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1
00:00:19,160 --> 00:00:22,160
I wonder that you're still talking,
Signor Benedick.
2
00:00:22,160 --> 00:00:24,040
Nobody marks you.
3
00:00:24,040 --> 00:00:25,520
(BOOING)
4
00:00:25,520 --> 00:00:27,800
What, my dear Lady Disdain!
5
00:00:27,800 --> 00:00:29,560
Are you yet living?
6
00:00:29,560 --> 00:00:31,000
(LAUGHTER)
7
00:00:32,240 --> 00:00:36,400
I had rather hear my dog bark at a
crow than a man swear he loves me.
8
00:00:37,600 --> 00:00:39,040
(BOOING)
9
00:00:39,040 --> 00:00:42,560
Mr Condell is going down
like a lead inflated pig's bladder.
10
00:00:42,560 --> 00:00:43,840
I know.
11
00:00:43,840 --> 00:00:45,840
The groundlings don't like him
as they did.
12
00:00:45,840 --> 00:00:47,480
Aye, cos he's got old and ugly.
13
00:00:47,480 --> 00:00:52,160
'Tis true. His face, once soft
and plumpsome as a pixie's bumble-butt,
14
00:00:52,160 --> 00:00:54,720
be now craggy, hard and hairy,
15
00:00:54,720 --> 00:00:57,120
like a goblin's scroting satchel.
16
00:00:57,120 --> 00:00:58,600
(APPLAUSE)
17
00:00:58,600 --> 00:01:00,280
See how Burbage hogs the bows.
18
00:01:00,280 --> 00:01:01,760
Wrong, so wrong.
19
00:01:01,760 --> 00:01:03,400
His head is grown so large,
20
00:01:03,400 --> 00:01:07,160
this hollow O that is our theatre
will soon be fit to be his crown!
21
00:01:07,160 --> 00:01:09,600
I must be rid of Burbage.
22
00:01:11,440 --> 00:01:13,560
I must be rid of Condell.
23
00:01:17,280 --> 00:01:19,440
You seem a bit low, Kate. Why?
24
00:01:19,440 --> 00:01:21,640
I am fearful for my future, Mr
Marlowe.
25
00:01:21,640 --> 00:01:24,480
Well, don't think about it.
Live for today.
26
00:01:24,480 --> 00:01:28,600
Easy to say if you're a man, Mr
Marlowe, but a woman has not that luxury.
27
00:01:28,600 --> 00:01:31,880
My mother is ageing and like to die,
although, quite frankly,
28
00:01:31,880 --> 00:01:34,960
with the amount of slap and tickling
she does with her bits of saucy ruffington,
29
00:01:34,960 --> 00:01:37,360
she's more like to die of exhaustion
than old age.
30
00:01:37,360 --> 00:01:40,360
But when she does, what of me?
31
00:01:40,360 --> 00:01:45,080
As a widow, she has legal rights,
but I will be a spinster, a non-person.
32
00:01:45,080 --> 00:01:49,200
I will have this property
and my mother's money but no legal status,
33
00:01:49,200 --> 00:01:53,200
prey to every exploitative,
opportunist, gold-digging rogue.
34
00:01:53,200 --> 00:01:55,680
Kate, this could be the perfect fit!
35
00:01:55,680 --> 00:01:58,400
I mean, you have property and money,
and I...
36
00:01:58,400 --> 00:02:00,520
Am an exploitative, opportunist,
gold-digging rogue?
37
00:02:00,520 --> 00:02:02,200
Exactly.
38
00:02:02,200 --> 00:02:05,760
Better the exploitative,
opportunist, gold-digging rogue you know.
39
00:02:06,920 --> 00:02:09,000
I must be rid of Condell.
40
00:02:09,000 --> 00:02:11,200
He can play the totty no longer.
41
00:02:11,200 --> 00:02:14,280
Tonight, his Beatrice was about
as charming and coquettish
42
00:02:14,280 --> 00:02:17,480
as Henry VIII trying to get
his rotting and ulcerated left leg
43
00:02:17,480 --> 00:02:20,160
over his sweet and fragrant sixth
wife.
44
00:02:21,320 --> 00:02:24,880
I cannot bear the idea
that Condell will give my Calpurnia.
45
00:02:24,880 --> 00:02:28,200
Calpurnia? Is your next play
going to be about Julius Caesar?
46
00:02:28,200 --> 00:02:33,440
That's the plan. Exciting, don't you
think? Ancient Rome. So cool, so sexy.
47
00:02:33,440 --> 00:02:36,320
Can't imagine why I didn't think
of doing a Caesar play before.
48
00:02:36,320 --> 00:02:39,960
Possibly because Thomas North has
only very recently published his translation
49
00:02:39,960 --> 00:02:42,160
of Plutarch's Lives Of The Noble
Romans,
50
00:02:42,160 --> 00:02:44,240
so you had no source
from which to pinch it.
51
00:02:45,320 --> 00:02:47,360
Plutarch's Lives Of The Noble
Romans?
52
00:02:47,360 --> 00:02:48,600
Not sure I've heard of it.
53
00:02:48,600 --> 00:02:50,960
I bought it last week
and have been reading it in the privy.
54
00:02:50,960 --> 00:02:53,840
Well, I may have glanced at it
while...
55
00:02:53,840 --> 00:02:56,680
...while awaiting the appearance
of that shy turtle who doth dwell
56
00:02:56,680 --> 00:02:58,440
betwixt the twin boulders
57
00:02:58,440 --> 00:03:00,600
and who emerges into the light
58
00:03:00,600 --> 00:03:04,760
only to hurl himself straightway
into the dark abyss.
59
00:03:04,760 --> 00:03:06,800
Stealing plots again, eh, master?
60
00:03:06,800 --> 00:03:08,600
Look, I've got to base my plays
on something.
61
00:03:08,600 --> 00:03:11,880
They can't all be about
amusingly confused cross-dressers.
62
00:03:11,880 --> 00:03:13,120
Can they?
63
00:03:14,240 --> 00:03:17,680
Definitely not. And I must say,
a Roman play does sound good.
64
00:03:17,680 --> 00:03:19,200
I mean, those guys were crazy.
65
00:03:19,200 --> 00:03:21,560
Murdering, gorging, puking...
66
00:03:21,560 --> 00:03:24,080
And, of course, creating a united
Europe
67
00:03:24,080 --> 00:03:28,000
with a single currency, no trade
barriers, free movement of labour
68
00:03:28,000 --> 00:03:30,360
and a unified legal system.
69
00:03:30,360 --> 00:03:31,400
Hmm.
70
00:03:31,400 --> 00:03:34,120
Yeah... Might leave that out.
71
00:03:35,400 --> 00:03:38,400
Not sure how well
it would play to us Brits.
72
00:03:38,400 --> 00:03:41,160
Well, I think you're onto a winner,
mate. I don't know much history,
73
00:03:41,160 --> 00:03:44,240
but I do know that Caesar's life
was absolutely action packed.
