All language subtitles for Telenovela s01e09 Split Personalities.eng

I'm a failure.

I've let so many people down.

He's right.
He's wasting our time.

Hey, look at me.

Pull yourself together.

I can't.

It's go time.

Jellybeans up.

- [gasps]
- Yes!

all: Ooh...

Great, that lives there now.

Okay, playtime's over.

Everyone's got work to do.

Oh, Mimi,
acting's not work.

It's a craft.

I swear to God,
Rodrigo,

I'm about to kick
the craft right out of you.

Hey, hey, let's go
to my dressing room,

drink some fizzy water,
not threaten co-workers.

What are you looking at?

Hey, what's going on?

You know Rodrigo's
afraid of you.

Martin's getting
out of prison today.

What?

Your ex-husband's
getting out of prison,

and you didn't even tell us?

I just found out.

He got released early
for good behavior.

What's good behavior
in a white collar prison?

Teach the best Pilates class?

Maybe he Bedazzled
all the license plates.

It's a white collar prison,
but it's still prison.

Fine, he sang a medley
from "Godspell"

and won the talent show.

So what did you
tell your kids?

They're at their grandma's
for the weekend.

But Martin called and said
he was coming to see me.

- When?
- Now!

I haven't seen him
since he got convicted.

He did not take it well.

[gavel pounds]

Mimi! DVR "Grey's Anatomy"
for me, please!

Please!

Martin was always
such a wuss.

He sat at the nerd table
in accounting school.

Just think about that sentence.

Hello, Mimi.

Martin?

The jellybean.

[flamenco music]

Sync and corrections by n17t01
www.addic7ed.com

So, Martin, in jail,
did you ever, like,

mouth off to the warden
and get sent to the hole?

- We didn't have a hole.
- Oh.

We had a juice bar.

I'm sorry, can I just--

Martin, I still can't
get over how you look.

Yeah, I cut my hair,
and there wasn't much to do,

so I started working out.

My cellmate was a tattoo artist.

So you got a tattoo
of "Weird Al" Yankovic?

That's Mimi.

I had a lot of time
to think the past few years.

And I just want a chance
to show you

that things can be different.

We can be a family again.

Uh, Mimi, they need us on set,

immediately, right now,

right now, for the scene, Gael,

- for that scene with the puppy--
- Murder.

The puppy murder.

Don't worry, Martin,
the puppy does the murdering.

Yeah, it's so cute.

Sounds cute.

Yeah, yeah.

Good to see you, Martin.

Love the look, very prison-y.

Wow, did you see Martin?

He looked good.

- Didn't he look good?
- He looked good.

You wrong.
He looked great.

And he never used to
talk about us

and the family before.

What do I do?

Nothing.

No matter how good he looked,
don't forget,

Martin is still the same guy
who stole lots of money

from his clients
and lied to you.

That hasn't changed.

Okay, but in his defense,
did you see his tush?

Ha, ha!
Hold on.

What am I saying?
I don't want him back.

At least, I don't think so.

Mimi, you're unhinged.
You're all over the place.

You're talking crazy.

[gasps]
You sound like me.

- [gasps]
- That's not good?

No, it's not.

You know what you need?

Someone to ground you,
to calm you.

You need a Mimi.

You need me to be your Mimi.

You need a Me-Mimi.

You need a Mini-Me-Mimi.
That is me.

- Mi-mi-mi-mi--
- Please stop.

Yep.
Kay, come on.

Let's go.

All right, Mimi,
what are we gonna do?

You know what?

We're gonna get your mind
off Martin

by having a good old-fashioned
girls night out.

Oh, I love girls night out.

Should we invite the guys?

Fine, I'll attend
your silly bonding ritual.

But no hugs,
no hair-braiding,

and no, "you go, girls."

I make no promises.

Oh, Gael, it really is
just the girls.

Sushi, margaritas,
some light purse talk.

But I love all those things.

