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1
00:00:03,395 --> 00:00:06,396
Okay, what nationality
was "Chop-in"?
2
00:00:06,598 --> 00:00:07,931
(quietly): - Chopin.
- What the hell is that?
3
00:00:08,100 --> 00:00:08,932
Piano guy.
4
00:00:09,601 --> 00:00:11,351
Ew.
Just guess a country.
5
00:00:11,570 --> 00:00:12,569
Whatever.
6
00:00:12,771 --> 00:00:13,653
Delaware.
7
00:00:13,855 --> 00:00:14,771
Delaware's a state.
8
00:00:14,940 --> 00:00:16,606
(groans)
State, country.
9
00:00:16,775 --> 00:00:17,490
(gasps)
Ooh!
10
00:00:17,693 --> 00:00:18,408
Europe.
11
00:00:18,610 --> 00:00:19,492
"Pol-ish."
12
00:00:19,695 --> 00:00:20,744
What's "pol-ish"?
13
00:00:20,946 --> 00:00:21,778
Polish.
14
00:00:21,997 --> 00:00:23,413
It's where Poles are from.
15
00:00:23,615 --> 00:00:24,614
You'd love it there, Lindsers.
16
00:00:24,833 --> 00:00:25,782
(giggles)
17
00:00:25,951 --> 00:00:28,251
Sport and leisure.
18
00:00:28,453 --> 00:00:29,869
What's the first letter
on the typewriter?
19
00:00:30,088 --> 00:00:30,787
(scoffs)
A.
20
00:00:30,956 --> 00:00:32,622
- Wrong. Q.
- Q?
21
00:00:32,841 --> 00:00:33,623
Q? Q?
22
00:00:33,842 --> 00:00:34,624
Why Q?
23
00:00:34,843 --> 00:00:35,625
It just says "Q."
24
00:00:35,794 --> 00:00:36,793
Why would Q be first?
25
00:00:36,962 --> 00:00:38,628
Barely any words use Q's.
26
00:00:38,847 --> 00:00:41,264
Q's are like
the elbows of letters.
27
00:00:41,466 --> 00:00:42,549
What does that mean?
28
00:00:42,768 --> 00:00:43,933
(laughs)
You're so funny.
29
00:00:44,136 --> 00:00:44,968
It should totally be A.
30
00:00:45,187 --> 00:00:46,219
Yeah!
31
00:00:46,438 --> 00:00:47,220
I should get a pie.
32
00:00:47,439 --> 00:00:48,271
(gasps)
I want a pie!
33
00:00:48,473 --> 00:00:49,389
Here.
34
00:00:49,608 --> 00:00:51,391
Oh.
35
00:00:51,610 --> 00:00:52,809
You thought we meant real pie,
didn't you?
36
00:00:52,978 --> 00:00:55,278
Want a pie?
I can make you a pie.
37
00:00:55,480 --> 00:00:56,646
Oh, Edgar.
(laughs)
38
00:00:56,865 --> 00:00:59,482
You don't have to make me
a coconut cream pie.
39
00:00:59,701 --> 00:01:01,034
Then you'd have to go
to the store for me
40
00:01:01,236 --> 00:01:04,237
and also buy me ice cream
and tampons why you're there.
41
00:01:05,874 --> 00:01:08,458
I am learning so much
from this game.
42
00:01:08,660 --> 00:01:10,326
That the National
Air and Space Museum
43
00:01:10,545 --> 00:01:12,412
isn't named after some guy
named Aaron Space?
44
00:01:12,631 --> 00:01:13,496
No.
45
00:01:13,715 --> 00:01:15,882
That Edgar will
do things for me.
46
00:01:16,084 --> 00:01:17,167
Ever since I owned the mic
47
00:01:17,386 --> 00:01:18,668
at Becca's stupid
surprise baby party,
48
00:01:18,837 --> 00:01:20,387
he's been riding my jock hard.
49
00:01:20,589 --> 00:01:21,337
You did what now?
50
00:01:21,556 --> 00:01:22,722
I sang Kate Bush.
51
00:01:22,924 --> 00:01:24,224
It was crazy.
52
00:01:24,426 --> 00:01:25,759
Just preheating the oven.
53
00:01:25,977 --> 00:01:27,761
- You're sweet!
- My turn.
54
00:01:27,979 --> 00:01:29,562
Oh, my God!
Are you not done?
55
00:01:29,765 --> 00:01:31,231
Science and nature.
56
00:01:31,433 --> 00:01:33,650
Who was the first man
in space?
57
00:01:33,852 --> 00:01:34,517
Easy.
58
00:01:34,686 --> 00:01:35,769
Hmm.
59
00:01:35,987 --> 00:01:37,520
Let me see.
60
00:01:37,689 --> 00:01:39,773
I know Louis Armstrong.
61
00:01:39,991 --> 00:01:41,775
Buzz Lightyear?
62
00:01:41,993 --> 00:01:44,527
The name Kurt Loder
is coming to mind.
63
00:01:44,746 --> 00:01:45,912
That does sound familiar.
64
00:01:46,114 --> 00:01:47,197
Yuri Gagarin!
65
00:01:47,416 --> 00:01:49,699
It's Yuri Gagarin.
66
00:01:49,868 --> 00:01:52,252
Louis Armstrong
was a jazz trumpeter.
67
00:01:52,454 --> 00:01:54,537
Buzz Lightyear is a cartoon.
68
00:01:54,706 --> 00:01:57,457
And Kurt Loder was a VJ for MTV,
69
00:01:57,676 --> 00:02:00,210
about whom the only
connection to space travel
70
00:02:00,429 --> 00:02:03,263
was that the network's logo
was a man in a space suit.
