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1
00:00:01,580 --> 00:00:02,880
- Good morning.
- Good morning.
2
00:00:02,882 --> 00:00:05,182
Could I please grab one horchata
3
00:00:05,184 --> 00:00:06,416
and two breakfast tacos?
4
00:00:06,418 --> 00:00:08,818
- Sure, $3.
- Okay.
5
00:00:09,982 --> 00:00:11,448
Thank you.
6
00:00:11,473 --> 00:00:12,679
[machine beeps]
7
00:00:13,692 --> 00:00:15,225
- Declined.
- You sure, man?
8
00:00:15,227 --> 00:00:17,160
This is my good card.
9
00:00:18,797 --> 00:00:20,564
One second.
10
00:00:22,835 --> 00:00:24,101
You know, uh, on second thought,
11
00:00:24,103 --> 00:00:26,803
I'll just grab the horchata, please.
12
00:00:26,805 --> 00:00:29,207
- $1.50.
- Sir...
13
00:00:29,808 --> 00:00:33,043
I am a teacher, and by providing me
14
00:00:33,045 --> 00:00:36,413
with a small donation of 50 cents today,
15
00:00:36,415 --> 00:00:39,950
you'll give me the energy
to go into my classroom
16
00:00:39,952 --> 00:00:43,153
and mold the young little heroes
17
00:00:43,155 --> 00:00:46,356
who might one day make our nation
18
00:00:46,358 --> 00:00:48,492
as great as the one portrayed
19
00:00:48,494 --> 00:00:51,762
in Aaron Sorkin's "The West Wing."
20
00:00:51,764 --> 00:00:53,497
Third teacher who couldn't pay today.
21
00:00:53,499 --> 00:00:56,466
- Oh, for real?
- Adios.
22
00:00:56,468 --> 00:01:00,858
Synced & corrected by -robtor-
www.addic7ed.com
23
00:01:01,006 --> 00:01:02,639
Why in the ever-loving Satan
24
00:01:02,641 --> 00:01:04,308
does Midol take so long to kick in?
25
00:01:04,310 --> 00:01:06,209
- You're on your period too?
- Wow.
26
00:01:06,211 --> 00:01:08,712
We've all gotten the girl flu
at the exact same time
27
00:01:08,714 --> 00:01:11,815
- for the last four months.
- It's the McClintock effect.
28
00:01:11,817 --> 00:01:14,718
You mean Jessica McClintock?
The midrange prom dress mogul?
29
00:01:14,720 --> 00:01:16,720
No, it's named after Martha McClintock,
30
00:01:16,722 --> 00:01:18,221
the scientist who first figured out
31
00:01:18,223 --> 00:01:20,223
that when women spend
a lot of time together,
32
00:01:20,225 --> 00:01:21,792
their periods sync up.
33
00:01:24,096 --> 00:01:26,496
What's your bitch-head looking at?
34
00:01:26,498 --> 00:01:28,632
- [screams]
- [roars]
35
00:01:28,634 --> 00:01:31,802
[screaming]
36
00:01:33,299 --> 00:01:35,266
- Morning.
- Hi.
37
00:01:35,268 --> 00:01:38,269
[upbeat rock music]
38
00:01:38,271 --> 00:01:42,840
39
00:01:42,842 --> 00:01:44,742
[groans]
40
00:01:44,744 --> 00:01:47,711
Hello. What a beautiful morning.
41
00:01:47,713 --> 00:01:49,980
Wow, someone's in a good mood.
42
00:01:49,982 --> 00:01:51,782
Well, it's easy
when your faith in romance
43
00:01:51,784 --> 00:01:53,751
has been restored. Oh, my gosh.
44
00:01:53,753 --> 00:01:55,386
You finally found someone?
45
00:01:55,388 --> 00:01:58,171
Now you won't have to cry
in your car at recess anymore.
46
00:01:58,173 --> 00:01:59,690
No, that's not it.
47
00:01:59,692 --> 00:02:02,059
Two of my students have found love.
48
00:02:02,061 --> 00:02:03,327
And you care because?
49
00:02:03,329 --> 00:02:05,696
Well, it's no secret
that my Prince Charming
50
00:02:05,698 --> 00:02:08,699
is arriving on a very slow horse,
51
00:02:08,701 --> 00:02:10,067
so much so that I had begun to think
52
00:02:10,069 --> 00:02:12,736
that maybe love wasn't real after all,
53
00:02:12,738 --> 00:02:16,240
but witnessing Craimy's love
has renewed my hope.
54
00:02:16,242 --> 00:02:17,341
Who's Craimy?
55
00:02:17,343 --> 00:02:18,509
Craig and Amy.
56
00:02:18,511 --> 00:02:19,844
They're my students,
57
00:02:19,846 --> 00:02:21,412
and they've been dating for two weeks.
58
00:02:21,414 --> 00:02:22,880
It's been magical.
