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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,900 --> 00:00:04,263 JIMMY: My frame of reference for love has always come from 2 00:00:04,263 --> 00:00:08,296 literature. In my brooding youth, Bronte 3 00:00:08,296 --> 00:00:12,771 encapsulated my viewpoint thusly: "The trouble is not that 4 00:00:12,772 --> 00:00:16,735 I am single and likely to stay single, but that I am lonely and 5 00:00:16,735 --> 00:00:20,860 likely to stay lonely." But as I grew up, my darkening 6 00:00:20,860 --> 00:00:25,800 view was more Shakespeare: "Love is merely a madness and I 7 00:00:25,800 --> 00:00:30,010 tell you, deserves as well a dark house and whip as mad men 8 00:00:30,010 --> 00:00:32,949 do." But now... 9 00:00:32,949 --> 00:00:36,409 now... since you... 10 00:00:36,409 --> 00:00:39,876 to my abject horror, my view on love can best be described by 11 00:00:39,876 --> 00:00:44,820 Nicholas Sparks in The Notebook: "It's not easy... 12 00:00:44,820 --> 00:00:48,142 it's hard... and you have to work at it, 13 00:00:48,142 --> 00:00:52,927 but it's worth it... because I want you... 14 00:00:52,927 --> 00:00:58,527 I want all of you... forever." 15 00:00:58,528 --> 00:01:00,788 Or something like that. 16 00:01:06,255 --> 00:01:08,510 _ 17 00:01:11,070 --> 00:01:12,606 BECCA: No. 18 00:01:27,386 --> 00:01:33,058 I'm gonna leave you anyway I'm gonna leave you anyway 19 00:01:33,058 --> 00:01:35,528 Gonna leave you anyway. 20 00:01:35,528 --> 00:01:40,528 Sync and corrections by explosiveskull www.addic7ed.com 21 00:01:40,816 --> 00:01:41,730 - SAM: I'm here - SHITSTAIN: Uh... uh... uh. 22 00:01:41,730 --> 00:01:43,264 - SAM: I think I saw a deer - HONEY NUTZ: What? 23 00:01:43,264 --> 00:01:44,669 SAM: I'm about to kill the deer 24 00:01:44,669 --> 00:01:45,858 - And get some meat - SHITSTAIN: Uh... uh. 25 00:01:45,858 --> 00:01:46,913 SAM: 'Cause I'm hungry. 26 00:01:46,913 --> 00:01:49,265 - Everybody talking 'bout they homies - SHITSTAIN: What? 27 00:01:49,265 --> 00:01:50,668 SAM: My chain bling, bling! 28 00:01:50,668 --> 00:01:51,855 Now these girls owe me... 29 00:01:51,855 --> 00:01:52,901 (Both sniffling, sighing) 30 00:01:52,901 --> 00:01:53,812 LINDSAY: Tomorrow... 31 00:01:53,812 --> 00:01:55,033 we meet with the flower guy... 32 00:01:55,034 --> 00:01:56,621 then we're tasting cakes, 33 00:01:56,621 --> 00:01:58,420 and then me and, uh... 34 00:01:58,420 --> 00:01:59,821 Ugh...! 35 00:01:59,821 --> 00:02:00,445 GRETCHEN: You don't know your 36 00:02:00,445 --> 00:02:01,609 fianc?'s name? 37 00:02:01,609 --> 00:02:03,310 LINDSAY (Laughs): Of course I 38 00:02:03,310 --> 00:02:05,721 know his... don't be dumb. 39 00:02:05,721 --> 00:02:07,238 Paul! 40 00:02:07,238 --> 00:02:08,409 I'm just wired! 41 00:02:08,409 --> 00:02:09,127 GRETCHEN: Call it off. 42 00:02:09,127 --> 00:02:10,265 LINDSAY: No way! 43 00:02:10,265 --> 00:02:11,826 You should've seen Becca's dumb 44 00:02:11,826 --> 00:02:13,078 face when I told her I was 45 00:02:13,078 --> 00:02:14,576 getting married before her and 46 00:02:14,576 --> 00:02:15,951 mom has never paid me so much 47 00:02:15,951 --> 00:02:16,716 attention. 48 00:02:16,716 --> 00:02:18,644 I should've gotten married when I was 12. 49 00:02:18,644 --> 00:02:20,546 GRETCHEN: All right, you have to promise me something... 50 00:02:20,546 --> 00:02:23,801 cross your tits, hope to die... that even though you're getting 51 00:02:23,801 --> 00:02:27,350 m-m... married... we are gonna keep this party 52 00:02:27,350 --> 00:02:30,401 going, right? 'Cause this is how this starts. 53 00:02:30,401 --> 00:02:32,717 First, you get married, then you get some bullshit job, then you 54 00:02:32,717 --> 00:02:36,392 have kids and then you die. But what you don't know... 55 00:02:36,392 --> 00:02:39,188 is that you were dead the entire time. 56 00:02:39,188 --> 00:02:41,488 LINDSAY: I'm on a lot of drugs right now, can you not 57 00:02:41,489 --> 00:02:43,872 tell me I'm dead? I promise! 