71
00:02:03,465 --> 00:02:04,431
EDGAR:
Yeah.
72
00:02:04,633 --> 00:02:05,465
I don't know, Jimmy.
73
00:02:05,684 --> 00:02:07,884
That doesn't sound right.
74
00:02:08,053 --> 00:02:10,470
Charles Dickens wrote
what 1837 novel
75
00:02:10,689 --> 00:02:12,388
about the plight
of street urchins?
76
00:02:12,557 --> 00:02:13,890
Annie.
77
00:02:14,059 --> 00:02:15,275
- Wow.
- Yes!
78
00:02:15,477 --> 00:02:18,728
EDGAR:
Pie for you.
79
00:02:18,897 --> 00:02:20,780
(door closes)
80
00:02:26,037 --> 00:02:29,289
I'm gonna leave you anyway
81
00:02:29,491 --> 00:02:31,324
I'm gonna
leave you anyway
82
00:02:31,543 --> 00:02:33,176
Gonna leave you anyway
83
00:02:33,177 --> 00:02:38,140
Sync and corrections by n17t01
www.addic7ed.com
84
00:02:39,317 --> 00:02:40,566
Salinger, Bronte,
85
00:02:40,768 --> 00:02:43,936
Ralph Ellison, Sylvia Plath.
86
00:02:44,155 --> 00:02:47,857
The expectation of a second
novel can paralyze some.
87
00:02:48,025 --> 00:02:49,358
But what is there
to be afraid of?
88
00:02:49,577 --> 00:02:52,528
I received an only positive
89
00:02:52,697 --> 00:02:54,864
adjacent review in The Times.
90
00:02:55,032 --> 00:02:57,833
If you look past
Michiko Kakutani's
91
00:02:58,035 --> 00:02:59,869
thinly veiled ethnocentrism
92
00:03:00,088 --> 00:03:01,454
and scorching ephebiphobia.
93
00:03:01,672 --> 00:03:03,339
But am I afraid?
94
00:03:03,541 --> 00:03:04,457
No!
95
00:03:04,675 --> 00:03:06,375
Writing is fear.
96
00:03:06,544 --> 00:03:09,211
To say that I allowed
fear to cripple me
97
00:03:09,380 --> 00:03:11,964
would be to say that I am not,
in fact, a writer,
98
00:03:12,183 --> 00:03:15,384
which would be akin to saying,
"Lo, condemn me thus
99
00:03:15,603 --> 00:03:18,554
back to the earth,
for I am no more."
100
00:03:20,475 --> 00:03:22,767
Wait, so do you
or do you not
101
00:03:22,969 --> 00:03:24,468
have something
for me to read?
102
00:03:24,687 --> 00:03:25,886
You're my agent, right?
103
00:03:26,105 --> 00:03:27,555
It's your job to find me work
104
00:03:27,723 --> 00:03:30,524
while things percolate
on the follow-up.
105
00:03:30,726 --> 00:03:32,526
Jimmy, I can't get you
any more magazine work
106
00:03:32,728 --> 00:03:34,361
after Megan Thomas sued you
107
00:03:34,564 --> 00:03:35,896
for writing about
having sex with her.
108
00:03:36,115 --> 00:03:38,399
Chuck Klosterman sent me
a bottle of scotch for that one.
109
00:03:38,568 --> 00:03:39,950
I do get calls for people
needing translation work,
110
00:03:40,153 --> 00:03:42,570
research assistant,
novelization of movies...
111
00:03:42,738 --> 00:03:45,539
there's a popcorn catalog
that needs a copywriter.
112
00:03:45,741 --> 00:03:46,791
(groans)
Forget it!
113
00:03:46,993 --> 00:03:48,876
Just hearing
those horrific choices
114
00:03:49,078 --> 00:03:50,461
has fueled my fire.
115
00:03:50,663 --> 00:03:53,080
I can tell that the big idea
is right around the corner.
116
00:03:53,299 --> 00:03:54,965
In fact, I wouldn't be surprised
117
00:03:55,168 --> 00:03:57,501
if I start flying through
those pages any day now.
118
00:03:57,720 --> 00:04:01,305
Nope, would not be
surprised at all.
119
00:04:01,507 --> 00:04:03,424
He'll have another.
120
00:04:03,643 --> 00:04:04,925
I'll get the tab.
121
00:04:05,094 --> 00:04:06,177
But this is really stretching
122
00:04:06,395 --> 00:04:08,062
the definition
of the word "meeting," Jimmy.
123
00:04:20,159 --> 00:04:21,442
Jimmy?!
124
00:04:21,661 --> 00:04:22,776
Jimmy!
125
00:04:22,945 --> 00:04:23,828
JIMMY:
What?!
126
00:04:25,581 --> 00:04:27,331
Where's the Bloody Mary bar?
127
00:04:27,533 --> 00:04:28,782
What the hell? Edgar!
128
00:04:29,001 --> 00:04:30,451
- Edgar!
- It is Sunday, right?
129
00:04:30,620 --> 00:04:33,170
- Edgar!
- Edgar!
130
00:04:33,372 --> 00:04:34,955
Oh, my God.
131
00:04:35,174 --> 00:04:36,340
I don't think he's home.
132
00:04:36,542 --> 00:04:38,592
It's all right.
133
00:04:39,595 --> 00:04:41,879
We're adults.
134
00:04:42,098 --> 00:04:44,048
We can do this ourselves.
