

[ Creaking ]

[ Typewriter keys clacking ]

[ Indistinct talking on police radio ]

[ Creaking ]

[ Breathing heavily ]

[ Creaking ]

[ Sighing ]

[ Gasping ]

Barb, what's the matter?

[ Gasping ]

Take it easy. Relax. You'll be okay.

It's okay.

It's okay.

[ Gasping ]

[ Sighing ]

I guess -- I guess --

I guess I had a nightmare.

[ Gasps ]

I dreamed a stranger was coming in my room.

[ Sighs ]

I guess that's what gave me asthma, huh?

Take it easy.

It's all right now. Just relax.

♪ Oh, come all ye faithful ♪

♪ Joyful and triumphant ♪

♪ Oh, come ye ♪

♪ Oh, come ye to Bethlehem ♪

♪ Come and behold him ♪

♪ Born the King of angels ♪

♪ Oh, come let us adore him ♪

♪ Oh, come let us adore him ♪

♪ Oh, come let us adore Hi-i-i-i-m ♪

♪ Christ, the Lord ♪

♪ Sing, choirs of angels ♪

[ Man breathing heavily ]♪ Sing in exultation ♪

♪ Sing, all ye citizens ♪

♪ Of heaven above ♪

♪ Glory to God ♪

♪ In the highest ♪

♪ Oh, come let us adore him ♪

♪ Oh, come ♪

♪ Oh, come let us adore him ♪

♪ Oh, come ♪

♪ Oh, come let us adore him ♪

♪ Christ, the Lord ♪

♪ Yea, Lord, we greet thee ♪

♪ Born this happy morning ♪

Hey. Hey, it's me -- Billy.

It's all right, Agnes. It's all right.

Shh. Pretty Agnes.

♪ Word of the father ♪

Just don't you tell what we did, Agnes.

♪ Oh, come let us adore him ♪

♪ Oh, come ♪

♪ Oh, come let us adore him ♪

♪ Oh, come ♪

♪ Oh, come let us adore him ♪

[ Barb moaning, gasping ]

♪ Christ, the Lord ♪

[ Wind howling ]

Jean?

What's up?

Jean, get the children in the car.

What's going on?

Please, just get them into the car!

Okay, kids. Let's go.

Come along, children. Hurry.

Miss? Miss?

Thank you. Merry Christmas.

There was a little girl murdered over in the park tonight.

[ Telephone ringing ]Yes, I heard.

Your phone's ringing.

Man On Police Radio: 44. Cruiser at 354.

Oh, yes. Excuse me. Good night.

Certainly. Good night.

Testing.

Man: Phil Graham, trace calls coming in on front nine.

[ Telephone rings ]

Hello?

[ Moaning ]

Hello?

Who's there?

[ high-Pitched voice ] [ Crying ] Don't, Billy!

Don't!

[ Man shouting ]

[ high-Pitched voice ] No, Billy!

No, Billy! No, Billy!

[ Crying ]

What your mother and I must know is...

[ Machinery humming ]

...just like having a wart removed!

Oh, my God.

[ Dial tone ]

[ Telephone rings ]

Hello?

Jess, we didn't get it.

It wasn't enough time.

You'll have to keep him on the line longer.

I see.

When you said, um, "oh, my God,"

did you recognize something?

No.

I guess it was just kind of getting to me.

Uh, when he called before,

did he use more than one voice like this?

Yes. Yes, he did.

He used several different voices.

I meant to ask you tonight, uh, who was the guy

that was leaving when I arrived at your house?

[ Telephone rings ]

My boyfriend -- Peter.

Were you having a fight?

Man: Ah! Too slow.

Jesus Christ!

Where the hell were you --

Jess, I'm gonna have to call you back in a little while.

Are you all right?

I'll call you back in a little while,

and we'll get him next time.

Bernie? Call the doctor.

I'm not letting no son of a bitch

trespass on my land in the middle of the night!

What the hell is going on here?

He fired on a police officer.

You're goddamn right! I'd do it again, too!

The bastard was trespassing!

Halkin got an assful of bird shot.

I'm gonna make the son of a bitch

pick every one of them out with his teeth.

The next time, you're gonna get the gun up your ass...

Sideways!

If you laugh, Buchanan,

I'll bust you to boy scout, I swear.

[ Chuckling ]

If you think it was Peter,

then why didn't you just tell the police?

