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1
00:00:09,334 --> 00:00:10,968
(whistles)
2
00:00:38,267 --> 00:00:41,868
(birds chirping)
3
00:00:41,901 --> 00:00:44,367
BERNICE: You putrid,
plume-pated parasite!
4
00:00:44,400 --> 00:00:46,634
DUCKMAN:
I can't hear you!
I can't hear you!
5
00:00:46,667 --> 00:00:47,901
I can't hear you!
6
00:00:47,934 --> 00:00:50,100
EVERYONE ELSE:
Stop yelling!
7
00:00:50,133 --> 00:00:51,167
Thank you.
8
00:00:51,200 --> 00:00:52,701
Now, where was I?
9
00:00:52,734 --> 00:00:55,701
Waxing euphoric about the
bucolic pleasures of camping.
10
00:00:55,734 --> 00:00:57,300
Which apparently consist
11
00:00:57,334 --> 00:00:59,801
of consuming ten times
your body weight
12
00:00:59,834 --> 00:01:01,100
in venison jerky...
13
00:01:01,133 --> 00:01:04,000
Projectile vomiting
across a three-mile lake...
14
00:01:04,033 --> 00:01:05,767
And waking up next
to a dead moose
15
00:01:05,801 --> 00:01:07,133
in a Philadelphia
flophouse
16
00:01:07,167 --> 00:01:09,300
with no memory of
the past five months.
17
00:01:09,334 --> 00:01:11,767
Well, there'll be none of that
on this trip.
18
00:01:11,801 --> 00:01:14,467
As I explained to you before,
and will repeat now,
19
00:01:14,501 --> 00:01:15,834
not as clunky exposition,
20
00:01:15,868 --> 00:01:18,033
but just because
it feels so damn good,
21
00:01:18,067 --> 00:01:20,901
we're taking this taxpayer-
financed dream vacation
22
00:01:20,934 --> 00:01:23,267
at the request
of the House Subcommittee
23
00:01:23,300 --> 00:01:25,200
for Investigating
Dream Vacations,
24
00:01:25,234 --> 00:01:27,067
which means no one
in this family
25
00:01:27,100 --> 00:01:28,734
better break any rules,
Duckman!
26
00:01:28,767 --> 00:01:31,467
And let me tell you,
these woods are
lousy with rules--
27
00:01:31,501 --> 00:01:33,033
no random body
cavity searches
28
00:01:33,067 --> 00:01:34,734
while impersonating
a park ranger;
29
00:01:34,767 --> 00:01:37,300
no videotaping lesbian
campers in outdoor showers
30
00:01:37,334 --> 00:01:39,467
then selling the
tapes to LesbianCamper Monthly--
31
00:01:39,501 --> 00:01:43,033
which, by the way,
just raised their
subscription rate again.
32
00:01:50,133 --> 00:01:52,067
Welcome to Monsanto Presents
33
00:01:52,100 --> 00:01:55,734
Phillip Morris YellowstoneNational Park, Incorporated,
34
00:01:55,767 --> 00:01:57,567
brought to you in part by:
35
00:01:57,601 --> 00:02:01,467
"We deliver the world's most
important packages-- yours."
36
00:02:01,501 --> 00:02:02,801
And Jip peanut butter.
37
00:02:02,834 --> 00:02:04,567
"Choosy mothers choose Jip."
38
00:02:04,601 --> 00:02:06,200
You may insert a credit card...
39
00:02:06,234 --> 00:02:07,400
Nice try, robo-crap,
40
00:02:07,434 --> 00:02:09,334
but my bank account's
been attached
41
00:02:09,367 --> 00:02:12,434
by Monty Hall Enterprises
since 1983. Ya-ha-ha!
42
00:02:12,467 --> 00:02:13,767
Hoo!
43
00:02:15,634 --> 00:02:17,000
(chittering)
44
00:02:17,033 --> 00:02:18,300
(tires squealing)
45
00:02:18,334 --> 00:02:19,801
(engine dieseling)
46
00:02:19,834 --> 00:02:22,767
Ah, smell that fresh...
47
00:02:24,667 --> 00:02:27,367
Okay, I'm bored.
48
00:02:27,400 --> 00:02:29,934
CHARLES AND MAMBO:
Ooh! Ooh! Ow! Ooh!
49
00:02:29,968 --> 00:02:31,868
(both continue grunting)
50
00:02:31,901 --> 00:02:34,534
(wheels squeaking)
51
00:02:40,234 --> 00:02:43,100
And where do you think
you're going, little man?
52
00:02:43,133 --> 00:02:45,701
We're in a park;
we thought we'd hike.
53
00:02:45,734 --> 00:02:47,367
I think Beverly
would rather spend her time
54
00:02:47,400 --> 00:02:48,734
with a real outdoorsman.
55
00:02:48,767 --> 00:02:50,601
This is rough territory,
Corneptitude.
56
00:02:50,634 --> 00:02:52,100
There are huge sections
of this park
57
00:02:52,133 --> 00:02:54,067
that are still unpaved
with grotesque tree-like things
58
00:02:54,100 --> 00:02:55,501
bunched so close together
59
00:02:55,534 --> 00:02:56,834
you can barely see
the gift shops.
