Original subtitles

ANTHONY: A few weeks back,

I might have proposed to Yvonne.

MIMI: Yeah, and the worst part was waking up to discover

that I had partaken in a one night stand

with one of your friends.

See, I thought you left her.

It ended. What's the difference?

You were wiping food off each other's chins.

Hey, do you think you'll be able to come on the road with us,

- or is work too full-on? - On the road...?

Just some away shoots.

Nothing's been locked down yet, or anything.

Let's talk every day.

Okay. I love ya.

(CHUCKLES) Mwah!

- Let's do this! - Yeah.

I love you, too.

Oh, no, it's revolutionary.

It's like Uber for people who don't have time to go to a salon.

And, all you need is this machine.

Basically, it's a pyramid scheme.

So, this is what you've been doing with your time?

Well, a girl needs a hobby.

Okay, I'm gonna set it to, um... to goddess.

But just natural, like the slightest tinge, Sim.

This one is, it's like a healthy tint.

Something that says, "So what, Jack,

"if you've been gallivanting around

"with your custard stuffing ex for the better half of the last..."

Four weeks.

"...four weeks.

"I've been outside, just living my life, getting into...

"tennis."

Tennis?! Jack has met her, he's not gonna believe that.

Actually, it's been fine.

The first week was all...

Blissful, blissful freedom.

Just plucking nipple hairs whenever you want.

And period undies.

And then, the second week, I came to realise

how much I'd come to rely on him.

So, we decided more contact was needed.

And that was great until the third week,

when we kept missing each other.

(PHONE RINGS)

And then...

Fourth week!

What happens on the fourth week?

PETE: It's actually way better than I expected.

And, Mitch has always got food in the fridge.

Every night, he puts a glass of water beside my bedside table,

just to be thoughtful.

It's awesome.

Just you, your ex, her new partner,

and a baby.

- Living the dream. - Living the dream.

Living the dream.

(HEAVY MUSIC PLAYS)

Nothing, just more of the same.

LILY: Okay, Erica and Nikkii are on Beauty Bar,

and then it's sign-offs,

and that's it.

- It's gonna be a good show, everyone. - SASHA: Will it?

Because I've just spent the last three hours

in a white wine frenzy,

convincing upstairs that we have a clue what we're doing.

Ooh, did they take you to Vue de monde?

Jeremy, be less of a dickhead.

So, do we have a clue what we're doing?

DALE: I would say, rarely.

Are they still worried about the three host situation?

Gee, what do you reckon?

Uh, Nikki needs to change her lipstick,

we're both wearing Lip Chick.

And I haven't had one minute. If it's an issue...

Lily, could we just get someone down here from the make-up department?

Girls, come on, hey!

Come on, you're both bigger than lipstick.

- I'm not a girl. - I'm not bigger.

SASHA: Also, gird your loins, people,

because it's that time of year.

- Already? - But we just finished the last one.

Television's night of nights.

(GASPS)

Now, secretly, people might like watching arseholes,

but they do not vote for arseholes.

And, right now, these three look like...

- Arseholes. - Get them in here.

Nobody is leaving until they are working together.

Are upstairs really that freaked out?

Look, Logie season isn't helping anxiety levels.

Yeah, Eric's won it for less.

And, this year, we're launching a proper campaign.

(PILLS RATTLE)

Do you want some water with that? I can...

And then, the... the details of this campaign?

Work in progress.

But in terms of tonight...

(SIGHS) Look, everyone's been on 14-hour days,

and I think, for morale's sake, it would be really great...

What's going on with the shitty fake tan?

Were you planning on having sex tonight?

Jack's been away for a whole month

and we're still at the three times a week stage,

so, technically, that's 12 times overdue.

Interesting. Do you know when I last had sex?

- No. - No, neither do I.

We in trouble, Jeremy?

Feels like detention.

I wouldn't know.

Okay, Logie noms are fast approaching

and the powers that be want The Breakfast Bar

to be firing on all three cylinders.

ERIC: Maybe we need to fire one of those cylinders.

I'm kidding.

- Eric. - I'm kidding. I'm so kidding.

- Not really... I am. - You're all brilliant.

But there's too much overlap.

You're muddying each other's bandwidth.