59
00:02:22,882 --> 00:02:25,649
You should see them
on the swing set together.
60
00:02:25,651 --> 00:02:28,152
It's like "Splendor in the Grass."
61
00:02:28,154 --> 00:02:30,955
[groans and yells]
62
00:02:33,259 --> 00:02:34,725
Sorry.
63
00:02:34,727 --> 00:02:37,795
That was my last dollar... like, ever.
64
00:02:37,797 --> 00:02:39,864
Yeah, it's because
teachers are paid crap.
65
00:02:39,866 --> 00:02:42,166
It's part of the 1%'s conspiracy
to keep the masses
66
00:02:42,168 --> 00:02:45,035
- dumb and compliant.
- I'm so sick of being poor.
67
00:02:45,037 --> 00:02:47,705
I have to let medical students
practice Botox injections
68
00:02:47,707 --> 00:02:50,441
on my face for an hourly fee. [scoffs]
69
00:02:50,443 --> 00:02:53,043
I mean, I have to.
Damien and I are so broke,
70
00:02:53,045 --> 00:02:54,979
we have to Airbnb our tiny house
71
00:02:54,981 --> 00:02:56,914
and sleep in his van three times a week.
72
00:02:56,916 --> 00:02:58,449
I've been eating the same dinners
73
00:02:58,451 --> 00:03:00,718
as the prisoners on "Lockup: Raw,"
74
00:03:00,720 --> 00:03:02,419
all of my credit cards are maxed out,
75
00:03:02,421 --> 00:03:05,289
and they're about to shut off
my Cricket phone.
76
00:03:05,291 --> 00:03:06,724
I'm sorry, Feldman.
77
00:03:06,726 --> 00:03:10,227
I wish I could relate,
but I have a trust fund.
78
00:03:10,229 --> 00:03:12,763
My bank account was
in better shape during college
79
00:03:12,765 --> 00:03:15,432
when I was slinging sandwiches
at Sub-urbia.
80
00:03:15,434 --> 00:03:16,867
Have you ever made a budget?
81
00:03:16,869 --> 00:03:18,335
That's the thing
I was trying to think of
82
00:03:18,337 --> 00:03:20,537
that stops you from having no money.
83
00:03:20,539 --> 00:03:23,841
[machine buzzes]
84
00:03:23,843 --> 00:03:25,209
[yells indistinctly]
85
00:03:25,211 --> 00:03:28,212
Okay, number munchers, today for math,
86
00:03:28,214 --> 00:03:31,081
we're gonna do
a super fun project called:
87
00:03:31,083 --> 00:03:35,386
Can a budget get Ms. F
out of the money dumper?
88
00:03:35,388 --> 00:03:38,155
So let's get ready
to peep-fist, you guys.
89
00:03:38,157 --> 00:03:41,225
Each month, Ms. F has to pay rent.
90
00:03:41,227 --> 00:03:46,630
So rent would be $450.
91
00:03:46,632 --> 00:03:49,066
Ms. F also needs a big pile of money
92
00:03:49,068 --> 00:03:53,037
for life's essentials...
car payments, food,
93
00:03:53,039 --> 00:03:56,273
and recreational
concert enhancers, right?
94
00:03:56,275 --> 00:03:58,375
9...
95
00:03:58,377 --> 00:03:59,743
hundo.
96
00:03:59,745 --> 00:04:03,447
Also, 800 bucks in student loans
97
00:04:03,449 --> 00:04:04,949
to the goons at Sallie Mae,
98
00:04:04,951 --> 00:04:06,917
despite the fact that Ms. F told them
99
00:04:06,919 --> 00:04:08,619
she died two years ago.
100
00:04:08,621 --> 00:04:12,823
'Kay, so that would be $800.
101
00:04:12,825 --> 00:04:15,626
This is how much money
102
00:04:15,628 --> 00:04:18,996
Ms. F makes each month as your teacher
103
00:04:18,998 --> 00:04:21,131
after taxes are stolen from her.
104
00:04:21,133 --> 00:04:24,101
So how much money is Ms. F
gonna have left over
105
00:04:24,103 --> 00:04:25,636
at the end of each month?
106
00:04:25,638 --> 00:04:28,105
Really curious about this one.
107
00:04:28,107 --> 00:04:29,773
Hey, Ayo.
108
00:04:29,775 --> 00:04:32,109
You already got the answer, don't ya?
109
00:04:32,111 --> 00:04:35,212
Wanna try sharing it
with the rest of the class?
110
00:04:35,214 --> 00:04:37,247
N-no.
111
00:04:37,249 --> 00:04:39,985
My stu...
112
00:04:40,586 --> 00:04:41,952
s-stutter.
113
00:04:41,954 --> 00:04:44,021
- [sighs]
- Aw, that's okay, buddy.
114
00:04:44,023 --> 00:04:45,956
Hey, maybe next time, huh?
115
00:04:45,958 --> 00:04:47,524
Zero dollars are left over.
