Original subtitles

Come on, Filipina Barbie, work with me.

I can't wait to give this to Sadie.

I want her to have a doll that celebrates her heritage.

Oh, good for you.

All little girls should have their own physically impossible

body standard to look up to.

Look. They took all the plastic they saved

from not giving G.I. Joe any junk

and put it in Barbie's boobs.

I'm just glad Sadie has more options than I did.

My first black doll was Nettie May,

a confidant but curious fugitive slave.

It's like they don't want you to open it.

There's like a whole underbelly of cardboard and staples

and twisty thingies.

You gotta get her arms out first.

No. I think you should start with her head.

How about I just pop her arms off and reattach them?

Oh, wait, look. You've been defeated

by Chinese engineering. You're done here, soldier.

[snip] Mm.

- Oh, well... - There she is.

Sadie!

She's beautiful.

Look. Mommy got you a surprise.

She's Filipina like you and me.

And this embroidery on her dress,

this is the Philippines' national flower, the Sampa...

The national flower.

Isn't she pretty?

- Gorgeous. - Stunning!

She looks smart.

I like this one.

Mommy, you can play with Nanny Barbie.

- Did she just... - She did.

She could be a lawyer, like Mommy.

Top of her class.

Would have made partner, too, if it weren't for some golf-playing

kiss-ass stepping in.

I mean, Filipina Barbie freaking rocks.

She rocks, young lady.

She's gone, Trace.

I would never hire a Filipina Barbie to be my nanny.

She would totally steal your husband

wearing that ball gown to work.

I didn't know you were a Duke fan.

Oh, I'm not. It just makes me feel all warm

and safe wearing one of Russell's old sweatshirts.

Like I'm getting a big old hug from my man.

More like a big old hug from Big Sheila.

Isn't that her sweatshirt?

You ex-girlfriend, Big Sheila?

Uh, well, I would more accurately

describe her as thick.

Unbelievable.

How come you never told me this was hers?

I put it in the Goodwill pile three times.

You kept digging it out.

You know, now that I think of it,

this has always vaguely smelled like barbecue sauce.

So did Sheila.

Don't look now

I said don't look now

'Cause here we are

Living the best days of our lives

Synced and Corrected by Nsiko www.Addic7ed.com

- Hey, you. - Hey.

How's your craft project coming along?

- Having fun? - I am.

So, listen, I understand

that you've dated a lot of women before I came on the scene,

and I'm fine with that.

Clearly.

But since I'm the one who moved into your bachelor pad,

I just feel like I'm living in a house

with the ghosts of skanks past.

Big Sheila, Ayanna, Kiki, Sheree...

Sheree was a pastor's kid.

They're the biggest skanks of all.

Yeah.

I want to redecorate this living room,

so this feels like our home now.

Really? I understood the bedroom.

That was a obvious tear down.

But don't punish the living room

for the bedroom's transgressions.

Let's play a game.

I call it Skank Detector.

I want to hear you beep every time I pass over an area

where you've had sex with anyone other than me.

Eh, I'm not really a game guy.

Babe, I wore this sweatshirt on our honeymoon.

Love games! Big game guy.

Yeah. Okay, let me know when I detect any presence of sex.

- Now, when you say sex... - You know what?

We don't need to define it, playboy.

I still don't think we need to redec... beep.

- Come on! - [chuckles]

The couch is basically the bed of the living room.

Just calibrating. I knew that was a hot zone.

Beep.

A bench is basically a couch without a back.

Which gives you more leverage when you try...

You know what? We should redecorate.

Maybe Sadie would like Filipina Barbie

if I got her some cool accessories,

like a scuba outfit or a pink convertible

that she bought with her hard-earned lawyer money.

The only accessory Nettie Mae came with was a lantern

so she could teach herself how to read at night.

Wow.

Oh, finally.

They're putting out the fresh milk.

You... you just can't trust it when it sits out all day.

Amazing. He even overthinks milk.

Tracy?

[chuckles] Russell?

- Hi! - Oh, my gosh.

Katherine. Wow.

Wow, this is my wife, Angela.

Katherine is the realtor that sold Mitch and Tracy their house.

You may recognize this from a bus bench.

[laughter]

We loved this woman so much

that I introduced her to Russell to help him buy his house.

Yep, that's the entire story in a nutshell.

Oh, guitar lessons.

