All language subtitles for Vicar of Dibley s03e04 mer.eng

Beunos tardes!

I said I'd mind baby Geraldine,

as Alice was emotionally drained
by Changing Rooms.

One couple didn't
like their new kitchen.

I hate it when that happens.
i't brakes my heart.

Right. Let's not get distracted.

Item one. This being millennium
year, we need to commemorate it...

She's dropped her toy, Hugo. Ahh!

No, no, no,no, She is a pretty baby,
isn't she? Boo-boo!

She's prettier than her father.
You're an ugly bastard, Hugo.

You look like Mother Teresa,
only even uglier..

Can we get back to the agenda?
Absolutely. We'll take a vote on that.

On what?

Jim's proposal that baby
Geraldine is a pretty baby.

Don't be ridiculous.
All those in favour? Passed.

Except for Councillor Horton,
her grandfather.

You don't think she's pretty?
Of course I think she's pretty.

We'll have to vote again!
Concentrate, chairman!

Oh, Shut up,
you arch idiot!

-Language, David.
There's a baby present.

I KNOW there a baby present!

Moving on. We're now
in the millennium year

and we need to commemorate
the event with something lasting.

Any ideas?

You're climbing up the step-step

Where the breezes blow
Hoo-hoo...

Any ideas?

Yes, I think we should build
something for the youth of the village.

Ah, that is more like it.
What did you have in mind?

A ten-screen multiplex cinema
with a bowling alley and Burger King.

Our budget is �2,000, Hugo...
Either that or a statue for the green...

Oh, Good thinking! ..Of someone
who means a lot to the village.

Carol Vorderman!

On what grounds? Well, I live in the
village and she means a lot to me.

Me too. I'd multiply with her
any old time!

I'd subtract her underpants
any time.

I would divide her... Boys! Boys!
Boys.., Please. Get a grip.

I'd love to.

As much as I would love to build
a statue of the entire cast of Countdown,

I think someone from Dibley's past
who is famous, may be better.

Good idea, Prime Minister.
Calling all brain cells.

Suggestions at the next
meeting, please. -Very good.

Meanwhile, as we all know,
we've been experiencing hot weather.

I have taken to sleeping
in the nude.

On the village green.

We know, Jim.
As do the police.

Let me remind you once more

that there is a hosepipe ban
currently in operation.

Vicar.

What? What?
My car.., was dirty.

Let me remind you of Luke VII,
Verse 11.

"Jesus did say
unto his disciples, verily,

an unclean Mini Metro is an
abomination before the Lord!"

Disgraceful behaviour.

So, Why were you hosing
your car yesterday father?

-Moving on.
At 2 O'clock in the morning?

Oh, yes? After filling the pool
and sprinkling the crochet lawn.

Actually, she really is
a pretty baby, isn't she?

Boo!
Boo-boo!

Villagers are now facing their
third day without water.

A company spokesman said
drinking water would be bused in.

Here you go, you thirsty thing.
Get a splash of that..

Alice, what are you doing? I only
get 2 pints of water a day!

I know, I know! That's why
I'm giving them this..

Mum say's it's better than water,
she's swears by it,

In fact, after a few glasses
she can't stop swearing..

Actually I'm parched,
give us a zip.

Argh...arr, arr, ah... You've makes
babyby over there, haven't you?

As you know, it's not bad,
sort of Vimto ambiance about it.

This water shortage...
Mm...

Makes you realise how
fragile life is, doesn't it?

I mean you allways assume
life will go on as it has,

then suddenly
there's no water.

It's like waking up one morning
and finding there's no air. Well...

Not really Alice. If there was no air
you wouldn't wake up, would you?

Well, Right..
You'd sleep right through...

you know, .....until
they put it back on again.

I know what you mean about water.
We take these things for granted.

Then suddenly, one day,
they're just not there, like...

O'dear.., like,
Des Lynam leaving the BBC!

You're still upset about that.
Come here, come on.

That's it. Well, you know,..
I'm over the initial shock.

I accept he'll never present Match
Of The Day again, but come on!

No Des at Wimbledon, making jokes
about Sue Barker's weird haircut?

She's gonna get away with that
for year after year.

Year after year
the Wimbledon final

will be presented
by the bride of Chuckie!

There will be water again Alice,
but as for Des - he's gone for ever.

Noel Edmonds has gone too.

Ah.., No more Mr Blobby!
...No more gunk!

