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1
00:00:01,600 --> 00:00:04,960
It started at the shop
- preloading with shots at the till.
2
00:00:04,960 --> 00:00:08,960
Alison played tattoo ninja.
Kent bet he could do bong shots.
3
00:00:09,080 --> 00:00:12,760
He said it's made him psychic.
I pretended to be a Jedi.
4
00:00:12,760 --> 00:00:16,760
Alison got the sword. It
was time to go. Taxi to Bath.
5
00:00:16,960 --> 00:00:20,160
Pretended to be Heath Ledger's
Joker. It was fucking cool.
6
00:00:20,160 --> 00:00:24,160
Straight into Infernos. It was
full of townies. We had it anyway.
7
00:00:25,400 --> 00:00:28,320
Two-for-one on shots.
Some creep hit on Alison.
8
00:00:28,320 --> 00:00:30,360
Rescued her with a dance wall.
9
00:00:30,360 --> 00:00:33,560
Kent and Sarah danced slow because
"they're just good friends".
10
00:00:33,560 --> 00:00:36,480
Creep circled again. Dance wall held.
11
00:00:36,480 --> 00:00:38,760
Tried my new vape stick. Banoffee pie.
12
00:00:38,760 --> 00:00:41,040
Alison deep-throated a glow stick.
13
00:00:41,040 --> 00:00:42,520
I love her with all of my soul.
14
00:00:42,520 --> 00:00:44,520
Kent met a girl on the dance floor.
15
00:00:44,520 --> 00:00:46,360
Sarah took it well.
16
00:00:46,360 --> 00:00:47,960
Then we all got hammered.
17
00:00:47,960 --> 00:00:51,960
I fucking love Bath.
18
00:00:54,040 --> 00:00:56,480
Adventure Time is so cool.
19
00:00:56,480 --> 00:01:00,320
I mean, it's meant for kids,
but it's actually on two levels.
20
00:01:00,320 --> 00:01:02,640
Oi, Tinkerbell, what the
fuck are you doing in our cab?
21
00:01:02,640 --> 00:01:06,480
Don't listen to her. She's
just at stage one anger.
22
00:01:06,480 --> 00:01:10,480
Stage one? There's seven stages of Sarah
23
00:01:10,960 --> 00:01:13,600
She'll be at stage two in
a minute. What's stage two?
24
00:01:13,600 --> 00:01:16,520
Pull over! Pull over!
25
00:01:16,520 --> 00:01:18,320
Sarah!
26
00:01:18,320 --> 00:01:22,320
Get the fuck out of my cab!
27
00:01:30,920 --> 00:01:34,080
It just noises now. No flow.
28
00:01:34,080 --> 00:01:36,440
Maybe we should try and find some shelter.
29
00:01:36,440 --> 00:01:40,000
Like, a deserted barn when
you can actually see the stars
30
00:01:40,000 --> 00:01:41,920
shining through the roof. Yes!
31
00:01:41,920 --> 00:01:43,920
What? And get eaten alive by rats?
32
00:01:43,920 --> 00:01:47,000
Oh, I fucking hate rats.
Oh, I think they're cute.
33
00:01:47,000 --> 00:01:50,200
I know, it's their
little noses, isn't it? Ye
34
00:01:50,200 --> 00:01:52,480
I'll try Barry's Cabs.
35
00:01:52,480 --> 00:01:55,800
Mate, mate, mate, mate. Tell us
what happens in Adventure Time?
36
00:01:55,800 --> 00:01:57,800
So you can continue to
lie about who you are?
37
00:01:57,800 --> 00:02:00,520
I was pretending I've seen a
cartoon, what's your problem?
38
00:02:00,520 --> 00:02:03,120
Ever since you met Sophie
you've been painting an image of
39
00:02:03,120 --> 00:02:06,000
yourself that is, quite
frankly, unrepresentative.
40
00:02:06,000 --> 00:02:08,560
Yeah, because I'm trying
to shag her. Poetic.
41
00:02:08,560 --> 00:02:11,880
You look a right self-righteous
prick when you smoke that.
42
00:02:11,880 --> 00:02:14,440
Well, excuse me for avoiding cancer.
43
00:02:14,440 --> 00:02:15,920
No-one's answering.
44
00:02:15,920 --> 00:02:18,520
So, we're fucking stranded!
45
00:02:18,520 --> 00:02:20,520
I've got my driving test in the morning.
