All language subtitles for R.F.S01E07.The Police Warned Me About My Partner [eng]

James was good-looking
on his profile picture.

He looked nice, he looked fit.

It was just constant flattery.

Everyone wants to hear that,
that you're beautiful.

Something just didn't sit right
with me.

He didn't give off boyfriend vibes.

I just instantly didn't like him.

This man is a walking red flag.

The drinking was getting more
and more. He would get a bit nasty.

It broke me, it really did.

So there's glass now everywhere,

blood from my head,
blood from my mouth.

I just thought, "This is the last
thing I'm gonna see before I die.

"He's gonna kill me."

I was a mobile hairdresser,

so I was busy, I was always out
and about on the road,

got a big circle of friends.

I'd got a good life.

Erm... A bit lonely, maybe,
on the weekdays

when your child's in bed

and you're sitting downstairs
on your own,

but it didn't overly bother me.

Me and my mum are like that.
She's my best friend.

It's always been just me and her.

As a person, she's very open
and bubbly

and she'll have a chat with anyone.

Like, she's a really easy-going,
talkative person.

You can always have a good chat
with her.

I do socialise with my family a lot.

We're the youngest two from
a big family. We're really close.

We work together,
we socialise together,

do a lot of family things together.

She was always like my protector -

very outgoing,
very popular, strong.

She'd be the one helping.

If there was a problem,
it would be Paula you'd go to.

If there's a crisis,
Paula will sort it.

That was always the way it was.

Although I appear to be confident
to my friends...

..maybe not so much underneath.

I matched with a few
different people,

had a couple of little chats,

but never really took much of it
very seriously -

messing around, really,
just looking what's out there.

I can't remember
who messaged who first,

but James was good-looking
on his profile picture.

He looked nice, he looked fit.

So, it was just purely looks.

We swapped numbers, eventually
we were WhatsApping -

chit-chat, really. Nothing...
No real plans to meet up.

He was a labourer,
in between jobs at that time.

He'd been working on a building site.

When we talked about people
that we knew in common,

that made me feel safe that
he wasn't going to be...

..a lunatic,

or he wouldn't have
that many skeletons in his closet

cos they'd come out.

I did ask a couple of people
if they knew him,

and they were like, "Yeah, yeah,
I know him. He's a good guy."

So, I thought I'd done my homework,

enough to believe what he was saying
to me.

I think I messaged him one day
when I was at a loose end.

I said I'd pick him up in my car.

He was staying with a friend
who was a girl.

But he said that was just
his best friend,

they'd known each other forever.

And he was staying with her
just temporarily.

So, this is where we sat on
the first date

for most of the day and night.

It's quite nice out here at night -

it gets warm and there's music.

Sun was out, it was a nice day.

I felt like it was going well
straight away.

He was full of compliments
from the minute we sat down -

"You're beautiful.

"You're prettier
than I thought you'd be.

"I didn't think I'd meet anybody,

"but I've got a good feeling
about you."

It was just constant flattery,
and it was nice to hear it.

Everyone wants to hear that,
that you're beautiful...

..especially when you don't feel it
so much.

He has kind of opened
the door of warmth

and compliments and, of course,

as any human being would do,
who's being flattered,

you'd walk through and go,
"I like it!"

My confidence was probably
at an all-time low, really,

and hearing all these compliments
was just what I needed

for a bit of an ego boost.

I didn't think...I was vulnerable
in any way.

And that was the start
of something terrible.

PHONE RINGS

Straight away, he was calling me
and texting all the time.

He straight away
wanted to see me again,

which I saw as a good sign.

I was quite happy about that.

I wanted to see him, too.

He was saying things like,

"When we go here"
or "When we have a holiday,"

just things that
he was planning ahead

from the first date.

I was just sort of on a bit of
a roller-coaster of excitement.

He automatically wanted
to start staying at mine,

and I was a bit uncomfortable
with that,

but let him bombard me, really.

I didn't want to say no,
so I let him.

Someone that pushy
so early in a relationship

and almost ready to really push
boundaries and push her boundaries,

when they barely know each other?

To me, that is a huge red flag.

I met James within the first week
of Paula meeting him.

Obviously, I was eager to meet him.

It was her new partner and I wanted
to see what he looked like.

When I met him at her house,

I just had an uncomfortable feeling
about him straight away -

like, as if his feet were
under the table too soon.

