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_
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You can't go anywhere at
Smoot these days without hearing
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about the JV Girls' volleyball team.
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And by "team," I mean little
Debbie, otherwise known
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- as... Girl Quake!
- [Twang! Sloop!]
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_
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This girl is incredible! This
is our first time since the
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'80s that we made it to
the State Championship.
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What does Coach Fairbell
have to say about this?
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We got him walking to his car.
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Oh, my god! Was he wearing
his women's track suit, size small?
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[Laughter]
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I don't know if it's men's or women's.
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The tag just says juniors 3, so... ohh!
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- [Sloop!]
- Ohh!
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- Ohh! Ohh! Ohh! Ohh!
- [Sloop!]
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Ahh... I'm okay.
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- [Baby crying]
- Uh-oh!
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Looks like Coach Baby
Dunce fall down, go boom!
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- [Laughs]
- I like the new direction Chen's
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- taking the journalism class in.
- No way. This is garbage.
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I didn't even know we had a TV station.
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Yeah. It was originally Smoot
Court TV, but now they're
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branching out. But, trust
me, nobody's watching this.
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I'm glad they changed it.
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- This is way more fun.
- It is way more fun.
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Way more fun.
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Quit wasting my time
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I ain't here for you
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I'm just putting in work
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Till my day is through
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Sub by sysrapmarvel, synced by santibone
www.addic7ed.com
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Apparently, everyone around here
thinks I'm some kind of big joke.
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Well, I'm not laughing.
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- [Chuckles]
- You remember that baby that was
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- All "Wah! Wah!"?
- Yeah.
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Fairbell, that baby was you.
They're saying you're not
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qualified to be coach, which is
surprising, 'cause they're the
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same morons who paint
their faces on game day.
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- There he is!
- [Laughs]
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S-m-double-o-t! Just
the man I wanted to see!
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Oh, Coach Fairbell, I want you
to know something right now.
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We are all behind you and
Little Debbie and the other
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- girls on the team.
- Thank you.
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Now, the PTA is actually
willing to spend a little money
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- to make sure you're supported.
- Wow! What a shocker!
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A bunch of bappin' harpies want
to allocate money to something
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as worthless as organized sports!
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00:02:04,393 --> 00:02:07,145
Meanwhile, it's us
educators who get the shaft.
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You know I'm letting an oil
company frack my front yard?
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You need to watch your
language in the tea...
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- Your attitude is appalling!
- Abbey, I get it.
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You love books. You should
go read one right now.
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- Alone, silently.
- Is anyone else upset about
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the results of the
schoolwide literacy test?
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No. Kids at Smoot are stupid.
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I think we're all in agreeance on that.
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Okay.
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"Agreeance" is not a word. And
that kind of attitude is why
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30% of our kids read
below a 5th-grade level!
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Well, I'll tell you
something... 100% of our
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students are jazzed about
this volleyball game!
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- Yeah, they are.
- So ridiculous.
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Now, the PTA is offering $12
an hour to bring someone in
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- to assist Coach Fairbell.
- I'll do it.
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Yeah. I should do that.
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- [Laughs]
- It's ridiculous.
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You don't even know
anything about sports.
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Me? I love the sporting and
the events and the mallets and
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feathers and the
pageantry! Nagano? Ha ha ha!
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- Whose horse?
- [Imitates buzzer]
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- Halftime.
- You know more than I thought.
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You're hired. Deadwood shake?
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- That's great. Yeah.
- We actually have to run that
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by the PTA first, you know.
They're very particular about
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- their funds.
- Too late. Too late.
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- We already deadwood-shook
on it. - We gotta go plan.
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Come on, Assistant Coach.
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You know, Quinn, If
you need some more money
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I kind of have an in
with a corporate sponsor.
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Well, I'm not gonna lie to you Loren.
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We'll take all the pennies we can get.
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Okay. All right. All right.
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You want me to pay 500 bucks for what?
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It's called a finder's
fee. It's standard, Jake.
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Ask anybody. I mean, don't. Trust me.
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- It's totally standard.
- So, I pay you $500 so I can
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- pay the school $2,000?
- Jake, I don't know how to
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tell you this, but nobody
really likes your pizza.
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Sponsoring a girls' volleyball team
could totally change your image.
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Lots of people like my pizza.
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Don't worry about my image.
I've got something on the
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horizon that's gonna
change everything for me.
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Oh Christ! this isn't gonna be another
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crust-stuffed crust situation, is it?
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A lot of people like crust.
Some people only like the crust.
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- Nobody only likes crust.
- You've never eaten pizza with
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somebody that leaves the body of
the pizza and only eats the crust.
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No, never.
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00:03:59,388 --> 00:04:02,007
- An aluminum can. Cool, Jake.
- This...
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00:04:02,058 --> 00:04:04,378
Is the future of pizza. Look.
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00:04:04,426 --> 00:04:06,510
- [Groans]
- I cut little circles...
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00:04:06,545 --> 00:04:08,713
- Yeah...
- Little pizza circles, then
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sell them to the kids
$2.99. They love 'em.
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00:04:10,983 --> 00:04:12,561
Look at that... bite-size.
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00:04:12,585 --> 00:04:14,385
Unless you're a very small child.
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Then, you know, it seems like a
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full pizza if you're
a very young toddler.
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The best part is what iit leaves behind.
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I call it Uncle Jake's pizza web.
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Retails at $4.99. Isn't that cool?
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- Look how dope that is.