60
00:02:56,868 --> 00:02:59,267
Actually, Duckman,
Corny and I would...
61
00:02:59,300 --> 00:03:02,033
Beverly? Can you help
me with the tent?
62
00:03:02,067 --> 00:03:04,033
Good. And, Cornfed,
you come with me
63
00:03:04,067 --> 00:03:06,200
and do some more of that
great listless-nodding-
64
00:03:06,234 --> 00:03:09,734
at-whatever-idiotic-thing-I-say
thing you do so well.
65
00:03:09,767 --> 00:03:12,767
I can't believe you
wanted to go for a hike
66
00:03:12,801 --> 00:03:14,801
when we can just walk
around and look at things.
67
00:03:14,834 --> 00:03:17,067
You're right,
I was insane.
68
00:03:17,100 --> 00:03:19,167
Look, there's
a tufted titmouse.
69
00:03:19,200 --> 00:03:20,667
Really? A big titmouse?
70
00:03:20,701 --> 00:03:22,133
A really big titmouse.
71
00:03:22,167 --> 00:03:25,033
Man, just look at the
size of that titmouse.
72
00:03:25,067 --> 00:03:27,067
That is one
humongous titmouse.
73
00:03:27,100 --> 00:03:29,434
You think I could
grab the titmouse?
74
00:03:29,467 --> 00:03:31,834
Sure, it's fun
to grab the titmouse.
75
00:03:31,868 --> 00:03:33,601
When's the "V"
chip coming?
76
00:03:33,634 --> 00:03:35,367
Not for another
six months.
77
00:03:37,567 --> 00:03:41,234
FLUFFY AND URANUS:
* John Jacob
Jingleheimer Schmidt *
78
00:03:41,267 --> 00:03:43,300
* That's my name, too... *
79
00:03:43,334 --> 00:03:45,534
Oh! That horrible sound!
80
00:03:45,567 --> 00:03:48,133
Please, Mommy, make it stop!
81
00:03:48,167 --> 00:03:50,033
I'll be a good girl!
82
00:03:50,067 --> 00:03:51,968
* Schmidt,
la-la-la-la-la-la-la *
83
00:03:52,000 --> 00:03:54,200
* John Jacob
Jingleheimer... *
84
00:03:54,234 --> 00:03:55,901
(both yelling)
85
00:03:55,934 --> 00:03:57,300
Mr. Duckman?!
86
00:03:57,334 --> 00:03:59,300
What a seemingly
horrifying,
87
00:03:59,334 --> 00:04:01,667
though hopefully
delightful surprise.
88
00:04:01,701 --> 00:04:02,767
Well, well, well.
89
00:04:02,801 --> 00:04:04,934
I don't recall
you little fruit baskets
90
00:04:04,968 --> 00:04:06,834
putting in
for a vacation request.
91
00:04:06,868 --> 00:04:08,801
That's not true,
Mr. Duckman.
92
00:04:08,834 --> 00:04:11,601
According to the
employee regulations...
93
00:04:11,634 --> 00:04:13,734
Which we've never
actually seen,
94
00:04:13,767 --> 00:04:16,267
but take your word
that they exist...
95
00:04:16,300 --> 00:04:19,667
We submitted the paperwork
six months in advance.
96
00:04:19,701 --> 00:04:23,100
And I assume you also included
an affidavit of death.
97
00:04:23,133 --> 00:04:24,400
Death?
Death?
98
00:04:24,434 --> 00:04:25,767
It's in the
regulations.
99
00:04:25,801 --> 00:04:27,267
No vacations till
you're certifiably dead.
100
00:04:27,300 --> 00:04:28,634
Tell you what, kids.
101
00:04:28,667 --> 00:04:30,968
I'll give you a choice:
be my personal camp-out slaves
102
00:04:31,000 --> 00:04:34,033
or watch me plump my wieners
over your stuffing.
103
00:04:34,067 --> 00:04:37,801
BOTH:
which way to camp... sahib?
104
00:04:39,167 --> 00:04:41,100
(blowing)
105
00:04:43,667 --> 00:04:45,200
Ah, the wood
must be wet.
106
00:04:45,234 --> 00:04:47,367
Grandma-ma,
can you give us a hand?
107
00:04:47,400 --> 00:04:48,667
(breaking wind)
108
00:04:51,334 --> 00:04:53,767
Okay, let's see
if those fey little dunaways
109
00:04:53,801 --> 00:04:56,300
were able to put together
my campsite design.
110
00:05:00,467 --> 00:05:03,334
(disco music playing)
111
00:05:04,634 --> 00:05:06,567
(music grows louder)
112
00:05:08,801 --> 00:05:11,167
Not bad.
113
00:05:19,033 --> 00:05:20,968
*
114
00:05:23,100 --> 00:05:24,834
Hey, Ranger Smith,
don't block the woofer
115
00:05:24,868 --> 00:05:26,868
or you'll be pick-
a-nicking boo-boo
116
00:05:26,901 --> 00:05:28,234
out of your
butt-butt.
117
00:05:28,267 --> 00:05:31,100
Sir, we've had some complaints
about the noise.
118
00:05:31,133 --> 00:05:32,734
Yeah? From who?