Dude, come out with me
and Rodrigo tonight.

This will be fun.

You never really
bro it out with us.

What is involved
in bro-ing out?

Eating steaks,
watching sports,

having sex with women.

Okay, I like most
of those things.

Good, you go out
with the boys and have fun.

We'll just end up
talking all night.

It's gonna be so boring.

Ha, ha!

[all groaning]

Oh, that's awful!

Let's do another one.

What are those shots called?

Brain bombs.

Mimi made me do them
when I broke up with Xavi.

And since I'm Mimi's Mimi,
I'm making her do them.

Circle of life.

Still can't believe
Martin went to prison

a soft, scared, little man
and came back

looking like a hot thug.

Oh, my God,
I'm a cholo chaser.

- Was he really that boring?
- Oh, hell yes.

He'd make us listen to NPR
during sex.

He'd also wear
compression socks to bed

and would drink a glass
of whole milk at every meal.

Whole milk,
come on, brah.

Shh!
Enough Martin talk.

Kay, before we go out,

I want to make a toast
to beautiful, talented,

independent women
who don't need men

to lead full lives.

I will not toast to that.

I would be nothing
without my husband, Ed.

- Wait, you're married?
- Weird, right?

None of us have ever
met the guy.

Yeah, I don't think he can
come out during the day.

He might burst into flames.

Do not make fun
of my husband.

We're equal partners.

When we walk on the beach,
we leave one set of footprints.

Ed knows me,
every nook and cranny.

[laughter]

both: Ew.

Isaac, the place looks great.

Where'd you get that couch?

I got it from the stage
next door,

Mario Lopez's talk show,
"Hablo con Mario."

Why did they cancel that?

I guess no one wanted
to hablo con Mario.

Hey, guys.

Gael, you ready to hang out
with the bros, brah?

I don't think so.

I was reading an article
about the show,

and I started looking
at the comments.

Oh, papito,
never read the comments.

This one guy said I was
the worst actor on the show,

and that my eyebrows were ridic.

Short for ridiculous--
clever.

But forget about all of that.

Let's go out
and have some fun.

But what if he's right?

I want to talk about this.

I tried calling Ana and Mimi,
but they don't answer.

Yeah, that's right.

I want to order 12 large
meat lover pizzas

delivered to Gustavo--

[whispers] Wait, what's
Gustavo's last name?

I don't know.

- [laughter]
- I don't know!

Well, we're here.

We can talk about it.

- You would do that for me?
- Of course.

We get harsh things
written about us all the time.

A girl once said I wear
too much man jewelry.

I already took ten things off.

Someone once wrote I look like
a hot Mr. Potato Head,

which, I can't lie, is kind of
what I'm going for.

Oh, yeah.

Great talk.

Guys night out!
Whoo-hoo!

Actually,
if you don't mind,

I'd like to talk
a little bit more.

[laughter]

Oh, you're serious.

Sure, we can talk about it
a little bit,

and then we'll head out.

Great, thanks, guys.

I'm so confused.

Was becoming an actor
a huge mistake?

I mean, I could've
been anything--

a model, a supermodel,
a fitness model,

fashion model, ab model,
underwears model,

shoes-- I can sell
a lot of shoes.

Ah!

[groans]

I'm so hungover.

Roxie, what did we do
last night?

I don't remember.

All I know is I woke up
on your kitchen counter,

got dressed, and ran
to the gym.

How are you not hungover?

Oh, I'm very young.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, God, I'm going down.

I'm going down.

Roxie, catch me!

[grunts]

Did you catch me?

I wanted to.

- Hey.
- Mimi!

Do you remember anything
we did last night?

No.

Good morning.

Okay, I remember
one thing I did.

[hiccups]

So, Martin, I'm so glad
Mimi met you last night.

You know, she doesn't date much
since her loser husband

went to jail.

Who I just figured out is you?

Yes, Roxie, this is Mimi's
sex-husband--

ex, ex, I meant.