58 00:02:43,872 --> 00:02:45,860 I got to go pee. 59 00:02:47,633 --> 00:02:50,067 SAM (Sighs): Ah... How was it? 60 00:02:50,067 --> 00:02:52,060 - ENGINEER: Oh, dope, Sam. - SAM: Not you, bitch. 61 00:02:52,060 --> 00:02:54,560 - ENGINEER: Oh. - SAM: You, bitch! 62 00:02:54,561 --> 00:02:55,897 GRETCHEN: What? Oh, me? 63 00:02:55,897 --> 00:02:57,473 No... I'm just Rick's shitty 64 00:02:57,473 --> 00:02:59,275 - assistant. - SAM: That Harvey 65 00:02:59,275 --> 00:03:03,174 Weinstein-on-antibiotics lookin' nerd couldn't be 66 00:03:03,174 --> 00:03:06,138 bothered to attend the final mix of my first major album?! 67 00:03:06,138 --> 00:03:07,878 GRETCHEN: He sent muffins. 68 00:03:12,575 --> 00:03:15,102 Hey, can I ask you guys something? 69 00:03:15,102 --> 00:03:18,495 Is... that how you normally dress? 70 00:03:18,495 --> 00:03:20,830 SHITSTAIN: What, like, in our regular lives? 71 00:03:20,830 --> 00:03:22,930 Like when we go to the farmer's market? 72 00:03:22,930 --> 00:03:25,021 HONEY NUTZ: Uh... Rick suggested that we cultivate 73 00:03:25,022 --> 00:03:26,948 - a street-look. - GRETCHEN: What do you usually 74 00:03:26,948 --> 00:03:29,234 - look like? - SAM: Annoying, white, skater 75 00:03:29,234 --> 00:03:32,637 - kids from Venice at a rave. - GRETCHEN: Well, then... 76 00:03:32,637 --> 00:03:36,598 I don't know, maybe dress like that. 77 00:03:38,567 --> 00:03:42,327 SAM: Tell Rick he's fired. You're our new publicist. 78 00:03:42,327 --> 00:03:45,856 GRETCHEN: What, me? N-No... I'm not a... (Laughing) 79 00:03:45,856 --> 00:03:48,309 - I'm not looking for a real job. - SAM: Tough shit, bitch! 80 00:03:48,309 --> 00:03:50,194 You in it now. 81 00:03:56,235 --> 00:04:00,899 STEEB: I'm speaking with Jimmy Shive-Overly about his... 82 00:04:00,899 --> 00:04:06,351 pugnacious debut novel, Congratulations, You're Dying. 83 00:04:06,351 --> 00:04:08,667 Tell us about your writing process. 84 00:04:08,667 --> 00:04:11,586 JIMMY: Rage, heartbreak... alcohol. 85 00:04:11,586 --> 00:04:14,100 - STEEB: Heartbreak? - JIMMY: I woke up one day and 86 00:04:14,100 --> 00:04:17,490 found myself happy. It was awful. 87 00:04:17,491 --> 00:04:19,985 STEEB: Mm... Elucidate, please. 88 00:04:19,985 --> 00:04:23,983 JIMMY: The lass eviscerated me, as lasses are wont to do. 89 00:04:23,983 --> 00:04:26,867 That was about a year and a half ago. 90 00:04:26,868 --> 00:04:29,191 Best thing she ever could have done for me. 91 00:04:29,191 --> 00:04:30,734 - STEEB: The book? - JIMMY: Yeah... 92 00:04:30,734 --> 00:04:33,084 'Twas a result of that disemboweling. 93 00:04:33,084 --> 00:04:36,572 It was then I learned the truth of my writing. 94 00:04:36,572 --> 00:04:38,595 - I suck when I'm happy. - STEEB: Mmm! 95 00:04:38,595 --> 00:04:40,692 You have to be miserable to produce? 96 00:04:40,692 --> 00:04:43,137 JIMMY: Oh, I wouldn't say, "miserable," but I'd say 97 00:04:43,137 --> 00:04:47,080 constant horror and bone-deep dissatisfaction is helpful. 98 00:04:47,080 --> 00:04:48,795 - Yeah. - STEEB: You're listening to 99 00:04:48,795 --> 00:04:51,418 Folio. I'm your host, Steeb 100 00:04:51,418 --> 00:04:57,205 Corniglia, here with the puissant Jimmy Shive-Overly. 101 00:04:57,205 --> 00:05:01,521 Jimmy, it seems to me endemic in your work, that the parental 102 00:05:01,522 --> 00:05:06,808 characters obfuscate by playing almost prosaic arpeggios on the 103 00:05:06,808 --> 00:05:10,521 - central motif. - JIMMY: I'm glad you picked up 104 00:05:10,521 --> 00:05:13,578 - on that. - STEEB: Mmm... 105 00:05:13,578 --> 00:05:14,542 _ 106 00:05:17,016 --> 00:05:21,536 EDGAR: How scary is America now... bitch?! 107 00:05:30,634 --> 00:05:33,175 Jimmy! Jimmy? 108 00:05:33,175 --> 00:05:34,712 JIMMY: I don't have any change, I don't have any change! 109 00:05:34,713 --> 00:05:37,806 EDGAR: What? No. 110 00:05:37,806 --> 00:05:41,669 - It's Edgar. - JIMMY: I used to buy weed 111 00:05:41,669 --> 00:05:43,881 - from you. - EDGAR: That's me. 112 00:05:43,881 --> 00:05:47,031 - JIMMY: Get off me! - EDGAR: How's it going? 