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1
00:00:26,480 --> 00:00:31,950
Yes. How lovely, darling!
Ripped By mstoll
2
00:00:32,000 --> 00:00:33,274
Yes.
3
00:00:33,320 --> 00:00:34,548
- Jane, I...
- Y-Yeah.
4
00:00:34,600 --> 00:00:39,594
Yes, it's spelt plough,
but pronounced "pluff"'.
5
00:00:39,640 --> 00:00:42,200
As in Brian Clough? The sportsman?
6
00:00:42,240 --> 00:00:45,789
OK! Tremendous fun!
7
00:00:45,840 --> 00:00:47,671
Good Lord!
8
00:00:47,720 --> 00:00:51,030
- Ahahaha...! Absolutely!
- I have to be on stage at 7.30.
9
00:00:51,080 --> 00:00:54,311
Aha-ha-ha-ha! Yes...!
10
00:00:54,360 --> 00:00:56,078
Urgh! Shit!
11
00:00:56,120 --> 00:00:57,269
Actually, can I call you back?
12
00:00:57,320 --> 00:00:58,833
What the hell?
13
00:00:58,880 --> 00:01:00,916
I've stung my bloody eyes!
14
00:01:00,960 --> 00:01:03,269
Your nozzle was pointing arse-ways.
15
00:01:03,320 --> 00:01:05,595
Well, at least now
I've got your attention.
16
00:01:05,640 --> 00:01:08,438
- Are you all right, Toast?
- It's not been a good week.
17
00:01:08,480 --> 00:01:10,869
I'm sleeping in a tiny chair.
18
00:01:10,920 --> 00:01:12,751
My back is killing me.
19
00:01:12,800 --> 00:01:14,028
I've just got divorced.
20
00:01:14,080 --> 00:01:15,798
And they're still protesting at...
21
00:01:15,840 --> 00:01:17,990
(HORN BLASTS DROWN SPEECH)
22
00:01:19,640 --> 00:01:20,516
At what?
23
00:01:20,560 --> 00:01:22,915
The bloody play that you put me in!
24
00:01:22,960 --> 00:01:26,032
Well, it's controversial stuff.
25
00:01:26,080 --> 00:01:28,548
People may not be ready for it.
26
00:01:28,600 --> 00:01:30,795
Like Shakespeare
in the 16th century.
27
00:01:30,840 --> 00:01:32,990
You know, I think people
only got Shakespeare
28
00:01:33,040 --> 00:01:34,234
when Lenny Henry started doing it.
29
00:01:34,280 --> 00:01:35,998
And I've lost my watch.
30
00:01:36,040 --> 00:01:38,793
And earlier I coughed and
nearly followed through in Oddbins.
31
00:01:38,840 --> 00:01:40,114
Aren't they facing liquidation?
32
00:01:40,160 --> 00:01:43,357
Yeah. They're not the only ones, my dear!
33
00:01:43,400 --> 00:01:45,038
Is that Ray Purchase?
34
00:01:45,080 --> 00:01:48,629
Oh, yes! Now, that's when
he was in that Ray Cooney farce.
35
00:01:48,680 --> 00:01:49,874
He drew that himself.
36
00:01:49,920 --> 00:01:53,754
(LAUGHS)
He's such a fucking buffoon!
37
00:01:53,800 --> 00:01:58,237
The last I heard he was using
his skills as a police artist.
38
00:01:58,280 --> 00:02:00,919
He draws Identikit pictures
of criminals.
39
00:02:00,960 --> 00:02:04,919
Hm! Ray Purchase...
Everything about that man
40
00:02:04,960 --> 00:02:07,428
was a complete and utter farce.
41
00:02:07,480 --> 00:02:10,040
Come on, you dirty bastard!
42
00:02:10,080 --> 00:02:12,799
I am giving you my all, Mrs Purchase!
43
00:02:12,840 --> 00:02:14,114
My bloody all!
44
00:02:14,160 --> 00:02:15,718
Come on, you shitbag!
45
00:02:15,760 --> 00:02:18,797
Hold on, I'm nearly there.
I can feel my balls fizz.
46
00:02:18,840 --> 00:02:19,989
(DOOR CLOSES)
47
00:02:20,040 --> 00:02:22,349
What the hell are you doing?
48
00:02:22,400 --> 00:02:23,992
- Didn't you hear that?
- What?
49
00:02:24,040 --> 00:02:25,393
Ray's home!
50
00:02:25,440 --> 00:02:28,159
You said he was doing a radio
with Wendy Craig.
51
00:02:28,200 --> 00:02:29,758
Quick! Get in the wardrobe!
52
00:02:29,800 --> 00:02:31,870
- What wardrobe?
- That one there!
53
00:02:31,920 --> 00:02:34,229
Jesus Christ!
