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1
00:00:06,467 --> 00:00:09,400
* *
2
00:00:40,033 --> 00:00:42,033
Rodney, darling.
3
00:00:42,100 --> 00:00:44,767
Thank you so much
for coming.
4
00:00:44,834 --> 00:00:48,367
I wouldn't miss
tonight for the world.
5
00:00:48,434 --> 00:00:52,634
It should be
an unforgettable evening.
6
00:00:52,701 --> 00:00:54,701
Oh, I do hope
you're right.
7
00:00:54,767 --> 00:00:57,834
I would be mortified
if anything went awry.
8
00:00:57,901 --> 00:00:59,501
Dear Auntie,
I'm here.
9
00:00:59,567 --> 00:01:01,534
Your loyal Huntz is here.
10
00:01:01,601 --> 00:01:05,234
The wealthiest people
in the city are here.
11
00:01:05,300 --> 00:01:08,334
What could possibly
go wrong?
12
00:01:08,400 --> 00:01:11,167
* We're plumbers,
we're plumbers *
13
00:01:11,234 --> 00:01:12,767
* We're plumber-umber-umbers *
14
00:01:12,834 --> 00:01:15,634
* We're plumber-umber-umbers
and a-plumbing we will go *
15
00:01:15,701 --> 00:01:17,634
* We're plumbers,
we're plumbers... *
16
00:01:17,701 --> 00:01:19,634
Well, you got to admit,
Cornelicious, we
landed on our feet.
17
00:01:19,701 --> 00:01:21,934
Getting thrown
out of our office
for nonpayment
18
00:01:22,000 --> 00:01:24,567
of rent, phone
and utilities was
pretty humiliating.
19
00:01:24,634 --> 00:01:27,367
Whereas now we've got a job
where we spend hours each day
20
00:01:27,434 --> 00:01:28,901
with our hands in human feces.
21
00:01:28,968 --> 00:01:30,634
And more. Thanks
to my clever ruse
22
00:01:30,701 --> 00:01:32,200
putting us first
in the phone book,
23
00:01:32,267 --> 00:01:33,767
someone actually called.
24
00:01:33,834 --> 00:01:36,968
* ...We're plumber-umber-umbers
and a-plumbing we will go *
25
00:01:37,033 --> 00:01:38,200
* We're... *
26
00:01:38,267 --> 00:01:41,000
Couldn't we have been first
with only one "A"?
27
00:01:41,067 --> 00:01:43,567
'Scusi. The careful
driver always signals.
28
00:01:43,634 --> 00:01:44,767
(all gasping)
29
00:01:44,834 --> 00:01:47,133
* We're plumbers,
we're plumbers *
30
00:01:47,200 --> 00:01:48,701
* We're plumber-umber-umbers *
31
00:01:48,767 --> 00:01:51,267
* We're plumber-umber-umbers,
and a-plumbing we will go *
32
00:01:51,334 --> 00:01:52,601
* We're... *
33
00:01:54,968 --> 00:01:57,167
(ringing doorbell)
34
00:01:59,501 --> 00:02:01,434
Hum-an-a-hum-
an-a-ha-wha.
35
00:02:01,501 --> 00:02:03,267
If those puppies
are for sale,
36
00:02:03,334 --> 00:02:06,400
I want the one
with the brown nose.
37
00:02:06,467 --> 00:02:07,934
I love that gag.
38
00:02:08,000 --> 00:02:10,100
As do we all.
39
00:02:10,167 --> 00:02:11,467
Ah, the butler.
40
00:02:11,534 --> 00:02:13,868
Can I call you "the butt"?
41
00:02:13,934 --> 00:02:15,968
(laughing):
Another classic.
42
00:02:16,033 --> 00:02:18,267
I'd hate to choose
between them.
43
00:02:18,334 --> 00:02:19,868
I am Huntz.
44
00:02:19,934 --> 00:02:23,734
May I help
you, gentlemen?
45
00:02:23,801 --> 00:02:25,534
You betcha, Heinz.
46
00:02:25,601 --> 00:02:32,200
We're from A-A-A-A-A-A-A-
A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-
A-A-A-A-A-A-A-1 Plumbing.
47
00:02:32,267 --> 00:02:41,100
You're from A-A-A-A-A-A-A-
A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-
A-A-A-A-A-A-A-1 plumbing?
48
00:02:41,167 --> 00:02:49,267
Yes. We're from A-A-A-A-A-
A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-
A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-1 plumbing.
49
00:02:49,334 --> 00:02:51,634
Oh, are these the men
50
00:02:51,701 --> 00:02:59,300
from A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-
A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-
A-A-A-A-A-A-1 plumbing?
51
00:02:59,367 --> 00:03:00,901
Yes. They say they're
52
00:03:00,968 --> 00:03:03,100
from A-A-A-A-A-A-A-
A-A-A-A-A-A-A...
53
00:03:03,167 --> 00:03:06,033
All right. Come on,
we don't even have
a plot yet.
54
00:03:06,100 --> 00:03:09,067
Didn't you say
you would be here
55
00:03:09,133 --> 00:03:11,334
between 8:00 and 12:00?
56
00:03:11,400 --> 00:03:13,634
Oh, you thought I meant A.M.
57
00:03:13,701 --> 00:03:15,734
(laughing)
58
00:03:15,801 --> 00:03:21,334
Gentlemen, you may do your work,
but you must be discreet.
59
00:03:21,400 --> 00:03:25,601
Huntz, show these men
to the toilet.
60
00:03:28,868 --> 00:03:31,133
Hey, look. The perfect place
to hide body parts
61
00:03:31,200 --> 00:03:32,901
you've had
in your underwear drawer
62
00:03:32,968 --> 00:03:34,968
since that lawn-mowing accident
in '92...