116
00:04:47,526 --> 00:04:49,093
Whoa, are you kidding, Lauren?
117
00:04:49,095 --> 00:04:50,995
You don't make enough money
to pay your bills.
118
00:04:50,997 --> 00:04:52,663
No, no, no, is this the answer
119
00:04:52,665 --> 00:04:54,698
that everyone here came up with?
120
00:04:54,700 --> 00:04:56,159
You're broke.
121
00:04:57,003 --> 00:04:58,869
[sighs] It's hot as balls.
122
00:04:58,871 --> 00:05:00,304
Tell me about it.
123
00:05:00,306 --> 00:05:01,538
At rapture camp,
124
00:05:01,540 --> 00:05:03,340
sometimes the kids
leave the basketballs out
125
00:05:03,342 --> 00:05:05,209
and forget to put them back
in the equipment shed,
126
00:05:05,211 --> 00:05:08,245
and boy, oh, boy, I have never
touched hotter balls.
127
00:05:08,247 --> 00:05:09,880
Oh, stop.
128
00:05:09,882 --> 00:05:11,982
Normally your Jesus camp stories
are hilarious,
129
00:05:11,984 --> 00:05:14,351
but when I'm on the rag,
they just make me sad.
130
00:05:14,353 --> 00:05:16,253
[ominous music]
131
00:05:16,255 --> 00:05:17,488
Hold me!
132
00:05:17,490 --> 00:05:21,258
I just wanna share my emotions with you!
133
00:05:21,260 --> 00:05:23,160
[screams]
134
00:05:23,162 --> 00:05:26,897
Ladies... um, valued educators, rather,
135
00:05:26,899 --> 00:05:29,366
I am canceling today's faculty meetings
136
00:05:29,368 --> 00:05:32,736
scheduled during everyone's
free period... free hour.
137
00:05:32,738 --> 00:05:35,906
I just feel like everyone
could use some time to rest up
138
00:05:35,908 --> 00:05:39,676
and indulge in any food cravings
you may have...
139
00:05:39,678 --> 00:05:41,145
I gotta go.
140
00:05:42,882 --> 00:05:44,381
What was that about?
141
00:05:44,383 --> 00:05:45,883
He knows we're all on our period.
142
00:05:45,885 --> 00:05:47,584
That's not funny.
143
00:05:47,586 --> 00:05:50,254
How could Principal Pearson
know such private information
144
00:05:50,256 --> 00:05:52,923
about our... [whispers] cha-cha-chas?
145
00:05:52,925 --> 00:05:54,258
Who cares how he knows?
146
00:05:54,260 --> 00:05:56,693
- This is huge for us.
- How?
147
00:05:56,695 --> 00:05:59,430
A woman's period is a man's kryptonite.
148
00:05:59,432 --> 00:06:02,332
We can use this to get whatever we want.
149
00:06:02,334 --> 00:06:04,034
[rock music]
150
00:06:04,036 --> 00:06:07,004
Okay, class,
everyone pick a reading partner,
151
00:06:07,006 --> 00:06:08,906
except Craig and Amy.
152
00:06:08,908 --> 00:06:10,707
You two are obviously already partners.
153
00:06:10,709 --> 00:06:14,645
But, Ms. Watson,
I wanted to be Amy's partner.
154
00:06:14,647 --> 00:06:17,247
Megan, don't be that girl.
155
00:06:17,249 --> 00:06:20,284
Oh, and at recess, everyone
stay off the swings, okay?
156
00:06:20,286 --> 00:06:23,287
The swings are
Craig and Amy's special place.
157
00:06:25,691 --> 00:06:28,659
[enchanting music]
158
00:06:28,661 --> 00:06:35,799
159
00:06:41,207 --> 00:06:44,308
Amy? Can I talk to you for a second?
160
00:06:46,645 --> 00:06:49,179
Do you understand what this means?
161
00:06:53,719 --> 00:06:56,086
Getting a snack cake from a boy
when you're eight
162
00:06:56,088 --> 00:06:59,056
is like a man taking you
to Aspen when you're 30.
163
00:06:59,058 --> 00:07:01,558
He's really serious about you, Amy.
164
00:07:01,560 --> 00:07:03,994
Now you can skip 20 years
of crushing your own self-worth
165
00:07:03,996 --> 00:07:05,896
and having pictures
of other people's children
166
00:07:05,898 --> 00:07:07,898
- on your refrigerator.
- Okay.
167
00:07:07,900 --> 00:07:11,602
168
00:07:11,604 --> 00:07:13,401
Love is real.
169
00:07:13,403 --> 00:07:15,439
[mellow guitar music]
170
00:07:15,441 --> 00:07:20,043
I was sipping on sweet tea
and having fun
171
00:07:20,045 --> 00:07:22,412
I was sitting with you
in the summer sun
172
00:07:22,414 --> 00:07:23,780
Excuse me, sir.
