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1
00:00:02,033 --> 00:00:04,000
( theme music playing )
2
00:01:27,968 --> 00:01:29,467
Excuse me.
3
00:01:29,501 --> 00:01:32,901
I'm here to see Mr. Mackenzie
about the secretarial position.
4
00:01:32,934 --> 00:01:34,868
Yes, ma'am.
5
00:01:34,901 --> 00:01:37,634
If you'll just
wait over here with the other contestants
6
00:01:37,667 --> 00:01:38,968
we'll get to you
as soon as we can.
7
00:01:39,000 --> 00:01:40,067
Thank you.
8
00:01:40,100 --> 00:01:43,100
Oh, uh... by the way,
I hope you get the job.
9
00:01:43,133 --> 00:01:44,801
You're my favorite.
10
00:01:44,834 --> 00:01:46,868
( chuckles ):
Oh...
11
00:01:46,901 --> 00:01:48,968
Oh...
12
00:01:49,000 --> 00:01:51,000
Yes, ma'am.
You must be here
13
00:01:51,033 --> 00:01:52,634
for the secretarial position.
14
00:01:52,667 --> 00:01:53,968
If you'll just come over here.
15
00:01:54,000 --> 00:01:59,033
And by the way...
I hope you get the job.
16
00:01:59,067 --> 00:02:00,734
You're my favorite.
17
00:02:00,767 --> 00:02:02,334
And I'm not just saying that
18
00:02:02,367 --> 00:02:04,467
because you've got
great bagonzas.
19
00:02:06,734 --> 00:02:08,100
I can't believe the way Louie
20
00:02:08,133 --> 00:02:10,901
is kissing up to these women
just because one of them
21
00:02:10,934 --> 00:02:12,100
is going to be
the boss's secretary.
22
00:02:12,133 --> 00:02:13,601
ALEX:
Oh...
23
00:02:13,634 --> 00:02:14,667
Bad news, Louie.
24
00:02:14,701 --> 00:02:15,701
What?
25
00:02:15,734 --> 00:02:16,734
I got robbed.
26
00:02:16,767 --> 00:02:18,033
Huh?
27
00:02:18,067 --> 00:02:19,434
Tony, you okay, man?
28
00:02:19,467 --> 00:02:20,534
Nah, it was nothing.
I'm fine, really.
29
00:02:20,567 --> 00:02:22,434
How much did they get?
30
00:02:22,467 --> 00:02:26,534
Close to everything--
100 bucks.
31
00:02:26,567 --> 00:02:29,000
Nice going, dough-brain.
32
00:02:29,033 --> 00:02:31,567
You just blew
your biggest booking night
33
00:02:31,601 --> 00:02:33,634
in six months.
34
00:02:33,667 --> 00:02:36,734
Here, fill out this report
and give it back to me, momo.
35
00:02:36,767 --> 00:02:39,000
What are you getting so mad
at me for?
36
00:02:39,033 --> 00:02:41,367
The guy could have blown
my brains out.
37
00:02:41,400 --> 00:02:45,100
So could a good sneeze.
38
00:02:45,133 --> 00:02:46,801
Come on, hey, what happened?
What happened?
39
00:02:46,834 --> 00:02:47,801
What's the matter?
40
00:02:47,834 --> 00:02:49,300
Was it a big guy?
Were you scared?
41
00:02:49,334 --> 00:02:50,400
Nah, it was nothing.
He was a kid.
42
00:02:50,434 --> 00:02:51,501
He couldn't have been
20 years old.
43
00:02:51,534 --> 00:02:53,033
Yeah, was he armed?
44
00:02:53,067 --> 00:02:55,234
He put his hand
in his pocket, pointed it at me.
45
00:02:55,267 --> 00:02:56,834
It could have been
a gun. I don't know.
46
00:02:56,868 --> 00:02:58,501
What was his name?
47
00:03:00,834 --> 00:03:02,133
He didn't say.
48
00:03:02,167 --> 00:03:04,968
Sounds like a pro.
49
00:03:06,200 --> 00:03:07,801
Well, uh, did he
say anything at all?
50
00:03:07,834 --> 00:03:09,133
Yeah, he said,
51
00:03:09,167 --> 00:03:11,334
"Give me your money
or I'll kill you."
52
00:03:11,367 --> 00:03:13,434
You mean he gave you an out?
53
00:03:13,467 --> 00:03:15,634
WOMAN:
Excuse me.
54
00:03:15,667 --> 00:03:20,167
I was just instructed
to tell you, you can all leave.
55
00:03:20,200 --> 00:03:22,067
The position has been filled.
56
00:03:22,100 --> 00:03:24,467
You're the boss's new secretary?
57
00:03:28,133 --> 00:03:29,267
See that, everybody?
58
00:03:29,300 --> 00:03:30,634
My favorite got it.
59
00:03:30,667 --> 00:03:33,901
All right, all right, all right,
you heard the lady.
60
00:03:33,934 --> 00:03:35,000
Beat it, rejects.
61
00:03:35,033 --> 00:03:37,133
Come on, come on,
get out of here.
62
00:03:37,167 --> 00:03:39,000
This ain't no coffee klatsch.
63
00:03:39,033 --> 00:03:40,300
Come on, hyah! Hyah!