Well, because I'm not really sure.

Well, they should be stopped.

Whoever it is should be stopped.

God, Jess, I haven't had a minute's sleep around here,

there's been so much noise in the house.

What the hell was all that yelling about?

Barb had an asthma attack. She was having a nightmare.

Is she all right?

Yeah, she's fine. She's sleeping now.

He repeated almost Word-For-Word

what Peter said to me tonight.

Couldn't it just be a coincidence?

Oh, God, Phyl, I don't know.

I'm so confused.

Oh, look, Jess, I really don't think it could be Peter.

You know I don't like Peter much,

but I don't think he's that sick.

I can't believe Peter would do this.

He's so gentle most of the time.

Oh, God, Phyl, you know, I'm really getting scared.

Look, are you sure that cop's still out there?

Yeah, he's there.

[ Telephone ringing ]

Hello?

Peter: Jess?

Yes.

[ Crying ] Oh, God, please help me.

Peter, don't cry.

We can straighten things out.

There's nothing to get so upset about.

[ Telephone rings ]Yeah?

It's Bill Graham. You want me to trace that one?

Yeah. Try and get it.

Right.

Jess -- Jess, we can't kill the baby.

Please, Jess, we can't -- can't kill the baby.

[ Machinery humming ]

Peter, where are you?

Please, Jess.

You know how I feel about the baby.

Don't do this.

Jess, don't hurt the baby.

Stop this, Peter.

You want our baby. I know you do.

I don't want to hurt the baby.

Peter, please tell me where you are.

[ Machinery humming ]

Shit!

[ Dial tone ]

I'm sorry!

Yeah, the calls just aren't long enough.

Right.

[ Telephone rings ]

Yes.

Jess, Lieutenant Fuller.

Want to tell me what that's all about?

You listened to that?

Yes. What did he mean about killing the baby?

Jess, it's important that you tell me.

I'm pregnant.

I told him I didn't want to have the baby.

When did you tell him this?

Today.

Just today? You're sure.

Yes.

"We can't kill the baby."

That's a strange way of putting it.

Peter's an artist. He's very high-Strung.

Neurotic, maybe?

No. No more than a lot of people.

Jess, are you telling me the truth?

I've got a feeling you're holding something back from me.

Now, I don't want it to be Peter,

but if it is, he needs help.

Do you know what I mean? The sooner, the better.

Now, look. Think back.

Was Peter with you any of the times

that you got one of these calls?

Yes.

Yes, he was here!

He was at the house tonight when the first call came.

That's right. It couldn't be Peter.

Phyl, it couldn't be Peter! He was here!

Well, he's obviously upset about something.

I'd like to talk to him.

Can you tell me where I might reach him?

Well, he lives at Baker house.

But when he gets like this, he usually goes down

to the recital hall at the music conservatory and plays.

Look, Jess, if you get any more calls,

you're gonna have to keep him on the line longer.

You're not giving us enough time to get a trace.

I'm trying. You know, it really upsets me.

I know. Of course.

Look, you're doing fine. I'll talk to you later.

Okay.

Thank God.

I knew it couldn't have been Peter.

Well, what can I tell you?

Covered the entire campus area.

We're working our way toward the lake now.

Where do we go from there?

Start them out on the South end of town.

Have them work their way through town on a House-To-House.

[ Dog barking ]

Jess! Do you want one aspirin or two?

Two, please.

Okay.

[ Siren wailing in distance ]

[ Dog barking ]

Jess! Jess!

What are you doing?

It's some kind of a search party.

Yes?

Sorry to scare you, miss,

but we're with the search party.

What do you want?

Well, we wondered if you'd seen anything peculiar tonight.

Not until you got here.Phyl.

Well, they scared the shit out of me.

Sorry, miss, but you do know

there was a girl killed in the park tonight.

We're just helping the police to look for the killer.

Well, we'd ask you in...

But our dog died last night.

Oh. Well, we don't want to bother you

at a time like that.

We were just wondering

if you'd noticed anything suspicious here tonight.

Oh, no. Sorry.

Well, you just keep your doors and your windows locked,

and you'll be safe.

Remember, there might be others from the search party around,

so don't be afraid.

We'll be around to see that you're safe.

Just remember to lock those doors and windows, now.

Good night, now.

[ Rolls tongue obscenely ]

I'd rather face the killer.

