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1
00:00:01,127 --> 00:00:05,029
[rock music]
2
00:00:05,164 --> 00:00:07,398
Does anyone want to go
on a 150 mile bike ride
3
00:00:07,500 --> 00:00:08,616
with me this weekend?
4
00:00:08,701 --> 00:00:10,668
It's to support schools in Uganda.
5
00:00:10,753 --> 00:00:12,807
No, thanks.
I prefer not to turn my vagina
6
00:00:12,893 --> 00:00:14,728
into ground turkey.
7
00:00:15,341 --> 00:00:16,791
What a surprise.
8
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The six degenerates sitting
around doing nothing.
9
00:00:19,929 --> 00:00:22,296
Marty, shouldn't you be
cleaning drawings of boners
10
00:00:22,382 --> 00:00:23,223
off bathroom stalls?
11
00:00:23,342 --> 00:00:25,933
For your information,
I already rubbed out
12
00:00:26,052 --> 00:00:28,719
three in the boys' room this morning.
13
00:00:28,855 --> 00:00:30,888
The reason I am here
is because I read an article
14
00:00:31,023 --> 00:00:33,724
that said if you give
underperforming teachers
15
00:00:33,860 --> 00:00:36,644
new challenges, you get big results.
16
00:00:36,729 --> 00:00:38,396
I immediately thought of this group.
17
00:00:38,531 --> 00:00:40,564
Because we get big results?
18
00:00:40,700 --> 00:00:41,899
No.
19
00:00:41,984 --> 00:00:45,119
Principal Pearson loved my idea
20
00:00:45,238 --> 00:00:46,954
so I will be assigning each of you
21
00:00:47,073 --> 00:00:48,873
new extracurricular activities.
22
00:00:48,958 --> 00:00:50,791
Ms. Snap, you will be in charge
23
00:00:50,910 --> 00:00:52,293
of the after-school gifted program.
24
00:00:52,412 --> 00:00:54,295
Oh, I can't relate
to people with glasses.
25
00:00:54,414 --> 00:00:57,498
Ms. Watson, Ms. Cannon, you will be
26
00:00:57,583 --> 00:01:00,418
co-captains on field day.
27
00:01:00,503 --> 00:01:01,752
I love organizing events.
28
00:01:01,838 --> 00:01:04,422
I'm responsible for 97% of the marches
29
00:01:04,557 --> 00:01:05,756
on city hall this year.
30
00:01:05,892 --> 00:01:07,508
Mrs. Adler, Ms. Feldman,
you will be assisting
31
00:01:07,593 --> 00:01:08,893
with field day.
32
00:01:08,978 --> 00:01:11,061
Ah, this will be just like
being a wedding planner,
33
00:01:11,147 --> 00:01:13,731
but without all the homicidal
feelings of jealous.
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Don't worry. We'll make you guys
35
00:01:15,268 --> 00:01:16,092
feel super involved.
36
00:01:16,202 --> 00:01:17,490
Not necessary.
37
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These two control freaks in charge?
38
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- Mama's not doing shiz.
- Mm-hmm.
39
00:01:21,357 --> 00:01:24,024
- What about me?
- Sorry.
40
00:01:24,110 --> 00:01:25,609
I often forget that you're here.
41
00:01:25,745 --> 00:01:29,780
You will be teaching
after-school sex ed.
42
00:01:29,916 --> 00:01:31,115
I don't want to teach sex ed.
43
00:01:31,250 --> 00:01:33,200
Ms. Bennigan, sometimes
we have to do things
44
00:01:33,286 --> 00:01:34,084
we don't want to.
45
00:01:34,170 --> 00:01:36,086
I, for example, just had to have
46
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this conversation with all of you.
47
00:01:43,679 --> 00:01:47,381
You guys, I can't teach sex ed.
48
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What I'm about to reveal to you
is very personal.
49
00:01:52,939 --> 00:01:54,555
I don't know how to say this,
50
00:01:54,640 --> 00:01:56,390
but I'm a...
51
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all: Virgin.
52
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How'd you know?
53
00:01:58,978 --> 00:02:00,644
Mary Louise, you thought a blow job
54
00:02:00,730 --> 00:02:02,279
was a fancy hairdo.
55
00:02:02,365 --> 00:02:04,281
What else would it be?
56
00:02:07,238 --> 00:02:11,989
Synced & corrected by -robtor-
www.addic7ed.com
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00:02:12,074 --> 00:02:13,207
58
00:02:13,326 --> 00:02:14,825
Tear it down
59
00:02:17,497 --> 00:02:20,831
Ms. Snap? Hi, I'm Charles's mother Rita.
60
00:02:20,917 --> 00:02:22,750
- Hi, nice to meet you.
- Pleasure.
61
00:02:22,835 --> 00:02:25,970
I heard you're running
the after-school gifted program.
62
00:02:26,055 --> 00:02:27,221
How'd you hear that?
63
00:02:27,340 --> 00:02:28,839
I was just assigned it this morning.
