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1
00:00:04,589 --> 00:00:07,191
The past few days have been amazing.
2
00:00:07,225 --> 00:00:09,093
I know. This is the most fun I ever had,
3
00:00:09,127 --> 00:00:10,261
and I went to space camp.
4
00:00:10,295 --> 00:00:11,328
[Chuckles]
5
00:00:11,363 --> 00:00:12,930
You guys, uh, I'm still here.
6
00:00:12,964 --> 00:00:14,098
Uh, oh, by the way,
7
00:00:14,132 --> 00:00:15,466
you're doing it wrong.
8
00:00:15,500 --> 00:00:17,868
When a man and a woman have sex,
9
00:00:17,903 --> 00:00:21,572
uh, the man's never supposed
to say, "don't drop me."
10
00:00:21,606 --> 00:00:23,574
Things got a little crazy
last night, all right?
11
00:00:23,608 --> 00:00:24,875
I hope we didn't keep you up.
12
00:00:24,910 --> 00:00:26,510
Baby bird, it wasn't the pasty-white sex
13
00:00:26,544 --> 00:00:27,378
that was keeping me up.
14
00:00:27,412 --> 00:00:28,545
You know what it was?
15
00:00:28,580 --> 00:00:30,848
The two of you singing
Destiny's Child songs.
16
00:00:30,882 --> 00:00:33,050
[Laughs]
17
00:00:33,084 --> 00:00:34,251
Oh, Danny. Mm.
18
00:00:34,286 --> 00:00:36,820
- Those two things happened simultaneously.
- Mm-hmm.
19
00:00:36,855 --> 00:00:38,489
Well, I'm sure that was the only thing
20
00:00:38,523 --> 00:00:39,890
that you two did simultaneously.
21
00:00:44,096 --> 00:00:44,932
Ohh.
22
00:00:44,932 --> 00:00:48,694
Aw, it sucks that I have to
go to my parents' this weekend.
23
00:00:48,694 --> 00:00:53,645
I am going to miss that flat little butt.
24
00:00:54,935 --> 00:00:56,503
[Laughs]
25
00:00:56,503 --> 00:00:57,766
Ahh.
26
00:00:58,827 --> 00:01:00,369
I feel sorry for that poor girl.
27
00:01:00,403 --> 00:01:02,871
I have no idea how she's
gonna last a whole weekend
28
00:01:02,906 --> 00:01:03,973
without her medicine.
29
00:01:04,007 --> 00:01:06,408
Oh, oh, oh. You've been drugging her.
30
00:01:06,443 --> 00:01:08,010
That's what... that's how...
31
00:01:10,046 --> 00:01:11,513
If you're gonna get uncomfortable
32
00:01:11,548 --> 00:01:13,582
every time that me and
Nicki do some foreplay...
33
00:01:13,617 --> 00:01:15,414
and, yes, I will have
her again this morning...
34
00:01:15,612 --> 00:01:17,071
[Scoffs]
35
00:01:17,106 --> 00:01:18,854
Then I'm gonna make you more uncomfortable.
36
00:01:18,888 --> 00:01:20,656
You know what? I don't
think that's possible
37
00:01:20,690 --> 00:01:22,291
unless you two waited till I fell asleep
38
00:01:22,325 --> 00:01:23,592
and you had sex on top of me.
39
00:01:23,627 --> 00:01:26,729
Hmm. So, you don't think I could
make you more uncomfortable?
40
00:01:26,763 --> 00:01:28,497
- Mnh-mnh.
- Okay.
41
00:01:28,531 --> 00:01:32,134
You mean even if I re-created
what happened last night?
42
00:01:34,839 --> 00:01:36,807
Don't joke around like that.
43
00:01:36,841 --> 00:01:39,710
Say my name, say my name
44
00:01:39,744 --> 00:01:43,613
When no one is around you,
say, "baby, I love you"
45
00:01:43,648 --> 00:01:45,015
Then I take her bra
46
00:01:45,049 --> 00:01:47,050
Say my name, say my name
47
00:01:47,085 --> 00:01:48,185
And then I get on top.
48
00:01:48,219 --> 00:01:50,220
Say my name, say my name
49
00:01:50,254 --> 00:01:52,422
Then I put my hands over my head.
50
00:01:52,457 --> 00:01:54,458
And then I was done.
51
00:01:56,260 --> 00:01:58,261
Danny: All right, now. Here we go. Come on.
52
00:01:58,296 --> 00:01:59,648
Justin: Okay. We are going.
53
00:01:59,648 --> 00:02:02,204
Synced and corrected by
Mastermonger. www.addic7ed.com
54
00:02:02,204 --> 00:02:05,335
Oh-oh-oh, oh, oh
55
00:02:05,369 --> 00:02:06,703
All right, now. That was me singing.
56
00:02:06,738 --> 00:02:07,838
What do you think about that?
57
00:02:07,872 --> 00:02:08,905
It was horrifying.
58
00:02:10,666 --> 00:02:13,435
Hey, Shelly, uh, did you
ever talk to that guy about...
59
00:02:13,469 --> 00:02:14,569
Whoa! Rewind.
60
00:02:14,603 --> 00:02:17,973
[Speaking backwards]
61
00:02:18,007 --> 00:02:20,842
Hey, uh, and you might be...
