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1
00:00:02,500 --> 00:00:05,416
- Hey man!
- Hey!
2
00:00:05,440 --> 00:00:09,738
Oh my God, it's muggy in here.
Is here AC out or something.
3
00:00:09,762 --> 00:00:11,217
It's been like this all day.
4
00:00:11,241 --> 00:00:13,504
- So hot in this shirt.
- Then pop it off.
5
00:00:13,528 --> 00:00:14,407
You think I should?
6
00:00:14,431 --> 00:00:16,620
We're the only people in the school.
Who cares?
7
00:00:16,644 --> 00:00:19,539
- You're right. Don't mind if I do.
- Yeah.
8
00:00:23,548 --> 00:00:24,701
Woops.
9
00:00:25,273 --> 00:00:28,145
So, what do you wanna do now?
10
00:00:28,746 --> 00:00:30,055
- [sighs]
- Oh.
11
00:00:30,055 --> 00:00:32,115
You've got some chulk dust on your face.
12
00:00:32,139 --> 00:00:33,277
Oh yeah my dirty.
13
00:00:33,301 --> 00:00:34,357
Salty.
14
00:00:34,381 --> 00:00:36,381
- Ah.
- [echoes]
15
00:00:39,582 --> 00:00:43,671
Oh, no, no, no.
16
00:00:44,731 --> 00:00:47,215
Quit wasting my time
17
00:00:47,215 --> 00:00:49,550
I ain't here for you
18
00:00:49,575 --> 00:00:51,808
I'm just putting in work
19
00:00:51,832 --> 00:00:54,737
Till my day is through
20
00:00:59,148 --> 00:01:01,510
- Men is it hot in here or what?
- No.
21
00:01:01,768 --> 00:01:03,534
And don't take your shirt off.
22
00:01:03,558 --> 00:01:06,263
- Why would I take my shirt off.
- What is wrong with you?
23
00:01:06,287 --> 00:01:08,287
- Nothing's wrong with me.
- [Chuckles]
24
00:01:08,513 --> 00:01:09,545
Everything is fine.
25
00:01:09,569 --> 00:01:13,329
I've been having sex with
my women wife in her vagina.
26
00:01:13,353 --> 00:01:15,030
Yeah you're that pro. Nice work.
27
00:01:15,030 --> 00:01:17,567
- Cool principle on deck heads up!
- [Chuckles]
28
00:01:17,591 --> 00:01:19,195
I don't know if you guys can feel it,
29
00:01:19,195 --> 00:01:21,883
but today's sort of an unusual day.
30
00:01:21,904 --> 00:01:23,343
What's so unusual about it?
31
00:01:23,343 --> 00:01:26,072
I guess you haven't heard about
our new school police officer.
32
00:01:26,085 --> 00:01:27,030
- No.
- That's right.
33
00:01:27,233 --> 00:01:31,109
He was sent here by
Superintendent Carson for reasons...
34
00:01:31,310 --> 00:01:32,639
- "Unknown."
- Wait.
35
00:01:32,640 --> 00:01:34,388
So, there's gonna
be a cop at the school?
36
00:01:34,388 --> 00:01:37,318
Wonder if he's here to bust
that prescription drug ring...
37
00:01:37,318 --> 00:01:40,980
- That I've only heard about.
- Well, I have nothing to hide.
38
00:01:41,132 --> 00:01:44,012
And, on a final note, I'd really
appreciate it if you guys could
39
00:01:44,012 --> 00:01:46,016
keep him off the roof. Okay.
40
00:01:47,587 --> 00:01:49,685
I definitely have nothing to hide.
41
00:01:49,685 --> 00:01:51,493
- I love cops.
- Says someone who has never
42
00:01:51,493 --> 00:01:54,707
been arrested because they
didn't like "your tone."
43
00:01:54,927 --> 00:01:56,661
And, no, I don't have nothing to hide.
44
00:01:56,662 --> 00:01:57,719
Well, I have nothing to hide.
45
00:01:57,743 --> 00:01:59,627
I'm not hiding pills all over the school.
46
00:01:59,849 --> 00:02:02,044
Strip me naked and search me.
I have nothing to hide.
47
00:02:04,454 --> 00:02:06,701
Well, I probably have less
to hide then all of you.
48
00:02:07,152 --> 00:02:08,714
Stop looking at me.
49
00:02:10,309 --> 00:02:11,971
He's doing the boner trick.
50
00:02:12,612 --> 00:02:14,887
- Focus. You understand?
- Oh, man.
51
00:02:14,887 --> 00:02:16,849
- You need to focus.
- Cool dog. Can I pet him?
52
00:02:16,849 --> 00:02:18,922
Absolutely not! Keep
your hand off that unit.
53
00:02:18,922 --> 00:02:21,500
- He's on active duty.
- Sorry. I didn't know.
54
00:02:21,500 --> 00:02:23,474
I'm Loren Payton. I just
wanted to introduce myself.
55
00:02:23,474 --> 00:02:24,519
Did you?
56
00:02:24,519 --> 00:02:26,708
Um, yeah. I'm trying
to be friendly here.
57
00:02:26,708 --> 00:02:28,327
- Are you?
- Okay, are you just answering
58
00:02:28,378 --> 00:02:30,792
every question with a question
to try to intimidate me?
59
00:02:31,566 --> 00:02:34,104
- Am I?
- See, this is why everybody hates cops.
60
00:02:34,104 --> 00:02:35,174
Stuff like this man.
