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1
00:00:05,381 --> 00:00:07,950
Ah, you better have
a good reason for being late.
2
00:00:07,984 --> 00:00:09,284
Oh, I do.
3
00:00:09,318 --> 00:00:11,286
Olivia just told Fitz they
could never see each other again,
4
00:00:11,320 --> 00:00:12,654
and then they had sex.
5
00:00:12,689 --> 00:00:15,423
[chuckles] I would love to
hear all about your friends,
6
00:00:15,458 --> 00:00:18,259
but I'll read about it later
in your Hello Kitty diary.
7
00:00:18,294 --> 00:00:20,361
No, no, no, no, no. I'm talking
about the show "scandal."
8
00:00:20,396 --> 00:00:22,663
[gasps]
Oh, my god. You would love it.
9
00:00:22,698 --> 00:00:25,233
I reserve the word
"love" for my children
10
00:00:25,267 --> 00:00:27,469
and for chocolate above 70% cacao.
11
00:00:27,503 --> 00:00:31,506
- Ladies, come.
- My first PTA meeting. I'm so excited.
12
00:00:31,540 --> 00:00:33,208
[chuckles]
Whoo!
13
00:00:33,242 --> 00:00:35,243
I'm sure you're very excited
14
00:00:35,277 --> 00:00:38,145
to try and spread your
parental wings, Kate,
15
00:00:38,179 --> 00:00:42,316
but let's keep those little
feathers tightly tucked, shall we?
16
00:00:42,350 --> 00:00:44,485
Okay, first order of business ...
17
00:00:44,519 --> 00:00:47,855
- The semi-formal is this weekend.
- [gasps] Exciting!
18
00:00:47,889 --> 00:00:49,389
[chuckles]
Tightly tucked.
19
00:00:49,424 --> 00:00:51,726
- Question ... what are chaperones wearing?
- Yes?
20
00:00:51,760 --> 00:00:56,029
No bare shoulders ...
looking at you, Lisa. And bras.
21
00:00:56,063 --> 00:00:58,064
Okay. Moving on.
22
00:00:58,099 --> 00:01:01,635
I think, uh, some of us would
like to reopen the squash debate.
23
00:01:01,669 --> 00:01:03,137
- Squash is the...
- Granola?
24
00:01:03,171 --> 00:01:05,705
- Mm.
- ...unsung hero of indoor court sports.
25
00:01:05,740 --> 00:01:07,341
[choking]
Diane? Oh, my god. [gasps]
26
00:01:07,375 --> 00:01:09,042
Oh. Is there a doctor?
27
00:01:09,076 --> 00:01:11,177
- [straining] I am a doctor.
- Oh.
28
00:01:11,211 --> 00:01:14,213
Diane. Here! Here! Ready?
[both grunt]
29
00:01:14,248 --> 00:01:16,049
Wait!
No, Diane, I'm trying to help you!
30
00:01:16,083 --> 00:01:17,851
[grunts]
Oh, my god.
31
00:01:17,885 --> 00:01:19,686
- [grunts] Stop! Stop it!
- No! No, here!
32
00:01:19,720 --> 00:01:21,420
Just get ready. One...
33
00:01:21,455 --> 00:01:23,890
- Hurting or helping?!
- [both grunt] Oh!
34
00:01:23,924 --> 00:01:27,126
[coughs]
[applause]
35
00:01:30,063 --> 00:01:32,665
- Are you okay, Diane?
- No.
36
00:01:32,699 --> 00:01:35,901
Your granola is too dry.
37
00:01:38,605 --> 00:01:41,574
1x19 - "The Minutes"
38
00:01:47,958 --> 00:01:51,012
sync & correction by f1nc0
~ Addic7ed.com ~
39
00:01:51,430 --> 00:01:53,397
I don't think I'm asking too much.
40
00:01:53,432 --> 00:01:56,266
Just one "thank you" in
exchange for saving her life.
41
00:01:56,301 --> 00:01:57,735
You're wasting your time.
42
00:01:57,769 --> 00:02:00,570
Diane thinks being indebted to
someone is a sign of weakness.
43
00:02:00,604 --> 00:02:03,606
I bet she tries to kill you
and then saves your life.
44
00:02:03,641 --> 00:02:05,375
She's really good at pointing
out when I do something wrong.
45
00:02:05,409 --> 00:02:07,060
I just want her to point out that I did
46
00:02:07,061 --> 00:02:08,712
- something right.
- It's not gonna happen.
47
00:02:08,746 --> 00:02:10,513
Well, then I'm just
gonna keep shaming here
48
00:02:10,548 --> 00:02:11,648
with fine jams
and muffins until she does.
49
00:02:11,682 --> 00:02:13,049
Diane hates poppy seeds.
50
00:02:13,050 --> 00:02:15,985
- Also, that's my muffin.
- Fine.
51
00:02:16,754 --> 00:02:19,255
You need to leave so you don't
see me eat that off the floor.
52
00:02:19,289 --> 00:02:21,691
Knock yourself out.
53
00:02:22,727 --> 00:02:23,960
The greatest thing just happened!
54
00:02:23,994 --> 00:02:26,496
I wasn't gonna eat this
off the floor! [chuckles]
55
00:02:26,530 --> 00:02:29,031
You're my daughter. I love you.
I can't lie. I was.
56
00:02:29,066 --> 00:02:30,367
Dad, I don't care, okay?
57
00:02:30,401 --> 00:02:34,470
- So, uh, what's going on?
- Well, I really liked this boy,
58
00:02:34,504 --> 00:02:36,939
but I wasn't sure if he was
gonna ask me to the semi-formal.