173
00:07:23,782 --> 00:07:26,483
174
00:07:26,485 --> 00:07:28,452
Chaz Machacha.
175
00:07:28,454 --> 00:07:30,988
I thought you'd be in college by now.
176
00:07:30,990 --> 00:07:33,357
Hello, A.J. I haven't seen you
177
00:07:33,359 --> 00:07:36,860
since you stuffed my Saturn's
tailpipe full of torpedo rolls.
178
00:07:36,862 --> 00:07:39,530
Which I only did
because you told the manager
179
00:07:39,532 --> 00:07:42,332
I was a picking a wedgie
behind the counter, you snitch.
180
00:07:42,334 --> 00:07:45,402
Well, guess who's the manager now,
181
00:07:45,404 --> 00:07:47,004
ass-picker.
182
00:07:47,006 --> 00:07:50,841
Okay. Quick question.
183
00:07:50,843 --> 00:07:54,044
You hiring part-time
by any chance, Chaz?
184
00:07:54,046 --> 00:07:56,046
[laughs] Chaz?
185
00:07:56,048 --> 00:07:58,382
It's Mr. Machacha.
186
00:07:59,485 --> 00:08:01,084
You hiring part-time
187
00:08:01,086 --> 00:08:05,656
by any chance, Mr. Machacha?
188
00:08:05,658 --> 00:08:07,024
I'm only looking to hire
189
00:08:07,026 --> 00:08:08,825
an assistant night manager right now.
190
00:08:08,827 --> 00:08:10,494
Oh, great, I gotta teach during the day.
191
00:08:10,496 --> 00:08:12,696
Let's get a couple things straight.
192
00:08:12,698 --> 00:08:14,531
The assistant night manager
193
00:08:14,533 --> 00:08:17,467
is the person who works
directly beneath me,
194
00:08:17,469 --> 00:08:22,206
so you'd have to be on call 24/7
in case of a sub emergency.
195
00:08:22,208 --> 00:08:24,808
Dude, I can't be on call
when I'm teaching.
196
00:08:24,810 --> 00:08:27,844
Then sayonara, butt-spelunker.
197
00:08:27,846 --> 00:08:30,948
[phone trilling]
198
00:08:39,082 --> 00:08:42,417
[rock music]
199
00:08:43,762 --> 00:08:45,996
Sub-urbia's kicking my butt.
200
00:08:45,998 --> 00:08:48,865
Juggling two jobs is way harder
than I thought it would be,
201
00:08:48,867 --> 00:08:50,357
and I smell like hard salami.
202
00:08:50,359 --> 00:08:51,835
[sniffs] Oh...
203
00:08:54,873 --> 00:08:57,340
There he is. Go on. Drop the P-bomb.
204
00:08:57,342 --> 00:09:00,343
[dynamic music]
205
00:09:00,345 --> 00:09:02,379
206
00:09:02,381 --> 00:09:05,882
[groaning]
207
00:09:05,884 --> 00:09:09,119
Excuse me, I am feeling very irritable
208
00:09:09,121 --> 00:09:11,621
from all the bleeding
and diarrhea from my period.
209
00:09:11,623 --> 00:09:13,390
I need to rest.
210
00:09:13,392 --> 00:09:14,925
Do you think you can find a TV
211
00:09:14,927 --> 00:09:17,039
so my kids can watch a movie
instead of me teaching?
212
00:09:17,041 --> 00:09:18,929
- [sighs]
- [groans] Oh!
213
00:09:18,931 --> 00:09:22,832
Oh, my uterus! It's gonna explode!
214
00:09:22,834 --> 00:09:26,202
[roars]
215
00:09:26,204 --> 00:09:28,572
Your balls are next!
216
00:09:28,574 --> 00:09:29,839
[screams]
217
00:09:31,143 --> 00:09:35,545
Okay! Okay! I can get a TV for you.
218
00:09:35,547 --> 00:09:37,180
Great.
219
00:09:37,182 --> 00:09:39,082
220
00:09:39,084 --> 00:09:42,652
So this calzone pocket is the Earth.
221
00:09:42,654 --> 00:09:45,455
If the outside of the calzone pocket
222
00:09:45,457 --> 00:09:48,592
is the Earth's crust,
what does the cheese represent?
223
00:09:48,594 --> 00:09:50,827
Does anyone have an idea?
224
00:09:52,007 --> 00:09:53,873
David? The molten core?
225
00:09:53,875 --> 00:09:55,842
Great. Nice work.
226
00:09:55,844 --> 00:09:58,712
You knew that answer, didn't you, Ayo?
227
00:09:58,714 --> 00:10:03,149
Boy, I sure wish you'd show
everyone else how smart you are.
228
00:10:03,151 --> 00:10:06,152
You know, I heard that
people who stutter
229
00:10:06,154 --> 00:10:07,520
don't stutter when they sing,
230
00:10:07,522 --> 00:10:08,988
which I thought was pretty cool.
