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1
00:00:14,877 --> 00:00:17,897
RENFIELD: Master, no!
No, no, no! Sorry, Master!
2
00:00:18,917 --> 00:00:21,877
How many times have I told you,
Renfield?
3
00:00:21,927 --> 00:00:25,737
You feed me one more cup
of tomato juice...
4
00:00:25,787 --> 00:00:27,937
- But, Master, I...
- I don't want excuses!
5
00:00:29,847 --> 00:00:31,917
I want fresh blood!
6
00:00:33,857 --> 00:00:36,877
I am trying, Master! But the paperboy
got wise to my traps!
7
00:00:37,947 --> 00:00:40,857
Dad, you promised to be careful!
8
00:00:40,907 --> 00:00:43,867
Do I need to spell it out for you?
M-O-B.
9
00:00:43,917 --> 00:00:47,837
I am Count Dracula,
not Spell Dracula.
10
00:00:47,887 --> 00:00:52,807
M-O-B spells angry peasant mob
howling for your dust.
11
00:00:52,857 --> 00:00:54,927
I know that! But I'm bored.
12
00:00:56,857 --> 00:01:00,867
Vladdy, tomorrow you'll stay home
and entertain me!
13
00:01:00,917 --> 00:01:04,927
Invite your friends. Mmm, we can play
Murder In The Dark.
14
00:01:05,727 --> 00:01:06,867
For the last time, no!
15
00:01:06,917 --> 00:01:10,807
If you need entertaining... get a TV.
16
00:01:10,857 --> 00:01:12,917
You want me to stare at
a glass box all day?
17
00:01:12,967 --> 00:01:14,797
I'd rather be dead!
18
00:01:14,847 --> 00:01:15,947
And I am.
19
00:01:16,747 --> 00:01:18,787
(Metal clangs)
20
00:01:18,837 --> 00:01:21,767
And I love it.
No television and that's final!
21
00:01:21,817 --> 00:01:24,797
If we get to do evil stuff,
I'll stay home with you.
22
00:01:24,847 --> 00:01:27,787
Then it's settled.
I shall buy a television!
23
00:01:27,837 --> 00:01:30,857
You, go barter with the peasants
for their finest television.
24
00:01:30,907 --> 00:01:32,757
And you,
25
00:01:32,807 --> 00:01:34,887
clear up this mess.
26
00:01:34,937 --> 00:01:39,767
Why can't Vlad do it?
It's because he's a boy, isn't it?
27
00:01:39,817 --> 00:01:43,727
No! It's because he's my son,
he's my future, my dreams.
28
00:01:43,777 --> 00:01:45,867
- He is...
- Going round to Robin's.
29
00:01:46,967 --> 00:01:51,757
Then I'm going, too.
And you can't stop me!
30
00:01:51,807 --> 00:01:55,947
Fine! Fine, just remember to polish
my coffin when you get home.
31
00:01:57,897 --> 00:01:58,887
Ugh!
32
00:01:58,937 --> 00:02:01,807
(Birds screeching)
33
00:02:02,897 --> 00:02:05,957
I can't believe you talked me into
another vampire stakeout.
34
00:02:06,967 --> 00:02:11,867
We're slayers! It's our duty
to fight the forces of darkness...
35
00:02:11,917 --> 00:02:14,787
Sssh! They're coming out!
36
00:02:18,747 --> 00:02:20,967
Off to commit evil deeds, no doubt.
37
00:02:21,767 --> 00:02:23,937
Or maybe they're just going
to hang out with mates.
38
00:02:25,767 --> 00:02:26,947
- What a great idea.
- Oh, no!
39
00:02:27,747 --> 00:02:28,947
You're in Vlad's class.
40
00:02:29,747 --> 00:02:31,887
You must befriend him.
Gain his trust.
41
00:02:31,927 --> 00:02:36,737
One day the mask will slip and then
it's out with the garlic and stakes.
42
00:02:36,787 --> 00:02:38,947
You want me to invite him round
for dinner?
43
00:02:39,747 --> 00:02:42,937
Sometimes I think your heart
just isn't in this slaying business.
44
00:02:52,927 --> 00:02:55,747
Of course it is, Dad. It's just...
45
00:02:55,797 --> 00:02:58,897
What if I was to try to get close
to Ingrid instead?
46
00:02:58,947 --> 00:03:01,767
You're a chip off the old stake!
47
00:03:04,807 --> 00:03:05,827
Hey, Robin.
48
00:03:05,877 --> 00:03:09,747
- Do you want to smell my flower?
- Do I look stupid?
49
00:03:09,797 --> 00:03:12,847
We're trying to win You've Been
Shamed! You could be on telly!
50
00:03:12,897 --> 00:03:16,887
Great. I'm gagging to embarrass
myself in front of my friends.
51
00:03:16,937 --> 00:03:20,817
How many times?
You haven't got any friends.
52
00:03:20,867 --> 00:03:24,807
Robin, your friends are here!
