All language subtitles for What I Like About You s01e14 The Game.eng

Holly, check it out.

Our spring break begins
with a bang.

The Staten Island sideshow.

Sideshow? Gary, I thought
we were going to do

something meaningful
with our vacation.

What happened
to our napping contest?

Look. "Freaks, wonders,
and curiosities."

It's the human condition.

Gary, you can see freaks
on every corner of the city.

You can't see Digestor.

The ad -- it says
he can eat anything.

Well, we're going
to see about that.

Kiki, a good assistant
doesn't call

an hour before work
and say she can't come in.

Sweetie, I'm glad
you met a guy,

but why are you
in Orlando?

Well, you know,
I happen to think

that work is the happiest
place on Earth.

Come on, Holly, let's go.
I want to sit in the front row

for Oozette,
the human sprinkler.

I don't want to go
to a freak show.

One man lifts a block
of concrete with his nipples,

and it's a freak show?

Perfect. Now I'm going
to have to call a temp agency.

You'd think for 500 bucks
I could get somebody

who doesn't want to "borrow"
a urine sample.

Hey, 500 bucks? What if
I filled in as your assistant?

Well, that would be...cute.

Hey, I could use the money,
and I'd work hard.

Hey, and I'd finally
have a place to wear

that business casual skirt
you gave me.

You haven't worn that?
I thought you love that skirt.

Uh-huh.

Well, okay, but you would have
to be completely professional.

I mean, when I ask you
to answer the phone

and make me coffee,
I don't want to hear

"You're not the boss of me,"
because, you know, I am.

Okay, it's a deal.

- Okay. Hurry up and go get dressed.
- Okay.

Looks like it's going to rain.
Can you grab my umbrella?

Your arms ain't broke.

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And after about six months
of phone calls,

I finally convinced "M.Y."
magazine to put Kira Martin

on the cover.

Whoo! Whoo!

Ahem. Fantastic work, Val.

This cover is a great way
to unveil her new boobs.

Oh, and call the "Post"
and deny that she has new boobs.

Ha ha ha ha!

Now, as many of you know,
Susan Dickerson has left

her position here to work
for our competition.

We wish her well and are glad
that her emotional neediness

is now their problem.

It also means that we need
a new managing director.

Now, you guys know it is
our policy to promote

from within.

Is that job something you'd need
a high school diploma for?

So, that's
everything for --

Actually, Vic, I have just
one quick question.

Uh, terrific job, Val,
on the Kira Martin cover.

When do we get to see
the final picture?

That is the final picture.
I signed off on it on Friday.

Oh. Forget it.

What?

No. God, it's nothing.
Great job, Val.

What, Lauren?
What is it?

Okay, well, I know I'm
the new girl in town

but in the Chicago office,
we tried not to use pictures

of cross-eyed people.

She's not cross-eyed.

Well, I know she's not,
but in that shot,

doesn't she seem like
she's a little,

I don't know, kind of
hypnotized by her own nose?

You know what? Forget it.
It's just me.

Just forget it.

No. You know,
now that you mention it,

I am kind of having the urge
to say, "I'm over here."

All right, Val, could you
straighten that out, please?

That's it, everybody.
Have a great week.

She's not cross-eyed.

Does she look cross-eyed
to you?

Maybe it's just one
of those things

that when someone says it,
everyone starts thinking

they see it, like the time
I convinced Gary

he was shrinking.

I can't believe the way
that Lauren girl

totally humiliated you
in front of your boss.

Wait, Vic is your boss, right,

because earlier I asked him
for trash bags.

Vic is everyone's boss.

Yeah, well, I'd watch out
for that Lauren girl.

She really has it in for you.
She wants that promotion.

We both want that promotion.
Managing director

is second in command. Not that
these things matter to me,

but I'd get my own bathroom,
and that would make life

a lot easier.

Then we've got to take Lauren
down before she takes you down.

Stop it. Lauren doesn't
have it in for me.

She's just doing her job.

Oh, please. "I'm Lauren,
I'm from Chicago, blah, blah,

pizza deep dish.
Ha ha ha ha!"

She is sucking up to Vic
and trying to make you look bad.

Hey, Val, I need you to be
on that 4:00 conference call

- with Tony Hawk.
- No problem.

Oh, and, Holly,
did you want large kitchen?

Oh, I'm sorry about that.

I told her you weren't
in charge of office supplies.