113 00:05:47,031 --> 00:05:49,579 JIMMY: Yeah, great. I just got done doing a, uh, 114 00:05:49,579 --> 00:05:53,423 - radio show about my new novel. - EDGAR: That's awesome. 115 00:05:53,423 --> 00:05:55,833 - I'm happy for you. - JIMMY: Thanks. 116 00:05:55,834 --> 00:05:57,881 - EDGAR: Yeah. - JIMMY: You don't look so 117 00:05:57,881 --> 00:06:00,556 good. Here, I got something for you. 118 00:06:03,579 --> 00:06:07,415 Free of charge. I'll even sign it. 119 00:06:09,752 --> 00:06:12,090 - So what's the latest? - EDGAR: Actually, I got home 120 00:06:12,090 --> 00:06:14,773 from Iraq and things have been... 121 00:06:14,774 --> 00:06:18,081 sort of hard, in terms of adjusting. 122 00:06:18,081 --> 00:06:21,675 - And homelessness. - JIMMY: Well, hey, if things 123 00:06:21,675 --> 00:06:24,976 ever get really dire, I've got this chaise on my deck, you 124 00:06:24,976 --> 00:06:25,973 could always sleep there for a night. 125 00:06:25,973 --> 00:06:27,276 EDGAR: Awesome. Could, sh-should we, sh-should 126 00:06:27,276 --> 00:06:29,436 - we go now or...? - JIMMY: Right, so if... 127 00:06:29,436 --> 00:06:33,527 things ever get really dire, the publisher's e-mail's in the back 128 00:06:33,528 --> 00:06:36,111 of the book. All right, bye. 129 00:06:39,715 --> 00:06:42,595 You son of a... bitch! 130 00:06:44,422 --> 00:06:47,395 (Photographers clamoring) 131 00:06:57,439 --> 00:07:00,531 INTERVIEWER: Sam! Sam, Sam. Hey. 132 00:07:00,531 --> 00:07:03,137 You guys recorded a song for the soundtrack, correct? 133 00:07:03,137 --> 00:07:07,097 SAM: I don't know. Is it a song? 134 00:07:07,097 --> 00:07:09,488 INTERVIEWER: Right! Well, what do you make of the 135 00:07:09,488 --> 00:07:11,623 themes of the movie? I mean, it is at it's heart, 136 00:07:11,623 --> 00:07:14,221 - a war movie. - SAM: Oh. 137 00:07:14,221 --> 00:07:17,347 Is that the theme...? 138 00:07:21,980 --> 00:07:25,032 - INTERVIEWER: Thanks. - GRETCHEN: The guys are so 139 00:07:25,032 --> 00:07:28,606 excited to have contributed to such an esteemed director's film 140 00:07:28,607 --> 00:07:30,434 and... you know where I'm going with this. 141 00:07:30,434 --> 00:07:33,527 - Just finish the quote for me. - (Ty clears throat) 142 00:07:33,527 --> 00:07:37,766 TY: Ty Wyland. The director. 143 00:07:37,766 --> 00:07:39,051 That you were just talking about. 144 00:07:39,051 --> 00:07:40,511 GRETCHEN: Where'd you get the drink? 145 00:07:40,511 --> 00:07:42,876 (Ty laughs wryly) TY: I'll show you if you 146 00:07:42,876 --> 00:07:45,049 agree to get dinner with me sometime. 147 00:07:45,049 --> 00:07:48,181 GRETCHEN: Yeah... dating's not really my thing. 148 00:07:48,181 --> 00:07:51,330 TY: Good. Me neither. So I'll call you in a couple 149 00:07:51,330 --> 00:07:53,765 weeks? Heading to India for a 150 00:07:53,765 --> 00:07:57,083 - little bit. - GRETCHEN: Okay. 151 00:07:57,083 --> 00:07:59,629 - I warned you. - NESTOR: I'll call you. 152 00:08:09,778 --> 00:08:14,614 GRETCHEN: Listen, Nestor, I am flattered, but I've been kind 153 00:08:14,614 --> 00:08:16,635 of seeing someone for about a year now. 154 00:08:16,635 --> 00:08:19,525 I'm actually on my way to his house right now. 155 00:08:19,525 --> 00:08:22,847 So I won't be coming over to your hotel. 156 00:08:22,847 --> 00:08:27,185 But, trust me, the guys are over the moon about the photo 157 00:08:27,185 --> 00:08:30,326 shoot. You are their favorite 158 00:08:30,326 --> 00:08:35,432 photographer by miles. Mm-hmm. 159 00:08:35,433 --> 00:08:38,202 Ciao. (Turns up volume) 160 00:08:38,202 --> 00:08:40,641 161 00:08:44,895 --> 00:08:51,553 _ 162 00:08:51,553 --> 00:08:53,466 - (Phone chimes) - GRETCHEN: Seriously? 163 00:08:53,466 --> 00:08:56,740 Dude, I'm on my way to your house. 