Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:00,010 --> 00:00:05,550
Right, so, nothing special, just a
little a la Jamie Oliver paella.
2
00:00:05,600 --> 00:00:07,710
I thought I said no carbs, Neil.
3
00:00:07,760 --> 00:00:09,000
Help yourself to salad.
4
00:00:10,960 --> 00:00:14,110
Right, so cheers, everyone.
Hope you enjoy it.
5
00:00:14,160 --> 00:00:16,750
I'll do the cheers around here,
Neil. Mel, put your fork down.
6
00:00:16,800 --> 00:00:17,840
Film this.
7
00:00:21,160 --> 00:00:22,400
Where do I start?
8
00:00:24,360 --> 00:00:28,070
If someone had told me 14 years ago
that I would be sat round this table
9
00:00:28,120 --> 00:00:30,190
with Melanie in her current state,
10
00:00:30,240 --> 00:00:31,910
and a local prostitute,
11
00:00:31,960 --> 00:00:34,070
and that we would now
be in a band together,
12
00:00:34,120 --> 00:00:36,950
I would have said to that person,
"You've got to be kidding me.
13
00:00:37,000 --> 00:00:39,070
"I mean, I'm not fucking desperate."
14
00:00:39,120 --> 00:00:41,030
It's not quite the dream I had in mind
15
00:00:41,080 --> 00:00:44,070
but I'm excited to see what happens next.
16
00:00:44,120 --> 00:00:46,270
To the future. To Variety.
17
00:00:46,320 --> 00:00:49,040
- To Variety! - Variety! - Woo! Variety.
18
00:00:56,640 --> 00:00:58,990
Mel? Mel!
19
00:00:59,040 --> 00:01:01,470
Mel, are you planning on
doing any work this morning?
20
00:01:01,520 --> 00:01:03,950
Sorry, Max, I'm just reading a
very sweet story about a woman
21
00:01:04,000 --> 00:01:05,750
who is in love with the
ghost of a Victorian.
22
00:01:05,800 --> 00:01:09,110
- Oh, my God. - That's what I thought
at first but who are we to judge love?
23
00:01:09,160 --> 00:01:11,510
She said that when they make
love he makes her feel special,
24
00:01:11,560 --> 00:01:12,990
even though he's from another era.
25
00:01:13,040 --> 00:01:16,750
Not that. It's Sweet Gyal,
they've got a publishing deal.
26
00:01:16,800 --> 00:01:20,190
'Oh, my God, guys, we
have had the maddest week.
27
00:01:20,240 --> 00:01:21,710
Finally shit is popping off.
28
00:01:21,760 --> 00:01:23,910
Who wants to tell them
what's been going down?
29
00:01:23,960 --> 00:01:25,870
What language is that? What's she saying?
30
00:01:25,920 --> 00:01:29,710
- We've signed a publishing deal.
- With WRM records, bitches.
31
00:01:29,760 --> 00:01:32,470
What are they wearing?
God, they're off-brand.
32
00:01:32,520 --> 00:01:34,510
Shout out, Sam Clinton!
33
00:01:34,560 --> 00:01:35,710
Sam Clinton?
34
00:01:35,760 --> 00:01:38,550
All men are the same. Complete
scum. Can't trust any of them.
35
00:01:38,600 --> 00:01:40,910
Head to our channel for all
our Sweet Gyal updates, OK?
36
00:01:40,960 --> 00:01:43,190
Love to all of the Sweet
Gyaldem supporting us.
37
00:01:43,240 --> 00:01:44,630
Like and subscribe, guys.
38
00:01:44,680 --> 00:01:45,760
Mwah!
39
00:01:47,920 --> 00:01:50,310
I can't believe they're
vlogging by themselves.
40
00:01:50,360 --> 00:01:52,510
- Oh, Max. - This has
happened to me my whole life,
41
00:01:52,560 --> 00:01:55,190
people stealing my ideas and
making millions from them.
42
00:01:55,240 --> 00:01:57,750
It's like the Nutribullet all over again.
43
00:01:57,800 --> 00:01:59,670
What are we going to do?
44
00:01:59,720 --> 00:02:00,800
We need to man up.
45
00:02:03,920 --> 00:02:05,550
Do you want a cup of tea?
46
00:02:05,600 --> 00:02:08,590
So it looks like me and
Sarah are going to break up.
47
00:02:08,640 --> 00:02:10,230
What? Why?
48
00:02:10,280 --> 00:02:11,320
You guys were...
49
00:02:12,760 --> 00:02:14,480
- .. perfect?
- I know.
50
00:02:16,120 --> 00:02:17,550
I know.
51
00:02:17,600 --> 00:02:20,270
And my dandruff has only just cleared up.
52
00:02:20,320 --> 00:02:21,670
Talk about shit timing.
53
00:02:21,720 --> 00:02:23,000
What's happened?
54
00:02:24,360 --> 00:02:27,750
Does Maxine check your
phone when you're asleep?
55
00:02:27,800 --> 00:02:29,270
No, I don't think so.
56
00:02:29,320 --> 00:02:30,550
So you've never woken up
57
00:02:30,600 --> 00:02:34,630
with her using your fingerprint
to open your phone?
58
00:02:34,680 --> 00:02:36,550
That doesn't sound healthy.
