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[RELAXED AMBIENT MUSIC]
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?
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How did I get here?
4
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Will someone please tell
me how I got here?!
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- Synced and corrected by medvidecek007 -
- www.addic7ed.com -
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? Tear it down ?
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_
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[SPAGHETTI WESTERN MUSIC]
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?
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[WHIP CRACKS]
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?
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Well, well, well. Ms. Watson.
13
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Doesn't this place look
fine as cream gravy?
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Well, that's mighty kind of you, sir.
15
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And aren't you lookin' right as rain?
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Well, thank you, little lady.
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Spit-shined my spurs
'specially for the hoedown.
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This is my favorite event of year.
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Mine too! I look forward
to this magical night
20
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all the school year long.
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Might I say you look pretty
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as a prize-winnin' pony,
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which leads me to, do you have
24
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yourself a date for this fine night?
25
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Oh, I will be accompanied
to the dance tonight.
26
00:01:14,375 --> 00:01:16,175
Well.
27
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Sounds like you're gonna be
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00:01:17,832 --> 00:01:20,560
busy as a June bug in, uh...
29
00:01:20,976 --> 00:01:23,737
Well, like a bug festival.
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I don't know. I... I love the hoedown.
31
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Gotta go.
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[SPURS CLINKING]
33
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[HUMMING]
34
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That headset makes you look like you
35
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should be working in
an Arby's drive-thru.
36
00:01:41,400 --> 00:01:43,370
It's for my performance tonight, Deb.
37
00:01:43,370 --> 00:01:44,770
I didn't know you sang.
38
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Uh, yeah, it's actually really easy.
39
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And tonight, one of my students, George,
40
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is bringing his super-famous dad,
41
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97.2's The Howler.
42
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The morning DJ?!
43
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[LAUGHS] I won a $60
gas card from that guy!
44
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I called in, and he correctly
guessed my cup size.
45
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It was remarkable.
46
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I sent him my demo, and George said,
47
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and I quote, I have "amazing potential."
48
00:02:06,670 --> 00:02:08,700
Really? He's super hard to impress.
49
00:02:08,700 --> 00:02:12,344
He's like the Simon Cowell
of radio, except super fat.
50
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You can hear how fat he is on the radio.
51
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Ew. Why are you dressed like Deb?
52
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I'm in mourning.
53
00:02:18,756 --> 00:02:20,796
Hot Dad and I will never
be together because...
54
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You slammed into his sliding glass door?
55
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Sucked on his face
while teaching sex-ed?
56
00:02:24,226 --> 00:02:25,996
Popped your hymen jumping over a hurdle?
57
00:02:25,996 --> 00:02:29,156
No. Because Hot Dad and
his wife are back together.
58
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I was gonna ask him to the hoedown,
59
00:02:30,856 --> 00:02:32,526
and we would've had our first dance
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00:02:32,526 --> 00:02:34,526
at the social event of the school year.
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00:02:34,526 --> 00:02:35,926
But now that's ruined.
62
00:02:35,926 --> 00:02:37,356
I can't eat, I can't sleep,
63
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and I haven't been to
church since Sunday.
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It's Monday.
65
00:02:40,626 --> 00:02:41,926
Deb, why don't you go slit your wrists
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- like you're always threatening to?
- [SCOFFS]
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I'm sorry.
68
00:02:47,096 --> 00:02:49,556
I'm obviously not doing well.
69
00:02:49,556 --> 00:02:51,656
Look, just because Hot
Dad's wife is back in town
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doesn't mean they're together again.
71
00:02:53,196 --> 00:02:54,719
Just call a parent-teacher conference
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and find out if he's single.
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That's what I do with all
my good-looking dads.
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That's a great idea. I gotta go.
75
00:03:00,726 --> 00:03:03,217
And make sure to dress like
your version of a hooker!
76
00:03:04,145 --> 00:03:05,416
She's still gonna look like a
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00:03:05,422 --> 00:03:07,124
12-year-old boy in Grandma drag.
78
00:03:09,196 --> 00:03:11,126
I don't know why
everyone gets so excited
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00:03:11,126 --> 00:03:13,211
about this stupid dance every year.
80
00:03:13,217 --> 00:03:14,896
I know. Who decided the hoedown
81
00:03:14,896 --> 00:03:17,146
was the high point of the year?
I hate school dances.
82
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Yeah, they're bullshit.
83
00:03:18,796 --> 00:03:21,056
Prissy, pre-teen girls waiting around
84
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for a bunch of brain-dead
jocks to pick them out
85
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like some stuffed doll they've
won in a carnival game.
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You never got asked to a dance, did you?
87
00:03:29,360 --> 00:03:30,860
- No.
- Me neither.
88
00:03:31,196 --> 00:03:32,996
My best friend Christy Zwicky and
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I always used to make plans
to have a girls' night instead,
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00:03:35,056 --> 00:03:36,571
but then she'd blow me off for a guy.
91
00:03:36,577 --> 00:03:38,333
- Damn. What a bitch.
- Yeah.
92
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[BLEEP]... the hoedown.
93
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I'm not going this year.
94
00:03:42,387 --> 00:03:44,126
Me neither. You know what?