119
00:05:32,767 --> 00:05:34,767
Every living creature
within 50 miles.
120
00:05:34,801 --> 00:05:36,901
I told you stocking-stuffers--
turn off that noise!
121
00:05:36,934 --> 00:05:37,901
(music stops)
122
00:05:37,934 --> 00:05:39,834
Now, if you can
get those damn birds
123
00:05:39,868 --> 00:05:41,367
to stop bleating
night and day...
124
00:05:41,400 --> 00:05:43,601
I'm sorry, sir;
but I must ask you to move.
125
00:05:43,634 --> 00:05:45,868
Okay, we're breaking camp.
126
00:05:45,901 --> 00:05:47,400
Not us, Duckhead, you!
127
00:05:47,434 --> 00:05:50,133
We'll meet you back here
in three days.
128
00:05:50,167 --> 00:05:51,968
Fine. I don't need you.
129
00:05:52,000 --> 00:05:53,667
I don't need anybody.
130
00:05:53,701 --> 00:05:55,200
MAN:
Hey, man!
131
00:05:55,234 --> 00:05:57,267
(man grunting)
132
00:05:57,300 --> 00:05:58,734
(glass shattering)
133
00:05:58,767 --> 00:06:00,367
(clattering)
134
00:06:00,400 --> 00:06:02,767
A lot of homeless people
around here.
135
00:06:02,801 --> 00:06:04,100
Makes you think.
136
00:06:04,133 --> 00:06:06,033
Makes you want
to do something.
137
00:06:06,067 --> 00:06:07,400
Get a job!
138
00:06:07,434 --> 00:06:08,567
Get a haircut!
139
00:06:08,601 --> 00:06:09,901
Stop being homeless!
140
00:06:09,934 --> 00:06:11,868
(insects chirping)
141
00:06:14,334 --> 00:06:15,367
How about here?
142
00:06:15,400 --> 00:06:16,434
Too hilly.
143
00:06:16,467 --> 00:06:17,501
Or here?
144
00:06:17,534 --> 00:06:18,567
Too flat.
Here?
145
00:06:18,601 --> 00:06:19,667
Too republican.
Here?
146
00:06:19,701 --> 00:06:22,534
Too... Corny,
think of a word.
147
00:06:22,567 --> 00:06:23,901
Salty?
148
00:06:23,934 --> 00:06:25,567
"Salty." Unbelievable.
149
00:06:25,601 --> 00:06:27,267
He has one line, and...
150
00:06:27,300 --> 00:06:29,801
Fine, we're going to go
with "too salty."
151
00:06:29,834 --> 00:06:31,434
Moving on.
(owl hooting)
152
00:06:31,467 --> 00:06:33,634
But, Mr. Duckman,
we appear to be entering
153
00:06:33,667 --> 00:06:35,434
a dangerous section of the park.
154
00:06:35,467 --> 00:06:37,133
Pish tush.
155
00:06:37,167 --> 00:06:39,901
This is the forest primeval,
untouched and virginal,
156
00:06:39,934 --> 00:06:42,734
waiting with moist expectation
as we poke and probe
157
00:06:42,767 --> 00:06:45,167
for the perfect spot
to stick our equipment.
158
00:06:45,200 --> 00:06:46,834
Wear 'em if you got 'em, boys.
159
00:06:46,868 --> 00:06:49,267
We're going in deep, and if
there is danger out there,
160
00:06:49,300 --> 00:06:52,334
that danger's going to be
in big, big trouble.
161
00:06:53,467 --> 00:06:56,767
(wolf howling)
162
00:06:58,300 --> 00:07:00,234
(howling)
163
00:07:10,133 --> 00:07:11,267
DUCKMAN:
Too dirty.
164
00:07:11,300 --> 00:07:12,434
Too quiet.
165
00:07:12,467 --> 00:07:14,234
Too "Ansel Adamsy."
166
00:07:14,267 --> 00:07:15,601
Too moldy.
167
00:07:15,634 --> 00:07:18,067
Not moldy enough.
168
00:07:18,100 --> 00:07:19,467
Duckman, perhaps we should...
169
00:07:19,501 --> 00:07:22,300
All right, you got in your damn
"salty"-- give it a rest.
170
00:07:22,334 --> 00:07:25,734
Mr. Duckman, we've been
searching all night.
171
00:07:25,767 --> 00:07:27,133
Quit your bellyaching
172
00:07:27,167 --> 00:07:29,534
or you two fuzzy-wuzzies
will have no skin.
173
00:07:29,567 --> 00:07:31,400
I got a feeling
the perfect campsite
174
00:07:31,434 --> 00:07:32,934
lies right around that bend.
175
00:07:38,300 --> 00:07:39,434
Too, uh...
176
00:07:39,467 --> 00:07:40,734
perfect.
177
00:07:40,767 --> 00:07:41,934
(yells)
178
00:07:41,968 --> 00:07:43,067
Hey!
179
00:07:43,100 --> 00:07:44,234
Sorry.
180
00:07:44,267 --> 00:07:45,501
Slipped.
181
00:07:45,534 --> 00:07:47,400
Well, I'll be seeing you
in court.