He was just being too comfortable
there straight away.

CARRIE:He was there a lot.
This was like within the first week.

I was like, "That's strange.
Why is he there again?"

And he seemed to always be there.

ANJULA:She's like, "OK, well, he
seemed all right at the beginning,

"let's see how it goes."

But he wants to just
get himself embedded.

AMELIA:Something just didn't
sit right with me.

They didn't look right together.
He didn't...

He didn't give off, like,
boyfriend vibes,

you know what I mean?
Like, he was just very...

A bit weird. Just weird.

I had a bad gut feeling
from the get-go.

CARRIE:We were going round
for a barbecue,

and cos Paula was attentive
to Amelia,

I could hear him say,
"Just tell her to go upstairs,

just tell her to go upstairs."

This was like week one.

I just instantly didn't like him.

He tried to drive a wedge
between everybody.

It started with Amelia.
It started with her own daughter.

I would try my hardest
not to be around him.

And if I knew he'd be staying
at the house,

I'd go to my aunt's,
or my nan's or a friend's.

I kind of distanced myself
as much as I could.

REBECCA:Very early on,
he is making her

choose between her own daughter
and him.

Who does that?

Who makes you choose between
your own flesh and blood

and your current partner?

That is not normal behaviour
from someone.

That shows signs of someone
extremely controlling,

doing that very early on,
making her choose him.

I used to say to her, "You'll still
always be my number one."

But she didn't like the thought of me
having a boyfriend at all.

ANJULA:All her family, including her
ten-year-old daughter at the time,

Amelia, did not like this person.

There were warning signs that other
people around her were saying,

"Hang on, just wait a minute."

It did bother me that my family
didn't like him,

but I thought
they'd come around eventually,

once they saw I was happy.

REBECCA:Your family, your friends
will see something that you don't.

So if your family and friends
take a dislike

to the person you're dating,
for me, another red flag.

I just hate saying his name as well.

I hate saying his name,
but I know I've got to say it.

He'd planted seeds in my head
that he was staying

with this female friend of his.

And why would I want him to go back
to stay with another woman?

"Do you not think it's best
if I just stay here with you?"

And I agreed. I was probably a little
bit jealous of their friendship.

So then I thought, "Maybe it's best
if he does stay here."

The speed in which we have gone from
the first meet

to moving in, that is a red flag.

He wants this relationship
to move quickly,

and they have only known each other
a matter of weeks.

At the time, I was sort of in a bit
of a love bubble.

It was the bubble of excitement
and new relationship,

and he was talking as if me and him
were a married couple almost,

straight away.

You know, I just thought
it was because he was really into me.

And I really thought
Amelia would come around

once she realised he was nice.

I would say that the situation
Paula is in right now

is that she is withdrawing.

We are seeing her withdraw from
her family and friends.

And then things began to change
quite quickly, really.

PHONE RINGS

He would constantly phone,
constantly bombard me with texts -

"Where are you? How long
you going to be? I want to see you.

"Come back, I need to see you."

And it was relentless.

"Who are you with?
Who are you really with?"

If I had a male client, "Well, who's
he? How long have you known him?

"Has he got a girlfriend?"

If ever I was out with my sisters
or even if I was with Amelia,

his name would constantly be
popping up on my phone -

not that I ever managed
to get away from him for long,

cos he would be demanding
to see me again.

This is a huge red flag.

There's an element of
coercive control

that's very quickly crept into
his behaviour.

He wants to assert his dominance
over her.

He doesn't want her seeing friends.

He doesn't want her working.

He wants to know exactly where
she is.

It is that power trip,
it is that authority.

She belongs to him now.

By now, he was... He'd got
the passcode to my phone,

so he would pick up my phone
and look in my phone

pretty much any time he wanted to.

ANJULA:He might be worried that
somebody is saying to her,

"This guy is horrible to you."

He doesn't want
any outside influence,

so he jealously guards
any communication she has

with other people.

That strangulation
over the communication

leaves her completely isolated.

It made me feel a bit anxious,
but also,

I was making excuses for it
in my head.

It was nice being loved, and I liked
the feeling of being loved.

I was making myself believe,
"He just misses me.

"He just wants to be with me
all the time."

I wasn't overly concerned about that
because I thought we were a couple,

so my money was his money anyway.

He was just slowly, slowly taking
any bit of independence

that she had for herself
away from her.