95
00:03:44,126 --> 00:03:46,056
Let's have a girls' night.
We should hang out.
96
00:03:46,056 --> 00:03:48,130
We can drink wine, paint...
97
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Is that what women do together?
98
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Weird.
99
00:03:52,256 --> 00:03:53,874
Okay, I'm in.
100
00:03:54,436 --> 00:03:56,426
So the thing about our
solar system is that
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00:03:56,426 --> 00:03:58,396
everything revolves around the sun.
102
00:03:58,396 --> 00:03:59,818
If you think about,
103
00:03:59,824 --> 00:04:01,779
I'm kinda like the sun.
104
00:04:01,901 --> 00:04:03,231
Why are you like the sun?
105
00:04:03,379 --> 00:04:06,779
- Because I'm a star.
- So you're over 4 billion years old?
106
00:04:06,785 --> 00:04:08,163
That's strike one, Nora.
107
00:04:08,169 --> 00:04:10,769
Okay, enough science. Who cares?
108
00:04:10,775 --> 00:04:12,182
Tonight, when you take the
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00:04:12,188 --> 00:04:13,750
stage as my backup dancers,
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you will move around me
111
00:04:15,196 --> 00:04:17,479
like the planets revolve around the sun.
112
00:04:17,485 --> 00:04:19,256
However, you will not eclipse me.
113
00:04:19,256 --> 00:04:22,136
We want George's dad, The
Howler, to see Ms. Snap shine.
114
00:04:22,556 --> 00:04:24,056
He will be there tonight, right, George?
115
00:04:24,056 --> 00:04:26,370
I told you a million times. Yes.
116
00:04:26,376 --> 00:04:28,846
[LAUGHS] Oh, my God.
117
00:04:28,852 --> 00:04:32,252
That's crazy. This is really my chance.
118
00:04:32,526 --> 00:04:34,426
Okay, I don't want to put
pressure on you people,
119
00:04:34,426 --> 00:04:37,056
but if this doesn't go well,
I will probably kill myself.
120
00:04:43,196 --> 00:04:45,596
"To the coolest lady with red hair,
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00:04:45,596 --> 00:04:48,456
"when you're around,
I can't help but stare.
122
00:04:48,456 --> 00:04:51,126
"I hope you will give
this student a chance
123
00:04:51,126 --> 00:04:54,026
"and be my date at
tonight's hoedown dance.
124
00:04:54,026 --> 00:04:57,996
"Sincerely, your secret admirer."
125
00:04:59,816 --> 00:05:02,216
Hello, sir. Nice hat.
126
00:05:02,222 --> 00:05:05,422
Thank you. I love a good
pinch front crease.
127
00:05:05,428 --> 00:05:07,540
Feldman?! What are you doing?
128
00:05:07,546 --> 00:05:09,216
I'm driving for Lyft.
129
00:05:09,448 --> 00:05:10,818
But before you freak out,
130
00:05:10,896 --> 00:05:13,426
I'm only driving through
lunch, gym, art,
131
00:05:13,426 --> 00:05:15,356
and my prep period, so technically,
132
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I am not doing anything wrong.
133
00:05:16,926 --> 00:05:18,354
Do you do this all the time?
134
00:05:18,360 --> 00:05:20,460
Only when I'm short on rent.
135
00:05:20,466 --> 00:05:23,387
So yeah, I do it all the time.
136
00:05:23,721 --> 00:05:25,821
And we are off to...
137
00:05:25,930 --> 00:05:28,660
Pamper Me Royally Day Spa?
138
00:05:28,666 --> 00:05:29,836
Oh, what?
139
00:05:29,842 --> 00:05:32,430
I want to look good for
the dance, so sue me.
140
00:05:35,623 --> 00:05:37,023
Guess what, gang.
141
00:05:37,029 --> 00:05:39,990
We are gonna take an early recess today.
142
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Doesn't that sound fun?
143
00:05:41,556 --> 00:05:42,626
Off you go.
144
00:05:42,626 --> 00:05:44,496
Come on. Quick like bunnies.
145
00:05:44,496 --> 00:05:45,996
Ms. Bennigan. Hello.
146
00:05:45,996 --> 00:05:47,196
[WHISPERING] Hot Dad.
147
00:05:47,196 --> 00:05:49,188
Hey there, mister, mister!
148
00:05:49,194 --> 00:05:50,724
You look nice.
149
00:05:50,730 --> 00:05:52,060
This old thing?
150
00:05:52,066 --> 00:05:54,306
I found this at the bottom of a shoebox.
151
00:05:54,312 --> 00:05:55,885
A shoebox?
152
00:05:56,856 --> 00:05:58,426
Okay.
153
00:05:58,426 --> 00:06:00,596
Well, I'm glad that you called me in.
154
00:06:00,596 --> 00:06:02,250
I've actually been
wanting to talk with you.
155
00:06:02,256 --> 00:06:03,927
- You have?
- As you know,
156
00:06:03,933 --> 00:06:05,690
Blake's mom is back in town,
157
00:06:05,696 --> 00:06:07,826
and we've been talking a lot.
158
00:06:07,826 --> 00:06:10,056
- And we've decided...
- Ugh!