[ Laughs ]

Seriously, do you realize this is the only door and window

in this whole house that's locked?

Nash.

Get the Dean of admissions on the phone.

Tell him I want all records on a Peter Smythe --

Music student.

And have a car meet me out front.

[ Knocks on door ]

Barb? Are you awake?

Man: Agnes.

Phyl?

Are you there?

Phyl!

[ Telephone rings ]

Hello?

[ Deep voice ] You pig.

You fat pig.

You pig. You bitch pig.

Hum like a tuning fork, baby!

[ high-Pitched voice ] No! Billy, no!

[ Moaning ]

No! [ Screaming ]

[ Machinery humming ]

Billy! Billy!

[ Deep voice ] Where's the baby?

Where's Agnes? You left Billy alone with Agnes!

[ high-Pitched voice ] Billy!

[ Deep voice ] Where's the baby?!

Where's the baby?!

[ Machinery humming ]

[ Footsteps approaching ]

Lieutenant, that guy's on the phone again.

[ Indistinct shouting ]

I know you're there!

You answer me this minute!

[ Groaning ]

[ high-Pitched voice ] Mommy!

Come here!

Mommy!

Where's Agnes?!

[ Maniacal laughter ]

[ Deep voice ] Agnes!

[ Screaming ]

Mommy.

There's the baby. Baby all right, Mommy.

This is Graham.

It's group 140, terminal 55.

♪ ...Gone a-Huntin' ♪

♪ To fetch a rabbit skin ♪

♪ To wrap his baby Agnes in ♪

[ Dial tone ]

Nash: Lieutenant Fuller?

Yeah, Nash, what is it?

The phone company's on the other line, sir.

They say they got a trace on this one.

He says the calls are coming from number 6 Belmont Street.

For Christ's sakes, Nash, you got it wrong.

That's where the calls are going into.

That's where they're coming from,too, sir.

Shit.

Jennings.

Jennings?

Jennings?

[ Dog barking ]

Jennings.

Jennings, where the hell are you?

Nash.

Nash!

Yes, sir.

Look, I can't get through to Jennings.

I want you to call that girl.

Nash, be calm.

Don't tell her that the guy is in the house.

Just tell her to put down the phone

and walk straight out the front door.

I'll be there in five minutes.

And, Nash, if you blow this, I'll kill you.

[ Static crackles ]

So, why do I think that leaving Sergeant Nash in charge

while he's still trying to figure out

the meaning of fellatio is not gonna work?

Well, the movie did get a whole lot more Christmasy,

though, didn't it?

That Margot Kidder kill scene --

mutilated with a crystal unicorn.

That's the only really explicit payoff scene in the whole movie

'cause Bob Clark prided himself on frustrating the audience.

He was even quoted one time as saying, "I don't pay off.

I don't do reaction shots. I don't do kill shots."

And this may be another reason

aficionados of horror love the film

Because they think less is better.

Here on "The Last Drive-In,"

we never think less is better, Mister Professor.

Monsieur Cinema Guy.

As I said before, Margot Kidder didn't really like the movie.

She didn't really take it seriously.

She'd had only been acting for five years,

and, actually, she didn't really take acting seriously.

Her first film was a lame Norman Jewison comedy

called "Gaily Gaily" and then the main reason

she got the lead in "Sisters" is that Brian de Palma

was her boyfriend.

She tended to fall in love with her fellow artists.

And she was very hippie in her lifestyle.

She got married to one of her directors,

Thomas McGuane, after he directed her

in "92 in the Shade."

And then she became Lois Lane, and then, when she should have

been at the peak of her career, she just fell apart.

And I have to tell the story

because what do we do at Christmas?

Class?

We tell sad stories. That's what we do at Christmas.

So, she suffered from paranoia her whole life,

but that eventually turned into bipolar disorder.

She faked her death one time

because she believed people were trying to kill her.

She ends up homeless on the streets of L.A.

She was in two bad car accidents

that left her unemployable and bankrupt.

She went through substance abuse

and many different kinds of mental disability,

and she ended up living in Livingston, Montana,

population 7,000.

But that makes sense because she was born

in the frigid little town of Yellowknife

in the Northwest Territories of Canada.

But she liked pills, and she liked alcohol.

And she died in May of 2018 of suicide.

Okay, now that everyone is in the Christmas spirit

[chuckles] we're back to the brilliant concluding chapters

of "Black Christmas."

