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1
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Previously on "Time Traveling Bong"...
2
00:00:02,547 --> 00:00:04,993
I can't get off without HD porn, Sharee.
3
00:00:06,187 --> 00:00:07,657
- Watch out!
- Hey!
4
00:00:07,757 --> 00:00:08,827
Oh, my God.
5
00:00:08,917 --> 00:00:10,983
"Time traveling bong."
6
00:00:14,697 --> 00:00:16,737
Witchcraft has come to Salem.
7
00:00:16,827 --> 00:00:18,297
We will stamp it out.
8
00:00:20,367 --> 00:00:21,097
No!
9
00:00:21,197 --> 00:00:22,497
I found a glassblower.
10
00:00:22,597 --> 00:00:24,147
I think he's gonna do an amazing job.
11
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Your vase-pipe, Sir Jeff.
12
00:00:25,628 --> 00:00:27,128
This looks like shit!
13
00:00:27,227 --> 00:00:28,227
Here goes the witch!
14
00:00:30,027 --> 00:00:31,927
The glassblower messed up
the bong when he blew it.
15
00:00:32,027 --> 00:00:33,427
Now we have no ability
to control where we go,
16
00:00:33,537 --> 00:00:34,877
forcing us to bounce around
17
00:00:34,967 --> 00:00:37,037
the space-time continuum indefinitely?
18
00:00:37,137 --> 00:00:40,107
We're going to raise
Michael Jackson as our son.
19
00:00:40,207 --> 00:00:41,649
- I can't do this.
- Me either.
20
00:00:42,082 --> 00:00:42,907
Holy shit.
21
00:00:43,007 --> 00:00:45,377
The best time in human
history, ancient Greece.
22
00:00:45,477 --> 00:00:46,777
Greek salad!
23
00:00:47,180 --> 00:00:51,625
24
00:00:51,650 --> 00:00:57,354
Synced & corrected by -robtor-
www.addic7ed.com
25
00:01:00,427 --> 00:01:03,127
26
00:01:04,363 --> 00:01:05,729
Wow, great view.
27
00:01:06,167 --> 00:01:07,336
Yeah, it's okay.
28
00:01:07,837 --> 00:01:09,137
Huh.
29
00:01:09,237 --> 00:01:10,247
I can read this.
30
00:01:11,037 --> 00:01:12,022
- What?
- Yeah.
31
00:01:12,047 --> 00:01:13,620
- I know the Greek alphabet.
- Wait, how?
32
00:01:13,720 --> 00:01:16,317
From my one semester at SDT
at Rutgers before I dropped out.
33
00:01:16,377 --> 00:01:17,537
I'm a sorority girl, remember?
34
00:01:18,447 --> 00:01:19,750
Right. Yeah.
35
00:01:24,120 --> 00:01:25,941
There's an event or something?
36
00:01:26,517 --> 00:01:28,265
Hold on. Excuse me.
37
00:01:33,027 --> 00:01:33,897
Wow.
38
00:01:34,236 --> 00:01:35,852
Okay.
39
00:01:36,327 --> 00:01:38,627
There's a really hot party tonight.
40
00:01:38,727 --> 00:01:42,310
Free wine, beans, chestnuts,
and toasted wheat!
41
00:01:42,410 --> 00:01:43,567
- Yes!
- Nice!
42
00:01:43,667 --> 00:01:46,443
Dude, I could so use a party
after that child rearing.
43
00:01:46,543 --> 00:01:47,307
My God.
44
00:01:47,407 --> 00:01:48,277
We earned this time period, right?
45
00:01:48,377 --> 00:01:49,255
Yeah, we did. Yes.
46
00:01:49,355 --> 00:01:51,477
I'm gonna do a smoky eye and a nude lip.
47
00:01:51,577 --> 00:01:52,661
What are you gonna do?
48
00:01:53,517 --> 00:01:54,677
I guess I'll put on a toga.
49
00:01:54,747 --> 00:01:56,487
- Greek salad.
- Greek salad.
50
00:01:59,547 --> 00:02:07,547
51
00:02:11,697 --> 00:02:13,467
Hey
52
00:02:13,567 --> 00:02:15,437
Hey
53
00:02:15,537 --> 00:02:23,537
54
00:02:32,547 --> 00:02:34,747
- This party is great, huh?
- Yeah.
55
00:02:34,857 --> 00:02:36,527
- Thank you.
- Except for all the kids.
56
00:02:36,627 --> 00:02:37,697
No, it's good, you know?
57
00:02:37,787 --> 00:02:38,827
Greeks are way more enlightened.
58
00:02:38,927 --> 00:02:40,327
Kids should mingle with adults.
59
00:02:40,427 --> 00:02:42,145
We should treat them like real people.
60
00:02:43,497 --> 00:02:45,467
She literally doesn't know
anyone else here.
61
00:02:45,567 --> 00:02:47,307
62
00:02:47,397 --> 00:02:48,767
Hey
63
00:02:48,867 --> 00:02:51,237
64
00:02:54,307 --> 00:02:57,007
65
00:02:57,107 --> 00:02:58,177
Hey
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00:02:58,277 --> 00:03:01,547
67
00:03:03,987 --> 00:03:07,127
Oh, it's that kind of party.