164 00:08:56,740 --> 00:09:01,397 _ 165 00:09:01,397 --> 00:09:05,272 _ 166 00:09:05,272 --> 00:09:09,347 Aw, shit. Shit! 167 00:09:09,347 --> 00:09:13,135 - Shit. - (Dog barking in distance) 168 00:09:15,594 --> 00:09:17,545 (Clanking, scraping) 169 00:09:29,758 --> 00:09:31,298 (Indistinct police radio communication) 170 00:09:31,298 --> 00:09:33,577 GRETCHEN: Shit. 171 00:09:35,197 --> 00:09:38,615 JIMMY: It's been a year! Where the hell are my royalties? 172 00:09:38,615 --> 00:09:41,139 Because I need them to live off of. 173 00:09:41,139 --> 00:09:45,288 Yes, I know Junot D?az writes for Esquire, but I am a 174 00:09:45,288 --> 00:09:48,511 novelist. Yeah, I'm-I'm working on the 175 00:09:48,511 --> 00:09:51,371 follow-up, but it's-it's slow going and... 176 00:09:51,372 --> 00:09:55,503 - I'll talk to you later. - EDGAR: I'm nervous, Jimmy. 177 00:09:55,503 --> 00:09:59,440 I-I haven't been to a big social event since I've been back. 178 00:09:59,440 --> 00:10:01,011 Are you sure they know I'm coming? 179 00:10:01,011 --> 00:10:04,949 - JIMMY: Yes. Get in. - EDGAR: Are you sure... it's 180 00:10:04,949 --> 00:10:07,493 - even a good idea that you go? - JIMMY: What's the worst I 181 00:10:07,493 --> 00:10:10,075 - could do? - EDGAR: Okay. Fine. 182 00:10:10,075 --> 00:10:12,416 JIMMY: No, seriously, what is the worst I could do? 183 00:10:12,416 --> 00:10:14,998 I've been up all night working on my list of ways to ruin their 184 00:10:14,998 --> 00:10:16,849 wedding. I keep getting stuck around 185 00:10:16,849 --> 00:10:19,511 "Seduce the groom's mother." 186 00:10:22,077 --> 00:10:24,977 KILLIAN: Hi, new neighbors! Hi! 187 00:10:24,977 --> 00:10:26,167 Hello! 188 00:10:38,093 --> 00:10:41,159 LINDSAY: Were the other jail girls mean? 189 00:10:41,159 --> 00:10:43,049 Did any of them try to make out with you? 190 00:10:43,050 --> 00:10:45,972 GRETCHEN: No. But one girl kept some pretty 191 00:10:45,972 --> 00:10:48,866 strong eye contact with me while she was on the toilet. 192 00:10:49,138 --> 00:10:51,922 PAUL: Well, we should v?monos, se?oritas. 193 00:10:51,922 --> 00:10:53,754 GRETCHEN: What'd you get them, anyway? 194 00:10:53,754 --> 00:10:56,199 - LINDSAY: A food processor. - GRETCHEN: (Scoffs) I don't 195 00:10:56,199 --> 00:10:58,927 get it. Why does everyone feel the need 196 00:10:58,927 --> 00:11:02,549 to have these things, these, like, symbols of adulthood? 197 00:11:02,549 --> 00:11:06,186 Like, a food processor? Why do you need this stuff? 198 00:11:06,187 --> 00:11:08,290 PAUL: That's an interesting question. 199 00:11:08,290 --> 00:11:12,964 I think, maybe, it means you're investing in your future. 200 00:11:12,964 --> 00:11:16,760 You may not use it every day or even very often at all, but 201 00:11:16,760 --> 00:11:22,115 knowing that at any moment you could make pesto without having 202 00:11:22,115 --> 00:11:26,524 to borrow a friend's or improvise some lesser method, 203 00:11:26,524 --> 00:11:31,968 that knowledge, that possibility, makes you an adult. 204 00:11:31,968 --> 00:11:35,021 LINDSAY: Plus, this one, it's, like, one level worse than 205 00:11:35,021 --> 00:11:37,532 ours, so Becca can never beat me. 206 00:11:37,532 --> 00:11:39,163 Bitch. 207 00:11:39,954 --> 00:11:41,967 208 00:11:41,967 --> 00:11:45,985 MAN: Mm-hmm, hmm, hmm Yeah 209 00:11:45,985 --> 00:11:48,772 - Aw, yeah... - WEDDING COORDINATOR: I'm 210 00:11:48,772 --> 00:11:50,634 sorry, Jimmy. You didn't include a name for 211 00:11:50,634 --> 00:11:52,584 your plus-one so we didn't hold the space. 212 00:11:52,584 --> 00:11:55,845 EDGAR: Jim-Jim... Um, I-I could help serve food 213 00:11:55,845 --> 00:11:57,551 - or... - JIMMY: I put in two years 214 00:11:57,551 --> 00:12:00,738 penetrating the bride at least thrice weekly. 