- Is that your ex, Kiki? - Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

- The one who's really good at... - Mm-hmm. All those things.

Look, all Angie knows is that I dated a woman named Kiki.

What does Tracy know?

Tracy does not know that you dated our realtor

or any of the many other service providers

that you sexed up before Angie.

You're saying it like I did that a lot.

Well, let's see. The housekeeper.

- Leah. - The flight attendant.

- I want to say Crystal. - Your Triple-A lady.

Hey, when a woman sends you a tow truck,

- you say thank you. - Hmm.

- Is she gone yet? - Russell, relax.

Let 'em chit-chat for a minute, and then Katherine/Kiki

will be out of your life for... oh, God!

Business cards are being exchanged.

Get in there!

Looks like you two are hitting it off.

Careful though, Ang. You were just saying

the other day how you had too many friends already, so...

Oh, well, Katherine's an interior decorator now.

Same photo. [laughter]

I suggested Angie hire her to re-do your living room.

So, we're doing it.

I mean, she already knows the house, right?

- I sure do. - Not... really.

[laughter]

Russell, you have to tell your wife

that she just hired your ex to redecorate your house.

You dated her for two months.

You went to Jamaica together.

Even though you pinky-promised to go to Reggaefest with me.

You're right. The next time I see Angie,

I'm gonna tell her.

- Hey, babe. - Hey.

- Bye, babe. - Bye, babe.

- What was that? - I can't do it now.

She's all hopped up on Grape-Nuts.

Get in there and tell her.

- Fine. - Oh, and Russell?

- Yeah? - Don't forget...

Reggaefest 2016, right around the corner, Mon.

- Babe? - Hmm?

I need to talk to you about something.

Yeah, sure. I'm just straightening up

so Katherine doesn't think we're a lost cause.

Same reason I only floss a week before I go to the dentist.

Wait, what? Are... are you saying

she's coming over here now?

Are you saying you don't floss?

[doorbell rings]

Hey, look who I found coming up the driveway.

Not good. This is not good, Mitch.

You can still save this.

I'll stay here while you pull Angie into the kitchen and tell her.

Also tell her she should be flossing.

Katherine, can you excuse us for a minute?

Okay, look, now that you guys have hired her,

- you're welcome for that... - Yeah, boy.

Let's just drop the formalities.

Kiki, Angie. Angie, Kiki,

Wait. [laughs] That's so funny,

because Russell used to date a girl named Kiki.

Wait. Uh, you guys hired me

to be your interior decorator,

and Russell still hasn't told you?

We used to date!

Whoo! That is a load off!

Got it right in there. Just... just under the wire.

Just... snuck it on in there.

The whole reason we hired a decorator

was to de-skankify our house.

When were you going to tell me that our decorator

was one of those skanks?

I was going to tell you, but then Tracy came in.

Look, I know we're all friends,

but I think we both know she ruins everything.

Wow. So our realtor dated Russell.

How are we just finding out about this now?

"We" are not.

Wait, so you knew about this and you didn't tell me?

Why didn't you tell me?

When Russell was single, I had a rule

that I would only tell you about the women he dated

if they made it past the three-month mark.

That seems like a stupid rule.

Well, that rule saved you from meeting three different Tonyas.

Or maybe it was two Tonyas, one of which he dated twice.

I wasn't sure and I felt awkward asking.

That's interesting, because when I thought of Kiki,

I got a different kind of image in my mind.

Did you?

Different how? Like... someone taller?

Yeah. Taller.

Oh, that's one of the things.

It's just that Kiki and I are different

in so many, many, many ways.

Specifically, what?

Oh, no, no, no. No specifics.

Just a general feeling of different-ness.

Okay, I'm just gonna put this out there.

- Mm-hmm. - This wouldn't have anything

to do with the fact that Kiki's white?

What? Kiki?

Oh, no! Absolutely not!

No, no, no, no, no, no, no. No.

See, my whole problem is is that you didn't tell me

that you used to date her.

The point is you have a problem with Kiki.

Whatever it is, if it makes you uncomfortable,

she has to be fired.

So if you want to take the lead on that, that's cool.

Oh, no. [chuckles]

Maybe you don't know me as well as you think you do.

Because guess what.

Katherine is staying.

So's Kiki.

I'm just saying if you'd told me, then all of this could have been avoided.

Well, maybe this time, but usually...

nope.