135
00:04:44,267 --> 00:04:46,100
Okay.
136
00:04:47,553 --> 00:04:50,855
Well, I know it involves
vodka and tomato juice.
137
00:04:51,057 --> 00:04:52,473
Well, we have a tomato.
138
00:04:52,692 --> 00:04:54,475
I'm sure that's fine.
139
00:04:54,694 --> 00:04:57,361
Celery.
140
00:04:57,563 --> 00:04:59,363
We have carrots.
141
00:04:59,565 --> 00:05:01,482
Same thing, basically.
142
00:05:01,651 --> 00:05:02,983
Mayonnaise?
143
00:05:03,202 --> 00:05:04,485
Yeah.
144
00:05:10,660 --> 00:05:12,993
Don't you think it's time
you got your own stuff?
145
00:05:13,212 --> 00:05:14,912
I mean, you're wearing
my clothes,
146
00:05:15,131 --> 00:05:16,330
using my toothbrush...
147
00:05:16,499 --> 00:05:17,998
So?
148
00:05:18,167 --> 00:05:20,801
Listen, I'm perfectly fine
having you as a girlfriend.
149
00:05:21,003 --> 00:05:22,052
Aw.
150
00:05:22,255 --> 00:05:23,337
But not as a dependent.
151
00:05:23,506 --> 00:05:25,172
I'll get stuff.
152
00:05:25,391 --> 00:05:26,340
But where in
your mind's eye
153
00:05:26,559 --> 00:05:28,058
do you see me
putting said stuff
154
00:05:28,261 --> 00:05:29,226
once I get it?
155
00:05:29,428 --> 00:05:31,345
You know,
where you keep things.
156
00:05:31,514 --> 00:05:33,814
You mean, the three trash bags
on the floor in the corner?
157
00:05:34,016 --> 00:05:35,516
Uh-huh, Gretchen's corner.
158
00:05:36,569 --> 00:05:37,851
Fine. Look.
159
00:05:38,020 --> 00:05:39,904
If there's space
that I'm not using
160
00:05:40,106 --> 00:05:42,823
that can't be,
you know, seen,
161
00:05:43,025 --> 00:05:44,024
- it's yours.
- See?
162
00:05:44,243 --> 00:05:45,359
There's no room for me
in my own house!
163
00:05:45,528 --> 00:05:46,944
Sorry, your house?
164
00:05:47,163 --> 00:05:48,195
Fine-- our house.
165
00:05:48,414 --> 00:05:49,496
Um...
166
00:05:49,699 --> 00:05:51,365
When I was a kid,
I'd say come over
167
00:05:51,584 --> 00:05:53,200
and watch Skin-amax
and drink Zima
168
00:05:53,419 --> 00:05:54,868
in "my house"
or "our house,"
169
00:05:55,037 --> 00:05:56,787
not "the house my
parents bought."
170
00:05:57,006 --> 00:05:59,340
Well, they should've
corrected you on that.
171
00:05:59,542 --> 00:06:00,541
(clears his throat)
172
00:06:04,263 --> 00:06:05,429
Mmm.
173
00:06:05,631 --> 00:06:06,380
(laughter nearby)
174
00:06:06,599 --> 00:06:08,882
Hey, guys!
175
00:06:09,051 --> 00:06:11,185
- You have one job on Sundays; one!
- What were you thinking not being here?
176
00:06:11,387 --> 00:06:14,021
My fault-- I made him take me
to get football costumes.
177
00:06:14,223 --> 00:06:16,223
EDGAR: Yeah, everything's
in the Bloody Mary drawer.
178
00:06:16,392 --> 00:06:17,891
I'll show you.
179
00:06:18,060 --> 00:06:19,393
It's super easy...
180
00:06:19,562 --> 00:06:20,694
What's going on?
181
00:06:20,896 --> 00:06:22,446
You've never watched
a sport in your life.
182
00:06:22,648 --> 00:06:24,198
Gretch, I need to get over Paul.
183
00:06:24,400 --> 00:06:25,449
And apparently, on Sundays,
184
00:06:25,651 --> 00:06:26,984
they have these sports bars
185
00:06:27,203 --> 00:06:28,402
full of horny macho dumb-dumbs
186
00:06:28,571 --> 00:06:29,787
whose girlfriends
are all at home.
187
00:06:29,989 --> 00:06:30,821
Plus wings.
188
00:06:31,040 --> 00:06:32,039
You do love wings.
189
00:06:32,241 --> 00:06:33,207
I need a bo-hunk.
190
00:06:33,409 --> 00:06:34,742
Paul was such a gump.
191
00:06:34,961 --> 00:06:37,077
Get this-- he told me
the definition of love
192
00:06:37,246 --> 00:06:39,163
is putting someone else's needs
above yours.
193
00:06:39,382 --> 00:06:40,464
- Ew.
- I know.
194
00:06:40,666 --> 00:06:43,334
Meanwhile,
Edgar's being so nice.
195
00:06:43,552 --> 00:06:46,387
He knows I'm hurting
so he keeps doing stuff for me.
196
00:06:46,589 --> 00:06:48,255
Just be careful with him, okay?
197
00:06:48,424 --> 00:06:50,924
Edgar, let's hit the wing place
before the game starts.
198
00:06:51,143 --> 00:06:51,976
JIMMY:
Yeah.
199
00:06:52,178 --> 00:06:53,227
We'll ride with you.
200
00:06:53,429 --> 00:06:55,012
There's a Towels &
Stuff in that mall
201
00:06:55,231 --> 00:06:57,097
where Gretchen can
buy a toothbrush
202
00:06:57,316 --> 00:06:59,233
and other things
adults own.