62
00:02:20,876 --> 00:02:22,043
You must be Danny.
63
00:02:22,078 --> 00:02:23,044
Your sister said you talk
64
00:02:23,079 --> 00:02:25,380
like you're in a Matthew McConaughey movie.
65
00:02:25,414 --> 00:02:28,984
[As Matthew McConaughey]
All right, all right.
66
00:02:29,018 --> 00:02:31,019
Sabrina and I went to college together,
67
00:02:31,053 --> 00:02:32,420
and then she moved to Paris.
68
00:02:32,455 --> 00:02:33,688
Huh.
69
00:02:33,723 --> 00:02:36,491
Sabrina's also got a great
rack, but if you tell her that,
70
00:02:36,525 --> 00:02:38,159
she makes you sit way over here.
71
00:02:39,328 --> 00:02:41,196
I am at the University of Michigan
72
00:02:41,230 --> 00:02:43,798
getting my PhD in French
literature. [Chuckles]
73
00:02:43,833 --> 00:02:47,602
Then she's gonna use that
degree to get a job nowhere.
74
00:02:49,999 --> 00:02:52,282
Sabrina, if you like French stuff,
75
00:02:52,282 --> 00:02:54,275
then did you know they
call it a French tickler...
76
00:02:54,275 --> 00:02:55,463
- Back in the corner.
- Yeah.
77
00:02:57,357 --> 00:03:00,942
I, too, have a deep love
for French literature.
78
00:03:02,131 --> 00:03:05,579
I actually did my senior
thesis on Victor Hugo.
79
00:03:05,579 --> 00:03:08,491
Wow, this is already a really,
really, really boring story.
80
00:03:08,491 --> 00:03:10,671
Uh, I can't save myself, but if you'd like,
81
00:03:10,671 --> 00:03:11,703
I could rip your heart
out and show it to you
82
00:03:11,703 --> 00:03:12,844
so you can end up dying quickly.
83
00:03:13,864 --> 00:03:17,080
My professor was actually,
um, French Canadian,
84
00:03:17,080 --> 00:03:18,405
and it was, uh...
- Do it.
85
00:03:18,865 --> 00:03:19,524
[Makes ripping noise]
86
00:03:19,524 --> 00:03:21,602
- [Imitates heartbeat]
- [Gasps]
87
00:03:35,916 --> 00:03:37,438
Leslie, you can let your friend know
88
00:03:37,438 --> 00:03:39,252
that my girlfriend is way hotter than her.
89
00:03:41,209 --> 00:03:43,077
Well, it was great to meet you,
90
00:03:43,077 --> 00:03:45,035
and I will see you later, Les.
91
00:03:46,892 --> 00:03:48,782
Sister, may I have her?
92
00:03:50,701 --> 00:03:53,390
- You always do this!
- [Laughs]
93
00:03:53,390 --> 00:03:55,431
You always hook up with my friends.
94
00:03:55,431 --> 00:03:57,351
Someone better call Steve Harvey.
95
00:03:57,351 --> 00:04:00,004
We got ourselves a "family feud."
96
00:04:01,349 --> 00:04:03,055
Look, if you want me to stop
having sex with your friends,
97
00:04:03,055 --> 00:04:05,829
then I don't know... Just,
like... don't have any friends.
98
00:04:06,671 --> 00:04:09,479
They think you're so great at first,
99
00:04:09,479 --> 00:04:10,550
and then they get Danny'd.
100
00:04:10,550 --> 00:04:13,023
Is getting Danny'd when
a hot stud bangs you?
101
00:04:13,023 --> 00:04:14,098
'Cause if it is...
- Corner!
102
00:04:14,098 --> 00:04:15,161
Damn it!
103
00:04:18,130 --> 00:04:20,420
Getting Danny'd is when
he sleeps with them once
104
00:04:20,420 --> 00:04:23,579
and blows them off, and then
I'm left cleaning up the mess.
105
00:04:24,249 --> 00:04:26,574
I don't think you're gonna have
to worry about Danny and Sabrina.
106
00:04:26,574 --> 00:04:29,651
Sabrina is a smart and
sophisticated, classy woman.
107
00:04:29,651 --> 00:04:30,433
Whoa, oh, no, no. Wait.
108
00:04:30,433 --> 00:04:32,454
Are you suggesting that
she's out of my league?
109
00:04:32,454 --> 00:04:34,378
Because that is not possible unless...
110
00:04:34,378 --> 00:04:36,341
Wait a minute. Wait. Whoa, whoa, whoa.
111
00:04:36,341 --> 00:04:37,038
Hold on one second.
112
00:04:38,066 --> 00:04:40,078
Oh, yeah. Oh, God. Oh, oh, oh, God.
113
00:04:40,078 --> 00:04:42,044
Oh, God, this is... I was...
I've been worrying about this.
114
00:04:42,044 --> 00:04:43,756
No, I'm still me. Thank God.
115
00:04:44,757 --> 00:04:47,521
Yeah, that's, uh... so she's
not out of my league, bro.
116
00:04:47,521 --> 00:04:50,098
Look, Danny, if you
want some advice from...
117
00:04:50,098 --> 00:04:50,913
Danny: Wait. Hold on. Are... are...
118
00:04:50,913 --> 00:04:53,796
you really think that you can give
me advice? Oh, wait. Oh, I'm sorry.
