All language subtitles for Highway.To.Heaven.S05E08.Goodbye.Mr.Zelinka.1080p.WEB-DL.AAC2.0.H.264-squalor (1)_track3_[eng]

[theme music]

Morning, Howie.

I'm sorry, Mr. Zelinka.

That's quite all
right, Mr. Davis.

Next Olympics, you've got
100 meter gold for sure.

But for now, practice
on the track.

What dedication.

Still rehearsing
"Romeo and Juliet."

And we finished that
play a month ago.

That Mr. Zelinka certainly
is a character, isn't he?

I wish all my teachers
were characters like him.

He's terrific.

[whistling]

Well, second day
on the job and you're

still in good spirits.

Well, we always
whistle while we work.

No sooner will it
dry and they'll have

it covered with graffiti again.

Well, I hope so.

Otherwise we're going
to be out of a job.

A man with a sense of humor
about his work is a rarity.

I admire your
attitude, Jonathan.

The feeling is
mutual, Mr. Zelinka.

Excuse me, Mr. Zelinka.

Is that a hairstyle, Miss
Wilson, or an affliction?

[sighs]

Amazing the length
young people will

go to, to upset their parents.

What a zinger.

I mean, no wonder they
call him Ivan the Terrible.

The kids wouldn't
want him any other way.

They love him.

Well, I spent last night
grading your test papers.

Give you some idea of what
an exciting evening I had.

[chuckling]

Especially some of the
answers you gave me.

Times I wonder what
you do here in class.

So do we.

[laughter]

Jerry Michaels,
we can always depend

on you for a bit of levity.

And in your test paper.

For your information, Mr.
Michaels, "Death of a Salesman"

is a play, a great play.

Then it was made into a movie
and adapted for television.

But it was not--

and I hope to God
never will be--

a music video.

[laughter]

Miss Morris and Miss
Lindstrom, would you

be so kind just to pass out
these test papers for me?

Yeah.

Special delivery.

Oh, does that mean you want
to play post office with me?

Sorry, I only handle
first class mail.

[bell ringing]

If there are any questions
regarding your test scores,

see me after class.

Class dismissed.

F?

I don't deserve an F.

Well, I agree with you, Jerry.

Unfortunately, that's
as low as I can go.

Well, I don't
think I should fail.

Why don't you grade on a curve,
like my other teachers do?

Oh, I refuse to do that.

Grading on a curve is an
excuse for an entire class

to fail together, getting
kids through school

without teaching them anything.

You've just got it in for me.

You're always on me.

Because I know
you're bright, but you

just won't apply yourself.

You waste your time
playing the class clown.

You can't go around
blaming everyone

else because you're not taking
responsibility for your life.

Oh, wait a minute, Howie.

I want to talk to you.

Oh, yes, sir?

Another A, Howie.

Congratulations.

Well, thank you, sir.

But I'm still not hearing
enough from you in class.

How come?

I guess I just don't
feel comfortable standing

in front of other people.

I get nervous.

I understand, but try anyway.

That's the way to
get over nervousness.

Besides, I want the others
to hear some of your ideas.

You write so well in your tests.

Well, thanks.

I'll try.

And the main thing, you
didn't do your homework again.

Why not?

I-- I don't know.

I'll do it tomorrow.

Well, you keep saying
tomorrow, but you don't do it.

Why not?

I don't know.

Howie, you write so
well on these tests.

What do I have to do to motivate
you to do your homework?

I know.

Can be boring, but later
in life you'll have a job,

and some parts of
that may be boring,

and you'll have
to do them anyway.

You see, doing homework
is good training.

It teaches us responsibility.

Even Jerry Michaels does some
homework once in a while.

OK, sir.

I-- I promise I'll do it.

If you don't, no matter how
good your test scores are,

I'll have to flunk you.

I know.

There you go.

And make sure your
parents sign it.

Susie, here's the
activity schedule.

It looks like Thursday,
lecture hall is booked.

Is there some way we could
get in an hour in there somehow?

Morning?
Or Wednesday.

It looks free on Wednesday.
- Well, how about lunch?

Is it free during lunch?

Oh, yeah.

We you take your lunch hour?

Well, we really need
to get in there that day.