Ex, not sex.

I should probably go.

I'll give you a call
later, Mimi.

Feels like we have
so much more to talk about now.

Really missed you.

Well, Martin,
it was such a surprise

to see you this morning.

Oh, have a great day.

Catch you later.
Bye-bye.

Okay.

Oh, my God, Mimi,
you had sex with Martin,

and in my bed?

Also your steam shower.

I don't have a steam shower.

- Damn, Mimi.
- I know, right?

What happened?

I don't know.
I don't remember anything.

How did he get here?

Check your phone.

Right there.

Uh, okay, at 3:45 AM,
I texted Martin,

"Are you up?"

He texted back,
"Yep, what you doing?"

And then I texted,
"You in 30 minutes."

Hey-o!
Bow-chicka-wow-wow, wow-wow.

I'm definitely still drunk.

The moment we started
drinking,

I knew I should've locked
your phone in my safe

with my passport
and my zombie apocalypse money.

When it happens,
I'm gonna buy my way to safety.

But as your Mimi, Mimi, I got to
shut this Martin thing down.

You were miserable when
you were married to him.

You always said he was
selfish and boring.

I know, but it's like he's
a completely different person.

Between last night and all this
talk about our family,

maybe he's becoming the man
I've always wanted him to be.

You are in no condition
to make a big decision

like that right now.

Look, I want you to stay
away from Martin

until we can figure
this out together.

All right, you're right,
I'll stay away.

Hey, does anyone else
have extra jewelry

from last night?

Somehow I ended up
with four skull rings.

Yeah, I ended up
with this ugly heart bracelet.

I gave you that
last Christmas.

Thank you.

It is so pretty.

[all gasp]

I had that same nightmare
where I was bald.

What?

It's a choice.
I shave this.

What time is it?

Did we spend the whole night
talking about

what Gael could do
instead of being an actor?

Last thing I remember,
I was Googling

how to become a foot model.

Turns out I don't
have the arches for it.

Well, at least you feel
better.

Not really.

I just hate that those
Internet trolls

got into my head.

It's not fair that some guys out
there can say anything they want

and get away with it.

You know what, enough talking.

Let's take action, boys.

Talking is not doing.
Doing is doing.

Oh, I like that saying.

Put that on a fitted t-shirt.
I would wear it.

Let's find one of these guys
and confront 'em.

Okay.

Well, this one's from Sweden.

Sweden, Sweden-- wow, Swedish
people do not like you.

Oh, here's one from Miami.

It says he works at
Kool Kona Coffee on Ocean Drive.

Let's see how much he has to say
when he says it to your face.

See you soon,
@TheRealBigBadBrad.

That's his name?

Can't we just confront
@UnicornKisses23?

Gael, we're doing this.

Who's hungry?

Where'd you get that food?

From the new cooking show
next door,

"Cocina con Mario."

They're really trying to get
something going con Mario.

Okay, guys, I made us
some greasy bacon sandwiches.

- Where's the bread?
- The bacon's bread.

- So what goes in the middle?
- Also bacon.

It's just a pile of bacon.
Eat it.

- [camera shutter clicks]
- What are you doing?

Uh, taking pictures
of my breasts for my doctor.

It's a new mammogram app...

i...
iBoob.

iBoob?
Really?

I knew it.

You're sending these to Martin.

Sidebar, they look amazing.

We got to talk bras later.

I know.
I'm sorry.

It's just, it's kind of fun.

We've never flirted
like this before.

Mimi, this is going too fast.

I want you to stop contact
with Martin.

Fine, you're right, Mimi.

[phone chimes]

It's not my phone.

Oh, I think it's coming
from Isabela's purse.

- Where is she?
- I don't know.

I thought she went home.

She has a bunch of missed
calls from her husband.

What?

Oh, no, he just texted,
"Where are you? I'm worried."

Oh, my God,
Isabela's missing.

We got to find her.
She's our friend.

Okay, she's someone
we work with.

