Original subtitles

So, I was thinking about

swinging by your office today for lunch.

You got time?

No, sorry. I'm busy.

I have to meet with my boss.

I have to kiss her butt because she finally asked me

to pitch a new client with her.

Then we have to discuss the strategy

for kissing the client's butt

and then execute said butt-kissing plan.

So that's what you public relations people do --

kiss butt all day.

And make famous people more famous.

Hey, can you do something for Billy Bob Thornton?

I feel like I don't know

what's going on in his life anymore.

Good morning.

Hey, there she is now --

my sister, the Copy That girl.

I know it's mannish and homely,

but on the bright side, they made me pay for it.

Well, at least you get to work with Gary.

I know. That guy is in heaven.

He has raised xeroxing to an art form.

He even figured out how to copy parts of his body

onto coffee mugs.

Please tell me that's his thumb!

♪ Hey! ♪

♪ Uh-huh ♪

♪ What I like about you ♪

♪ You really know how to dance ♪

♪ When you go up, down, jump around ♪

♪ Talk about true romance ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Keep on whispering in my ear ♪

♪ Tell me all the things that I wanna hear ♪

♪ 'Cause it's true ♪

♪ What I like ♪

♪ That's what I like about you ♪

♪ What I like ♪

♪ That's what I like about you ♪

♪ What I like about you ♪

♪ That's what I like about you ♪

♪ What I like about you ♪

♪ Hey! ♪

Sync by chocomoon www.addic7ed.com

So, I've had these same old menus for a while,

and I guess I could use some new ones.

Give me your professional opinion.

Frankly, I'm surprised

you stayed in business this long.

What? They're not that bad.

Come on. Helvetica Bold?

It's a poor man's font.

We'll upgrade you with a lovely Palatino.

Perhaps a nice 18 point --

no, no, no, no, no.

14 point.

Just make me some without stains, dude.

Hey, I didn't know you were here.

Yeah, I thought I'd stop by

and throw some business your way.

So, one girl working with a bunch of guys, huh?

You must like the odds.

Yeah. If I was into Dungeons & Dragons

and comic book conventions, I'd be their queen.

Hey! I picked you up a double vanilla soy latte.

That's what you like, right?

Oh, thanks, Jake. That's sweet.

You didn't have to do that.

By the way, the color copier

needs toner, and I couldn't find the magenta.

Oh, I'll take care of it.

The color copier's kind of tricky.

What?

Jake, huh? Nice!

Do you want his number?

Okay, play it cool.

I respect that.

You just enjoy that latte.

I bet it's sweet -- like Jake.

Okay, people,

which one of you jokers ate my last go-gurt?

Besides,

my heart belongs to Sheldon.

So, up to now, the Philharmonic image

has been stuffy, you know?

So how do we make them accessible to young people?

Well, um, I was thinking, they're musicians.

There's nothing cooler than musicians,

so I say we make them rock stars.

Put up a series of billboards

with the horn section dressed as Ozzy Osbourne

or the string section doing this thing.

Yeah...

but no.

Um, Susan, is it me,

or have you lost a ton of weight lately?

11 1/2 pounds.

It's my new macrobiotic diet.

Oh. Well, you look macro-fantastic!

Thank you.

Let's explore your billboard idea.

Yeah. This thing --

starting to make sense to me.

Okay, um, great.

I think the best way for us to reach

our target demog -- oh, my.

You okay?

Mm-hmm. Yeah, I'm fine.

Okay.

- Excuse me, Susan? - Yes.

I need you to sign these contracts.

Thank you.

[ sniffing ]

[ whispering ] Oh, jeez!

She stinks!

Oh, come on. How bad could it be?

What does it smell like?

Mushroom soup.

Unholy mushroom soup.

All right, uh, you know,

in the restaurant business,

we're often confronted with foul orders.

Like our backroom --

it's a mixture of onions, garbage,

dirty uniforms --

Jeff, I have a lot of smells on my plate right now.