- Jake, I'm telling you this
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'cause you're my cousin
and I care about you.
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00:04:30,644 --> 00:04:33,405
That is literally the dumbest idea
I've ever heard in my entire life.
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00:04:33,488 --> 00:04:35,289
You tell that to the man who
invented the doughnut hole,
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00:04:35,374 --> 00:04:37,708
'cause I think he's doing
pretty good right now.
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00:04:37,743 --> 00:04:38,997
In fact, I heard that recently
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he bought an island shaped
like a doughnut hole.
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00:04:41,263 --> 00:04:42,814
You mean shaped like an island?
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00:04:42,844 --> 00:04:44,798
Have you noticed how not
one customer has come in here
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00:04:44,798 --> 00:04:48,560
the entire time we've been talking?
You need to sponsor this team, Jake.
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00:04:48,560 --> 00:04:49,971
You need some more business in here.
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00:04:50,055 --> 00:04:53,019
If I give you all this money, you
can guarantee that Smoot's gonna win?
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00:04:53,075 --> 00:04:54,382
We've got Little Debbie now, dude.
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00:04:54,382 --> 00:04:56,344
This shit is a lock. Trust me.
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00:04:56,344 --> 00:04:58,762
Okay. I'll do it. Deadwood shake on it?
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00:04:58,964 --> 00:05:00,798
Deadwood shake on it.
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00:05:03,752 --> 00:05:06,504
Oh, dude. Is this
blood or marinara sauce?
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00:05:06,539 --> 00:05:08,673
Maybe both. Wash your hands.
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00:05:08,707 --> 00:05:10,208
Ugh! Don't look at me.
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00:05:10,259 --> 00:05:11,359
I'm gonna call your dad.
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00:05:14,213 --> 00:05:16,598
Okay, Lady Tariffs. In the days
leading up to this big game,
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00:05:16,682 --> 00:05:19,300
there are gonna be a lot of
distractions out there, okay?
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00:05:19,385 --> 00:05:22,252
A lot of things competing
for your attent...
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00:05:22,252 --> 00:05:25,418
- Oh! Nickel! Free nickel!
- Beep, beep!
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00:05:25,490 --> 00:05:26,684
- Aah.
- Let's move it, ladies.
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00:05:26,684 --> 00:05:28,292
- Ha ha!
- Girls, some of you may know
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00:05:28,292 --> 00:05:29,975
Mr. Shoemaker from being yelled at.
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00:05:30,045 --> 00:05:34,803
Yeah, well, not anymore, because
I am your new Assistant Coach.
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00:05:34,803 --> 00:05:38,542
And I took the liberty of doing a little
of what I like to call "belichicking."
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00:05:38,570 --> 00:05:40,472
Did some surveillance on the
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Our Lady of Eternal
Suffering Penguins, and i...
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00:05:42,975 --> 00:05:44,221
What's wrong with their penguins?
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00:05:44,221 --> 00:05:46,611
No, the penguins are fine.
The lady is suffering.
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00:05:46,645 --> 00:05:49,781
- What's wrong with their lady?
- She's Catholic. Let it go.
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00:05:49,815 --> 00:05:51,983
All right. Now, I did some surveillance,
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00:05:52,034 --> 00:05:54,486
and I caught them doing... This!
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Let's see what they're doing there.
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What is this?!
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00:05:57,631 --> 00:05:59,376
Did you go spy on their practice.
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Well, I told you I did surveill
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All right. Well...
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00:06:02,711 --> 00:06:05,413
No one is interested in
seeing this part, so...
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00:06:05,498 --> 00:06:07,999
I'm very interested
in it, Mr. Shoemaker.
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00:06:08,083 --> 00:06:10,385
I'm not gonna use this
for anything sexual.
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I just want to film these girls
so I can use it to expose them
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and then beat them.
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00:06:14,486 --> 00:06:17,021
- [Laughing]
- Can you believe that? What is that?
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00:06:17,092 --> 00:06:20,011
Let's turn this off. I've seen enough.
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00:06:20,062 --> 00:06:23,731
Coach Fairbell, um... I
just wanted to say, on behalf
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00:06:23,849 --> 00:06:26,317
of a lot of people, we are very
proud and grateful for how well
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00:06:26,352 --> 00:06:28,704
you've done with these
girls this season...
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- Thank you.
- Getting them this far.
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00:06:30,522 --> 00:06:34,742
But the PTA agrees that
it's time for a change...
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In leadership. Uh, this is actually very
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difficult to say, but
we've decided to hire
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Coach Namalana... Nam...
N-nalanana... N-nalanana Mana...
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Ma... Ni... Mcscrat... Namber Hallix.
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00:06:46,605 --> 00:06:49,330
Well, look, I did say
it's very difficult to say.
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00:06:49,425 --> 00:06:51,960
The Colorado volleyball
legend Nahana Manhallana?
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Yes. So, because of that,
we actually have to...
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- Ask you to step down.
- [Indistinct conversation]
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[Girls whispering indistinctly]
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00:07:01,720 --> 00:07:03,054
From where?
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00:07:04,987 --> 00:07:06,416
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00:07:06,548 --> 00:07:07,838
[Whistle blows]
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00:07:08,443 --> 00:07:10,361
- Let's hustle! Come on, now!
- Hustle!
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00:07:10,445 --> 00:07:12,913
H-u-s-t-l-e! Let's hustle it up!
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00:07:12,998 --> 00:07:15,824
- What was our agreement?!