68
00:03:07,217 --> 00:03:08,287
Oh.
69
00:03:10,457 --> 00:03:11,657
Mm.
70
00:03:11,757 --> 00:03:14,897
Well, when in Rome, right?
71
00:03:16,427 --> 00:03:17,876
Wait, we're in Rome?
72
00:03:18,797 --> 00:03:20,237
No, we're in Greece.
73
00:03:20,337 --> 00:03:21,497
Oh, yeah, I thought Greece.
74
00:03:21,537 --> 00:03:23,707
I just... I got confused
when you said Rome.
75
00:03:23,807 --> 00:03:25,147
No, yeah, Greece.
76
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Okay.
77
00:03:26,237 --> 00:03:27,237
Okay. Bye.
78
00:03:30,347 --> 00:03:35,317
79
00:03:38,387 --> 00:03:46,367
80
00:04:00,277 --> 00:04:01,547
- Hey!
- Oh, hi!
81
00:04:01,637 --> 00:04:02,807
- How are you?
- Oh!
82
00:04:02,907 --> 00:04:04,947
I'm great. This is crazy, right?
83
00:04:05,047 --> 00:04:06,087
I know.
84
00:04:06,177 --> 00:04:07,847
- Do you think it's safe?
- I don't know.
85
00:04:07,947 --> 00:04:10,387
I mean, I'm wearing
a sheep's bladder as a condom,
86
00:04:10,487 --> 00:04:12,027
but I mean, I hope it works.
87
00:04:12,117 --> 00:04:14,097
I think people are
really drawn to my teeth,
88
00:04:14,147 --> 00:04:16,027
because I don't...
I'm, like, doing really well.
89
00:04:16,127 --> 00:04:17,957
Yeah, everybody's doing really well.
90
00:04:18,057 --> 00:04:19,057
It's an orgy.
91
00:04:19,157 --> 00:04:20,157
Well, yeah.
92
00:04:20,876 --> 00:04:21,773
Good point.
93
00:04:21,803 --> 00:04:22,823
You know what?
94
00:04:23,170 --> 00:04:25,737
I don't think we've partied
together since high school.
95
00:04:25,827 --> 00:04:26,827
Whoa. Is that true?
96
00:04:26,867 --> 00:04:28,207
How can that be true?
97
00:04:28,754 --> 00:04:29,767
I don't know.
98
00:04:29,867 --> 00:04:32,841
We just started hanging out
with different groups, you know?
99
00:04:32,941 --> 00:04:33,634
Yeah.
100
00:04:33,734 --> 00:04:34,981
And then when Grandma died...
101
00:04:35,081 --> 00:04:37,447
We became roommates,
and when you're roommates,
102
00:04:37,547 --> 00:04:38,827
you never make plans to hang out.
103
00:04:38,907 --> 00:04:40,547
You just complain and...
104
00:04:40,647 --> 00:04:43,117
Talking about how you
leave piss on the seat.
105
00:04:43,217 --> 00:04:44,657
Or how you never take out the trash
106
00:04:44,717 --> 00:04:45,887
or do the dishes.
107
00:04:45,987 --> 00:04:49,327
Or how you ejaculate
on my electronics...
108
00:04:49,417 --> 00:04:51,587
Repeatedly.
109
00:04:51,687 --> 00:04:53,527
Sorry. I know. Sorry.
110
00:04:53,627 --> 00:04:54,527
Well, you know what?
111
00:04:54,627 --> 00:04:55,827
It has been really great
112
00:04:55,927 --> 00:04:57,597
seeing you blossom on this trip.
113
00:04:57,697 --> 00:04:59,567
And how about you, dude?
114
00:04:59,667 --> 00:05:01,937
Back at home, I feel like you were...
115
00:05:02,037 --> 00:05:03,207
stuck.
116
00:05:03,307 --> 00:05:07,177
But here you put yourself
out there, and it pays off.
117
00:05:07,277 --> 00:05:09,977
I mean, a girl is sucking
your dick right now.
118
00:05:10,077 --> 00:05:11,247
I know!
119
00:05:11,347 --> 00:05:12,347
It's crazy.
120
00:05:12,407 --> 00:05:13,877
This has been so fun.
121
00:05:13,977 --> 00:05:16,017
I wouldn't have wanted to
time travel with anybody else.
122
00:05:16,117 --> 00:05:20,117
Aw. That's cool. Me either.
123
00:05:20,217 --> 00:05:20,947
Best cousins.
124
00:05:21,057 --> 00:05:22,387
Best cousins. Greek salad.
125
00:05:22,487 --> 00:05:23,987
Greek salad.
126
00:05:24,087 --> 00:05:25,887
127
00:05:25,987 --> 00:05:26,987
Ooh!
128
00:05:27,057 --> 00:05:28,287
129
00:05:33,197 --> 00:05:33,827
Huh.
130
00:05:33,937 --> 00:05:35,577
Oh!
131
00:05:35,667 --> 00:05:37,067
- What is that?
- Oh!
132
00:05:37,167 --> 00:05:37,967
Is that a b...
133
00:05:38,067 --> 00:05:39,537
- Did we...
- Did we f...
134
00:05:43,030 --> 00:05:43,930
Oh, my God.
135
00:05:44,216 --> 00:05:45,467
Did we f...