63
00:03:35,033 --> 00:03:38,667
if, uh, you had to worry
about that sort of thing.
64
00:03:38,734 --> 00:03:40,100
You are to stay away
65
00:03:40,167 --> 00:03:41,667
from this case.
66
00:03:41,734 --> 00:03:43,634
It contains
a priceless diamond
67
00:03:43,701 --> 00:03:44,767
recently obtained
68
00:03:44,834 --> 00:03:47,300
from the South African mines
at Sharon.
69
00:03:47,367 --> 00:03:48,400
The Sharon stone?
70
00:03:48,467 --> 00:03:50,667
I'd love to get
my hands on that.
71
00:03:50,734 --> 00:03:51,734
Well, you won't.
72
00:03:51,801 --> 00:03:53,634
You won't go near it,
get it?
73
00:03:53,701 --> 00:03:55,300
Don't dent the
down, Huntzala.
74
00:03:55,367 --> 00:03:57,601
Isn't there some kind of legend
about the Sharon?
75
00:03:57,667 --> 00:03:59,067
Legend?
76
00:03:59,133 --> 00:04:00,901
I don't think so.
77
00:04:00,968 --> 00:04:03,234
Oh, I suppose you could find
78
00:04:03,300 --> 00:04:06,767
some peasant who would say
the diamond is cursed,
79
00:04:06,834 --> 00:04:08,701
that its very presence
80
00:04:08,767 --> 00:04:13,067
can unleash the ghastly spirits
of its former owners,
81
00:04:13,133 --> 00:04:17,133
all of whom died
in unspeakable terror and agony,
82
00:04:17,200 --> 00:04:19,334
vowing to return to earth
83
00:04:19,400 --> 00:04:23,167
to torment any who dared
to possess it.
84
00:04:23,234 --> 00:04:27,400
(thunder crashing)
85
00:04:27,467 --> 00:04:29,033
Now we got a plot.
86
00:04:29,100 --> 00:04:32,634
The diamond will be unveiled
at exactly 9:00 P.M.
87
00:04:32,701 --> 00:04:34,400
But for you gentlemen,
88
00:04:34,467 --> 00:04:37,801
I have a different
unveiling in mind.
89
00:04:39,601 --> 00:04:41,467
Do-ee-ew!
Do-ee-ew!
90
00:04:41,534 --> 00:04:43,834
Are you certain
you're experts
91
00:04:43,901 --> 00:04:45,367
in the sanitary arts?
92
00:04:45,434 --> 00:04:46,434
Yeah. Sure.
93
00:04:46,501 --> 00:04:48,334
Now, run along
and buttle something.
94
00:04:48,400 --> 00:04:49,801
Everything's under control.
95
00:04:49,868 --> 00:04:50,801
(door closing)
96
00:04:50,868 --> 00:04:52,300
What the hell
do we do now?!
97
00:04:52,367 --> 00:04:54,968
Luckily, when I was dating
Ivanna Trump last spring,
98
00:04:55,033 --> 00:04:57,467
she paid for me to take a course
in home repair.
99
00:04:57,534 --> 00:04:59,367
I did her wainscoting
at Mar a Lago.
100
00:04:59,434 --> 00:05:01,501
Would you get your mind
out of the gutter?
101
00:05:01,567 --> 00:05:02,767
We got a job to do.
102
00:05:02,834 --> 00:05:04,467
Say, uh, what's
this doohickey?
103
00:05:04,534 --> 00:05:07,000
It's the lever you
use for flushing.
104
00:05:07,067 --> 00:05:08,033
Flushing?
105
00:05:08,100 --> 00:05:09,400
(water gushing)
106
00:05:09,467 --> 00:05:11,033
Somebody call a plumber!
107
00:05:11,100 --> 00:05:13,100
The water's going in a circle!
108
00:05:13,167 --> 00:05:14,901
You'd better go
to the basement.
109
00:05:14,968 --> 00:05:16,634
Find the control
marked "water"
110
00:05:16,701 --> 00:05:17,667
and turn it off.
111
00:05:17,734 --> 00:05:18,667
Whoo!
112
00:05:18,734 --> 00:05:19,667
Ooh!
113
00:05:19,734 --> 00:05:20,667
(screaming)
114
00:05:20,734 --> 00:05:21,901
Plumber coming through.
115
00:05:21,968 --> 00:05:23,601
Move aside. Big, stinking,
plumbing emergency.
116
00:05:23,667 --> 00:05:24,868
Move aside there.
117
00:05:26,267 --> 00:05:27,601
Out of my way.
Emergency plumber.
118
00:05:27,667 --> 00:05:29,267
Stand aside.
119
00:05:30,501 --> 00:05:32,767
Whoo-hoo-oo-ee!
120
00:05:32,834 --> 00:05:33,767
Ugh!
121
00:05:33,834 --> 00:05:35,601
Serves you right
for being there.
122
00:05:35,667 --> 00:05:38,701
That's why they give you people
special parking spaces.
123
00:05:38,767 --> 00:05:40,534
Now, where would I find...?
124
00:05:40,601 --> 00:05:41,534
Hello.
125
00:05:41,601 --> 00:05:43,434
How's about we sneak a peek
126
00:05:43,501 --> 00:05:45,400
at the family jewel?
127
00:05:45,467 --> 00:05:46,801
Move aside.
128
00:05:46,868 --> 00:05:48,801
Plumber doing something he
was specifically told not to do.
129
00:05:48,868 --> 00:05:49,801
Out of my way.