64
00:03:40,334 --> 00:03:41,467
WOMAN:
Yackavay.
65
00:03:41,501 --> 00:03:42,801
Yackavay?
66
00:03:42,834 --> 00:03:44,334
Yackavay?
67
00:03:44,367 --> 00:03:46,167
ELAINE:
She spoke Latka's language.
68
00:03:46,200 --> 00:03:48,300
LATKA:
Excuse me.
69
00:03:48,334 --> 00:03:52,734
( speaking native language )
70
00:03:52,767 --> 00:03:54,300
( speakingsame language )
71
00:04:12,734 --> 00:04:14,601
Isn't this great,
Latka?
72
00:04:14,634 --> 00:04:16,434
A girl from back home.
73
00:04:16,467 --> 00:04:17,734
I know. Goody-goody.
74
00:04:19,834 --> 00:04:21,701
( speaking native language )
75
00:04:21,734 --> 00:04:23,868
...Latka Gravas.
76
00:04:23,901 --> 00:04:26,834
( speaking native language )
77
00:04:26,868 --> 00:04:30,100
( speaking native language )
78
00:04:30,133 --> 00:04:31,400
Hi.
Hi.
79
00:04:31,434 --> 00:04:32,734
What did she say, Latka?
80
00:04:32,767 --> 00:04:36,601
She say her name
is Simka Dahblitz.
81
00:04:36,634 --> 00:04:39,467
Not the Simka Dahblitz.
82
00:04:39,501 --> 00:04:40,734
No, certainly not.
83
00:04:40,767 --> 00:04:42,400
No, sir, no.
84
00:04:42,434 --> 00:04:43,467
Hey, you speak English?
85
00:04:43,501 --> 00:04:44,868
English, yes.
86
00:04:44,901 --> 00:04:46,701
Hey, terrific!
87
00:04:46,734 --> 00:04:47,968
How long have you been
in this country?
88
00:04:48,000 --> 00:04:51,968
Oh, thank you.
89
00:04:52,000 --> 00:04:53,334
Don't mention it.
90
00:04:53,367 --> 00:04:57,234
Latka, ask her
if she still needs a job.
91
00:04:57,267 --> 00:04:58,767
Doing what, Louie?
92
00:04:58,801 --> 00:05:01,701
I think I might be able
to find something around here
93
00:05:01,734 --> 00:05:03,067
that would interest her.
94
00:05:03,100 --> 00:05:04,634
You like to go
with boss man
95
00:05:04,667 --> 00:05:06,234
make big,
shiny new quarter?
96
00:05:09,601 --> 00:05:11,434
There's no romance left.
97
00:05:12,934 --> 00:05:14,000
Uh, Simka,
98
00:05:14,033 --> 00:05:15,000
would you like
to sit down?
99
00:05:15,033 --> 00:05:16,000
ALEX:
Yeah, sit down, please.
100
00:05:16,033 --> 00:05:17,033
Thank you.
101
00:05:17,067 --> 00:05:19,234
What brought you to our country?
102
00:05:19,267 --> 00:05:20,267
Simka?
103
00:05:20,300 --> 00:05:22,434
( speaking native language )
104
00:05:22,467 --> 00:05:23,701
...America.
105
00:05:23,734 --> 00:05:26,634
( speaking native language )
106
00:05:31,300 --> 00:05:32,767
Oh, I see.
107
00:05:32,801 --> 00:05:35,267
She say the reason
she come to America
108
00:05:35,300 --> 00:05:38,033
is to-to, because, oh...
in my country
109
00:05:38,067 --> 00:05:41,033
the mountain people
are all moving into the villages
110
00:05:41,067 --> 00:05:42,801
and there is
much hatred.
111
00:05:42,834 --> 00:05:43,968
Why?
112
00:05:44,000 --> 00:05:45,100
Because no one likes
113
00:05:45,133 --> 00:05:46,267
the mountain people.
114
00:05:46,300 --> 00:05:47,300
Why?
115
00:05:47,334 --> 00:05:50,434
Because
they are mountain people.
116
00:05:50,467 --> 00:05:53,100
Hey, have you heard this one?
117
00:05:53,133 --> 00:05:55,501
Eh, how many
mountain people
118
00:05:55,534 --> 00:05:58,300
do it take to milk the goat?
119
00:05:58,334 --> 00:06:00,400
( speaking native language )
120
00:06:02,000 --> 00:06:02,834
Well?
121
00:06:02,868 --> 00:06:04,467
I'm sure I don't know.
122
00:06:04,501 --> 00:06:07,167
Five-- one to hold the beeshees
123
00:06:07,200 --> 00:06:10,534
and four to raise the goat
up and down.
124
00:06:15,000 --> 00:06:16,534
Hold the beeshees.
125
00:06:17,501 --> 00:06:18,901
You like, Simka?
126
00:06:18,934 --> 00:06:21,434
Oh, yes,
that was very funny.
127
00:06:21,467 --> 00:06:25,534
Well, Simka, I am going
to show you America.
128
00:06:25,567 --> 00:06:27,100
Oh, goody-goody.
129
00:06:27,133 --> 00:06:30,767
Come, I will teach you
how to speak English,
130
00:06:30,801 --> 00:06:33,300
so you can speak good
like me.