74
00:03:44,240 --> 00:03:45,800
Goodness, wasn't it just?!
75
00:03:45,800 --> 00:03:47,000
Three marriages,
76
00:03:47,000 --> 00:03:52,560
numerous mistresses, including -
excuse me - Cleo-flipping-patra,
77
00:03:52,560 --> 00:03:57,160
conquered half the known world,
crossed the Rubicon, became dictator for life,
78
00:03:57,160 --> 00:03:59,200
stabbed to death by his best mates!
79
00:03:59,200 --> 00:04:03,280
I mean, goodness, so many amazing
events!
80
00:04:03,280 --> 00:04:04,560
Absolutely.
81
00:04:04,560 --> 00:04:08,800
So, I thought I'd focus on the short
weekend break he took to Kent in 55 BC.
82
00:04:10,000 --> 00:04:14,760
Mr Shakespeare, Caesar's attempt to
invade Britain was an absolute nonstarter.
83
00:04:14,760 --> 00:04:16,880
His forces scarcely got off the
beach.
84
00:04:16,880 --> 00:04:19,720
Exactly. I thought I'd play
the whole thing as a light comedy
85
00:04:19,720 --> 00:04:21,160
about a trip to the seaside.
86
00:04:22,400 --> 00:04:25,040
He came, he saw, he had a little
paddle.
87
00:04:26,320 --> 00:04:29,400
Surely the play should be
about Caesar's murder.
88
00:04:29,400 --> 00:04:34,080
Such an exciting story
of assassination, regicide and betrayal.
89
00:04:34,080 --> 00:04:35,320
Yes, Kate.
90
00:04:35,320 --> 00:04:37,720
Assassination, regicide and
betrayal.
91
00:04:37,720 --> 00:04:40,400
Any thoughts
on who might object to such themes?
92
00:04:41,360 --> 00:04:44,080
Balding, ginger, owns a large axe?
93
00:04:45,040 --> 00:04:47,520
Oh, goodness, I didn't think about
that.
94
00:04:47,520 --> 00:04:51,960
There was a mysterious hooded figure
at the door - left this note.
95
00:04:53,200 --> 00:04:54,920
Zounds!
96
00:04:54,920 --> 00:04:56,960
Condell plots against Burbage.
97
00:04:56,960 --> 00:05:01,840
He has summoned the company and will
betray him on the steps of the stage.
98
00:05:01,840 --> 00:05:05,320
Condell invites me
to join the conspirators.
99
00:05:05,320 --> 00:05:06,600
This is terrible.
100
00:05:06,600 --> 00:05:09,040
If Condell becomes chief
luvvie-kissie,
101
00:05:09,040 --> 00:05:12,920
he'll be playing the teenage totty
until his seventh age.
102
00:05:12,920 --> 00:05:14,720
Enter the gorgeous Calpurnia...
103
00:05:14,720 --> 00:05:18,680
...sans eyes, sans teeth, sans
everything.
104
00:05:18,680 --> 00:05:21,080
Ouch.
You're going to have to stop him, mate.
105
00:05:21,080 --> 00:05:23,720
But how? He writes
that the company are on his side.
106
00:05:23,720 --> 00:05:25,440
He has the mob behind him.
107
00:05:25,440 --> 00:05:28,920
Well, it strikes me that,
rather coincidentally,
108
00:05:28,920 --> 00:05:31,880
this is all somewhat reminiscent
of the death of Caesar.
109
00:05:31,880 --> 00:05:34,280
I can't be worrying
about my Roman play now, Kate.
110
00:05:34,280 --> 00:05:36,240
I have to deal with Mr Condell.
111
00:05:36,240 --> 00:05:39,360
In Plutarch's story,
it all goes wrong for the conspirators
112
00:05:39,360 --> 00:05:43,160
because Mark Antony turns up
after the murder and sways the mob.
113
00:05:43,160 --> 00:05:45,280
My goodness, Kate, you're right.
114
00:05:45,280 --> 00:05:49,520
I will go to the steps of the stage
and play Mark Antony to Condell's Brutus.
115
00:05:49,520 --> 00:05:51,520
Yes. And getting back to your play,
116
00:05:51,520 --> 00:05:54,280
don't forget that
after Mark Antony's intervention,
117
00:05:54,280 --> 00:05:58,160
Caesar is avenged
and all the conspirators end up dead.
118
00:05:58,160 --> 00:06:01,400
It seems to me,
if you put that part of the story,
119
00:06:01,400 --> 00:06:03,480
Her Majesty might rather approve it.
120
00:06:03,480 --> 00:06:04,960
Actually, that's a very good point.
121
00:06:04,960 --> 00:06:06,600
- Thanks.
- Glad I thought of it.
122
00:06:07,760 --> 00:06:12,800
Mr Shakespeare promises us a Roman
play, and all is in readiness.
123
00:06:12,800 --> 00:06:15,640
We have the costumes, wigs and
props.
124
00:06:15,640 --> 00:06:18,160
We await only the script. And mark
me!
125
00:06:18,160 --> 00:06:22,320
My Caesar will be a triumph
greater even than the man himself!
126
00:06:22,320 --> 00:06:26,320
Why, man, he doth bestride
the narrow world like a Colossus,
127
00:06:26,320 --> 00:06:29,040
and we petty men walk under his huge
legs
128
00:06:29,040 --> 00:06:31,120
and peep about to find ourselves
129
00:06:31,120 --> 00:06:34,160
getting upstaged at the final bows.
130
00:06:34,160 --> 00:06:37,680
Hm. Or...put better - he ain't all
that, and it's time he got shafted.
131
00:06:37,680 --> 00:06:40,280
But do we have the numbers?
132
00:06:40,280 --> 00:06:41,960
Ah, Longinus approaches.
133
00:06:41,960 --> 00:06:44,520
The musicians are with you, sir.
134
00:06:44,520 --> 00:06:48,560
Mr Burbage is a foul tyrant who
did once take a pee in the kettledrum.
135
00:06:48,560 --> 00:06:49,840
And the mob players?
136
00:06:49,840 --> 00:06:51,360
With you also.
137
00:06:51,360 --> 00:06:54,360
Though beg that
when you be chief luvvie-kissie,
138
00:06:54,360 --> 00:06:57,520
you make Mr Shakespeare
shorten his soliloquies
139
00:06:57,520 --> 00:07:00,240
through which we must stand
for many hours
140
00:07:00,240 --> 00:07:02,280
pretending to understand.
141
00:07:02,280 --> 00:07:03,960
And the thunder-board wobbler?
142
00:07:03,960 --> 00:07:05,440
The front-of-house prostitutes?
143
00:07:07,160 --> 00:07:09,680
Then all is ready. Come, Kempe.
144
00:07:12,520 --> 00:07:15,720
Brothers, Burbage is a tyrant.
145
00:07:15,720 --> 00:07:17,680
'Tis time to end this tyranny.
146
00:07:17,680 --> 00:07:19,280
Strike him down.
147
00:07:19,280 --> 00:07:21,040
What means this outrage?!
