Original subtitles

Starring... as Gomer Pyle.

Also starring... as Sergeant Carter.

♪ ♪

Well... Oh, well...

Well, does she have to tag along tonight?

Baby, I had big plans for you and me.

You said we were gonna be alone tonight,

just you and me alone.

Come on, baby. I haven't seen you in a whole month.

What do you want me to do, Vince?

Now, Eileen is an old friend of the family.

She's staying with me and I'm not gonna go off

and leave her by herself.

But tonight?

Tonight, of all nights?

Sorry, Vince, it's double date or no date at all.

But it's late. Where am I gonna find...?

Double date or no date at all.

Come on, be fair. I haven't seen you for a whole month,

and at the last minute, you throw me a curve like this...

Come up with a guy for a double date...

It ain't fair. It just ain't fair.

Double date or no date at all!

Yeah. Sure, sure, I understand, Fred.

It is Saturday night. It is the last minute.

Have a good time.

Uh... Look, Fred... Can you recommend somebody?

I thought of him.

I thought of him.

I thought of him.

Him, too.

Okay, thanks.

I hate to bother you, Sergeant, but could I have my pass?

I didn't get a chance to pick mine up this morning.

Yeah, yeah.

There.

Thanks, Sergeant.

Hey, Slater, come here.

Yes, Sergeant?

You know, being a sergeant,

I don't ordinarily socialize

with guys of a lower rank than me, but...

Well, I kind of like you, kid,

so I'm willing to make an exception in your case.

You see, I have this girl who has a friend,

a real gorgeous dish, and I'd be happy to do you a favor

and take you along.

Real nice of you to ask, Sergeant,

but I'm already set for tonight.

With my own girl.

Nice of you to ask, though, Sergeant. Thank you.

Slater.

Yes, Sergeant?

Can you recommend somebody?

Well, everybody in the barracks is gone...

except Gomer.

I left him reading a magazine.

Never. I refuse to sink that low.

Sorry, Vince,

it's either double date or no date at all.

Hiya, Sergeant.

Hiya, Pyle. What you doing?

I was just reading the real behind-the-scenes story

of Ann Margaret.

Do you know she hasn't had an easy life?

Yeah, uh, look, Pyle...

She's had her trials and tribulations

just like the rest of us.

That's all very interesti...

Just to look at her up on the screen singing and dancing,

you'd think she didn't have a care in the world,

but she's known heartaches and disappointments. She's...

That's all very interesting, but will you pay attention?!

I've got something important to ask you.

Yes, Sergeant.

Have you got a date for tonight?

No, I haven't.

Good. I've got a big surprise for you.

How would you like to go on a double date with me?

You want me to go on a date with you?

That's right.

Well, that's a real honor, Sergeant.

It really is.

And I'm proud to know that you think enough of me to ask.

But I think I'll just go to the movie on the base tonight.

That's how you're gonna spend a Saturday night?

Sitting in the movies?

I don't mind.

Well, look, Pyle, I can't let you do it.

Do what?

Sit in the movies all by yourself.

Well, I don't mind, Sergeant.

Don't you worry about me, I'll be just fine... honest.

Now, look, Pyle, this is your sergeant you're talking to.

I can tell when you're putting on an act.

I'm not putting on an... You'd much rather go out with a girl,

but being the shy, lonely type of fellow you are,

you don't have a girl. I understand.

That's why it's my duty to fix you up with a date.

But I don't want a date and I ain't lonely. I'm very happy.

You're just saying that. You're not really happy.

Yes, I am. No, you're not. You're miserable.

You hear? Miserable.

I don't think so, Sergeant.

And I'm not asking you to go, I'm ordering you.

You're ordering..? Ordering! Ordering!

Now, you get dressed!

You're going on a double date with me,

and you're gonna have fun!

Gomer Pyle?

What kind of a name is that for a human being?

What's a Gomer Pyle?

Bunny, he's a very nice guy.

He's got a lot of class.