46
00:02:20,520 --> 00:02:22,640
I need to be home and sober now.
47
00:02:22,640 --> 00:02:24,440
Then, shouldn't you stop drinking?
48
00:02:24,440 --> 00:02:26,760
No, because the fresh air balances me out.
49
00:02:26,760 --> 00:02:30,720
I'll try Starlight.
50
00:02:30,720 --> 00:02:33,760
It's definitely fine now.
51
00:02:33,760 --> 00:02:37,760
Oh...
52
00:02:38,720 --> 00:02:41,720
Hi up, lad.
53
00:02:41,720 --> 00:02:45,480
Oh! Sean Bean.
54
00:02:45,480 --> 00:02:47,600
You scared my balls off.
55
00:02:47,600 --> 00:02:50,840
I lost my balls in battle. Seriously?
56
00:02:50,840 --> 00:02:53,040
Only joking, lad.
57
00:02:53,040 --> 00:02:54,760
Frostbite.
58
00:02:54,760 --> 00:02:56,920
OK.
59
00:02:56,920 --> 00:02:59,880
You don't have a cab number, do you?
60
00:02:59,880 --> 00:03:01,320
Morpheus,
61
00:03:01,320 --> 00:03:03,440
no carriage is coming for you tonight,
62
00:03:03,440 --> 00:03:05,800
and this group needs a leader.
63
00:03:05,800 --> 00:03:09,120
It's your quest to get this lot home.
64
00:03:09,120 --> 00:03:11,480
Oh. My. God.
65
00:03:11,480 --> 00:03:13,520
You're giving me a quest?
66
00:03:13,520 --> 00:03:15,520
Sean Bean is giving me a quest!
67
00:03:15,520 --> 00:03:18,960
Calm down, calm down.
Am I going to find a ri
68
00:03:18,960 --> 00:03:22,960
I should never have said quest,
I just...used the wrong word.
69
00:03:23,760 --> 00:03:25,640
It's down to you,
70
00:03:25,640 --> 00:03:28,040
to lead this group
71
00:03:28,040 --> 00:03:32,040
on the eight mile walk
back to Neston Berry.
72
00:03:35,600 --> 00:03:39,600
Challenge accepted.
73
00:03:39,720 --> 00:03:41,280
Now, will there be an amulet, or...
74
00:03:41,280 --> 00:03:45,120
No amulets. For fuck's sake.
75
00:03:45,120 --> 00:03:49,120
Got it.
76
00:03:52,640 --> 00:03:55,920
Getting a bit cold now, innit.
77
00:03:55,920 --> 00:03:59,920
Almost like the seasons are changing.
78
00:04:00,640 --> 00:04:03,360
Almost like summer is
over and winter is...
79
00:04:03,360 --> 00:04:04,840
I'm not saying it.
80
00:04:04,840 --> 00:04:07,440
Fair enough.
81
00:04:07,440 --> 00:04:10,240
Just once. No!
82
00:04:10,240 --> 00:04:14,240
Please. Not a chance.
83
00:04:18,480 --> 00:04:22,480
The quest begins.
84
00:04:29,920 --> 00:04:33,800
Can I just say, walking is shit?
Can't we just stick to the road?
85
00:04:33,800 --> 00:04:37,800
Alison, this app crowd sources
routes from all its users,
86
00:04:38,000 --> 00:04:41,160
to create perfect short
cuts through rural areas.
87
00:04:41,160 --> 00:04:43,640
Follow this line, we'll pop
out by the petrol station.
88
00:04:43,640 --> 00:04:46,000
Just use Google maps
like every other fucker.
89
00:04:46,000 --> 00:04:48,400
Wait. That's weird.
90
00:04:48,400 --> 00:04:51,040
It says 72 people have passed
this way in the last week but the
91
00:04:51,040 --> 00:04:52,560
route stops here.
92
00:04:52,560 --> 00:04:54,640
What's that light?
93
00:04:54,640 --> 00:04:57,120
X FILES-TYPE MUSIC
94
00:04:57,120 --> 00:05:00,040
That...is someone wearing a head torch.
95
00:05:00,040 --> 00:05:03,440
Look, there's another one.
96
00:05:03,440 --> 00:05:05,560
What are they actually doing out here?
97
00:05:05,560 --> 00:05:08,280
X FILES-TYPE MUSIC CONTINUES
98
00:05:08,280 --> 00:05:10,840
Morph, I think you might
have downloaded a dogging app.
