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1
00:00:00,172 --> 00:00:06,375
Synced & corrected by -robtor-
www.addic7ed.com
2
00:00:09,654 --> 00:00:11,020
Everybody shut up.
3
00:00:11,106 --> 00:00:12,746
I've got dibs on the new AV camera today.
4
00:00:12,774 --> 00:00:14,010
Nobody check it out.
5
00:00:14,057 --> 00:00:15,825
I'm making my audition tape
for "The Bachelor."
6
00:00:15,910 --> 00:00:17,777
I totally forgot it is due
by 5:00 p.m. today.
7
00:00:17,862 --> 00:00:19,462
I can't believe you want to participate
8
00:00:19,531 --> 00:00:20,830
in that sexist institution.
9
00:00:20,915 --> 00:00:22,332
It's not sexist.
10
00:00:22,417 --> 00:00:23,700
It's almost all women.
11
00:00:23,785 --> 00:00:25,168
I don't think you understand.
12
00:00:25,253 --> 00:00:27,203
"The Bachelor" is the one reality show
13
00:00:27,288 --> 00:00:28,871
I'd actually go on...
14
00:00:28,957 --> 00:00:30,873
if I had a more flattering cry face.
15
00:00:30,959 --> 00:00:33,343
- I feel the same way about
"Steven Seagal: Lawman."
16
00:00:33,428 --> 00:00:37,295
"The Bachelor" reinforces
archaic gender stereotypes.
17
00:00:37,381 --> 00:00:38,298
I know.
18
00:00:38,349 --> 00:00:39,882
I would be so perfect for it.
19
00:00:39,968 --> 00:00:41,968
Who wants to be my cameraperson?
20
00:00:42,053 --> 00:00:43,363
Good lucking finding a woman
21
00:00:43,388 --> 00:00:44,854
who has low enough self-esteem
to enable you.
22
00:00:44,939 --> 00:00:46,439
- I'll do it.
- Mary Louise!
23
00:00:46,558 --> 00:00:47,558
Thank you.
24
00:00:47,642 --> 00:00:49,559
- [giggles]
- Yes.
25
00:00:49,644 --> 00:00:51,527
Good morning, ladies!
26
00:00:51,613 --> 00:00:53,279
I just want to remind everyone
27
00:00:53,398 --> 00:00:54,697
that Superintendent Greg
28
00:00:54,783 --> 00:00:55,982
is coming today.
29
00:00:56,067 --> 00:00:57,984
This visit needs to be flawless
30
00:00:58,069 --> 00:01:01,204
after Ms. Feldman's
potato battery explosion
31
00:01:01,289 --> 00:01:02,655
last year.
32
00:01:02,741 --> 00:01:05,291
I don't need another auto-tuned video of me
33
00:01:05,410 --> 00:01:06,792
on the Internet.
34
00:01:06,928 --> 00:01:09,746
Ah, there's spuds all over my face
35
00:01:09,831 --> 00:01:10,913
There's spuds
36
00:01:11,049 --> 00:01:12,915
Spuds all over my face
37
00:01:13,051 --> 00:01:15,752
Ah, there's spuds all over my face
38
00:01:15,837 --> 00:01:16,753
Help me
39
00:01:16,838 --> 00:01:18,254
Help me
40
00:01:18,339 --> 00:01:20,306
There's spuds all over my face
41
00:01:20,425 --> 00:01:21,758
Call 911
42
00:01:21,893 --> 00:01:25,178
I will not be humiliated like that again.
43
00:01:25,263 --> 00:01:26,396
Everyone needs to be
44
00:01:26,481 --> 00:01:27,930
on their best behavior.
45
00:01:28,016 --> 00:01:29,265
- Ms. Cannon.
- Oh.
46
00:01:29,350 --> 00:01:30,600
Don't worry.
47
00:01:30,685 --> 00:01:31,901
I'll be using fractions to teach about
48
00:01:31,986 --> 00:01:33,686
the inequalities transgender people face.
49
00:01:33,772 --> 00:01:35,188
[laughs]
50
00:01:37,162 --> 00:01:39,170
Absolutely not.
51
00:01:39,279 --> 00:01:40,943
You're studying shapes.
52
00:01:41,079 --> 00:01:42,990
Construction paper and glue.
53
00:01:43,115 --> 00:01:44,447
All day.
54
00:01:44,532 --> 00:01:46,082
Oh, and Feldman...
55
00:01:46,167 --> 00:01:47,834
we're skipping your classroom.
56
00:01:47,952 --> 00:01:49,512
I don't want the superintendent to know
57
00:01:49,537 --> 00:01:50,787
that you still teach here.
58
00:01:50,872 --> 00:01:53,506
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
59
00:01:53,625 --> 00:01:55,425
I'm prepared this year.
60
00:01:55,510 --> 00:01:57,794
I made a lesson plan.