130
00:05:54,133 --> 00:05:55,734
Oh.
131
00:05:55,801 --> 00:05:56,801
Gone?
132
00:05:56,868 --> 00:05:58,267
Vanished. Kaput.
133
00:05:58,334 --> 00:05:59,300
Disappear-a-mentay.
134
00:05:59,367 --> 00:06:01,234
Absent-a-la-moochi.
Zipparoo.
135
00:06:01,300 --> 00:06:02,334
This is terrible.
136
00:06:02,400 --> 00:06:03,767
We have to tell
Mrs. Worthington-Ford
137
00:06:03,834 --> 00:06:05,634
before anybody
else finds out.
138
00:06:10,467 --> 00:06:13,400
Move aside. Ironically
genuine-this-time emergency.
139
00:06:13,467 --> 00:06:15,567
Watch where you're going.
140
00:06:15,634 --> 00:06:17,667
We're looking
for Mrs. Worthington-Ford.
141
00:06:17,734 --> 00:06:19,267
I am Rodney Ford-Taurus.
142
00:06:19,334 --> 00:06:21,334
What do you wish with my aunt?
143
00:06:21,400 --> 00:06:23,033
I'm sorry. It's confidential.
144
00:06:23,100 --> 00:06:25,000
Something plunger-related?
145
00:06:25,067 --> 00:06:29,234
Something the-Sharon-stone-
has-been-stolen related?
146
00:06:29,300 --> 00:06:30,901
Egad!
147
00:06:30,968 --> 00:06:32,667
No one must
learn about this.
148
00:06:32,734 --> 00:06:33,667
Do you hear me?
149
00:06:33,734 --> 00:06:34,634
No one.
150
00:06:34,701 --> 00:06:35,634
But what about
151
00:06:35,701 --> 00:06:37,067
Mrs. Worthington-...?
152
00:06:37,133 --> 00:06:38,167
Ford.
153
00:06:38,234 --> 00:06:40,334
My aunt
is in the frailest of health.
154
00:06:40,400 --> 00:06:41,868
The shock
could kill her.
155
00:06:41,934 --> 00:06:43,801
We can't call
the police either.
156
00:06:43,868 --> 00:06:45,701
We must investigate
on our own.
157
00:06:45,767 --> 00:06:47,501
Actually, we're not
only plumbers.
158
00:06:47,567 --> 00:06:48,601
We're detectives.
159
00:06:48,667 --> 00:06:50,534
And we're not even
plumbers. Ooh!
160
00:06:50,601 --> 00:06:51,601
Excellent.
161
00:06:51,667 --> 00:06:53,701
If you find the
priceless diamond,
162
00:06:53,767 --> 00:06:55,634
I'll give you
a reward of $25.
163
00:06:55,701 --> 00:06:57,067
Oh, yeah, right.
164
00:06:57,133 --> 00:06:58,734
Like you've got $25.
165
00:06:58,801 --> 00:07:01,334
We'll take
the assignment.
166
00:07:01,400 --> 00:07:02,267
So, how do we start?
167
00:07:02,334 --> 00:07:03,267
Carefully.
168
00:07:03,334 --> 00:07:04,567
If the thief
finds out we know,
169
00:07:04,634 --> 00:07:05,701
our lives
could be in danger.
170
00:07:05,767 --> 00:07:06,901
(gasps)
What?
171
00:07:06,968 --> 00:07:08,133
I thought I
saw a ghost.
172
00:07:08,200 --> 00:07:09,601
Maybe the curse
is working.
173
00:07:09,667 --> 00:07:11,634
It seemed like the eyes in
that painting looked at me.
174
00:07:11,701 --> 00:07:12,968
The danger's real enough.
175
00:07:13,033 --> 00:07:14,934
Let's not imagine it
where it doesn't exist.
176
00:07:15,000 --> 00:07:16,334
Come on.
177
00:07:28,167 --> 00:07:30,734
Thieves could be anywhere.
178
00:07:30,801 --> 00:07:32,400
Must stay alert.
179
00:07:32,467 --> 00:07:35,200
All my senses heightened...
180
00:07:35,267 --> 00:07:38,000
alive... ninja-like.
181
00:07:38,067 --> 00:07:39,667
CORNFED:
Uh, Duckman?
182
00:07:39,734 --> 00:07:42,033
Except the soles of the feet--
183
00:07:42,100 --> 00:07:43,901
every ninja's weakness.
184
00:07:43,968 --> 00:07:45,567
So, did you check outside?
185
00:07:45,634 --> 00:07:47,834
No footprints in the soft earth
under the windows
186
00:07:47,901 --> 00:07:49,868
and no tire tracks
in the gravel driveway.
187
00:07:49,934 --> 00:07:51,968
Whoever stole the Sharon stone
is still here.
188
00:07:52,033 --> 00:07:53,434
We have to check out
the guests.
189
00:07:53,501 --> 00:07:54,968
Okay. When's
check-out time?
190
00:07:55,033 --> 00:07:56,200
Will you cut it out.
191
00:07:56,267 --> 00:07:59,601
Remember, everyone is a suspect,
so be careful.
192
00:07:59,667 --> 00:08:01,601
If we blow our cover,
the crooks might come after us.
193
00:08:01,667 --> 00:08:02,701
Big deal.
194
00:08:02,767 --> 00:08:04,267
They might get tough
with us.
Let 'em.
195
00:08:04,334 --> 00:08:05,868
They might kill us.
See ya.
196
00:08:05,934 --> 00:08:07,667
Say, are you
a man or a mouse?
197
00:08:07,734 --> 00:08:08,734
I'm more of a flea.
198
00:08:08,801 --> 00:08:09,734
Flea?