Oh, I see you got a
retirement notice from the Board

of Education, too, Mr. Zelinka.

Have you been steaming open
my mail again, Miss Minotti?

Mr. Zelinka, no!

I just received the same
notice myself from the board.

Why, I'm turning 70 this month.

Just like you.

Happy birthday.

Thank you!

Same to you.

Oh, I'm looking
forward to retiring.

I'm going to travel
around the world.

What about you?

Have you made any plans?

Hmm?

No, no.

I-- I knew it was coming,
but not this soon.

I-- I guess I was trying
not to think about it.

Well, you can't
fight City Hall.

Mr. Zelinka can't retire.

He's my favorite teacher.

He was my favorite teacher
when I was a student here, too.

He still is.

Lincoln's not going to
be the same without him.

I'm really going to miss him.

We all are.

And they're going to retire
him at the end of the semester.

No more Mr. Zelinka.

I'm not so sure I'm
going to miss him.

Ivan the Terrible is always
on me about responsibility.

Hey, come on.

You're lucky to have a
teacher like Mr. Z. He cares.

We should do
something nice for him.

You mean, like
buy him a present?

Yeah.

And how about a surprise
retirement party?

Hey, now that's a
really great idea.

Yeah.

Well, yeah, yeah.

He'd like that.

Yeah, I could be the MC.

Yeah, and you could ruin
it all with your dumb jokes.

Where do you think we
should try to have it?

Excuse me.

I couldn't help but
overhear your conversation.

I thought you might want to
know it's Mr. Zelinka's birthday

this Friday.

Are you sure?

I'm positive.

Well, all right, then.

Friday it is.

Hey, we'd be glad to
help you in any way we can.

Thanks.

We could use all
the help we can get.

We really want to
make this a great party.

We've got to show Mr.
Z how much we appreciate

all he's done for us.

Let's make this a
retirement party

he's never going to forget.

Yes.

This is Ivan Zelinka
of Lincoln High.

Fine, fine.

Oh, he's fine.

About this retirement
notice you sent me.

Thank you very much, but you
see, I'm not ready to retire.

Yes, I'll be 70 in a couple
of weeks, but I don't feel it.

I-- I don't think I look it.

And I-- yes, I know
about the rules,

the retirement age
for state employees.

But isn't there some kind
of an extension I can get?

Some sort of an
appeal I could file?

A letter?

You don't think it
would do any good, eh?

Yeah, I understand.

Rules are rules.

All right.

Thank you very much.

Oh, Mr. Carlyle.

Could I speak to
you for a moment?

Well, I'm late
for a PTA meeting.

What is it?

It's about that
retirement notice I received

from the Board of Education.

Yes, I heard about it.

Congratulations.

Well, thank you.

But you see, I don't
want to retire.

ROGER CARLYLE: You don't?

Why not?

Because I like teaching.

I think I still
have a lot to give.

And I thought if you could
back me with the board,

maybe they'd let me
stay on a little longer.

Ivan, that is so altruistic
and noble, so like You

but you've been
teaching for 50 years!

Why don't you relax?

Take a nice long trip
like Mrs. Minotti.

Oh, Roger, I--

I'd love to talk to you
about your plans sometime.

Right now I'm late
for that PTA meeting.

Nothing like parents who've been
kept waiting by the principal.

Good luck to you, old boy.

Fill me in.

So--

Yeah?

--we decided to
have it in the gym.

Yeah, we're going to hang
up streamers and balloons,

make it look really nice.

That's great.

Sounds you got it
all worked out.

Except for one minor detail.

What's that?

How to get Mr. Zelinka there.

That's where we
need your help.

Well, he's been talking a lot
about that Shakespeare Festival

they're having in
the park that night.

I could say I got
two tickets for it.

Yeah, that's a great idea.

He loves Shakespeare.

And that I forgot the
tickets in my gym locker.

And there we are.

Great.

You know, you're
really sneaky.

Have you ever
worked for the CIA?

[laughter]

Hey, everybody, they're here!

Everybody hide!

Come on!

(SINGING) For he's
a jolly good fellow,

for he's a jolly good
fellow, for he's a jolly good

fellow, which nobody can deny!

[cheering]

Look.

