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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:26,480 --> 00:00:31,950 Yes. How lovely, darling! Ripped By mstoll 2 00:00:32,000 --> 00:00:33,274 Yes. 3 00:00:33,320 --> 00:00:34,548 - Jane, I... - Y-Yeah. 4 00:00:34,600 --> 00:00:39,594 Yes, it's spelt plough, but pronounced "pluff"'. 5 00:00:39,640 --> 00:00:42,200 As in Brian Clough? The sportsman? 6 00:00:42,240 --> 00:00:45,789 OK! Tremendous fun! 7 00:00:45,840 --> 00:00:47,671 Good Lord! 8 00:00:47,720 --> 00:00:51,030 - Ahahaha...! Absolutely! - I have to be on stage at 7.30. 9 00:00:51,080 --> 00:00:54,311 Aha-ha-ha-ha! Yes...! 10 00:00:54,360 --> 00:00:56,078 Urgh! Shit! 11 00:00:56,120 --> 00:00:57,269 Actually, can I call you back? 12 00:00:57,320 --> 00:00:58,833 What the hell? 13 00:00:58,880 --> 00:01:00,916 I've stung my bloody eyes! 14 00:01:00,960 --> 00:01:03,269 Your nozzle was pointing arse-ways. 15 00:01:03,320 --> 00:01:05,595 Well, at least now I've got your attention. 16 00:01:05,640 --> 00:01:08,438 - Are you all right, Toast? - It's not been a good week. 17 00:01:08,480 --> 00:01:10,869 I'm sleeping in a tiny chair. 18 00:01:10,920 --> 00:01:12,751 My back is killing me. 19 00:01:12,800 --> 00:01:14,028 I've just got divorced. 20 00:01:14,080 --> 00:01:15,798 And they're still protesting at... 21 00:01:15,840 --> 00:01:17,990 (HORN BLASTS DROWN SPEECH) 22 00:01:19,640 --> 00:01:20,516 At what? 23 00:01:20,560 --> 00:01:22,915 The bloody play that you put me in! 24 00:01:22,960 --> 00:01:26,032 Well, it's controversial stuff. 25 00:01:26,080 --> 00:01:28,548 People may not be ready for it. 26 00:01:28,600 --> 00:01:30,795 Like Shakespeare in the 16th century. 27 00:01:30,840 --> 00:01:32,990 You know, I think people only got Shakespeare 28 00:01:33,040 --> 00:01:34,234 when Lenny Henry started doing it. 29 00:01:34,280 --> 00:01:35,998 And I've lost my watch. 30 00:01:36,040 --> 00:01:38,793 And earlier I coughed and nearly followed through in Oddbins. 31 00:01:38,840 --> 00:01:40,114 Aren't they facing liquidation? 32 00:01:40,160 --> 00:01:43,357 Yeah. They're not the only ones, my dear! 33 00:01:43,400 --> 00:01:45,038 Is that Ray Purchase? 34 00:01:45,080 --> 00:01:48,629 Oh, yes! Now, that's when he was in that Ray Cooney farce. 35 00:01:48,680 --> 00:01:49,874 He drew that himself. 36 00:01:49,920 --> 00:01:53,754 (LAUGHS) He's such a fucking buffoon! 37 00:01:53,800 --> 00:01:58,237 The last I heard he was using his skills as a police artist. 38 00:01:58,280 --> 00:02:00,919 He draws Identikit pictures of criminals. 39 00:02:00,960 --> 00:02:04,919 Hm! Ray Purchase... Everything about that man 40 00:02:04,960 --> 00:02:07,428 was a complete and utter farce. 41 00:02:07,480 --> 00:02:10,040 Come on, you dirty bastard! 42 00:02:10,080 --> 00:02:12,799 I am giving you my all, Mrs Purchase! 43 00:02:12,840 --> 00:02:14,114 My bloody all! 44 00:02:14,160 --> 00:02:15,718 Come on, you shitbag! 45 00:02:15,760 --> 00:02:18,797 Hold on, I'm nearly there. I can feel my balls fizz. 46 00:02:18,840 --> 00:02:19,989 (DOOR CLOSES) 47 00:02:20,040 --> 00:02:22,349 What the hell are you doing? 48 00:02:22,400 --> 00:02:23,992 - Didn't you hear that? - What? 49 00:02:24,040 --> 00:02:25,393 Ray's home! 50 00:02:25,440 --> 00:02:28,159 You said he was doing a radio with Wendy Craig. 51 00:02:28,200 --> 00:02:29,758 Quick! Get in the wardrobe! 52 00:02:29,800 --> 00:02:31,870 - What wardrobe? - That one there! 53 00:02:31,920 --> 00:02:34,229 Jesus Christ! 