203
00:06:59,435 --> 00:07:00,234
You're gonna help me shop?
204
00:07:00,436 --> 00:07:01,435
Hell, no.
205
00:07:01,604 --> 00:07:02,770
I'm going for
literary inspiration.
206
00:07:02,989 --> 00:07:04,438
I'm not finding it here,
so maybe I'll find it
207
00:07:04,607 --> 00:07:07,408
amongst the diabetic masses
of the American shopper.
208
00:07:07,610 --> 00:07:09,443
I'm like Thoreau,
209
00:07:09,662 --> 00:07:12,279
only the mall
shall be my Walden.
210
00:07:12,448 --> 00:07:14,081
Mall-den.
211
00:07:14,283 --> 00:07:17,034
(all laughing)
212
00:07:17,253 --> 00:07:20,821
I would've found that
eventually.
213
00:07:25,222 --> 00:07:27,272
(sniffing)
214
00:07:27,474 --> 00:07:28,557
Mmm!
(sniffs)
215
00:07:28,776 --> 00:07:30,609
This way!
216
00:07:32,863 --> 00:07:34,529
Wait!
217
00:07:34,732 --> 00:07:37,699
Hang out with me first.
218
00:07:37,901 --> 00:07:40,285
What do you want to do?
219
00:07:41,739 --> 00:07:43,655
Hey, I do what I want,
I do, I do what I want
220
00:07:43,824 --> 00:07:46,575
I do what I want, I do, I do
what I want
221
00:07:46,794 --> 00:07:47,793
Hey
222
00:07:47,995 --> 00:07:50,329
You ain't my daddy
223
00:07:50,497 --> 00:07:53,332
Hoppin' in the Caddy
224
00:07:53,500 --> 00:07:55,334
Pullin' into Cali, ow...
225
00:07:55,502 --> 00:07:58,170
I do what I want, I do, I do
what I want
Get off my phone
226
00:07:58,339 --> 00:08:00,672
I do what I want, I do, I do
what I want
Hear a dial tone
227
00:08:00,841 --> 00:08:02,975
If you ain't hear it
on the first hang up
228
00:08:03,177 --> 00:08:04,509
I do what I want, I do, I do
what I want
229
00:08:04,728 --> 00:08:06,261
I do what I want
Hey
230
00:08:06,480 --> 00:08:07,512
VIP line
231
00:08:07,731 --> 00:08:09,097
You got out the line
232
00:08:09,316 --> 00:08:11,566
Boys got a wrist band,
trying to be my boyfriend
233
00:08:11,769 --> 00:08:12,985
I do what I want
234
00:08:13,187 --> 00:08:14,236
Break them like a piggy bank
235
00:08:14,438 --> 00:08:15,437
I do what I want
236
00:08:15,656 --> 00:08:17,272
Rollin' on E
like a gas tank
237
00:08:17,491 --> 00:08:19,024
That's your boyfriend.
238
00:08:19,193 --> 00:08:20,108
(Gretchen chuckles)
239
00:08:20,327 --> 00:08:22,110
That's your girlfriend.
240
00:08:22,329 --> 00:08:23,612
(laughs)
241
00:08:23,831 --> 00:08:26,331
That's your boyfriend.
242
00:08:26,533 --> 00:08:27,616
(slurping)
243
00:08:27,835 --> 00:08:29,501
- Yes, he is.
- Mm-hmm.
244
00:08:29,703 --> 00:08:30,702
I love my boyfriend.
245
00:08:30,871 --> 00:08:32,287
Do you really?
246
00:08:32,506 --> 00:08:34,506
I do what I want, oh
247
00:08:34,708 --> 00:08:37,175
I'm in the end zone
248
00:08:37,378 --> 00:08:40,679
Try and tackle me
I'm so gone
249
00:08:40,881 --> 00:08:42,297
Pull up to the bank
in the armored truck
250
00:08:42,516 --> 00:08:43,682
They call me lady luck...
251
00:08:43,884 --> 00:08:46,301
This is shit!
Derivative trifle!
252
00:08:46,520 --> 00:08:47,719
The composition is wretched.
253
00:08:47,888 --> 00:08:49,521
Tonal harmony nonexistent.
254
00:08:49,723 --> 00:08:51,473
Don't even get me started
on the perspective.
255
00:08:51,692 --> 00:08:53,058
Blue ribbon?
256
00:08:53,227 --> 00:08:54,693
This contest is a sham.
257
00:08:54,895 --> 00:08:56,228
(scoffs)
258
00:08:59,733 --> 00:09:01,199
I do what I want, oh
259
00:09:01,402 --> 00:09:03,235
Oh, what next? What next?
260
00:09:03,404 --> 00:09:05,237
Go buy your crap.
I have to work now.
261
00:09:05,456 --> 00:09:07,239
- (whimpering)
- No whining, woman!
262
00:09:12,079 --> 00:09:14,329
Let the observation...
263
00:09:14,548 --> 00:09:17,632
begin.
264
00:09:17,835 --> 00:09:21,136
And they have four chances
to get said ten yards.
265
00:09:21,338 --> 00:09:23,755
Now, before I get into some of
your various offensive packages,
266
00:09:23,924 --> 00:09:26,425
I'm reminded of when
my older brother Salazar
267
00:09:26,593 --> 00:09:28,009
took me to see a Raider game.
268
00:09:28,228 --> 00:09:31,430
We were so far away, but to me,
it was like being on the field.