Mr. Zelinka.

71 candles, one for good
luck for your retirement.

Speech, speech,
speech, speech, speech!

Thank you.

Thank you.

I know you all meant well, and I
appreciate your thoughtfulness,

but you see, I don't
want to retire.

To what?

This school, teaching
has been my whole life.

And why should I and
a lot of other people

be forced to retire
because some bureaucrat

said we had to at 70?

It's computers.

Computers have no compassion.

When your age and name
come up, that's it.

It's over.

I'm sorry.

Really sorry.

I-- I know you meant
well, and I appreciate it,

but I just wouldn't be
any fun at this party.

If you don't mind, Miss Hancock,
I think I'll just walk home.

I'm telling you, what
Mr. Z said is right.

Why should he be
forced to retire?

We've got to do something.

But what can we do?

I'll tell you.

If you believe in
Mr. Zelinka, you

should let the
Board of Education

know how you feel about it.

What good will it do?

Plenty.

I mean, that's what America
is all about-- petition,

sit-in, fighting for
what you believe in.

Don't take this sitting down.

Yeah!

Let's picket the
Board of Education.

- Right.
- Wait.

Wait a minute.

I mean, Mark's got
the right idea,

but I think you should
start with a petition first.

Saying how you feel about Mr. Z.

We can get the whole
school to sign it.

Yeah, parents
and teachers, too.

I don't think
it'll do any good.

Hey, come on.
It's got to do some good.

We got to keep Mr. Zelinka
here, where he belongs.

I'm going to get the
teachers on our side.

Yeah, come on, Jerry.

We'll tell them if
they don't join us,

then you'll go to
their class and tell

them all your bad jokes.

Hey, well, I'm going to go
start writing that petition.

Hey, thanks for
your advice, guys.

Bye!

Bye, Jerry.

Feeling a little
writer's block there?

Yeah.

No, I just can't get
the words to come

out right, to say what I really
want to say about Mr. Zelinka.

You really like
him, don't you?

Yeah.

Yeah.

I never had a teacher
like him before.

I can't wait to get to
his class in the morning,

and then I hate when the bell
rings and I have to leave.

Oh, you got to be the
first student in the history

of the world to ever say that.

I-- I know the other guys
would think I was weird if I

told them, but Mr.
Z has such a special

way of explaining things.

You know, I mean,
it's like when he's

reading a play or
something to us,

he puts so much feeling into it.

I feel like he's
doing it just for me.

You ever tell
them how you feel?

Nah.

No, I-- I couldn't do that.

I-- I have a hard time
saying how I feel.

You didn't have any trouble
saying how you felt just now.

And that's what you ought to
be writing in your petition,

the way you feel about
Mr. Z. Good luck with it.

[bell ringing]

What do you think?

I think it's a
great idea, Susie.

I'm proud of you.

Well, do you think you can
get some of the other teachers

to sign?
- Well, yes.

I'll get the whole
darn faculty to sign.

Everybody loves Ivan Zelinka.

Great.

Bye-bye.

Bye.

Mrs. Hancock is
going to try to get

all the other teachers to sign.

If you'd sign it,
Mr. Carlyle, it

would really make an impression
on the Board of Education.

I'd bet it would,
but what kind?

I'm the principal of
this school, Julie.

I can't go around signing
student petitions.

I have a certain
reputation to uphold.

But Mr. Carlyle, this
isn't just any petition.

I know what it is.

And I'm against it.

I like Mr. Zelinka as
much as anyone does.

He's a fine teacher.

But he's reached retirement age.

That's the system.

And Mr. Zelinka
doesn't want to retire.

Look, Julie, Mr.
Zelinka has been

teaching for a long, long time.

He deserves to rest.

It's time to bring in a younger
teacher to take his place.

No one can ever take
Mr. Zelinka's place!

Well, someone is going to.

And I don't want any petition
to the Board of Education.

I don't want them to
think I'm heading up

a bunch of revolutionary
rabble rousers.

I forbid your petition
on school property.

Do I make myself
perfectly clear?

Boy, was he mad.

Mr. Carlyle's a pain.

I think he's jealous
of Mr. Zelinka

because he knows how
much we love him.

What are we going to do?