Well, that'll be the day,

when you come up with somebody classy.

As I tell you, he's from the South.

So he's from the South? So what?

What do you mean, so what?

Are you kidding?

Well, he comes from one of them aristocrat families

from the South... you know,

they're loaded with dough. Loaded.

Vince, are you putting me on?

Baby, would I lie to you?

Only when your mouth is moving.

Lover, take my word for it, this Gomer Pyle is the real McCoy.

Anyway, who does he have to be

for this friend of yours? Who's she?

What do you mean, who's she?

That's right. Who's she?

Well, she happens to be something special, too.

She comes from a very prominent family. Society.

Yeah. She's a society girl.

Society? Where do you come to society?

Are you doubting my word?

Because if you are, you can just...

I'm not, I'm not. Look,

I know it's gonna work out great.

Your friend and Gomer will have a good time

and you and me can kind of sneak off and...

be by ourselves for a while.

You know what I mean?

A society girl?

And you're going out with her, huh?

And you were going to the movies.

Come on, come on.

Golly, Sergeant, I don't know.

What's the matter?

Well, I ain't never been out with a society girl before.

Richest girl I was ever out with was Elsie Tippet.

Her daddy made false teeth over in Mt. Pilot.

Stop worrying, it'll be fine.

Come on, come on, get dressed.

Well, at least with Elsie Tippet,

there were lots of things we could talk about...

Gum conditions and loose dentures,

I wouldn't know how to act in front of a society girl.

Look, will you stop making a big thing out of this?

It's just one evening. Now, come on, come on, move it!

I don't know, Sergeant.

I feel out of place.

I'm just a fella who used to work

in a filling station back home.

Pyle.

I mean, I know about filling up tanks with gas

and adding a quart of oil and fixing flat tires,

but what do I know about society?

What'll we talk about?

Who says you have to talk? Just sit.

Now, look. Come on, come on, I want to see my girl tonight.

Just sit. Well, I don't know, Sarge.

Pyle will you move it!?

Well, why did you have to tell him I was a society girl?

Honey, it never hurts to have a little buildup.

Makes you more desirable, you know what I mean?

And anyway, this boy you're meeting

is from one of them rich Southern families.

I just don't like lying.

If your father's a construction worker,

you're not exactly in society.

Okay, but for tonight just let it be more glamorous.

It won't hurt.

Now, stop being so nervous, will you?

I want you to have a nice time.

Golly, Sergeant, I don't know

if I'm doing the right thing or not.

Pyle, are you starting up again?

What's with you?

You never been out with a girl before?

Well, not with a society girl.

I just know I'm gonna feel out of place.

What do I know about society?

Pyle, will you knock it off?

Now, you've been whining and complaining

ever since I brought up this date.

I'm warning you, if you don't quit, I...

Hiya, baby. Hi.

Hey... I just got four words to say.

Va-va-va-voom.

You're all class, Vince.

Bunny, I'd like you to meet my friend, Gomer Pyle.

Hi, Miss Bunny.

Hi! Come on in.

Well! This is my friend, Eileen Carson.

Eileen, this is Vince Carter and Gomer Pyle.

Hi. Hello.

Hey, Miss Eileen.

Well, let's all sit down, shall we?

Right over this way, Gomer.

Ooh, that is your name, isn't it?

Gomer? I got it right, didn't I?

Yes, ma'am. Oh, well, good.

Well, now, there.

That's better.

Well, now that we all know each other,

how about you and me going out for a little stroll, huh, babe?

Well, what's the matter with you?

You just walked in through the door.

Can't we just take a minute and talk?

Talk? Yeah, talk.

Oh.

Yeah.

Carson. Was that your name?

Yes. Eileen Carson.

Bunny tells me that you come from a very prominent family.

Well, actually...

That's right, her father's

very big in the building business.

Is that a fact?

Well... Yeah. You know that Kirby building,

that 16-story job over on Fifth and Main?

Well, her father had a lot to do with the building of that,

didn't he, Eileen? Well, he...