182
00:07:47,434 --> 00:07:48,667
You bruised my coccyx,
183
00:07:48,701 --> 00:07:50,467
and not in the way
I like either.
184
00:07:50,501 --> 00:07:51,601
Now follow me.
185
00:07:51,634 --> 00:07:53,434
We'll set up
through these bushes.
186
00:07:53,467 --> 00:07:55,501
And by "we,"
of course, I mean, "you."
187
00:07:55,534 --> 00:07:58,934
Not to cast dispersions
on your judgment, Mr. Duckman,
188
00:07:58,968 --> 00:08:02,100
but this area is swarming
with insects.
189
00:08:02,133 --> 00:08:03,534
Duh!
190
00:08:03,567 --> 00:08:06,534
How else am I going to capture
the true outdoor experience?
191
00:08:06,567 --> 00:08:08,767
And by "I,"
of course, I mean "you."
192
00:08:08,801 --> 00:08:09,868
Now then...
193
00:08:09,901 --> 00:08:11,200
Fluffy, Uranus,
194
00:08:11,234 --> 00:08:13,367
prepare my bedtime
buffalo wings bonanza.
195
00:08:13,400 --> 00:08:15,000
Cornfed, construct a sort of
196
00:08:15,033 --> 00:08:17,501
Swiss Family Robinson-like
living quarters.
197
00:08:17,534 --> 00:08:19,534
You can start
with the observatory.
198
00:08:19,567 --> 00:08:20,634
Here's some wood.
199
00:08:20,667 --> 00:08:21,701
Wait, Duckman,
200
00:08:21,734 --> 00:08:24,367
that log could be
filled with...
201
00:08:24,400 --> 00:08:26,634
(buzzing)
202
00:08:26,667 --> 00:08:28,234
What? What?
Covered with what?
203
00:08:28,267 --> 00:08:31,200
Why is it no one ever finishes
a sentence when I'm around?
204
00:08:31,234 --> 00:08:33,934
(muffled):
Don't worry. I'll be all right.
205
00:08:33,968 --> 00:08:35,167
Just so long
206
00:08:35,200 --> 00:08:36,367
as nobody pani...
207
00:08:36,400 --> 00:08:37,467
Dwaaah! Dwaaah!
208
00:08:37,501 --> 00:08:39,033
A thousand times, dwaaah!
209
00:08:39,067 --> 00:08:40,534
Never fear, old friend.
210
00:08:40,567 --> 00:08:42,667
I will snatch you
from death's door.
211
00:08:42,701 --> 00:08:45,167
Pollinate this,
you busy little bastards!
212
00:08:45,200 --> 00:08:46,434
(loud thud)
213
00:08:48,033 --> 00:08:49,501
Ouch.
214
00:08:49,534 --> 00:08:51,334
Cornhouse,
you look terrible.
215
00:08:51,367 --> 00:08:53,834
You got to stop partying
with the Rangerettes.
216
00:08:53,868 --> 00:08:55,167
(laughing)
217
00:08:55,200 --> 00:08:57,234
I kid him,
but I love him.
218
00:08:58,400 --> 00:09:00,000
I don't want
to scare you, Corny,
219
00:09:00,033 --> 00:09:01,501
but now you got
220
00:09:01,534 --> 00:09:04,834
one of those bloodthirsty
ladybugs crawling on you.
221
00:09:04,868 --> 00:09:06,901
This may hurt a bit.
222
00:09:06,934 --> 00:09:11,701
(Cornfed screaming in distance,
bird wings flapping)
223
00:09:11,734 --> 00:09:12,901
Cornfed!
224
00:09:12,934 --> 00:09:15,033
Duckman?!
225
00:09:15,067 --> 00:09:17,467
Their footprints go
in that direction.
226
00:09:17,501 --> 00:09:19,000
We have to
rescue them.
227
00:09:19,033 --> 00:09:20,434
BERNICE:
Wait! Wait!
228
00:09:20,467 --> 00:09:21,901
Who knows what
danger lies--
229
00:09:21,934 --> 00:09:23,467
or lays, I always forget
which-- in the forest?
230
00:09:23,501 --> 00:09:24,901
You boys stay here.
231
00:09:24,934 --> 00:09:26,767
Beverly and I
will investigate.
232
00:09:26,801 --> 00:09:28,734
But we can't leave
the kids alone.
233
00:09:28,767 --> 00:09:30,467
Perhaps I can help.
234
00:09:30,501 --> 00:09:32,400
It's world-famous
entertainer
235
00:09:32,434 --> 00:09:33,934
and master illusionist
236
00:09:33,968 --> 00:09:35,667
Jim Bailey!
237
00:09:35,701 --> 00:09:37,334
(dramatic music plays)
238
00:09:37,367 --> 00:09:39,667
Mr. Bailey, if you
don't mind my saying so,
239
00:09:39,701 --> 00:09:42,501
you're not someone
usually associated
with camping.
240
00:09:42,534 --> 00:09:45,734
Ah, but the root word
of "camping" is "camp."
241
00:09:45,767 --> 00:09:47,067
Oh, sure.
242
00:09:47,100 --> 00:09:49,434
When most people think
of national parks,
243
00:09:49,467 --> 00:09:53,067
they think of the animals,
the wilderness, the solitude.
