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[rock music]
2
00:00:04,022 --> 00:00:05,956
3
00:00:05,958 --> 00:00:08,324
- Oh, Ms. Bennigan, hi.
- [whispers] Hot Dad.
4
00:00:08,326 --> 00:00:10,661
Hidey-ho, neighbor gator!
5
00:00:10,663 --> 00:00:12,996
Are you, uh,
volunteering today?
6
00:00:12,998 --> 00:00:14,664
Uh, no. Actually,
I just had a meeting
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00:00:14,666 --> 00:00:16,133
with Principal Pearson.
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00:00:16,135 --> 00:00:18,668
It turns out that, uh,
Blake is really struggling
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00:00:18,670 --> 00:00:20,569
- in the third grade.
- Oh, no.
10
00:00:20,571 --> 00:00:22,406
Yeah, he's been having
a hard time
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00:00:22,408 --> 00:00:23,874
ever since his mom left.
12
00:00:23,876 --> 00:00:26,043
- Oh. She's still gone?
- Yeah.
13
00:00:26,045 --> 00:00:27,677
- Hm.
- Principal Pearson suggested
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00:00:27,679 --> 00:00:29,479
that Blake repeat
the second grade.
15
00:00:29,481 --> 00:00:33,550
Oh, back to my grade.
Fantastic...
16
00:00:33,552 --> 00:00:35,085
- ...ly awful.
- Well, actually,
17
00:00:35,087 --> 00:00:37,287
I think it'll be good
for him in the long run.
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00:00:37,289 --> 00:00:38,955
As a single dad,
I really appreciate
19
00:00:38,957 --> 00:00:41,190
- the school's support.
- Well, I'm happy to have you
20
00:00:41,192 --> 00:00:43,525
back in my life...
uh, grade.
21
00:00:43,527 --> 00:00:46,863
[laughs] I mean Blake
back in my life... oh!
22
00:00:46,865 --> 00:00:48,699
My grade, too.
Both for my grade.
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00:00:48,701 --> 00:00:50,181
- I am so sorry.
- Okay.
24
00:00:50,183 --> 00:00:51,201
I'm running late for my
25
00:00:51,203 --> 00:00:52,403
volunteer firefighter duty.
26
00:00:52,405 --> 00:00:54,123
[chuckles]
27
00:00:55,240 --> 00:00:56,506
[whispering]
Hot Fire Dad.
28
00:00:56,508 --> 00:00:58,408
Stupid-ass coffee maker.
29
00:00:58,410 --> 00:00:59,976
How is this thing not fixed?
30
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- Why don't you just try tea?
- Because I'm not
31
00:01:01,880 --> 00:01:04,080
a seven-year-old having
a party with my dolls.
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- [dog barking]
- Ryan!
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00:01:05,317 --> 00:01:07,117
- Oh, my God!
- Stop! [gasps]
34
00:01:07,119 --> 00:01:08,418
Ryan, no!
35
00:01:08,420 --> 00:01:09,753
- Okay.
- Oh, my God.
36
00:01:09,755 --> 00:01:11,054
No!
37
00:01:11,056 --> 00:01:13,790
Everyone...[chuckles]
Meet Ryan Gosling.
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When did you get a dog?
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00:01:14,860 --> 00:01:16,527
I got him a couple weeks ago.
40
00:01:16,529 --> 00:01:18,361
I love him.
When I'm with him,
41
00:01:18,363 --> 00:01:19,896
he creates the illusion
I'm a size two.
42
00:01:19,898 --> 00:01:21,831
Chelsea, you can't bring
a dog to school.
43
00:01:21,833 --> 00:01:24,000
I have to. He destroys
my apartment when I'm gone,
44
00:01:24,002 --> 00:01:26,635
and I can't afford
doggie day care right now.
45
00:01:26,637 --> 00:01:29,004
Brad Renfro signed
my lower back last weekend
46
00:01:29,006 --> 00:01:32,009
and I'm saving up to have
his autograph tattooed.
47
00:01:32,011 --> 00:01:34,734
Brad Renfro
died eight years ago.
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00:01:35,615 --> 00:01:36,947
Oh, my God.
49
00:01:36,949 --> 00:01:38,515
Then who signed my lower back?
50
00:01:38,517 --> 00:01:40,584
I've got great news!
Hot Dad just told me
51
00:01:40,586 --> 00:01:42,720
Blake needs to repeat
the second grade!
52
00:01:42,722 --> 00:01:44,387
He's gonna be back
in my class.
53
00:01:44,389 --> 00:01:47,090
How do you know he's not gonna
be put in Caroline's?
54
00:01:47,092 --> 00:01:50,861
Phooey. I never even thought
of that possibility.
55
00:01:50,863 --> 00:01:53,697
How will I ever find out
if Blake's back in my class?
56
00:01:53,699 --> 00:01:55,664
Uh, you could just ask Blake.
57
00:01:55,666 --> 00:01:57,768
Wow, Deb.
You're just like Nancy Drew.