"Usually" what?

No, no, no. Okay, listen.

I-I don't want to go here. I love you.

- You're amazing and beautiful. - Just go there already

You're a big, fat blabbermouth.

What?

Isn't that Big Sheila's sweatshirt?

The girl with the big, big, big, big, big, big boobs?

That's not how I said it.

But that's how Angie heard it.

You might as well have played a sex tape

of Russell and Big Sheila.

- They made a sex tape? - No!

Maybe. Yeah, probably.

No, but yours is pretty cool, too, though.

I think they're both great.

- Russell. - [groans]

Oh, hello, everybody.

Pillows.

I have to say, you guys are a pretty great couple.

I honestly did not think I would be back here.

Me neither.

I'm just happy that we can all be cool and mature.

That's the kind of people we are...

Cool and mature.

And married.

Let's not forget married. [chuckles]

[chuckles] Hold on, babe.

Uh, will you be our tiebreaker?

I picked one, and Kiki picked another.

- Which one do you prefer? - Yours.

You didn't even look at them.

[breathes deeply]

Definitely yours.

Mine's the one she's holding.

They're both really great pillows.

Well, you must have a preference.

Do you like this one or that one?

Or is there a third option that I don't even know about?

Are we still talking about pillows?

I don't think we ever were.

Hey, Mommy. Want to go to the moon with us?

No, but I know someone who does.

I found her hanging out in a box of old paintbrushes.

And look, she has the perfect moon landing dress

with cultural accents representing

the indigenous tribes of the Philippines.

Whee! Pew.

No. She's supposed to be upstairs

cleaning Barbie's dream house.

Whose child is that?

Why do you care about this so much?

It doesn't mean she's rejecting you or your culture.

I don't know, maybe it's because...

growing up, I was a little embarrassed about being Filipina.

Everybody was always asking me, "What are you, anyway?"

Uh, if I was ever one of the people who said that,

I just want to apologize right now.

Babe, you were cute.

Hey, look, I just...

I wanted to fit in so bad,

I pushed away a lot of my own heritage.

And I want to get some of that back for Sadie.

The history, the music, the food.

Oh, I remember my grandmother made the most amazing

noodle-y, meat-y, stew-y thingy.

Sounds authentic.

Whatever it is, you'll be eating it.

'Cause I'm cooking it tonight.

Just as soon as I Google it.

- Hey, Trace. - Hey.

Here's the saffron you wanted to borrow.

Mm, what are we eating tonight?

Kare-kare, which is oxtail in a warm, thick peanut sauce.

Sinigang, a broth of pork hock and tripe.

Okay, can I bring some sides,

like a whole roasted chicken?

Hey, I need you to weigh in on some swatches.

I want your opinion now so you don't judge me later.

Wait. You didn't fire Kiki.

- Here comes that judgment. - What's the problem, Angie?

Are you worried about looking jealous?

'Cause it's okay to be jealous.

No. There's a little more to it.

How about crimson?

A little more like what?

There's just other factors at play.

Maybe a warm yellow?

What other factors?

If I fire her, it might look like

I have a problem with the fact that Kiki's white.

- Why would it look like that? - Because I have a problem

with the fact that Kiki's white.

So I guess this one's out.

[groans]

It's just that up until a few days ago,

I assumed that my husband had only dated black women,

who, in my mind, were shorter and heavier than me.

Of course. You're adorable.

Exactly.

I know it doesn't sound great,

but it bothers me that Russell dated her.

And it bothers me even more that it bothers me.

You gotta be kidding me.

It's like that Filipina Barbie.

You know how important it is to you

that Sadie see the beauty in that doll?

Well, growing up, I was Filipina Barbie.

And even though my parents went out of their way

to make me feel special and beautiful,

I was definitely aware that here were a lot of people

who thought blonde Barbie was more special than me.

And to suddenly find out that my husband dated blonde Barbie

really threw me.

That's why I want Sadie growing up loving what's different about her,

even if other people might not.

Hey, sweetie, why was Filipina Barbie in the trash?

Because she's not recyclable.

I forgot the wine. Russell ran back to get it.

The place looks great.

Is that the Philippines' national flag?

I'm 99% sure it is.

Well, I think it's great that you're doing this special dinner for Sadie.

It stinks in here.

Hey, Ange, what's going on?

I heard you have a problem with the white people.

[scoffs] I did not say that.

