Original subtitles

Starring... as Gomer Pyle.

Also starring... as Sergeant Carter.

♪ ♪

Gomer, that's enough brushing.

You're coming through the other side.

Well, I want it to be right.

Heck sakes, Duke, since I'm gonna be best man

at that wedding tomorrow

I want to look my best.

You're wearing your dress blues, ain't ya?

I suppose. Although black would be more appropriate.

Black?

Black's what you wear to funerals.

Weddings, funerals... Tragedy is tragedy.

Oh, come on, Duke.

This is going to be real high-spirited.

I get to carry the ring... what with me being best man and all.

Then I give it to him and he gives it to her

and she gets to wear it for the rest of her born days.

But I get to carry it first and that's a real honor.

Gomer, Gomer!

I got it! I got it! Greatest ring you ever saw in your life!

Let's have a look. Well, well, it just came in the mail.

Been in the family for six generations.

You never saw anything like it. It's beautiful.

My grandmother wore it

and my great-grandmother before her...

She wore it at her wedding.

It's... it's got diamonds...

Did-Did I give it to you?

No.

I lost it.

I must have dropped it on the way in.

Come on, come on, Purcell, make up your mind.

Which way are you going?

Sorry, Sergeant. I...

I can't... When you came in you didn't happen...?

Wait, wait.

Here it is. Here it is!

Jim's kind of got the jitters, Sergeant.

What with his wedding tomorrow and all.

He thought he'd lost his ring.

I don't want to hear one more word about a ring or marriage,

not one more word, nothing, you understand?

I've had it up to here with you two guys and that wedding.

Two weeks now and I've heard nothing else.

This is a Marine base, not the little church around the corner.

Now the rest of you knuckleheads, listen up.

We have a field lecture on demolitions in 15 minutes.

We'll assemble at 1100.

Golly.

Look at that thing shine.

All them sparklers... why, that's a regular Fourth of July.

Not another one in the world like it.

Wouldn't be a Purcell wedding without this ring.

You'd better put that rock away.

We got to get moving.

Whoa, whoa, where will I put it?

Under your pillow?

Maybe in my shaving kit.

How about under the mattress?

Maybe I better just carry it right with me.

Boy, I-I sure wish I didn't have to go to that lecture.

Now, in clearing an enemy field, the mine detector is used.

It can spot any buried metal object.

The mine is then uncovered and removed.

To give you an idea of its destructive power

we're going to detonate this mine.

It'll need two men for a digging detail.

Pyle, Purcell.

Pyle, Purcell!

What is it, Sergeant?

If the national effort can have your assistance

for a few minutes.

Grab them shovels.

Move it!

All right, good enough.

Now get back with the others.

I'll detonate the mine electrically.

What is it?

The ring... the ring, it's gone!

The blast will destroy anything in the immediate area of the mine.

Gather around, men.

Come on.

Watch close.

Ho-Hol-Hol-Hold it! Hold it! Wait a minute! Wait a minute!

You can't! Please no! What's the matter?

Hey, don't go down there. Hold it!

Hey, come back here.

What is this?

Jim's ring, he dropped it in the hole.

What's going on? JIM: My ring...

It must have fallen out of my pocket while I was digging.

Well, that's tough.

Oh, please, Sergeant.

You don't know what that ring means.

It's an heirloom.

It's priceless. It's priceless.

I mean, I couldn't get married without that ring.

Oh, please, Sergeant, please!

Knock it off!

Okay, Pete, you better disconnect.

All right, the rest of you guys, come on down here

and help us look.

Make it fast.

Come on, let's move, move, move.

On your hands and knees, let's go.

All right, let's give it up.

Oh, just a little more, Sarge?

Please, Sarge?

That's all, I said.

We've already wasted half the morning.

We're not going to take all day looking for a ring...

Heirloom or no heirloom. Now let's go.

Sure am sorry, Jim.

Sergeant, it's just a terrible thing to lose.

It's the most beautiful ring I think I nearly ever saw.

It was real sparkl...

Well, there it is.

Hey, how about that?