215 00:12:00,739 --> 00:12:03,025 - I deserve to have a friend here. - WEDDING COORDINATOR: I'll see 216 00:12:03,025 --> 00:12:04,611 what I can do. 217 00:12:06,706 --> 00:12:08,608 _ 218 00:12:08,608 --> 00:12:13,852 - PAUL: Hey, Jimmy. - JIMMY: Sorry, have we met? 219 00:12:13,852 --> 00:12:16,029 PAUL: Okay. I get it. 220 00:12:16,029 --> 00:12:18,409 Shut the door on the former life. 221 00:12:18,409 --> 00:12:20,790 I think it's very brave of you to have come. 222 00:12:20,790 --> 00:12:25,239 JIMMY: Mmm. Thanks. You. 223 00:12:31,106 --> 00:12:33,046 WEDDING COORDINATOR: Okay, I found you a seat. 224 00:12:33,046 --> 00:12:36,662 GRETCHEN: One day all my L.A. friends were married, with 225 00:12:36,662 --> 00:12:39,517 houses and adult jobs, Instagramming every time they 226 00:12:39,517 --> 00:12:42,380 went to the ArcLight. So, basically, there's nothing 227 00:12:42,380 --> 00:12:44,221 keeping me here. And I figured if I want to move 228 00:12:44,222 --> 00:12:46,580 to New York, where I still have friends who aren't collecting 229 00:12:46,580 --> 00:12:49,462 their eggs in petri dishes, why not? 230 00:12:49,462 --> 00:12:50,748 BARTENDER: So you don't want the drink? 231 00:12:50,748 --> 00:12:53,936 GRETCHEN: So I am moving tomorrow. 232 00:12:53,936 --> 00:12:56,571 To New York. I'm not even gonna say good-bye 233 00:12:56,571 --> 00:12:58,501 to anyone. I hate good-byes. 234 00:12:58,501 --> 00:13:00,312 BARTENDER: Leaving a whole city Irish, huh? 235 00:13:00,312 --> 00:13:02,970 - That's hardcore. - GRETCHEN: Hey, what do you 236 00:13:02,970 --> 00:13:05,498 think a nice food processor goes for? 237 00:13:05,498 --> 00:13:07,496 BARTENDER: I don't know. 400, 500 bucks? 238 00:13:07,496 --> 00:13:10,101 GRETCHEN: Seriously? Sweet. 239 00:13:17,252 --> 00:13:20,322 EDGAR: So, uh, are you all... you all gonna have the nuggets 240 00:13:20,322 --> 00:13:24,191 or-or the mac and cheese? I can't decide. 241 00:13:24,191 --> 00:13:27,478 (Clears throat) So, what do you do? 242 00:13:27,478 --> 00:13:31,221 - GIRL: I'm a child. - EDGAR: Cool. 243 00:13:31,221 --> 00:13:34,948 Are we getting together after or... 244 00:13:34,948 --> 00:13:36,600 Cheers. 245 00:13:41,758 --> 00:13:44,579 JIMMY: No, you're right. This day isn't about me, is it? 246 00:13:44,579 --> 00:13:45,324 BECCA: What were you gonna say? 247 00:13:45,324 --> 00:13:47,996 - JIMMY: Forget it. - BECCA: No, I'm serious. 248 00:13:47,996 --> 00:13:50,924 I really want to know what does the brilliant Jimmy 249 00:13:50,924 --> 00:13:53,692 Shive-Overly think about me! 250 00:13:55,711 --> 00:13:57,030 - (Anxious laugh) - JIMMY: I'm not one for 251 00:13:57,030 --> 00:14:00,852 psychic thought or oracles, but, Rebecca... 252 00:14:00,852 --> 00:14:04,640 (Quietly): you and I have not made love for the last time. 253 00:14:07,720 --> 00:14:11,877 - VERNON: Hey! - (Becca crying) 254 00:14:13,744 --> 00:14:18,247 PAUL: ...and, Vernon, to you, I just want to say, 255 00:14:18,247 --> 00:14:22,013 "Welcome to the family. It gets better." 256 00:14:22,013 --> 00:14:24,393 VERNON: (Chuckles) What a dork. 257 00:14:24,393 --> 00:14:25,355 BECCA: I can't believe it 258 00:14:25,355 --> 00:14:26,746 took them two months to edit our 259 00:14:26,746 --> 00:14:27,893 wedding video. 260 00:14:27,893 --> 00:14:28,649 VERNON: Dave did it for free. 261 00:14:28,649 --> 00:14:29,315 BECCA: Yeah, well, you get 262 00:14:29,315 --> 00:14:30,342 what you pay for. 263 00:14:30,343 --> 00:14:33,173 Oh, I talked to Aunt Helen. She insists she got us a 264 00:14:33,173 --> 00:14:35,074 blender. You don't have to get us a 265 00:14:35,074 --> 00:14:36,754 wedding gift, but don't lie about it. 266 00:14:36,754 --> 00:14:38,849 LINDSAY: Um, anyway, I love you so much. 267 00:14:38,849 --> 00:14:43,902 And, remember, there is no shame whatsoever in getting married 268 00:14:43,903 --> 00:14:46,211 two years after your little sister. 269 00:14:46,211 --> 00:14:48,443 Siblings mature at different rates. 270 00:14:48,443 --> 00:14:50,351 - (Vernon laughs) - BECCA: What a cooze. 271 00:14:50,351 --> 00:14:53,383 VERNON: Paul, did you hear? Jimmy took a photo of his dingus 272 00:14:53,383 --> 00:14:55,376 on every one of our disposable cameras. 