59
00:02:36,600 --> 00:02:38,230
She thinks I'm a player, man.
60
00:02:38,280 --> 00:02:40,550
- That's mental.
- I know!
61
00:02:40,600 --> 00:02:43,710
I said to her, I said, "I
can't get any other girls."
62
00:02:43,760 --> 00:02:46,430
I even had to pay her at the
start of our relationship.
63
00:02:46,480 --> 00:02:49,470
But isn't she technically cheating on you
64
00:02:49,520 --> 00:02:52,000
multiple times every single day?
65
00:02:54,360 --> 00:02:55,880
Actually, I will have that tea.
66
00:02:57,280 --> 00:03:01,070
Christ! How can it be this
difficult to book a fucking gig?
67
00:03:01,120 --> 00:03:04,270
I've been going to that wine
bar for over five years now.
68
00:03:04,320 --> 00:03:07,160
They should be asking me to
play, not the other way round.
69
00:03:08,400 --> 00:03:10,710
Who's left on the list, Mel?
70
00:03:10,760 --> 00:03:13,550
- Just The Plough.
- Neil loves that dump.
71
00:03:13,600 --> 00:03:17,390
It's not right. We need a franchise
so we can book in the UK tour.
72
00:03:17,440 --> 00:03:19,550
What about Brannigan's?
73
00:03:19,600 --> 00:03:21,070
I think it's closed down.
74
00:03:21,120 --> 00:03:24,150
Jesus, what is the world coming to?
75
00:03:24,200 --> 00:03:26,760
All right, fuck it. Let's
go to the fucking Plough.
76
00:03:28,040 --> 00:03:31,750
Tuesdays is pub quiz,
Wednesdays is karaoke,
77
00:03:31,800 --> 00:03:34,510
Fridays is Back To The '80s rock and pop,
78
00:03:34,560 --> 00:03:38,030
then Saturdays we have The
Plough Rocks open mic night
79
00:03:38,080 --> 00:03:41,030
so maybe you ladies could do that?
80
00:03:41,080 --> 00:03:43,310
What's the clientele
like at The Plough Rocks?
81
00:03:43,360 --> 00:03:46,350
Just the regulars, like those
two young men over there.
82
00:03:46,400 --> 00:03:47,830
It gets pretty busy, mind.
83
00:03:47,880 --> 00:03:49,030
Go on, let's do it.
84
00:03:49,080 --> 00:03:52,270
It'll be good practice for
when we get the arena tour.
85
00:03:52,320 --> 00:03:55,310
All right. Look, Jim, The Plough
is very much our last resort here
86
00:03:55,360 --> 00:03:57,270
but if you can give us a
green room and a rider
87
00:03:57,320 --> 00:04:00,150
then you've got yourself a deal, mate.
88
00:04:00,200 --> 00:04:01,750
OK, yeah, yeah.
89
00:04:01,800 --> 00:04:02,840
What's...
90
00:04:03,880 --> 00:04:04,960
What's a rider?
91
00:04:07,400 --> 00:04:10,630
I just want to eat meat
at a price I can afford!
92
00:04:10,680 --> 00:04:14,440
- Nice. Can we try something
a bit older? - Yeah.
93
00:04:16,720 --> 00:04:21,030
A juicy steak for �2.49?
94
00:04:21,080 --> 00:04:22,950
Yes, please!
95
00:04:23,000 --> 00:04:27,240
Lovely. And now something a
bit more regional, please.
96
00:04:32,240 --> 00:04:33,280
Mikey?
97
00:04:34,280 --> 00:04:36,590
Yes! Sorry, yeah, yeah.
98
00:04:36,640 --> 00:04:38,270
Sorry.
99
00:04:38,320 --> 00:04:39,750
Regional.
100
00:04:39,800 --> 00:04:42,590
There's only one thing better
than sharing a mixed grill
101
00:04:42,640 --> 00:04:46,670
with your wife and that's
knowing it only cost you �10.
102
00:04:46,720 --> 00:04:49,550
Uncle Bill's Discount Carvery,
because there's nowt wrong,
103
00:04:49,600 --> 00:04:53,310
I say there's nowt wrong with cheap meat.
104
00:04:53,360 --> 00:04:55,670
Great regional.
105
00:04:55,720 --> 00:04:57,110
Ticks the diversity box.
106
00:04:57,160 --> 00:04:58,800
I'm sorry, mate, I'm sorry.
107
00:05:00,840 --> 00:05:02,110
I'm just not on form today.
108
00:05:02,160 --> 00:05:04,160
I just can't stop thinking about Sarah.
109
00:05:06,400 --> 00:05:08,870
How have you and Maxine
done it for so long?
110
00:05:08,920 --> 00:05:10,870
I genuinely don't know, mate.
111
00:05:10,920 --> 00:05:13,030
I think a big part of it is the twins.
112
00:05:13,080 --> 00:05:14,790
Sometimes I think they're the only thing
113
00:05:14,840 --> 00:05:16,190
we've got in common these days.
114
00:05:16,240 --> 00:05:17,830
That makes sense.
115
00:05:17,880 --> 00:05:21,720
Maybe I could somehow get Sarah preggers.
116
00:05:23,040 --> 00:05:25,390
Maybe you should start with a pet.