54 00:02:36,160 --> 00:02:39,436 Hello, darling. I thought you were recording that radio show. 55 00:02:39,480 --> 00:02:41,789 No. Wendy threw up her lasagne. 56 00:02:41,840 --> 00:02:43,592 Went everywhere. 57 00:02:43,640 --> 00:02:45,835 Mmm... You look nice. 58 00:02:47,800 --> 00:02:50,234 - Not now, Ray. - Ah. 59 00:02:50,280 --> 00:02:53,033 - What the hell is this? - Nothing. 60 00:02:53,080 --> 00:02:55,116 - Have you been... - No! 61 00:02:55,160 --> 00:02:57,390 Is there... Is somebody in that? 62 00:02:57,440 --> 00:02:58,668 Oh, Ray, you're being ridiculous! 63 00:02:58,720 --> 00:03:00,870 Is someone in there? 64 00:03:05,320 --> 00:03:06,753 Come out! 65 00:03:06,800 --> 00:03:08,028 Right. 66 00:03:08,080 --> 00:03:10,594 I'll get to the bottom of this. I'm going to get the axe. 67 00:03:10,640 --> 00:03:12,392 Oh, not the axe! 68 00:03:12,440 --> 00:03:14,112 Ray, you're being ridiculous. 69 00:03:14,160 --> 00:03:16,549 (WHISPERING) Toast! 70 00:03:16,600 --> 00:03:21,071 I've dropped the bloody key on the floor. I can't find it. 71 00:03:21,120 --> 00:03:22,872 - I'm not sure what I should do. - Stop talking. 72 00:03:22,920 --> 00:03:24,876 - I'm almost certain he'll go away. - Yeah. 73 00:03:24,920 --> 00:03:26,592 Oh, no...! 74 00:03:26,640 --> 00:03:27,709 Right! 75 00:03:32,320 --> 00:03:34,117 Hello. I'm Steven Toast. 76 00:03:34,160 --> 00:03:35,991 I believe we share the same agent. 77 00:03:36,040 --> 00:03:36,870 What?! 78 00:03:36,920 --> 00:03:39,832 I was jogging past the building and remembered you'd just moved in. 79 00:03:39,880 --> 00:03:40,835 What? 80 00:03:40,880 --> 00:03:43,235 So I thought I'd call in on your beautiful wife. 81 00:03:43,280 --> 00:03:44,633 What? 82 00:03:44,680 --> 00:03:46,113 You dropped in for a quickie, did you? 83 00:03:46,160 --> 00:03:49,277 - For some knob-jogging? - Knob-jogging? 84 00:03:49,320 --> 00:03:51,834 No, no, no, I think you mean knob-jockeying. 85 00:03:51,880 --> 00:03:53,836 - Come on, then, Toast. - Really? 86 00:03:53,880 --> 00:03:54,676 Yep. 87 00:03:58,800 --> 00:04:00,916 Your marriage is a farce, Purchase. 88 00:04:00,960 --> 00:04:03,679 Notice the emphasis I put on the word "farce"? 89 00:04:06,240 --> 00:04:07,753 Oh, let it go, Toast. 90 00:04:07,800 --> 00:04:09,916 How old is Kenton Schwepps? 91 00:04:09,960 --> 00:04:11,837 Oh, I don't know. He's about 20... 92 00:04:11,880 --> 00:04:14,314 No, no, don't tell me. I'll just get upset. 93 00:04:14,360 --> 00:04:18,592 Actually, Kenton Schwepps has pulled out of a voice-over this afternoon. 94 00:04:18,640 --> 00:04:20,517 He's gone AWOL with another actor's fianc?e. 95 00:04:20,560 --> 00:04:24,917 You could do it instead. They literally want you to say one word. 96 00:04:24,960 --> 00:04:27,110 Even if it's a long word, won't take more than a few minutes. 97 00:04:27,160 --> 00:04:29,469 Well, no word takes longer than a few minutes. 98 00:04:29,520 --> 00:04:30,635 I remember learning that at RADA. 99 00:04:30,680 --> 00:04:33,194 Are there any words you won't say? 100 00:04:33,240 --> 00:04:35,117 Any words that you're uncomfortable with? 101 00:04:35,160 --> 00:04:37,799 Yes, I refuse to say the word unsheathed. 102 00:04:37,840 --> 00:04:40,798 Oh, now, actually, they've given me the word they want you to say. 103 00:04:40,840 --> 00:04:41,829 What is it? 104 00:04:41,880 --> 00:04:43,233 Yes. 105 00:04:43,280 --> 00:04:44,030 Sorry? 106 00:04:44,080 --> 00:04:45,718 Yes. 107 00:04:45,760 --> 00:04:47,955 They want you to say the word yes. 108 00:04:48,000 --> 00:04:48,955 Can you say that? 109 00:04:49,000 --> 00:04:51,150 Yes. 110 00:04:51,400 --> 00:04:54,517 Anyway, how were you settling in with Ed? 111 00:04:54,560 --> 00:04:56,630 Well, I'm glad it's not long-term. 112 00:04:56,680 --> 00:04:59,638 He has a very unusual setup with an aged agoraphobe. 