We need to find your individual brands, your unique voices.

And, when I was at Harvard...

Was that a short course?

...our professor had us do an exercise.

Where your goal intersects with your strength,

there lies our special spice.

And, that spice...

is our brand.

- How cool. - Mm.

That's really cool.

- It is cool. - But...

Let's all find our brands.

That's what I'm suggesting.

PETE: Hey!

Hey. Working late?

Ah, just waiting on notes from Jeremy.

- Show's going well, then? - Yeah, I think so.

- It's almost ready to pitch. - Great.

Hey, um, listen, the other night at your place...

- Yeah... just... - The whole thing was just...

Alice, hi.

So, I have wine, eggnog, turkey, ham, tomato and onion pie,

but if you guys wanna bring anything...

Sorry, uh, to...?

Vince's party.

He told you it's Christmas in July, yeah?

- Yep. Jack and I will be there. - Yep, me too.

Oh, don't bring pudding, I brought pudding.

I'm bringing pudding. Pudding.

- No, pudding. - Pudding!

You gotta be less weird about this.

The other night, we just passed out. It was harmless.

I mean, apart from the hearing damage I got from your snoring.

I'm not being weird with you.

You're being a bit weird.

- I'm not... - Guilt makes you weird.

I'm not guilty!

I'm... or at least, I won't be because I'm going to tell Jack.

Why wouldn't I? Obviously.

It was just a harmless pass out, like you said.

Uh, okay.

Lily, join us.

Okay, so, we've established

that Erica's goal is the Gold Logie, which is terrific.

And, her strength is conviction.

So, we think her spice is,

- your lesbian best friend. - Best friend.

Awesome. Now, we just need to translate that

into an actual segment, or a campaign idea.

(SIGHS) Micro, Lily.

Try to think big picture!

Yeah, well, it's not awesome because my goal is Best Newcomer Logie

and I think my strength is "fabulous",

and so my spice is fun best friend.

No, you're fun flirty friend. You're, "Knickers-off Nikkii"!

No, she isn't.

No, you're the one they have to wanna bang.

ERICA: 'Cause no one would wanna bang a woman over 40.

Right? Am I right, Eric?

I would.

I'd love to make love to a 40-year-old woman.

Or a 70 year old woman. Any woman. All women.

Metaphorically speaking.

Reformed misogynist on quest for enlightenment?

- Yeah. - Yes.

I'm rebranding my spice from the inside out.

And... (STRUMS UKULELE)

? They say the best things come in threes ?

? Why not give us all a Logie, please? ?

- (CONTINUES SINGING) - Hey, Lily, could we just...? Eric!

Could we have a word, please?

(PLAYS SHAVE AND A HAIRCUT ON UKULELE)

The network has supported his Gold Logie bid for nine years.

Meanwhile, what am I? What, chopped liver?

No, I think it's better to focus on tomorrow's show

than external awards.

- Yeah, but... - Just... That's down the tracks.

Yes, but now he gets to be the rose between the thorns.

Being me and that...

everyone's favourite sex toy at the moment.

You're genuine, Erica,

and that is why you're loved and you are respected, okay?

Yes, but where's it got me, Lily?

Nowhere.

So... okay, now just stick with me.

I'm not going to be the lesbian friend.

I'm going to be

the relatable, expectant mother.

- Wow. - (CHUCKLES)

- No, that's... Congratulations! - No!

No, no, not yet. No, but I will. I'm going to be.

And I'm gonna take Australia on that journey with me, okay?

From insemination to delivery suite.

Or, maybe water birth. What are your thoughts on epidural?

- Yeah, Erica... - 'Cause it can be a bit controversial.

Uh... you can't have a baby to win a Logie.

Lily, you're... you're talking to me.

Do you really think that I would have a baby, just to win a Logie?

- Uh... - No!

No, me and Carol have been on about this for years and years

and I just figure, why not?

Especially if it makes great TV.

Now, I'm gonna have a chat to Alice. I wanna do some polls because...

(CONTINUES TALKING INDISTINCTLY)

Why vote for the Breakfast Bar?

JEREMY: (SUCKS AIR BETWEEN TEETH)

It's hard to be creative under time pressure.

I could work up some ideas if you want, run 'em by you?

Really?

