Original subtitles

Well, it's official: Conway PR has closed their doors,

meaning their entire roster's up for grabs.

Way ahead of you, boss. I've already got the team hard at work

- reeling in exciting new clients. - Aha! Way ahead of both of you guys,

'cause I just landed Siren Spring Water.

Victory lap! Boom!

Oh, and we're gonna have a special guest using one of our boardrooms

as an office for the next couple of weeks.

Ooh, who is it?

By the way, the elevator's broken and I'm trapped.

(panting)

Maggie! My favourite stepmom!

Thank you, Stephanie. It's such an honour

to be chosen among so many contestants.

So nice to see you haven't changed, Ducky.

Ducky?

- Oh! Never gonna live that down! - Oh! Never gonna get paid

- if you mention it again. - Yeah. - Yeah.

Maggie, why are you using the office space?

Well, I figured

I spent a lot of time around the PR game and I've made a lot of connections,

and so I thought it might be a good idea to open my own firm.

Yeah, she called me up

and I offered her some space here. I mean, the goodness of my heart is overwhelming.

Sir, you just...

openly invited a new enemy across DLPR lines?

Oh, don't be ridiculous, Bryce. Maggie is not an enemy. I trust her.

- I'm gonna be her mentor. - Thank you, Dave. And Bryce,

loosen your tie before your head pops off.

Come on, fill the lens

With all your friends

Oh now is forever

Come on, fill the lens

Subtitle sync and corrections by awaqeded for www.addic7ed.com.

Man, watching elevator Gordon

is way more interesting than watching office Gordon.

It's like watching an animal at the zoo.

Yeah, except afterwards you don't buy a plush toy of this animal.

Is it bad that I hope the repair people take their time?

No, as a matter of fact I gave them the wrong address.

- Oh no! - Oh, my gosh! Oh hey, is that a new watch?

Oh yeah, Jasper gave it to me. It came with an hour-long

scuba lesson and a hot air balloon ride. Pretty cool, huh?

I don't know, pretty run-of- the-mill gifts if you ask me.

What is so important I had to run up four flights of stairs

- in heels... - (both): Gordon's stuck

- in the elevator. - Amazing.

(exclamations)

(laughing) Is he gonna take off his clothes?

- Yep. - I'm out.

Come on, guys! It's just getting gritty.

Oh, don't take off your pants.

Maggie, I've always said I got

some of my best ideas from you. Of course, I never said that

- around anyone important. - I guess it's just

the technical side I need some help with,

like how to land clients versus husbands.

Ahh, well, my advice would be: start small.

There's a clothing company, Vintage Year...

- Vintage Year. - Yeah, they're looking

for some fresh ideas to help them with their branding.

- Why don't you work with them? - No, my ideas are too fresh.

Too fresh, you know, they'd become

- mad with power if they had my ideas. - (laughing)

You know, you still light up a room with your laugh, I gotta say.

You... you are the ex that got away,

- you know that, Maggie. - Thank you.

What happened to us, huh?

We did have something back then.

I never saw a guy so selfishly into himself.

That kind of confidence is rare.

Well, I guess I'll...

- go to my office. - Yes.

I'm gonna try and think of some ideas

for the... Vintage Year account.

I've got some work to do too. I'm pitching to Seaworthy today,

- the largest seafood company in the world. - Are you gonna use

your creative thinking or your people skills?

I was just sort of hoping they'd think I had a nice ass,

- but... - How could they not?

Elevator's broken.

That's a very astute observation. They promote you to the rank of detective?

- Hey, there's my fella! - Hey, wanna get some lunch?

Yeah, sure. What's, uh, what's this?

It's a cheese plate, because I wanted to say that you're great.

But this is a little grater.

- (laughing) - Ha! A little grater! He's too funny!

- I love it, thank you. - You're welcome. - It is pretty Gouda.

Hey,

don't ruin the moment, man.

- Let me go put this in the fridge. - Alright.

- Hey, Jasper, I got a cop question. - Alright.

When cops jump in front of a bullet, do they shout

"Noooooo" like they do in the movies?

Well, I've never really been shot at, but I can't imagine

I would say "Yessssss".

Are you ready to go? I know this great little bistro I wanna try out.

Oh, I was just thinking we could go to Manion's,

'cause I really love their chicken fingers.