53
00:03:24,857 --> 00:03:27,797
Ingrid, knew you couldn't keep away!
54
00:03:27,847 --> 00:03:31,737
- We're gonna make you a star!
- What do you mean, "make"?
55
00:03:31,787 --> 00:03:34,857
- You know the TV show, You've Been Shamed?
- No.
56
00:03:34,907 --> 00:03:36,837
Well, people make funny movies to send in.
57
00:03:36,887 --> 00:03:39,777
- For a prize of ?1,000!
- We're gonna win it.
58
00:03:39,817 --> 00:03:41,827
With you as our leading lady!
59
00:03:43,747 --> 00:03:45,897
Have you clowns ever made
a movie before?
60
00:03:45,947 --> 00:03:48,737
- We've been doing it for years.
- Yeah?
61
00:03:48,787 --> 00:03:51,937
They film our holidays on Dad's
clapped-out camcorder.
62
00:03:52,737 --> 00:03:54,957
- Our cinematic masterpieces.
- Ten years of holidays!
63
00:03:55,757 --> 00:03:58,737
Merthyr Tydfil. Pontypridd.
64
00:03:58,787 --> 00:04:00,857
I forgot about this one
Transylvania!
65
00:04:00,907 --> 00:04:05,767
- What?
- 1994, holiday in Transylvania.
66
00:04:05,817 --> 00:04:07,917
That's just a few miles
from our old castle!
67
00:04:07,967 --> 00:04:10,907
- I don't remember going.
- It was years ago.
68
00:04:10,957 --> 00:04:12,947
Put it on.
69
00:04:13,747 --> 00:04:14,857
Put it on!
70
00:04:16,747 --> 00:04:18,867
'Dad said I can play with this, not you!'
71
00:04:18,917 --> 00:04:20,787
'Yes, I can!'
72
00:04:20,837 --> 00:04:21,947
'Steady lads, it's not a toy.'
73
00:04:22,747 --> 00:04:24,767
'Give me the camera, smelly.'
74
00:04:24,817 --> 00:04:26,887
'Come on, boys, don't fight.'
75
00:04:26,937 --> 00:04:29,787
Spielberg must be panicking so much.
76
00:04:29,837 --> 00:04:32,757
I've been to Transylvania
and never knew!
77
00:04:32,807 --> 00:04:34,787
You're lucky to have lived there.
78
00:04:34,837 --> 00:04:36,857
I'd give anything to switch
lives with you.
79
00:04:36,907 --> 00:04:39,867
- That's it!
- What?
80
00:04:39,917 --> 00:04:43,817
You don't fit into your family,
I don't fit into mine.
81
00:04:43,867 --> 00:04:46,727
I was in your village
when I was a baby.
82
00:04:46,777 --> 00:04:49,797
What if we were accidentally
swapped round?
83
00:04:49,847 --> 00:04:52,897
I know you don't fit in,
but that's just because you're...
84
00:04:52,947 --> 00:04:55,867
individual,
not because you're a vam...
85
00:04:55,917 --> 00:04:57,837
a Vlad.
86
00:04:57,887 --> 00:04:59,847
It would explain a lot, though.
87
00:04:59,897 --> 00:05:02,897
- Well, I'm convinced.
- When are you moving out?
88
00:05:02,947 --> 00:05:05,917
Master,
why don't you let me entertain you?
89
00:05:05,967 --> 00:05:11,867
Because I don't think I can survive
another hour of Transylvanian Twist.
90
00:05:11,917 --> 00:05:15,827
Are you sure?
I've made a new sparkly leotard.
91
00:05:15,877 --> 00:05:20,827
Now, let's see what mindless trash
passes for entertainment these days.
92
00:05:20,877 --> 00:05:22,937
Up a bit...
93
00:05:23,737 --> 00:05:26,837
(Music plays on TV)
Left a bit... just right.
94
00:05:27,967 --> 00:05:29,847
Master,
95
00:05:29,897 --> 00:05:32,887
I think you should know
that I am in agonising pain.
96
00:05:32,937 --> 00:05:34,837
Perfect.
97
00:05:34,887 --> 00:05:36,867
Hold it there!
98
00:05:42,737 --> 00:05:45,837
Fantastic. You got the TV!
99
00:05:45,887 --> 00:05:48,827
- We're finally normal!
- No son of mine is normal.
100
00:05:48,877 --> 00:05:50,967
You're banned
from watching this thing!
101
00:05:51,767 --> 00:05:54,867
It'll turn you into a weak-willed,
sheep-like native!
102
00:05:54,917 --> 00:05:57,727
Ingrid, you can watch it
if you like.
103
00:05:57,777 --> 00:05:59,967
I hope you get
hooked on that breather box.
104
00:06:00,767 --> 00:06:02,957
It will have no effect on me.
I am incorruptible!
105
00:06:03,757 --> 00:06:06,777
Watch this! Boring.
106
00:06:06,827 --> 00:06:09,937
Boring... boring...