269
00:09:31,648 --> 00:09:34,599
And then he sold crank to a
Chargers fan in the men's room
270
00:09:34,818 --> 00:09:37,569
and we used the money
to go to Applebee's.
271
00:09:37,771 --> 00:09:40,355
You know what I think?
272
00:09:40,574 --> 00:09:42,274
I think...
273
00:09:42,493 --> 00:09:44,276
that's my guy.
274
00:09:44,495 --> 00:09:45,444
At the bar.
275
00:09:45,612 --> 00:09:47,279
Over there,
with the shoulders.
276
00:09:47,448 --> 00:09:49,114
All right, go to it.
277
00:09:49,283 --> 00:09:50,282
Go to what?
278
00:09:50,451 --> 00:09:51,616
Go wing man for me.
279
00:09:51,785 --> 00:09:53,585
Oh, okay.
280
00:09:53,787 --> 00:09:56,338
How many wings should this man
281
00:09:56,540 --> 00:09:58,590
- go get you?
- No.
282
00:09:58,792 --> 00:10:00,208
Go talk to that cute guy for me.
283
00:10:03,797 --> 00:10:06,047
Oh, but now
that you mention it,
284
00:10:06,266 --> 00:10:08,800
I could use
some more wings, too.
285
00:10:16,894 --> 00:10:19,111
Okay, here I go.
286
00:10:20,814 --> 00:10:22,364
Nope.
287
00:10:24,535 --> 00:10:25,700
Nope.
288
00:10:27,454 --> 00:10:29,321
Nuh-uh.
289
00:10:30,874 --> 00:10:32,707
Can I help you
find something?
290
00:10:32,910 --> 00:10:35,210
Puppies?
291
00:10:35,412 --> 00:10:37,245
Do you have any puppies?
292
00:10:37,464 --> 00:10:39,047
(laughs):
Oh, wait...
293
00:10:39,249 --> 00:10:41,333
this isn't a dog store.
294
00:10:41,502 --> 00:10:44,469
(laughs, then cries)
295
00:10:44,671 --> 00:10:47,055
JIMMY: Daisy and Mort met
in Buenos Aires
296
00:10:47,257 --> 00:10:48,673
in 1968.
297
00:10:48,842 --> 00:10:50,425
Daisy worked at a hat factory.
298
00:10:50,644 --> 00:10:53,645
Mort lived as an Ashkenazi Jew,
but really
299
00:10:53,847 --> 00:10:56,515
he was a Nazi war criminal.
300
00:10:56,733 --> 00:10:58,183
No, that's dumb.
301
00:10:58,352 --> 00:11:00,152
Who cares?
302
00:11:02,656 --> 00:11:06,024
Megan was just like
any other 15-year-old girl.
303
00:11:06,243 --> 00:11:07,692
She loved social media,
304
00:11:07,861 --> 00:11:09,194
hated her parents,
305
00:11:09,363 --> 00:11:12,364
and lived and died by the
fluctuating attention from boys.
306
00:11:12,583 --> 00:11:13,782
But what most people didn't know
307
00:11:14,001 --> 00:11:16,368
was that Megan was actually...
308
00:11:16,587 --> 00:11:19,204
a Nazi war criminal.
309
00:11:19,373 --> 00:11:21,339
Aah! What's wrong with me?
310
00:11:21,542 --> 00:11:22,591
Excuse me?
311
00:11:22,793 --> 00:11:24,426
- Yeah?
- Uh, your job must be
312
00:11:24,628 --> 00:11:25,710
tedious and bleak.
313
00:11:25,929 --> 00:11:27,128
Tell me about it.
314
00:11:27,347 --> 00:11:30,131
Ah, sure. Well, so far
it's a sweet-ass gig.
315
00:11:30,350 --> 00:11:32,467
I get walk around
macking on hoes all day.
316
00:11:32,686 --> 00:11:34,603
And nobody in the food court
busses their trays,
317
00:11:34,805 --> 00:11:36,137
so I eat like a king.
318
00:11:36,356 --> 00:11:39,191
And if I don't want to
chase a shoplifter, I don't.
319
00:11:39,393 --> 00:11:41,359
I go smoke a bowl
out on the delivery bay
320
00:11:41,562 --> 00:11:43,361
and wait for him
to bail with the merch.
321
00:11:43,564 --> 00:11:45,397
Plus, I get to work for
my best friend Eric,
322
00:11:45,616 --> 00:11:46,781
who's a sweetheart.
323
00:11:46,984 --> 00:11:49,201
Ah, he's got sickle cell,
324
00:11:49,403 --> 00:11:50,735
but he's real positive about it.
325
00:11:50,954 --> 00:11:52,821
So, yeah, I guess, all in all,
326
00:11:53,040 --> 00:11:54,539
this job really
fits my lifestyle.
327
00:11:54,741 --> 00:11:55,707
Why do you ask?
328
00:11:55,909 --> 00:11:57,576
Oh, um...
329
00:11:57,794 --> 00:11:58,743
I'm a writer.
330
00:11:58,962 --> 00:12:01,463
I was looking for a subject.
331
00:12:01,665 --> 00:12:02,797
So, let me ask you something.
332
00:12:03,000 --> 00:12:04,749
If you were offered the job,
would you write,
333
00:12:04,918 --> 00:12:07,636
say, a novelization
of a movie?
334
00:12:07,838 --> 00:12:10,305
Are you serious?
335
00:12:10,507 --> 00:12:11,756
Bec-because I would love that!
336
00:12:11,975 --> 00:12:13,308
Oh, my God.
Wait right here.
337
00:12:13,510 --> 00:12:14,509
I'm gonna be right back!
