Original subtitles

[Axel] Oh, what have we done, Sun?

[Sun] Calm down, asshole.

Floyd Calhoun?

Yeah.

I can't be Floyd Calhoun.

I'm Axel.

No, you Floyd.

- Calhoun? - Mm-hmm.

From Florida? I mean, come on.

I had to do much worse.

Maybe I should just go back to Sweden.

You overstay your visa.

They arrest you at the airport.

You could never come back.

But who's going to believe this?

If you believe it, they believe it.

Well, I don't believe it.

You believe I'm Sun, right?

Well, aren't you?

You so naive sometimes, Floyd.

[cell phone rings]

Oh, sh*t, it's Ingmar.

What... what if he asks?

What's he going to ask?

What my name is or something.

Then you should lie.

Yes, this is... me.

[Ingmar on phone] Where are you?

I'm at the office.

Yeah, I'm at the office.

I meant the post office.

We got a meeting in five minutes.

Do you think you can make it?

Yeah, I think so.

With who?

With who? I don't know, you set up the meeting.

Dave Maxwell.

I saw you guys on the cover

of the L.A. Times

when you got that councilman vindicated.

Are you really that good?

Damn right we are.

[Dave] I like that entrepreneurship.

I'm going to need you to bring that mojo for me now,

because I'm trying to find someone.

Okay. Who do you need to find?

I don't know, that's the problem.

I hired a hit man to kill me.

I'm an app developer.

I sunk everything I had into this new dating app.

Two years later, the situation was pretty bleak.

I didn't have any buzz, no investors, no nothing.

I was flat broke and suicidal.

Okay, so you hired a hit man to kill you?

Yeah.

What else am I supposed to do, do it myself?

Well, that's kind of the definition of suicide.

Okay, whatever.

I wanted to die,

but I didn't want to know where or when.

Brilliant plan, right?

Guess what happens next.

I'm watching TV late at night,

Richard Simmons is on some talk show talking up my app.

Oh, you're the STALKR guy?

[Dave] Oh, you saw it. Yeah.

What, STALKR?

[Sun] It tell you where your perfect mate is

- at any given moment. - [Dave] Yeah, exactly.

So, Simmons is talking up my app.

And overnight, it becomes the number one download.

I've turned the world into one giant hookup,

and the money starts rolling in.

Oh, good for you, man.

I totally want to live now.

Yeah, so why don't you just call off the hit?

I can't get in contact with the hit man.

I just know that he's coming for me.

And I need you to find him before they find me.

Okay, but we can't babysit you 24/7.

I promise I'll behave.

[upbeat music plays on radio]

Look at her.

Pretty hot, right?

Yeah, very pretty.

Yeah.

Do you guys use STALKR?

I have a girlfriend.

Well, that's a shame. What's her name?

Eve.

You got pics?

Well, for some reason

I really don't feel comfortable

sharing those with you.

[scoffs]

Hey, what does she call your thing?

- Excuse me? - Mine's "Sweyn Forkbeard,"

but recently I've been calling it "Walter White."

Can you please shut up?

Says a lot about a guy, what he calls his thing.

Come on, Ingmar, what do you call yours?

"Clyde."

I told you to shut up.

[in Swedish]

[Dave] What, "Clawhammer"?

[Ingmar]

[Sarah] I'm glad you texted me about this, Dad.

Did he say where he found the hit man?

Yeah, it was something called the Dark Net.

Have you heard about it?

Sure, everyone has.

The Dark Net is internet you can't see.

It's only accessible through certain software applications.

And there are tons of stories about killers for hire.

Yeah, but are any of them true?

I'm not sure.

We once had a client who knew a guy who hired someone

to take out his wife for the insurance.

- Yeah? - But the hit never happened.

The guy wound up going to jail for conspiracy,

and the so-called hit man was never found.

[police siren wails]

- [siren beeping] - [Dave] What?

- What, are we in trouble? - I don't know.

- [police radio beeps] - [chatter over radio]

You're parked in a red zone.

Oh, this isn't my car, Officer.

Can I see your license, please?

"Floyd Calhoun."

- [Axel] Uh-huh. - You from Florida?

- Yeah. - What part?

Florida.

I said what part of Florida?

The part is, uh, right on the border.

- The Georgia border? - Yeah.

[in Southern accent] Just kissing distance

from the great state of Georgia.

Yeah, my daddy used to call it "Florija."

"Florija"?

Never heard of that.

Well, you know, it's Georgia plus Florida.

So...

much obliged.

Please step out of the car, sir.

- Are you on something, sir? - Well, I'm on vacation,

if that's what you're suggesting.

- No, that's not what I... - [police radio squawks]

Copy that, prowler. Responding.

On my way.

Make sure this car gets moved, or you're going to get towed.

I'll be on it faster than

a knife fight in a phone booth.

What the hell was that?

That was you getting me in trouble with the police.

Oh, me? Good job up there, Floyd.

[siren wails]

What the hell was that about?

