Original subtitles

1, 2, 3...

Diane, wow!

You look like a big Hillary!

Oh, I mean, you look like a little Diane.

Oh!

Hey, guys. Have fun training. And remember, Hil,

if you don't make the track team, it's not the end of the world.

- Don't listen to your father. - I won't.

Diane, you really didn't have to come all the way over here.

I ... I could have trained Hillary.

I know how to run. Duh.

Oh, of course you do.

You know how to do lots of things, Peter assures me.

But you know,

if you really want to be a part of the training team,

just remember to hang-dry her sports bra so it doesn't chafe.

- Thanks. - Bye, Kate.

Ooh! We should coordinate our outfits every day.

I know, right?

Ignore her.

It's Jackie. We're gonna choose to ignore her, too.

And now from Bert's phone.

- Hey, Jackie. What's up? - Pete, get over here now!

We have a major disaster on our hands!

What's the matter? Is ... is Bert okay?

Jackie?

- What's the matter? Where's bert? - What's the disaster?

Well, it would be a disaster if you missed this amazing opportunity

- to invest in my latest business venture. - What the hell is wrong with you?

Well, what's wrong with me

is what could be right for you if you act now.

- We're leaving. - Let's go.

No, I have a part. You can't leave.

Because you would leave

a lot of money on the table if you walk out that door!

Please?

- Okay, Bert. - Yes!

Great. This will only take an hour.

"Foxed lunch." Fox, lunch.

Delicious, homemade, fresh school lunches

delivered right to your door.

Mmm, I'm hungry!

- 59 minutes to go. - Yep.

1x14 - "Foxed Lunch"

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Well, that's a morning we'll never get back.

What was yourite part ...

the food puppets or the edible pie chart?

Well, actually, I think my favorite part was the idea.

I mean, look at this. Look how cute this is.

I stress every morning to make lunches

that are a million times worse than this.

Last week, I sent Warren to school with a bag of ham and some altoids.

Here's the thing about Jackie.

She's incredibly creative, but she has no follow-through.

I think Foxed lunch could be good, you know,

with a little with a dash of Kate

and a sprinkle of harrison and a dollop of, um...

Does this have anything to do with Diane's infamous training-bra remark?

No, babe. I want to do this, okay.

I-I really think that I could make this into a thing with her.

Huh. Speak of the devil.

Hello, Diane.

Kate, I was thinking about that offhanded comment I

made earlier about you hang-drying Hillary's sports bra.

I'm afraid it didn't come off as I intended.

- No nee apogize. - I'm not.

I just wanted to make sure you remember to do it

because I didn't see you write it down.

Well, I'll have to see if I can fit it into my schedule

because I'm gonna be a working woman now.

- I'm going into business with Jackie. - Oh, you poor, sweet, dear fool.

- So, this business with Jackie, it's happening? - Yeah.

- And you want me to support it? - Yes.

- And there's nothing I can do to talk you out of it? - No.

Then, you know what? I support it!

- Great! - Congratulations!

- Thanks. - Okay, I'm taking the boys to karate.

Hi.

Hi, Jackie. It's Kate.

I just wanted to call to let you know I'm in.

- Oh, that's great! In what? - Foxed lunch.

Oh, that's great.

Okay, uh, just write me a check payable to "cash."

- And then, in the memo, write "taxes." - Great.

So, should we get together and talk about it?

I could come to you, or you could come over here.

Surprise me.

What? Hello?

I think it's great you guys are doing this.

Karate can teach you a lot about integrity and perseverance.

I just took down eight guys without getting hit once.

- Whoa! - Whoa!

I'm sensei Rick. Welcome to my dojo.

A couple ground rules before we get started.

Rule number one ... we bow upon entering and exiting.

That is about respect.

Yes, exactly.

Hey!

What the hell do you think you're doing, buddy?

That's the dojo's parking space, not the dry cleaner's!

Oh, sensei Rick's gonna kick some ass!

He's not gonna kick ...

If you don't move that car, I will kick your ass!

I hope he doesn't move it!

Jackie, I just wanted to tell you

that I think Foxed lunch is an incredible idea

and I am so excited to be a part of it.

Thank you. This is awkward.

Did you bring me that check?

- Oh, yeah. Here you go. - Thank you!

Well, you know, Jackie, I'm happy to invest,

but I think I have a lot to offer this company.

I sort of always imagined myself a lone wolf in this foxhole, but...

Scooch. Okay. Why don't you sell me on Kate?

Well, I have a degree in marketing,

uh, just as soon as I finish the last three credits.

And most recently,

I did the books and marketing over at the federal bar.