He kind of sort of stripped her down
to nothing. So she had nothing.

REBECCA:We've seen him
move into her house,

take control of her family,
her life, and now her money?

When is this going to stop?

CARRIE:He wouldn't allow us
to be around her.

If I was there, you could see...

..the resentment,
and he'd take her away.

LAURA:She wasn't the same person.

She was distant.

It's like nothing mattered.

She didn't care.

She didn't even look the same,
like, physically.

My best friend, Laura,
he couldn't stand her.

We're really close, and she made
her presence known on purpose.

She wouldn't go away and he kept
saying to me, "She uses you.

"You need to get rid of her. You
shouldn't see her, she's using you."

But she couldn't isolate herself
from me

because I wouldn't let her.

I was killing them with kindness,

pretending that I was OK with
the relationship.

He wasn't going to push me out
of the picture.

REBECCA:There is
that famous saying of

"Keep your friends close
"and your enemies closer,"

but what we know is
he is not one, probably,

to listen to a woman, full stop.

And, really, she was fighting
a losing battle with it.

It soon became a bit more sinister.

The drinking was getting more
and more.

I was noticing he would get
a bit nasty.

And then the sexual pressure
would be more if he was drunk,

and a bit more brutal.
It was getting rough -

"Don't you fancy me?
Don't you like me any more?"

I was put under pressure. I felt like
I had to give in all the time.

On the other side
of all this horribleness,

there were still the compliments -

"You're beautiful.
I can't live without you.

"You're the best thing
that's ever happened to me."

He said he loved me,
and I didn't want to lose him.

She did things
she did not want to do.

And that is not how you treat
someone you love.

That is not how you treat someone
you are in a relationship with.

He used to tell me things
from his childhood

which excused his behaviour.

And I just thought if I loved him,

I could show him how to live
a proper, normal life

and he'd be fine. I thought...
I thought I could help him.

She's given him all her power
in order to keep

the relationship, in her mind,
in some kind of status quo.

But, actually, he continues to abuse
her and be domineering over her.

It was always a drink-fuelled
argument with us.

We went to a local pub of ours.

I could see he was
getting aggressive again,

so I just said, "I'm going,
I'm not doing this,"

and I got up and left.

I went home, went into my house,

shut the door, locked the door.

He showed up about
maybe an hour later,

absolutely drunk out of his mind.

And he was banging the door
to get in,

and I was saying, "Just go away."

LOUD BANGING ON DOOR
And he was banging, banging the door.

All of a sudden, he just comes
crashing through the glass.

GLASS SHATTERS

He'd literally burst into
my living room.

Who does that?

That shows a level of violence that
is sort of uncomprehendible, really.

ANJULA:What you've got here
is a guy who is completely

in the mindset of,
"How dare you do this to me?

"I'm the wronged party."
He sees himself as the victim,

therefore he has the right

to behave in this completely
outrageous way with her.

I was terrified, screaming,
"What are you doing? Get out!"

And he sort of grabbed me
by the throat,

and he was holding me up the wall
by the throat,

and I had to bite his hand
to get him off me.

It was... It was horrible.

SIRENS IN DISTANCE

I managed to call the police,
but he ran off.

I made a statement about
what he'd done,

and they were looking to arrest him
after that. He disappeared.

I think she's absolutely right
at this point

to be totally frightened

because you don't know
what he's capable of.

Where is he going to go next
with this behaviour?

He was begging me,

"Please don't do this.
I'll go to prison.

"If I go to prison,
I'm going to kill myself."

ANJULA:What he's done is
made her responsible for his life.

And that's the bit that
she's responding to

because she's a lovely human being.

And he knows that
she's going to respond to that,

which is exactly why he's using it.

I knew we had to end
the relationship, deep down.

But I still had that pull from him.

He'd always promise he'd change.
He'd say he'd go to anger management.

"Please, I can't live without you.

"Without you, I'm nothing.

"I'll kill myself
if I haven't got you."

It was so hard listening to him.

It was a lot of pressure
to have from somebody

that you thought you loved.

Was it easier not to go through
with it?

Probably was.

What he has done to her is made it
impossible for her to leave.

By this time, I was going nowhere
without him.

He'd even follow me to work.

I was really depressed,
I was really low.

My family didn't know who I was.

I want Amelia to be OK
and be back home,

but she wouldn't stay at the house
when James was there.