59
00:02:36,974 --> 00:02:40,276
So I cornered him in German
club and said, "achtung!
60
00:02:40,310 --> 00:02:42,044
You are taking me to the dance."
61
00:02:42,079 --> 00:02:43,379
That's how your mother
first asked me out.
62
00:02:43,413 --> 00:02:46,415
I-it w-worked for
a while, and then it didn't.
63
00:02:46,449 --> 00:02:48,251
[exhales deeply] I am so psyched.
64
00:02:48,285 --> 00:02:52,654
- I mean, he's cute, funny...
- Uh, what's this kid's name.
65
00:02:52,689 --> 00:02:56,958
- Evan Kramer.
- Are his parents Paul and April?
66
00:02:56,993 --> 00:03:00,529
Yeah, I think so. Bye, Dad.
67
00:03:01,998 --> 00:03:04,466
The Kramers.
68
00:03:04,501 --> 00:03:06,134
Wait, who are the Kramers?
69
00:03:06,168 --> 00:03:08,069
Our old neighbors ... the
ones we had the feud with.
70
00:03:08,104 --> 00:03:12,240
- Oh! The ones who said we stole their wok.
- No, that was the Waxbergs.
71
00:03:12,275 --> 00:03:15,076
- Uh, the ones who said we dinged their car.
- No, that was the Halstroms.
72
00:03:15,111 --> 00:03:17,245
Were you high our
entire marriage? [sighs]
73
00:03:17,280 --> 00:03:19,480
The Kramers on Cyprus Street.
74
00:03:19,515 --> 00:03:24,118
Oh, the Kr... the Kramers.
Ohh, smelly bastards.
75
00:03:24,152 --> 00:03:26,854
- Why do we hate them, again?
- You don't remember why we hate them,
76
00:03:26,889 --> 00:03:28,589
but you remember what they smell like?
77
00:03:28,624 --> 00:03:31,426
Yeah. Wet cashews. Bastards.
78
00:03:31,460 --> 00:03:34,929
They lent us a hose with a tear in it.
Then they said that we did it.
79
00:03:34,963 --> 00:03:36,798
[stammers] Small people.
80
00:03:36,832 --> 00:03:39,133
[scoffs] Hillary is not
going to the dance with him.
81
00:03:39,167 --> 00:03:40,534
I mean, can I do that?
82
00:03:40,568 --> 00:03:43,137
Can I ... can I just put my
foot down and say she can't?
83
00:03:43,171 --> 00:03:47,308
- Yeah. My father did it with you.
- Yeah, but we got married.
84
00:03:47,342 --> 00:03:49,810
Yeah, but then we got
divorced, so he wins.
85
00:03:49,844 --> 00:03:53,647
Of course, he was already
dead, so I guess it's a push.
86
00:03:53,681 --> 00:03:56,115
- Kramers are the worst.
- Oh.
87
00:03:56,150 --> 00:03:58,084
I'd rather Hillary went to the dance
88
00:03:58,118 --> 00:04:00,654
- with literally anyone else.
- Yeah, even a murderer.
89
00:04:00,688 --> 00:04:02,456
Especially a murderer. So
you'll back me up on this?
90
00:04:02,490 --> 00:04:03,824
Oh, man, you got it.
91
00:04:03,858 --> 00:04:09,095
And, hey, if that murderer
gets any ideas... snip, snip.
92
00:04:11,531 --> 00:04:12,999
Well, I, uh... [clears throat]
93
00:04:13,033 --> 00:04:14,667
...just came by
to see how you were doing.
94
00:04:14,701 --> 00:04:16,936
Oh, I was doing better yesterday
95
00:04:16,971 --> 00:04:20,974
- when my interior ribs were still intact.
- Yeah, great.
96
00:04:21,008 --> 00:04:22,808
- Well, I brought you a little care package.
- Hmm.
97
00:04:22,843 --> 00:04:25,644
Uh, some assorted jams and the
first two seasons of "Scandal."
98
00:04:25,679 --> 00:04:27,146
Oh, lovely.
99
00:04:27,181 --> 00:04:29,982
Ah. Jam without toast points?
100
00:04:30,016 --> 00:04:31,750
[chuckles] What a cruel tease.
101
00:04:32,686 --> 00:04:35,654
Well [chuckles] I'm just...
glad I was there.
102
00:04:35,689 --> 00:04:36,889
I mean, I don't even what to
103
00:04:36,923 --> 00:04:38,891
imagine what would
have happened if i wasn't.
104
00:04:38,925 --> 00:04:42,194
Oh, is this your not-so-subtle way
of fishing for a "thank you," Kate?
105
00:04:42,228 --> 00:04:44,029
Oh, well, if that's
something that you want to say
106
00:04:44,063 --> 00:04:46,865
to the person who saved your
life, then I say go with it.
107
00:04:46,899 --> 00:04:50,702
I'm not going to thank you because
I could have easily saved myself.
108
00:04:50,736 --> 00:04:54,739
I could have coughed it up or even
self-administered a tracheotomy.
109
00:04:54,773 --> 00:04:57,742
It's an incredibly
gruesome and beautiful thing
110
00:04:57,776 --> 00:05:00,245
that few people ever get to see.
111
00:05:00,279 --> 00:05:02,846
You simply overreacted.
112
00:05:06,084 --> 00:05:07,785
Okay, the semi-formal's on Saturday,
113
00:05:07,820 --> 00:05:09,453
and I want to make sure
I'm not forgetting anything.
114
00:05:09,488 --> 00:05:11,489
How am I doing with my prep?
115
00:05:11,524 --> 00:05:13,758
- Tux?
