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1
00:00:02,593 --> 00:00:05,128
Wait, wait.
2
00:00:05,759 --> 00:00:09,746
Highway to the danger...
3
00:00:09,780 --> 00:00:11,898
Highway
4
00:00:11,932 --> 00:00:13,266
To the
5
00:00:13,300 --> 00:00:14,634
[ cellphone ringing ]
Wait.
6
00:00:15,352 --> 00:00:16,603
Danger zone
7
00:00:16,637 --> 00:00:19,372
[ Beep ] Hello?
8
00:00:19,406 --> 00:00:21,891
Yeah, this is Bert's stepmom.
Take you right into
9
00:00:21,926 --> 00:00:23,860
The danger zone
No, the blond one.
10
00:00:23,911 --> 00:00:25,268
Wait, what?
11
00:00:25,273 --> 00:00:26,690
[ School bell rings ]
12
00:00:29,126 --> 00:00:30,393
So, it's lice.
13
00:00:30,428 --> 00:00:32,312
Yeah. Yeah.
14
00:00:32,346 --> 00:00:33,646
That's why we're here.
15
00:00:33,664 --> 00:00:36,906
Oh, I'm sorry. It's my first day.
I'm... I'm a little overwhelmed.
16
00:00:36,907 --> 00:00:39,808
[ Sighs ] You know, everybody
in my family is a nurse.
17
00:00:39,827 --> 00:00:43,229
I actually wanted to be a doctor, but,
you know, they all made fun of me.
18
00:00:43,263 --> 00:00:46,532
"Nobody likes you." [ Chuckles ]
I get it, dad.
19
00:00:46,583 --> 00:00:49,469
Listen, do you have any pamphlets
or information about lice?
20
00:00:49,520 --> 00:00:53,239
Pamphlets? Uh, yeah, okay.
Think, Terry. Pamphlets.
21
00:00:53,273 --> 00:00:55,196
Uh...
[ Drawers rattling ]
22
00:00:55,219 --> 00:00:56,893
Yes, here.
23
00:00:56,927 --> 00:00:59,011
Lice protocol,
seizure protocol...
24
00:00:59,046 --> 00:01:00,402
- No.
- ...Splinter...
25
00:01:00,403 --> 00:01:02,081
- You skipped it.
- I'm sorry?
26
00:01:02,607 --> 00:01:04,342
Lice protoc...
You said that one first.
27
00:01:04,376 --> 00:01:05,810
I skipped it?
28
00:01:05,844 --> 00:01:08,746
I skipped it.
Of course. Yes. So I did.
29
00:01:08,780 --> 00:01:10,865
Okay.
[ Inhales deeply ]
30
00:01:10,899 --> 00:01:13,751
According to this...
31
00:01:14,171 --> 00:01:15,371
Oh.
32
00:01:16,156 --> 00:01:17,357
Whoa.
33
00:01:17,408 --> 00:01:19,108
[ Telephone ringing
in distance ]
34
00:01:19,126 --> 00:01:21,477
Lord. This is bad.
35
00:01:22,446 --> 00:01:25,565
"Until you rid yourself
of lice, nits, and bugs,"
36
00:01:25,599 --> 00:01:28,935
"the infected persons are not
allowed back on school property."
37
00:01:29,251 --> 00:01:30,501
Well, that includes you.
38
00:01:32,289 --> 00:01:34,540
Oh, no, I don't...
I don't have...
39
00:01:34,575 --> 00:01:36,909
- Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
- No, that... that was...
40
00:01:36,960 --> 00:01:38,745
Yeah!
41
00:01:38,796 --> 00:01:40,396
You for sure have it.
42
00:01:40,431 --> 00:01:44,133
- It was just my hair spray.
- No, no. You need to leave now.
43
00:01:45,953 --> 00:01:48,420
TROPHY WIFE
44
00:01:48,421 --> 00:01:50,401
FIRST WIFE
45
00:01:50,426 --> 00:01:52,336
SECOND WIFE
46
00:01:52,492 --> 00:01:55,492
Season 1, Episode 8
"Lice and Beary White"
47
00:01:55,731 --> 00:01:58,731
Synced by Reef
www.addic7ed.com
48
00:01:58,732 --> 00:02:02,051
[ Cellphone vibrating ]
49
00:02:02,249 --> 00:02:05,605
- Hey, what's up?
- Bert's got lice. We've all got lice.
50
00:02:05,656 --> 00:02:08,524
- Round up the others.
- I'm on it.
51
00:02:13,618 --> 00:02:14,862
Thank you.
52
00:02:14,896 --> 00:02:18,531
Oh. Hi. Let's see... I'm gonna
need some condoms
53
00:02:18,532 --> 00:02:21,000
and, uh, cigars,
54
00:02:21,001 --> 00:02:24,153
some stool softener,
and, um [Clears throat]
55
00:02:24,493 --> 00:02:27,295
And I couldn't find
your lice shampoo.
56
00:02:27,329 --> 00:02:29,780
Hey, Gary, is the lice shampoo
on eight or nine?
57
00:02:29,799 --> 00:02:32,560
- Gary: I think it's on nine!
- The lice shampoo's for...
58
00:02:32,597 --> 00:02:34,665
it's not... I don't need...
I... get it.
59
00:02:34,752 --> 00:02:37,187
I'm just constipated,
Gary!
60
00:02:38,772 --> 00:02:40,356
All right, guys.
61
00:02:40,390 --> 00:02:42,951
[ Groans ] This is
what we're gonna do.
62
00:02:43,404 --> 00:02:46,773
Good, you're back.
The school called me.
63
00:02:46,807 --> 00:02:49,393
Nobody move, nobody touch,
nobody sit.
64
00:02:49,394 --> 00:02:52,195
Everybody, listen to me,
and we'll get through this.