131
00:06:33,334 --> 00:06:35,767
And we will see everything
and do everything, okay?
132
00:06:35,801 --> 00:06:37,934
So, don't go away and
I will be right back.
133
00:06:37,968 --> 00:06:39,167
I just going to get my coat.
134
00:06:44,767 --> 00:06:48,167
Don't go away now.
135
00:06:48,200 --> 00:06:51,100
Simka, you and Latka
are getting along so well.
136
00:06:51,133 --> 00:06:52,467
I think he likes you.
137
00:06:52,501 --> 00:06:53,968
Is very bad.
138
00:06:54,000 --> 00:06:56,133
Oh, no, no, no--
like is good.
139
00:06:56,167 --> 00:06:58,200
No, you do not understand.
140
00:06:58,234 --> 00:07:00,234
I am a mountain person.
141
00:07:00,267 --> 00:07:01,501
Oh, yeah?
142
00:07:01,534 --> 00:07:03,334
Did you hear the one
143
00:07:03,367 --> 00:07:06,968
about how many mountain
people it takes...
144
00:07:07,000 --> 00:07:07,968
Jim!
145
00:07:08,000 --> 00:07:10,300
I think
she's heard it.
146
00:07:10,334 --> 00:07:12,400
But I thought
you said you left your country
147
00:07:12,434 --> 00:07:14,634
because... to get away
from the mountain people.
148
00:07:14,667 --> 00:07:17,367
No, I left my country because
149
00:07:17,400 --> 00:07:21,601
to get away from
the flatlanders who hate us.
150
00:07:21,634 --> 00:07:23,834
Please, please...
don't tell Latka.
151
00:07:23,868 --> 00:07:24,834
( all consent softly )
152
00:07:24,868 --> 00:07:26,000
LATKA:
Okay!
153
00:07:26,033 --> 00:07:29,634
As they say in America,
we're ready when you are.
154
00:07:29,667 --> 00:07:32,033
Bye-bye.
Hey, Latka. Bye.
155
00:07:32,067 --> 00:07:33,033
Latka, where you going
to take her?
156
00:07:33,067 --> 00:07:34,033
Oh, I am going to show her
157
00:07:34,067 --> 00:07:36,501
all the sights
of New York City.
158
00:07:36,534 --> 00:07:39,601
I'm going to show her
the lights of Broadway
159
00:07:39,634 --> 00:07:41,434
and the Statue of Liberty
160
00:07:41,467 --> 00:07:44,467
and the apartment
of a lonely, lonely man.
161
00:07:51,434 --> 00:07:52,434
Here we go.
162
00:07:52,467 --> 00:07:53,434
Thanks.
163
00:07:53,467 --> 00:07:54,434
Thanks, Tom.
164
00:07:54,467 --> 00:07:55,434
Hey, there you are.
165
00:07:55,467 --> 00:07:56,901
Guys, how you doing?
166
00:07:56,934 --> 00:07:58,901
Hey, Tom, another glass.
One more glass.
167
00:07:58,934 --> 00:08:00,100
Have a seat.
168
00:08:00,133 --> 00:08:02,767
How did your dinner with Latka
and Simka go last night?
169
00:08:02,801 --> 00:08:03,767
Oh, it was terrific.
170
00:08:03,801 --> 00:08:04,801
Yeah?
171
00:08:04,834 --> 00:08:05,801
They're such a cute
little couple.
172
00:08:05,834 --> 00:08:06,834
A "cute little couple"?
173
00:08:06,868 --> 00:08:08,167
ELAINE:
Yeah.
174
00:08:08,200 --> 00:08:09,767
You think they'd like to be
called "a cute little couple"?
175
00:08:09,801 --> 00:08:12,367
Latka told me
to call them that.
176
00:08:12,400 --> 00:08:14,067
He said that if they
ever get married,
177
00:08:14,100 --> 00:08:16,734
he's going to put that
on their mailbox.
178
00:08:16,767 --> 00:08:18,801
You know, I've never
seen Latka so happy.
179
00:08:18,834 --> 00:08:20,434
He runs around the garage
singing, laughing
180
00:08:20,467 --> 00:08:22,234
slapping people
on the back...
181
00:08:22,267 --> 00:08:24,133
Pinching people
on the rear end.
182
00:08:24,167 --> 00:08:25,200
ALEX:
Oh.
183
00:08:25,234 --> 00:08:26,567
Takes me by surprise
every time he does it.
184
00:08:26,601 --> 00:08:29,300
Oh? I'm starting
to get used to it.
185
00:08:29,334 --> 00:08:31,300
I'm starting to look forward
to it.
186
00:08:31,334 --> 00:08:32,801
ELAINE:
Oh!
187
00:08:32,834 --> 00:08:35,367
Hey, Tony,
want to go in the back
188
00:08:35,400 --> 00:08:36,400
and play some air hockey?
189
00:08:36,434 --> 00:08:37,767
Something I said?
What is it?
190
00:08:37,801 --> 00:08:39,868
Hey, uh, can I play?
191
00:08:39,901 --> 00:08:41,100
Hey, Jim, it's
a game for two guys.
192
00:08:41,133 --> 00:08:42,100
You know that.