Oh, Thanks for that.
You've really cheered me up now.

Do you want a swig?
No I dont drink alcohol.

We'll this is Vodka. Oh..!
Here we go..

We'll try to keep this meeting short
as the smell really is intolerable.

Has one of us actually died
and not realised?

I like that about a beard -
you find bits of dinner in it!

I can make a meal
last an entire evening.

Delicious...and
interesting combinations.

Rhubarb and grilled fish!

Sorry I'm late. I made the mistake
of going in my toilet this morning.

It hasn't been flushed for ten days.
I've only just regained consciousness!

you'll all be pleased to know
that I've have written a

very strongly worded letter
to the chairman of the water company.

Oh, bravo, mein Fuhrer. What does
it say? Well, hold on to your hat.

"Dear Sir Michael, Dibley has
been without water for a fortnight,

"which is clearly, well,
less than satisfactory."

Is that it? That's strong stuff
to a Knight of the Realm.

Luckily, I've written a strongly
worded letter to the chairman.

How strongly worded?
Well, You'll see.

"Dear Sir Useless-baboon's-bottom,

"I think you should know that
down our way,

"you're about as popular as Judas
Iscariot at a disciple reunion."

And you think we
should send that instead?

Mm., just as soon I checked
if he's a dickhead, Yeah.

Well, I'm afraid
you'll be out-voted.

Who thinks that we should resort
to, counterproductive,

pointless, personal abuse?

Absolutely.

Oh., Very well.
Be it on your own head.

Moving on. Any ideas
for the millennium statue?

Oh, Goody,
I've been looking foward to this.

Glorious Dibley in her
glorious glory. Who'll go first?

Me. When you said famous
people from Dibley's past,

does that include
murderers?

I'd rather it WASN'T a murderer,
if that's all right with you Owen?

Right...
That's my family out then.

My great-great-great-great-great-
grandfather was a famous man.

Really, Jim? Oh Yes. He sailed the
seven seas in search of treasure.

Wow! What did he bring back?
Typhus!

Then there is Elizabeth I,
she stayed in an inn,

20 yards and seven inches
from where we're sitting right now.

That's Fantastic Frank!
You're telling me that the

Virgin "I don't think so" Queen
here self, actually slept in Dibley?

Not exactly. She got food poisoning
and spent the night vomiting.

Oh, That's a lovely theme
for a statue, isn't it -

- "Queen Elizabeth,
the Tudor Chunderer!"

So, Carol Vorderman it is then.

Yes either that or we dump
the statue entirely

and buy 200 bottles of mineral
water so we can have a bath.

All in favour?
Oh, God, armpits!

Down boys. Mercy me.
Motion carried.

Try not to use the word "motion"
or I'll faint again.

Moving on...

Thank goodness for the
Halloween party last year.

I'm down to my
last clean outfit.

Yeah. Me, too.
I'm through my entire wardrobe.

Hugo says you've all decided
not to have a statue?

Yep. 'Fraid so, Alice.

It doesen't seem to bee anyone
in Dibley worth remembering.

Oh.. Not even the man who
discovered Bali? He lived here.

No. He discovered Bali
last year on holiday, didn't he?

Yeah.
That's not quite so interesting.

What about my uncle Trevor,
he founded the Sunday Times.

Is that true?
Yeah. I think so.

Great. No. Wait a second. No.
He FOUND the Sunday Times.

That's it! Aunty Perky had lost it
and he found it in a guest room.

It's not quite so good, is it?
N....no.

Oh, I can't...
-I'll get it.

Hi. Vicarage. Home to Geri Granger,
God's most bodacious babe!

Oh, It's the water company.
They got your letter.

Oh.. I hope it wasn't too rude..
They say you might be interested to

know there's anyone ?de-empedorast?

Yeah, and they not shure
"nobgossler" is a real word.

A man's coming to talk to us
tomorrow evening. Yeah..?

About the long-term
solution to our problem.

Ahh! Power to the people!

Yeah, The vicar's delighted.

She's dancing around.
You shoul see her..

It's lovely to see
a pumpkin so happy.

First I'm shure we all like to
thank Mr Babcock for coming.

And I'm sure Mr Newitt
didn't mean to spit at you.

Also, I hope you didn't find
the burning effigy

of your boss
too disconcerting.

Thank you. We apologise
for the water shortage.

As you can see from this model,

you live in an area
of high population growth.