Alright sure, but only because you protect and... serve.

Hmm... alright.

(laughing) Gokarting was fun until you pulled me over.

Your taillight was out. I can't let that slide. (laughing)

Stephanie sure seems happy, huh?

Well, yeah, why wouldn't she be? Jasper's been buying her everything under the sun

and ten tanning sessions in case it gets cloudy.

We done talking now? This is more interesting.

Hey, how do you think Jasper affords all this stuff on a cop's salary?

Gordon is stuck in an elevator, his bladder's

about to burst, and all you care about is Stephanie's boyfriend?

- Eh... - Think about your life.

- OK, bye. - Alright.

Here is your bill,

and my phone number in case you get bored with that blonde stick.

For the last time, we're very happy together.

And I didn't want to do this,

but... looks like lunch is on you.

Oh...

you're one of those.

My apologies, officer. Still call me.

(cell phone ringing)

Jasper here. You got 'em?

Come on, the last batch was garbage. This better be grade A, pure white.

You get any trouble getting across the border?

No, no, I'll come to you. Middlecross strip mall, 30 minutes.

Hey, Beckett.

Ha! This thing! I didn't see anything. Or hear anything.

Oh no, suddenly I've gone blind and lost my ability to retain information!

Yeah, yeah. Listen, why don't you cut down on the drinking? It's lunch.

OK! Ah! (laughing)

That cop just broke bad and I'm the only one around that saw it.

I'm very busy!

Bryce, why haven't I heard from Seaworthy?

They've been a free agent all morning and it's been over an hour since my phone pitch.

I'll scour the seafood blogs and see what I can find.

Alright.

I'll tell you what you can find! The new kid on the block

just signed the biggest seafood company in the world!

You poached Seaworthy? How could you?

Well, I paid attention.

I studied at your feet,

I heard the wisdom in your words, and then I took

your ideas and put them into action

just like you asked me to.

You listened?

What kind of monster are you?

- Yo, B! I think... - Tut-tut-tut. We need to talk.

- What's going on? - Were you followed? - From over there?

- Were you followed! - I don't think so.

Alright, good. Act natural.

This goes all the way to the top.

- Beyonc?? - What? No, lower.

- The president? - OK, significantly lower.

- Gordon. - What? No, that's the very lowest.

Hey, I can hear you!

It's Jasper.

- He's crooked. - Jasper's crooked? - Hey, keep it down!

- Are you trying to get me killed? - No, no, no.

See, I got a little suspicious

when I saw him at Manion's. First of all,

he got a free meal from Daisy.

Well, to be fair, a hot guy

getting something for free from Daisy is not news.

- I never get free meals. - Really? I get one like once a week.

What? Alright, it's not important. Anyway,

it gets way worse. Then, he pulled out a flip phone

and I overheard him arrange a pickup.

Wow, this is just like The Wire.

I don't know, haven't seen it.

Oh my God, you gotta, it'll change your life!

- I've heard such good things about it. - So good.

Anyway, so I tailed him on my bicycle.

He meets up with a weird guy in a trench coat...

...and then he gives the guy some money

in exchange for...

a package. Hm?

Man, you are crazy.

Oh, maybe you're right.

Crazy for risking your life!

- Jasper's clearly dirty! - Right?

I mean, who uses a flip phone?

You see, if you watched The Wire, you'd know to look out for this.

Can't believe you did that. Can't believe I fell for it.

Can't believe all the disbelief I'm having right now.

You didn't fall for anything, crazy pants.

There's no trick. I pitched the client like you told me

and I landed him. You should be proud of me.

I am proud of you. Do you have any idea how confusing this is?

This is like swimming-with-your- cousin-during-puberty confusing.

- So... you're not mad at me? - Of course I'm mad at you!

You came in here to get inside information and used it to poach one of my clients.

Seaworthy was not your client!

Oh, don't you dare use the facts against me!

You agreed to help me. Thanks to that help,

I just got the opportunity I've been waiting for my whole career.

Your whole career? Your career is 12 seconds long!

- How could you do this to me? - To you?

I thought this was part of the game.

Turns out I'm surprisingly good at the game.

Well, now that you've played the game, you can get out of my office.

Yeah, and I want you to know I didn't teach you everything.

I still have a few things up my sleeve.

My guesstimate is you were going to fire an employee at random

just to make yourself feel better.