113 00:04:59,680 --> 00:05:02,911 Goodhouse. Yes, it's odd. 114 00:05:06,760 --> 00:05:07,875 Yes! 115 00:05:07,920 --> 00:05:11,549 Oh, I like your drawings, Toast. The naive style. 116 00:05:11,600 --> 00:05:14,194 Well, it's my own style, Ed. I'm not sure what it's called. 117 00:05:14,240 --> 00:05:17,198 ED: I might ask you to take that one of the yacht off the wall. Goodhouse. 118 00:05:17,240 --> 00:05:19,800 She gets perturbed by anything that smacks of the great outdoors. 119 00:05:19,840 --> 00:05:21,068 All right. 120 00:05:21,120 --> 00:05:23,156 Actually, maybe best remove them all. 121 00:05:23,200 --> 00:05:25,191 Don't want you feeling too much at home. 122 00:05:25,240 --> 00:05:26,309 No, of course. 123 00:05:26,360 --> 00:05:28,396 As soon as I get my own place, I'll be gone. 124 00:05:28,440 --> 00:05:30,635 - Ah. - I'm seeing my brother Blair later, 125 00:05:30,680 --> 00:05:32,830 and there's a possibility I could stay at his club. 126 00:05:32,880 --> 00:05:34,518 He's the soldier, isn't he? 127 00:05:34,560 --> 00:05:35,549 Yes. 128 00:05:35,600 --> 00:05:37,750 He came back from the Falkland Islands with an amputated hand. 129 00:05:37,800 --> 00:05:39,836 Really? I'd have thought he'd have left it there. 130 00:05:41,240 --> 00:05:42,434 No, I think he did. 131 00:05:42,480 --> 00:05:44,311 (WOMAN SQUEALS) 132 00:05:44,360 --> 00:05:47,113 Ah. That's Goodhouse. Letting off a bit of steam. 133 00:05:48,400 --> 00:05:50,356 So... Sleep well, Toast? 134 00:05:50,400 --> 00:05:53,119 Not great, Ed. The walls are pretty thin. 135 00:05:53,160 --> 00:05:55,355 Couldn't help overhearing your lovemaking. 136 00:05:55,400 --> 00:05:57,675 You don't half shift through the gears. 137 00:05:57,720 --> 00:05:58,630 Made my teeth rattle. 138 00:05:58,680 --> 00:06:01,148 - (WOMAN SQUEALS) - Oh, please...! 139 00:06:01,200 --> 00:06:03,794 (MAN GRUNTS AND WOMAN SQUEALS) 140 00:06:03,840 --> 00:06:05,273 Ah. 141 00:06:05,320 --> 00:06:09,393 You and Goodhouse, you're not... (DRONES) 142 00:06:20,760 --> 00:06:21,795 She's not my wife. 143 00:06:21,840 --> 00:06:23,398 Oh, I see. 144 00:06:23,440 --> 00:06:24,873 My wife lives in Swaziland. 145 00:06:24,920 --> 00:06:28,356 The French handle this type of thing much better than us, don't they? 146 00:06:28,400 --> 00:06:30,038 (WOMAN SIGHS LOUDLY) 147 00:06:30,080 --> 00:06:33,277 Now, you're probably curious about Goodhouse's agoraphobia. 148 00:06:33,320 --> 00:06:35,356 I'm afraid we had a bit of a set-back yesterday. 149 00:06:35,400 --> 00:06:37,994 - I don't want to leave. - Come on, Goodhouse. 150 00:06:38,040 --> 00:06:40,270 We'll just walk down the end of the road. 151 00:06:40,320 --> 00:06:41,719 Nothing can go wrong. 152 00:06:43,320 --> 00:06:44,514 All right. 153 00:06:44,560 --> 00:06:46,073 All right, let's do it. 154 00:06:46,120 --> 00:06:47,838 Excellent. Excellent. 155 00:06:47,880 --> 00:06:50,314 We can be totally confident about it being a complete success. 156 00:06:55,760 --> 00:06:57,751 So she hasn't been outside for two years, 157 00:06:57,800 --> 00:06:59,518 and the first thing she sees is a flasher? 158 00:06:59,560 --> 00:07:01,994 Apparently, the police have been after this fellow for some time. 159 00:07:02,040 --> 00:07:03,758 He used to be known as the Tooting Flasher. 