61
00:02:35,174 --> 00:02:37,649
- Cool glasses, Bono.
- Don't mind him.
62
00:02:37,650 --> 00:02:41,102
He's the coolest guy in
school. Name's Coach Fairbell.
63
00:02:41,300 --> 00:02:45,072
I was gonna be a cop myself, but
my spine's curved like a question mark.
64
00:02:45,072 --> 00:02:46,345
I'm kind of the Alpha Male around here.
65
00:02:47,690 --> 00:02:50,552
You do sound like you got a
bit of street smarts in you.
66
00:02:50,552 --> 00:02:52,725
Well, I do go to Jazzfest every summer.
67
00:02:52,873 --> 00:02:53,769
I could use an extra set of
68
00:02:53,854 --> 00:02:55,406
cop eyes around here.
69
00:02:56,074 --> 00:02:58,056
My partner's a bit overstimulated.
70
00:02:58,056 --> 00:03:00,030
He needs to be placed
alone in a large room.
71
00:03:00,154 --> 00:03:01,744
Can you help me with that?
72
00:03:01,744 --> 00:03:04,821
- I don't know. Can I?
- I will tase you.
73
00:03:04,821 --> 00:03:06,749
Will you? Okay, you will.
74
00:03:06,833 --> 00:03:08,284
- [Chuckles]
- All right. Come with me.
75
00:03:08,368 --> 00:03:09,318
I know a room.
76
00:03:11,855 --> 00:03:14,831
Summer, listen. You
got a second, please?
77
00:03:14,831 --> 00:03:16,772
- I've just...
- Oh, my God!
78
00:03:16,772 --> 00:03:19,762
- Oh, my God.
- Look! A painted man!
79
00:03:19,846 --> 00:03:22,566
Please? What... hey. Listen,
80
00:03:22,566 --> 00:03:25,116
Can you just be serious for a sec?
81
00:03:25,116 --> 00:03:25,909
- [As Groucho Marx]
- Oh, listen kid.
82
00:03:25,909 --> 00:03:28,063
I'm about as serious as a heart attack.
83
00:03:28,505 --> 00:03:30,940
- What's up?
- I had a sex dream about
84
00:03:31,057 --> 00:03:33,726
Loren, and it was very graphic,
and I think I enjoyed it.
85
00:03:33,810 --> 00:03:37,607
- [Normal voice]
- Oh. I don't have a wig for that.
86
00:03:37,607 --> 00:03:40,316
Listen, you're always talking
about dreams and all this hippie
87
00:03:40,400 --> 00:03:43,033
garbage about what they
mean. What does this mean?
88
00:03:43,033 --> 00:03:44,653
Well, how many dreams did you have?
89
00:03:44,738 --> 00:03:46,843
- One.
- Oh. It's probably nothing.
90
00:03:46,843 --> 00:03:48,741
I've had a sex dream
about every teacher here.
91
00:03:48,825 --> 00:03:50,088
- Really?
- Mm-hmm.
92
00:03:50,088 --> 00:03:52,411
We see each other every day.
We're bound to have sex dreams
93
00:03:52,496 --> 00:03:55,139
about each other. Tomorrow
you'll forget all about this
94
00:03:55,676 --> 00:03:56,638
You're right.
95
00:03:56,638 --> 00:03:59,635
I mean you guys are always in
my head, my subconscious.
96
00:03:59,719 --> 00:04:02,304
Ha ha! Thank you,
Summer. That helps a lot!
97
00:04:02,389 --> 00:04:04,056
Yo, who Summer?
Who dat? I'm Bobbi...
98
00:04:04,090 --> 00:04:06,091
- Bobbi from the street!
- I'm out.
99
00:04:06,176 --> 00:04:08,036
Yo, yo, yo! Hey!
100
00:04:08,036 --> 00:04:09,888
And this is the library.
101
00:04:09,896 --> 00:04:12,431
It's pretty boring, but there
are some cool puzzles in the back.
102
00:04:12,482 --> 00:04:14,983
Oh, here's Abbey, our librarian.
103
00:04:15,068 --> 00:04:17,321
Hey! I was... I wasn't,
uh, doing anything.
104
00:04:17,321 --> 00:04:20,078
- I was just watching a TV show.
- TV show?
105
00:04:20,078 --> 00:04:22,898
Yeah, "The Wire." I downloaded it.
106
00:04:23,409 --> 00:04:26,778
- Downloaded it?
- I don't remember the name of
107
00:04:26,863 --> 00:04:30,845
the site, but I-I think
it was... Legitimate.
108
00:04:33,836 --> 00:04:35,954
- You think?
- [Crying] Fine!
109
00:04:36,005 --> 00:04:38,924
It was an illegal download!
I was gonna send them a check!
110
00:04:38,958 --> 00:04:40,500
I think there's stamps in the office!
111
00:04:40,714 --> 00:04:41,988
Get out of my way!
112
00:04:42,012 --> 00:04:44,222
That's amazing!
I had no idea that she was a criminal!
113
00:04:44,247 --> 00:04:45,807
God damn Liberians.
114
00:04:45,807 --> 00:04:46,993
All right. I got to get to class.
115
00:04:47,017 --> 00:04:48,073
You gonna be all right on your own?
116
00:04:48,134 --> 00:04:49,685
I don't know. Am I?
117
00:04:49,685 --> 00:04:53,747
- [Laughs]
- Yes!
118
00:04:53,771 --> 00:04:54,458
All right.
119
00:04:54,474 --> 00:04:55,955
I'll see you on the flippity-flop.