119
00:04:53,796 --> 00:04:55,992
I totally messed up the
emphasis on that sentence.
120
00:04:55,992 --> 00:04:56,637
Let me try it again.
121
00:04:56,637 --> 00:05:01,300
You think that you can give me advice?
122
00:05:03,736 --> 00:05:05,864
I'm obviously crushing
it in my own relationship.
123
00:05:05,864 --> 00:05:07,745
Nicki and I even hooked up this morning.
124
00:05:07,745 --> 00:05:09,131
I got your text.
125
00:05:15,497 --> 00:05:18,297
[Laughs]
126
00:05:19,900 --> 00:05:21,518
Brett, is that jacket
127
00:05:21,518 --> 00:05:23,499
so people from outer
space can tell you're gay?
128
00:05:25,031 --> 00:05:26,048
[Chuckles]
129
00:05:26,048 --> 00:05:27,781
Hey, does the jacket possibly
come with figure skates
130
00:05:27,781 --> 00:05:31,077
and a boyfriend? Ohhhh!
131
00:05:33,066 --> 00:05:34,965
All right, guys, let's
just give him a break, okay?
132
00:05:35,703 --> 00:05:37,242
It's... it's cool, man.
133
00:05:37,242 --> 00:05:38,402
They're just taking the piss out of me.
134
00:05:38,402 --> 00:05:39,362
We all do it to each other.
135
00:05:39,362 --> 00:05:41,833
Well, yeah, no, go ahead.
136
00:05:41,833 --> 00:05:43,653
If you guys want to go ahead
and make gay jokes, go ahead.
137
00:05:43,653 --> 00:05:46,600
Look, I get it. You've always
been a little bit uptight,
138
00:05:46,600 --> 00:05:48,650
and I only came out a couple months ago,
139
00:05:48,650 --> 00:05:50,483
so you just... it's gonna take you awhile
140
00:05:50,483 --> 00:05:51,466
to get used to me as a gay man.
141
00:05:51,466 --> 00:05:53,351
I've known you as a gay man since college.
142
00:05:53,351 --> 00:05:55,653
Freshman year, you went to
Halloween as Britney Spears.
143
00:05:57,558 --> 00:06:00,150
And then in sophomore year.
"Oops, I did it again."
144
00:06:02,123 --> 00:06:04,284
I'm... I'm just saying, before I came out,
145
00:06:04,284 --> 00:06:05,855
you always used to give me
crap, and now you're just...
146
00:06:05,855 --> 00:06:07,677
you're so careful.
147
00:06:07,677 --> 00:06:09,518
I'm not acting any differently.
148
00:06:09,518 --> 00:06:11,726
Prove it. Make fun of
me. Give me a nickname.
149
00:06:11,726 --> 00:06:14,273
I'm gay and I'm British. It should be easy.
150
00:06:15,454 --> 00:06:17,654
I can't just come up with a
nickname on the spot like that.
151
00:06:17,654 --> 00:06:18,960
Fairy Potter.
152
00:06:18,960 --> 00:06:22,625
Written by Gay Gay rowling.
153
00:06:22,625 --> 00:06:24,174
See? That's friendship.
154
00:06:24,174 --> 00:06:24,982
Are we done?
155
00:06:24,982 --> 00:06:26,166
No. No, no.
156
00:06:26,166 --> 00:06:27,828
Daniel Gay Lewis.
157
00:06:28,743 --> 00:06:30,375
Austin Powerbottom.
158
00:06:31,305 --> 00:06:33,894
Alfred Hitchcock... that's
just his name, but that's good.
159
00:06:33,894 --> 00:06:35,158
[Laughs]
160
00:06:40,842 --> 00:06:43,485
Hey, what in God's name is this?
161
00:06:44,460 --> 00:06:45,860
That's "Nicki-bear."
162
00:06:45,860 --> 00:06:48,828
Nicki left it so I could
sleep with it in my bed.
163
00:06:50,910 --> 00:06:53,277
Good night, Danny. Hey, hey, whoa, whoa.
164
00:06:53,277 --> 00:06:54,925
Look, before you go make
sweet love to that bear...
165
00:06:54,925 --> 00:06:56,659
I'm not gonna make love to it, okay?
166
00:06:56,659 --> 00:06:58,471
I'll probably spoon... I'm not
gonna do anything to the bear.
167
00:07:00,086 --> 00:07:01,333
This is about Sabrina. I just...
168
00:07:01,333 --> 00:07:03,336
have you ever met a girl
169
00:07:03,336 --> 00:07:04,802
that you just think is like so amazing,
170
00:07:04,802 --> 00:07:06,454
but you just feel like
you can never have her?
171
00:07:06,454 --> 00:07:08,636
Dude, I've felt that way all the time.
172
00:07:08,636 --> 00:07:10,209
- You just need...
- Me neither.
173
00:07:12,205 --> 00:07:13,442
Hey, Justin.
174
00:07:14,388 --> 00:07:15,706
Hyah! Hyah!
175
00:07:15,741 --> 00:07:17,551
[Neighs]
176
00:07:17,551 --> 00:07:18,638
[Nickers]
177
00:07:24,910 --> 00:07:26,502
Hey, man. You know, it's so adorable
178
00:07:26,502 --> 00:07:28,204
that you thought you
could teach me about women.