117
00:05:25,440 --> 00:05:27,110
Yes!
118
00:05:27,160 --> 00:05:29,230
Yeah.
119
00:05:29,280 --> 00:05:30,990
Cos she's already got four kids.
120
00:05:31,040 --> 00:05:34,070
A pet is more unusual.
121
00:05:34,120 --> 00:05:35,630
Yeah.
122
00:05:35,680 --> 00:05:36,840
Kids are shit.
123
00:05:38,920 --> 00:05:41,870
Boys, who wants to do my breakfast blog?
124
00:05:41,920 --> 00:05:45,950
Phoenix, do you want to do the vlog?
Yes? Which one's Phoenix again?
125
00:05:46,000 --> 00:05:47,040
Come on then.
126
00:05:50,600 --> 00:05:53,190
So, today is a very important VIP day,
127
00:05:53,240 --> 00:05:56,430
and we're all so excited,
aren't we, Phoenix?
128
00:05:56,480 --> 00:05:58,760
- Do you want to tell them why?
- No.
129
00:06:00,480 --> 00:06:03,350
Oh, kids say the funniest
things, don't they?
130
00:06:03,400 --> 00:06:05,470
He's probably just overwhelmed
by Mummy's big day,
131
00:06:05,520 --> 00:06:08,230
because today is Variety's first live show
132
00:06:08,280 --> 00:06:11,040
in over 14 years, isn't it, Phoenix?
133
00:06:13,320 --> 00:06:17,030
That is my magic star wand,
Enrique! Give it back!
134
00:06:17,080 --> 00:06:20,640
What? Where did you get that from?
That's for girls. Enrique! Enrique!
135
00:06:23,120 --> 00:06:26,070
Sorry about that. You can't
be too careful, can you,
136
00:06:26,120 --> 00:06:28,790
what with all the trans
stuff going on at the minute?
137
00:06:28,840 --> 00:06:31,590
Neil! Did you provide the twins with this?
138
00:06:31,640 --> 00:06:34,790
- It has ruined my vlog.
- Jesus, will you stop using the boys as props.
139
00:06:34,840 --> 00:06:35,910
They're six years old.
140
00:06:35,960 --> 00:06:38,550
In case you've forgotten, I
technically produced them.
141
00:06:38,600 --> 00:06:41,310
They lived inside me before you
even met them, so I get first dibs.
142
00:06:41,360 --> 00:06:42,870
- Whatever.
- Whatever?
143
00:06:42,920 --> 00:06:46,310
God, you think you're a cool
teenager, don't you, Neil?
144
00:06:46,360 --> 00:06:47,870
I need the shed this morning.
145
00:06:47,920 --> 00:06:50,310
The deadline for Uncle Bill's
Discount Carvery is today,
146
00:06:50,360 --> 00:06:51,990
so I need some space to perfect it.
147
00:06:52,040 --> 00:06:53,830
No can do, Neil. I think what I'm doing
148
00:06:53,880 --> 00:06:56,190
is a bit more pressing
than a song about gammon.
149
00:06:56,240 --> 00:06:57,840
I'm the one funding your hobby.
150
00:06:59,320 --> 00:07:00,630
That is a low blow, Neil.
151
00:07:00,680 --> 00:07:02,790
God, you've really lost it, haven't you?
152
00:07:02,840 --> 00:07:04,880
I'm not sure I'm the one who's lost it.
153
00:07:10,800 --> 00:07:14,230
Right, where was I? Oh, yeah.
I wanted to talk granola.
154
00:07:14,280 --> 00:07:16,430
So the vlog isn't sponsored yet,
155
00:07:16,480 --> 00:07:18,790
but in our house we all
love to start the day
156
00:07:18,840 --> 00:07:21,630
with a lovely, crunchy
bowl of yummy granola.
157
00:07:21,680 --> 00:07:24,620
'Because there's nowt wrong,
I say there's nowt wrong...
158
00:07:27,000 --> 00:07:29,670
I feel like I'm on the red carpet.
159
00:07:29,720 --> 00:07:32,360
Not sure, Mel. It makes
you look a bit like...
160
00:07:33,320 --> 00:07:36,230
.. like an orca. What do you think, Sarah?
161
00:07:36,280 --> 00:07:39,230
- Yeah, nice. - No, I think we should
go with diamante trouser suits instead.
162
00:07:39,280 --> 00:07:40,670
They're a bit cooler, aren't they?
163
00:07:40,720 --> 00:07:43,190
Yeah, they're gorgeous.
Oh, I love a bit of bling.
164
00:07:43,240 --> 00:07:44,800
You don't need to touch it.
165
00:07:46,040 --> 00:07:47,160
You all right, Sarah?
166
00:07:48,160 --> 00:07:50,190
Me and Mike are having problems.
167
00:07:50,240 --> 00:07:51,790
Oh, no.
168
00:07:51,840 --> 00:07:54,790
Has he cheated on you? My ex Keith
cheated on me, so I completely
169
00:07:54,840 --> 00:07:57,710
understand what you're going
through. What's he done?
170
00:07:57,760 --> 00:07:59,030
It's just his phone.
171
00:07:59,080 --> 00:08:00,750
It's too clean.
172
00:08:00,800 --> 00:08:01,990
He only messages me.