199
00:08:09,801 --> 00:08:10,701
If you say so.
200
00:08:10,767 --> 00:08:11,767
Just yanking you.
201
00:08:11,834 --> 00:08:13,100
Okay, let's go.
202
00:08:13,167 --> 00:08:14,601
Not in these coveralls.
203
00:08:14,667 --> 00:08:16,601
We have to get
evening clothes.
204
00:08:16,667 --> 00:08:17,868
But where?
205
00:08:17,934 --> 00:08:19,701
You! Society plumbers!
206
00:08:19,767 --> 00:08:22,000
I am Count Andre von Steiner
207
00:08:22,067 --> 00:08:25,434
und zis is
Baron Fritz von Braugher.
208
00:08:25,501 --> 00:08:28,667
No butler met us
at ze door.
209
00:08:28,734 --> 00:08:30,868
Zis is an outrage.
210
00:08:30,934 --> 00:08:32,801
Look! Jews!
211
00:08:32,868 --> 00:08:34,200
Huh?
Huh?
212
00:08:41,901 --> 00:08:43,868
(grunting)
213
00:08:43,934 --> 00:08:45,901
Hey, you wear
cartoony boxer shorts,
214
00:08:45,968 --> 00:08:48,434
you're begging to have
your clothes stolen.
215
00:08:48,501 --> 00:08:49,701
Shall we?
216
00:09:00,067 --> 00:09:02,100
The thief may still
have the diamond.
217
00:09:02,167 --> 00:09:03,234
Check everyone.
218
00:09:03,300 --> 00:09:04,767
But no cavity searches.
219
00:09:04,834 --> 00:09:07,934
We've got to get
the Sharon stone
back in that case
220
00:09:08,000 --> 00:09:10,400
before Mrs.
Worthington-Ford
unveils it.
221
00:09:10,467 --> 00:09:11,467
Now, spread out.
222
00:09:14,634 --> 00:09:16,467
Hello, hello.
223
00:09:16,534 --> 00:09:18,834
Nice to see you.
224
00:09:18,901 --> 00:09:20,000
Charmed.
225
00:09:20,067 --> 00:09:22,501
How's it hanging?
226
00:09:25,868 --> 00:09:28,067
My goodness.
What an appetite.
227
00:09:28,133 --> 00:09:29,334
Oh, yes, well...
228
00:09:29,400 --> 00:09:33,067
Holdover from my days
in the military, eh, what?
229
00:09:33,133 --> 00:09:34,267
Infantry?
230
00:09:34,334 --> 00:09:35,767
No, we were adults.
231
00:09:42,133 --> 00:09:45,501
Whatever are you doing
in my purse?
232
00:09:45,567 --> 00:09:50,234
Please to be forgiving, madame,
but was for your own safety.
233
00:09:50,300 --> 00:09:53,400
Was merely checking bag
for, uh, volves.
234
00:09:53,467 --> 00:09:54,868
Volv...
235
00:09:54,934 --> 00:09:56,801
I mean wolves?
236
00:09:56,868 --> 00:09:58,334
Ridiculous.
237
00:09:58,400 --> 00:10:00,400
Maybe is ridiculous in U. of S.
238
00:10:00,467 --> 00:10:03,033
But in my country,
is eat or be eaten.
239
00:10:03,100 --> 00:10:04,734
Volves is number one pest.
240
00:10:04,801 --> 00:10:07,100
Must always look all over
for volves
241
00:10:07,167 --> 00:10:08,834
for is always many volves.
242
00:10:08,901 --> 00:10:12,367
Volves to right, volves to left,
volves in the mid...
243
00:10:12,434 --> 00:10:13,868
Yes, yes, all right--
244
00:10:13,934 --> 00:10:15,200
a lot of wolves.
245
00:10:15,267 --> 00:10:16,534
Not just a lot!
246
00:10:16,601 --> 00:10:17,968
You're not listening!
247
00:10:18,067 --> 00:10:20,267
Is thousand of volves
everywhere!
248
00:10:20,334 --> 00:10:23,534
At the drop of a hat,
you will find volf in hat!
249
00:10:23,601 --> 00:10:25,100
We are lousy with them.
250
00:10:25,167 --> 00:10:27,067
We talking
major volves here!
251
00:10:27,133 --> 00:10:29,367
Yes, all-all right.
252
00:10:29,434 --> 00:10:30,534
Unhand me!
253
00:10:30,601 --> 00:10:33,000
Whew.
254
00:10:33,067 --> 00:10:34,868
So I grabbed the savage
255
00:10:34,934 --> 00:10:36,834
and I'll tell you, Count,
256
00:10:36,901 --> 00:10:39,367
I gave him
a good caning, I did.
257
00:10:39,434 --> 00:10:41,801
Well, listen, I'd
love to hear more
258
00:10:41,868 --> 00:10:43,667
about that war
you were in...
259
00:10:43,734 --> 00:10:44,701
Boer?
260
00:10:44,767 --> 00:10:46,200
You certainly are.
261
00:10:46,267 --> 00:10:47,534
So got to go.
262
00:10:47,601 --> 00:10:50,067
So I sneak with gun,
looking for volves.
263
00:10:50,133 --> 00:10:53,267
I check every corner of forest
for hidden volves.
264
00:10:53,334 --> 00:10:55,067
I check every hiding place.
265
00:10:55,133 --> 00:10:57,734
Check twice,
and I check again and again!
266
00:10:57,801 --> 00:11:01,634
(trumpet plays fanfare)
267
00:11:01,701 --> 00:11:03,834
And then I went home.
268
00:11:03,901 --> 00:11:07,601
Kind of petered out
at the end, huh?