99
00:05:10,840 --> 00:05:13,800
Oh, come on, Back Passages is not a...
100
00:05:13,800 --> 00:05:17,800
Actually, now I've said
it out loud... There
101
00:05:17,920 --> 00:05:21,920
How is this going to work out?
102
00:05:23,760 --> 00:05:26,360
ALL: Oh.
103
00:05:26,360 --> 00:05:29,040
The one in the middle
is having a good night.
104
00:05:29,040 --> 00:05:30,960
It's actually kind of beautiful.
105
00:05:30,960 --> 00:05:34,960
CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYS
106
00:05:43,600 --> 00:05:47,600
Is that... Another one, just watching?
107
00:05:47,680 --> 00:05:49,880
There's nothing wrong with watching.
108
00:05:49,880 --> 00:05:53,880
ALL SCREAM
109
00:05:55,160 --> 00:05:57,160
Is there a petrol station round here?
110
00:05:57,160 --> 00:05:58,680
Yeah, two mile down that way.
111
00:05:58,680 --> 00:06:00,400
Thanks. Erm...
112
00:06:00,400 --> 00:06:01,440
Your fly's undone.
113
00:06:01,440 --> 00:06:03,720
Yeah. I know.
114
00:06:03,720 --> 00:06:07,720
Bye.
115
00:06:13,760 --> 00:06:16,760
And can I have some....
Head torch batteries?
116
00:06:16,760 --> 00:06:19,800
No, paracetamol and less
assumptions from you.
117
00:06:19,800 --> 00:06:22,920
Right, well, it's ?�10 minimum but
if you did want the batteries we
118
00:06:22,920 --> 00:06:25,560
got a deal on where you
get half-price condoms and
119
00:06:25,560 --> 00:06:27,640
a pair of fingerless gloves.
120
00:06:27,640 --> 00:06:29,480
Ew.
121
00:06:29,480 --> 00:06:31,600
Just get us a bottle of voddy.
122
00:06:31,600 --> 00:06:33,960
You're drinking vodka now?
123
00:06:33,960 --> 00:06:36,000
Do you want to fail your driving test? No.
124
00:06:36,000 --> 00:06:39,320
That's why I got the Red Bull.
They cancel each other out.
125
00:06:39,320 --> 00:06:43,320
You actually might want
to come and see this.
126
00:06:44,600 --> 00:06:48,600
MESSAGE ALERT PINGS
127
00:06:51,920 --> 00:06:55,920
KENT'S VOICE: Panicky face emoji.
128
00:06:56,080 --> 00:07:00,080
Ah, stage three. Mischief.
129
00:07:01,280 --> 00:07:03,240
What is she actually doing?
130
00:07:03,240 --> 00:07:04,960
I've seen this before.
131
00:07:04,960 --> 00:07:08,360
Are you making mixed race biscuits?
132
00:07:08,360 --> 00:07:10,640
SHE WHIMPERS
133
00:07:10,640 --> 00:07:12,600
Aww.
134
00:07:12,600 --> 00:07:16,520
Kent? Kent? Oh, Jesus Christ.
135
00:07:16,520 --> 00:07:20,520
God, you've been fucking ages.
136
00:07:20,640 --> 00:07:23,440
I didn't know you were...
What's wrong with the toilet?
137
00:07:23,440 --> 00:07:25,920
It's out of order. This
is absolutely disgusting.
138
00:07:25,920 --> 00:07:28,680
Calm down, mate. It's
only a street dump. Y
139
00:07:28,680 --> 00:07:31,960
You've got a name for it! Kent,
this is a working petrol station.
140
00:07:31,960 --> 00:07:34,000
Families stop here for provisions.
141
00:07:34,000 --> 00:07:38,000
Just pass me the tissues and
keep a lookout for Sophie.
142
00:07:38,640 --> 00:07:40,880
A human would have
waited until we got home.
143
00:07:40,880 --> 00:07:42,560
I can't let Sophie anywhere near this.
144
00:07:42,560 --> 00:07:45,000
If I dropped this at home,
the whole house would be nuked.
145
00:07:45,000 --> 00:07:47,000
You wouldn't understand
cos you're a virgin.
146
00:07:47,000 --> 00:07:49,760
I had sex on my French exchange.
147
00:07:49,760 --> 00:07:53,560
Yeah, with the mysterious Angelique
who's not even on Facebook.
