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1
00:00:06,001 --> 00:00:07,493
Oh, look at them, huh?
2
00:00:07,493 --> 00:00:08,184
Did you ever think there'd be
3
00:00:08,184 --> 00:00:10,028
two ridiculously beautiful women here
4
00:00:10,028 --> 00:00:11,174
that both spent the night?
5
00:00:11,174 --> 00:00:13,483
Yeah. I just never thought one of them
6
00:00:13,483 --> 00:00:14,530
would have been with you.
7
00:00:15,782 --> 00:00:17,786
Morning, ladies.
8
00:00:18,460 --> 00:00:19,491
Uh-oh.
9
00:00:21,320 --> 00:00:23,091
Mm. And now we switch.
10
00:00:23,091 --> 00:00:25,429
Wait. What?
11
00:00:25,429 --> 00:00:26,408
Oh, hello. Hi.
12
00:00:26,408 --> 00:00:27,861
No, wait. No, not a swinger.
13
00:00:27,861 --> 00:00:30,042
Just close your eyes and think of me, babe,
14
00:00:30,042 --> 00:00:31,683
'cause that's what I'm gonna do.
15
00:00:31,683 --> 00:00:33,859
Nicki, don't do that! No!
16
00:00:33,859 --> 00:00:35,024
[Chuckling] Relax.
17
00:00:35,024 --> 00:00:36,611
We were just messing with you.
18
00:00:38,264 --> 00:00:40,698
Don't you ever do that to me again, okay?
19
00:00:40,698 --> 00:00:42,451
My heart is racing.
20
00:00:42,451 --> 00:00:43,859
[Cellphone rings]
21
00:00:43,859 --> 00:00:46,550
Ugh. It's my mom again.
22
00:00:46,550 --> 00:00:48,423
She's still recovering
from her hip surgery,
23
00:00:48,423 --> 00:00:50,977
and my stepdad is just being no help.
24
00:00:50,977 --> 00:00:51,962
Ugh. Jerry.
25
00:00:51,962 --> 00:00:53,377
Look, tell Cindy I'm praying for her.
26
00:00:53,377 --> 00:00:56,796
Her mom loves Jesus,
and I love pleasing moms.
27
00:00:58,153 --> 00:01:00,202
Weird thing is, she always calls
28
00:01:00,202 --> 00:01:01,586
right before we're about to have sex.
29
00:01:01,586 --> 00:01:02,720
It's like she knows.
30
00:01:04,015 --> 00:01:05,529
Well, maybe she does know.
31
00:01:05,529 --> 00:01:08,374
I mean, I tell my mom everything.
32
00:01:08,374 --> 00:01:09,248
[Both chuckle]
33
00:01:09,248 --> 00:01:11,306
And now I can never meet your mom.
34
00:01:12,568 --> 00:01:13,823
No. It's cool.
35
00:01:13,823 --> 00:01:18,107
My mom is a very beautiful,
very sexually open person.
36
00:01:18,107 --> 00:01:19,260
[Chuckles]
37
00:01:19,260 --> 00:01:22,040
[Chuckles]
38
00:01:22,040 --> 00:01:23,535
Don't say it.
39
00:01:25,383 --> 00:01:27,769
And now I must meet her mom. [Laughing]
40
00:01:28,770 --> 00:01:30,434
Danny: All right, now. Here we go. Come on.
41
00:01:30,434 --> 00:01:31,746
Justin: Okay. We are going.
42
00:01:34,180 --> 00:01:37,708
Oh-oh-oh,
oh, oh
43
00:01:37,708 --> 00:01:40,020
"Undateable." Created by Adam Sztykiel.
44
00:01:40,020 --> 00:01:40,778
Soccieball.
45
00:01:40,778 --> 00:01:41,752
Synced and corrected by Mastermonger.
www.addic7ed.com
46
00:01:42,317 --> 00:01:44,274
- Thanks for letting me take off early, babe.
- Mm-hmm. Yeah.
47
00:01:44,274 --> 00:01:44,951
Knock, knock.
48
00:01:44,951 --> 00:01:45,985
- Come on in.
- Mm.
49
00:01:48,568 --> 00:01:49,712
- [Laughs]
- Mm.
50
00:01:49,712 --> 00:01:52,442
[Sighs]
51
00:01:53,543 --> 00:01:55,283
When you start having morning sex with me,
52
00:01:55,283 --> 00:01:56,628
then you can leave early, too.
53
00:01:59,342 --> 00:02:00,327
Okay.
54
00:02:00,327 --> 00:02:01,827
I'm gonna call your bluff.
55
00:02:04,975 --> 00:02:06,735
[Singsongy voice] I call topsies.
56
00:02:09,148 --> 00:02:11,590
Hey, don't forget we're playing
poker at my place tonight.
57
00:02:11,590 --> 00:02:13,201
Nicki and I are hanging out, so...
58
00:02:13,201 --> 00:02:15,144
Dude, since you started dating Nicki,
59
00:02:15,144 --> 00:02:16,258
we never see you anymore.
60
00:02:16,258 --> 00:02:20,542
Whatever happened to putting
the bros before the hos?
61
00:02:24,080 --> 00:02:26,579
Come on, guys. Give him a break, okay?
62
00:02:26,579 --> 00:02:28,421
He's dealing with something
63
00:02:28,421 --> 00:02:30,132
that you guys would never understand.