244
00:09:53,100 --> 00:09:55,567
What they always seem
to forget is...
245
00:09:55,601 --> 00:09:57,200
the glamour.
246
00:09:57,234 --> 00:09:58,901
You girls run along now.
247
00:09:58,934 --> 00:10:00,634
Everything will be fine.
248
00:10:00,667 --> 00:10:02,300
Bless you,
Mr. Bailey.
249
00:10:03,634 --> 00:10:05,734
Don't you worry
about a thing!
250
00:10:07,167 --> 00:10:11,801
Did anyone ever tell you
you look like Liza?
251
00:10:11,834 --> 00:10:14,067
CORNFED:
Duckman, listen carefully.
252
00:10:14,100 --> 00:10:17,534
I've only got a few seconds
before my body swells up
253
00:10:17,567 --> 00:10:19,501
and I'm unable
to speak or move.
254
00:10:19,534 --> 00:10:21,067
Luckily,
you can fabricate
255
00:10:21,100 --> 00:10:23,267
the antidote using
that moss over...
256
00:10:23,300 --> 00:10:24,834
Save your strength,
dear one.
257
00:10:24,868 --> 00:10:27,267
Don't spoil my last memory
of you by spewing
258
00:10:27,300 --> 00:10:29,667
some delirious stream-
of-consciousness gobbledygook.
259
00:10:31,133 --> 00:10:33,100
Oh, Corny, please--
for once, have a little dignity.
260
00:10:33,133 --> 00:10:34,434
You owe me that much.
261
00:10:34,467 --> 00:10:36,200
(groans)
262
00:10:36,234 --> 00:10:38,400
Hey, nice face, Corn--
263
00:10:38,434 --> 00:10:40,200
for Mardi Gras!
264
00:10:40,234 --> 00:10:42,267
(mumbling)
265
00:10:42,300 --> 00:10:43,934
What, old pal?
266
00:10:43,968 --> 00:10:45,767
What are you
trying to say?
267
00:10:45,801 --> 00:10:48,067
"Thank you
for being my friend"?
268
00:10:48,100 --> 00:10:50,834
CORNFED:
If I wasn't blind, paralyzedand almost dead,
269
00:10:50,868 --> 00:10:53,834
I'd be wearing your sphincteras a shoe.
270
00:10:53,868 --> 00:10:57,400
Mr. Duckman, I think
we've been bitten, too.
271
00:10:57,434 --> 00:11:00,934
I hope it doesn't cause
an allergic reaction.
272
00:11:00,968 --> 00:11:02,934
Keep in mind that
employee regulations
273
00:11:02,968 --> 00:11:05,334
call for a $200 fine for
every medical emergency.
274
00:11:05,367 --> 00:11:06,868
Don't worry, old chum.
275
00:11:06,901 --> 00:11:09,000
You can pay
at the end of the month.
276
00:11:16,100 --> 00:11:18,601
Hey, do you have
to pull so herky-jerky?
277
00:11:18,634 --> 00:11:22,334
From now on, I'd appreciate
more of a fluid arcing motion.
278
00:11:22,367 --> 00:11:24,400
Well, we'd
appreciate it
279
00:11:24,434 --> 00:11:27,367
if you'd stop acting
so unkindly.
280
00:11:27,400 --> 00:11:30,167
Hmm... that was
an unkind thing to say.
281
00:11:30,200 --> 00:11:33,767
Maybe that bite is causing
some kind of reaction.
282
00:11:33,801 --> 00:11:36,334
Mr. Cornfed's still
in bad shape.
283
00:11:36,367 --> 00:11:37,801
He needs food.
284
00:11:37,834 --> 00:11:39,634
Good point.
The sooner we get grub,
285
00:11:39,667 --> 00:11:41,267
the sooner I can
evacuate my innards
286
00:11:41,300 --> 00:11:42,701
under a canopy of stars.
287
00:11:42,734 --> 00:11:44,334
So, I suggest you slackers
288
00:11:44,367 --> 00:11:46,200
go out and whip up
a nice wildebeest pate
289
00:11:46,234 --> 00:11:50,667
or a puma melt or maybe
just a light fawn sandwich.
290
00:11:52,234 --> 00:11:54,901
(ferocious snarling)
291
00:11:59,834 --> 00:12:01,400
A mountain lion?
292
00:12:01,434 --> 00:12:03,400
How'd you get
a mountain lion?
293
00:12:03,434 --> 00:12:04,734
Never mind.
294
00:12:04,767 --> 00:12:06,367
We just did.
295
00:12:08,934 --> 00:12:09,968
Mush!
296
00:12:10,000 --> 00:12:12,167
I say, mush!
297
00:12:12,200 --> 00:12:13,167
(whip snaps)
298
00:12:13,200 --> 00:12:15,567
Must... get food...
299
00:12:15,601 --> 00:12:17,067
inches away...
300
00:12:17,100 --> 00:12:18,901
hand not quite...
301
00:12:18,934 --> 00:12:20,234
paralyzed...
302
00:12:20,267 --> 00:12:21,567
Say, uh, Corny,
303
00:12:21,601 --> 00:12:23,267
you going to
finish that?