107
00:06:11,807 --> 00:06:13,857
(TV theme tune plays)
108
00:06:25,787 --> 00:06:26,937
Morning, Dad.
109
00:06:27,737 --> 00:06:28,837
Dad?
110
00:06:31,897 --> 00:06:35,737
Good old blood-free toast.
The perfect breakfast!
111
00:06:36,777 --> 00:06:38,787
Has he been watching TV all night?
112
00:06:38,837 --> 00:06:41,907
Looks like it.
OK, Dad, I'm off to school.
113
00:06:41,957 --> 00:06:44,797
Bye, Dad. Bye, Vlad. See ya.
114
00:06:45,777 --> 00:06:48,947
Sheila, you're here! My wife and I
have waited a long time...
115
00:06:49,747 --> 00:06:53,737
- I thought you were incorruptible?
- Shhh, quiet.
116
00:06:53,787 --> 00:06:57,827
Sheila is about to find out
if Edna is really her daughter!
117
00:06:57,877 --> 00:07:00,897
- Doesn't she know?
- Of course not, foolish girl.
118
00:07:00,947 --> 00:07:01,967
She has amnesia!
119
00:07:02,767 --> 00:07:04,947
'Here are the results
of your DNA test.
120
00:07:05,747 --> 00:07:10,777
'I'm sorry to tell you,
Edna is not your daughter!
121
00:07:10,817 --> 00:07:12,957
'However, I am your son!'
122
00:07:13,757 --> 00:07:16,767
- Huh?
- Oh!
123
00:07:17,967 --> 00:07:20,787
Well, I didn't see that one coming!
124
00:07:20,837 --> 00:07:23,957
Of course not.
It's really far-fetched and stupid.
125
00:07:24,757 --> 00:07:26,897
Oh, just go to school, Ingrid!
126
00:07:26,937 --> 00:07:30,887
I don't believe this! You love
TV more than your children.
127
00:07:30,937 --> 00:07:34,777
I don't. I just love TV
more than my daughter.
128
00:07:34,827 --> 00:07:36,777
Huh!
129
00:07:39,857 --> 00:07:41,907
- Have you eaten garlic?
- Yes, Dad.
130
00:07:41,957 --> 00:07:45,727
What do you say if she invites you
to see her coffin?
131
00:07:45,777 --> 00:07:48,817
- I'm not that sort of boy. Can I go?
- Wait.
132
00:07:53,897 --> 00:07:55,887
I, er...
133
00:07:58,947 --> 00:08:00,887
I got you these.
134
00:08:03,827 --> 00:08:05,897
You're a slayer now, my son.
135
00:08:07,747 --> 00:08:10,907
Yeah, uh... thanks.
136
00:08:21,897 --> 00:08:24,807
OK, how about this?
137
00:08:24,857 --> 00:08:26,917
Bistritz Beer Festival, 1994.
138
00:08:26,967 --> 00:08:29,927
My parents drink too much ale
and push the wrong pram.
139
00:08:30,727 --> 00:08:31,927
- That's possible, right?
- Um.
140
00:08:32,727 --> 00:08:34,927
- Just think about it, that's all.
- OK.
141
00:08:36,757 --> 00:08:39,767
Can I stop now?
I'm starting to worry about you.
142
00:08:39,817 --> 00:08:41,937
Worry about yourself,
zombie snot.
143
00:08:42,737 --> 00:08:43,867
What have I done now?
144
00:08:43,917 --> 00:08:48,747
You made Dad buy that TV.
I'm now his third favourite.
145
00:08:48,797 --> 00:08:50,897
Come on, you know that's not true.
146
00:08:50,947 --> 00:08:53,967
You forgot Renfield
You're fourth favourite!
147
00:08:54,947 --> 00:08:57,787
- Hey, Ingrid!
- What?!
148
00:08:57,837 --> 00:09:01,907
- Don't you want your homework?
- Oh, yeah... thanks.
149
00:09:01,957 --> 00:09:04,787
I'm sorry I snapped.
150
00:09:04,837 --> 00:09:07,797
It's my brother.
He really bugs me.
151
00:09:07,847 --> 00:09:10,737
- Don't worry about it.
- Yeah, we understand.
152
00:09:10,777 --> 00:09:12,767
- You do?
- Yeah.
153
00:09:12,817 --> 00:09:15,807
You have met Robin?
He's delusional.
154
00:09:15,857 --> 00:09:17,957
Keeps going on
about being swapped at birth.
155
00:09:18,757 --> 00:09:21,907
Shame he wasn't.
That'd solve all our problems.
156
00:09:21,957 --> 00:09:25,867
Yes...
Yes, it would, wouldn't it?
157
00:09:25,917 --> 00:09:27,927
It really would!
158
00:09:30,917 --> 00:09:33,757
- Thank you. I owe you.
- In that case...
159
00:09:33,807 --> 00:09:35,827
- Will you be in our movie?
- Yeah, whatever!
160
00:09:35,877 --> 00:09:37,737
Safe!