64
00:02:30,132 --> 00:02:31,699
He's recently had sex.
65
00:02:33,319 --> 00:02:33,776
You know what?
66
00:02:33,776 --> 00:02:35,438
Any one of you would choose sex
67
00:02:35,438 --> 00:02:36,969
over hanging out with the guys, all right?
68
00:02:36,969 --> 00:02:38,016
Look, Brett, it's game night,
69
00:02:38,016 --> 00:02:40,323
but one of the guys from
"300" walks through the door
70
00:02:40,323 --> 00:02:43,122
and says [British accent]
"hey, I lost me hands in battle,
71
00:02:43,122 --> 00:02:47,035
and I need your help to wash me abs."
72
00:02:51,526 --> 00:02:53,709
Then I would literally
strangle my own mother
73
00:02:53,709 --> 00:02:55,622
and climb over her dead body
74
00:02:55,622 --> 00:02:57,879
to get to clean those abs, then.
75
00:02:57,879 --> 00:03:00,826
I would be very thorough, Danny,
76
00:03:00,826 --> 00:03:02,316
for this is Sparta!
77
00:03:03,617 --> 00:03:07,169
Uh, I... Didn't even mention your mother,
78
00:03:07,169 --> 00:03:09,248
so that's weird that you chose
to murder her in the scenario,
79
00:03:09,248 --> 00:03:11,737
but, uh, I'll go talk to him.
80
00:03:15,896 --> 00:03:17,663
What?
81
00:03:17,663 --> 00:03:19,478
Go call your mom.
82
00:03:24,413 --> 00:03:25,167
Bye. Good night, guys.
83
00:03:25,167 --> 00:03:26,088
- Good night, Les.
- Good night, Les.
84
00:03:26,088 --> 00:03:26,809
Good night, Les.
85
00:03:26,809 --> 00:03:28,447
- Drink!
- Drink!
86
00:03:29,973 --> 00:03:32,496
- What was that?
- That was a little drinking game
87
00:03:32,496 --> 00:03:33,498
Shelly and I like to play.
88
00:03:33,498 --> 00:03:35,817
Whenever you touch Les, we take a drink.
89
00:03:37,470 --> 00:03:40,442
It's a great way to get
very drunk very fast.
90
00:03:41,957 --> 00:03:45,137
Please. If I was groping
Leslie, I think she'd tell me.
91
00:03:45,137 --> 00:03:47,975
He never gropes. And I know groping.
92
00:03:47,975 --> 00:03:49,208
Today on the bus,
93
00:03:49,208 --> 00:03:51,371
some guy leaned against my
boob for the entire ride.
94
00:03:51,371 --> 00:03:54,378
Well, he probably didn't
know he was doing it.
95
00:03:54,378 --> 00:03:56,400
It was his face.
96
00:03:58,495 --> 00:04:01,172
Still, you do touch me a little bit.
97
00:04:01,172 --> 00:04:02,521
You're an accidental toucher.
98
00:04:02,521 --> 00:04:04,166
Oh, no, no, no.
99
00:04:06,033 --> 00:04:09,512
With the subconscious,
there are no accidents.
100
00:04:13,392 --> 00:04:14,621
Deep down...
101
00:04:14,621 --> 00:04:16,827
You want to touch her down deep.
102
00:04:24,365 --> 00:04:27,211
I'm just gonna go put on pj??�s
before we start the movie.
103
00:04:27,211 --> 00:04:28,176
Oh. Me too.
104
00:04:28,176 --> 00:04:31,475
Here. Do not eat this
until we get back, okay?
105
00:04:31,475 --> 00:04:33,309
What are you doing?
106
00:04:33,309 --> 00:04:34,320
She said not to eat it.
107
00:04:34,320 --> 00:04:37,004
Yeah. Well, luckily I am not afraid of her.
108
00:04:44,834 --> 00:04:46,621
Look, baby bird, I think
109
00:04:46,621 --> 00:04:48,310
that you might be a little whipped, okay?
110
00:04:48,310 --> 00:04:49,777
Do you really want to
stay in on a friday night
111
00:04:49,777 --> 00:04:51,525
and watch "Magic Mike" with Nicki?
- Yes.
112
00:04:51,525 --> 00:04:53,710
That's how I learn all my sick dance moves
113
00:04:53,710 --> 00:04:54,592
that I use in the bedroom.
114
00:04:54,592 --> 00:04:55,772
You know, just...
115
00:05:03,544 --> 00:05:05,309
Why are you giving me grief, okay?
116
00:05:05,309 --> 00:05:06,595
You're here with your girlfriend.
117
00:05:06,595 --> 00:05:08,125
Girlfriend? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
118
00:05:08,125 --> 00:05:09,415
Shut your mouth.
119
00:05:10,750 --> 00:05:13,243
Okay. Hold on one second.
120
00:05:13,243 --> 00:05:14,506
Sabrina, did you happen
121
00:05:14,506 --> 00:05:16,862
to hear the hilarious
word that Justin just used?
122
00:05:16,862 --> 00:05:18,394
- Sabrina: What?
- Never mind.
123
00:05:19,504 --> 00:05:20,899
Hey, man.
124
00:05:20,899 --> 00:05:23,843
You can't just be tossing
g-bombs around like that, okay?
125
00:05:23,843 --> 00:05:26,697
I've only been dating her
for like a week, all right?