273 00:14:55,376 --> 00:14:56,526 - PAUL: Seriously? - VERNON: Yeah. 274 00:14:56,526 --> 00:14:59,600 What a classic heckle. Becca recognized it on account 275 00:14:59,600 --> 00:15:02,164 of it having been in her mouth so much. 276 00:15:05,833 --> 00:15:07,894 PAUL: Did you hear? They broke up. 277 00:15:07,894 --> 00:15:09,748 VERNON: Who? Jimmy and Gretchen? No. 278 00:15:09,748 --> 00:15:11,203 - BECCA: What? - PAUL: Yeah. 279 00:15:11,203 --> 00:15:15,439 Gretchen's really upset. I can't say I'm that surprised. 280 00:15:15,439 --> 00:15:17,734 - They're both quite spirited. - VERNON: Wow. 281 00:15:17,734 --> 00:15:20,348 That's a bummer. I should call him. 282 00:15:20,348 --> 00:15:22,370 He's probably waiting to hear from me. 283 00:15:22,370 --> 00:15:24,466 - Let me get one of those? - BECCA: These are pretty 284 00:15:24,466 --> 00:15:26,071 expensive. 285 00:15:37,596 --> 00:15:41,599 JIMMY: Superman is aware that kryptonite is his kryptonite, 286 00:15:41,599 --> 00:15:43,631 and he keeps getting mixed up with it anyway. 287 00:15:43,631 --> 00:15:47,696 Women, romantic happiness, is my kryptonite. 288 00:15:47,696 --> 00:15:50,872 I got complacent being with Becca and produced shit-all. 289 00:15:50,872 --> 00:15:53,075 And the minute she left me twisting up on that hill with 290 00:15:53,075 --> 00:15:56,407 that ring... Bam, the book came to me. 291 00:15:56,407 --> 00:15:59,858 Whole cloth. And then... then I did it again. 292 00:15:59,858 --> 00:16:03,810 At that selfsame succubi's wedding, no less. 293 00:16:03,810 --> 00:16:07,221 And, no doubt, my work suffered being with Gretchen. 294 00:16:07,221 --> 00:16:11,821 And now, having broken up with her is guaranteed to release 295 00:16:11,821 --> 00:16:15,208 the words. In fact, I can feel all my 296 00:16:15,208 --> 00:16:18,707 creative juices returning to me already. 297 00:16:19,693 --> 00:16:22,818 I wouldn't be surprised if I started playing guitar again. 298 00:16:22,818 --> 00:16:26,387 Nope. Would not be surprised at all. 299 00:16:27,033 --> 00:16:32,375 Cheers, mate. This is normally where you make 300 00:16:32,375 --> 00:16:35,346 a weird non sequitur and I chastise you and continue 301 00:16:35,346 --> 00:16:37,001 - talking. - EDGAR: Yeah, well, with 302 00:16:37,001 --> 00:16:40,032 Gretchen, you've been actually kind of fun to be around, but 303 00:16:40,032 --> 00:16:42,415 if you're telling me that we're going back to you being a 304 00:16:42,415 --> 00:16:45,784 hundred percent dick so that you can write another stupid book I 305 00:16:45,784 --> 00:16:49,412 won't read? (Scoffs) Uh-uh. 306 00:16:49,412 --> 00:16:50,918 - Unsubscribe. - JIMMY: Whoa, what are you 307 00:16:50,918 --> 00:16:52,975 doing? You never pay for drinks. 308 00:16:52,975 --> 00:16:55,012 EDGAR: I'm done owing you stuff, Jimmy. 309 00:16:55,012 --> 00:16:56,569 - JIMMY: Oh, sit down, man. - EDGAR: Don't tell me what to 310 00:16:56,569 --> 00:16:58,137 do. You don't get to tell me what to 311 00:16:58,137 --> 00:17:01,507 - do anymore! - JIMMY: It's PTSD. 312 00:17:01,507 --> 00:17:03,431 - He's all right, he's fine. - EDGAR: You know that night 313 00:17:03,431 --> 00:17:06,881 you met Gretchen? Do you remember how nervous I 314 00:17:06,881 --> 00:17:11,988 was to go to Becca's wedding? How crowds freak me out? 315 00:17:11,988 --> 00:17:13,466 JIMMY: That was a lifetime ago. 316 00:17:13,466 --> 00:17:17,270 EDGAR: It was two months ago. You brought me as a prop 317 00:17:17,270 --> 00:17:21,385 and then forgot about me. I had to sit with a bunch of 318 00:17:21,385 --> 00:17:24,075 very condescending and unfriendly children who wouldn't 319 00:17:24,075 --> 00:17:26,983 even invite me to the after party. 320 00:17:26,983 --> 00:17:30,162 I'm going to get my stuff. I'll leave the keys on 321 00:17:30,162 --> 00:17:32,048 - the table. - JIMMY: Wait. 322 00:17:36,105 --> 00:17:40,347 - You didn't read my book? - EDGAR: No way. 323 00:17:40,347 --> 00:17:43,281 - It looked crazy boring. - JIMMY: Well, fine, go. 324 00:17:43,281 --> 00:17:48,209 You're only helping me. Now I'm even... even more alone. 