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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,010 --> 00:00:05,550 Right, so, nothing special, just a little a la Jamie Oliver paella. 2 00:00:05,600 --> 00:00:07,710 I thought I said no carbs, Neil. 3 00:00:07,760 --> 00:00:09,000 Help yourself to salad. 4 00:00:10,960 --> 00:00:14,110 Right, so cheers, everyone. Hope you enjoy it. 5 00:00:14,160 --> 00:00:16,750 I'll do the cheers around here, Neil. Mel, put your fork down. 6 00:00:16,800 --> 00:00:17,840 Film this. 7 00:00:21,160 --> 00:00:22,400 Where do I start? 8 00:00:24,360 --> 00:00:28,070 If someone had told me 14 years ago that I would be sat round this table 9 00:00:28,120 --> 00:00:30,190 with Melanie in her current state, 10 00:00:30,240 --> 00:00:31,910 and a local prostitute, 11 00:00:31,960 --> 00:00:34,070 and that we would now be in a band together, 12 00:00:34,120 --> 00:00:36,950 I would have said to that person, "You've got to be kidding me. 13 00:00:37,000 --> 00:00:39,070 "I mean, I'm not fucking desperate." 14 00:00:39,120 --> 00:00:41,030 It's not quite the dream I had in mind 15 00:00:41,080 --> 00:00:44,070 but I'm excited to see what happens next. 16 00:00:44,120 --> 00:00:46,270 To the future. To Variety. 17 00:00:46,320 --> 00:00:49,040 - To Variety! - Variety! - Woo! Variety. 18 00:00:56,640 --> 00:00:58,990 Mel? Mel! 19 00:00:59,040 --> 00:01:01,470 Mel, are you planning on doing any work this morning? 20 00:01:01,520 --> 00:01:03,950 Sorry, Max, I'm just reading a very sweet story about a woman 21 00:01:04,000 --> 00:01:05,750 who is in love with the ghost of a Victorian. 22 00:01:05,800 --> 00:01:09,110 - Oh, my God. - That's what I thought at first but who are we to judge love? 23 00:01:09,160 --> 00:01:11,510 She said that when they make love he makes her feel special, 24 00:01:11,560 --> 00:01:12,990 even though he's from another era. 25 00:01:13,040 --> 00:01:16,750 Not that. It's Sweet Gyal, they've got a publishing deal. 26 00:01:16,800 --> 00:01:20,190 'Oh, my God, guys, we have had the maddest week. 27 00:01:20,240 --> 00:01:21,710 Finally shit is popping off. 28 00:01:21,760 --> 00:01:23,910 Who wants to tell them what's been going down? 29 00:01:23,960 --> 00:01:25,870 What language is that? What's she saying? 30 00:01:25,920 --> 00:01:29,710 - We've signed a publishing deal. - With WRM records, bitches. 31 00:01:29,760 --> 00:01:32,470 What are they wearing? God, they're off-brand. 32 00:01:32,520 --> 00:01:34,510 Shout out, Sam Clinton! 33 00:01:34,560 --> 00:01:35,710 Sam Clinton? 34 00:01:35,760 --> 00:01:38,550 All men are the same. Complete scum. Can't trust any of them. 35 00:01:38,600 --> 00:01:40,910 Head to our channel for all our Sweet Gyal updates, OK? 36 00:01:40,960 --> 00:01:43,190 Love to all of the Sweet Gyaldem supporting us. 37 00:01:43,240 --> 00:01:44,630 Like and subscribe, guys. 38 00:01:44,680 --> 00:01:45,760 Mwah! 39 00:01:47,920 --> 00:01:50,310 I can't believe they're vlogging by themselves. 40 00:01:50,360 --> 00:01:52,510 - Oh, Max. - This has happened to me my whole life, 41 00:01:52,560 --> 00:01:55,190 people stealing my ideas and making millions from them. 42 00:01:55,240 --> 00:01:57,750 It's like the Nutribullet all over again. 43 00:01:57,800 --> 00:01:59,670 What are we going to do? 44 00:01:59,720 --> 00:02:00,800 We need to man up. 45 00:02:03,920 --> 00:02:05,550 Do you want a cup of tea? 46 00:02:05,600 --> 00:02:08,590 So it looks like me and Sarah are going to break up. 47 00:02:08,640 --> 00:02:10,230 What? Why? 48 00:02:10,280 --> 00:02:11,320 You guys were... 49 00:02:12,760 --> 00:02:14,480 - .. perfect? - I know. 50 00:02:16,120 --> 00:02:17,550 I know. 51 00:02:17,600 --> 00:02:20,270 And my dandruff has only just cleared up. 52 00:02:20,320 --> 00:02:21,670 Talk about shit timing. 53 00:02:21,720 --> 00:02:23,000 What's happened? 54 00:02:24,360 --> 00:02:27,750 Does Maxine check your phone when you're asleep? 55 00:02:27,800 --> 00:02:29,270 No, I don't think so. 56 00:02:29,320 --> 00:02:30,550 So you've never woken up 57 00:02:30,600 --> 00:02:34,630 with her using your fingerprint to open your phone? 