65
00:02:52,246 --> 00:02:53,446
Now strip.
66
00:02:56,500 --> 00:02:58,034
Okay, now, as I wash,
67
00:02:58,085 --> 00:03:01,171
the rest of you need to pitch in
with containment and eradication.
68
00:03:01,205 --> 00:03:04,257
Peter, strip the beds. Hillary,
start gathering all the laundry.
69
00:03:04,291 --> 00:03:07,994
And, Kate, listen to me,
because this is most important.
70
00:03:08,012 --> 00:03:09,963
- Okay.
- Cappuccino.
71
00:03:09,997 --> 00:03:12,482
Making coffee
is the most important?
72
00:03:12,516 --> 00:03:14,517
Oh, cappuccino
isn't coffee.
73
00:03:14,552 --> 00:03:17,134
A former barista
should know that.
74
00:03:17,855 --> 00:03:19,330
I was never a barista.
75
00:03:19,331 --> 00:03:23,444
Oh. I thought you had a job once.
You know what? I'll just have Bert do it.
76
00:03:23,491 --> 00:03:25,929
- Two shots, no foam... got it!
- Got it.
77
00:03:25,946 --> 00:03:27,883
Mom, you need to shampoo
my hair next.
78
00:03:27,884 --> 00:03:30,386
Today's the first day of play
rehearsal, and if I don't show,
79
00:03:30,387 --> 00:03:33,075
Alexa Moosewood is gonna
"black swan" her way into my part.
80
00:03:33,089 --> 00:03:34,656
- I'm gonna strip the beds.
- Okay.
81
00:03:34,920 --> 00:03:36,554
I'll wash Hillary's hair.
82
00:03:36,605 --> 00:03:39,190
- Here.
- Mm... I'll do it.
83
00:03:39,241 --> 00:03:42,710
Okay. The thing is,
I picked up the kids.
84
00:03:42,744 --> 00:03:45,344
I got the shampoo.
I bought a special comb.
85
00:03:45,345 --> 00:03:48,431
And before you even got here,
I was kind of running this bitch.
86
00:03:49,468 --> 00:03:50,551
[ Clicks ]
87
00:03:50,585 --> 00:03:51,952
What did you
just call me?
88
00:03:51,987 --> 00:03:54,655
No... I...
no, no, no, no.
89
00:03:54,690 --> 00:03:56,891
It means that I-I had
everything under control.
90
00:03:56,925 --> 00:03:59,460
I mean, obviously,
you're not a bitch.
91
00:04:04,392 --> 00:04:07,310
You know, I just think it'd be
less confusing for everyone
92
00:04:07,311 --> 00:04:09,881
if I were to lead
and you were to follow.
93
00:04:10,830 --> 00:04:12,331
Well, Diane, you see,
94
00:04:12,349 --> 00:04:15,434
I have the lice eradication
master checklist.
95
00:04:15,452 --> 00:04:17,882
Oh, is that the checklist
from the school nurse?
96
00:04:17,883 --> 00:04:21,019
- It is, so it's official.
- I wrote that list.
97
00:04:25,090 --> 00:04:26,090
[ Knock on window ]
98
00:04:26,125 --> 00:04:28,977
Hey, Diane,
I got your message!
99
00:04:29,011 --> 00:04:31,762
No, thanks!
I just came to check on Bert!
100
00:04:31,781 --> 00:04:35,080
- Hi, Bertie!
- You look fancy. Come in.
101
00:04:35,136 --> 00:04:39,239
Ooh, I can't, 'cause I
just spent like a fortune
102
00:04:39,273 --> 00:04:40,974
on this Brazilian blowout,
103
00:04:40,992 --> 00:04:43,627
and I'm not allowed to get it wet
for three days!
104
00:04:43,661 --> 00:04:44,761
- Jackie.
- What?
105
00:04:44,812 --> 00:04:47,314
You're probably already
infested with lice,
106
00:04:47,348 --> 00:04:48,848
so if you don't
get treated,
107
00:04:48,866 --> 00:04:51,017
you're just going to
recontaminate everybody.
108
00:04:51,052 --> 00:04:52,969
But, Diane, my hair
109
00:04:53,020 --> 00:04:55,970
has never looked
this good
110
00:04:55,971 --> 00:04:58,373
in my entire life!
111
00:04:59,744 --> 00:05:01,311
Okay!
112
00:05:03,103 --> 00:05:06,689
If you really want to help,
you'll get her in here.
113
00:05:06,707 --> 00:05:08,134
I mean, you were an usher.
114
00:05:08,135 --> 00:05:10,276
Yeah, but I can do more than
bring Jackie in the house.
115
00:05:10,311 --> 00:05:11,944
Ooh, you can walk her out
when she's done.
116
00:05:11,996 --> 00:05:13,279
Yeah.
117
00:05:13,576 --> 00:05:14,826
Your cappuccino.
118
00:05:14,861 --> 00:05:17,346
Perfect, by the way.
119
00:05:17,380 --> 00:05:19,581
My cappuccino machine,
by the way.
120
00:05:19,725 --> 00:05:23,147
- Do you know how to use it?
- Okay! Okay, I'll get Jackie.
121
00:05:24,583 --> 00:05:26,717
Pete: [ Groans ]
122
00:05:31,406 --> 00:05:33,040
Oh, come on.
123
00:05:33,074 --> 00:05:35,176
Pineapple?
124
00:05:40,365 --> 00:05:42,800
[ Sighs ] Beary White.
125
00:05:42,835 --> 00:05:45,422
I thought you were lost forever.
126
00:05:48,191 --> 00:05:51,678
[ Sighs ] Jackie, Diane
wants you to come inside.