148
00:07:53,560 --> 00:07:56,080
Look, if you have to pretend
be someone else in front of your
149
00:07:56,080 --> 00:07:58,720
girlfriend then maybe
she isn't right for you.
150
00:07:58,720 --> 00:08:01,400
Yeah, well, if you have to
pretend your girlfriend exists,
151
00:08:01,400 --> 00:08:03,880
maybe you're a bit fucking nuts.
152
00:08:03,880 --> 00:08:06,800
Hey, aren't you going to clean that up?
153
00:08:06,800 --> 00:08:10,800
Street dump, mate.
154
00:08:14,920 --> 00:08:18,040
You with the sad eyes.
155
00:08:18,040 --> 00:08:19,280
Fucking, hell, Kent.
156
00:08:19,280 --> 00:08:23,280
Don't be discouraged Oh I realise.
157
00:08:23,400 --> 00:08:24,560
Jesus.
158
00:08:24,560 --> 00:08:28,560
It's hard to take courage
In a world full of people.
159
00:08:28,680 --> 00:08:30,040
This is disgusting.
160
00:08:30,040 --> 00:08:34,040
# You can lose sight of it
all And the darkness inside you
161
00:08:34,320 --> 00:08:36,800
# Can make you feel so small
162
00:08:36,800 --> 00:08:40,800
# But I see your true colours
And that's why I love you
163
00:08:42,840 --> 00:08:46,840
So don't be afraid.
164
00:08:47,280 --> 00:08:51,000
All done now.
165
00:08:58,520 --> 00:08:59,960
It's horrible.
166
00:08:59,960 --> 00:09:03,320
You know it's coming, but
you're never quite prepared.
167
00:09:03,320 --> 00:09:06,880
It's like a giant burning
"Fuck you!" in the sky.
168
00:09:06,880 --> 00:09:09,680
It's a shining beacon
of hope for our quest.
169
00:09:09,680 --> 00:09:11,120
If we keep up with this pace,
170
00:09:11,120 --> 00:09:14,000
we'll be back on the sofa
in time for Saturday Kitchen.
171
00:09:14,000 --> 00:09:18,000
Oh, my God! It's still here!
172
00:09:18,720 --> 00:09:22,720
Quest cancelled, mate. At
least till stage three's over.
173
00:09:23,560 --> 00:09:26,280
Sarah, get off! Never!
174
00:09:26,280 --> 00:09:30,280
Might as well skin up
then. Driving test. F
175
00:09:31,200 --> 00:09:33,080
Although if I do get stoned,
176
00:09:33,080 --> 00:09:37,080
I'll sleep really deeply
and wake up even fresher.
177
00:09:37,400 --> 00:09:40,040
Fuck it. Roll up a fatty.
178
00:09:40,040 --> 00:09:42,200
SARAH CHEERS
179
00:09:42,200 --> 00:09:46,200
Quest.
180
00:09:46,480 --> 00:09:50,280
Apparently when they write
Adventure Time, they smoke pot,
181
00:09:50,280 --> 00:09:53,520
which is why it's actually so random.
182
00:09:53,520 --> 00:09:57,280
Do you watch...anything else?
183
00:09:57,280 --> 00:10:01,280
I don't know, is that on Netflix? Enjoy.
184
00:10:04,200 --> 00:10:08,200
Kent, I don't normally actually
go home with boys I've just met,
185
00:10:08,840 --> 00:10:11,640
but we've got so much in common.
186
00:10:11,640 --> 00:10:15,640
I mean, we both love
Pokemon, Wes Anderson films.
187
00:10:16,240 --> 00:10:20,240
And I cannot wait to
play badminton with you.
188
00:10:20,320 --> 00:10:23,920
Huh. Although no rush on that. Yeah.
189
00:10:23,920 --> 00:10:27,920
Brownie can suck my dick!
190
00:10:28,200 --> 00:10:31,200
I actually don't do drugs.
It's not drugs, it's weed.
191
00:10:31,200 --> 00:10:33,320
I'd have a go on your
friend's vape stick though.
192
00:10:33,320 --> 00:10:37,320
That actually looks so
fun. I mean, banoffee pie.
193
00:10:40,600 --> 00:10:43,720
Yeah, that's lovely that.
194
00:10:43,720 --> 00:10:47,560
Ow! Lend us your vape.
195
00:10:47,560 --> 00:10:49,720
I thought it was for
self-righteous pricks. It i
196
00:10:49,720 --> 00:10:52,960
and people desperately trying to
impress self-righteous pricks, so...