161
00:09:39,947 --> 00:09:41,937
We'll see you later then?
162
00:09:42,737 --> 00:09:43,917
Ingrid,
163
00:09:43,967 --> 00:09:47,777
I couldn't help over-hearing you let
the twins do your homework.
164
00:09:47,827 --> 00:09:49,907
Tell the headmistress.
See if I care.
165
00:09:49,957 --> 00:09:51,857
That's not what I meant.
166
00:09:51,907 --> 00:09:54,897
If you ever want something
doing properly, just ask.
167
00:09:54,947 --> 00:09:56,967
As if!
168
00:09:57,927 --> 00:10:01,857
Actually... there is something
you can do for me.
169
00:10:01,907 --> 00:10:03,917
Meet me in the library after school.
170
00:10:07,787 --> 00:10:10,787
You could've written
Lord Of The Rings by now!
171
00:10:10,837 --> 00:10:13,807
What's the rush?
It's only homework... isn't it?
172
00:10:14,847 --> 00:10:18,797
It's kind of more like an evil plot
to destroy my brother.
173
00:10:18,847 --> 00:10:21,927
Oh, OK. Erm, why?
174
00:10:22,727 --> 00:10:25,817
Well, you see, with Vlad gone,
I get the lot.
175
00:10:25,867 --> 00:10:28,937
The castle, the coffins,
my father's love...
176
00:10:29,737 --> 00:10:32,937
You're not evil. You just want
your dad to understand you.
177
00:10:33,737 --> 00:10:37,777
- How did you know?
- Believe me, I know what it's like.
178
00:10:37,827 --> 00:10:40,827
You know, I'm sensing
a real connection here.
179
00:10:42,757 --> 00:10:44,777
So it's a shame
I've got to kill you.
180
00:10:44,827 --> 00:10:47,837
- What? Kill me? Why?
- It's a vampire thing.
181
00:10:47,887 --> 00:10:49,957
- Kind of what we do.
- You're a vampire?
182
00:10:50,757 --> 00:10:53,727
Yep.
Now this is going to hurt a lot.
183
00:10:53,777 --> 00:10:55,887
I'll hypnotise you so you don't scream.
184
00:10:55,937 --> 00:10:59,797
Can't you hypnotise me so I forget
we ever had this conversation?
185
00:11:00,877 --> 00:11:02,877
Oh, right.
186
00:11:02,927 --> 00:11:06,947
Nice plan. Blood-spattered clothes
are so 1600s.
187
00:11:09,927 --> 00:11:13,757
Ingrid is not a vampire.
188
00:11:13,807 --> 00:11:16,787
Everything is perfectly normal.
189
00:11:18,767 --> 00:11:21,777
And sort your hair out!
190
00:11:28,807 --> 00:11:31,957
- What?
- Hello, Mr Count. Is Ingrid in?
191
00:11:32,757 --> 00:11:35,857
Who knows? Who cares?
I'm missing important television.
192
00:11:35,907 --> 00:11:38,907
- She promised to star in our film!
- Your film?
193
00:11:38,957 --> 00:11:40,907
How can you make a film?
194
00:11:40,957 --> 00:11:43,747
It's for You've Been Shamed.
195
00:11:43,797 --> 00:11:46,777
The winners get shown
on national TV!
196
00:11:46,827 --> 00:11:49,847
You mean,
you can make your own television
197
00:11:49,897 --> 00:11:51,857
and win fame and glory
198
00:11:51,907 --> 00:11:54,927
and all the peasants
will worship and fear you?
199
00:11:55,727 --> 00:11:58,957
- Uh, sort of.
- Do you want to help us?
200
00:11:59,757 --> 00:12:02,887
No, I'm going to steal your idea
and enter the competition myself.
201
00:12:10,797 --> 00:12:12,897
Why do I have to do this stupid job?
202
00:12:12,947 --> 00:12:17,847
Because we have cameramen
and make-up girls!
203
00:12:17,897 --> 00:12:19,827
Now get dabbing!
204
00:12:19,877 --> 00:12:21,817
Script editing lackey, come here!
205
00:12:25,877 --> 00:12:27,847
Let's run through the script.
206
00:12:27,897 --> 00:12:30,927
So, Renfield enters
with a big bowl of blood.
207
00:12:31,727 --> 00:12:32,807
A big cream cake.
208
00:12:32,857 --> 00:12:35,827
He trips on a carelessly
abandoned coffin lid.
209
00:12:35,877 --> 00:12:38,947
- A skateboard.
- With hilarious results.
210
00:12:39,747 --> 00:12:42,877
Right, I think we're ready for a take.
Make-up girl!
211
00:12:48,847 --> 00:12:50,727
Ingrid!
212
00:12:50,777 --> 00:12:51,867
(Renfield screams)
213
00:13:00,767 --> 00:13:02,817
Ingrid!
214
00:13:02,867 --> 00:13:03,957
Yes, Daddy?