120
00:04:56,422 --> 00:04:58,422
Time for a little recon.
121
00:04:58,718 --> 00:05:00,699
122
00:05:09,189 --> 00:05:12,602
- [Laughs]
- Hey, Penelope, my prize little peach.
123
00:05:12,602 --> 00:05:14,732
You're a penelo-peach, is what you are.
124
00:05:14,732 --> 00:05:16,278
You like that word?
125
00:05:16,362 --> 00:05:18,066
[Object scrapes]
126
00:05:20,896 --> 00:05:22,258
[Duck quacks]
127
00:05:25,071 --> 00:05:26,838
It was... it was like
he had a sixth sense!
128
00:05:26,838 --> 00:05:28,945
I had never been interrogated like that.
129
00:05:28,946 --> 00:05:30,648
- Who, Callahan?
- Yeah.
130
00:05:30,648 --> 00:05:32,793
That asshole just
shoulder-checked me in the hallway.
131
00:05:32,793 --> 00:05:35,470
Oh, but you handled it
like a champ, right, bro?
132
00:05:35,470 --> 00:05:36,106
Who cares?
133
00:05:36,106 --> 00:05:38,928
He's terrifying. I had to throw away
a semester's worth of Adderall.
134
00:05:38,928 --> 00:05:39,213
Ooh.
135
00:05:39,213 --> 00:05:42,595
Everyone, I have a confession
that I'd like to make,
136
00:05:42,595 --> 00:05:44,315
and I'm glad you're all here to hear it.
137
00:05:44,339 --> 00:05:47,882
I violated the urban homesteading act.
Yeah, that's right.
138
00:05:48,412 --> 00:05:50,429
You're allowed to have eight
chickens or ducks, and yet I
139
00:05:50,514 --> 00:05:54,516
have nine. I recently
came across Penelope
140
00:05:54,516 --> 00:05:56,769
in the "gently used" section
of Craigslist, and I'm not gonna
141
00:05:56,853 --> 00:05:59,077
get rid of her just to
remain in compliance!
142
00:05:59,077 --> 00:06:00,398
- [Duck quacks]
- This is crazy.
143
00:06:00,574 --> 00:06:02,992
Quinn, you're not a criminal.
None of us are criminals.
144
00:06:03,109 --> 00:06:05,646
- We need to get rid of that cop.
- Oh, yeah, bro.
145
00:06:05,679 --> 00:06:08,853
- Uh, b-b-b-b.
- [Suspenseful music plays]
146
00:06:27,851 --> 00:06:30,116
- Ugh.
- Ohh. Why would he...?
147
00:06:31,555 --> 00:06:32,580
[Duck quacks]
148
00:06:45,261 --> 00:06:47,580
What the hell was that about?
149
00:06:47,581 --> 00:06:49,488
He has got to go.
150
00:06:52,920 --> 00:06:54,770
Hey. Hey. Summer.
151
00:06:56,858 --> 00:06:59,089
Roll it down. Roll
it down. Roll it down.
152
00:06:59,089 --> 00:07:00,901
It happened again. It happened again.
153
00:07:01,080 --> 00:07:04,382
- It's always gonna happen.
- Good god, you were propped up
154
00:07:04,450 --> 00:07:06,556
by Adderall. Help me. Roll this down.
155
00:07:06,702 --> 00:07:09,421
Okay. What... what
did you dream about now?
156
00:07:09,505 --> 00:07:15,510
Similar dream, s-sort of,
but this time, I completed.
157
00:07:15,544 --> 00:07:19,964
- You completed what?
- I... Completed.
158
00:07:20,049 --> 00:07:22,777
Oh, you juiced on your
sheets dreaming about Loren?
159
00:07:22,777 --> 00:07:24,386
God that sounds bad
when you say it like that.
160
00:07:24,437 --> 00:07:26,554
But that's not bad, right?
I mean, that doesn't mean
161
00:07:26,639 --> 00:07:28,426
- anything, right?
- It means something.
162
00:07:28,426 --> 00:07:30,595
It's recurring. You
need to figure out why.
163
00:07:30,595 --> 00:07:34,067
I don't know why. I'm
just suddenly drawn to him.
164
00:07:34,067 --> 00:07:37,483
- Just lean in to it.
- Lean in... lean in to it?
165
00:07:37,483 --> 00:07:38,450
- Lean in to it.
- Okay, but what does...
166
00:07:38,534 --> 00:07:40,397
What are you doing?
What is that... you can't say that
167
00:07:40,397 --> 00:07:42,109
and then roll it up.
What does that mean?
168
00:07:42,451 --> 00:07:45,411
What does "lean in to it" mean?
What are you listening to?
169
00:07:45,412 --> 00:07:48,827
Oh, that's terrible!
Screw it! Oh, my god.
170
00:07:48,878 --> 00:07:52,125
Gah! What does that mean?!
171
00:07:52,930 --> 00:07:54,659
- You ready, Tammy?
- I don't know.
172
00:07:54,659 --> 00:07:55,686
He seems pretty revved up.
173
00:07:55,710 --> 00:07:58,660
This is your plan!
We're here to support you!
174
00:07:58,660 --> 00:08:00,017
This is gonna be great!
175
00:08:00,017 --> 00:08:01,769
- You got this, Tammy.
- I'm sorry.
176
00:08:01,769 --> 00:08:03,341
- I'm sorry I'm late.
- All right. Get your game on.
177
00:08:03,426 --> 00:08:04,392
- Come on.