- Oh. Check.
116
00:05:13,792 --> 00:05:16,360
- Corsage?
- Check.
117
00:05:16,395 --> 00:05:17,361
Signature robotic dance move?
118
00:05:17,396 --> 00:05:19,196
[grunting]
119
00:05:19,231 --> 00:05:21,232
[exhales sharply]
120
00:05:25,904 --> 00:05:26,904
Check plus!
121
00:05:26,938 --> 00:05:29,706
- Date?
- Uh, put a small check on that one.
122
00:05:29,741 --> 00:05:32,910
See, I've asked a couple girls,
but they said it would be weird
123
00:05:32,944 --> 00:05:34,845
because we go to school
together, which is true.
124
00:05:34,879 --> 00:05:38,415
My mom told me a very moving
bedtime story about how a marine
125
00:05:38,416 --> 00:05:41,952
asked Mila Kunis to this dance
over the internet and she went.
126
00:05:41,986 --> 00:05:44,888
[stammers] Bert,
the dance is on Saturday.
127
00:05:44,923 --> 00:05:46,389
I don't know much
about becoming a marine,
128
00:05:46,424 --> 00:05:48,224
but it seems like
we're cutting it close.
129
00:05:48,259 --> 00:05:51,528
Not the marine part...
the celebrity part!
130
00:05:51,562 --> 00:05:54,130
[gasps] Dude!
Dude, you're a genius!
131
00:05:54,165 --> 00:05:56,466
Yep.
Maybe we could double date.
132
00:05:56,500 --> 00:05:59,235
How do you feel about
the Fanning sisters?
133
00:05:59,270 --> 00:06:02,272
[chuckles]
I got dibs on Dakota.
134
00:06:02,306 --> 00:06:04,774
I wish Diane were here
so we can get started.
135
00:06:04,808 --> 00:06:07,376
Well, we don't need Diane.
I can just frown and say...
136
00:06:07,410 --> 00:06:10,079
[as Diane] "Everybody,
let's get started."
137
00:06:10,113 --> 00:06:11,447
[laughter]
138
00:06:12,683 --> 00:06:14,917
- What's going on?
- Iris: Oh.
139
00:06:14,952 --> 00:06:19,455
Oh, just a bunch of cool
mamacitas just kicking it.
140
00:06:19,489 --> 00:06:20,623
We got it covered, Diane.
141
00:06:20,657 --> 00:06:22,224
You should just go
home and get some rest.
142
00:06:22,258 --> 00:06:25,127
Oh, I'm fine.
[grunts, chuckles]
143
00:06:26,429 --> 00:06:29,264
[strained] Never better.
[grunts]
144
00:06:29,299 --> 00:06:32,934
M-maybe you should leave, Diane.
I'm ... I'm worried about you.
145
00:06:32,969 --> 00:06:37,184
Your husband works for Blackberry,
and you're worried about me? [chuckles]
146
00:06:37,707 --> 00:06:40,174
You know, Diane, really,
I-I ... I got it covered.
147
00:06:40,209 --> 00:06:42,077
- Yeah, yeah, Kate's got it.
- Yeah.
148
00:06:42,111 --> 00:06:45,013
I make a motion to let
Diane go home and rest.
149
00:06:45,047 --> 00:06:46,848
- I second.
- Woman: Me ... me too.
150
00:06:46,882 --> 00:06:49,684
Oh, look at that.
People have spoken.
151
00:06:49,719 --> 00:06:51,620
Get out of here, lady.
[chuckles]
152
00:06:51,654 --> 00:06:53,855
You don't know what
you're getting yourself into.
153
00:06:53,889 --> 00:06:56,857
Uh, yeah, well, I happened
to save a life yesterday ...
154
00:06:56,891 --> 00:06:59,793
Your life ... so I'm kind of on a roll.
155
00:06:59,828 --> 00:07:01,662
Oh.
156
00:07:03,865 --> 00:07:06,501
As you wish.
157
00:07:06,535 --> 00:07:09,203
[chuckles]
But I am warning you,
158
00:07:09,238 --> 00:07:13,206
this dance will never
come off without me.
159
00:07:13,241 --> 00:07:15,042
Did she just put a curse on the ball?
160
00:07:15,076 --> 00:07:16,610
[laughter]
161
00:07:16,645 --> 00:07:18,879
You're funny.
162
00:07:18,913 --> 00:07:20,881
[robotic voice]
Oh, I am a joke machine.
163
00:07:20,915 --> 00:07:23,550
Need to make jokes.
[laughs]
164
00:07:23,584 --> 00:07:25,552
[clears throat]
Just kidding.
165
00:07:25,586 --> 00:07:27,655
Let's just get ... let's get started.
166
00:07:34,554 --> 00:07:36,268
[laughter]
167
00:07:36,269 --> 00:07:38,570
It's just how it happened to turn out.
[laughter]
168
00:07:38,605 --> 00:07:40,740
All right.
Any other business?
169
00:07:40,774 --> 00:07:42,141
- Yes.
- Yeah?
170
00:07:42,175 --> 00:07:44,176
Sad news ... the field
trip to the art museum
171
00:07:44,210 --> 00:07:46,411
has been canceled due to
lack of student interest.
172
00:07:46,446 --> 00:07:49,148
On the bright side, we've got
some extra money to play with.
173
00:07:49,182 --> 00:07:52,984
Oh. Well, sucks for the art
world, great for us. [laughter]
174
00:07:53,019 --> 00:07:56,321
Well, I-I'd like to make a
motion to dedicate that money
175
00:07:56,356 --> 00:07:58,257
to a girls squash team.