304
00:12:23,300 --> 00:12:25,033
(moaning)
305
00:12:25,067 --> 00:12:26,901
No sense letting
it go to waste.
306
00:12:26,934 --> 00:12:28,734
Think of all those
children in India
307
00:12:28,767 --> 00:12:31,601
who go to bed without
any mountain lion.
308
00:12:31,634 --> 00:12:33,167
Too salty.
309
00:12:33,200 --> 00:12:34,501
(both gasp)
310
00:12:34,534 --> 00:12:35,934
(panting)
311
00:12:35,968 --> 00:12:37,267
Excuse me.
312
00:12:37,300 --> 00:12:38,734
Maybe I'm suffering
313
00:12:38,767 --> 00:12:41,100
from some jungle-induced form
of memory loss,
314
00:12:41,133 --> 00:12:43,667
but I don't remember
hearing the word "stop."
315
00:12:43,701 --> 00:12:44,934
We're stopping
316
00:12:44,968 --> 00:12:47,033
because your senseless
sense of direction
317
00:12:47,067 --> 00:12:48,701
has led us in one
giant circle.
318
00:12:48,734 --> 00:12:49,934
Look!
319
00:12:51,634 --> 00:12:54,367
There happen to be many
other Duckmans, you know--
320
00:12:54,400 --> 00:12:56,300
a very common name
in Iraq.
321
00:12:56,334 --> 00:12:59,501
Mr. Duckman, during
this entire expedition,
322
00:12:59,534 --> 00:13:02,167
you've consistently
led us astray.
323
00:13:02,200 --> 00:13:05,734
Plus, you've been insulting
and abusive and demeaning.
324
00:13:05,767 --> 00:13:08,067
And not in the way
we like either.
325
00:13:08,100 --> 00:13:11,000
Maybe it's just the allergic
reaction talking...
326
00:13:11,033 --> 00:13:13,834
But we want to reexamine
our relationship.
327
00:13:13,868 --> 00:13:15,167
I couldn't agree more.
328
00:13:15,200 --> 00:13:16,501
You're fired!
329
00:13:16,534 --> 00:13:17,901
What?!
What?!
330
00:13:17,934 --> 00:13:19,067
That's right!
331
00:13:19,100 --> 00:13:23,067
F-I-E-R-D-E-R-D...
332
00:13:23,100 --> 00:13:25,901
R... D... R... D...
333
00:13:25,934 --> 00:13:27,467
Fired!
334
00:13:27,501 --> 00:13:28,868
Let's face it.
335
00:13:28,901 --> 00:13:31,234
You mamby-pamby shammies are
way out of your element here.
336
00:13:31,267 --> 00:13:33,133
You just don't know what it's
like to be one with nature,
337
00:13:33,167 --> 00:13:35,701
to feel the blood
coursing through
your veins.
338
00:13:35,734 --> 00:13:37,167
The testosterone
coursing
339
00:13:37,200 --> 00:13:38,701
through your
testosteronicals.
340
00:13:38,734 --> 00:13:40,167
How I pity
you pantywaists
341
00:13:40,200 --> 00:13:41,667
for being so
feeble, so weak,
342
00:13:41,701 --> 00:13:43,567
so Charles Nelson Reilly-esque.
343
00:13:43,601 --> 00:13:46,300
I simply cannot listen
to your whining anymore.
344
00:13:46,334 --> 00:13:48,501
Blah-blah-blah-blah
blah-blah-blah-blah-
345
00:13:48,534 --> 00:13:50,701
blah-blah-blah-blah
blah-blah-blah-blah-
346
00:13:50,734 --> 00:13:51,968
blah-blah-blah!
347
00:13:53,834 --> 00:13:55,767
But hold--
why merely fire you?
348
00:13:55,801 --> 00:13:58,133
Why not do what
we've all been waiting for
349
00:13:58,167 --> 00:13:59,734
and destroy you completely
350
00:13:59,767 --> 00:14:02,200
in my patented
Emmy award-losing fashion?
351
00:14:02,234 --> 00:14:04,801
(footfalls thunders)
352
00:14:04,834 --> 00:14:07,367
Mr. Duckman...
353
00:14:07,400 --> 00:14:10,434
make our day!
354
00:14:10,467 --> 00:14:13,767
(bellowing ferociously)
355
00:14:17,968 --> 00:14:20,267
(roaring and snarling)
356
00:14:20,300 --> 00:14:21,767
DUCKMAN:
Okay. Let's talk benefits.
357
00:14:21,801 --> 00:14:23,734
Now, right off, we can agree
358
00:14:23,767 --> 00:14:26,400
that your dental co-pay
is too high.
359
00:14:26,434 --> 00:14:29,801
Duckman must die.
Duckman must die.
360
00:14:29,834 --> 00:14:31,901
Please don't kill me!
Please, please, please!
361
00:14:31,934 --> 00:14:33,234
I'll do anything!
362
00:14:33,267 --> 00:14:35,200
I'll be your slave;
I'll lick your claws;
363
00:14:35,234 --> 00:14:37,300
I'll vacuum your hide.
I'll-I'll...