148
00:07:21,040 --> 00:07:24,480
You hog the final bows,
which is totally unprofessional.
149
00:07:24,480 --> 00:07:26,720
You get your own dressing place,
which is just so wrong.
150
00:07:26,720 --> 00:07:30,240
And you farted when
my Beatrice kissed your Benedick.
151
00:07:30,240 --> 00:07:31,960
We need a new chief luvvie-kissie!
152
00:07:31,960 --> 00:07:33,080
(CHEERING)
153
00:07:33,080 --> 00:07:35,280
Et tu, Mr Condell?
154
00:07:35,280 --> 00:07:36,920
Et tu, Kempe?
155
00:07:36,920 --> 00:07:40,240
Then fall, Burbage! Betrayed!
156
00:07:40,240 --> 00:07:43,120
Liberty! Freedom! Tyranny is dead!
157
00:07:43,120 --> 00:07:45,040
Ambition's debt is paid.
158
00:07:45,040 --> 00:07:47,680
I am chief luvvie-kissie now!
159
00:07:47,680 --> 00:07:48,720
(CHEERING)
160
00:07:48,720 --> 00:07:51,680
What's this? Be Burbage usurped?
161
00:07:51,680 --> 00:07:54,160
Yes. And it's no good
you trying to object,
162
00:07:54,160 --> 00:07:56,280
because the musicians, the mob
players,
163
00:07:56,280 --> 00:07:57,800
the man who wobbles the
thunder-sheet
164
00:07:57,800 --> 00:08:00,440
and the front-of-house prostitutes
are all with me.
165
00:08:00,440 --> 00:08:02,840
Hail, Kempe! Hail, Condell!
166
00:08:02,840 --> 00:08:05,920
Object? Why would I object?
167
00:08:05,920 --> 00:08:09,440
Friends, prostitutes,
strutty, shouty boys,
168
00:08:09,440 --> 00:08:11,280
pin back your lugholes.
169
00:08:11,280 --> 00:08:14,320
I come to bury Burbage, not to
praise him.
170
00:08:14,320 --> 00:08:15,840
Betrayed!
171
00:08:15,840 --> 00:08:19,520
Burbage was my friend,
faithful and just to me.
172
00:08:19,520 --> 00:08:22,080
But Condell says he was ambitious,
173
00:08:22,080 --> 00:08:25,080
- and Condell is an honourable man.
- Yes!
174
00:08:25,080 --> 00:08:28,480
Condell has said
that Burbage doth hog the final bows
175
00:08:28,480 --> 00:08:31,640
and will ever parp
the loud and boisterous trouser trumpet
176
00:08:31,640 --> 00:08:34,600
during other actors' quiet bits.
177
00:08:34,600 --> 00:08:37,760
- And Condell is an honourable man.
- Hooray!
178
00:08:37,760 --> 00:08:41,080
Yet Burbage will always get his
round in at the pub
179
00:08:41,080 --> 00:08:44,680
and will keep us enthralled
for many...many hours
180
00:08:44,680 --> 00:08:47,240
with but a single theatrical
anecdote.
181
00:08:47,240 --> 00:08:50,240
Does this in Burbage seem ambitious?
182
00:08:50,240 --> 00:08:52,920
Yet Condell says he is ambitious,
183
00:08:52,920 --> 00:08:55,240
and Condell is an honourable man.
184
00:08:55,240 --> 00:08:57,080
Yeah...
185
00:08:57,080 --> 00:08:59,760
When all the company do venture
forth for a celebratory supper
186
00:08:59,760 --> 00:09:02,960
and the reckoning is brought,
and some glutton or other doth cry,
187
00:09:02,960 --> 00:09:05,280
"Why don't we just spit it equally?"
188
00:09:05,280 --> 00:09:08,680
ne'er will Burbage quibble
that he only had a starter.
189
00:09:10,080 --> 00:09:12,360
Does this in Burbage seem ambitious?
190
00:09:12,360 --> 00:09:15,360
Yet Condell says he is ambitious.
191
00:09:15,360 --> 00:09:18,360
And Condell is an honourable man.
192
00:09:18,360 --> 00:09:19,760
Yeah...
193
00:09:19,760 --> 00:09:21,320
See what he's doing here, mate?
194
00:09:21,320 --> 00:09:24,760
He's using the brilliant oratorical
device of ironic repetition to turn the mob.
195
00:09:24,760 --> 00:09:25,840
You've been shafted.
196
00:09:25,840 --> 00:09:28,400
But if we stand together,
we can face down the mob.
197
00:09:28,400 --> 00:09:30,000
Yeah, right, gonna do that!
198
00:09:30,000 --> 00:09:31,640
Burbage is wronged!
199
00:09:31,640 --> 00:09:32,800
Condell be the traitor!
200
00:09:32,800 --> 00:09:34,320
(BOOING)
201
00:09:34,320 --> 00:09:35,880
Burbage is chief luvvie-kissie.
202
00:09:35,880 --> 00:09:37,080
Hail, Burbage!
203
00:09:37,080 --> 00:09:38,800
Hail, Burbage!
204
00:09:38,800 --> 00:09:43,040
Will, your brilliant oratorical
device of ironic repetition has saved me.
205
00:09:43,040 --> 00:09:44,760
Is there anything I can do for you?
206
00:09:44,760 --> 00:09:47,040
A drink? A lengthy theatrical
anecdote?
207
00:09:47,040 --> 00:09:49,040
Oh, well, that would be lovely, of
course,
208
00:09:49,040 --> 00:09:53,880
but what I'd really like to discuss
is the casting of my teenage totty roles.
209
00:09:57,320 --> 00:09:59,760
I have come to see you once again,
Miss Lucy,
210
00:09:59,760 --> 00:10:03,800
because you are a strong woman
who is both a woman and strong.
211
00:10:03,800 --> 00:10:05,920
Ah-ah-eh-eh. I am very strong.
212
00:10:05,920 --> 00:10:09,280
If the angry hippo charges,
do not whisper sweet words.
213
00:10:09,280 --> 00:10:11,800
Whack it with your assegai
and make it your bitch.
214
00:10:13,000 --> 00:10:14,200
Right.
215
00:10:14,200 --> 00:10:18,120
The thing is, my mother is shortly
like to bonk herself off this mortal coil
216
00:10:18,120 --> 00:10:21,280
with her insatiable appetite
for bits of saucy ruffington.
217
00:10:21,280 --> 00:10:24,360
And you are fearful,
lest men circle like hyenas,
218
00:10:24,360 --> 00:10:28,400
steal your monies
and feed on your soft flesh?
219
00:10:28,400 --> 00:10:32,760
Well, I'm not sure I'd mind them
feeding on my soft flesh so much,
220
00:10:32,760 --> 00:10:35,880
you know, as long as it was done
creatively and sensitively
221
00:10:35,880 --> 00:10:37,760
with due consideration for my needs.
222
00:10:37,760 --> 00:10:39,680
Ha! Good luck with that!