179
00:07:28,204 --> 00:07:30,150
Hey, you know what? Could
you teach me how to walk, too?
180
00:07:30,150 --> 00:07:31,403
Get off!
181
00:07:32,485 --> 00:07:34,157
Hey, Shelly, you need help being black?
182
00:07:34,157 --> 00:07:35,389
Sometimes.
183
00:07:36,153 --> 00:07:38,657
It's complicated.
184
00:07:38,657 --> 00:07:41,351
I told you not to hook up with my friends!
185
00:07:41,351 --> 00:07:42,774
Geez! All right, I'm sorry.
186
00:07:42,774 --> 00:07:45,524
Hey, look, it's not my fault
anyway, okay? She called me.
187
00:07:45,524 --> 00:07:46,545
By the way, I didn't even know
188
00:07:46,545 --> 00:07:47,995
that coffee places were open at midnight.
189
00:07:47,995 --> 00:07:50,308
Are those so weirdos
can have a place to go to
190
00:07:50,308 --> 00:07:51,786
when they can't sleep?
- Yes.
191
00:07:54,056 --> 00:07:55,720
I also enjoy the laundromat.
192
00:07:59,734 --> 00:08:01,901
Wait a minute. You guys didn't
get together till midnight?
193
00:08:01,901 --> 00:08:03,095
What time did Sabrina call you?
194
00:08:03,095 --> 00:08:04,954
I don't know. Like 10:00.
195
00:08:04,954 --> 00:08:07,362
And you just dropped
whatever you were doing?
196
00:08:07,362 --> 00:08:08,959
I mean, I brushed my teeth first.
197
00:08:08,959 --> 00:08:11,129
Dude, that is so clutch!
198
00:08:11,129 --> 00:08:13,596
You got to get clean to get dirty!
199
00:08:14,375 --> 00:08:15,204
Huh.
200
00:08:15,204 --> 00:08:16,939
You know what else is weird is,
201
00:08:16,939 --> 00:08:19,779
I got up this morning, and
Sabrina was already gone.
202
00:08:19,779 --> 00:08:21,432
She had to leave early 'cause
she had to go see her sister.
203
00:08:21,432 --> 00:08:23,190
She doesn't have a sister.
204
00:08:23,190 --> 00:08:25,801
Okay, well, whatever. I
mean, maybe she was talking
205
00:08:25,801 --> 00:08:26,923
about her black friend. Whatever. I...
206
00:08:30,821 --> 00:08:32,363
I'm gonna see Sabrina again, okay?
207
00:08:32,363 --> 00:08:34,282
- I even texted her.
- Really? What did she say?
208
00:08:34,505 --> 00:08:37,440
We're gonna hang out soon,
when her... her life calms down.
209
00:08:37,474 --> 00:08:39,175
- [Laughs]
- What?
210
00:08:39,209 --> 00:08:40,309
I taught her that line.
211
00:08:42,312 --> 00:08:43,579
I'm gonna let Les say this,
212
00:08:43,614 --> 00:08:45,548
because it's gonna give
her so much more joy.
213
00:08:45,582 --> 00:08:46,616
Les?
214
00:08:46,650 --> 00:08:49,986
[Breathes deeply]
215
00:08:51,388 --> 00:08:53,256
[Singsong voice] You got Danny'd.
216
00:08:57,928 --> 00:09:00,997
[Humming]
217
00:09:01,031 --> 00:09:02,465
Hello, Nicki-bear.
218
00:09:02,499 --> 00:09:04,600
Ahh!
219
00:09:04,635 --> 00:09:06,669
[Sniffs] Mmm! You smell good today.
220
00:09:06,704 --> 00:09:08,204
What is that smell? Ahh!
221
00:09:08,238 --> 00:09:11,908
That's reciprocated love.
222
00:09:11,942 --> 00:09:13,643
You know what? When you act cocky,
223
00:09:13,677 --> 00:09:16,546
it's kind of like when Tyler
Perry acts without a dress on.
224
00:09:16,580 --> 00:09:17,580
People don't like it.
225
00:09:17,615 --> 00:09:20,583
I'm just messing with you, man.
226
00:09:21,869 --> 00:09:23,525
Are you watching "Pretty Woman"?
227
00:09:23,525 --> 00:09:25,402
You know, it's funny because, when
I was hanging out with Sabrina,
228
00:09:25,402 --> 00:09:27,902
she was saying that she
loves romantic comedies, so...
229
00:09:28,826 --> 00:09:29,823
[Chuckles]
230
00:09:29,858 --> 00:09:30,425
What?
231
00:09:30,639 --> 00:09:31,505
You like her.
232
00:09:34,055 --> 00:09:34,710
No.
233
00:09:35,968 --> 00:09:37,555
Yeah, you're in "like" with her.
234
00:09:37,590 --> 00:09:41,226
Danny Burton is never in
"like" with anyone, okay?
235
00:09:41,260 --> 00:09:44,062
Occasionally, he's in "lust," okay?
236
00:09:44,096 --> 00:09:47,565
And then eventually he's "asleep."
237
00:09:48,801 --> 00:09:50,902
Okay, no, just go with me
here for a second, okay?
238
00:09:50,936 --> 00:09:54,416
Danny, you like her!
