Original subtitles

Starring... as Gomer Pyle.

Also starring... as Sergeant Carter.

♪ ♪

Shazam! Would you look at that shine!

I can see my own reflection in it.

Wanna see your own reflection in it?

Don't look at the laces though; it'll make creases in your face.

All right, all you people.

All of you over here!

Drop whatever you're doing and listen up good.

I need a volunteer for a special detail.

Headquarters has decided to add something new

to battalion operations.

They're requisitioning some dogs from the Army Canine Corps

to be used on sentry duty.

Now, these dogs are gonna be shipped and...

Dogs?!

You mean we're gonna have dogs right here on the base?

I said listen! Don't talk!

Right, Sergeant.

Dogs... how about that?

Pyle!

Now, there gonna be four dogs in all,

so we'll need four men to team up with them.

Each platoon sergeant has been asked to pick a man

from his own outfit, which is why I'm here.

Well, anybody interested?

I am, Sergeant! I am!

Well? Any volunteers?

I am, Sergeant. I'll be a volunteer.

Well, how about it? Johnson?

Sounds like a job right up my alley, Sergeant.

Okay, that's one.

Is there another one?

Me, Sergeant. I'm another one.

Please, please.

All right.

It's between Pyle and Johnson.

The rest of your people, as you were.

Have you had much experience with dogs?

Oh, yes, Sergeant.

I can't remember a time in my life when I didn't have a dog.

I've had 25 in all.

Let's see, there was Nellie and Tipper...

and Gilmore and Chu-Chin...

Okay, Pyle. Chu-chin was a Chow.

Swell. Now... Then there was Champ.

He was one of the first dogs I ever had.

Talk about good-natured.

Why, he wouldn't even scratch for fear of hurting the fleas.

That's very interesting... Then there was Pal.

He was one of the finest retrievers that ever was.

Oh, it was a thing of beauty to see him jump into an icy creek

and swim across and fetch a duck.

It pretty near broke my heart when he got too old to retrieve.

I knew he was just about through, though, one day,

when he run up to the creek,

he stuck his paw in the water to test the temperature.

I think that's one of the saddest things in the world,

when a good hunting dog is too old to retreive anymore.

Don't you think so, Sergeant?

Will you knock it off?!

How about you, Johnson?

You had much experience with dogs? Sure have, Sergeant.

But I didn't have them just as house pets.

I was a mule skinner and I had them kind of rough dogs

they have in this Canine Corps.

Knew how to handle them, too.

When they acted up, I gave it to 'em good.

You mean you whupped them?

Well, let's just say I had my ways.

But when I gave them an order, those monsters listened.

Well, I never considered any dogs I ever had a monster.

Each one was a fine animal and I give him his due respect.

Why, I'd never would... What is this, a dog debate?

Now, look, Johnson,

they're looking for dog partners, not lion tamers.

Can you do the job or can't you?

Please, Sergeant, give me the chance.

I'll make good. I promise; you'll see.

Sergeant,

I guarantee you I'll handle that dog

the way you handle a platoon.

Yeah? Yeah, you know...

with the old iron first.

Even when they do it right, you don't let 'em know.

Huh? So they come to look

at you as just a big, mean ugly brute.

Pyle...

ordinarily, I wouldn't pick you for anything.

It usually ends in disaster.

But I got a feeling that you're right for this job.

It's just a feeling.

Thank you, Sergeant!

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

I mean you wouldn't exactly be a...

big mean, ugly brute, would you?

Why, I never would...

Sergeant, I've got a lot more experience

with these kind of dogs!

Johnson, who's doing the picking, you or the brute?

Now, they'll be shipping in these dogs tomorrow morning.

There'll be an instructor along to conduct the training.

Just make sure you listen up good

to exactly everything he says

and do whatever he tells you.

Don't worry, Sergeant, I will.

See that you do.

Now, I'm sticking my neck out picking you.

Don't make me look bad.

I won't.

And Sergeant? Yeah?

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

Sorry I took the job away from you, Johnson.

No hard feelings.

Well, let's see what happens when the dogs come.

Hey, fellas, the dogs is here!

Just look at them beauties.