So traditional water supplies
is fast becoming inadequate.

No, no, no, no,
I recognise that little house!

That's where I had it off
this morning!

And that's where my gran was murdered.
We hid her body under the floorboards.

If we could just...

You can still smell her
if the wind's in the right direction.

I'm pleased to say
that we've found a solution,

which shoud insure plentiful water
for the next century,

in the form of
a new reservoir.

Ooooh!
Terrific!

It's probably easiest to show
you what I'm talking about

in a simple demonstration.

Oh My God!
We're all gonna drown!

I'll be sitting at home,
watching Scooby-Doo

and then suddenly this massive bucket
of water is gonna flood the vilage!

You can't do that.

We have planning permission
and government backing.

The plans have been available
for you to look at for months'.

Where?

In a cupboard, in a basement,
in our Hong Kong office.

Naturally all detailed objections
will be considered,

provided they're registered
by...lunchtime today. -NO!

Just you wait, we'll gonna fight you
all the way on this.

So be it, dear lady.
Work begins in one month.

And I can assure you,
we are very detarmine,

and we'll be ready
for anything you throw at us.

He wasn't ready for that.

So how's the petition going everyone?

We need 10,000 signatures
by next week.

Here's a start. -Right..
"Best wishes, Harold Macmillan."

Not what I had in mind, Hugo.
I've got Benny Hill as well.

No, Hugo.
I need signatures of LIVING people.

No, no, no...
I've got 500 this afternoon.

That's Fantastic Jim!
All opposed to the reservoir?

No. They didn't give a toss
for the reservoir.

I asked them to sign if they
thought Claudia Schiffer

should get her tits out
more often!

Right. I see you've managed
to sign it ten times, Owen.

It's a cause
I feel passionately about.

Vicar, much as I applause
you'r efforts,

I fear we have to accept

the compensation
the water company offered us,

however derisory that it.

Didn't they offer you �4 million?

What?
What?

Yes.., Well... Do you think
I'm happy about that?

You were dancing around the garden...,
..Singing.. -Hugo.

Money, money, money
Must be funny...

You treacherous git!

You'd sacrifice this village
for your own personal greed.

Have you no respect for tradition?
-Well said Owen.

For centuries my family
been massacring deer,

staging cockfights and
gassing foxes in this valley.

And we don't intend stopping now.
Less well said, Owen.

Incidentally, this is what
you'd be getting for your farm.

Who wants to be a millionaire?

I do.

You're right Dave.
Dibley's a dump.

For Goodness sake Owen,
there are people here

who don't own
their own properties.

You know they won't get any
compensation at all...

-Sod 'em!

Now will you sleep with me?
I can pay you big time, babe.

I'm not leaving, Vicar.

I've lived in my cottage all my life.
Except for the war, of course...

I know Frank.
You're a hero.

..When I hid in the woods
to avoid the call-up.

Just me and a young farm-hand
called Alistair.

No, no, no, no.
Where would we move to anyway?

Well I'll tell you exactly.

They want to re-house you
20 miles away,

in a new development.
-Twilight Towers-,

"Happy housing
for the nearly dead".

Acre after acre of soulless boxes.

Look! Central heating!
Yeah, and look, an inside toilet!

But surely, lads,
you don't want...

Remember Christmas? I was frozen
to the loo seat for the whole week!

Yes. I remember that.

I had to wee through your legs!

Let's get this right.
After mature consideration,

you're all telling me,
that you actually want to move?

"Soulless box"
..here I come.

I see.

Well, I'm sorry.
This is a sad, sad moment.

Oh, happy day

Oh, happy day

Oh, happy day

Oh, happy day

When Jesus washed

When Jesus washed

He washed my sins away

Oh, happy day

He taught me how

To wash and pray.

Champagne, Jim?

No, no, no, no, no.
Yes, please.

I never say, "No, no, no, no"
to a glass of bubbly.

Now-now, Ms Grumpy-cassocks, it's
not the end of the world, you know.

Frank says you've
got some exciting news.

My guess is Anthea Turner
is coming back to Blue Peter.

No, Alice.. It's the reservoir
it still happening.

But we're all getting
loads of money to move.

Oh, nice! So where are they
building the new Dibley?

No, no...
There's no new Dibley.

Ooooh.
But we are all moving together?

Vicar?

I'm afraid not, Alice.
No.

I'll have to go where I'm sent.
It could be the Congo or Staines.

