Original subtitles

- (Ding!) - Good morning everyone!

I have a flight to catch, so let's make this quick.

Beckett and Stephanie, Barb's Chips is looking for a way

to get themselves back on people's minds so I need

some brilliant ideas fast. No pressure.

Aw, it's a good thing you picked Stephanie

because she is all that and a bag of chips.

And it's a good thing you picked Beckett

'cause he's all dressed but nowhere to go.

- (chuckles) - Let's please try to be better.

Yo, Bryce,

what's with the suit? You look like the final boss

in a nineties video game.

You look like a guy that would sue a dog.

You look like a turtle at a cocktail party.

You look like a baby going for a job interview.

Alright, are we all quite finished?

I'm sorry, Bryce, I actually think you look really great.

Oh, ha-ha, Stephanie.

With Dave away

I thought I should look my most authoritative.

And because someone clicked on that cute kitty virus,

I've an IT specialist coming in today

- to help fix our computer system. - Bryce, Bryce, Bryce...

when an adorable kitty asks you to click on a link

for more adorable kitties, you click it. Just like this one.

- D'oh, Gordon, no! - Oh! Not a cat!

(girl screaming - moaning)

Come on Fill the lens

With all your friends

Oh Now

Is forever

Come on Fill the lens

Subtitle sync and corrections by awaqeded for www.addic7ed.com.

OK, OK... Aah... OH!

How about if... No, no-no-no.

Oh! Maybe we could, um...

- Sorry... - Alright, OK, aah...

- (Both gasp.) - (both): No...

- I got nothing. - I got less than nothing.

Hey, maybe we could...

So far so good, is that the whole idea or..?

Dammit, Beckett, that was a psych, you're supposed to finish

- (together): my sentence... - ...with something brilliant.

- E equals MC squared? - What?

- I didn't come up with that. - You know what? let's check

the binder because you never know when past Stephanie

will inspire present Stephanie to make future Stephanie

- look like a genius. - Ah yes,

the Stephanie Lyons' big ole book of ideas.

- Yeah. - Let's have a look.

"Come up with something like 'Got Milk'

but more PR related."

Give me the binder.

Fifteen-year-old Beckett had so many good ideas

for potato chip flavors.

Heavy Metal, Pop Rocks, BMX.

Maybe if I spent less time

thinking about potato chips, more time talking to girls

high school might actually have been enjoyable.

Chicks didn't dig your chip flavors? That's a surprise!

I just had no game.

My best move for asking a girl out was having Nelson

yell, "Beckett likes you!" and then running away.

- Whatever... I got game now! - Oh yeah? - Oh yeah.

Does that involve Nelson still or..?

No, no, now I just... straight up ask.

Well, that'll work.

Stephanie,

- how would you like to... - Hang on a second.

- OK, I can do that, I just... - Shut it, dummy!

I just came up with an idea so brilliant

that when you hear it, your brains are gonna explode.

Alright, tell the janitor to get the mop!

Bryce? Aah...

- (Ding!) - Hello? Excuse me...

- Hi! - Hi! I think you called

earlier, something about a virus on the server?

- You must be Bryce. - Oh, must I?

- Paula Rice. - Oh, hi, Paula. - Sorry I'm late,

I accidentally flashed a group of Jehovah's witnesses

walking over an air vent. I, uh,

needed a few moments to apologize to them

after possibly ruining their beliefs.

Do you need a couple of copies of The Watchtower? I have several.

Yeah, I think there's some confusion.

Oh! When you're walking

over a vent with a skirt, air goes

directly at your crotch and tends to fly up.

- That wasn't the confusion. - Oh God!

I just said crotch to a stranger. I'm sorry.

Oh no, that's totally alright. No, I... I like

all my introductions to include the word crotch.

- Ha ha! You're cute. - Oh, thank you.

Sometimes my mouth moves faster than I can think.

Anyway, um...

I'm not really sure where I should start. I suppose

your boss would want his computer fixed first.

Bosses are always such hard asses.

Oh, I wouldn't say that, it's more of a handsome job creator

with a, you know, surprisingly good ass for a man of his age.

Dealing with suits is not for me.

- No? - No, they're too... suity.

- I prefer people like you and me. - Right.

- You know, regular people. - Yeah, yeah.

Anyway, I do not envy you.

No one has ever said that to me before.

Wow.

Let me help you get set up, alright?

- Sure! That'd be excellent. - Yeah, right over here.

- Right here? OK. - Let me... get that for you.

I'd love a cup of coffee if you don't mind.