176
00:07:58,291 --> 00:08:00,292
[all grumble]
177
00:08:00,326 --> 00:08:01,426
Yeah. [clears throat]
178
00:08:01,461 --> 00:08:02,927
Iris, we all know how
you feel about squash.
179
00:08:02,962 --> 00:08:05,264
But clearly, you're alone on that.
180
00:08:05,298 --> 00:08:07,932
So I make a motion to stop
proposing a girls squash team.
181
00:08:07,967 --> 00:08:10,348
Everyone in favor to quash squash?
182
00:08:10,670 --> 00:08:14,005
All right. Next.
183
00:08:16,075 --> 00:08:17,876
- Sweetie?
- Hey.
184
00:08:17,910 --> 00:08:21,046
Hi. Uh...
we need to talk to you.
185
00:08:21,080 --> 00:08:23,948
It's about you going to
the dance with Evan Kramer.
186
00:08:23,983 --> 00:08:25,616
Oh, it doesn't even matter now.
187
00:08:25,651 --> 00:08:27,285
His parents won't let him go with me.
188
00:08:27,319 --> 00:08:29,687
- They forbid him.
- Did they say why?
189
00:08:29,721 --> 00:08:31,522
- Was it the hose?
- What hose?
190
00:08:31,557 --> 00:08:34,225
A 20-foot hose with a detachable
nozzle. It doesn't matter.
191
00:08:34,259 --> 00:08:37,828
I can't believe that they're
holding that grudge against you.
192
00:08:37,862 --> 00:08:39,997
You know what, sister? You're
better off not going to the dance
193
00:08:40,031 --> 00:08:42,833
with a kid who comes
from a family like that.
194
00:08:42,867 --> 00:08:46,369
But I like him so much.
195
00:08:46,404 --> 00:08:48,872
Dad, will you please go
talk to Evan's parents?
196
00:08:48,907 --> 00:08:51,541
Honey, I think what's done is done.
197
00:08:51,576 --> 00:08:54,912
I-I'm sure there are a lot of boys
who'd love to go to the dance with you.
198
00:08:54,946 --> 00:08:58,815
- Dad, I beseech you!
- I'd go easy on the big words, though.
199
00:08:58,849 --> 00:09:03,653
- Okay, sweetie. I'll try.
- [gasps, squeals] Thank you!
200
00:09:03,688 --> 00:09:05,822
- I love you.
- I love you, too. [squeals]
201
00:09:08,092 --> 00:09:09,092
[both screaming]
202
00:09:09,126 --> 00:09:11,928
Oh, my god! I can't believe it!
203
00:09:11,962 --> 00:09:13,597
- I can't believe it!
- What's the matter?
204
00:09:13,631 --> 00:09:15,231
Did you finally finish
"Charlotte's web"?
205
00:09:15,265 --> 00:09:17,900
- Oh! Not even close!
- But Vanessa Hudgens
206
00:09:17,935 --> 00:09:20,837
said she'll go to
the semi-formal with Warren!
207
00:09:20,871 --> 00:09:23,672
- Wait. No, no. That can't possibly be right.
- No, no, no. It is.
208
00:09:23,707 --> 00:09:25,007
I posted a video online
209
00:09:25,042 --> 00:09:26,843
about how I needed
a date to the semi-formal.
210
00:09:26,877 --> 00:09:29,328
Her manager just e-mailed
me saying that she would
211
00:09:29,329 --> 00:09:31,780
rearrange her schedule to make
my dreams come true! [squeals]
212
00:09:31,814 --> 00:09:33,882
- Show me the video.
- Okay.
213
00:09:33,916 --> 00:09:35,884
Hi, Vanessa Hudgens.
I'm Warren Harrison.
214
00:09:35,918 --> 00:09:38,721
I know this may seem bold,
but I don't have a lot of time left,
215
00:09:38,755 --> 00:09:39,855
so I'm just going to say it.
216
00:09:39,889 --> 00:09:42,023
Would you go to my semi-formal with me?
217
00:09:42,058 --> 00:09:46,362
I may not be the coolest guy
or... or the most popular...
218
00:09:46,396 --> 00:09:49,697
- But my brother is ill.
- Oh, Bert.
219
00:09:49,732 --> 00:09:51,032
[chuckles] Come on.
220
00:09:51,067 --> 00:09:53,034
You are.
You are incredibly ill.
221
00:09:53,069 --> 00:09:55,871
I mean, I hate to say
it, but I am pretty sick.
222
00:09:55,905 --> 00:09:59,707
Please help
my brother's wish come true.
223
00:09:59,742 --> 00:10:02,377
She thinks you have a terminal illness.
224
00:10:02,411 --> 00:10:04,545
[scoffs] Bert, are you
hearing this nonsense?
225
00:10:04,580 --> 00:10:05,913
No. [grunts]
226
00:10:05,947 --> 00:10:11,085
Warren, every word out of your mouth
is either "ill" or "sick" or "wish."
227
00:10:11,119 --> 00:10:13,254
And plus,
you were wrapped in an afghan.
228
00:10:13,289 --> 00:10:14,422
Uh, yeah, because I
wanted her to like me
229
00:10:14,456 --> 00:10:17,825
- for me and not my body.
- Yeah.
230
00:10:17,859 --> 00:10:20,227
Okay, you need to e-mail
Vanessa Hudgens' manager right now.
231
00:10:20,262 --> 00:10:21,762
Okay, I'll just do it after the dance.
232
00:10:21,797 --> 00:10:24,765
- Okay, fine. I'll do it now.
- Ooh.
