Original subtitles

Starring... as Gomer Pyle.

Also starring... as Sergeant Carter.

Hey, there.

Are you having trouble?

That wasn't Fourth of July firecrackers you heard.

Maybe I can help.

I used to work in a fillin' station back home.

Well, thanks.

I think the old girl's just about had it.

She's been givin' us trouble all along the line.

Spent every cent we had on her.

Since I'm here, might as well take a look.

Can't hurt nothing.

Well, what will they think of next?

Shazam!

You sure got a mess of trouble in there.

How far'd you drive with it like this?

Well, it's wasn't easy,

but we made it all the way from North Carolina.

North Carolina?!

Hey, that's where I'm from.

It's a little bitty town called Mayberry.

About 40 miles from Raleigh.

Did you ever hear of it? Well, sure.

You did?

'Course, everybody's heard of Raleigh.

It's the state capital.

No, I meant Mayberry.

Oh, Mayberry!

Did you ever hear of it?

No, never heard of it.

Where you from?

A little town, south part of the state,

called Dunkin's Pond.

Dunkin's Pond?

Don't worry.

Nobody ever heard of it.

That's the trouble.

Heard there was real opportunity out west,

so I figured maybe start fresh,

you know, at up-and-coming town in Oregon.

It's supposed to be real nice.

Well, it's real nice here in California, too.

Hey, I forgot to introduce myself.

My name's Gomer Pyle. Oh.

Harper Caldwell. Uh, Lottie!

I want you to meet my family.

Uh, this is my wife, Lottie.

And, uh... Ma'am. How do?

This is our daughter Laura Mae and this is Jud.

Hi. Hi, Jud.

Mother, looks like we may have to settle in California.

Sure would be a shame to come this far

and not be able to make it all the way to Oregon.

Well, I thought the jalopy would make it up to there.

That's all we wanted was just to make it up to there.

Well, I think I can fix it temporary for you.

If you'll stay over tonight,

I'll try and fix it up permanent for you tomorrow.

Well, you think you can?

Well, to be honest with you,

I don't think I can fix it permanent enough

for you to get all the way to Oregon.

But, like I said,

if you stay overnight, I'll sure try.

Oh, we'd, we'd sure appreciate that, Gomer.

I guess we'll have to sleep in the truck again tonight, Mother.

Sleep in the truck?

Well, we don't have much choice.

Well, you can't do that.

It gets cold out here at night.

Much too cold for the kids to stay outside.

Hey, there's an old supply shack on the base.

It's hardly ever used.

I don't think anybody would care

if you stayed there one night.

We were so lucky to meet you, Gomer.

Did you hear that, Mother?

Well, like I said, it's just for one night.

And now you gotta promise not to touch anything.

Oh, we promise, Gomer.

You hear that, Jud?

Well, let me try

and fix it up temporary for you here,

and we'll be on our way.

First of all, I'm going to need something rubbery

to make a fan belt.

You know, something that'll stretch.

See, I told you your suspenders would work.

Come on, kids. This is it.

See, I told ya. It's hardly ever used.

I don't think anybody will care.

Come on.

Don't worry.

It's going to be all right.

Go in here and make yourselves comfortable.

And I'll be back later on.

Thanks, Gomer.

Yeah, thanks, Gomer.

We're, we're obliged.

Aw, forget it.

You're sure it's all right? I'm sure.

I'll see ya after a while.

These war maneuvers are very important.

Get that straight.

Very important.

So, I want every man on his toes every minute of the day.

Now, I don't want to make you nervous,

but these maneuvers are going

to be completely covered by the press,

and that means... Golly, Sergeant,

you mean we might get our picture in the paper?

Pyle.

I better get a haircut.

Do you think it needs cutting back there?

Pyle! Knock it off!

I'll make sure

they photograph your good side.

You just make sure you do what you're supposed to.

Right, Sergeant.

Now, remember,

with all these people from the press here,

it's gonna be just like having the eyes

of the whole country on us.

I think you could use a little trim there, Duke.

Knock it off!

Pyle... and this goes for all of you,

but especially you!

If there's one foul-up tomorrow,

just one foul-up,

well, take my word for it, there better not be.

Any questions?

What, Pyle?

Since you said newspapers was gonna be here,

I just wonder if you knew if a fella

from the Mayberry Gazette was gonna be here?

Let's get that rear area policed up.

Move, move, move, move, move!

Psst! Gomer.

Hey... Gomer.

Hey, Mr. Harper.

I told you to wait in the supply shack

till I got there. Well, I couldn't.