58
00:01:57,770 --> 00:01:59,902
But without the close-knit
group of friends.
59
00:01:59,904 --> 00:02:03,006
Okay, I swear
my vag doesn't smell.
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Fine, it does.
Now get this dog away from me!
61
00:02:05,710 --> 00:02:07,277
[rock music]
62
00:02:07,279 --> 00:02:09,779
Tear it down
63
00:02:09,781 --> 00:02:11,380
Tear it down
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00:02:11,382 --> 00:02:15,952
So if we used 1,000 M&M'S
to make Andre the Giant
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00:02:15,954 --> 00:02:17,787
and one quarter of them
were green,
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00:02:17,789 --> 00:02:20,290
how many green
M&M'S did we use?
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00:02:20,292 --> 00:02:23,525
How could we know that?
You ate so many of them.
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00:02:23,527 --> 00:02:25,594
Dang, Trey,
that was harsh.
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00:02:25,596 --> 00:02:27,930
But also, an excellent point.
Very good.
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00:02:27,932 --> 00:02:30,499
Feldman, can I talk to you
for a minute?
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00:02:30,501 --> 00:02:32,167
You got it.
What's up?
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00:02:32,169 --> 00:02:34,537
I got a call from a parent
saying that you're not
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00:02:34,539 --> 00:02:36,539
teaching the
Common Core curriculum.
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00:02:36,541 --> 00:02:39,676
Oh, yeah, I don't teach that
'cause it sucks.
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00:02:39,678 --> 00:02:41,977
- It's federally mandated.
- Listen, Toby...
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00:02:41,979 --> 00:02:43,480
It's Principal Pearson.
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00:02:43,482 --> 00:02:45,582
Okay, if you're into
that sort of thing.
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00:02:45,584 --> 00:02:48,819
I tailor my lesson plans
to teach my kids
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00:02:48,821 --> 00:02:51,487
in ways that are best
for their learning styles.
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00:02:51,489 --> 00:02:53,155
You don't have a choice.
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00:02:53,157 --> 00:02:56,459
Start teaching Common Core
immediately.
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00:02:56,461 --> 00:02:58,862
83
00:02:58,864 --> 00:03:01,664
Today we are gonna be reading
"The Boxcar Children."
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00:03:01,666 --> 00:03:03,299
I think you guys
are gonna like it.
85
00:03:03,301 --> 00:03:05,068
It's kind of like
Mrs. Adler's trailer
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00:03:05,070 --> 00:03:06,670
- but less sad.
- [dog growling]
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00:03:06,672 --> 00:03:08,838
- Uh, Ms. Snap?
- [dog barks]
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00:03:08,840 --> 00:03:10,808
[gasps] Ryan Gosling!
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00:03:10,810 --> 00:03:13,376
- Okay, Ryan...
- What the...
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00:03:13,378 --> 00:03:14,543
Come on, now.
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00:03:14,545 --> 00:03:16,547
- Is that a dog?
- Ryan... yes.
92
00:03:16,549 --> 00:03:17,915
It's a dog, obviously.
93
00:03:17,917 --> 00:03:19,616
Dogs are not allowed
in school.
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00:03:19,618 --> 00:03:21,517
Get him out of here
right now.
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00:03:21,519 --> 00:03:23,820
- I can't.
- Why not?
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00:03:23,822 --> 00:03:25,689
He's an
emotional support dog.
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00:03:25,691 --> 00:03:27,290
If this is a therapy dog,
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00:03:27,292 --> 00:03:29,660
I need to see a written note
from a licensed therapist.
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00:03:29,662 --> 00:03:32,261
Fine, no problem.
[gasps]
100
00:03:32,263 --> 00:03:33,797
Ooh! No!
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00:03:33,799 --> 00:03:36,433
Huh. He usually only
does that to women.
102
00:03:36,435 --> 00:03:40,570
103
00:03:40,572 --> 00:03:42,205
Hey there, Blake-a-roni!
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00:03:42,207 --> 00:03:43,974
What's scooting? What's shaking?
What's the...
105
00:03:43,976 --> 00:03:45,207
Hey, kid,
whose class are you
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00:03:45,209 --> 00:03:47,243
gonna be in when you
get held back?
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00:03:47,245 --> 00:03:49,186
I'm being held back?
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00:03:50,582 --> 00:03:52,884
Never mind.
As you were.
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- [sighs]
- Oh, relax.
110
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We'll just hack
into Pearson's computer.
111
00:03:59,590 --> 00:04:01,057
I need to get in there anyway.
112
00:04:01,059 --> 00:04:02,791
I sent him an email about
the broken coffee maker
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00:04:02,793 --> 00:04:06,129
that may have included
a .jpeg of my butthole.
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00:04:06,131 --> 00:04:08,797
Deb, again?
115
00:04:08,799 --> 00:04:10,566
Same picture,
different filter.
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00:04:10,568 --> 00:04:14,037
Let's go over this
math problem one more time.
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"Jos? wants to give bags
of lollipops to his friends.