No, don't worry about it.
Hey, I haven't been able

to track down
that non-dairy creamer,

but I'll see if I can
score some from the mayor

after our meeting, 'kay?

I had no idea we were both
from Chicago.

What a coincidence!

Oh, I miss the windy city
already.

Did you know it's not called
the windy city

because of the wind?

It's because
of the "windy" politicians.

I guess they had a tendency
to talk on and on.

It kind of makes this
the windy break room.

I'm sorry. What?

Who wants coffee? Vic,
can I pour you a cup?

- Oh, yes, please.
- Okay.

You know what?
I'll take one, too.

Mugs are in the cupboard.

Hey, Vic,
do you like cigars?

Are you kidding me?
You've seen my humidor,

my collection
of cigar bands...

my teeth.

You have perfect teeth.

Anyway, um, a neighbor
gave these to me

as a housewarming gift.
They're yours if you want them.

I don't know
if they're any good.

Good? Are you kidding?
These are Cubans.

They're so good,
they're illegal.

A neighbor
gave you cigars?

Where do you live,
the dog track?

Gary, Holly stepped away
from her desk,

and I really don't want to hear
any more about the sideshow.

I don't care how many
orifices the man has!

Val, you would not believe
what just went down

in the break room!

Lauren is in there with Vic,
and she's sucking up to him

like a leech
on a wet hound dog!

I heard President Bush
say that.

Look, she went out
and bought him some fancy cigars

and then pretended like
it was no big deal.

Oh, my God,
she is pure evil.

Don't you get it?

She is the flashy
new girl in town,

and she's trying to move in
on your territory.

This is not high school.

Everything is high school!

Vic is going to give
the promotion to the person

who deserves it
based on the work,

not because
of some stupid cigars.

Yeah, sure, I'd love
to hear your ideas.

Um, I'm going to have lunch
at the Oak Room at the Plaza

at 1:00. Meet me there.

Super!

So, Lauren, you've got
some ideas, huh?

About what?

Oh, you know, our clients.

I think that Vic is excited
to have someone

who could look at things
with fresh eyes.

Really.

Yeah. You know, instead of...
crossed eyes.

So, while Lauren is sharing
her ideas with the boss

at the Plaza, why don't we go
through the want ads

at Mickey D's?

Wouldn't that be super?

All right, I'll admit,
Lauren is starting

to strike me
as a tad weasely.

But I have a plan
of my own.

Okay, that's what
I want to hear --

fighting fire with fire.
What are you going to do?

I am going
to write a report.

What?

Vic wants fresh ideas?

I've got fresh ideas.
So I'm going to analyze

our biggest accounts, assess
the pros and cons of each,

and turn it in to Vic.
In a fancy cover.

That's not fighting fire
with fire.

That's fighting fire
with paper.

Fire kicks paper's ass!

I don't want to stoop
to her level or your level.

I want to earn
that promotion.

Now get out of here. I've got
a lot of work to do.

Okay, I'll cancel your meetings,
hold your calls,

and get you some lunch
and hack into Lauren's computer.

Okay, I'll just cut
the brakes on her car.

I don't know, man.

I saw things today.

Things I won't soon forget.

I don't want
to talk about it.

Well, it's a sideshow.
What did you expect?

Not to see a man
eat a bucket of hair.

Hey, how was
the freak show?

I saw things today.

And heard them.

The hair -- it made
a crunching sound.

I don't want
to talk about it.

Hey, is Val's
lunch order ready?

Yeah, it's right here.
What's she so stressed about?

She locked herself
in her office

doing some kind of
extra credit report.

She needs to impress her boss
because of that promotion.

Really? Is she going
to be done by tonight?

'Cause I scored
two courtside seats

for the Knicks-Wizards
game.

It's Michael Jordan's
last game in New York.

Val's going to be
blown away!

Why? Are sports less boring
when you're closer?

No. Soccer sucks
from anywhere.

There isn't a guy
in the world

who wouldn't kill
for those seats.

You know who would love
to sit courtside

for the Knicks game?
Val's boss!

What are me and him going
to talk about?

Val has got serious competition
for her promotion,

but if she gives Vic
those tickets,

that would put her
way out in the lead!

Val doesn't have to bribe Vic.
Val's great at her job.

It doesn't matter
if she's great.

That Lauren girl
is a snake.

Val is in a war.

Yeah, I know that promotion's
really important to her.

But Michael Jordan's
really important to me.

You could see
where I'm stuck with this.