160 00:07:03,800 --> 00:07:05,677 It appears that he's now, 161 00:07:05,720 --> 00:07:08,314 as it were, expanded his operations across the south-east. 162 00:07:08,360 --> 00:07:11,397 Got a little cocky, you might say! 163 00:07:11,440 --> 00:07:12,759 Yeah. 164 00:07:12,800 --> 00:07:14,233 Did you get a good look at his face? 165 00:07:14,280 --> 00:07:16,077 No. No. 166 00:07:16,120 --> 00:07:20,398 One finds oneself in that situation somewhat transfixed. 167 00:07:20,440 --> 00:07:22,158 Oh, yes. Of course. 168 00:07:23,560 --> 00:07:26,711 Jolly good of Ed to agree to put you up for a while. 169 00:07:26,760 --> 00:07:28,716 This is a helluva long meeting, Jane. 170 00:07:28,760 --> 00:07:33,038 We just need to discuss the TV drama. It's a marvellous part. 171 00:07:33,080 --> 00:07:36,436 A week's work. Filming in Spain. 172 00:07:36,480 --> 00:07:39,472 - No. - It'll be the end of July. 173 00:07:39,520 --> 00:07:41,476 Cliff Promise is producing. 174 00:07:41,520 --> 00:07:43,317 Oh, right, I've met him. 175 00:07:43,360 --> 00:07:46,830 Yes, he's pretty sure you're right for the role, but wants to see you read. 176 00:07:46,880 --> 00:07:51,078 He wants to see me read? Well, he can fuck that sky-high. 177 00:07:52,280 --> 00:07:53,508 No. 178 00:07:53,560 --> 00:07:57,155 It's just a formality. But he needs to see you today. 179 00:07:57,200 --> 00:08:00,078 But I have to meet my brother. 180 00:08:00,120 --> 00:08:01,838 Now that's the one! 181 00:08:02,880 --> 00:08:05,189 I've got to end this meeting now, Jane. 182 00:08:05,240 --> 00:08:08,232 This is the thing, it's a bit of a weird one about Cliff Promise. 183 00:08:08,280 --> 00:08:11,272 He's been in trouble recently, so he's kind of out of action. 184 00:08:11,320 --> 00:08:12,719 What do you mean, out of action? 185 00:08:12,760 --> 00:08:14,318 He's in jail. 186 00:08:14,360 --> 00:08:16,351 Cliff Promise is in jail? 187 00:08:16,400 --> 00:08:18,311 Well, only for a short time! 188 00:08:18,360 --> 00:08:19,554 What the hell for? 189 00:08:19,600 --> 00:08:22,319 This'll knock you bandy. 190 00:08:22,360 --> 00:08:25,352 He's in for holocaust denial. 191 00:08:25,400 --> 00:08:26,833 What?! 192 00:08:26,880 --> 00:08:28,996 It's very odd. 193 00:08:29,040 --> 00:08:34,034 The thing about Clifford is that he actually has lots of Jewish friends, 194 00:08:34,080 --> 00:08:37,993 but he just thinks the figures don't add up. 195 00:08:38,040 --> 00:08:41,032 Should I be auditioning for a holocaust denier? 196 00:08:41,080 --> 00:08:44,516 My father was in the Army. He was in Auschwitz. 197 00:08:44,560 --> 00:08:45,788 Really? When? 198 00:08:45,840 --> 00:08:49,549 1945. Just after they opened it up to the tourists. 199 00:08:49,600 --> 00:08:54,196 You know, I think it's as much a free speech thing with Cliff as anything. 200 00:08:54,240 --> 00:08:55,639 He's not a Nazi, is he? 201 00:08:55,680 --> 00:08:59,798 When I met him at Caroline Quentin's house-warming party last year, 202 00:08:59,840 --> 00:09:02,195 he didn't come across as a Nazi. 203 00:09:02,240 --> 00:09:06,836 He was wearing the SS uniform, but he didn't come across as a Nazi. 204 00:09:06,880 --> 00:09:08,916 You know, like Prince Harry wears one. 205 00:09:08,960 --> 00:09:11,599 It's just a bit of fun. 206 00:09:11,640 --> 00:09:16,191 He was also questioned by the police after a racial chanting incident. 207 00:09:16,240 --> 00:09:18,390 Where? At a football match, presumably. 208 00:09:18,440 --> 00:09:21,113 No. On the set of Inspector Somerset. 209 00:09:21,160 --> 00:09:23,958 He didn't agree with the casting of Bennet Carnival. 210 00:09:24,000 --> 00:09:25,433 Because Bennet Carnival's black? 