- No, I... I'll go get one. - Super, super, thanks, thanks.

Yo, Downton Abby,

Internet's down at our office, so I'm gonna be setting up shop

- here today. - Fascinating. Look.

Ah... If I wanted to watch infomercials,

- I'd move in with my Grandma. - Wait for it...

- Oh my God. - I know.

- Is that..? - Whoooooooooaaa!

Wave goodbye to spills and say hello...

Gordon?! How is this possible

that there's footage of Gordon dumping cheesy puffs

all over himself and we, as a people,

aren't watching it every day?

- Do you think it's him? - Yes, I think it's him.

- Me too. - But I'm not sure.

- Me neither. Are you doing anything today? - Not anymore!

Don't tell your boss how fast I'm doing this.

- I charge by the hour. - Ah. Oh!

You must be Paula. It's very nice to meet you, I'm...

Dave Lyons! Yes, and I'm still Bryce McBradden,

your executive assistant, Mr. Lyons, isn't that correct?

Yes!

Of course it is... Bryce!

- I'm Dave Lyons! - (chuckling)

Oh, and, sir,

I should probably remind you that somebody, probably somebody

like me, needs to push back your flight to Calgary today.

Uh, yes! ...I understand.

Well then, I guess... I'll just go

- into my... office? - Mm-hm!

Here I go! Back to work, McBradden!

Oh, hard-ass!

The Big Kahuna wears a fanny pack?

- A little weird, isn't it? - Yeah, it is. Well, he's going

for that German tourist look that the ladies love.

- Ah... excellent. - Yeah.

Ahem! I never do this, uh...

mainly because I'm usually trapped in a basement

with a bunch of IT goblins...

but... would you wanna have

a drink or something with me later?

Well, I don't really like to drink...

but sure, yeah, let's do that, yeah.

You know, Dave owns the bar downstairs.

- I hate corporate douches. - Me too! Yeah.

You know what? Maybe after that drink, we'll,

you know, get a brick, throw it through a window.

- Yes, I'm in! - Yes! Eat the rich!

- Excellent. - Yes!

Whoooaaa!

- This never gets old. - OK, buddy!

We've got ourselves a plan, I just talked to Gordo, luring him here

under the pretense that there's a litter of abandoned kittens.

Sweet! Lure him in with the false pretense of kittens

and then be like: "Booyakka! Are you the dude in this infomercial?"

- Here he comes, shh! - Where?!

Where is my army of cute fuzzy babies?

Gordo! Quick, come here. Check out this infomercial,

- This remind you of anybody? - Nope!

Oh, come on, just look for a second. Is this you?

That person looks nothing like me I only came down here to meet,

and most likely adopt a litter of abandoned kittens.

Sorry, dude, we lied about the kittens to get you down here.

- It was a ruse?! - Come on, just take a gander

- at this infomercial. - Leave it alone,

it's not me! For shame!

Whooooaaaa!

- It is totally him. - Booyakka!

OK, OK...

- I might have something. - OK.

So we get Barb's to drop the Regular potato chips

and replace them with "New Regular".

- They're not improved, they're just new. - Oh, OK!

- Yeah? - That is a horrible idea.

- Alright, what have you got? - OK,

we get Barb's chips to launch a new flavor.

A mash-up of all their other flavors.

- I love it. - Yeah?

I love it, it's great. We're doing it, OK.

Hey, uh, earlier, I was trying to...

Wait, you haven't heard the name yet: Swamp Water!

- Yeah, I love it, I love it. - You know when they mix

all the pop flavors together. What do you think?

I think it's great. You know what else I think is great?

- Me! - Yes, yeah.

YEAH! (chuckles)

- OK! - Score Stephanie!

Oh boy! There it is.

This is me pouring Gatorade on myself.

- I know. - 'Cause I'm a winner!

Ha ha! Alright,

I've gotta go get a mock-up of this chip poster made

- 'cause our pitch is in an hour. - Yeah.

- Wash that Gatorade off! - Will do!

OK.

Also, Beckett likes you.

Thanks for showing me around. And you really don't have to stay with me.

I promise I won't steal any company secrets.

Oh, I don't think WikiLeaks is that interested

in our plans to make celery cool.

McBradden! Over here right now!

Oh-oh, looks like I'm in trouble.

Sir, I have rescheduled your flight

twice already. Should I just cancel?

- Yeah, I think it's probably... - Well, I'm almost done here

and I couldn't have done it without Bryce!

Well, it's only a fair trade; moral support for tech support.

- (phone ring) - Oh, excuse me.

Dave Lyons'... phone.