159
00:06:10,056 --> 00:06:11,596
Sorry, I'm late.
160
00:06:11,596 --> 00:06:14,656
Apparently you can't
vape on school grounds.
161
00:06:14,656 --> 00:06:16,397
[WHISPERING] Hot mess.
162
00:06:20,113 --> 00:06:21,913
And Blake's been making friends in class
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00:06:21,913 --> 00:06:24,273
despite his age and
drastic size difference.
164
00:06:24,273 --> 00:06:27,013
That's great. But is there a problem?
165
00:06:27,013 --> 00:06:28,343
Well, that depends.
166
00:06:28,343 --> 00:06:29,873
Did you both come here in the same car?
167
00:06:29,873 --> 00:06:31,113
- What?
- Hmm?
168
00:06:31,113 --> 00:06:32,843
[LAUGHS] I'm kidding.
169
00:06:33,102 --> 00:06:35,273
No. There's no problem.
170
00:06:35,273 --> 00:06:37,873
I'm just having unnecessary conferences
171
00:06:37,873 --> 00:06:40,043
with all the parents, but in the future,
172
00:06:40,043 --> 00:06:41,443
should I call you?
173
00:06:41,443 --> 00:06:42,673
Or you?
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00:06:42,673 --> 00:06:44,473
Or will you be in your house together,
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00:06:44,473 --> 00:06:47,273
till death do you part, so I
only need to call one of you?
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00:06:47,391 --> 00:06:50,097
- Um, you can just call me.
- Okay! Great.
177
00:06:50,103 --> 00:06:51,723
'Cause that's what I'm
used to. And I'd hate to
178
00:06:51,729 --> 00:06:54,292
have to break my routine, you
know what I mean, Sharon?
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00:06:54,298 --> 00:06:56,628
[CHORTLING]
180
00:06:57,288 --> 00:07:00,458
Okay, well, we should get going.
181
00:07:00,458 --> 00:07:01,811
Back to the home you both share?
182
00:07:01,817 --> 00:07:04,084
- I'm sorry, what was that?
- Huh? What?
183
00:07:04,090 --> 00:07:06,220
Nothing. Nothing at all.
184
00:07:06,345 --> 00:07:07,785
- We'll see you tonight.
- Tonight?
185
00:07:07,824 --> 00:07:09,984
Yeah, we're chaperoning
the hoedown together.
186
00:07:09,990 --> 00:07:11,190
Of course you are.
187
00:07:11,239 --> 00:07:12,839
Together.
188
00:07:12,988 --> 00:07:15,119
Okay, bye-bye.
189
00:07:15,125 --> 00:07:16,225
Okay.
190
00:07:16,429 --> 00:07:18,989
Oh, do you wanna hit up Burger Squeeze?
191
00:07:18,989 --> 00:07:21,089
All fried apps are
half-price before 3:00 p.m.
192
00:07:21,089 --> 00:07:23,689
and I am jonesing for
an onion ring tower!
193
00:07:25,759 --> 00:07:27,089
[EXHALES]
194
00:07:27,089 --> 00:07:29,129
Kill me.
195
00:07:29,129 --> 00:07:31,429
I know we're so excited for the hoedown,
196
00:07:31,429 --> 00:07:33,389
and I'm sure you're all
probably wondering,
197
00:07:33,389 --> 00:07:35,929
who is Ms. Watson taking
to the dance tonight?
198
00:07:35,929 --> 00:07:37,889
We assumed you were going alone.
199
00:07:37,889 --> 00:07:39,989
Don't play with me today, Marco.
200
00:07:39,989 --> 00:07:42,489
Let's just say it's not who I'm taking,
201
00:07:42,489 --> 00:07:44,186
it's what I'm taking.
202
00:07:44,192 --> 00:07:45,421
I'll give you a hint:
203
00:07:45,427 --> 00:07:48,057
I'm sure your stomachs are "churning"
204
00:07:48,057 --> 00:07:50,436
- in anticipation.
- Huh?
205
00:07:51,957 --> 00:07:53,797
Ta-da!
206
00:07:53,797 --> 00:07:55,327
Isn't it a beaut?
207
00:07:55,327 --> 00:07:58,157
Your date's an old-timey toilet plunger?
208
00:07:58,157 --> 00:08:00,357
No, it's called a butter churn.
209
00:08:00,357 --> 00:08:01,827
My ancestors brought it over
210
00:08:01,827 --> 00:08:03,453
a little ship called "The Mayflower."
211
00:08:03,459 --> 00:08:04,959
Ever heard of it?
212
00:08:05,157 --> 00:08:06,527
I almost never take it out
213
00:08:06,527 --> 00:08:08,597
of its climate-controlled storage space,
214
00:08:08,597 --> 00:08:11,427
but I thought that the Fillmore Hoedown
215
00:08:11,427 --> 00:08:14,357
was an event worthy
of such an exception.
216
00:08:14,357 --> 00:08:16,298
So... you're welcome.
217
00:08:16,304 --> 00:08:18,627
Cool. Can I play with it?
218
00:08:18,627 --> 00:08:20,257
Absolutely not.
219
00:08:20,257 --> 00:08:22,427
The acid on your fingers could
deteriorate the patina.