215
00:13:04,757 --> 00:13:08,747
You and I are going to have a long,
frank discussion
216
00:13:08,797 --> 00:13:10,807
about job satisfaction.
217
00:13:10,857 --> 00:13:13,867
- After you've cleaned up this mess.
- OK, Dad.
218
00:13:18,847 --> 00:13:20,727
What's this?
219
00:13:22,787 --> 00:13:27,867
"Top Secret. This diary
belongs to Magda Westenra..."
220
00:13:27,917 --> 00:13:32,767
That's your mother's private diary!
Give it to me. Give it to me!
221
00:13:35,817 --> 00:13:36,907
"Private.
222
00:13:36,957 --> 00:13:39,877
"This means you, Countie!
223
00:13:39,927 --> 00:13:44,747
"If I ever find out you've read this,
I will twist your...
224
00:13:45,927 --> 00:13:47,917
"until you..." What?
225
00:13:47,967 --> 00:13:51,867
I think maybe we should honour
your mother's privacy.
226
00:13:52,767 --> 00:13:53,927
Nah.
227
00:13:55,777 --> 00:13:57,957
Let me read it, Dad.
I'll find a good bit.
228
00:13:59,747 --> 00:14:01,857
"July 7th, 1994.
229
00:14:01,907 --> 00:14:05,867
"The Count is driving me mad.
He is so sexist!
230
00:14:05,917 --> 00:14:07,937
"He ignores our brilliant daughter
231
00:14:08,737 --> 00:14:10,857
"and spends all his time with Vladimir.
232
00:14:10,907 --> 00:14:14,917
"He says women just don't have
what it takes to be vampires.
233
00:14:14,967 --> 00:14:16,847
MAG DA: But I will show him.
234
00:14:16,897 --> 00:14:21,897
I will swap Vladimir with the baby
from the boring British family.
235
00:14:21,947 --> 00:14:23,927
They will take him away to Britain
236
00:14:24,727 --> 00:14:26,897
and the Count will bring their baby up
as his own!
237
00:14:27,867 --> 00:14:31,927
Then we will see who's got
what it takes! Ha, ha, ha!
238
00:14:32,727 --> 00:14:35,737
"Ha, ha, ha."
239
00:14:35,787 --> 00:14:37,927
Mistress Magda always
enjoyed a good laugh.
240
00:14:39,937 --> 00:14:42,827
Vlad, my boy...
241
00:14:42,877 --> 00:14:45,877
- You're not my boy!
- I knew it! I knew it!
242
00:14:45,927 --> 00:14:48,967
I was on holiday in Transylvania
12 years ago!
243
00:14:49,767 --> 00:14:51,867
I must be your son... Father!
244
00:14:51,917 --> 00:14:54,927
Listen to yourselves!
You sound like a bad soap plot!
245
00:14:55,727 --> 00:14:58,787
- It sounds like a good soap plot.
- Yeah, right.
246
00:14:59,907 --> 00:15:02,867
Dad, you don't believe him,
247
00:15:02,917 --> 00:15:04,897
do you?
248
00:15:04,947 --> 00:15:08,937
Tell me more about this holiday
in Transylvania.
249
00:15:09,737 --> 00:15:11,897
Ah, if I might make a suggestion?
250
00:15:11,947 --> 00:15:14,907
We should settle this
as they do on that TV.
251
00:15:15,917 --> 00:15:19,917
- With a DNA test!
- What's a D and A test?
252
00:15:19,967 --> 00:15:23,767
It's a scientific way of finding out
if people are related.
253
00:15:23,817 --> 00:15:25,877
Related? I'm your son, Dad!
254
00:15:25,927 --> 00:15:28,767
Proceed with the test.
255
00:15:28,817 --> 00:15:30,957
(Thunder claps)
256
00:15:32,737 --> 00:15:34,947
So, first I'll need a skin sample.
257
00:15:35,747 --> 00:15:38,787
Um, you could just use a spatula?
258
00:15:38,837 --> 00:15:40,747
Spoilsport!
259
00:15:56,907 --> 00:15:58,867
(Renfield cackles)
260
00:16:00,807 --> 00:16:03,907
Are we all ready
to spin the Wheel of DNA?
261
00:16:03,957 --> 00:16:05,967
If this is science, I'm a banana.
262
00:16:06,767 --> 00:16:08,807
Shut it before I'll peel you, clever clogs.
263
00:16:08,857 --> 00:16:13,797
This is Transylvanian science. Much
more accurate than boring British science.
264
00:16:13,847 --> 00:16:14,967
And it's entertaining! Spin the wheel!
265
00:16:18,747 --> 00:16:19,917
(Electricity sparks)
266
00:16:39,907 --> 00:16:41,837
(Alarm sounds)
267
00:16:46,947 --> 00:16:50,867
There we go. Robin was your son all along.
What a revelation.
268
00:16:50,917 --> 00:16:53,747
- Can I have Vlad's room?
- No, you can't.
269
00:16:53,797 --> 00:16:56,747
I'm having Vlad's room.