193
00:08:42,133 --> 00:08:44,267
Okay, I'll, uh...
194
00:08:44,300 --> 00:08:45,501
I'll just watch.
195
00:08:45,534 --> 00:08:48,167
It makes me nervous
when you watch, you know?
196
00:08:48,200 --> 00:08:51,234
Okay, I'll close my eyes.
197
00:08:51,267 --> 00:08:52,934
It throws my game off, like,
198
00:08:52,968 --> 00:08:54,467
even if you're
in the same room... you know.
199
00:08:54,501 --> 00:08:58,634
Okay, uh... I'll just stay here.
200
00:08:58,667 --> 00:09:00,601
Fine.
201
00:09:00,634 --> 00:09:02,734
Just as long as I'm included.
202
00:09:07,400 --> 00:09:08,367
Yo!
203
00:09:08,400 --> 00:09:10,033
Oh, hi,
Simka, Latka.
204
00:09:10,067 --> 00:09:11,634
Sit down.
205
00:09:13,767 --> 00:09:15,834
Hey, how are you two
getting along, huh?
206
00:09:15,868 --> 00:09:17,000
Very good.
207
00:09:17,033 --> 00:09:20,100
Aren't we
a cute couple?
208
00:09:20,133 --> 00:09:21,968
As bugs' ears,
yes, you are.
209
00:09:22,000 --> 00:09:25,400
Oh, we had such
A-one day today.
210
00:09:25,434 --> 00:09:27,234
Oh, Latka showed me
many things
211
00:09:27,267 --> 00:09:29,300
I never in my life
think I see.
212
00:09:29,334 --> 00:09:30,968
Yeah? Well,
where have you been?
213
00:09:31,000 --> 00:09:32,968
Well, we went
to the Automat,
214
00:09:33,000 --> 00:09:36,667
we went to the subway,
and we went to car wash.
215
00:09:36,701 --> 00:09:40,133
The usual tourist traps,
I see.
216
00:09:40,167 --> 00:09:43,868
Oh, and also we went to see
a musical show called Grease.
217
00:09:43,901 --> 00:09:45,868
Oh, how did you like it?
218
00:09:45,901 --> 00:09:47,434
I was disappointed.
219
00:09:47,467 --> 00:09:51,234
Well, he thought it was
going to be about mechanics.
220
00:09:53,801 --> 00:09:55,934
Would you like
a refreshment?
221
00:09:55,968 --> 00:09:57,567
Oh, yes, I like a mushi
222
00:09:57,601 --> 00:09:58,868
please.
223
00:10:00,701 --> 00:10:02,334
Isn't this something?
224
00:10:02,367 --> 00:10:03,801
Here you come all the way
to this country
225
00:10:03,834 --> 00:10:06,801
and then you have a relationship
with somebody from back home.
226
00:10:06,834 --> 00:10:08,667
I know. It's very nice,
227
00:10:08,701 --> 00:10:11,634
but I am... I am afraid
that it all must end
228
00:10:11,667 --> 00:10:13,801
when the truth comes out.
229
00:10:13,834 --> 00:10:15,834
You mean Latka still
doesn't know that you're a...
230
00:10:15,868 --> 00:10:17,167
A mountain.
231
00:10:17,200 --> 00:10:18,634
ALEX:
Yeah, a mountain?
232
00:10:18,667 --> 00:10:22,501
No, but I think I must tell him
very soon.
233
00:10:22,534 --> 00:10:25,200
Yeah, the longer you wait,
the worse it can get.
234
00:10:25,234 --> 00:10:26,834
Oh, yeah.
235
00:10:29,934 --> 00:10:33,634
I know what you mean.
236
00:10:33,667 --> 00:10:37,467
You're saying
that if she doesn't tell him
237
00:10:37,501 --> 00:10:39,667
she's a mountain person
238
00:10:39,701 --> 00:10:44,100
and he finds out
she's a mountain person,
239
00:10:44,133 --> 00:10:45,601
he's going to be upset.
240
00:10:45,634 --> 00:10:49,834
Not only because
she's a mountain person,
241
00:10:49,868 --> 00:10:54,334
but because she didn't tell him
she's a mountain person.
242
00:10:56,234 --> 00:10:59,200
I have my moments.
243
00:11:02,300 --> 00:11:06,400
Although it does cost me.
244
00:11:06,434 --> 00:11:09,133
I think I'll go home
and sleep for a while.
245
00:11:12,300 --> 00:11:13,601
So long, Jim.
246
00:11:13,634 --> 00:11:17,067
Good-bye.
247
00:11:17,100 --> 00:11:20,100
Simka, trust Latka.
248
00:11:20,133 --> 00:11:21,767
Okay, here you go.
249
00:11:21,801 --> 00:11:23,801
Is mushi.
250
00:11:26,334 --> 00:11:28,934
Well, what have you all
been talking about?
251
00:11:28,968 --> 00:11:30,300
Not me, I hope.
252
00:11:30,334 --> 00:11:31,567
Latka,
253
00:11:31,601 --> 00:11:33,968
I have something
to tell you,
254
00:11:34,000 --> 00:11:37,467
which I don't know
how I'm going to be telling you.