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00:02:28,925 --> 00:02:31,258
Well, I am the president of the PTA.
65
00:02:31,344 --> 00:02:32,160
I hear everything.
66
00:02:32,245 --> 00:02:34,061
[both chuckle]
67
00:02:34,180 --> 00:02:35,179
You know what?
68
00:02:35,264 --> 00:02:38,315
I want you to put my son
in the gifted program.
69
00:02:38,401 --> 00:02:41,352
[quacking]
70
00:02:43,940 --> 00:02:46,857
Charles is a fine student,
but I don't think
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00:02:46,943 --> 00:02:48,148
he would be happy in the program.
72
00:02:48,234 --> 00:02:50,502
- Really?
- Yeah, it's pretty advanced.
73
00:02:50,587 --> 00:02:52,913
Well, maybe I didn't
make myself clear.
74
00:02:53,032 --> 00:02:57,418
I expect him to be placed
in the gifted program.
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00:02:57,537 --> 00:02:58,489
Excuse me?
76
00:02:58,574 --> 00:03:00,504
Wow, I assumed the teacher assigned
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00:03:00,590 --> 00:03:04,091
to the gifted program would be
a little quicker on the uptake.
78
00:03:04,210 --> 00:03:07,344
- I'm president of the PTA.
- I got that.
79
00:03:07,430 --> 00:03:09,630
And I think it is so great
for women who don't work
80
00:03:09,715 --> 00:03:11,382
to have a little club to belong to.
81
00:03:11,517 --> 00:03:13,517
Oh, you do? [laughs]
82
00:03:13,603 --> 00:03:15,052
Look, if you fail to make this happen,
83
00:03:15,137 --> 00:03:16,554
my "little club" will make your life
84
00:03:16,689 --> 00:03:18,188
a living hell.
85
00:03:18,274 --> 00:03:20,057
[both laughing]
86
00:03:20,192 --> 00:03:22,860
It's the PTA, not the CIA.
87
00:03:22,945 --> 00:03:24,228
[whispers] Is it?
88
00:03:24,363 --> 00:03:26,780
[menacing music]
89
00:03:26,899 --> 00:03:28,732
[rock music]
90
00:03:28,818 --> 00:03:30,034
This is gonna be great.
91
00:03:30,119 --> 00:03:32,620
I know. I loved field day as a kid.
92
00:03:32,738 --> 00:03:35,205
And we're clearly the right
pair to be in charge.
93
00:03:35,291 --> 00:03:37,241
If you could have sex with anyone,
94
00:03:37,376 --> 00:03:40,878
but immediately after,
your head would explode,
95
00:03:40,963 --> 00:03:42,746
who would you choose?
96
00:03:42,882 --> 00:03:44,915
- Cheech and Chong.
- You can't choose two.
97
00:03:45,001 --> 00:03:46,417
You have to choose one.
98
00:03:46,502 --> 00:03:49,574
Oh, my God.
This is like "Sophie's Choice."
99
00:03:50,501 --> 00:03:52,492
Ugh, I choose Cheech.
100
00:03:53,476 --> 00:03:56,343
But Chong gets to watch.
101
00:03:56,429 --> 00:03:57,394
Mm, hot.
102
00:03:57,480 --> 00:03:59,013
Ugh, you were saying?
103
00:03:59,098 --> 00:04:00,397
Field day's a great way
to teach children
104
00:04:00,483 --> 00:04:01,398
about community.
105
00:04:01,484 --> 00:04:03,267
Totally. And it introduces kids
106
00:04:03,402 --> 00:04:05,903
to the reality that there are
winners and losers in life.
107
00:04:05,988 --> 00:04:08,272
- I'm sorry?
- You know.
108
00:04:08,407 --> 00:04:10,324
That some people are better than others.
109
00:04:10,443 --> 00:04:12,693
Wait, just because you win
doesn't mean you're
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00:04:12,778 --> 00:04:14,278
better than another person.
111
00:04:14,413 --> 00:04:17,414
Everybody wins if they try hard
and have a positive attitude.
112
00:04:17,500 --> 00:04:20,784
Uh, wrong. Listen, I am who I am today
113
00:04:20,920 --> 00:04:23,787
because I placed first in
four national dressage tourneys
114
00:04:23,923 --> 00:04:26,006
and I won my debutante ball.
115
00:04:26,125 --> 00:04:28,375
I didn't know that was a competition.
116
00:04:28,461 --> 00:04:30,044
- I made it one.
- God!
117
00:04:30,129 --> 00:04:33,213
Stupid jump ropes suck ass.
118
00:04:33,299 --> 00:04:35,432
Hey! Stop playing around, you guys.
119
00:04:35,518 --> 00:04:37,217
We still have to separate orange cones
120
00:04:37,303 --> 00:04:40,471
and sweep out the volleyball area.
121
00:04:40,556 --> 00:04:43,774
[foreboding beats]
122
00:04:43,859 --> 00:04:45,809
123
00:04:45,945 --> 00:04:47,144
Okay.