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00:04:17,508 --> 00:04:18,908
"He wants to give
the same number
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00:04:18,910 --> 00:04:21,211
"of lollipops to each friend.
120
00:04:21,213 --> 00:04:24,881
"He's not sure if he needs
four or six bags of lollipops.
121
00:04:24,883 --> 00:04:26,716
"How many lollipops
could he buy
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00:04:26,718 --> 00:04:29,052
so there are no
lollipops leftover?"
123
00:04:29,054 --> 00:04:31,054
How many lollipops
are in a bag?
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00:04:31,056 --> 00:04:33,056
How many friends
does he have?
125
00:04:33,058 --> 00:04:35,391
Why is it four or six bags?
126
00:04:35,393 --> 00:04:37,161
Uhh...
127
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- I don't know.
- [bell rings]
128
00:04:40,499 --> 00:04:42,699
Sorry we're still on
the first problem, guys.
129
00:04:42,701 --> 00:04:45,669
I'll keep working on this
while you're at recess. Okay?
130
00:04:45,671 --> 00:04:47,807
We'll figure it out, I swear!
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00:04:49,808 --> 00:04:52,074
- Need some help?
- Thanks, dawg,
132
00:04:52,076 --> 00:04:54,545
but this is supposed to be
for third graders.
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00:04:54,547 --> 00:04:57,747
I gotta figure out this
Common Core stuff on my own.
134
00:04:57,749 --> 00:04:58,999
Okay.
135
00:05:00,385 --> 00:05:04,586
Friends. Lollipops.
136
00:05:04,588 --> 00:05:06,357
Jos?...
137
00:05:06,359 --> 00:05:09,692
138
00:05:09,694 --> 00:05:11,294
- Hey, June.
- Oh, hi!
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00:05:11,296 --> 00:05:13,030
I need to keep my dog
at school.
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00:05:13,032 --> 00:05:14,631
So can you do me a favor
and write one of your
141
00:05:14,633 --> 00:05:16,999
little notes or whatever it is
you therapists do
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00:05:17,001 --> 00:05:19,035
and say that I need
an emotional support animal?
143
00:05:19,037 --> 00:05:21,939
Chelsea, I'm so glad
to see you're taking
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00:05:21,941 --> 00:05:24,273
the steps to improve
your mental health.
145
00:05:24,275 --> 00:05:26,109
[laughs] Oh, no.
This has nothing to do
146
00:05:26,111 --> 00:05:28,244
with my mental health.
I'm clearly fine.
147
00:05:28,246 --> 00:05:29,946
I'm just trying
to work the system.
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00:05:29,948 --> 00:05:31,814
Oh, so why did you decide
to get a dog?
149
00:05:31,816 --> 00:05:33,249
The same reason
anyone gets one.
150
00:05:33,251 --> 00:05:34,884
To have someone
who's excited to see me
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00:05:34,886 --> 00:05:36,953
when I get home, share
inside jokes with,
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00:05:36,955 --> 00:05:38,655
and hold me when I'm sad.
153
00:05:38,657 --> 00:05:40,157
I really do think
you need one.
154
00:05:40,159 --> 00:05:42,295
So I'm gonna
write you that note.
155
00:05:44,028 --> 00:05:46,028
- Here you go, sweetheart.
- I don't want that.
156
00:05:46,030 --> 00:05:47,696
But I thought that's why
you came in here.
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00:05:47,698 --> 00:05:50,333
I did, but I don't want it
for a real reason.
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00:05:50,335 --> 00:05:52,201
Well, I really do think
that this dog would be
159
00:05:52,203 --> 00:05:54,237
a great psychological
benefit to you.
160
00:05:54,239 --> 00:05:56,271
You clearly don't know
what you're talking about.
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00:05:56,273 --> 00:05:58,174
I have to get back
to my class right now,
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00:05:58,176 --> 00:06:00,410
but I will gladly come back here
later and explain to you
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00:06:00,412 --> 00:06:02,545
why I don't actually need
a therapy dog.
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00:06:02,547 --> 00:06:04,247
So you wanna make an
appointment for later today?
165
00:06:04,249 --> 00:06:06,249
No, June. This isn't
an official thing.
166
00:06:06,251 --> 00:06:08,451
I'm just going to come back
and tell you why you're wrong
167
00:06:08,453 --> 00:06:10,086
and your profession is wack.
168
00:06:10,088 --> 00:06:11,487
Come on, Ryan Gosling.
169
00:06:11,489 --> 00:06:14,249
- Does 12:30 work?
- Okay, that's great.
170
00:06:14,725 --> 00:06:17,727
[suspenseful music]
171
00:06:17,729 --> 00:06:24,169
172
00:06:25,069 --> 00:06:26,502
What are you doing?
173
00:06:26,504 --> 00:06:27,838
Wiping off fingerprints.
174
00:06:27,840 --> 00:06:29,006
Mary Louise,
you don't wipe off
175
00:06:29,008 --> 00:06:30,340
other people's fingerprints.