220
00:08:22,427 --> 00:08:23,511
[COUGHS]
221
00:08:23,517 --> 00:08:25,187
Okay, I can't have you
coughing near this.
222
00:08:25,223 --> 00:08:26,962
You gotta get out of here, Marco.
223
00:08:28,097 --> 00:08:29,427
Hi, Michael.
224
00:08:29,427 --> 00:08:30,927
I'm really excited about tonight.
225
00:08:30,927 --> 00:08:32,257
I was thinking we could watch
226
00:08:32,257 --> 00:08:33,587
"How Stella Got Her Groove Back."
227
00:08:33,593 --> 00:08:35,863
Spoiler alert: she does.
228
00:08:35,927 --> 00:08:37,897
Hello? Deb?
229
00:08:37,897 --> 00:08:40,512
Gets her groove back, Yeah. Totally.
230
00:08:40,518 --> 00:08:41,715
Hi, Dan.
231
00:08:43,697 --> 00:08:45,245
Which one of these boys do you
232
00:08:45,251 --> 00:08:46,897
think is most likely to invite
233
00:08:46,897 --> 00:08:49,651
someone older and more
mature to the dance?
234
00:08:49,657 --> 00:08:51,087
What?
235
00:08:51,093 --> 00:08:52,168
Nothing.
236
00:08:52,174 --> 00:08:53,893
Ooh, you know what else?
237
00:08:53,899 --> 00:08:55,939
We should prank call Christy Zwicky.
238
00:08:56,097 --> 00:08:59,097
Richard. Tobias. Nelson.
239
00:08:59,097 --> 00:09:00,857
How y'all doin'?
240
00:09:00,857 --> 00:09:03,857
[ELECTRONIC DANCE MUSIC]
241
00:09:03,857 --> 00:09:05,127
?
242
00:09:05,133 --> 00:09:06,707
Countdown to infamy
243
00:09:06,727 --> 00:09:09,127
in three, two, one...
244
00:09:09,127 --> 00:09:11,257
? Snap outta my life, boy ?
245
00:09:11,257 --> 00:09:13,257
? Snap outta my life ?
246
00:09:13,257 --> 00:09:14,943
? Snap outta my life, boy ?
247
00:09:14,949 --> 00:09:16,679
? Snap outta my life ?
248
00:09:16,685 --> 00:09:18,451
? I asked you for diamonds ?
249
00:09:18,457 --> 00:09:20,035
? I asked you for pearl... ?
250
00:09:20,041 --> 00:09:21,741
Oh, my God, stop.
251
00:09:21,800 --> 00:09:23,400
It's not that hard, people.
252
00:09:23,463 --> 00:09:25,863
Nora, you were off-tempo
the entire time.
253
00:09:25,894 --> 00:09:27,794
I have an ear infection, Ms. Snap.
254
00:09:27,800 --> 00:09:29,192
I can't hear very well.
255
00:09:29,198 --> 00:09:30,550
That's not an excuse.
256
00:09:30,556 --> 00:09:31,788
Mozart was deaf and he wrote a
257
00:09:31,794 --> 00:09:33,021
whole bunch of famous songs.
258
00:09:33,027 --> 00:09:34,928
I think you mean Beethoven.
259
00:09:34,934 --> 00:09:37,764
[SCOFFS] The dog from the movie?
260
00:09:37,770 --> 00:09:39,157
Don't be an idiot, Nora.
261
00:09:39,157 --> 00:09:40,397
Tony, hit it.
262
00:09:40,397 --> 00:09:42,127
? Snap outta my life, boy ?
263
00:09:42,127 --> 00:09:44,027
? Snap outta my life ?
264
00:09:44,027 --> 00:09:45,557
? I asked you for a fur ?
265
00:09:45,557 --> 00:09:47,697
? I asked you for two furs ?
266
00:09:47,697 --> 00:09:49,257
? You gave me nothing ?
267
00:09:49,257 --> 00:09:50,628
- [GASPS]
- ? So get outta my life ?
268
00:09:50,634 --> 00:09:51,964
My back! [WHEEZES]
269
00:09:52,127 --> 00:09:53,467
Not today!
270
00:09:58,657 --> 00:10:01,357
Feldman? What are you doing here?
271
00:10:01,357 --> 00:10:02,849
Who's teaching your class?
272
00:10:02,855 --> 00:10:04,195
They're at gym.
273
00:10:04,297 --> 00:10:06,397
Why are you going to the mall?
274
00:10:06,397 --> 00:10:08,397
I thought you said that
place was where kids
275
00:10:08,397 --> 00:10:11,097
with over-protective parents
go to get fingered.
276
00:10:11,097 --> 00:10:13,997
- Forget.
- Huh? Come on, man.
277
00:10:13,997 --> 00:10:15,257
You can tell me.
278
00:10:15,257 --> 00:10:17,027
Lyft cone of silence.
279
00:10:17,027 --> 00:10:18,327
Fine.
280
00:10:18,671 --> 00:10:20,597
I need to buy a dress.
281
00:10:20,948 --> 00:10:22,278
Just drive.
282
00:10:25,209 --> 00:10:27,427
[UPLIFTING MUSIC]
283
00:10:27,794 --> 00:10:31,107
?