61
00:01:57,929 --> 00:02:00,963
My class is doing a buttload
of oral reports,
62
00:02:01,099 --> 00:02:03,716
and I put this dress
on layaway at Marshalls
63
00:02:03,802 --> 00:02:05,635
two months ago.
64
00:02:05,770 --> 00:02:06,891
Not happening.
65
00:02:07,722 --> 00:02:08,844
Bro,
66
00:02:09,474 --> 00:02:11,724
just give me one more chance.
67
00:02:14,062 --> 00:02:15,361
Fine. We'll stop by.
68
00:02:15,480 --> 00:02:18,030
But if you want to continue teaching here,
69
00:02:18,149 --> 00:02:20,032
you will not embarrass me.
70
00:02:20,151 --> 00:02:23,903
I don't even know the meaning
of the word "embarrassment."
71
00:02:27,659 --> 00:02:28,825
Oh, Jesus.
72
00:02:28,960 --> 00:02:30,493
[rock music]
73
00:02:30,578 --> 00:02:32,795
Take a good look, guys.
74
00:02:32,881 --> 00:02:36,833
This is the man we've been
preparing all week to impress.
75
00:02:36,968 --> 00:02:39,001
Now, what are we gonna say
when he comes in?
76
00:02:39,087 --> 00:02:41,504
Buenos d?as, Superintendente.
77
00:02:41,589 --> 00:02:44,056
Bonjour, Directeur.
78
00:02:44,175 --> 00:02:46,676
Kon'nichiwa, Superintendent-San.
79
00:02:46,761 --> 00:02:48,678
That was great.
80
00:02:48,763 --> 00:02:49,746
Very natural.
81
00:02:49,777 --> 00:02:51,681
Should I show him how
I can fart with my armpit?
82
00:02:51,816 --> 00:02:52,816
[farting noises]
83
00:02:52,901 --> 00:02:53,925
[laughs]
84
00:02:54,010 --> 00:02:56,269
That might be too impressive, Jason.
85
00:02:56,354 --> 00:02:59,405
Let's keep that light under a bushel, okay?
86
00:02:59,524 --> 00:03:00,740
Hey.
87
00:03:00,859 --> 00:03:02,325
I bought you a "reading is a hoot" poster.
88
00:03:02,410 --> 00:03:04,660
Thought you could use it
to cover your 50 Cent collage.
89
00:03:04,746 --> 00:03:06,829
Thanks, but I already tricked it out.
90
00:03:06,915 --> 00:03:08,698
All right, guys, let's finish
our math homework.
91
00:03:08,783 --> 00:03:10,116
Cool.
92
00:03:12,337 --> 00:03:13,369
You okay?
93
00:03:13,454 --> 00:03:16,372
I'm dialed in with a laser-like focus.
94
00:03:16,508 --> 00:03:18,925
Every fiber of my being is dedicated
95
00:03:19,043 --> 00:03:20,593
to achieving one goal:
96
00:03:20,712 --> 00:03:24,380
Winning the respect of Pearson
and the superintendent.
97
00:03:24,516 --> 00:03:28,217
My entire life has led up to
this one moment.
98
00:03:28,303 --> 00:03:30,186
There's nothing that can stop me.
99
00:03:30,271 --> 00:03:33,055
Wow. Sounds like you got it all covered.
100
00:03:34,392 --> 00:03:35,975
Jason crawled up in the ceiling.
101
00:03:37,362 --> 00:03:39,946
I really hope Miss Snap gets on
"The Bachelor,"
102
00:03:40,064 --> 00:03:41,864
because she inspires me.
103
00:03:41,950 --> 00:03:43,199
I wanted to be a cheerleader,
104
00:03:43,284 --> 00:03:45,401
and Miss Snap coached me for the tryouts.
105
00:03:45,486 --> 00:03:47,069
Ready? Okay!
106
00:03:47,155 --> 00:03:48,955
One, two, three, four,
107
00:03:49,073 --> 00:03:51,157
five, six, seven, eight.
108
00:03:51,242 --> 00:03:53,125
Not only did I make the squad,
109
00:03:53,244 --> 00:03:55,077
I became head cheerleader.
110
00:03:55,163 --> 00:03:56,746
Thank you, Miss Snap.
111
00:03:57,832 --> 00:03:59,415
The superintendent is coming!
112
00:03:59,551 --> 00:04:00,883
Quick! Back to your seat.
113
00:04:05,543 --> 00:04:06,372
Chelsea,
114
00:04:06,457 --> 00:04:07,674
is it really worth lying
115
00:04:07,759 --> 00:04:09,141
just to get on "The Bachelor"?
116
00:04:09,260 --> 00:04:11,719
Clearly, you haven't seen the show.
117
00:04:11,838 --> 00:04:12,812
Now go!
118
00:04:12,931 --> 00:04:15,431
[whimpers] Okay.
119
00:04:15,567 --> 00:04:19,685
When I first learned about
the French-Indian War,
120
00:04:19,771 --> 00:04:21,402
I was at a foam party in Mexico.