124
00:04:47,279 --> 00:04:50,030
Let's get this boat in the water.
125
00:04:50,149 --> 00:04:54,368
Who knows what S-E-X is?
126
00:04:58,491 --> 00:05:01,659
No one's parents taught them anything?
127
00:05:01,794 --> 00:05:03,043
Okay.
128
00:05:03,162 --> 00:05:05,212
Why don't we start with these models?
129
00:05:05,331 --> 00:05:08,298
[dramatic musical flourish]
130
00:05:08,384 --> 00:05:10,634
Okay.
131
00:05:12,755 --> 00:05:14,421
Wowzers.
132
00:05:14,507 --> 00:05:16,340
[breathing heavily]
133
00:05:16,475 --> 00:05:17,725
Okay.
134
00:05:17,843 --> 00:05:21,522
Who knows what this is?
135
00:05:21,607 --> 00:05:23,764
- A monster?
- What?
136
00:05:23,849 --> 00:05:25,399
A maze?
137
00:05:25,518 --> 00:05:29,987
This is a 3-D model of the
female reproductive system.
138
00:05:30,072 --> 00:05:32,773
Okay. And...
139
00:05:32,858 --> 00:05:36,527
who knows what this is?
140
00:05:36,662 --> 00:05:37,861
A wiener.
141
00:05:37,947 --> 00:05:40,698
- Also known as?
- A [BLEEP].
142
00:05:40,833 --> 00:05:42,583
Wiener works. Okay.
143
00:05:42,702 --> 00:05:45,619
[whispering] That means that
these must be the berries.
144
00:05:45,705 --> 00:05:47,705
all: Whoa.
145
00:05:47,790 --> 00:05:49,757
Ms. Bennigan?
146
00:05:49,875 --> 00:05:51,208
- [whispers] Hot Dad.
- Hi.
147
00:05:51,293 --> 00:05:53,677
I'm your after-school
parent volunteer this week.
148
00:05:53,763 --> 00:05:55,212
What are we...
149
00:05:55,297 --> 00:05:58,432
- [laughing softly]
- Working on?
150
00:05:58,551 --> 00:06:01,468
[laughing]
151
00:06:03,950 --> 00:06:05,283
[rock music]
Tear it down
152
00:06:08,621 --> 00:06:10,288
Those jump ropes were the worst.
153
00:06:10,373 --> 00:06:12,206
It was a like a Rubik's Cube
and a Sudoku
154
00:06:12,292 --> 00:06:14,258
banged each other and had a devil baby.
155
00:06:14,344 --> 00:06:16,627
Yeah, these new
assignments gargle ass.
156
00:06:16,763 --> 00:06:18,129
I know. They suck.
157
00:06:18,214 --> 00:06:20,798
The president of the PTA
threatened me today.
158
00:06:20,883 --> 00:06:22,391
- [gasps]
- Rita Towers?
159
00:06:22,527 --> 00:06:23,551
She's a nightmare.
160
00:06:23,636 --> 00:06:25,970
I wouldn't buy anything
from the PTA bake sale one year,
161
00:06:26,105 --> 00:06:28,222
so she stuck the kid
with oppositional disorder
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00:06:28,308 --> 00:06:29,307
in my class.
163
00:06:29,392 --> 00:06:30,558
[gasps]
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00:06:30,643 --> 00:06:32,193
She wants her kid
in the gifted program,
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00:06:32,312 --> 00:06:33,144
but he would be miserable.
166
00:06:33,229 --> 00:06:35,196
He thinks Lake Michigan is an ocean.
167
00:06:35,315 --> 00:06:37,448
I already bought
a giant winner's trophy.
168
00:06:37,533 --> 00:06:39,784
I already bought 300 ribbons
that say "Special" on them.
169
00:06:39,869 --> 00:06:41,652
Perfect. We can stuff them
into the trophy
170
00:06:41,788 --> 00:06:43,821
to reinforce how special the winner is.
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00:06:43,906 --> 00:06:45,873
My assignment's a real stinker.
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00:06:45,992 --> 00:06:47,742
Sex ed? Can't be that bad.
173
00:06:47,827 --> 00:06:51,329
It is. I still have my hymen!
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00:06:51,414 --> 00:06:54,799
My after-school parent volunteer
is Hot Dad.
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00:06:54,884 --> 00:06:56,500
How am I supposed to explain
sex ed in front
176
00:06:56,636 --> 00:06:57,835
of the best-looking man
to walk the Earth
177
00:06:57,971 --> 00:06:59,420
since Donny Osmond?
178
00:06:59,505 --> 00:07:01,389
- Oh, you lucky bitch.
- Yeah.
179
00:07:01,507 --> 00:07:03,090
This is a huge opportunity.
180
00:07:03,176 --> 00:07:05,226
You teaching sex ed
in front of Hot Dad
181
00:07:05,345 --> 00:07:07,345
is just like the female
baboon presenting her
182
00:07:07,480 --> 00:07:10,514
swollen, orange buttocks
to attract a sexual partner.