269
00:11:10,501 --> 00:11:11,667
Psst!
270
00:11:11,734 --> 00:11:14,234
Excuse me for a moment,
my little pita pocket.
271
00:11:14,300 --> 00:11:16,467
Keep the motor running
till I get back.
272
00:11:18,400 --> 00:11:20,200
We've got a problem. Look.
273
00:11:20,267 --> 00:11:22,601
If we don't do something, she's
gonna make with the unveiling.
274
00:11:22,667 --> 00:11:24,100
Remember last year's
275
00:11:24,167 --> 00:11:26,767
Duckman Detective
Agency employee
talent competition?
276
00:11:26,834 --> 00:11:28,534
Sure do.
We should've won,
277
00:11:28,601 --> 00:11:31,200
but that damn Uranus
just becomes Liza.
278
00:11:35,767 --> 00:11:37,434
Atencion!
279
00:11:37,501 --> 00:11:38,767
It is finally time
280
00:11:38,834 --> 00:11:41,601
to meet tonight's
real guest of honor--
281
00:11:41,667 --> 00:11:44,434
one of the most
exquisite treasures...
282
00:11:44,501 --> 00:11:45,801
What the...?
283
00:11:45,868 --> 00:11:48,467
I wouldn't say exquisite,
but who am I to argue?
284
00:11:48,534 --> 00:11:49,534
Thank you, folks.
285
00:11:49,601 --> 00:11:51,200
Thank you for coming tonight
286
00:11:51,267 --> 00:11:53,868
to honor a lovely lady,
Mrs. Worthington-Ford.
287
00:11:53,934 --> 00:11:56,467
(tittering)
288
00:11:56,534 --> 00:11:58,634
Before she unveils the diamond,
289
00:11:58,701 --> 00:12:01,400
I'd like to do a love song
just for her.
290
00:12:06,200 --> 00:12:08,400
(people laugh)
291
00:12:11,901 --> 00:12:13,234
You screwed up, huh?
292
00:12:13,300 --> 00:12:15,834
Me? Exactly what
are you doing?
293
00:12:15,901 --> 00:12:17,167
I'm playing the drums.
294
00:12:17,234 --> 00:12:19,300
Boy, the way you do
it, that ain't play.
295
00:12:19,367 --> 00:12:20,501
That's work.
296
00:12:20,567 --> 00:12:22,133
Oh, yeah?
I know how to play Tiffany.
297
00:12:22,200 --> 00:12:23,234
You mean "timpani."
298
00:12:23,300 --> 00:12:24,400
You play what you want...
299
00:12:24,467 --> 00:12:25,868
BOTH:
I'll play what I want.
300
00:12:25,934 --> 00:12:27,234
Hey, get over here.
301
00:12:29,567 --> 00:12:31,534
Hi, Bob.
302
00:12:31,601 --> 00:12:33,300
We're trying
to do a love song
303
00:12:33,367 --> 00:12:34,801
and you're banging away.
304
00:12:34,868 --> 00:12:37,467
What's all that banging
got to do with love?
305
00:12:37,534 --> 00:12:38,634
Never mind.
306
00:12:40,634 --> 00:12:42,334
Maybe we should just sing.
307
00:12:42,400 --> 00:12:44,133
I thought you'd never ask.
Hit it!
308
00:12:44,200 --> 00:12:46,367
* Like rifles and skeet *
309
00:12:46,434 --> 00:12:47,968
* Cement and concrete *
310
00:12:48,033 --> 00:12:49,868
* Like trick and treat,
buck and wheat *
311
00:12:49,934 --> 00:12:53,167
* Dunn and Bradstreet,
that's us *
312
00:12:53,234 --> 00:12:55,234
* Buddy, that's us *
313
00:12:57,033 --> 00:12:58,367
* Like apples and jacks *
314
00:12:58,434 --> 00:12:59,801
* Like caddies and shacks *
315
00:12:59,868 --> 00:13:01,701
* Like hay and stacks
and hunch and backs *
316
00:13:01,767 --> 00:13:04,601
* And turtles and wax,
that's us *
317
00:13:04,667 --> 00:13:07,334
* Buddy, that's us *
318
00:13:09,100 --> 00:13:11,734
* We always go together *
319
00:13:11,801 --> 00:13:14,734
* It's just how we belong *
320
00:13:14,801 --> 00:13:16,501
* No matter what the weather *
321
00:13:16,567 --> 00:13:18,100
* Right or wrong *
322
00:13:18,167 --> 00:13:19,467
* We get along *
323
00:13:19,534 --> 00:13:21,634
* Just singin' our song *
324
00:13:21,701 --> 00:13:23,901
* Like fiddle and sticks *
325
00:13:23,968 --> 00:13:25,367
* Like mocha and mix *
326
00:13:25,434 --> 00:13:27,167
* Like ice and picks
and lip and sticks *
327
00:13:27,234 --> 00:13:28,434
* And contra and dicts *
328
00:13:28,501 --> 00:13:30,467
* That's us *
329
00:13:30,534 --> 00:13:32,901
* Buddy, that's us *
330
00:13:34,501 --> 00:13:35,934
* Like Gaza and Strip *
331
00:13:36,000 --> 00:13:37,267
* Potato and chip *
332
00:13:37,334 --> 00:13:39,234
* Like roach and clip,
"Q" and tip *
333
00:13:39,300 --> 00:13:42,734
* Skinny and dip, that's us *
334
00:13:42,801 --> 00:13:44,133
* Buddy, that's us *
335
00:13:44,200 --> 00:13:46,334
* It really is *
336
00:13:46,400 --> 00:13:48,367
* Like witch and hazel *
* Post and nasal *
337
00:13:48,434 --> 00:13:49,868
* Back and sliding *
* Cock and fighting *
338
00:13:49,934 --> 00:13:51,267
* High and mighty *
* Gal and Friday *
339
00:13:51,334 --> 00:13:52,300
* Egg and timer *
340
00:13:52,367 --> 00:13:53,534
* Opp and heimer... *
341
00:13:55,334 --> 00:13:57,000
"Opp and heimer"?