Oh, wait, before we do that. Before we do that.

It's obvious from some of the social media

that people don't know how big of a star Keir Dullea was,

the guy who played Peter.

Keir Dullea grew up in Greenwich Village in New York City.

He did a lot of summer stock.

He trained at the famous Neighborhood Playhouse.

He worked in live TV drama in New York City,

made his film debut as a scarred gang member

in "The Hoodlum Priest" in 1961.

But his breakthrough role was "David and Lisa," 1962.

I don't think anybody watches "David and Lisa" much anymore,

but that was a famous movie in its day.

Keir Dullea was the man who can't stand to be touched.

What do you call that?

Haphephobia or hapnaphobia

or hasselhoffaphobia or something.

But he's in love with a schizophrenic in the movie.

And Keir Dullea also played the Marquis de Sade

in the movie "De Sade," 1969.

He was good, but they had

some of the lamest orgy scenes ever filmed.

I mean, if you're gonna make de Sade, make de Sade.

But the high point of his life

was as the astronaut Dr. David Bowman

in Stanley Kubrick's "2001: A Space Odyssey."

He was the star of that whole thing, top billing,

and Kubrick had hired him without an audition

based on seeing him in an Otto Preminger movie

called "Bunny Lake is Missing."

That's how famous he was.

Hard-core theater guy -- dozens of stage credits.

Still acting today at the age of 83.

And shame on you so-called horror fans

who don't know John Saxon!

John Saxon was born in 1935, still working today.

Grew up in Brooklyn, Italian, studied with Stella Adler,

started in a TV show called "Medic" at the age of 16.

He broke out in a movie called "Running Wild"

as a juvenile delinquent,

frequently worked in Italy 'cause he spoke fluent Italian.

He was in Mario Bava's "Evil Eye."

He starred in "Blood Beast from Outer Space."

He played a lot of Indians and Mexicans

because of his swarthy good looks.

He's been in everything, but for my money,

his crowning achievement was Roper

in "Enter the Dragon," 1973.

Okay, sometimes I feel like

I'm teaching remedial makeup classes here.

Are we done? All right. Roll the movie.

And I thought the child choir was a nice touch.

"Oh Come Let Us Adore Him" while Margot Kidder is

getting eviscerated with a crystal unicorn.

And we don't have to be sad when we think about Margot Kidder.

You know, 'cause this is 1974. She's fine.

She's running around barefoot in Topanga Canyon,

deliriously happy with Brian de Palma.

They were smoking bud and meditating and frolicking.

There's lots of frolicking in Topanga Canyon.

Blissfully unaware of her future suicide.

Sorry, I have to do that 'cause it's Christmas.

[ Static crackles ]

♪♪

[ Static crackles ]

Phyl?

Phyl, where are you?

Please answer me.

[ Telephone ringing ]

Hello?

Nash: Who is this?

It's Jess.

Miss Bradford, this is Sergeant Nash.

Are you the only one in the house?

No.

Phyl and Barb are upstairs asleep. Why?

All right.

Now, I want you to do exactly what I tell you

without asking any questions, okay?

But --

No questions.

Now, just put the phone back on the hook,

walk to the front door, and leave the house.

What's wrong?

Please, Miss Bradford. Please just do as I tell you.

Okay.

I'll get Phyl and Barb.

No, don't do that, Jess!

Jess...the caller is in the house.

The calls are coming from the house.

Jess!

Jess, get out!

Don't go up there!

Don't go upstairs, Jess!

Miss Bradford!

Miss Bradford!

Miss Bradford?

Miss Bradford?

Barb.

Phyl.

Phyl!

Barb!

Oh, please answer me!

Phyl! Barb!

Please answer me!

Please answer me!

Please!

Oh!

[ Breathing heavily ]

Barb?

Phyl?

[ Doorknob rattling ]

Man: Agnes.

Agnes, it's me -- Billy.

Agnes.

Agnes, don't you tell what we did, Agnes.

[ Screaming ]

[ Crashing ]

[ Screams ]

[ Screaming maniacally ]

[ Screaming stops ]

[ Footsteps receding ]

[ Door opens, closes ]

[ Breathing heavily ]

[ Sirens wailing ]

Peter: Jess, are you there?

Jess?

Jess, are you all right?

Jess?

Jess, are you in there?