176
00:06:30,342 --> 00:06:32,509
You wipe off ours
when we're done.
177
00:06:32,511 --> 00:06:34,843
It's password protected.
178
00:06:34,845 --> 00:06:36,612
[keys clacking, beep]
179
00:06:36,614 --> 00:06:38,415
- Got it.
- Ah! How'd you do that?
180
00:06:38,417 --> 00:06:40,316
He's got
a "Friends" screensaver.
181
00:06:40,318 --> 00:06:42,485
His password's obviously
"Ross and Rachel."
182
00:06:42,487 --> 00:06:44,420
Finally I'll know the fate
of the rest of my year
183
00:06:44,422 --> 00:06:46,155
and what's in store
for me with Hot Dad...
184
00:06:46,157 --> 00:06:48,824
Blake's been assigned
to Caroline's class.
185
00:06:48,826 --> 00:06:50,526
- Wait, what?
- Hang on.
186
00:06:50,528 --> 00:06:51,828
I need to delete my email.
187
00:06:51,830 --> 00:06:54,030
Why would he be
in Caroline's class?
188
00:06:54,032 --> 00:06:55,465
He's supposed to be
in my class!
189
00:06:55,467 --> 00:06:57,333
Oh, dude! There's an email
from Hot Dad here.
190
00:06:57,335 --> 00:06:59,035
- What does it say?
- Oh, "Thanks again
191
00:06:59,037 --> 00:07:00,636
"for having me in this morning.
192
00:07:00,638 --> 00:07:03,540
"I've decided that
I would like for Blake
193
00:07:03,542 --> 00:07:06,975
to be placed in
Ms. Watson's class."
194
00:07:06,977 --> 00:07:10,515
He requested Ms. Watson?
195
00:07:13,930 --> 00:07:16,731
Tear it down
196
00:07:16,733 --> 00:07:18,199
Tear it down
197
00:07:18,201 --> 00:07:21,502
I can't believe Hot Dad
requested Ms. Watson.
198
00:07:21,503 --> 00:07:24,203
Son of a bitch.
You got a school full of junkies
199
00:07:24,205 --> 00:07:26,340
and the only crack pipe
is broken.
200
00:07:26,342 --> 00:07:28,440
I mean, why would he do that,
unless he...
201
00:07:29,578 --> 00:07:31,379
thinks I'm a bad teacher.
202
00:07:31,381 --> 00:07:33,513
That's not it.
I mean, yes,
203
00:07:33,515 --> 00:07:35,215
you hung up a bunch
of crucifixes and claimed
204
00:07:35,217 --> 00:07:38,552
they were the letter "T,"
but you're a great teacher.
205
00:07:38,554 --> 00:07:40,520
Then why didn't Hot Dad
request me?
206
00:07:40,522 --> 00:07:42,355
The science fair
isn't later into the year,
207
00:07:42,357 --> 00:07:44,391
but the kids are already
working on it.
208
00:07:44,393 --> 00:07:48,694
[intense music]
209
00:07:48,696 --> 00:07:50,230
[gasps]
210
00:07:50,232 --> 00:07:52,400
Caroline's with Hot Dad.
211
00:07:52,402 --> 00:07:55,003
The students are currently
working on dioramas.
212
00:07:55,010 --> 00:07:57,476
And over here
is our reading nook.
213
00:07:57,478 --> 00:07:59,178
Oh, well, he's not
that into reading.
214
00:07:59,180 --> 00:08:00,258
- Oh.
- But he does love
215
00:08:00,283 --> 00:08:02,583
- the "Goosebumps" books.
- Oh, that's every boy.
216
00:08:02,585 --> 00:08:03,818
[both laugh]
217
00:08:03,820 --> 00:08:08,122
[laughs mockingly]
What's so funny?
218
00:08:08,124 --> 00:08:11,492
- [laughs]
- [romantic music]
219
00:08:11,494 --> 00:08:14,662
220
00:08:14,664 --> 00:08:16,997
I feel like I failed him
or something.
221
00:08:16,999 --> 00:08:18,232
It's not your fault.
222
00:08:18,234 --> 00:08:21,436
[romantic music]
223
00:08:21,438 --> 00:08:25,307
224
00:08:25,309 --> 00:08:27,376
Oh...
225
00:08:27,378 --> 00:08:29,077
[moaning]
226
00:08:29,079 --> 00:08:31,646
Oh, you...
you got a little eyelash.
227
00:08:31,648 --> 00:08:34,649
[romantic music]
228
00:08:34,651 --> 00:08:41,592
229
00:08:46,863 --> 00:08:51,498
230
00:08:51,500 --> 00:08:53,068
That's third base!
231
00:08:53,070 --> 00:08:56,271
232
00:08:56,273 --> 00:08:59,339
Caroline's seducing Hot Dad!
233
00:08:59,341 --> 00:09:01,041
So, as you can see,
I don't have
234
00:09:01,043 --> 00:09:02,642
a problem connecting
with men.