223
00:10:39,680 --> 00:10:43,080
It's my cash I'm concerned about,
and my property.
224
00:10:43,080 --> 00:10:44,800
That's why I have come to you.
225
00:10:44,800 --> 00:10:47,960
You have no man who claims to own
you.
226
00:10:47,960 --> 00:10:50,120
At least, not since you cut off the
penis
227
00:10:50,120 --> 00:10:52,640
of the man who stole you
from your village.
228
00:10:52,640 --> 00:10:55,160
How do you avoid falling prey
to exploitation?
229
00:10:55,160 --> 00:10:57,280
Hm! Men are scared of me.
230
00:10:57,280 --> 00:11:00,360
They think I'm a sorceress,
and I do not deny it.
231
00:11:00,360 --> 00:11:03,640
I tell them to beware,
lest I shrink their privy parts.
232
00:11:03,640 --> 00:11:04,680
Hm!
233
00:11:05,920 --> 00:11:09,120
Look at these tiny testicle
earrings.
234
00:11:09,120 --> 00:11:13,760
I say that I tore them from a man
and shrunk them, but it is a lie.
235
00:11:14,960 --> 00:11:18,080
In fact, I just castrated
a well-endowed gerbil.
236
00:11:18,080 --> 00:11:19,800
Would you like to borrow them?
237
00:11:19,800 --> 00:11:24,600
Oh! Thanks awfully, but I don't
think I'd be very convincing trying to be scary.
238
00:11:24,600 --> 00:11:28,240
Hm! But you must learn to be scary
if you want to live alone.
239
00:11:28,240 --> 00:11:29,920
But I don't want to live alone.
240
00:11:29,920 --> 00:11:34,040
I just want to find a man
who isn't a selfish, entitled bastable.
241
00:11:34,040 --> 00:11:39,040
So, as I said, you must learn to be
scary if you want to live alone.
242
00:11:40,200 --> 00:11:43,560
"...Glories of this happy day."
243
00:11:43,560 --> 00:11:45,000
Finished!
244
00:11:45,000 --> 00:11:46,440
Julius Caesar.
245
00:11:46,440 --> 00:11:49,320
Best afternoon's work I ever did.
246
00:11:49,320 --> 00:11:53,040
And it won't surprise you to learn
that it's brilliant.
247
00:11:53,040 --> 00:11:54,240
I'm sure it is.
248
00:11:54,240 --> 00:11:57,920
Such an earth-shattering event -
the death of Caesar.
249
00:11:57,920 --> 00:12:00,840
Yes. Hard to believe
that you thought I should set the play
250
00:12:00,840 --> 00:12:04,920
around his abortive British invasion
of 55 BC.
251
00:12:04,920 --> 00:12:07,800
Thank goodness I didn't listen to
you!
252
00:12:07,800 --> 00:12:10,480
Botsky, get this manuscript
round to Greene's.
253
00:12:10,480 --> 00:12:13,360
I hope he doesn't try and find a way
to deny it licence.
254
00:12:13,360 --> 00:12:16,200
Oh, he'll license it, all right.
I've made sure of that.
255
00:12:16,200 --> 00:12:18,280
And I must to the theatre.
256
00:12:18,280 --> 00:12:20,600
Time to use the favour Burbage owes
me
257
00:12:20,600 --> 00:12:23,440
to be rid of the ageing
dragsome queenie-preenie
258
00:12:23,440 --> 00:12:28,160
who thinks the key to playing
teenage girls is having pubic eyebrows.
259
00:12:30,440 --> 00:12:31,480
Well?
260
00:12:32,640 --> 00:12:33,840
What do you think?
261
00:12:33,840 --> 00:12:35,040
Pretty saucy?
262
00:12:35,040 --> 00:12:36,600
Pretty sexy?
263
00:12:36,600 --> 00:12:39,280
Did it myself using gunpowder
and lemon juice.
264
00:12:41,080 --> 00:12:42,600
But why?
265
00:12:42,600 --> 00:12:45,880
Isn't it obvious? I'm dead,
remember. I'm going to start life anew!
266
00:12:45,880 --> 00:12:49,400
Kit Marlowe was known as an utterly
ravishing strawberry brunette,
267
00:12:49,400 --> 00:12:53,720
not the drop-dead gorgeous
human daffodil you see before you.
268
00:12:54,840 --> 00:12:57,160
This is the new me.
269
00:12:57,160 --> 00:13:02,640
Being blond, I'll be able to show my
more sensitive, caring, non-gold-digging side.
270
00:13:02,640 --> 00:13:05,240
- I'm not going to marry you, Mr
Marlowe. - Oh, come on, Kate!
271
00:13:05,240 --> 00:13:09,360
It's perfect! You need a husband,
I need a new life and identity.
272
00:13:09,360 --> 00:13:12,360
You have a decent inheritance,
an impressive property portfolio.
273
00:13:12,360 --> 00:13:13,480
I've got...
274
00:13:13,480 --> 00:13:15,760
- A cod-dangle.
- Exactly.
275
00:13:15,760 --> 00:13:18,920
- You and half the people on the
planet! - Yes, but not like mine.
276
00:13:21,320 --> 00:13:23,600
We're talking a Marlowe massive
here.
277
00:13:25,120 --> 00:13:29,680
If I marry, Mr Marlowe, it will not
be for rumpy-pumpington, but for security,
278
00:13:29,680 --> 00:13:33,240
and you are the last man on earth
I would go to for that!
279
00:13:34,800 --> 00:13:38,680
I am sorry, Mr Condell,
but you can't play the totty any more.
280
00:13:38,680 --> 00:13:40,520
Time to hang up your coconuts.
281
00:13:40,520 --> 00:13:42,320
Betrayed!
282
00:13:42,320 --> 00:13:43,600
Betrayed!
283
00:13:43,600 --> 00:13:46,680
Et tu, Mr Shakespeare!
284
00:13:46,680 --> 00:13:48,360
Et tu, Mr Burbage!
285
00:13:48,360 --> 00:13:52,080
Look, we're not saying
you have to give up the boards completely.
286
00:13:52,080 --> 00:13:55,240
Never. I am an actor.
The boards are in my blood!
287
00:13:55,240 --> 00:13:57,440
Oh, is that why your performances
are so wooden?
288
00:13:58,480 --> 00:14:01,280
Who said that? I did, so...
289
00:14:01,280 --> 00:14:04,600
It's just that you will no longer
play the ingenue.
290
00:14:04,600 --> 00:14:07,560
You shall now take the male second
leads.
291
00:14:07,560 --> 00:14:08,800
Er, hello?
292
00:14:08,800 --> 00:14:11,320
I take the second leads,
cos I'm big in Italy.
293
00:14:11,320 --> 00:14:14,000
In which case,
I suggest you go and perform there.
294
00:14:14,000 --> 00:14:17,440
Betrayed. So betrayed.
Like, mad betrayed.
295
00:14:17,440 --> 00:14:19,800
There are loads of great parts,
enough for all.