121
00:04:21,537 --> 00:04:22,739
[rock music]
122
00:04:22,774 --> 00:04:23,858
Jason.
123
00:04:23,943 --> 00:04:26,776
We don't want Miss Feldman
to look like a poop-face teacher
124
00:04:26,861 --> 00:04:28,995
in front of the superintendent, do we?
125
00:04:29,113 --> 00:04:30,580
I don't care!
126
00:04:30,665 --> 00:04:32,698
Jason, please.
127
00:04:32,784 --> 00:04:33,950
If you come down right now,
128
00:04:34,085 --> 00:04:36,252
I'll give you ten dollars.
129
00:04:38,172 --> 00:04:43,676
Or three dollars and a Fro-Yo punch card.
130
00:04:43,795 --> 00:04:45,437
The next one's free!
131
00:04:45,523 --> 00:04:46,630
No!
132
00:04:49,517 --> 00:04:54,270
Oh, my gosh, Captain America
just walked in the room.
133
00:04:54,355 --> 00:04:57,440
Nice try. He's at the S.H.I.E.L.D.
Hover base.
134
00:04:57,525 --> 00:05:00,526
Jason, get your mother[bleep]
[bleep]-ass butt
135
00:05:00,645 --> 00:05:03,646
out of that mother[bleep]
[bleep]sucking ceiling.
136
00:05:03,781 --> 00:05:05,231
[children laugh]
137
00:05:06,985 --> 00:05:07,873
Is he down yet?
138
00:05:07,924 --> 00:05:09,288
So not down!
139
00:05:09,424 --> 00:05:10,987
And Miss Feldman cursed.
140
00:05:11,072 --> 00:05:13,489
[laughs] Oh, no she didn't.
141
00:05:13,574 --> 00:05:15,625
Hillary, can you go to Miss Feldman's
drawer
142
00:05:15,710 --> 00:05:18,347
and give everyone a Wendy's coupon?
143
00:05:18,483 --> 00:05:19,929
I've got an idea.
144
00:05:19,998 --> 00:05:21,747
- We can smoke him out.
- What is that?
145
00:05:21,833 --> 00:05:23,232
It's a bottle of Gap Dream
146
00:05:23,334 --> 00:05:25,334
one of my students gave me last Christmas.
147
00:05:25,470 --> 00:05:27,336
It's better than tear gas.
148
00:05:28,556 --> 00:05:31,007
[spraying]
149
00:05:33,845 --> 00:05:35,511
He'll be down in a second.
150
00:05:35,647 --> 00:05:37,313
[coughing]
151
00:05:37,398 --> 00:05:38,147
Oh, my God.
152
00:05:38,232 --> 00:05:39,515
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
153
00:05:39,651 --> 00:05:40,850
Jason, stay where you are!
154
00:05:40,985 --> 00:05:42,268
Oh!
155
00:05:42,353 --> 00:05:43,335
[gasps]
156
00:05:43,471 --> 00:05:45,104
He's on the move.
157
00:05:56,928 --> 00:05:59,044
Okay, guys. What do you think?
158
00:06:00,142 --> 00:06:01,308
Bigger.
159
00:06:02,939 --> 00:06:04,939
You're right. Good eye.
160
00:06:07,037 --> 00:06:08,337
Chelsea,
161
00:06:08,422 --> 00:06:09,955
I just watched an episode
of "The Bachelor."
162
00:06:10,040 --> 00:06:12,174
It's so romantic.
163
00:06:12,259 --> 00:06:13,291
You're right.
164
00:06:13,377 --> 00:06:14,960
It's totally worth lying for.
165
00:06:15,045 --> 00:06:15,768
I know.
166
00:06:15,793 --> 00:06:16,541
It's like an all-star game
167
00:06:16,566 --> 00:06:18,263
for morally corrupt young sexies.
168
00:06:18,382 --> 00:06:19,244
I have to be on it.
169
00:06:19,379 --> 00:06:21,550
We are gonna make you look so beautiful.
170
00:06:21,685 --> 00:06:23,301
- Totally slutty.
- Unpredictable.
171
00:06:23,387 --> 00:06:25,020
- Slightly mentally ill.
- Vulnerable.
172
00:06:25,105 --> 00:06:27,055
A victim who hates herself.
173
00:06:27,141 --> 00:06:29,441
Oh, my gosh.
174
00:06:29,560 --> 00:06:31,360
I'll get to hang out with you every day
175
00:06:31,445 --> 00:06:34,146
and then go home at night
and watch you on my TV.
176
00:06:34,231 --> 00:06:35,564
- Eee!
- [laughs]
177
00:06:35,649 --> 00:06:38,066
We'll always be together.
178
00:06:38,202 --> 00:06:39,208
Hey.
179
00:06:39,233 --> 00:06:41,381
Have you heard any strange noises
coming from the ceiling?