I think you
should do it anyway.

But he said absolutely no
petition on school property.

Well, if I were you, I'd
do it off school property.

Yeah, why not?

Excuse me.

Could you sign this petition
asking the Board of Education

not to retire Mr. Zelinka?

- You got it.
- Great.

I like that old guy.

All right.

All right, thanks.

Thanks a lot.
Hey.

Oh, excuse me.

Would you sign this petition to
save Mr. Zelinka's job, please?

Oh, sure.

Mr. Z's the best.

Thanks.

Bye-bye.

Didn't I tell you no
petitions on school property?

How dare you disobey
me like this.

I'll have you all expelled.

Excuse me, Mr.
Carlyle, but the sidewalk

is not school property.

That has nothing
to do with it.

It's still a school
matter, and I'm

the principal of this school.

And you'll do as you're told.

Kind of out of line, isn't it?

What did you say?

I said, you're out of line.

I mean, these kids have rights.

This still is America, you know?

Mr, uh?

Gordon.

Yes, Mr. Gordon.

Perhaps I should remind
you that I'm the principal

and you are a maintenance man.

Mr. Carlyle, I think
maintenance people

have rights, too.

Along with the students,
the older teachers.

I can't tell you not
to sign that petition,

but I can tell you I strongly
disapprove of your signing it.

And let me remind all
of you how nice it

is to teach at Lincoln
compared to some

of the high schools downtown.

Have a nice day, Miss Hancock.

Yes?

Um, we have a petition
that we'd like to present

to the president of the board.

Oh, I'm sorry.

He's very busy right now.

Just leave it with me, and
I'll see that he gets it.

We'd like to give
it to him ourselves.

Well, I'm sorry, that
just won't be possible.

The board's in session now.

Good.

We'll just walk in,
give it to him in there.

Come on, kids.
- You can't do that!

Well, either you get
him out here, or in I go.

Well, you wait right there.

I'll get him.

You're really rad, Mark.

Rad?

Oh, yeah, the
absolute raddest.

Hello.

I'm Bill Simenton, president
of the school board.

I understand you have a
petition that just can't wait.

Yes, sir.

We're from Lincoln
High School, and it's

about Mr. Ivan Zelinka.

It was signed
by all these kids

to keep Mr. Zelinka
on as a teacher,

so he wouldn't be retired.

Well, that's very impressive.

Very impressive.

I know about this petition.

Mr. Carlyle phoned me,
and the board has already

taken some action on this case.

Of course we appreciate very,
very much all the effort

that you went to getting
all the signatures.

That is the democratic
process, isn't it?

Very admirable.

Unfortunately, the board's
decision on retiring

Mr. Zelinka is final.

I'm awfully sorry, but
those are the rules.

However, we thank you
for your interest.

Mr. Zelinka must be very proud
to have students like you.

Good afternoon.

[sighs]

[sighs]

Well, I guess it's true.

You can't fight City Hall.

Hey, I know
you're discouraged,

but this is no time
to be giving up.

But it all seems
so hopeless, Mark.

What are we going to do?

Plan B.

Plan B?

Plan B.

No, no, Mr. Z won't go!

No, no, Mr. Z won't go!

No, no, Mr. Z won't go!

No, no, Mr. Z won't go!

No, no, Mr. Z won't go!

No, no, Mr. Z won't go!

No, no, Mr. Z won't go!

No, no, Mr. Z won't go!

No, no, Mr. Z won't go!

No, no, Mr. Z won't go!

Looks like they
really love their Mr. Z.

CROWD: No, no Mr. Z won't go!

Guess there's no accounting
for taste these days.

CROWD: No, no, Mr. Z won't go!

No, no, Mr. Z won't go!

No, no, Mr. Z won't go!

Break this up this minute.

Get in your classes right now.

CROWD: No, no, Mr. Z won't go!

No, no, Mr. Z won't go!

No, no, Mr. Z won't go!

I said, right now!

Or you will all be expelled!

CROWD: No, no Mr. Z won't go!

You can't expel the entire
student body, Mr. Carlyle.

Just watch me.

I will not have this
kind of demonstration

in front of my school!

It's not just your school.

It's their school, too.

My advice to
you, Miss Hancock,

is to mind your own business.