That was breaking my heart.

I hated it.

I didn't want to be around him,

so I would always be at
either my aunt's

or my nan and grandad's
or I started seeing my dad

quite a lot around that time.

The more she wasn't around,

the more I was drinking
to cover up what was going on.

And, actually, I didn't really
want her there while he was there

because the violence
was getting worse.

She became a lot more isolated
and closed off,

she wouldn't go out much. Erm...

I didn't hear off her much.

And she just seemed
very, like, stand-offish.

She looked destroyed.
And she looked like that a lot.

Every day was a nightmare,
every day.

I thought, "I'm going to use
this opportunity

"to phone somebody and try
and get some help."

I called 101,

and then the police came to
the hospital

while I was there with my friend.

And they did what they call a DASH.

It is the checklist that we do
so we can manage risk.

We can look at the answers given
and really give a true indication,

when all the "red flags"
are put together,

how dangerous is the perpetrator?

The police were concerned.

They were saying, "You've got
to get away from this man.

"You know that, don't you?"
And I knew I did,

And I was saying,
"Yeah, I meant to, I wanted to."

And I was strong
until I spoke to him.

PHONE RINGS
The minute I spoke to him again,

he'd break me.

He used to send me photographs
of packs of tablets.

I felt guilty that I was forcing him
to do that.

I thought it was
all the outside factors

that were making him the way he was,
not him.

So I used to back down.

I got an appointment at
the job centre -

it was in July,
so it was nice and sunny.

PHONE RINGS
I got a call on my mobile phone

from a withheld number...

..and it was the police.

They said to me that they had took
the unusual step of

applying for a Clare's Law for me.

Clare's Law was set up
by the father of Clare Woods,

who was a girl murdered
by her boyfriend

who had previous
for domestic violence.

This law came about to protect
people against repeat offenders

and give people the right to know

who they were spending
their life with.

You can do it on behalf
of yourself.

Or if you're concerned about friend
and family,

you can do it on behalf of them.

When the police do it
on your behalf,

it's called a Right To Know,
cos you have a right to know.

The police gave me the report
and there was a lot on there,

a lot of previous offences.

I was in shock at first,
and then I felt sick.

You can shake your phone
or hold a button,

and everyone you want alerted to
the fact you are in danger

gets alerted.

It is a brilliant app
and it can save lives.

I should have been more alarmed that
they were so worried about my safety

that they thought I needed an app.

Even though I'd seen
a level of violence,

I didn't think he'd really try
and hurt me that badly.

Because he'd got this 28-day banning
order, he couldn't come to my house.

While he was away,
Amelia was happier,

so I knew it had to be
a permanent thing.

All of his tactics were starting
to not work on me

because he wasn't with me every day.

So, then, he said,
"I'm going to move to Scotland.

"If I can't be with you,
I'm going to move to Scotland."

And I was encouraging it. I was like,
"Well, that's a good idea."

You know, "Amelia's back with me and,

"you know, you can't be here,
basically."

So, he said he'd got some things
at my house he needed

to go and start this job -

"Will you meet me?
I just want to say goodbye.

"I want to say I'm sorry
and I just want my stuff."

Sounds very simple, doesn't it?

When, in reflection,
what he's trying to do is meet her.

He has lost control of her.

He has lost control
of the situation.

And now this is where it's
going to start getting dangerous.

This man is a walking red flag.

I was due to go to a party -

all of my family were
going to be there -

so I arranged to meet him
at the train station.

He was getting a train
from where he was staying.

I wanted him to see me OK,

cos I'd been such a mess
during the relationship.

I wanted him to see me
looking nice again and strong

and back to my old self.

He took one look at me, and he was
like, "You're going on a date."

I said, "I'm not.
I'm going to a party."

He was like, "I don't believe you.
You're going on a date.

"You're not leaving me yet.
Let's just go for a quick drink.

"I just want to talk.
We can't leave it like this."

What he's witnessing is that
she's all right without him.

He cannot stand her looking OK,
happy and independent of him.

And what he wants to do
is get her back under his control.

I should have walked away
there and then.

But he'd still got a way
of getting into my head.

An hour went - nothing, nothing.

PHONE RINGS

Not answering the phone,
not answering the texts.

And I thought,
"Something's not right."

In the pub, he straight away said,
"You're not leaving me tonight.