235
00:09:02,644 --> 00:09:05,579
I connect with a lot of men.
A lot.
236
00:09:05,581 --> 00:09:07,748
And how long has this pattern
been going on with men?
237
00:09:07,750 --> 00:09:09,617
[laughs]
Oh, it's not a pattern.
238
00:09:09,619 --> 00:09:11,785
- I haven't always been this way.
- What do you mean?
239
00:09:11,787 --> 00:09:14,021
Well, in junior high,
nobody would touch me.
240
00:09:14,023 --> 00:09:16,757
I had long, frizzy hair
and a full-blown mustache.
241
00:09:16,759 --> 00:09:18,260
Everyone called me Weird Al.
242
00:09:18,262 --> 00:09:20,194
One time,
I asked out Mac Brady,
243
00:09:20,196 --> 00:09:21,929
who was the most popular guy
in school.
244
00:09:21,931 --> 00:09:24,933
And him and the entire
soccer team just laughed...
245
00:09:24,935 --> 00:09:27,635
[voice breaks] And then started
to sing this song.
246
00:09:27,637 --> 00:09:31,171
You're fat, you're fat,
you know it
247
00:09:31,173 --> 00:09:32,674
- Okay.
- [crying]
248
00:09:32,676 --> 00:09:35,409
The wound is still
pretty fresh.
249
00:09:35,411 --> 00:09:37,078
- Oh! I am leaving!
- Okay...
250
00:09:37,080 --> 00:09:39,113
- You are an idiot, June!
- It's understandable
251
00:09:39,115 --> 00:09:41,815
- that you need to lash out.
- I'm not lashing out, June!
252
00:09:41,817 --> 00:09:44,251
- I just think you're an idiot!
- Okay.
253
00:09:44,253 --> 00:09:45,685
Come on, Ryan Gosling!
254
00:09:45,687 --> 00:09:47,322
[growling]
255
00:09:47,324 --> 00:09:49,190
I will be back later
to convince you
256
00:09:49,192 --> 00:09:51,147
that there is
nothing wrong with me.
257
00:09:51,894 --> 00:09:53,627
And that is not
an appointment, June!
258
00:09:53,629 --> 00:09:55,429
All right,
I'll pencil you in for 3:30.
259
00:09:55,431 --> 00:09:57,265
I can make that.
That's fine.
260
00:09:57,267 --> 00:10:02,337
261
00:10:02,339 --> 00:10:05,039
Hot Dad and Caroline
are having a torrid affair!
262
00:10:05,041 --> 00:10:07,492
She's a harlot
with a headband.
263
00:10:08,345 --> 00:10:09,876
What are you doing?
264
00:10:09,878 --> 00:10:12,280
I talked to Principal Pearson,
and he said that as long as
265
00:10:12,282 --> 00:10:13,615
the coffee maker
can be repaired,
266
00:10:13,617 --> 00:10:15,037
he won't get us a new one.
267
00:10:17,086 --> 00:10:19,244
So now he's gotta
get a new one.
268
00:10:19,790 --> 00:10:22,022
You don't have to worry
about Caroline.
269
00:10:22,024 --> 00:10:23,458
Hot Dad doesn't even
own a boat.
270
00:10:23,460 --> 00:10:25,825
I know she's after him.
271
00:10:25,827 --> 00:10:28,334
She's going down.
272
00:10:29,032 --> 00:10:32,032
[suspenseful music]
273
00:10:32,034 --> 00:10:39,175
274
00:10:58,561 --> 00:11:05,502
275
00:11:17,647 --> 00:11:21,251
Friends, lollipops...
[rambling incoherently]
276
00:11:23,019 --> 00:11:26,187
[muttering]
277
00:11:26,189 --> 00:11:27,688
Not enough!
278
00:11:27,690 --> 00:11:29,424
You can't figure it out
if you don't know
279
00:11:29,426 --> 00:11:32,048
how many lollipops
are in a bag!
280
00:11:32,073 --> 00:11:33,872
Ms. Feldman?
281
00:11:33,897 --> 00:11:36,200
Should we go to gym now?
282
00:11:39,470 --> 00:11:41,939
Everyone,
let's line up for gym.
283
00:11:44,106 --> 00:11:46,707
- [mumbling]
- Feldman?
284
00:11:46,709 --> 00:11:49,477
- Ready for some help?
- Yeah.
285
00:11:49,479 --> 00:11:52,078
Mr. Beetle Boo,
how do you do...
286
00:11:52,080 --> 00:11:55,219
[suspenseful music]
287
00:12:03,460 --> 00:12:05,486
[whispers]
Somebody was in here.
288
00:12:15,478 --> 00:12:16,944
[gasps]
289
00:12:16,946 --> 00:12:18,379
Oh, my God.
290
00:12:18,381 --> 00:12:19,981
The pencils are the pens.
291
00:12:19,982 --> 00:12:21,784
[gasping]
292
00:12:25,020 --> 00:12:26,489
No!