Fingers crossed for the Congo.

But that doesn't sound very nice
at all.

Mr Horton, I'll hardly ever see
you again. What's nice about that?

Well, from my point of view...

We won't be able to discuss
world affairs each morning.

No. I'll miss that.

And analyse the stick market.
Stock market.

While you bounce baby Geraldine
on your knee.

No.

Still people have always left Dibley,
it doesn't mean they lose touch.

My brother said that
if they didn't leave Dibley,

I'd bore them to death.

You can't bore a person to death Frank.
Patrick Moore tries, but...

Frank bored his parents to death.

That was never proved.

I just happened to be outlining
parish council procedure when,

hand-in-hand,
they leapt out of the open window.

You know.. You're the only people
in whole the world

that don't find me
unutterably boring.

You stuck with me
through thick and thin.

Good times and bad times.
Come rainy rain...

Quit while you're alive, Frank.

To tell the truth,
I don't really want to go.

I see...
What about you, Owen?

As far as I can see,

the only people who
don't want to leave Dibley

are sad,
lonely losers.

Like you.

That's right. No, so...

I'd rather stay.

Oh.. Nonsense! I for one
certainly won't miss Dibley.

Some people think
hell is listening to Celine Dion.

For me, it's having to attend all those
ghastly parish council meetings.

Which you've never missed.

Rubbish! 36 years ago, when
my wife was in labour with Hugo,

did I go to the village hall
for a meeting? I did not.

No, no, no, we had the meeting
in the maternity ward.

Mrs Horton wanted
to name the baby strait away.

But Mr Horton said,
"Wait till Any Other Business."

There was a lot to get through!
A community to run.

A village doesn't just go...

..away, you know.

I was rejected by the first
four parishes I was sent to.

The first one wanted a man.

The second wanted a man with a full
beard and moustache to be sure.

The third insisted on a
full physical examination,

just in case a girl slipped thru
with a false beard and moustache.

The fourth one wanted a rabbi. But
it was a mix-up with the documents.

And the fifth -
a strange little village,

the inbreeding capital of the world,

accepted me with open arms
and became my family.

Aaah...
Where was that then?

Here, Alice, here!

Oh, right.

I love this village!
Don't ask me why.

Why?

Because it's a real country village.

We range from the mildly bizarre
to the dangerously odd, Frank.

And because we live side by side,
year after year.

And we're happy together.

That's right. And that's why
we must fight to save Dibley!

This other Eden... What?
..demi-paradise,

this happy breed of men,
this little world,

this precious stone
set in the silver sea,

this blessed plot,
this earth, this realm,

this Dibley.

Did you understand that?

Not a word.

Very moving speech, Father.

Thank you. I thought it was the
right thing to do. I'm proud of you.

In fact...
can I kiss you, Father?

I don't think that's necessary.

Just once.
I won't tell anyone.

OK. - Don't make a habit of it.

Thank you.

So, Let me just
get this straight.

You'll donate every penny from
your new single to our campaign?

That's fantastic!

It'll make a HUGE difference.
Thank you so much. Bye.

Bros.

I've had another superb idea, Vicar.

Dont tell me this one involve
hunting water board officials

with hi velocity rifles
and bloodhounds?

No. This one has an absolute
minimum of sickening violence.

Oh, thank God for that!

We get Dibley classified as a Site
of Natural Environmental Importance.

Allright.. How do we do that?

We find a
species of animal

that isn't found
anywhere else in the world.

I think that's as likely as finding
intellectual life on Ibiza.

Ooh, ooh, ooh.

Just where you're wrong, Vicar.

Dibley could be, for instance,

the only place on Earth
with a genuine three-legged cow.

You've managed to bred
a three-legged cow?!

I'm very close.

I've got a four-legged cow
and a sharp axe.

That's where the small amount
of sickening violence comes in. I see.

Or we could discover
a short-nosed badger.

All it would take is a long-nosed
badger and a big pair of secateurs.

Yeah, I think I can recognise
the pattern that's emerging here.

Or we could quickly breed
the world's only genuine sheep dog.

All we need is a sheep, a dog,
a romantic candle-lit dinner,

and an animal condom shortage.

Owen, bye-bye. Off you go.
All right, all right.

Just you wait.
I haven't finished with this one.

-Owen.
-Mr Horton.

Where's he off to? He's just
trying to mutilate things, as usual.