136
00:05:48,257 --> 00:05:49,397
I don't know.
137
00:05:49,497 --> 00:05:50,857
I don't think so. I don't think so.
138
00:05:50,897 --> 00:05:52,337
Oh, God, but it's hard to remember.
139
00:05:52,427 --> 00:05:53,280
It's such a blur.
140
00:05:53,547 --> 00:05:55,257
Bodies and passion and...
141
00:06:00,507 --> 00:06:02,347
We're cousins, Jeff.
142
00:06:05,607 --> 00:06:07,207
I know, Sharee.
143
00:06:08,777 --> 00:06:10,165
I knew I shouldn't have come with you.
144
00:06:10,227 --> 00:06:11,019
What?
145
00:06:11,130 --> 00:06:13,030
I knew this was a bad idea!
146
00:06:13,310 --> 00:06:14,547
Before you time traveled,
147
00:06:14,647 --> 00:06:15,987
you'd never had an orgasm
148
00:06:16,087 --> 00:06:17,397
and you were dating a married guy.
149
00:06:17,497 --> 00:06:19,657
I like my life. I like my job at Hertz.
150
00:06:19,757 --> 00:06:22,127
I like my shitty married boyfriend.
151
00:06:22,227 --> 00:06:24,167
You were the one trying
to escape your sad life.
152
00:06:24,257 --> 00:06:27,497
Now we're both weird loser fuck-cousins.
153
00:06:27,597 --> 00:06:28,467
Alleged!
154
00:06:28,567 --> 00:06:30,067
Ew! Ew!
155
00:06:30,167 --> 00:06:32,437
You didn't seem to mind when
your finger was in my butthole.
156
00:06:32,537 --> 00:06:33,737
That was you?
157
00:06:33,837 --> 00:06:35,537
You said my butthole
was tighter than a dime
158
00:06:35,637 --> 00:06:36,737
and I need to loosen up.
159
00:06:36,837 --> 00:06:38,437
Stop! Oh, God!
160
00:06:38,547 --> 00:06:39,647
Listen.
161
00:06:39,747 --> 00:06:41,347
If we ever get back to 2016,
162
00:06:41,447 --> 00:06:43,247
I think you should move out.
163
00:06:43,347 --> 00:06:44,185
Fine. You know what?
164
00:06:44,210 --> 00:06:46,187
If we ever get back to 2016, I will.
165
00:06:46,287 --> 00:06:48,627
In fact, I think we need
some space right now.
166
00:06:48,717 --> 00:06:50,217
Great idea.
167
00:06:53,257 --> 00:06:54,897
But let's maybe get it somewhere else.
168
00:06:54,997 --> 00:06:57,137
Yeah, there's some serious
abuse happening here.
169
00:06:57,227 --> 00:06:58,267
Oh, it's rough.
170
00:07:01,397 --> 00:07:08,637
171
00:07:08,674 --> 00:07:10,874
Oh, I forgot to get a Greek salad!
172
00:07:12,307 --> 00:07:14,277
173
00:07:16,977 --> 00:07:18,817
It does not get any easier.
174
00:07:18,917 --> 00:07:20,559
- Ah.
- God.
175
00:07:21,657 --> 00:07:23,427
Is that a flying car?
176
00:07:26,327 --> 00:07:27,327
It's the future.
177
00:07:28,083 --> 00:07:29,683
Oh, my God.
178
00:07:30,057 --> 00:07:31,597
179
00:07:31,697 --> 00:07:32,791
This must be a dump.
180
00:07:32,891 --> 00:07:33,618
God.
181
00:07:34,227 --> 00:07:35,397
Let's get out of here.
182
00:07:35,904 --> 00:07:36,804
Yikes.
183
00:07:37,297 --> 00:07:40,137
184
00:07:40,237 --> 00:07:41,237
Ugh.
185
00:07:41,337 --> 00:07:42,537
Nope.
186
00:07:42,637 --> 00:07:44,437
Another dead end.
187
00:07:44,537 --> 00:07:46,307
Maybe we should get high.
188
00:07:46,407 --> 00:07:49,447
Ooh, there's got to be
something to smoke out of here.
189
00:07:49,547 --> 00:07:50,575
No, I mean get higher up
190
00:07:50,600 --> 00:07:51,907
and see if we can see where the exit is.
191
00:07:52,300 --> 00:07:52,961
Fine.
192
00:07:56,003 --> 00:07:57,543
All right, come on.
193
00:08:07,122 --> 00:08:08,792
194
00:08:08,892 --> 00:08:11,592
Oh, my God.
195
00:08:11,692 --> 00:08:13,132
Did you just fart?
196
00:08:13,222 --> 00:08:14,222
No!
197
00:08:14,262 --> 00:08:15,432
I think you're probably smelling
198
00:08:15,532 --> 00:08:16,472
the huge pile of trash you're on.
199
00:08:16,562 --> 00:08:18,232
Duh. Sorry.
200
00:08:18,332 --> 00:08:19,432
It's okay.
201
00:08:19,532 --> 00:08:26,472
202
00:08:29,412 --> 00:08:31,082
Ooh, God.
203
00:08:31,172 --> 00:08:33,512
God, it is redonkulously hot.