255
00:11:37,501 --> 00:11:38,467
Ya?
256
00:11:38,501 --> 00:11:41,801
Is it that you love me?
257
00:11:41,834 --> 00:11:42,934
No.
258
00:11:42,968 --> 00:11:45,901
You know
those mountain people jokes
259
00:11:45,934 --> 00:11:47,000
you have been telling?
260
00:11:47,033 --> 00:11:48,000
Yeah.
261
00:11:48,033 --> 00:11:50,000
Well, I am
a mountain person!
262
00:11:50,033 --> 00:11:51,334
And this is
for my mother!
263
00:11:51,367 --> 00:11:52,501
And this is
for my father!
264
00:11:52,534 --> 00:11:54,968
This is for
my grandfather!
265
00:11:55,000 --> 00:11:58,434
I hope you have a small family.
266
00:11:58,467 --> 00:12:01,167
And this is for stepping
on my heart
267
00:12:01,200 --> 00:12:03,667
and telling me
you do not like me anymore
268
00:12:03,701 --> 00:12:05,133
because I am
a mountain person.
269
00:12:05,167 --> 00:12:07,601
I did not say I don't like you.
270
00:12:07,634 --> 00:12:10,667
You are ashamed
to be with me now.
271
00:12:10,701 --> 00:12:14,133
That is not true.
272
00:12:18,067 --> 00:12:20,133
Then look at me,
Latka,
273
00:12:20,167 --> 00:12:24,501
and tell me nothing
has changed.
274
00:12:24,534 --> 00:12:28,367
Nothing has changed.
275
00:12:32,033 --> 00:12:34,667
Look at me, Latka.
276
00:13:00,667 --> 00:13:02,033
It's hard... it's hard
277
00:13:02,067 --> 00:13:05,434
to do this when
you keep moving.
278
00:13:05,467 --> 00:13:06,968
So long, Latka.
279
00:13:08,868 --> 00:13:10,467
Wait, wait, don't go.
280
00:13:27,067 --> 00:13:28,367
Louie?
281
00:13:28,400 --> 00:13:30,667
Huh?
282
00:13:30,701 --> 00:13:32,767
I want to go home.
Can I please go home?
283
00:13:32,801 --> 00:13:34,734
I have... I'm not
feeling too well.
284
00:13:34,767 --> 00:13:36,033
What's the matter?
285
00:13:36,067 --> 00:13:39,033
I have the blues.
286
00:13:39,067 --> 00:13:41,467
It don't work that way, Latka.
287
00:13:41,501 --> 00:13:44,133
There's only three reasons
to leave work early.
288
00:13:44,167 --> 00:13:47,000
Loss of limb,
excessive bleeding,
289
00:13:47,033 --> 00:13:48,667
and heart attack.
290
00:13:48,701 --> 00:13:51,767
And heart attack is
a judgment call I make.
291
00:13:53,400 --> 00:13:54,734
Alex...
292
00:13:54,767 --> 00:13:56,367
Elaine,
293
00:13:56,400 --> 00:13:57,400
I have a problem.
294
00:13:57,434 --> 00:13:58,467
Oh! Well.
295
00:13:58,501 --> 00:14:00,033
Can I please
talk to you?
296
00:14:00,067 --> 00:14:02,133
Sit down.
You've come to the right people.
297
00:14:02,167 --> 00:14:03,300
Now, you just
sit down.
298
00:14:03,334 --> 00:14:04,467
Is this where you...
299
00:14:04,501 --> 00:14:05,868
Is this where you
want me to sit?
300
00:14:05,901 --> 00:14:07,434
Yeah.
301
00:14:08,033 --> 00:14:11,634
Uh... it's about Simka.
302
00:14:11,667 --> 00:14:12,801
Oh.
303
00:14:12,834 --> 00:14:14,334
Ever since we broke up,
304
00:14:14,367 --> 00:14:16,100
I am feel terrible.
305
00:14:16,133 --> 00:14:17,767
I cannot eat
306
00:14:17,801 --> 00:14:19,667
I cannot sleep...
307
00:14:19,701 --> 00:14:21,667
Well, Latka, why don't you
just go to Simka
308
00:14:21,701 --> 00:14:23,334
and ask her to forgive you?
309
00:14:23,367 --> 00:14:25,267
I mean, you still like her,
don't you?
310
00:14:25,300 --> 00:14:26,767
Of course,
311
00:14:26,801 --> 00:14:28,100
but, you see, in my country,
312
00:14:28,133 --> 00:14:30,200
there is nothing worse
a person can do
313
00:14:30,234 --> 00:14:32,767
than to date a mountain girl.
314
00:14:32,801 --> 00:14:35,133
My mother would rather
that I date a pig
315
00:14:35,167 --> 00:14:36,634
than a mountain girl.
316
00:14:36,667 --> 00:14:37,667
It would have been better if
317
00:14:37,701 --> 00:14:39,234
a pig would have
walked into garage
318
00:14:39,267 --> 00:14:41,400
and said, "Hello, Latka."
319
00:14:41,434 --> 00:14:43,601
Then I could at least
call up my family and say,
320
00:14:43,634 --> 00:14:45,734
"Hello, yes, I am dating a pig."