233
00:10:24,800 --> 00:10:27,768
You must have put this
in the trash by accident.
234
00:10:27,803 --> 00:10:29,670
I never do anything by accident.
235
00:10:29,704 --> 00:10:31,738
[player whirs]
236
00:10:31,773 --> 00:10:33,473
[soft music plays]
237
00:10:33,508 --> 00:10:37,177
Ooh. Hello.
238
00:10:43,484 --> 00:10:44,785
[brake grinds]
239
00:10:44,819 --> 00:10:46,953
Okay, we know that you can
be a little bit of a hothead.
240
00:10:46,987 --> 00:10:48,522
Just let me do the talking.
241
00:10:48,556 --> 00:10:51,525
Smart. Good plan.
Love the plan.
242
00:10:51,559 --> 00:10:55,695
- Hey, Paul! Hey, April!
- Jackie, Pete!
243
00:10:55,729 --> 00:10:58,031
- Boy, I haven't seen you guys in years. It's ...
- Cut the crap, Paul.
244
00:10:58,065 --> 00:11:00,766
You look 10 years older than the
last time I saw you 2 years ago.
245
00:11:00,801 --> 00:11:03,303
So much for the plan. Uh, look...
246
00:11:03,337 --> 00:11:07,540
Hillary said that you won't
let Evan take her to the dance?
247
00:11:07,574 --> 00:11:09,775
What? We didn't say that.
248
00:11:09,810 --> 00:11:12,110
Cut the crap, April. I haven't
seen you in a long time.
249
00:11:12,145 --> 00:11:14,213
And your skin does not look good.
250
00:11:14,247 --> 00:11:16,048
- No spin on that at all.
- Okay. Okay.
251
00:11:16,082 --> 00:11:18,384
Why would we tell Evan
he couldn't go to a dance
252
00:11:18,418 --> 00:11:20,636
- with your daughter?
- Because you're so small,
253
00:11:20,637 --> 00:11:23,622
you're still mad about
the hose that we borrowed that you said,
254
00:11:23,657 --> 00:11:27,059
- when we returned it, had a tear in it.
- April: Evan!
255
00:11:27,093 --> 00:11:30,062
Can you come out here for a
second, sweetheart? [door opens]
256
00:11:30,096 --> 00:11:33,265
Oh. Hey, Evan.
Nice nose!
257
00:11:33,299 --> 00:11:36,335
These two drop you on your
face when you were a baby?
258
00:11:36,369 --> 00:11:39,071
I think maybe we should stop
taking personal potshots.
259
00:11:39,105 --> 00:11:41,740
- I'm trying. I can't stop.
- Why did you tell Hillary
260
00:11:41,774 --> 00:11:43,842
we wouldn't allow you
to take her to the dance?
261
00:11:43,876 --> 00:11:46,778
I was too scared to say no, okay?
I mean, she's so bossy
262
00:11:46,779 --> 00:11:50,582
and she uses big words
and she wears Blazers.
263
00:11:50,616 --> 00:11:52,484
For two years,
I thought she was a teacher.
264
00:11:52,518 --> 00:11:55,420
It just seemed easier to tell
her it was because of you guys.
265
00:11:55,454 --> 00:11:57,054
I'm... I'm really sorry.
266
00:11:57,089 --> 00:11:59,056
First of all, she
doesn't just wear Blazers.
267
00:11:59,091 --> 00:12:02,393
She wears neckerchiefs
and barn jackets.
268
00:12:02,427 --> 00:12:04,061
You're trying to spare her feelings.
269
00:12:04,096 --> 00:12:06,764
Just ... just try and tell the truth.
270
00:12:06,798 --> 00:12:12,303
Okay! I'm sorry.
I tore the hose.
271
00:12:13,906 --> 00:12:15,706
[indistinct conversation]
272
00:12:15,740 --> 00:12:19,376
Mm. That's the president.
Fitz ... war hero, classically handsome.
273
00:12:19,411 --> 00:12:21,278
He and Olivia are lovers, but
he and her father are enemies.
274
00:12:21,312 --> 00:12:24,715
Hmm. Wicked web.
275
00:12:24,749 --> 00:12:27,050
[vacuum whirs]
Stop!
276
00:12:27,084 --> 00:12:29,119
Stop! Shush! Sit.
277
00:12:29,153 --> 00:12:31,588
Oh, my husband's going to
be here soon to pick me up
278
00:12:31,623 --> 00:12:33,723
and I'm not done
and I still have another ...
279
00:12:33,757 --> 00:12:38,761
- Shh!
- Okay.
280
00:12:38,796 --> 00:12:40,130
Fitz: I don't need to fight.
I love you.
281
00:12:40,164 --> 00:12:42,865
The American public needs fixing.
282
00:12:42,900 --> 00:12:44,100
...can be very scarring,
283
00:12:44,135 --> 00:12:46,236
and I still
can't hear out of my left ear,
284
00:12:46,270 --> 00:12:48,738
which is why I vote
for no dunk tank this year.
285
00:12:48,772 --> 00:12:51,273
Okay. Well, thank you, Connie.
286
00:12:51,308 --> 00:12:52,542
Can I just say,
287
00:12:52,576 --> 00:12:55,244
this meeting has been
more civil and respectful
288
00:12:55,278 --> 00:12:58,348
and less "wrap it up,
Connie" than ever before?
289
00:12:58,383 --> 00:13:00,151
I mean, thank you, Kate.
290
00:13:00,186 --> 00:13:02,952
- Oh. Well...
- Woman: Thank you.
291
00:13:02,986 --> 00:13:05,821
Well, thank you for saying "thank you."