204
00:08:33,612 --> 00:08:35,282
Oh, my God, you're really red.
205
00:08:35,382 --> 00:08:36,882
Holy shit, so are you.
206
00:08:36,982 --> 00:08:38,222
- Ah. Ow!
- We're burning alive!
207
00:08:38,322 --> 00:08:39,452
Ooh! Ow!
208
00:08:39,552 --> 00:08:40,752
Get in the shade. Get in the shade.
209
00:08:40,852 --> 00:08:42,322
There's no shade. It's just trash.
210
00:08:42,422 --> 00:08:43,422
- Shit.
- Oh!
211
00:08:43,492 --> 00:08:45,532
- Oh!
- Oh, God!
212
00:08:45,622 --> 00:08:47,565
I can smell your skin.
213
00:08:47,898 --> 00:08:48,962
Ooh, it's sizzling.
214
00:08:49,062 --> 00:08:50,262
Oh, my God.
215
00:08:51,702 --> 00:08:53,018
- Oh.
- Good idea.
216
00:08:53,118 --> 00:08:54,002
Let's get out of here!
217
00:08:54,102 --> 00:08:54,904
Give me the bong. Give me the bong.
218
00:08:55,004 --> 00:08:55,801
- Go!
- I can't.
219
00:08:55,831 --> 00:08:57,262
My fingers are too sweaty.
220
00:08:57,372 --> 00:08:58,442
Oh, my God.
221
00:09:01,542 --> 00:09:03,882
222
00:09:06,512 --> 00:09:08,312
Oh, thank you.
223
00:09:08,384 --> 00:09:10,797
_
224
00:09:11,197 --> 00:09:13,412
- English.
- Do you speak English?
225
00:09:14,170 --> 00:09:15,422
Yes, English.
226
00:09:15,522 --> 00:09:16,522
I am Dasani.
227
00:09:16,552 --> 00:09:18,252
This is my friend Aquafina.
228
00:09:18,362 --> 00:09:19,362
And that's JoJo.
229
00:09:19,462 --> 00:09:21,032
Are you guys doing an accent?
230
00:09:21,122 --> 00:09:24,222
Yeah, I know we just met,
but that's kind of racist.
231
00:09:24,332 --> 00:09:25,802
I'm not doing accent.
232
00:09:25,902 --> 00:09:28,102
Chinese is first official
language of America.
233
00:09:28,202 --> 00:09:30,642
You use accent like
drunk uncle does at holiday.
234
00:09:30,732 --> 00:09:32,532
It's very pass?.
235
00:09:32,642 --> 00:09:33,982
Me so sorry.
236
00:09:36,142 --> 00:09:37,989
Ah, it is almost noon.
237
00:09:38,089 --> 00:09:39,442
We must get inside. Come.
238
00:09:40,209 --> 00:09:41,423
"Me so sorry"?
239
00:09:41,523 --> 00:09:43,712
It just came out. I don't know.
240
00:09:50,239 --> 00:09:51,766
We are so happy to meet new defectors
241
00:09:51,856 --> 00:09:53,809
of the evil corporation Nomsanto.
242
00:09:53,909 --> 00:09:56,149
Now that you're out,
you can finally learn the truth.
243
00:09:56,239 --> 00:09:57,479
Yeah, walk us through some stuff.
244
00:09:57,579 --> 00:09:59,479
Pretend like we don't know anything.
245
00:10:01,949 --> 00:10:04,819
Nomsanto is agricultural
biotechnology company
246
00:10:04,919 --> 00:10:05,989
that rules our world.
247
00:10:06,089 --> 00:10:08,959
In 2009, Citizens United
allowed corporations
248
00:10:09,059 --> 00:10:10,299
to sponsor elections.
249
00:10:10,389 --> 00:10:12,289
Nomsanto gained influence and abolished
250
00:10:12,389 --> 00:10:14,329
the Environmental Protections Agency.
251
00:10:14,429 --> 00:10:16,329
So Earth grew too hot
for plants to grow,
252
00:10:16,429 --> 00:10:17,909
and the world was plagued with famine.
253
00:10:17,999 --> 00:10:20,469
Corporations kept merging
until there were only two:
254
00:10:20,569 --> 00:10:22,839
Nomsanto and Vivid Entertainment.
255
00:10:22,939 --> 00:10:23,979
The porn company?
256
00:10:24,069 --> 00:10:24,939
Yes.
257
00:10:25,039 --> 00:10:26,039
That's awesome.
258
00:10:26,069 --> 00:10:27,369
Why did you defect?
259
00:10:27,469 --> 00:10:29,039
Is the resistance forming?
260
00:10:29,139 --> 00:10:31,079
Actually, we're not defectors.
261
00:10:31,179 --> 00:10:32,319
Are you spies?
262
00:10:32,409 --> 00:10:33,709
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
263
00:10:33,809 --> 00:10:35,109
We're not spies, okay? We're not spies.
264
00:10:35,209 --> 00:10:36,209
No. No, no, no, no.
265
00:10:36,319 --> 00:10:37,519
Well, who are you, then?
266
00:10:37,619 --> 00:10:40,319
We're time travelers.
267
00:10:42,119 --> 00:10:44,889
Did you employ the principles
of the Tipler Cylinder?