- Uh, what are you writing? - Nothing.

I can't get this pen to work. Don't you hate that?

- So, what do you say? - Well, I don't know.

Come on, Jackie, I think we'd make great partners.

- I have a business mind, you have a ... - A beautiful mind.

- Exactly! - Hmm.

And if I slleed to convince you... Hmm?

...I already got us our first client.

She doesn't know it yet. I say we just give her some free lunches,

she gets hooked on our product, and then, boom,

- she'll be begging for more. - Ah.

- What do you say? - Well, I guess I say,

it must be Tuesday, 'cause, girlfriend, you on fire.

- Welcome aboard. - Thanks.

Heads up.

Wait! Just ... ooh! 'cause I'm unstoppable

♪ no breakable, oh-oh ♪

♪ there's nothing that can get in my way ♪

♪ there's nobody gonna get in my way ♪

♪ hey, 'cause I'm unstoppable ♪

♪ no breakable, oh-oh ♪

♪ there's nothing gonna get in my way ♪

♪ there's nobody gonna get in my way ♪

♪ I'm unbreakable ♪

♪ hey, hey, hey-hey ♪

♪ unforgettable ♪

Love it. hey, hey, hey-hey

Ooh, 45 minutes.

That's a lot of work for one sandwich.

Come on! Pick it up, Hillary! Pick up those feet!

Excellent! Now, that was the workout of a champion.

Oh, I hope someone says to you what they said to me

when I won my swimming silver in Seoul ...

"Chooka heyo, moosuhwun oondong seonsu."

What?

It means "congratulations, terrifying athlete."

That would be amazing.

So, Hillary, what do you say we end our practice

- with a friendly race? - I would love to, but ...

Come on, Hillary ... just one lap.

I want to feel my flanks burn.

Ah, suck it!

I could... not keep up.

Oh, there's Bree. Got to run. Love you!

Wait. You should walk.

Huh.

Well, my kids loved the food.

So, spread the word

'cause these two foxes are hungry for business.

Okay, slow down, cowboy.

It took us four straight hours to get this order done.

I was just telling my biotches in the PTA ...

I like to call them my "Momfia" ...

and they all want to give it a try!

Biotches,

sleep in, because these two are on lunch duty tomorrow!

Yay!

- 4 down. 53 to go. - Check it out.

Throw this on the side of our car ... boom, business.

- Damn it! - What?

It's fine. I just can't get the bunny to look surprised.

Oh, I don't know. Just make his mouth more like an "o."

Oh, sure, Kate. I'll just re-roll some sea kelp.

You know what? Never mind, okay? I'll do it.

It's fine.

I mean, it's not a lot of time to make a lot of art,

and I only got nine hours of sleep last night, so...

and my bath this morning was only an hour.

Okay, Jackie.

Jackie, come here. Listen to me.

Sit down. You are gonna do this, all right?

I know there's some people who don't think it'll work,

But we're gonna prove them wrong.

Tell me what you need. Just say the word. Okay.

I need 50 organic persian cucumbers for the tabbouleh.

Okay, we have only, like, $4, so I don't if that'll be enough for 50.

Well, then let's quit while we're ahead, go out on top.

We're not ahead, all right?

We're the opposite of ahead. We are not gonna fail.

I am gonna get you your cucumbers, okay?

- Okay. - Okay. Fine.

- Fine. Get me those cucumbers. - Okay.

- And an energy drink. - Okay.

And a yogurt. Ooh, can you get me a hat?

Okay.

I'm so psyched for this movie!

Sensei Rick said it's the most realistic butt-kicking

he's seen in years.

Uh... oh, guys, hang on one second.

Uh, excuse me. I think you're in our seats.

I don't think so.

Yeah, I have row "I," 3, 4, 5.

Hey, why don't you sit somewhere else, man.

Oh! Big mistake.

Big mistake.

Bert, hold my nonpareils. Ooh!

This is an aneseat theater.

If you like total anarchy, watch your movies at the westmark 5.

This is the cineplex at shopping town.

- Screw off. - Oh, no, he didn't!

- Destroy him, Dad. - Yeah!

You gentlemen leave me no choice.

Usher?

- Yes, sir? - Aw!

Thank you, Steve.

Uh, these gentlemen are sitting in our seats.

We politely asked them to move. As you can see, they have not.

Guys, I'm sorry, but those aren't your seats.

When someone complains, I have to enforce it.

There you go.

How about that, guys? Whoa!

Sensei Rick would have totally annihilated those guys.

Guys, hitting and kicking doesn't make you tough.