342
00:13:57,067 --> 00:13:58,234
Eh...
343
00:13:58,300 --> 00:13:59,968
* That's us *
344
00:14:00,033 --> 00:14:02,400
* That's right, baby,
that's us *
345
00:14:02,467 --> 00:14:04,534
* It really is *
346
00:14:04,601 --> 00:14:06,968
* That's us *
347
00:14:07,033 --> 00:14:10,901
* Buddy, that's us. *
348
00:14:19,000 --> 00:14:20,968
(trumpet plays)
349
00:14:21,033 --> 00:14:21,868
(gasps)
350
00:14:21,934 --> 00:14:23,567
(gasping)
351
00:14:23,634 --> 00:14:26,000
Do-ee-ew!
352
00:14:26,067 --> 00:14:28,634
Look, it's those
society plumbers.
353
00:14:28,701 --> 00:14:31,234
They've stolen the Sharon stone.
354
00:14:31,300 --> 00:14:34,067
No. We're detectives
working for Rodney.
355
00:14:34,133 --> 00:14:35,400
Tell them, Rodney.
356
00:14:35,467 --> 00:14:38,000
I've never seen
these men in my life.
357
00:14:38,067 --> 00:14:40,434
They must have
stolen the diamond.
358
00:14:40,501 --> 00:14:41,567
That's a lie.
359
00:14:41,634 --> 00:14:42,667
I wouldn't steal
that diamond.
360
00:14:42,734 --> 00:14:43,801
I wouldn't even touch it,
361
00:14:43,868 --> 00:14:45,467
'cause I'd be too
afraid of the, uh...
362
00:14:45,534 --> 00:14:47,133
uh... what do you call it?
363
00:14:47,200 --> 00:14:50,801
(disembodied voice):
The curse of the stone!
364
00:14:50,868 --> 00:14:53,000
Yes, thank you very...
365
00:14:55,934 --> 00:14:59,100
Well, I've said it before
and I'll say it again...
366
00:14:59,167 --> 00:15:01,100
(screams)
367
00:15:01,167 --> 00:15:04,601
(all screaming)
368
00:15:07,501 --> 00:15:10,100
(echoing demonic laugh)
369
00:15:21,968 --> 00:15:23,801
(pounding)
370
00:15:23,868 --> 00:15:25,801
Let me out! Let me out!
371
00:15:25,868 --> 00:15:27,934
Or send the debutante back in!
372
00:15:28,000 --> 00:15:29,601
Trapped inside
the mansion
373
00:15:29,667 --> 00:15:31,601
because of some
so-called curse?
374
00:15:31,667 --> 00:15:33,934
This is preposterous!
375
00:15:34,000 --> 00:15:36,267
Worthington-Ford Manor
harbors many a mystery--
376
00:15:36,334 --> 00:15:39,167
one of which is why you lied
about hiring Duckman and me.
377
00:15:39,234 --> 00:15:41,901
Oh, that was simply
a lark, a prank, a spree.
378
00:15:41,968 --> 00:15:43,601
He's such a scamp.
379
00:15:43,667 --> 00:15:46,868
Come, Huntz. Let's see
if there's some other way out.
380
00:15:46,934 --> 00:15:48,000
Good luck.
381
00:15:48,067 --> 00:15:50,400
Don't let
the ghostulas bite.
382
00:15:51,734 --> 00:15:54,334
Corny... I'm scared.
383
00:15:54,400 --> 00:15:57,100
These old mansions are full
of secret passageways.
384
00:15:57,167 --> 00:15:58,467
Maybe if we look around.
385
00:15:58,534 --> 00:16:01,067
You can play detective
all you want, Cornbone.
386
00:16:01,133 --> 00:16:02,634
Me? I'm digging a tunnel
387
00:16:02,701 --> 00:16:05,634
the size of Rosie O'Donnell's
lower intestine.
388
00:16:05,701 --> 00:16:07,100
(gulps)
389
00:16:09,400 --> 00:16:11,133
Say, I haven't felt
a metal mama
390
00:16:11,200 --> 00:16:14,067
since I had to strap one on
during my honeymoon. I...
391
00:16:18,501 --> 00:16:21,367
C-C-C-C-C-Corny...
392
00:16:21,434 --> 00:16:22,734
Cor-ny!
393
00:16:22,801 --> 00:16:23,734
Yes.
394
00:16:23,801 --> 00:16:25,534
Cornfed!
395
00:16:25,601 --> 00:16:27,801
I thought you morphed into
some sort of futuristic
396
00:16:27,868 --> 00:16:29,133
flesh-craving metal man.
397
00:16:29,200 --> 00:16:31,334
Duckman, have you been
sticking the caulking gun
398
00:16:31,400 --> 00:16:32,334
up your nose again?
399
00:16:32,400 --> 00:16:33,334
No, I'm serious!
400
00:16:33,400 --> 00:16:34,868
I just turned around
like this...
401
00:16:34,934 --> 00:16:36,667
and when I turned
back, you were...
402
00:16:36,734 --> 00:16:38,434
(gasping)
403
00:16:38,501 --> 00:16:40,133
Corny... you in there?