173
00:08:02,040 --> 00:08:04,230
Sweetie, I'm so sorry.
174
00:08:04,280 --> 00:08:06,470
All right, guys, this isn't
a therapy session, yeah?
175
00:08:06,520 --> 00:08:08,760
Can you do this on your own time, please?
176
00:08:10,840 --> 00:08:12,750
Right, I need to head off to work.
177
00:08:12,800 --> 00:08:14,630
What? No, Sarah, this is our big day.
178
00:08:14,680 --> 00:08:15,710
We need to practise.
179
00:08:15,760 --> 00:08:17,910
Well, it's one of my regulars.
I can't disappoint him.
180
00:08:17,960 --> 00:08:20,590
- I'll see you down the Plough.
- All right, well, don't be late.
181
00:08:20,640 --> 00:08:21,760
Fucking hell.
182
00:08:24,000 --> 00:08:25,200
What's an orca?
183
00:08:26,480 --> 00:08:27,800
Are you kidding?
184
00:08:29,640 --> 00:08:31,870
I'm going for drinks with
Mikey. I'll see you in a bit.
185
00:08:31,920 --> 00:08:33,840
What? Are you not driving us?
186
00:08:35,680 --> 00:08:36,990
I'll see you there.
187
00:08:37,040 --> 00:08:39,150
Jesus Christ! What have you
done to your hair, Neil?
188
00:08:39,200 --> 00:08:40,910
I can see a little scalp there.
189
00:08:40,960 --> 00:08:45,270
- Likewise. - What, are you
not going to wish us luck?
190
00:08:45,320 --> 00:08:47,190
Can you actually see my scalp, Mel?
191
00:08:47,240 --> 00:08:50,040
No, Maxine, he was just joking.
Your hair looks lovely.
192
00:08:51,200 --> 00:08:53,190
Look, Max, I really think
I should do MY hair now.
193
00:08:53,240 --> 00:08:55,310
It's going to take so much
longer to do than yours,
194
00:08:55,360 --> 00:08:57,790
and you really hurt my wrist
with all the brushing.
195
00:08:57,840 --> 00:08:59,670
Are you kidding? Christ, Mel, you're not
196
00:08:59,720 --> 00:09:01,350
the fucking master of ceremonies.
197
00:09:01,400 --> 00:09:04,310
This is my big night so can you stop
caring about your hair all the time?
198
00:09:04,360 --> 00:09:04,980
If anything, you should be
199
00:09:05,030 --> 00:09:07,830
worrying about your acidic
scent, not your bloody up do.
200
00:09:09,640 --> 00:09:12,790
Come on, Mel! We're under pressure.
Try not to crack under it.
201
00:09:12,840 --> 00:09:13,880
Christ!
202
00:09:16,240 --> 00:09:17,710
Here we go then.
203
00:09:17,760 --> 00:09:19,670
A pint of Guinness for Mikey...
204
00:09:19,720 --> 00:09:22,510
- Cheers.
- .. shandy top for yours truly...
205
00:09:22,560 --> 00:09:24,550
.. and a pint of water for...
206
00:09:24,600 --> 00:09:26,670
God, he is a big bugger, isn't he?
207
00:09:26,720 --> 00:09:27,750
Where'd you get him from?
208
00:09:27,800 --> 00:09:29,750
I got him off Gumtree. Yeah.
209
00:09:29,800 --> 00:09:31,830
He's a French bulldog, apparently.
210
00:09:31,880 --> 00:09:34,630
They're pretty cool. Do you
reckon Sarah will like him?
211
00:09:34,680 --> 00:09:37,830
He sort of looks like one of those
fighting dogs you see in films.
212
00:09:37,880 --> 00:09:39,110
What's his name?
213
00:09:39,160 --> 00:09:41,150
Well, the bloke says his name's Diesel.
214
00:09:41,200 --> 00:09:43,110
Yeah. So I want to name
him something similar,
215
00:09:43,160 --> 00:09:44,710
so that he comes to me when I call him.
216
00:09:44,760 --> 00:09:45,880
What about Unleaded?
217
00:09:47,400 --> 00:09:49,630
Sorry. Sorry, I'm just joking.
218
00:09:49,680 --> 00:09:51,830
No, yeah...
219
00:09:51,880 --> 00:09:54,320
No, I like Diesel. It's good. It's edgy.
220
00:09:56,240 --> 00:09:59,840
I'd like to see someone try and
pick a fight with us tonight.
221
00:10:01,240 --> 00:10:03,160
- Cheers.
- Cheers. Cheers.
222
00:10:09,360 --> 00:10:11,510
It was just chafing.
223
00:10:11,560 --> 00:10:14,510
- I had to wait to get...
- Oh, he is so cute!
224
00:10:14,560 --> 00:10:16,990
Look at him! What's his name?
225
00:10:17,040 --> 00:10:19,510
- Diesel. - Diesel. - Is he yours?
226
00:10:19,560 --> 00:10:21,750
Yeah.
227
00:10:21,800 --> 00:10:23,270
Is that a pint he's drinking?
228
00:10:23,320 --> 00:10:25,510
Yeah. He only drinks pints.
229
00:10:25,560 --> 00:10:28,350
- Like me. - It's important
to keep them hydrated.