54
00:02:36,160 --> 00:02:39,436
Hello, darling. I thought you
were recording that radio show.
55
00:02:39,480 --> 00:02:41,789
No. Wendy threw up her lasagne.
56
00:02:41,840 --> 00:02:43,592
Went everywhere.
57
00:02:43,640 --> 00:02:45,835
Mmm... You look nice.
58
00:02:47,800 --> 00:02:50,234
- Not now, Ray.
- Ah.
59
00:02:50,280 --> 00:02:53,033
- What the hell is this?
- Nothing.
60
00:02:53,080 --> 00:02:55,116
- Have you been...
- No!
61
00:02:55,160 --> 00:02:57,390
Is there...
Is somebody in that?
62
00:02:57,440 --> 00:02:58,668
Oh, Ray, you're being ridiculous!
63
00:02:58,720 --> 00:03:00,870
Is someone in there?
64
00:03:05,320 --> 00:03:06,753
Come out!
65
00:03:06,800 --> 00:03:08,028
Right.
66
00:03:08,080 --> 00:03:10,594
I'll get to the bottom of this.
I'm going to get the axe.
67
00:03:10,640 --> 00:03:12,392
Oh, not the axe!
68
00:03:12,440 --> 00:03:14,112
Ray, you're being ridiculous.
69
00:03:14,160 --> 00:03:16,549
(WHISPERING) Toast!
70
00:03:16,600 --> 00:03:21,071
I've dropped the bloody key on the floor.
I can't find it.
71
00:03:21,120 --> 00:03:22,872
- I'm not sure what I should do.
- Stop talking.
72
00:03:22,920 --> 00:03:24,876
- I'm almost certain he'll go away.
- Yeah.
73
00:03:24,920 --> 00:03:26,592
Oh, no...!
74
00:03:26,640 --> 00:03:27,709
Right!
75
00:03:32,320 --> 00:03:34,117
Hello. I'm Steven Toast.
76
00:03:34,160 --> 00:03:35,991
I believe we share the same agent.
77
00:03:36,040 --> 00:03:36,870
What?!
78
00:03:36,920 --> 00:03:39,832
I was jogging past the building
and remembered you'd just moved in.
79
00:03:39,880 --> 00:03:40,835
What?
80
00:03:40,880 --> 00:03:43,235
So I thought I'd call in
on your beautiful wife.
81
00:03:43,280 --> 00:03:44,633
What?
82
00:03:44,680 --> 00:03:46,113
You dropped in for a quickie, did you?
83
00:03:46,160 --> 00:03:49,277
- For some knob-jogging?
- Knob-jogging?
84
00:03:49,320 --> 00:03:51,834
No, no, no, I think you mean
knob-jockeying.
85
00:03:51,880 --> 00:03:53,836
- Come on, then, Toast.
- Really?
86
00:03:53,880 --> 00:03:54,676
Yep.
87
00:03:58,800 --> 00:04:00,916
Your marriage is a farce, Purchase.
88
00:04:00,960 --> 00:04:03,679
Notice the emphasis I put
on the word "farce"?
89
00:04:06,240 --> 00:04:07,753
Oh, let it go, Toast.
90
00:04:07,800 --> 00:04:09,916
How old is Kenton Schwepps?
91
00:04:09,960 --> 00:04:11,837
Oh, I don't know. He's about 20...
92
00:04:11,880 --> 00:04:14,314
No, no, don't tell me.
I'll just get upset.
93
00:04:14,360 --> 00:04:18,592
Actually, Kenton Schwepps has pulled
out of a voice-over this afternoon.
94
00:04:18,640 --> 00:04:20,517
He's gone AWOL
with another actor's fianc?e.
95
00:04:20,560 --> 00:04:24,917
You could do it instead.
They literally want you to say one word.
96
00:04:24,960 --> 00:04:27,110
Even if it's a long word,
won't take more than a few minutes.
97
00:04:27,160 --> 00:04:29,469
Well, no word takes longer
than a few minutes.
98
00:04:29,520 --> 00:04:30,635
I remember learning that at RADA.
99
00:04:30,680 --> 00:04:33,194
Are there any words you won't say?
100
00:04:33,240 --> 00:04:35,117
Any words
that you're uncomfortable with?
101
00:04:35,160 --> 00:04:37,799
Yes, I refuse to say the word
unsheathed.
102
00:04:37,840 --> 00:04:40,798
Oh, now, actually, they've given me
the word they want you to say.
103
00:04:40,840 --> 00:04:41,829
What is it?
104
00:04:41,880 --> 00:04:43,233
Yes.
105
00:04:43,280 --> 00:04:44,030
Sorry?
106
00:04:44,080 --> 00:04:45,718
Yes.
107
00:04:45,760 --> 00:04:47,955
They want you to say the word yes.