180
00:06:41,467 --> 00:06:42,537
No. Why?
181
00:06:42,623 --> 00:06:45,907
Talk in the hall. Helter-skelter.
182
00:06:48,045 --> 00:06:48,910
My bad, girl.
183
00:06:49,046 --> 00:06:50,212
[rock music]
184
00:06:50,297 --> 00:06:52,581
No sign of him here.
185
00:06:55,302 --> 00:06:56,802
How could you lose the kid in the ceiling?
186
00:06:56,920 --> 00:06:58,670
You're already on Pearson's shit list.
187
00:06:58,756 --> 00:06:59,888
I know!
188
00:06:59,973 --> 00:07:02,507
And that was just for blowing up
a dumb-ass potato.
189
00:07:02,593 --> 00:07:04,259
Can you imagine if he found out
190
00:07:04,344 --> 00:07:07,095
I started the 2013 lice outbreak?
191
00:07:07,231 --> 00:07:08,980
That went statewide.
192
00:07:09,099 --> 00:07:10,082
Statewide!
193
00:07:10,167 --> 00:07:12,117
You're the reason I had to cut my hair?
194
00:07:12,152 --> 00:07:14,144
I looked like Anne Hathaway
in the last half of "Les Mis."
195
00:07:14,230 --> 00:07:15,821
I thought you guys knew that.
196
00:07:15,939 --> 00:07:19,325
I was the only one who got them
in my hair down there.
197
00:07:19,410 --> 00:07:20,409
Lesson learned.
198
00:07:20,494 --> 00:07:22,611
Never buy a Fedora at Goodwill.
199
00:07:22,746 --> 00:07:23,779
[giggling]
200
00:07:23,914 --> 00:07:26,281
[clattering]
201
00:07:26,366 --> 00:07:29,668
I'm gonna tell! I'm gonna tell!
202
00:07:29,787 --> 00:07:31,169
This situation is FUBAR.
203
00:07:31,288 --> 00:07:32,921
I got to contain this kid.
204
00:07:38,178 --> 00:07:39,377
I can assure you, Superintendent,
205
00:07:39,463 --> 00:07:40,879
everyone's very excited
206
00:07:40,964 --> 00:07:42,881
to show you what they've been working on.
207
00:07:45,018 --> 00:07:48,136
And no potato batteries.
208
00:07:48,222 --> 00:07:49,271
That wasn't funny.
209
00:07:49,356 --> 00:07:50,605
[rock music]
210
00:07:50,691 --> 00:07:53,558
Very efficient cutting of circle, square,
211
00:07:53,644 --> 00:07:56,144
and triangle shapes, class.
212
00:07:56,280 --> 00:07:57,709
Let's keep it up.
213
00:07:58,365 --> 00:07:59,531
Miss Cannon, look!
214
00:07:59,564 --> 00:08:00,686
A snowman!
215
00:08:01,735 --> 00:08:03,368
A snow man?
216
00:08:03,487 --> 00:08:05,403
Can I ask you a question?
217
00:08:05,489 --> 00:08:07,539
Why is he a snow man?
218
00:08:07,658 --> 00:08:10,826
Uh, because he's a man
and he's made of snow.
219
00:08:10,911 --> 00:08:13,378
You know, you could make him a snow woman.
220
00:08:13,497 --> 00:08:14,880
But I don't want to.
221
00:08:14,998 --> 00:08:16,076
Why?
222
00:08:16,500 --> 00:08:18,550
Are you threatened
by the power of a snow woman?
223
00:08:18,669 --> 00:08:20,469
Do you know hard a snow woman has to work
224
00:08:20,554 --> 00:08:22,471
to stand in the same place as a snow man?
225
00:08:22,556 --> 00:08:24,306
And that's all the time we have here.
226
00:08:24,391 --> 00:08:25,609
Let's go to the gym
227
00:08:25,744 --> 00:08:28,260
and check in on Coach Boze's
fitness circuits.
228
00:08:29,847 --> 00:08:32,264
Is this better?
229
00:08:32,349 --> 00:08:34,182
Snow transitioning.
230
00:08:34,318 --> 00:08:35,684
I like it.
231
00:08:35,769 --> 00:08:36,817
[sighs]
232
00:08:36,902 --> 00:08:39,070
[frantic music]
233
00:08:39,189 --> 00:08:40,322
What's up?
234
00:08:40,407 --> 00:08:41,773
There's a raccoon in the ceiling.
235
00:08:41,859 --> 00:08:43,024
I'm-a blast him out.
236
00:08:43,160 --> 00:08:45,193
That's not a raccoon. That's Jason C.
237
00:08:45,279 --> 00:08:47,662
My ass is grass if Pearson finds out.
238
00:08:47,748 --> 00:08:49,531
Oh. Right on.
239
00:08:49,616 --> 00:08:50,782
I'll talk him down.