You're from the South, Gomer,

are you? Yes, ma'am, that's right.

I'm from the South.

Well, uh, what business is your family in?

My family? Well... Oil.

That's the business Gomer was in back home. Oil.

Really? Oil?

Yes, ma'am. That and gas.

Gas?

Naturally. Oil and gas go together.

Gas comes from oil.

Oh. Oh, yeah.

Oh. Oh, well, that must be a fascinating business.

Well... Well, he worked the pumps himself.

You did?

Yes, ma'am. Next to working the pumps,

my biggest pleasure was checking the dip sticks.

Dip sticks?

Yeah. That shows the oil level.

It's technical.

Honey, there's more to this oil game

than you and I'll ever know.

But it's a wonderful business, though,

and it's still there waiting for him

if he ever wants to go back.

Well, now that we really know all about each other,

How about you and me going...?

Will you relax, Vince?

I haven't even asked them if they wanted anything.

How about you, Gomer?

Would you like something?

I'll have a lemonade, if you please.

Well, all righty, lemonade.

How about you, Eileen?

Me, too.

Well, fine. Coming right up.

Ooh, excuse me.

I'll give you a hand.

Baby, I thought that maybe you and me...

Oil, huh? So he's in oil.

And he's a very nice fella, too.

Well, would I bring anyone who wasn't, huh?

Vince.

Look, baby, after we finish our drink,

how about you and me going for a little walk?

I'm dying to be alone with you.

Don't be silly. I can't leave Eileen alone.

Well, she's not alone. She's with Gomer.

Well, it's not polite.

It's a double date and we should stick together.

Well, what for?

I did like you asked me.

I got a friend for your friend.

Let her have her own fun.

Oh, baby, we got lots to talk about.

Vincent, will you please?

I gotta fix the drinks.

But, baby!

Open this.

Sure a nice place Miss Bunny has here.

Yes, it is.

She seems like a real fine person, too.

Oh, she is.

Your friend seems very nice also.

Sergeant Carter? Oh, yeah, he's a real wonderful human being.

Miss Bunny sure seems nice.

Oh, she is.

It's a real nice place she's got here, too.

Yes, it is.

Here we are, kids.

Lemonade.

There you are, Gomer.

Eileen.

Looks real refreshing.

Thank you kindly, ma'am.

Hey, it's such a beautiful night.

How about you and me sitting outside, huh, sugar?

Well, Vince, we can't just...

Come on! It'll be nice.

Well, Gomer and Eileen don't want us just to run off.

I know what. Let's all go out on the porch and sit.

No!

I mean, I'm sure you and Eileen

have a lot to talk about.

Come on, honey.

Sure is a nice place Miss Bunny has here.

I don't like walking out on her that way.

It isn't nice.

Oh, believe me, she'll be fine.

Stop worrying about them and concentrate on us.

Honey, it's been a full month since I've seen you,

and I've had you on my mind.

Excuse me, Sergeant.

Miss Bunny.

How do you turn on the television?

It don't seem to come on.

You have to turn on the wall switch.

Oh, thank you. The wall switch.

I don't know why I didn't think of that.

Let's see, where were we?

I remember.

They're not having a good time.

Huh?

If they were having a good time,

they wouldn't have turned on the television.

This means they have nothing to talk about.

Eileen's not having a good time.

Would you stop being so nervous?

What's the matter with you?

Well, I feel responsible for her.

She's my guest, and I want her to have a good time.

Well, she'll have a good time.

Look, turning on the TV set's a good ice-breaker.

They'll see some show they like

and they'll begin to talk about it.

Believe me.

Excuse me, Sergeant.

Guess what?

There's a John Wayne movie on.

Don't you want to come in and watch?

No! I thought you'd

be interested since it's all about the Marines,

and I just thought that you... Pyle!

I thought sure he'd be interested

about the Marine Corps.

You see?

They found a movie on TV they like and they're happy.

Everybody's happy.