Where else did we go
last night?

Come on, ladies, think.

I think I kissed a very
petite man with a ponytail.

- That was me.
- Ah.

Oh, now I know what we did.

all: Mannequin jousting.

Okay, two things
I remember now.

One, I'm the champion
of mannequin jousting.

Two, Isabela was still
with us on set.

But where did we go next?

Must be a clue somewhere.

I don't just stick things
in my hair.

I know, but sometimes I do.

"Blaze Deluxe."

Well, ladies, either we hired
a stripper last night, or--

Yeah, we hired a stripper.

There's nothing else
he can be.

We need to go see him.

Maybe he knows something
about Isabela.

He's the CEO of

"Global Superstar Entertainment
International."

Oh, I hope we can
get an appointment.

No deal, brah,
bubble machine is extra.

Listen, I got to jet.
My next appointment's here.

Sorry about that.

So go.

This is your office,
Mr. Deluxe?

Well, this is my
East Coast office.

Everything West Coast
is handled in my Honda Civic.

Look, I can help you
find your friend,

but it's gonna cost you
$1,000.

We'll give you 10 bucks.

I would've done it for two.

You just got blazed.

[imitates gunshots]

[grunts]

Yeah, you guys
hired me last night.

And then things got cray.

What happened?

Well, for starters,

that little spider monkey
climbed on my back

and tried to bite me.

I do do that.

And the big-haired cougar
you were with

tipped me with a check.

all: Isabela.

So tell us more
about the cougar.

Some baller with a sweet suit
came by with roses.

She left with him.

Maybe it was her husband.

Why would he still be
looking for her this morning?

You don't think Isabela's
having an affair, do you?

[gasps]

A-choo!

Yeah, she's having an affair.

Do any of you fine ladies
know how to fold a fitted sheet?

- Oh, just--
- Don't touch that.

That must be Brad.

He looks like a Brad.

What does a Brad look like?

Like a Mitchell,
but nerdier.

Gael, we're all gonna
go up there

and tell Brad that if he has
something to say,

he can say it to your face.

It's Brad.

Man, that guy's big.

It's okay;
we can take him.

Have either of you ever
been in a fight before?

- Yes.
- All the time.

Any that weren't on TV?

- Never.
- Nope.

Hey.

Gael Garnica?

Yes?

I can't believe
it's actually you!

I am such a huge fan of yours.

But you said I was
the worst actor on the show.

Oh, that.

I was having a really bad day.

Plus, I hate that talking doll
storyline you guys are doing.

You hate it?

The doll has more lines than me

and more love scenes.

It is a very sexy doll.

The point is, Brad,
you can't write mean stuff

like that online.

It's hard not to take
personally.

I've been upset ever since
I read it.

Yeah, how would you feel
if we wrote online

that your coffee sucks?

Well, I guess I'd have
the self-confidence

to know that it doesn't matter
what a bunch of strangers think

as long as I'm okay.

Oh.

That's another way to handle it.

So Isabela's cheating
on her husband.

At least she's alive.

Yeah, I would hate to be
responsible for her death.

I mean, if I got caught.

Martin!

Hi, Ana.

Hey, beautiful.

Hey!

Sorry, it's a reflex.

What is he doing here?

I know, what are the odds?

Mimi, you said you would
stop texting him.

Fine, he just needed to know
where we were

to come pick up my house keys.

He's staying with you?

He has no place else to go.

- Mimi!
- He just got out of prison.

That was gonna be
my argument.

Forget the fact that
he's a criminal.

He was a bad husband
before that.

Remember?
Selfish and boring.

Okay, but, do you see
how sweet he's being?

I mean, he's even taking me
to Il Palazzo for dinner.

I have always wanted
to go there.

Yeah, 'cause he never
took you out.

He never did anything for you.

When you guys got married,
he made you register

at Office Depot.

We got matching his and her
staplers.

Okay, it's complicated.