364
00:14:37,334 --> 00:14:39,200
CORNFED (straining):
Must warn Duckman:
365
00:14:39,234 --> 00:14:43,267
never run awayfrom enraged stuffed bears.
366
00:14:43,300 --> 00:14:45,067
Run away!
367
00:14:45,100 --> 00:14:46,234
(footfalls thundering)
368
00:14:46,267 --> 00:14:49,534
(distant roaring)
369
00:14:49,567 --> 00:14:50,734
Hurry, Bernice.
370
00:14:50,767 --> 00:14:53,300
Duckman may have
only moments to live.
371
00:14:59,901 --> 00:15:01,067
Bernice!
372
00:15:02,167 --> 00:15:03,834
(panting)
373
00:15:03,868 --> 00:15:05,801
(snarling)
374
00:15:07,234 --> 00:15:09,167
(panting)
375
00:15:16,501 --> 00:15:18,534
(panicked panting)
376
00:15:29,200 --> 00:15:32,167
(panting)
377
00:15:32,200 --> 00:15:34,667
No. It can't end like this.
378
00:15:34,701 --> 00:15:36,467
Wait. That gives me an idea.
379
00:15:36,501 --> 00:15:39,334
You could jump off the cliff
and go for help.
380
00:15:39,367 --> 00:15:40,868
(snarling)
381
00:15:40,901 --> 00:15:41,934
Dwahh!
382
00:15:41,968 --> 00:15:42,968
Never mind.
383
00:15:43,000 --> 00:15:44,868
I'll go with you-u-u-u.
384
00:15:44,901 --> 00:15:48,267
(Duckman grunting,
thumping, rocks clattering)
385
00:15:50,767 --> 00:15:52,200
(loud splash)
386
00:15:52,234 --> 00:15:54,701
After everything
I've gone through,
387
00:15:54,734 --> 00:15:57,701
Duckman better be dead
when we find him.
388
00:15:57,734 --> 00:15:59,767
(Duckman screaming)
389
00:15:59,801 --> 00:16:01,734
(grunts)
390
00:16:01,767 --> 00:16:05,234
(mumbling)
391
00:16:05,267 --> 00:16:08,734
Poor Cornfed, I bet you'd have
some helpful suggestion
392
00:16:08,767 --> 00:16:10,300
if only there was some way
393
00:16:10,334 --> 00:16:11,634
for me to hear
what you were thinking.
394
00:16:11,667 --> 00:16:13,234
Kill Duckman.
395
00:16:13,267 --> 00:16:14,567
Kill Duckman.
396
00:16:14,601 --> 00:16:16,434
Kill Duckman.
397
00:16:16,467 --> 00:16:18,667
(footfalls thundering)
398
00:16:18,701 --> 00:16:20,767
(roaring and snarling)
399
00:16:20,801 --> 00:16:22,601
We're doomed. Doomed.
400
00:16:22,634 --> 00:16:24,267
(mumbles)
401
00:16:27,734 --> 00:16:29,534
Aha!
402
00:16:29,567 --> 00:16:31,567
Thank God I always keep
a spare token from Peep World.
403
00:16:32,667 --> 00:16:33,767
(coins clattering)
404
00:16:40,100 --> 00:16:41,334
Yes!
405
00:16:41,367 --> 00:16:42,501
Who da man!
406
00:16:42,534 --> 00:16:43,834
I's da man!
407
00:16:53,868 --> 00:16:56,234
Yikes.
408
00:16:56,267 --> 00:16:57,834
(Duckman screaming)
409
00:16:57,868 --> 00:16:59,033
(grunts)
410
00:16:59,067 --> 00:17:01,501
(footfalls thundering)
411
00:17:01,534 --> 00:17:02,701
(grunts)
412
00:17:02,734 --> 00:17:04,634
(panting)
413
00:17:08,734 --> 00:17:11,133
(snarling)
414
00:17:17,501 --> 00:17:19,701
(distant roaring)
415
00:17:19,734 --> 00:17:21,767
There's a disturbance
in the forest.
416
00:17:21,801 --> 00:17:23,267
The hunt is up,
417
00:17:23,300 --> 00:17:26,434
and may God have mercy
on the hunted.
418
00:17:26,467 --> 00:17:29,000
(roaring continues)
419
00:17:31,567 --> 00:17:34,267
Must... make it... across.
420
00:17:34,300 --> 00:17:35,467
Must...
421
00:17:35,501 --> 00:17:37,033
Hey, a Mento.
422
00:17:41,667 --> 00:17:42,901
(roaring)
423
00:17:42,934 --> 00:17:44,400
Dwahh!
424
00:17:46,467 --> 00:17:47,467
(chuckles)
425
00:17:47,501 --> 00:17:49,567
Now relax, guys--
gals-- whatever.
426
00:17:49,601 --> 00:17:51,400
Say, those endangered
spotted whales
427
00:17:51,434 --> 00:17:53,067
are sure making
a comeback, huh?
428
00:17:53,100 --> 00:17:54,467
Hey, note to myself--
429
00:17:54,501 --> 00:17:58,067
separate clear and colored
liquor bottles for recycling.