230
00:10:28,400 --> 00:10:30,510
Well, I'm getting him another drink then.
231
00:10:30,560 --> 00:10:31,830
- Great.
- Brilliant.
232
00:10:31,880 --> 00:10:32,920
- All right.
- Wow.
233
00:10:36,160 --> 00:10:37,960
He's a bit of a babe magnet, isn't he?
234
00:10:39,440 --> 00:10:40,800
I wish Sarah was here.
235
00:10:42,400 --> 00:10:44,750
I'm going to message her again.
236
00:10:44,800 --> 00:10:47,510
You know, if you need
to change or whatever,
237
00:10:47,560 --> 00:10:50,160
there's the disabled
facilities over there.
238
00:10:51,560 --> 00:10:52,670
What?
239
00:10:52,720 --> 00:10:54,750
Oh, it's ever so posh.
240
00:10:54,800 --> 00:10:56,670
Got a shower with a seat and a panic cord.
241
00:10:56,720 --> 00:10:57,990
No, sorry, get away from there.
242
00:10:58,040 --> 00:10:59,870
Jim, did you not get my
e-mail about the rider?
243
00:10:59,920 --> 00:11:02,430
Sorry, ladies, we're
not that kind of place.
244
00:11:02,480 --> 00:11:04,990
- You're welcome to start a tab, though.
- For fuck's sake!
245
00:11:05,040 --> 00:11:08,030
Well, can we have exclusive
access to the handicap bathroom?
246
00:11:08,080 --> 00:11:10,190
- Yes, but...
- OK, deal.
247
00:11:10,240 --> 00:11:13,350
So, Jim, we need to get a
bottle of Echo Falls on ice,
248
00:11:13,400 --> 00:11:16,550
a couple of glasses and some chairs
all sent to the handicap suite.
249
00:11:16,600 --> 00:11:18,710
Right, yeah, well, I will need a card.
250
00:11:18,760 --> 00:11:20,950
Yeah. Mel, can you give him a card?
251
00:11:21,000 --> 00:11:22,670
Here you go.
252
00:11:22,720 --> 00:11:24,630
Yeah. All right, thank
you very much indeed.
253
00:11:24,680 --> 00:11:26,190
Thank you.
254
00:11:26,240 --> 00:11:27,590
- This is...
- It's all right.
255
00:11:27,640 --> 00:11:30,120
- It's not bad, you know.
- It's a disabled toilet.
256
00:11:31,360 --> 00:11:33,350
- Hey! - Shots! - Yes!
257
00:11:33,400 --> 00:11:35,150
Wow. Great. Thank you.
258
00:11:35,200 --> 00:11:36,790
- And a pint for Diesel.
- Thank you.
259
00:11:36,840 --> 00:11:39,910
Oh, wow, I don't... I don't really...
260
00:11:39,960 --> 00:11:41,350
I don't really do shots.
261
00:11:41,400 --> 00:11:44,280
What? Come on! Don't be boring.
262
00:11:45,640 --> 00:11:48,430
I love, I love shots, I was
just joking, I love shots.
263
00:11:48,480 --> 00:11:50,240
- Here's to Saturday night.
- Cheers.
264
00:11:52,960 --> 00:11:54,510
Jesus Christ, what is that?
265
00:12:03,440 --> 00:12:06,190
We need one more rehearsal quickly,
make sure we're up to scratch.
266
00:12:06,240 --> 00:12:08,310
Shall we... Let's do
some scales, shall we?
267
00:12:08,360 --> 00:12:11,390
? Meow, meow, meow,
meow, meow, meow, meow. ?
268
00:12:11,440 --> 00:12:12,710
Aren't we miming?
269
00:12:12,760 --> 00:12:15,150
Yes. No, we are, I was just
checking that you remembered.
270
00:12:15,200 --> 00:12:18,360
- Well done. That's good.
- Relax. It is going to be really fun.
271
00:12:21,600 --> 00:12:23,670
Oh, look, there's Neil.
272
00:12:23,720 --> 00:12:26,510
Oh, there's such a cute dog at his table.
273
00:12:26,560 --> 00:12:28,190
Fuck! Where's Sarah?
274
00:12:28,240 --> 00:12:30,550
God, I hope she hasn't been
murdered by one of her clients.
275
00:12:30,600 --> 00:12:32,870
Who's that woman Neil's talking to?
276
00:12:32,920 --> 00:12:34,680
Aren't they being a bit flirty?
277
00:12:36,440 --> 00:12:37,710
Keith used to do stuff like this
278
00:12:37,760 --> 00:12:40,270
- to me all the time, Maxine. It's not right.
- Mel, I'm fairly sure
279
00:12:40,320 --> 00:12:41,990
Neil wouldn't know how to chat someone up.
280
00:12:42,040 --> 00:12:44,550
He can barely converse with the
woman at Sainsbury's checkout
281
00:12:44,600 --> 00:12:48,440
without panicking, so I think
we're OK there, all right?
282
00:12:50,040 --> 00:12:51,950
OK. I'm going to go get
some more Echo Falls,
283
00:12:52,000 --> 00:12:55,440
you're going to practise scales,
and everything's going to be fine.
284
00:12:57,920 --> 00:13:01,390
Yeah, I'm... I guess I'm just
more of a composer these days.