211 00:09:25,480 --> 00:09:26,390 Yes. 212 00:09:26,440 --> 00:09:28,510 Well, didn't he play the Nigerian ambassador in that? 213 00:09:30,600 --> 00:09:32,716 Talking of racial matters... 214 00:09:32,760 --> 00:09:35,513 the Evening Standard rang me earlier. 215 00:09:35,560 --> 00:09:36,515 What do those fuckers want? 216 00:09:36,560 --> 00:09:40,109 They left a message about wanting me to talk about Asians. 217 00:09:41,360 --> 00:09:43,635 What do I know about Asians? 218 00:09:45,040 --> 00:09:47,998 They probably meant agents. 219 00:09:48,040 --> 00:09:50,554 After all, you are an agent. 220 00:09:50,600 --> 00:09:52,909 Oh, that could be it. 221 00:09:52,960 --> 00:09:55,554 All right, where do I have to meet him? 222 00:09:55,800 --> 00:09:57,358 (BUZZER) 223 00:09:59,640 --> 00:10:00,755 - (BUZZING CONTINUES) - Oh, bugger. 224 00:10:02,880 --> 00:10:06,429 I say, I think I may have broken your doorbell. 225 00:10:07,800 --> 00:10:10,837 Steven. Cliff Promise. 226 00:10:10,880 --> 00:10:12,677 Lovely to meet you. 227 00:10:12,720 --> 00:10:15,553 Oh, that's such a great touch. 228 00:10:15,600 --> 00:10:16,635 Sorry, what? 229 00:10:16,680 --> 00:10:19,797 The blinking. David's nervous, so he blinks. 230 00:10:19,840 --> 00:10:22,354 It's not even in the script, but it's so right! 231 00:10:22,400 --> 00:10:24,630 No, I sprayed perfume in my eyes earlier. 232 00:10:24,680 --> 00:10:25,749 Why? 233 00:10:25,800 --> 00:10:27,358 It was an accident? 234 00:10:28,840 --> 00:10:32,833 OK, let's just give it a read. You have the scenes? 235 00:10:32,880 --> 00:10:33,995 Oh, right. 236 00:10:35,600 --> 00:10:37,830 Excellent. 237 00:10:40,680 --> 00:10:43,513 Ah, I can read the part of Daisy. 238 00:10:43,560 --> 00:10:46,279 Erm... 239 00:10:46,320 --> 00:10:49,995 I suggest from the bit where David's drunk 240 00:10:50,040 --> 00:10:52,235 and they're having a bit of an argument in the villa. 241 00:10:52,280 --> 00:10:55,716 You seemed to be paying a bit of attention to Roger the other night. 242 00:10:55,760 --> 00:10:56,829 That bit? 243 00:10:56,880 --> 00:10:58,836 Yes, that's it. OK. 244 00:11:00,080 --> 00:11:03,709 You seemed to be paying a bit of attention to Roger the other night. 245 00:11:03,760 --> 00:11:05,876 Are you drunk again, David? 246 00:11:05,920 --> 00:11:10,630 Too much wine always brings out your jealous rages. 247 00:11:11,680 --> 00:11:14,114 Maybe a bit of blinking, Steven. 248 00:11:14,160 --> 00:11:16,151 I loved what you were doing with that. 249 00:11:16,200 --> 00:11:18,077 Right. 250 00:11:18,120 --> 00:11:20,588 You were practically throwing yourself at him. 251 00:11:20,640 --> 00:11:21,959 I'll just stop it there. 252 00:11:22,000 --> 00:11:23,797 Very good. 253 00:11:23,840 --> 00:11:27,071 But were you doing him slightly... Jamaican? 254 00:11:27,120 --> 00:11:30,669 I thought I detected a little... patois. 255 00:11:30,720 --> 00:11:33,439 There's no way... David... 256 00:11:33,480 --> 00:11:34,549 is Jamaican! 257 00:11:36,160 --> 00:11:37,832 OK, let's trot on. 258 00:11:37,880 --> 00:11:39,871 All right, is my character gay? 259 00:11:39,920 --> 00:11:42,593 Yes! You're an undercover gay detective. 260 00:11:42,640 --> 00:11:44,358 Well, shall I do him camp? 261 00:11:44,400 --> 00:11:46,675 You could try it. Do you want to try it? 262 00:11:46,720 --> 00:11:49,109 Well, he's probably trying to hide it. 263 00:11:49,160 --> 00:11:50,388 He is married. 264 00:11:50,440 --> 00:11:52,192 Trying to catch a killer. 265 00:11:52,240 --> 00:11:54,800 Really? 266 00:11:54,840 --> 00:11:56,751 Look, I'll try something. 