Original subtitles

I absolutely fell head over heels for him.

I thought it was like Mr Right. I thought all my dreams had come true.

I thought he was the perfect guy.

Do you think I'm paying? Get aBLEEPjob, you little slag!

I put up with, like, eight months of absolute hell.

It was just getting worse and worse,

the violence, how he spoke to her...

I'll throw you out by yourBLEEPhead!

..locking her in the house, taking her money. He's evil.

I could see that he was loving what he was doing to me.

This is a massive red flag.

She is in danger now

cos we do not know what he is capable of.

She believes that she's going to die.

I just said, "Look, you've got to leave him."

This is the first time I've been back here

since when I was with Dillan.

It's not a good feeling. It's just bringing everything back

that I went through in this house.

He kept me in his house and locked me in, like, overnight.

I have flashbacks all the time.

I did actually think he was going to kill me that night.

I met Dillan through a friend. People used to say to me,

"Don't go and find somebody. They'll come to you."

And cos he came to me, I genuinely thought

I'd just, like, won the lottery or something.

He was the first man to actually take me out on a proper date.

So, we went for a meal, we went to the cinema, we had a few drinks.

I actually thought, "Wow, I've actually met someone, finally,

"that's absolutely great."

She came around one day. She said,

"I've met this guy. He's really nice."

And I was, like, "Oh, great," you know. I said,

"That's all you've ever wanted."

He charmed her right off the bat,

She though he was beautiful.

She didn't actually think that she deserved him.

I'd wake up to, like, morning texts. Like, "Morning, beautiful."

I'd never had that in my life with a man.

I've always seemed to, like, attract the wrong people.

So, I thought, "Oh, it's my time to be happy."

And he just did everything right. Everything was just right.

She said, "Oh, he's treating me like a princess."

And I said, "Oh, well, good, then. As long as it stays like that."

I have a son and a daughter.

My son is autistic. He's non-verbal. They're absolutely my world.

I suffer a lot with anxiety and depression.

My little boy, he's a lot to handle,

but I absolutely love him. I wouldn't change him for the world.

I didn't think I'd meet anyone that would understand

his, like, needs and his disability.

He was the first partner to meet my little boy,

after, obviously, his dad.

He didn't understand my son,

so he used to ask questions, why he would be doing certain things.

He gets a bit nervous hisself around new people,

so I had to constantly keep saying why he was doing

the things that he was.

He then used to say quite mean things about my son.

I did say to him, like, "Why are you laughing?"

And he did used to say he was quite...

He used to say he was nervous.

But then, as the weeks and months went on,

I could see that he was just absolutely trying

to take the mick out of my son, which I just...

God, I can't even believe that I even stayed with him.

He would constantly say, "You're not going to find somebody like me."

He'd say, "No-one would put up with your children."

He'd just constantly pick at me daily.

A massive red flag.

He's preying on her vulnerability,

Here she's been, a single parent.

She's looking for a relationship.

She finds what she believes is the perfect guy.

I felt like I needed to be with him because he was right

and nobody would stick around, which, when I think back now,

is not true at all.

He abuses her trust and destroys her

with the comments he makes about her own child.

What a terrible thing to do to someone.

He didn't want social media, so we both deleted the social media.

But I was then getting told he was on social media.

He was really controlling, where he'd want to go through my phone.

All he is trying

to do here is starting that push of control.

From my point of view, now, Jessica has gone very abruptly

from girlfriend to object.

He would say I was cheating on him.

He becomes so obsessed with the idea that she's cheating,

so much so that he becomes more controlling of her.

He's jealous, he's irrational, and he tries to control her.

It sounds insane to the fact that I'm saying

that he would flip for nothing,

but he genuinely would just flip for nothing.

You go out all the time. You're using money of mine, just drinking.

I haven't got any money of yours. Yeah, you have.

He didn't know that I recorded that.

You had £200 in taxis. Do you want to have a look?

But you never told me that was on a debt.I gave you £200.

That's 400. You gave me 750, yeah?

You told me that was never on a debt, taxis.No, I didn't.

Yeah, you did. Do you think I'm paying?

Get a fucking job, you little slag!

Very brave of her to record that as good evidence.

Fucking sacked, I mean it. I'll throw you out by your fucking head!

He blames, he attacks, he's rage-fuelled.

As an officer, seeing that, that is not going to be

the only time he's done that. No way.

You fucking wrong 'un!