126
00:05:26,697 --> 00:05:28,365
I haven't even named her boobs yet...
127
00:05:28,365 --> 00:05:31,136
Although I'm thinking
about Kathie Lee and Hoda,
128
00:05:31,136 --> 00:05:32,805
because they are so perky in the morning.
129
00:05:39,221 --> 00:05:40,902
I'm not whipped, okay?
130
00:05:40,902 --> 00:05:42,240
Nicki lets me do what I want.
131
00:05:42,240 --> 00:05:43,978
Then why do you always bail
on the guys to hang with her?
132
00:05:43,978 --> 00:05:45,855
Honestly, I'm just trying
not to get ahead of myself.
133
00:05:45,855 --> 00:05:48,100
I just... you know, I
don't want to freak her out.
134
00:05:48,100 --> 00:05:49,724
Freak her out? Why? How
are you gonna freak her out?
135
00:05:49,724 --> 00:05:50,898
Oh, my God. Are you pregnant?
136
00:05:50,898 --> 00:05:52,491
Stop it. No.
137
00:05:52,491 --> 00:05:53,702
Okay. Then what are you talking about?
138
00:05:53,702 --> 00:05:55,256
I'm in love with her, okay?
139
00:05:55,256 --> 00:05:56,655
Aw.
140
00:05:58,290 --> 00:06:00,388
What did you just say?
141
00:06:00,388 --> 00:06:01,821
Hello.
142
00:06:04,139 --> 00:06:07,628
Um, I was just saying that I love you...
143
00:06:07,628 --> 00:06:10,214
That I'm in... I-I love you, Nicki.
144
00:06:11,610 --> 00:06:13,335
Cool.
145
00:06:19,642 --> 00:06:21,484
Hey, I wouldn't worry about today, mate.
146
00:06:21,484 --> 00:06:23,256
I don't think it's gonna
be uncomfortable with Nicki.
147
00:06:23,256 --> 00:06:24,943
Hey.
148
00:06:26,770 --> 00:06:32,610
[Humming]
149
00:06:35,753 --> 00:06:38,331
Um, about last night, I think...
150
00:06:38,331 --> 00:06:39,876
I'm gonna stop you there, okay?
151
00:06:39,876 --> 00:06:42,450
Ain't no thing but a apron string.
152
00:06:42,450 --> 00:06:43,993
[Laughs]
153
00:06:43,993 --> 00:06:46,149
Babe, are you sure that you're not upset?
154
00:06:46,149 --> 00:06:48,391
'Cause you make really weird
rhymes when you're upset.
155
00:06:49,392 --> 00:06:50,696
Nah, nah.
156
00:06:50,696 --> 00:06:52,478
We're cool, cool in the pool, pool.
157
00:06:52,478 --> 00:06:55,247
I mean, unless there's
something you wanted to say.
158
00:06:55,247 --> 00:06:57,290
No? Okay.
159
00:06:57,290 --> 00:06:59,417
[Sighs]
160
00:06:59,417 --> 00:07:00,254
Can you believe this?
161
00:07:00,254 --> 00:07:01,941
I mean, I say "I love you,"
162
00:07:01,941 --> 00:07:04,087
and she just bats it down like a pi?ata.
163
00:07:04,087 --> 00:07:06,645
Oh, I identify with pi?atas.
164
00:07:06,645 --> 00:07:09,616
I'm also adorable and full of candy.
165
00:07:12,709 --> 00:07:14,764
Yo, man, you want Nicki
wrapped around your finger?
166
00:07:14,764 --> 00:07:16,508
All you got to do is stop
telling her how you feel.
167
00:07:16,508 --> 00:07:19,257
Danny, do you not hear yourself?
168
00:07:19,257 --> 00:07:22,130
I only hear myself.
169
00:07:24,171 --> 00:07:25,906
See, Nicki's like a hummingbird.
170
00:07:25,906 --> 00:07:27,413
[Humming]
171
00:07:27,413 --> 00:07:29,277
And you're like a kitty cat
172
00:07:29,277 --> 00:07:30,454
that keeps scaring her away.
173
00:07:30,454 --> 00:07:31,612
[Meows] "I love you."
174
00:07:31,612 --> 00:07:33,015
[Hisses, imitates engine revving]
175
00:07:33,015 --> 00:07:34,576
What you got to do
176
00:07:34,576 --> 00:07:36,808
is just turn your back on that hummingbird
177
00:07:36,808 --> 00:07:38,689
and do some other kitty-cat
business, you know?
178
00:07:38,689 --> 00:07:40,444
"Uh-oh! Ho! Ho! Ho!"
179
00:07:40,444 --> 00:07:41,728
Somebody's got a laser pointer.
180
00:07:41,728 --> 00:07:43,671
You go get that red dot.
181
00:07:45,286 --> 00:07:46,882
"Hey!"
182
00:07:46,882 --> 00:07:48,604
Anyway, then that little hummingbird
183
00:07:48,604 --> 00:07:51,528
will eventually come
back right over near you
184
00:07:51,528 --> 00:07:53,053
and just land on your shoulder,
185
00:07:53,053 --> 00:07:54,950
all because you weren't
paying attention to her.
186
00:07:54,950 --> 00:07:55,918
[Buzzing]
187
00:07:55,918 --> 00:07:56,984
[Stops buzzing]
188
00:07:58,549 --> 00:08:00,334
"Hey, little kitty cat.