267 00:11:56,800 --> 00:11:57,949 Good for you! 268 00:11:59,600 --> 00:12:02,797 The first time he came down from Siptus, 269 00:12:02,840 --> 00:12:05,354 you were practically throwing yourself at him! 270 00:12:05,400 --> 00:12:07,550 And that bitch of a wife! 271 00:12:07,600 --> 00:12:09,397 Bollocks! Eh? 272 00:12:09,440 --> 00:12:12,796 - This one here's a gay bent copper. - Sorry, everything all right here? 273 00:12:12,840 --> 00:12:15,115 And he smells of perfume! 274 00:12:15,160 --> 00:12:16,479 Get your bloody hands off me! 275 00:12:16,520 --> 00:12:17,919 (ALARM SOUNDS) 276 00:12:17,960 --> 00:12:20,633 When will I hear? 277 00:12:24,160 --> 00:12:25,354 Which way's London? 278 00:12:25,400 --> 00:12:26,958 That way. 279 00:12:27,000 --> 00:12:28,558 Unbelievable! 280 00:12:36,280 --> 00:12:38,635 I blew his head off completely! 281 00:12:38,680 --> 00:12:40,750 And, when I say completely, I mean... 282 00:12:41,840 --> 00:12:43,239 ...completely. 283 00:12:43,280 --> 00:12:46,590 Well, I imagine when one blows someone's head off, there's no half measures? 284 00:12:46,640 --> 00:12:49,677 His head shot up into the air and landed in my lap. 285 00:12:49,720 --> 00:12:52,075 Now, what happened next I will never forget. 286 00:12:52,120 --> 00:12:55,510 He looked me straight into the eyes and, as God is my witness, 287 00:12:55,560 --> 00:12:58,711 he mouthed the words... 288 00:12:58,760 --> 00:13:00,591 "Thank you." 289 00:13:02,000 --> 00:13:04,639 Oh, Steven, you would have loved the Army life. 290 00:13:04,680 --> 00:13:07,831 It was good enough for our father and grandfather. 291 00:13:07,880 --> 00:13:09,199 It's not too late, you know. 292 00:13:09,240 --> 00:13:11,071 I think it is too late, Blair. 293 00:13:11,120 --> 00:13:14,715 The acting life is the life for me. 294 00:13:14,760 --> 00:13:16,239 Is that a new hand? 295 00:13:16,280 --> 00:13:17,315 What? 296 00:13:17,360 --> 00:13:19,237 Oh, yeah. 297 00:13:19,280 --> 00:13:20,872 Usual one's getting fixed! 298 00:13:21,960 --> 00:13:23,757 So I hear this play you're in... 299 00:13:23,800 --> 00:13:25,313 (CLOCK CHIMES) 300 00:13:25,360 --> 00:13:26,839 ...is a piece of shit! 301 00:13:26,880 --> 00:13:29,599 It's true the subject matter could be considered robust. 302 00:13:29,640 --> 00:13:32,279 It beats running the risk of getting your head blown off. 303 00:13:32,320 --> 00:13:34,595 Although, I was almost set on fire during rehearsal. 304 00:13:34,640 --> 00:13:37,552 I've lost count of the number of times I've been set on fire. 305 00:13:37,600 --> 00:13:40,797 It kept me on my toes! Wouldn't do you any harm, either. 306 00:13:40,840 --> 00:13:42,751 Excellent! 307 00:13:42,800 --> 00:13:45,837 It's been great seeing you, Blair, but I've a voice-over in Soho, 308 00:13:45,880 --> 00:13:47,199 and the studio's booked. 309 00:13:47,240 --> 00:13:51,756 A studio peopled exclusively by homosexuals, no doubt? 310 00:13:51,800 --> 00:13:54,633 Well, there'll probably be at least one homosexual. 311 00:13:54,680 --> 00:13:56,716 They are one in ten of the male population. 312 00:13:56,760 --> 00:13:58,398 Not in the Army, they're not. 313 00:13:58,440 --> 00:14:01,477 The number of homosexuals in the Army? Absolutely none. 314 00:14:01,520 --> 00:14:03,112 (BOTTLE POPS) 315 00:14:03,160 --> 00:14:04,832 (GUN FIRES) 316 00:14:09,520 --> 00:14:11,192 Every bloody time. 317 00:14:11,240 --> 00:14:12,878 No. 318 00:14:21,320 --> 00:14:24,392 Well, well, well, look who it is. 319 00:14:25,680 --> 00:14:27,671 Oh, Jesus! 320 00:14:27,720 --> 00:14:30,188 You can't believe your eyes, can you, Toast? 