I must have picked up the wrong jacket.

It was in the pocket the whole time.

We didn't have to do all that digging, after all.

Ain't that a good joke, Sergeant, ain't it?

You all set, Jim? Yeah.

What'd you do with the ring? Got it right here.

Oh, no.

No, it... it's gone.

It's gone again.

Oh, here.

Whew! Here it is.

You sure gave me a fright.

Gomer, look, you take it.

You're the best man. You hold it for me.

Me? Well, I wouldn't want to...

Look, I'm so mixed up, I-I know I'll lose it someplace.

Please, you hold it.

I keep misplacing it, and I about have heart failure

every time I go to look for it.

Please, you keep it.

Well, where will I put it?

I don't know, just put it someplace... I got it.

The best place to keep a ring is where it's supposed to be.

I'll keep it on my finger here.

Should fit my pinkie.

It won't fall off?

No, it's good and tight.

We should have thought of this before.

Now tomorrow when you want it,

I'll just slip it off and there you are.

What's the matter?

It's a might tight.

But you got to be able to get it off.

If I had a little butter...

Come on, you guys, inspection.

Your men wearing pinkie rings now, Sergeant?

Uh, no, sir.

You see, sir, uh...

well, it's a wedding ring.

That your wedding ring, Private? No, sir.

I thought you told me...

Sir, it is a wedding ring, but it ain't mine.

It's Private Purcell's.

You're wearing Private Purcell's wedding ring?

Sir, Private Purcell is getting married.

To him?

Oh, no, sir. He's marrying Chrissy Parker.

She's a real nice girl.

You'd really like her, sir.

Wonderful.

Sergeant.

Sir.

I suggest you check your men out before inspection.

I would say that man was slightly out of uniform, wouldn't you?

Well... Unless there's a new regulation

which I don't know about which calls for wedding rings on pinkies.

That'll be all, Sergeant.

Aye, aye, sir.

You get that thing off! Get it off!

I can't.

I reckon my finger's too fat.

Yeah? Well, I'm gonna work you

till you're so thin, it drops off.

I warned you.

I have nothing against a man and a woman of legal age

being duly joined together in the bonds of holy matrimony.

Nothing against it at all.

But when my lecture's sabotaged,

my inspection turned into a shambles

and the entire platoon performance record

shot down in flames...

Pyle, are you in pain?

Yes, sir.

It pains me to hear

how the platoon performance record got shot down in flames.

I'm sure sorry, sir.

And you are going to be sorrier.

As a little reminder that you are both Marines

on a duty status, you will put in a few hours

extra duty tonight here in the bakery.

But Sergeant, tomorrow morning's my wedding. I can't be...

Hold it. I told you,

I don't want to hear no more about a wedding.

I don't want to hear anything about it, see anything about it, nothing.

That word is not to be used in my presence

in any shape, manner or form. Is that clear?

Okay, Charlie.

Right, Vince.

They're all yours.

Okay.

You... get over and start massaging those racks.

I like 'em nice and clean.

And you... over here.

Start working on that.

We got to get 600 loaves out by tomorrow.

Well, get in there and move it around, move it around.

Give me plenty of wrist action.

Attaboy.

That's fine, that's beautiful.

Plenty of wrist in there.

That makes it nice and light and fluffy.

Very good.

I'll make a doughboy out of you yet.

Get it? Doughboy.

Move it, move it.

Watch those wrists.

You, keep working.

Oh, boy, I'm bushed.

At least you'll be sure to get a good night's sleep.

Yeah... yeah, that's what I need... sleep.

One thing about working hard...

You're too tired to remember you're nervous.

Just think... in a few more hours

you're going to be a married husband and all.

And to think that I'm all part of the ceremony.

And I'll do it right, too, you can depend on that.

I'll be right there with the ring.

Well, where is it?

Huh? It's gone!

Where is it?!

Knock it off.

You lost my wedding ring!

Gomer, where's the ring?!

It must be around here someplace.

I'll get a flashlight.

But we've got to find it, Gomer.

Knock it off, fellas.