- Go. Go.
178
00:08:04,427 --> 00:08:08,460
- [Imitates air whooshing]
- See it with your cop eyes.
179
00:08:09,181 --> 00:08:11,620
Okay. She did it. And
he's gonna attack her.
180
00:08:11,620 --> 00:08:13,787
This video's gonna go viral,
and he's gonna get fired.
181
00:08:13,788 --> 00:08:17,596
Are you getting this, Shoemaker?
Yeah, I'm getting all the action.
182
00:08:17,596 --> 00:08:18,106
Finished?
183
00:08:18,157 --> 00:08:19,824
Oh, oh, oh, yeah. There you go.
184
00:08:19,909 --> 00:08:21,601
I thought that was a bit excessive.
185
00:08:21,601 --> 00:08:24,662
I don't know what's going on.
Normally I'd be in cuffs by now.
186
00:08:24,747 --> 00:08:27,138
Maybe not all cops are racist.
187
00:08:27,138 --> 00:08:28,416
But you're not trying hard enough!
188
00:08:28,501 --> 00:08:30,599
You need to, like, black it up!
189
00:08:31,648 --> 00:08:32,952
Black it up?!
190
00:08:33,289 --> 00:08:36,708
Okay. Yeah. I'm gonna put some...
191
00:08:36,792 --> 00:08:38,701
Put some black on it.
192
00:08:38,701 --> 00:08:40,022
"African-American it up"?
193
00:08:40,022 --> 00:08:41,816
You should have said,
"African-American it up."
194
00:08:41,817 --> 00:08:42,685
Oh, that's so black.
195
00:08:42,685 --> 00:08:44,839
It looks like she's having a seizure.
196
00:08:44,839 --> 00:08:46,234
It's called "crip walking."
197
00:08:46,234 --> 00:08:48,603
- You're so white.
- Hey, do you think I could go
198
00:08:48,637 --> 00:08:51,055
on a ride-along? I'll drive.
You can just relax.
199
00:08:51,140 --> 00:08:54,196
How can I refuse in the
face of such enthusiasm?
200
00:08:54,196 --> 00:08:57,371
- Yes!
- You kind of remind me of McClane.
201
00:08:57,371 --> 00:08:58,563
Really? Thank you!
202
00:08:58,824 --> 00:09:02,550
- Oh, hey, Tammy!
- What?! Where is he going?!
203
00:09:02,550 --> 00:09:04,602
Cops don't just let black people go!
204
00:09:04,673 --> 00:09:07,322
- I know.
- Hold still. You've, uh...
205
00:09:07,373 --> 00:09:09,624
- You've got an eyelash.
- What? Oh.
206
00:09:09,658 --> 00:09:11,659
- Make a wish.
- No. No.
207
00:09:11,744 --> 00:09:14,579
- [Blows]
- Ohh.
208
00:09:14,663 --> 00:09:17,390
Oh, god. Where did Tammy go?!
209
00:09:20,586 --> 00:09:24,172
My sweet Penelope.
I will find you again.
210
00:09:24,256 --> 00:09:27,058
- [Duck quacks]
- Yes. I know. I love you, too.
211
00:09:27,143 --> 00:09:29,594
- Okay.
- [Duck quacking]
212
00:09:29,678 --> 00:09:32,906
- [Dog growling, barking]
- Well?
213
00:09:32,906 --> 00:09:35,164
Any progress on getting rid of Callahan?
214
00:09:35,188 --> 00:09:36,411
Not really.
215
00:09:36,411 --> 00:09:38,776
- Tammy kind of blew it.
- It wasn't her fault.
216
00:09:38,776 --> 00:09:40,855
- Those cops came out of nowhere!
- Ohh.
217
00:09:40,940 --> 00:09:44,768
Well, that escalated quickly.
Please tell me you got video of that.
218
00:09:44,768 --> 00:09:46,605
Oh, y... No, I didn't really
219
00:09:46,605 --> 00:09:48,175
get much of an angle.
There were a lot of...
220
00:09:48,175 --> 00:09:51,366
there were some bushes and trees
and much more daylight...
221
00:09:51,417 --> 00:09:52,383
Give me this.
222
00:09:53,725 --> 00:09:55,670
Man! I risked my life and you're
223
00:09:55,671 --> 00:09:59,123
- busy filming bro porn?!
- These little cameras are so
224
00:09:59,208 --> 00:10:02,343
- hard to use, and...
- Boy, you better sleep with
225
00:10:02,378 --> 00:10:04,670
one eye open, because
I'll be watching you.
226
00:10:04,670 --> 00:10:07,549
Tammy, you just may be a genius.
227
00:10:07,633 --> 00:10:11,505
That's it... stakeout!
We stake him out!
228
00:10:11,505 --> 00:10:13,996
- What are you talking about?!
- What are we staking out?
229
00:10:13,996 --> 00:10:16,858
Well, think about it.
Callahan is here for
230
00:10:16,892 --> 00:10:20,228
some shadowy reason that
nobody understands, right?
231
00:10:20,312 --> 00:10:24,769
Well, while he's watching us,
you and I watch him, huh?
232
00:10:24,769 --> 00:10:27,285
It's gonna be great! all
cops have something to hide.
233
00:10:27,403 --> 00:10:29,571
La la la la la la la la la la
234
00:10:29,655 --> 00:10:32,290
I cannot be hearing any of this, okay?
235
00:10:32,374 --> 00:10:35,243
But, seriously, get
it taken care of, okay?