127
00:05:51,729 --> 00:05:53,730
Well, I want local blueberries
in December,
128
00:05:53,764 --> 00:05:54,797
but that's not gonna happen,
129
00:05:54,815 --> 00:05:56,966
so you go tell
herr commander lice
130
00:05:57,001 --> 00:05:59,936
that unless she wants to give me
three hundo for a new blowout,
131
00:05:59,954 --> 00:06:01,371
I'm gonna roll the dice.
132
00:06:01,405 --> 00:06:03,756
Look, I-I think your hair
looks fantastic.
133
00:06:03,807 --> 00:06:05,675
I mean, I would actually even
love the number of the place
134
00:06:05,709 --> 00:06:07,143
- ...where you get it done.
- Yeah?
135
00:06:07,161 --> 00:06:08,962
But, you know, I'm just doing
what I'm being told.
136
00:06:08,996 --> 00:06:12,726
[ Sighs ] Oh, I get it. So
you're her little toadie, yeah?
137
00:06:12,741 --> 00:06:14,859
Think you can come out here
and bag the jackal.
138
00:06:14,893 --> 00:06:15,893
What? No!
139
00:06:15,944 --> 00:06:17,528
She's driving me crazy.
140
00:06:17,563 --> 00:06:18,696
I was taking care of it,
141
00:06:18,731 --> 00:06:20,481
then she just shows up
in my house
142
00:06:20,499 --> 00:06:22,850
without knocking,
without calling.
143
00:06:24,219 --> 00:06:26,053
Not that I mind
when people do that.
144
00:06:26,071 --> 00:06:27,572
I mean, when you do it,
it's...
145
00:06:27,623 --> 00:06:30,174
Don't worry, Kate... I-I know
that I'm always welcome here,
146
00:06:30,225 --> 00:06:31,986
whether you're home or not.
147
00:06:31,993 --> 00:06:33,561
Your house is my house.
148
00:06:33,595 --> 00:06:35,601
Your husband was my husband.
149
00:06:39,685 --> 00:06:41,586
Look what I found
in your bed.
150
00:06:41,620 --> 00:06:43,070
Uh [Scoffs]
151
00:06:43,105 --> 00:06:45,606
W-what was Beary White
doing in my bed?
152
00:06:45,638 --> 00:06:46,739
He belongs to Bert now.
153
00:06:46,790 --> 00:06:50,292
Right, except he lost him
last year.
154
00:06:50,326 --> 00:06:51,927
We spent three days
looking for him.
155
00:06:51,961 --> 00:06:54,052
You volunteered to be search captain.
[ Sighs ]
156
00:06:54,080 --> 00:06:57,499
- I was so concerned.
- Warren, you stole him.
157
00:06:58,501 --> 00:06:59,551
He was mine first!
158
00:06:59,586 --> 00:07:01,036
You made me give him up
before I was ready!
159
00:07:01,054 --> 00:07:02,137
You said you were too old.
160
00:07:02,172 --> 00:07:04,172
We had the whole
changeover ceremony,
161
00:07:04,190 --> 00:07:05,824
the walkabout,
the rebirth, and...
162
00:07:05,859 --> 00:07:07,459
And I cried myself to sleep
that night.
163
00:07:07,494 --> 00:07:10,712
I-I had to cuddle a Transformer,
and when I woke up...
164
00:07:10,747 --> 00:07:12,714
It was a car.
165
00:07:12,748 --> 00:07:15,884
What does she think?
I don't know how to shampoo hair?
166
00:07:15,918 --> 00:07:18,053
- I used to groom dogs.
- [ Gasps ] Me, too!
167
00:07:18,087 --> 00:07:19,605
Really?
How have we never...
168
00:07:19,639 --> 00:07:22,558
Ah, but that's what she does, you know?
She doesn't trust anyone.
169
00:07:22,592 --> 00:07:24,426
She just does
what she wants to do.
170
00:07:24,444 --> 00:07:25,760
One time,
she tried to convince me
171
00:07:25,779 --> 00:07:26,928
I wasn't tying
my shoes right.
172
00:07:26,946 --> 00:07:28,113
[ Scoffs ]
Turns out I wasn't,
173
00:07:28,148 --> 00:07:30,032
but I don't need anybody
to tell me what to do,
174
00:07:30,066 --> 00:07:31,533
because I am my own...
aah!
175
00:07:31,568 --> 00:07:32,951
[ Screaming ]
176
00:07:36,122 --> 00:07:37,990
Oh, oh, oh!
177
00:07:38,041 --> 00:07:39,792
[ Sighs ]
[ Screaming continues ]
178
00:07:39,826 --> 00:07:41,910
[ Cries ]
Diane: Kate...
179
00:07:41,944 --> 00:07:45,547
You had one job to do,
and I had to do it for you.
180
00:07:45,582 --> 00:07:46,782
[ Gasps ]
181
00:07:48,551 --> 00:07:49,501
[ Hose clatters ]
182
00:07:49,552 --> 00:07:51,786
I can't believe
she did that to me!
183
00:07:51,805 --> 00:07:54,473
[ Sighs ]
184
00:07:55,000 --> 00:07:58,074
Subtitles downloaded from www.OpenSubtitles.org
185
00:08:03,825 --> 00:08:05,342
I can't believe that woman.
186
00:08:05,377 --> 00:08:07,311
Spraying me in the face
like that!
187
00:08:07,345 --> 00:08:10,063
Disrespecting my house,
using my hose.
188
00:08:10,081 --> 00:08:11,332
She doesn't pay
my water bill.
189
00:08:11,366 --> 00:08:12,533
It's 'cause she's jealous
of us,
190
00:08:12,567 --> 00:08:14,168
because we're young
and we're beautiful
191
00:08:14,202 --> 00:08:15,953
and I'm very creative.