Jess?

Jess?

[ Glass crackling ]

Jess?

Jess?

Jess, is that you?

Jess, are you in there?

Jess?

Jess, is that you?

Jess.

Why didn't you answer me?

What was all the yelling about?

Jess, you had me worried. What are you doing down here?

[ Sirens wailing ]

[ Tires screech ]

[ Jess screaming ]

[ Crashing ]

Fuller: Jess?

I knew it.

I knew it in my gut it was that kid.

Nash: Why would Peter start killing people?

I don't know.

He must have made a call after --

After each murder.

It's hard to believe Jess would kill anybody,

much less Peter.

Doctor: She's under.

How long do you think it'll be before I can talk to her?

Just a couple of questions.

Well, she'll be out for at least four hours

and pretty groggy after that.

What time do her parents get here?

Couple of hours. They're driving from Unionville.

I'll stay with her till then.

But the condition she's in,

I wouldn't count on talking to her

before tomorrow afternoon, if I were you.

Has anybody notified Patrick Cornell?

Who?

Phyl's boyfriend.

Man: Do you want us to check the attic and the basement?

Man #2: Don't touch anything till the state lab guys get here.

Lieutenant, we're gonna have to take these bodies

to the morgue in Lincolnville.

The hospital doesn't have facilities

to handle this many at one time.

Tell the coroner to get started on the autopsies right away.

And notify the parents for identification.

I think that about wraps everything up here, sir.

The state lab guys will be here in about an hour, they said.

[ Indistinct talking ]

Um, reporters, sir. And the television-News guys.

They want pictures.

Get them the hell out of here.

Tell them I'll meet them down at the station.

[ Indistinct talking ]

Reporter: Is the Bradford girl being charged, lieutenant?

All right, you guys, come on. Back off.

Yes, the girl's father is upstairs, but he can't --

Doctor: Would you keep it down, please?

We've got a sick girl in here.

To level with you, I don't know the whole story.

[ Indistinct talking ]

He's in shock.

Help me get him downstairs.

He's got to go to a hospital.

You should be all right, Mr. Harrison.

She's gonna be back. I know it.

Somebody give us a hand here?

Nash, will you see that everything is wrapped up?

Nash: All right, lieutenant, will do.

Hey, you. Come on, out. Out.

You want to spend the night in the can? Move.

Man: Jesus, what's the matter with this guy?

Doctor: Suffering from shock.

We have to get him to the hospital.

Can you get us a car, Nash?Yeah, yeah, let's go.

[ Door closes ]

[ Siren wailing in distance ]

[ Soft giggling ]

[ Humming ]

Agnes...

It's me, Billy.

[ Dog barking ]

[ Telephone ringing ]

[ Ringing continues ]

[ Static crackles ]

Okay, so, we can finally talk about the ending.

But first let's talk about that image of the eye,

Billy's eye, seen in closeup peering through the door.

Nobody can remember whose eye that actually was,

but it is one of the most memorable moments in the movie.

It's a shock-scare moment with a very simple image.

All right, the ending.

I don't feel sorry for Peter

even though he probably got beat to death with a fire poker

just for trying to help, and you know why?

'Cause Peter wears a turtleneck, and he has a mullet,

and he looks dorky in that turtleneck.

That is the most complicated red herring in the history of film.

So, all we know at the end, as the phone continues to ring,

no one to answer it, and no one's there to save Jess

because apparently the CSI people in Toronto

just tidy everything up, they don't check the attic,

they leave her alone even though she's drugged up

and damn near catatonic.

And as I pointed out at the beginning,

that master shot does not get the same credit

as the Orson Welles shot at the beginning of "Touch of Evil."

But here's my problem with the ending, okay?

I get it 'cause Billy is still alive.

But we don't have any reasonable suspect

among the remaining cast members.

Claire's daddy? No.

Sergeant Nash? Too stupid to carry it off.

The lieutenant?

That would be an extremely false red herring.

We know too much about him, and, so, you're thinking,

"Okay, so, Billy was not shown anywhere in the cast."

Well, you can't do that!

You can't set up a mystery premise

and then make it impossible to resolve it

by the evidence that we've seen on the screen.

We see nothing of Billy except his eye.

We hear nothing of his story

except from those distorted obscene calls.

We don't know where he came from.

We don't know why he fixated on this sorority house,

or anything else that would lead us to a conclusion

about why this happened.