OK, maybe I did teach you everything.

Well, the benefit of being stuck in here all day

is it gives me a chance to recreate my favourite Tom Hanks movie,

Turner and Hooch.

- (knocking) - Gordon?

God?

No, Gordon, it's me, it's...

Hey, I got a question for you, God.

Do you know what my mom's gonna get me for Christmas?

I suspect you will get nothing unless you tip heavily at Manion's.

- I know it's you, Abby. - Dammit!

Hey, Steph.

- Hi! - You got a minute?

I have a few minutes, while my Ichiban noodles cook.

Yummy! Perfect. Um, hey,

did you ever see the movie Training Day?

Is that the one with the Jamaican bobsled team?

No, no, you're thinking of Cool Runnings.

- I love that movie. "Yo, man". - "Thanks, coach".

(laughing)

Yeah, anyway, it's Denzel Washington, Ethan Hawke...

Oh, wow! Talk about your hotness fest.

Took the words right out of my mouth.

(laughing)

Anyway, so in the movie, Denzel plays kind of a...

- he's kind of a bad cop. - Oh, Jasper loves cop movies!

Actually, he's more of a Police Academy kind of guy. He likes the man

that does all those sound effects, you know, like... (engine roaring sound)

(tires screeching sound)

(gunshots and gun reloading sounds)

Oh, my gosh.

OK. I don't remember him dying in any of those movies, but anyway, very convincing.

- Oh, thanks. - Um, anyway, look...

(text message signal) Oh! Oh, sorry, I have a text from Jasper.

Oh.

He's coming over tonight, we're making candy apples

for our apple-picking weekend.

(beeping) Oh, noodles are ready!

When I was a kid, I used to call them rubber noodles.

I used to call

hamburgers hamboos. Yeah, it was cute when I was 3,

- but not as cute when I was 15. - Great catching up.

- Hey, what are you doing? - Ah!

I invited Jasper over.

I'm gonna talk to him man to man.

Nice. Hey, I got your back.

- (knocking) - Hey Beckett, it's Jasper.

I got your back from in here.

Officer Jasper, what a surprise!

- Why don't you come in? - Alright, thanks.

Thanks for having me over. Nice place.

What did you want to talk about?

- Have a seat. - Alright.

- Get you something to drink? - Yeah, water would be great.

That can wait.

- Saw you at Starbucks. - Oh, you should have said hi!

No, I mean

I followed you to Starbucks.

Oh. I could've just given you a ride.

No, I mean... enough with the stalling techniques!

I'm onto you, pal.

In what way? (chuckling)

Alright. You wanna play it like that? You wanna play it like that?

Alright, let's start small.

I saw you at Manion's. That's right.

I saw you use your influence

- to get a free meal. - That was a Groupon.

Oh yeah? It's Groupon?

That does make a lot of sense.

OK, my mistake. My bad. That's on me.

I'm really embarrassed about it. See, I've been meaning to tell Stephanie.

That's how I've been paying for all our dates.

Oh yeah? You sure you haven't been paying for those dates

with those mysterious packages I saw you pick up

at Starbucks?!

Ohh!

Oh, alright, I see what's happening here.

- Are you accusing me of being a dirty cop? - I don't know.

Are you copping to being a dirty cop, cop?

Not gonna dignify that with a response.

Now if you'll excuse me,

I have some apples that need to be candied.

You leave my friend alone, buddy! Where'd he go? Where'd he go?

Did you hear that?

He practically admitted to being a dirty cop.

Practically. I need to go to Stephanie's and warn her.

Oh, and hey, if you survive,

pick up some hand soap, we're a little low.

Well, you're taking your sweet time leaving.

You know,

I get a little logy after I eat carbs.

Yeah, I know. (humming)

What? Are you gonna start charging me time by the minute?

Well, I don't want to. Bryce does.

I just wanted to apologize.

Yeah, I'm sorry. The news took me by surprise.

I'm not used to seeing you as a rival.

You know, I want to apologize as well.

- No need. - No, no, no.

I really should've told you when I was pitching Seaworthy. I...

I just didn't think I could land it. (laughing)

- Well, you couldn't. - Yes, I could. I'm on my way

- to sign the contracts right now. - No, you aren't. I signed contracts

- with them 20 minutes ago. - You're serious?