192
00:08:16,004 --> 00:08:17,171
I thought I was
winning her over.
193
00:08:17,205 --> 00:08:19,056
Oh, no, she doesn't think
very highly of you.
194
00:08:19,107 --> 00:08:22,442
Um, we should just drop it.
195
00:08:22,514 --> 00:08:24,024
Let's.
196
00:08:24,404 --> 00:08:25,905
Oh, but there was
something else.
197
00:08:25,951 --> 00:08:27,352
And we're
picking it up again.
198
00:08:27,386 --> 00:08:28,987
Oh, it was so good.
What was it?
199
00:08:29,021 --> 00:08:32,150
Oh, yes, um, [laughs] she
called you a hologram,
200
00:08:32,158 --> 00:08:33,568
that you're just
color and light.
201
00:08:33,569 --> 00:08:35,871
- Oh, so mean.
- She called me a hologram?
202
00:08:35,905 --> 00:08:37,806
Yeah, that was my takeaway.
203
00:08:37,840 --> 00:08:40,058
All right, time is up.
204
00:08:40,109 --> 00:08:42,291
Bert, Warren has something
he'd like to tell you.
205
00:08:44,430 --> 00:08:47,899
[ Gasps ] He's alive! I prayed,
and it came true!
206
00:08:47,934 --> 00:08:49,851
Thank you, thank you,
thank you, thank you!
207
00:08:49,886 --> 00:08:51,703
- Yeah, sure.
- Where was he?
208
00:08:51,737 --> 00:08:55,523
- Uh, h-he was safe... with me.
- Warren, tell the truth.
209
00:08:57,061 --> 00:09:00,514
Okay, look...
Beary White awoke in the night,
210
00:09:00,548 --> 00:09:02,366
and he came into my bedroom,
and he...
211
00:09:02,400 --> 00:09:03,667
Warren.
212
00:09:03,701 --> 00:09:05,385
I took him.
213
00:09:06,158 --> 00:09:08,593
Wait, you stole Beary White?
214
00:09:08,627 --> 00:09:11,345
Uh, y-yeah, but, hey,
I-it's for the greater good,
215
00:09:11,363 --> 00:09:13,881
because you learned to live without
him, and that's what matters.
216
00:09:13,915 --> 00:09:15,516
- Give him to me!
- Hey, what are you doing?! No!
217
00:09:15,550 --> 00:09:16,750
- Give me him!
- He's mine!
218
00:09:16,768 --> 00:09:18,469
- Guys, guys, guys, look at this!
- That's mine!
219
00:09:18,520 --> 00:09:19,870
This is what you're
fighting over.
220
00:09:19,905 --> 00:09:22,063
- I love him so much!
- Beautiful!
221
00:09:22,134 --> 00:09:23,468
Okay, this is how
it's gonna go.
222
00:09:23,502 --> 00:09:25,275
You guys are gonna each
state your case.
223
00:09:25,304 --> 00:09:27,755
I am gonna decide
who gets to keep Beary White.
224
00:09:27,790 --> 00:09:29,724
- Fine.
- I love you, daddy,
225
00:09:29,758 --> 00:09:32,944
and I know you'll make
the right decision.
226
00:09:32,978 --> 00:09:35,146
[ Scoffs, sighs ]
227
00:09:35,181 --> 00:09:36,714
- You know what she is?
- Better than us?
228
00:09:36,748 --> 00:09:38,683
- No, she's a bully.
- Yeah, bully. Yeah.
229
00:09:38,701 --> 00:09:39,951
And you know what they say
about bullies...
230
00:09:39,985 --> 00:09:41,819
- The bigger they are...
- Huge.
231
00:09:41,854 --> 00:09:43,338
- Just listen to me, okay?
- Mm. Mm-hmm.
232
00:09:43,389 --> 00:09:45,857
She thinks she's so perfect.
Nobody's perfect. No.
233
00:09:45,891 --> 00:09:48,426
Just look at...
Lance Armstrong.
234
00:09:48,485 --> 00:09:50,152
Oh, do you think
she's juicing?
235
00:09:50,170 --> 00:09:51,671
No, I've... I've
thought that.
236
00:09:51,705 --> 00:09:54,023
We have to teach her
that she's not perfect.
237
00:09:54,058 --> 00:09:56,192
I am reading your mind.
238
00:09:56,226 --> 00:09:58,244
What are you thinking?
239
00:09:58,295 --> 00:09:59,629
Hmm.
240
00:10:00,764 --> 00:10:02,165
Mm-hmm.
[ Gasps ]
241
00:10:02,199 --> 00:10:04,200
Yes! Good idea!
242
00:10:04,234 --> 00:10:06,202
Make her think she didn't buy
enough lice shampoo.
243
00:10:06,220 --> 00:10:08,537
Oh, she will be devastated!
244
00:10:08,555 --> 00:10:11,307
- [ Laughs ] Or...
- Or...
245
00:10:12,843 --> 00:10:14,627
See how well
she gets rid of her lice
246
00:10:14,678 --> 00:10:17,530
with volumizing shampoo
for color-treated hair.
247
00:10:17,564 --> 00:10:20,638
- No, no... that won't get rid of lice.
- Exactly.
248
00:10:20,639 --> 00:10:23,108
Oh, yeah!
249
00:10:24,313 --> 00:10:25,880
Uh, your turn, Diane.
250
00:10:25,881 --> 00:10:28,415
We are done with
the lice-killing shampoo.
251
00:10:28,433 --> 00:10:29,583
Giggle, giggle.
252
00:10:29,601 --> 00:10:31,252
- Why are you saying "giggle"?
- I don't know.
253
00:10:31,270 --> 00:10:32,470
It took you long enough.
254
00:10:32,487 --> 00:10:35,540
I used the last of that bottle
on Horndog.