189
00:08:00,334 --> 00:08:02,333
Guess what. I missed you so... "
190
00:08:02,333 --> 00:08:03,714
[Growls]
191
00:08:07,529 --> 00:08:08,886
Danny, you should write a book.
192
00:08:09,471 --> 00:08:11,553
Yeah. You know, I always thought I could be
193
00:08:11,553 --> 00:08:13,515
like a big-time motivational speaker.
194
00:08:13,515 --> 00:08:15,754
I meant a book on birds.
195
00:08:18,546 --> 00:08:20,132
I'm not playing any of your games.
196
00:08:20,132 --> 00:08:22,294
I'm not afraid to put my
feelings out there, all right?
197
00:08:22,294 --> 00:08:23,600
I live out loud.
198
00:08:23,600 --> 00:08:24,765
Shelly, I love you.
199
00:08:24,765 --> 00:08:25,894
Brett, you too.
200
00:08:25,894 --> 00:08:27,653
Bursk, cool sweatshirt.
201
00:08:28,963 --> 00:08:30,812
I'm messing with you, man.
202
00:08:30,812 --> 00:08:32,177
I love you. I love you so hard.
203
00:08:32,177 --> 00:08:34,132
I'm gonna start calling you Six Flags
204
00:08:34,132 --> 00:08:36,074
'cause you just took me on
an emotional roller coaster.
205
00:08:38,535 --> 00:08:40,391
That's fine, but if you
don't play this right,
206
00:08:40,391 --> 00:08:42,501
you're not gonna get the "I
love you" back from Nicki.
207
00:08:42,501 --> 00:08:43,767
I'm not hiding Danny. All right?
208
00:08:43,767 --> 00:08:45,178
And I don't regret that
I said, "I love you."
209
00:08:45,178 --> 00:08:46,242
In fact, if I saw her again,
210
00:08:46,242 --> 00:08:47,317
I'd tell her I love her again.
211
00:08:47,317 --> 00:08:48,583
Hey, I might even double down
212
00:08:48,583 --> 00:08:50,251
and say, "let's move in together."
213
00:08:50,251 --> 00:08:52,535
- Hey, babe.
- Yeah?
214
00:08:52,535 --> 00:08:53,806
Table four needs beer.
215
00:08:53,806 --> 00:08:54,485
Mm-hmm.
216
00:08:56,924 --> 00:08:58,224
Somebody put a bell on that girl!
217
00:09:03,559 --> 00:09:04,561
Hey, Shell.
218
00:09:04,561 --> 00:09:06,898
Oh. Hey, Les. Hey, Bursk.
219
00:09:06,898 --> 00:09:08,011
Hey, stay away from me, please.
220
00:09:09,476 --> 00:09:10,730
What's going on?
221
00:09:10,730 --> 00:09:12,248
We decided with the Bursk situation
222
00:09:12,248 --> 00:09:14,725
that, uh, whenever he touches you,
223
00:09:14,725 --> 00:09:17,979
we expose an embarrassing
and personal fact about him,
224
00:09:17,979 --> 00:09:18,762
like, uh...
225
00:09:18,762 --> 00:09:21,729
Burski was breastfed until he was 8.
226
00:09:23,886 --> 00:09:25,641
In psychology, this technique
227
00:09:25,641 --> 00:09:27,718
is called negative reinforcement.
228
00:09:27,718 --> 00:09:29,130
When I hit rock bottom,
229
00:09:29,130 --> 00:09:31,120
it's how I plan to kick my candy addiction.
230
00:09:31,120 --> 00:09:34,129
Oh, but not today.
231
00:09:37,897 --> 00:09:39,863
Hey, sweetie. Can we talk?
232
00:09:39,863 --> 00:09:40,859
About what?
233
00:09:43,188 --> 00:09:46,252
Look, I have something I have to tell you.
234
00:09:46,252 --> 00:09:48,104
Let's get out of here.
235
00:09:48,104 --> 00:09:49,979
Sure. Uh, I got to get my keys.
236
00:09:49,979 --> 00:09:51,761
Okay. All right.
237
00:09:51,761 --> 00:09:53,706
Hey, surprise, surprise.
238
00:09:53,706 --> 00:09:55,718
Keys are already in my pocket, Danny.
239
00:09:55,718 --> 00:09:57,891
This day is just full of twists.
240
00:09:57,891 --> 00:09:59,112
[Chuckles]
241
00:09:59,112 --> 00:10:01,613
'Cause I'm about to go get
my "I love you" from Nicki.
242
00:10:01,613 --> 00:10:03,528
It's 'cause I live out loud, okay?
243
00:10:03,528 --> 00:10:05,323
So, I want you to watch,
'cause I'm gonna walk away,
244
00:10:05,323 --> 00:10:07,072
but I'm gonna do like
a cocky winner's walk.
245
00:10:07,072 --> 00:10:08,026
Here we go.
246
00:10:25,956 --> 00:10:26,708
I fell...
247
00:10:26,708 --> 00:10:28,652
In love.
248
00:10:28,652 --> 00:10:30,708
[Door closes]
249
00:10:35,256 --> 00:10:38,560
Justin, I can't even
tell you how amazing...
250
00:10:38,560 --> 00:10:40,571
the last couple of weeks have been, and...