293
00:12:28,723 --> 00:12:30,590
This is supposed to be
in the "B" section
294
00:12:30,592 --> 00:12:34,893
and then subfiled with
all the other chartreuse books.
295
00:12:34,895 --> 00:12:37,627
What is going on here?
296
00:12:38,601 --> 00:12:39,899
Okay.
297
00:12:40,669 --> 00:12:45,475
Just calm down and put on
your afternoon cardigan.
298
00:12:48,243 --> 00:12:51,778
299
00:12:51,780 --> 00:12:54,281
[screams]
300
00:12:54,283 --> 00:12:55,981
Well, I never really
knew my father.
301
00:12:55,983 --> 00:12:58,818
He left when I was a baby
because I was a shrill crier.
302
00:12:58,820 --> 00:13:00,888
- Interesting.
- Fine.
303
00:13:00,890 --> 00:13:03,422
If you are so smart, June,
why don't you just go ahead
304
00:13:03,424 --> 00:13:04,825
and tell me
what is wrong with me?
305
00:13:04,827 --> 00:13:07,027
Okay, I think
the reason you got a dog
306
00:13:07,029 --> 00:13:09,562
- is because your dad left you.
- You think I got the dog
307
00:13:09,564 --> 00:13:11,932
in place of my dad?
[laughs]
308
00:13:11,934 --> 00:13:13,267
How dumb are you?
309
00:13:13,269 --> 00:13:14,667
I don't even need a dad.
310
00:13:14,669 --> 00:13:17,870
And that dog is not my dad.
He's my dog.
311
00:13:17,872 --> 00:13:19,038
[grunts]
312
00:13:19,040 --> 00:13:20,877
Come on, Dad!
313
00:13:21,642 --> 00:13:23,643
And the only reason that
I just called him my dad
314
00:13:23,645 --> 00:13:25,513
is because we were
talking about dads,
315
00:13:25,515 --> 00:13:27,348
not because I think my dog
is my dad.
316
00:13:27,350 --> 00:13:28,816
Chelsea, if you'd let me
finish, I just think
317
00:13:28,818 --> 00:13:30,517
there's a real connection
between your father
318
00:13:30,519 --> 00:13:32,686
- and your history with men.
- I reject that.
319
00:13:32,688 --> 00:13:35,254
I reject you. I reject
this entire conversation.
320
00:13:35,256 --> 00:13:38,124
I reject that dog. I don't need
him, and I don't need therapy!
321
00:13:38,126 --> 00:13:41,427
I can still fit into my niece's
clothes, and she's 11!
322
00:13:41,429 --> 00:13:43,496
Chelsea, please.
323
00:13:43,498 --> 00:13:45,367
Ryan.
324
00:13:47,303 --> 00:13:50,169
[spooky music]
325
00:13:50,171 --> 00:13:52,706
Oh, hello, Caroline.
326
00:13:52,708 --> 00:13:56,576
Having a bad day?
I heard about your sweater.
327
00:13:56,578 --> 00:13:59,178
I know.
Isn't it terrible?
328
00:13:59,180 --> 00:14:02,081
I scream-cried in my room
for an hour,
329
00:14:02,083 --> 00:14:03,584
but there's a silver lining.
330
00:14:03,586 --> 00:14:05,451
I went to the button store
on my free period
331
00:14:05,453 --> 00:14:07,653
and I found these
really cute buttons!
332
00:14:07,655 --> 00:14:11,423
Look!
They're tiny pineapples.
333
00:14:11,425 --> 00:14:13,326
I would've gone
with an American fruit.
334
00:14:13,328 --> 00:14:15,662
- [laughs]
- What are you laughing about?
335
00:14:15,664 --> 00:14:18,231
Oh, nothing. I'm just
making plans for tonight.
336
00:14:18,233 --> 00:14:19,847
With who?
337
00:14:20,770 --> 00:14:22,679
- What?
- Huh?
338
00:14:23,005 --> 00:14:24,270
Uh, nobody.
339
00:14:24,272 --> 00:14:26,438
I don't have plans
with anyone tonight.
340
00:14:26,440 --> 00:14:28,743
I don't know why
I said that I did.
341
00:14:30,712 --> 00:14:32,295
I gotta go.
342
00:14:32,332 --> 00:14:37,050
[intense music]
343
00:14:37,052 --> 00:14:38,855
I hate pineapples.
344
00:14:41,604 --> 00:14:44,305
Tear it down
345
00:14:44,307 --> 00:14:47,041
Tear it down
346
00:14:47,043 --> 00:14:50,545
[suspenseful music]
347
00:14:50,547 --> 00:14:57,688
348
00:15:04,729 --> 00:15:07,331
[engine starts,
tires screech]
349
00:15:10,737 --> 00:15:12,536
- Then carry the one...
- Yes!
350
00:15:12,538 --> 00:15:14,337
- Add this to that.
- Exactly.
351
00:15:14,339 --> 00:15:16,640
- Oh-ho-ho!