This is my
business, Mr. Carlyle.

This is my school, too.

And I believe in what these
kids are fighting for.

Mr. Zelinka's right to keep
on doing what he loves doing--

teaching.

CROWD: No, no, Mr. Z won't go!

No, no, Mr. Z won't go!

I strongly advise
you not to join

those students, Miss Hancock.

Advise or threaten,
Mr. Carlyle?

No, no, Mr. Z won't go!

No, no, Mr. Z won't go!

No, no, Mr. Z won't go!

No, no, Mr. Z won't go!

No, no, Mr. Z won't go!

No, no, Mr. Z won't go!

No, no, Mr. Z won't go!

No, no, Mr. Z won't go!

No, no, Mr. Z won't go!

No, no, Mr. Z won't go!

No, no, Mr. Z won't go!

No, no, Mr. Z won't go!

You've really botched
this one, Roger.

Now you've got the TV
cameras covering this mess.

Give me the bullhorn, will you?

May I have your
attention, please?

Now, this concerns Mr. Zelinka.

May I have your attention?

Now, this concerns Mr. Zelinka!

Thank you.

Thank you.

I'm Bill Simenton, president
of the Board of Education.

Now, I know that we've had a
little difference of opinion

here, but you have made
your feelings known to us.

And I'm glad of that.

Because that is the American
way of doing things.

And I'm here to tell you that
if you end this demonstration

right now, the board will
hold a special meeting to hear

your side of things
and to reconsider

their decision on Mr. Zelinka.

[cheering]

So why don't you kids
go back to your class

and get the education that
your parents are paying for?

And we'll conduct this meeting
in a more orderly manner at

the board meeting tomorrow, OK?

[cheering]

We, the undersigned
students of Lincoln High,

ask you to reconsider
your decision

to retire Mr. Ivan Zelinka.

Mr. Zelinka is the best
teacher we ever had.

We can't wait to get to
his class in the morning,

and we hate it when the bell
rings and we have to leave.

You leave his class
educated, smiling,

and feeling glad to be alive.

He's a very special
teacher, who cares about us,

and we care about him.

Please let them go on teaching.

Don't retire Ivan Zelinka.

And it's signed by all of
these names, 1,027, every kid

at Lincoln High.

[cheering]

Thank you, Howie.

The board appreciates
your involvement

with strong feelings
for Mr. Zelinka.

I was in Mr. Zelinka's class,
and he is a wonderful teacher.

But we must face the
fact that at his age,

he has reached a point in
time where these duties

are just too difficult for him.

After all, he is 70 years old.

That's just not true.

Age has nothing to do with
a person's capabilities.

People have done great
things when they were

a lot older than Mr. Zelinka.

I'll prove it to you.

I, uh, looked this up in the
encyclopedia this morning.

Winston Churchill was 77
when he became prime minister

of England for the
second time, and 79 when

he won the Nobel Peace Prize.

Our own Ronald Reagan was
77 when he was in office.

And Grandma Moses started
her new career as an artist

when she was 76 years
old, became world famous,

and painted 25 pictures one
year after her 100th birthday.

[applause]

Thank you, Susie, for
all the extra research

you've done for us.

And it's a perfectly
persuasive argument.

However, the fact is that 70
is the mandatory retirement

age in this state.

And we can't break the rule
for just one individual.

So the decision of
the board stands.

Mr. Zelinka will be retired.

Now, if there are no
other things to discuss,

this meeting is adjourned.

Excuse me, Mr. Simenton.

I'd like to say something.

SIMENTON: Who are you?

My name is Jonathan Smith.

I'm a maintenance man
at Lincoln High School.

Well, excuse me,
Mr. Smith, but we

have been here a long time,
and we would like to go home,

because we are tired.

And frankly, I don't think
that a maintenance man can add

very much to this discussion.

Yeah, well, if
you'll excuse me,

I'm also a citizen
and a taxpayer.

I pay your salary.

I think that takes precedent
over what I do for a living.

[cheering]

I was just wondering whether or
not you were aware of the fact

that the Age Discrimination
Act was changed last last year.

The retirement
age used to be 70.

It is no longer 70.

A lot of cities and states seem
to be ignoring that change.