David, we have got to come
up with the most Fantastic,

original idea to grab
the press's attention.

AAAAAAGH!
Oh!

Hang on...
YES, YES!, YES

I've just thought of the most
fantastic village-saving idea!

Good - as long as it isn't a
embarrassing publicity stunt.

Like chaining yourself
to the church.

No.

You look like an extra

in a low-budget remake
of a film by Ken Russell.

Well, what are YOU doing
for the course?

I've written to our MP,
Sir.Patric Pane.

Oh, the famous alcoholic.
-Well...

Let's face it David, the last time
he spoke in the Commons,

all he could muster was,
"Fagh, hagh, fagh, hagh-ah."

We need publicity,
and we need it now. Oh, yes!..

I can see the world's press just
flocking in!.. Afternoon, Vicar.

Oh, just you wait.

Just you wait!

May the blessing
of Our Lord Jesus Christ

be with you now and for ever more.
Amen.

Amen.

Thank you, vicar. Most enjoyable.
Welcome, Owen.

Ooh! Could the lady with the big
hat go to the back of the queue?

Thank you.
Oh, Sid, you've put on some weight!

Could the lady with the feather hat
come next.

Is that better?
Yes, very good.

Oh, great!
Right..

Good night then, Vicar.
Thanks, Hugo.

"Ladies and gentlemen, fasten your
seatbelts for..." No, no, no! ..Hugo!

"..Anthea Turner!"
Hugo! Help! ..Oh!

Mercy! No-o-o! No-o-o!

If you'd like me to
take over for a bit,

you only have to
say the word.

Oh, that's very sweet of you Jim,
but, no thank you.

I'm determined to stay till the
press get here, even if it's a week.

You wouldn't like just
to go to the loo? No, thanks.

She's amazing. She must have a
bladder the size of Lake Titicaca.

Not like me. My mum only has to go,
"Tinkle, tinkle,"

or, "Ssssssss," or...

..and I'm absolutely bursting!

Sorry, Jim, do you think
you COULD take over?

You've got a key,
haven't you?

There we are.
Comfy? Not bad.

I normally have the handcuffs
a bit tighter, but this will do.

Sorry, what do you mean,
"normally"?

Well, I have this Chinese girl...
Right, got the picture.

Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh!

And finally, an unusual
demonstration,

in the village of Dibley.
At last!

People chain themselves to
trees and railings.

But what about a church?
-YES...!

I'm here with demonstrator Jim Trott.
NO...!

Mr Trott, can you tell me why you're
chained to the church? No, no...

Yes... Because
the Vicar's gone to the toilet.

I do wish he'd tell..! You should
talk to her - a wonderful woman.

Lovely arse.
...I will kill him!

And Dibley's MP, today spoke out
in the house of Commons.

"Show me the way to go home,"
he said, ...before falling over.

And before we go, we'll look at
tomorrow's front pages.

The Star has,
"Thou shalt not kill my village,"

about the vicar
who's chained herself to her church.

The Independent is
on the same story,

"Vicar has big reservations
over reservoir."

And the Sun has its own angle.

"The Sun asks,
is the Vicar's arse really lovely"

As if we care.
That's all from Newsnight tonight.

We'll be back with more, tomorrow night

As the protesters
enters it's third week

The vicar of Dibley today
received crucial backing,

from the most important figure
in the Church of England -

Sir Cliff Richard.

E oggi il Papa ha
parlato personalmente

e con profonda simpatia
per la gente di Dibley.

The protest here,
in this little village

seems to have struck a chord
across the world.

In times of
increasing urbanisation,

Who will stick up for
the small communities,

where everybody
knows your name?

Meanwhile, the world's press
continues to flock

to this tiny village,
and it's remarkable Vicar.

They been joined
by representatives

from environmental
pressure groups

and assorted others.

Still here, eh?
..Yes!

Still standing firm,
despite what YOU think.

I think, ...in the end,
it's not a bad idea.

Chain me up, Scottie.

And you'll never

Walk alone

You'll never

Walk alone.

Right,
your turn next, Frank.

Only six hours to go before dawn,
so make it a good 'un.

I've got just the thing.

One hundred thousand green bottles
hanging on the wall

One hundred thousand green bottles
hanging on the wall

And if one green bottle
should accidentally fall

There'd be
ninety-nine thousand,

nine hundred and ninety-nine green
bottles hanging on the wall.

Here he comes now!
Excuse me.