292
00:13:05,855 --> 00:13:07,022
I mean, can you believe
293
00:13:07,057 --> 00:13:08,824
that Diane has yet to thank
me for saving her life?
294
00:13:08,858 --> 00:13:09,925
[chuckling] No way!
295
00:13:09,960 --> 00:13:13,895
Oh, way. Big-time way.
I mean, what do you expect from...
296
00:13:13,930 --> 00:13:15,597
[as Diane] "Dr. Diane Buckley,
297
00:13:15,631 --> 00:13:19,668
"the doctor who went to doctor
school to become a doctor. [laughter]
298
00:13:19,702 --> 00:13:21,337
Have you heard?
I'm a doctor."
299
00:13:21,371 --> 00:13:23,271
[laughing]
Kate, you're so bad.
300
00:13:23,305 --> 00:13:26,240
[robotic voice] I am Diane.
I cannot human smile.
301
00:13:26,275 --> 00:13:30,244
Stop! Stop it. You are awful.
[laughter]
302
00:13:30,279 --> 00:13:32,581
[normal voice] I knew there was a
context where that robot voice would kill.
303
00:13:32,615 --> 00:13:35,249
Oh! Oh! Oh! And what
about Principal Johnson?
304
00:13:35,284 --> 00:13:36,751
You know, this guy is sort of like...
305
00:13:36,786 --> 00:13:38,786
[Southern accent]
"Oh, I've had so much work done,
306
00:13:38,820 --> 00:13:41,856
my eyes are where my ears should be."
307
00:13:41,890 --> 00:13:44,192
[normal voice] Oh. Oh! Can we just
talk about the gym teacher for a second?
308
00:13:44,226 --> 00:13:47,028
I mean, come on!
How is that guy a gym teacher?!
309
00:13:47,062 --> 00:13:48,429
For real?!
310
00:13:48,464 --> 00:13:50,531
I mean, he looks like the middle
guy on the evolution chart.
311
00:13:50,565 --> 00:13:52,033
He's like... [grunting]
312
00:13:52,067 --> 00:13:55,002
[deep voice] "Way to hustle.
Way to hustle.
313
00:13:55,036 --> 00:13:56,537
[coughs] Way to hustle."
314
00:13:56,571 --> 00:13:58,839
Wait, wait.
H-how many hustles was that?
315
00:13:58,874 --> 00:14:00,875
- [normal voice] Uh, uh, uh, three. Why?
- Okay. For the Minutes.
316
00:14:00,909 --> 00:14:02,042
Right. Okay. Oh! Oh! Oh!
317
00:14:02,076 --> 00:14:04,044
Hall-monitor lady who walks around ...
318
00:14:04,078 --> 00:14:06,213
- The ... wait. The what?
- The Minutes.
319
00:14:06,247 --> 00:14:09,683
It's the transcript of the meeting that
goes out to the whole school community.
320
00:14:09,718 --> 00:14:11,018
[laughter]
321
00:14:11,052 --> 00:14:14,320
- Woman: Do the lunch lady!
- Oh, yeah.
322
00:14:20,783 --> 00:14:23,316
Iris!
Hey, what up, girlfriend?
323
00:14:23,351 --> 00:14:28,154
[chuckles] Sweet Jeggings.
Oh. Didn't say it earlier,
324
00:14:28,189 --> 00:14:29,790
unlike some things
that I did say earlier,
325
00:14:29,824 --> 00:14:32,025
which I was hoping that you
wouldn't publish in the Minutes.
326
00:14:32,059 --> 00:14:33,960
Sure. No problem at all.
327
00:14:33,995 --> 00:14:36,796
[sighs] Oh, god.
Thank you. Oh, my god.
328
00:14:36,830 --> 00:14:38,098
What a relief.
329
00:14:38,132 --> 00:14:41,601
'Cause I was like, "eee,"
and now I'm like, "ahh."
330
00:14:41,635 --> 00:14:43,669
It's my pleasure.
331
00:14:43,704 --> 00:14:45,038
- Okay.
- How about this?
332
00:14:45,072 --> 00:14:47,207
I'll redact your
insults from the Minutes
333
00:14:47,241 --> 00:14:51,611
if you put the budget surplus
towards a girls squash team.
334
00:14:51,645 --> 00:14:54,781
Okay, but nobody wants the squash team.
335
00:14:54,815 --> 00:14:59,051
- I mean, I quashed the squash.
- Then un-quash it, or else everybody's
336
00:14:59,085 --> 00:15:01,621
gonna have to read
your little comedy routine.
337
00:15:01,655 --> 00:15:03,956
You know what? Send them out.
Everyone will see that
338
00:15:03,990 --> 00:15:05,958
you were equally
as guilty in egging me on.
339
00:15:05,992 --> 00:15:07,259
Really?
340
00:15:07,294 --> 00:15:10,963
'Cause the transcript reads
like I was trying to stop you.
341
00:15:10,997 --> 00:15:13,966
"Kate, you're so bad. Stop it.
342
00:15:14,000 --> 00:15:16,468
Stop it. You're ... you're awful."
343
00:15:16,502 --> 00:15:19,504
Yeah, but that's taken out of context.
344
00:15:19,539 --> 00:15:21,506
Oh, I wonder what
Principal Johnson is gonna think
345
00:15:21,541 --> 00:15:24,976
when he has to write college
recommendations for your kids.
346
00:15:25,010 --> 00:15:26,411
After the things you said about him,
347
00:15:26,446 --> 00:15:28,814
he probably would
frown if he could, huh?
348
00:15:28,848 --> 00:15:30,315
I-Iris. Iris.