- Watching in silence.
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00:07:15,900 --> 00:07:18,177
- Minimal hand gestures.
- This is your final warning.
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00:07:19,404 --> 00:07:21,789
I was kind of looking forward
to being Assistant Coach.
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00:07:21,873 --> 00:07:24,208
You know, I've been watching
the videos on this guy named
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00:07:24,242 --> 00:07:25,959
Bobby Knight. Have you ever seen him?
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00:07:26,044 --> 00:07:28,078
He's amazing! He got
paid millions of dollars
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00:07:28,213 --> 00:07:30,748
- to just chuck chairs at people.
- Come on! Step in, Beth!
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00:07:30,799 --> 00:07:32,249
- Step in!
- Step in, Beth!
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00:07:32,333 --> 00:07:34,752
- Spike it!
- Spike it up! Or under!
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00:07:34,836 --> 00:07:37,278
What are we doing?! Seriously,
how is this game played?
189
00:07:37,321 --> 00:07:37,936
[Whistle blows]
190
00:07:38,640 --> 00:07:41,308
I have had it with you two clowns.
191
00:07:41,392 --> 00:07:43,477
I am done. Get the hell out of my gym!
192
00:07:43,561 --> 00:07:45,262
If I had a chair, I'd chuck it!
193
00:07:45,346 --> 00:07:49,253
- Get out!
- Well, isn't that convenient?!
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00:07:49,768 --> 00:07:52,436
Lady Tariffs, I'm still really
proud of what we did this
195
00:07:52,487 --> 00:07:55,077
season, okay? But I want
you to listen to what
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00:07:55,077 --> 00:07:57,663
Coach Manhallana has to say.
She's your new leader now.
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00:07:57,742 --> 00:07:59,743
I don't want to you
to forget our motto...
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00:07:59,827 --> 00:08:03,391
"Bump... Set... And smile."
199
00:08:03,415 --> 00:08:06,064
Hey. Why don't you leave
the pep talks to me, there.
200
00:08:06,064 --> 00:08:07,611
Okay, Coach Baby Dunce?
201
00:08:07,686 --> 00:08:09,057
That's hurtful.
202
00:08:12,617 --> 00:08:14,546
Where do you think you're going, missy?
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00:08:14,608 --> 00:08:16,257
I only play for Coach Baby Dunce.
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00:08:16,894 --> 00:08:19,587
I found this one in
the janitor's closet.
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00:08:24,452 --> 00:08:27,871
- Shh. Shh. Shh. It's okay
- No, Steve.
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00:08:27,922 --> 00:08:31,091
For the last time, it's
pronounced "Topps" Bar, okay?
207
00:08:31,176 --> 00:08:32,426
Get your head out of the gutter, dude.
208
00:08:32,510 --> 00:08:34,178
- What's wrong with you?
- What's this shit that I
209
00:08:34,212 --> 00:08:35,796
hear about Little Debbie
not playing in the game?
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00:08:35,880 --> 00:08:37,349
Hey, everybody, look!
It's a celebrity...
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00:08:37,382 --> 00:08:39,717
- My cousin Uncle Jake!
- Hi, guys. Jake's pizza.
212
00:08:39,801 --> 00:08:42,784
I actually can't be in the same room
with him due to pending litigation.
213
00:08:42,784 --> 00:08:45,422
It says on the side of
the box, very clearly...
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00:08:45,571 --> 00:08:48,566
It says, "shellfish and
poultry may be undercooked."
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00:08:48,566 --> 00:08:50,046
What's confusing about that?
216
00:08:50,046 --> 00:08:51,895
I gave his parents
several opportunities...
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00:08:51,946 --> 00:08:53,647
- I know you did...
- To settle.
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00:08:53,732 --> 00:08:56,150
- I don't like your dad!
- Yes. Nobody likes his dad.
219
00:08:56,234 --> 00:08:58,452
- Yeah!
- [Shouts indistinctly]
220
00:08:58,536 --> 00:09:00,404
You can't yell at the
kids like that, Jake.
221
00:09:00,488 --> 00:09:02,706
What's so important you had
to come down to the school?
222
00:09:02,741 --> 00:09:04,908
I overheard some chuckleheads
talking at the shop.
223
00:09:04,959 --> 00:09:06,960
They were saying that
Little Debbie is out of the
224
00:09:07,045 --> 00:09:08,629
tournament. She won't
play for anybody who
225
00:09:08,713 --> 00:09:10,164
- isn't her old coach.
- Wait. Fairbell?
226
00:09:10,248 --> 00:09:12,249
Yeah. If Little Debbie
doesn't play, then Smoot loses,
227
00:09:12,300 --> 00:09:14,585
and then... I will be
the laughingstock of
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00:09:14,669 --> 00:09:16,420
- the pizza community.
- Jake, you already are the
229
00:09:16,471 --> 00:09:17,805
laughingstock of the pizza community.
230
00:09:17,889 --> 00:09:19,807
Who's been talking? Little Caesar?
231
00:09:19,891 --> 00:09:21,592
- It's this fucking Papa John's?
- Relax, okay?
232
00:09:21,676 --> 00:09:23,427
I'll get Little Debbie playing again.
233
00:09:23,511 --> 00:09:25,646
Just calm down. You
better, 'cause if you
234
00:09:25,764 --> 00:09:28,599
don't, you can take those sweet
little round lips and you can
235
00:09:28,683 --> 00:09:31,685
- kiss that finder's fee goodbye.