- Hey. - Hey.

How was work?

Fine. What stinks?

Oh, God!

It's on me!

I'm gonna go change.

So, how's Jake, huh?

The J-man?

Sweet Jakey cake? Ooh.

Don't you have something better to do?

No.

Look, I saw you and Jake together, all right?

The heat was undeniable.

Why don't you just go for it?

There is nothing to go for.

For starters, his last name is Wood.

So?

So? Holly Wood?

Why even go down that road?

Well, then you got a problem on your hands,

'cause he's obviously into you,

and you're sending him signs that you're into him, too.

Like what?

Did you or did you not touch his arm?

I touched it, I didn't lick it.

Oh, man, it's Amy Teplin all over again.

Junior year, I had a huge crush on her,

and I was positive she liked me, too.

So I go over to Amy's house to make my move,

and what do I find?

Amy Teplin in her pool

skinny-dipping with Scott McCoy.

Do you understand what I'm trying to tell you?

That Amy Teplin was a slut?

No! I was crushed!

I stood there hiding behind a bush

for 45 minutes watching the love of my life

swimming naked with another guy.

45 minutes?

My mom dropped me off.

I had to wait for her to pick me up.

Look, what I'm trying to tell you is

that if you don't like Jake, you got to tell him.

Set him free, Holly.

Set him free.

There is nothing to set free.

Trust me, you're wrong.

Okay.

So, did you ever talk to Amy Teplin again?

Well, I saw her at our class reunion.

Ugh. 10 years of chain-smoking

really did a number on her.

She could hardly draw a full breath,

and teeth looked like an ear of Indian corn.

Ew!

I know, so I only made out with her for a little while.

Wow! These menus are incredible!

You really did a great job.

Did you notice the craftsmanship?

Gold leaf embossing, linen paper.

Rub the leather, man.

Go ahead.

You know you want to.

Feels good.

How much is it going to cost me?

$88.

I can handle that. How many do I get?

That one.

Gary, I need 100 menus. I can't afford that!

Look, just run off a bunch of my old ones,

and that'll be fine.

Whoa. Run off a bunch of the old ones?

Jeff, do you know what you get

when you take the "art" out of "artist"?

Ist.

And I don't mind telling you,

I'm a little ist off right now.

Whew, I need a break.

Then I'm just in time.

Ahh. A latte.

From a friend.

Thanks a latte.

[ coughing ] Amy Teplin.

Um, Jake, can I see you for a second

in the break room?

Sure.

Oh. Hey, Sheldon, can we have a second?

But I just made my tea.

Okay. But I don't like moving with hot liquids.

This is kind of awkward. Uh...

I kind of get the feeling that you like me.

And don't get me wrong, I like you, too.

It's just, uh, if you, like, like me like me,

then I have to tell you that I don't like you

like you like me.

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

You think I have a thing for you?

Don't you?

Ha ha. No.

Please! Why would you think that?

You bought me lattes, you let me touch your arm.

Yesterday, with the color copier,

you were all over that.

Look, I don't like you.

I was just trying to be nice, but I'll stop.

Oh, look,

I feel so stupid.

Just do me a favor and forget I even said anything.

Sure. Don't worry about it.

[ Sheldon ]: Excuse me, but I'll have you both know

that just about scalded a nipple.

So, who's going to be in this meeting?

Well, probably just the executive director

of the Philharmonic and his assistant.

So you know the drill.

We sit down, we talk...

butt-kiss, butt-kiss.

[ laughing ] Right, right,

right, right.

Um, Susan, I got you a present.

Oh!

Val! Soaps and scented lotions?

Mm-hmm.

You did not have to.

Oh, I had to.

It's a thank-you for the opportunity

to work with you on this account.

What do you say? Right now, lotion party.

This is so thoughtful of you.

I actually have very sensitive skin.