321 00:14:30,240 --> 00:14:33,437 It's me, Ray Purchase. 322 00:14:33,480 --> 00:14:36,199 You didn't know I was a member of this club, did you? 323 00:14:36,240 --> 00:14:38,356 The only club you should be a member of, Purchase, 324 00:14:38,400 --> 00:14:41,278 is a club for arseholes! 325 00:14:41,320 --> 00:14:43,788 I heard that new play you're in is terrible. 326 00:14:43,840 --> 00:14:45,319 What, you mean... 327 00:14:46,480 --> 00:14:48,755 (WATER DROWNS OUT SPEECH) 328 00:14:48,800 --> 00:14:49,949 Yeah, of course I mean... 329 00:14:50,000 --> 00:14:51,831 (WATER DROWNS OUT SPEECH) 330 00:14:55,200 --> 00:14:56,952 I've never forgotten you, Toast. 331 00:14:57,000 --> 00:14:59,673 Oh, no, I have never forgotten you. 332 00:14:59,720 --> 00:15:01,995 Well, excuse me while I dry my hands. 333 00:15:03,720 --> 00:15:05,597 Dry your hands, eh? 334 00:15:05,640 --> 00:15:07,358 Why not dry your eyes as well? 335 00:15:09,480 --> 00:15:10,799 (DRIER BLOWS) 336 00:15:19,880 --> 00:15:21,472 Good God, Toast. 337 00:15:37,320 --> 00:15:38,719 Hey, Steven, ready for you now. 338 00:15:38,760 --> 00:15:40,432 Do you want any water or anything? 339 00:15:40,480 --> 00:15:41,595 I've got some here. 340 00:15:41,640 --> 00:15:43,915 - Are we rolling? - Yeah, in your own time. 341 00:15:47,840 --> 00:15:49,319 Yes. 342 00:15:53,560 --> 00:15:54,959 Er, that was brilliant, Steven. 343 00:15:55,000 --> 00:15:56,991 Really, really brilliant, everyone very happy here. 344 00:15:57,040 --> 00:15:59,076 Let's just get a few more. Yeah. 345 00:15:59,120 --> 00:16:00,394 OK. 346 00:16:01,920 --> 00:16:03,478 Yes. 347 00:16:03,520 --> 00:16:05,033 Yes. 348 00:16:05,080 --> 00:16:06,479 Yes. 349 00:16:06,520 --> 00:16:07,714 Yes. 350 00:16:08,800 --> 00:16:09,835 OK? 351 00:16:12,760 --> 00:16:15,399 Er, Steven, that was really good. 352 00:16:15,440 --> 00:16:18,432 Feeling is here that you could be a bit more positive. 353 00:16:18,480 --> 00:16:19,708 More positive? 354 00:16:19,760 --> 00:16:21,751 Yeah, you know. Really go for it. 355 00:16:21,800 --> 00:16:23,677 You want me to go for it? 356 00:16:23,720 --> 00:16:25,073 Yeah. 357 00:16:26,440 --> 00:16:27,509 All right. 358 00:16:29,360 --> 00:16:30,634 Yes! 359 00:16:37,960 --> 00:16:39,837 Er, it's good, very, very good. 360 00:16:39,880 --> 00:16:41,518 Let's just try without the script, 361 00:16:41,560 --> 00:16:43,118 it might just loosen you up a little bit. 362 00:16:43,160 --> 00:16:45,116 What is it, one word? You don't really need it. 363 00:16:45,160 --> 00:16:47,913 I probably don't need the script, it's just a word. 364 00:16:47,960 --> 00:16:49,359 Yeah. OK, let's do it again. 365 00:16:52,920 --> 00:16:53,989 Yes! 366 00:16:56,160 --> 00:16:57,718 - Was that it? - Yes. 367 00:16:57,760 --> 00:16:59,352 Right. 368 00:17:02,480 --> 00:17:04,277 - Hi, Steven. - Yes. 369 00:17:04,320 --> 00:17:06,470 - This is Clem Fandango. - OK. 370 00:17:06,520 --> 00:17:07,509 Can you hear me? 371 00:17:07,560 --> 00:17:09,755 - Yes. - Honestly, this is going so great, 372 00:17:09,800 --> 00:17:12,439 but I just think there was a little loss of energy in that last take. 373 00:17:12,480 --> 00:17:13,595 Maybe try one more. 374 00:17:17,880 --> 00:17:18,790 - OK, ready to go? - Yeah. 375 00:17:18,840 --> 00:17:20,637 - What? - Yes! 376 00:17:22,240 --> 00:17:23,958 Yes! 377 00:17:24,000 --> 00:17:25,592 Yes! 378 00:17:25,640 --> 00:17:27,119 Yes! 379 00:17:27,160 --> 00:17:28,673 Yes! 380 00:17:28,720 --> 00:17:30,438 Yes!! 381 00:17:30,480 --> 00:17:31,708 Yeees! 