58 00:02:34,680 --> 00:02:36,550 That doesn't sound healthy. 59 00:02:36,600 --> 00:02:38,230 She thinks I'm a player, man. 60 00:02:38,280 --> 00:02:40,550 - That's mental. - I know! 61 00:02:40,600 --> 00:02:43,710 I said to her, I said, "I can't get any other girls." 62 00:02:43,760 --> 00:02:46,430 I even had to pay her at the start of our relationship. 63 00:02:46,480 --> 00:02:49,470 But isn't she technically cheating on you 64 00:02:49,520 --> 00:02:52,000 multiple times every single day? 65 00:02:54,360 --> 00:02:55,880 Actually, I will have that tea. 66 00:02:57,280 --> 00:03:01,070 Christ! How can it be this difficult to book a fucking gig? 67 00:03:01,120 --> 00:03:04,270 I've been going to that wine bar for over five years now. 68 00:03:04,320 --> 00:03:07,160 They should be asking me to play, not the other way round. 69 00:03:08,400 --> 00:03:10,710 Who's left on the list, Mel? 70 00:03:10,760 --> 00:03:13,550 - Just The Plough. - Neil loves that dump. 71 00:03:13,600 --> 00:03:17,390 It's not right. We need a franchise so we can book in the UK tour. 72 00:03:17,440 --> 00:03:19,550 What about Brannigan's? 73 00:03:19,600 --> 00:03:21,070 I think it's closed down. 74 00:03:21,120 --> 00:03:24,150 Jesus, what is the world coming to? 75 00:03:24,200 --> 00:03:26,760 All right, fuck it. Let's go to the fucking Plough. 76 00:03:28,040 --> 00:03:31,750 Tuesdays is pub quiz, Wednesdays is karaoke, 77 00:03:31,800 --> 00:03:34,510 Fridays is Back To The '80s rock and pop, 78 00:03:34,560 --> 00:03:38,030 then Saturdays we have The Plough Rocks open mic night 79 00:03:38,080 --> 00:03:41,030 so maybe you ladies could do that? 80 00:03:41,080 --> 00:03:43,310 What's the clientele like at The Plough Rocks? 81 00:03:43,360 --> 00:03:46,350 Just the regulars, like those two young men over there. 82 00:03:46,400 --> 00:03:47,830 It gets pretty busy, mind. 83 00:03:47,880 --> 00:03:49,030 Go on, let's do it. 84 00:03:49,080 --> 00:03:52,270 It'll be good practice for when we get the arena tour. 85 00:03:52,320 --> 00:03:55,310 All right. Look, Jim, The Plough is very much our last resort here 86 00:03:55,360 --> 00:03:57,270 but if you can give us a green room and a rider 87 00:03:57,320 --> 00:04:00,150 then you've got yourself a deal, mate. 88 00:04:00,200 --> 00:04:01,750 OK, yeah, yeah. 89 00:04:01,800 --> 00:04:02,840 What's... 90 00:04:03,880 --> 00:04:04,960 What's a rider? 91 00:04:07,400 --> 00:04:10,630 I just want to eat meat at a price I can afford! 92 00:04:10,680 --> 00:04:14,440 - Nice. Can we try something a bit older? - Yeah. 93 00:04:16,720 --> 00:04:21,030 A juicy steak for �2.49? 94 00:04:21,080 --> 00:04:22,950 Yes, please! 95 00:04:23,000 --> 00:04:27,240 Lovely. And now something a bit more regional, please. 96 00:04:32,240 --> 00:04:33,280 Mikey? 97 00:04:34,280 --> 00:04:36,590 Yes! Sorry, yeah, yeah. 98 00:04:36,640 --> 00:04:38,270 Sorry. 99 00:04:38,320 --> 00:04:39,750 Regional. 100 00:04:39,800 --> 00:04:42,590 There's only one thing better than sharing a mixed grill 101 00:04:42,640 --> 00:04:46,670 with your wife and that's knowing it only cost you �10. 102 00:04:46,720 --> 00:04:49,550 Uncle Bill's Discount Carvery, because there's nowt wrong, 103 00:04:49,600 --> 00:04:53,310 I say there's nowt wrong with cheap meat. 104 00:04:53,360 --> 00:04:55,670 Great regional. 105 00:04:55,720 --> 00:04:57,110 Ticks the diversity box. 106 00:04:57,160 --> 00:04:58,800 I'm sorry, mate, I'm sorry. 107 00:05:00,840 --> 00:05:02,110 I'm just not on form today. 108 00:05:02,160 --> 00:05:04,160 I just can't stop thinking about Sarah. 109 00:05:06,400 --> 00:05:08,870 How have you and Maxine done it for so long? 110 00:05:08,920 --> 00:05:10,870 I genuinely don't know, mate. 111 00:05:10,920 --> 00:05:13,030 I think a big part of it is the twins. 112 00:05:13,080 --> 00:05:14,790 Sometimes I think they're the only thing 113 00:05:14,840 --> 00:05:16,190 we've got in common these days. 114 00:05:16,240 --> 00:05:17,830 That makes sense. 