- Six!
352
00:15:16,642 --> 00:15:18,643
I can't believe it!
We solved it!
353
00:15:18,645 --> 00:15:21,445
- The answer was six!
- Yes! Yeah!
354
00:15:21,447 --> 00:15:23,180
- You did it!
- Oh!
355
00:15:23,182 --> 00:15:25,082
Oh, no. We did it.
356
00:15:25,084 --> 00:15:27,951
Peas and rice!
What happened here?
357
00:15:27,953 --> 00:15:30,955
I just solved my first
Common Core problem!
358
00:15:30,957 --> 00:15:33,257
Wow. Good for you.
I guess.
359
00:15:33,259 --> 00:15:35,960
I couldn't have done it
without Ms. Cannon's help.
360
00:15:35,962 --> 00:15:37,528
How could
Ms. Cannon help you?
361
00:15:37,530 --> 00:15:39,162
She's been
at an art conference
362
00:15:39,164 --> 00:15:41,662
in Sheboygan, Wisconsin,
all day.
363
00:15:42,535 --> 00:15:45,038
She left after first period.
364
00:15:46,972 --> 00:15:50,043
She was... just right here.
365
00:15:52,645 --> 00:15:54,847
In my beautiful mind.
366
00:15:56,415 --> 00:15:57,914
Chelsea,
where's your horse dog?
367
00:15:57,916 --> 00:15:59,182
- I got rid of him.
- Why?
368
00:15:59,184 --> 00:16:00,475
I thought you loved that thing.
369
00:16:00,477 --> 00:16:02,786
- No.
- Yeah, you told me
370
00:16:02,788 --> 00:16:04,520
when you watch
"Intervention" and laugh,
371
00:16:04,522 --> 00:16:05,672
he never judges you.
372
00:16:05,674 --> 00:16:07,691
What a stupid thing to say.
I never said that.
373
00:16:07,693 --> 00:16:09,226
Yeah, you did.
And you said
374
00:16:09,228 --> 00:16:11,794
he made you feel safe
and loved and...
375
00:16:11,796 --> 00:16:13,663
Okay, fine!
376
00:16:13,665 --> 00:16:15,166
I do love Ryan Gosling.
377
00:16:15,168 --> 00:16:17,000
And the only reason
I don't let men get close to me
378
00:16:17,002 --> 00:16:19,003
is because my dad left.
379
00:16:19,005 --> 00:16:20,937
And then I was rejected
in junior high.
380
00:16:20,939 --> 00:16:22,572
And now I reject men
so they can't hurt me.
381
00:16:22,574 --> 00:16:24,640
And that's why I got the dog,
because it represents
382
00:16:24,642 --> 00:16:27,711
what I really want in life,
which is a stable relationship.
383
00:16:27,713 --> 00:16:29,278
And then I got rid of the dog
to prove that
384
00:16:29,280 --> 00:16:33,053
all of that wasn't true!
[cries]
385
00:16:35,867 --> 00:16:37,241
Oh, my God.
386
00:16:37,770 --> 00:16:39,468
I don't even need therapy.
387
00:16:39,470 --> 00:16:42,606
[chuckles]
I just fixed myself.
388
00:16:43,108 --> 00:16:45,774
[hopeful music]
389
00:16:45,776 --> 00:16:48,948
I have to go get Ryan Gosling!
[laughs]
390
00:16:51,516 --> 00:16:53,884
Oh, and I will
take that note, June.
391
00:16:53,886 --> 00:16:56,021
Oh, okay.
392
00:17:00,392 --> 00:17:03,426
"Enchanted Princesses
on Ice"?
393
00:17:03,428 --> 00:17:06,296
How elegant!
394
00:17:06,298 --> 00:17:09,433
[thrilling music]
395
00:17:09,435 --> 00:17:12,234
Get out of my way!
396
00:17:12,236 --> 00:17:14,540
Caroline.
397
00:17:18,877 --> 00:17:23,580
398
00:17:23,582 --> 00:17:24,881
Thought you could
get away with it,
399
00:17:24,883 --> 00:17:26,749
didn't you,
you crafternoon minx?
400
00:17:26,751 --> 00:17:28,484
Mary Louise,
what are you doing here?
401
00:17:28,486 --> 00:17:30,621
- Did you follow me?
- Obviously.
402
00:17:30,623 --> 00:17:32,489
You stole Blake from me
so you could get closer
403
00:17:32,491 --> 00:17:35,058
- to Hot Dad, you harpy.
- What?
404
00:17:35,060 --> 00:17:37,094
You don't know what
you're talking about.
405
00:17:37,096 --> 00:17:38,996
- Just get out of here.
- Blake's supposed
406
00:17:38,998 --> 00:17:40,396
to be in my class.
407
00:17:40,398 --> 00:17:42,464
This is the rest of my life
you're messing with!
408
00:17:42,466 --> 00:17:44,968
Ms. Bennigan,
I suggest you lower your voice.
409
00:17:44,970 --> 00:17:47,805
They're starting the overture.