296
00:14:19,800 --> 00:14:22,080
For you, I thought Brutus, Mr
Condell.
297
00:14:22,080 --> 00:14:23,720
And Mark Antony for Kempe.
298
00:14:23,720 --> 00:14:25,680
Both are pivotal. Wait till you read
them.
299
00:14:25,680 --> 00:14:29,240
It's not us that must needs read the
play, though, Will, but Robert Greene.
300
00:14:29,240 --> 00:14:32,080
And I must confess,
I'm slightly worried on that score.
301
00:14:32,080 --> 00:14:35,800
A play that includes assassination,
regicide and betrayal
302
00:14:35,800 --> 00:14:39,240
must prove contentious,
with Her Majesty's life ever threatened.
303
00:14:39,240 --> 00:14:41,920
Greene could use just such an excuse
to ban us.
304
00:14:41,920 --> 00:14:45,680
Way ahead of you, Mr Burbage,
way ahead of you.
305
00:14:45,680 --> 00:14:49,440
The Crow is in my clutches at last!
306
00:14:49,440 --> 00:14:54,640
This extremely short Roman play
be clearly seditious.
307
00:14:54,640 --> 00:14:58,480
It celebrates the murder of a ruler.
308
00:14:58,480 --> 00:15:02,280
Well, I will grant his application.
309
00:15:03,440 --> 00:15:06,480
And when the play is performed...
310
00:15:06,480 --> 00:15:11,400
...then cry, "Havoc,"
and let slip the dogs of war.
311
00:15:12,920 --> 00:15:14,880
You see, I've only sent him half the
play.
312
00:15:14,880 --> 00:15:17,000
He thinks it ends
with the death of Caesar,
313
00:15:17,000 --> 00:15:19,680
but, in fact,
Caesar dies at the beginning of Act III.
314
00:15:19,680 --> 00:15:21,040
Oh, I see.
315
00:15:21,040 --> 00:15:22,400
Oh, yes, that is rather...
316
00:15:22,400 --> 00:15:23,920
What?!
317
00:15:23,920 --> 00:15:27,000
Caesar dies halfway through the
play?!
318
00:15:27,000 --> 00:15:30,240
Well, a bit less than half, in fact.
About 40%.
319
00:15:30,240 --> 00:15:32,080
But it's the title role!
320
00:15:32,080 --> 00:15:35,400
Well, you know, they talk about him
quite a lot in the second half.
321
00:15:35,400 --> 00:15:36,640
Talk about him?!
322
00:15:36,640 --> 00:15:40,800
You write a title role and kill him
off at the beginning of Act III?
323
00:15:40,800 --> 00:15:42,360
Betrayed!
324
00:15:42,360 --> 00:15:43,760
Betrayed!
325
00:15:43,760 --> 00:15:45,680
A second time betrayed!
326
00:15:45,680 --> 00:15:47,280
Et tu, Mr Shakespeare!
327
00:15:47,280 --> 00:15:50,520
I shall not present this play!
328
00:15:50,520 --> 00:15:54,560
We shall give Greene's
Bungay And Bacon instead.
329
00:15:54,560 --> 00:15:56,560
No, no, wait. Mr Burbage...
330
00:15:56,560 --> 00:16:00,040
What about if I brought Caesar back
in Act IV...as a ghost?
331
00:16:02,320 --> 00:16:05,000
A ghost? You'd do that? No tricks?
332
00:16:05,000 --> 00:16:06,880
Well, you know, if I have to.
333
00:16:06,880 --> 00:16:11,480
I suppose it might work.
I...could use my...deathly howl.
334
00:16:11,480 --> 00:16:13,400
Ooooooh! Ooooh!
335
00:16:13,400 --> 00:16:15,240
Ooooooooh-oh-oh.
336
00:16:16,560 --> 00:16:18,680
Yes, absolutely. Or...
337
00:16:18,680 --> 00:16:19,880
Or else not.
338
00:16:21,160 --> 00:16:23,400
Very well. Reluctantly, I agree.
339
00:16:23,400 --> 00:16:27,560
And when Greene tries to close us
down for presenting a play that ends with regicide,
340
00:16:27,560 --> 00:16:31,400
we will disgrace him by showing how
the conspirators all get their just deserts.
341
00:16:31,400 --> 00:16:34,320
Yes, by being haunted and tormented
342
00:16:34,320 --> 00:16:37,160
by Caesar's omniscient,
ever-present,
343
00:16:37,160 --> 00:16:38,680
avenging,
344
00:16:38,680 --> 00:16:41,120
constantly hoooooowling ghost
345
00:16:41,120 --> 00:16:42,880
in every single scene!
346
00:16:42,880 --> 00:16:44,280
Absolutely.
347
00:16:44,280 --> 00:16:46,840
Or maybe just briefly
in Act IV, Scene III.
348
00:16:47,960 --> 00:16:50,400
16 words should do it, I think.
349
00:16:54,280 --> 00:16:55,640
Right, I'm ready.
350
00:16:56,640 --> 00:16:59,280
- Ready for what?
- The auditions, of course.
351
00:16:59,280 --> 00:17:01,560
You're choosing a new principal boy,
aren't you?
352
00:17:01,560 --> 00:17:05,800
And since you've always admitted
that I play a girl better than any boy,
353
00:17:05,800 --> 00:17:09,720
and also 'twas I who pointed out the
Roman strategy that did for Mr Condell,
354
00:17:09,720 --> 00:17:12,320
plus I left Plutarch's Lives in the
privy,
355
00:17:12,320 --> 00:17:15,520
plus I pointed out
how to make the play Queen-friendly,
356
00:17:15,520 --> 00:17:18,160
I naturally presumed you'd let me
try again to get into the company
357
00:17:18,160 --> 00:17:20,760
because I really, really want to,
and it's my dream!
358
00:17:20,760 --> 00:17:23,640
Look, I'm sorry, Kate, really I am,
but it's the law,
359
00:17:23,640 --> 00:17:25,800
and the law has zero respect for
women.
360
00:17:25,800 --> 00:17:28,160
Because the law was made by men!
361
00:17:28,160 --> 00:17:29,480
I'm sorry, Kate.
362
00:17:29,480 --> 00:17:31,320
Your heart and mind are of the
finest,
363
00:17:31,320 --> 00:17:33,360
and yet, for want of a cod-dangle,
364
00:17:33,360 --> 00:17:36,760
you be lowlier
than any base and stupid rogue in Albion.
365
00:17:37,920 --> 00:17:41,760
Your only hope
for comfort and security is to marry.
366
00:17:42,840 --> 00:17:44,280
He's right, Kate.
367
00:17:47,600 --> 00:17:49,280
Are we looking dreamy and hot?
368
00:17:49,280 --> 00:17:51,040
Look, reading poetry.
369
00:17:51,040 --> 00:17:53,000
So sensitive!
370
00:17:54,200 --> 00:17:56,080
It's upside down.
371
00:18:00,120 --> 00:18:02,200
(FLATLY) Thy lips are warm.