115 00:05:17,880 --> 00:05:21,720 Maybe I could somehow get Sarah preggers. 116 00:05:23,040 --> 00:05:25,390 Maybe you should start with a pet. 117 00:05:25,440 --> 00:05:27,110 Yes! 118 00:05:27,160 --> 00:05:29,230 Yeah. 119 00:05:29,280 --> 00:05:30,990 Cos she's already got four kids. 120 00:05:31,040 --> 00:05:34,070 A pet is more unusual. 121 00:05:34,120 --> 00:05:35,630 Yeah. 122 00:05:35,680 --> 00:05:36,840 Kids are shit. 123 00:05:38,920 --> 00:05:41,870 Boys, who wants to do my breakfast blog? 124 00:05:41,920 --> 00:05:45,950 Phoenix, do you want to do the vlog? Yes? Which one's Phoenix again? 125 00:05:46,000 --> 00:05:47,040 Come on then. 126 00:05:50,600 --> 00:05:53,190 So, today is a very important VIP day, 127 00:05:53,240 --> 00:05:56,430 and we're all so excited, aren't we, Phoenix? 128 00:05:56,480 --> 00:05:58,760 - Do you want to tell them why? - No. 129 00:06:00,480 --> 00:06:03,350 Oh, kids say the funniest things, don't they? 130 00:06:03,400 --> 00:06:05,470 He's probably just overwhelmed by Mummy's big day, 131 00:06:05,520 --> 00:06:08,230 because today is Variety's first live show 132 00:06:08,280 --> 00:06:11,040 in over 14 years, isn't it, Phoenix? 133 00:06:13,320 --> 00:06:17,030 That is my magic star wand, Enrique! Give it back! 134 00:06:17,080 --> 00:06:20,640 What? Where did you get that from? That's for girls. Enrique! Enrique! 135 00:06:23,120 --> 00:06:26,070 Sorry about that. You can't be too careful, can you, 136 00:06:26,120 --> 00:06:28,790 what with all the trans stuff going on at the minute? 137 00:06:28,840 --> 00:06:31,590 Neil! Did you provide the twins with this? 138 00:06:31,640 --> 00:06:34,790 - It has ruined my vlog. - Jesus, will you stop using the boys as props. 139 00:06:34,840 --> 00:06:35,910 They're six years old. 140 00:06:35,960 --> 00:06:38,550 In case you've forgotten, I technically produced them. 141 00:06:38,600 --> 00:06:41,310 They lived inside me before you even met them, so I get first dibs. 142 00:06:41,360 --> 00:06:42,870 - Whatever. - Whatever? 143 00:06:42,920 --> 00:06:46,310 God, you think you're a cool teenager, don't you, Neil? 144 00:06:46,360 --> 00:06:47,870 I need the shed this morning. 145 00:06:47,920 --> 00:06:50,310 The deadline for Uncle Bill's Discount Carvery is today, 146 00:06:50,360 --> 00:06:51,990 so I need some space to perfect it. 147 00:06:52,040 --> 00:06:53,830 No can do, Neil. I think what I'm doing 148 00:06:53,880 --> 00:06:56,190 is a bit more pressing than a song about gammon. 149 00:06:56,240 --> 00:06:57,840 I'm the one funding your hobby. 150 00:06:59,320 --> 00:07:00,630 That is a low blow, Neil. 151 00:07:00,680 --> 00:07:02,790 God, you've really lost it, haven't you? 152 00:07:02,840 --> 00:07:04,880 I'm not sure I'm the one who's lost it. 153 00:07:10,800 --> 00:07:14,230 Right, where was I? Oh, yeah. I wanted to talk granola. 154 00:07:14,280 --> 00:07:16,430 So the vlog isn't sponsored yet, 155 00:07:16,480 --> 00:07:18,790 but in our house we all love to start the day 156 00:07:18,840 --> 00:07:21,630 with a lovely, crunchy bowl of yummy granola. 157 00:07:21,680 --> 00:07:24,620 'Because there's nowt wrong, I say there's nowt wrong... 158 00:07:27,000 --> 00:07:29,670 I feel like I'm on the red carpet. 159 00:07:29,720 --> 00:07:32,360 Not sure, Mel. It makes you look a bit like... 160 00:07:33,320 --> 00:07:36,230 .. like an orca. What do you think, Sarah? 161 00:07:36,280 --> 00:07:39,230 - Yeah, nice. - No, I think we should go with diamante trouser suits instead. 162 00:07:39,280 --> 00:07:40,670 They're a bit cooler, aren't they? 163 00:07:40,720 --> 00:07:43,190 Yeah, they're gorgeous. Oh, I love a bit of bling. 164 00:07:43,240 --> 00:07:44,800 You don't need to touch it. 165 00:07:46,040 --> 00:07:47,160 You all right, Sarah? 166 00:07:48,160 --> 00:07:50,190 Me and Mike are having problems. 167 00:07:50,240 --> 00:07:51,790 Oh, no. 168 00:07:51,840 --> 00:07:54,790 Has he cheated on you? My ex Keith cheated on me, so I completely 169 00:07:54,840 --> 00:07:57,710 understand what you're going through. What's he done? 170 00:07:57,760 --> 00:07:59,030 It's just his phone. 