255
00:10:35,591 --> 00:10:37,091
[ Horndog barking ]
256
00:10:37,125 --> 00:10:38,609
I don't know
what to tell you, Diane.
257
00:10:38,644 --> 00:10:41,245
We both have very long
and beautiful hair
258
00:10:41,280 --> 00:10:43,431
that was very full of bugs.
[ Sighs ]
259
00:10:43,465 --> 00:10:45,316
You sure you don't want
one of us to help you?
260
00:10:45,350 --> 00:10:46,817
Oh, no, I got it.
261
00:10:46,868 --> 00:10:50,805
Uh, you could watch the dryer and let
me know when the towels are done.
262
00:10:51,331 --> 00:10:52,882
You want me to watch
the dryer...
263
00:10:52,884 --> 00:10:55,909
- The one that buzzes when it's done?
- Yes.
264
00:10:55,910 --> 00:10:58,354
And we'll need all the towels
folded and on deck.
265
00:10:58,388 --> 00:11:01,574
- You think you could handle that?
- [ Scoffs ] Not by myself.
266
00:11:01,608 --> 00:11:04,209
- It's definitely a two-man job.
- Oh.
267
00:11:04,227 --> 00:11:07,830
- Do you want... The Jackal?
- Yeah. [ Clears throat ]
268
00:11:07,881 --> 00:11:10,166
Actually,
I love to watch the dryer,
269
00:11:10,217 --> 00:11:12,217
'cause it goes
[Imitates whirring]
270
00:11:12,235 --> 00:11:14,236
Warren:
Fact... I had him first.
271
00:11:14,706 --> 00:11:16,791
Fact... I named him Beary White.
272
00:11:16,792 --> 00:11:19,927
Fact... although Bert made a big
deal about it when he lost him,
273
00:11:19,962 --> 00:11:21,735
I don't think
he really cared that much.
274
00:11:23,232 --> 00:11:25,917
That is not a fact!
275
00:11:25,951 --> 00:11:28,085
Objection noted.
Warren, proceed.
276
00:11:28,120 --> 00:11:31,405
[ Sighs ] Thank you, Judge Dad.
As I was saying...
277
00:11:31,563 --> 00:11:33,764
I wasn't ready
to give him away.
278
00:11:33,798 --> 00:11:35,716
You and mom wouldn't let me
take him to school anymore,
279
00:11:35,750 --> 00:11:37,551
and he wasn't allowed
to ride in the car with us,
280
00:11:37,602 --> 00:11:40,070
so I thought, "Hey, maybe
I should give him to Bert."
281
00:11:40,104 --> 00:11:43,941
But the moment I did, I regretted it!
I was under a dress!
282
00:11:44,098 --> 00:11:45,182
You mean...
283
00:11:45,216 --> 00:11:47,350
Under duress?
284
00:11:47,402 --> 00:11:48,602
Yeah.
285
00:11:48,755 --> 00:11:50,072
Th-that too.
286
00:11:50,106 --> 00:11:52,157
That's what I said. Okay,
that's... that's valid.
287
00:11:52,208 --> 00:11:54,760
I'll take that into consideration
in my deliberations.
288
00:11:54,811 --> 00:11:57,296
Now do you want to cede the floor
to the younger plaintiff?
289
00:11:57,313 --> 00:11:58,313
[ Sighs ]
290
00:11:58,348 --> 00:12:00,783
Fact...
Warren stole Beary White.
291
00:12:00,817 --> 00:12:03,118
Fact... stealing is wrong.
292
00:12:03,153 --> 00:12:06,038
Fact... Warren is wrong!
293
00:12:06,072 --> 00:12:08,257
That's a very strong
argument.
294
00:12:08,291 --> 00:12:11,276
How is that strong?!
Anyone can do that!
295
00:12:11,327 --> 00:12:12,911
Uh, fact... I'm hungry.
296
00:12:12,962 --> 00:12:15,697
Fact... I want a cookie.
Fact... I am a cookie!
297
00:12:15,732 --> 00:12:18,233
You're not a cookie.
298
00:12:18,268 --> 00:12:20,486
I can be
whatever I want to be!
299
00:12:20,537 --> 00:12:22,370
- Give me that!
- Hey, guys, guys!
300
00:12:24,340 --> 00:12:26,141
Dryer buzzed.
301
00:12:26,176 --> 00:12:28,210
[ Sighs ]
302
00:12:28,228 --> 00:12:31,146
Diane, I just want to
thank you.
303
00:12:31,180 --> 00:12:34,201
I don't think I could've managed
to shampoo all these heads.
304
00:12:34,365 --> 00:12:35,582
I also did laundry.
305
00:12:35,616 --> 00:12:37,066
Exactly.
306
00:12:37,084 --> 00:12:39,085
You came in
and saved the day.
307
00:12:39,120 --> 00:12:41,187
I know.
That's just what I do.
308
00:12:41,222 --> 00:12:43,356
- Yeah. [ Chuckles ]
- Yeah.
309
00:12:43,407 --> 00:12:47,010
You know, I didn't mean to
get in your hair earlier.
310
00:12:47,044 --> 00:12:49,395
[ Chuckles ] [ Laughs ]
311
00:12:49,430 --> 00:12:51,614
Oh, are you
shampooing again?
312
00:12:51,649 --> 00:12:54,067
Did you not get them
all out the first time?
313
00:12:54,118 --> 00:12:55,051
[ Laughs ]
314
00:12:55,085 --> 00:12:57,887
No,
this is my first time.
315
00:12:57,921 --> 00:12:59,894
I just did Hillary.
316
00:13:00,924 --> 00:13:02,091
What?
317
00:13:02,109 --> 00:13:03,626
I thought you did Hillary
this morning.