Right, Dad?
270
00:16:56,797 --> 00:16:59,767
I thought you were supposed
to be Vlad's friend.
271
00:16:59,817 --> 00:17:01,957
Real vampires don't have friends.
272
00:17:04,767 --> 00:17:05,957
I like this boy already.
273
00:17:06,757 --> 00:17:09,777
Vlad, are you OK?
274
00:17:09,827 --> 00:17:13,827
I can't believe it.
I don't know what to do.
275
00:17:13,877 --> 00:17:15,847
You can start
by clearing out my room.
276
00:17:15,897 --> 00:17:17,837
- My room!
- Children, children.
277
00:17:17,887 --> 00:17:19,897
This is no time to argue.
278
00:17:19,947 --> 00:17:22,877
Just get this impostor
out of my castle!
279
00:17:22,927 --> 00:17:24,787
Dad!
280
00:17:25,797 --> 00:17:26,957
Apparently not!
281
00:17:35,967 --> 00:17:39,857
I thought this would please you,
Master Vladimir.
282
00:17:39,907 --> 00:17:42,757
Haven't you always wanted
to be normal?
283
00:17:42,807 --> 00:17:46,907
It's not that. It's Dad.
I mean, Count Dracula.
284
00:17:46,957 --> 00:17:49,737
I never thought he could be so horrible.
285
00:17:49,787 --> 00:17:51,847
The name might have given you
a clue.
286
00:17:51,897 --> 00:17:53,917
Are you ready to pack me now?
287
00:17:53,967 --> 00:17:56,907
Wait. I want you to stay
288
00:17:56,957 --> 00:17:59,917
and look after my so-called friend
Robin for me.
289
00:17:59,967 --> 00:18:02,837
Really look after him,
if you know what I mean.
290
00:18:02,887 --> 00:18:07,927
I'm surprised, master Vlad. I thought you'd want
me to make his life a living hell.
291
00:18:08,727 --> 00:18:12,777
I was being ironic, Zoltan.
It's a breather thing.
292
00:18:15,727 --> 00:18:17,757
It's a breather thing...
293
00:18:21,967 --> 00:18:25,777
- How did it go with Ingrid today?
- Ingrid is not a vampire.
294
00:18:25,827 --> 00:18:27,887
Everything is perfectly normal.
295
00:18:27,937 --> 00:18:30,837
What did she say to you?
Exactly?
296
00:18:30,887 --> 00:18:34,807
Ingrid is not a vampire.
Everything is perfectly normal.
297
00:18:34,857 --> 00:18:38,777
Good garlic, the lad's been hypnotised!
Look at me!
298
00:18:40,877 --> 00:18:43,747
Hey, Dad.
What's with the fingers?
299
00:18:43,797 --> 00:18:46,927
- You've been hypnotised.
- I would've remembered!
300
00:18:47,727 --> 00:18:49,957
No, you wouldn't! Now, concentrate.
301
00:18:50,757 --> 00:18:52,837
Can you remember talking to Ingrid?
302
00:18:52,887 --> 00:18:54,827
- No.
- I knew it.
303
00:18:54,877 --> 00:18:56,937
Hypnotism's an old vampire mind trick.
304
00:18:57,737 --> 00:18:59,887
Only trained slayers like me
can resist.
305
00:18:59,937 --> 00:19:04,747
But no vampire hypnotises
my son and gets away with it.
306
00:19:04,797 --> 00:19:06,937
This is going to involve wooden
pointy things, isn't it?
307
00:19:07,737 --> 00:19:08,897
You betcha!
308
00:19:08,947 --> 00:19:12,737
Tomorrow, we're going slaying!
Again.
309
00:19:14,877 --> 00:19:16,947
I like the new hairstyle.
310
00:19:26,727 --> 00:19:29,937
We'll call this one Robin's First Flight.
311
00:19:30,737 --> 00:19:32,937
- He doesn't stay in the air long.
- We'll run it in slow motion.
312
00:19:33,737 --> 00:19:35,767
You're doing well, my boy.
313
00:19:35,817 --> 00:19:37,837
Look at that...
314
00:19:37,887 --> 00:19:40,777
He's losing his reflection already.
315
00:19:45,927 --> 00:19:50,787
Master, this son is no improvement
on the last one!
316
00:19:50,837 --> 00:19:53,827
Ignore him, Father,
he's just jealous!
317
00:19:53,877 --> 00:19:56,827
I know I'm a better vampire than Vlad.
Let me prove it!
318
00:19:56,877 --> 00:19:59,737
How?
319
00:19:59,787 --> 00:20:00,847
Master.
320
00:20:00,897 --> 00:20:05,817
There was one thing that Master Vlad
would never do.
321
00:20:05,867 --> 00:20:09,757
He would never let you bite
the local peasants!
322
00:20:09,807 --> 00:20:12,847
Mmmm. An excellent idea!
323
00:20:12,897 --> 00:20:15,867
You will catch me a nice juicy local
for my dinner.