284
00:10:32,027 --> 00:10:33,527
What are you doing?
285
00:10:33,527 --> 00:10:35,997
Mary-Louise, I can't take this anymore.
286
00:10:35,997 --> 00:10:38,057
We both know we want this.
287
00:10:38,057 --> 00:10:40,057
?
288
00:10:42,757 --> 00:10:44,257
?
289
00:10:46,827 --> 00:10:47,997
?
290
00:10:48,497 --> 00:10:49,927
[PANTING]
291
00:10:49,927 --> 00:10:52,927
[SULTRY MUSIC]
292
00:10:52,927 --> 00:10:56,127
?
293
00:11:08,408 --> 00:11:09,738
[GASPS]
294
00:11:09,744 --> 00:11:10,844
You okay?
295
00:11:10,850 --> 00:11:12,190
No.
296
00:11:12,196 --> 00:11:13,657
I can't go to the hoedown tonight
297
00:11:13,657 --> 00:11:16,397
and see Hot Dad and his
wife together. It'll kill me.
298
00:11:16,397 --> 00:11:18,127
You need to have a threesome with them.
299
00:11:18,127 --> 00:11:19,527
It'll help you understand their love
300
00:11:19,527 --> 00:11:21,627
and allow you to let go
of some of this anxiety.
301
00:11:21,627 --> 00:11:22,997
I'll just end up watching them
302
00:11:22,997 --> 00:11:24,797
make love while I eat onion rings.
303
00:11:24,797 --> 00:11:27,057
[GROANS]
304
00:11:27,057 --> 00:11:28,597
You're both idiots.
305
00:11:28,597 --> 00:11:30,266
What you need to do is make him jealous.
306
00:11:30,272 --> 00:11:32,597
Find a date for tonight,
put on a really low-cut top,
307
00:11:32,597 --> 00:11:34,257
take a bunch of photos
from a really high angle,
308
00:11:34,257 --> 00:11:35,427
and then post them Instagram
309
00:11:35,427 --> 00:11:37,257
with the hashtag "Best Night Ever."
310
00:11:37,257 --> 00:11:39,627
Yes! I know a ton of hot
guys from Bible camp.
311
00:11:39,627 --> 00:11:41,827
Like Jebediah! He modeled
for Modest Swimwear.
312
00:11:41,827 --> 00:11:44,057
Ooh, or Abraham, if he hasn't succumbed
313
00:11:44,057 --> 00:11:45,957
to the allure of the
gay lifestyle again.
314
00:11:45,957 --> 00:11:48,957
[HONKY-TONK MUSIC]
315
00:11:49,606 --> 00:11:53,775
?
316
00:11:54,001 --> 00:11:55,271
Ms. Watson.
317
00:11:55,782 --> 00:11:59,027
Is that a 17th-century butter churn?
318
00:11:59,097 --> 00:12:01,557
With an original dash staff?
319
00:12:01,557 --> 00:12:03,497
Why, yes. Yes, it is.
320
00:12:03,497 --> 00:12:05,497
I can see you're busy
321
00:12:05,497 --> 00:12:08,597
with this handsome piece
of American history.
322
00:12:08,745 --> 00:12:10,408
It's a good thing I didn't ask
323
00:12:10,414 --> 00:12:11,910
you to the dance tonight.
324
00:12:14,057 --> 00:12:15,457
Gotta scoot.
325
00:12:16,327 --> 00:12:18,097
Come on, partners!
326
00:12:18,097 --> 00:12:19,633
Hitch up your horses and
327
00:12:19,639 --> 00:12:21,106
get boots a-stompin'!
328
00:12:21,112 --> 00:12:22,557
Oh, hi, Chelsea,
329
00:12:22,557 --> 00:12:23,984
did you come to learn from this
330
00:12:23,990 --> 00:12:26,597
- relic from our nation's his...
- No. Nobody cares.
331
00:12:26,597 --> 00:12:28,957
George. Where's your dad?
332
00:12:28,957 --> 00:12:31,027
He's parking the car and
brought a producer.
333
00:12:31,027 --> 00:12:32,048
[GASPS]
334
00:12:34,327 --> 00:12:35,827
What are you doing?
335
00:12:35,827 --> 00:12:37,658
I capturing every detail of the
336
00:12:37,664 --> 00:12:39,613
moment my life changed forever.
337
00:12:39,972 --> 00:12:41,332
Now go rehears with the others.
338
00:12:41,338 --> 00:12:42,938
And make sure Nora's in the back.
339
00:12:43,057 --> 00:12:44,462
The way back.
340
00:12:45,497 --> 00:12:47,757
Oh, what? She's dead
weight and you know it.
341
00:12:47,757 --> 00:12:49,740
[MOANS]
342
00:12:50,646 --> 00:12:51,732
What are those?
343
00:12:51,738 --> 00:12:53,438
Muscle relaxants, Mom.
344
00:12:53,627 --> 00:12:55,554
Chill out. My back is killing me.
345
00:12:55,573 --> 00:12:56,660
Howdy, gals.
346
00:12:56,801 --> 00:12:58,701
Mary-Louise! Wow.
347
00:12:58,827 --> 00:13:00,857
- You look beautiful.