430
00:17:58,100 --> 00:18:00,100
(footfalls approaching)
431
00:18:00,133 --> 00:18:02,534
(snarling)
432
00:18:02,567 --> 00:18:03,501
(Tarzan yells)
433
00:18:06,801 --> 00:18:09,601
Quick! Cut the ropes!
434
00:18:09,634 --> 00:18:12,067
(grunting)
435
00:18:16,534 --> 00:18:18,901
(snarling)
436
00:18:20,100 --> 00:18:22,534
(footfalls thundering)
437
00:18:22,567 --> 00:18:24,501
(snarling)
438
00:18:27,667 --> 00:18:28,868
Sing, boys.
439
00:18:28,901 --> 00:18:31,567
Sing for your lives.
440
00:18:31,601 --> 00:18:35,100
* Clang, clang, clang
went the trolley *
441
00:18:35,133 --> 00:18:38,334
* Ding, ding, ding
went the bell *
442
00:18:38,367 --> 00:18:41,300
* Zing, zing, zing
went my heart strings *
443
00:18:41,334 --> 00:18:45,434
* From the moment I saw him,
I fell *
444
00:18:46,868 --> 00:18:50,200
* Chug, chug, chug
went the motor *
445
00:18:50,234 --> 00:18:53,501
* Bump, bump, bump
went the brake *
446
00:18:53,534 --> 00:18:56,501
* Thump, thump, thump
went my heart strings *
447
00:18:56,534 --> 00:18:59,300
* When he smiled,
I could feel the car shake... *
448
00:19:06,334 --> 00:19:08,601
Thank you, Mr. Bailey.
449
00:19:08,634 --> 00:19:10,234
Your wonderful show tunes
450
00:19:10,267 --> 00:19:12,968
must've caused the civilized
part of our consciousness
451
00:19:13,000 --> 00:19:14,467
to assert control
452
00:19:14,501 --> 00:19:18,167
over our temporarily altered
genetic structures.
453
00:19:18,200 --> 00:19:20,200
Well, I'm just thankful
that you two came through
454
00:19:20,234 --> 00:19:21,834
this little
incident unharmed
455
00:19:21,868 --> 00:19:24,767
because it gives me
the opportunity to do this.
456
00:19:24,801 --> 00:19:26,167
(both gasp)
457
00:19:28,133 --> 00:19:30,200
(both screaming)
458
00:19:34,200 --> 00:19:36,834
Dad, can we keep
Mr. Bailey?
459
00:19:36,868 --> 00:19:38,734
He's brought
laughter, music,
460
00:19:38,767 --> 00:19:40,601
and black fishnet
pantyhose
461
00:19:40,634 --> 00:19:42,133
into our lives.
462
00:19:42,167 --> 00:19:45,067
Sorry, boys, but I'm not ready
to settle down.
463
00:19:45,100 --> 00:19:46,968
All over this
great land of ours
464
00:19:47,000 --> 00:19:49,067
there are other
glamour-deprived
465
00:19:49,100 --> 00:19:51,067
boys and girls
that need my help.
466
00:19:51,100 --> 00:19:53,133
As we say in the theater,
467
00:19:53,167 --> 00:19:54,467
ciao.
468
00:20:02,400 --> 00:20:04,701
Well, other than
Fluffy and Uranus mutating
469
00:20:04,734 --> 00:20:07,734
into giant killer monsters,
this was a pretty nice trip.
470
00:20:07,767 --> 00:20:09,234
We came to learn
about nature
471
00:20:09,267 --> 00:20:11,367
and ended up learning
about each other.
472
00:20:11,400 --> 00:20:14,167
And I saw a really big titmouse.
473
00:20:14,200 --> 00:20:16,834
I think the bee venom
is wearing off.
474
00:20:16,868 --> 00:20:18,200
I can't believe it.
475
00:20:18,234 --> 00:20:20,067
I'm going to be all right.
476
00:20:20,100 --> 00:20:21,601
I'm not going to die.
477
00:20:21,634 --> 00:20:22,701
Quiet, Cornicles.
478
00:20:22,734 --> 00:20:24,567
Ajax wants to say something.
479
00:20:24,601 --> 00:20:26,701
Dad, could I go
with Mr. Bailey?
480
00:20:26,734 --> 00:20:28,434
Of course,
you can, Ajax.
481
00:20:28,467 --> 00:20:30,067
In fact,
let's all go.
482
00:20:30,100 --> 00:20:31,968
Come on, guys.
483
00:20:32,000 --> 00:20:35,501
* Clang, clang, clang
went the trolley *
484
00:20:35,534 --> 00:20:38,801
* Ding, ding, ding
went the bell *
485
00:20:38,834 --> 00:20:41,667
* Zing, zing, zing
went my heart strings *
486
00:20:41,701 --> 00:20:44,968
* From the moment I saw him,
I fell *
487
00:20:47,067 --> 00:20:50,467
* Chug, chug, chug
went the motor *
488
00:20:50,501 --> 00:20:53,834
* Bump, bump, bump
went the brake *
489
00:20:53,868 --> 00:20:56,567
* Thump, thump, thump
went my heart strings *
490
00:20:56,601 --> 00:20:58,634
* When he smiled...
491
00:21:38,667 --> 00:21:41,501
DUCKMAN:
Too salty.
33879
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