372
00:18:02,200 --> 00:18:03,680
Yea, noise?
373
00:18:03,680 --> 00:18:05,200
Then I'll be brief.
374
00:18:05,200 --> 00:18:06,360
O happy dagger!
375
00:18:06,360 --> 00:18:08,120
This is thy sheath.
376
00:18:08,120 --> 00:18:10,000
There rust, and let me die.
377
00:18:10,000 --> 00:18:11,360
Oh!
378
00:18:16,040 --> 00:18:19,120
I also have dance, intermediary
stage fighting and some tumbling.
379
00:18:19,120 --> 00:18:20,720
Impressive.
380
00:18:20,720 --> 00:18:25,880
My accents are West Country - ooh
arr! - and Scottish - och aye!
381
00:18:25,880 --> 00:18:27,960
And those are the hard ones.
382
00:18:27,960 --> 00:18:30,480
Gentlemen, we have found our boy.
383
00:18:30,480 --> 00:18:33,400
Girl, Burbage. I'm sure of it.
384
00:18:33,400 --> 00:18:34,680
It's happened again.
385
00:18:34,680 --> 00:18:38,720
Another nasty little bitchington
trying to lie her way into the theatre.
386
00:18:38,720 --> 00:18:44,000
I demand that the Master of Revels
be called to study this person's credentials.
387
00:18:44,000 --> 00:18:48,560
Well, Mr Burbage, I have studied
this person's credentials,
388
00:18:48,560 --> 00:18:52,680
and, while small and lacking in
maturity, all is present and correct.
389
00:18:52,680 --> 00:18:54,600
But he's got boobingtons.
390
00:18:54,600 --> 00:18:56,600
Oh, yes, I forgot to mention that.
391
00:18:56,600 --> 00:19:01,000
I have dance, stage fighting,
various accents and can supply own breasts.
392
00:19:01,000 --> 00:19:02,160
Ridiculous!
393
00:19:02,160 --> 00:19:03,840
Where would he put the coconuts?
394
00:19:03,840 --> 00:19:05,400
How can this be, Mr Greene?
395
00:19:05,400 --> 00:19:08,280
Toby is a hermaphrodite, Mr Burbage.
396
00:19:08,280 --> 00:19:09,960
But such folk are a myth.
397
00:19:09,960 --> 00:19:13,040
On the contrary - to be born with
some of the physical attributes of both sexes
398
00:19:13,040 --> 00:19:15,680
is a recognised medical condition.
399
00:19:15,680 --> 00:19:18,280
Some societies embrace such
differences.
400
00:19:18,280 --> 00:19:19,760
Ours does not.
401
00:19:19,760 --> 00:19:21,680
Sirrah, what sex be you?
402
00:19:21,680 --> 00:19:23,840
D'you know,
I'm quite conflicted about that, actually.
403
00:19:23,840 --> 00:19:27,360
How be you described in the records
at your parish church?
404
00:19:27,360 --> 00:19:31,400
- Boy, sir.
- In that case, you are a boy by law.
405
00:19:31,400 --> 00:19:35,880
And, Mr Shakespeare, do hurry along
with your Julius Caesar play.
406
00:19:35,880 --> 00:19:38,880
I am so looking forward
to the first night.
407
00:19:38,880 --> 00:19:40,120
Good day.
408
00:19:41,720 --> 00:19:44,600
Well, funny old world, eh?
Welcome to the company, Toby.
409
00:19:44,600 --> 00:19:48,440
I' faith, if this Toby joins us,
I will ne'er play the totty again.
410
00:19:48,440 --> 00:19:50,400
Thus must I plot against him.
411
00:19:52,240 --> 00:19:54,720
Mr Kempe, you're big in Italy.
412
00:19:54,720 --> 00:19:57,040
Hast thou the address of
the Milano Commedia Dell'Arte?
413
00:19:57,040 --> 00:20:00,680
Ooh, ha-ha! Hoping to get a new gig
with my Italian mates?
414
00:20:00,680 --> 00:20:02,480
- Oh...
- Not gonna happen.
415
00:20:02,480 --> 00:20:06,840
They don't want some washed-up,
bog-standard, old mincing slap like you.
416
00:20:06,840 --> 00:20:09,800
They're only interested
in the fascinating and unique,
417
00:20:09,800 --> 00:20:12,120
the different and the intriguing.
418
00:20:12,120 --> 00:20:13,520
You've got no chance.
419
00:20:13,520 --> 00:20:16,640
Well, you won't mind giving me
the address, then, will you?
420
00:20:18,400 --> 00:20:19,560
Brilliant news.
421
00:20:19,560 --> 00:20:22,800
We've found our new principal girl,
and 'tis a very miracle,
422
00:20:22,800 --> 00:20:27,040
for, though he be legally a boy,
he has his own boobingtons!.
423
00:20:27,040 --> 00:20:28,560
'Tis a very gift to the theatre,
424
00:20:28,560 --> 00:20:32,120
for what possible type of person
could be better to play a girl
425
00:20:32,120 --> 00:20:33,560
than a boy with boobingtons?
426
00:20:34,560 --> 00:20:36,920
I just can't think, Mr Shakespeare.
427
00:20:36,920 --> 00:20:38,760
It's a mystery!
428
00:20:38,760 --> 00:20:40,600
I don't make the law, Kate.
429
00:20:40,600 --> 00:20:42,800
Now, meet my new ingenue.
430
00:20:42,800 --> 00:20:44,800
Hello, everybody. I'm Toby.
431
00:20:44,800 --> 00:20:48,160
He has natural talent,
but it is unrefined and lacks technique.
432
00:20:48,160 --> 00:20:51,480
So I was hoping that perhaps you
might give him a few acting lessons, Kate.
433
00:20:51,480 --> 00:20:53,200
I'd be ever so grateful, Miss Kate.
434
00:20:53,200 --> 00:20:55,120
God, talk about twisting the knife!
435
00:20:56,080 --> 00:20:57,120
All right.
436
00:20:57,120 --> 00:21:00,400
Hang on. I should teach him.
I used to show Kate how to act.
437
00:21:02,240 --> 00:21:03,760
Not quite how I remember it.
438
00:21:03,760 --> 00:21:05,280
You teach Toby to act, Botsky?
439
00:21:05,280 --> 00:21:08,120
And from what fantastical world
of vanity and self-delusion
440
00:21:08,120 --> 00:21:10,320
comes this outrageous claim?
441
00:21:10,320 --> 00:21:14,480
I've seen all your actors acting
your stuff right back to Henry IV, Part 1.
442
00:21:14,480 --> 00:21:16,240
I know the tricks.
443
00:21:16,240 --> 00:21:18,280
Basically, to do Shakespeare...
444
00:21:18,280 --> 00:21:20,680
(SHOUTS) ...you have to shout a bit!
445
00:21:20,680 --> 00:21:23,400
(WHISPERS) Then go quiet
and tense a bit...before...