183
00:07:10,650 --> 00:07:12,850
Ugh, that's not what I was thinking.
184
00:07:12,986 --> 00:07:14,819
That is exactly what I was thinking.
185
00:07:14,904 --> 00:07:16,237
[rock music]
186
00:07:16,356 --> 00:07:20,191
Energy from the sun is
actually food for plants.
187
00:07:20,326 --> 00:07:22,326
[gasps] Oh.
188
00:07:22,412 --> 00:07:24,445
Mm. Too hot.
189
00:07:24,530 --> 00:07:25,579
- Ms. Snap.
- Marty.
190
00:07:25,698 --> 00:07:27,031
I'm in the middle of a lesson.
191
00:07:27,166 --> 00:07:28,666
I'm here to tell you
that Mrs. Towers will be
192
00:07:28,751 --> 00:07:30,201
your room parent for the week.
193
00:07:30,286 --> 00:07:32,036
Mrs. Schneider is my room parent.
194
00:07:32,121 --> 00:07:33,704
There's been a change.
195
00:07:33,790 --> 00:07:35,256
Mrs. Towers will be your room parent
196
00:07:35,375 --> 00:07:36,507
for as long as she wants.
197
00:07:36,592 --> 00:07:37,958
Ohh, thank you, Marty.
198
00:07:38,044 --> 00:07:39,510
I will be sure to add your proposal
199
00:07:39,595 --> 00:07:43,347
for Administrator's Appreciation
Week to our agenda.
200
00:07:43,433 --> 00:07:45,850
[laughs] Thank you so much.
201
00:07:49,856 --> 00:07:51,722
Okay. I'm onto your game.
202
00:07:51,858 --> 00:07:54,225
But it is so nice to have you.
203
00:07:54,360 --> 00:07:57,061
Please, take a seat.
204
00:07:57,196 --> 00:07:59,730
[ominous musical flourish]
205
00:07:59,866 --> 00:08:01,232
[sighs]
206
00:08:01,367 --> 00:08:02,700
207
00:08:02,785 --> 00:08:04,902
Okay, so where were we?
208
00:08:05,038 --> 00:08:07,071
With all of that sunshine and water
209
00:08:07,156 --> 00:08:09,740
and carbon dioxide,
in the plants' bellies.
210
00:08:09,826 --> 00:08:12,743
Oh, uh, plants don't have bellies.
211
00:08:12,879 --> 00:08:15,413
Heh. They have chloroplasts.
212
00:08:15,548 --> 00:08:17,465
- What?
- Chloroplasts.
213
00:08:17,583 --> 00:08:21,719
Chloroplasts convert
energy molecules, not bellies.
214
00:08:21,804 --> 00:08:23,980
That's so helpful. Thank you.
215
00:08:24,065 --> 00:08:25,152
- Mm.
- [laughs]
216
00:08:25,237 --> 00:08:26,891
Like I said, with all of the nutrients
217
00:08:26,976 --> 00:08:31,345
in the plants' chloroplasts,
they turn green...
218
00:08:31,431 --> 00:08:35,516
Actually, the green color
comes from chlorophyll.
219
00:08:35,601 --> 00:08:37,601
You should probably teach at the top
220
00:08:37,687 --> 00:08:39,437
of your intelligence level.
221
00:08:39,522 --> 00:08:43,074
Oh, oh, maybe you're there already.
222
00:08:43,159 --> 00:08:46,777
[ominous musical flourish]
223
00:08:46,863 --> 00:08:48,779
Will you guys excuse me?
224
00:08:50,199 --> 00:08:52,616
I am onto you, bitch,
and I'm not putting
225
00:08:52,702 --> 00:08:54,668
your basic son in my gifted program
226
00:08:54,787 --> 00:08:56,287
no matter what you do.
227
00:08:56,422 --> 00:08:58,839
You don't get it.
228
00:08:58,958 --> 00:09:01,792
The PTA isn't just me.
229
00:09:01,878 --> 00:09:04,962
[menacing music]
230
00:09:05,047 --> 00:09:07,431
Huh, a bunch of students
standing around
231
00:09:07,517 --> 00:09:08,799
holding each other?
232
00:09:08,885 --> 00:09:11,185
"Circle hug" is not a game.
There's no winner.
233
00:09:11,304 --> 00:09:13,304
Everyone wins because
everyone feels loved.
234
00:09:13,439 --> 00:09:15,306
- It's perfect.
- It's diarrhea.
235
00:09:15,441 --> 00:09:17,224
Someone doesn't always have to win.
236
00:09:17,310 --> 00:09:18,809
Uh, okay. I don't have time
237
00:09:18,895 --> 00:09:20,611
to explain America to you right now.
238
00:09:20,696 --> 00:09:22,897
Hey, we're done
separating the soccer balls
239
00:09:22,982 --> 00:09:24,482
from the volleyballs
240
00:09:24,617 --> 00:09:28,152
and laying out the chalk lines
and putting up the nets.