231
00:10:08,990 --> 00:10:12,419
You could try singing in here
anytime you want.
232
00:10:12,828 --> 00:10:15,562
All right, something to keep in mind.
233
00:10:15,564 --> 00:10:16,640
[yawns]
234
00:10:16,642 --> 00:10:18,229
You look slee...
235
00:10:18,667 --> 00:10:20,667
s-sleepy.
236
00:10:20,669 --> 00:10:23,837
Ms. F's been training
at Sub-urbia the last few days,
237
00:10:23,839 --> 00:10:27,107
and her manager forced her to stay late
238
00:10:27,109 --> 00:10:28,608
and clean up the bathroom
239
00:10:28,610 --> 00:10:31,564
after someone's butt exploded in there.
240
00:10:32,280 --> 00:10:33,780
- Yeah.
- [phone trilling]
241
00:10:33,949 --> 00:10:34,981
Mm.
242
00:10:36,885 --> 00:10:38,385
Ugh, sorry, Ayo.
243
00:10:38,387 --> 00:10:40,653
Gotta take this. It's my manager.
244
00:10:40,655 --> 00:10:45,358
He's what the French
would refer to as a "douch?."
245
00:10:45,360 --> 00:10:46,526
Hello?
246
00:10:46,528 --> 00:10:48,862
A.J., a huge corpo just came in.
247
00:10:48,864 --> 00:10:51,765
- What's a freakin' corpo?
- Corporate order.
248
00:10:51,767 --> 00:10:53,666
I'm gonna need you
to come in immediately.
249
00:10:53,668 --> 00:10:55,702
250
00:10:55,704 --> 00:10:58,538
Hey, Amy. Where's Craig?
251
00:10:58,540 --> 00:11:00,940
Is he buying you another snack cake?
252
00:11:00,942 --> 00:11:03,109
Probably not. He broke up with me.
253
00:11:03,111 --> 00:11:07,046
But you two were so happy
during reading circle.
254
00:11:08,984 --> 00:11:10,150
Hey, wait up.
255
00:11:10,152 --> 00:11:13,553
[somber music]
256
00:11:13,555 --> 00:11:15,855
How could this happen to me?
257
00:11:20,362 --> 00:11:24,097
All right, corpo order finished.
258
00:11:24,099 --> 00:11:25,432
Hope you guys enjoyed
259
00:11:25,434 --> 00:11:27,734
the surprise field trip to Sub-urbia.
260
00:11:27,736 --> 00:11:30,103
A.J., I'm gonna need you
to stay after closing tonight
261
00:11:30,105 --> 00:11:32,572
- to do inventory.
- Chaz...
262
00:11:32,574 --> 00:11:34,908
- Mr. Machacha.
- There you go.
263
00:11:34,910 --> 00:11:36,643
Do you think you can do me a solid
264
00:11:36,645 --> 00:11:40,313
and let me have the night off?
I'm exhausted, man.
265
00:11:40,315 --> 00:11:43,016
Sure, you can have the night off.
266
00:11:43,018 --> 00:11:45,084
- Really?
- Yeah.
267
00:11:45,086 --> 00:11:47,153
Yeah!
268
00:11:47,155 --> 00:11:51,391
You know what, A.J.?
You can have every night off.
269
00:11:51,393 --> 00:11:54,260
Okay, I'll be here.
270
00:11:54,262 --> 00:11:55,829
You're one short.
271
00:11:58,467 --> 00:12:00,633
- What's wrong, sir?
- I hurt my back
272
00:12:00,635 --> 00:12:03,470
carrying the television
to Ms. Snap's room.
273
00:12:03,472 --> 00:12:05,725
[whimpers] Craimy!
274
00:12:06,441 --> 00:12:07,841
[sighs]
275
00:12:07,843 --> 00:12:11,444
Dear God, how many more days
will this last?
276
00:12:11,446 --> 00:12:13,580
- Wait, Principal Pearson.
- Yes?
277
00:12:13,582 --> 00:12:17,250
My flow is crazy heavy today,
278
00:12:17,252 --> 00:12:20,053
and... oh, no.
279
00:12:20,055 --> 00:12:21,821
I'm going to have a menstrual seizure
280
00:12:21,823 --> 00:12:23,857
unless someone goes to Thai Palace
281
00:12:23,859 --> 00:12:27,026
and gets me pad Thai,
no egg, extra peanuts.
282
00:12:28,697 --> 00:12:30,763
Feed me!
283
00:12:32,334 --> 00:12:33,800
[groans] No!
284
00:12:33,802 --> 00:12:35,201
Feed me!
285
00:12:35,203 --> 00:12:36,603
Ah!
286
00:12:36,605 --> 00:12:38,404
Whatever you need,
I'll do... I'll do it.
287
00:12:38,406 --> 00:12:41,407
[funky percussive music]
288
00:12:44,179 --> 00:12:47,580
[gasps] Oh. Craig.