- Kiss... take my lips and
236
00:09:31,770 --> 00:09:33,020
- Kiss it?
- Take it back down into my pocket.
237
00:09:33,104 --> 00:09:34,271
That's the dis you want to go with?
238
00:09:34,322 --> 00:09:35,739
That's really impressive, Jake.
239
00:09:35,774 --> 00:09:37,765
Understand that you won't get the $500.
240
00:09:37,765 --> 00:09:39,436
- Get that?
- Yeah, I've got it.
241
00:09:39,477 --> 00:09:41,561
Tell your dad to call my
dad about Rockies tickets.
242
00:09:41,645 --> 00:09:42,221
- Oh, for real?
- Yeah.
243
00:09:42,221 --> 00:09:42,931
Okay.
244
00:09:43,995 --> 00:09:47,583
245
00:09:49,338 --> 00:09:50,649
Oh.
246
00:09:50,887 --> 00:09:53,310
Mr. Uncle Jake?
247
00:09:53,325 --> 00:09:56,396
Uh, I, uh, couldn't help but
overhear your conversation, and
248
00:09:56,444 --> 00:09:58,161
Look, if you want to
fill out an application,
249
00:09:58,246 --> 00:10:00,830
then you'll get a job, but
this is not how it's done
250
00:10:00,865 --> 00:10:02,449
Not in the pizza community.
251
00:10:02,533 --> 00:10:05,952
Oh. Well, actually, I'm here to
offer you an exciting opportunity.
252
00:10:06,037 --> 00:10:07,837
What do people think about
253
00:10:07,837 --> 00:10:10,980
- when they think about Uncle Jake's?
- Diarrhea.
254
00:10:10,992 --> 00:10:13,276
Okay. Uh, well, I thought you might
255
00:10:13,327 --> 00:10:15,167
say, "pizza," and then
I was going to say,
256
00:10:15,167 --> 00:10:17,989
"what if they thought
about pizza and reading?"
257
00:10:18,282 --> 00:10:20,051
Yeah, but I already have
something going with Loren.
258
00:10:20,051 --> 00:10:21,735
- He's my image consultant.
- Oh, but Loren?
259
00:10:21,853 --> 00:10:25,529
I mean, is that really a good
choice for an image consultant?
260
00:10:25,606 --> 00:10:27,974
Yeah. He dresses dope as hell, dude.
261
00:10:28,059 --> 00:10:30,227
He gave me my first Nautica shirt.
262
00:10:30,278 --> 00:10:33,647
You know, I have actually
always thought that you look
263
00:10:33,731 --> 00:10:36,366
- superdope.
- [Chuckles]
264
00:10:36,400 --> 00:10:38,235
- You're much doper than Loren.
- Really?
265
00:10:38,286 --> 00:10:40,320
Yeah, really. But, you
know, I'm just like a
266
00:10:40,404 --> 00:10:43,373
stupid girl who likes monster
energy drinks and, like,
267
00:10:43,407 --> 00:10:45,909
watching videos of animals having sex.
268
00:10:45,993 --> 00:10:48,419
Both of those things
are in my Tinder profile.
269
00:10:48,530 --> 00:10:52,116
Wow! That is surprising that
you would like those things.
270
00:10:52,150 --> 00:10:54,118
Yeah. Anyway, what do you think
271
00:10:54,152 --> 00:10:56,153
about starting a
literacy campaign with me?
272
00:10:56,204 --> 00:10:59,156
All right. Deadwood shake on it?
273
00:10:59,240 --> 00:11:06,380
Sure. Oh.
274
00:11:06,464 --> 00:11:08,332
You didn't get any on it.
275
00:11:18,510 --> 00:11:21,178
- How'd you find me?
- This is where we met,
276
00:11:21,229 --> 00:11:23,347
remember? You were wandering around,
277
00:11:23,431 --> 00:11:26,150
tearing up aluminum cans.
The fish and game department
278
00:11:26,184 --> 00:11:28,018
wanted to tranquilize you. I said, "no!
279
00:11:28,069 --> 00:11:31,155
- Let me talk to her."
- Yeah. I remember that.
280
00:11:31,239 --> 00:11:34,942
- What are you doing here, Coach?
- Little Debbie, did you ever
281
00:11:35,026 --> 00:11:37,378
read the book "big
girl plays volleyball"?
282
00:11:37,412 --> 00:11:39,997
No. Sounds like it would be
right up my alley, though.
283
00:11:40,031 --> 00:11:42,866
Well, it's about a girl who's
bigger than all the other girls,
284
00:11:42,951 --> 00:11:45,786
who did most of her talking with
monster spikes and once pushed a
285
00:11:45,870 --> 00:11:48,205
girl through the bleachers
while diving after a ball.
286
00:11:48,289 --> 00:11:50,841
- I did that!
- Then there was a coaching
287
00:11:50,925 --> 00:11:53,544
change, and she stopped
playing and ran away.
288
00:11:53,595 --> 00:11:55,702
- That sure sounds like me.
- Oh.
289
00:11:55,726 --> 00:11:56,463
[Chuckles]
290
00:11:56,464 --> 00:11:58,966
You're right. That's...
Not a book at all.
291
00:11:59,050 --> 00:12:01,969
I've just been... Describing
what's been happening in real
292
00:12:02,053 --> 00:12:03,843
life up to this exact moment.
293
00:12:03,867 --> 00:12:05,355
- [Chuckles]
- That's funny.
