Original subtitles

- Synced and corrected by VirusKiller - - www.addic7ed.com -

Mr. Belyakov: Everything okay?

Brett, stop playing. Stop playing.

- What? - Shh!

Come here!

What's going on? What happened?

- It's the landlord. - Mr. Belyakov: I heard big bump.

He's not happy about the situation.

Mr. Belyakov: I come in, okay?

- (keys rattling) - Oh... Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

Mr. Belyakov. Welcome.

Everything's A-okay, Mr. Belyakov.

- What is that? - Uh...

My friend has an electric vehicle.

He just needed a quick boost.

Mr. Belyakov: No. No, no, no, boys.

Sorry about that. We'll cover that.

- We just... - It's messy here.

- Sorry. - What are you playing, "Harry Potter"?

Both: "Dune."

So this is why pretty girl left.

Jesus.

Where is Christy, by the way?

She's been, uh, working nights.

Yeah, but she hasn't really been here during the day either.

Shit.

Found it.

"I'm leaving. Not that you'd notice

"since you live in an imaginary world

with your closeted lover, Brett."

Might want to read the rest of that in private.

Oh.

Sorry, man.

Michelle: Okay, so Tina's gonna be here in an hour.

Thank you so much for covering.

Sure, no problem.

You're going to Tiller?

Uh... yeah.

I'm just meeting this other mom there

who's... she seems like she's

really on top of things.

Cool. Sounds good.

I feel like I should...

just let you know that, um...

David is not a part

- of the charter school at all, and... - You know...

I'm sorry. Can we not have this conversation right now?

I have a lot of work to do,

- and I'm just not... - No, I'm not...

But just so you know, I'm not trying

to have a conversation.

I'm just saying he...

I just wanted to let you know

I'm not, like, going to work

- and, like, seeing him... - Yeah, but I don't...

want you to mention his name

right now is what I'm trying

- to explain to you, okay? - Okay.

So we're...

I feel... I just... I'm trying to

- just say that I'm not... - Michelle, shut the fuck up!

You fucked him.

Don't talk to me about him.

'Cause I get to sit here looking at my stuff

and thinking about him making you cum

in a hotel room.

Okay.

Okay.

(door closes)

Your husband fucking hates you.

Really, that's great.

You know what, Brett?

Don't ask if everything's okay

if you don't actually want to know

whether everything's okay.

Why are you even asking?

Just to be, like, a fucking...

Hi.

- Everything okay? - Hi, Anna. Yeah. Just...

waiting, um...

I'm just, like, having a meltdown.

- Hey. - Hi.

What is going on?

Oh...

Okay. Um...

I guess I just don't know what the fuck I'm doing?

Like, my husband hates me,

my kids are mad at me 'cause I'm gone all the time,

I am so in over my head

with the school since David quit.

I just feel like

I'm fucking everything up.

Like, I just keep making mistakes just...

- Not just here, but, like... - You know what?

You just need to take a second and stop.

You're kicking ass on this school.

You are!

I am in, like, awe of what you are doing.

I am in awe of what we are doing.

Like, everyone involved is just so

proud and excited to be a part of this.

It's, like, the best thing in my life right now.

- Oh. - That is not saying attendance.

I am a stay-at-home mother of two, but...

I think what we're doing is pretty fucking awesome, okay? Okay.

- That makes me feel good. Thank you. - So just know that.

- Thanks. - Wipe that...

And now this guy.

- What? - Ugh. Just this contractor is,

- like, making my life a misery. - Ah.

Every time I see him,

there's a new cost, there's something going on.

He's, like, pushing back the date...

Ugh. That's what contractors do.

- I mean... - I know, but I just, like,

I don't know enough to call him on his bullshit.

And even if I did, I don't have time

to, like, manage a construction site.

Hold on.

I have just the thing.

First off...

I think this color would look amazing on you.

All right, now, I have

something in here that is gonna make

- everything better. - It's so pretty.

Why don't we have some fun with this guy?

You want one?

Um...

What is it, like, a lollipop?

Well, kind of.

Let's fucking do this.

The town? You know, I'm not exactly sure.

Hello?

Oh, he's adorable.

Oh, thank you.

He's a big flirt. (chuckles)

Yeah, you are.

You are.

(farts)

(farts)

(giggling)

(farts)

(sniffs)

Oh.