325 00:17:49,954 --> 00:17:51,779 VERNON: Hey, I got something for you. 326 00:17:51,779 --> 00:17:52,480 - PAUL: What? - (Farts) 327 00:17:52,480 --> 00:17:54,974 - PAUL: Oh! - VERNON: That's for you. 328 00:17:54,974 --> 00:17:57,587 It's a gift, right from the heart. 329 00:18:02,791 --> 00:18:07,463 - PAUL: Ugh. - (Car door shuts, engine starts) 330 00:18:10,511 --> 00:18:14,038 VERNON: She left. Huh. Bitches be trippin'. 331 00:18:14,038 --> 00:18:15,891 Speaking of bitches, where'd you say Lindsay was? 332 00:18:15,891 --> 00:18:18,357 PAUL: Comforting Gretchen after the breakup. 333 00:18:18,357 --> 00:18:20,672 - Still. - VERNON: Sweet. 334 00:18:20,672 --> 00:18:22,922 Let's bust open some scotch and get dumb. 335 00:18:22,922 --> 00:18:26,602 PAUL: I really shouldn't. And didn't you say you have 336 00:18:26,602 --> 00:18:28,792 - surgery in the morning? - VERNON: Come on, Paul. 337 00:18:28,792 --> 00:18:30,588 - Don't be such a fa... - SAM: Part scorpion 338 00:18:30,588 --> 00:18:31,926 - SINGERS: Uh-huh - SAM: Part accordion 339 00:18:31,926 --> 00:18:33,406 - SINGERS: Uh-huh - SAM: Lord, according to Tom 340 00:18:33,406 --> 00:18:35,029 - Ford, I'm born again - (Honey Nutz and Shitstain whoop) 341 00:18:35,029 --> 00:18:37,418 SAM: I'm a cash box drippin' full of fives and tens 342 00:18:37,418 --> 00:18:39,403 I'm the sarcophagus, the parasites, so put me in 343 00:18:39,403 --> 00:18:40,512 - SHITSTAIN: Let's go! - HONEY NUTZ: You in the 344 00:18:40,512 --> 00:18:43,681 Thunderdome, son, with the young one writin' a blank check like 345 00:18:43,681 --> 00:18:45,979 - If my name was Young Gun - SHITSTAIN: Pass the iced 346 00:18:45,979 --> 00:18:49,677 tea, I'm parched, Middlemarch, cookie fart, false start, 347 00:18:49,677 --> 00:18:51,302 - All parched... - (Whoops) 348 00:18:52,049 --> 00:18:54,140 - (Both snorting) - LINDSAY: Marriage is such 349 00:18:54,140 --> 00:18:57,085 bullshit. Why didn't you warn me? 350 00:18:57,085 --> 00:18:59,928 GRETCHEN: The morning of your wedding, I said, "Lindsay, don't 351 00:18:59,928 --> 00:19:03,386 - do this." - LINDSAY: The girls are back. 352 00:19:03,386 --> 00:19:07,576 GRETCHEN: Oh, thank God. I never told you... I was gonna 353 00:19:07,576 --> 00:19:09,319 move to New York after Becca's wedding. 354 00:19:09,319 --> 00:19:10,626 - LINDSAY: What? - GRETCHEN: Yeah. 355 00:19:10,626 --> 00:19:14,569 I was like, "Everyone's getting so serious about everything. 356 00:19:14,569 --> 00:19:19,230 Ooh, my marriage, my career, I have groceries." 357 00:19:19,230 --> 00:19:22,572 I was like, "Nothing's keeping me here, let's go." 358 00:19:22,572 --> 00:19:25,228 - LINDSAY: Okay. - GRETCHEN: Okay what? 359 00:19:25,228 --> 00:19:27,475 LINDSAY: Let's go. Let's go. 360 00:19:27,475 --> 00:19:29,907 Gretchen, nothing's keeping me here, either. 361 00:19:29,907 --> 00:19:31,999 - GRETCHEN: Lindsay. - LINDSAY: Think about it. 362 00:19:31,999 --> 00:19:36,181 We can do drugs and go to weird Puerto Rican dance halls and 363 00:19:36,181 --> 00:19:39,288 take so much New York dick that our pussies start talking like, 364 00:19:39,288 --> 00:19:42,198 (New York accent): "Oh, another one... fuggedaboutit." 365 00:19:42,198 --> 00:19:45,013 But they won't forget about it, Gretch, because we're just that 366 00:19:45,013 --> 00:19:46,777 - memorable. - GRETCHEN: How much blow have 367 00:19:46,777 --> 00:19:48,709 - you done? - LINDSAY: Oh, my God, I'm so 368 00:19:48,709 --> 00:19:51,724 excited about this plan that I have to pee. 369 00:19:52,361 --> 00:19:54,783 (Sam whoops, laughs) 370 00:19:57,366 --> 00:20:00,189 SAM: Yo, what the hell are you doing? 