Totally serious, yes.

- And I can explain. - No, I can explain.

You're a ruthless horse's ass!

- Thank you. - Yeah.

OK, Gordon, elevator's been fixed.

All you gotta do is push that "open door" button.

Oh.

It is worse than I thought.

Abby? Is that you?

- Hey, buddy! - Hey! You haven't aged that much at all!

- Well, it hasn't even been a day. - Then you've really aged.

Maggie, you know, if...

Oh, OK. Excuse me, do you mind?

You know, if you're gonna run and hide from me,

- it's best not to go to a bar I own. - Hello, Ducky.

- Here to have the last laugh? - I'm not laughing. I'm not.

I don't think this is funny.

It's certainly not what I planned. When I make plans,

there's never a point where I look like an ass.

Well, surprise.

Look, if I didn't take Seaworthy from you, somebody else would have.

Nobody would...

Yes, they would have. You weren't ready for it. It was too big.

- It's not... - Trust me,

this was for the best.

Well, I'd rather have lost it to a company

whose boss I hadn't slept with.

Maggie, look, if somebody else had taken Seaworthy from you,

it would've destroyed your reputation before you even had one.

- Really? - This way, I can keep it quiet, alright?

I can structure it so it looks like you're somebody

who went toe-to-toe with Dave Lyons and almost beat him.

And then maybe next time the story could be

from "nearly beat him" to "pulverized him".

Yes, alright, well,

let's not get ahead of ourselves,

- alright? - OK.

In the meantime, why don't I... why don't I help out?

Why don't I set you up in an office across town?

Good, that'll be great,

but I have to have a window,

- because I'm a player now. - Of course you do.

- And I want a Xerox machine. - Oh yeah, yeah.

- And, um... a coffee maker... - Yeah. - Expense account...

- Ooh, and I'm gonna need an assistant. - You can have Bryce.

(laughing) He's much better than you'd think. Ow!

Why didn't you just tell me that you were using a Groupon?

I just didn't want you to think I was cheap.

Well, to be honest with you, I'm pretty relieved you didn't pay full price

for apple picking. There is a grocery store right down the street

and they have tons of apples.

Ooh, speaking of saving money,

I bought you something I think you will like.

- Ooh, really? - Yeah.

Noooooo!!

That would've been way cooler in slow motion.

Beckett, what the hell are you doing?

I am preventing you

from getting embroiled in a world of crime.

- What? - That's right.

Jig's up, jazz. Exhibit A.

- This your package? - Uh, yeah, do you want some?

No, I don't want any of your filthy...

- eggs. - Yeah, pure white, grade A.

I get 'em south of the border for cheaper 'cause Stephy likes my frittatas.

- No way. - Dude, did you...

think these were drugs?

No.

Yeah, you need to lay off The Wire.

Actually, it sounds like I need to see The Wire.

Wait a sec. You come barging into my apartment,

you make wild accusations at my boyfriend...

I mean, thanks for making Police Academy night not so hilarious!

- Steph... - Wait, hang on.

To be fair, as crazy as Beckett seems -and you seem crazy-

if I thought someone you knew was selling large amounts of drugs,

I would step in too.

Of course, I'm a cop.

And I'm a huge idiot.

Hey, I'm gonna go.

Uh, Jasper, I'm sorry for following you today.

- You followed him?! - I had kept that part under wraps.

Really. I would've blabbed that right away.

Look, I'm really sorry. And uh... Thank you, sir, for not shooting me.

Thank you for acknowledging my power.

- Surprisingly soft. - Thank you.

You know, there's one thing you didn't tell me about PR today.

Oh, is it how to use a Kardashian's ass

to crash the Internet so a story doesn't get out?

- No. - That's more of a day 2 lesson.

- No. What do you love about it? - What do I love about it?

- Yeah. - Uh, well, I guess I...

I couldn't hack it on the outside.

People, Maggie. Definitely the people.

OK. (chuckling)

Hey, Gordon, how was your day?

Oh, you know, up and down.

Subtitle sync and corrections by awaqeded for www.addic7ed.com.

(gravelly voice): I could've killed somebody today.

Oh boy.

(imitating gunshot)

In the meantime, while we wait for my ass to drop...

(laughing)

- Come on, guys, it's just getting good! - Ow!

(laughing)

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