268
00:10:44,989 --> 00:10:48,089
Can you confirm
our Schroedinger equation in QM?
269
00:10:48,189 --> 00:10:50,129
Mm... no.
270
00:10:50,229 --> 00:10:51,469
We've been working
271
00:10:51,559 --> 00:10:53,529
on a time traveling tool
to save our world.
272
00:10:53,629 --> 00:10:55,773
And we developed this.
273
00:10:56,169 --> 00:10:57,399
The bong but fixed.
274
00:10:57,499 --> 00:10:58,399
We can go home.
275
00:10:58,499 --> 00:11:00,339
It's a time traveling bong.
276
00:11:00,439 --> 00:11:01,669
- We know.
- Yeah.
277
00:11:01,769 --> 00:11:03,609
It started as a silly idea among friends
278
00:11:03,709 --> 00:11:05,009
when we would drink gasoline.
279
00:11:05,109 --> 00:11:07,109
But then it actually
turned out to be a thing.
280
00:11:07,209 --> 00:11:08,679
Which is pretty hilarious.
281
00:11:08,779 --> 00:11:10,726
Since nothing can grow on Earth anymore,
282
00:11:10,826 --> 00:11:11,779
we cannot use it
283
00:11:11,879 --> 00:11:14,307
'cause it's fueled
by the ancient herb marijuana.
284
00:11:14,332 --> 00:11:15,689
Oh, my God, I have weed.
285
00:11:20,059 --> 00:11:22,429
286
00:11:22,529 --> 00:11:23,599
Sticky, right?
287
00:11:23,699 --> 00:11:26,269
So fucking sticky.
288
00:11:31,782 --> 00:11:33,782
_
289
00:11:37,414 --> 00:11:39,414
_
290
00:11:41,149 --> 00:11:44,019
We should use your sweet bud
to time travel immediately.
291
00:11:44,119 --> 00:11:47,759
Or we could keep the seeds
and synthetically replicate it.
292
00:11:47,849 --> 00:11:49,009
There's a huge market for it.
293
00:11:49,089 --> 00:11:50,289
I know some guys who could distribute.
294
00:11:50,389 --> 00:11:51,719
We don't have to be "dealers."
295
00:11:51,819 --> 00:11:54,089
We would just sell enough
that we smoke for free.
296
00:11:54,189 --> 00:11:55,059
No, no, no, no, or you guys
297
00:11:55,159 --> 00:11:56,279
could do your original plan,
298
00:11:56,329 --> 00:11:57,559
which is to time travel.
299
00:11:57,659 --> 00:11:59,259
Well, we don't know
if the bong works yet,
300
00:11:59,369 --> 00:12:00,809
so we might as well
get high first anyway.
301
00:12:00,899 --> 00:12:02,399
No, it does work. Look.
302
00:12:02,499 --> 00:12:03,929
We used it to get here.
303
00:12:05,879 --> 00:12:08,349
Uh, what the fuck is that?
304
00:12:08,439 --> 00:12:10,079
It's your bong.
305
00:12:10,179 --> 00:12:11,319
It looks like shit.
306
00:12:11,409 --> 00:12:13,209
Yeah, well, we broke it.
307
00:12:13,309 --> 00:12:15,454
But we used it to get here.
308
00:12:15,554 --> 00:12:16,909
We got it from these future people,
309
00:12:17,019 --> 00:12:18,319
this black lady and this white dude.
310
00:12:18,419 --> 00:12:20,219
They're wearing "Star Trek" stuff...
311
00:12:27,989 --> 00:12:34,399
312
00:12:37,499 --> 00:12:44,809
313
00:12:44,909 --> 00:12:46,779
Sharee.
314
00:12:50,729 --> 00:12:52,229
Sharee!
315
00:12:53,429 --> 00:12:54,292
They took the weed.
316
00:12:54,402 --> 00:12:55,764
Yeah, and Sharee.
317
00:12:56,110 --> 00:12:57,010
Where did they take her?
318
00:12:57,110 --> 00:12:58,140
There's an incinerator room
319
00:12:58,239 --> 00:12:59,979
at the core of the Nomsanto Center.
320
00:13:00,079 --> 00:13:00,979
Oh, my God.
321
00:13:01,079 --> 00:13:02,819
I have to save her.
322
00:13:02,909 --> 00:13:03,909
Sharee!
323
00:13:04,334 --> 00:13:06,809
_
324
00:13:07,576 --> 00:13:09,576
_
325
00:13:10,056 --> 00:13:12,422
_
326
00:13:12,822 --> 00:13:15,616
_
327
00:13:16,189 --> 00:13:17,910
Hey, actually, I don't know
my way around here.
328
00:13:18,010 --> 00:13:20,663
Can you guys show me how to get
to the Nomsanto Center?
329
00:13:20,763 --> 00:13:22,229
- Oh, yeah.
- Yeah, definitely.
330
00:13:22,329 --> 00:13:23,259
All right, let's hurry, though.
331
00:13:23,369 --> 00:13:24,477
Get my gloves.
332
00:13:25,329 --> 00:13:26,229
Guys, please, no.
333
00:13:26,339 --> 00:13:27,609
What are you gonna do to me?