197
00:10:52,960 --> 00:10:56,480
Sophie. I don't know, man.
198
00:10:56,480 --> 00:10:59,960
Maybe you're right, maybe
completely lying about who I am isn't
199
00:10:59,960 --> 00:11:02,840
the healthiest way to
start a relationship. Sho
200
00:11:02,840 --> 00:11:05,720
Vaporiser's in here somewhere. Hold this.
201
00:11:05,720 --> 00:11:08,760
Boof! Boof! Boof!
202
00:11:08,760 --> 00:11:11,640
Hold that. What is it?
203
00:11:11,640 --> 00:11:14,840
That is your mess. What?
204
00:11:14,840 --> 00:11:18,240
The mess you made behind the garage
that you forced me to clean up.
205
00:11:18,240 --> 00:11:20,120
Dude, what the fuck?!
206
00:11:20,120 --> 00:11:22,880
You're carrying a turd
around in your record bag!
207
00:11:22,880 --> 00:11:26,000
Well, until I find somewhere
to put it, yes, I am.
208
00:11:26,000 --> 00:11:28,760
Or there? Or anywhere that isn't
inside your own fucking bag?!
209
00:11:28,760 --> 00:11:31,120
Children play in these woods, Kent.
210
00:11:31,120 --> 00:11:34,760
When I was six, I went down a
slide straight over a fresh one.
211
00:11:34,760 --> 00:11:38,640
I had someone else's poo in my own pants.
212
00:11:38,640 --> 00:11:40,960
I will NOT do that to someone else!
213
00:11:40,960 --> 00:11:43,200
Is that the slide on Padstock Green?
214
00:11:43,200 --> 00:11:47,160
Do not tell me that was
one of yours. I...I will
215
00:11:47,160 --> 00:11:48,960
Oh, fuck's sake!
216
00:11:48,960 --> 00:11:51,680
I can't believe I was about
to take advice off a man
217
00:11:51,680 --> 00:11:53,400
who's carrying around a shit.
218
00:11:53,400 --> 00:11:55,960
I'm not carrying it around indefinitely.
219
00:11:55,960 --> 00:11:59,960
Just until we find a dog
waste bin. You're fucking nuts.
220
00:12:01,120 --> 00:12:05,120
Seriously, mate. A shit in a bag?
221
00:12:07,480 --> 00:12:11,480
Put this in here.
222
00:12:13,520 --> 00:12:17,080
Come on, lad, why have you
got a mucky in your bag?
223
00:12:17,080 --> 00:12:21,080
Oh, so you're taking his
side. We've all been there.
224
00:12:21,120 --> 00:12:22,920
Sean Bean does street dumps?
225
00:12:22,920 --> 00:12:25,640
I live in medieval times,
every dump's a street dump.
226
00:12:25,640 --> 00:12:29,640
I've done it outside a tavern, in
ditches. Dropped one off a horse.
227
00:12:29,840 --> 00:12:32,320
Once left one on a drawbridge. Right.
228
00:12:32,320 --> 00:12:34,840
Look, you're supposed
to be my spirit guide.
229
00:12:34,840 --> 00:12:38,840
I thought you had my back,
Sean. Look, I do, lad. I do.
230
00:12:40,400 --> 00:12:44,400
But I need you to think about what
you're doing. Look inside yourself.
231
00:12:44,440 --> 00:12:48,400
I gave you this quest.
Ah, so it is a quest.
232
00:12:48,400 --> 00:12:52,400
It's not a quest, it's a...
You've said it now so you can't.
233
00:12:54,400 --> 00:12:58,040
Fuck's sake.
234
00:12:58,040 --> 00:13:00,560
What flavour's that? Banoffee pie.
235
00:13:00,560 --> 00:13:04,560
Nice. I've got the same.
236
00:13:05,000 --> 00:13:07,840
I can't do it! I can't do it!
I can't do it! I can't do it!
237
00:13:07,840 --> 00:13:11,600
She's on stage
four - self-doubt.
238
00:13:11,600 --> 00:13:15,200
Swing back over and
we'll try and catch you.
239
00:13:15,200 --> 00:13:17,680
We'll definitely catch you. Hopefully.
240
00:13:17,680 --> 00:13:20,360
And come back to what,
my shitty little life?
241
00:13:20,360 --> 00:13:22,640
Actually I think she's skipped
straight to stage five -
242
00:13:22,640 --> 00:13:24,920
existential doubt.