I'm hungry.

You're hungry?

Right now, this minute?

Well, I'm hungry and I'll bet Eileen is, too.

You know what we had for lunch today?

A salad. Just a salad.

Okay. Okay.

Why don't you whip up some knockwurst and beans

like you did the last time I was here? What?!

That won't take...

I thought we were going out.

Out?!

Out. Yeah, out. To a restaurant.

I know they'll want to go someplace nice.

Let's take them to the Starbright Roof.

The Starbright Roof?

Well, yeah. Gomer and Eileen are used to the best.

We can't just take them to a hash house.

The Starbright Roof.

Come on, let's go tell them.

Come on, honey.

Vince and I have got a great idea.

We're gonna go to dinner tonight

at the Starbright Roof at the Drake Hotel.

Come on, let's get our things.

The Starbright Roof?

That's the most expensive place in town.

I know, I know.

Well, how'd an idea like that ever come up anyway?

Don't ask me.

All I know is, I wanted to go out with my girl tonight

alone, just the two of us, for a nice, quiet evening,

and it's turning into a nightmare.

Right now, I wish I was on that beach with John Wayne.

Hey, Mack, is it gonna take much longer?

I can't say, monsieur.

If you had had a reservation...

Yeah, I know, I know.

Psst.

Psst. Come here.

Well, why is it taking so long?

What do you expect?

We don't have a reservation.

Look, what about that knockwurst?

No! No.

Slip him something.

Huh?

Slip him something.

That's what you're supposed to do

in these kind of places.

Now, go on, go on.

What you gonna do?

Gonna slip that joker a five to get us a table.

The girls are getting restless and so am I.

You mean spend five dollars just to sit down?

Shh.

Uh, fella... Monsieur?

We'd really appreciate if you could find us something.

Nothing happened.

Not a thing happened.

Why, of all the... Will you pipe down?

Look, Charlie, if you think I gave you that fin just...

Ah, we are in luck.

A table just became available.

I figured it would.

All right, come on, you wanted a table.

Some nice business that fella's got.

Five dollars just for shaking hands.

Pyle, will you pipe down?

And if you get up to dance,

for Pete's sake, don't dance country.

Remember, that's a society girl you're with.

Boy, did you see that view, Eileen?

Isn't that something? Oh, it's beautiful.

Would you care for cocktails before dinner?

Well, I'd like to have...

Look, as a matter of fact,

we're all very hungry,

and we don't have a lot of time.

So could we see the menu?

Very well, monsieur.

What do you mean we don't have a lot of time?

What's the rush?

Well, we don't want to spend the whole evening

in a restaurant, do we?

I mean, we do want a little time to visit, don't we?

Oh, relax, relax.

First, we're gonna eat.

Oh, Eileen, isn't this a nice place?

Oh, yes, very.

You know, Eileen goes to these kinds of places all the time.

How much do you generally have to pay sit down?

What he means is... Mesdames.

Oh, thanks. Messieurs.

May I suggest some pate de foie gras to start off with?

Or perhaps some of our cheese tidbits auvergnois?

Or caviar? Ooh, gee, that's...

Look, whey don't we skip all that beginning stuff

and dive right into the main course, huh?

Good idea.

All them appetizers and things can bloat you.

Then may I suggest the filet de boeuf à la girondine?

It's excellent tonight.

Good, good, that boof ala...

whatever you said all around.

I was just checking the menu for the prices.

Golly.

Yeah, well, it's a very good restaurant.

And it cost us five dollars just to sit.

Did you know that?

It cost us five dollars just to sit down.

This is your big oil man?

Well, you know what they say...

The bigger they are, the cheaper they are.

Now, you know how he hangs on to it.

Look, why don't we get out of here?

We ain't had a minute alone, you and me.

We're alone.

Alone? This is alone?

I'm having fun. I'm enjoying myself.

Besides, I don't think Eileen's enjoying herself.

She looks bored.

Huh?

You see? She looks bored.