Don't be afraid of that.
239
00:09:54,416 --> 00:09:55,442
It's great to be in like.
240
00:09:55,442 --> 00:09:56,607
I've been in like my whole life.
241
00:09:56,607 --> 00:09:59,068
Hey, look, okay? No, I am not like you.
242
00:10:00,364 --> 00:10:01,116
Fine.
243
00:10:01,116 --> 00:10:03,230
But when you're watching
"Pretty Woman," do you...
244
00:10:03,230 --> 00:10:05,564
imagine Sabrina and I
as the main characters,
245
00:10:05,564 --> 00:10:08,018
Both: And then we went shopping
in Beverly Hills together
246
00:10:08,018 --> 00:10:09,537
and met Hector Elizondo?!
247
00:10:09,537 --> 00:10:11,401
- No! What's happening to me?!
- [Laughs]
248
00:10:11,401 --> 00:10:14,026
You're opening up!
You're showing your heart!
249
00:10:14,026 --> 00:10:15,130
This is great! Look, watch this.
250
00:10:15,130 --> 00:10:16,786
Watch when I press Nicki-bear's necklace.
251
00:10:16,786 --> 00:10:20,086
Nicki: Hey, Justin, I miss you.
252
00:10:21,054 --> 00:10:22,430
Aww.
253
00:10:22,430 --> 00:10:23,822
Aah! What was that noise I made?!
254
00:10:24,748 --> 00:10:25,796
Am I dying?!
255
00:10:25,796 --> 00:10:28,259
No, you're finally living.
Look, you like Sabrina.
256
00:10:28,259 --> 00:10:29,622
Let me help you. Hey, listen, okay?
257
00:10:29,622 --> 00:10:31,427
This is the first time
you've had a relationship
258
00:10:31,427 --> 00:10:33,173
that was sexual with a girl
that even knew about it,
259
00:10:33,173 --> 00:10:34,309
so you cannot give me advice!
260
00:10:38,125 --> 00:10:39,777
Oh, listen, mate. Um...
261
00:10:39,777 --> 00:10:42,608
Look, since you're not gonna
do the whole gay-joke thing,
262
00:10:42,608 --> 00:10:44,174
uh, I've come up with a few ideas
263
00:10:44,174 --> 00:10:46,641
so you can prove to me that
you're not uptight, okay?
264
00:10:46,641 --> 00:10:49,874
So, we could go underwear
shopping together.
265
00:10:51,723 --> 00:10:53,707
We do that all the time.
266
00:10:53,707 --> 00:10:56,183
We... we... we... we...
267
00:10:56,183 --> 00:10:58,207
We could learn the dance to
"Single ladies" by Beyonc?.
268
00:10:59,802 --> 00:11:03,212
Um... Oh! We could take a bubble bath.
269
00:11:04,362 --> 00:11:06,465
Anything but the bath, I'll do.
270
00:11:06,465 --> 00:11:08,929
Okay, that's the one it
is, then... bubble bath.
271
00:11:08,929 --> 00:11:11,066
No, I'm not doing that.
272
00:11:11,066 --> 00:11:13,640
Come on, bro. I would take a bath
with this dude in a heartbeat.
273
00:11:14,590 --> 00:11:16,837
I wouldn't even care
if he went periscope up.
274
00:11:16,837 --> 00:11:18,455
What does that even mean?
275
00:11:18,455 --> 00:11:19,313
It's a boner.
276
00:11:22,255 --> 00:11:23,275
Okay.
277
00:11:27,209 --> 00:11:30,201
[Sighs dramatically] How are you, Sabrina?
278
00:11:30,201 --> 00:11:32,095
I'm glad you could make it down here.
279
00:11:32,095 --> 00:11:35,348
We thought we'd just talk
about what a great guy Danny is.
280
00:11:36,111 --> 00:11:38,151
Danny frustrates the hell out of me,
281
00:11:38,151 --> 00:11:40,792
but he is the sweetest person I know.
282
00:11:40,792 --> 00:11:45,803
In what world... hmm... would
you go out with Danny again?
283
00:11:45,803 --> 00:11:47,879
Look, Danny is fun.
284
00:11:47,879 --> 00:11:50,745
But when it comes to
actually dating somebody,
285
00:11:50,745 --> 00:11:53,745
I prefer... adults?
286
00:11:56,500 --> 00:11:58,934
One date, and I'll let you drink
at this bar free for a month.
287
00:11:58,934 --> 00:12:01,131
You guys are trying to
stick up for your friend,
288
00:12:01,131 --> 00:12:03,565
and I find that oddly sweet,
289
00:12:03,565 --> 00:12:07,912
but I don't trade dates
for free booze. [Chuckles]
290
00:12:07,912 --> 00:12:10,386
Well, I was only talking
about beer and wine.
291
00:12:10,386 --> 00:12:11,577
Let's not get crazy.
292
00:12:11,577 --> 00:12:13,490
Look, just give him a chance.
293
00:12:13,490 --> 00:12:15,057
Give him a chance. Give him a chance.
294
00:12:15,057 --> 00:12:16,097
Give him a chance.
295
00:12:17,106 --> 00:12:18,523
Look, I'm gonna have to say no.
296
00:12:18,523 --> 00:12:19,848
- Say no to what?
- Drugs.