Martin and I
had a life together.

We had a family.
I want that back.

You already have that.
You don't need him.

Give me that.
Give me!

Give me the keys.

Roxie!

I didn't know whose team
I was on.

Give me those keys, Martin.

Oh, yeah?

Are you seriously
climbing me?

Give me it!

Give me that!
Give me that!

- Mimi!
- Martin, let's go.

As your Mimi,
I can't let you go with him.

I don't need a Mimi.
You're fired.

I don't care.
I'm not letting you go.

Ha!
Ha, ha, ha!

Damn it!
I hate reverse!

[knocking on door]

I hear you.

For the love of God,
please stop knocking.

Isabela and...

family?

So weird.

Uh, where have you been?

I mean, besides here,
where you've been all night?

Not jousting or with strippers
or leaving with strange men.

Hi, I'm Ana.

Words are not my friend
right now.

India, Carson, this is what
happens when you

make poor life choices.

She'll probably be homeless
in a year.

Is my purse here?

I hope I didn't leave it
in the Uber.

That was an Uber driver
that took you home?

Why did he have flowers?

Blame that one on me.

Yesterday was our
14 1/2 year anniversary.

We celebrate everything.
This man is my king.

Hey, what about the text
Ed sent this morning

saying he was worried about you?

Oh, we got separated
at the farmers' market.

I got sucked in by
the fresh preserves.

What can I say?

Jam is my jam!

[laughter]

What's happening?

Okay, Boozie, we're leaving.

We go out to dinner
every Saturday night.

Every Saturday night?

We also send each other
handwritten love poems.

Would you like to hear one?

100% no.

But that does give me an idea.

How about I take you guys out
for dinner tonight?

Fine, but she can't
sit with us.

Wouldn't want to.

Why don't we go
to Il Palazzo?

Oh, we love it!

Isabela and I spent
the fifth anniversary

of our third date there.

Ed, you are riding
my last nerve right now, buddy.

This trip was a waste
of time, huh?

Not at all.

If you guys didn't get me
to come down here,

I would've just stayed at home
and stewed over it.

But I faced @TheRealBigBadBrad,
and now I feel way better.

So do you need to
talk about it some more?

No, I'm good.

But I do want to talk
about last night,

when Ana kissed Roxie.

Is it weird that I
found it arousing?

both: No.

What are you doing here?

I know you fired me
as your Mimi,

but I'm here as Ana.

And Ana has decided, instead of
fighting her hangover,

she's gonna lean way into it.

[slurping]

[exhales]

Now I feel way worse.

So did you come here
to see how things

turned out between
Martin and me?

I came here to show you that.

So weird.

Isabela wasn't lying.

She has the perfect family.

They even go to
farmers' markets.

They probably ride
their bikes there.

Just to rub it in our faces.

- [laughter]
- Oh!

Ugh, look, Mimi,
I just want you to be happy.

And if that demon woman
can have the perfect family,

so should you.

If you think Martin can give
that to you,

then I'll support you.

Hmm.

He ordered without me.

He knows I hate that.

Ugh.

What am I doing?

He's never gonna change.

He's always gonna be boring
and selfish

and drink that stupid milk.

Milk is stupid.
Nobody drinks it.

I can't make the same
mistake twice.

Mimi, you're gonna be
fine without Martin.

I think I was just
holding on to the idea of him

and not actually him.

I just wanted someone
for after the kids go to bed,

a warm body to cuddle up with
and watch TV.

See, Mimi, you don't need
a husband to do this.

- You got me.
- Yep.

You and everyone else.

Hey, somebody's feet
are freezing.

Sorry.

Mimi, I can't believe
you almost

got back together
with your ex-husband.

They did more than that.
They had sex.

Huh?

In this very bed.

[all yelling]

Mimi!

We also did it on the floor.

[all yelling]

And the bathroom's
not safe either!

[all whimpering]

Sync and corrections by n17t01
www.addic7ed.com

Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0