Ain't they something?

Hey there, poochie!

You ol' sweet thing.

Don't get too close to them!

They're a little edgy from the trip.

Well, I don't blame 'em.

I'd be edgy too, if I'd come all this way locked in a cage.

Hi. Sergeant Carter. Sergeant Myers.

These the men who'll be working with the dogs?

Right.

I'm your training instructor.

It'll be my job to teach you to take over the dogs.

Do we get to pick out the one we want?

Can we do it now?

This ain't a pet shop window, Pyle,

and you ain't picking out a puppy for your birthday.

Now pipe down and listen!

First, I want to get these hounds settled down

and used to their new surroundings.

Let's meet in about an hour and get started.

Right. We'll be there with bells on.

See you later, you beautiful things.

I told you not to get too close!

These animals have been trained to attack strangers.

Don't you understand?

Well, we won't be strangers long.

I'm gonna be a daddy to one of you.

Pyle, will you get out of here?

Will you go? Go!

These animals are already highly trained,

qualified sentry dogs.

Now, it's just a matter of them

getting used to their new partners.

From now on,

you and the dog you've selected will become inseparable.

Only you will pet, feed, or otherwise handle your dogs.

Now, these dogs have names which you will continue to use.

This is Ripper.

This is Mauler.

This is Tiger.

And this is Killer.

Mean names. Awful mean.

Now, it's going to take a little time for your dog

to get used to you and become your friend.

To break the ice,

I want each of you to move over to your dog, real easy like,

and stand beside him.

Don't do anything else; just stand.

There ain't no reason to be frightened.

I'm just trying to get acquainted.

Now, slowly, real slowly, reach over

and pet your dog.

Don't do anything to startle him.

That's okay; don't let it throw you.

Killer happens to be the toughest one in the bunch.

It may take a little longer with him.

Well, that name of his ain't helping none.

Every time you call him Killer,

it only reminds him to stay mean.

Pyle, you might be glad, someday, he is mean.

He might save your life against a saboteur or something.

Okay, now try petting him again.

Nice and easy like.

Lordy, if he's this way with his master,

I'd hate to think what he'd do to that saboteur.

Detail, halt!

Sit! Sit! Sit!

Sit!

Pull on the leash harder, force him down.

Sit!

Sit! Sit!

Sit! Sit!

He sure minds you a whole lot better than he does me.

Don't worry, he'll get used to you.

He's a crack dog, he'll start obeying you real fast.

Okay... forward march!

Come on!

Follow, follow... come on! Follow!

Come on! Follow!

Heel!

If you're trying to embarrass me in front of everybody,

you're doing a good job.

First man.

Next man.

Next!

Next!

Come on, now.

Yank on the leash to get him started.

Come on... come on, Killer.

Come on, Killer!

Killer, come on!

Pyle is sure having his troubles, huh, Sergeant?

Yeah, yeah.

If it was me, I would have had that hound

buckled down within five minutes.

Who asked you? It's just the first day.

Right, Sergeant.

Detail... halt!

Okay, we'll hit it again tomorrow.

Right now, get your dog in his cage and get him fed.

Dismissed!

Come on, Killer, get in.

Please get in; come on.

Get in.

Get in, now.

Come on, Killer, get in.

Come on.

Pyle, are you sure you're gonna

be able to handle that dog?

Yes, Sergeant.

It's just gonna take a little time.

Well, there ain't gonna be too much time.

There's a lieutenant from the Canine Corps

coming at the end of the week to check you guys out.

Now, if you don't think you're gonna be ready,

say so right now, and I'll get Johnson to take over.

Johnson?!

Oh, please don't do that, Sergeant.

He'd be mean to my dog.

Pyle, that might be the only way to handle this hound.

Don't worry, me and him's gonna get along

just fine, ain't we?

I don't know.

I'll get to him, I promise.

Just give me a little more time, Sergeant.

Well, not too much more,

because if there's no improvement,

I'm gonna make the switch.

I'm the one that's responsible

and I ain't staying out on that limb much longer!

It'll be all right, Sergeant, I just know it will.

Did you hear that?

If you don't start cooperating pretty soon,

you're gonna end up with Buck Johnson as your partner.