243
00:13:24,920 --> 00:13:28,360
That was quick. It normally takes
at least an hour and a bag of chips.
244
00:13:28,360 --> 00:13:30,560
You're just trying to trick me so I fall,
245
00:13:30,560 --> 00:13:32,640
cos none of you have ever liked me.
246
00:13:32,640 --> 00:13:35,600
Oh, for God's sake. We don't all hate you.
247
00:13:35,600 --> 00:13:38,600
I suppose you've all had a laugh
about my Kickstarter video too,
248
00:13:38,600 --> 00:13:42,600
for my novel! We didn't know about that.
249
00:13:42,720 --> 00:13:45,400
What's it called? It's
called The Mill On The Moor.
250
00:13:45,400 --> 00:13:47,840
It's about a disfigured
man in a windmill, who meets
251
00:13:47,840 --> 00:13:51,080
a beautiful time-travelling
girl with short blond hair.
252
00:13:51,080 --> 00:13:53,040
Don't pretend you didn't know that!
253
00:13:53,040 --> 00:13:56,120
Oh, I found it. One view.
254
00:13:56,120 --> 00:13:59,720
Come on. You're just
having the booze panics.
255
00:13:59,720 --> 00:14:03,480
Swing back over so we can
get, like, an hour's sleep.
256
00:14:03,480 --> 00:14:07,480
No. The water's my only friend
because it's black, like my soul.
257
00:14:10,800 --> 00:14:14,800
Take me to your dark heart of doubt.
258
00:14:21,400 --> 00:14:24,000
Doubt. Doubt.
259
00:14:24,000 --> 00:14:28,000
Doubt!
260
00:14:28,080 --> 00:14:30,400
Doubt. Doubt.
261
00:14:30,400 --> 00:14:33,080
I am the booming voice of doubt.
262
00:14:33,080 --> 00:14:36,640
That tweet you posted four years
ago might have come out a bit racist.
263
00:14:36,640 --> 00:14:40,640
Doubt. Doubt. That itch in your
ear is probably spiders' eggs.
264
00:14:40,880 --> 00:14:42,440
Doubt. Doubt.
265
00:14:42,440 --> 00:14:44,120
There's apps that can tell people
266
00:14:44,120 --> 00:14:46,080
when you stalk their Facebook. Doubt.
267
00:14:46,080 --> 00:14:49,000
You went to a reggae night
instead of visiting Grandma...
268
00:14:49,000 --> 00:14:52,800
Pass the dutchie...
And she died. Doubt. Doubt.
269
00:14:52,800 --> 00:14:55,000
Fingernails are indigestible.
270
00:14:55,000 --> 00:14:57,440
There's a ball of them in
your intestines and it's only
271
00:14:57,440 --> 00:15:00,800
getting bigger. They can't form a ball.
272
00:15:00,800 --> 00:15:03,520
Maybe you should watch
Adventure Time like that girl
273
00:15:03,520 --> 00:15:06,480
he likes more than you.
Actually... Actually...
274
00:15:06,480 --> 00:15:08,880
Your hair is thinning a bit, maybe.
275
00:15:08,880 --> 00:15:12,880
Do you love reggae more
than Grandma? Maybe I
276
00:15:13,560 --> 00:15:16,600
And now she's dead because of you.
277
00:15:16,600 --> 00:15:20,600
CACKLING AND SCREAMING
278
00:15:24,120 --> 00:15:26,520
Oh, my God, is she actually having a fit?
279
00:15:26,520 --> 00:15:29,400
No, it's just the booming
voice of self-doubt.
280
00:15:29,400 --> 00:15:31,600
I'm sorry, Grandma.
281
00:15:31,600 --> 00:15:35,600
I just love the dark.
282
00:15:40,560 --> 00:15:43,720
Why are we so wet?
Because you Tom Daley-e
283
00:15:43,720 --> 00:15:46,440
Why did we go to a puddle?
Because your brother's a dogger.
284
00:15:46,440 --> 00:15:50,440
Why are we so wet? Guys, she's looping. W
285
00:15:52,000 --> 00:15:56,000
Is that a curry house
doing a breakfast special?
286
00:15:56,200 --> 00:15:59,040
That's a mirage. There's
no curry house on this road.
287
00:15:59,040 --> 00:16:00,880
You can't mirage a curry house.