171 00:07:59,080 --> 00:08:00,750 It's too clean. 172 00:08:00,800 --> 00:08:01,990 He only messages me. 173 00:08:02,040 --> 00:08:04,230 Sweetie, I'm so sorry. 174 00:08:04,280 --> 00:08:06,470 All right, guys, this isn't a therapy session, yeah? 175 00:08:06,520 --> 00:08:08,760 Can you do this on your own time, please? 176 00:08:10,840 --> 00:08:12,750 Right, I need to head off to work. 177 00:08:12,800 --> 00:08:14,630 What? No, Sarah, this is our big day. 178 00:08:14,680 --> 00:08:15,710 We need to practise. 179 00:08:15,760 --> 00:08:17,910 Well, it's one of my regulars. I can't disappoint him. 180 00:08:17,960 --> 00:08:20,590 - I'll see you down the Plough. - All right, well, don't be late. 181 00:08:20,640 --> 00:08:21,760 Fucking hell. 182 00:08:24,000 --> 00:08:25,200 What's an orca? 183 00:08:26,480 --> 00:08:27,800 Are you kidding? 184 00:08:29,640 --> 00:08:31,870 I'm going for drinks with Mikey. I'll see you in a bit. 185 00:08:31,920 --> 00:08:33,840 What? Are you not driving us? 186 00:08:35,680 --> 00:08:36,990 I'll see you there. 187 00:08:37,040 --> 00:08:39,150 Jesus Christ! What have you done to your hair, Neil? 188 00:08:39,200 --> 00:08:40,910 I can see a little scalp there. 189 00:08:40,960 --> 00:08:45,270 - Likewise. - What, are you not going to wish us luck? 190 00:08:45,320 --> 00:08:47,190 Can you actually see my scalp, Mel? 191 00:08:47,240 --> 00:08:50,040 No, Maxine, he was just joking. Your hair looks lovely. 192 00:08:51,200 --> 00:08:53,190 Look, Max, I really think I should do MY hair now. 193 00:08:53,240 --> 00:08:55,310 It's going to take so much longer to do than yours, 194 00:08:55,360 --> 00:08:57,790 and you really hurt my wrist with all the brushing. 195 00:08:57,840 --> 00:08:59,670 Are you kidding? Christ, Mel, you're not 196 00:08:59,720 --> 00:09:01,350 the fucking master of ceremonies. 197 00:09:01,400 --> 00:09:04,310 This is my big night so can you stop caring about your hair all the time? 198 00:09:04,360 --> 00:09:04,980 If anything, you should be 199 00:09:05,030 --> 00:09:07,830 worrying about your acidic scent, not your bloody up do. 200 00:09:09,640 --> 00:09:12,790 Come on, Mel! We're under pressure. Try not to crack under it. 201 00:09:12,840 --> 00:09:13,880 Christ! 202 00:09:16,240 --> 00:09:17,710 Here we go then. 203 00:09:17,760 --> 00:09:19,670 A pint of Guinness for Mikey... 204 00:09:19,720 --> 00:09:22,510 - Cheers. - .. shandy top for yours truly... 205 00:09:22,560 --> 00:09:24,550 .. and a pint of water for... 206 00:09:24,600 --> 00:09:26,670 God, he is a big bugger, isn't he? 207 00:09:26,720 --> 00:09:27,750 Where'd you get him from? 208 00:09:27,800 --> 00:09:29,750 I got him off Gumtree. Yeah. 209 00:09:29,800 --> 00:09:31,830 He's a French bulldog, apparently. 210 00:09:31,880 --> 00:09:34,630 They're pretty cool. Do you reckon Sarah will like him? 211 00:09:34,680 --> 00:09:37,830 He sort of looks like one of those fighting dogs you see in films. 212 00:09:37,880 --> 00:09:39,110 What's his name? 213 00:09:39,160 --> 00:09:41,150 Well, the bloke says his name's Diesel. 214 00:09:41,200 --> 00:09:43,110 Yeah. So I want to name him something similar, 215 00:09:43,160 --> 00:09:44,710 so that he comes to me when I call him. 216 00:09:44,760 --> 00:09:45,880 What about Unleaded? 217 00:09:47,400 --> 00:09:49,630 Sorry. Sorry, I'm just joking. 218 00:09:49,680 --> 00:09:51,830 No, yeah... 219 00:09:51,880 --> 00:09:54,320 No, I like Diesel. It's good. It's edgy. 220 00:09:56,240 --> 00:09:59,840 I'd like to see someone try and pick a fight with us tonight. 221 00:10:01,240 --> 00:10:03,160 - Cheers. - Cheers. Cheers. 222 00:10:09,360 --> 00:10:11,510 It was just chafing. 223 00:10:11,560 --> 00:10:14,510 - I had to wait to get... - Oh, he is so cute! 224 00:10:14,560 --> 00:10:16,990 Look at him! What's his name? 225 00:10:17,040 --> 00:10:19,510 - Diesel. - Diesel. - Is he yours? 226 00:10:19,560 --> 00:10:21,750 Yeah. 227 00:10:21,800 --> 00:10:23,270 Is that a pint he's drinking? 228 00:10:23,320 --> 00:10:25,510 Yeah. He only drinks pints. 