334
00:13:27,699 --> 00:13:30,839
You were found in possession
of plant life,
335
00:13:30,939 --> 00:13:31,939
which is illegal.
336
00:13:31,969 --> 00:13:32,969
That is such bullshit.
337
00:13:33,039 --> 00:13:35,139
Nature rules us,
not the other way around.
338
00:13:42,349 --> 00:13:44,489
339
00:13:44,589 --> 00:13:46,689
We can go no further.
340
00:13:46,789 --> 00:13:48,459
Our ID chips might sound the alarms.
341
00:13:48,559 --> 00:13:49,899
You must go alone.
342
00:13:49,989 --> 00:13:52,259
I don't know
if I can do this alone, guys.
343
00:13:52,359 --> 00:13:54,199
Here, take this.
344
00:13:54,299 --> 00:13:56,369
It is your only hope to escape.
345
00:13:56,469 --> 00:13:58,409
But promise us, Jeff,
you will come back for us.
346
00:13:58,499 --> 00:14:00,219
Together we must save the planet.
347
00:14:01,299 --> 00:14:03,139
Uh, I mean, I'll try, yeah.
348
00:14:03,538 --> 00:14:04,638
I gue... I'll try.
349
00:14:04,812 --> 00:14:05,639
Okay? Cool.
350
00:14:05,739 --> 00:14:06,909
So is there, like, a secret entrance,
351
00:14:07,009 --> 00:14:08,549
or, like, can you override
an access code?
352
00:14:08,639 --> 00:14:09,759
Can you hack into the system
353
00:14:09,849 --> 00:14:11,169
and shut down security so I can...
354
00:14:11,249 --> 00:14:12,379
- Nope.
- That'd be great, right?
355
00:14:12,479 --> 00:14:13,519
- We can't.
- Just can't do it.
356
00:14:13,619 --> 00:14:14,789
- I wish.
- That'd be so cool.
357
00:14:14,879 --> 00:14:16,009
Oh.
358
00:14:16,119 --> 00:14:18,419
But there is one way
you can get inside undetected.
359
00:14:18,519 --> 00:14:20,994
You must climb through
the biohazard chute.
360
00:14:21,589 --> 00:14:22,629
This shit?
361
00:14:22,729 --> 00:14:23,699
Through there will take you
362
00:14:23,789 --> 00:14:24,719
straight to the n'energy core.
363
00:14:24,829 --> 00:14:26,269
I can't climb up there.
364
00:14:26,359 --> 00:14:27,329
There's condoms and syringes and shit.
365
00:14:27,429 --> 00:14:28,599
What if I get AIDS?
366
00:14:28,699 --> 00:14:30,869
What? Oh, no, AIDS has been eradicated.
367
00:14:30,969 --> 00:14:32,169
It has?
368
00:14:32,269 --> 00:14:35,464
Wow, I guess that's one
good thing about the future.
369
00:14:36,139 --> 00:14:37,239
Okay.
370
00:14:37,339 --> 00:14:38,479
Thank you, guys.
371
00:14:38,569 --> 00:14:40,139
I'll never forget you.
372
00:14:40,239 --> 00:14:42,279
You are coming back for us,
though, right?
373
00:14:42,379 --> 00:14:43,879
Yeah, I'll do my best.
374
00:14:45,449 --> 00:14:46,819
Oh, this is just open.
375
00:14:47,979 --> 00:14:48,979
Whoof.
376
00:14:49,049 --> 00:14:52,019
This is the only way? No other way?
377
00:14:52,119 --> 00:14:53,959
Wow. Wow.
378
00:14:54,059 --> 00:14:54,959
Okay.
379
00:14:55,059 --> 00:14:56,699
Okay. Oof, Jesus.
380
00:14:56,789 --> 00:14:59,159
God, it stinks! Oof!
381
00:14:59,259 --> 00:15:01,359
AIDS hasn't been eradicated.
382
00:15:01,459 --> 00:15:02,459
I know.
383
00:15:02,529 --> 00:15:03,769
It's worse than ever.
384
00:15:03,869 --> 00:15:07,039
But he was freaking out, so that's life.
385
00:15:11,200 --> 00:15:12,660
_
386
00:15:12,887 --> 00:15:14,887
_
387
00:15:15,284 --> 00:15:16,824
_
388
00:15:17,179 --> 00:15:18,219
Oh, God.
389
00:15:21,179 --> 00:15:22,319
Please, no.
390
00:15:22,419 --> 00:15:24,019
Please, please, please.
391
00:15:24,119 --> 00:15:25,149
Please, please.
392
00:15:25,249 --> 00:15:26,349
What are you doing?
393
00:15:26,459 --> 00:15:27,655
No!
394
00:15:28,459 --> 00:15:30,499
Oh, God!
395
00:15:30,589 --> 00:15:32,229
Oh, God damn it!
396
00:15:32,329 --> 00:15:34,129
That was just starting to heal.
397
00:15:45,135 --> 00:15:46,479
I can't do this.
398
00:15:46,579 --> 00:15:48,019
Mm-mm.
399
00:15:50,209 --> 00:15:51,909
Oh! Oh!
400
00:15:57,249 --> 00:15:58,149
Where am I?
401
00:15:58,249 --> 00:15:59,279
Oh!
402
00:16:07,329 --> 00:16:09,329
Okay.