297
00:12:19,848 --> 00:12:22,616
Say no to drugs. Thank God.
298
00:12:22,616 --> 00:12:23,418
Look, we just found out
299
00:12:23,418 --> 00:12:24,812
Sabrina's got a bit of a problem.
300
00:12:24,812 --> 00:12:26,375
I don't want to get into the scary details,
301
00:12:26,375 --> 00:12:27,852
but it rhymes with "Bristol Neth."
302
00:12:31,240 --> 00:12:32,793
Please tell me that you guys
303
00:12:32,793 --> 00:12:34,645
didn't all just ask her to
go out on a pity date with me.
304
00:12:34,645 --> 00:12:35,923
What? No!
305
00:12:35,923 --> 00:12:37,097
[Laughter]
306
00:12:37,097 --> 00:12:39,264
I mean, pretty silly.
307
00:12:39,264 --> 00:12:40,596
Look at Brett. He's crying.
308
00:12:40,596 --> 00:12:41,952
Nobody would do that.
309
00:12:43,158 --> 00:12:44,339
Right, Sabrina?
310
00:12:44,339 --> 00:12:45,722
Yeah, I'm not a big fan of lying.
311
00:12:47,453 --> 00:12:49,104
That really pisses me off.
312
00:12:54,907 --> 00:12:56,022
So, I'm gonna take off.
313
00:12:56,022 --> 00:12:57,749
Yeah, I got to do the... pretzels.
314
00:12:57,749 --> 00:12:59,359
Everyone sit their sweet asses down!
315
00:12:59,359 --> 00:13:02,666
No one's leaving till I
figure out whose idea this was.
316
00:13:02,666 --> 00:13:05,959
Hmm? Les? Was it you? My sister?
317
00:13:05,959 --> 00:13:07,718
Because those scars don't heal, Les.
318
00:13:08,653 --> 00:13:10,598
Answer me!
319
00:13:21,265 --> 00:13:22,898
Was it you, my friend?
320
00:13:22,898 --> 00:13:25,407
Friend? I'm a friend. [Chuckles]
321
00:13:27,286 --> 00:13:29,685
Yeah. And I immediately regret it.
322
00:13:31,274 --> 00:13:34,082
What about you, Brett, huh?
323
00:13:34,082 --> 00:13:36,199
Nah, you'd never throw me under the bus,
324
00:13:36,199 --> 00:13:37,284
or as they say in London,
325
00:13:37,284 --> 00:13:39,070
[British accent] A double-decker bus.
326
00:13:40,954 --> 00:13:42,698
We just... we just call it bus.
327
00:13:44,929 --> 00:13:46,492
What about my sweet Shelly, huh?
328
00:13:46,492 --> 00:13:49,994
Did those fine chocolate-brown
eyes finally betray me, huh?
329
00:13:51,044 --> 00:13:51,852
No.
330
00:13:52,952 --> 00:13:54,967
Danny, no, please!
331
00:13:58,829 --> 00:14:05,173
Who was responsible for
this blatant disrespect?!
332
00:14:06,538 --> 00:14:08,442
That's a lot of clapping.
333
00:14:08,442 --> 00:14:09,970
Oh, really? Is it, Justin?
334
00:14:09,970 --> 00:14:11,867
Is it a lot of clapping, Justin? Really?
335
00:14:14,645 --> 00:14:16,571
I want everyone here to do me a favor
336
00:14:16,571 --> 00:14:18,400
and dramatically walk away from Justin.
337
00:14:24,484 --> 00:14:27,125
I was just trying to help, okay?
338
00:14:27,125 --> 00:14:29,592
That's... I'll do anything
to be a good friend.
339
00:14:29,592 --> 00:14:30,909
Except take a bath with me.
340
00:14:36,878 --> 00:14:39,028
You are very close to my face right now.
341
00:14:39,028 --> 00:14:40,790
[Sniffs] Hey, what's that I smell, huh?
342
00:14:40,790 --> 00:14:42,542
What's that I smell? Is that fear?
343
00:14:42,542 --> 00:14:44,656
[Sniffing] Is that vengeance?
344
00:14:46,570 --> 00:14:48,939
Is that that special cologne I
told you never to use of mine?
345
00:14:49,941 --> 00:14:51,255
I just did one spritz.
346
00:14:53,080 --> 00:14:55,276
I told you you're supposed to
spray it in front of yourself
347
00:14:55,276 --> 00:14:57,004
and then walk into it.
- Well, then, I'm sorry.
348
00:14:57,004 --> 00:14:59,214
Well, guess what. It's too late
now 'cause payback's coming.
349
00:15:00,152 --> 00:15:01,216
You're spitting all over me.
350
00:15:02,450 --> 00:15:03,194
Ew!
351
00:15:05,379 --> 00:15:08,011
That was the scariest eskimo kiss ever.
352
00:15:12,811 --> 00:15:13,837
Danny?
353
00:15:20,785 --> 00:15:21,876
Nicki-bear?!
354
00:15:23,485 --> 00:15:26,015
- [Light switch clicks]
- Danny: Hey.
355
00:15:27,824 --> 00:15:30,218
Nicki-bear had an accident.
356
00:15:32,203 --> 00:15:34,063
You sick son of a bitch.
357
00:15:34,063 --> 00:15:36,745
Who spends this much time
doing this to a Teddy bear?