Yeah, this is Bryce McBradden answering for Dave Lyons.

Oh, hey, T-Mack!

- Yeah, that is a sitch. - T-Mack is a client?

- Yeah. - I just love his sick beats.

- My God, you're so white! - I know, I am.

Oh, you've been accused of ripping off a song.

That's a fairly straightforward problem.

Yeah, that shouldn't be too difficult.

Something even an executive assistant, like myself can take care of.

Nonsense, you ninny! Why don't you go...

dry clean my coffee.

This is David Lyons speaking. I don't know why my voice

sounds different, why does your voice sound so different?

- Oh, right, Auto-tune. - Do you think he could get me

- an autograph? - Hm, with Dave on the job,

he might not be famous that much longer.

Alright, you tell Willie Grits

that it is impossible for you to have stolen his tracks

because you wrote yours first.

You weren't even born when he wrote the song?

Then... burn your birth records!

Dave Lyons here.

Yeah, hey, T-Mack, here's what you do

you tell him it was an homage and you invite Willie

to go on tour with you. Since he hasn't worked

since prohibition, he should be thrilled.

- You're Dave Lyons. - Yeah, hi,

Dave Lyons, corporate douche.

Swamp Water.

It's the kind of chip so bizarre that people have to try it.

Does it sound bad or dangerous?

Sure, but that's gonna make people want it.

Next thing you know, when someone says potato chips,

they're gonna be thinking Barb's, Barb's, Barb's.

That is the worst idea I've heard since someone pitched me:

"New Regular" last year.

Swamp Water makes me think of damp, soggy chips.

A chip should have crunch.

A chip IS

the crunch!

I'm very disappointed.

What if we put more chips in the same sized bag?

Go on, you've piqued my interest.

When I was a kid,

my Nana gave me a dollar. I went straight to the grocery store

and bought a bag of chips. A regular-sized bag of chips.

But when I opened it, for whatever reason, inside,

it was like two bags of chips.

I was beside myself. It was one of the best days of my childhood.

It's perfect!

We look forward to working with you.

Gentlemen, to the chip-mobile!

We did it!

Well... you did it. She hated my idea.

Oh, come on, we all have bad ideas sometimes.

Bad ideas?

This morning, you said that you loved it.

Oh I did! I loved parts of it.

- What do you mean parts of it? - Well I guess, to be fair,

I hadn't really heard the whole thing.

But you let me pitch the whole thing

and I just humiliated myself.

- I'm sorry, I was distracted. - Why?

What was so distracting that you couldn't even listen to me?

I was trying to ask you out.

On a date.

Oh.

Yeah.

I...

I guess sometimes we do all have bad ideas.

- Ahem! - Bryce!

I mean, you're... still Bryce, right?

It's been a little "Freaky Friday" in here today.

Yes it has. It's a pleasure

to officially make your acquaintance, Paula.

Thanks. It's been quite the day.

I'm really embarrassed. I mean, I liked Dave

when he was you. Not you, when he was him,

but not being him, because he was being you.

He was never you. I mean... I like Dave!

And enter Dave.

Oh God!

How much of that did you hear?

Well, I heard "I like Dave."

Then I just sort of mentally erased the rest.

I'm sorry about the misunderstanding.

You mean when you lied to me about who you were?

Technically,

you assumed I was someone else and I just didn't correct you.

But... yeah, then I pretty quickly crossed the line into lying.

Uh-uh, well, I just crossed the line

into not wanting to have a drink with you.

- Really? - Yeah.

Well... we still have each other, sir.

That is in no way a consolation, Bryce.

Shall I book you on the next available flight?

Then see if I can get them to take off any earlier than that?

Bryce, did you learn nothing from being me?

Right. Dave Lyons never says "die"!

Unless he's screaming it over the vanquished.

- We have the fireplace network. - His favorite show.

- We got this beautiful chair. - His favorite kind.

And we've got this:

a big bowl of cheesy puffs.

Alright, so he'll come in here, he'll see the TV,

he'll take a seat, put his feet up, start eating the cheesy puffs,

and then, boom! he'll dump them all over himself

and we'll know it was him!

We lead such rich lives.

- Oh, I think he's coming. - Right, right, right.

- Uh... - Go, go, go. Get down.

Ooh!

Ooh!

Oh, cheesy puffs!

Hm. Whoooaaa!

Ha! We got you!

I knew it was you, Gordo. You broke my heart.

OK, fine, I admit it!

You two couldn't leave well enough alone.

What do you do at Christmas, go around telling kids there's no Tooth Fairy?