288
00:16:00,880 --> 00:16:04,560
You mirage a complete
twat. Right, let's get in
289
00:16:04,560 --> 00:16:05,760
Curry breakfast?!
290
00:16:05,760 --> 00:16:08,920
There's a second time for everything
AND it will sober her up and
291
00:16:08,920 --> 00:16:10,960
we'll end up saving time. Bosch!
292
00:16:10,960 --> 00:16:13,000
I actually don't really like spicy foods.
293
00:16:13,000 --> 00:16:16,760
Get some fucking chips then!
294
00:16:16,760 --> 00:16:19,720
As a side and we'll share.
295
00:16:19,720 --> 00:16:22,200
Whatever you like. We
haven't got time for a curry!
296
00:16:22,200 --> 00:16:25,200
There's always a time for a curry.
Not when my driving test is...
297
00:16:25,200 --> 00:16:27,640
almost in the past. You know what?
298
00:16:27,640 --> 00:16:30,720
Fuck it. It'll just be
the same as last time.
299
00:16:30,720 --> 00:16:32,760
I'll get overexcited, do 80 on a B road
300
00:16:32,760 --> 00:16:35,240
and end up pulling deer
chunks out of my radiator.
301
00:16:35,240 --> 00:16:38,600
Alison, if you quit now,
302
00:16:38,600 --> 00:16:41,720
this whole quest will be for nothing.
303
00:16:41,720 --> 00:16:45,080
Why am I so wet? BOTH:
You fell in a puddle!
304
00:16:45,080 --> 00:16:49,080
Fuck! Come on, Alison.
305
00:16:49,160 --> 00:16:53,160
Imagine what it would be like
to drive yourself to Odeon.
306
00:16:55,360 --> 00:16:59,120
You're right. I could
get my own pick and mix.
307
00:16:59,120 --> 00:17:02,440
And then we wouldn't keep brushing
hands in the bag accidentally.
308
00:17:02,440 --> 00:17:06,320
Yeah, accidentally.
OK, guys, I'm fucking do
309
00:17:06,320 --> 00:17:09,120
Cheers! No, stop drinking.
310
00:17:09,120 --> 00:17:13,120
Oh, got it, yeah. Company, march.
311
00:17:20,520 --> 00:17:21,960
Guys, this place is massive.
312
00:17:21,960 --> 00:17:25,200
There's this whole other area
back there that's completely empty.
313
00:17:25,200 --> 00:17:28,000
At first, I thought it was a
mirror, but turns out it's the whole
314
00:17:28,000 --> 00:17:29,880
function room. Who has a curry function?
315
00:17:29,880 --> 00:17:32,720
Actually, I would love that.
316
00:17:32,720 --> 00:17:35,800
Please come here for my funeral.
Why is it always a funeral with you?
317
00:17:35,800 --> 00:17:37,800
Why is it never a
function when you're alive?
318
00:17:37,800 --> 00:17:40,440
I just like the idea of everyone
missing me and talking about me
319
00:17:40,440 --> 00:17:44,000
and having a lovely
curry. Fine, we'll have a
320
00:17:44,000 --> 00:17:48,000
Or Pizza Express in Bath.
Ultimately, it's your day.
321
00:17:48,280 --> 00:17:51,960
I just had the weirdest
chat with your mate.
322
00:17:51,960 --> 00:17:53,960
She kept saying, "We're cool,"
323
00:17:53,960 --> 00:17:56,800
and then she actually...
Tried to kiss you.
324
00:17:56,800 --> 00:18:00,800
Yeah. Stage 6.5
- temporary lesbianism.
325
00:18:01,200 --> 00:18:04,480
You don't always get
that one. Hello, Alison.
326
00:18:04,480 --> 00:18:07,840
Mm. Excuse me. Can I get
a Cobra please? Sophie?
327
00:18:07,840 --> 00:18:09,520
I've actually got a bit of a headache.
328
00:18:09,520 --> 00:18:12,040
Morph brought some
paracetamol. MORPHEUS: It'
329
00:18:12,040 --> 00:18:16,040
SARAH: Is that my shish? Here you go.
330
00:18:16,800 --> 00:18:20,800
No! Don't, don't...! Oh, God! Ah!
331
00:18:23,560 --> 00:18:27,120
Morph, what the fuck?
Yeah, Morph, what the fuck?
332
00:18:27,120 --> 00:18:28,320
SARAH: What the fuck?
333
00:18:28,320 --> 00:18:30,880
MORPHEUS: (I haven't found a dog poo bin.)