349
00:15:30,349 --> 00:15:32,016
[engine turns over]
350
00:15:32,051 --> 00:15:33,752
[engine revs, tires screech]
351
00:15:33,786 --> 00:15:35,386
I hate your Jeggings!
352
00:15:35,421 --> 00:15:36,688
I don't want to do this.
353
00:15:36,722 --> 00:15:38,824
How do you tell your kid
someone doesn't like them?
354
00:15:38,858 --> 00:15:40,091
I don't know.
355
00:15:40,125 --> 00:15:42,160
Thank god we'll never have
to deal with this with Bert.
356
00:15:42,194 --> 00:15:44,429
[sighs]
357
00:15:44,463 --> 00:15:47,765
- Hey, sweetie.
- Hillary: Hey.
358
00:15:47,799 --> 00:15:49,667
What happened?
What did Evan's parents say?
359
00:15:49,701 --> 00:15:55,406
- Well, the truth is...
- Yeah?
360
00:15:55,441 --> 00:15:57,040
...it was about the hose.
361
00:15:57,075 --> 00:15:59,877
They wouldn't let it go.
I begged them to put it aside.
362
00:15:59,911 --> 00:16:03,180
It's a piece of rubber.
I said, "I'll buy you another!
363
00:16:03,214 --> 00:16:06,517
I'll buy you 10! Just please
let our kids be happy."
364
00:16:06,551 --> 00:16:10,855
Well, if they're that unreasonable,
then who cares what they think?
365
00:16:10,889 --> 00:16:15,092
They can't keep me and Evan from going.
I'm going to go talk to him.
366
00:16:15,126 --> 00:16:19,429
- Y-you can't go over there.
- [scoffs] Why not, Dad?
367
00:16:19,464 --> 00:16:21,398
- I forbid it.
- That's not fair.
368
00:16:21,432 --> 00:16:22,499
I don't care what's fair.
369
00:16:22,533 --> 00:16:24,201
You can go to the
dance with anyone else.
370
00:16:24,235 --> 00:16:26,603
- Even a murderer.
- Especially a murderer.
371
00:16:26,637 --> 00:16:29,106
I hate you.
372
00:16:29,140 --> 00:16:34,377
I just undid 14 years of
love with one fake crisis.
373
00:16:34,411 --> 00:16:37,046
Well, you protected her feelings.
374
00:16:37,080 --> 00:16:40,282
That was a nice thing you did.
375
00:16:42,452 --> 00:16:45,454
Makes me uneasy when you
agree with my parenting style.
376
00:16:45,489 --> 00:16:50,459
- You want me to come up with a plan?
- Olivia Pope...
377
00:16:50,494 --> 00:16:52,061
[chuckles]
378
00:16:52,095 --> 00:16:55,264
Fitz: ...use your superpower.
379
00:16:55,298 --> 00:16:56,765
[doorbell rings]
380
00:17:03,873 --> 00:17:07,275
[indistinct whispering]
381
00:17:07,309 --> 00:17:08,977
Diane, I need your help.
[TV shuts off]
382
00:17:09,012 --> 00:17:12,848
- Are you watching "Scandal"?
- No, no. Help with what?
383
00:17:12,882 --> 00:17:14,650
Iris is trying to blackmail me.
384
00:17:14,684 --> 00:17:18,286
[chuckles] So the PTA isn't
so easy after all, huh, Kate?
385
00:17:18,320 --> 00:17:19,820
Okay, tell me everything you know.
386
00:17:19,855 --> 00:17:22,490
She recorded me saying some mean
but ... but really funny things
387
00:17:22,525 --> 00:17:24,877
- about people in the Minutes.
- Mm-hmm.
388
00:17:24,912 --> 00:17:25,460
And ... and then
now she's gonna publish them
389
00:17:25,494 --> 00:17:28,096
if I don't back up her squash proposal.
390
00:17:28,130 --> 00:17:30,965
- Please help me.
- Okay, but we need to act fast.
391
00:17:30,999 --> 00:17:32,867
Tomorrow morning, put a tail on Iris.
392
00:17:32,901 --> 00:17:35,336
- We've got to find some dirt on her. Claudia.
- Mm, yes?
393
00:17:35,371 --> 00:17:37,939
I want you to talk to Iris' housekeeper.
She's bound to know something.
394
00:17:37,973 --> 00:17:41,943
Claudia's husband, I want you to look up
Tony Goldwyn's filmography online.
395
00:17:41,977 --> 00:17:44,045
I know he's been in something,
and it's driving me crazy!
396
00:17:44,079 --> 00:17:46,146
You have been watching "Scandal."
[scoffs]
397
00:17:46,181 --> 00:17:48,449
It's an excellent show.
398
00:17:49,517 --> 00:17:50,517
[music]
399
00:17:50,518 --> 00:17:52,852
Kate: There you are. That's great.
[camera shutter clicking]
400
00:17:52,887 --> 00:17:55,958
yeah, yeah
She had a latte and a croissant.
401
00:17:56,050 --> 00:17:59,226
- Not much of a tipper.
- Mm. We need more.
402
00:17:59,260 --> 00:18:00,794
when you wish upon a star
403
00:18:00,828 --> 00:18:01,928
I'll get us more.
404
00:18:03,398 --> 00:18:05,165
your dream will take
you very far, yeah
405
00:18:05,200 --> 00:18:07,634
Yes!
406
00:18:07,668 --> 00:18:11,370
when you wish upon a dream
407
00:18:12,673 --> 00:18:15,875
Ignacio: Okay,
according to the internet,
408
00:18:15,910 --> 00:18:17,243
Tony Goldwyn is best known for "Ghost,"
409
00:18:17,277 --> 00:18:19,079
the voice of Tarzan,
and "The last samurai."