241
00:09:28,287 --> 00:09:30,571
Are you guys gonna do anything?
242
00:09:30,656 --> 00:09:32,990
We were assuming that the people
in charge of field day
243
00:09:33,126 --> 00:09:35,626
might actually participate
in setting it up.
244
00:09:35,711 --> 00:09:37,912
Okay, we're wrestling
245
00:09:37,997 --> 00:09:40,080
with the sociological
implications of field day,
246
00:09:40,166 --> 00:09:41,665
which you could not possibly understand.
247
00:09:41,751 --> 00:09:42,716
Yeah.
248
00:09:42,835 --> 00:09:44,084
We're the queen bees,
249
00:09:44,170 --> 00:09:45,886
and you're the worker bees.
250
00:09:46,005 --> 00:09:47,755
Just accept your roles
251
00:09:47,840 --> 00:09:50,508
and go sort the Wiffle balls.
252
00:09:50,593 --> 00:09:51,809
Okay?
253
00:09:51,894 --> 00:09:53,761
[martial drum music]
254
00:09:53,846 --> 00:09:55,930
Sweater-wearing whore.
255
00:09:56,015 --> 00:09:58,182
Tabbouleh-breath bitch.
256
00:09:58,317 --> 00:09:59,817
Oh,
257
00:09:59,902 --> 00:10:01,685
there will be blood.
258
00:10:01,821 --> 00:10:03,354
[whimsical music]
259
00:10:03,439 --> 00:10:07,191
Yesterday we talked about these.
260
00:10:07,276 --> 00:10:08,859
The wiener and the maze?
261
00:10:08,945 --> 00:10:12,363
Yes, the wiener and the maze.
262
00:10:12,498 --> 00:10:13,998
263
00:10:14,083 --> 00:10:17,585
So this is filled with little tadpoles.
264
00:10:17,703 --> 00:10:19,170
265
00:10:19,255 --> 00:10:23,541
And this is filled with a great big egg.
266
00:10:23,626 --> 00:10:24,875
You dropped the maze.
267
00:10:24,961 --> 00:10:27,678
Uh, actually this is a cross section
268
00:10:27,763 --> 00:10:30,014
of the female reproductive system.
269
00:10:30,099 --> 00:10:31,015
Don't worry, Ms. Bennigan.
270
00:10:31,100 --> 00:10:32,466
I was in medical school for a year
271
00:10:32,552 --> 00:10:34,218
before I dropped out
to take better care of Blake.
272
00:10:34,303 --> 00:10:36,103
[whispers] Hot Doctor.
273
00:10:36,222 --> 00:10:37,638
Okay.
274
00:10:37,723 --> 00:10:38,856
This is a penis.
275
00:10:38,941 --> 00:10:41,225
When a man is sexually aroused,
276
00:10:41,310 --> 00:10:42,526
the penis encourages with blood
277
00:10:42,612 --> 00:10:44,395
and becomes erect so it
can enter the vagina.
278
00:10:44,530 --> 00:10:45,980
[gasps]
279
00:10:46,065 --> 00:10:47,898
[whispers] You got this.
280
00:10:48,034 --> 00:10:50,985
The vagina has many different parts.
281
00:10:51,070 --> 00:10:54,238
This larger fold is a labia majora,
282
00:10:54,373 --> 00:10:57,074
and underneath is a labia minora,
283
00:10:57,210 --> 00:10:58,993
which cups this opening here
284
00:10:59,078 --> 00:11:00,244
where the penis enters.
285
00:11:00,379 --> 00:11:01,579
[grunts]
286
00:11:01,714 --> 00:11:04,415
Now, the vagina is prepared
for the penis to enter
287
00:11:04,500 --> 00:11:07,001
because it's already
produced a lubricating mucus.
288
00:11:07,086 --> 00:11:09,086
Ms. Bennigan, can you please
bring the vagina closer
289
00:11:09,222 --> 00:11:12,590
so that I can demonstrate
sexual intercourse?
290
00:11:12,725 --> 00:11:14,725
[sultry music]
291
00:11:14,810 --> 00:11:17,678
The penis will enter...
292
00:11:17,763 --> 00:11:18,762
[gasps]
293
00:11:18,848 --> 00:11:20,431
And reenter...
294
00:11:20,566 --> 00:11:21,649
[gasps]
295
00:11:21,767 --> 00:11:23,651
And reenter...
296
00:11:23,769 --> 00:11:25,686
[gasping]
297
00:11:25,771 --> 00:11:27,605
And reenter...
298
00:11:27,740 --> 00:11:28,606
299
00:11:28,741 --> 00:11:30,491
And reenter
300
00:11:30,610 --> 00:11:33,110
until the male climaxes and ejaculates,
301
00:11:33,246 --> 00:11:34,612
fertilizing the egg.
302
00:11:34,747 --> 00:11:36,080
[gasping]
303
00:11:46,008 --> 00:11:48,042
I guess that could be
a part of it too.