446
00:21:23,400 --> 00:21:25,160
(SHOUTS) ...shouting again!
447
00:21:25,160 --> 00:21:27,000
(NORMAL VOICE) Then you have
to make a sudden pause
448
00:21:27,000 --> 00:21:28,880
right in the middle of a word
for no rea...
449
00:21:29,840 --> 00:21:30,880
...son at all.
450
00:21:31,840 --> 00:21:36,400
Also, you have to randomly em- pha-
sise certain syll- ables
451
00:21:36,400 --> 00:21:37,680
also for no appa...
452
00:21:38,640 --> 00:21:40,040
...rent rea- son.
453
00:21:41,080 --> 00:21:42,560
And... (SHOUTS) that...
454
00:21:42,560 --> 00:21:43,840
(NORMAL VOICE) ...is how you...
455
00:21:43,840 --> 00:21:45,400
(SHOUTS) ...act...
456
00:21:45,400 --> 00:21:47,840
(WHISPERS) ...Shake- speare!
457
00:21:49,760 --> 00:21:52,880
(SIGHS) Actually, Toby,
that is basically it.
458
00:21:52,880 --> 00:21:56,640
And then you have to get
pisslingtoned over a nice little supper
459
00:21:56,640 --> 00:21:58,520
and tell everyone you were awful
460
00:21:58,520 --> 00:22:01,600
and they have to say,
"No, no, you were brilliant, darling."
461
00:22:02,600 --> 00:22:05,200
Yes, that bit's very important, too.
462
00:22:05,200 --> 00:22:08,680
Anyway, acting lesson or not, Toby
is going to stay with us for a few days
463
00:22:08,680 --> 00:22:11,160
till Burbage can sort him out
some pay and lodgings.
464
00:22:11,160 --> 00:22:13,680
Just so I know, is he above or below
me in the pecking order?
465
00:22:13,680 --> 00:22:16,520
Botsky, you're not even
in the pecking order.
466
00:22:18,520 --> 00:22:19,640
Betrayed.
467
00:22:20,600 --> 00:22:21,800
Betrayed.
468
00:22:24,640 --> 00:22:27,440
So, Toby, tell me a bit about
yourself.
469
00:22:27,440 --> 00:22:29,160
There's not that much to tell, Miss
Kate.
470
00:22:29,160 --> 00:22:30,800
I'm just like any other 16-year-old.
471
00:22:30,800 --> 00:22:35,240
Apart from having been born with
both male and female sexual characteristics?
472
00:22:35,240 --> 00:22:37,240
Yeah, apart from that.
473
00:22:37,240 --> 00:22:38,320
And what about your family?
474
00:22:38,320 --> 00:22:39,800
Oh, lost to me now.
475
00:22:39,800 --> 00:22:42,000
I ran away from home
when I started growing bosoms.
476
00:22:42,000 --> 00:22:44,000
Were you bullied and abused most
horribly
477
00:22:44,000 --> 00:22:46,320
for the innocent crime
of being born different?
478
00:22:46,320 --> 00:22:49,000
Oh, no, my parents
were really, really understanding,
479
00:22:49,000 --> 00:22:51,240
giving me the choice of whether
I wanted to live as a boy or a girl.
480
00:22:51,240 --> 00:22:53,280
Oh, that's wonderful!
481
00:22:53,280 --> 00:22:55,240
Yeah. People in my village
were great, too.
482
00:22:55,240 --> 00:22:58,520
Offering me the use of either
the male or female groaning ditches.
483
00:22:58,520 --> 00:23:03,120
Or, if I preferred, they were
prepared to declare both ditches non-sex defined.
484
00:23:03,120 --> 00:23:05,880
In fact, after a unanimous vote
at the parish council,
485
00:23:05,880 --> 00:23:09,000
the whole village decided
to declare itself gender neutral.
486
00:23:09,000 --> 00:23:12,920
Oh! That is incredible. I mean,
amazing!
487
00:23:12,920 --> 00:23:17,160
Never did I think such tolerance
possible in our cruel, cruel times.
488
00:23:17,160 --> 00:23:19,080
Except that was just in my dream.
489
00:23:19,080 --> 00:23:20,720
In fact, I was bullied horribly
490
00:23:20,720 --> 00:23:22,640
and shunned by all.
My mum had herself exorcised
491
00:23:22,640 --> 00:23:26,000
after the priest told her that the
devil had visited her in the night
492
00:23:26,000 --> 00:23:28,240
and implanted the seed of a monster
in her womb.
493
00:23:28,240 --> 00:23:30,680
- Oh, Toby, I'm so sorry.
- Yeah.
494
00:23:30,680 --> 00:23:33,440
But then I heard that the village
of my dreams really did exist,
495
00:23:33,440 --> 00:23:35,760
that there was a place
I'd be welcomed and accepted,
496
00:23:35,760 --> 00:23:40,240
a world where people didn't judge
you for your gender or sexual preference,
497
00:23:40,240 --> 00:23:43,120
a place where everyone rejoiced
in the rich and varied tapestry
498
00:23:43,120 --> 00:23:44,520
of the human rainbow.
499
00:23:44,520 --> 00:23:47,120
- The theatre!
- Yes. The theatre!
500
00:23:48,240 --> 00:23:49,840
You'd found your home.
501
00:23:49,840 --> 00:23:52,040
I like it here, Kate.
502
00:23:52,040 --> 00:23:53,400
With you.
503
00:24:01,080 --> 00:24:04,120
When beggars die,
there are no comets seen.
504
00:24:04,120 --> 00:24:06,680
The heavens themselves blaze forth
the death of princes.
505
00:24:06,680 --> 00:24:09,320
Cowards die many times
before their deaths.
506
00:24:09,320 --> 00:24:12,040
The valiant never taste of death but
once.
507
00:24:12,040 --> 00:24:13,400
Oh, do not go forth today!
508
00:24:13,400 --> 00:24:16,200
He's so good. Well done, Kate!
509
00:24:16,200 --> 00:24:17,680
Thanks, Mr Shakespeare.
510
00:24:17,680 --> 00:24:19,480
I enjoyed teaching him.
511
00:24:19,480 --> 00:24:22,040
Toby is such a sweet, sweet boy.
512
00:24:22,040 --> 00:24:23,760
Too showy, lacks depth.
513
00:24:23,760 --> 00:24:27,840
And also, curiously,
I don't find his breasts convincing.
514
00:24:27,840 --> 00:24:30,560
Look, though.
See, Greene hovers in the wings.
515
00:24:30,560 --> 00:24:33,120
He is come to cock my snook
516
00:24:33,120 --> 00:24:36,920
but, verily,
'tis I who will snook his cock!
517
00:24:36,920 --> 00:24:38,720
Oh! Oh! Argh!
518
00:24:38,720 --> 00:24:40,280
Arrghh!
519
00:24:40,280 --> 00:24:41,880
(SHOUTS) Et...
520
00:24:41,880 --> 00:24:43,560
(WHISPERS) ...tu, Bru...