294
00:12:05,356 --> 00:12:08,275
Anyways, I-I think you
should go back and play for
295
00:12:08,359 --> 00:12:10,077
Coach Manhallana for yourself.
296
00:12:10,448 --> 00:12:13,583
- Okay, but I'm going back for you.
- For yourself.
297
00:12:13,583 --> 00:12:15,263
- No, just for you.
- Wait! Wait! No! No!
298
00:12:15,950 --> 00:12:18,402
Ohhh! My hip screws! Ugh!
299
00:12:19,314 --> 00:12:22,350
And we're back at the
volleyball championships, and
300
00:12:22,401 --> 00:12:25,820
thanks to Little Debbie, the
Smoot Tariffs have won the first
301
00:12:25,854 --> 00:12:29,440
set out of three against the Our
Lady of Eternal Suffering Penguins.
302
00:12:29,524 --> 00:12:32,824
Now, why do you think those
penguins are suffering, Tam-Tam?
303
00:12:32,824 --> 00:12:34,912
Probably 'cause of that
ass-whipping Debbie handed down.
304
00:12:34,912 --> 00:12:37,007
- [Laughing]
- Oh, that is a little salty.
305
00:12:37,007 --> 00:12:39,081
And, speaking of ass-whipping...
306
00:12:39,081 --> 00:12:39,880
Oh, look at that!
307
00:12:39,880 --> 00:12:43,170
There is Terry the Tariff,
our school mascot, now.
308
00:12:43,205 --> 00:12:44,003
- Go, Terry!
- [Laughs]
309
00:12:44,003 --> 00:12:45,717
Aw, damn. They done
broke out the shanks.
310
00:12:45,741 --> 00:12:47,986
Well, remember that
they're children, Tammy.
311
00:12:47,876 --> 00:12:48,804
Hey!
312
00:12:49,094 --> 00:12:51,212
- Get your little asses back here!
- Little Debbie!
313
00:12:51,296 --> 00:12:53,047
Good to see you enjoying that pizza web.
314
00:12:53,098 --> 00:12:55,099
You might want to slow
down a little bit, okay?
315
00:12:55,217 --> 00:12:57,051
You still have a lot
of running left to do.
316
00:12:57,102 --> 00:12:58,511
All right. Eat responsibly, Debbie.
317
00:12:59,304 --> 00:13:01,172
Well, what do you
say, cousin Uncle Jake?
318
00:13:01,256 --> 00:13:03,508
Packed house, little Debbie's
back out on the court.
319
00:13:03,592 --> 00:13:05,265
I think it's time to start
talking about that finder's fee.
320
00:13:05,265 --> 00:13:07,690
Yeah, about that, cuz...
It ain't happening anymore.
321
00:13:07,813 --> 00:13:10,264
I'm going a different direction
with the image and branding...
322
00:13:10,349 --> 00:13:11,899
- a direction that's free.
- What?
323
00:13:11,934 --> 00:13:13,601
- Hey, bud!
- Hey, yeah.
324
00:13:13,685 --> 00:13:16,988
Hey, Jake tell you we're
partners in a literacy campaign?
325
00:13:17,072 --> 00:13:19,440
Yeah. We're gonna make
reading the dope-ass way to
326
00:13:19,491 --> 00:13:20,691
- learn shit.
- Yeah!
327
00:13:20,776 --> 00:13:23,277
- What?! That's crazy!
- Right. Check this out.
328
00:13:23,328 --> 00:13:27,999
Dun dun dun dun dun-dun!
Hey, what the shit Jake?
329
00:13:28,083 --> 00:13:30,168
I even came up with your
speech bubble on my own.
330
00:13:30,252 --> 00:13:32,453
It says, "Get illiterate
with every bite!"
331
00:13:32,538 --> 00:13:34,500
That's what you wanted
illiteracy campaign.
332
00:13:34,500 --> 00:13:36,570
No, I said I want a literacy campaign.
333
00:13:36,570 --> 00:13:38,604
This is encouraging kids not to read.
334
00:13:38,627 --> 00:13:40,378
Well, I'm gonna encourage
you not to mumble.
335
00:13:40,462 --> 00:13:42,713
This is the new direction
you guys are going in?
336
00:13:42,798 --> 00:13:45,278
- This is well worth the $500.
- Shut up, Loren.
337
00:13:45,301 --> 00:13:47,001
Maybe... maybe they won't notice.
338
00:13:47,052 --> 00:13:48,468
I mean, 30% of them can't read anyway.
339
00:13:48,554 --> 00:13:51,340
Yeah, 30% and climbing, now
that the kids get illiterate
340
00:13:51,474 --> 00:13:54,109
with every bite, thanks
to you, Librarian.
341
00:13:54,159 --> 00:13:57,245
What say you and I go back to
the, uh, parking lot, in my car,
342
00:13:57,279 --> 00:13:59,414
- for a hard-core fingering sesh?
- Uh, yeah.
343
00:13:59,448 --> 00:14:01,950
I'll totally meet you
there if you can just spell
344
00:14:02,001 --> 00:14:04,752
- "Fingering Session."
- Easy. F-i-n-j-g-a...
345
00:14:04,787 --> 00:14:06,254
- Shut up.
- I got I got locked up
346
00:14:06,338 --> 00:14:08,423
- 'cause I had to say it so fast!
- You almost had it, dude.
347
00:14:08,457 --> 00:14:09,874
Were you going like this behind me?