304
00:11:48,127 --> 00:11:50,544
[inhales and moans]
305
00:11:53,513 --> 00:11:54,762
[rock music]
Tear it down
306
00:11:54,897 --> 00:11:55,930
307
00:11:56,015 --> 00:11:58,065
Tear it down
308
00:11:58,151 --> 00:12:00,768
Sorry. I can't get it either.
309
00:12:01,281 --> 00:12:02,414
That's cool.
310
00:12:02,533 --> 00:12:04,116
We can turn it into an event.
311
00:12:04,201 --> 00:12:05,700
Oh, hey, I got one.
312
00:12:05,786 --> 00:12:08,587
If you can kick your
steel-toed combat boot
313
00:12:08,705 --> 00:12:11,206
from here into that
garbage can across the room,
314
00:12:11,341 --> 00:12:13,208
you get to have sex
with Stacian Lawrence.
315
00:12:13,343 --> 00:12:15,927
[gasps] From the local pizza ads?
316
00:12:16,046 --> 00:12:17,045
Oh, my panties.
317
00:12:17,131 --> 00:12:19,181
Sex, sex, sex...
318
00:12:19,266 --> 00:12:20,715
is that all anyone thinks about?
319
00:12:20,851 --> 00:12:23,885
Why is everyone so obsessed with sex?
320
00:12:24,021 --> 00:12:25,554
Is it really that great?
321
00:12:25,639 --> 00:12:26,605
Yeah.
322
00:12:26,723 --> 00:12:28,223
- You okay, ML?
- No.
323
00:12:28,308 --> 00:12:31,276
Teaching sex ed
with Hot Dad was a mistake.
324
00:12:31,395 --> 00:12:33,895
Then I kissed him...
325
00:12:34,031 --> 00:12:35,564
- Sort of.
- Uh-oh.
326
00:12:35,649 --> 00:12:37,699
Sounds like you took it
a little too far.
327
00:12:37,784 --> 00:12:39,151
Doi!
328
00:12:39,236 --> 00:12:42,287
I'll never be comfortable with sex.
329
00:12:42,406 --> 00:12:45,290
Now Hot Dad thinks I'm a total doof box.
330
00:12:45,409 --> 00:12:46,741
I'm never gonna get married,
331
00:12:46,877 --> 00:12:48,660
and then saving my hymen
will have been for nothing!
332
00:12:48,745 --> 00:12:50,078
Hey, where's the ball bag?
333
00:12:50,164 --> 00:12:52,247
Under the penis!
334
00:12:52,382 --> 00:12:54,249
I am not an idiot!
335
00:12:57,387 --> 00:12:59,171
Right over here.
336
00:12:59,256 --> 00:13:02,224
[warbling electronic music]
337
00:13:02,309 --> 00:13:04,342
338
00:13:04,428 --> 00:13:05,760
[tires screech]
339
00:13:05,896 --> 00:13:07,312
340
00:13:07,431 --> 00:13:08,680
What is going on?
341
00:13:08,765 --> 00:13:11,233
Oh, we're having a bake sale.
342
00:13:11,318 --> 00:13:12,517
In my parking spot?
343
00:13:12,603 --> 00:13:14,736
We're the PTA.
344
00:13:14,821 --> 00:13:16,655
We will kill you.
345
00:13:16,773 --> 00:13:17,739
What?
346
00:13:17,824 --> 00:13:19,774
[all laughing]
347
00:13:19,910 --> 00:13:22,827
[women cackling]
348
00:13:22,946 --> 00:13:26,164
[foreboding music]
349
00:13:26,283 --> 00:13:27,415
[ominous musical flourish]
350
00:13:27,501 --> 00:13:28,783
What happened to my desk?
351
00:13:28,869 --> 00:13:31,286
- [clears throat]
- [gasps]
352
00:13:31,371 --> 00:13:33,455
The PTA needed it.
353
00:13:33,540 --> 00:13:36,625
[ominous music]
354
00:13:36,760 --> 00:13:41,263
355
00:13:41,348 --> 00:13:42,347
[screams]
356
00:13:42,466 --> 00:13:43,298
357
00:13:43,433 --> 00:13:44,349
Ahh!
358
00:13:44,468 --> 00:13:45,717
359
00:13:45,802 --> 00:13:49,471
[grunting]
360
00:13:49,606 --> 00:13:52,691
[whimsical music]
361
00:13:52,809 --> 00:13:58,196
362
00:13:58,315 --> 00:13:59,648
[sighs and grunts]
363
00:13:59,783 --> 00:14:01,149
[doll head pops and smacks]
364
00:14:01,235 --> 00:14:02,484
[gasps]
365
00:14:02,619 --> 00:14:03,652
That's how the baby comes out.
366
00:14:03,787 --> 00:14:04,953
- [gasps]
- The end.
367
00:14:05,038 --> 00:14:06,488
[gasps]
368
00:14:08,408 --> 00:14:10,125
Why don't you have a baby?