The way his voice changes, the escalation in aggression.

That's him showing his true colours right there.

DILLAN SPITS It's what you are. Piss and shit.

It is horrific to watch.

He accused me of looking at somebody

and then, he got violent after a drink and pushed me.

I was shocked, yeah. I thought, "Whoa, what's gone on?"

But he then apologised. He would put the tears on

and then, he'd say, "I'm sorry, I can't remember."

There was no going back, then. He obviously knew where he had me

because I was going to constantly forgive him.

Because I'd let him already get away with what he'd done,

he obviously knew what...he could do a lot more to me after that.

Once someone pushes that boundary

as far as physically assaulting someone else,

it will never be a one-off.

It will never be a one-off.

There wasn't a day in the full week where there was no arguing.

It was constantly, every day.

It was just constantly abuse and being horrible.

The only time he'd be OK

is if he'd done something to me that was, like, physical, hitting me.

Then, the next day, he'd be, like...beg me.

She wasn't her bubbly self.

She didn't look well.

I just knew that something wasn't right.

He came in and he started attacking me.

Like, he was throwing me all over.

But he dragged me out of the bed by my feet

and, obviously, I just had, like, my underwear on.

So, he tried to push and pull me outside of his door

with no clothes on.

I noticed bruises on her legs, arms.

I said, "What have you done?" "Oh, I just...

"I've just fallen down on a night out."

I just went, "No, no." I said, "No, he's done that."

She said, "No, honest, honest."

Then, one time, she came, and she had a bust lip.

I said, "He's done that to you, hasn't he?"

And she said, "Yeah, he has."

Sometimes, he'd say, "Why am I still here?

"If I was you, I'd kill yourself."

INTERVIEWER:He'd say that to you? Yeah.

He just wasn't a good person.

Sorry, I'm just a bit, um, emotional.

I just said, "Look, you've got to leave him."

Most weekends, he would go out and then lock the door,

and then I wouldn't hear from him. He'd take my phone,

and then, he'd roll in the next day, but give me constant abuse.

I had no key to get out. Windows was locked.

He'd wake me up by sometimes just spitting at me

and saying just nasty things.

From a police perspective, everything he is displaying here

is not only a major warning sign,

it's illegal, what he's doing.

But everything coming together just is painting this picture

of how vile he is.

He came in. He then woke me up

because I'd been asleep on the couch.

He... I said I was off to bed.

He then dragged me to the floor.

He kicked me.

I'd gone up the stairs and he then, like, dragged my leg,

pulled me back down the stairs,

and was just saying awful things to me.

It's weird because I used to cry a lot,

but I was just, like, numb. I just was, like,

"Oh, again. It's happening again."

I was just lost. I just felt lost.

This is a deeply confusing

and alarming space to find yourself.

And I think... I'm wondering whether, for Jessica,

she almost detaches herself from what is happening,

disassociates, in order to cope with what he's doing to her.

We're in the pub where I ran to when Dillan fell asleep,

so my friend could get a taxi so I could get home.

It just brings back bad memories.

When I ran out the house, I didn't have time to put my shoes on,

so I just carried them because I wanted to be so quiet,

to not wake him up. But when I got here,

it was absolutely dark and I hid behind a car.

I can remember my heart beating real fast.

I can remember I ended up being sick because I was, like, barking

because I was crying. All I was thinking was,

"He's going to find me," and I was just so scared.

I thought, "If I don't get away from him,

"he was capable of killing me."

PHONE VIBRATES

I went to my friend's, Larissa's.

That's the first time I knew it was, like, physical.

You feel powerless, really.

To watch her go through all that, it's just...

it's heartbreaking, really.

She just was so upset for me, like, cos she could see I just...

You see, I used to get upset,

but it seemed like I let it all out at her house.

I just couldn't stop crying. I was just really sad

and I told her everything that I'd been doing and saying,

and then, I felt like an awful friend because I'd hardly seen her.

She just said, "You don't deserve this."

She just was obviously depressed, um...really sad.

She used to get angry with me. I was, like, "This... You can't stay

"with him. He's going to hurt you. He's going to really hurt you."

I said, "I even think he's going to kill you."

He is reaffirming that in her mind.

"You're better off with me." That's what he's saying.

"You will get nothing better. I am all you've got."

To allow for her excusing his nasty behaviour,

that's all he's doing.

This is a major, major red flag.