Yeah, it's not about taking credit. It's just sharing the love.

Go on, get out of here, kid.

Actually, it'd be super helpful.

- Yep. - Thank you. Thank you, Jeremy.

It's nothing.

Oh, at some point, we should address the Sasha situation.

It's not the first time she's been drunk in the office.

It's not the first time this week.

Sasha's the best in the business.

Okay, but... what does it say about our brand

if the head of television is unravelling?

That's something my father would like to hear about.

So, if you're ever wondering,

this is what she meant about being less of a dickhead.

Hi!

Sorry.

I had this whole plan that included clean surfaces

and a home-baked meal.

(CHUCKLES) Liar. You were never gonna bake me dinner.

(CHUCKLES) Well, that's true, but...

I was gonna take it out of takeaway containers

and put it in really nice bowls.

- Hi. - Hello.

Mm. So, I have a whole lot to tell you,

but first, I missed this face.

Body, not so much, but the face.

Speaking of, yours looks... different.

- Sun-kissed? - Mm-hm.

The orange people, they're a cult, yeah?

Oh, you got funny while you were away?

And got into wrestling.

Hey, Willy Wonka called, he wants his worker back immediately.

(MOANS)

- Ah! Ow! - Oh! Sorry.

No, it's okay.

- Ow! You're on my... - Sorry.

What? It is not a skin disease.

- I think I need a shower. - (SIGHS) Really? Now?

It's been a long day.

Okay. Well, hurry back.

We have to do it at least 12 times before tomorrow.

It's called a sex debt.

(PHONE ALARM CHIMES)

(WHISPERS) Jack.

Babe?

? Cause you're a star on the screen... ?

Well, that's it for us, this sunny Saturday morning.

We'll see you back here, on the couch, tomorrow at six.

NIKKII: For all the hottest breaking news.

And, that's still news you can trust.

Indeed, it is.

Folks, I am contractually obligated to have the last word...

What's Nikkii doing to her face?

She's been chanting "Knickers-off Nikkii", since 2:00 am this morning.

ERICA: Thank you, Eric.

ERIC: Thank you, Erica.

Ha! And, thank you, Nikkii.

And, we're clear.

Clear. Not a moment too soon, I'll tell ya.

Speaking of clearing...

So, what did you think?

What did you think?

I think, "Meh."

I think, "Keep sleeping, Australia. Nothing to see here."

I think, solid.

I think we can't have a sugar hit every show,

and we need vegetables.

Vegetables make me constipated.

I don't know why I said that.

How'd you go with the Logies pitch?

Mm. Work in progress. (CHUCKLES)

I've been thinking...

fun friend is working really well for you.

Maybe flirty is a bit of a misstep at this time of the morning.

Oh, you don't think I can do flirty?

- I... Of course, you... - Because you're the expert?

Because you've been up all night shagging the hot chef?

No. I-I genuinely am trying to...

I have a highlights appointment, so...

ERICA: Oh, Lily! Can I get your...

Hey. Can I get your producer brain on something? I'll call you back.

Sperm donor shortlist.

Look, we've vetted them down,

but we're at a bit of an impasse.

Carol wants the atheist.

- Mm-hm? - I don't trust that overbite.

Looks like a rabid chipmunk.

I've always thought I'd be a good father, genetically.

I've just such little interest in parenting.

Submit your headshot and a bio.

Perhaps I will.

ERIC: J-man, I love it! (CHUCKLES)

- This is great! - Yes, so...

And it's never been done!

(INDISTINCT CONVERSATION)

Do you have plans this afternoon?

Well, there's the Early Bronze Age exhibition at the university.

They call it a nuanced narrative of Chalcolithic creativity,

but it's basically pottery.

Uh-huh.

What do you think about keeping an eye on them instead?

I have a feeling this has the potential to spiral.

And, I've got Vincent's July Christmas extravaganza.

(PLAYS UKULELE)

- Is that yours? - That's mine.

Okay, we're just putting in an appearance

and then the rest of the day, it's just you and me.

- I don't mind. - I do.

I still can't believe you slept on the couch.

- I just wanted to read for a bit. - You could've read beside me.

No, I didn't wanna disturb you on a show day, and then I just crashed.

Look.

- Gillian! - Hey!