240
00:08:50,868 --> 00:08:52,284
I'm a volunteer with a suicide hotline.
241
00:08:52,369 --> 00:08:53,285
Really?
242
00:08:53,370 --> 00:08:54,920
- Just a hobby.
- Cool.
243
00:08:55,038 --> 00:08:56,038
Bummer.
244
00:08:56,123 --> 00:08:57,483
I really wanted to use this thing.
245
00:08:57,541 --> 00:08:58,957
And we're rolling, and we're rolling,
246
00:08:59,042 --> 00:09:00,175
and action!
247
00:09:00,260 --> 00:09:01,960
And that's how you do math.
248
00:09:02,045 --> 00:09:03,845
Chelsea, aren't you supposed to be
249
00:09:03,931 --> 00:09:05,881
teaching social studies right now?
250
00:09:05,966 --> 00:09:06,631
[gasps]
251
00:09:06,717 --> 00:09:08,517
What did you just say to me?
252
00:09:11,722 --> 00:09:15,690
I said, you're supposed to be
teaching social studies.
253
00:09:15,776 --> 00:09:18,393
[gasps] No one talks to me like that.
254
00:09:18,529 --> 00:09:21,363
[gasps] Ahhh!
255
00:09:21,448 --> 00:09:23,231
You're acting crazy.
256
00:09:23,367 --> 00:09:25,483
I am not crazy!
257
00:09:25,569 --> 00:09:26,785
[heavy breathing]
258
00:09:26,904 --> 00:09:29,538
[shrieking]
259
00:09:30,707 --> 00:09:32,407
I don't have a problem with women,
260
00:09:32,543 --> 00:09:34,910
but women sometimes have a problem with me.
261
00:09:35,996 --> 00:09:38,246
[screaming]
262
00:09:38,382 --> 00:09:39,548
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
263
00:09:39,633 --> 00:09:40,882
This isn't real. This is just acting.
264
00:09:40,968 --> 00:09:42,133
It's just catsup!
265
00:09:42,252 --> 00:09:44,172
I don't want you to be
on "The Bachelor" anymore.
266
00:09:44,254 --> 00:09:46,137
Don't say that, Tiffany.
267
00:09:46,256 --> 00:09:47,339
No, no, not like that.
268
00:09:47,424 --> 00:09:49,257
Just don't say that.
269
00:09:49,343 --> 00:09:50,892
Jason.
270
00:09:50,978 --> 00:09:53,011
I know how you feel.
271
00:09:53,096 --> 00:09:54,229
I've been there.
272
00:09:54,314 --> 00:09:55,314
16 years old.
273
00:09:55,432 --> 00:09:56,598
Your period's late.
274
00:09:56,683 --> 00:09:58,003
You don't know who the father is.
275
00:09:58,101 --> 00:10:00,569
But suicide is not the answer.
276
00:10:00,654 --> 00:10:02,687
Deb, he's an eight-year-old boy
in a ceiling,
277
00:10:02,773 --> 00:10:05,190
not a 16-year-old girl on a ledge.
278
00:10:05,275 --> 00:10:06,652
Leave this to a professional.
279
00:10:07,611 --> 00:10:11,112
I know the fantasy you're playing
through your mind.
280
00:10:11,248 --> 00:10:13,114
Your friends and family find you lying
281
00:10:13,250 --> 00:10:14,616
in a pool of your own blood,
282
00:10:14,751 --> 00:10:17,285
and that's when they realize
they were wrong.
283
00:10:17,371 --> 00:10:19,087
But the thing is,
284
00:10:19,172 --> 00:10:20,866
you won't be there to enjoy it.
285
00:10:21,375 --> 00:10:22,874
Because there's nothing after death,
286
00:10:22,960 --> 00:10:24,376
so nothing matters.
287
00:10:24,461 --> 00:10:25,594
Nothing matters?
288
00:10:25,679 --> 00:10:27,045
I'm not coming down.
289
00:10:27,130 --> 00:10:29,297
You got to find a new place to volunteer.
290
00:10:29,433 --> 00:10:30,298
I got it.
291
00:10:30,434 --> 00:10:31,299
I got it.
292
00:10:31,435 --> 00:10:32,634
Nobody can say no
293
00:10:32,769 --> 00:10:36,805
to Mr. Waffles,
the happy-go-lucky platypus.
294
00:10:36,890 --> 00:10:38,106
No.
295
00:10:38,191 --> 00:10:40,475
Don't be a puppet pooper, Deb.
296
00:10:42,980 --> 00:10:44,145
Jason,
297
00:10:44,231 --> 00:10:47,065
I have someone very special
I want you to meet.
298
00:10:50,954 --> 00:10:52,487
'Ello, Jason!
299
00:10:52,572 --> 00:10:54,873
Time to come down from the old ceiling,
300
00:10:54,992 --> 00:10:57,158
so why don't you grab a hold of me bill
301
00:10:57,294 --> 00:10:59,744
and I'll bloody well 'elp you down!