Sometimes, I wouldn't hear from her for a couple of weeks

because she'd have gone back to him,

and then, I'd find out it had all blown up again,

he'd hurt her again.

And then, it'd just go round and round again.

We see that, more often than not,

the victim almost reliant on the abuser,

and they feel that they can't leave.

It happens all the time.

I was worrying every day for her, obviously.

Sometimes, I used to think, "Am I going crazy?"

Because he'd switch it that much.

I used to think it's myself. Maybe I'm starting on him.

Like, maybe it's me. Maybe I need to change.

But he knew what he was doing. It wasn't me.

He just loved to control her, didn't he? He just...

You could tell, um...how he was. He just wanted her to have nothing.

He was saying, "Mummy."

That's the first time he'd ever spoke when he was younger.

And he's now six,

and he's never said a word since, so he was, like, two on that.

And he was, like, "You'll never get that back."

That was a real precious video, that, so he deleted that. Yeah.

I was, like, heartbroken.

He knew that my children meant the world to me.

That is pure malice at play here,

and what he wants to do is make it all about him.

So, whatever you love, whoever you love,

however you are in your world, I'm going to destroy it.

And that kind of obliterating behaviour speaks volumes about him.

That's the worst thing he did, for me, even though he used to hit me.

That broke me because I constantly was upset over it...

..cos I could never get that back.

It was getting worse. Obviously, the violence...

Um, it was terrible.

I couldn't sleep at night. I had the phone next to me.

Every text, I thought, "Oh, God, there's something wrong."

He turned up at my house.

He, like, absolutely battered my door down,

so, obviously, I've let him in.

I've gone upstairs to go to bed.

He grabbed my phone and because I didn't allow him to go on it,

cos I thought, "You're not going on it again.

"This is getting ridiculous,"

he obviously thought I was up to something.

He then pushed me on the bed.

I screamed. I can remember screaming really loud.

But then, he then put his fingers in my eyes,

his thumbs, and pressed.

I honestly thought I was going to go blind. It was really scary.

This is high-risk behaviour.

She's seconds away from unconsciousness.

I could see that he was loving what he was doing to me.

He just let go in the end, but he just started laughing.

PHONE VIBRATES

He had my mum's number, so he was constantly texting my mum,

saying that I was his world.

And I'd messaged and said, "Will you stop contacting my mum?"

And then, I just got this text.

I thought it was some kind of joke, you know, what someone had sent me.

And it was a video.

Oh, my God. Obviously, I knew straight away.

PHONE VIBRATES

I said, "You won't believe what he's sent me."

I said, "He's sent me a video of you having sex."

It was Jessica and Dillan.

I screamed cos I was, like...

As a mother, you don't want to see anything like that.

To send that to me, it just shows how this person is sick.

He's sick and evil.

Because we'd been split up for a few weeks,

I was literally, like, feeling strong to leave him.

That's it. Done.

He then sent the video.

I didn't actually know that he was recording.

He must have set up his phone camera or something,

because I obviously didn't know or was aware of that.

I got told that it got sent to a few people in Beverley.

I absolutely burst into tears. I was embarrassed.

This is another escalating step. This is new level.

He is openly trying to embarrass her

and humiliate her. Why? Because she's left him?

Revenge porn is an offence. You cannot share

indecent images or videos without the person's consent.

Simple as that.

She said, "I can't even look at you."

But I said, "No." I said, "Don't worry."

I deleted it straight off my phone.

I still feel really embarrassed about it.

I seem to, like, don't speak about it,

definitely not in front of my mum.

Nobody should see that.

It's personal between you and a partner, so...

It's just not good.

I agreed to meet Dillan here to actually get him

to delete the video that he'd took and sent to my mum.

She said, "I need to get the phone, cos he's saying

"he's going to send it to his friends."

And I said, "Well, just ring the police."

And she said, "No, I need to get the phone."

He was using that so I'd get back with him

unless he'd send that to everybody, because he then threatened

that he would put it on the social media.

I had it planned out in my head. I thought, "I'll be nice to him.

"I'll do everything he asks, just so the video gets deleted."

That's all I wanted. I was losing sleep from it.

I was thinking, "I need this video deleted."

We find that, in cases of domestic abuse,

once that cord has been separated,

if one party or the other reaches out

to sort of rekindle things or arrange that meet,

that is where violence can escalate massively,

because the perpetrator has already lost control.

So, she's walked into the lion's den,

completely unprotected, believing she can save the situation.