338
00:12:14,728 --> 00:12:17,679
(quietly):
Come on, come on.
339
00:12:29,860 --> 00:12:31,443
- Oh, my God.
- (rapid buzzing nearby)
340
00:12:31,662 --> 00:12:33,612
What is that?
That is delightful!
341
00:12:33,780 --> 00:12:35,113
(giggles)
342
00:12:42,509 --> 00:12:45,210
Hey, uh...
wha-what's your name?
343
00:12:45,429 --> 00:12:48,096
Thanks, but I'm just
not interested.
344
00:12:48,298 --> 00:12:49,631
Wh... what? No.
345
00:12:49,850 --> 00:12:51,133
I'm not gay, no.
346
00:12:51,351 --> 00:12:52,300
My friend, over there,
347
00:12:52,519 --> 00:12:54,136
with the sauce on her face,
she wanted me
348
00:12:54,304 --> 00:12:56,438
to come, uh, talk to,
talk to you for her.
349
00:12:56,640 --> 00:12:59,224
Well, tell her thanks,
350
00:12:59,443 --> 00:13:00,609
but I'm actually gay.
351
00:13:00,811 --> 00:13:02,444
Ah.
352
00:13:02,646 --> 00:13:03,562
Okay.
353
00:13:03,780 --> 00:13:05,614
Sorry.
354
00:13:09,319 --> 00:13:12,204
Wait, you said you weren't
interested in me.
355
00:13:12,406 --> 00:13:13,655
Right.
356
00:13:13,824 --> 00:13:14,656
But you're gay.
357
00:13:14,825 --> 00:13:15,490
Yes.
358
00:13:15,709 --> 00:13:18,243
I don't understand.
359
00:13:18,462 --> 00:13:19,411
I can't do it.
360
00:13:19,630 --> 00:13:21,379
- I can't buy stuff.
- Why?
361
00:13:21,582 --> 00:13:23,665
It's like, my old stuff was
just stuff I accrued over time.
362
00:13:23,834 --> 00:13:26,134
Crap I stole during
my shoplifting days.
363
00:13:26,336 --> 00:13:27,669
Shit I inherited
from that old lady
364
00:13:27,838 --> 00:13:29,171
who thought
I was her granddaughter.
365
00:13:29,389 --> 00:13:31,473
And now I have to
completely furnish,
366
00:13:31,675 --> 00:13:33,425
from scratch,
the life of an adult woman
367
00:13:33,644 --> 00:13:36,061
and I have no clue
how to do that.
368
00:13:37,147 --> 00:13:38,980
Anyway, Jimmy doesn't even
369
00:13:39,183 --> 00:13:40,982
want to make space for me
in his house.
370
00:13:41,185 --> 00:13:42,434
That's why
you need stuff, Gretch.
371
00:13:42,653 --> 00:13:43,985
To stake your claim.
372
00:13:44,188 --> 00:13:45,487
Get your shit up
in those crevasses.
373
00:13:45,689 --> 00:13:47,405
Besides, stuff is the best.
374
00:13:47,608 --> 00:13:49,357
You can never get
lonely with stuff.
375
00:13:49,576 --> 00:13:51,526
And there are so many
examples of stuff--
376
00:13:51,745 --> 00:13:53,612
ice cube trays
shaped like high heels.
377
00:13:53,830 --> 00:13:55,030
Towels.
378
00:13:55,199 --> 00:13:56,531
Smaller towels for your butt.
379
00:13:56,750 --> 00:13:59,167
Chairs, which I guess
are also for your butt.
380
00:13:59,369 --> 00:14:00,619
Okay, got it.
381
00:14:00,837 --> 00:14:02,504
MAN:
Wait, so you...
382
00:14:02,706 --> 00:14:05,373
like her, but you're
trolling for dudes for her?
383
00:14:05,542 --> 00:14:07,209
What a bitch.
384
00:14:07,427 --> 00:14:08,960
She is so using you.
385
00:14:09,179 --> 00:14:10,378
Instead of talking
to dudes for her,
386
00:14:10,547 --> 00:14:12,547
you should be lining up
some sweet ass for yourself.
387
00:14:12,766 --> 00:14:15,517
Or if you prefer it--
"hot puss."
388
00:14:15,719 --> 00:14:17,185
You're right.
389
00:14:17,387 --> 00:14:18,303
You see that cocktail waitress
390
00:14:18,522 --> 00:14:19,387
with the brown hair?
391
00:14:19,556 --> 00:14:20,722
(scoffs)
Yeah.
392
00:14:20,891 --> 00:14:22,190
She's our friend of ours.
393
00:14:22,392 --> 00:14:24,059
and she needs to stop dating
394
00:14:24,278 --> 00:14:26,061
(louder):
married baseball players.
395
00:14:26,280 --> 00:14:27,395
I'll introduce you.
396
00:14:27,564 --> 00:14:29,114
Okay, thanks.
397
00:14:29,316 --> 00:14:30,565
And then once
you get her number...
398
00:14:30,784 --> 00:14:33,068
- Mm-hmm.
- ...bring your friend a wet wipe.
399
00:14:42,663 --> 00:14:44,129
You've been standing
here for 20 minutes.
400
00:14:44,331 --> 00:14:45,547
Can I help you find something?
401
00:14:45,749 --> 00:14:48,466
No, I'm fine.
402
00:14:48,669 --> 00:14:51,002
I'm waiting for someone.
403
00:14:51,221 --> 00:14:53,672
My son... actually.
404
00:14:53,890 --> 00:14:55,090
Jayden?