302
00:10:59,830 --> 00:11:01,162
[gasps]
303
00:11:01,248 --> 00:11:03,498
Uh, okay, Jason.
304
00:11:03,634 --> 00:11:06,084
That puppet took Miss Watson
eight weeks to make
305
00:11:06,169 --> 00:11:09,754
at an intensive intermediate
puppeteering workshop.
306
00:11:09,840 --> 00:11:11,423
So I'm just gonna need you
307
00:11:11,508 --> 00:11:13,892
to just gently pass him back down.
308
00:11:14,011 --> 00:11:14,893
[ripping]
309
00:11:15,012 --> 00:11:15,894
Oh!
310
00:11:16,013 --> 00:11:16,928
[gasps]
311
00:11:17,014 --> 00:11:17,929
Oh, my God!
312
00:11:18,015 --> 00:11:18,930
Mr. Waffles!
313
00:11:19,016 --> 00:11:21,266
[whimpering]
314
00:11:21,351 --> 00:11:22,484
Oh, my God.
315
00:11:22,569 --> 00:11:24,653
[sobbing]
316
00:11:24,738 --> 00:11:26,488
No.
317
00:11:30,327 --> 00:11:31,660
They must be at recess.
318
00:11:31,745 --> 00:11:33,445
Let's come back later.
319
00:11:36,533 --> 00:11:38,616
[crying]
320
00:11:38,702 --> 00:11:41,086
I gave up management opportunities
321
00:11:41,204 --> 00:11:43,955
at the Great Steak and Potato Company
322
00:11:44,041 --> 00:11:45,457
to be a teacher.
323
00:11:46,843 --> 00:11:50,512
I won't let Jason C.
Take it all away from me.
324
00:11:52,432 --> 00:11:54,049
Bring back the head!
325
00:12:03,020 --> 00:12:04,553
Jason, my main man,
326
00:12:04,639 --> 00:12:08,357
Miss Feldman really needs
you to stop moving.
327
00:12:08,476 --> 00:12:10,192
[ripping]
328
00:12:10,311 --> 00:12:12,394
You've got to be kidding me.
329
00:12:12,480 --> 00:12:14,196
[ripping]
330
00:12:14,315 --> 00:12:15,147
Damn it!
331
00:12:15,232 --> 00:12:18,484
Everything from Marshalls!
332
00:12:19,954 --> 00:12:22,821
[dramatic music]
333
00:12:22,957 --> 00:12:25,324
334
00:12:25,459 --> 00:12:27,076
To survive war,
335
00:12:27,161 --> 00:12:29,628
you must become war.
336
00:12:31,916 --> 00:12:33,832
Trevor and I were in love,
337
00:12:33,918 --> 00:12:35,158
and then, on his 18th birthday,
338
00:12:35,219 --> 00:12:37,169
he decided to have elective plastic surgery
339
00:12:37,254 --> 00:12:40,673
to eliminate his nasolabial folds.
340
00:12:40,758 --> 00:12:41,974
During the procedure,
341
00:12:42,059 --> 00:12:43,642
he had a stroke
342
00:12:43,728 --> 00:12:47,012
and lost all feeling above his shoulders.
343
00:12:47,098 --> 00:12:48,862
He couldn't feel his head.
344
00:12:50,518 --> 00:12:51,684
[fan activates]
345
00:12:51,769 --> 00:12:54,486
[fan blowing]
346
00:12:54,572 --> 00:12:56,105
Okay, stop.
347
00:12:56,190 --> 00:12:57,823
This isn't working!
348
00:12:57,908 --> 00:12:58,824
No, it is!
349
00:12:58,909 --> 00:13:01,160
You look windswept!
350
00:13:02,196 --> 00:13:03,696
Do I look sexy?!
351
00:13:04,749 --> 00:13:06,031
I suppose it was healthy,
352
00:13:06,117 --> 00:13:08,283
but I got to say, I miss Sloppy Joes
and Tater Tots.
353
00:13:08,369 --> 00:13:10,002
- I do too.
- [gasps]
354
00:13:10,087 --> 00:13:12,037
Superintendent Greg, there you are!
355
00:13:12,123 --> 00:13:13,076
We're a little busy.
356
00:13:13,161 --> 00:13:14,790
We're on our way to Miss Feldman's room.
357
00:13:14,875 --> 00:13:16,208
But-but-but first,
358
00:13:16,293 --> 00:13:18,377
you have to see the storage room.
359
00:13:18,462 --> 00:13:19,178
Uh-huh.
360
00:13:19,263 --> 00:13:20,546
It is the perfect place
361
00:13:20,631 --> 00:13:22,715
to put a full-size loom.
362
00:13:22,800 --> 00:13:24,767
Or a darkroom
363
00:13:24,885 --> 00:13:26,518
for my postmortem photography.
364
00:13:26,604 --> 00:13:27,720
Your what?