So, the whole movie is a red herring.

"The Sixth Sense" -- That was a trick,

but we had lots of visual clues, lots of sound clues,

lots of things said in the dialogue.

Having the killer still alive in this movie is saying,

"There never was a killer.

It was all a trick on you, the audience."

Hence my one-star deduction for what is otherwise

a very competent film.

Olivia Hussey, despite thinking she was slumming

when she made this movie,

would go on to make two more horror movies.

The original "It" in 1990 and that same year,

Mick Garris's "Psycho IV: The Beginning"

playing Norma Bates.

Now, the movie was not a failure,

despite what I said before.

It was a failure in the United States,

but not in Canada and not elsewhere in the world.

It grossed about $4 million Canadian

on a budget of $620,000.

I have a question, though --

Who keeps a working dial phone in their attic?

So, guys...I know a lot of you are "Black Christmas" fanatics,

so don't kill me for this,

but the movie gets a lot of credit from the horror community

simply because it was mishandled by Warner Brothers in the '70s.

And by the way, have you ever seen

the Warner Brothers poster for the film?

"If this movie doesn't make your skin crawl, it's on too tight."

Is that the worst tag line in history? I think so.

Anyway, I think it could have been much better.

I think the logic of it is kinda fuzzy.

I think the scenes intended to be humorous

are not that humorous and slow down the movie.

I think some of the acting is off kilter.

I admire Bob Clark for trying to do something different,

but he intentionally does not share the backstory with us.

We're supposed to piece it together from the phone calls,

and that's impossible.

It has some great scenes in it, but it's not a classic.

It's not the slasher that inspired all the other slashers.

I would call it a proto-slasher.

It came out before the era of the slashers.

And it does have that final shot.

It took eight hours to light the final shot

and a great deal of physical effort to actually shoot it.

And, so, it does deliver the eerie effect that's intended.

And if you wanna talk about it if you disagree with me,

Darcy will be taking your angry tweets and your angry e-mails.

Right, Darcy?

Yeah. Thanks a lot for that.

All right. You love this film, right?

Um, not really.

I cheerlead for it because the fans really want to see it.

And I think Margot Kidder and Olivia Hussey are awesome,

Wasn't Olivia Hussey in "Ice Cream Man"?

I'd have to double-check that, but that'd be another.

Really?I think so, y'all.

I don't remember that.Somebody check that.

But you like the remake better than this one. Yeah.

I knew we were gonna go there.

Sometimes the remakes are better.

The remake is, like -- It's schlockier, it's more fun,

it has an overt holiday atmosphere,

and it has people cookies, so, winner.

Wait a minute. You're not talking about the one

that came out today, you're talking about the one from 2006.

Yeah, with the people cookies.Oh, okay.

And they explain who Billy is. That's important.

Same guy who made "Willard," right? Yes.

You'll probably like the remake of the remake

even better than the remake.

It's very possible.

I'm guessing all the sorority sisters in the Blumhouse remake

are feminists with martial-arts skills in the new version.

That would be amazing. I hope you're right.

All right. Do we have some mail?

We have so much mail that it's actually getting hard

to choose the mail for you.

That's why I'm making you do it.

All right, well, thanks again.

Okay, so, here is a Christmasy letter

from Megan Beck of Uniontown, Ohio.

Megan Beck. All right.

"Your comments about how we all watch the movies together

left me smiling ear to ear [and maybe a little teary eyed].

I love everybody coming together to enjoy the movies together.

There are even group chats

so we can all be connected while we watch.

Thanks for reminding us

how movies are supposed to be enjoyed.

Keep doing what you do best! Megan Beck."

I do remember Megan's letter, and I think she came

to one of the live shows in Cleveland,

but, Darcy, this is not what we're doing tonight.

This is a heartwarming letter.

This is a sweet letter from an optimistic person.

We're looking for sad, depressing stuff.

Well, actually, I refuse to give you

sad, depressing mailbag, but, uh, here.

Here's a couple of letters from people who sometimes feel

a little left out at Christmastime.

All right, well, that's getting closer.

This is... Robert Hyatt of Columbus, Ohio.

Robert.

"I'm sure you've heard this a thousand times,

but back in the day, your "MonsterVision" show

is what got me hooked on horror.