I imagine that's
what happened here.

But let me tell you, if
you insist upon retiring

Mr. Zelinka because
of his age, you're

going to find yourself in
a lawsuit with the Equal

Employment Opportunity
Commission,

and I think you're going
to lose that lawsuit.

But of course, I'm
only a maintenance man.

[applause]

We seem to have been caught
with our proverbial pants down.

In the light of these
new developments,

perhaps the board's
decision was a bit hasty.

However, I must remind you that
it is still the board's right,

I might say duty, to determine
a teacher's competency.

Therefore, Mr.
Zelinka will be given

a written test to see if
he is still able to conduct

a class at his age.

If he is, he may continue.

If he is not, he
will be retired.

Meeting adjourned.

All right!

[cheering]

What the hell do we
have legal counsel for?

Shouldn't we have been
made aware of this?

It was an
oversight, I suppose.

I don't like being
made a laughing stock of.

Neither do I.

Oh, be quiet, Carlyle.

If that old man
passes this test,

the local press is going
to have a field day.

See to it.

See to what?

See to it that he
can't pass the test.

[phone ringing]

Hello?

Hello?

No.

No, no, no.

You must have the wrong number.

[knocking on door]

Oh, Jonathan, Mark.

Come in.

Thank you.

Thanks.

We thought we'd come by rather
than call you on the phone.

Why?

Were you afraid I'd slit my
wrists when I heard the news?

No, not at all.

They said you could
continue teaching.

I can't believe it.

Yeah.

They did have one stipulation.

What?

That I have to simonize
Carlyle's car once a week?

No, they want you to
take a competency test.

A competency test?

Well, yeah, just a formality.

You take the test, you're
right back to teaching.

You mean, after 47
years of teaching,

I have to take a test?

Oh, no way.

No yuppie board's going to sit
in judgment on Ivan Zelinka.

I'd-- I'd rather retire
than face the humiliation.

Ivan, listen.

No.

Now, what are you two
doing in this anyway?

We're just trying to help.

I didn't ask for your help.

Now, please, just get out of
my house and leave me alone.

Go on.

Get out.

I can understand why
he feels the way he does.

I mean, making him take a test
to see if he can do what he's

been doing for all those years?

I mean, the man has got
some pride, you know?

Come on.

Pride's got nothing
to do with it.

He's scared.

Scared of what?

Of not passing the test.

Oh, come on, Jonathan.

That's ridiculous.

It is?

He's 70 years old.

He's been told he's
too old to do the job.

He's starting to doubt himself.

His confidence has been shaken.
Believe me.

That's why he doesn't
want to take the test.

Well, he's got
to take the test.

He's the best
teacher I ever saw.

I wish I'd had had
a teacher like him.

The kids need him.

Now, we got to convince
him to take that test.

I'm not so sure we can.

Well, who then?

Maybe somebody that knows
him a lot better than we do.

Hello, Howie?

Yeah, Jonathan Smith.

Look, Howie, I'd like to talk
to you about Mr. Zelinka.

[soft music playing]

[knocking on door]

Oh, Howie!

Um, excuse me, Mr. Zelinka.

I know it's late, but I
wondered if I could talk to you.

Well, come on in.

I'll turn that off.

[music stops]

Now, what's on your mind?

Well, Jonathan
called me tonight.

Oh, Howie, if it's about
the test, don't bother.

My mind is made up.

It's an insult. I'm
not going to do it.

So I'm afraid you
came here for nothing.

Well, if there
isn't anything else,

I think I'd like to be alone.

There is something else.

Well?

I wanted to tell you why
I never do my homework.

Oh, I think we both know that.

Howie.

No, you don't.

See, you think it's because I'm
lazy, and that's not it at all.

See, I like your class so much.

I mean, it's the first time I
ever really did like a class.

I mean, you really
care about me.

You talk to me
like I'm important.

Well, you are
important, Howie.

But you see, I never felt
that way till I met you.

I-- I just love
being in your class.

And why don't you
do your homework?

[sighs]

Because I figured
that if I didn't do it,

that you'd have to flunk me,
and I'd get to be in your class

again.

Is that the truth?

Yeah.

Why didn't you ever
tell me this before?