"I'm staying with you."
I said, "I'm going."

I went to walk back to
the train station.

He was shouting abuse behind me,

which I was just ignoring
and walking away.

But every time I looked back behind,
I could see him.

ANJULA:Paula is in very grave danger
when he follows her.

He is riven with jealousy, raging.

He feels vengeful, and he's like,

"How dare you do this to me?

"How dare you be separated from me?

"You're mine."

I jumped on the train,

and I couldn't see him for a while
and I thought that was it.

And then all of a sudden,

I remember him just coming from
one direction,

shouting and screaming at me.

Without her knowing, she is in
an extremely dangerous situation.

Paula is in trouble now.

When I got off the train
in Selly Oak,

I had to walk a little way
to my house.

He snatched my handbag off me.

Everything was in my bag -
my phone, my purse, my keys -

and he took my handbag.
And he was like, "We'll go to yours."

The red flags - she is out of
red flags.

He let us into the house
cos he'd got my bag.

I was trying to...

..I don't know, reason with him.

I was trying to scare him as well,

thinking that my family
would turn up,

and I thought that would make him
run off, but it didn't.

DOORBELL RINGS
I tried every tactic.

I tried pleading with her,
screaming at her.

Tried to understand her,
but nothing...

Nothing I said was getting through.

ANJULA:She knows that
her family are right.

But I think, emotionally,
there is a great deal of fear

which is charging her behaviour.

And it might not make sense
to anyone but her

in that moment in time
that "This person could do me

"a great deal of harm
if you intervene,

"if anyone else comes into
this picture,

"and I'm scared for my life."

I also wonder whether she's somebody
who believes that,

you know, "I can talk them down,

"so let me just manage this
on my own."

So, he'd gone, we went home.

But then we didn't know,
in the meantime, he'd come back.

James locked all the house up,
and barricaded the door.

And that was the start of...a pretty
horrible night.

He was drunk, he was angry,
he was a bit frantic.

Then the threats would start.

He'd push me around.

That went on for a few hours,
this nonstop arguing.

I think this whole display
is somebody who feels that

they're about to lose something
that's theirs.

This kind of almost domestic stalker
has turned into this violent abuser

because he thinks he is the victim.

He's not.

He smashed the phone into my mouth

and all the glass broke in my mouth,
off my phone.

I was bleeding by this point.

Now I'm shouting and screaming,
hysterical again,

and I'm trying to get away from him.

He pulled me back by my hair,
slammed me up the wall.

I remember being on the floor
in the corner of my bedroom,

and he was stamping
on my back, saying,

"You're cheating on me,
you're cheating on me!"

There was a glass
at the side of my bed,

and he brought this glass down,
and, luckily, I turned my head

and it sort of smashed
on the side of my head.

Otherwise it would have been
straight in my face.

So there's glass now everywhere,

blood from my head, blood from
my mouth, and I'm screaming.

Can I have a minute?

SHE SIGHS

And he... Yeah...
And he raped me.

I was looking up at my ceiling

and there was, like, a crack
in the plaster.

And I remember lying there, thinking,
"He's gonna kill me.

"This is the last thing I'm gonna see
before I die."

And then he put this pillow
over my face,

I just thought, "Stop moving."

I thought, "I'll scare him
into thinking I'm dead."

So I just kept still.

He ripped this pillow off me,

and I was like,
"Look, I'll give you the passcode."

So, he gave me my phone back
and I shook the phone,

which alerted my emergency contacts
in the Hollie Guard app.

For her to think about that
just speaks volumes.

The fact that she could be
going through

a torturous situation -
both physically and mentally -

and still think to do that?
She is a real fighter.

She's brilliant.

As we got onto my driveway,

one of my neighbours was over
the road, working on his car,

and I just ran to him and said,
"Phone the police.

"I've been attacked."

So James ran off, then.

LAURA:When I got to Paula's house,
she looked terrible

and started crying in my arms
straight away.

And I just knew that
I had to speak to her on her own

to find out what was going on.

When I walked to the bedroom,
I was like,

"Oh, my God, what's happened here?"

Her bedroom was smashed up,
there was glass everywhere.

There was blood on the wall.

And then that's when she told me
that he'd raped her.

I just remember asking her,

"Have you had a shower?
Where are your clothes?"

I was worrying about the evidence,

knowing that something serious
had happened in there.