382 00:17:31,760 --> 00:17:33,751 Yes! 383 00:17:33,800 --> 00:17:35,313 Yes! 384 00:17:35,360 --> 00:17:36,679 Yes! 385 00:17:36,720 --> 00:17:38,438 Yes! 386 00:17:41,360 --> 00:17:42,475 Yes! 387 00:17:42,520 --> 00:17:44,272 Yes! 388 00:17:44,320 --> 00:17:46,117 Yees! 389 00:17:46,160 --> 00:17:47,354 Yeees! 390 00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:48,435 Yes! 391 00:17:48,480 --> 00:17:49,674 Yes! 392 00:17:49,720 --> 00:17:51,073 Oh, fuck... 393 00:17:51,120 --> 00:17:52,235 Yes! 394 00:17:52,280 --> 00:17:53,793 Yees! 395 00:17:53,840 --> 00:17:55,796 Yeees! 396 00:17:55,840 --> 00:17:57,796 Yeeees! 397 00:17:57,840 --> 00:17:59,592 Yes! 398 00:17:59,640 --> 00:18:01,073 (MORE LOUDLY) Yes! 399 00:18:02,320 --> 00:18:03,753 Fuck... 400 00:18:04,800 --> 00:18:06,472 Jesus! 401 00:18:06,520 --> 00:18:08,431 - Steven? - What? 402 00:18:08,480 --> 00:18:11,199 How would you feel about doing a no? 403 00:18:13,240 --> 00:18:15,071 Are you crying? 404 00:18:15,120 --> 00:18:16,792 Clem Fandango, 405 00:18:16,840 --> 00:18:20,719 I have to be on the stage at 7.30. 406 00:18:20,760 --> 00:18:23,513 Honestly, Steven, how long will it take to say a no? 407 00:18:37,240 --> 00:18:40,949 # I had dreams 408 00:18:41,000 --> 00:18:44,072 # So did we all 409 00:18:44,120 --> 00:18:49,513 # But then life begins 410 00:18:49,560 --> 00:18:52,028 # My curtain call 411 00:18:52,080 --> 00:18:57,438 # I'm alone and scared 412 00:18:57,480 --> 00:19:00,040 # You are a fool 413 00:19:00,080 --> 00:19:05,029 # When you die, who'll care? 414 00:19:05,080 --> 00:19:07,355 # I guess you're right 415 00:19:07,400 --> 00:19:11,552 # So kill me with jazz... 416 00:19:12,720 --> 00:19:14,597 # Yes 417 00:19:14,640 --> 00:19:16,710 # Yes 418 00:19:16,760 --> 00:19:19,513 # Yes 419 00:19:19,560 --> 00:19:21,437 Yes! 420 00:19:59,400 --> 00:20:02,437 TV: And now we have a police Identikit drawing of a suspect 421 00:20:02,480 --> 00:20:05,677 that police are very keen to talk to in connection with a series 422 00:20:05,720 --> 00:20:10,396 of incidents of indecent exposure across London and the south-east. 423 00:20:10,440 --> 00:20:13,910 The man, originally known as the Tooting Flasher... 424 00:20:13,960 --> 00:20:16,190 Do you recognise that face? Do you have any information... 425 00:20:16,240 --> 00:20:18,913 Ray bloody Purchase! 426 00:20:18,960 --> 00:20:20,632 (RAY CHUCKLES) 427 00:20:23,040 --> 00:20:25,508 (PHONE RINGS) 428 00:20:25,560 --> 00:20:27,357 Bloody hell! 429 00:20:27,400 --> 00:20:28,389 Yes! 430 00:20:28,440 --> 00:20:31,238 Toast, I've just been watching Crimescene. 431 00:20:31,280 --> 00:20:33,032 Ed! Look, I can't deal with this right now. 432 00:20:33,080 --> 00:20:35,640 I don't think you should stay here at the flat any more. 433 00:20:35,680 --> 00:20:38,240 Look, Ed, it wasn't me! It was Ray Purchase. 434 00:20:38,280 --> 00:20:40,396 It was a poor show, Toast, poor bloody show. 435 00:20:40,440 --> 00:20:43,113 You've sent Goodhouse firmly back to square one. 436 00:20:43,160 --> 00:20:44,479 (SILENCE) 437 00:20:44,520 --> 00:20:47,318 - (STAGE BUZZER) - I'm on stage, I've got to go. 438 00:20:52,600 --> 00:20:54,033 How long does this protest go on? 439 00:20:54,080 --> 00:20:55,035 Until the end of the show! 440 00:20:55,080 --> 00:20:56,069 Good! 441 00:20:56,120 --> 00:21:03,509 This is disgusting! Boo! Ripped By mstoll 442 00:21:12,520 --> 00:21:14,511 - (AUDIENCE GASPS) - (BLEEP) 443 00:21:14,561 --> 00:21:19,111 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 31342

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