358
00:15:38,277 --> 00:15:40,808
Dude, I was just trying
to help you with Sabrina.
359
00:15:40,808 --> 00:15:42,433
I don't need help with Sabrina.
360
00:15:42,433 --> 00:15:45,159
In a week, I'm gonna forget
what her face even looks like.
361
00:15:45,159 --> 00:15:46,897
That's impossible, okay?
362
00:15:46,897 --> 00:15:47,993
I have a picture in my head
363
00:15:47,993 --> 00:15:49,509
of every girl I've ever had sex with.
364
00:15:49,509 --> 00:15:51,307
Great, that means you
have a picture of Nicki
365
00:15:51,307 --> 00:15:52,611
and your cousin's bra.
366
00:15:56,131 --> 00:15:58,347
I told you not to ever give me advice.
367
00:15:58,347 --> 00:16:00,031
You give me advice all the time.
368
00:16:00,031 --> 00:16:01,793
Are you that ridiculously proud
369
00:16:01,793 --> 00:16:03,093
that you can't take some from me?
370
00:16:03,093 --> 00:16:05,223
It's just... it's never
gonna happen with this girl.
371
00:16:05,223 --> 00:16:06,849
What are you talking about?
372
00:16:06,849 --> 00:16:08,244
Sabrina is just much different
373
00:16:08,244 --> 00:16:09,469
than all the other girls
I've hooked up with.
374
00:16:09,469 --> 00:16:11,018
You know, she's smart, she's classy,
375
00:16:11,018 --> 00:16:12,860
she's ambitious, she knows French.
376
00:16:12,860 --> 00:16:15,871
I only know fake French.
[Babbling with French accent]
377
00:16:15,871 --> 00:16:16,749
You know?
378
00:16:17,323 --> 00:16:18,699
I just...
379
00:16:18,699 --> 00:16:19,931
[Sighs] You were right.
380
00:16:19,931 --> 00:16:21,118
She's out of my league, all right?
381
00:16:21,849 --> 00:16:23,305
You stop it, okay?
382
00:16:23,305 --> 00:16:26,425
That is not the guy that I know!
383
00:16:27,270 --> 00:16:32,942
The guy that I know has
completely unearned confidence!
384
00:16:33,736 --> 00:16:35,565
You're right. I've had it since I was six.
385
00:16:35,565 --> 00:16:37,553
That's when I first realized
I was better than everybody.
386
00:16:39,441 --> 00:16:41,090
And you've got to hold on to that delusion.
387
00:16:41,090 --> 00:16:41,962
Don't give up.
388
00:16:44,471 --> 00:16:45,990
[Sighs] You know what?
389
00:16:45,990 --> 00:16:47,033
I just... I can't do it, man.
390
00:16:47,033 --> 00:16:50,558
I'm just upset because she's
obviously going somewhere,
391
00:16:50,558 --> 00:16:51,832
and I'm 30, and I'm not.
392
00:16:55,481 --> 00:16:58,018
- [Knock on door]
- Yeah?
393
00:16:58,018 --> 00:16:59,139
Do you have a minute?
394
00:16:59,139 --> 00:17:01,092
Yeah. Why is your hair all wet?
395
00:17:02,889 --> 00:17:06,433
Our hair is wet because I
just spent my lunch break
396
00:17:06,433 --> 00:17:08,629
taking a bath with my closer friends.
397
00:17:08,629 --> 00:17:11,032
- [Water splashing]
- Ohh! Guys, stop!
398
00:17:11,859 --> 00:17:12,703
You did not.
399
00:17:12,703 --> 00:17:14,039
Oh, yes, we did.
400
00:17:15,328 --> 00:17:16,817
We went back to back.
401
00:17:18,612 --> 00:17:21,253
Like a movie poster about buddy cops.
402
00:17:25,990 --> 00:17:28,854
What are you doing here?
Why do you look nervous?
403
00:17:28,854 --> 00:17:30,669
Uh, because I-I called Leslie,
404
00:17:30,669 --> 00:17:32,599
and I told her to have
Sabrina meet her here.
405
00:17:32,599 --> 00:17:35,690
You changed your mind. I'm so proud of you.
406
00:17:36,498 --> 00:17:38,186
Hello.
407
00:17:38,903 --> 00:17:41,495
Dude, what am I gonna say?
I don't know what to do.
408
00:17:41,495 --> 00:17:44,696
Look, there's one move that
I've used my entire life, okay?
409
00:17:44,696 --> 00:17:46,580
Be vulnerable.
410
00:17:48,056 --> 00:17:50,040
- Okay, okay, okay.
- Go.
411
00:17:50,040 --> 00:17:51,901
[Breathes deeply]
412
00:17:54,748 --> 00:17:56,348
Hey, Sabrina, um...
413
00:17:57,298 --> 00:18:00,663
Leslie's not coming. I had
her lie to get you here.
414
00:18:01,453 --> 00:18:03,749
Look, I know that the other night
415
00:18:03,749 --> 00:18:06,044
was just a booty call for you,
416
00:18:06,044 --> 00:18:07,804
and I want you to know
417
00:18:07,804 --> 00:18:10,516
that I think that we had a connection.