348
00:14:09,959 --> 00:14:12,427
- Yeah, like, the whole time.
- Dope.
349
00:14:12,461 --> 00:14:16,264
- [Buzzer sounds]
- [Cheers and applause]
350
00:14:16,298 --> 00:14:17,515
- [Whistle blows]
- Boom!
351
00:14:17,599 --> 00:14:19,600
If Little Debbie can
keep this up, then those
352
00:14:19,635 --> 00:14:22,937
suffering penguins will have
suffered their last indignity.
353
00:14:23,022 --> 00:14:25,056
All right! Let's go, Debbie! Let's go!
354
00:14:25,140 --> 00:14:29,444
Bring it home for mama, 'cause
I'm... we... we are all about to
355
00:14:29,478 --> 00:14:32,480
win the State Championship!
Bring it home, baby!
356
00:14:32,531 --> 00:14:34,835
- That's... God.
- Uh-oh.
357
00:14:34,835 --> 00:14:36,723
Looks like little
Debbie's getting queasy.
358
00:14:37,653 --> 00:14:41,456
- [Retches]
- [Crowd groans]
359
00:14:41,690 --> 00:14:43,658
- Time!
- [Whistle blows, buzzer sounds]
360
00:14:43,692 --> 00:14:46,194
Little Deb, come back!
Beth, go check on how she's
361
00:14:46,245 --> 00:14:47,695
doing, please... While we're young.
362
00:14:47,746 --> 00:14:49,530
- Let's go.
- Uh, looks like
363
00:14:49,615 --> 00:14:52,867
Coach Malakanananana is gonna
send someone in to check on
364
00:14:52,918 --> 00:14:54,669
Little Debbie. God, I hope she's okay.
365
00:14:54,703 --> 00:14:56,204
Doubt it. I saw her scarfing down some
366
00:14:56,255 --> 00:14:58,329
Uncle Jake's a little
earlier, and I said to her,
367
00:14:58,329 --> 00:15:01,351
"girl, you have got to
respect yourself more."
368
00:15:02,044 --> 00:15:04,845
- Told you.
- No. No, no, no, no, no.
369
00:15:04,880 --> 00:15:06,931
- Beth, you're in.
- Substitution!
370
00:15:07,015 --> 00:15:08,599
- Me?
- [Whistle blows]
371
00:15:08,684 --> 00:15:11,552
- Yes. Let's go, dear.
- Looks like Beth is gonna get
372
00:15:11,603 --> 00:15:14,522
her first action since getting
some action five months ago.
373
00:15:14,556 --> 00:15:16,440
[Heroic music playing]
374
00:15:20,229 --> 00:15:21,729
- Aah!
- [Crowd groans]
375
00:15:21,813 --> 00:15:23,397
- Ohh! Ohh.
- [Whistle blows]
376
00:15:23,448 --> 00:15:28,152
- [Music continues]
- [Crowd groans]
377
00:15:28,237 --> 00:15:30,404
- [Whistle blows]
- [Whistle blowing]
378
00:15:30,489 --> 00:15:31,956
No! Aah!
379
00:15:32,040 --> 00:15:35,076
- Come on, tariffs!
- [Music continues]
380
00:15:35,160 --> 00:15:37,044
Got it! Got it! Got it, got it, got it!
381
00:15:37,079 --> 00:15:39,163
- No! Ohh
- Shit.
382
00:15:39,248 --> 00:15:41,999
- [Buzzer sounds]
- [Music stops]
383
00:15:42,084 --> 00:15:44,585
We're all tied up here at the
State Championship, and we're
384
00:15:44,670 --> 00:15:47,922
down to a Little Debbie-less
set 3... winner take all.
385
00:15:48,006 --> 00:15:49,757
Coach Manhallana, is there
any word on Little Debbie?
386
00:15:49,841 --> 00:15:51,285
Yeah. I quit.
387
00:15:51,309 --> 00:15:53,909
Well, that's the Smoot
spirit right there.
388
00:15:53,933 --> 00:15:56,601
Did you just see that last set?
It was a god damn slaughter.
389
00:15:56,732 --> 00:15:59,684
- So you're quitting?
- I will not have this loss on
390
00:15:59,768 --> 00:16:02,403
- my record.
- [Crowd booing]
391
00:16:02,437 --> 00:16:06,407
- [Heroic music resumes]
- Well, I will.
392
00:16:08,410 --> 00:16:11,662
Were you wearing two
shirts the whole time?
393
00:16:11,747 --> 00:16:14,782
In an unforeseen turn of
events, Coach Malawalalala...
394
00:16:14,833 --> 00:16:17,752
Whatever her name is... she
abandoned the girls after
395
00:16:17,786 --> 00:16:20,621
losing set 2. However,
there is still a ray of
396
00:16:20,756 --> 00:16:23,674
hope, because Coach Fairbell
is back at the helm!
397
00:16:23,759 --> 00:16:25,793
This is your chance to
show everybody that you aren't
398
00:16:25,877 --> 00:16:28,129
- Coach Baby Dunce.
- Do you remember that baby?
399
00:16:28,180 --> 00:16:30,848
It was all, "wa-a-a-a-h!" Aaah! Aaah!
400
00:16:30,932 --> 00:16:33,050
Listen. Listen. I need
you to focus right now,
401
00:16:33,135 --> 00:16:34,802
Okay? Listen, I can't even believe
402
00:16:34,853 --> 00:16:37,638
that I'm gonna say this right
now, but I think what these
403
00:16:37,689 --> 00:16:40,441
girls need is an inspirational
speech from their coach.