285
00:13:01,440 --> 00:13:03,600
Cool. OK, and what kind of music?
286
00:13:05,240 --> 00:13:08,230
Well, sort of adverts mostly.
287
00:13:08,280 --> 00:13:09,510
Amazing.
288
00:13:09,560 --> 00:13:11,310
So what was your band called?
289
00:13:11,360 --> 00:13:13,430
Deton8.
290
00:13:13,480 --> 00:13:17,350
But the A-T-E is a number eight.
291
00:13:17,400 --> 00:13:19,790
People think it is weird that
she's a sex worker, but I don't.
292
00:13:19,840 --> 00:13:23,950
You know? She is such a
kind, caring, powerful woman.
293
00:13:24,000 --> 00:13:25,590
Can I get an Echo Falls, please?
294
00:13:25,640 --> 00:13:28,360
- Sure.
- Quickly... if you can.
295
00:13:33,000 --> 00:13:34,630
Thank fuck for that!
296
00:13:34,680 --> 00:13:37,390
Where have you been? Come on,
we need to go and sort this out.
297
00:13:37,440 --> 00:13:39,440
Come on. What have you been doing?
298
00:13:40,520 --> 00:13:42,280
Why do you smell like that? Come on.
299
00:13:45,440 --> 00:13:48,520
OK, please give a huge
welcome to my nephew, Jamie.
300
00:13:53,920 --> 00:13:55,870
Thank you. My name's Jamie Cromwell.
301
00:13:55,920 --> 00:13:57,680
The song's called It's Happening.
302
00:14:01,440 --> 00:14:03,870
? You take me to the place
303
00:14:03,920 --> 00:14:06,510
? Where I wanna go... ?
304
00:14:06,560 --> 00:14:08,560
Right, Sarah, what's going on with you?
305
00:14:09,760 --> 00:14:11,150
Oh, my God! Am I the only one
306
00:14:11,200 --> 00:14:14,350
that can deal with the bloody
pressure of the music biz?
307
00:14:14,400 --> 00:14:18,750
Oh, God! Do you want to
tell Auntie Maxine what's up?
308
00:14:18,800 --> 00:14:22,640
Has this whole whoring thing just
got a bit too much for you, Sarah?
309
00:14:23,680 --> 00:14:27,790
Why is Mikey out there,
talking to some girl?
310
00:14:27,840 --> 00:14:30,390
It's over. I can't do this.
311
00:14:30,440 --> 00:14:33,350
Oh, Sarah, I'm so sorry.
312
00:14:33,400 --> 00:14:35,830
I just want someone nice and normal,
313
00:14:35,880 --> 00:14:37,670
who accepts me for who I am.
314
00:14:37,720 --> 00:14:39,310
That is quite a big ask, isn't it, Sarah?
315
00:14:39,360 --> 00:14:41,440
You know, considering your profession.
316
00:14:42,480 --> 00:14:44,470
Sorry.
317
00:14:44,520 --> 00:14:46,590
You're going to be OK, Sarah, yeah?
318
00:14:46,640 --> 00:14:49,750
You're just being a bit over the top. Mm?
319
00:14:49,800 --> 00:14:52,270
Do you want to pour this
emotion into your performance?
320
00:14:52,320 --> 00:14:54,110
- Yeah.
- Right, we're on in five.
321
00:14:54,160 --> 00:14:55,630
Sort yourself out.
322
00:14:55,680 --> 00:15:01,920
? And, oh-oh-oh, it's happening. ?
323
00:15:08,240 --> 00:15:10,870
Let's give a big hand for my nephew Jamie!
324
00:15:14,200 --> 00:15:19,150
OK. Right, next up we've got
a group of local ladies...
325
00:15:19,200 --> 00:15:20,790
Jim, I take it from here, yeah.
326
00:15:20,840 --> 00:15:23,550
Mel, can you put the stools
out, please? Thank you.
327
00:15:23,600 --> 00:15:26,470
What's up, The Plough?
328
00:15:26,520 --> 00:15:29,360
Woo! Are we having a good time, yeah?
329
00:15:30,400 --> 00:15:33,190
- Yeah. - Thank God for
the weekend, am I right?
330
00:15:35,160 --> 00:15:38,710
Ah... So, for those of you
don't know us, we're Variety,
331
00:15:38,760 --> 00:15:42,200
and this is our first
gig in over 14 years.
332
00:15:45,120 --> 00:15:49,350
So, alongside myself and Mel
-- yes, that is really her --
333
00:15:49,400 --> 00:15:51,070
we actually have a new member.
334
00:15:51,120 --> 00:15:54,070
Some of the male punters may
be familiar with Sarah's work.
335
00:15:54,120 --> 00:15:55,710
For those of you who don't know her,
336
00:15:55,760 --> 00:15:59,870
Sarah is actually trying to leave
behind a life of illegal sex work
337
00:15:59,920 --> 00:16:01,630
to join our Variety story.
338
00:16:01,680 --> 00:16:04,030
So, yeah, pretty inspiring stuff, Sarah.
339
00:16:04,080 --> 00:16:06,510
Shall we give her a round of applause?
340
00:16:06,560 --> 00:16:08,320
Well done, Sarah.
341
00:16:09,640 --> 00:16:11,640
Well, let's hear it for Variety.