Dude, you're not looking
at the big picture.

Okay, think about this.

You give Vic the tickets,
and maybe Vic meets

Michael Jordan,
and they become friends.

And then Vic
has a dinner party,

invites his new friend
Michael Jordan

and his new managing
director Val Tyler.

And do you know who else
is at that party, Jeff?

Tiger Woods?

No.

You.

I'll get the tickets.

Holly, I thought
you did a great job today.

Hey, I learned a lot,
especially at that

sexual harassment
seminar.

So tomorrow when I see Vic,

I have to say,
"You look sharp"

instead of, "Aren't you
a smokin' hunk of love?"

I just hope he has time
to read my report.

Oh. There she is.

That was unbelievable,
Val.

Totally over and beyond
the call of duty.

Well, I just thought
it was something

that needed to be done.

I am blown away.
Thank you so much.

I'll see you guys.

I think the boss likes
my report.

I think he's thanking you
for the Knicks tickets.

Excuse me?

I gave Vic a couple
of courtside seats

to tonight's game, and I said
they were from you.

You what?
Why did you do that?

Because I knew that you would
never do this for yourself.

You listen to me.
From now on,

you answer the phones,
you take my messages,

and make me coffee.

Because if you don't,
I swear, I'm -- I'm --

You're number one, Val!

I'm number one. Ha.

Shame on me and my
successful ideas...

Stop it.
I'm number freakin' one!

Hey, I almost forgot.
I've read your report.

I think you made
some interesting points.

Oh, is that so?
Well, I'm glad you liked it.

Yeah, you know who really
liked it was Lauren.

Lauren?

Mm-hmm. Yeah, well, she --
well, here she is.

I mean, she can tell you
herself. We, uh,

we were just talking
about Val's report.

Oh, right, I picked it up
off his desk.

I thought it was a magazine.
It was so pretty.

She's already taken a couple
of your notions

- and really run with them.
- You're running with my notions?

Well, yeah, I'm sure we'll
talk about it some more

at the game tonight.

You're taking her?

She used to do P.R.
for the Bulls back in Chicago,

and she might be able
to get me in to meet Jordan.

Anyway, Val, thanks again
for the tickets.

Yes, Val, thank you.
Thank you so much.

If you yell at me
for the next two hours,

do I get paid overtime?

Thank you. Thank you
for giving Lauren

the perfect opportunity
to sit next to Vic

for three hours
and stab me in the back.

She's good.
She's very, very good.

She's so obvious. How does
he not see what she's doing?

Well, he sees free cigars
and basketball tickets.

What do you expect him
to do?

This is my career, Holly.
I could lose my job.

How will we ever
make ends meet?

Can you ease up
on the shaking?

I had, like, 30 cups
of coffee today.

I just really wanted
that promotion.

Now she's going to get it.

I'm going to be
number freakin' two!

Look, you can beat her.
The only difference

between you and Lauren is that
she has got fire in her belly.

Your belly's not even rubbing
two sticks together.

You're right.
I'm too damn nice.

I can't fight dirty.

But I can.

You ready
to listen to me?

I'm ready. Bring it on.
How do we get Lauren?

Okay, well, it might not
surprise you

that I have some ideas.
Here we go.

Ooh, I like this one.
It has a diagram.

Oh, that one's kind of tricky.
We need a sample of her DNA.

Hey, how about this one?
The bazooka.

Tell me about the bazooka.

Excellent choice. I used that
once in the ninth grade

on Lisa Gertz.

They say on quiet days
you can still hear her crying.

So, how does it work?

We do some digging
into Lauren's past

and find
her dirty little secret.

You think
she has a secret?

Everyone has a secret.

But, Val, you have to know
that this won't be pretty.

Once you get in,
you cannot get out.

Why can't you get out?

Well, you can, but it's
just more fun like this.

Come on, let's do it!

Okay.

Where's Holly?

She's still at the office.
She and Ernie the computer guy

are trying to dig up
Lauren's dirty little secret.

She has a secret?

Everyone has a secret.

So...you're playing dirty?

Damn right.

Ooh. Tell me more,
dirty Val.

Well, the plan is to --

Oh, no, no, no, no.

Say it slower and use your early
morning scratchy voice.

I got it.

The bazooka?
You got the bazooka?

Oh, yes, and it's big. It's
bigger than I even imagined.

Okay, don't tell me
all at once.

Just give me
a tiny little hint.

Okay. Jail.