108
00:04:48,000 --> 00:04:48,955
Can you say that?
109
00:04:49,000 --> 00:04:51,150
Yes.
110
00:04:51,400 --> 00:04:54,517
Anyway,
how were you settling in with Ed?
111
00:04:54,560 --> 00:04:56,630
Well, I'm glad it's not long-term.
112
00:04:56,680 --> 00:04:59,638
He has a very unusual setup
with an aged agoraphobe.
113
00:04:59,680 --> 00:05:02,911
Goodhouse.
Yes, it's odd.
114
00:05:06,760 --> 00:05:07,875
Yes!
115
00:05:07,920 --> 00:05:11,549
Oh, I like your drawings, Toast.
The naive style.
116
00:05:11,600 --> 00:05:14,194
Well, it's my own style, Ed.
I'm not sure what it's called.
117
00:05:14,240 --> 00:05:17,198
ED: I might ask you to take that one
of the yacht off the wall. Goodhouse.
118
00:05:17,240 --> 00:05:19,800
She gets perturbed by anything
that smacks of the great outdoors.
119
00:05:19,840 --> 00:05:21,068
All right.
120
00:05:21,120 --> 00:05:23,156
Actually, maybe best remove them all.
121
00:05:23,200 --> 00:05:25,191
Don't want you feeling
too much at home.
122
00:05:25,240 --> 00:05:26,309
No, of course.
123
00:05:26,360 --> 00:05:28,396
As soon as I get my own place,
I'll be gone.
124
00:05:28,440 --> 00:05:30,635
- Ah.
- I'm seeing my brother Blair later,
125
00:05:30,680 --> 00:05:32,830
and there's a possibility
I could stay at his club.
126
00:05:32,880 --> 00:05:34,518
He's the soldier, isn't he?
127
00:05:34,560 --> 00:05:35,549
Yes.
128
00:05:35,600 --> 00:05:37,750
He came back from the Falkland Islands
with an amputated hand.
129
00:05:37,800 --> 00:05:39,836
Really? I'd have thought
he'd have left it there.
130
00:05:41,240 --> 00:05:42,434
No, I think he did.
131
00:05:42,480 --> 00:05:44,311
(WOMAN SQUEALS)
132
00:05:44,360 --> 00:05:47,113
Ah. That's Goodhouse.
Letting off a bit of steam.
133
00:05:48,400 --> 00:05:50,356
So... Sleep well, Toast?
134
00:05:50,400 --> 00:05:53,119
Not great, Ed.
The walls are pretty thin.
135
00:05:53,160 --> 00:05:55,355
Couldn't help overhearing
your lovemaking.
136
00:05:55,400 --> 00:05:57,675
You don't half shift through the gears.
137
00:05:57,720 --> 00:05:58,630
Made my teeth rattle.
138
00:05:58,680 --> 00:06:01,148
- (WOMAN SQUEALS)
- Oh, please...!
139
00:06:01,200 --> 00:06:03,794
(MAN GRUNTS AND WOMAN SQUEALS)
140
00:06:03,840 --> 00:06:05,273
Ah.
141
00:06:05,320 --> 00:06:09,393
You and Goodhouse, you're not...
(DRONES)
142
00:06:20,760 --> 00:06:21,795
She's not my wife.
143
00:06:21,840 --> 00:06:23,398
Oh, I see.
144
00:06:23,440 --> 00:06:24,873
My wife lives in Swaziland.
145
00:06:24,920 --> 00:06:28,356
The French handle this type of thing
much better than us, don't they?
146
00:06:28,400 --> 00:06:30,038
(WOMAN SIGHS LOUDLY)
147
00:06:30,080 --> 00:06:33,277
Now, you're probably curious
about Goodhouse's agoraphobia.
148
00:06:33,320 --> 00:06:35,356
I'm afraid we had
a bit of a set-back yesterday.
149
00:06:35,400 --> 00:06:37,994
- I don't want to leave.
- Come on, Goodhouse.
150
00:06:38,040 --> 00:06:40,270
We'll just walk down
the end of the road.
151
00:06:40,320 --> 00:06:41,719
Nothing can go wrong.
152
00:06:43,320 --> 00:06:44,514
All right.
153
00:06:44,560 --> 00:06:46,073
All right, let's do it.
154
00:06:46,120 --> 00:06:47,838
Excellent. Excellent.
155
00:06:47,880 --> 00:06:50,314
We can be totally confident
about it being a complete success.
156
00:06:55,760 --> 00:06:57,751
So she hasn't been outside for two years,
157
00:06:57,800 --> 00:06:59,518
and the first thing she sees is a flasher?
158
00:06:59,560 --> 00:07:01,994
Apparently, the police have been
after this fellow for some time.
159
00:07:02,040 --> 00:07:03,758
He used to be known
as the Tooting Flasher.