342
00:16:12,920 --> 00:16:15,000
Just me? OK. Play the track, Jim.
343
00:16:23,920 --> 00:16:26,030
? I'mma gonna tell you how it is
344
00:16:26,080 --> 00:16:29,110
? Cos if you dream it then you
make it then you turn it into money
345
00:16:29,160 --> 00:16:33,630
? Oh, yeah, that's how it goes, girl
346
00:16:33,680 --> 00:16:35,750
? I'mma gonna take it from the start
347
00:16:35,800 --> 00:16:38,830
? He said, if you got a dream
then you gotta light the way
348
00:16:38,880 --> 00:16:42,110
? For all the other girls, yeah
349
00:16:42,160 --> 00:16:44,870
? I want a limo
350
00:16:44,920 --> 00:16:47,190
? I want a fur coat
351
00:16:47,240 --> 00:16:49,630
? Covered in diamonds
352
00:16:49,680 --> 00:16:52,070
? Sailing my own boat
353
00:16:52,120 --> 00:16:54,430
? Cos I'm a star, yeah
354
00:16:54,480 --> 00:16:56,630
? Up in the sky
355
00:16:56,680 --> 00:16:58,910
? I'll do what it takes
356
00:16:58,960 --> 00:17:02,830
? I'll do what it takes, yeah... ?
357
00:17:02,880 --> 00:17:04,790
What do you think?
358
00:17:04,840 --> 00:17:07,160
Yeah, I mean, they're... funny.
359
00:17:12,800 --> 00:17:15,230
- Do you know them?
- No.
360
00:17:15,280 --> 00:17:16,870
? We're not giving up till we drop
361
00:17:16,920 --> 00:17:19,310
? This is our moment
362
00:17:19,360 --> 00:17:21,910
? Champagne's all open
363
00:17:21,960 --> 00:17:24,190
? Champagne's on me
364
00:17:24,240 --> 00:17:26,230
? I'mma gonna give it everything
365
00:17:26,280 --> 00:17:29,430
? Cos if you want it then you get
it and who cares what they say?
366
00:17:29,480 --> 00:17:34,110
? Oh, yeah, that's how it goes, girl
367
00:17:34,160 --> 00:17:36,030
? I'mma gonna do it by myself
368
00:17:36,080 --> 00:17:39,110
? Cos nobody else is ever
gonna tell me what to do
369
00:17:39,160 --> 00:17:42,990
? Don't ever let them change you
370
00:17:43,040 --> 00:17:45,390
? I want a limo
371
00:17:45,440 --> 00:17:47,790
? I want a fur coat
372
00:17:47,840 --> 00:17:50,150
? Covered in diamonds
373
00:17:50,200 --> 00:17:52,550
? Sailing my own boat
374
00:17:52,600 --> 00:17:54,990
? Cos I'm a star, yeah... ?
375
00:17:56,800 --> 00:17:59,110
- Getting better at those.
- That's good. - Yeah.
376
00:17:59,160 --> 00:18:01,000
I love them. Great.
377
00:18:03,320 --> 00:18:05,670
? We're not giving up till the top
378
00:18:05,720 --> 00:18:07,870
? No, we're not giving up till we drop
379
00:18:07,920 --> 00:18:10,070
? Oh, yeah
380
00:18:10,120 --> 00:18:12,830
- ? Going somewhere
- Show me the money
381
00:18:12,880 --> 00:18:15,070
? We're not giving up till the top
382
00:18:15,120 --> 00:18:17,470
? No, we're not giving up till we drop
383
00:18:17,520 --> 00:18:19,630
? This is our moment
384
00:18:19,680 --> 00:18:22,070
? Champagne's all open
385
00:18:22,120 --> 00:18:23,310
? Champagne's on me
386
00:18:23,360 --> 00:18:24,910
? We're not giving up till the top
387
00:18:24,960 --> 00:18:27,190
? No, we're not giving up till we drop
388
00:18:27,240 --> 00:18:29,350
? Oh, yeah
389
00:18:29,400 --> 00:18:32,470
- ? We're going somewhere
- Show me the money
390
00:18:32,520 --> 00:18:34,790
? We're not giving up till the top
391
00:18:34,840 --> 00:18:37,070
? No, we're not giving up till we drop
392
00:18:37,120 --> 00:18:39,110
? This is our moment
393
00:18:39,160 --> 00:18:41,590
? Champagne's all open
394
00:18:41,640 --> 00:18:43,310
? Champagne's on me. ?
395
00:19:02,160 --> 00:19:03,470
- That was amazing.
- Yeah?
396
00:19:03,520 --> 00:19:06,110
Not as amazing as that
girl you were talking to.
397
00:19:06,160 --> 00:19:09,870
No, no, no. They just wanted
to come and speak to Diesel,
398
00:19:09,920 --> 00:19:12,390
and Diesel can't speak,
so I had to talk for him.
399
00:19:12,440 --> 00:19:15,510
- Who's Diesel?
- This is Diesel.
400
00:19:15,560 --> 00:19:17,550
A sign of my commitment to you.
401
00:19:17,600 --> 00:19:20,910
Like a baby... but a dog. A dog baby.
402
00:19:20,960 --> 00:19:22,590
He's a French bulldog, so...