318
00:13:03,661 --> 00:13:06,262
Oh, no,
I just did Hillary now
319
00:13:06,297 --> 00:13:08,599
and sent her off to school
for rehearsal.
320
00:13:08,717 --> 00:13:11,317
- She's there right now?
- Yes.
321
00:13:11,352 --> 00:13:12,552
Oh.
322
00:13:13,871 --> 00:13:15,488
Mm.
323
00:13:15,785 --> 00:13:17,536
What's going on?
324
00:13:17,537 --> 00:13:19,955
- Kate, you have to tell her.
- Shut up, Jackie.
325
00:13:19,956 --> 00:13:22,241
Um, you got to believe me.
I begged her not to do it!
326
00:13:22,292 --> 00:13:25,377
- Do what?
- It's not my place to say.
327
00:13:25,412 --> 00:13:26,545
Kate?
328
00:13:26,579 --> 00:13:28,964
Jackie thinks
you're on steroids.
329
00:13:28,998 --> 00:13:31,300
- Jackie.
- What?
330
00:13:31,334 --> 00:13:35,170
Is there anything
you think I should know?
331
00:13:35,205 --> 00:13:36,922
Fine!
332
00:13:36,973 --> 00:13:40,175
I switched the lice shampoo with
regular shampoo to make you look bad.
333
00:13:40,209 --> 00:13:43,145
But not that bad, because your volume
would've been very controlled.
334
00:13:43,179 --> 00:13:44,179
[ Chuckles nervously ]
335
00:13:44,213 --> 00:13:46,648
You did what?!
336
00:13:57,691 --> 00:14:01,127
[ Groans ]
What were you thinking?
337
00:14:01,161 --> 00:14:03,642
I told her not to do it.
I don't know why she did it.
338
00:14:03,643 --> 00:14:05,510
Insecurities.
Oh, daddy issues.
339
00:14:05,545 --> 00:14:06,818
I don't know...
she's a mess.
340
00:14:06,846 --> 00:14:09,731
I would love to discuss
Kate's psychiatric problems.
341
00:14:09,765 --> 00:14:12,367
Oh, well, if anyone can
solve them, Diane, it is you.
342
00:14:12,401 --> 00:14:14,853
[ Chuckles ] But we need
to go get Hillary
343
00:14:14,887 --> 00:14:16,735
and stop her from spreading
this epidemic.
344
00:14:16,736 --> 00:14:19,059
Oh, call 911.
345
00:14:19,060 --> 00:14:21,034
It's a little dramatic,
don't you think?
346
00:14:21,035 --> 00:14:23,038
Uh, Kate,
haven't you done enough?
347
00:14:23,062 --> 00:14:26,898
10 minutes ago, you were on my side.
Don't you remember, Jackal?
348
00:14:26,932 --> 00:14:28,649
I-I don't know
who that is.
349
00:14:28,667 --> 00:14:31,219
[ Groans ] She's not
answering her phone.
350
00:14:31,253 --> 00:14:32,971
Okay. I'll go get her.
351
00:14:33,005 --> 00:14:35,690
Uh, no, I think you have done enough.
I'll go get her.
352
00:14:35,708 --> 00:14:37,025
No, you still have lice.
I'll go get her.
353
00:14:37,059 --> 00:14:38,760
Well, I'm her mother,
so I think I'll go get her.
354
00:14:38,794 --> 00:14:40,912
Yeah, but you're gonna
spread even more.
355
00:14:44,617 --> 00:14:45,867
You're blocking me in!
356
00:14:45,901 --> 00:14:47,819
Uh, no, no, you're actually
blocking me in.
357
00:14:47,853 --> 00:14:49,754
- Well, I need to go. Can you get out here?
- Can you please come on?
358
00:14:49,788 --> 00:14:52,003
- Take a chill pill.
- Hey!
359
00:14:52,641 --> 00:14:54,325
- What are you doing?! Come on!
- Now, Jackal!
360
00:14:54,360 --> 00:14:57,049
- Weasel!
- Hold your horses.
361
00:15:01,045 --> 00:15:04,281
Kate, you'll need to move
your car so I can back out.
362
00:15:04,282 --> 00:15:06,700
No. I created this problem.
I'm gonna fix it.
363
00:15:06,734 --> 00:15:09,936
Yes, you created the problem,
so now I will fix it.
364
00:15:09,954 --> 00:15:11,588
Jackie, back me up here.
365
00:15:11,623 --> 00:15:14,341
- You have a huge problem with Diane, too.
- Jackie?
366
00:15:15,401 --> 00:15:18,699
Well, I think it's pretty obvious
what needs to happen here.
367
00:15:18,700 --> 00:15:20,418
Uh, but first thing's first.
368
00:15:20,452 --> 00:15:23,587
I'm gonna back out,
'cause I'm blocking you guys in.
369
00:15:23,605 --> 00:15:25,813
[ Car door closes,
engine turns over ]
370
00:15:26,408 --> 00:15:28,342
[ Tires screech ]
371
00:15:28,393 --> 00:15:31,462
[ Tires squealing ]
372
00:15:34,583 --> 00:15:35,650
[ Horn honks ]
373
00:15:35,684 --> 00:15:36,817
[ Scoffs ]
374
00:15:36,852 --> 00:15:38,435
[ Dog barking in distance ]
375
00:15:38,732 --> 00:15:41,451
Diane, I am not gonna
back down on this.
376
00:15:41,452 --> 00:15:44,521
I should've put my foot down earlier,
but I am putting it down now.
377
00:15:44,539 --> 00:15:47,207
Kate, you are not
going to win this.
378
00:15:48,476 --> 00:15:50,110
[ Keys jingle ]
Wait, no!
379
00:15:50,161 --> 00:15:52,062
[ Grunts ] Win this!