521
00:24:44,720 --> 00:24:45,920
(SHOUTS) ...te!
522
00:24:48,240 --> 00:24:52,560
Incredible talent. He got a shout,
a whisper, a pause and a random emphasis
523
00:24:52,560 --> 00:24:54,160
into four syllables.
524
00:24:54,160 --> 00:24:56,960
A very masterclass
in Shakespearean acting.
525
00:24:56,960 --> 00:24:58,600
Ehhh!
526
00:25:01,120 --> 00:25:05,040
I am closing this theatre!
527
00:25:05,040 --> 00:25:08,280
All involved will be taken to the
Tower.
528
00:25:08,280 --> 00:25:14,360
This play is naught
but a traitorous incitement to regicide.
529
00:25:14,360 --> 00:25:15,680
It isn't finished yet.
530
00:25:15,680 --> 00:25:18,160
- What?
- Didn't you read the rest?
531
00:25:18,160 --> 00:25:19,360
I'm sure I sent it you.
532
00:25:19,360 --> 00:25:20,840
The rest?
533
00:25:20,840 --> 00:25:24,120
Look, here.
Sorry - spoiler alert - don't listen.
534
00:25:24,120 --> 00:25:26,760
Caesar's murderers
are first rejected by the mob,
535
00:25:26,760 --> 00:25:31,880
then hounded in battle and finally
fall upon their own swords in penance,
536
00:25:31,880 --> 00:25:35,480
which, I think you'll agree,
is not very traitorous at all.
537
00:25:35,480 --> 00:25:36,600
(GROWLS)
538
00:25:36,600 --> 00:25:38,400
Betray-ed...
539
00:25:38,400 --> 00:25:39,880
Betray-ed.
540
00:25:39,880 --> 00:25:42,000
Et tu, Shakespeare!
541
00:25:43,040 --> 00:25:46,240
(BOOING)
542
00:25:46,240 --> 00:25:48,640
The play may proceed! Pah!
543
00:25:48,640 --> 00:25:49,960
(CHEERING)
544
00:25:49,960 --> 00:25:51,640
A hit! Verily a hit!
545
00:25:51,640 --> 00:25:53,960
The box office goeth bonkers.
546
00:25:53,960 --> 00:25:55,520
Ahem. Hello, everybody.
547
00:25:55,520 --> 00:25:58,400
Um, I just wanted to say...
I couldn't be happier.
548
00:25:58,400 --> 00:26:00,960
Not just cos I've found my true home
in the theatre...
549
00:26:00,960 --> 00:26:02,320
Well said!
550
00:26:02,320 --> 00:26:06,880
...but also because Miss Kate has
asked me to be her husband.
551
00:26:06,880 --> 00:26:08,880
ALL: Oh...
552
00:26:08,880 --> 00:26:10,200
Blimey.
553
00:26:10,200 --> 00:26:12,040
Oh-ho! You did it, Kate.
554
00:26:12,040 --> 00:26:15,240
You actually found a man
in touch with his female side.
555
00:26:15,240 --> 00:26:17,880
Congratulations to you both.
556
00:26:17,880 --> 00:26:20,160
Toby, might I have a word?
557
00:26:20,160 --> 00:26:23,440
There's an Italian gentleman outside
I'd like you to meet.
558
00:26:23,440 --> 00:26:25,960
Oh. I shan't be a moment, my love.
559
00:26:29,200 --> 00:26:32,320
Katie, are you sure about this,
considering...?
560
00:26:32,320 --> 00:26:34,960
Toby is a man by law, Mr
Shakespeare.
561
00:26:34,960 --> 00:26:37,800
A very sweet and gentle man.
562
00:26:37,800 --> 00:26:41,040
I need a husband,
Toby needs kindness and protection.
563
00:26:41,040 --> 00:26:43,080
But, Kate, what of love?
564
00:26:43,080 --> 00:26:46,160
In our exclusively patriarchal
society,
565
00:26:46,160 --> 00:26:49,720
a woman is lucky indeed
if she is able to marry for love.
566
00:26:49,720 --> 00:26:51,680
I am happy to marry for friendship.
567
00:26:51,680 --> 00:26:52,880
Kate!
568
00:26:52,880 --> 00:26:55,280
Kate! You won't believe it!
569
00:26:55,280 --> 00:26:59,160
Mr Condell arranged for a casting
scout from the Commedia Dell'Arte
570
00:26:59,160 --> 00:27:02,120
to attend the play, and they want
me!
571
00:27:02,120 --> 00:27:03,960
I leave for Italy tonight!
572
00:27:03,960 --> 00:27:05,880
Toby...
573
00:27:05,880 --> 00:27:07,240
What of our engagement?
574
00:27:07,240 --> 00:27:08,720
Oh...
575
00:27:10,120 --> 00:27:11,480
Um...
576
00:27:11,480 --> 00:27:13,840
Oh, I guess that's...sort of off.
577
00:27:13,840 --> 00:27:17,160
Kate, I'm...going to be big in
Italy.
578
00:27:18,080 --> 00:27:19,640
I need to pack.
579
00:27:21,720 --> 00:27:24,600
Lesson learned, Miss Kate.
580
00:27:24,600 --> 00:27:27,760
Toby may be a boy, or he may be a
girl,
581
00:27:27,760 --> 00:27:30,280
and he may choose to be neither,
582
00:27:30,280 --> 00:27:33,360
but, above all, he is an actor.
583
00:27:33,360 --> 00:27:37,960
And an actor will always, always
take the better offer.
584
00:27:40,200 --> 00:27:41,680
(SIGHS) Betrayed.
585
00:27:41,680 --> 00:27:43,080
Betrayed.
586
00:27:43,080 --> 00:27:44,800
Et tu, Toby.
587
00:27:48,640 --> 00:27:51,800
It really is outrageous
that women be not allowed to act.
588
00:27:51,800 --> 00:27:54,600
Kate would be brilliant,
if only it were legal.
589
00:27:54,600 --> 00:27:57,640
Well, it wouldn't do her much good
in Julius Caesar, would it?
590
00:27:57,640 --> 00:27:58,960
What do you mean, my sweet?
591
00:27:58,960 --> 00:28:03,120
Well, there are only two women's
parts in it and both of them are absolute crappage.
592
00:28:03,120 --> 00:28:05,240
Particularly Calpurnia.
593
00:28:05,240 --> 00:28:06,920
Oh, you noticed that, did you?
594
00:28:06,920 --> 00:28:08,440
Oh, just a bit!
595
00:28:08,440 --> 00:28:12,520
She gets one tiny scene and all she
does is talk about her husband.
596
00:28:12,520 --> 00:28:14,280
Well, give it time, my love.
597
00:28:14,280 --> 00:28:18,160
One day there'll be as many decent
parts for women as there are for men.
598
00:28:18,160 --> 00:28:24,040
Then perhaps will finally come a
script in which women get the last word.
599
00:28:27,080 --> 00:28:28,560
Kind of doubt it.
600
00:28:28,610 --> 00:28:33,160
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