If I used this stuff, I would break out in hives.

You would not want to be around me.

I don't know. I can tolerate quite a bit.

- Excuse me, Susan? - Yes?

Paul Cody called from the Philharmonic.

His schedule changed,

so the only way you and Val can meet with him

is in his limo on his way to the airport.

Oh, no.

Uh, should we reschedule?

No, no, this is perfect.

When you're pitching a client,

it's good to be in a confined space

so nobody can get out.

Mm, right. Trapped. Perfect.

And your nutritionist is on line one.

Oh, better take that. I want to see if it's okay

if I can double up on the algae.

Hey, like those earrings. Cute.

I feel for you.

Thank you.

Hey, guys.

Oh, hey, Holly.

I wrote down your schedule for next week.

Oh. Thanks, Sheldon.

And by the way, this doesn't mean I'm in love with you.

[ laughing ]

What?

[ laughing ]

Oh, my God, you told them?

Ah, yeah. Pretty funny, huh?

No, that's not funny at all!

Hey, Holly, your sister called earlier,

but I'm only telling you this as a friend.

[ laughing ]

Jake, break room, now!

Uh-oh. Look out, guys.

She's gonna rip my heart out again!

I'll call 911.

Don't. I have brittle bones.

What is your problem?

So I thought you had a crush on me, and I was wrong.

Did you really have to go and tell everyone?

Yeah, I kind of did.

Oh, my God, those guys must think I am so conceited.

How could you do that?

Look, Holly, here's the thing.

If those guys knew I liked you

and then got shot down by you,

it would blow my reputation.

As?

As a stone-cold playa.

Wait a second. You just said you liked me.

Yeah, I'll admit, you're not bad.

Look, I'm doing us both a favor.

Now we won't have to worry about any of those

awkward moments here at work.

Well, at least I won't.

You are so not a playa.

I'm just as God made me.

So, what's up?

You liked this menu I designed, didn't you?

The nice paper, and the leather...

[ sniffs ]

smells like a man,

but feels like a woman.

Look, I told you, I loved it.

I thought it was great,

but I can't afford it.

Ah, but what if you could?

Look, look, check this out.

Okay, question --

why is the chicken ravioli now $56.95?

Well, you make a little more on the food,

and you can afford my elegant hand-crafted menus.

Everybody's happy.

Look, I really appreciate what you've done,

but I've actually already ordered my menus...

from someone else.

Hey, I've got the last box here, Jeff.

I'll put them in the back with the others.

What up, G?

Oh, you should be ashamed of yourself.

I guess I should. But I'm kinda not.

Well, you know, I consider this a slap in the face, man.

I will never spend another dime

in your establishment again.

You never do. I never charge you for anything.

True. Can I get a calamari to go?

- In the kitchen. - All right.

Hey, how's it going?

Not so great.

Because of you, I am going to be

the biggest joke in Copy That history,

and that is saying a lot considering Sheldon once

made out with a broom for money.

It was a mop!

I did what you said.

I told Jake I knew he had a thing for me,

but he denied it.

Then he told everyone what I said,

and now they all think I am conceited.

Are you saying he denied the heat?

No, no, he liked me.

He just didn't like being rejected by me.

Oh, so he did like you,

but you rejected him first,

and he turned it around to make you

the object of ridicule.

- My God! - I know!

That kid's a genius.

I want to thank you two for meeting me like this.

I know it's inconvenient,

but this is the only opportunity that I had.

No problem at all.

We are just so excited to be taking

the Philharmonic in a new direction.

Just hope that --

[ coughs ] Good lord.

Is that smell coming from the heater?

I don't smell anything.

- Phew. - Is it --

Oh!

I'm clear.

You know what, guys?

It's me.

It's you?

It's my, uh, mushroom soup.

Since our schedule changed, I didn't think

we'd have time for lunch,

so I brought soup for everybody.

Mmm, mushroom.