Come on, let's blow.

Well, maybe you're right.

Yeah, we can go home

and you and me can have that minute alone together.

Come on.

Come on, we're going.

We are? Yeah.

Here, you drive.

Me?

You mean you want me to drive your car?

But, Sergeant... Drive, drive.

Well, aren't we getting out?

Bunny, listen,

let's stay out here in the car

and let them go on in.

Well, Vince, we can't do that.

A minute, a minute.

Can I have a minute alone with you?

Are you coming out, Sergeant?

No, no, close the door. Close the door.

Pyle, listen,

Bunny and I are gonna stay out here in the car for awhile.

Why don't you and Eileen go on in the house

and make yourselves at home.

Well, heck sake,

we'll sit out here with you, if you like.

No, no! In, in! In the house!

Okay, Sergeant.

Vince, we really should go in with them.

Why? Why? Why can't I have a minute alone with you?

A minute alone. Just you and me alone.

Just you and me together alone.

Okay. We're alone.

Good!

Can't find nothing on the television.

Oh, that's okay.

I didn't really want to watch anyway.

I'm sorry I haven't been more fun tonight.

Well, I hadn't been much fun myself.

I guess I just ain't used to a girl like you.

Girl like me?

You know, being in society and all.

I'll tell you the honest truth,

I never have been out with a society girl before.

Really?

I'd think a man like you went out with a lot of society girls.

Oh, no, you don't get a chance to meet many society girls

working in a filling station way I did.

And, since I been in the marine corps, well, I just...

Filling station?

Uh-huh, back home where I worked.

You worked in a filling station?

That's right.

Is that what you meant by working the pumps?

Well, yeah, what'd you think I meant?

Well, I thought you were an oil millionaire.

An oil millionaire?

That's a good one.

Where'd you ever get an idea like that?

Well, you know, when we first met,

Bunny was saying...

Gomer, I'm not a society girl.

You ain't?

No, Bunny just made that up.

Why would she do a thing like that?

She thought it'd make a better impression.

Oh, isn't this embarrassing?

It sure is.

Hey, you know what?

I'll bet Sergeant Carter let you all think I was a big oil man

just to make an impression, too.

Well, I wouldn't be surprised.

Oh, Gomer, I'm so glad

neither of us has any money.

Yeah, ain't we lucky?

Come on.

Shame, shame, shame!

Shame on you, Sergeant Carter,

for trying to make out I was a big oil man.

And shame on you, Miss Bunny,

for trying to make out Eileen was a society girl.

Wait a minute. You mean you're not?

And you're not?

Bunny, you lied to me.

I lied? I lied?

Well, you started it first

with that fancy story about that rich Southern family.

I lied?!

Well, that stuff about her

and high society, that was pretty good, too, kid.

Well, if you hadn't lied about him,

I wouldn't have lied about her.

Well, what's that got to do with it?

Plenty, big mouth!

Who are you calling "big mouth"?

Sergeant! Sergeant!

I can tell you and Miss Bunny

would rather be alone,

so we'll just leave you alone.

Come on, why are we still arguing?

We were both wrong, let's call it a draw.

What do you say, huh?

Come on... Well...

you know what we should do?

We should apologize to Eileen and Gomer,

that's what we should do.

Well, uh...

we'll apologize when they get back, baby.

They're gone for a walk.

When they get back, we'll apologize.

Come on now, let's sit down.

I can't believe it.

I can't believe it.

Finally.

Sergeant Carter, it's almost 12:00.

We got to get back to the base.

I happened to notice the time while we was out walking

and I rushed all this way back to tell ya.

So, it's 12:00. What do I care?

You want to go back to the base, go back.

Me? I want to stay here.

Now, get out of here and turn out those lights on the way out.

12:00!

I didn't know it was that late.

I gotta get some sleep.

Good night, Vince,

and thanks for a very lovely evening.

Did you have a nice time, honey?

I'll kill him.

So help me, when I get back to the base, I'll kill him!