324
00:20:24,797 --> 00:20:28,847
You can't hung out there.
People will think you're homeless.
325
00:20:28,897 --> 00:20:30,797
That's right, you are!
326
00:20:30,847 --> 00:20:32,887
Don't you think
you've upset him enough?
327
00:20:32,937 --> 00:20:35,767
It's a good start,
but I can do better.
328
00:20:35,817 --> 00:20:40,737
Very convenient,
the way you "found" that diary.
329
00:20:40,787 --> 00:20:43,937
I thought so.
The good news is Dad loves Robin.
330
00:20:44,737 --> 00:20:47,797
How does it feel to be
fifth favourite?
331
00:20:47,847 --> 00:20:50,957
- I'm sorry, Ingrid.
- What?
332
00:20:51,757 --> 00:20:55,807
I didn't realise how bad it felt
when Dad ignored you.
333
00:20:55,857 --> 00:20:58,867
- Feeling guilty, Cruella?
- Of course not.
334
00:20:58,917 --> 00:21:00,957
I'm a vampire, I've no conscience!
335
00:21:01,757 --> 00:21:02,927
And no taste in lipstick!
336
00:21:09,967 --> 00:21:13,807
- What do I do, Zoltan?
- You have two choices, Robin.
337
00:21:13,857 --> 00:21:16,967
You can kidnap a peasant
and go to prison for a long time.
338
00:21:17,767 --> 00:21:21,807
Or you can disobey the Count
and be sent away like poor Vlad.
339
00:21:21,857 --> 00:21:25,817
Poor, rejected, lonely Vlad...
340
00:21:25,867 --> 00:21:29,957
All right, Zoltan! Enough.
I'm going to do the right thing.
341
00:21:30,757 --> 00:21:33,807
You're going to admit
that you're not a vampire
342
00:21:33,857 --> 00:21:35,757
and let Vlad come home?
343
00:21:35,807 --> 00:21:40,727
No. I'm gonna play along
and hope something turns up in time.
344
00:21:46,947 --> 00:21:49,797
Don't know what you're grinning about.
345
00:21:49,847 --> 00:21:50,907
(Knock at door)
346
00:21:52,927 --> 00:21:55,787
Mum wants to know
if you're staying tonight.
347
00:21:55,837 --> 00:21:57,737
And the rest of my life.
348
00:21:57,787 --> 00:22:00,837
Vlad, I just know Ingrid faked
that diary.
349
00:22:00,887 --> 00:22:04,817
- It wasn't her writing.
- But was it your mum's?
350
00:22:04,867 --> 00:22:09,737
You know,
I've never seen my mum's writing.
351
00:22:09,787 --> 00:22:13,857
- She was away all those years.
- Well, she must have written once?
352
00:22:15,807 --> 00:22:17,907
Right! We're going up to the castle.
353
00:22:17,957 --> 00:22:20,937
There must be a letter
from Magda somewhere.
354
00:22:21,737 --> 00:22:23,827
(Dramatic tune plays)
355
00:22:24,897 --> 00:22:26,727
Renfield!
356
00:22:30,937 --> 00:22:32,907
Well done, Robin!
357
00:22:32,957 --> 00:22:35,897
It's nice to see someone around here
making an effort.
358
00:22:35,947 --> 00:22:39,747
All we need now is your victim,
Master Robin.
359
00:22:43,807 --> 00:22:47,867
Give it up, Dad, they're out!
Can we go home now?
360
00:22:47,917 --> 00:22:49,777
I suppose so.
361
00:22:52,847 --> 00:22:55,947
It was unlocked!
Typical vampire arrogance!
362
00:22:56,747 --> 00:22:59,907
Or maybe they're just normal people who don't
expect slayers to barge in with stakes.
363
00:22:59,957 --> 00:23:01,737
Maybe.
364
00:23:01,787 --> 00:23:03,897
Grab your stake and mallet
and barge in!
365
00:23:03,947 --> 00:23:09,767
Dad, please, can we check they're vampires
before we embarrass ourselves?
366
00:23:09,817 --> 00:23:12,747
What do you suggest?
367
00:23:12,797 --> 00:23:16,837
I'll go in first. If I see any vampires,
I'll give you a shout.
368
00:23:16,887 --> 00:23:19,817
Your first solo slaying!
369
00:23:21,917 --> 00:23:23,847
I'm proud of you, son.
370
00:23:32,877 --> 00:23:34,897
I am so looking forward to this.
371
00:23:34,947 --> 00:23:38,887
- About me being your son...
- Yes, you're doing very well.
372
00:23:38,937 --> 00:23:42,797
Now, this juicy peasant,
will it be here soon?
373
00:23:42,847 --> 00:23:43,937
Um...
374
00:23:44,737 --> 00:23:45,967
- How about an aperitif?
- Mmm.
375
00:23:53,737 --> 00:23:56,827
How many times do I have to say it?