My brother and I weren't part of the in crowd

so when everyone else was out doing

whatever high schoolers do, we were hunkered down

in our parents' basement watching TV.

Coming across your show was a godsend.

It gave us something to do, something to look forward to.

It sounds corny, but it just didn't feel as lonely

when we were watching your show.

I still love old horror to this day,

and the Shudder marathon was a blast.

I'll be one of the many that will be begging Shudder

to make this a recurring thing.

But if this is really it, I just want to say thanks, man,

for giving these old, forgotten movies their time to shine

and for giving us all a friend to watch them with.

Robert Hyatt."

No, Robert, we're gonna be doing it a little while longer.

At least one more season of shows.

So, screw the in crowd, long live the basement.

Yeah, mutants!You know what I mean?

You know what I hate?

I hate it when you go to a restaurant

during Christmas week, and they say,

"We're closing early to be with our families."

Because, you know, there might be some guy

standing outside who has no family!

That's not a good thing to tell people.

Maybe you should've been his family that night

because it's fucking Christmas, okay?

All right, well, I knew that was gonna get you started,

so...I have a very special one for you.

Oh, my God.[ Laughing ] Read that.

With the crystal unicorn.

In honor of Margot Kidder.

You're not gonna use that, are you?

All right, "Dear Joe Bob,

I'm a 20-year-old college student

with cerebral palsy, and I wanted to tell you

how much your love for horror movies

and pop culture means to me as a person.

I love spouting out trivia and fun facts

and watching these classic horror films

with my 10-year-old brother.

We even watched "Tourist Trap" on your marathon together.

It was seriously phenomenal.

Thank you Mr. Briggs. Have a terrific day. Drew."

When we used to do the World Drive-In Movie Festival,

our associated charity was United Cerebral Palsy.

It was supposed to be March of Dimes

because March of Dimes paid for my medical care

when I was a kid 'cause I had polio.

But March of Dimes said they did not wanna be associated

with horror or my little horror festival

and exploitation movies,

and, so, they wouldn't take our money.

But they have an overlap mission with United Cerebral Palsy

in the birth-defect department,

and, so, the cerebral palsy people did take our money,

and we were proud to have them as partners.

So, anyway, I met a lot of C.P. guys,

and I can tell you horror has a huge audience among --

Well, I was mostly meeting the children with C.P.

But we have a huge audience among special-needs kids.

Yeah, I can tell you that is very much true.

Oh, because you're a special-needs mom.

So, that's right. All right.

So, we're getting Christmasy now.

Thank YOU, Drew, for hanging with us

for these little shows that we do.

And if you're watching tonight, please watch to the end,

but you might wanna warn your 10-year-old brother

because Darcy here is going to be brutally impaled

on reindeer antlers.Brutally?

Yeah, I added brutally.

And in fact, Yuki?

Yuki. Is Yuki here? Yuki: Yes.

Do you have the reindeer antlers?

Yes, I have antlers.

Yuki Nakamura, ladies and gentlemen,

the Tokyo Cowboy, our set designer

and device builder and special effects whiz.

You have the antlers?Yes, I do.

Oh, man. Yuki. Yuki, what are we doing here?

The stunt with antlers.

Yes, Yuki, and that stunt with antlers

involves Darcy here, okay?

Little small. Look at Darcy.

Look at this. Look at Darcy, all right?

Okay? Look at these antlers.

Could these antlers impale Darcy?

Yes?

There are parts of Darcy

these antlers aren't even long enough to go through, okay?

You have two more movies to get this thing ready, okay?

Go into Darcy's dressing room.

Measure Darcy from all angles, all right?

Plan your impalement device accordingly.

Do a 360 on Darcy, okay?

Got it. Okay.

Thank you, Yuki.

Those things couldn't even give you a minor wrist injury.

Yeah. That's not gonna work.

Okay, we're gonna show

one of your favorite Christmas movies next.

I've heard you talk about this movie.

Ooh, I know what it is.

Okay. Somebody told you.

Yeah. Well, I mean, I don't just pull the costumes

out of nowhere.

All right. So, all right. Okay.

People have been complaining that the closing joke

gets cut off on their streaming feed,

so I have to talk fast here.

A guy walks into a bar, and he says to the female bartender,

"Hey, babe, Anheuser Busch?"

And she says, "Fine. How's your dick?"

[ Laughter ]

Hopefully, that got cut off.

♪♪

[ Static crackles ]