We got to find it.

We will.

We'll just backtrack every step of the way.

You see anything?

Look carefully.

It's not around here anywhere.

Oh, think, Gomer, think.

When is the last time you saw it?

Let me see now... I had it at supper.

Then we come to work here at the bakery.

Well, did you have it then?

Yeah.

I remember now.

Up until the time I started working on all that dough,

you know, with the wrist action.

So it could have come off in...

Yeah, that dough was gooey enough.

And with the butter and all.

I think I know where your ring is.

Your wedding ring's baked into one of them there 600 loaves of bread.

Well, I guess the ring's lost for good now.

And after six generations in the family.

Boy, poor Chrissy.

She's sure going to be disappointed.

Well, maybe we can find it.

It's got to be in one of them loaves of bread.

But there's 600 loaves, Gomer, 600.

Then we'll just have to look through every single loaf.

Piece by piece, can't overlook one single crumb.

It's just the corporal taking sandwiches to the guardhouse.

Sandwiches.

Yeah, just... Sandwiches.

Made out of bread.

Right.

Before we start on the loaves, we better check those out.

Hey!

Hold it! Don't eat those sandwiches!

Excuse us, Corporal of the Guards,

but you mustn't bite into that bread!

Excuse me. Can I see that one? What's going on?

There was an accident at the bakery,

and something fell into the bread dough.

Something in the bread dough?

What? What fell in it?

Much obliged. It's not in there.

I almost ate that!

Well, what is it? What fell in it?

It's not here either.

Are these all the sandwiches you made?

All except for the one I gave Lieutenant Peterson,

the officer of the day.

That might be just where it is.

Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Let's go!

Oh, thank you, fellers.

Enjoy your sandwiches.

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

Golly!

600 loaves is sure a lot of bread, ain't it?

It sure is.

Course, we don't have to go through all 600.

We've already been through that'n

that they made the sandwiches out of,

so all we got to do is 599.

Hand me the first one, and we'll get started.

I'll cut it off here.

Now, careful. We don't want to scratch it.

All right.

Ain't in this one.

Gomer, we'll never be able to go through all 600 loaves like this.

Wait a minute. I got an idea.

Ain't in this loaf.

Someone's coming!

Hey! What are you guys doing here?

Get out of there!

Come on, snap it up!

What is all this?

Well, I was here working earlier,

and I lost something, and I come back to look for it.

What'd you lose?

The wedding ring that Jim here

is supposed to get married with today.

The ring?

You lost the ring?

The ring he's getting married with?

That's a hot one.

We figure it's somewhere here in a loaf of bread.

You lost the ring in a loaf of bread?

If it's all right with you, Sergeant,

we'd kind of like to get it back.

Sure. Go ahead.

Boy, I can see the ceremony now.

"With this bread, I thee wed."

Then he puts the loaf of bread on her finger! Get it?

Which loaf is it in?

Well, we don't rightly know,

so we're going to have to go through every single one.

You know, and slice 'em up.

But... but Sergeant...

The first one that lays a finger on this bread,

I let him have it.

You want to play hide-and-seek?

Outside. Not in my bread.

Come on! Out!

Outside! Let's go!

But, Sergeant, maybe we could just use a fork

and kind of punch around in them.

Charley Hacker serve bread full of puncture holes? No, sir.

16 years I been baking.

I never served no factory seconds. No dice!

Outside! Out! Out!

But Sergeant!

This ring is kind of special, Sergeant.

Couldn't we just look in a few...? Out!

Hurry it up out of here!

Out!

I sure feel bad about this, Jim.

And it's all my fault, too.

Here you picked me out of all your friends to be your best man,

and trusted me with the ring for your beloved,

and I let you down.

It's okay, Gomer. It wa... it was just an accident.

But there must be something we can do.

Sergeant Carter says that there ain't no situation

that a good Marine can't overcome.

No, look, we've had it.

You heard that mess sergeant.

He won't let us near that bread.

He won't let us touch it.

Look, we... we'd better just forget

all about it. Wait a minute...

Just a blessed instant.