376
00:23:56,877 --> 00:23:58,777
I hate
377
00:23:58,827 --> 00:24:00,807
this stuff.
378
00:24:05,777 --> 00:24:07,897
You are vampires!
379
00:24:07,947 --> 00:24:09,937
And you
380
00:24:10,737 --> 00:24:12,877
are dinner.
381
00:24:12,927 --> 00:24:15,887
No! Leave him alone!
382
00:24:15,937 --> 00:24:17,757
Aargh!
383
00:24:17,807 --> 00:24:19,777
Dad, help! Help!
384
00:24:22,917 --> 00:24:25,937
(Count growls)
385
00:24:26,737 --> 00:24:28,827
- Eh?
- Cut!
386
00:24:28,877 --> 00:24:31,867
OK, people, that's a wrap!
387
00:24:32,917 --> 00:24:34,797
What's going on?
388
00:24:34,847 --> 00:24:38,867
Just our entry for
You've Been Shamed.
389
00:24:38,917 --> 00:24:42,857
Yeah, we're making a vampire movie.
390
00:24:42,907 --> 00:24:45,867
- A comedy vampire movie.
- What rubbish!
391
00:24:45,917 --> 00:24:48,877
Dad, look.
They were making a movie.
392
00:24:50,727 --> 00:24:53,837
We'll be off then, too.
Won't we, Dad?
393
00:24:53,887 --> 00:24:56,777
- Yes.
- Ah, not so fast!
394
00:24:56,827 --> 00:24:58,767
Who are you, anyway?
395
00:24:58,817 --> 00:25:01,937
I'm Vlad's woodwork teacher.
I, um,
396
00:25:02,737 --> 00:25:04,827
came to do a
397
00:25:04,877 --> 00:25:07,837
woodwork... inspection.
398
00:25:12,847 --> 00:25:15,897
Yes. Everything seems to be in order.
399
00:25:17,837 --> 00:25:18,917
Good day.
400
00:25:24,747 --> 00:25:25,877
(Door bangs shut)
401
00:25:25,927 --> 00:25:29,817
They're vampires, Jonathan,
and one day I'll prove it.
402
00:25:29,867 --> 00:25:33,847
It's make-up! Did you see that guy
playing the servant?
403
00:25:33,897 --> 00:25:35,837
Nobody's really that ugly.
404
00:25:35,887 --> 00:25:41,787
My dear boy! Your clever excuse
saved me from that very small mob!
405
00:25:41,837 --> 00:25:43,757
Can I be your son again?
406
00:25:43,807 --> 00:25:45,957
If you love a boy like a son,
he is your son.
407
00:25:46,757 --> 00:25:47,847
Thanks, Dad!
408
00:25:47,897 --> 00:25:51,737
Unfortunately, I only love Robin
because he is my real son.
409
00:25:51,787 --> 00:25:52,957
Erm, actually, he isn't.
410
00:25:54,887 --> 00:25:57,877
What? But the diary.
411
00:25:57,927 --> 00:26:02,817
I faked it. It's been bugging me.
I couldn't stop thinking about it.
412
00:26:02,867 --> 00:26:04,777
I knew you had a conscience!
413
00:26:04,827 --> 00:26:08,867
No. It's just that he was so glad
to be a vampire.
414
00:26:08,917 --> 00:26:12,837
I couldn't stand the thought
I'd made someone so... happy.
415
00:26:12,887 --> 00:26:14,817
Vladdy, my boy!
416
00:26:14,867 --> 00:26:16,847
You are my boy!
417
00:26:25,767 --> 00:26:28,737
So I'm not a vampire after all?
But I was so sure.
418
00:26:28,787 --> 00:26:30,847
I know. You were selfish,
419
00:26:30,897 --> 00:26:33,857
you betrayed your friends
and you were totally inhuman.
420
00:26:33,907 --> 00:26:34,917
You mean?
421
00:26:34,967 --> 00:26:38,727
Just because you aren't a vampire
doesn't mean you can't be evil!
422
00:26:38,777 --> 00:26:40,927
You're my best mate.
You know that, don't you?
423
00:26:41,727 --> 00:26:43,967
- Robin, I'm your only mate.
- Exactly.
424
00:26:44,767 --> 00:26:49,917
So, after all our adventures,
everything is back to normal.
425
00:26:49,967 --> 00:26:51,937
- Just like on TV!
- Wait a minute.
426
00:26:52,737 --> 00:26:55,837
What about that DNA test?
427
00:26:58,827 --> 00:27:00,747
What can I say?
428
00:27:00,797 --> 00:27:02,747
I just don't like you.
429
00:27:07,787 --> 00:27:11,897
Such drama! Such timing!
I'm a cinematic genius!
430
00:27:11,947 --> 00:27:15,757
I can't believe
they actually showed it!
431
00:27:15,807 --> 00:27:18,787
Master, I think I've had enough now.
432
00:27:18,837 --> 00:27:21,727
Just one more zap, son?
433
00:27:21,777 --> 00:27:26,327
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