- Thank you.
348
00:13:00,857 --> 00:13:03,097
- Where's your date?
- Oh, I'm meeting him here.
349
00:13:03,097 --> 00:13:04,970
All the guys from church are at
350
00:13:04,976 --> 00:13:07,127
a men's-only retreat in San Francisco.
351
00:13:07,127 --> 00:13:08,997
So my friend, Mary Catherine,
352
00:13:08,997 --> 00:13:12,257
offered to set me up with
a guy from her Bible study.
353
00:13:12,257 --> 00:13:14,248
Mary-Louise!
354
00:13:14,827 --> 00:13:17,957
I'm Jerry! I'm your date!
355
00:13:17,957 --> 00:13:20,153
Oh Mylanta.
356
00:13:22,397 --> 00:13:25,362
[HONKY-TONK MUSIC]
357
00:13:25,386 --> 00:13:27,256
I knew I couldn't trust Mary Catherine.
358
00:13:27,256 --> 00:13:28,545
She's 70, and her only job at
359
00:13:28,551 --> 00:13:30,013
church is to light the candles.
360
00:13:30,022 --> 00:13:31,392
What am I gonna do?
361
00:13:31,398 --> 00:13:33,026
If you're lucky, he'll just die.
362
00:13:33,026 --> 00:13:36,486
By golly, Mary Catherine
said you were pretty,
363
00:13:36,579 --> 00:13:39,793
but she didn't tell me you
looked like Doris Day.
364
00:13:39,799 --> 00:13:41,229
Who?
365
00:13:41,282 --> 00:13:42,633
This is Cecelia. Reduce,
366
00:13:42,639 --> 00:13:44,322
re-use, and leave a message.
367
00:13:44,526 --> 00:13:46,226
- [MACHINE BEEPS]
- [COUGHING]
368
00:13:46,226 --> 00:13:48,626
[STRAINED VOICE] Hey, girl,
just calling to let you know
369
00:13:48,626 --> 00:13:51,081
that I'm feeling super sick.
370
00:13:51,087 --> 00:13:53,287
Don't think I'm gonna
make it out tonight.
371
00:13:53,335 --> 00:13:55,035
[HACKING]
372
00:13:58,013 --> 00:13:59,422
Damien!
373
00:13:59,428 --> 00:14:00,982
Where's the good razor?!
374
00:14:00,999 --> 00:14:02,399
You seem very nice, Jerry,
375
00:14:02,399 --> 00:14:04,300
but I think Mary Catherine made a goof.
376
00:14:04,306 --> 00:14:05,836
Oh, Ms. Bennigan, hello.
377
00:14:05,899 --> 00:14:07,269
Hey, girlfriend.
378
00:14:07,269 --> 00:14:09,569
Hello, my friends.
379
00:14:09,569 --> 00:14:11,691
- Who's this?
- I'm her date.
380
00:14:12,329 --> 00:14:13,529
Oh.
381
00:14:13,529 --> 00:14:15,229
Well, it's nice to meet you.
382
00:14:15,229 --> 00:14:17,499
A younger woman! Good for you.
383
00:14:17,499 --> 00:14:18,699
[CHUCKLING]
384
00:14:18,699 --> 00:14:20,629
Jerry and I were just leaving.
385
00:14:20,629 --> 00:14:21,869
Oh, no. No, no, no.
386
00:14:21,869 --> 00:14:23,699
It's so early. I want to hang out.
387
00:14:23,699 --> 00:14:26,029
And I want to hear how you two met.
388
00:14:26,029 --> 00:14:27,299
Does anyone want a beverage?
389
00:14:27,299 --> 00:14:29,099
I brought a little something-something
390
00:14:29,099 --> 00:14:30,829
to give it a kick!
391
00:14:30,829 --> 00:14:32,673
Would you like to see an artifact?
392
00:14:32,679 --> 00:14:34,799
It's a true piece of Americana.
393
00:14:34,799 --> 00:14:38,299
Americana? It's nothing but
a dumb-ass butter churn.
394
00:14:38,299 --> 00:14:40,569
And that tiny hat is stupid.
395
00:14:40,569 --> 00:14:43,229
[ALPHAVILLE'S "FOREVER YOUNG"]
396
00:14:43,229 --> 00:14:44,629
? Let's dance in style ?
397
00:14:44,629 --> 00:14:46,399
? Let's dance for a while ?
398
00:14:46,923 --> 00:14:50,029
? Heaven can wait, we're
only watching the skies ?
399
00:14:50,537 --> 00:14:53,529
? Hoping for the best but
expecting the worst ?
400
00:14:53,529 --> 00:14:56,070
? Are you gonna drop the bomb or not? ?
401
00:14:56,076 --> 00:14:57,806
Are you my secret admir...
402
00:14:57,812 --> 00:15:01,042
? Let us die young or
let us live forever ?
403
00:15:01,095 --> 00:15:03,299
Hi, do you happen to be my...
404
00:15:03,656 --> 00:15:04,856
No?
405
00:15:05,099 --> 00:15:06,329
? Sitting in a sandpit ?
406
00:15:06,329 --> 00:15:07,929
? Life is a short trip ?