404
00:16:40,475 --> 00:16:42,310
Speech? I didn't...
I didn't write a speech.
405
00:16:42,394 --> 00:16:44,028
It's easy. Think of every clich? sports
406
00:16:44,112 --> 00:16:45,563
movie you've ever seen in your life.
407
00:16:45,647 --> 00:16:47,031
Done. Okay.
408
00:16:47,115 --> 00:16:50,735
Now All you got to do is tell
them why they won't win and then
409
00:16:50,819 --> 00:16:54,128
tell them why they will. That I can do.
410
00:16:54,128 --> 00:16:55,798
- Don't touch me.
- All right, Lady Tariffs!
411
00:16:56,124 --> 00:16:58,626
Huddle up!
Inspirational-speech time!
412
00:16:58,660 --> 00:17:01,996
Look, I know we're down,
okay? And I'm gonna be blunt.
413
00:17:02,047 --> 00:17:05,916
Little Debbie is the only reason
we're even in this dance, 'cause
414
00:17:06,001 --> 00:17:09,253
we've always been losers.
And we're losers today.
415
00:17:09,338 --> 00:17:12,673
If I was gonna bet on it,
we'd be losers tomorrow.
416
00:17:12,724 --> 00:17:14,091
- [Whistle blows]
- Okay, Smoot!
417
00:17:14,176 --> 00:17:15,760
- But, uh...
- time to hit the court!
418
00:17:15,844 --> 00:17:18,229
- [Buzzer sounds]
- What the hell was that?!
419
00:17:18,347 --> 00:17:20,398
You just called them all losers
and then sent them back out on
420
00:17:20,482 --> 00:17:21,932
- the court!
- I didn't have time to get to
421
00:17:22,017 --> 00:17:23,484
the inspirational part.
Time-out. Time-out.
422
00:17:23,518 --> 00:17:25,019
[Whistle blows]
Whoa! What are you doing?
423
00:17:25,103 --> 00:17:26,487
- I'm fixing it!
- [Buzzer sounds]
424
00:17:26,521 --> 00:17:28,072
Huddle up, Lady Tariffs! Let's go!
425
00:17:28,190 --> 00:17:30,574
Wow. Coach Fairbell, burning
the first of his two time-outs
426
00:17:30,659 --> 00:17:32,860
right out of the gate there.
Anybody want a drink of
427
00:17:32,911 --> 00:17:34,495
water, orange slices before we start?
428
00:17:34,529 --> 00:17:36,030
Coach, we only have 30 seconds!
429
00:17:36,081 --> 00:17:37,782
Oh, yeah. Okay. Good call, Beth.
430
00:17:37,866 --> 00:17:40,201
Okay. Let me just recap.
Little Debbie's out.
431
00:17:40,285 --> 00:17:42,203
We're "f'd" in the "b" without her.
432
00:17:42,287 --> 00:17:44,588
I'm a lifetime loser.
You've All been losers since
433
00:17:44,673 --> 00:17:46,841
I've known you. If there's
one thing that gives
434
00:17:46,875 --> 00:17:48,292
- me hope...
- [Whistle blows]
435
00:17:48,377 --> 00:17:50,044
- Time-out's over!
- Oh, my god.
436
00:17:50,095 --> 00:17:51,846
- Back on the court!
- No, no, no!
437
00:17:51,930 --> 00:17:54,348
- Way to go, Coach Baby Dunce.
- Time-out! Time-out!
438
00:17:54,383 --> 00:17:55,966
- Oh, my god.
- [Whistle blows]
439
00:17:56,051 --> 00:17:57,635
- Bring it in!
- [Buzzer sounds]
440
00:17:57,719 --> 00:17:58,981
- Oh, my god.
- Okay. Here we go.
441
00:17:59,555 --> 00:18:02,023
Lady Tariffs, despite all of the
challenges that we've overcome
442
00:18:02,057 --> 00:18:04,225
this season and the mysterious
illness that has knocked
443
00:18:04,310 --> 00:18:07,227
Little Debbie out of this game,
I have every confidence that we
444
00:18:07,227 --> 00:18:09,058
can win, because when I look
around, all I see is winners.
445
00:18:09,058 --> 00:18:10,426
You're all winners!
446
00:18:11,361 --> 00:18:13,105
We have some time left, I guess,
447
00:18:13,105 --> 00:18:14,611
if anybody else wants to say anything.
448
00:18:14,611 --> 00:18:17,601
You used our time-outs to tell
them that they're all winners?
449
00:18:17,655 --> 00:18:19,155
That's a positive takeaway.
450
00:18:19,239 --> 00:18:20,420
I could have yelled
that from the chairs.
451
00:18:20,420 --> 00:18:21,300
- [Whistle blows]
- You're all winners!
452
00:18:21,300 --> 00:18:23,939
- Back on the court!
- You're all winners!
453
00:18:24,913 --> 00:18:26,961
Only a miracle could save us now.
454
00:18:28,365 --> 00:18:32,555
- [Rock music playing]
- [Cheers and applause]
455
00:18:32,738 --> 00:18:34,372
Holy crap! That's Little Debbie!
456
00:18:34,456 --> 00:18:35,573
- It is!
- Oh-ho-ho!
457
00:18:35,658 --> 00:18:38,493
- Whoo! Yeah!