160
00:07:03,800 --> 00:07:05,677
It appears that he's now,
161
00:07:05,720 --> 00:07:08,314
as it were, expanded his operations
across the south-east.
162
00:07:08,360 --> 00:07:11,397
Got a little cocky, you might say!
163
00:07:11,440 --> 00:07:12,759
Yeah.
164
00:07:12,800 --> 00:07:14,233
Did you get a good look at his face?
165
00:07:14,280 --> 00:07:16,077
No. No.
166
00:07:16,120 --> 00:07:20,398
One finds oneself in that situation
somewhat transfixed.
167
00:07:20,440 --> 00:07:22,158
Oh, yes. Of course.
168
00:07:23,560 --> 00:07:26,711
Jolly good of Ed
to agree to put you up for a while.
169
00:07:26,760 --> 00:07:28,716
This is a helluva long meeting, Jane.
170
00:07:28,760 --> 00:07:33,038
We just need to discuss the TV drama.
It's a marvellous part.
171
00:07:33,080 --> 00:07:36,436
A week's work. Filming in Spain.
172
00:07:36,480 --> 00:07:39,472
- No.
- It'll be the end of July.
173
00:07:39,520 --> 00:07:41,476
Cliff Promise is producing.
174
00:07:41,520 --> 00:07:43,317
Oh, right, I've met him.
175
00:07:43,360 --> 00:07:46,830
Yes, he's pretty sure you're right
for the role, but wants to see you read.
176
00:07:46,880 --> 00:07:51,078
He wants to see me read?
Well, he can fuck that sky-high.
177
00:07:52,280 --> 00:07:53,508
No.
178
00:07:53,560 --> 00:07:57,155
It's just a formality.
But he needs to see you today.
179
00:07:57,200 --> 00:08:00,078
But I have to meet my brother.
180
00:08:00,120 --> 00:08:01,838
Now that's the one!
181
00:08:02,880 --> 00:08:05,189
I've got to end this meeting now,
Jane.
182
00:08:05,240 --> 00:08:08,232
This is the thing, it's a bit of
a weird one about Cliff Promise.
183
00:08:08,280 --> 00:08:11,272
He's been in trouble recently,
so he's kind of out of action.
184
00:08:11,320 --> 00:08:12,719
What do you mean, out of action?
185
00:08:12,760 --> 00:08:14,318
He's in jail.
186
00:08:14,360 --> 00:08:16,351
Cliff Promise is in jail?
187
00:08:16,400 --> 00:08:18,311
Well, only for a short time!
188
00:08:18,360 --> 00:08:19,554
What the hell for?
189
00:08:19,600 --> 00:08:22,319
This'll knock you bandy.
190
00:08:22,360 --> 00:08:25,352
He's in for holocaust denial.
191
00:08:25,400 --> 00:08:26,833
What?!
192
00:08:26,880 --> 00:08:28,996
It's very odd.
193
00:08:29,040 --> 00:08:34,034
The thing about Clifford is that
he actually has lots of Jewish friends,
194
00:08:34,080 --> 00:08:37,993
but he just thinks
the figures don't add up.
195
00:08:38,040 --> 00:08:41,032
Should I be auditioning
for a holocaust denier?
196
00:08:41,080 --> 00:08:44,516
My father was in the Army.
He was in Auschwitz.
197
00:08:44,560 --> 00:08:45,788
Really? When?
198
00:08:45,840 --> 00:08:49,549
1945. Just after
they opened it up to the tourists.
199
00:08:49,600 --> 00:08:54,196
You know, I think it's as much a free
speech thing with Cliff as anything.
200
00:08:54,240 --> 00:08:55,639
He's not a Nazi, is he?
201
00:08:55,680 --> 00:08:59,798
When I met him at Caroline Quentin's
house-warming party last year,
202
00:08:59,840 --> 00:09:02,195
he didn't come across as a Nazi.
203
00:09:02,240 --> 00:09:06,836
He was wearing the SS uniform,but he didn't come across as a Nazi.
204
00:09:06,880 --> 00:09:08,916
You know,like Prince Harry wears one.
205
00:09:08,960 --> 00:09:11,599
It's just a bit of fun.
206
00:09:11,640 --> 00:09:16,191
He was also questioned by the police
after a racial chanting incident.
207
00:09:16,240 --> 00:09:18,390
Where?
At a football match, presumably.
208
00:09:18,440 --> 00:09:21,113
No.
On the set of Inspector Somerset.
209
00:09:21,160 --> 00:09:23,958
He didn't agree with
the casting of Bennet Carnival.
210
00:09:24,000 --> 00:09:25,433
Because Bennet Carnival's black?
211
00:09:25,480 --> 00:09:26,390
Yes.