236
00:10:35,327 --> 00:10:37,161
-
La la la la la la la
- Actually not a bad plan,
237
00:10:37,246 --> 00:10:38,963
Shoemaker. I mean,
it does seem like he's
238
00:10:39,048 --> 00:10:41,662
putting on an act with
those David Caruso glasses.
239
00:10:41,662 --> 00:10:43,084
- Yes, totally.
- Right. I'll pick you up at
240
00:10:43,168 --> 00:10:44,886
about 7:00. We could stop, maybe get a
241
00:10:44,920 --> 00:10:47,813
- couple drinks beforehand.
- No, I don't think that's necessary.
242
00:10:47,898 --> 00:10:50,513
You're right. I'll bring them along.
You still like IPAs, right?
243
00:10:50,643 --> 00:10:53,428
- Yeah, I-I like IPAs
- I'll get some of those.
244
00:10:53,479 --> 00:10:55,299
So, what time should
I meet you guys there?
245
00:10:55,299 --> 00:10:57,765
No! What? No. No, no, no, no.
246
00:10:57,816 --> 00:10:59,914
Just us, right? Just the guy time.
247
00:10:59,914 --> 00:11:01,769
No, I think the more eyes
we have on this, probably the
248
00:11:01,854 --> 00:11:03,362
- better, right?
- No!
249
00:11:03,689 --> 00:11:07,108
No! God! No! I mean,
she's just gonna talk
250
00:11:07,192 --> 00:11:10,456
- about her period all night.
- I'm not gonna talk about my period.
251
00:11:10,456 --> 00:11:11,946
She's already doing it.
252
00:11:12,031 --> 00:11:14,365
- Chicks, man.
- Yeah. You know, we could grab
253
00:11:14,450 --> 00:11:16,117
some dinner. Hey, do you still wear
254
00:11:16,168 --> 00:11:17,967
Drakkar Noir, or are you CK One?
255
00:11:17,967 --> 00:11:20,126
- Oh, dude, CK One, head to toe.
- Really?
256
00:11:20,205 --> 00:11:22,206
- Yeah, dude.
- Love it.
257
00:11:26,089 --> 00:11:28,624
I'm just saying don't hold the door
for me anymore, you know.
258
00:11:28,692 --> 00:11:29,938
It's it's weird.
259
00:11:29,938 --> 00:11:33,226
Noted. Okay. How's your IPA?
260
00:11:33,714 --> 00:11:34,919
It's fine.
261
00:11:35,798 --> 00:11:37,690
What is this we're listening to?
262
00:11:37,950 --> 00:11:40,450
Mm. I think it's Dave Matthews.
263
00:11:40,450 --> 00:11:44,098
- This isn't Dave Matthews.
- Yeah. No, I think it is.
264
00:11:44,122 --> 00:11:45,264
- No.
- You love Dave Matthews Band.
265
00:11:45,264 --> 00:11:47,421
No. It's Dave-esque, but it's not Dave.
266
00:11:47,421 --> 00:11:49,284
What... this... fine!
267
00:11:49,284 --> 00:11:51,632
- It doesn't matter. I...
- It does matter.
268
00:11:51,632 --> 00:11:55,160
You know, I just wanted to
try something new, you know?
269
00:11:55,160 --> 00:11:58,206
I'm into trying new things tonight.
270
00:11:58,206 --> 00:12:00,917
You're my sweet elixir
271
00:12:00,917 --> 00:12:02,470
God when is that cop coming home.
272
00:12:02,470 --> 00:12:03,411
Burning...
273
00:12:04,211 --> 00:12:06,296
They think they can keep us out?
274
00:12:06,347 --> 00:12:07,693
- [Scoffs]
- Stupid boys' club.
275
00:12:07,717 --> 00:12:09,228
What are they even doing?
276
00:12:09,228 --> 00:12:11,886
I don't know. Looks like every
first date I've ever been on.
277
00:12:11,886 --> 00:12:13,052
Hmm.
278
00:12:13,137 --> 00:12:14,980
- [Sighs]
- Oh, my god.
279
00:12:14,980 --> 00:12:18,463
- My cramps are so bad right now.
- Girl, that's my every month.
280
00:12:18,809 --> 00:12:23,548
- [Chuckles]
- You know, Tammy, this is nice.
281
00:12:27,013 --> 00:12:28,631
You smoke weed?
282
00:12:29,286 --> 00:12:32,038
Hmm.
283
00:12:32,123 --> 00:12:34,701
Oh, you have, like,
every XM radio station.
284
00:12:34,701 --> 00:12:37,527
No way! You have the Blue Collar Comedy?
285
00:12:37,527 --> 00:12:39,101
God, this one's my favorite!
286
00:12:39,101 --> 00:12:40,277
- [Southern accent]
- You might be a redneck
287
00:12:40,277 --> 00:12:41,819
if you can get 'er done!
288
00:12:41,819 --> 00:12:43,716
- [Normal voice]
- Right?
289
00:12:43,801 --> 00:12:44,802
Oh, yes!
290
00:12:45,593 --> 00:12:47,156
You know what else is funny?
291
00:12:48,055 --> 00:12:50,693
Your little pals are
planning a surprise.
292
00:12:51,779 --> 00:12:53,595
I say we scare the shit out of them.
293
00:12:53,595 --> 00:12:54,513
What do you say?
294
00:12:54,514 --> 00:12:55,539
Pff!
295
00:12:55,539 --> 00:12:57,537
- [Southern accent]
- Is my name tater salad?