- Let's do this.
458
00:18:38,544 --> 00:18:41,329
Oh, my god! Oh, my god!
459
00:18:41,413 --> 00:18:44,499
- Yes! Yeah! Yeah!
- [Laughing]
460
00:18:44,550 --> 00:18:49,220
- Oh, my god!
- Debbie! Debbie!
461
00:18:49,305 --> 00:18:53,508
- [Music continues]
- [Cheers and applause continue]
462
00:18:53,559 --> 00:18:54,726
- Ah-ha-ha!
- What?!
463
00:18:54,810 --> 00:18:57,193
Hey, Coach. I was just pretending sick
464
00:18:57,195 --> 00:18:58,746
'cause I knew Coach Mahaha would quit.
465
00:18:58,780 --> 00:19:01,081
Now we can win this game together.
466
00:19:01,116 --> 00:19:03,667
Yes! Yes!
467
00:19:03,752 --> 00:19:05,336
I'd like to make a substitution.
468
00:19:05,420 --> 00:19:07,788
You can only do that on time-outs,
and you're out of time-outs.
469
00:19:07,839 --> 00:19:10,207
[Crowd groans]
470
00:19:10,292 --> 00:19:13,627
Well, isn't that convenient?!
You know why you're wearing
471
00:19:13,678 --> 00:19:16,180
white and black?!
'Cause you're a criminal!
472
00:19:16,298 --> 00:19:19,300
Oh, you want to chest-bump me?!
You want to try the big stick?!
473
00:19:19,351 --> 00:19:21,469
- You want to go?!
- [Whistle blows]
474
00:19:21,520 --> 00:19:24,805
- [Shouting indistinctly]
- [Crowd groans]
475
00:19:24,890 --> 00:19:26,307
- [Whistle blowing]
- Ohh!
476
00:19:26,358 --> 00:19:28,642
- That's it! You're ejected!
- I eject you!
477
00:19:28,727 --> 00:19:30,227
- You're ejected!
- You're ejected!
478
00:19:30,312 --> 00:19:32,146
- Get out of here!
- Oh, are you late for your
479
00:19:32,230 --> 00:19:33,898
- shift at lady footlocker?!
- Get out!
480
00:19:33,982 --> 00:19:37,651
- What are you laughing at?!
- [Shouting indistinctly]
481
00:19:37,736 --> 00:19:40,821
- Hey!
- [Whistle blowing]
482
00:19:40,906 --> 00:19:43,207
Looks like Little Debbie's back
but she can't get in the game.
483
00:19:43,291 --> 00:19:44,825
Shoemaker's tossing shit and
484
00:19:44,876 --> 00:19:47,628
- Terry just went down.
- Are you getting what you came for?
485
00:19:47,662 --> 00:19:49,663
Are you not entertained?!
486
00:19:49,748 --> 00:19:51,665
Come on!
487
00:19:54,302 --> 00:19:55,636
Think we're gonna lose, Coach.
488
00:19:55,670 --> 00:19:56,227
[Sweeping orchestral music plays]
489
00:19:56,227 --> 00:19:58,839
Don't worry. I gave those
girls a movie speech.
490
00:19:58,890 --> 00:20:01,809
We can't lose.
491
00:20:01,843 --> 00:20:07,348
- [Buzzer sounds]
- You know, those speeches work a
492
00:20:07,399 --> 00:20:10,100
- lot better in the movies.
- It's okay, Coach.
493
00:20:10,185 --> 00:20:13,153
I'd rather lose for you
than win for somebody else.
494
00:20:13,188 --> 00:20:16,023
- Yeah. Me, too.
- Thanks.
495
00:20:16,107 --> 00:20:20,027
- [Moaning]
- Terry, you're so dumb.
496
00:20:20,111 --> 00:20:21,921
[Moaning]
497
00:20:22,245 --> 00:20:25,169
Well, I guess Coach Baby Dunce
couldn't pull it off after all.
498
00:20:25,193 --> 00:20:28,132
But I mean, is anybody
actually surprised?
499
00:20:28,157 --> 00:20:30,879
Looks like baby made poopy!
500
00:20:30,903 --> 00:20:32,086
On the bright side though
501
00:20:32,110 --> 00:20:33,995
Smoot now has a new official pizza
502
00:20:33,995 --> 00:20:36,425
thanks to Abbey Logan's
illeteracy campaign
503
00:20:36,449 --> 00:20:39,099
And she is not taking her
newfound fame very well.
504
00:20:39,123 --> 00:20:41,178
She forgot to put an underwear.
505
00:20:41,202 --> 00:20:43,202
Somebody is a natural redhead.
506
00:20:43,226 --> 00:20:44,656
[Laughs]
507
00:20:45,165 --> 00:20:47,174
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
508
00:20:47,198 --> 00:20:47,932
All right, Chen!
509
00:20:47,956 --> 00:20:51,878
You and these little perverts are
gonna shut this fucking thing now.
510
00:20:51,902 --> 00:20:52,946
Don't be scared.
511
00:20:52,970 --> 00:20:54,151
Eddie take a picture.
512
00:20:54,175 --> 00:20:55,552
- I'm gonna murder you.
- Aah, Aah!
513
00:20:55,576 --> 00:20:57,123
I'm gonna murder you!
514
00:20:57,147 --> 00:20:59,147
Sub by sysrapmarvel, synced by santibone
www.addic7ed.com
515
00:20:59,197 --> 00:21:03,747
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
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