212
00:09:26,440 --> 00:09:28,510
Well, didn't he play
the Nigerian ambassador in that?
213
00:09:30,600 --> 00:09:32,716
Talking of racial matters...
214
00:09:32,760 --> 00:09:35,513
the Evening Standard rang me earlier.
215
00:09:35,560 --> 00:09:36,515
What do those fuckers want?
216
00:09:36,560 --> 00:09:40,109
They left a message about wanting me
to talk about Asians.
217
00:09:41,360 --> 00:09:43,635
What do I know about Asians?
218
00:09:45,040 --> 00:09:47,998
They probably meant agents.
219
00:09:48,040 --> 00:09:50,554
After all, you are an agent.
220
00:09:50,600 --> 00:09:52,909
Oh, that could be it.
221
00:09:52,960 --> 00:09:55,554
All right,
where do I have to meet him?
222
00:09:55,800 --> 00:09:57,358
(BUZZER)
223
00:09:59,640 --> 00:10:00,755
- (BUZZING CONTINUES)
- Oh, bugger.
224
00:10:02,880 --> 00:10:06,429
I say, I think
I may have broken your doorbell.
225
00:10:07,800 --> 00:10:10,837
Steven. Cliff Promise.
226
00:10:10,880 --> 00:10:12,677
Lovely to meet you.
227
00:10:12,720 --> 00:10:15,553
Oh, that's such a great touch.
228
00:10:15,600 --> 00:10:16,635
Sorry, what?
229
00:10:16,680 --> 00:10:19,797
The blinking.
David's nervous, so he blinks.
230
00:10:19,840 --> 00:10:22,354
It's not even in the script,
but it's so right!
231
00:10:22,400 --> 00:10:24,630
No, I sprayed perfume
in my eyes earlier.
232
00:10:24,680 --> 00:10:25,749
Why?
233
00:10:25,800 --> 00:10:27,358
It was an accident?
234
00:10:28,840 --> 00:10:32,833
OK, let's just give it a read.
You have the scenes?
235
00:10:32,880 --> 00:10:33,995
Oh, right.
236
00:10:35,600 --> 00:10:37,830
Excellent.
237
00:10:40,680 --> 00:10:43,513
Ah, I can read the part of Daisy.
238
00:10:43,560 --> 00:10:46,279
Erm...
239
00:10:46,320 --> 00:10:49,995
I suggest from the bit
where David's drunk
240
00:10:50,040 --> 00:10:52,235
and they're having
a bit of an argument in the villa.
241
00:10:52,280 --> 00:10:55,716
You seemed to be paying a bit
of attention to Roger the other night.
242
00:10:55,760 --> 00:10:56,829
That bit?
243
00:10:56,880 --> 00:10:58,836
Yes, that's it. OK.
244
00:11:00,080 --> 00:11:03,709
You seemed to be paying a bit
of attention to Roger the other night.
245
00:11:03,760 --> 00:11:05,876
Are you drunk again, David?
246
00:11:05,920 --> 00:11:10,630
Too much wine always brings out
your jealous rages.
247
00:11:11,680 --> 00:11:14,114
Maybe a bit of blinking, Steven.
248
00:11:14,160 --> 00:11:16,151
I loved
what you were doing with that.
249
00:11:16,200 --> 00:11:18,077
Right.
250
00:11:18,120 --> 00:11:20,588
You were practically
throwing yourself at him.
251
00:11:20,640 --> 00:11:21,959
I'll just stop it there.
252
00:11:22,000 --> 00:11:23,797
Very good.
253
00:11:23,840 --> 00:11:27,071
But were you doing him
slightly... Jamaican?
254
00:11:27,120 --> 00:11:30,669
I thought I detected a little... patois.
255
00:11:30,720 --> 00:11:33,439
There's no way... David...
256
00:11:33,480 --> 00:11:34,549
is Jamaican!
257
00:11:36,160 --> 00:11:37,832
OK, let's trot on.
258
00:11:37,880 --> 00:11:39,871
All right, is my character gay?
259
00:11:39,920 --> 00:11:42,593
Yes!
You're an undercover gay detective.
260
00:11:42,640 --> 00:11:44,358
Well, shall I do him camp?
261
00:11:44,400 --> 00:11:46,675
You could try it.
Do you want to try it?
262
00:11:46,720 --> 00:11:49,109
Well, he's probably
trying to hide it.
263
00:11:49,160 --> 00:11:50,388
He is married.
264
00:11:50,440 --> 00:11:52,192
Trying to catch a killer.
265
00:11:52,240 --> 00:11:54,800
Really?
266
00:11:54,840 --> 00:11:56,751
Look, I'll try something.
267
00:11:56,800 --> 00:11:57,949
Good for you!
268
00:11:59,600 --> 00:12:02,797
The first time he came down from Siptus,
269
00:12:02,840 --> 00:12:05,354
you were practically throwing yourself
at him!