289
00:12:47,582 --> 00:12:49,215
Didn't expect to see you here.
290
00:12:49,217 --> 00:12:51,451
It's the water fountain.
Everybody comes here.
291
00:12:51,453 --> 00:12:53,319
You're looking well.
292
00:12:53,321 --> 00:12:54,888
Okay.
293
00:12:54,890 --> 00:12:57,156
Listen, I have to be honest,
294
00:12:57,158 --> 00:13:00,493
your breakup with Amy
really hit me hard.
295
00:13:00,495 --> 00:13:02,829
- What happened?
- Mm, I got bored.
296
00:13:02,831 --> 00:13:06,366
You're Craimy. You belong together.
297
00:13:06,368 --> 00:13:08,401
Don't let her go. If you do,
298
00:13:08,403 --> 00:13:11,004
one day you're gonna wake up,
and you'll be in the 4th grade,
299
00:13:11,006 --> 00:13:12,872
looking down the barrel
of middle school,
300
00:13:12,874 --> 00:13:15,174
and you'll realize that
you made the biggest mistake
301
00:13:15,176 --> 00:13:17,277
of your tiny life.
302
00:13:17,279 --> 00:13:18,467
Okay.
303
00:13:19,147 --> 00:13:22,549
[dramatic music]
304
00:13:22,551 --> 00:13:25,251
Oh, my God, my heart.
305
00:13:25,253 --> 00:13:26,953
[gasps]
306
00:13:26,955 --> 00:13:29,856
I can actually feel it breaking.
307
00:13:29,858 --> 00:13:32,292
I ordered half an hour ago,
and now you call
308
00:13:32,294 --> 00:13:33,593
and tell me that Fillmore
309
00:13:33,595 --> 00:13:35,194
is outside of your delivery area?
310
00:13:35,196 --> 00:13:38,064
Do you have any idea
what they're gonna do to me?
311
00:13:38,066 --> 00:13:40,667
[all screaming]
312
00:13:40,669 --> 00:13:43,303
Well, I am sorry too, Sirachai,
313
00:13:43,305 --> 00:13:45,438
and I'm scared.
314
00:13:45,440 --> 00:13:46,573
[snoring]
315
00:13:46,575 --> 00:13:48,675
[hissing]
316
00:13:48,677 --> 00:13:51,611
[mouths words]
317
00:13:51,613 --> 00:13:53,279
What happened?
318
00:13:53,281 --> 00:13:55,782
We forgot to unwrap the calzone pocket
319
00:13:55,784 --> 00:13:58,751
before we put it in the microwave.
320
00:13:58,753 --> 00:14:00,019
We're sorry, Ms. Feldman.
321
00:14:00,021 --> 00:14:02,755
No, I'm supposed to be teaching you,
322
00:14:02,757 --> 00:14:05,925
not power-sawing Zs.
323
00:14:05,927 --> 00:14:08,661
[sighs] I can't work two jobs anymore.
324
00:14:08,663 --> 00:14:10,797
- Are you gonna quit Sub-urbia?
- I wish I could,
325
00:14:10,799 --> 00:14:14,033
but that job actually pays me
more than teaching does.
326
00:14:14,035 --> 00:14:15,702
What are you saying, Ms. Feldman?
327
00:14:15,704 --> 00:14:17,136
This is gonna break my heart,
328
00:14:17,138 --> 00:14:20,473
but I can't be your teacher anymore.
329
00:14:24,035 --> 00:14:25,835
It doesn't feel like
the teachers' lounge
330
00:14:25,837 --> 00:14:27,837
without Feldman snoring on the couch.
331
00:14:27,839 --> 00:14:30,006
Cannon's been subbing her class.
332
00:14:30,008 --> 00:14:31,808
She says that all of her lesson plans
333
00:14:31,810 --> 00:14:33,543
are in graphic novel form.
334
00:14:36,515 --> 00:14:37,847
It's your time, girl.
335
00:14:37,849 --> 00:14:40,817
[dynamic music]
336
00:14:40,819 --> 00:14:41,772
337
00:14:41,797 --> 00:14:44,298
Uh, excuse me, sir?
338
00:14:44,300 --> 00:14:48,469
Uh, due to the, uh,
crime scene in my pants,
339
00:14:48,471 --> 00:14:51,171
I was thinking that
we could all really benefit
340
00:14:51,173 --> 00:14:53,707
from a Shasta vending machine.
341
00:14:53,709 --> 00:14:56,577
[ominous music]
342
00:14:56,579 --> 00:14:58,078
Are you kidding me?
343
00:14:58,080 --> 00:15:01,415
I work so hard,
and none of you appreciate me!
344
00:15:01,417 --> 00:15:04,318
I'm not getting anybody
a Shasta vending machine.
345
00:15:04,320 --> 00:15:05,469
Get real.
346
00:15:06,254 --> 00:15:07,148
What?
347
00:15:08,624 --> 00:15:11,125
I spilled coffee on my suit pants.