Excuse me.

There's a changing room on the second floor.

- Oh, is there? Thank you so much. - Yeah.

Um... nobody has a diaper, do they?

- No. - No diaper?

Fire hose and a hazmat suit?

(squish)

I didn't want to have to do this,

but frankly, you brought it on yourself.

(grunts)

Yeah, copy.

Megan, uh, are you sure about this thing?

I... I look like Judas Priest.

(whispers) Yeah, it's gothic.

It looks amazing on you.

I... What? Why are you whispering?

I can't... (whispers)

Excuse me. I need to check in on Jennifer.

What is... What are you doing?

What?

Big C in the house!

(whispers) Pappas!

Shh, shh, shh.

Yeah! Shh.

Why are you whisp... Why is everyone whispering?

No, no. I think... uh... everybody...

It's just... well,

everybody's being real chill right now

'cause I think they're all excited

to work with you, to be honest.

- Okay. - Uh, speaking of which, let's

- get you chained up in your dungeon. - Yeah.

I'm just gonna say hi to the new director real quick and then we'll go.

Yeah, no, no, no. the thing about that is, uh,

he likes to keep a set like...

he wants to jump into the first take

without talking it to death, you know what I mean?

Just jump right into it.

Is that the asshole director from "Into the Canyon"?

Uh... yeah, dude. So crazy good

with visuals and shit, right?

- Is he crying? - Uh... I don't know.

Allergies maybe?

Maybe he's sad 'cause he's a horrible person. He...

ruined my best friend. (chuckles)

Fucking crazy.

Guys, let's roll on one, right?

Let's... let's get one goin'.

Contractor: Now that the drywall is off,

we might have asbestos in the walls,

which if it is, I'm sure I don't have to tell you...

nightmare.

(mouthing)

Now, my asbestos guys are really busy

over the next couple weeks, but I might be able

to squeeze them in on the weekend

if you can swing time-and-a-half.

Oh, my gosh, really? Thank you.

This way.

Now, we are gonna have

to redo the entire

roof here, okay? The entire roof.

Because the whole base layer was

totally rotted out.

So...

I know you got hard out at the end of the summer,

but with all these issues,

I don't think I can guarantee the completion

of the original timeline we discussed.

I mean, like... this place is a mess.

I think you're a mess.

(chuckles) You heard me.

I said you're a mess.

You took this contract,

you knew we were under a deadline,

you start whining and bitching

and moaning, pushing back your fucking deadline

and jacking up your prices?!

Well, I... I just wasn't aware

- of your personal issues... - Stop. You're fired.

Tell him.

You are fired.

Okay. Fine.

Good luck, ladies...

'cause you're gonna fucking need it.

(laughs) Good luck to you.

(gasps) Oh, my God.

Yes!

- What a gentleman. - Oh...

No. No, no, no.

- No, no, no. Shh! - Oh, why did we do that?

We are gonna be fine! Look, I have a guy.

I gave him a ton of work.

He owes me big time.

You think he'll do it?

I'm gonna make him do it.

Is anybody up there?

I'm not a monster!

I simply have a sleep disorder!

And for the love of God, I need food!

And water!

Please!

Please, please help me!

Cut?

Big C: We're in the middle of a take and he just walks off set.

- No. Like, he's physically not here. - Hello?

Alex: Uh, where... where's the director?

Uh, yeah, cut.

(ringing) Dude, so good.

So fucking good.

Hey guys, let's take five, right?

(clattering)

Not in the cabinet...

Whoa! Hey, man, you're in the wrong place.

- Get out, bro! - Homeboy, you're in the wrong place.

This is my clothes.

These are my organic cold-pressed juices, Vegapocolypse.

Okay.

Do you have any...

Where's the mini-bar in here?

I don't have a minibar.

- This isn't a hotel. - Coke,

narcos, any... any kind of painkillers,

- muscle relaxants, anything? - I...

- You know what? Let me get a medic for you. - No, no, no, no!

- They send you in here looking for me? - Uh...

- Did who send me in here looking for you? - The fucking producers, man.

Did they send you in here to get me?

No, they didn't.

Look, I'm sorry, man.

I'm trying to be a better guy.

(sighs)

I just have very deep self-esteem issues,

and I'm trying to change that,

but it's really hard, man,

and I'm sorry if I took that out on you.