321
00:14:47,300 --> 00:14:49,334
They would not have been
crazy about it,
322
00:14:49,367 --> 00:14:52,200
but at least, they would have
welcomed it into the family,
323
00:14:52,234 --> 00:14:55,968
after a while, especially
after we had children.
324
00:14:56,000 --> 00:14:58,534
Um...
325
00:14:58,567 --> 00:15:01,367
Alex, um...
Huh?
326
00:15:01,400 --> 00:15:02,801
Do you want to say
anything to him?
327
00:15:02,834 --> 00:15:04,601
Say anything?
328
00:15:04,634 --> 00:15:06,067
You want me to...
329
00:15:06,100 --> 00:15:07,534
you want me tell the guy
how to live his life?
330
00:15:07,567 --> 00:15:09,133
Please, Alex.
331
00:15:09,167 --> 00:15:12,200
I knew that this
was gonna happen.
332
00:15:12,234 --> 00:15:13,400
Look, Latka, why don't you
just stop a minute
333
00:15:13,434 --> 00:15:16,200
and think about Simka, hmm?
334
00:15:16,234 --> 00:15:18,434
Think about the week
you just spent with her.
335
00:15:18,467 --> 00:15:20,634
Think about the places
that you went to.
336
00:15:20,667 --> 00:15:23,767
Think about
the way she laughs.
337
00:15:23,801 --> 00:15:24,868
Think about her, uh...
338
00:15:24,901 --> 00:15:29,100
Think about the way
her hand feels in yours.
339
00:15:31,133 --> 00:15:34,200
Think about her...
340
00:15:34,234 --> 00:15:36,234
the way her hair smells.
341
00:15:36,267 --> 00:15:39,534
The nape of her neck.
342
00:15:39,567 --> 00:15:42,234
Think about how she looks
at you when you hold her.
343
00:15:43,801 --> 00:15:47,133
How her eyelash
tickles your cheek.
344
00:15:48,467 --> 00:15:52,200
Think about all that.
345
00:15:52,234 --> 00:15:53,667
If you can think
about all that
346
00:15:53,701 --> 00:15:55,467
and still not
get off your yaktabe
347
00:15:55,501 --> 00:15:57,467
and go over there
and give her a big make-up kiss
348
00:15:57,501 --> 00:15:59,000
then I wish you'd
tell me right now,
349
00:15:59,033 --> 00:16:01,834
because I'm beginning to think
that I'm going to do it. Ha-ha!
350
00:16:01,868 --> 00:16:04,100
All right.
You're right, Alex.
351
00:16:04,133 --> 00:16:05,901
I'm going to tell her.
352
00:16:05,934 --> 00:16:07,400
Louie.
353
00:16:07,434 --> 00:16:08,901
Louie.
354
00:16:08,934 --> 00:16:10,234
What?
355
00:16:10,267 --> 00:16:13,200
Louie, I need some time off.
356
00:16:13,234 --> 00:16:15,100
What for?
357
00:16:15,133 --> 00:16:17,133
'Cause I'm in love.
358
00:16:19,067 --> 00:16:22,834
Latka, if I left
the garage
359
00:16:22,868 --> 00:16:24,501
every time my spokes
needed greasing,
360
00:16:24,534 --> 00:16:27,267
I'd never get any work done.
361
00:16:27,300 --> 00:16:29,200
Now, get back to your cab.
362
00:16:29,234 --> 00:16:30,367
Louie, damn it,
now listen to me!
363
00:16:30,400 --> 00:16:32,000
This is the last time
you're going to do
364
00:16:32,033 --> 00:16:33,334
anything like that.
Wait, wait.
365
00:16:33,367 --> 00:16:35,334
Alex, Alex, no yelling
and screaming and fighting.
366
00:16:35,367 --> 00:16:37,267
I mean, let a lady
handle this.
367
00:16:37,300 --> 00:16:39,534
( clears throat )
368
00:16:40,667 --> 00:16:45,400
Louie, um, if you don't let
Latka off this afternoon,
369
00:16:45,434 --> 00:16:48,767
I'm going to report you
to the board of labor relations,
370
00:16:48,801 --> 00:16:50,467
and I'm going to tell
them every rotten thing
371
00:16:50,501 --> 00:16:52,934
that you've ever done
in this garage.
372
00:16:52,968 --> 00:16:54,601
Ha!
373
00:16:54,634 --> 00:16:57,767
You report me to the board
of labor relations,
374
00:16:57,801 --> 00:16:59,834
and I'll fire you.
375
00:17:00,868 --> 00:17:02,767
You fire me,
376
00:17:02,801 --> 00:17:05,234
and I'll report you
to the union.
377
00:17:09,801 --> 00:17:12,300
You report me
to the union,
378
00:17:12,334 --> 00:17:13,968
and I'll see to it
379
00:17:14,000 --> 00:17:17,901
that you get a rotten cab
out of this garage every night.
380
00:17:19,434 --> 00:17:23,901
You give me a rotten cab
out of the garage every night,
381
00:17:23,934 --> 00:17:26,868
and I'll report you
to the hack bureau.
382
00:17:28,701 --> 00:17:31,400
You report me
to the hack bureau,
383
00:17:31,434 --> 00:17:33,868
and I'll kick you
in the shin.