251
00:10:40,571 --> 00:10:42,194
What are you doing?
252
00:10:42,194 --> 00:10:43,795
Oh, I'm just, uh, filming this.
253
00:10:43,795 --> 00:10:45,054
Okay. Just ignore the camera
254
00:10:45,054 --> 00:10:46,551
and just say what's in your heart, okay?
255
00:10:46,551 --> 00:10:48,469
All right.
256
00:10:48,469 --> 00:10:50,073
Babe, you're the best.
257
00:10:50,073 --> 00:10:53,133
I-I mean, I haven't
felt this way about a guy
258
00:10:53,133 --> 00:10:54,146
in a really long time...
259
00:10:54,146 --> 00:10:55,796
- Maybe ever...
- Mm-hmm.
260
00:10:55,796 --> 00:10:57,592
which is why I'm being so
weird about this.
261
00:10:57,592 --> 00:10:59,507
Um... Okay.
262
00:10:59,507 --> 00:11:01,770
Justin, I'm leaving.
263
00:11:01,770 --> 00:11:03,382
[Laughs]
264
00:11:04,850 --> 00:11:06,635
You said "leaving." I
think you meant "loving."
265
00:11:06,635 --> 00:11:08,255
Okay. We'll try it again.
Let's do a take two.
266
00:11:08,255 --> 00:11:09,121
Ready?
267
00:11:09,121 --> 00:11:10,800
And... Action.
268
00:11:10,800 --> 00:11:12,638
No, no. Justin, look at me.
269
00:11:12,638 --> 00:11:14,375
I'm leaving Detroit.
270
00:11:14,375 --> 00:11:16,735
I'm gonna move home to take care of my mom.
271
00:11:19,478 --> 00:11:21,206
And cut.
272
00:11:24,874 --> 00:11:26,584
All right. So, what did you do
273
00:11:26,584 --> 00:11:27,949
after she said that she was leaving?
274
00:11:27,949 --> 00:11:29,434
I acted like a man, Danny...
275
00:11:29,434 --> 00:11:32,350
a crying, screaming, dry-heaving man.
276
00:11:33,446 --> 00:11:34,981
All right. Well, look.
277
00:11:34,981 --> 00:11:38,330
You put yourself out there,
and it blew up in your face.
278
00:11:38,330 --> 00:11:41,631
It's... it's over, and you
got to move on with your life.
279
00:11:41,631 --> 00:11:43,077
But I'm in love.
280
00:11:44,583 --> 00:11:46,458
Oh, my God.
281
00:11:46,458 --> 00:11:49,039
I can feel myself getting very close
282
00:11:49,039 --> 00:11:50,196
to acting like a man again.
283
00:11:51,506 --> 00:11:54,601
[Gags]
284
00:11:55,739 --> 00:11:57,884
Okay, okay, okay. Look, look, look. Okay.
285
00:11:57,884 --> 00:11:59,710
Any good psychiatrist
286
00:11:59,710 --> 00:12:01,482
would tell you to just bury those feelings.
287
00:12:02,485 --> 00:12:04,204
I can do that.
288
00:12:04,204 --> 00:12:05,385
Then you're already healing.
289
00:12:05,385 --> 00:12:11,041
But I'm never gonna get a
girl like Nicki again, so...
290
00:12:11,041 --> 00:12:12,473
Will you listen to yourself, man?
291
00:12:12,473 --> 00:12:14,568
You would get any girl you wanted to
292
00:12:14,568 --> 00:12:16,240
if you just realized how awesome you are.
293
00:12:16,240 --> 00:12:17,180
All right, quick. You know what?
294
00:12:17,180 --> 00:12:19,495
I want you to name three
awesome things about yourself.
295
00:12:19,495 --> 00:12:22,779
Okay. I'm a good dancer, I'm very handsome,
296
00:12:22,779 --> 00:12:24,263
and my body is amazing.
297
00:12:25,887 --> 00:12:26,387
Great.
298
00:12:26,387 --> 00:12:28,778
Now I want you to name three true things.
299
00:12:30,340 --> 00:12:31,827
All right, come on. I'll be the girl.
300
00:12:31,827 --> 00:12:32,563
Go for it.
301
00:12:32,563 --> 00:12:33,999
[Claps]
302
00:12:33,999 --> 00:12:35,000
Well, I have a big heart.
303
00:12:35,000 --> 00:12:36,880
"Oh, my God.
304
00:12:36,880 --> 00:12:39,266
That's, like, so amazing.
305
00:12:39,266 --> 00:12:41,537
Tell me more."
306
00:12:44,038 --> 00:12:45,427
I own my own business.
307
00:12:45,427 --> 00:12:47,377
"Oh, my God! That's so funny,
308
00:12:47,377 --> 00:12:48,663
cause I was just telling my friend
309
00:12:48,663 --> 00:12:50,717
that I literally want
to sleep with somebody
310
00:12:50,717 --> 00:12:52,619
that owns his own business."
311
00:12:56,196 --> 00:12:58,678
Bam! You said eight words to
her, and you already closed!
312
00:13:00,105 --> 00:13:01,633
You know what? You're right.
313
00:13:01,633 --> 00:13:03,390
I mean, if I can get a girl like Nicki,
314
00:13:03,390 --> 00:13:04,409
I could get any girl.
315
00:13:04,409 --> 00:13:06,971
I mean, I could get a model or a dancer
316
00:13:06,971 --> 00:13:08,598
or that chick from "The Good Wife."