407
00:15:07,929 --> 00:15:10,248
? The music's for the sad man ?
408
00:15:11,229 --> 00:15:13,081
[BLEEP]... my life.
409
00:15:14,841 --> 00:15:16,411
Scoot.
410
00:15:16,417 --> 00:15:18,787
? Turn our golden faces into the sun ?
411
00:15:18,793 --> 00:15:20,453
So...
412
00:15:20,629 --> 00:15:22,529
I hope you didn't
double-park your horse.
413
00:15:22,529 --> 00:15:24,499
No, I always valet my horse.
414
00:15:24,499 --> 00:15:25,529
You rode a horse here?
415
00:15:25,529 --> 00:15:27,158
No. We were joking, right?
416
00:15:27,164 --> 00:15:29,893
Oh. Yeah. Yee-haw!
417
00:15:30,210 --> 00:15:33,229
Damn, they don't have any
sugar-free drinks here.
418
00:15:33,229 --> 00:15:34,699
I need my insulin.
419
00:15:34,699 --> 00:15:36,529
- Hold this.
- What?
420
00:15:36,529 --> 00:15:38,956
What are you doing? Oh...
421
00:15:40,081 --> 00:15:42,899
[LAUGHING]
422
00:15:43,156 --> 00:15:44,359
So...
423
00:15:44,875 --> 00:15:46,948
Was it love at first sight?
424
00:15:47,869 --> 00:15:49,329
Gosh, no.
425
00:15:49,329 --> 00:15:50,969
The love of my life?
426
00:15:51,254 --> 00:15:54,838
I met her when I was
serving in Pyongyang.
427
00:15:54,971 --> 00:15:57,811
[HEAVY ELECTRONIC MUSIC]
428
00:15:57,817 --> 00:15:58,847
Incoming!
429
00:15:58,999 --> 00:16:00,369
Run, Song-Mi!
430
00:16:00,369 --> 00:16:02,699
Don't let 'em get to the water supply!
431
00:16:02,699 --> 00:16:05,229
Get on your feet, freaks!
432
00:16:05,229 --> 00:16:07,229
My muscles are relaxed!
433
00:16:07,229 --> 00:16:08,599
Countdown to infamy.
434
00:16:08,599 --> 00:16:10,942
In three, two, one...
435
00:16:11,286 --> 00:16:13,299
? Snap outta my life, boy ?
436
00:16:13,299 --> 00:16:14,799
? Snap outta my life ?
437
00:16:14,799 --> 00:16:16,799
- Oh, no.
- ? Snap outta my life, boy ?
438
00:16:16,799 --> 00:16:18,569
? Snap outta my life ?
439
00:16:18,569 --> 00:16:20,629
? I asked you for diamonds ?
440
00:16:20,629 --> 00:16:22,399
? I asked you for pearls ?
441
00:16:22,399 --> 00:16:24,299
? You gave me nothing ?
442
00:16:24,299 --> 00:16:27,229
- ? So get out of my life ?
- Ms. Snap, this is a hoedown!
443
00:16:27,229 --> 00:16:28,229
? Snap outta my life, boy ?
444
00:16:28,229 --> 00:16:29,399
? Snap outta my life ?
445
00:16:29,399 --> 00:16:32,369
- ? Snap outta my life, boy ?
- Okay, okay, Chelsea...
446
00:16:32,369 --> 00:16:33,669
Okay, don't touch it!
447
00:16:33,669 --> 00:16:36,469
That's a 17th-century butter churn!
448
00:16:36,469 --> 00:16:39,769
Please get off of it! Get off of it!
449
00:16:39,769 --> 00:16:41,999
Noooo!
450
00:16:43,469 --> 00:16:46,069
[GROANING]
451
00:16:46,069 --> 00:16:47,799
George?!
452
00:16:49,299 --> 00:16:51,229
Where's your dad? Where's The Howler?
453
00:16:51,229 --> 00:16:53,379
- Did he see that?
- He walked out.
454
00:16:53,669 --> 00:16:55,469
You ruined my life.
455
00:16:57,148 --> 00:16:58,888
How many men did we lose?
456
00:16:58,894 --> 00:17:00,224
None, Jerry.
457
00:17:00,399 --> 00:17:01,769
We're not in Korea.
458
00:17:01,769 --> 00:17:03,899
The hell we're not!
459
00:17:03,899 --> 00:17:05,499
Come on, let's get you home.
460
00:17:05,499 --> 00:17:06,829
I'll call you a Lyft.
461
00:17:11,399 --> 00:17:12,729
Cute couple.
462
00:17:14,769 --> 00:17:17,329
- Feldman?!
- Surge prices, dude!
463
00:17:17,329 --> 00:17:19,799
- I had a lovely time.
- Yup!
464
00:17:23,129 --> 00:17:25,129
Wait, is that a Lyft?
465
00:17:26,269 --> 00:17:27,529
Mrs. Adler?
466
00:17:27,529 --> 00:17:28,899
Hi, Corey.
467
00:17:30,699 --> 00:17:31,829
Are you...?
468
00:17:31,829 --> 00:17:33,669
Yeah, I'm sorry I'm late.
469
00:17:33,669 --> 00:17:36,306
My dad made me clean up
my room before I left.