404
00:16:43,400 --> 00:16:49,801
(wheezing)
405
00:16:52,067 --> 00:16:53,000
(wheezing)
406
00:16:53,067 --> 00:16:54,000
May I help you?
407
00:16:54,067 --> 00:16:56,734
(falsetto shriek)
408
00:16:56,801 --> 00:16:59,367
(shrieking continues)
409
00:16:59,434 --> 00:17:01,868
Listen to that
little fellow scream.
410
00:17:01,934 --> 00:17:02,868
(gulps)
411
00:17:02,934 --> 00:17:04,067
For the last time,
412
00:17:04,133 --> 00:17:06,534
there are no such
things as curses!
413
00:17:06,601 --> 00:17:08,701
There are, however,
such things
414
00:17:08,767 --> 00:17:10,067
as emergency exits.
415
00:17:10,133 --> 00:17:11,734
Perhaps if we split up.
416
00:17:18,834 --> 00:17:21,367
(floorboards creaking)
417
00:17:21,434 --> 00:17:23,567
I don't know about you,
but this place gives me
418
00:17:23,634 --> 00:17:24,901
a first-class case
of the creeps
419
00:17:24,968 --> 00:17:26,868
with a side order
of heebie-jeebies.
420
00:17:26,934 --> 00:17:30,367
I'm telling you,
Corneptitude,
421
00:17:30,434 --> 00:17:32,133
this place
is evil, vile.
422
00:17:32,200 --> 00:17:35,033
It's worse than Bernice's
dirty clothes hamper itself.
423
00:17:35,100 --> 00:17:36,200
Whaaa!
Whaaa!
424
00:17:36,267 --> 00:17:38,200
Shh! I'm scared.
425
00:17:38,267 --> 00:17:39,734
Hold my hand.
426
00:17:39,801 --> 00:17:40,901
Your hand's so soft.
427
00:17:40,968 --> 00:17:42,467
Have you been
moisturizing?
428
00:17:42,534 --> 00:17:45,033
Say...
you're not Rodney.
429
00:17:45,100 --> 00:17:46,100
You're not Cornfed.
430
00:17:46,167 --> 00:17:47,501
I'm over here.
431
00:17:47,567 --> 00:17:49,400
I'm over here.
432
00:17:49,467 --> 00:17:52,334
And I'm right here.
433
00:17:52,400 --> 00:17:55,934
(maniacal laugh)
434
00:17:56,000 --> 00:17:57,467
From the timbre of it's wail,
435
00:17:57,534 --> 00:17:59,901
I'd say it's a phantasm
from the netherworld.
436
00:17:59,968 --> 00:18:01,367
What do you think,
Duckman?
437
00:18:01,434 --> 00:18:03,400
I think I made
in my pants.
438
00:18:03,467 --> 00:18:05,033
But you're not
wearing any...
439
00:18:05,100 --> 00:18:06,767
Ew.
440
00:18:06,834 --> 00:18:10,968
Return the Sharon stone
to its rightful place
441
00:18:11,033 --> 00:18:12,534
or all will die!
442
00:18:12,601 --> 00:18:13,834
Th-th-th... the what?!
443
00:18:13,901 --> 00:18:16,033
I don't know what
you're talking about.
444
00:18:16,100 --> 00:18:17,033
Sure he does.
445
00:18:17,100 --> 00:18:18,033
He does, you know.
446
00:18:18,100 --> 00:18:19,133
Boy, does he ever.
447
00:18:19,200 --> 00:18:20,234
I do not!
448
00:18:20,300 --> 00:18:22,868
In any case,
the curse does not exist.
449
00:18:22,934 --> 00:18:25,868
Ghosts do not exist!
450
00:18:25,934 --> 00:18:28,567
(sinister laughter)
451
00:18:33,300 --> 00:18:35,167
All right, I took it!
452
00:18:35,234 --> 00:18:36,834
I stole the diamond!
453
00:18:36,901 --> 00:18:38,133
(gasping)
454
00:18:38,200 --> 00:18:39,300
Oh, Rodney!
455
00:18:39,367 --> 00:18:40,801
How could you?
456
00:18:40,868 --> 00:18:41,901
How couldn't I?
457
00:18:41,968 --> 00:18:43,801
When those society plumbers
showed up,
458
00:18:43,868 --> 00:18:46,033
I knew they'd make
the perfect patsies
459
00:18:46,100 --> 00:18:48,100
for a crime
we'd already committed.
460
00:18:48,167 --> 00:18:49,167
But now I've put it back,
461
00:18:49,234 --> 00:18:50,434
so everything
can return to normal.
462
00:18:50,501 --> 00:18:51,934
And I'll simply throw on
a fresh ascot
463
00:18:52,000 --> 00:18:53,167
and prepare
for a rousing weekend
464
00:18:53,234 --> 00:18:54,534
of lawn croquet.
465
00:18:56,501 --> 00:18:58,767
I guess there's
no more need for this.
466
00:19:00,801 --> 00:19:02,200
Thanks for the confession.
467
00:19:02,267 --> 00:19:04,968
You mean to tell me
that you were behind everything?
468
00:19:05,033 --> 00:19:06,767
I knew when you put
Duckman in charge
469
00:19:06,834 --> 00:19:08,200
of the diamond's
disappearance,
470
00:19:08,267 --> 00:19:10,300
that you were either stupid,
insane, or criminal,
471
00:19:10,367 --> 00:19:12,834
so while I pretended to go
outside to search the property,
472
00:19:12,901 --> 00:19:14,868
I snuck back in
and rigged up my equipment.