- Hi. Welcome back. - Thank you. Hey, co-star.

Hey, Gill.

So, I made gingerbread men and a house.

- They will love you. - Yeah.

In there. (CHUCKLES)

- Why'd you invite Gillian? - I don't know.

Actually, I thought her and Pete might hit it off.

He needs all the help he can get.

Why, should I not have invited her?

No, n-no, it's good.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

- (JINGLE BELLS PLAYING) - (GILLIAN CHUCKLES)

- Really? - Yes.

- Okay. I'm gonna introduce you to Pete. - All right.

- Pete, hi. This is Gillian. - Hey.

- Gillian, this is Pete. - Hi.

Gillian speaks three languages

and she does things to pastry that will make your eyes water.

Wow.

Pete once wrote a book about Radiohead

and it sold about 15 copies.

Uh, well, that's fantastic.

Oh, it was 16, but I'm humble.

What's a Radiohead?

You two are gonna get along great.

Um, if you'll excuse me, I'm just needed over there.

I'm kidding.

(SIGHS) Good. Good.

(CHUCKLES)

She is a huge fan. She's underselling.

- She watches everything you do. - Oh, good.

I am not as big a fan as some of my friends

but I was just asking Anthony

how you two were coping with the separation?

Well, I just got him back, just now, for a couple of weeks,

so we're trying to make the most of it.

Okay. TMI, Lil. A father doesn't want to know that sort of stuff.

- TMI? - Sorry, Lil...

- Since when do you know TMI? - I thought I told you...

we have to do pick-ups down the coast tomorrow.

- You didn't. - I'm sure I did.

- Oh, I don't think you told me that. - YVONNE: Communication.

it's the only way to survive long-distance.

Bugger that, I don't let this one out of my sight. (CHUCKLES)

(CHUCKLES) Anthony.

? Old man winter comes to town... ?

I'm loving this. Lily, outside work.

VINCENT: I know, she's like a... animal in the wild.

(CHUCKLES)

LILY: Uh. (CLEARS THROAT)

Co-hosting.

This definitely has the look of co-hosting.

Stop it.

Don't you think things are escalating a little quickly?

I know you're just dying to interfere,

but I like Alice.

Of course you like Alice.

It's like liking puppies.

Is there something up with Sim?

The hobbies and the...

She seeing anyone at the moment? Lucas maybe, or...?

I haven't heard anything.

MIMI: (GASPS) Merry Christmas!

Shit!

Did you prep Mum about Y-vonne coming? Because I didn't.

I deliberately didn't invite any of them.

Mum, you look... so beautiful.

Oh, my gosh, you made my favourite potatoes!

Mum, you look so beautiful.

What do you need? What do you need? Meditation nap?

Valium? A hunting knife?

(SIGHS)

No, no, darling, it's fine.

We're all adults.

Yvette's marrying your father,

so, she has every right to be here.

- So, a gallon of wine, then? - (CHUCKLES)

Actually, a glass of wine would be lovely.

Thank you.

Lily! Sorry I'm late.

I didn't know you were invited, Bernard.

- Is this a family function? - It wasn't meant to be.

Your mother... hell of, hell of a lady.

- Should we clear the air? - No, no, no, we don't need to.

- Just because of what happened... - We don't need to talk about it.

- It's... fine. No. - I just wanna make sure we don't dilute

what... you know, what you and I, what we...

- We? Never. Sim! Sim, Sim! - You know, like, takes or something...

- Hey! - Hi, look, Bernard's here.

- (CHUCKLES) Yeah. - Bernard's here.

- Cool, how you going? - Hey.

Hey. Oh! You've got a hickey.

- Is that a hickey? - Um, no, no.

It's actually a leech bite. I've been getting into kayaking.

- Right. - Are you, um...?

Jesus.

For my culture. (CHUCKLES)

Ah. Happy... birthday.

- GILLIAN: What, how old were you, 23? - Uh, I don't know.

Well, anyway, we got locked out of this dodgy hostel

and we ended up having to sleep on the steps of the Sacr�-C�ur.

German backpackers start singing Karma Police.

- Oh... - Yeah, and then all these people

from all around the world are singing Radiohead, together.

Oh, my God. Awesome.