405
00:14:55,309 --> 00:14:56,258
Cart paralysis.
406
00:14:56,476 --> 00:14:57,726
It's very common.
407
00:14:57,928 --> 00:14:59,144
What do you need to get?
408
00:14:59,346 --> 00:15:01,596
Everything!
(laughs)
409
00:15:01,815 --> 00:15:03,315
I just moved in
with my boyfriend
410
00:15:03,517 --> 00:15:04,933
and I don't have any stuff
411
00:15:05,152 --> 00:15:06,601
except for a food processor
412
00:15:06,770 --> 00:15:09,104
and, like, 19 thongs,
because even though
413
00:15:09,273 --> 00:15:11,606
at first we were like,
"I am not wearing that,"
414
00:15:11,825 --> 00:15:14,492
the patriarchy somehow convinced
us that visible panty lines
415
00:15:14,695 --> 00:15:16,444
were unacceptable, so now
I've just grown accustomed
416
00:15:16,613 --> 00:15:17,946
to the feeling
of a fabric rope
417
00:15:18,165 --> 00:15:20,115
against my actual asshole
all day.
418
00:15:20,284 --> 00:15:21,499
And anyway,
even if I did buy
419
00:15:21,702 --> 00:15:24,002
the stuff of a life,
there's nowhere for me to put it
420
00:15:24,204 --> 00:15:26,371
because I'm not sure this dude
really wanted me to move in
421
00:15:26,590 --> 00:15:28,123
because I'm
an irresponsible monster
422
00:15:28,292 --> 00:15:31,509
who burned down her apartment
with her vibrator!
423
00:15:31,712 --> 00:15:32,961
I'm just gonna leave you
424
00:15:33,180 --> 00:15:35,046
with this checklist
for college freshmen.
425
00:15:41,805 --> 00:15:45,190
"Hair dryer.
426
00:15:45,392 --> 00:15:47,225
Hair dryer..."
427
00:15:54,117 --> 00:15:55,984
"Shower shoes."
428
00:16:05,662 --> 00:16:07,245
More wings.
429
00:16:07,464 --> 00:16:08,963
- Uh...
- I said
430
00:16:09,166 --> 00:16:11,633
I'll tell you
when I've had enough.
431
00:16:15,222 --> 00:16:17,088
I really like your shirt--
it shows off your shoulder.
432
00:16:19,643 --> 00:16:21,593
Did you find
everything you need?
433
00:16:21,812 --> 00:16:24,095
Why, yes, I did.
Thank you.
434
00:16:24,314 --> 00:16:26,097
And, like, 20 things
I didn't know existed.
435
00:16:26,316 --> 00:16:28,650
Little dryer balls that beat
the shit out of your clothes?
436
00:16:28,852 --> 00:16:31,069
A banana holder?
437
00:16:31,271 --> 00:16:33,521
Get off the counter,
banana, you fancy now.
438
00:16:33,690 --> 00:16:35,106
And I'm gonna
make my own soda.
439
00:16:35,325 --> 00:16:36,191
Can I make champagne?
440
00:16:36,410 --> 00:16:37,242
Don't know.
Gonna try.
441
00:16:37,444 --> 00:16:39,361
- Fantastic.
- Yeah.
442
00:16:39,579 --> 00:16:40,662
Starting a whole new life.
443
00:16:40,864 --> 00:16:43,498
It's scary but...
I'm doing it.
444
00:16:43,700 --> 00:16:45,250
This is a lot of stuff.
445
00:16:45,452 --> 00:16:48,036
Did you need help with
any storage solutions today?
446
00:16:49,539 --> 00:16:51,539
Please don't.
447
00:16:51,708 --> 00:16:53,541
I'm so sorry.
448
00:17:09,926 --> 00:17:11,008
Where's your stuff?
449
00:17:11,211 --> 00:17:12,960
Why do I have to go
buy everything?
450
00:17:13,129 --> 00:17:14,545
Uh, because you have nothing.
451
00:17:14,764 --> 00:17:15,763
I know!
452
00:17:15,965 --> 00:17:17,431
But why do I have
to be the one
453
00:17:17,634 --> 00:17:18,466
making all the adjustments?
454
00:17:18,685 --> 00:17:19,684
How has your life changed
455
00:17:19,886 --> 00:17:20,885
since I moved in,
other than you get
456
00:17:21,104 --> 00:17:22,770
all of this next to you
every night?
457
00:17:22,972 --> 00:17:24,355
Not one bit.
458
00:17:24,557 --> 00:17:26,390
Any change for you
is purely theoretical.
459
00:17:26,609 --> 00:17:27,775
"Oh, I live with someone now."
460
00:17:27,977 --> 00:17:29,727
Big stinking deal.
I have nothing.
461
00:17:29,946 --> 00:17:31,779
I told you, we would find
room for your things.
462
00:17:31,981 --> 00:17:33,815
I don't want to live
around you, Jimmy.
463
00:17:34,033 --> 00:17:35,650
I don't want
to live in the crevasses.
464
00:17:35,869 --> 00:17:37,368
I'm not moss!
465
00:17:37,570 --> 00:17:39,654
- Uh...
- See you later.
466
00:17:39,823 --> 00:17:41,656
MAN:
There you are.
467
00:17:41,825 --> 00:17:44,992
So... what movie
are we adapting?
468
00:17:45,161 --> 00:17:47,044
What?
469
00:17:47,247 --> 00:17:48,579
Oh, no, it was a hypothetical.
470
00:17:48,798 --> 00:17:50,498
And for me, not for you.