Because I was scared to.

Sometimes it's hard to tell
the truth when you're scared.

Isn't it, Mr. Zelinka?

I know that's why you're
not taking the test.

Because you're scared.

And I know what that feels like.

That's nonsense.

Pardon me, sir, but it's not.

Look, I was just
honest with you.

Why can't you be honest with me?

All right.

I'm scared.

I'm afraid those
people have the truth.

I'm just an old man who
doesn't know when to quit.

Yeah, but don't you see?

They're not right.

Why do you think the
kids have done all this?

The petitions and the picketing?

Because they're sorry for me.

They did it because you're
the best teacher in the school.

They did it because you care,
and that makes them care.

It's too late, Howie.

No, it's not.

Mr. Z, remember what you told
me about-- about being scared,

about getting up in
front of the class?

You said that you have to try.

That's the only way to
get over being scared.

You bring me back
my own platitudes.

That's hitting below
the belt, Howie.

Well, I figured that
you could take it.

Hey, I'll tell you what.

I'll make you a deal.

You take the test, and I'll
start doing my homework.

What do you say?

You just made me an
offer I can't refuse.

Good morning, Mr. Zelinka.

If you say so, sir.

Mr. Arnold will be
with you during the test.

Now, the test itself
consists of both true

and false and multiple choice.

And we have allotted you
three hours for the test.

Three hours?

Oh, yes.

Well, of course it covers
a wide variety of subjects.

I'm sure that a man
of your background

will have no trouble
at all with it.

We will begin the
test at 9:00, and we

will pronounce the results
in chamber at about 12:30,

just prior to lunch.

That's about it.

Shall we get started?

Good luck.

Thank you.

Well, if you'll excuse me, I
have a board meeting to attend.

[clock ticking]

Mr. Arnold?

Yes.

The whole second section of
this is chemistry and biology.

That's correct.

It covers many subjects.

But my teaching for the
past 40 years has been--

Mr. Zelinka, the
clock is running.

I'd get started if I were you.

[sighs]

11:30.

Wonder how he's doing.

It's rigged.

- What?
- The test.

They rigged it so
he wouldn't pass.

How do you know that?

Oh, Mark!

Oh, yeah.

I'm sorry.

Well, what are we going to do?

The only thing we can
do in a case like this.

What's that?

Cheat.

Mr. Arnold?

Yes, Mr. Zelinka?

I'm finished.

ARNOLD: You've completed
the entire test?

Well, there were
a couple of sections

I couldn't answer at all,
but I did the best I could.

I'm sorry to hear that.

If you're through, you may go.

Just leave your
papers on the desk.

Mr. Zelinka, what are you doing?

I don't know.

Mr. Zelinka, I thought you
were through with the test.

So did I.

Well, are you or aren't you?

I guess I'm not.

How'd you do?

I-- I don't know.

Well, we're going to
find out soon enough.

Come on, we'd better
get in the boardroom.

A bunch of the kids skipped
class to hear the results.

They're waiting for
you in the boardroom.

Are you all right?

I-- I don't know.

Well, of course, we understand
your situation, Mr. Thompson.

And the entire board
hopes that your wife will

soon make a speedy recovery.

And so we will delay any further
discussion of the closing

of the Clark Street
Elementary until Mr.

Thompson completes his report.

Our last piece of
business for this morning

will be the results of Mr.
Zelinka's competency test.

Mr. Zelinka, will you
come up here, please?

Mr. Arnold.

Mr. Arnold, the report, please?

Mr. Zelinka scored a 99.5.

[cheering]

[banging gavel]

Order!

May we have order?

Are you sure about
that score, Mr. Arnold?

It's the highest
score anyone ever

achieved on this particular
test, and I'm quite sure.

Congratulations, Mr. Zelinka.

This meeting is
adjourned for lunch!

[cheering]

No, no, Mr. Z won't go!

No, no, Mr. Z won't go!

No, no, Mr. Z won't go!

No, no, Mr. Z won't go!

Congratulations, Mr. Z.

Thank you, Howie.

I'll expect to see your
homework in the morning.

No, no, Mr. Z won't go!

No, no, Mr. Z won't go!

No, no, Mr. Z won't go!

[theme music]