After careful consideration
of all the facts,

I am instructed
to inform you,

that the water board has decided
to proceed with Dibley Reservoir.

What?!

Sorry, sorry, sorry...
..Has decided NOT to proceed with...

We wish to point out that
this decision has nothing to do

with the recent protest.
-Sure..!

We have listened very carefully

to the the more detailed
environmental arguments.

And after the discovery in a farm

of a blue-crested,
one-legged chicken,

we believe the area to be
of unique natural importance.

And therefore we'll look
for other solutions

to the water crisis...
Thank you very much.

Have you got the key, Hugs?
Yeah, yeah... -Good...

Where is it then?

I swallowed it...
...for security.

Well, the good news is,
Dibley's saved. ...Yeah!

The bad news is,

that Michael Winner
wants to make a film about it,

with Jim being played
by Charles Bronson.

We did have SOME bad times,

like when Ant and Dec
came to cheer us up,

that was pretty rough
for everybody.

Oh, I loved that!
-Yeah...

And obviously there isn't a
single animal left on Owen's farm

with the correct
number of legs.

Though I have to say,

it's surprising how agile
a one-legged pig can be.

But despite that,
we won!

Yeees!

After it was over, I was so excited
I made love to a Swedish journalist.

We know, Jim.
We were chained to you at the time.

This is indeed
a great day for Dibley,

and the right moment
to announce,

we have decided to
have a millennium statue after all,

and.., chosen our subject.
-Really?!..

We haven't discussed it
with you Vicar,

but we feel there's only
one person it can possibly be.

In fact, everyone I asked
gave me the same answer,

and that answer was,
- a statue of Geraldine.

Well, I don't know what to say.

We just hope,
you will Honour us

with your presence
at the unveiling.

I certainly will. Is it OK
if I bring Anna Gripta along?

I should think so. She says
she's got a little surprise for me.

I'm sure It'll only be a
couple of minutes.

You look pretty as a picture,
young Alice. ...Thanks.

A painter did once ask me
to pose for him. Really?!

Mmm, with no clothes on.
-No?! ...Mmm.

Did you do it?
Yes. It was quite exciting.

He was painting our kitchen
at the time.

I don't mind admitting
I'm feeling a bit nervous.

This sort of thing doesn't happen
every day, does it?

How do I look? ..Gorgeous?,...
Or Y-front-stretchingly gorgeous?

Y-front-stretching till a little bit
of winky sticks out-ly gorgeous.

How about me?

You look like Michelle Pfeiffer
at her most beautiful.

One little thing - do you mind me
saying? No. It's the lipstick.

Too much or too little? Er, not good
as blusher. Do you mind if I...? No.

There we are,
there. Thanks.

There. Now you look babelicious.
..Awe...

We make the perfect team, I reckon.
Yeah.

Because while you provide
the beauty and the brains,

I provide the...the, er...

The rest.

That's it!
The rest... Exactly.

So come on, let's go, Alice Amazing.
After you, Vicar V...

Velociraptor.

And so it gives me
the greatest pleasure,

now that our heroic Vicar
has joined us,

to unveil
the Dibley Millennium Statue.

We'll call it simply...
"Geraldine".

It's you...
...Yes, it is.

We didn't want to commemorate
the past, but look to the future.

What do you think, Vicar?
I think it's perfect.

Doesn't look anything like me.

OK. Nice quick one, OK?
All right.

What's brown and sticky?

I don't know.
What's brown and sticky?

A stick.

No, sticks aren't sticky.

Well, they are, because they're
sticks, so they are stick-y.

But that's not what "sticky" means.
It means all sticky, you know?

Some sticks ARE sticky,

cos sap oozes out of them
and they get sticky.

So if you say, "What is brown and
SOMETIMES sticky?" it might work.

Yeah, but that sort of
takes the edge off it, doesn't it?

To be honest.., some trees
aren't brown either, are they?

You might as well get this right.
Otherwise, you'll never get a laugh.

Either you could say,
"What is sometimes brown -

and sometimes sticky?"
and that's a stick,

or...,

"What is sometimes brown
but also sometimes greeny grey",

"sometimes whitish, and sometimes -
in those big American trees - red..."

Yeah. You see?
So, "What's sometimes red,

"sometimes greeny grey, sometimes
whitish and sometimes sticky?"

Sorry about this, Alice.

I don't care if I go to jail.
Somebody had to do it.

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