Right.
Sounds like "jail."

Male. Oh!
She used to be a man!

I knew it!

No, she was in jail --
prison.

No.

Yes.

Oh, my God,
this is good!

Lauren did time.

- What was she in for?
- Robbery.

She knocked over
a laundromat.

This -- this is great.

Okay, so --
so, what do we do?

You flash that rap sheet,
then watch how fast

Lauren hops on the next train
to Chi-town.

When did you start talking
like this?

It's possible
that I watch too much TV.

- Okay, so here's how it goes down.
- Mm-hmm.

You get Lauren
in your office,

you sit her down,
and you give her the stare.

Then you give her
a little squint

so she knows that this is
not a social call.

Hmm, I like the squint.

Mm-hmm. And once you get
her attention,

you slam that file
on the table

and you tell her
that she is history.

You tell her
that she messed around

with the wrong
public relations lady.

Publicist.

Yeah, that sounds
tougher.

You makin' fun of me?

Yeah, yeah,
that's it.

That's the early morning
scratchy voice.

- Are you okay?
- Never better.

Lookin' sharp, Vic.

Oh...

hey, I miss being
a smokin' hunk of love.

Stupid seminars.

- You got the bazooka?
- Locked and loaded.

Fire in the belly?

Make me proud, damn it.

I'll do my best.

: Good morning, Lauren.

Thank you for meeting me
so early.

Yeah, I've got a 10:15
with Vic, so could you kinda...

This is going to take
as long as it's going to take.

See, 'cause now
you're on my clock.

It's a zit, okay?
I am premenstrual.

This is not a social call.

What is that?

Open it.

Just curious, does the girl
in that picture

look like she's cross-eyed?

Ooh.

Okay, look, Val,
can I --

Ah, ah, ah.
I'm talking now.

Did you really think
I was just going to let you

walk all over me?

Early indicators
pointed to "yes."

All right,
what do you want?

I want you on the first
train to Chi-town.

Excuse me?

It's over.
I want you gone.

You are history.

Okay.

Game over. You win.

Yes, I win.

Wait.

Don't.

What?

This is ridiculous --
this whole thing.

I don't want to make you
quit your job.

: Oh, God.

First of all,
you're kind of good at it.

I mean, half of this job
is manipulating people

and sucking up to them,

and you definitely
have that down.

Uh, excuse me, Val?
It's an urgent phone call --

uh, Mr. Fire in the Belly,
about the plan.

You -- I want you
to come in here

and hear this, too.

- Actually, I can hear pretty good --
- Now.

Lauren, I think you've been
acting really unprofessionally.

Quite frankly,
you've been a weasel.

I don't agree with your
"win at all costs" attitude.

And if I start doing that,
then I'm you,

and I don't want
to be you.

Here, you keep this.

Nobody has to know
about it.

Wait,
I am totally confused.

You could bury me
with this,

and you're just going
to let it go?

Don't look at me.
I was hoping to see

some big ol' mascara tears
by now.

If I get this promotion,

I want to get it
because I earned it,

because
I am the most qualified,

not because you knocked over
some...fluff-n-fold.

You probably
won't believe me,

but I did not rob
that laundromat.

My boyfriend told me to stop

because he had
to get some change,

and the next thing I know,
he jumped into my car

with a big pillowcase
full of cash

and started yelling,
"Drive! Drive!"

I believe you.

Thank you.

Uh, Lauren,

the next time you try
to humiliate me

in the morning meeting,
I will knock you cross-eyed.

Got it.

Can I still cut
the brakes on her car?

Hey, does the new managing
director of Harper and Diggs

like her fettucine?

Sweetie, please stop
calling me that.

Wow, the new managing
director of Harper and Diggs

has a 'tude.

Ha ha ha ha.

Mmm, this pasta's delicious.
What kind is it?

Mm, angel hair.

Hair?

Sorry.

Hey, I'm cured.
Seconds on the hair!

So, does the assistant
to the new managing director

also get a raise?

No, and Kiki's back
from Orlando.

But thank you for a great
couple of days.

You were
a great assistant.

Nobody's ever watched
my back like you.

You don't need me
to watch your back.

You are a master. You used
the bazooka for good.

I have been fighting it out
in the schoolyard for 11 years

And I have
never seen that move.

Well, if you want,

maybe I can get you something
part-time in the mailroom.

Maybe not. This way,
Vic and I can date

without breaking
company policy.

Ha ha ha.

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