365
00:13:27,805 --> 00:13:29,722
Just photography.
366
00:13:29,857 --> 00:13:31,473
Well, this is a fun suit, huh?
367
00:13:31,559 --> 00:13:33,025
What is this, gabardine?
368
00:13:35,613 --> 00:13:38,480
[dramatic music]
369
00:13:38,566 --> 00:13:46,572
370
00:13:50,578 --> 00:13:53,746
I will avenge you, Mr. Waffles.
371
00:13:53,881 --> 00:13:55,581
[farting sound]
372
00:13:56,917 --> 00:13:58,417
[farting sound continues]
373
00:13:58,552 --> 00:14:00,085
Armpit farts.
374
00:14:00,221 --> 00:14:01,670
He's not far.
375
00:14:04,258 --> 00:14:06,225
Here's an idea I want to run by you:
376
00:14:06,310 --> 00:14:08,594
A mixer for single dads
377
00:14:08,679 --> 00:14:09,369
and teachers.
378
00:14:09,454 --> 00:14:10,556
Thank you, ladies,
379
00:14:10,641 --> 00:14:12,423
but we need to get to Miss Feldman's class.
380
00:14:12,508 --> 00:14:13,599
But first, the cafeteria.
381
00:14:13,684 --> 00:14:14,684
We've already been.
382
00:14:14,769 --> 00:14:16,129
Yes, but we still need to address
383
00:14:16,187 --> 00:14:17,436
the lack of... yogurt!
384
00:14:17,521 --> 00:14:19,271
I can't shake this yeast infection,
385
00:14:19,407 --> 00:14:21,887
and I'm sure as hell not putting
another Monistat bomb up my...
386
00:14:21,942 --> 00:14:23,742
Oh, let's go!
387
00:14:23,828 --> 00:14:26,695
[dramatic music]
388
00:14:26,781 --> 00:14:32,117
389
00:14:32,253 --> 00:14:33,535
When we were camping,
390
00:14:33,621 --> 00:14:35,838
due to Trevor's lack of feeling
above the neck,
391
00:14:35,956 --> 00:14:39,425
he didn't notice a bear sniffing
and licking him as he slept,
392
00:14:39,510 --> 00:14:42,961
so the bear at half his face.
393
00:14:43,047 --> 00:14:44,296
And then when we went to the hospital
394
00:14:44,432 --> 00:14:45,881
for the face transplant,
395
00:14:45,966 --> 00:14:46,941
they put his half face
396
00:14:47,026 --> 00:14:49,101
on the side where he
already had half a face,
397
00:14:49,186 --> 00:14:51,360
so he had a double-half-face!
398
00:14:51,479 --> 00:14:52,855
[sobbing]
399
00:14:52,973 --> 00:14:55,357
It was just so difficult...
400
00:14:55,476 --> 00:14:56,328
for me.
401
00:14:56,484 --> 00:14:59,695
[dramatic music]
402
00:14:59,814 --> 00:15:01,146
403
00:15:01,282 --> 00:15:03,031
It's a dead end.
404
00:15:03,150 --> 00:15:04,316
It's over.
405
00:15:04,401 --> 00:15:05,150
No!
406
00:15:05,286 --> 00:15:07,569
You need to ask yourself,
407
00:15:07,655 --> 00:15:10,039
do you want to do this the easy way
408
00:15:10,875 --> 00:15:12,491
or the hard way?
409
00:15:15,045 --> 00:15:16,962
I'm never coming down!
410
00:15:17,047 --> 00:15:18,213
Never!
411
00:15:18,332 --> 00:15:20,299
Hard way it is.
412
00:15:24,221 --> 00:15:26,312
And then he was hit by a bus.
413
00:15:26,447 --> 00:15:29,673
[sobs]
414
00:15:29,791 --> 00:15:31,760
[sniffs]
415
00:15:31,846 --> 00:15:33,979
I'm hoping this will be
my second shot at love.
416
00:15:34,064 --> 00:15:37,483
You could easily fit
50 to 60 single dads in here.
417
00:15:37,568 --> 00:15:39,818
This classroom gets great light.
418
00:15:39,904 --> 00:15:42,020
Peas and rice!
419
00:15:42,106 --> 00:15:43,689
What is going on here?
420
00:15:45,776 --> 00:15:47,693
We were just...
421
00:15:47,828 --> 00:15:48,694
Just what?
422
00:15:48,829 --> 00:15:50,612
[crashing]
423
00:15:50,698 --> 00:15:53,165
[groaning]
424
00:15:53,250 --> 00:15:54,449
Oh, my God.
425
00:15:54,535 --> 00:15:55,535
My perfect body.
426
00:15:55,654 --> 00:15:56,870
Ohh.
427
00:15:59,039 --> 00:16:00,839
[groans]
428
00:16:00,925 --> 00:16:02,374
Feldman!