384
00:17:33,901 --> 00:17:36,601
You kick me
in the shin,
385
00:17:36,634 --> 00:17:39,467
and I'll kick you
where you live.
386
00:17:46,634 --> 00:17:47,934
( grumbling )
387
00:17:47,968 --> 00:17:51,801
( Louie growling ):
Get out of here, Latka.
388
00:18:10,067 --> 00:18:12,334
Hello, Latka.
389
00:18:12,367 --> 00:18:16,133
Simka,
where have you been?
390
00:18:16,167 --> 00:18:17,267
I thought maybe
391
00:18:17,300 --> 00:18:18,634
you change your mind
about meeting me.
392
00:18:18,667 --> 00:18:21,067
No, I'm late because
I have a job now.
393
00:18:21,100 --> 00:18:22,467
Oh, a job.
394
00:18:22,501 --> 00:18:24,434
Sit down.
395
00:18:27,534 --> 00:18:29,901
So, what do you do?
396
00:18:29,934 --> 00:18:32,234
I am working
at the race track.
397
00:18:32,267 --> 00:18:34,300
They have a rake
which goes around
398
00:18:34,334 --> 00:18:36,133
and cleans up after
the horses,
399
00:18:36,167 --> 00:18:38,968
and they need people
to sit on it to make it heavy.
400
00:18:39,000 --> 00:18:42,734
I am the one
in the middle.
401
00:18:42,767 --> 00:18:47,200
I told you that America
was the land of opportunity.
402
00:18:50,000 --> 00:18:52,634
It's good to see you
again, Latka.
403
00:18:52,667 --> 00:18:54,767
It's good
to see you, too.
404
00:18:54,801 --> 00:18:56,901
I have good news
for you.
405
00:18:56,934 --> 00:18:59,234
I have decided that I love you
406
00:18:59,267 --> 00:19:00,901
and I don't care
that you are mountain.
407
00:19:00,934 --> 00:19:04,701
I am willing to disgrace myself
to be with you.
408
00:19:06,801 --> 00:19:08,868
I called my family
409
00:19:08,901 --> 00:19:11,934
and told them I am dating
a mountain girl.
410
00:19:11,968 --> 00:19:13,968
My mother, she disowned me.
411
00:19:14,000 --> 00:19:15,934
My grandpa put a curse on me.
412
00:19:15,968 --> 00:19:18,367
My brother said he never want
to see me again,
413
00:19:18,400 --> 00:19:21,767
and my crazy uncle Dahbi
gave me his blessings.
414
00:19:21,801 --> 00:19:24,801
So I am all yours.
415
00:19:29,000 --> 00:19:31,767
You mountain people
sure have a strange way
416
00:19:31,801 --> 00:19:34,133
of expressing great joy.
417
00:19:34,167 --> 00:19:38,701
I am sorry, Latka,
but we cannot be dating again.
418
00:19:38,734 --> 00:19:40,634
No, no, you don't understand.
419
00:19:40,667 --> 00:19:42,367
I just said it's all right.
420
00:19:42,400 --> 00:19:44,868
No, no, you do
not understand.
421
00:19:44,901 --> 00:19:47,234
We cannot see
each other again.
422
00:19:47,267 --> 00:19:49,200
Well, sure, maybe not
out in the street
423
00:19:49,234 --> 00:19:50,300
in broad daylight, but...
424
00:19:50,334 --> 00:19:52,934
No, Latka.
425
00:19:52,968 --> 00:19:55,734
Why not?
426
00:19:55,767 --> 00:19:58,000
Because of your feelings,
427
00:19:58,033 --> 00:20:00,601
I will always be
mountain to you.
428
00:20:00,634 --> 00:20:02,968
I will get over that.
429
00:20:03,000 --> 00:20:05,501
And because
you will never believe
430
00:20:05,534 --> 00:20:07,501
I am as good as you.
431
00:20:07,534 --> 00:20:10,400
You are in the ballpark.
432
00:20:10,434 --> 00:20:16,000
And because, by now,
I have found somebody else.
433
00:20:17,868 --> 00:20:21,000
In fact,
he is meeting me here tonight.
434
00:20:26,567 --> 00:20:29,234
Does he know about you?
435
00:20:29,267 --> 00:20:32,133
Yes, he does,
and you know what?
436
00:20:32,167 --> 00:20:35,234
He doesn't care.
437
00:20:37,667 --> 00:20:38,667
MAN:
Simka.
438
00:20:38,701 --> 00:20:39,968
Oh, John.
439
00:20:40,000 --> 00:20:43,534
Oh, Latka Gravas,
this is John Hannen.
440
00:20:43,567 --> 00:20:46,801
Pleased to meet you.
John is the man I was telling you about.
441
00:20:46,834 --> 00:20:49,501
This is the fellow
you are dating?
442
00:20:49,534 --> 00:20:51,167
SIMKA:
That's right.
443
00:20:57,734 --> 00:21:01,067
He sure is gorgeous.
444
00:21:01,100 --> 00:21:02,734
Thank you.
Thank you.
445
00:21:06,200 --> 00:21:09,000
You two met on the rake?
446
00:21:09,033 --> 00:21:10,801
No, I'm a surgeon.