You know, I ought to be mad at you

for the way you behaved today... but I ain't.

I forgive you.

I know it was just your first day and you was kind of upset.

That's it, that's it.

Get it all out of your system.

If there's something eating at you,

there ain't nothing worse than keeping it inside.

I know, I know.

You're in a strange place,

and you're tired and you're hungry.

Well, I'll go get you dinner.

Then we'll have us a long talk and really get acquainted.

How about that?

Come on, come on... jump!

Come on, please... jump.

Come on, Killer. Killer?

Come on, jump.

That's what happens when a boy tries to do a man's job.

I tell ya, the only way to handle these monsters is to...

Yeah, I know, be a mean, ugly brute!

Look, if you want to watch this,

just watch... Keep your mouth shut!

Come on! Come on!

Jump! Come on, please.

Jump. Come on, Killer...

Ready, Corporal?

What we're about to do now

is the most important exercise of all.

It's a test of the dog's aggressiveness,

if he's provoked by an enemy.

All right, we'll try yours first.

Okay, that's enough.

Fine. Fine.

Okay, Pyle, you next.

Okay, that's enough!

Beautiful... good dog.

Private, we'll try your dog next.

Not you! You've already had your turn!

Get him out of there!

Come on, Killer.

All right, get him down.

Get him down, Pyle!

My goodness,

you're attacking that food like it was the enemy.

When you're off duty,

you've got to learn to relax a little.

You've got to forget this killing, killing,

killing all the time

and learn to enjoy life.

It's no good if you have nothing in your heart but hatred.

You've got to learn to love a little, too.

My goodness,

your muscles are as tight as guitar strings.

Ease up, stretch out a little.

That's better.

You see, underneath it all,

I know you got nice qualities.

The whole trouble is that name they gave you: Killer.

You figures you just got to live up to it.

If you had a different name, maybe you'd act different.

In fact, why don't we call you by something else

when you're off duty?

Let's see.

Now, what could we call you instead of Killer?

How about Lemley Gilbert?

I used to have a collie by that name,

and he was as gentle as he could be.

Lemley Gilbert.

How does that hit you?

Hey, Lemley Gilbert.

Pyle, do you think

you're going to be able to... Shh, Sergeant.

I think I'm getting Lemley Gilbert to go to sleep.

Lemley who?

Lemley Gilbert.

That's what I call Killer when he's off duty.

Lemley Gilbert?

Okay, fine!

Fine. Good.

Okay, Corporal.

Okay. Good.

Let's try to make as good a showing as we can

at the inspection.

That's all for now.

Dismissed.

Oh, Pyle!

Well, you're doing much better.

Thank you, Sergeant.

I told you all I needed was a little time

to get squared away.

Yeah, well, keep it up, huh?

Then you're not gonna let Johnson take my dog?

What for? You're doing alright.

Thank you a lot, Sergeant, for having faith in me.

I won't let you down.

Now if you'll excuse me, it's time for his brushing.

Lemley really looks forward to that.

Lemley...? Gilbert.

Come on, boy.

Feel good, don't it?

Tell the truth, now,

don't you feel a lot better since you've learned to relax?

You can defend your country

and still have a happy life at the same time.

Smile, Lemley Gilbert, smile.

Hey, Sergeant Carter.

Say hey to the Sergeant.

Give him some sugar.

What is... Quit it!

What does he think he's doing?

Get him off of me.

Get him off of me!

He likes you... he wouldn't have licked your face

if he didn't like you.

I don't like dogs licking my face.

Well, that's the only way they can show affection.

They can't shake hands like human beings,

so they do it with licking.

Well, how come he's so affectionate

in the first place?

I thought these hounds were supposed

to be suspicious of strangers.

Well, you're no stranger, for heaven sakes.

He's seen you around and he likes you.

He's just one of them great dogs

that's blessed with a good nature.

This ain't the way he was when he first came here.

He was one of the roughest dogs in the bunch.

Oh, he still is when he's on duty.

But when he's off duty,

he likes to relax and have fun just like the rest of us.

Well, just make sure he don't get too relaxed.

I'm counting on you to make a good showing in that inspection.