369
00:14:10,210 --> 00:14:11,793
Well...
370
00:14:11,878 --> 00:14:13,795
because I'm not married yet.
371
00:14:13,880 --> 00:14:16,464
You don't have to be
married to have a baby.
372
00:14:16,550 --> 00:14:18,383
My cousin Savannah got pregnant,
373
00:14:18,502 --> 00:14:20,502
and she doesn't even have a boyfriend.
374
00:14:20,587 --> 00:14:23,505
Well, some people think
that you should wait.
375
00:14:23,590 --> 00:14:25,724
Yeah, losers and fraidycats.
376
00:14:25,842 --> 00:14:27,309
I'm not a fraidycat.
377
00:14:27,394 --> 00:14:30,679
[gentle piano music]
378
00:14:30,814 --> 00:14:31,930
379
00:14:32,015 --> 00:14:33,515
[inhales sharply]
380
00:14:33,650 --> 00:14:35,900
[exhales] I'm a virgin.
381
00:14:36,019 --> 00:14:37,519
382
00:14:37,654 --> 00:14:39,354
Is there something wrong with you?
383
00:14:39,439 --> 00:14:41,189
No.
384
00:14:41,325 --> 00:14:45,026
I'm just choosing to wait
for the right person,
385
00:14:45,112 --> 00:14:48,446
and I know that's not
very attractive to some people,
386
00:14:48,532 --> 00:14:50,198
but it's who I am.
387
00:14:50,284 --> 00:14:52,250
And someday, all of you
388
00:14:52,369 --> 00:14:54,002
will have to make that choice too.
389
00:14:54,087 --> 00:14:55,704
390
00:14:55,789 --> 00:14:57,699
Just because your friends have sex
391
00:14:57,761 --> 00:14:59,010
without so much as a how-de-do
392
00:14:59,073 --> 00:15:00,342
doesn't mean that you have to.
393
00:15:00,427 --> 00:15:02,043
Hmm.
394
00:15:02,179 --> 00:15:03,044
395
00:15:03,180 --> 00:15:04,462
[chuckles]
396
00:15:04,548 --> 00:15:07,048
I just taught you guys
something about sex.
397
00:15:07,134 --> 00:15:10,218
398
00:15:10,354 --> 00:15:12,053
[clears throat]
399
00:15:12,189 --> 00:15:14,055
[sighs]
400
00:15:14,141 --> 00:15:16,057
[door clicks and thuds]
401
00:15:16,143 --> 00:15:17,192
[rock music]
402
00:15:17,277 --> 00:15:18,226
[whistle blows]
403
00:15:18,362 --> 00:15:19,978
404
00:15:20,063 --> 00:15:21,529
[laughter]
405
00:15:21,615 --> 00:15:22,981
Okay, guys, we're gonna play
406
00:15:23,066 --> 00:15:25,734
a super fun game called
the invisible shoe kick.
407
00:15:25,869 --> 00:15:27,952
Why don't we just kick our real shoes?
408
00:15:28,071 --> 00:15:29,738
Because yesterday when Mrs. Adler
409
00:15:29,873 --> 00:15:31,573
kicked her steel-toed boot,
410
00:15:31,658 --> 00:15:33,575
she hit Mr. Spinnoli in the head,
411
00:15:33,660 --> 00:15:36,161
and now he's getting
something called an MRI.
412
00:15:36,246 --> 00:15:38,246
All right, popular kids in the middle.
413
00:15:38,332 --> 00:15:39,631
Everyone else grab a ball.
414
00:15:39,750 --> 00:15:42,884
What's this stupid game
called, anyway?
415
00:15:42,969 --> 00:15:44,169
Getting even.
416
00:15:44,254 --> 00:15:45,387
[whistle blows]
417
00:15:45,472 --> 00:15:46,471
[rock music]
418
00:15:46,590 --> 00:15:48,089
Go, go, go. Go, go, go.
419
00:15:48,175 --> 00:15:49,474
[screaming]
420
00:15:49,593 --> 00:15:52,010
421
00:15:52,095 --> 00:15:53,895
[whistle blowing]
422
00:15:53,980 --> 00:15:56,264
Man: Everyone please line upfor the three-legged race.
423
00:15:56,400 --> 00:15:57,766
Okay, I am tweaking out.
424
00:15:57,901 --> 00:15:59,934
The PTA is seriously out to get me.
425
00:16:00,070 --> 00:16:01,319
I'm pretty sure they visited my mom
426
00:16:01,438 --> 00:16:02,437
in her nursing home.
427
00:16:02,572 --> 00:16:04,656
- Oh, my God.
- I know.
428
00:16:04,775 --> 00:16:06,441
I'm, like, scared.
429
00:16:06,526 --> 00:16:08,443
Runners, on your mark.
430
00:16:08,528 --> 00:16:10,195
- Get set.
- Ahh!
431
00:16:10,280 --> 00:16:11,496
[grunting]
432
00:16:11,615 --> 00:16:12,614
- [gunshot]
- Please stop!