470
00:17:36,799 --> 00:17:38,399
May I have this dance?
471
00:17:38,399 --> 00:17:40,129
[GIGGLES]
472
00:17:42,116 --> 00:17:43,454
What happened?
473
00:17:43,795 --> 00:17:45,235
What are you doing here?
474
00:17:45,241 --> 00:17:46,971
Deb and I were supposed
to have a girls' night
475
00:17:46,971 --> 00:17:48,234
but she got sick, so I decided
476
00:17:48,240 --> 00:17:49,875
to come see how lame this was.
477
00:17:52,536 --> 00:17:55,235
Oh, hell no! I got Zwicki'd?!
478
00:17:56,189 --> 00:17:57,489
Ms. Cannon!
479
00:17:57,489 --> 00:17:59,249
- Come dance with us.
- What?
480
00:17:59,389 --> 00:18:00,729
Come dance with us!
481
00:18:00,994 --> 00:18:03,419
- You sure?
- Yeah, come on!
482
00:18:03,706 --> 00:18:05,183
Okay.
483
00:18:06,419 --> 00:18:07,949
Ms. Watson?
484
00:18:08,304 --> 00:18:09,871
I know I'm not as exciting
485
00:18:09,877 --> 00:18:11,922
as a colonial butter churn,
486
00:18:12,078 --> 00:18:14,119
but will you do me the honor?
487
00:18:14,119 --> 00:18:16,519
Do you know how to do the Virginia Reel?
488
00:18:16,519 --> 00:18:17,949
I hope so.
489
00:18:18,253 --> 00:18:20,493
My people came over on "The Mayflower."
490
00:18:20,499 --> 00:18:23,219
[BRIGHT POP MUSIC]
491
00:18:24,554 --> 00:18:27,949
?
492
00:18:27,955 --> 00:18:29,606
Hey, Ms. Bennigan.
493
00:18:29,612 --> 00:18:31,042
I-is Jerry okay?
494
00:18:31,042 --> 00:18:32,728
Yeah. He's fine.
495
00:18:33,502 --> 00:18:34,912
He's not my date.
496
00:18:34,912 --> 00:18:36,212
That's what I figured.
497
00:18:36,212 --> 00:18:38,857
But it was nice of you
to let him think that.
498
00:18:39,410 --> 00:18:40,610
Where's Sharon?
499
00:18:40,616 --> 00:18:41,946
She left.
500
00:18:41,952 --> 00:18:43,742
She left in the middle of your date?
501
00:18:43,742 --> 00:18:45,242
It wasn't a date.
502
00:18:45,242 --> 00:18:47,882
That's what I was trying
to tell you this morning.
503
00:18:47,882 --> 00:18:49,482
Sharon and I aren't together.
504
00:18:49,482 --> 00:18:51,342
We're just working on trying
505
00:18:51,342 --> 00:18:52,596
to co-parent Blake.
506
00:18:52,602 --> 00:18:55,332
Oh. Your relationship didn't work out.
507
00:18:55,346 --> 00:18:56,816
That's great!
508
00:18:57,082 --> 00:18:59,399
I-I mean, not great for you,
509
00:18:59,405 --> 00:19:01,422
but great for someone like me.
510
00:19:01,963 --> 00:19:04,084
I'm gonna stop talking now.
511
00:19:04,708 --> 00:19:06,465
May I have this dance?
512
00:19:07,512 --> 00:19:11,112
? Can you imagine
when this race is won ?
513
00:19:11,112 --> 00:19:14,642
? Turn our golden faces into the sun ?
514
00:19:14,642 --> 00:19:17,742
? Praising our leaders,
we're getting in tune ?
515
00:19:17,742 --> 00:19:21,642
? The music's played
by the, the madman ?
516
00:19:21,642 --> 00:19:23,842
? Forever young ?
517
00:19:23,842 --> 00:19:27,142
? I want to be forever young ?
518
00:19:27,142 --> 00:19:28,542
?
519
00:19:28,542 --> 00:19:31,542
? Do you really want to live forever ?
520
00:19:31,542 --> 00:19:33,142
? Forever... ?
521
00:19:36,835 --> 00:19:39,198
Will someone please tell
me how I got here?!
522
00:19:39,214 --> 00:19:40,814
Hey, sweet-tits.
523
00:19:40,947 --> 00:19:43,647
You passed out last night
before we could do it.
524
00:19:43,647 --> 00:19:46,547
How about a quickie now
before we leave, huh?
525
00:19:46,547 --> 00:19:47,977
- Uh...
- Hey, dude.
526
00:19:47,977 --> 00:19:49,708
Dropped you off here last night.
527
00:19:49,714 --> 00:19:51,847
Figured you might need a
ride to school this morning.
528
00:19:51,847 --> 00:19:53,591
Threesome maybe?
529
00:19:53,633 --> 00:19:55,703
[LAUGHS NERVOUSLY]
530
00:19:55,883 --> 00:19:57,397
You'll be back.
531
00:19:57,820 --> 00:19:59,758
They always come back.
532
00:20:00,212 --> 00:20:03,768
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- www.addic7ed.com -
533
00:20:03,818 --> 00:20:08,368
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