296
00:12:57,537 --> 00:12:58,996
[Engine turns over]
297
00:12:59,233 --> 00:13:03,367
- [Imitates siren chirping]
- I like seeing you loosen up.
298
00:13:03,571 --> 00:13:06,573
Yeah, well, it's these tunes,
dude, just ripping through my body.
299
00:13:06,657 --> 00:13:07,901
- It feels great.
- Yeah.
300
00:13:07,901 --> 00:13:10,015
I've been having dreams lately.
301
00:13:10,332 --> 00:13:12,266
That's cool. I dream all the time.
302
00:13:12,266 --> 00:13:15,695
The other night, I was, like,
flying on a wolf in the forest.
303
00:13:15,695 --> 00:13:17,367
- What?! That's crazy!
- What's that about?
304
00:13:17,451 --> 00:13:19,549
- You're in my dreams.
- That's cool.
305
00:13:19,549 --> 00:13:21,129
Dream cameo... I like it.
306
00:13:21,153 --> 00:13:23,629
Yeah. Well, you're
actually a main character.
307
00:13:24,208 --> 00:13:25,586
- Awesome.
- Yeah.
308
00:13:26,038 --> 00:13:27,781
You weren't wearing your shirt
309
00:13:27,781 --> 00:13:29,929
- in the last one.
- Right on.
310
00:13:30,431 --> 00:13:34,151
Mm. And then we kissed.
311
00:13:34,151 --> 00:13:35,688
Uh-huh.
312
00:13:36,622 --> 00:13:38,358
And then when I woke
up in the morning.
313
00:13:38,389 --> 00:13:42,725
I realized that I had... Completed.
314
00:13:42,810 --> 00:13:45,288
Wait, Shoemaker. Are
you saying you had a wet
315
00:13:45,288 --> 00:13:48,275
- dream about me?
- No! No! God, no!
316
00:13:48,365 --> 00:13:51,150
- Ugh. Okay.
- No. I-I'm... i'm... i'm
317
00:13:51,235 --> 00:13:55,046
saying I had several
wet dreams about you.
318
00:13:56,767 --> 00:13:59,876
Oof. Well, that is some shit.
319
00:13:59,910 --> 00:14:03,744
But it's not bad, right?
I-I mean, Summer said it wasn't bad.
320
00:14:03,744 --> 00:14:05,298
She said that this is normal.
321
00:14:05,298 --> 00:14:09,778
It's just that I have to lean in
to it, or they could torment me.
322
00:14:10,149 --> 00:14:12,467
What does that mean
"lean in to it"?
323
00:14:13,508 --> 00:14:15,593
No. No. What are you
hey, Shoemaker.
324
00:14:15,643 --> 00:14:20,765
- [Laughing]
- [Both laughing]
325
00:14:22,316 --> 00:14:25,401
Oh, my god! I don't
even feel... I don't
326
00:14:25,436 --> 00:14:28,315
- even feel my cramps anymore.
- Oh, wow.
327
00:14:28,315 --> 00:14:31,507
Periods are, like, so weird, right?
328
00:14:33,110 --> 00:14:36,896
- [Laughs]
- What are they doing?
329
00:14:37,505 --> 00:14:40,358
First of all, I don't know
why your shirt is off for this
330
00:14:40,358 --> 00:14:41,868
Second of all, I'm not
kissing you for $125.
331
00:14:41,952 --> 00:14:46,358
$150 will that get the job done?
332
00:14:46,358 --> 00:14:49,155
$150 will get you a quick kiss,
333
00:14:49,155 --> 00:14:51,094
but only 'cause I'm
helping out a very confused
334
00:14:51,128 --> 00:14:53,463
- friend, okay?
- Great. Take your shirt off.
335
00:14:53,514 --> 00:14:56,182
No. See? No. Exactly.
You keep adding shit on.
336
00:14:56,267 --> 00:14:59,443
- I'm not adding anything on!
- 50 bucks extra for the shirt off.
337
00:14:59,443 --> 00:15:01,936
Oh, my... $200...
338
00:15:01,936 --> 00:15:03,818
- Mm-hmm.
- Shirt off and tongue,
339
00:15:03,818 --> 00:15:06,236
- shake on it, and we got a deal.
- See? You just added tongue.
340
00:15:06,236 --> 00:15:07,771
- You don't think I'm gonna notice that?
- I didn't add anything.
341
00:15:07,888 --> 00:15:10,242
What's the difference?! Come on, man!
342
00:15:10,981 --> 00:15:13,449
All right. $200, shirt off, and a little
343
00:15:13,484 --> 00:15:15,902
bit of tongue. I'm not
going nuts or anything.
344
00:15:15,986 --> 00:15:18,321
- That's all anybody's asking!
- All right!
345
00:15:18,405 --> 00:15:21,407
- [Laughing]
- What is happening?
346
00:15:21,492 --> 00:15:24,960
- What is happening?
- [Laughing]
347
00:15:25,629 --> 00:15:28,354
- Shut up!
- [Both laughing]
348
00:15:28,916 --> 00:15:31,417
- $350 total, for everything?
- Yes. Deal.
349
00:15:31,628 --> 00:15:34,297
- All right, deal.
- You got it.
350
00:15:34,388 --> 00:15:36,160
How much did you bring?
351
00:15:36,184 --> 00:15:37,971
I don't know... Like seven or eight.
352
00:15:38,193 --> 00:15:39,726
No, not condoms... cash!
353
00:15:39,810 --> 00:15:42,395
- How much cash did you bring?