It'll always be one of my top five life moments.

Sorry, is that a High Fidelity reference? I love that movie.

Yeah, I... I prefer the book.

Me too.

Uh, you want another drink?

Jack? You good?

So, assuming you didn't mention anything to him?

Classic guilt move, deflect attention with a set-up.

I'm sorry for plonking a hot celebrity chef in your line of sight.

Do not need a set-up, by the way.

I think we both know that's not true.

So?

Yeah, she's... she's amazing.

I mean, she looks way too much like you, but...

first impression, she's like a perfect woman.

Settle down.

Also, there's um... something weird going on between her and Jack.

No, there isn't.

What do you mean, weird? What, like exes weird?

I don't know. That's the full extent of my intuition.

SIMONE: Pete has no intuition, okay?

- I have intuition. - Mm-hm.

Permission to start reconnaissance?

Okay, look at the facts.

It's a comfy couch,

but you don't choose to sleep on it after four weeks,

unless there's something wrong.

Maybe he wanted to be closer to the toilet.

I mean, is your relationship at that level of intimacy

where he would tell you if he had diarrhoea?

Well, what level is that?

And now, there's something weird with him and Gillian.

Maybe it's a desire discrepancy.

You know, when he and I were together,

um, there was a definite cooling-off period.

From memory, no offence, but that cooling-off period

seemed to happen around the time he was breaking up with you.

But he loves you.

- He asked you to marry him, Lil. - Four weeks ago.

And now, he's sleeping on the couch.

- (KNOCK ON DOOR) - BERNARD: Hello?

Is the party in there?

- Go away, Bernard. - Lily!

Go away!

By the way, Mims,

Bernard told me he wants to do some pretty glorious things to you.

Oh, I know. He's been texting me very explicit language. (CHUCKLES)

- Love it. - Sorry, darling.

Re-joining the world now.

You know, with Anthony,

I never got the, kind of, impression

that my pleasure was his number one priority.

So, why are you hiding in here, Mims?

God, poor Yvonne.

You're right.

You are absolutely right.

Go out there and get him.

I had an uncle who reversed his.

Oh, they don't reverse it these days, so much as they...

- Can we not discuss this right now? - they suck it out of the testes.

Look, I know it's not the most romantic solution,

but the results are amazing.

Mimi! Hey, how are you?

Um, you must, have you met, um...

- Yvonne! - Yvonne?

- Hi. Hello, lovely to meet you. - It's great to finally meet you.

I've heard so many wonderful things about you.

Sorry, whose testes?

Oh...

- Your testes, Anthony? - No one's testes.

Come on, Mim.

What about the children you already have?

Why do you feel the need to invalidate everything?

- Hey! What's going on? - Nothing's going on.

Look, this is Vincent's party. Can we just not do this now?

Well, I wasn't the one talking about testes, Yvette was.

And, by the way, he never ever changed a nappy.

Not once. That's something you might have to put up with.

Just grow up, Mim. And, by the way, her name's Yvonne.

I'm sorry. I know this must be very hard.

No-no, no.

It's not that hard. I'm used to it.

BERNARD: Sorry, I just realised

I haven't actually shown you my Vespa, out the front.

Have you seen my Vespa?

- I don't know... - Yeah, let's go...

- Go check it out, yeah. - Check it out, Mum.

I've never been so embarrassed.

You have nothing to be embarrassed about, okay?

I'll take her home. All good.

Hop on.

- Thanks, Bernard. - Allow me.

- Oh! - Thanks.

Oh, boy.

Come on, let's get out of here.

(HORN HONKS)

PETE: Is she all right?

Thanks to Bernard.

- Man's a prince. - Mm.

We're gonna kick on for a drink, if you feel like escaping.

I wish I could.

- You okay? - Yeah, yeah.

No, you guys go have fun.

- All right. - See ya.

- See ya. - Bye!

Bye.

(PHONE RINGS)

Dale?

It's not a spiral, so much as a roller-coaster descent into hell.

What? (STAMMERS) What's he doing?

Listen...

(UKULELE AND INDISTINCT SINGING)

JEREMY: From the chest now. Vowels too stiff, Nikkii.

Come on, open!

He's turned the campaign into a musical number.

Why?

He says, "Everyone loves a musical."