It was disbelief to start with.

I was just concerned
about how I was going to

ever put it right for her,
for Paula.

I didn't think she'd ever come back
from it, to be honest.

LAURA:Just seeing how horrific
her injuries were then...

..it was heart-breaking.

I remember looking up at her,

and her tears were falling
on my face,

and we were both crying.

I just remember thinking,
"How have we got here?"

I kept Paula safe with me
in a hotel,

just for that night, so we could
just go to sleep and have a rest.

I watched Paula sleep all night.

I just couldn't shut off
what I'd saw.

AMELIA:I hated seeing my mum,
how upset she was.

She was just broken.

She's always been
a very strong person,

so I've never seen her, like,
break down like that.

It broke me. It really did.

I just wasn't confident
they were going to catch him.

I was glad that he was that stupid
to come back to Birmingham.

I phoned the police straight away.
I said, "James is in Birmingham."

And then not long after that,

I got a phone call
from a withheld number.

I answered it thinking
it was the police.

It was James.

And I could hear
the background noise,

the sounds of the machines and stuff.

I could tell it was the Wetherspoons.

I hung up on him,
I called the police straight back,

and they'd got him.
POLICE SIRENS BLARE

It feels a bit weird being back here.

When I look up at the windows,
up at the top there,

where the witness room was,

it does take me back to sitting,
the anticipation and the fear of

giving evidence
in a Crown Court trial.

I think he believed that
I wouldn't turn up

to give evidence.

But I'd had time away from him,

so I'd got myself back
a little bit more.

I'd got my family and friends
around me.

I'd got a bit more strength back,

and I wasn't going to let him
beat me.

The thought of seeing him
scared the life out of me.

I didn't want to look at his face.

The last time I'd seen his face

was when he'd done
what he'd done to me.

And it wasn't nice knowing he was
on the other side of that screen

as well, but just not being able
to see him

helped me get through
what I had to do.

The court experience wasn't as bad
as what I thought

it was going to be. I think
I'd built it up a lot in my head.

And how I was treated
in the courtroom was...

..better than I expected it to be.

I looked over at the dock

and he was shaking his head
in disbelief.

And I just looked once more
at his face and walked away

and left with my family.

As we walked down the steps of the
court, "I thought, we've done it."

You know, "We've got rid of him,
he's gone."

You know, "We've actually got him."

I definitely think getting him
convicted helped me

put my life back together.

So, yeah, it was great.

That was a good day for us all,
a really good day.

REBECCA:A female victim
of any crime,

whether it be sexual assault,
domestic violence,

it's so important that they speak
to the police.

Even if you don't
feel confident enough

to fully go through
a court proceeding,

even reporting it to police
gives that Clare's Law the ammo.

So if you do leave
that relationship

and the perpetrator starts up
a new one

and that person applies
for Clare's Law,

at least they'll know that
they have a history of it

and it's not their fault.

I think about it all the time.

Trying to understand it, I suppose.
And...you can't...

You can't believe that we lived it.

I've been diagnosed with PTSD.

I did for a long time
have terrible nightmares

and night terrors.

I'm still on antidepressants.

Erm...

But I'm in a lot happier place.

I met Andy about 18 months ago
in a pub,

but we knew each other from, like,
about 30 years ago,

when we used to go clubbing
when we were teenagers.

Words can't describe how much
I love her.

I just think the world of her.
She's brilliant.

Just can't imagine spending my life
with anybody else.

She's like my soulmate.

AMELIA:Andy's lovely.
He actually treats her well.

He's really good to me.
He's good to both of us.

All the family love him because he's
got a very kind heart, bless him.

Seeing her how she is now,
we can relax a bit more.

She's happy, which is something
I didn't think

she would ever be again,
to be honest.

Amelia, nobody will ever
come between us again.

She's just the best person ever.

It's definitely brought us closer,
a million percent.

I wouldn't say Paula missed
any red flags.

She ignored them
because he made her do so.

The level of control
and manipulation

and grooming from the offset
that he displayed towards her,

it's no wonder she did.

It does happen to people
who you wouldn't expect it to.

But life can get better -
and hers has.

Very proud of Paula.

I don't recognise
the person I was then

to who I am again now.

But I've been ashamed of it
for a long time.

But I've also learned
that I wasn't to blame.

He's to blame and not me.

Life's good now.

It's all turned out nice in the end.

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