348
00:15:11,127 --> 00:15:13,060
Don't you dare judge me.
349
00:15:15,698 --> 00:15:17,731
The Jessica McClintock effect.
350
00:15:17,733 --> 00:15:19,566
[rock music]
351
00:15:19,568 --> 00:15:21,168
Okay, guys.
352
00:15:21,170 --> 00:15:24,271
So that was the set
of economic and social policies
353
00:15:24,273 --> 00:15:26,407
on which Abraham Lincoln got elected.
354
00:15:26,409 --> 00:15:28,208
- Pretty interesting, right?
- No.
355
00:15:28,210 --> 00:15:31,078
- It was boring.
- Ms. Feldman usually dresses up
356
00:15:31,080 --> 00:15:32,846
like the people we're learning about.
357
00:15:32,848 --> 00:15:34,815
She has a bunch of wigs and old clothes
358
00:15:34,817 --> 00:15:37,084
and a magic time-traveling garbage bag.
359
00:15:37,086 --> 00:15:38,986
And Ms. Feldman said that
we were gonna act out
360
00:15:38,988 --> 00:15:40,254
the Lincoln-Douglas debate.
361
00:15:40,256 --> 00:15:41,689
She taught us the alphabet
362
00:15:41,691 --> 00:15:43,157
with "Nuthin' But a 'G' Thang."
363
00:15:43,159 --> 00:15:44,224
And I didn't get gravity
364
00:15:44,226 --> 00:15:45,759
until Ms. Feldman explained
365
00:15:45,761 --> 00:15:47,828
that pro wrestling
couldn't exist without it.
366
00:15:47,830 --> 00:15:49,229
You're nice, Ms. Cannon,
367
00:15:49,231 --> 00:15:51,865
but we just really miss Ms. Feldman.
368
00:15:51,867 --> 00:15:53,344
All: Yeah!
369
00:15:54,570 --> 00:15:57,938
[somber music]
370
00:15:57,940 --> 00:16:03,977
371
00:16:03,979 --> 00:16:06,346
That son of a bitch.
372
00:16:08,584 --> 00:16:10,284
Who is that little hussy?
373
00:16:10,286 --> 00:16:12,519
Hussy? That's Cheryl.
374
00:16:12,521 --> 00:16:14,855
She's nine, and she loves to color.
375
00:16:14,857 --> 00:16:17,324
Well, something tells me
that Craig isn't the first boy
376
00:16:17,326 --> 00:16:19,860
Cheryl's gone down the slide with.
377
00:16:19,862 --> 00:16:22,429
[gentle piano music]
378
00:16:22,431 --> 00:16:24,431
Hey, Amy. Uh...
379
00:16:24,433 --> 00:16:27,601
Listen, I'm not gonna
sugarcoat this for you.
380
00:16:27,603 --> 00:16:31,605
These next 18 to 36 months
are gonna be a living hell.
381
00:16:31,607 --> 00:16:34,041
You'll cry everywhere all the time.
382
00:16:34,043 --> 00:16:35,542
And you'll want to reach out to
383
00:16:35,544 --> 00:16:38,245
your best girlfriend
for support, but you won't,
384
00:16:38,247 --> 00:16:41,115
because you'll only be
interrupting her "full life."
385
00:16:41,117 --> 00:16:42,549
So instead, you'll sit in
386
00:16:42,551 --> 00:16:45,119
the cheap "bridesmaid"
tank top she gave you,
387
00:16:45,121 --> 00:16:47,855
un-liking all of her
wedding photos on Facebook.
388
00:16:47,857 --> 00:16:49,990
Don't worry, Amy.
389
00:16:49,992 --> 00:16:52,025
You will come through
the other side of this
390
00:16:52,027 --> 00:16:54,299
and find your perfect soul mate.
391
00:16:55,331 --> 00:16:57,231
[whispers] We both will.
392
00:16:57,233 --> 00:16:58,966
I'm not too worried about it.
393
00:16:58,968 --> 00:17:01,168
I want to be a cat doctor
in France when I grow up,
394
00:17:01,170 --> 00:17:04,238
so I'll be too busy to worry about boys.
395
00:17:07,476 --> 00:17:08,942
She's so strong.
396
00:17:09,508 --> 00:17:12,509
[groans] My stomach, oh...
397
00:17:12,511 --> 00:17:16,532
[groaning]
398
00:17:16,557 --> 00:17:19,334
Hey. Are you okay?
399
00:17:19,624 --> 00:17:22,855
It's just, I can't do anything right.
400
00:17:22,922 --> 00:17:25,789
I hate myself,
and I hate my body right now.
401
00:17:25,791 --> 00:17:28,358
- Oh, here.
- Take this cupcake.
402
00:17:28,360 --> 00:17:30,828
You're gonna want to
get yourself some red wine too.