The real tough guys

are the people who solve problems with their mind ...

arbitrators, jurors, professional-conflict mediators.

Dad, can we talk about this later?

After we watch this guy take vengeance

for his murdered family with only one fist?

And no shirt!

Can I have my nonpareils?

Okay, flash your lights twice, pop the trunk, and turn off the car.

Thanks for the produce hook-up.

I know you and Tevin broke up,

but this is really gonna help me out.

Yeah, well, he stole my pajama pants,

so it's the least he can do.

Well, well, well.

Kate, I assume you're here for the tomatoes

and a threesome since we're all three here.

Nope to both of those.

Tevin, I told you she wasn't into it.

Um, I'm ... I'm actually here for cucumbers, not tomatoes.

I always get tomatoes and cucumbers confused.

All right.

- Doesn't he look kind of hot today? - Meg.

Hey, why are you doing this dumb job anyway?

I thought the whole reason you got married to Pete

was so you didn't have to work.

No, I married him just for love.

Blech. Blech. Blech.

And I'm doing this for me, okay? I like working. I miss it.

Oh, this trunk is huge. I could sleep in here.

Or I bet you could fit three people lying down.

Oh, yeah. It's definitely back on.

B-T-dubs, these cukes aren't organic.

They're big, though ... just swollen with chemicals.

Crap.

Oh, hey.

Do you have any more of these "organic" stickers?

Oh, yeah. You know I got you.

Perfect.

Good luck with your cucumber business.

No. No, we're back off. No.

Mmm.

It really makes my kidneys hum.

- So, Hillary, quick question. - Mm-hmm.

Did you let me win the race yesterday?

What?!

You ... you killed me. I'm still angry about it.

Okay, fine. I didn't try my hardest.

You don't have to take it easy on me. I am not your father.

Yeah, but you're so competitive.

And I'm like you,

so whenever there's a winner or loser between us,

it just gets ugly, Mom.

But... I don't care who's the fastest.

Hillary, I just want to spend time with my daughter.

How about a fun jog?

- No stopwatch, no starting gun? - Not even ankle weights.

- That sounds great. - Good!

Now bottoms up.

This scrod is undrinkable in five minutes.

Mmm. The chunks are the best.

So, I took the kids to "Fists of Vengeance"

- the other day. - Oh!

How sick were those throat rips?

Quite sick. There was an incident with some guys

who were sitting in our seats,

and my kids actually thought I was gonna fight with them.

And I think they learned that aggressive attitude from you.

Yeah. Yeah, they're good listeners.

You're a father, and I'm a son

who someday hopes to meet his father.

So, I totally respect what you're saying.

A lot of parents draw conclusions from the few

minutes they're here during pick-up and drop-offs,

but why don't you join the class,

see what I'm all about, then make a decision.

You ever take karate before?

Yes, as a matter of fact. I was going to.

Well, Trevor will set you up in back with a gi.

What are you? A... ladies XL?

Okay. I'm almost done.

I know it's 2:00 A.M., but we did it.

I told you we were gonna have a real business.

I got to hand it to you, Kate.

You got a real brain behind that blond, Swedish robot face.

Can you hand me a few more of these Foxed lunch stickers

- that I have in my bag? - Yeah, sure.

Kate, what are these?

They're stickers! Uh, they give them to

you as a prize when you buy organic food.

Oh, my god, Kate! Did you buy regular cucumbers

- and put organic stickers on them? - What?! No.

Look at this. This is a cucumber for a giant.

- I'm dumping this out. - What?!

Are you crazy, Jackie?

We have to deliver this in a couple hours.

I had to make a compromise, and I'm not gonna

let you ruin our business over a cucumber.

I'm not doing this for the money.

I am doing it because I'd rather have one person who really, really

loves our product than a thousand totally satisfied customers.

- I'm throwing this out. - No, you're not throwing this out.

- Then, I quit. - What?!

Damn it! That was the recycling.

Oh, hey, babe.

You're finally home. How was work?

Uh, no. Actually, it's morning. I just got up.

What's that ... angry chihuahua?

No, it's a carefree rabbit. See?

- Kate, what's happening? - Nothing.

You're ... you're ... you're wife Jackie ... this one...

- ...that one, quit one me? - Yeah?

Okay? She quit on me. So now I had to deliver 50 lunches.

And now I have to make 50 more for tomorrow.

And for the life of me, I do not know

how to make a-a blueberry into a blow hole ...

A blow hole.

I thought the whole reason this was a good idea

was that you didn't like making lunches for the kids.