- Oh. Well, I didn't know what
354
00:15:42,479 --> 00:15:45,532
it would take to get you to do it,
so I borrowed against my 401(K)
355
00:15:47,052 --> 00:15:48,918
All right.
356
00:15:49,320 --> 00:15:50,708
Wait. Seven or eight?!
Kill the lights.
357
00:15:50,708 --> 00:15:52,626
- Jesus, Shoemaker.
- Kill the lights.
358
00:15:52,626 --> 00:15:54,023
Shoemaker, what did you
think was gonna happen here?
359
00:15:54,074 --> 00:15:57,493
Use your cop eyes and
tell me exactly what you see.
360
00:15:57,528 --> 00:15:59,046
[Police radio chatter]
361
00:15:59,046 --> 00:16:01,144
That's like "Lady and The Tramp"
362
00:16:01,168 --> 00:16:03,337
Okay, but this stays between us, right?
363
00:16:03,337 --> 00:16:04,817
Dude, of course. Who would I tell.
364
00:16:04,817 --> 00:16:06,119
I don't know.
365
00:16:06,203 --> 00:16:10,039
- [Sighs]
- My heart is racing so fast.
366
00:16:10,124 --> 00:16:12,792
Just do it. Mnh. Aah!
367
00:16:12,876 --> 00:16:14,575
Let's get stupid
368
00:16:17,024 --> 00:16:20,092
Uhhhhhhhhh!
369
00:16:21,301 --> 00:16:25,772
Ugh. Aah. Aah.
370
00:16:25,856 --> 00:16:28,191
- Dah! God! Ugh!
- [Coughing]
371
00:16:28,225 --> 00:16:29,991
You're so aggressive, dude!
372
00:16:29,991 --> 00:16:35,060
- Dude, that was the worst idea ever!
- It's like you're counting my teeth.
373
00:16:35,060 --> 00:16:35,785
What is wrong with you?!
374
00:16:35,785 --> 00:16:37,283
I wasn't counting your teeth!
You kiss like an 8th-grader,
375
00:16:37,368 --> 00:16:38,618
- man!
- You're tooth stinks.
376
00:16:38,702 --> 00:16:40,820
- I can smell your tooth.
- You know I have a rotting
377
00:16:40,904 --> 00:16:41,904
- tooth!
- So floss!
378
00:16:41,989 --> 00:16:44,540
- Why would you say that?!
- Why are you wearing women's
379
00:16:44,575 --> 00:16:45,708
- deodorant?
- What?!
380
00:16:45,793 --> 00:16:47,744
Dude, you're wearing
women's deodorant.
381
00:16:47,828 --> 00:16:49,912
It's secret. It's
strong enough for a man.
382
00:16:49,963 --> 00:16:52,582
- You're wearing secret?
- Yeah. A chili's waitress left
383
00:16:52,666 --> 00:16:55,585
it at my house like a year ago.
I just put it on the other day.
384
00:16:55,636 --> 00:16:58,388
- You... Dick!
- What?!
385
00:16:58,422 --> 00:17:01,090
Secret! The first
girl that I was ever
386
00:17:01,175 --> 00:17:03,976
with, the girl I lost my
virginity with... she used to
387
00:17:04,061 --> 00:17:06,979
wear secret! I was
obsessed with her for s...
388
00:17:07,064 --> 00:17:08,564
- that's it!
- That's what it is!
389
00:17:08,599 --> 00:17:09,899
- That's what it is!
- Dude!
390
00:17:09,933 --> 00:17:11,934
- The smell of the secret!
- That's what it is!
391
00:17:11,985 --> 00:17:13,269
- You're not gay!
- No!
392
00:17:13,320 --> 00:17:16,322
- None of this is gay!
- Just a guy helping a guy, dude.
393
00:17:16,407 --> 00:17:18,324
Two dudes helping each other out.
394
00:17:18,409 --> 00:17:20,611
- Thank you! God!
- That's bro shit dude.
395
00:17:20,611 --> 00:17:23,279
But we should still
definitely never tell anybody
396
00:17:23,330 --> 00:17:25,615
- about this.
- No. This stays here, between
397
00:17:25,666 --> 00:17:27,950
- you and me.
- [Siren chirps, wails]
398
00:17:28,001 --> 00:17:31,675
- Oh, god.
- We got a runner!
399
00:17:31,955 --> 00:17:33,423
Go get him, buddy!
400
00:17:33,624 --> 00:17:35,458
[Police radio chatter]
401
00:17:38,963 --> 00:17:41,125
- Is that Fairbell?
- Girl!
402
00:17:42,516 --> 00:17:44,467
- Heh!
- [Laughs]
403
00:17:47,562 --> 00:17:48,836
Evening, Officer.
404
00:17:48,836 --> 00:17:50,802
Beautiful night out tonight, isn't it?
405
00:17:50,817 --> 00:17:53,392
- Is it?
- Hell, yeah, it is, because
406
00:17:53,477 --> 00:17:56,696
I'm not gay... not that there's
anything wrong with that.
407
00:17:56,780 --> 00:17:58,481
- [Laughs]
- I didn't even get hard.
408
00:17:58,565 --> 00:18:00,366
It's like a boneless thumb down there.
409
00:18:00,451 --> 00:18:01,425
I should get out of the car.
410
00:18:04,738 --> 00:18:07,797
Whoa. Nice jacket. How much it cost?
411
00:18:07,825 --> 00:18:09,635
- $350.
- $350.