What? Maybe there is something we can do.

Wha... what is it?

Well, I got this idea, but it's going to take bravery.

But how? What?

Well, first of all, we've got to go get Sergeant Carter.

Carter?! The way he feels about the wedding?

And you're going to wake him up at 4:00 in the morning?

Well, that's where the bravery comes in.

Come on. Let's go.

Sergeant?

Sergeant?

Couldn't be.

Sergeant Carter?

Pyle, for your sake, I hope this is all just a very bad dream.

It ain't no dream. It's me.

You see, we lost the ring again...

Pyle, what is this overwhelming urge

you have for self-destruction?

I got this idea... And I got an idea, too!

It's what to do with nitwits who wake up their sergeant

in the middle of the night!

I'll give you the details tomorrow

but, for now, get out of here!

But, Sergeant, a fellow Marine's in trouble,

and you're the only one that can help.

And I know you'll help because you're his only hope.

Never mind, Gomer.

Sorry we bothered you, Sergeant.

But Jimmy how can you get married tomorrow?

I... I don't know.

Maybe-Maybe they're trying to tell me something.

Maybe it's a bad sign.

I don't know. All I know is, when I tell Chrissy,

she's going to probably want to call off the wedding anyway.

You know how superstitious brides are.

You mean call off the wedding?

Well, everything's going against it.

Everything. It's too much!

The Sergeant's right. Why should he have to be bothered with all of this?

It's not his problem.

Why should he have to help out?

Forget it. Nothing says I have to get married.

Sorry, Sergeant.

Get off this bed!

Marry, don't marry. That's your problem.

Mine's getting some shut-eye.

Now, get out of here or I throw you in the brig!

But, Sergeant, you could...

Out! Out! You want the brig?! Out! Get out of here!

Out, get out, out, out, out, out, out, out!

♪ ♪

Pyle! Purcell!

All right, all right.

What was this brilliant idea of yours?

♪ ♪

And the wedding is this morning?

Yes, sir, Colonel. At 1000.

Interesting situation.

How much time till mess call, Sergeant?

55 minutes, sir.

It'll be close. Very well.

I'll issue the necessary instructions.

Hold up on the bread, Charley! Huh?

We got to check it for that missing ring.

Nobody hacks up my bread!

You want to find prizes, buy yourself some Crackerjack.

Orders from the top, Charley.

The Colonel wants that ring found.

The Colonel ordered my bread

ripped up for a tin ring?

Relax. Nobody's going to rip it up.

We're going to find it with a mine detector.

All right, men, in here!

All right, let's spread out the bread, huh?

Okay, start right here.

He should have found it by now.

That's the way it always is when you lose something.

You never do find it till the very last place you look.

I don't know why that is, but that's the way it always is.

Well, are you sure you had it here in the bakery?

Now, don't you worry.

Wouldn't surprise me none

if it wasn't in loaf number 600... the very last one.

It is in the last one!

It's in this one!

Better make sure.

But it's just got to be, Sergeant.

If it ain't in any of the others,

and this is the last one, why, it's just...

It ain't?

Well, then, where...?

All right, secure the gear.

I'm sorry, Jim.

Hey, I got something here, Sarge!

What have you got in that pocket? Keys? Change?

No. In this pocket, I just keep my hanky.

Don't know why that gadget should buzz around my hanky.

Shazam!

Well, how do you do?

Now I remember.

My hands got all gooey in that dough,

and I wiped them off on my hanky.

That must have been when the ring come loose.

The ring was in my pocket the whole time, Sergeant!

Wasn't no need to wake you and the Colonel after all!

How about that?!

That's a good joke. Ain't that a good joke?

Here you are, Vince.

Be my guest.

Do you, James Purcell, take this woman,

Christine Parker, to be your lawfully wedded wife?

I do.

And do you, Christine Parker,

take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?

I do.

The ring, please.

Let's have it.

It'll be just a sec.

Come on, Gomer.

Come on, Gomer.

I'll have it off in a jiffy.

You wouldn't have any butter, would you, Chaplain?