That officer fella come and threw us out.

Oh, my... What are we gonna do now?

Well...

You wait for me over at the bus stop

and I'll be by later on.

And don't worry. I'll think of something.

You'll all be real safe in here.

Honest.

I like that place they threw us out of better.

You'd be surprised how much room there is inside here.

You'll all fit just fine.

Come on. I'll show you.

Where's the door?

Oh, it ain't got a door.

You have to go in through the turret. Oh.

See how easy it is?

Let me have 'em, one at a time.

Here we go, son.

All the way.

Thanks, Gomer.

We're obliged.

You just make yourselves at home,

and I'll be back just soon as I can.

Now, you're sure it's all right?

I'm sure.

Well, that's good news.

Some news, huh?

No passes tonight.

You like that?

But, Duke, we got maneuvers tomorrow.

So what, Gomer? That's tomorrow.

You could do with a good night's sleep.

You're starting to get them dark circles

under your eyes again.

But I sure had a lot of fun getting 'em, pal.

Hey, I heard the platoon that does best

in the war maneuvers gets a week's liberty.

Shazam!

I was hoping that would happen.

A week's liberty.

That's from the movie Fat Chance!

Well, that's what I heard.

Where'd you hear it? Larry told me.

Is that right, Larry? I guess so.

Burt told me.

Who told you, Burt? Eddie.

Is that true, Eddie?

I don't know. Marty told me.

Where'd you hear it, Marty? Charlie told me.

Is that on the level, Charlie?

I guess so. Gomer told me.

Who told you, Gomer?

Nobody.

I just said it 'cause I was hoping it would happen.

Psst!

Psst! Gomer.

Mr. Harper. You ought not be here.

Well, I'm sorry, Gomer.

But that officer fella come back and threw us out again.

I've been looking all over the place for you.

You have? Well, yeah.

I've got to be honest with you.

Gomer, the other folks around here

ain't friendly like you are.

Some of them are just downright unfriendly.

All right, let's have your attention for a minute.

Come on. Let's listen up!

That's one of the unfriendly ones I was telling you about.

That includes you too, Pyle.

Won't you join us?

Sure, Sergeant.

Okay.

Now, here's how we're shaping up for tomorrow.

These are the special assignments.

Felsher and Perkins, you're on the walkie-talkie.

Dooley and Perry, you're on the mortar.

Slater and Pyle, you're on the bazooka.

Me, Sergeant?

On the bazooka?

Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Well, at least all those years

of possum-hunting made you useful for something.

At least you got a good aim.

Just make sure it's perfect tomorrow.

Oh, I can work that bazooka sight real good.

First, you just look through that little gizmo,

and then you turn... Just do it! Do it!

And one knucklehead move tomorrow

and your name is mud with me.

And that goes for all of you!

Now, sack out early, and be on your toes tomorrow.

Oh, uh, by the way...

if you give it all you got tomorrow,

you'll be doing yourselves a big favor.

I just heard from someone

who heard it from a very reliable source

that the best platoon is gonna get a week's liberty.

Mr. Harper?

Golly, I feel just terrible

about you being chased out like that.

I don't mind about myself,

but the kids are getting a little tired and cranky.

Aw, bless their hearts.

Them poor little young'uns.

I just got to get them a roof over their heads.

There ought to be some place.

I'll be right out.

I think I know a place.

Well, come on in.

Hey, look.

Why, this will do just fine, Gomer.

All it needs is a good sweeping up.

Well, now, why in the world would anybody go off

and leave a place like this?

Looks like they couldn't take everything with them.

But, like I said, it's just an abandoned shack is all.

Gee, Gomer, this is the nicest place we've had yet.

It sure is.

Hey, Pa, can I sleep up here, please?

Sure, son.

Lottie, look at that, will you?

We got chairs. Look.

Got a table, we got a fireplace.

Beds.

Oh, this is a real home.

Oh, thank you, Gomer.

I can't tell you how much we appreciate this.

Gomer, you really done us a good turn.

A real good turn. We won't forget it.

Oh, it wasn't nothing.

Now, if I can just fix your truck.

Oh, I forgot to tell you.

You might have to stay here a couple of days.

That's just fine.

See, I got war maneuvers tomorrow,

so I probably won't have a chance

to try to fix the truck till the next day.

What's one more day?

I just hope nobody comes and tries to throw us outta here.

Oh, don't worry.

I should've thought of this place right off.

Nobody'll bother you here.

Gomer, we were so lucky to meet up with you.