Which is not empirically true.

Okay. You've gotta reel him back in.

He thinks he's Ryan Murphy and Eric is enabling.

Look, I have full faith in you.

- (SHOUTS INDISTINCTLY) - Look, he's ordered glitter bombs

and cleared a hole in tomorrow's run sheet.

- Did he really? - I need you. I need you in here.

I'm sorry, it won't take long. Jeremy's gone rogue.

- It's fine, Lil. - It is work.

Yeah, I know.

Did something happen with you and Gillian?

Just... like, accidentally?

I know... I understand that lines can get blurred.

And, if that's why you're being weird and guilty with me...

Lil, if I've been weird with Gillian,

it's because she gives me the shits.

I forgot how much she talks, all the time.

- Really? - (GROANS)

- She's not perfect? - No, I just needed a day off.

(CHUCKLES)

So, what was with the couch then?

Was that a stomach thing, or...?

I mean, I don't get how a book can be that compelling.

Yeah, no. Uh...

No, I slept on the couch, 'cause I...

I don't know how to sleep next to you, Lil.

Know how?

As in, you forgot, or...?

- It's... - ANTHONY: Lil! Lil!

- Hey. - Hey.

Lil, I think everyone's got the wrong end of the stick.

Yes, Vonny wants a family, and I get that,

but me, I'm just not convinced at this point that...

Dad... not now.

Hey.

Lil, sorry, now's not the right time.

Well, it's gonna have to be.

Okay.

For the first three weeks, I really missed you, Lil.

Like, everything felt wrong.

But then...

You stopped missing me?

You said no.

Like, I made it pretty clear

I wanna spend the rest of my life with you and you said no.

I said, not yet.

Not yet.

And you said you understood.

Yeah...

Look, Lil...

I've been thinking about this for the past month.

Like, I've worked with you.

Like, I've seen you.

You make decisions fast, you're instinctive,

you know what you want and you get it.

I love that about you.

And you don't want to marry me.

I don't know how to keep being with you,

if you don't see a future with me.

- ALICE: I am so, so, so sorry. - It's all right. It's all right.

- It's not your fault. - I invited them.

Yeah, you're right, it is your fault.

I'm kidding.

I just... I got overexcited.

You guys are all so close,

which is like the opposite of my family.

It was crazy, right? I was hopped up on crazy juice.

It was pretty cray.

PETE: Uh, it was a book first.

- You did the words and everything? - Yeah, the whole deal.

You know, and that paid me about five bucks,

so, I tried to turn it into a doco series.

But, I don't know, apparently it needs more of a hook.

But it's about love songs?

Ah, I don't know, like the stories behind them.

It's a bit of pop history about romantic love in general.

Oh, so you're a romantic?

No, I'd say more a sceptic.

I'm violently anti-soulmate, anti-fate.

The idea of being with someone, just one person,

both arrogant and frightening.

Yeah, there's that.

Wow.

Holy shit, you're giant-sized.

I'm gonna get a photo for my mum.

- Eurgh! (BLOWS RASPBERRY) - Wow. Oh, Mum's gonna love this.

So, this girl who obviously gouged your heart out

and ground it down into pate...?

- Was that a... - Yes, just a little bit of chef humour.

- cooking metaphor? Good. - Yeah.

Um, more like a diced and fried situation, but...

(CHUCKLES) Was that a recent thing?

I mean, like, if you were to have sex with someone else tonight,

would you cry during?

Uh... no.

No, I don't think I would.

Good to know.

- Drink? - Read my mind.

MIMI: No, I'm fine. I just...

Yeah, I felt like an idiot.

Yes, he took me straight home.

Okay. All right, well, I love you, my Lil.

Okay, bye.

Phew, you are such a good mum.

Oh, and I am such a bad liar.

Well, he's an idiot, I reckon.

- Yeah, he is. - Yeah.

Bernard... you don't mind if we just, like,

- walk for a bit, do you? - Mmm.

'Cause I... I'm just not sure if I, um...

Oh, no, no. Say no more.

No, no, that's... that's cool.

That's all good. But we had a good time, though. We had fun.

We had a pretty... pretty sweet night.

That wasn't my best, obviously, but...

Bernard... you rocked.