No, thanks.

Well, okay.

I hope you don't mind if I go ahead.

No, be my guest, but be careful.

It smells kind of rancid.

So, anyway, here's our concept.

The Philharmonic is musicians,

and there's...

nothing cooler than musicians.

So we call our campaign "We will rock you."

Oh!

Oh, my God. I'm so sorry.

It's all right.

- Accidents happen. - You know what?

You've got it all over your shoe.

No, it's ok --

Let me get that.

[ coughs ]

[ inhales deeply ]

Hey, Ernie said you wanted to talk to me.

Ahh. Yeah. Sit down, Jake.

What's up?

What's up?

I'll tell you what's up.

I am -- half the night.

Struggling with this...

tension.

Like a charlie horse?

Like a charlie horse of the heart.

What are you talking about?

Do you remember what you said to me, Jake?

We were sitting right here, and you looked at me,

and you said,

"I'll admit it. You're not bad."

Well, those are very powerful words, Jake.

So?

So, those words made me realize

that you're not so bad yourself.

And...

when you put two not-so-bad people together,

you get really bad.

I'm sorry. What?

I have feelings for you, Jake.

Whoa.

No, no, don't be scared.

Wait. Uh, not here.

It wouldn't be right.

Here.

I always imagined it would be here.

[ chuckles ]

Wow.

I think I actually saw a flash of light.

Really? I got nothing. Oh, well.

So -- so that's it? It's over?

Don't feel bad. I heard Sheldon's broom is available.

It was a mop,

and it's available when I say so!

[ knock on door ]

I just heard from Paul. We got it.

The Philharmonic is our newest client.

Really? Oh, that's great!

Oh, no.

Val, congratulations.

And, listen, I --

I feel like we're close enough now

that I can tell you something personal.

Oh, uh, okay.

Sometimes, when we're in close quarters,

your perfume is a little overwhelming.

Gives me a headache.

Oh.

Uh, thank you for telling me.

Susan, um, since we're being open

with each other now, um...

I hope you don't mind if I tell you that you --

Yes?

Inspire me.

Oh...

Okay.

How much longer on my picture?

It's printing now. Just a couple of minutes.

Picture number 10, right?

Yes, picture 10.

Thank you so much, Gary. I love you.

Hey, look, we're just friends, right?

Excuse me.

All right, I know you all think I am conceited.

[ mumbling in agreement ]

And you've all had a lot of fun at my expense.

Sheldon, I've seen you snickering behind your teacup.

Ernie, your whispers have stung me.

But the fun is over, fellas,

because I am about to show you something

that will make it very clear

why I would think old Jakey cakes here liked me.

So, if you guys are ready,

feast your eyes on this...

Ah! Ha ha!

Takes your breath away, doesn't it?

Ha ha. Ha ha.

Oh, my God.

All right, we get it. You think you're hot.

Can I get a copy of that?

I said picture number 10.

This is picture number 10.

Personally, I would have gone with number 11,

the one where you're kissing Jake,

'cause this one right here makes you look conceited.

So, you and Susan are going to be working

with each other for a long time.

How are you going to survive it?

Well, she's only a few pounds away from her target weight,

so eventually she'll start eating real food

and the funk will go away.

But when is the funk going to go away from you?

Listen, this stank is contagious,

and I will hug you.

How are things at work?

Those guys still making fun of you?

No, it all blew over.

They're on to the next thing -- thanks to Gary.

What did he do?

I don't know. He won't tell me.

But he said no one would be talking about me anymore.

Oh, he is so sweet.

I know. He's got such a big heart.

All right, fellas, let's see the money.

What? No money, no funny.

Okay, tonight, a very special presentation

of "Sheldon eats and/or kisses stuff."

I give you the wet/dry vac.

[ men gasp ]

Obviously, tonight will be kissing.

Are you going to turn it on?

I'm going to do my best.

[ vacuum whirring ]

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