229 00:10:25,560 --> 00:10:28,350 - Like me. - It's important to keep them hydrated. 230 00:10:28,400 --> 00:10:30,510 Well, I'm getting him another drink then. 231 00:10:30,560 --> 00:10:31,830 - Great. - Brilliant. 232 00:10:31,880 --> 00:10:32,920 - All right. - Wow. 233 00:10:36,160 --> 00:10:37,960 He's a bit of a babe magnet, isn't he? 234 00:10:39,440 --> 00:10:40,800 I wish Sarah was here. 235 00:10:42,400 --> 00:10:44,750 I'm going to message her again. 236 00:10:44,800 --> 00:10:47,510 You know, if you need to change or whatever, 237 00:10:47,560 --> 00:10:50,160 there's the disabled facilities over there. 238 00:10:51,560 --> 00:10:52,670 What? 239 00:10:52,720 --> 00:10:54,750 Oh, it's ever so posh. 240 00:10:54,800 --> 00:10:56,670 Got a shower with a seat and a panic cord. 241 00:10:56,720 --> 00:10:57,990 No, sorry, get away from there. 242 00:10:58,040 --> 00:10:59,870 Jim, did you not get my e-mail about the rider? 243 00:10:59,920 --> 00:11:02,430 Sorry, ladies, we're not that kind of place. 244 00:11:02,480 --> 00:11:04,990 - You're welcome to start a tab, though. - For fuck's sake! 245 00:11:05,040 --> 00:11:08,030 Well, can we have exclusive access to the handicap bathroom? 246 00:11:08,080 --> 00:11:10,190 - Yes, but... - OK, deal. 247 00:11:10,240 --> 00:11:13,350 So, Jim, we need to get a bottle of Echo Falls on ice, 248 00:11:13,400 --> 00:11:16,550 a couple of glasses and some chairs all sent to the handicap suite. 249 00:11:16,600 --> 00:11:18,710 Right, yeah, well, I will need a card. 250 00:11:18,760 --> 00:11:20,950 Yeah. Mel, can you give him a card? 251 00:11:21,000 --> 00:11:22,670 Here you go. 252 00:11:22,720 --> 00:11:24,630 Yeah. All right, thank you very much indeed. 253 00:11:24,680 --> 00:11:26,190 Thank you. 254 00:11:26,240 --> 00:11:27,590 - This is... - It's all right. 255 00:11:27,640 --> 00:11:30,120 - It's not bad, you know. - It's a disabled toilet. 256 00:11:31,360 --> 00:11:33,350 - Hey! - Shots! - Yes! 257 00:11:33,400 --> 00:11:35,150 Wow. Great. Thank you. 258 00:11:35,200 --> 00:11:36,790 - And a pint for Diesel. - Thank you. 259 00:11:36,840 --> 00:11:39,910 Oh, wow, I don't... I don't really... 260 00:11:39,960 --> 00:11:41,350 I don't really do shots. 261 00:11:41,400 --> 00:11:44,280 What? Come on! Don't be boring. 262 00:11:45,640 --> 00:11:48,430 I love, I love shots, I was just joking, I love shots. 263 00:11:48,480 --> 00:11:50,240 - Here's to Saturday night. - Cheers. 264 00:11:52,960 --> 00:11:54,510 Jesus Christ, what is that? 265 00:12:03,440 --> 00:12:06,190 We need one more rehearsal quickly, make sure we're up to scratch. 266 00:12:06,240 --> 00:12:08,310 Shall we... Let's do some scales, shall we? 267 00:12:08,360 --> 00:12:11,390 ? Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow. ? 268 00:12:11,440 --> 00:12:12,710 Aren't we miming? 269 00:12:12,760 --> 00:12:15,150 Yes. No, we are, I was just checking that you remembered. 270 00:12:15,200 --> 00:12:18,360 - Well done. That's good. - Relax. It is going to be really fun. 271 00:12:21,600 --> 00:12:23,670 Oh, look, there's Neil. 272 00:12:23,720 --> 00:12:26,510 Oh, there's such a cute dog at his table. 273 00:12:26,560 --> 00:12:28,190 Fuck! Where's Sarah? 274 00:12:28,240 --> 00:12:30,550 God, I hope she hasn't been murdered by one of her clients. 275 00:12:30,600 --> 00:12:32,870 Who's that woman Neil's talking to? 276 00:12:32,920 --> 00:12:34,680 Aren't they being a bit flirty? 277 00:12:36,440 --> 00:12:37,710 Keith used to do stuff like this 278 00:12:37,760 --> 00:12:40,270 - to me all the time, Maxine. It's not right. - Mel, I'm fairly sure 279 00:12:40,320 --> 00:12:41,990 Neil wouldn't know how to chat someone up. 280 00:12:42,040 --> 00:12:44,550 He can barely converse with the woman at Sainsbury's checkout 281 00:12:44,600 --> 00:12:48,440 without panicking, so I think we're OK there, all right? 282 00:12:50,040 --> 00:12:51,950 OK. I'm going to go get some more Echo Falls, 283 00:12:52,000 --> 00:12:55,440 you're going to practise scales, and everything's going to be fine. 284 00:12:57,920 --> 00:13:01,390 Yeah, I'm... I guess I'm just more of a composer these days. 285 00:13:01,440 --> 00:13:03,600 Cool. OK, and what kind of music? 