317
00:13:11,403 --> 00:13:13,354
Julianna Margulies?
318
00:13:13,354 --> 00:13:15,121
Why would you want her?
319
00:13:15,121 --> 00:13:16,676
It's in the title, Danny...
320
00:13:16,676 --> 00:13:18,850
She's a good wife.
321
00:13:24,032 --> 00:13:24,589
Nicki: Hey.
322
00:13:24,589 --> 00:13:25,910
[Voice breaking] Can we talk?
323
00:13:25,910 --> 00:13:28,232
Listen, look. We're good, okay?
324
00:13:28,232 --> 00:13:30,427
But I-I think we've done enough talking.
325
00:13:30,427 --> 00:13:33,912
So I think it's time that I
start trying to move on, so...
326
00:13:37,883 --> 00:13:39,100
That poor girl.
327
00:13:39,100 --> 00:13:40,238
Yeah, this stinks.
328
00:13:41,551 --> 00:13:43,867
Burski pees sitting down.
329
00:13:46,489 --> 00:13:48,490
Why is Justin being so cold
330
00:13:48,490 --> 00:13:49,389
with Nicki all of a sudden?
331
00:13:49,389 --> 00:13:51,346
Because he's moving on like he should.
332
00:13:51,346 --> 00:13:52,800
He can't just move on.
333
00:13:52,800 --> 00:13:53,991
That's not how love works.
334
00:13:53,991 --> 00:13:56,556
Excuse me, Les, but you
definitely don't need
335
00:13:56,556 --> 00:13:58,222
to tell me how love works, okay?
336
00:13:58,222 --> 00:14:01,332
That's like telling Vin
Diesel how to have a cool name.
337
00:14:03,760 --> 00:14:05,824
You've never even dated
someone for more than a month.
338
00:14:05,824 --> 00:14:07,580
Do you even know what love is?
339
00:14:07,580 --> 00:14:09,511
Love is a battlefield.
340
00:14:12,226 --> 00:14:15,993
Love is a-a feeling, okay?
341
00:14:15,993 --> 00:14:17,379
And it burns.
342
00:14:18,149 --> 00:14:19,976
Love is a burning sensation
343
00:14:19,976 --> 00:14:22,019
that comes up from right around this area.
344
00:14:26,233 --> 00:14:27,662
That's not what love is, Danny.
345
00:14:27,662 --> 00:14:31,331
But whatever that is, you
should go to a hospital.
346
00:14:32,143 --> 00:14:35,242
He said he loved her.
She didn't say it back.
347
00:14:35,242 --> 00:14:36,759
She doesn't love him. End of story.
348
00:14:36,759 --> 00:14:38,760
No! Just because she didn't say it
349
00:14:38,760 --> 00:14:40,123
doesn't mean she doesn't feel it!
350
00:14:40,123 --> 00:14:42,728
You have no idea how
crazy women get about love.
351
00:14:42,728 --> 00:14:44,336
Watch.
352
00:14:45,499 --> 00:14:46,327
Nicki.
353
00:14:48,760 --> 00:14:49,778
How are you doing?
354
00:14:49,778 --> 00:14:53,405
[Voice breaking] Um, I
don't know what's going on.
355
00:14:53,405 --> 00:14:55,787
Why would he tell me
that he loves me one day
356
00:14:55,787 --> 00:14:58,615
and then be so mean to
me the next day, you know?
357
00:14:58,615 --> 00:14:59,918
Like, is that who he is?
358
00:14:59,918 --> 00:15:01,141
Was this even real?
359
00:15:01,141 --> 00:15:03,050
How am I supposed to feel?!
360
00:15:08,748 --> 00:15:10,581
If that's what love is,
361
00:15:10,581 --> 00:15:13,422
then I don't want any
part of that ever, okay?
362
00:15:14,742 --> 00:15:17,722
Because that was banana-pants.
363
00:15:22,545 --> 00:15:23,752
Hey...
364
00:15:24,454 --> 00:15:25,289
Baby bird.
365
00:15:25,289 --> 00:15:27,109
How, uh... how you feeling?
366
00:15:27,109 --> 00:15:29,628
Not a lot of boyfriends
have a cellphone video
367
00:15:29,628 --> 00:15:31,367
of the exact moment their heart got broken.
368
00:15:31,367 --> 00:15:32,328
Come over here and watch.
369
00:15:33,514 --> 00:15:34,867
You know...
370
00:15:34,867 --> 00:15:36,303
Get over here and watch!
371
00:15:40,393 --> 00:15:41,452
See?
372
00:15:41,452 --> 00:15:43,177
It's even sadder with music.
373
00:15:43,177 --> 00:15:44,330
[Sniffles]
374
00:15:44,330 --> 00:15:49,470
And I would do anything for love
375
00:15:49,470 --> 00:15:53,574
But I won't do that
376
00:16:06,349 --> 00:16:08,131
You got to go out there,
377
00:16:08,131 --> 00:16:09,928
and you got to talk to her again,
378
00:16:09,928 --> 00:16:11,234
and you got to tell her that you love her.
379
00:16:11,234 --> 00:16:13,030
She already shot me down once, okay?
380
00:16:13,030 --> 00:16:14,593
Once a dog gets smacked on the nose,
381
00:16:14,593 --> 00:16:16,425
he stops stealing pork chops.