412
00:18:09,635 --> 00:18:11,092
And the worst part is
413
00:18:11,328 --> 00:18:13,628
we're no closer to getting
rid of that asshole cop.
414
00:18:13,628 --> 00:18:15,531
Why do you guys want to
get rid of Callahan anyway?
415
00:18:15,531 --> 00:18:17,884
For a blind guy, he's
doing a pretty great job.
416
00:18:17,968 --> 00:18:19,357
- Wait. He's blind?!
- What did you just say?
417
00:18:19,454 --> 00:18:22,004
- What?!
- Yeah. You didn't know?
418
00:18:22,089 --> 00:18:27,009
Penelope's gone! All that's
left in the room is a
419
00:18:27,094 --> 00:18:30,897
- bunch of feathers!
- [Sobbing]
420
00:18:32,516 --> 00:18:34,567
Look who I found roughhousing.
421
00:18:34,615 --> 00:18:36,936
Oh, my god! Penelope, you're okay!
422
00:18:37,020 --> 00:18:38,621
- Oh, my...
- [Duck quacks]
423
00:18:38,621 --> 00:18:40,523
- Oh, gosh.
- Hey, how'd you find that
424
00:18:40,574 --> 00:18:42,543
duck, Callahan... Listen for the quacks?
425
00:18:42,543 --> 00:18:46,162
- [Laughs]
- That's very hurtful but true.
426
00:18:46,183 --> 00:18:48,365
Wait a second. What's
what's he talking about?
427
00:18:48,365 --> 00:18:50,366
Well, I guess the cat's out of the bag.
428
00:18:52,372 --> 00:18:57,298
I am... Completely blind.
429
00:18:57,298 --> 00:18:58,773
Wait a minute.
430
00:18:58,773 --> 00:19:03,603
- Your drug-sniffing dog...
- Is actually a seeing-eye dog.
431
00:19:03,847 --> 00:19:06,690
So that's why you didn't
arrest me for littering.
432
00:19:06,690 --> 00:19:10,004
- You didn't know I was black!
- You're black?
433
00:19:10,220 --> 00:19:12,737
I can't believe you
guys really didn't notice.
434
00:19:12,737 --> 00:19:16,619
- It was... Pretty obvious.
- Time for a little recon.
435
00:19:17,561 --> 00:19:22,077
- Hey! No skateboarding!
- [Duck quacks]
436
00:19:31,612 --> 00:19:34,602
I was involved in a freak
pyrotechnical accident
437
00:19:34,602 --> 00:19:35,624
a while back, and,
438
00:19:35,624 --> 00:19:37,365
getting close to retirement.
439
00:19:37,427 --> 00:19:38,800
The department thought
it was a good idea
440
00:19:38,801 --> 00:19:40,423
for me to hide out here for a while
441
00:19:40,423 --> 00:19:42,089
until my pension kicked in.
442
00:19:42,502 --> 00:19:45,351
But I guess that's not gonna
work out that way, so, uh,
443
00:19:45,472 --> 00:19:49,425
thanks, everybody, for being
nice to an old man and letting
444
00:19:49,476 --> 00:19:52,131
me be a good cop for the last few days.
445
00:19:52,131 --> 00:19:56,682
Well, wait. Hold on. I
think I speak for all of us in
446
00:19:56,767 --> 00:20:02,104
here when I say that you should
stay and we'll just hope that no
447
00:20:02,189 --> 00:20:04,190
- actual crimes happen.
- Yeah.
448
00:20:04,274 --> 00:20:06,242
Thank you. I don't know what to say.
449
00:20:06,326 --> 00:20:10,554
Uh... I got a bunch of fireworks
left over at my house from last year.
450
00:20:10,554 --> 00:20:12,912
Why don't you all come over and
451
00:20:12,912 --> 00:20:14,683
- we'll blow 'em off?
- Yes!
452
00:20:14,683 --> 00:20:16,202
- Sounds great!
- That'd be awesome!
453
00:20:16,286 --> 00:20:16,928
- That'd be great!
- Sure!
454
00:20:16,928 --> 00:20:20,957
- Sounds like a party to me!
- [Dog barks, duck quacks]
455
00:20:21,041 --> 00:20:22,101
[Laughter]
456
00:20:22,101 --> 00:20:23,664
Let's go!
457
00:20:23,844 --> 00:20:26,712
- Let's go!
- Come on!
458
00:20:26,797 --> 00:20:28,297
- Ooh.
- Ooh.
459
00:20:28,382 --> 00:20:30,366
[Laughs]
460
00:20:31,100 --> 00:20:32,292
As I was saying.
461
00:20:32,316 --> 00:20:35,558
Now that I'm done with my third novel
I'm moving back to Spain.
462
00:20:35,582 --> 00:20:38,411
No way, I started my novel in Spain.
463
00:20:38,435 --> 00:20:40,139
That is too funny.
464
00:20:40,163 --> 00:20:43,023
Excuse me! I couldn't help but
overhear you're talking about Spain.
465
00:20:43,516 --> 00:20:45,477
Look I've never done
anything like this before but
466
00:20:45,778 --> 00:20:47,875
Would you be interested in
coming back to my place?
467
00:20:48,048 --> 00:20:48,999
Little sangria.
468
00:20:49,023 --> 00:20:50,667
Maybe a nice Rioja.
469
00:20:51,225 --> 00:20:53,107
- Check please.
- Check.
470
00:20:57,123 --> 00:21:00,569
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471
00:21:00,619 --> 00:21:05,169
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