It is not your fault and I

- want you to know that. - Okay.

- Yeah, I... I know that. - I know I'm a dickhead

and I have alienated everybody...

but I can't go in there...

and face those people, man.

Okay.

(cries)

Oh, my God.

It's fucking embarrassing.

Um...

When we... when we go back in there, can...

Can you help me?

Please?

- Girl 1: You can live there for all I care. - Girl 2: Oh, my God.

Why are you coming at me like this?

I have literally done everything you wanted to do today!

- Yep, sure we did. - We went to every motherfucking store!

And you know what? I even had to talk

- to that nasty, unmarried bald man! - Excuse me,

would you ladies like to take

- the 110 or the 134? - Oh, my God!

- Just keep talking, bitch. Okay? - Excuse me, ladies...

- Just keep talking! - Uh-uh-uh!

- You did not just tell me... - I will slap those eyelashes

- right off of you! - You know what? We'll take the 110 then.

All you do is tell people what to do!

- Fucking broad! - Hey!

No! Hey! Stop it this instant!

Nobody's killing anybody, okay? Hey, I'm driving!

Whoa! Whoa! Okay! Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

(arguing continues) Hey!

Hey, cut it out!

All right. Um...

Okay. Hey!

I fucking hate you!

Get out of my car! Enough!

Get out of my car... Oh!

(door opens)

Larry: Tina? I'm home. (door closes)

Tines?

Shit.

Fuck.

- Hey! - Hey!

I didn't expect you to...

- be home. - Yeah.

We had an accident. (coughs)

It's all right, sweetie.

We had a really big poop,

and we were around the corner, (Frank cries)

and we had such a big poop... It's okay, sweetie.

And so, we just ended up coming here, and I, um...

uh...

Okay, it's all right, sweetie.

I know. It's okay.

We're gonna leave! We're just leaving right now!

I just gotta get my stuff!

Hon?

Hey, little man.

Want some Cheerios?

(cries)

Cheerio you right up-io.

(chews) That's right.

Man, these are good.

Do you think you can handle some Cheerios?

(imitates plane)

Oh.

What do you think of that?

What do you think of that?

(imitates plane) They're magic.

(babbles) Yeah, I know. I know.

Oh, oh, oh Almost there.

Almost there. (mutters)

(grunts) (shackles clatter)

Oh, oh, oh

Save up all the days

- I think we got that. - Yes!

(ringing) Fuckin' Pappas!

A routine malaise

Just like yesterday

I told you I would stay

Oh, oh, oh

Would you always

Always

Maybe sometimes

Dudley: See you next week.

Make it easy?

Take your time

Oh

Is... is that a tiara or a crown?

Oh, oh, oh

You don't like it? No, I do!

- You know, I would! - You would?

- I would! Of course! - Of course you would!

It's so cool 'cause you... 'cause you guys are just...

Oh, oh, oh

Brett: See, that's where you got it wrong.

This is a new service.

- This is called Uber Zombie... - Natalie: Oh! (laughs)

- where you got some blood on the seats, - Yeah.

You got a little blood in the hair,

- we got little dents in the forehead. - Mm-hmm.

- It's gonna be the shit. - Um, quick question.

- Mm-hmm? - Do... do all Uber-zies, uh, come with...

Is it just, like, Bruce Hornsby on the radio

across the board or is that, like...

Well, you got a lot of options in here.

You got Bruce Hornsby,

- Mmkay. - you got Bruce Hornsby and the Range,

- Okay. - or you can have just the Range.

Wait. Like, the Range has their own...

The Range was the shit on their own.

Long ago They... they... oh!

Uh-huh Yeah.

Listen to the mandolin rain

Now we are just the Range

Yeah, listen to our awesome new song

(car turns off) Brett: Oh!

(Natalie laughs) Shit.

- Um... - This is the part where I murder you.

That was a joke. (laughs)

Uh, I just... My battery just died.

Not going to kill you, just...

Are you okay?

Oh... What happened? That wasn't that funny.

- No, no, no, no. - That really wasn't that funny.

I had a little, uh, a little wine maybe before...

Oh, okay. That's better.

Um, your toy cart. I... I...

Good, good. I was starting to think

you might be an idiot, so this... this is better.

Ooh, no, yeah. Better.

Does this conclude our journey, uh, or...