270
00:12:05,400 --> 00:12:07,550
And that bitch of a wife!
271
00:12:07,600 --> 00:12:09,397
Bollocks! Eh?
272
00:12:09,440 --> 00:12:12,796
- This one here's a gay bent copper.
- Sorry, everything all right here?
273
00:12:12,840 --> 00:12:15,115
And he smells of perfume!
274
00:12:15,160 --> 00:12:16,479
Get your bloody hands off me!
275
00:12:16,520 --> 00:12:17,919
(ALARM SOUNDS)
276
00:12:17,960 --> 00:12:20,633
When will I hear?
277
00:12:24,160 --> 00:12:25,354
Which way's London?
278
00:12:25,400 --> 00:12:26,958
That way.
279
00:12:27,000 --> 00:12:28,558
Unbelievable!
280
00:12:36,280 --> 00:12:38,635
I blew his head off completely!
281
00:12:38,680 --> 00:12:40,750
And, when I say completely,
I mean...
282
00:12:41,840 --> 00:12:43,239
...completely.
283
00:12:43,280 --> 00:12:46,590
Well, I imagine when one blows someone's
head off, there's no half measures?
284
00:12:46,640 --> 00:12:49,677
His head shot up into the air
and landed in my lap.
285
00:12:49,720 --> 00:12:52,075
Now, what happened next
I will never forget.
286
00:12:52,120 --> 00:12:55,510
He looked me straight into the eyes
and, as God is my witness,
287
00:12:55,560 --> 00:12:58,711
he mouthed the words...
288
00:12:58,760 --> 00:13:00,591
"Thank you."
289
00:13:02,000 --> 00:13:04,639
Oh, Steven, you would have loved
the Army life.
290
00:13:04,680 --> 00:13:07,831
It was good enough for our father
and grandfather.
291
00:13:07,880 --> 00:13:09,199
It's not too late, you know.
292
00:13:09,240 --> 00:13:11,071
I think it is too late, Blair.
293
00:13:11,120 --> 00:13:14,715
The acting life is the life for me.
294
00:13:14,760 --> 00:13:16,239
Is that a new hand?
295
00:13:16,280 --> 00:13:17,315
What?
296
00:13:17,360 --> 00:13:19,237
Oh, yeah.
297
00:13:19,280 --> 00:13:20,872
Usual one's getting fixed!
298
00:13:21,960 --> 00:13:23,757
So I hear this play you're in...
299
00:13:23,800 --> 00:13:25,313
(CLOCK CHIMES)
300
00:13:25,360 --> 00:13:26,839
...is a piece of shit!
301
00:13:26,880 --> 00:13:29,599
It's true the subject matter
could be considered robust.
302
00:13:29,640 --> 00:13:32,279
It beats running the risk of getting
your head blown off.
303
00:13:32,320 --> 00:13:34,595
Although, I was almost set on fire
during rehearsal.
304
00:13:34,640 --> 00:13:37,552
I've lost count of the number of times
I've been set on fire.
305
00:13:37,600 --> 00:13:40,797
It kept me on my toes!
Wouldn't do you any harm, either.
306
00:13:40,840 --> 00:13:42,751
Excellent!
307
00:13:42,800 --> 00:13:45,837
It's been great seeing you, Blair,
but I've a voice-over in Soho,
308
00:13:45,880 --> 00:13:47,199
and the studio's booked.
309
00:13:47,240 --> 00:13:51,756
A studio peopled exclusively
by homosexuals, no doubt?
310
00:13:51,800 --> 00:13:54,633
Well, there'll probably
be at least one homosexual.
311
00:13:54,680 --> 00:13:56,716
They are one in ten
of the male population.
312
00:13:56,760 --> 00:13:58,398
Not in the Army, they're not.
313
00:13:58,440 --> 00:14:01,477
The number of homosexuals
in the Army? Absolutely none.
314
00:14:01,520 --> 00:14:03,112
(BOTTLE POPS)
315
00:14:03,160 --> 00:14:04,832
(GUN FIRES)
316
00:14:09,520 --> 00:14:11,192
Every bloody time.
317
00:14:11,240 --> 00:14:12,878
No.
318
00:14:21,320 --> 00:14:24,392
Well, well, well, look who it is.
319
00:14:25,680 --> 00:14:27,671
Oh, Jesus!
320
00:14:27,720 --> 00:14:30,188
You can't believe your eyes, can you,
Toast?
321
00:14:30,240 --> 00:14:33,437
It's me, Ray Purchase.
322
00:14:33,480 --> 00:14:36,199
You didn't know I was
a member of this club, did you?
323
00:14:36,240 --> 00:14:38,356
The only club you should
be a member of, Purchase,
324
00:14:38,400 --> 00:14:41,278
is a club for arseholes!