429
00:16:08,098 --> 00:16:13,552
And that is why you should never
crawl up in a ceiling.
430
00:16:13,687 --> 00:16:15,437
Feldman.
431
00:16:15,556 --> 00:16:17,890
We're making a safety video.
432
00:16:18,025 --> 00:16:19,474
Yes.
433
00:16:19,560 --> 00:16:21,693
I decided to take the initiative
434
00:16:21,779 --> 00:16:23,028
to make a safety video
435
00:16:23,113 --> 00:16:25,948
after last year's minor-in-
the-grand-scheme-of-things
436
00:16:26,066 --> 00:16:28,867
potato battery incident.
437
00:16:28,953 --> 00:16:30,235
Did you know
438
00:16:30,871 --> 00:16:34,145
that one in seven...
439
00:16:35,108 --> 00:16:37,242
thousand children die
440
00:16:37,461 --> 00:16:39,523
in a ceiling-related accident?
441
00:16:40,831 --> 00:16:42,714
Let's make that stop.
442
00:16:42,800 --> 00:16:45,417
Stop ceiling-related accidents!
443
00:16:45,553 --> 00:16:46,969
These ceilings are out of control.
444
00:16:47,087 --> 00:16:48,971
I lost a cousin to a ceiling.
445
00:16:49,089 --> 00:16:51,223
Yes. Ceilings hurt people.
446
00:16:53,227 --> 00:16:54,599
I am...
447
00:16:55,502 --> 00:16:56,551
stunned.
448
00:16:56,614 --> 00:16:59,250
I know you have to get going,
Superintendent,
449
00:16:59,294 --> 00:17:00,528
so...
450
00:17:04,655 --> 00:17:07,272
And cut!
451
00:17:07,297 --> 00:17:09,408
All right, everybody. That is lunch.
452
00:17:10,744 --> 00:17:12,444
I had nothing to do with this.
453
00:17:12,580 --> 00:17:14,446
The teachers did everything on their own.
454
00:17:14,582 --> 00:17:15,948
That's very big of you to admit, Toby.
455
00:17:16,033 --> 00:17:18,784
Most principals try to take all the credit.
456
00:17:18,919 --> 00:17:20,452
That was an outstanding visit.
457
00:17:20,537 --> 00:17:22,327
Your teachers are motivated,
458
00:17:22,463 --> 00:17:24,122
constantly thinking outside the box,
459
00:17:24,208 --> 00:17:27,676
and brave feminists who realize
there's still work to be done.
460
00:17:27,795 --> 00:17:29,378
And that safety video...
461
00:17:29,463 --> 00:17:31,129
Very forward-thinking.
462
00:17:31,215 --> 00:17:32,482
Color me impressed.
463
00:17:33,384 --> 00:17:35,089
Thank you so much.
464
00:17:35,519 --> 00:17:38,186
I am very proud of my staff.
465
00:17:38,305 --> 00:17:39,638
You should be.
466
00:17:47,500 --> 00:17:48,469
Yahoo!
467
00:21:19,543 --> 00:21:21,793
[rock music]
468
00:17:53,110 --> 00:17:56,895
Okay, Jason, your 30 minutes
of ceiling time is up.
469
00:18:02,503 --> 00:18:04,119
Miss Feldman,
470
00:18:04,238 --> 00:18:07,299
why does Jason get to go
up in the ceiling every day?
471
00:18:07,385 --> 00:18:11,743
Because Jason brokered a deal
using leverage.
472
00:18:12,478 --> 00:18:14,501
Does anyone know what leverage is?
473
00:18:14,587 --> 00:18:17,582
- Okay!
- One, two, three, four,
474
00:18:17,668 --> 00:18:19,299
five, six, seven, eight.
475
00:18:19,418 --> 00:18:21,052
Ahh
476
00:18:21,138 --> 00:18:23,305
No one talks to me like that
477
00:18:23,424 --> 00:18:24,840
Ahh
478
00:18:24,925 --> 00:18:27,142
I'm not crazy
479
00:18:27,261 --> 00:18:28,677
Ah! Ah! Ah!
480
00:18:28,762 --> 00:18:30,562
Five, six, seven, eight
481
00:18:30,647 --> 00:18:32,347
[sobbing]
482
00:18:32,433 --> 00:18:34,266
I'm not crazy
483
00:18:34,401 --> 00:18:35,650
Peas and rice
484
00:18:35,769 --> 00:18:37,769
What did you just say to me?
485
00:18:37,855 --> 00:18:39,488
Peas and rice
486
00:18:39,606 --> 00:18:41,440
I'm not crazy
487
00:18:41,575 --> 00:18:43,275
Ah! Ah! Ah!
488
00:18:43,410 --> 00:18:44,659
Shut it off!
489
00:18:44,778 --> 00:18:46,778
And that is why you should never
490
00:18:46,864 --> 00:18:48,750
Crawl up in a ceiling
491
00:18:48,800 --> 00:18:53,350
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