Oh, don't you worry about this fellow, Sergeant.

Just between you and me, he's the best dog of the bunch.

Maybe I'm prejudiced, him being mine and all,

but that's the way I feel.

You're the best darn dog in the whole world

and Gomer loves you.

Well, I'll see you later, Sergeant.

I got to go give him a bath.

He's not only gonna be the best dog in that inspection,

but he's gonna be the sweetest smellin'.

Come on, honey, let's go rub-a-dub in the tub.

Come on.

Great teamwork, Lieutenant.

You've brought us some fine dogs there.

Thank you, sir.

Now, this is the real test of their ability, sir.

A demonstration of their alertness

and aggressiveness when confronted by an enemy.

I see what you mean.

Good. Good!

Watch this one, sir.

This is Killer, one of the best we have.

No, get up, get up, now.

You're on duty, get up.

Come on, get up, get up.

You're on duty now, you ain't off duty.

No, no, you can't do that now.

I can't do your tum-tum now.

The colonel and everybody's watching.

Get up.

Attack. Attack!

Killer, get up.

Sergeant Myers, just what is going on here?

I don't know, sir.

Who was in charge of that dog?

This man, sir.

Private, what have you done to that dog?

Nothing, sir.

Nothing, huh?

I'll tell you what you've done, boy.

You have taken a powerful, aggressive animal

and turned him into a pussycat.

This dog was a perfect specimen when he came here.

He was trained to defend and attack.

Look at him now.

He's a pussycat!

Get this slobbering hound off of me!

You have ruined him, that's what you've done.

Ruined him!

He's washed-up as a sentry dog.

You understand that, Sergeant?

Shall we take him to the kennels

for retraining, sir?

Retraining? What for? He's finished.

The only thing he's good for now is the dog pound.

Get him out of here!

Yes, sir. Dog pound?!

You mean you're gonna send him to the dog pound?

That's right, Private.

Well, I don't mean to be disrespectful, sir,

but you'd be making a terrible mistake

to send this animal to the pound.

He's a fine dog.

I don't care what you say.

A dog don't have to be a vicious beast every minute

he's in the Canine Corps.

Excuse me, sir.

With your permission.

Pyle, that happens to be an officer

you're talking to, you knucklehead.

Didn't you learn the first thing about military courtesy

or you want to go to the brig and learn some more?

Well, did you, huh? Did you?

Hold him! Hold that dog!

Come back, come back.

Now, stop that!

Do you agree now, Private,

that the only place for this dog is the pound?

It's very obvious you have lost complete control

of this animal.

I wouldn't say that, Lieutenant.

I'd say the dog handles himself quite well.

Sir?

The minute he sensed his master being threatened,

he jumped to his defense.

That's what he's trained to do, isn't it?

That's right, sir.

But the dog is unfit for sentry duty.

He failed to respond

when he himself was being attacked.

Sir, the dog is unfit.

That may be so,

but isn't lucky you discovered it now

rather than later during some crucial test?

Sir?

Well, if the dog is a pussycat, as you said,

he probably had within him the makings

of a pussycat all along.

The private here only managed to bring that out.

But, sir...

I think you should be thankful to the private

for uncovering it now

rather than having the enemy do it later.

Well, yes, sir, but... I don't feel the only thing left

for this dog is the pound.

If you don't want him, I know someone who does.

Colonel Swanson.

He has a youngster

who'd probably appreciate

a fine companion like this.

He might enjoy this... pussycat.

Yes, sir.

That's wonderful, sir.

Did you hear that, boy?

You ain't gonna go to no pound after all.

You're gonna be in a fine home.

A colonel's home.

Thank you, sir.

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

And sir, you think it'd be all right if I come over

and visit the dog every once in a while?

I suppose so.

Ain't that wonderful, sweetie?

I'm going to get to come and visit you.

And we can play all our favorite games:

Hide-and-Seek, and Fetch the Stick,

and Run, Sheep Run.

And every now and then

they're going to let me brush you.

And I can do your tum-tum.

He just loves it when I do his tum-tum.

Don't you, Lemley Gilbert?

I think I'm gonna be sick.

I already am.