I mean, it... it better

- 'cause I literally can't go anywhere. - Can't go anywhere.

- Okay. - I'm living in your driveway.

- Okay. - This is what's gonna happen.

Um, I could, um, in fact

give you that electricity you're

- looking for. - I was begging for that,

- just so you know. - I know you were.

- Thank you properly. - Did you know I was making you work for it?

- Yeah. Oh. - Because you made

a joke about murdering me

- in my own driveway, so... - Well, that's a good point.

All right, I'll tell you what, I will give you

- a free Uber ride for a little juice. - Ooh!

Sold.

(chuckles) Well, hello.

Mm. Mm-mm.

Mm.

Wow.

What are you doing?

I was...

- Well, you see, I was... - Getting a condom.

Yeah, I was.

What... I'm on the pill.

Oh.

Oh, uh...

Tina: Really? That is so fucked up!

That is so fucked up!

Do you think I'm that crazy

that I would fucking lie to you?

I didn't say that.

- Please calm down. - Well, that is that you are implying!

- Please calm down. - Don't fucking tell me

Hey, I said to calm down!

- Not to speak to me like that! - No!

Fuck you! I'll speak to you however the fuck I want!

- What the fuck was that? - I'm sorry about the condom,

but you've gotta get hold of yourself.

- Will you please... - I'm a hold of myself.

What the fuck was that?

What kind of person do you think I am?

Let me just... let me just ask you a question.

Do you want children?

(laughs) It's all you talk about.

- That's what I'm doing right now. - You're right,

but you're obsessed with your sister's children.

You asked me what I do,

I said I brought them here, I brought them there.

I... This is what we did. That's my day.

That's what I'm just telling you, what my day is.

But you do.

It's okay to.

No, I don't.

I don't. I just wanna...

I just... I don't know if I do.

I just don't know,

so I just don't wanna close the door.

- Why does the door have to be closed? - Well, it's not.

Just because I don't want it to be closed

- doesn't mean that it has to be! - This door is...

- this door is not closed for you. - Okay!

That's all I need to know,

- that it's not closed. - The door is not closed for you.

The door is closed for me.

It's not closed for you.

There's nothing wrong with wanting to have children.

Nothing.

Do you know how many men that are out there

that would kill to have children with you?

I am sorry I'm not that man.

How can you just say that you know that you don't want any?

- I saw you with Frank. - I love kids. I... I do.

So that's all it is!

Well, I mean no, it's more.

- It's... it's... it's... - No!

It's way, way, way, way, way more

- than that. - It isn't with me!

I would do everything.

I want to do everything.

I finally found something I'm good at...

and I wanna do it with you.

Oh, honey.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

All right, the key with Hot Pockets...

a lot of paper towels.

Yeah. Keep it going, man. This is our safety.

- I... - You call it.

Actually, I'm totally bluffing.

I'm... This is freaking me out.

- You... your car plugs in. - We need to put these...

- I knew this. - put these... put these back.

I can't do that.

The Dead Sea Scrolls.

God.

(laughs) Amazing.

- Oh. - You... you don't have to

laugh about that, but thanks.

- Yeah, well, it's fine. - I appreciate it.

Oh! Hot!

But it's really good.

Wow!

- Whoa! - Why is he moving like that?

- Wait, what's that? - What... (laughs)

What's he doing with the belt?

- Got a lot of records. - Mm-hmm.

(ringing)

Alex: Hello?

Hello?

(Brett's phone dings)

Whoa, I'm, uh, dinging here.

Oh.

Did your car just call you?

Yeah, it's an app thing that says when it's charged.

- Uh, it's, like, halfway. - Oh.

Um... and you're gonna go now?

Uh... I...

I'm sorry.

I don't know.

- Um... - I mean...

uh, yeah, no. If, um...

if you do go,

you should... you should lock the door

on the way out, but, um...

if you want to stay, you can stay.

If the fish swam

Out of the ocean

And grew legs

And they started walking

And the apes climbed down

From the trees

And grew tall

And they started talking

And the stars fell

Out of the sky

And my tears rolled

Into the ocean

And now I'm looking

For a reason why

You even set my world into motion

'Cause if you're not really here

Then I don't wanna be either

I wanna be next to you

Black and gold

Black and gold

Black and gold

Black and gold

Black and gold

Black and gold

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