You parked in a red zone.

Yeah? Who cares?

[Axel] How'd it go with Sarah?

Dave, you've been duped.

What do you mean?

Well, there's no hit man.

This whole thing is just a scam.

[starts car]

Well, that would be a relief, but I don't know...

- [gunshots] - Aah!

[car tires squeal]

You still think I'm full of s... t? What the hell was that?

Well, I'll tell you what it was. Someone shot my car!

You're a liability, bro.

Hey, don't "bro" me, bro.

I'm the one getting hunted!

But how the hell did he find us?

Shut up, huh? Shut up, all of you!

Too many sounds coming out of your dumb faces.

Hey, this is you, right?

Yeah.

You logged on to STALKR right now?

Yeah, I got to represent.

You realize I can go to my phone and see exactly where you are?

You're on STALKR?

Do you understand what this means?

This means that the killer can see where you are as well.

Only my soul mates can see where I am.

It's fine.

How many soul mates you have?

4,756.

And counting.

Go and get yourself killed if you want.

- Come on. - But I need the Dicks alive.

They're a revenue stream.

- So, what do we do? - [Sun] I've got an idea.

And you're going to help me.

So, Dave has

4,756 soul mates.

That means 4,756 potential killers.

Sun, we're looking for a hit man, not a hit lady.

Who says a hit man can't be a girl, you sexist asshole?

Well, either way, it's going to take a long time

to investigate all those soul mates.

We don't have to, huh?

If they can see where Dave is,

that means we can see where they are.

Hmm? So we ran all the soul mates through the computer

to see who was close to him at the time of the shooting.

Pretty good detective work, Sun.

Glad you like it, because you're going

to be the one that goes on the dates.

Uh, what?

I make a profile for you on STALKR.

And Dave overrode the system

to make you match with our suspects.

Yeah, that's a little trick I use sometimes.

But I made plans with Eve tonight.

She'll understand.

You're bailing on me so you can go on a date with another woman?

Well, it's a bunch of women, actually.

I don't know, it's three?

Five? Oh, uh...

more than five?

But it's completely a work thing.

I'm going to be honest with you, Axel.

I don't know how I feel about this.

[Eve sniffles]

Are you crying?

Yes, Axel.

I'm not going to apologize

for having feelings.

Oh, but... oh, Eve, please don't.

What's going on between us, you know?

I'm here and I'm stuck in this apartment.

And I feel like things...

I can't hold on to what's going on.

And you're out there, and you're living your life,

you know, without me.

Hey, baby, it's just work.

[Eve sniffles]

I don't know, Axel.

I don't know anymore.

But... [sighs]

You handled that well.

Shouldn't you be there for backup?

What are you talking about?

When Axel meets with the killers.

Unfortunately, someone needs to be here and babysit you,

just in case the killer strikes again.

It's Thor.

Thor?

What you call your thing.

I told you I was gonna guess it. It's Thor.

Why would I call it Thor?

Because you're Nor-Swe-gian or whatever.

Look, obvs you're going to name it after the god of thunder.

I don't have a name for it, okay?

Look, man, I created the proprietary algorithm

at the core of the world's most popular dating app.

You cannot lie to me.

Grendel.

[Axel over earpiece] So, where are you from?

Oh, all over.

Kind of an Army brat, you know?

Never really had roots.

Is Floyd your real name?

Yeah. That's a family name.

Except I spell it with a PH.

- That's weird. - Yeah, I know, right?

[both laugh]

Do you have any other names you go by?

Oh, my mom calls me "Bunny Rabbit."

And my friends call me "Banana," you know, like Hannah Banana.

[both laugh]

[Sun] Get rid of her.

No killer sounds like that.

Uh, listen, Hannah, I just remembered something.

I'm married.

So, Sweden. I've...

I've never been to Sweden. What's it like?

It's wonderful.

Amazing food,

so much art and culture.

You know, friendly people.

Very sensible gun laws.

Slow your roll, Floyd.

- So, what's your favorite color? - You said something about

- sensible gun laws? - No, I didn't.

You said Sweden has very sensible gun laws?

Well, are you into that sort of thing?

Sweden?

No, guns.

No, not... not so much.

[sighs]

Cut her loose.

I'm gay.

Come on, Ingmar.

You're a bro.

What's the deal?

Like, I got girls, I got money.

Uh-huh?

Someone's trying to kill me. That's pretty cool.

Yeah?

I just...

I just feel like something's missing.

Because you're lost in a digital world, Dave.

You're nothing but a bunch of profiles, and emails, Napsters.

You need to be real and you need to be yourself.

Now where's Dave?

[groans]

Where is Dave?

[groans]

Tell her she looks pretty.

[static crackles]

You look pretty.

Thank you.

So, from out of town?

- [silverware clattering] - How...

Are you here for a job?

It's nothing much.

And once I get it done, I'm going to skip town.

But that doesn't mean I can't have a good time

while I'm here, does it?