380
00:15:58,366 --> 00:16:00,307
Win this!
381
00:16:02,306 --> 00:16:04,541
[ Sighs ]
382
00:16:04,575 --> 00:16:08,295
So, dad,
what's it gonna be?
383
00:16:09,100 --> 00:16:12,219
Do you guys know
the judgment of Solomon?
384
00:16:12,220 --> 00:16:13,220
Is that a video game?
385
00:16:13,255 --> 00:16:14,838
- No.
- Then no.
386
00:16:14,873 --> 00:16:16,991
It's a biblical story
about two women
387
00:16:17,025 --> 00:16:20,010
who were fighting over a baby
that they both claimed was theirs.
388
00:16:20,430 --> 00:16:23,065
They went to king Solomon
to explain the situation.
389
00:16:23,099 --> 00:16:24,634
He called for a sword
390
00:16:24,668 --> 00:16:28,070
and proclaimed there was
only one fair solution.
391
00:16:28,105 --> 00:16:31,240
The baby will be split in two,
392
00:16:31,274 --> 00:16:34,218
and each woman will take a half.
393
00:16:34,273 --> 00:16:35,540
Cool, great story.
394
00:16:35,575 --> 00:16:36,775
It's not over yet.
395
00:16:36,792 --> 00:16:38,827
So, the lying woman says,
"Divide him,"
396
00:16:38,861 --> 00:16:40,912
but the baby's true mother said,
397
00:16:40,947 --> 00:16:44,049
"Give the baby to her.
Just don't kill him."
398
00:16:44,095 --> 00:16:46,980
And that's how king Solomon
figured out
399
00:16:46,998 --> 00:16:48,599
who to give the baby to.
400
00:16:49,857 --> 00:16:54,094
So, unless you two can decide
who gets the bear,
401
00:16:54,128 --> 00:16:56,430
I'm gonna have to cut
Beary White in half.
402
00:16:56,464 --> 00:16:57,370
Sounds fair to me.
403
00:16:57,386 --> 00:16:59,123
- I'm good with that.
- Really?
404
00:16:59,124 --> 00:17:00,419
- Yeah.
- Uh-huh.
405
00:17:00,453 --> 00:17:02,354
You want me to cut
this teddy bear
406
00:17:02,389 --> 00:17:05,290
that you both love so dearly
in half?!
407
00:17:05,325 --> 00:17:06,458
- Go for it.
- Sure.
408
00:17:06,493 --> 00:17:10,012
I'm doing it!
I'm cutting the bear!
409
00:17:10,217 --> 00:17:13,119
What is wrong with you?!
410
00:17:14,951 --> 00:17:16,335
No, no, no!
411
00:17:16,369 --> 00:17:20,906
Sorry again about
the whole shampoo switcheroo.
412
00:17:21,432 --> 00:17:22,866
[ As Diane ]
"That's okay, Kate.
413
00:17:22,901 --> 00:17:25,169
I would've done the same thing
if I were you."
414
00:17:25,203 --> 00:17:28,822
You are the Typhoid Mary
of this lice outbreak.
415
00:17:30,375 --> 00:17:32,543
[ Normal voice ]
If Typhoid Mary was a person
416
00:17:32,577 --> 00:17:34,244
who could've done things
but people wouldn't let her,
417
00:17:34,262 --> 00:17:35,646
then, yes,
I agree with you.
418
00:17:35,680 --> 00:17:37,631
That's not who she was.
419
00:17:38,034 --> 00:17:40,986
You never let me
do anything, Diane.
420
00:17:41,021 --> 00:17:44,156
You always boss me around.
You always boss everyone around.
421
00:17:44,190 --> 00:17:46,158
And this might be hard for you
to hear, but nobody likes it.
422
00:17:46,176 --> 00:17:48,427
I can do things!
423
00:17:48,461 --> 00:17:49,768
- Kate.
- What?
424
00:17:49,769 --> 00:17:50,969
You've missed the turn.
425
00:17:52,415 --> 00:17:53,865
- You can't pull a u-turn here.
- I-I...
426
00:17:53,884 --> 00:17:55,167
- No, go straight ahead.
- I'm not gonna...
427
00:17:55,201 --> 00:17:56,785
- I-I was gonna go straight.
- Two streets down, go right.
428
00:17:56,820 --> 00:17:59,379
- I know what I'm doing!
- You can go right, right, and right.
429
00:17:59,387 --> 00:18:00,172
[ Sighs ]
430
00:18:00,575 --> 00:18:02,677
Hey, you guys
gut that bear?
431
00:18:02,711 --> 00:18:04,812
No. We figured out
a solution.
432
00:18:04,846 --> 00:18:07,164
Yeah, we thought about how
you guys split custody of us.
433
00:18:07,199 --> 00:18:10,457
Like how I have clean underwear
here and at mom's house.
434
00:18:10,471 --> 00:18:12,455
And we thought we could do
the same thing for Beary White.
435
00:18:12,489 --> 00:18:14,173
Monday, Wednesday, Friday,
and every other weekend,
436
00:18:14,208 --> 00:18:15,975
he's with me, and the rest
of the time, he's with Bert.
437
00:18:16,010 --> 00:18:19,012
We're still working out the holidays,
and we'll do his birthday together.
438
00:18:19,046 --> 00:18:20,380
Mm-hmm.
It's the best for him.
439
00:18:20,414 --> 00:18:22,432
That's a really great solution.
440
00:18:22,466 --> 00:18:25,601
You guys settled out of court
just like two real lawyers.
441
00:18:25,636 --> 00:18:27,015
I love it.
442
00:18:27,016 --> 00:18:29,001
Is this what you do
all day?
443
00:18:29,035 --> 00:18:30,636
I am wasting my life.
444
00:18:30,670 --> 00:18:32,137
Yeah, it seems like
a real waste of time.