382
00:16:17,689 --> 00:16:19,317
Uh, that's... that's not a saying.
383
00:16:19,317 --> 00:16:20,073
Look, uh...
384
00:16:20,073 --> 00:16:22,963
Okay. I was just down at the bar.
385
00:16:22,963 --> 00:16:24,052
And I was talking to everyone
386
00:16:24,052 --> 00:16:25,957
about how much I know about love,
387
00:16:25,957 --> 00:16:27,301
and they were all really impressed, and...
388
00:16:29,320 --> 00:16:32,183
It's obvious that Nicki's hurting, too,
389
00:16:32,183 --> 00:16:35,872
so you got to get off the
couch and go talk to her.
390
00:16:35,872 --> 00:16:37,842
No.
391
00:16:37,842 --> 00:16:39,497
No. I'm not getting off this couch.
392
00:16:39,497 --> 00:16:40,645
Don't make me pick you up.
393
00:16:40,645 --> 00:16:41,436
You can't.
394
00:16:41,436 --> 00:16:43,771
I can make my center of gravity very low.
395
00:16:47,473 --> 00:16:49,545
You want it this way, you got it this way.
396
00:16:49,545 --> 00:16:51,903
[Grunts] Oh! God!
397
00:16:51,903 --> 00:16:53,224
Aah!
398
00:16:53,224 --> 00:16:54,283
I heard a pop.
399
00:16:54,283 --> 00:16:56,080
Ohh. That was my back.
400
00:16:56,080 --> 00:16:57,665
That wasn't your back, Danny.
401
00:16:57,665 --> 00:16:59,712
That was my heart.
402
00:17:08,244 --> 00:17:09,728
Hey, buddy.
403
00:17:09,728 --> 00:17:12,436
Uh, brought the fellas
over to cheer you up.
404
00:17:12,436 --> 00:17:13,484
Go away.
405
00:17:13,484 --> 00:17:15,413
Hey. Hey, hey, hey.
406
00:17:15,413 --> 00:17:17,324
Shut up now.
407
00:17:20,459 --> 00:17:22,739
We just want you to know
that we care about you.
408
00:17:22,739 --> 00:17:26,012
Everyone heals on their own timetable.
409
00:17:26,012 --> 00:17:27,958
I guess you're right. Thanks, guys.
410
00:17:27,958 --> 00:17:29,189
Why are you so close to me?
411
00:17:29,189 --> 00:17:30,310
Now! Just like we practiced!
412
00:17:30,310 --> 00:17:31,873
Aah! You're ripping me apart!
413
00:17:31,873 --> 00:17:32,795
Help!
414
00:17:32,795 --> 00:17:34,506
- Go this way! Go this way!
- Help! Help!
415
00:17:34,506 --> 00:17:36,128
I got it! I got it, I got it, I got it!
416
00:17:36,128 --> 00:17:38,130
- Ow! What are you doing?!
- Go, go, go, go, go, go!
417
00:17:38,130 --> 00:17:39,046
Pick him up! Run him up!
418
00:17:39,046 --> 00:17:40,158
- Stop! Go, go!
- Aah!
419
00:17:40,158 --> 00:17:41,953
Go, go, go, go, go!
420
00:17:41,953 --> 00:17:44,197
Okay. Go, go, go, go, go, go!
421
00:17:44,197 --> 00:17:46,547
Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go!
422
00:17:46,662 --> 00:17:49,598
Let go of me! Stop it! Come on!
423
00:17:49,598 --> 00:17:50,349
Ohh! Get in here!
424
00:17:50,349 --> 00:17:51,214
You know...
425
00:17:51,949 --> 00:17:53,261
Are you all right?
426
00:17:53,261 --> 00:17:54,463
Whoa!
427
00:17:54,463 --> 00:17:56,203
Get off! Stop it, all right?!
428
00:17:56,203 --> 00:17:57,135
Could you just stop it?!
429
00:17:57,135 --> 00:17:58,334
I'm not going anywhere.
430
00:17:58,334 --> 00:17:59,225
Gotcha!
431
00:18:02,143 --> 00:18:03,063
- Wait!
- Come here.
432
00:18:03,063 --> 00:18:04,823
You guys! What is going on?
433
00:18:04,823 --> 00:18:06,036
It's fine. You know what?
434
00:18:06,036 --> 00:18:07,141
Justin just...
435
00:18:07,141 --> 00:18:08,413
What are you doing with the...?
436
00:18:09,969 --> 00:18:13,691
Justin just has something
he wants to say to you.
437
00:18:18,333 --> 00:18:19,384
[Sighs]
438
00:18:19,384 --> 00:18:21,642
We're out of jalape?o poppers.
439
00:18:25,586 --> 00:18:26,308
Okay, fine. You know what?
440
00:18:26,308 --> 00:18:27,252
Then I'll say something.
441
00:18:27,252 --> 00:18:28,997
I've missed out on a lot on life because...
442
00:18:28,997 --> 00:18:31,696
[Sighs] ... I was afraid
to put myself out there.
443
00:18:31,696 --> 00:18:33,505
I don't live out loud, Justin, but you do,
444
00:18:33,505 --> 00:18:36,616
and, frankly, that inspires me.
445
00:18:36,616 --> 00:18:39,492
I mean, honestly, a part of
me wishes that Sabrina was here
446
00:18:39,492 --> 00:18:41,284
so I could tell her how
I really feel about her.