325
00:14:41,320 --> 00:14:43,788
I heard that new play you're in
is terrible.
326
00:14:43,840 --> 00:14:45,319
What, you mean...
327
00:14:46,480 --> 00:14:48,755
(WATER DROWNS OUT SPEECH)
328
00:14:48,800 --> 00:14:49,949
Yeah, of course I mean...
329
00:14:50,000 --> 00:14:51,831
(WATER DROWNS OUT SPEECH)
330
00:14:55,200 --> 00:14:56,952
I've never forgotten you, Toast.
331
00:14:57,000 --> 00:14:59,673
Oh, no, I have never forgotten you.
332
00:14:59,720 --> 00:15:01,995
Well, excuse me
while I dry my hands.
333
00:15:03,720 --> 00:15:05,597
Dry your hands, eh?
334
00:15:05,640 --> 00:15:07,358
Why not dry your eyes as well?
335
00:15:09,480 --> 00:15:10,799
(DRIER BLOWS)
336
00:15:19,880 --> 00:15:21,472
Good God, Toast.
337
00:15:37,320 --> 00:15:38,719
Hey, Steven, ready for you now.
338
00:15:38,760 --> 00:15:40,432
Do you want any water or anything?
339
00:15:40,480 --> 00:15:41,595
I've got some here.
340
00:15:41,640 --> 00:15:43,915
- Are we rolling?
- Yeah, in your own time.
341
00:15:47,840 --> 00:15:49,319
Yes.
342
00:15:53,560 --> 00:15:54,959
Er, that was brilliant, Steven.
343
00:15:55,000 --> 00:15:56,991
Really, really brilliant,
everyone very happy here.
344
00:15:57,040 --> 00:15:59,076
Let's just get a few more. Yeah.
345
00:15:59,120 --> 00:16:00,394
OK.
346
00:16:01,920 --> 00:16:03,478
Yes.
347
00:16:03,520 --> 00:16:05,033
Yes.
348
00:16:05,080 --> 00:16:06,479
Yes.
349
00:16:06,520 --> 00:16:07,714
Yes.
350
00:16:08,800 --> 00:16:09,835
OK?
351
00:16:12,760 --> 00:16:15,399
Er, Steven, that was really good.
352
00:16:15,440 --> 00:16:18,432
Feeling is here that
you could be a bit more positive.
353
00:16:18,480 --> 00:16:19,708
More positive?
354
00:16:19,760 --> 00:16:21,751
Yeah, you know. Really go for it.
355
00:16:21,800 --> 00:16:23,677
You want me to go for it?
356
00:16:23,720 --> 00:16:25,073
Yeah.
357
00:16:26,440 --> 00:16:27,509
All right.
358
00:16:29,360 --> 00:16:30,634
Yes!
359
00:16:37,960 --> 00:16:39,837
Er, it's good, very, very good.
360
00:16:39,880 --> 00:16:41,518
Let's just try without the script,
361
00:16:41,560 --> 00:16:43,118
it might just loosen you up a little bit.
362
00:16:43,160 --> 00:16:45,116
What is it, one word?
You don't really need it.
363
00:16:45,160 --> 00:16:47,913
I probably don't need the script,
it's just a word.
364
00:16:47,960 --> 00:16:49,359
Yeah. OK, let's do it again.
365
00:16:52,920 --> 00:16:53,989
Yes!
366
00:16:56,160 --> 00:16:57,718
- Was that it?
- Yes.
367
00:16:57,760 --> 00:16:59,352
Right.
368
00:17:02,480 --> 00:17:04,277
- Hi, Steven.
- Yes.
369
00:17:04,320 --> 00:17:06,470
- This is Clem Fandango.
- OK.
370
00:17:06,520 --> 00:17:07,509
Can you hear me?
371
00:17:07,560 --> 00:17:09,755
- Yes.
- Honestly, this is going so great,
372
00:17:09,800 --> 00:17:12,439
but I just think there was a little loss
of energy in that last take.
373
00:17:12,480 --> 00:17:13,595
Maybe try one more.
374
00:17:17,880 --> 00:17:18,790
- OK, ready to go?
- Yeah.
375
00:17:18,840 --> 00:17:20,637
- What?
- Yes!
376
00:17:22,240 --> 00:17:23,958
Yes!
377
00:17:24,000 --> 00:17:25,592
Yes!
378
00:17:25,640 --> 00:17:27,119
Yes!
379
00:17:27,160 --> 00:17:28,673
Yes!
380
00:17:28,720 --> 00:17:30,438
Yes!!
381
00:17:30,480 --> 00:17:31,708
Yeees!
382
00:17:31,760 --> 00:17:33,751
Yes!
383
00:17:33,800 --> 00:17:35,313
Yes!