286 00:13:05,240 --> 00:13:08,230 Well, sort of adverts mostly. 287 00:13:08,280 --> 00:13:09,510 Amazing. 288 00:13:09,560 --> 00:13:11,310 So what was your band called? 289 00:13:11,360 --> 00:13:13,430 Deton8. 290 00:13:13,480 --> 00:13:17,350 But the A-T-E is a number eight. 291 00:13:17,400 --> 00:13:19,790 People think it is weird that she's a sex worker, but I don't. 292 00:13:19,840 --> 00:13:23,950 You know? She is such a kind, caring, powerful woman. 293 00:13:24,000 --> 00:13:25,590 Can I get an Echo Falls, please? 294 00:13:25,640 --> 00:13:28,360 - Sure. - Quickly... if you can. 295 00:13:33,000 --> 00:13:34,630 Thank fuck for that! 296 00:13:34,680 --> 00:13:37,390 Where have you been? Come on, we need to go and sort this out. 297 00:13:37,440 --> 00:13:39,440 Come on. What have you been doing? 298 00:13:40,520 --> 00:13:42,280 Why do you smell like that? Come on. 299 00:13:45,440 --> 00:13:48,520 OK, please give a huge welcome to my nephew, Jamie. 300 00:13:53,920 --> 00:13:55,870 Thank you. My name's Jamie Cromwell. 301 00:13:55,920 --> 00:13:57,680 The song's called It's Happening. 302 00:14:01,440 --> 00:14:03,870 ? You take me to the place 303 00:14:03,920 --> 00:14:06,510 ? Where I wanna go... ? 304 00:14:06,560 --> 00:14:08,560 Right, Sarah, what's going on with you? 305 00:14:09,760 --> 00:14:11,150 Oh, my God! Am I the only one 306 00:14:11,200 --> 00:14:14,350 that can deal with the bloody pressure of the music biz? 307 00:14:14,400 --> 00:14:18,750 Oh, God! Do you want to tell Auntie Maxine what's up? 308 00:14:18,800 --> 00:14:22,640 Has this whole whoring thing just got a bit too much for you, Sarah? 309 00:14:23,680 --> 00:14:27,790 Why is Mikey out there, talking to some girl? 310 00:14:27,840 --> 00:14:30,390 It's over. I can't do this. 311 00:14:30,440 --> 00:14:33,350 Oh, Sarah, I'm so sorry. 312 00:14:33,400 --> 00:14:35,830 I just want someone nice and normal, 313 00:14:35,880 --> 00:14:37,670 who accepts me for who I am. 314 00:14:37,720 --> 00:14:39,310 That is quite a big ask, isn't it, Sarah? 315 00:14:39,360 --> 00:14:41,440 You know, considering your profession. 316 00:14:42,480 --> 00:14:44,470 Sorry. 317 00:14:44,520 --> 00:14:46,590 You're going to be OK, Sarah, yeah? 318 00:14:46,640 --> 00:14:49,750 You're just being a bit over the top. Mm? 319 00:14:49,800 --> 00:14:52,270 Do you want to pour this emotion into your performance? 320 00:14:52,320 --> 00:14:54,110 - Yeah. - Right, we're on in five. 321 00:14:54,160 --> 00:14:55,630 Sort yourself out. 322 00:14:55,680 --> 00:15:01,920 ? And, oh-oh-oh, it's happening. ? 323 00:15:08,240 --> 00:15:10,870 Let's give a big hand for my nephew Jamie! 324 00:15:14,200 --> 00:15:19,150 OK. Right, next up we've got a group of local ladies... 325 00:15:19,200 --> 00:15:20,790 Jim, I take it from here, yeah. 326 00:15:20,840 --> 00:15:23,550 Mel, can you put the stools out, please? Thank you. 327 00:15:23,600 --> 00:15:26,470 What's up, The Plough? 328 00:15:26,520 --> 00:15:29,360 Woo! Are we having a good time, yeah? 329 00:15:30,400 --> 00:15:33,190 - Yeah. - Thank God for the weekend, am I right? 330 00:15:35,160 --> 00:15:38,710 Ah... So, for those of you don't know us, we're Variety, 331 00:15:38,760 --> 00:15:42,200 and this is our first gig in over 14 years. 332 00:15:45,120 --> 00:15:49,350 So, alongside myself and Mel -- yes, that is really her -- 333 00:15:49,400 --> 00:15:51,070 we actually have a new member. 334 00:15:51,120 --> 00:15:54,070 Some of the male punters may be familiar with Sarah's work. 335 00:15:54,120 --> 00:15:55,710 For those of you who don't know her, 336 00:15:55,760 --> 00:15:59,870 Sarah is actually trying to leave behind a life of illegal sex work 337 00:15:59,920 --> 00:16:01,630 to join our Variety story. 338 00:16:01,680 --> 00:16:04,030 So, yeah, pretty inspiring stuff, Sarah. 339 00:16:04,080 --> 00:16:06,510 Shall we give her a round of applause? 340 00:16:06,560 --> 00:16:08,320 Well done, Sarah. 