If we hadn't, we'd sure been in a mess of trouble.

Well, I'll see you tomorrow right after war maneuvers.

You all get a good night's sleep.

I'm sure we'll sleep real good tonight, Gomer.

And, I'll sleep a whole lot better, too, now,

knowing you're safe.

Oh, Gomer? Huh?

Now, you're sure this time it's really all right?

I'm sure.

Well, I'll see you.

Hey, Ma, I found some real nifty firewood right outside.

Good boy.

Set it over at the fireplace.

Well, it ain't no castle,

but it's sure better than sleeping in the truck.

Oh, I think our luck's beginning to change.

Meeting Gomer was a sign.

I can feel it in my bones.

Ain't he a fine boy?

You know, if it wasn't for him,

we wouldn't have no roof over our heads.

Golly, it sure is pretty.

Oh... and so peaceful and quiet.

What do you think, Harper?

Do you think Oregon will be as nice?

Well, I don't know.

It'd sure be mighty hard to beat that view.

You nervous, Gomer?

Why should I be nervous?

Well, with the big brass and reporters out there,

and you firing a bazooka.

Doesn't that make you nervous?

Shoot, sighting's easy.

All you gotta do is look through this little gizmo,

then turn this thingamajig here, and then you...

Gomer, don't use all that technical language on me.

Platoon standing by and ready for action, sir.

As you were, Sergeant.

Well, gentlemen, the next demonstration

you are about to see is of an entirely different nature:

the assault and destruction of an enemy communications outpost.

The target is that shack down there in the valley.

Our objective: to destroy it swiftly and completely.

And we can do it with a platoon equipped

with only a bazooka and small arms.

You may commence the attack, Sergeant.

Aye, aye, sir.

Hey, Sergeant, I bet I know what you're gonna say.

You're gonna tell me to start sighting the target.

I just love it when you tell me

to start sighting the target.

Pyle, you'll wait till I give you the order.

Right, I won't do a thing

till you tell me to start sighting the target.

You are gonna tell me to sight the target, ain't you?

Pyle, when I'm good and ready, I'll tell you.

Right.

All right, sight the target.

See?

I knew you was gonna tell me to sight the target.

Sight it! Sight it!

Get on that shack over there!

Are you on target, Pyle?

Huh?

Are you on target?

What are you waiting for?!

Uh...

Sergeant, don't you think it'd be best if we went down there

and captured the target by infiltration?

Huh? Don't you?

Have you lost your mind?

Well, it'd...

We'd save the taxpayers a whole lot of money,

and then we would be... He's cracking up.

Right here in front of my eyes, he's cracking up.

Any time you're ready, Sergeant.

Yes, sir.

Yes, sir.

Pyle, you got that target sighted?

Well, just let me check the range again.

Target sighted.

It better be.

Fire!

Better close the window, Harper.

Sounds like a thunderstorm.

Resight, Pyle, resight.

What's the matter with you?

You know how to hold this thing.

Well, this ought to be a whole lot closer.

It really ought to.

Well, fire, fire.

Somebody blowed up the truck.

Get down on the floor.

No, get, get over there.

Go on, get over there.

Jud, get over there.

Harper!

Lottie, I don't know who that is out there,

but we ain't going down without a fight.

Golly!

Boy, that's what I call realism.

You know, for a minute there, I was really scared.

Sergeant Carter.

Yes, sir?

What's going on?

Who's in that shack?

Well, I don't know, sir.

Well, we're being fired upon, Sergeant.

Did you know that?

Oh, yes, sir.

Well, who's doing the firing?

Well, uh... well,

somebody probably barricaded himself in there

is what it is, sir.

Well, get a detail down there

and smoke that someone out with tear gas.

Aye, aye, sir.

Golly, maybe there's some kids in there playing, sir.

If those are kids playing, I don't like their toys.

A detail of men with tear gas, Sergeant.

Whoever's in there, just get him out.

Aye, aye, sir.

Sir, sir?

What is it?

I know it's not my place to offer suggestions, but...

I'd go down there alone if the colonel'd let me.

That doesn't make much sense, Private.

Why send one man?

Whoever's in there is obviously armed,

not afraid to fire,

and doesn't care what or who he hits.

Well, that's what I mean, sir.

We had something like this back home once.

A feller got all barricaded in,

and then every time a bunch'd rush him,

he got so scared and panicky

that he just fired right into the whole pack of them.

And then just one feller tried and he made it,

'cause when the feller seen just one coming,

he didn't get scared.