410
00:18:19,113 --> 00:18:21,982
- That's it.
- We're still missing something.
411
00:18:22,016 --> 00:18:26,152
in the sky so very dear
412
00:18:26,186 --> 00:18:28,588
Iris' dirty laundry.
413
00:18:28,622 --> 00:18:33,993
Claudia, when I said, "Iris'
dirty laundry," I meant her ...
414
00:18:34,027 --> 00:18:39,095
[gasps] Hello.
# shining star for you to see #
415
00:18:39,130 --> 00:18:42,451
We've got her.
# what your life can truly be #
416
00:18:42,486 --> 00:18:44,449
Hmm.
417
00:18:45,038 --> 00:18:46,338
[exhales sharply]
418
00:18:46,372 --> 00:18:48,540
I thought you weren't
going to the dance.
419
00:18:48,574 --> 00:18:51,243
Nope. I'm going. I e-mailed
Vanessa Hudgens' people.
420
00:18:51,277 --> 00:18:53,912
- And I told them the truth.
- And she's going with you?
421
00:18:53,947 --> 00:18:56,548
Nope, but after my brush with
death, it made me realize,
422
00:18:56,582 --> 00:18:58,216
you know, we get closer
and closer to death every day,
423
00:18:58,251 --> 00:19:00,051
but that can't stop us from living.
424
00:19:00,085 --> 00:19:03,087
So, you know what? I'm going to
this dance, and my date is life.
425
00:19:03,122 --> 00:19:04,623
And also hopefully Nicolette Demayo
426
00:19:04,657 --> 00:19:06,391
because I heard
her boyfriend dumped her.
427
00:19:06,425 --> 00:19:09,427
- Well, how do I look?
- Bend down a little.
428
00:19:10,563 --> 00:19:14,432
Vanessa Hudgens doesn't
know what she's missing.
429
00:19:14,467 --> 00:19:16,034
Aww.
430
00:19:16,709 --> 00:19:18,857
[music]
431
00:19:21,807 --> 00:19:25,242
Oh, just in time.
I was about to send out the Minutes.
432
00:19:25,277 --> 00:19:28,146
- The Minutes can wait a minute.
- We only need a minute.
433
00:19:28,180 --> 00:19:31,649
- We know why you've been pushing squash.
- Because it's a great sport.
434
00:19:31,683 --> 00:19:34,818
And because you went to Wellesley and
you want your daughter to go there, too.
435
00:19:34,852 --> 00:19:37,454
But your daughter's grades blow.
436
00:19:37,489 --> 00:19:40,558
Lucky for her, Wellesley
has an anemic squash team.
437
00:19:40,592 --> 00:19:42,059
They'll accept young ladies
with a low GPA if they have
438
00:19:42,093 --> 00:19:45,496
even a passing acquaintance
with the sport squash.
439
00:19:45,530 --> 00:19:49,632
So I want what's best for my daughter.
That's not a crime.
440
00:19:49,667 --> 00:19:52,803
No, but using the PTA
laptop for personal use is.
441
00:19:52,837 --> 00:19:54,270
I never did that.
442
00:19:54,305 --> 00:19:57,340
Here's a picture of
you using the laptop,
443
00:19:57,374 --> 00:19:58,909
playing Minesweeper at a coffee shop.
444
00:19:58,943 --> 00:20:02,512
And another picture of
you playing Minesweeper
445
00:20:02,546 --> 00:20:04,314
at a table for one at Cabo cantina.
446
00:20:04,348 --> 00:20:06,148
It would be a shame for
your daughter to find out
447
00:20:06,183 --> 00:20:08,318
that you were trying
to get her into college.
448
00:20:09,386 --> 00:20:10,620
In this way.
449
00:20:11,955 --> 00:20:13,556
Fine. What do you want?
450
00:20:17,160 --> 00:20:18,994
Delete the Minutes.
451
00:20:19,029 --> 00:20:21,964
[sighs]
452
00:20:22,799 --> 00:20:23,899
There.
453
00:20:26,236 --> 00:20:27,937
W-what are you doing?
Diane? Diane?
454
00:20:27,971 --> 00:20:29,872
Scrubbing the hard drive.
455
00:20:29,906 --> 00:20:31,941
Oh! My high score.
456
00:20:33,576 --> 00:20:34,977
It's handled.
457
00:20:40,182 --> 00:20:42,251
It's handled.
[camera shutter clicking]
458
00:20:50,373 --> 00:20:52,675
- Thank you for saving me, Diane.
- You're welcome.
459
00:20:52,709 --> 00:20:55,076
Now I'm not indebted to you anymore.
460
00:20:55,111 --> 00:20:56,578
Oh, you weren't indebted to me.
461
00:20:56,613 --> 00:20:58,579
I just helped you
and wanted a simple "thank you"
462
00:20:58,614 --> 00:21:00,648
instead of
your usual snipey comments.
463
00:21:00,683 --> 00:21:03,819
Snippy.
And I didn't need your help.
464
00:21:03,853 --> 00:21:06,888
Oh, I know. You never
did, and you never will.
465
00:21:06,923 --> 00:21:10,358
But if you ever do,
I'll be there for you.
466
00:21:11,660 --> 00:21:14,161
Or I'll just stand there
and watch you die. [chuckles]
467
00:21:14,196 --> 00:21:16,263
Thank you, Kate.
468
00:21:21,303 --> 00:21:23,971
Diane, where are you going?
Your car's over here.
469
00:21:24,005 --> 00:21:27,141
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