418
00:18:11,284 --> 00:18:13,994
I've always been like
a really confident guy,
419
00:18:13,994 --> 00:18:16,020
and, yeah, okay, fine,
it's because I'm amazing,
420
00:18:16,020 --> 00:18:21,049
but, you know, it's... it's also
because I date girls, not women.
421
00:18:21,049 --> 00:18:23,943
And [sighs] and when I say "date,"
422
00:18:23,943 --> 00:18:25,316
I mean I hung out with them once
423
00:18:25,316 --> 00:18:27,940
and I never talked to them again.
424
00:18:28,773 --> 00:18:30,970
So, I think the problem is,
425
00:18:30,970 --> 00:18:35,382
is that when there is a girl
that I want to see twice,
426
00:18:35,382 --> 00:18:38,786
uh, that's the kind of woman
427
00:18:38,786 --> 00:18:40,524
that doesn't want to ever see me again,
428
00:18:40,524 --> 00:18:43,076
and, look, what I'm trying to say is,
429
00:18:43,076 --> 00:18:46,333
you're the kind of woman
that I want to see twice.
430
00:18:47,192 --> 00:18:49,247
Going vulnerable's a good move.
431
00:18:50,335 --> 00:18:51,966
Yeah, it is!
432
00:18:52,730 --> 00:18:53,275
Sorry.
433
00:18:59,603 --> 00:19:02,971
How does Thursday night sound?
434
00:19:02,971 --> 00:19:06,043
Yeah, Thur... uh, Thursday
night sounds great.
435
00:19:06,043 --> 00:19:07,281
[Chuckling] Okay.
436
00:19:07,913 --> 00:19:08,636
No fake French.
437
00:19:08,636 --> 00:19:09,648
Oh.
438
00:19:09,648 --> 00:19:11,076
[French accent] Ah, but of course.
439
00:19:11,076 --> 00:19:12,568
[Both laugh]
440
00:19:27,866 --> 00:19:29,424
You're welcome, baby bird.
441
00:19:29,424 --> 00:19:31,411
Oh, hey, uh, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
442
00:19:33,074 --> 00:19:33,920
No, no, no, no, no.
443
00:19:33,920 --> 00:19:35,579
[Chuckling] Okay, uh, hey, hey, hey.
444
00:19:35,579 --> 00:19:37,075
You cannot call me "baby bird."
445
00:19:37,075 --> 00:19:39,021
There is no way that I'm taking that
446
00:19:39,021 --> 00:19:40,617
from a guy who looks like a guy
447
00:19:40,617 --> 00:19:42,795
who would sell massage
chairs at Brookstone.
448
00:19:43,679 --> 00:19:45,881
Well, you look like one
of those street thugs
449
00:19:45,881 --> 00:19:47,283
that Spiderman catches.
450
00:19:49,133 --> 00:19:51,003
All right, well, you look, uh,
451
00:19:51,003 --> 00:19:54,118
like one of those animatronic
men from "It's a small world."
452
00:19:56,444 --> 00:19:58,346
Yeah, well, you look like a guy
453
00:19:58,346 --> 00:20:00,477
who watched one episode
of "Game of Thrones"
454
00:20:00,477 --> 00:20:02,670
and decided to start
doing his hair that way.
455
00:20:04,139 --> 00:20:06,339
Okay, you know what? Stop right there.
456
00:20:06,339 --> 00:20:07,358
I just...
457
00:20:07,358 --> 00:20:09,735
Thank you for pushing me out there,
458
00:20:09,735 --> 00:20:11,293
and I really appreciate it.
459
00:20:11,293 --> 00:20:12,145
It was a big deal,
460
00:20:12,145 --> 00:20:14,169
especially coming from a guy
461
00:20:14,169 --> 00:20:16,119
who looks like a
Southwest flight attendant.
462
00:20:17,418 --> 00:20:18,425
Thank you.
463
00:20:18,425 --> 00:20:19,867
And that's nice to hear
464
00:20:19,867 --> 00:20:23,250
from a guy who looks like
Jesus if he lived in Seattle.
465
00:20:26,827 --> 00:20:27,981
I'll take that.
466
00:20:33,765 --> 00:20:35,675
[Sighs]
467
00:20:39,333 --> 00:20:41,267
This means a lot, mate.
468
00:20:43,116 --> 00:20:45,503
Whatever it takes to show
you how comfortable I am.
469
00:20:47,386 --> 00:20:50,644
Water's nice, eh? [Blows]
470
00:20:53,477 --> 00:20:54,906
This is a nightmare.
471
00:20:55,652 --> 00:20:58,573
So, how long did the other
guys stay in the bath with you?
472
00:20:58,573 --> 00:21:01,001
Ah, no, no, no, no, no. No
one else took a bath with me.
473
00:21:01,001 --> 00:21:03,548
We just thought we'd... we
thought we'd mess with you.
474
00:21:07,468 --> 00:21:10,817
Oh, well-played, Sir
Man-thony Hopkins.
475
00:21:14,461 --> 00:21:15,801
Eh, c-plus.
476
00:21:16,759 --> 00:21:18,471
It's a good start, though, mate.
477
00:21:18,471 --> 00:21:20,593
[Sighs]
478
00:21:20,593 --> 00:21:21,967
Help.
479
00:21:25,669 --> 00:21:30,415
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00:21:30,465 --> 00:21:35,015
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