403
00:16:22,849 --> 00:16:23,962
Oh.
404
00:16:31,949 --> 00:16:34,189
Oh! Oh!
405
00:16:52,443 --> 00:16:54,923
_
406
00:16:59,687 --> 00:17:03,219
407
00:17:03,743 --> 00:17:06,270
_
408
00:17:09,923 --> 00:17:11,923
_
409
00:17:12,459 --> 00:17:14,159
You are an illegal citizen,
410
00:17:14,259 --> 00:17:17,529
and possession of plant life
is punishable by death.
411
00:17:17,629 --> 00:17:25,629
412
00:17:27,379 --> 00:17:30,549
This is the third computer
you've destroyed.
413
00:17:30,649 --> 00:17:31,889
Destroyed.
414
00:17:31,979 --> 00:17:32,909
It's not my fault everything breaks
415
00:17:33,019 --> 00:17:34,119
if a drop of jizz hits it.
416
00:17:34,219 --> 00:17:35,419
Drop of jizz hits it.
417
00:17:35,519 --> 00:17:36,619
Aim, Jeff.
418
00:17:36,719 --> 00:17:37,589
Aim.
419
00:17:37,689 --> 00:17:40,717
420
00:17:44,825 --> 00:17:52,969
421
00:17:54,522 --> 00:17:56,069
Oh. You can do it, Jeff. Come on.
422
00:17:56,169 --> 00:17:57,969
I can't get off without porn.
423
00:17:58,069 --> 00:18:00,309
I can't get off without porn.
424
00:18:00,409 --> 00:18:03,409
425
00:18:04,579 --> 00:18:08,279
426
00:18:08,379 --> 00:18:10,219
Oh, please.
427
00:18:10,319 --> 00:18:12,519
428
00:18:15,589 --> 00:18:16,589
429
00:18:16,689 --> 00:18:18,789
Oh! Oh!
430
00:18:31,446 --> 00:18:34,039
_
431
00:18:35,206 --> 00:18:38,032
_
432
00:18:38,979 --> 00:18:40,249
Come on. Come on, Jeff.
433
00:18:40,349 --> 00:18:41,419
Come on. Come on.
434
00:18:42,719 --> 00:18:44,959
Sharee, I came without porn.
435
00:18:45,049 --> 00:18:47,319
I saw. I literally couldn't look away.
436
00:18:49,389 --> 00:18:50,429
I have the bong.
437
00:18:50,529 --> 00:18:52,129
Yes! We can smoke it and go home.
438
00:18:52,229 --> 00:18:54,469
It's going to be hard without this.
439
00:18:57,029 --> 00:18:59,529
No!
440
00:18:59,639 --> 00:19:01,809
I'm gonna kill you, bitch!
441
00:19:13,106 --> 00:19:15,106
_
442
00:19:19,259 --> 00:19:20,259
Yes!
443
00:19:20,289 --> 00:19:21,289
Ow, God.
444
00:19:30,929 --> 00:19:32,829
- Oh!
- Oh! Oh!
445
00:19:32,939 --> 00:19:34,209
- Oh, my God!
- We're home!
446
00:19:34,299 --> 00:19:35,599
We're home! Oh!
447
00:19:35,699 --> 00:19:36,569
We're home!
448
00:19:36,669 --> 00:19:37,839
- Wait, wait.
- Yes.
449
00:19:37,939 --> 00:19:39,209
- Did you just smoke your hair?
- Yeah.
450
00:19:39,309 --> 00:19:41,479
Remember in 2007 when
Britney Spears had her meltdown?
451
00:19:41,579 --> 00:19:43,965
She saved her head 'cause she
didn't want to be tested for THC
452
00:19:44,065 --> 00:19:44,949
'cause she would lose her children.
453
00:19:45,049 --> 00:19:46,889
And I realized I must have
enough THC in my hair,
454
00:19:46,979 --> 00:19:48,179
so I smoked it, and it worked.
455
00:19:48,219 --> 00:19:50,519
That's genius. You are so smart.
456
00:19:50,619 --> 00:19:52,001
I am. I'm smart now.
457
00:19:52,101 --> 00:19:53,019
Oh.
458
00:19:53,119 --> 00:19:54,459
Crispin! Crispin! Hi!
459
00:19:54,559 --> 00:19:57,208
- Oh, Crispin!
- Oh, my God!
460
00:19:57,308 --> 00:19:58,999
- Hi!
- Oh, we missed you, buddy.
461
00:19:59,099 --> 00:20:01,399
Oh, my God, there is so much I missed.
462
00:20:01,499 --> 00:20:02,569
Me too.
463
00:20:02,669 --> 00:20:03,799
Running water.
464
00:20:07,639 --> 00:20:08,909
Medicine.
465
00:20:08,999 --> 00:20:10,899
Toilet paper!
466
00:20:13,539 --> 00:20:14,639
Food!
467
00:20:24,405 --> 00:20:25,589
Oh, God, yeah.
468
00:20:25,689 --> 00:20:26,889
Come on, let's go.
469
00:20:26,989 --> 00:20:28,259
Applebee's happy hour
ends in 30 minutes.
470
00:20:28,359 --> 00:20:29,759
I'm not paying full price for shit.