This could be her. Tread carefully.

I really need to go to the bathroom.

So go. I'll wait.

Don't even think about it.

I'm not sure I can do that.

How many coffees have you had?

Nineteen.

What?

- Are you having problems? - No!

Ask her where she was today at 11:00 a.m.

[Axel] Yes!

Where were you...

At 11:00 a.m. today.

...at 11:00 a.m. today?

Look, I'm going to go.

I don't understand what this game is.

Are you a hit man?

Oh, great.

What are you talking about? No.

She says no.

Does she look like

she's lying?

Don't think so.

Bye, Floyd.

All right, how many do we have left?

That was the last one.

[snoring]

[elevator bangs and creaks]

- [keys rattle] - [footsteps approach]

[gun cocks]

Hands on your head.

Now turn around very slowly.

- No, Dad, wait! - Sarah!

- Hey. - He's not the killer.

- What's...? - [Sarah] This is Brad.

- Hi. - Hi.

Sorry about the gun. We're a little drunk here.

- Sorry. - No, that's okay.

I get a little trigger-happy when I drink, too.

Uh, I assume this is him?

[snoring]

What are you doing here?

Well, Brad works at the DA's office.

And he has something that I think you need to hear.

Like what?

Well, this expert witness heard

from another expert witness

that a known contract killer,

somebody called "The Joe,"

has been spotted around town.

Joe?

No, it's, uh, "The Joe."

What's the difference?

I mean, you think this might be our hit man?

Well, he could be.

The Joe is new to the scene, and he's eager to get the job done,

and he's young and hungry, so to say.

Well, he should rethink his name.

- [laughs] - [Ingmar] Thank you, Brad.

I just wish we knew more.

I think I know who does.

Sure, I know The Joe. Up-and-comer.

Is it really "The Joe," not just "Joe?"

It's "The Joe." Look, here's the lowdown.

The Joe isn't going to stop until the mark is dead.

But my client's willing to pay The Joe double to call it off.

He wants to live now.

It doesn't work that way. I'm sorry.

The Joe has a contract. They'll deliver on it.

Okay, so what can I do?

Oh, I hate going against my own kind.

But we're friends, right?

Right.

Right.

Smoke them out.

Set a trap.

Use the mark as bait.

Then, wham-o.

- Wham-o? - Wham-o.

You got The Joe.

Right.

I want to smoke him out, set a trap,

and he will come to us.

This is the perfect place.

Easy in, and close to the street

so we can get him out when The Joe arrives.

You've arranged all this?

Yeah, all of it. It's all been taken care of.

The place, even the menu.

Everything.

Yeah, with my money.

I want you to think of this like a dinner party.

Only at this dinner party, we're going to catch a killer.

So I'm basically the bait in this scenario?

[Ingmar] Yeah, you're right.

And I am the fisherman.

Okay, we want you to reactivate the app.

I don't know. I...

I just... I really have enjoyed

this time with you all.

Just do it, Dave.

[beeps]

[buzzes]

So that's Brad?

[giggling]

Yes.

Brad.

[Dave] Yo, Ingmar,

if I die tonight violently in a hail of bullets,

I just want to thank you for caring enough

to take this case.

That's what we're here for.

You still won't tell me what you call your thing.

Overall, these last two days have been amazing.

And, you know, they got me thinking about my life.

That's great.

[footsteps approaching]

Doesn't look like your plan is working.

Well...

Do you have a plan B?

No more water, please.

Yeah, we got a plan B.

No! No, don't shoot!

See? A woman!

You don't have to do this.

I will double your fee to spare me.

- I want to live now. - That's not how it works.

You don't earn a name by letting a job go.

And why is it always such a surprise that I'm a woman?

Because you're The Joe.

Is it short for Joanne, or Josephine...?

Shut up.

I've got an 11:30 hit across town.

I'm going to have to get on this.

Floyd!

Are you having a party?

- [gasps] - [gunshot]

- [Dave screaming] - [dishes crash]

[Ingmar] Hey.

[all panting]

Wait.

Is he dead?

- [Dave groans] - Aye.

Ingmar, thanks for everything.

You figured out I'm filthy fu*king rich, right?

- Yeah, got that. - I'm ready to double your fee.

All I need's a name.

My thing?

Come on, man, the name!

You can make the check out to...

"Sleeping Beauty."

[laughs]

I like that.

All right, man. Hey, while we still got a moment,

I'm going to give you a call sometime, man.

I really think we should hang out in the future.

We're a really good team.

- Hey. - Oh.

I'm so sorry for being psycho earlier.

I know that I just... I have a lot to work on,

and I really hope that you can forgive me.

Yes, of course. I mean, I may owe you my life.

[laughs]

Well, for now I'll just

settle for your body.

- Are you coming, Floyd? - Yep, just give me a sec.

You okay?

Yeah.

And you?

Yeah.

So, see you tomorrow.

Yeah.

Oh, one thing, though.

Why does she call you "Floyd"?

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