334
00:18:30,880 --> 00:18:33,640
(Why have you got a dog
turd?!) It's OK. It's OK.
335
00:18:33,640 --> 00:18:37,640
It's not an actual dog
turd, it's human. Oh!
336
00:18:38,160 --> 00:18:40,920
Shit! That's fucking gross! Mate!
337
00:18:40,920 --> 00:18:44,360
Fuck's sake! I couldn't
just leave it on the
338
00:18:44,360 --> 00:18:48,360
Yes, you could! Who does a poo on the str
339
00:18:48,840 --> 00:18:52,840
It's disgusting! It's... Are you
fucked? Are you sick in the head?
340
00:18:54,200 --> 00:18:58,200
I mean, what's wrong with you?
Are you, like, some kind of animal?
341
00:19:02,640 --> 00:19:06,640
Yes, Sophie. I am, in fact, an animal.
342
00:19:07,480 --> 00:19:11,320
I've had problems with my
bowels for many years now.
343
00:19:11,320 --> 00:19:14,640
At the age of five, I was told
I had IBS. I can't control it...
344
00:19:14,640 --> 00:19:17,920
It's fine. I've got this.
345
00:19:17,920 --> 00:19:21,920
It was me. I do street
dumps. Semi-regularly.
346
00:19:23,920 --> 00:19:26,840
It's how I roll. It's a part of who I am.
347
00:19:26,840 --> 00:19:28,800
And if you can't deal with it, then,
348
00:19:28,800 --> 00:19:32,800
well, I guess we shouldn't be together.
349
00:19:35,160 --> 00:19:39,160
Thank you.
350
00:19:40,440 --> 00:19:44,440
(Well done, mate. Thank you.)
351
00:19:46,920 --> 00:19:50,920
Is that my shish? ECHOES: NO!
352
00:19:52,440 --> 00:19:55,120
SHE GASPS
353
00:19:55,120 --> 00:19:59,120
MUSIC: Sprach Zarathustra
by Richard Strauss
354
00:20:15,520 --> 00:20:17,760
Nice of them to give us the hot towels.
355
00:20:17,760 --> 00:20:21,760
I could've done with
more mints though. Did
356
00:20:22,080 --> 00:20:26,080
Let's go inside, let's go to bed
and never speak of this again.
357
00:20:27,200 --> 00:20:30,680
Or...cheeky fry up? How can you want to ea
358
00:20:30,680 --> 00:20:34,400
Stage seven
- bacon.
359
00:20:34,400 --> 00:20:38,400
Sorry about Sophie, mate. Yeah.
I should've listened to you.
360
00:20:38,720 --> 00:20:41,240
You know, there was a moment
then, where just for a second
361
00:20:41,240 --> 00:20:43,240
I thought she was going to be OK with it.
362
00:20:43,240 --> 00:20:46,200
Was that before or after
she was covered in shit?
363
00:20:46,200 --> 00:20:48,000
Before.
364
00:20:48,000 --> 00:20:52,000
Definitely before.
365
00:20:53,840 --> 00:20:57,720
Quest complete.
366
00:20:57,720 --> 00:20:59,920
It's not a quest!
367
00:20:59,920 --> 00:21:03,920
Can't take it back, Bean.
368
00:21:06,240 --> 00:21:09,080
CAR HORN BEEPS
369
00:21:09,080 --> 00:21:13,000
Ah, bollocks!
370
00:21:13,000 --> 00:21:17,000
S-Slow down. S-Slow down. Brake.
Brake! Brake! Brake! Brake! Brake!
371
00:21:17,520 --> 00:21:18,760
Not again!
372
00:21:18,760 --> 00:21:22,560
# I can't stand it I know you planned it
373
00:21:22,560 --> 00:21:25,080
# I'ma set it straight This Watergate
374
00:21:25,080 --> 00:21:27,920
# I can't stand rocking when I'm in here
375
00:21:27,920 --> 00:21:30,960
# Because your crystal
ball ain't so crystal clear
376
00:21:30,960 --> 00:21:33,840
# So while you sit back and wonder why
377
00:21:33,840 --> 00:21:36,720
# I got this fucking thorn in my side
378
00:21:36,720 --> 00:21:39,520
# Oh, my God, it's a mirage
379
00:21:39,520 --> 00:21:46,000
I'm tellin' y'all it's sabotage.
380
00:21:46,050 --> 00:21:50,600
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