447
00:21:10,834 --> 00:21:14,000
Oh, a surgeon.
448
00:21:14,033 --> 00:21:15,434
It's no good.
449
00:21:15,467 --> 00:21:16,801
He is never home.
450
00:21:16,834 --> 00:21:18,033
You always want
to be with him.
451
00:21:18,067 --> 00:21:19,234
He won't be there
for you.
452
00:21:19,267 --> 00:21:21,100
I only work
two days a week.
453
00:21:23,000 --> 00:21:24,901
It's no good.
454
00:21:24,934 --> 00:21:28,033
He's always home,
always getting underfoot,
455
00:21:28,067 --> 00:21:30,000
always in the way when you're
cleaning house. No priva...
456
00:21:30,033 --> 00:21:31,667
JOHN:
I have a housekeeper,
457
00:21:31,701 --> 00:21:35,601
and I spend most of my day
during the week sailing.
458
00:21:39,567 --> 00:21:42,367
Do you have a sister?
459
00:21:43,601 --> 00:21:45,634
Are you ready to go?
460
00:21:45,667 --> 00:21:47,767
In a sec.
461
00:21:51,067 --> 00:21:53,033
Well...
462
00:21:53,067 --> 00:21:56,000
I'm very sorry, Latka.
463
00:21:56,033 --> 00:21:57,334
So am I.
464
00:21:57,367 --> 00:21:58,501
Bye.
465
00:21:58,534 --> 00:22:00,133
Bye-bye.
466
00:22:00,167 --> 00:22:01,467
Wait,
467
00:22:01,501 --> 00:22:02,467
wait, Simka.
468
00:22:02,501 --> 00:22:03,934
Wait. Can I talk to you
469
00:22:03,968 --> 00:22:05,267
just for a minute?
470
00:22:05,300 --> 00:22:06,367
Just for a minute.
471
00:22:06,400 --> 00:22:07,467
I just want
to tell you something.
472
00:22:07,501 --> 00:22:11,901
I... I hope that
you are very happy,
473
00:22:11,934 --> 00:22:14,868
and I have learned my lesson.
474
00:22:14,901 --> 00:22:17,300
I think you are
a wonderful girl,
475
00:22:17,334 --> 00:22:19,200
and I am proud
to be the man
476
00:22:19,234 --> 00:22:21,601
whose life
you have totally wrecked.
477
00:22:26,300 --> 00:22:27,467
Thank you.
478
00:22:31,033 --> 00:22:32,868
Bye-bye.
479
00:22:40,367 --> 00:22:42,567
I've got to close
her up, Latka,
480
00:22:42,601 --> 00:22:44,667
but you can stay
and have a drink if you like.
481
00:22:44,701 --> 00:22:46,567
Thank you.
482
00:22:46,601 --> 00:22:47,601
Hey, Tommy.
483
00:22:47,634 --> 00:22:48,934
Yeah?
484
00:22:48,968 --> 00:22:52,300
Could... could you
please play the song
485
00:22:52,334 --> 00:22:54,968
that me and Simka
used to love together?
486
00:22:55,000 --> 00:22:56,801
Yeah, which one was that one?
487
00:23:00,067 --> 00:23:01,701
A-7.
488
00:23:08,667 --> 00:23:12,167
( "Summer Nights" playing )
489
00:23:16,701 --> 00:23:20,400
* Summer lovin'
had me a blast *
490
00:23:20,434 --> 00:23:23,033
* Summer lovin'
happened so fast *
491
00:23:23,067 --> 00:23:24,834
* I met a girl...
492
00:23:24,868 --> 00:23:26,167
Tommy...
493
00:23:26,200 --> 00:23:27,767
Yeah, Latka?
494
00:23:27,801 --> 00:23:29,767
You want to hear a joke?
495
00:23:29,801 --> 00:23:31,667
Sure, go ahead.
496
00:23:31,701 --> 00:23:33,567
How does a mountain...
497
00:23:33,601 --> 00:23:35,100
how does
a mountain girl make love?
498
00:23:36,801 --> 00:23:38,267
I don't know.
499
00:23:38,300 --> 00:23:40,200
Like an angel.
500
00:23:40,234 --> 00:23:41,567
* Tell me more, tell me more
501
00:23:41,601 --> 00:23:43,367
* Did you get very far?
502
00:23:43,400 --> 00:23:45,400
* Tell me more, tell me more
503
00:23:45,434 --> 00:23:47,868
* Like does he have a car?
504
00:23:47,901 --> 00:23:50,634
* Dop, de-dop, de-dop,
de-do-do-de-dop *
505
00:23:50,667 --> 00:23:54,667
* She swam by me,
she got a cramp *
506
00:23:54,701 --> 00:23:59,067
* He ran by me,
got myself damp *
507
00:23:59,100 --> 00:24:02,501
* I saved her life,
she nearly drowned *
508
00:24:02,534 --> 00:24:05,000
* He showed off,
splashing around... *
509
00:24:06,467 --> 00:24:09,300
( theme music playing )
510
00:24:33,501 --> 00:24:35,000
WOMAN:
Night, Mr. Walters.
511
00:24:35,033 --> 00:24:36,434
( Walters mutters )
512
00:24:36,484 --> 00:24:41,034
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