447
00:18:41,284 --> 00:18:42,721
- I could give her a call.
- I said "part of me," Les.
448
00:18:45,220 --> 00:18:47,930
Look, you're the bravest guy I know.
449
00:18:47,930 --> 00:18:51,264
So don't let her go
without saying everything
450
00:18:51,264 --> 00:18:52,112
that you need to say.
451
00:18:54,609 --> 00:18:55,344
Fine.
452
00:18:57,296 --> 00:18:59,037
I really hate that you're leaving,
453
00:18:59,037 --> 00:19:02,137
but part of the reason that I
fell for you in the first place
454
00:19:02,137 --> 00:19:03,427
is because you are the type of girl
455
00:19:03,427 --> 00:19:05,659
that would go and help your mom.
456
00:19:05,659 --> 00:19:07,337
And I'm not gonna take it back, Nicki.
457
00:19:07,337 --> 00:19:08,825
I love you. Okay?
458
00:19:08,825 --> 00:19:10,768
And I don't care if you say it back.
459
00:19:10,768 --> 00:19:12,005
I do. I lied.
460
00:19:12,005 --> 00:19:13,258
I really do.
461
00:19:14,666 --> 00:19:15,743
But mostly, I just want you
462
00:19:15,743 --> 00:19:17,316
to know that no matter
how long you're gone...
463
00:19:17,316 --> 00:19:18,915
- I love you.
- Well, let me finish.
464
00:19:18,915 --> 00:19:20,070
And...
465
00:19:20,070 --> 00:19:23,863
What... what did you
just s... I cut you off.
466
00:19:23,863 --> 00:19:24,680
I know what you said.
467
00:19:24,680 --> 00:19:25,707
[Chuckling] Could you just say it again?
468
00:19:25,707 --> 00:19:28,186
- Yeah. I love you.
- Thank you.
469
00:19:30,830 --> 00:19:32,373
Oh, my God.
470
00:19:32,373 --> 00:19:34,887
I don't know why I didn't
say it back to you right away.
471
00:19:34,887 --> 00:19:38,130
Well, uh, it's probably
because you're banana-pants.
472
00:19:42,205 --> 00:19:43,887
I mean, I-I wanted to,
473
00:19:43,887 --> 00:19:46,525
but I was just afraid because
I knew that I was going,
474
00:19:46,525 --> 00:19:48,644
- and I didn't know what that meant for us.
- It just... listen.
475
00:19:48,644 --> 00:19:49,584
It just means that we're gonna have
476
00:19:49,584 --> 00:19:51,437
to put more miles on our car...
- [Laughs]
477
00:19:51,437 --> 00:19:53,052
And that I have to buy a car.
478
00:19:53,052 --> 00:19:54,726
Yeah. [Laughs]
479
00:19:54,726 --> 00:19:56,056
So, what do we do now?
480
00:19:56,056 --> 00:19:58,892
Well, I don't leave for two days, so...
481
00:19:58,892 --> 00:20:00,453
Brett, watch the bar for two days.
482
00:20:00,453 --> 00:20:01,347
Yes, boss.
483
00:20:02,660 --> 00:20:03,372
Okay, ladies and gentlemen.
484
00:20:03,372 --> 00:20:05,625
For two days only, this is now a gay bar.
485
00:20:18,206 --> 00:20:19,283
Thanks, man.
486
00:20:19,283 --> 00:20:21,172
I love you.
487
00:20:23,495 --> 00:20:24,745
Cool.
488
00:20:26,294 --> 00:20:27,476
[Chuckles]
489
00:20:31,037 --> 00:20:32,079
All right. I'm out.
490
00:20:32,079 --> 00:20:33,059
- Bye, Les.
- Bye, Les.
491
00:20:33,059 --> 00:20:33,873
Bye, guys.
492
00:20:36,702 --> 00:20:38,192
Burski's first kiss was with his cousin.
493
00:20:39,133 --> 00:20:40,708
Get them out of your system.
494
00:20:40,708 --> 00:20:43,475
Burski's second kiss was
with his other cousin.
495
00:20:44,324 --> 00:20:46,614
Yeah. Burski's third kiss
was with another cousin.
496
00:20:46,614 --> 00:20:48,071
It was a family reunion. Who cares?
497
00:20:51,414 --> 00:20:54,201
Honestly, I never minded
your accidental touches.
498
00:20:54,201 --> 00:20:56,375
Can we just go back to the way things were?
499
00:20:56,375 --> 00:20:57,225
I'd like that.
500
00:20:57,225 --> 00:20:58,751
Okay. Bring it in.
501
00:21:07,029 --> 00:21:08,132
That was our first kiss.
502
00:21:08,132 --> 00:21:09,884
Looks like it's on.
503
00:21:11,925 --> 00:21:13,856
Yeah I don't, I don't think it's on Bursk.
504
00:21:13,856 --> 00:21:14,677
Oh, it's on.
505
00:21:14,677 --> 00:21:17,265
Plus I got the green light
to touch you whenever I want.
506
00:21:18,204 --> 00:21:20,944
And I'm gonna use that... a lot.
507
00:21:23,004 --> 00:21:26,060
- Erhh, that's eh... that's my sister.
- I'm sorry.
508
00:21:26,110 --> 00:21:30,660
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