341 00:16:09,640 --> 00:16:11,640 Well, let's hear it for Variety. 342 00:16:12,920 --> 00:16:15,000 Just me? OK. Play the track, Jim. 343 00:16:23,920 --> 00:16:26,030 ? I'mma gonna tell you how it is 344 00:16:26,080 --> 00:16:29,110 ? Cos if you dream it then you make it then you turn it into money 345 00:16:29,160 --> 00:16:33,630 ? Oh, yeah, that's how it goes, girl 346 00:16:33,680 --> 00:16:35,750 ? I'mma gonna take it from the start 347 00:16:35,800 --> 00:16:38,830 ? He said, if you got a dream then you gotta light the way 348 00:16:38,880 --> 00:16:42,110 ? For all the other girls, yeah 349 00:16:42,160 --> 00:16:44,870 ? I want a limo 350 00:16:44,920 --> 00:16:47,190 ? I want a fur coat 351 00:16:47,240 --> 00:16:49,630 ? Covered in diamonds 352 00:16:49,680 --> 00:16:52,070 ? Sailing my own boat 353 00:16:52,120 --> 00:16:54,430 ? Cos I'm a star, yeah 354 00:16:54,480 --> 00:16:56,630 ? Up in the sky 355 00:16:56,680 --> 00:16:58,910 ? I'll do what it takes 356 00:16:58,960 --> 00:17:02,830 ? I'll do what it takes, yeah... ? 357 00:17:02,880 --> 00:17:04,790 What do you think? 358 00:17:04,840 --> 00:17:07,160 Yeah, I mean, they're... funny. 359 00:17:12,800 --> 00:17:15,230 - Do you know them? - No. 360 00:17:15,280 --> 00:17:16,870 ? We're not giving up till we drop 361 00:17:16,920 --> 00:17:19,310 ? This is our moment 362 00:17:19,360 --> 00:17:21,910 ? Champagne's all open 363 00:17:21,960 --> 00:17:24,190 ? Champagne's on me 364 00:17:24,240 --> 00:17:26,230 ? I'mma gonna give it everything 365 00:17:26,280 --> 00:17:29,430 ? Cos if you want it then you get it and who cares what they say? 366 00:17:29,480 --> 00:17:34,110 ? Oh, yeah, that's how it goes, girl 367 00:17:34,160 --> 00:17:36,030 ? I'mma gonna do it by myself 368 00:17:36,080 --> 00:17:39,110 ? Cos nobody else is ever gonna tell me what to do 369 00:17:39,160 --> 00:17:42,990 ? Don't ever let them change you 370 00:17:43,040 --> 00:17:45,390 ? I want a limo 371 00:17:45,440 --> 00:17:47,790 ? I want a fur coat 372 00:17:47,840 --> 00:17:50,150 ? Covered in diamonds 373 00:17:50,200 --> 00:17:52,550 ? Sailing my own boat 374 00:17:52,600 --> 00:17:54,990 ? Cos I'm a star, yeah... ? 375 00:17:56,800 --> 00:17:59,110 - Getting better at those. - That's good. - Yeah. 376 00:17:59,160 --> 00:18:01,000 I love them. Great. 377 00:18:03,320 --> 00:18:05,670 ? We're not giving up till the top 378 00:18:05,720 --> 00:18:07,870 ? No, we're not giving up till we drop 379 00:18:07,920 --> 00:18:10,070 ? Oh, yeah 380 00:18:10,120 --> 00:18:12,830 - ? Going somewhere - Show me the money 381 00:18:12,880 --> 00:18:15,070 ? We're not giving up till the top 382 00:18:15,120 --> 00:18:17,470 ? No, we're not giving up till we drop 383 00:18:17,520 --> 00:18:19,630 ? This is our moment 384 00:18:19,680 --> 00:18:22,070 ? Champagne's all open 385 00:18:22,120 --> 00:18:23,310 ? Champagne's on me 386 00:18:23,360 --> 00:18:24,910 ? We're not giving up till the top 387 00:18:24,960 --> 00:18:27,190 ? No, we're not giving up till we drop 388 00:18:27,240 --> 00:18:29,350 ? Oh, yeah 389 00:18:29,400 --> 00:18:32,470 - ? We're going somewhere - Show me the money 390 00:18:32,520 --> 00:18:34,790 ? We're not giving up till the top 391 00:18:34,840 --> 00:18:37,070 ? No, we're not giving up till we drop 392 00:18:37,120 --> 00:18:39,110 ? This is our moment 393 00:18:39,160 --> 00:18:41,590 ? Champagne's all open 394 00:18:41,640 --> 00:18:43,310 ? Champagne's on me. ? 395 00:19:02,160 --> 00:19:03,470 - That was amazing. - Yeah? 396 00:19:03,520 --> 00:19:06,110 Not as amazing as that girl you were talking to. 397 00:19:06,160 --> 00:19:09,870 No, no, no. They just wanted to come and speak to Diesel, 398 00:19:09,920 --> 00:19:12,390 and Diesel can't speak, so I had to talk for him. 399 00:19:12,440 --> 00:19:15,510 - Who's Diesel? - This is Diesel. 400 00:19:15,560 --> 00:19:17,550 A sign of my commitment to you. 401 00:19:17,600 --> 00:19:20,910 Like a baby... but a dog. A dog baby. 402 00:19:20,960 --> 00:19:22,590 He's a French bulldog, so... 403 00:19:22,640 --> 00:19:27,150 - I don't think he is. - Really? 