Yeah?

Cool.

Right. We agreed to you brainstorming ideas,

not gutting my run sheet.

Eric won the heart of the nation with his song for Erica.

- And it was lightening in a bottle. - Exactly.

And now, we're doing it again with all three of them.

Who's paying for their overtime?

That's why you're so great in the control room, is the details.

(PHONE RINGS)

It is not a detail to say we do breakfast television.

We do news, we do weather, we do not sing.

Every time I try to offer you something you just shit all over it.

No, I don't.

I don't!

I want us to be partners with complementary strengths.

But you are not a good sharer, Lily.

6:30.

No costumes, no glitter bomb.

One verse.

Verse and a chorus, 8:30, Eric wears his sequin jacket.

7:00 am.

Gold jacket.

No sequins.

SASHA: Sounds like a good save.

I don't... (SIGHS) I thought maybe it would be catchy?

I don't know.

I'm starting to doubt my instincts.

- Have a drink with me. - Thanks.

Shouldn't you be at home right now, desecrating a Kama Sutra?

God, I'm old. (CHUCKLES) You just download porn. (CHUCKLES)

Yeah, I am avoiding home tonight.

Well-trodden path to happiness.

Thanks.

(SNIFFLES)

- Woodward. - Sorry.

We're behind the camera. We don't bring our tears to work.

Um, I might be overstepping the mark a little bit...

but... (SIGHS)

Jeremy's started making comments.

- About? - Ab...

About me? (CHUCKLES)

Oh, the little prick.

Yeah, I guess...

I'm just asking too.

Are you okay?

You're the one sniffling in my office

with a half-baked Logies campaign.

(SNIFFLES)

Go home.

Make it right with the nice man with the broad shoulders.

Thank you.

PETE: The thing is, Ni... Nikkii, I'm not really sure what I...

Yeah, just... just up here on the left, thanks.

Uh, no. Yep, sure thing.

I'll... Yep.

All good?

Uh, no. A bit of a drama at work, actually.

I might need to go into the office.

Oh. Do you wanna come by after?

I mean, I'm filming tomorrow, so if it's not too late then...

Uh, it might be. I just... I don't know.

- Okay. - I'm sorry.

No, that's okay. Don't be sorry.

Okay. I still kind of feel like I should say sorry.

I mean... it was honestly great meeting you.

- And I definitely think we should... - Yeah. Yep.

Okay.

NIKKII: Look, I know we don't know each other very well.

I don't even know your last name.

Uh, Barnett.

Okay. But I really appreciated the burkini segment

and I feel like your writing really suits my voice.

So, do you wanna go over tomorrow's show, or...?

I need an outside opinion.

That's why I'm here.

I'm not sexy.

That's the issue. I need to be.

Last in, first out. Everyone knows that.

Sexy has become critical to my survival.

Well, I mean, sexy's uh... it's a state of mind, isn't it?

You know, it's like a... (SNAPS FINGERS) a chemistry thing.

- You can't force it. - (SNAPS)

You can't...

force it.

That's good.

I mean, sometimes you can find someone sexy

without wanting to have sex with them.

- You can?! - Mm. Definitely.

And, even if you do want to have sex with them,

you can still get stuck in your head

because, I mean, there are consequences to sex.

- Herpes? - And children.

Heartbreak, disillusionment...

And then sometimes you go eight or nine months without having sex

without even realising it.

Which is possibly a sign of unresolved...

mild depression even.

Two years.

Really?

Well, I mean, that's not...

Four years.

Wow.

- And a half. - Okay.

My fianc� and I decided to wait.

That's just natural.

I mean, was it, like, religious reasons, or...?

Mainly, because it turned out...

he was gay.

- (CHUCKLES) - (LAUGHS)

MESSAGE: (ON PHONE) You have one new message.

JACK: Hey,

I thought I'd start driving down the coast.

I thought we could use...

Well, I'm not sure if...

more space is a good or bad thing at this point.

Anyway, I've said more than I meant to.

I love you, Lily.

I know that.

(PHONE DISCONNECTS)

(PHONE RINGS)

Sim, hi.

How's your night?

Bet you my last bagel it's less shitty than mine.

SIMONE: Um, I'm less sure.

Where are you?

LILY: Sim?