410
00:17:48,840 --> 00:17:52,557
Wait, you're here with him?
411
00:17:53,212 --> 00:17:56,179
- Yes.
- I'm so sorry.
412
00:17:56,181 --> 00:17:59,619
I didn't realize you two were...
you know...
413
00:18:01,819 --> 00:18:04,087
We're just friends!
414
00:18:04,089 --> 00:18:05,558
[quietly] So...
415
00:18:07,525 --> 00:18:09,025
- I'm sorry.
- No, that's... I get it.
416
00:18:09,027 --> 00:18:10,559
- Didn't mean so emphatic...
- No, no, no, no.
417
00:18:10,561 --> 00:18:12,328
- You know, we just...
- I get it.
418
00:18:12,330 --> 00:18:14,733
[doorbell rings]
419
00:18:16,268 --> 00:18:17,768
[heartfelt piano music]
420
00:18:17,770 --> 00:18:20,971
- Ms. Bennigan.
- I wanted to apologize.
421
00:18:20,973 --> 00:18:24,173
I've failed you and Blake.
422
00:18:24,175 --> 00:18:28,378
I understand now why
you requested Ms. Watson.
423
00:18:28,380 --> 00:18:31,684
Maybe I got distracted by...
424
00:18:34,319 --> 00:18:35,919
I'm a bad teacher.
425
00:18:35,921 --> 00:18:39,454
- And I'm sorry.
- Wait.
426
00:18:39,456 --> 00:18:41,124
That's not it at all.
427
00:18:41,126 --> 00:18:44,661
You're a great teacher.
Blake is just terrible at math.
428
00:18:44,663 --> 00:18:47,998
- Oh.
- Actually, I requested
429
00:18:48,000 --> 00:18:51,575
Ms. Watson because
I felt like you and I were...
430
00:18:52,404 --> 00:18:55,404
that our friendship
was progressing.
431
00:18:55,406 --> 00:18:56,940
- Really?
- I didn't think
432
00:18:56,942 --> 00:19:00,009
it'd be appropriate
if Blake was in your class.
433
00:19:00,011 --> 00:19:01,978
[sighs]
434
00:19:01,980 --> 00:19:06,255
In that case, I'm glad
he's not in my class.
435
00:19:06,917 --> 00:19:08,020
Me too.
436
00:19:10,489 --> 00:19:13,626
- Was it raining earlier?
- No.
437
00:19:15,075 --> 00:19:16,073
[rock music]
438
00:19:16,075 --> 00:19:18,242
Tear it down
439
00:19:18,244 --> 00:19:20,544
Tear it down
440
00:19:20,546 --> 00:19:23,480
You wanted to see me?
441
00:19:23,482 --> 00:19:25,649
Ooh!
Bought a new coffee maker?
442
00:19:25,651 --> 00:19:28,785
It's a Keurig.
Apparently the last coffee maker
443
00:19:28,787 --> 00:19:31,889
was smashed into little pieces
and urinated on.
444
00:19:31,891 --> 00:19:34,352
- Have a seat.
- So how was
445
00:19:34,354 --> 00:19:36,759
- the show last night?
- Magical.
446
00:19:36,761 --> 00:19:38,928
When Pocahontas
did a triple axel after
447
00:19:38,930 --> 00:19:42,265
she met John Smith, I almost...
448
00:19:42,267 --> 00:19:45,102
That's not what I'm here
to talk to you about.
449
00:19:45,104 --> 00:19:47,438
I'm putting Blake
back in your class.
450
00:19:47,440 --> 00:19:48,938
Oh, no.
That's not necessary.
451
00:19:48,940 --> 00:19:51,675
Ms. Bennigan,
I overheard you last night.
452
00:19:52,090 --> 00:19:54,858
And it's very clear
how passionate you are
453
00:19:54,860 --> 00:19:56,659
- about teaching him.
- No, please!
454
00:19:56,661 --> 00:19:59,495
I think it's the best thing
for Blake,
455
00:19:59,498 --> 00:20:02,365
considering the situation
with his mother.
456
00:20:02,367 --> 00:20:05,804
- And I'm sure you agree.
- I do.
457
00:20:06,239 --> 00:20:08,573
- I do.
- [dog barking]
458
00:20:08,575 --> 00:20:10,141
Ryan Gosling!
459
00:20:10,143 --> 00:20:12,544
- Oh, God!
- No.
460
00:20:12,546 --> 00:20:15,246
I want this dog
out of this school right now!
461
00:20:15,248 --> 00:20:16,581
Lucky for you,
I am sick of him,
462
00:20:16,583 --> 00:20:18,681
so I will be taking him
to doggy day care.
463
00:20:18,683 --> 00:20:20,016
And besides, legally,
464
00:20:20,018 --> 00:20:21,552
you can't ask me to do that.
465
00:20:21,554 --> 00:20:23,890
- He's a service dog.
- [dog growls, barks]
466
00:20:23,940 --> 00:20:28,490
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