433
00:16:12,749 --> 00:16:14,332
- Come on!
- Stop! Stop!
434
00:16:14,451 --> 00:16:15,784
[yelling]
435
00:16:15,869 --> 00:16:18,253
Well, ladies, looks like today
436
00:16:18,338 --> 00:16:19,954
has been quite a success.
437
00:16:20,090 --> 00:16:21,623
Yeah, pretty good.
438
00:16:21,708 --> 00:16:23,291
Wait. Where are Watson and Cannon?
439
00:16:23,377 --> 00:16:25,126
I would like to congratulate them.
440
00:16:25,262 --> 00:16:27,512
- I haven't seen 'em. You?
- Nope.
441
00:16:27,631 --> 00:16:28,880
- [tapping]- [grunts]
442
00:16:28,965 --> 00:16:31,383
Feldman, Adler, unlock this door!
443
00:16:31,468 --> 00:16:33,051
Come on!
444
00:16:33,136 --> 00:16:34,302
Let us out!
445
00:16:34,388 --> 00:16:36,805
Hello! We're in charge!
446
00:16:36,940 --> 00:16:38,390
[grunts]
447
00:16:38,475 --> 00:16:42,110
Now tell me it doesn't matter
who wins and loses.
448
00:16:42,195 --> 00:16:44,396
[sighs] God.
449
00:16:44,481 --> 00:16:47,148
I have to go to the bathroom.
450
00:16:47,284 --> 00:16:51,069
Here, use this.
451
00:16:52,989 --> 00:16:55,123
Fine, but I'm gonna wipe
452
00:16:55,208 --> 00:16:57,041
with your ribbons.
453
00:16:59,713 --> 00:17:01,880
[rock music]
454
00:17:01,998 --> 00:17:05,083
Remember, Blake, keep
that lead leg long and high.
455
00:17:05,168 --> 00:17:06,968
[clapping]
456
00:17:07,053 --> 00:17:08,169
[whistle blows]
457
00:17:08,255 --> 00:17:09,170
Ms. Bennigan.
458
00:17:09,256 --> 00:17:10,171
[whispers] Hot Dad.
459
00:17:10,307 --> 00:17:12,090
Hi.
460
00:17:12,175 --> 00:17:15,844
Thanks so much for the sex with help ed.
461
00:17:15,929 --> 00:17:17,178
- [chuckles]
- [groans]
462
00:17:17,314 --> 00:17:18,847
[inhales sharply]
463
00:17:18,932 --> 00:17:20,231
I just want to let you know
464
00:17:20,350 --> 00:17:22,901
I thought you did a great job yesterday.
465
00:17:23,019 --> 00:17:24,652
- Oh.
- No, seriously.
466
00:17:24,738 --> 00:17:26,104
I thought it was
really cool how honest
467
00:17:26,189 --> 00:17:27,272
you were with the kids.
468
00:17:27,357 --> 00:17:28,573
Thank you.
469
00:17:28,692 --> 00:17:29,774
And you shouldn't be embarrassed
470
00:17:29,860 --> 00:17:30,992
about being a virgin.
471
00:17:31,077 --> 00:17:32,277
[both laugh]
472
00:17:32,362 --> 00:17:34,245
I think it's very sweet.
473
00:17:34,364 --> 00:17:37,165
[laughing and gasping]
474
00:17:37,250 --> 00:17:39,167
You okay?
475
00:17:39,252 --> 00:17:41,169
- Yeah!
- Ms. Bennigan?
476
00:17:41,254 --> 00:17:43,621
Yes! [grunting]
477
00:17:43,707 --> 00:17:46,291
[triumphant music]
478
00:17:46,376 --> 00:17:48,092
[squeaking]
479
00:17:48,211 --> 00:17:49,294
480
00:17:49,379 --> 00:17:50,428
[echoing knock]
481
00:17:50,547 --> 00:17:52,597
[gasping]
482
00:17:52,716 --> 00:17:54,849
[squeals] My hymen!
483
00:17:57,531 --> 00:17:58,497
[rock music]
Tear it down
484
00:17:58,582 --> 00:17:59,799
My little smarties,
485
00:17:59,884 --> 00:18:02,323
I am so excited to see
your artistic interpretation
486
00:18:02,457 --> 00:18:04,573
of "Stopping by Woods
on a Snowy Evening"
487
00:18:04,659 --> 00:18:05,992
by Robert Frost.
488
00:18:06,077 --> 00:18:07,576
[gasps]
489
00:18:07,662 --> 00:18:10,129
Oh, that is powerful.
490
00:18:10,214 --> 00:18:12,298
So moving.
491
00:18:12,400 --> 00:18:14,717
[gasps] Beautiful.
492
00:18:15,951 --> 00:18:17,317
Charles, can you explain your drawing?
493
00:18:17,875 --> 00:18:19,875
It's a hotdog.
494
00:18:28,160 --> 00:18:30,160
So gifted.
495
00:18:30,210 --> 00:18:34,760
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