403
00:19:22,640 --> 00:19:27,150
- I don't think he is.
- Really?
404
00:19:27,200 --> 00:19:28,950
Look, Sarah,
405
00:19:29,000 --> 00:19:31,190
I'm no playboy, right?
406
00:19:31,240 --> 00:19:34,440
I've never been with anyone
else, and I never want to be.
407
00:19:37,000 --> 00:19:38,320
- Really?
- Really.
408
00:19:39,320 --> 00:19:40,680
And you got him just for me?
409
00:19:43,240 --> 00:19:45,520
Oh, hello, Diesel.
410
00:19:47,600 --> 00:19:49,120
- Oh, I love him!
- I love you, too.
411
00:19:58,440 --> 00:19:59,670
Do you know what, Mel?
412
00:19:59,720 --> 00:20:02,950
I just really feel like I
was born to be a celebrity.
413
00:20:03,000 --> 00:20:04,710
I know.
414
00:20:04,760 --> 00:20:06,350
Hey, Max.
415
00:20:06,400 --> 00:20:09,670
Shall we get hammered
tonight, like the old days?
416
00:20:09,720 --> 00:20:10,960
I've got a sitter in.
417
00:20:16,480 --> 00:20:19,990
I feel like you got a lot more bang
for your buck back in the day, Mel.
418
00:20:20,040 --> 00:20:21,110
Who's your dealer?
419
00:20:21,160 --> 00:20:23,160
- My eldest, Danny.
- What?
420
00:20:25,520 --> 00:20:27,350
Sorry!
421
00:20:27,400 --> 00:20:30,150
- What? - Actually, I
want to have a dance.
422
00:20:30,200 --> 00:20:31,870
Oh, come on. Let's have a dance.
423
00:20:31,920 --> 00:20:33,390
We've been working nonstop!
424
00:20:33,440 --> 00:20:36,230
I want to have a line of
charlie in the green room.
425
00:20:36,280 --> 00:20:38,390
Oh, give it here.
426
00:20:38,440 --> 00:20:39,950
You're mad, Mel. What are you doing?
427
00:20:40,000 --> 00:20:41,240
Shh!
428
00:20:47,120 --> 00:20:49,030
Christ, that is...
429
00:20:49,080 --> 00:20:50,310
That is actually good stuff.
430
00:20:50,360 --> 00:20:52,750
This is the high life. Come on, Mel.
431
00:20:52,800 --> 00:20:54,470
Woo!
432
00:20:54,520 --> 00:20:56,310
You partying tonight, guys?
433
00:20:56,360 --> 00:20:57,640
Oh, wow, young people.
434
00:21:30,600 --> 00:21:33,870
Hello, the internet!
435
00:21:33,920 --> 00:21:36,670
Coming to you live and
direct from The Plough.
436
00:21:36,720 --> 00:21:38,590
Get in for a selfie.
437
00:21:38,640 --> 00:21:41,590
- Sarah, Mel's got cocaine. Do
you want some cocaine? - No.
438
00:21:41,640 --> 00:21:44,750
Mel! Mel! There she is.
439
00:21:44,800 --> 00:21:46,790
My little partner in
crime. What are you doing,
440
00:21:46,840 --> 00:21:49,230
sat by yourself like a
weirdo? What are you doing?
441
00:21:49,280 --> 00:21:51,390
Max, I really need to talk
to you about something.
442
00:21:51,440 --> 00:21:53,230
Go on, tell the world how you're feeling.
443
00:21:53,280 --> 00:21:57,510
No. Max, you have always been
a strong, independent woman,
444
00:21:57,560 --> 00:22:00,390
and you don't need anybody else.
445
00:22:00,440 --> 00:22:02,910
You're fucked, aren't you, Mel? Christ!
446
00:22:02,960 --> 00:22:04,230
Are my eyes funny?
447
00:22:04,280 --> 00:22:06,390
Max, I really need to talk
to you about something!
448
00:22:06,440 --> 00:22:09,790
Mel! We're vlogging. Come on.
I guess, you know, we just...
449
00:22:09,840 --> 00:22:13,640
It just feels like everything's just
finally falling into place for us.
450
00:22:21,160 --> 00:22:23,070
? We're not giving up till the top
451
00:22:23,120 --> 00:22:25,510
? No, we're not giving up till we drop
452
00:22:25,560 --> 00:22:27,630
? Oh, yeah
453
00:22:27,680 --> 00:22:30,630
- ? Going somewhere
- Show me the money
454
00:22:30,680 --> 00:22:32,670
? We're not giving up till the top
455
00:22:32,720 --> 00:22:35,190
? No, we're not giving up till we drop
456
00:22:35,240 --> 00:22:37,510
? This is our moment
457
00:22:37,560 --> 00:22:39,510
? Champagne's all open
458
00:22:39,560 --> 00:22:42,750
- ? Champagne's on me
- We're not giving up till the top
459
00:22:42,800 --> 00:22:44,910
? No, we're not giving up till we drop
460
00:22:44,960 --> 00:22:47,150
? This is our moment
461
00:22:47,200 --> 00:22:50,360
- ? Champagne's all open
- Champagne's on me. ?
462
00:22:50,410 --> 00:22:54,960
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
35277
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.