Feller went in there and took that gun away from him

and bawled him out good, he did.

Please, sir, let me.

Well, that's very courageous of you, Private.

All right, but be careful.

Thank you, sir.

Glasses, Sergeant.

Yes, sir.

No more shooting, Harper, please.

Not unless I have to, Lottie, but I got a right.

A man's home is his castle.

Hey, Harper, it's me.

Gomer.

Pa.

Jud, get away from that window!

But it's Gomer.

Gomer?

Over behind the stump.

Yeah.

Yeah, it is.

We're saved; it's Gomer.

Hey, Gomer!

He just went right in.

Somebody out there's been shooting at us, Gomer.

Just take look at what they done to our truck.

Whenever we're in trouble,

we can always count on you to be around, can't we, Gomer?

You sure can, ma'am.

Wait a minute; I think I see something moving.

You can't do that, Harper.

Well, why not?

Somebody out there is firing at me.

Who do you think that is firing at us, Gomer?

Well... I know who it is.

It's the United States Marine Corps.

The Marines?!

Uh-huh.

Well, you see, it's all my fault.

This here shack is right smack in the middle

of the field for the war maneuvers.

What's he doing in there?

I wish I knew, sir.

All he has to say is, "This is government property,

so you'll have to get out of this shack."

Well, that's probably just what he's saying, sir.

Then why is it taking so long?

Well, uh... well, if the colonel's noticed,

he does speak kind of slow.

So you see, this is government property

and that's the reason you're gonna have

to get out of the shack.

I sure am sorry.

Well, it ain't your fault, Gomer.

You tried.

You couldn't help it that of all the places you picked out

for us to stay, not one of them worked out.

I sure botched things up.

Don't feel bad, Gomer.

You were only trying to do good.

Sure sorry about it, ma'am.

Well, you tell your colonel that we'll get out.

We'll, we'll leave.

We don't stay where we're not wanted.

Well, I'll tell him, Mr. Harper.

And you can also tell him we ain't got no truck no more.

It's all busted up.

They busted it for us.

I know.

I sure am sorry about that, too.

Well, it may take a little while for us to get out.

You see, we're a family. We're not Marines.

Right.

I don't know how we're going to get to Oregon now

with the truck blowed up.

I sure am sorry.

You just take as much time as you need.

Guess we'll just have to wait.

We'll see you, Gomer.

We took Okinawa in less time than this.

Wait a minute. He's coming out.

He is, sir?

How many has he got with him?

He's alone.

Alone?

Well, whoever is in there isn't budging.

You going to smoke him out, Colonel?

I certainly am.

I've got a program to carry out.

Well? Who is it?

Who's down there?

Well, it's a whole family.

A mama and a daddy and a little girl and a little boy.

A whole family?

Well, how did they get in there anyway?

Just decided to move in?

Well... And now they won't leave?

That's what they told you?

Well, you see, their truck's busted, sir.

We've got maneuvers to complete.

You going to use tear gas, Colonel?

What?

You wouldn't have to use anything if they had a truck.

See, they need a truck.

Their own truck got ruined.

They need a truck. A truck'd do it.

Best plan would be if they had a truck.

See, they really need the truck.

Where do they want to go anyway?

They want to go to Oregon,

and they could if they had a truck.

See, if they had a truck... I know, I know.

All right, let's loan them one of our trucks

and get them to Oregon.

You'll lend them a truck, Colonel?

Well, of course. Can't just let them sit down there.

That's mighty generous of you, Colonel.

Hey, make a great human interest story

and a big credit to you, sir.

And, sir, for the folks down there:

thank you, thank you, thank you.

Careful.

That's fine.

Thank you.

Thanks, fellers.

Boy, this'll get you to Oregon, all right, Harper.

Oh, you ain't kidding.

It's lots better than the old wreck was anyway.

Thanks, Gomer.

Well, I'll be!

Well, everybody in, come on.

I promised the colonel we'd be shoving off.

Well, Gomer, I, I guess that's about it.

And don't forget, buddy-boy, anytime you're in Oregon,

you've got a place to hang your hat.

Well, thank you, Harper. That's real nice.

Bye-bye. Y'all be sweet.

Bye.

Be careful now. Bye, Gomer.

Bye, Gomer. Bye.

Uh-oh, you got yourself a flat tire, a real blowout.

You run over a busted bottle.

What am I gonna do?

Well, let's see.

I've got tomorrow off,

and I can go into town and get you a brand-new tire,

but first all, I got to get you a place to stay tonight.