471
00:17:50,717 --> 00:17:52,717
But I just quit my job.
472
00:17:52,919 --> 00:17:54,719
Damn it!
This keeps happening to me.
473
00:17:54,921 --> 00:17:56,337
Oh, my God!
474
00:17:56,556 --> 00:17:58,639
I told Eric to suck my dick!
475
00:17:58,842 --> 00:17:59,841
Why would I do that?
476
00:18:00,059 --> 00:18:01,809
I love that guy.
477
00:18:07,787 --> 00:18:09,655
I-I, I got your text.
478
00:18:09,656 --> 00:18:11,023
What's the crisis?
479
00:18:11,024 --> 00:18:14,525
And h-h-how do you still have
buffalo sauce on your face?
480
00:18:14,526 --> 00:18:17,061
I went to the mall today
looking to take my mind off
481
00:18:17,062 --> 00:18:20,133
how lonely I am and maybe
hook up with a nice guy.
482
00:18:20,134 --> 00:18:23,969
Turns out, I was looking
in the wrong place.
483
00:18:23,970 --> 00:18:27,240
The answer was right in
front of me the whole time.
484
00:18:28,475 --> 00:18:29,676
My phone!
485
00:18:31,211 --> 00:18:33,546
I don't need to be looking
in the real world.
486
00:18:33,547 --> 00:18:35,614
I need to be looking online.
487
00:18:35,615 --> 00:18:38,517
So, what am I doing here?
488
00:18:38,518 --> 00:18:40,486
I need sexy photos
489
00:18:40,487 --> 00:18:41,820
for my profile.
490
00:18:41,821 --> 00:18:43,523
I can help.
491
00:18:46,759 --> 00:18:49,194
So, are you going to, uh,
492
00:18:49,195 --> 00:18:53,198
call that cute waitress
you were talking to?
493
00:18:53,199 --> 00:18:56,001
Nah. We have nothing in common.
494
00:18:56,002 --> 00:18:58,003
(click)
495
00:18:58,004 --> 00:19:00,140
How did you get wing sauce down there?
496
00:19:01,074 --> 00:19:02,508
Russell, it's Jimmy.
497
00:19:02,509 --> 00:19:03,810
Um, those jobs you mentioned--
498
00:19:03,811 --> 00:19:05,644
you can find me something.
499
00:19:05,645 --> 00:19:07,913
Probably not the popcorn thing.
500
00:19:07,914 --> 00:19:10,950
Also, this counts as a meeting,
so you owe me a drink.
501
00:19:10,951 --> 00:19:12,952
(phone beeps)
502
00:19:19,592 --> 00:19:21,261
(door opens, footsteps approach)
503
00:19:24,063 --> 00:19:26,965
Hey. Um... listen.
504
00:19:26,966 --> 00:19:29,034
I understand that my actions
505
00:19:29,035 --> 00:19:31,604
could lead you to feel a bit unwelcome,
506
00:19:31,605 --> 00:19:35,607
and I'll work on not being
such a control freak.
507
00:19:35,608 --> 00:19:38,243
I mean, this is your house, too.
508
00:19:38,244 --> 00:19:40,846
So, I made you...
509
00:19:40,847 --> 00:19:42,815
a nightstand.
510
00:19:43,983 --> 00:19:45,651
It's called a Kl??f.
511
00:19:45,652 --> 00:19:47,220
Cool, thanks.
512
00:19:48,555 --> 00:19:51,122
What, what is that? What are you doing?
513
00:19:51,123 --> 00:19:52,490
Why-why are you doing that?
514
00:19:52,491 --> 00:19:53,891
Well, you just said it's my house, too,
515
00:19:53,892 --> 00:19:56,029
so I'm just putting some art on our walls.
516
00:19:56,030 --> 00:19:57,129
Okay.
517
00:19:57,130 --> 00:19:58,898
But you see, ev-everything here
518
00:19:58,899 --> 00:20:01,466
is meticulously curated so...
519
00:20:01,467 --> 00:20:02,735
I don't know, Jimmy.
520
00:20:02,736 --> 00:20:05,003
I really like this poster.
521
00:20:05,004 --> 00:20:06,072
Look at that cat.
522
00:20:06,073 --> 00:20:07,139
He's so cool.
523
00:20:07,140 --> 00:20:08,974
All right.
524
00:20:08,975 --> 00:20:11,144
If you really want me to
feel comfortable here
525
00:20:11,145 --> 00:20:13,746
maybe there's another way.
526
00:20:17,116 --> 00:20:19,885
What about the-the Kl??f?
527
00:20:19,886 --> 00:20:21,554
You can use it. I'll just take yours.
528
00:20:22,989 --> 00:20:26,625
Thank you for making room for me.
529
00:20:26,626 --> 00:20:28,493
You're welcome.
530
00:20:28,494 --> 00:20:30,862
I like our place.
531
00:20:30,863 --> 00:20:33,665
Me, too.
532
00:20:33,666 --> 00:20:35,168
Guess what Paul's definition of love is.
533
00:20:35,169 --> 00:20:36,868
What?
534
00:20:36,869 --> 00:20:38,836
Putting someone else's needs above yours.
535
00:20:38,837 --> 00:20:39,839
- Ew!
- I know.
536
00:20:39,840 --> 00:20:41,841
He's such a gump.
537
00:20:44,110 --> 00:20:45,912
Come on, let's tackle the closet.
538
00:20:51,923 --> 00:20:55,530
Sync and corrections by n17t01
www.addic7ed.com
539
00:20:55,580 --> 00:21:00,130
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