471
00:20:29,859 --> 00:20:32,504
Jesus. Okay, we're not dating anymore.
472
00:20:32,604 --> 00:20:33,521
I'm breaking up with you.
473
00:20:33,631 --> 00:20:34,969
Cut the bullshit, fat tits.
Come on, let's go.
474
00:20:35,059 --> 00:20:36,359
You know, I might have fucked my cousin,
475
00:20:36,469 --> 00:20:38,809
and it was a healthier
situation than this.
476
00:20:38,899 --> 00:20:40,399
Wait a minute. What did you say?
477
00:20:41,769 --> 00:20:44,309
Mm, sorry.
478
00:20:46,458 --> 00:20:48,409
This is the best time.
479
00:20:48,509 --> 00:20:49,809
It really is.
480
00:20:49,909 --> 00:20:52,330
You know, I didn't realize before
481
00:20:52,919 --> 00:20:55,259
how shitty the world has been
482
00:20:55,349 --> 00:20:57,289
for women forever.
483
00:20:57,389 --> 00:20:58,769
Mm. Yeah.
484
00:20:58,794 --> 00:21:00,829
I really learned that I need to be
485
00:21:00,919 --> 00:21:02,119
the best woman that I can be.
486
00:21:02,219 --> 00:21:05,389
I owe it to the women
who've suffered before me.
487
00:21:05,489 --> 00:21:08,689
I learned... how to masturbate
without porn.
488
00:21:08,799 --> 00:21:09,699
That's something.
489
00:21:09,799 --> 00:21:10,829
That's huge.
490
00:21:10,929 --> 00:21:11,829
It's something.
491
00:21:11,929 --> 00:21:13,829
That's huge.
492
00:21:14,969 --> 00:21:16,039
I always said I was...
493
00:21:16,139 --> 00:21:17,279
Born in the wrong decade.
494
00:21:17,369 --> 00:21:18,469
I know.
495
00:21:18,569 --> 00:21:20,239
But I was just blaming
my stupid life on that.
496
00:21:20,339 --> 00:21:23,779
And the fact is, I'm really
lucky to have been born now,
497
00:21:23,879 --> 00:21:24,979
and I need to take advantage of it
498
00:21:25,079 --> 00:21:26,859
and not make excuses, you know?
499
00:21:26,886 --> 00:21:28,209
Totally. That's amazing.
500
00:21:28,332 --> 00:21:29,449
Thank you.
501
00:21:29,549 --> 00:21:31,589
Another classic from the king
of pop, Michael Jackson.
502
00:21:31,689 --> 00:21:32,989
Whoa!
503
00:21:33,089 --> 00:21:34,719
One of his greatest hits from 1986...
504
00:21:34,819 --> 00:21:35,889
Our son.
505
00:21:35,989 --> 00:21:37,629
"Left Behind."
506
00:21:37,729 --> 00:21:41,529
You took me
507
00:21:41,629 --> 00:21:43,329
Then you left me
508
00:21:43,429 --> 00:21:44,769
You don't think that's about us.
509
00:21:44,869 --> 00:21:47,969
My mommy, my mommy
510
00:21:48,069 --> 00:21:50,869
My mommy and my daddy
511
00:21:50,969 --> 00:21:52,569
Hee-hee
512
00:21:52,679 --> 00:21:53,679
That's about us, yeah.
513
00:21:53,709 --> 00:21:54,879
- Okay.
- Ooh.
514
00:21:54,979 --> 00:21:57,349
I'm definitely done with time travel.
515
00:21:57,449 --> 00:21:58,889
Me too.
516
00:21:58,979 --> 00:22:00,649
What should we do with the bong?
517
00:22:00,749 --> 00:22:03,049
Hmm.
518
00:22:06,319 --> 00:22:13,729
519
00:22:15,099 --> 00:22:16,469
Okay, I have to talk
a couple things through.
520
00:22:16,569 --> 00:22:17,609
Yeah.
521
00:22:17,699 --> 00:22:18,729
Why aren't there doubles of us?
522
00:22:18,829 --> 00:22:19,829
Oh.
523
00:22:19,939 --> 00:22:21,309
Also, how did the future people
524
00:22:21,399 --> 00:22:22,926
get here in the first place
if they didn't have weed?
525
00:22:23,036 --> 00:22:23,637
Mm-hmm.
526
00:22:23,662 --> 00:22:26,209
Also, I'm like, "Why didn't we land
527
00:22:26,309 --> 00:22:28,371
"where the future people
landed in the street
528
00:22:28,396 --> 00:22:29,179
when we first saw them?"
529
00:22:29,279 --> 00:22:32,128
You know, aren't there parallel,
alternate timelines
530
00:22:32,158 --> 00:22:33,192
that we're dealing with here?
531
00:22:33,217 --> 00:22:34,859
Yeah, there's a lot of theory
about time travel, right,
532
00:22:34,949 --> 00:22:36,589
and I've been giving it
a lot of thought,
533
00:22:36,689 --> 00:22:37,889
and I think I figured it out.
534
00:22:37,989 --> 00:22:40,089
Here's the airtight logic.
535
00:22:40,189 --> 00:22:41,559
So...
536
00:22:49,072 --> 00:22:54,367
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00:22:54,417 --> 00:22:58,967
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