But you can't negotiate with somebody

who is absolutely hell bent

on getting revenge on you.

She is in danger now.

I could see how angry he was,

and I knew it was going to go not good.

I said, "Look, I'm going. I'm getting a taxi home."

I knew that my plan wasn't going to work.

I wasn't going to get that video deleted.

So, I said, "I'm leaving."

He gave me a look. It was... I'd not seen him like that.

He knew that was it. And he came behind me, but he run.

And then, he pulled my arm behind my back.

There's not so much I can remember after that.

It's on the floor, and the pain that I felt

when he pulled me back up.

It was the worst pain ever.

I can remember feeling like I was going to faint.

I was sweating cos the pain...

I knew there was something seriously wrong with my arm.

I knew he'd gone too far this time.

I just got the phone call in the morning

from Hull Royal Infirmary, and they said, "We've got Jessica."

Her mum told me anyway.

I said, "We need to get to hospital. Jessica's been attacked by Dillan."

I didn't know the severity of it then, until I got to the hospital.

She just looked broken, just like a shell of who she once was.

Heartbreaking to see my friend like that.

I feel like I've failed her to a certain extent,

but obviously, the reality is, I could not do more for her.

I did everything I could, so...

I couldn't really speak because I was that much...

I think I was in shock. I was just shaking.

I was just sat on my own. I had no mobile.

I just remember sitting there, thinking,

"Wow. I'm really lucky that I wasn't...I didn't die."

I just thought, "I can't believe it's took this

"for me to actually realise to leave him."

I ended up getting a plate, 12 bolts and three wires.

It took three hours for the operation,

and they did tell me that, usually, when they fix it,

it would only be either a plate or a bolt, but I had all three.

It hurts constantly.

I'm in a lot of pain with it all the time, to be fair.

And they did say to me that, maybe, it'll never be straight, so...

The police came to the hospital.

They went, like, half an hour later after the accident

to try and arrest him.

He did try and give me a call.

He said on the phone call he's so sorry.

As long as I know that he loves me, then everything's going to be OK.

But then, he also said, if you're going to press charges

and this is going to go to court, then I'm going to tell the court

that you have lost your head.

I was, like, "Do you know what? I will see you in court."

I felt proud of myself.

I did get a lot... really emotional up there.

I just felt, like, "Yes, I'll show you."

I was really proud of myself.

For her to stand up in front of that many people...

Like, we was outnumbered. It was literally me and Jess

and all of his family and friends.

So, for her to stand up there and do that,

that was a massive thing for Jess.

I wanted to show that I'd go there

to know that he ain't controlling me any more.

She handled it like a boss.

She got up and did us all proud,

did what she needed to do, so, yeah, I'm real proud of her for that.

I am absolutely so proud.

She's coming back to herself, you know, happy, bubbly.

She's back...back.

A week after the initial date,

the conversations changed in our text messages.

He thought he had HIV symptoms,

and he was adamant that it was me that's given it to him.

He was literally bombarding her with messages day in, day out.

This guy is stalking her.

I had nowhere to turn to and I was just scared

that he was just going to show up.

She contacted me and said, "Mum, I'm too scared to go out."

I was petrified. I was really petrified

someone, just one person, would be able

to potentially ruin someone's life.

My first proper relationship was when I was 18

until I was 22.

I think it was a four-year relationship.

It wasn't the best, so, since then, I'd kind of been single.

He told me that he worked for a bank, um,

and that his family had lived in London

for, I think, a while.

He seemed like quite a down-to-earth person,

like, very family-orientated,

which is another thing that I did find quite attractive.

I was feeling quite excited about it,

as it was my first date since Covid and lockdown.

My nerves went after we'd sat down,

and we spoke for about ten, 15 minutes.

The butterflies went away.

And then, we carried on just having a drink and a chat

for at least an hour after that.

We decided that we wanted to go get some food,

but because of the restrictions with lockdown,

everywhere was closing. So, I suggested

that we could go back to my house and order, like, a takeaway.

One thing led to another,

and we did end up sleeping with each other.

But again, it didn't feel like one of us had pressured

the other to do it. It just was very natural, how it happened.

Unfortunately, we didn't practise safe sex,

but it wasn't something that I was feeling uneasy about

at that moment in time.

Obviously, hindsight,

I would have preferred it if we'd practised safe sex.