371 00:20:00,189 --> 00:20:03,421 - GRETCHEN: Partying, what? - SAM: This is where we work. 372 00:20:03,421 --> 00:20:06,108 GRETCHEN: Come on. This is where you do drugs 373 00:20:06,108 --> 00:20:08,575 and make up nonsense into the mic. 374 00:20:11,468 --> 00:20:16,202 SAM: You know, you were actually a pretty good PR rep, 375 00:20:16,202 --> 00:20:19,585 there. But lately, your ass has been 376 00:20:19,585 --> 00:20:22,396 tragic. If Rick hadn't died in that 377 00:20:22,396 --> 00:20:27,299 Jet Ski accident his ass would be replacing you right now. 378 00:20:27,300 --> 00:20:29,125 GRETCHEN: You do the same dumb stuff I do. 379 00:20:29,125 --> 00:20:32,546 SAM: Bitch, I am 21. You're 30. 380 00:20:33,622 --> 00:20:35,905 LINDSAY: Hey, blood... (Giggles) 381 00:20:35,905 --> 00:20:37,618 Should we live in a studio in New York? 382 00:20:37,618 --> 00:20:40,142 If we bang the same guys we only need one bed. 383 00:20:40,142 --> 00:20:44,009 - Gretch, do coke off my titties. - GRETCHEN: I... I'm gonna go 384 00:20:44,009 --> 00:20:45,808 - home. - LINDSAY: With who, Shitstain? 385 00:20:45,808 --> 00:20:49,917 - 'Cause I'll take the other one. - GRETCHEN: No, alone. 386 00:20:49,917 --> 00:20:53,857 This feels like someone else. I don't know. 387 00:20:53,857 --> 00:20:55,985 I'm sorry. I'm gonna go home, I'm gonna 388 00:20:55,985 --> 00:20:58,491 take a shower and I'm gonna figure out what I'm gonna do 389 00:20:58,491 --> 00:21:00,653 with my life. Maybe you should, too. 390 00:21:00,654 --> 00:21:02,482 LINDSAY: Are you goddamn kidding me? 391 00:21:02,482 --> 00:21:06,561 You always give me shit for being married and now I'm 392 00:21:06,561 --> 00:21:08,850 cheating on my husband and you bail? 393 00:21:08,850 --> 00:21:12,104 You always bail on me, and I'm sick of it. 394 00:21:12,104 --> 00:21:15,536 GRETCHEN: I can only help myself, Linds, sorry. 395 00:21:15,536 --> 00:21:18,127 LINDSAY: Fine! I don't need you! 396 00:21:18,127 --> 00:21:20,046 You watch! 397 00:21:22,550 --> 00:21:23,727 (Inhaling) 398 00:21:26,250 --> 00:21:30,686 JIMMY: Come on. Shit. 399 00:21:30,686 --> 00:21:32,123 (Knocking on door) 400 00:21:35,297 --> 00:21:38,306 BECCA: Well, you were right, Jimmy. 401 00:21:38,306 --> 00:21:41,870 - Here I am. - JIMMY: Sorry? 402 00:21:41,870 --> 00:21:44,636 BECCA: Your prediction. At the wedding. 403 00:21:44,636 --> 00:21:46,316 JIMMY: What are you talking about? 404 00:21:47,935 --> 00:21:51,428 BECCA: "You and I have not made love for the last time." 405 00:21:51,428 --> 00:21:53,232 JIMMY: Why would you say that? 406 00:21:53,232 --> 00:21:56,181 BECCA: No, you said that. At my wedding. 407 00:21:56,181 --> 00:21:59,481 JIMMY: I did? Well, that was quite a heckle. 408 00:21:59,481 --> 00:22:01,382 BECCA: Oh, shut up. Come on, let's go. 409 00:22:01,382 --> 00:22:04,123 JIMMY: Becca, please... What are you doing? 410 00:22:04,123 --> 00:22:07,708 BECCA: Is this a joke? Are you not gonna have sex 411 00:22:07,708 --> 00:22:11,950 - with me? - JIMMY: Becca, you're married. 412 00:22:11,950 --> 00:22:14,825 BECCA: Oh, my God. You are a sociopath. 413 00:22:14,825 --> 00:22:18,738 I should've known. I-Is my entire life just a game 414 00:22:18,738 --> 00:22:19,921 - to you? - JIMMY: Becca, please, why 415 00:22:19,921 --> 00:22:22,367 don't you just go home? Get some sleep. 416 00:22:22,367 --> 00:22:26,575 - You look tired. - BECCA: Oh, my God, are you... 417 00:22:32,271 --> 00:22:34,156 418 00:22:34,156 --> 00:22:38,367 (Cat meows) (Purring) 419 00:22:51,256 --> 00:22:52,495 (Jimmy blows air) 420 00:22:57,691 --> 00:23:03,586 JIMMY: You and I... (Humming) 421 00:23:03,586 --> 00:23:10,255 Something, fly... Do, do, do 422 00:23:10,255 --> 00:23:16,368 With love for-for... Y-You 423 00:23:16,368 --> 00:23:26,061 I want to fly (Off-key): I want to fly 424 00:23:26,061 --> 00:23:29,795 Fly-y... 425 00:23:29,795 --> 00:23:35,720 Bom, bom, bom... 426 00:23:35,720 --> 00:23:40,103 Dun, dun Back, back, back... 427 00:23:40,103 --> 00:23:43,846 Home. 428 00:23:46,490 --> 00:23:51,490 Sync and corrections by explosiveskull www.addic7ed.com 429 00:23:51,540 --> 00:23:56,090 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 34451

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