403
00:17:30,830 --> 00:17:32,296
And go watch the YouTube video
404
00:17:32,298 --> 00:17:34,665
of a lion reuniting
with the dog that raised him.
405
00:17:34,667 --> 00:17:37,434
- It gets me every time.
- Thanks, ladies.
406
00:17:37,436 --> 00:17:38,602
[sobs]
407
00:17:38,604 --> 00:17:40,838
I don't even know why I'm crying.
408
00:17:40,840 --> 00:17:42,573
Aw, I know.
409
00:17:45,945 --> 00:17:47,811
Mmm.
410
00:17:47,813 --> 00:17:51,014
Open up your gates...
411
00:17:51,016 --> 00:17:52,549
For the love of God,
412
00:17:52,551 --> 00:17:54,751
if I have to listen to one more person
413
00:17:54,753 --> 00:17:58,789
try to be Lisa Loeb,
I'm gonna lose my mind.
414
00:17:58,791 --> 00:18:02,960
Because I'm done
415
00:18:02,962 --> 00:18:07,164
And it's no longer fun
416
00:18:07,166 --> 00:18:09,633
Where'd you guys get all this money?
417
00:18:09,635 --> 00:18:11,568
It's their lunch money.
They wanted to do this.
418
00:18:11,570 --> 00:18:13,070
They thought if you had more money,
419
00:18:13,072 --> 00:18:14,605
you'd come back and teach them again.
420
00:18:14,607 --> 00:18:16,039
Your kids love you, Feldman.
421
00:18:16,041 --> 00:18:17,708
Hey, all these people can't be in here
422
00:18:17,710 --> 00:18:20,412
not ordering anything.
Y'all can't loiter here.
423
00:18:20,414 --> 00:18:22,112
I got it.
424
00:18:22,114 --> 00:18:25,816
Hey, guys, Ms. F is mad touched,
425
00:18:25,818 --> 00:18:28,886
but until the U.S. gets
super cool like Finland
426
00:18:28,888 --> 00:18:30,821
and starts paying teachers better,
427
00:18:30,823 --> 00:18:34,191
I just can't afford
to come back and teach, okay?
428
00:18:34,193 --> 00:18:37,494
To make your budget
429
00:18:37,496 --> 00:18:40,697
You need to get a fourth roommate
430
00:18:40,699 --> 00:18:43,967
Apply for income-based repayment
431
00:18:43,969 --> 00:18:48,305
For your student loans
432
00:18:48,307 --> 00:18:52,176
No more concert enhancers
433
00:18:52,178 --> 00:18:54,211
For a while
434
00:18:54,213 --> 00:18:57,414
And you should be able to afford
435
00:18:57,416 --> 00:18:59,917
To come back to Fillmore
436
00:18:59,919 --> 00:19:02,486
[applause]
437
00:19:02,488 --> 00:19:05,413
I'm so proud of you, Ayo.
438
00:19:06,592 --> 00:19:07,925
Listen, Chaz,
439
00:19:07,927 --> 00:19:09,526
me and teaching are like
440
00:19:09,528 --> 00:19:11,028
the cookie butter and pickles
441
00:19:11,030 --> 00:19:12,896
that come on the Kitchen Sink Sandwich.
442
00:19:12,898 --> 00:19:14,331
They shouldn't go together,
443
00:19:14,333 --> 00:19:17,401
but for some crazy reason, they do.
444
00:19:17,403 --> 00:19:19,436
I'm meant to be a teacher.
445
00:19:19,438 --> 00:19:22,139
Suck it, Sub-urbia! [laughs]
446
00:19:22,141 --> 00:19:24,041
[students cheering]
447
00:19:24,043 --> 00:19:26,176
[funky percussive music]
448
00:19:26,178 --> 00:19:27,578
Hey, Caroline.
449
00:19:27,580 --> 00:19:29,379
I found your breakup books in the trash.
450
00:19:29,381 --> 00:19:30,948
I knew you didn't mean
to throw them away,
451
00:19:30,950 --> 00:19:32,249
so I snatched them up for ya.
452
00:19:32,251 --> 00:19:34,980
Actually, I threw them away on purpose.
453
00:19:35,454 --> 00:19:38,121
I'm done obsessing over true love.
454
00:19:38,123 --> 00:19:40,457
There are other things in life
to focus on.
455
00:19:40,459 --> 00:19:43,026
Who knows, maybe I'll move to France
456
00:19:43,028 --> 00:19:45,028
and take care of cats.
457
00:19:45,030 --> 00:19:47,129
- Good for you.
- Yeah.
458
00:19:48,283 --> 00:19:49,649
Oh, how cute.
459
00:19:49,768 --> 00:19:51,768
Look at Brad and Becky.
460
00:19:53,396 --> 00:19:55,396
Becky.
461
00:19:55,740 --> 00:19:57,740
Brad. Becky.
462
00:19:58,313 --> 00:20:00,313
Everybody down of the swings.
463
00:20:00,363 --> 00:20:04,913
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