445
00:18:32,171 --> 00:18:34,373
Hey, I'm...
I'm not proud of it.
446
00:18:34,407 --> 00:18:35,807
Hmm.
447
00:18:35,842 --> 00:18:37,593
Hey, Bert, uh,
I had an idea.
448
00:18:37,627 --> 00:18:41,146
What if I took Beary for Christmas
and you got him for the Fourth of July?
449
00:18:41,197 --> 00:18:44,099
Okay, so, we'll do
his bar mitzvah together?
450
00:18:44,133 --> 00:18:45,692
Sounds great.
451
00:18:49,122 --> 00:18:50,422
[ Sighs ] Okay.
452
00:18:57,361 --> 00:18:59,295
- Kate.
- Uh, yeah?
453
00:18:59,313 --> 00:19:01,364
- Kate.
- Okay, what?
454
00:19:01,398 --> 00:19:03,466
What did I do wrong this time?
D-did I make another wrong turn?
455
00:19:03,500 --> 00:19:04,867
Is this even the right school?
[ Sighs ]
456
00:19:04,885 --> 00:19:07,270
I was going to say
you may have a point
457
00:19:07,304 --> 00:19:09,822
and should be entrusted
458
00:19:09,873 --> 00:19:12,809
with s-slightly more
responsibility.
459
00:19:13,884 --> 00:19:15,084
Thank you.
460
00:19:16,737 --> 00:19:17,853
And...
461
00:19:17,904 --> 00:19:20,656
This is a lot of skin
for school.
462
00:19:20,707 --> 00:19:22,491
Let's get Hillary
before she spreads the lice.
463
00:19:22,542 --> 00:19:24,126
Love our talks.
464
00:19:24,224 --> 00:19:26,309
Wait. Just hang on.
465
00:19:26,911 --> 00:19:28,879
Students:
give me a head with hair
466
00:19:28,930 --> 00:19:30,380
long, beautiful hair
467
00:19:30,431 --> 00:19:34,300
shining, gleaming
streaming, flaxen, waxen
468
00:19:34,319 --> 00:19:36,136
give me down-to-there hair
469
00:19:36,154 --> 00:19:37,904
shoulder length or longer
470
00:19:37,939 --> 00:19:39,573
here, baby, there, mama
471
00:19:39,607 --> 00:19:41,491
everywhere, daddy, daddy
472
00:19:41,526 --> 00:19:44,728
Hair! Hair, hair, hair,
hair, hair, hair, hair
473
00:19:44,762 --> 00:19:46,346
flow it, show it
474
00:19:46,381 --> 00:19:49,333
long as God can grow my hair
475
00:19:49,343 --> 00:19:51,699
Woman: Good. Now give your wigs
to the understudies!
476
00:19:51,733 --> 00:19:54,635
Okay, Kate, this one's yours.
What should we do?
477
00:19:54,716 --> 00:19:57,251
Well, if we retreat now, maybe
another kid will be blamed.
478
00:19:57,302 --> 00:19:58,502
My thoughts exactly.
479
00:20:01,172 --> 00:20:03,841
- Uh, watch it!
- Students:
Hair
480
00:20:03,875 --> 00:20:05,843
Ooh! Move it!
481
00:20:05,877 --> 00:20:07,394
[ Breathing heavily ]
482
00:20:07,395 --> 00:20:08,745
- Look out!
- Oh!
483
00:20:08,746 --> 00:20:10,339
Hair!
484
00:20:18,269 --> 00:20:21,667
Jackie: Okay, hit it with
a little more steam, Bertie.
485
00:20:22,774 --> 00:20:25,954
Ah, I don't know why
I wasted so much money
486
00:20:25,979 --> 00:20:27,546
on getting this done
professionally.
487
00:20:27,564 --> 00:20:29,265
I mean, not that
you're not professional,
488
00:20:29,316 --> 00:20:30,349
'cause, I meansweetie,
489
00:20:30,383 --> 00:20:32,342
you could have
a real future in this!
490
00:20:32,398 --> 00:20:34,015
I want to be
a school nurse.
491
00:20:34,066 --> 00:20:36,401
- Why?
- 'Cause anyone can do it.
492
00:20:36,435 --> 00:20:38,353
Oh, honey,
can you get mommy,
493
00:20:38,404 --> 00:20:39,938
uh, a pillow for her knees?
494
00:20:39,972 --> 00:20:41,139
- 'Cause...
- Okay.
495
00:20:41,157 --> 00:20:42,073
Yeah.
496
00:20:42,108 --> 00:20:43,608
Bert?
497
00:20:43,642 --> 00:20:45,226
Quickly!
498
00:20:45,261 --> 00:20:47,145
Quickly, quickly!
499
00:20:47,179 --> 00:20:48,813
Quickly, quickly!
[ Sizzling ]
500
00:20:48,848 --> 00:20:52,250
Oh, okay, no,
that does not smell right.
501
00:20:55,170 --> 00:20:56,370
Ah...
502
00:20:56,374 --> 00:20:57,725
[ Sighs ]
503
00:20:57,726 --> 00:21:00,144
Oh! Whew!
504
00:21:00,312 --> 00:21:03,448
Aw...
505
00:21:03,662 --> 00:21:06,414
Oh, well. You know,
you get what you pay for.
506
00:21:06,449 --> 00:21:07,799
Win some, dim sum.
507
00:21:07,833 --> 00:21:09,150
[ Gasps ] Dim sum!
508
00:21:09,185 --> 00:21:10,868
Bert,
we're getting dim sum!
509
00:21:11,205 --> 00:21:14,205
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www.addic7ed.com
510
00:21:15,000 --> 00:21:18,080
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511
00:21:18,130 --> 00:21:22,680
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