I'm leaving forever.

I'll be at my desk.

You watched Godfather II last night, huh?

I did watch Godfather II last night, I did, yeah.

Oh...

Hey, I'm really sorry

- about pretending to be Bryce. - Oh, I don't know.

Bryce seems cool. And he hasn't high-jacked

anyone's identity yet, so that's a plus.

I just wanted to get to know you

and I didn't think you wanted to get to know Dave Lyons.

I don't understand why you're being so persistent.

We're like complete opposites. I'm a mess.

OK! Well, you know what? I can be a mess.

- How? - I'm a terrible father

and a horrible husband.

Ha, well, now you're just trying to charm me.

Yeah. And I've also been putting off a flight

all day just so I could be with you.

And you just missed another one, sir.

- Wow! - See? Yeah,

wouldn't it be kind of a crime not have a drink with me now?

No one's ever missed a flight before because of me.

Kind of the modern equivalent of killing a dragon!

- So, what do you say? - Alright,

OK, but don't blame me

if I accidentally break your valuables

and-or sneeze in your mouth.

Alright and don't blame me

if we eventually get divorced.

What can I get you?

Aah... I enjoy a good scotch.

Ah, see? We do have something in common.

With a splash of grape juice.

Me too!

I'll go... Oh, hey,

this is my daughter over there. I'll say hi and get the drinks.

Oh, wow! You are... really old!

- I know, it's crazy, isn't it? - Yeah!

- I'll be right back, 'K... - OK!

Uh, hey, sweetheart, I hear

you made the Barb's Chips people happy.

Beckett made them happy,

I just flailed around with a terrible idea.

Yeah, that's what I heard. Yeah.

But I get a feeling that's not what's upsetting you, is it?

No, it's Beckett.

You know, sweetheart, I'm a very successful man.

But I've had some spectacular failures in relationships.

- What are you trying to say? - I'm saying

that men can do stupid things when trying to impress a girl.

Speaking of which, can I get 2 Scotches with a splash of...

grape juice, please?

Thank you. I know...

But if it's somebody you really care about,

you know, I think it's worthwhile giving him a shot.

- Hm? - Yeah.

How's it going with you?

It's going good, actually, it's going, uh...

very nicely.

And speaking of, time to go over there and...

- be stupid for a little while. - OK.

- Oh, wait, Dad. - Hm?

- Thank you. - Oh, oh, sweetheart.

Thank you.

Hm! Hm!

- And cheers! - Cheers!

(appreciative): Aah!

(reluctant): Aah!

We wanted to apologize

for making you feel embarrassed about the infomercial.

I'm not hurt or embarrassed, are you kidding me?

I was a star. Livin' fast and livin' large.

Had a fridge full of root beer

and a freezer full of Pizza Pops.

So why were you denying it all day?

I had to sign a non-disclosure agreement.

I'm not allowed to talk about the Trough Bib.

- Oh! - Why, was it made with lead?

No, unfortunately,

if you fell asleep while using it, you ended up

suffocating to death on your snacks.

- How many people died? - 426.

- I'm sorry. - Oh, don't be,

I didn't know them. But I was known

as the "Death Bib Kid" for a while.

Kind of killed my acting career.

Actually hired Dave to help me turn it around and he just said:

- "Quit acting." - Ha!

So, I guess that's your origin story.

- Hm. - It's a lot darker

- than I thought it would be. - Yeah, not as dark

as I had hoped.

Just dark enough.

(Ding!)

Hey!

I wanna talk to you and I wanna talk to you right now.

Good because I wanna talk to you too.

Look, I know my timing was bad,

but your timing was equally as bad.

I've tried to ask you out probably ten times

and every time somehow, you manage to find a way to interrupt me.

It's always "No, no, I got work to do"

or "Hold on, I'm dumping Gatorade on my head" or "Hey,

"look at this hot cop I found, he's my boy..."

You see, there you go interrupting again!

I'm sorry, did you have more to say?

Nah, I'm done talking.

You know, at this rate, you're never gonna get to ask me out.

Has this ever happened to you?

Whooooooooa!

Wave goodbye to spills and say hello

to the revolutionary Trough Bib!

I'm finally eating with ease!

Eat hands free in our patented four liter container.

I'll never use my arms again.

Operators are standing by. Sold wherever things are sold.

Don't wait, order now and receive another Trough Bib

for the price of a second Trough Bib.

Will cause lifelong neck damage.

Subtitle sync and corrections by awaqeded for www.addic7ed.com.

For shame!

(chuckling)

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0