404 00:19:27,200 --> 00:19:28,950 Look, Sarah, 405 00:19:29,000 --> 00:19:31,190 I'm no playboy, right? 406 00:19:31,240 --> 00:19:34,440 I've never been with anyone else, and I never want to be. 407 00:19:37,000 --> 00:19:38,320 - Really? - Really. 408 00:19:39,320 --> 00:19:40,680 And you got him just for me? 409 00:19:43,240 --> 00:19:45,520 Oh, hello, Diesel. 410 00:19:47,600 --> 00:19:49,120 - Oh, I love him! - I love you, too. 411 00:19:58,440 --> 00:19:59,670 Do you know what, Mel? 412 00:19:59,720 --> 00:20:02,950 I just really feel like I was born to be a celebrity. 413 00:20:03,000 --> 00:20:04,710 I know. 414 00:20:04,760 --> 00:20:06,350 Hey, Max. 415 00:20:06,400 --> 00:20:09,670 Shall we get hammered tonight, like the old days? 416 00:20:09,720 --> 00:20:10,960 I've got a sitter in. 417 00:20:16,480 --> 00:20:19,990 I feel like you got a lot more bang for your buck back in the day, Mel. 418 00:20:20,040 --> 00:20:21,110 Who's your dealer? 419 00:20:21,160 --> 00:20:23,160 - My eldest, Danny. - What? 420 00:20:25,520 --> 00:20:27,350 Sorry! 421 00:20:27,400 --> 00:20:30,150 - What? - Actually, I want to have a dance. 422 00:20:30,200 --> 00:20:31,870 Oh, come on. Let's have a dance. 423 00:20:31,920 --> 00:20:33,390 We've been working nonstop! 424 00:20:33,440 --> 00:20:36,230 I want to have a line of charlie in the green room. 425 00:20:36,280 --> 00:20:38,390 Oh, give it here. 426 00:20:38,440 --> 00:20:39,950 You're mad, Mel. What are you doing? 427 00:20:40,000 --> 00:20:41,240 Shh! 428 00:20:47,120 --> 00:20:49,030 Christ, that is... 429 00:20:49,080 --> 00:20:50,310 That is actually good stuff. 430 00:20:50,360 --> 00:20:52,750 This is the high life. Come on, Mel. 431 00:20:52,800 --> 00:20:54,470 Woo! 432 00:20:54,520 --> 00:20:56,310 You partying tonight, guys? 433 00:20:56,360 --> 00:20:57,640 Oh, wow, young people. 434 00:21:30,600 --> 00:21:33,870 Hello, the internet! 435 00:21:33,920 --> 00:21:36,670 Coming to you live and direct from The Plough. 436 00:21:36,720 --> 00:21:38,590 Get in for a selfie. 437 00:21:38,640 --> 00:21:41,590 - Sarah, Mel's got cocaine. Do you want some cocaine? - No. 438 00:21:41,640 --> 00:21:44,750 Mel! Mel! There she is. 439 00:21:44,800 --> 00:21:46,790 My little partner in crime. What are you doing, 440 00:21:46,840 --> 00:21:49,230 sat by yourself like a weirdo? What are you doing? 441 00:21:49,280 --> 00:21:51,390 Max, I really need to talk to you about something. 442 00:21:51,440 --> 00:21:53,230 Go on, tell the world how you're feeling. 443 00:21:53,280 --> 00:21:57,510 No. Max, you have always been a strong, independent woman, 444 00:21:57,560 --> 00:22:00,390 and you don't need anybody else. 445 00:22:00,440 --> 00:22:02,910 You're fucked, aren't you, Mel? Christ! 446 00:22:02,960 --> 00:22:04,230 Are my eyes funny? 447 00:22:04,280 --> 00:22:06,390 Max, I really need to talk to you about something! 448 00:22:06,440 --> 00:22:09,790 Mel! We're vlogging. Come on. I guess, you know, we just... 449 00:22:09,840 --> 00:22:13,640 It just feels like everything's just finally falling into place for us. 450 00:22:21,160 --> 00:22:23,070 ? We're not giving up till the top 451 00:22:23,120 --> 00:22:25,510 ? No, we're not giving up till we drop 452 00:22:25,560 --> 00:22:27,630 ? Oh, yeah 453 00:22:27,680 --> 00:22:30,630 - ? Going somewhere - Show me the money 454 00:22:30,680 --> 00:22:32,670 ? We're not giving up till the top 455 00:22:32,720 --> 00:22:35,190 ? No, we're not giving up till we drop 456 00:22:35,240 --> 00:22:37,510 ? This is our moment 457 00:22:37,560 --> 00:22:39,510 ? Champagne's all open 458 00:22:39,560 --> 00:22:42,750 - ? Champagne's on me - We're not giving up till the top 459 00:22:42,800 --> 00:22:44,910 ? No, we're not giving up till we drop 460 00:22:44,960 --> 00:22:47,150 ? This is our moment 461 00:22:47,200 --> 00:22:50,360 - ? Champagne's all open - Champagne's on me. ? 462 00:22:50,410 --> 00:22:54,960 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 35277

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