Can I point out the irony that you're now making 50 lunches

- for kids who aren't even ours? - I wouldn't if I were you.

- Kate, you don't have to do this. - Yes, Pete, I do, okay?

I can't just sit around waiting to wash Hillary's bras

or lick Warren's envelopes because he's afraid of getting paper cuts.

To be fair, Warren does get a lot of paper cuts on his tongue.

But y-you can't let Diane get to you.

She brings her own comment cards to restaurants.

Pete, it's not just Diane, okay? It's me.

I've supported myself my entire life.

- I started working at my mom's bar when I was 10. - 10?

I had a work permit that said that I was 12.

Canada's a weird place.

I love you, and I love our family.

But I need to feel like I'm doing something on my own.

I ... I had no idea that you were feeling this.

I love that you want to work.

Maybe you should just consider something less Jackie-centric.

- She called me a robot face. - That's ridiculous.

Your face is totally real.

- Well, this is nice. - Yeah!

Oh, was the pace too slow?

Oh, no. It just seems like you're picking it up a little.

Yeah, well, still warming up.

Maybe it just seemed like I was too

fast because your stride is so short.

Oh, I think my stride's just fine.

- Are you okay with the pace? - Yeah.

I mean, they say you're supposed to be able to hold a

conversation, which I'm having absolutely no problem with.

Me neither. Oh, look!

The kangs are... moving!

I hope... they like... Sacra... mento!

9...

10!

All right, let's hit the mats.

Okay, class.

I know karate's fun and you love watching me bust out my moves,

but what if you get into a tough situation outside the dojo?

What do you do then?

Let's imagine that you're in a... a movie theater ...

it's one of those fancy-pants assigned-seat theaters ...

and there are two guys sitting in your seat.

Wow! This class is so practical.

I know.

They won't move, even though they're sitting in your seats.

So, what do you do?

Uh-huh?

- Hail an usher. - Totally.

You could do that if you don't mind people laughing at you.

Or you can kick some ass.

Zachary, Samantha.

Get out of my seat. No?

Hang on. This is the real world.

There are ramifications. What if those guys sue you?

Good luck suing me with no teeth.

Okay, sensei Rick, here come the cops.

They've got guns.

Hey, cops, guess what. I have guns, too.

I know what you're trying to do.

You're trying to embarrass me

because I believe in civilization.

I could choose to kick ass, but I don't.

- Oh. Could you? - Yeah.

Well, prove it. Prove to me that it's a choice.

- Yikes! - Oh, Dad!

Maybe you should hail an usher to break the board for you.

- Yes! - Unbelievable!

♪ you were born with a rainbow afro ♪

♪ sing it loud, get ready for the late show ♪

♪ show your mamma what you're storing in your backpack ♪

♪ now you're ready to show us what you got ♪

♪ ooh ♪

- Oh, Dad, are you okay? - How's your hand?

- I'm in a lot of pain. - Oh, I bet.

- Pretty sure it's broken. - Oh.

That definitely was not worth it.

- Here. - What's this?

It's a peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwich.

It's supposed to look like a snake.

- It looks like a penis. - Oh, my god.

I made 10 of these and gave them to kids today.

- Yikes. - See, Jackie, I can't do this, you know?

Foxed lunch is your baby.

- You're the sandwich artist. I'm... - A rat-racer,

chasing rats up the corporate ladder with

a briefcase where your heart should be?

What were you gonna say?

Well, I was gonna say I'm more business-minded, but, um...

obviously I'm not very good at that, so...

Foxed lunch is all yours.

Huh.

Hey, robot face.

Are you programmed to cut yourself a little but of slack?

So, you tried something new and you're 0 for 1 ... big whoop.

I'm like 6 for 93, and two of them I settled out of court.

You're gonna be fine.

- Thanks, Jackie. - Oh, uh, before you go,

I'd like to tell you about my latest business venture.

- What about Foxed lunch? - Foxed what?

Oh, oh! No.

This is a very expensive hobby, not a profitable business.

Right. Well, uh, Jackie, good luck with whatever it is.

I'm sure it'll be very... specific.

Oh, it is! It is!

May I interest you in the Puppy poncho?

I know I'll be kicking myself later, but, uh, definitely no.

No way you won't be regretting that ...

Yeah, I didn't really buy it myself.

- Is it broken? - No.

- It's sprained, isn't it? - No.

Acetaminophen, ice.

I can't believe I thought I had to show the boys how tough I am.

Peter, you're not the only parent out there who's ever

done something ridiculous to teach their children a lesson.

- You too, huh? - No.

- What happened to you? - New shoes.

Oh, god.

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