- Lil? - Sim!

Lil!

- (CHUCKLES) Lil! - Wha...? What are you doing?

I can't get up. I had a core strength fail.

Oh, here.

- (GROANS) - Oh!

- (CHUCKLES) - (LAUGHS)

(LAUGHS)

What have you... What have you got in here?

- It's this clip. What...? - Rocks.

Ah. Ugh.

Ah.

- (SIGHS) - Rocks?

Why?

I'm training for a hike.

- What...? - Into the wild.

What, you crawl into a bear and you die of frostbite?

No, no, the other one.

Reese Witherspoon.

Still, why?

You gotta fill your life with something.

You've been filling yours with a lot lately.

Are you crying?

(WEEPS) I've missed it.

And, if I sit still for too long,

I remember how much I've missed the window.

I love him.

I love him so much...

that my bones hurt.

Oh, Sim.

Tell him.

(SIGHS)

He's happy.

He is...

the happiest that I've seen him since the accident.

There's a good chance that I've missed my window, too.

With Jack.

Bad?

Mm.

Can you wedge it open?

I don't know.

Do you want to wedge it open?

Or is it closed for a reason?

Fu...

Nikkii.

- (GROANS) - Nikkii.

Nikkii, Erica's wearing your dress today.

- Oh, my God! What are you doing? - I'm just...

- Get off me! - Ow.

Oh, my God!

How did this happen?

? Teach me tiger ?

? How to kiss you ?

? Wa, wa, wa, wa, wa... ?

And then, you asked me to host your show.

You said I was the hook.

Yeah, I do not remember that. (CLEARS THROAT)

No one can ever know about this. Ever!

Hand to God, you have my word.

Don't look!

Well, I don't know.

I'm only gauging that from the length of his tie.

Look, I've gotta go. Love you, bye.

Medical records, high school and university transcripts.

The primary baldness gene is on the X chromosome,

not to obfuscate the issue.

Ah, I didn't know if that was a factor in your selection process.

You just said obfuscate.

- Yeah. - In context.

Mm-hm.

Tick, tick, Dad.

No. No, Eric is washed out.

No, I need pop and I need sparkle.

What light is pop and sparkle?

Seems a bit flat in here, lighting wise, doesn't it?

Five minutes.

(SIGHS) Get Lily.

ERIC: That always been that high?

- So what flavour? - Um, just Twisties.

- Just, generally, Twisties. - (PHONE RINGS)

It's Jeremy.

I don't wanna know.

- Lily? - I took a personal day, sorry.

I cleared it with Sasha. I thought you knew.

Who's gonna call the show? Tell me that.

Well, I guess you'll have to.

You know I don't do details, Lily.

It's your run sheet now. I'm sure you're more than capable.

Lily, don't do this. Please come in.

Sharing the love.

- ALICE: Four minutes! - Okay. I can do this.

It's camera time.

All right...

I need a fill on Eric,

and can someone please bring Nikkii to the floor?

Remedy that!

- You don't mind, do you? - N... no.

Good to keep my hands dirty.

Yeah, no, if... you need to do this you, then go for it.

Yep. Okay, let's do this, guys.

ERIC: Little bit of a... Hi, Nikkii.

- (APPLAUSE) - Yes.

Wow! Huh?

Little bit of Broadway right there.

Stunning.

You been practising this?

What?! She looks amazing, doesn't she?

- Yeah, I picked that. - Did you?

- Yeah. - Yeah, I'm sure you did.

I haven't done this for a while.

- That's fantastic. - There was a tone when you said that.

Leave the dress alone, just sit down.

Gillian. Gillian, hi.

What... what are you doing out here?

Is he here? I really need to talk to him.

(CHUCKLES)

- Where are you? - I'm here.

Well, I'm here. (CHUCKLES)

You are?

I'm really here.

I'm all there heres, in fact.

With all... all the heres in all the senses.

You don't have to do that, Lil. Honestly, I...

That's what I came back to say.

I should never have... I don't know... threatened like that.

I'm... opening the window.

And the doors and...

the skylight.

Honestly, Lil, I reckon, screw the future.

You, now, that's enough.

No, but you see, I just... I realised...

I want more than enough.

Jack Winters...

I want forever.

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