Wait, did you tell him what I said?

Of course she did.

That's why we call her "Loose Lips."

Of course I told him. He's my husband.

And spouses tell each other everything.

Like you should tell Russell you have a problem

with Kiki being white.

I knew it!

Wow, I really do talk a lot.

Everybody dig in.

The oxtail have to be eaten right away

or they start to congeal.

- Uh, Trace... - You want to say grace first?

Oh, I've already talked to God about this.

[chuckles]

But there're no utensils.

Yes, 'cause in the Philippines,

we eat with our hands.

But this is soup.

When my grandmother made it, it wasn't so... soupy.

I'm not gonna eat this.

You know what this is?

It's her stubborn Filipina side.

I'm gonna go have a picnic with pretty Barbie.

And spoons.

[chuckles]

Babe,

I can't eat without us talking about this.

Okay, you want to talk about why Kiki bothers me?

Let's talk.

- Maybe we should... - Stay? Yes.

But all that matters is I think you're beautiful.

You're my little sexy cocoa puff.

Oh, ho, ho. Slow down, Black Romeo.

What really ticks me off

is that you let me assume that Kiki was black.

No. no, no, no.

You let you assume that Kiki was black.

Are you kidding me?

So it's my fault for thinking

that a woman named Kiki, who got her hair braided

to go to Jamaica, is white?

Wh... what I meant to say

was she got her hair braided in Jamaica.

Oh. That is a white lady thing.

Look, I may have led you down a path.

But honestly, when I was dating Katherine...

Both: Kiki.

I got some looks from black women.

And I guess I never told you about her

because I don't want to get that look from you.

And those looks are understandable.

There's a lot of historical baggage that comes with

interracial dating in the black community.

I mean, it can be hard out there for the sisters.

- I'll allow it. - Thank you.

The black men have been supported by loyal black women

for a long time.

So when they date outside of their race,

it can feel like a betrayal.

- Preach. - Yeah, and some black men

don't date black woman at all

because they feel that they're loud and overbearing.

There it is... that's the look I was talking about.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That is a scary look.

Look... I let you jump to a conclusion.

And for that, I'm very, very sorry.

And I know for a long time,

I had sex with a lot of women.

Hear me out.

I mean, I ran through them.

Uh, from one blabbermouth to another, stop talking.

Long story short:

I wouldn't want to spend the rest of my life with anybody but you.

Well, I think we can all agree on one thing.

- Kiki's gotta go. - Yes.

I don't know why you ever hired her.

So who's telling her?

- You are. - Of course you are.

So, we're going with Sadie, then?

She can be mean.

So the window treatments will be here next week,

but this is pretty much what it's gonna look like.

What do you think?

- Well, uh... - It's great.

Yeah, who knew this place could look so good?

You nailed it.

If we could just put a pin in how great it looks.

Oh, right.

We need to talk about something.

And I need to make sure that I put this in a context

that makes sense to you.

Mitch.

Right.

Now, about 400 years ago...

Whoa, whoa. Way too far back.

Look, I got this, guys.

- Kiki? - Yeah?

Where did you get these adorable rope balls?

- Did you make these? - Okay, guys.

Back to me. [chuckles]

Katherine, you're a nice person,

and I think I speak for all of us

when I say we just want to end this

with a little class and dignity.

We're done?

You just used my services, and now we're done.

Okay!

Oh, right, right.

That's why I broke up with her.

She's nuts.

Oh, I'm nuts?

You're [bleep] nuts.

I specifically asked you [bleep]wads

if you had a problem hiring me

because of the circumstances,

and you [bleep]holes said that you didn't.

And now you're firing me?

I will show you fired.

I will burn this [bleep]hole to the ground!

And my pillow was better!

And they say black girls are the crazy ones.

Look at that. Sadie finally found

the beauty of her culture after all.

It's pretty great, right?

I knew all it would take was the right amount of patience, encouragement...

And a child lock on your garbage can.

Whatever.

My little girl is finally embracing her heritage.

Obviously, whatever I said got through to her.

Yeah, also I pulled the legs off of blonde Barbie.

- You did that for me? - Yeah, of course.

That's so sweet.

I don't understand your marriage.

I made you a traditional Filipino dinner.

It smells in here.

Shut up and eat it!

- She's all me. - Hurry up.

We have to go solve our dumb neighbors' problems.

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