473
00:19:14,934 --> 00:19:16,167
But, Cornectomy,
where'd you come up
474
00:19:16,234 --> 00:19:18,601
with all those weird, Ray
HarryHamlin-type gizmos?
475
00:19:18,667 --> 00:19:20,067
To be honest,
I didn't think
476
00:19:20,133 --> 00:19:21,234
our new, uh, vocation
477
00:19:21,300 --> 00:19:23,300
would be the most lucrative
career path,
478
00:19:23,367 --> 00:19:25,234
so I planned
to supplement my income
479
00:19:25,300 --> 00:19:27,601
by designing fun houses
for amusement parks.
480
00:19:27,667 --> 00:19:30,000
Everything you saw tonight
will be on display
481
00:19:30,067 --> 00:19:32,200
starting in June
at Six Flags over Laughlin.
482
00:19:32,267 --> 00:19:34,100
And the reason you didn't
let me in on the secret
483
00:19:34,167 --> 00:19:35,634
was that you needed
my hysterical weeping
484
00:19:35,701 --> 00:19:36,934
and screaming
and soiling myself
485
00:19:37,000 --> 00:19:39,400
to make the haunting seem
more authentic, right?
486
00:19:39,467 --> 00:19:41,701
Uh... yeah.
487
00:19:41,767 --> 00:19:42,701
(gun being cocked)
488
00:19:42,767 --> 00:19:45,501
Don't roll
the credits yet!
489
00:19:45,567 --> 00:19:47,801
Excellent work, Huntz!
490
00:19:47,868 --> 00:19:49,834
Shut up!
Hands up!
491
00:19:49,901 --> 00:19:51,133
If murdering all of you
492
00:19:51,200 --> 00:19:53,267
is the only way to get
the Sharon stone,
493
00:19:53,334 --> 00:19:55,434
then that's the price
I'll have to pay.
494
00:19:55,501 --> 00:19:58,200
I've worked and slaved
in this house for too long
495
00:19:58,267 --> 00:20:00,067
to watch it all go
down the drain.
496
00:20:00,133 --> 00:20:01,501
"Down the drain"?
497
00:20:01,567 --> 00:20:03,501
Uh... I just remembered...
498
00:20:03,567 --> 00:20:07,334
What? That you left
the water running?
499
00:20:07,400 --> 00:20:08,934
Yes.
500
00:20:11,000 --> 00:20:11,934
Oh...
Oh...
501
00:20:12,000 --> 00:20:12,934
My...
My...
502
00:20:13,000 --> 00:20:13,868
God.
God.
503
00:20:16,567 --> 00:20:17,801
(gasps)
504
00:20:17,868 --> 00:20:19,601
Oh!
505
00:20:19,667 --> 00:20:22,067
(yelling)
506
00:20:27,934 --> 00:20:29,567
(siren wailing)
507
00:20:31,367 --> 00:20:32,634
Thank you, gentlemen.
508
00:20:32,701 --> 00:20:34,868
While you may be
dreadful detectives,
509
00:20:34,934 --> 00:20:36,767
you are
extraordinary plumbers.
510
00:20:36,834 --> 00:20:38,501
For the return
of my diamond,
511
00:20:38,567 --> 00:20:41,200
it is only right
that you receive a reward.
512
00:20:41,267 --> 00:20:43,200
What would you say to...
513
00:20:43,267 --> 00:20:45,534
a delicious box
of doughnuts?
514
00:20:45,601 --> 00:20:47,200
Doughnuts?
Doughnuts?!
515
00:20:47,267 --> 00:20:49,801
At least there's one thing
we can be grateful for:
516
00:20:49,868 --> 00:20:51,434
There's no such thing
as ghosts.
517
00:20:51,501 --> 00:20:55,267
Oooooh!
518
00:20:55,334 --> 00:20:58,200
BOTH:
Ya!
519
00:20:59,267 --> 00:21:01,067
(crashing)
520
00:21:08,467 --> 00:21:09,701
Heh-heh-heh.
521
00:21:09,767 --> 00:21:12,234
The perfect crime.
522
00:21:15,434 --> 00:21:17,767
What the hell
are you staring at?!
523
00:21:17,834 --> 00:21:22,734
(mix of The Simpsons and
Duckman theme songs playing)
524
00:21:28,934 --> 00:21:29,968
DIRECTOR:
Okay, Homer, it's just
525
00:21:30,033 --> 00:21:31,434
"What the hellare you staring at?"
526
00:21:31,501 --> 00:21:33,667
Okay? Take 38.
527
00:21:33,734 --> 00:21:35,033
HOMER: What the hellare you looking at?
528
00:21:35,100 --> 00:21:37,133
I mean staring... D-ohh!
529
00:21:37,200 --> 00:21:40,534
Okay. Good, good, but couldwe try one where you say
530
00:21:40,601 --> 00:21:42,434
"What the hellare you staring at?"
531
00:21:42,501 --> 00:21:43,434
Take...?
ENGINEER:
39.
532
00:21:43,501 --> 00:21:44,901
Thirty-nine.
533
00:21:44,968 --> 00:21:46,501
HOMER:
What the hell areyou looking at?
534
00:21:46,567 --> 00:21:49,767
D-ohh! Staring...at.
535
00:21:49,834 --> 00:21:50,968
Close, very close.
536
00:21:51,033 --> 00:21:54,567
Okay, show 4457,take 40.
537
00:21:54,634 --> 00:21:55,868
What the hell areyou looking at?
538
00:21:55,934 --> 00:21:58,200
D-ohh! Staring.
539
00:21:58,267 --> 00:21:59,367
Terrific!
540
00:22:05,868 --> 00:22:07,567
DUCKMAN AND CORNFED:
Do-ee-ew!
36801
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