As far as Amy's concerned,

that was a good first date. And I think, from her point of view,

she's, like, looking forward to the next time they meet.

He was quite persistent in the fact

that he wanted to speak to me on the phone.

He wanted to ask me when my last sexual health screening was,

what the results were, and whether I had any evidence of that.

He said that he was experiencing symptoms

of what he thought was an STI.

I did explain to him that I had had a screening

prior to me moving to London and I hadn't been

in a sexual relationship with anyone apart from him.

When I initially got off the phone, I was very...annoyed,

cos I did feel like I was being accused

of passing on a sexual disease.

It just came across very aggressive,

and it just made me feel very uncomfortable.

That language is putting all the onus onto her.

He's not said, "I'm concerned about both of us.

"I've had a test. I'm OK. I just want to make sure that you're OK."

It's at this point that red flag is screaming at her,

"Something is wrong. Get out."

There is a sinister feeling

of him trying to slut shame her

because it's all on her.

I was just astounded.

I couldn't get

my head around why he,

all of a sudden, was sending

these messages when she was saying to me, "I've done nothing."

It made me feel like I was being harassed

by a complete stranger, cos he was the complete opposite

to the person that I'd met in real life.

Over a three-hour period, I think I had, like, 17 missed calls.

And I could see that she was declining in her health.

This is when I said to her, "You need to keep a diary

"of all the times that he's done this. It's harassment now."

Every time she's picking up

her phone, she is seeing

another form of communication

from him.

So, really at this point, she should be telling him where to go,

and blocking that number,

blocking everything, stopping that contact now,

because it is getting out of control.

It was really scary cos, in my head,

I thought I had made my profile very private.

I don't ever use my full name on my personal social media accounts.

I was really shocked at how he was able to find my social media.

This guy is stalking her.

He will not leave her alone.

The constant messaging,

the finding out where she works.

This is a prime example of showing

why social media security is so important.

Look at the information he has been able to obtain about Amy -

where she works, who her family are, who her friends are.

It then escalated from STI to HIV.

He was adamant that it was me that's given it to him.

I felt very afraid.

I didn't know whether he was accusing me

because he had it, and he was then going to try

and blame me for him having it.

How would I tell my mum, my dad and my grandma and my grandparents?

Whilst I was waiting, like, it was during Covid,

so that, you know, we were all spread out in the waiting room,

no-one was talking. And, like, in that silence,

all I could think about was the ifs.

If I had it, what would happen?

And that just triggered my anxiety to be ten times worse.

Waiting to find out my results, like, it felt like an eternity.

I was petrified. I was really petrified.

As soon as she told me my rapid HIV test was negative,

I burst into tears and had, like, a little panic attack,

cos you're just overwhelmed with emotion.

I phoned my mum straight away, as soon as I left the clinic,

to tell her that my rapid HIV test was negative.

I said to her, "Let him know that, you know,

"you've been to the clinic."

And we were hoping that was the end of it.

He then escalated. "You've lied.

"You've got somebody else to take the tests for you.

"You never went to this clinic."

I couldn't get rid of him, no matter what I said to him.

He was making new profiles with different names,

so she was blocking him with those.

It was constant, absolutely constant.

At one point, she said to me, "Mum, I don't even want a phone."

He was kind of ruling her life.

At one point, I did consider

how and if I was going to end my life, how I would do that.

I thought about getting off at London Bridge

and just jumping off London Bridge.

That really scared me.

I've never really had suicidal thoughts before.

He starts sending messages to her mum.

We have that next escalation level.

He is involving other people into this scenario now.

Again, red flag.

I was getting all these messages and I thought, "I'm not responding.

"I'm blocking you, I'm blocking you, I'm blocking you."

And I was furious that he was destroying Amy.

He has one focus in his mind,

and that is to get a response from Amy.

He contacted my mum, Amy's grandma.

And I was, like... "This is just impossible.

"He's just not going to give up."

When I got the phone call from the detective

to say that they've found him, he's been arrested,

I felt a wave of relief come over me.

He pleaded guilty.

He basically held his hands up and said, "Yes, I did it."

If I get an unknown number call me, I still have 30 seconds

of, "Oh, my God, is it going to be him?

"Has he got my number? Does he know where I am?"

She is a survivor. She'll go on to do great things.

I'm slowly getting there with my confidence again.

I still feel a bit on edge when speaking to someone.

But I am wanting to find new people,

and I am back on dating apps, and I am trying to date again.

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