384
00:17:35,360 --> 00:17:36,679
Yes!
385
00:17:36,720 --> 00:17:38,438
Yes!
386
00:17:41,360 --> 00:17:42,475
Yes!
387
00:17:42,520 --> 00:17:44,272
Yes!
388
00:17:44,320 --> 00:17:46,117
Yees!
389
00:17:46,160 --> 00:17:47,354
Yeees!
390
00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:48,435
Yes!
391
00:17:48,480 --> 00:17:49,674
Yes!
392
00:17:49,720 --> 00:17:51,073
Oh, fuck...
393
00:17:51,120 --> 00:17:52,235
Yes!
394
00:17:52,280 --> 00:17:53,793
Yees!
395
00:17:53,840 --> 00:17:55,796
Yeees!
396
00:17:55,840 --> 00:17:57,796
Yeeees!
397
00:17:57,840 --> 00:17:59,592
Yes!
398
00:17:59,640 --> 00:18:01,073
(MORE LOUDLY) Yes!
399
00:18:02,320 --> 00:18:03,753
Fuck...
400
00:18:04,800 --> 00:18:06,472
Jesus!
401
00:18:06,520 --> 00:18:08,431
- Steven?
- What?
402
00:18:08,480 --> 00:18:11,199
How would you feel about doing a no?
403
00:18:13,240 --> 00:18:15,071
Are you crying?
404
00:18:15,120 --> 00:18:16,792
Clem Fandango,
405
00:18:16,840 --> 00:18:20,719
I have to be on the stage at 7.30.
406
00:18:20,760 --> 00:18:23,513
Honestly, Steven,
how long will it take to say a no?
407
00:18:37,240 --> 00:18:40,949
# I had dreams
408
00:18:41,000 --> 00:18:44,072
# So did we all
409
00:18:44,120 --> 00:18:49,513
# But then life begins
410
00:18:49,560 --> 00:18:52,028
# My curtain call
411
00:18:52,080 --> 00:18:57,438
# I'm alone and scared
412
00:18:57,480 --> 00:19:00,040
# You are a fool
413
00:19:00,080 --> 00:19:05,029
# When you die, who'll care?
414
00:19:05,080 --> 00:19:07,355
# I guess you're right
415
00:19:07,400 --> 00:19:11,552
# So kill me with jazz...
416
00:19:12,720 --> 00:19:14,597
# Yes
417
00:19:14,640 --> 00:19:16,710
# Yes
418
00:19:16,760 --> 00:19:19,513
# Yes
419
00:19:19,560 --> 00:19:21,437
Yes!
420
00:19:59,400 --> 00:20:02,437
TV: And now we have a policeIdentikit drawing of a suspect
421
00:20:02,480 --> 00:20:05,677
that police are very keen to talk toin connection with a series
422
00:20:05,720 --> 00:20:10,396
of incidents of indecent exposureacross London and the south-east.
423
00:20:10,440 --> 00:20:13,910
The man, originallyknown as the Tooting Flasher...
424
00:20:13,960 --> 00:20:16,190
Do you recognise that face?Do you have any information...
425
00:20:16,240 --> 00:20:18,913
Ray bloody Purchase!
426
00:20:18,960 --> 00:20:20,632
(RAY CHUCKLES)
427
00:20:23,040 --> 00:20:25,508
(PHONE RINGS)
428
00:20:25,560 --> 00:20:27,357
Bloody hell!
429
00:20:27,400 --> 00:20:28,389
Yes!
430
00:20:28,440 --> 00:20:31,238
Toast, I've just been watching
Crimescene.
431
00:20:31,280 --> 00:20:33,032
Ed! Look, I can't deal
with this right now.
432
00:20:33,080 --> 00:20:35,640
I don't think you should stay here
at the flat any more.
433
00:20:35,680 --> 00:20:38,240
Look, Ed, it wasn't me!
It was Ray Purchase.
434
00:20:38,280 --> 00:20:40,396
It was a poor show, Toast,
poor bloody show.
435
00:20:40,440 --> 00:20:43,113
You've sent Goodhouse firmly back
to square one.
436
00:20:43,160 --> 00:20:44,479
(SILENCE)
437
00:20:44,520 --> 00:20:47,318
- (STAGE BUZZER)
- I'm on stage, I've got to go.
438
00:20:52,600 --> 00:20:54,033
How long does this protest go on?
439
00:20:54,080 --> 00:20:55,035
Until the end of the show!
440
00:20:55,080 --> 00:20:56,069
Good!
441
00:20:56,120 --> 00:21:03,509
This is disgusting! Boo!
Ripped By mstoll
442
00:21:12,520 --> 00:21:14,511
- (AUDIENCE GASPS)
- (BLEEP)
443
00:21:14,561 --> 00:21:19,111
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